Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Wine on Wisteria" (w/ Matt Bellassai)

Episode Date: February 21, 2018

Don’t murder me, I’ll be fine! It’s a special day when you're with Matt Bellasai. And, thankfully...we’re with Matt Bellasai. The icon is here and all he has to do is mouth the words “Desperate Housewives” in front of Matt & Bow to turn this episode into a rollicking ride. They talk Housewives, the TRAGEDY of missing a DH episode before there was DVR — as well as Matt quitting Facebook, fans being WAY too familiar with Bellasai on tour, Please Like Me, Queer Eye, being high at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, Bowen's relationship with the Oxford Comma, and dare I say, more? PLEASE NOTE: This episode is all about COMMUNICATION!LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasSUBSCRIBE ON APPLE PODCASTS TODAY!CONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASTforeverdogpodcasts.com/las-culturistas  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow, is that culture? Yes. Goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Not only are Las Culturistas calling, but Las Culturistas are going to be traveling. We're going to be traveling.

By the time you listen. It will have been announced. It will have been announced in a little bit, in about a week. But we're so excited. We're going to Clusterfest in San Francisco. I was gagged when I saw the lineup. Oh, what a lineup. Like, it actually, you know, whenever I see those festival

lineups and I always read the names, I'm always like, I don't want to go to that. But this, I just, I would go to this festival. I would have a really good time. Fucking drag queens are on the fucking bill. Drag queens, but also third eye blind? Literally? Are you kidding? Manila Luzon is

credited, is on the same bill as Amy Schumer. There you go. Fucking Manila. Fucking Manila. Manon is credited, is on the same bill as Amy Schumer. There you go. Fucking Manila. Fucking Manila. Manila is, I am so honored that Manila, Alaska, and Jinx Monsoon are listed on the, you know the festival does, how many, you go down and it's like the high credit people are up there and then as you go to the bottom, you know, you get it.

We're pretty far down. I would say we're pretty far down, but I'm very proud that Alaska Manila and, what's who's the third one? Jinx. Jinx are very, are kind of way up there. They're up there. I think they're before like Roy Wood Jr. Yeah, sure.

You know? Yeah. And above Joel Kim Booster. We're above Joel. Sorry, Joel. Sorry, Joel. I guess that's just just that's just canon now sorry stupid bitch

stupid not famous bitch not famous Joel Kim Booster he's gonna fucking kill us okay guys oh we have try to kill me

I tell Joel try but we have a smart famous bitch with us today I would say this famous bitch would be so close to the top ooh baby

well above Alaska well above Alaska absolutely trumps her and we're gonna we're gonna ask him about this if he would place himself bitch would be so close to the top. Oh, baby. Well above Alaska. Well above Alaska. Absolutely. Trump, sir. And we're going to ask him about this, if he would place himself above Alaska. I think so. I want to pull up the festival list and he can show us where he thinks he would be. And then we'll call them and say, so if you had booked Bellasai, where would he be?

You know what? This is so self-indulgent of us. Okay, let's go through the credits, bitch. No, I like it. Okay, all right, all right. And now let's be indulgent in Matt. You're right. Let's be indulgent in our guest.

Oh my God, he is just iconic, a sensation. You fell in love with him when he was a writer at BuzzFeed. Whine about it. I mean, just a bellwether of video content for the rest of time. Absolutely. And then to be honest. Web series. Amazing, amazing, amazing series.

He gives it to you straight, baby. Absolutely. Straight, no chaser. Straight, no chaser. But he still drinks. Because there's drinking. I say you don't really necessarily need a chaser with wine. Necessarily.

Necessarily. I say that as we drink wine. Exactly. At this moment. Well, in his honor, of course. Of course. Of course. This is not something we regularly do.

He has his amazing, amazing, incredible chart-topping podcast podcast uh the tarts chop the tarts chop the tarts baby the unhappy hour so so fun and um he is currently is he still on tour we'll talk about he's on tour the bitch is on tour we know she's a touring girl yes she's headed to chippepea is that chickpea chickpea okay yeah we just discussed this. For his incredible, incredible book, Everything is Awful and Other Observations. Yeah. Please welcome Matt Bellassai.

Thank you. I am very impressed by your ability to recite those facts. Yeah, you know, was it reading off? No, no, no. That's a true fan right there. There you go. But he did miss my favorite credit of yours, which is People's Choice Award winner for best social media personality. The best social media personality, which has to put you in the company of what?

Like Kaley Cuoco? I was the inaugural winner. Yes, you were the first. Yeah. And then immediately they were like, we're getting rid of this category. No, they got rid of it? Because they know that one day Logan Paul would come along. No, the next year was Cameron Dallas, if you know of Cameron Dallas.

Who is Miss Cameron? You've seen him because he does Calvin Klein ads now. That's all he's kept for. We get it. But who was your competition year to year? I need to know. The top five were me, Lili Pons. You know, she's a Vine star. I love the name. Coming to the stage, Lili Pons. You know, she's a Vine star.

I love the name coming to the stage. Lili Pons. Cameron Dallas was another one. I love Cameron. Frankie Grande. Oh, I'm familiar. Yeah. And someone else.

I don't remember. Is Frankie Grande a social media personality or is he literally Ariana Grande's brother? I mean, he was doing Broadway shit like back in the day too. Really? With Ariana. Oh. So that's how. I'm going to reserve my opinion of him for off mic.

Okay, okay. All right, we'll talk about this off mic. Matt, would you place yourself above Alaska? I'm not going to lie. I saw it. I was looking at the lineup for that because I saw one of you tweeted it. And my thought was, like, it's so weird when you see those lineups. Cause like,

it's such a hierarchy. Yeah. But as long as you're not and more, then like you've made it. Right. And I was actually scared that I, cause when I first looked at it, I was like,

Oh, maybe we'll be on the list. I really didn't think we'd be listed for some reason. And then I saw that we were, and I was like, I looked at the poster for a second, like I, for a second, like I just couldn't find us. And I was like, I know it was sad. Okay, were and I was like I looked at the poster and for a second like I for a second

like I just couldn't find us and I was like I know it was sad okay cool I was like oh no we're in Angmore yeah

we're in Angmore no I did I've only done like one comedy festival and I was pretty high up on the thing but I was like they made a mistake

it's not like I shouldn't be above some of these people no I think that's just the queer experience just saying I don't deserve it I belong on the bottom but then proving otherwise

at the gig itself at the gig itself when we battle the ball they're gonna make a new list put us at the top it is like very gratifying to me because I'm in that weird I'm just gonna start talking about myself I'm in that weird space where it's like i make internet videos but also do stand-up and so like stand-up comics are like okay you do your little show and then like internet people are like well

you're not like really a youtuber which i'm not i'm like would gladly not accept that title and so it's i'm in that weird space where like, sometimes I'll go and perform a show and the like, the club managers will come up to me after and be like, I was expecting you

to be shit. Wow. But like, you were good and I was like, yeah. So, were you doing comedy

pre-doing YouTube stuff or like, and Facebook stuff and Buzz, with BuzzFeed? Not, not like live comedy. I was always like like writing funny stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's Western boy. Right. Northwestern boy. Journalism thought I was going to be like a time magazine writer, which I'm sure you would be great at.

Well, I worked at this magazine in Chicago when I was still a student. I interned, it was called in these times. And it's like a Bernie Sanders in a magazine. It's like socialist run by, remember in the 2008, 2008 election. In the 28th election, which is coming. It's coming.

We'll be there. We hope. Where they said Barack Obama was like cavorting with this terrorist that he was friends with. Oh, yes, yes, yes. William Ayers. Bill Ayers. Yeah. It was like his magazine that I worked for.

Oh, William Ayers' magazine? Basically. Good for you. He's like an investor. You were cavorting! Right. And I was like, I don't really like writing about the news

to the extent that we were writing about the news. And that was in Happier Times. Yeah. Right. Imagine now. Imagine the news now. Yeah, we just had normal problems back then. Yeah, exactly.

I don't know. Oh, man. Charmed times. Right. I mean, listen. Northwestern, there's a lot of great gems that come out of there. Did you graduate in 2012? Yeah.

Okay, that's when we graduated. So maybe you know some. Well, that's another off-air conversation we'll have. Right. I feel like I didn't drop out, and that's where the real stars like the dropouts of northwestern like all the famous people who came back and like gave commencement addresses were like we dropped out like julia louis dreyfus oh i didn't know she was northwestern she technically dropped out right right she's the gaga of northwest right gaga went to n to NYU for a flint of a moment.

And then she dropped out. Yeah, and then she said, I'm probably going to be an international pop star by way of the underground New York scene. Right. Have you guys read her writing the essay essays, like her expository essay essays? No, but one of my friends was in that class with her

and he said that Stephanie was cray. Sure she was. I hope she was me too yeah she had like a long brown hair and was like stephanie you know what i mean like imagine lady gaga but step up her being a stephanie wasn't she on that like hidden camera show yes as stephanie boiling point stephanie was on boiling points and step and Stephanie did not deal well with a napkin on her plate. She did not. It was great. She boiled.

It was great, because it was like a real moment where she was like, get the fuck out of here. This is like shit on me. Would you fucking eat this fucking salad with a napkin in it? Which is like how any of us would appropriately respond. Being polite about that situation is fucked up. That's like Diva Test 101.

That's how they should train. Absolutely. Well, before they're going to sign them to the record deal, they shit on someone's plate. And they say, how's she going to react to this? Yeah, what waiter ends up with a knife in their back? I love it. A waiter always dies in the Diva training.

Six album deal. Yeah, amazing. Guys, we're drinking a little bit of wine in honor of Matt. Yes, this is a nice Sauvignon Blanc. We're going to move on shortly to a cab. This is gorgeous. I mean, Matt, I did want to ask you,

and I think I prefaced this question going into this before we hit record. I feel like you've been forced to just imbibe so much on camera for the entertainment of others. What are your, you've talked about this a little bit. What are your feelings towards just being forced to drink? How are you being forced? I am in a prison of my own making.

Oh, wow. And I have no choice. No, it was interesting because I've been very open about the fact that I don't really like wine. I drink it. I drink it just like I don't like drinking water, but I drink it. You drink it. You have to. I have to hydrate.

That's so something like a middle-aged mom would say. No, I mean. But that's my audience. No, that's 100%. But the other day I saw you drinking what I thought was a white Zinf and I was like, he better not been drinking a white Zinf. I don't think I've ever. It was like a red color.

Maybe it was rosé. Maybe. Or it was juice. Oh, really? Was it movie magic? Well, it depends. I don't know. It depends on what you were watching.

Got it. But, yeah, I don't, like, now wine is like my work drink. And that's what I'll drink on camera. But now I was always, I always used to be one of those people who was like, I don't, like alcohol is alcohol. It doesn't affect me differently. Drinking tequila versus wine versus vodka. Like it all affects me the same.

But now I'm like, now that I'm an old man, I'm like. You're our age. Drinking wine gives me a headache. Okay. A hundred percent. You need to be hydrating while you drink wine i think there's something different about especially considering that i'm like very sweaty all the time as you can see and it's just you have to sort of balance it out right yeah like i will dehydrate

immediately got it so wine is dangerous now my like go-to drink when i go out is like a whiskey on the rocks i love class because i convince myself you look better yeah yeah you look sophisticated absolutely 100 although i bloat a little on bourbon really yeah anyway that's that's anyway keep going what does that mean you blow it i bloat oh like i get my face gets a little blow it i blow it. I blow it. Well, when he drinks whiskey, he blow it. That's what I thought. Implicit meaning. There's so much I don't, I have so much to learn. Oh my God.

Whiskey in the rocks. Go to. I like convinced myself that that was the healthiest option. Sure. I get it. What I can drink without a mixer and like it gets me the drunkest for like the amount consumed. And sort of you're

hydrated too because there's ice. 100%. 100% 100% 100%. Yeah absolutely. Nice well that's a beautiful arc. And you have more alcohol to explore in the future. But so I just went on a book tour and I was like

I did a tour last year and drank a full bottle of wine during every show. No! And at the end of the night I was like, I did a tour last year and drank a full bottle of wine during every show. And at the end of the night, I was like, I feel disgusting. And then I have to wake up, get on an airplane and do the same thing the next night. Wait, hold on. How many shows a week? Well, it was only like maybe three nights a week. But they were consecutive maybe, right?

They would be like, yeah. And then I'd have like four days to, right? They would be like, yeah. Yeah, and then I'd have like four days to recover and then three, and that was for like seven weeks. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. And so this time around, it was much more condensed. So I was like, it was literally like four straight weeks of just like a different thing every night, maybe a day or so like here and there.

And I was like, I cannot do that. Right. So you watered down the wine a little bit there. No, I went to whiskey. I was like, let's just go. Cause then I can like, there's, I cannot do that. So you watered down the wine a little bit there. No, I went to whiskey. I was like, let's just go. Because then I can like, I don't know, I feel less terrible. I can still get drunk. It's not a volume thing with whiskey.

It's like you're not really expected to drink a certain amount. I still drink a good amount of it. What I'm getting at is that there were a number of my audience members who were very upset that I wasn't drinking wine. Oh, well, they need to get over themselves. There was one show I had, the craziest show in Seattle, which I was like, they're going to be nice in Seattle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this girl, I was drinking whiskey, like a good amount of it.

I had at one point to be like, it's alcohol. It has more alcohol than wine. Anyway, I was in the middle of my show, and she walked up to the stage and set a full cup of wine on stage that she bought. And the entire audience was like, drink it! No, that's bullying! And I was like, no. Good. We are not going to do this. I will sit down and wait for you all to shut the fuck up.

Wow! I love that. Because that is Bellassai for you. And we just got a little bit of the Bellassai growl. We did. The knock, knock. And like, it's, you know what? And that snapped him into shape.

They probably love that even more. Whipped him into shape. Yeah, they love that. The good thing about like the persona that I have is that I can be a dick to people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they kind of expect it. Right, right. I try, I'm actually a very nice person.

Well that's what we're getting now, and I think you're about to, because we do this whole thing where we condense a rant into a minute, but you are able to steep yourself into it, so skillfully. And I think we're gonna get schooled here. Just throughout the episode. I'm just saying, no pressure, but it's also like.

I feel a lot of pressure, because I've been thinking about this for a while. Okay, but you do this, I mean you do this. I know, but it's also like... I feel a lot of pressure, because I've been thinking about this for a while. But you do this. I mean, you do this. I know, but it's so hard. It is hard. It's a lot harder than you think, especially at our live shows. Because you get up and you're like, oh no. I don't know. There's a

possibility of us editing one. Although, have we ever edited an I Don't Think So Honey ever on this show? I don't think so, never. We've always gone uncut, right to tape. I'm just bad at improv. I'm like, I need to spend days writing something, like a minute of material, and get it down. I get you. So, what, do you have a topic for I Don't Think So Honey later today?

Do you have a pre-selected topic? I have an idea. You got it. Because I'm always curious. I mean, I'm sure guys like have some sort of like pitching stage i mean you you would have them for whine about it you probably have them for to be honest um where it's like uh okay let me pick out these topics that i'm going to talk about right right but like i guess it's hard to find like the first little seed crystal of like oh let me start

off with this and talk about this first but i I feel like you have this very nice stream of consciousness about your style. Yeah, maybe. You have a really good stream of consciousness. Accept it. It's true. It's a compliment. It's a really big compliment. I think so much about how much time I spend on writing everything.

Yeah. Yeah. Like most of my videos are completely written out from beginning to end. Yeah. Or at least I have like a pretty good outline. Yes. Yes. Because when we filmed video when I was filming at BuzzFeed, my producer, you know, there

would be days where I'd get lazy and be like, let's just go for it. And he'd be like, no, because you're going to drink a bottle of wine and then like get wildly distracted by something. And we're not going to be able to film anything because you're gonna drink a bottle of wine and then get wildly distracted by something and we're not gonna be able to film anything. Cause- They're right though. Yeah, so I was like, fuck, I have to write a script so I know what, at least to have the baseline.

Sure. Then we can start- Yeah, have bullet points firmly in place. We can ad lib a little. Okay, well then either you're out of your depth or we're out of ours. Like this is gonna be we're all gonna meet in the middle like the point is nobody knows what they're doing ever ever which

is i feel like is like one of your nice like you know axioms maybe right i have no idea what i am doing none of us do yeah and that's the truth literally not a person knows what they're doing today i i left facebook yeah because i i decided that it was too fucking much and everyone was It's the truth. Literally not a person knows what they're doing. Today I left Facebook. Yeah. Because I decided that it was too fucking much and everyone was getting dumber. I was just like, I can't do this anymore. Right. I feel like I, so I have like my Facebook page

where I post videos and then I have my own profile. And when I go on like my own profile and look at the people I'm friends with, half of them I'm like, who are you? What happened? No memory of this person. Yeah. I don't know.

And they're like getting married and having children. And I'm like, I don't know who your parents are. Like, I don't know where you came from. I wouldn't know you in person. Right. When it comes down to it, I think Facebook just reminds me that like all I really know is like four people. Yes.

For sure. It's sad more than aggravating. Are you at, are you now at that place where you're at like your Facebook friend limit? Like no one can friend request you or cause it's a max thing? Um, maybe. No, I still get, I still see them pop up, but I haven't like actually posted or used Facebook as like a regular just profile person. It's different now.

I mean, I go on, I scroll through it, but I haven't posted or like accepted a friend request. Sometimes I'll look at the messages and like the other inbox. If you've seen it, like where people are like, I'm just this person.

Yeah. I don't know. Is that, is that like the cadence of the message? Sometimes. Just want to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's very, it's confusing.

Do you get a lot of people sort of engaging with you? Like, girl, we know each other. In a way that's unearned. Like in person or on the internet or both? On the internet. Because on the internet, it sometimes gets to a place where it's like, oh, no, this person really just like, because now I think, I don't know about you, but for the first time, I'm now getting some messages on Facebook that it's like when people didn't like a tweet or something or like didn't like something I said, they'll be like, fuck this. This is stupid. And I'll be like, oh, my God.

Like where they would take to Facebook? Well, not that they would take to Facebook, but it's like a response to a tweet. Right. Someone will respond to a tweet. And I'll be like, oh, my God. Like where they would take to Facebook? Well, not that they would take to Facebook, but it's like a response to a tweet. Like someone will respond to a tweet. And I'll be like, oh my God. No one ever did this before. And I feel like half of it is kind of good because like your follower count is growing

and I guess that's quote unquote good. But now people are just like, we feel like we can say, fuck you. And it's like, ah, don't! I've had that for not to brag people have been mad at me for a long time I've said before that I feel like I sort of got eased into it

because when I started writing for Buzzfeed I didn't have any followers and when I started at Buzzfeed Buzzfeed itself was still pretty new so if someone hated something I wrote they would say like fuck fuck BuzzFeed. I hate BuzzFeed in the comments. Yeah.

Then as it started to grow and people started recognizing like my name on articles, cause like I'd always write about like hot guys and they were like one direction and they'd be like, Oh, here's this guy again. Like fuck this guy. And then gradually it'd be like,

fuck Matt Bellassai. And then when I started making, by the time I started making videos, it was like, fuck you and your family and you personally. Like, it was just like, not my family.

No, but you are tracking this like level up each time. Yeah, but by the time it got to that point, I was so like, whatever. Just don't like murder me and I'll be fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I did have, there was some, I tweeted the other day. Don't murder me and I'll be fine yeah yeah but i did have there was some i tweeted don't murder me and i'll be fine that's actually rule of culture number 61 don't murder me and i'll be fine see you're welcome yep there was a tweet i did the other day that's how i talk there's a tweet i did i was i screenshotted one of my drafts because i was too embarrassed to tweet the actual thing even though i tweeted it out in the form of a picture people couldn't have searched it I screenshotted one of my drafts because I was too embarrassed to tweet the actual thing, even though I tweeted it out in the form of a picture. People couldn't have searched it through.

That's true. But it was about how my butthole puckers every time I see a picture of Zac Efron. Wow. Oh, my God. You too? Like, it's involuntary. Yes, it's weird. I don't have to, like, dolphin surfing, like, surfacing.

Yes, it just has to. And some woman replied and was like, I love your videos, but you're better than this type of humor. Oh, fuck you. Clearly, I'm not. Yeah, right? So I did it. I said it.

I am not better than that. But also, like, fuck you. Also, like, she clearly hadn't read anything else I tweeted. I was going to say, like, you followed him on this journey. Seems in line. But it is, like, you followed him on this journey. Seems in line. Seems a trap. But it is, like, my video persona is a lot different, I think, than my, like, Twitter persona. Sure.

But I think there's also this other discussion about, I don't know, and, like, it's great. It's this beautiful thing when people do, I'm talking about in person when people come up to you and like start like getting a little a little too like unearned about things and they're just like this only happens like once every like six months I'm gonna say and I'm not saying this I'm just saying that people are gonna be like oh you stupid bitch you're like just being a little too real with me and I'm like

whoa whoa whoa like let's get to know each other first yeah no I get that it's like yeah people feel like, especially because I'm like, you know, an alcoholic, I'm putting that in air quotes on the internet that they can, I had this, I had this woman,

I'm like hesitating about whether I should talk about it. We can cut this out. No, we're going to talk about it. This is a day we're going to get real. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it before in other forms but there was this show in san francisco last year in like 2016 and she um it was the in like the backstage room like green room after the after the show so i was drunk everybody else was drunk there was like a bunch of people i knew at that show we were all like taking shots backstage afterwards and um there was a few people of people i knew at that show we were all like taking shots backstage

afterwards and um there was a few people there who were there to talk about like a brand deal that i was going to do okay they like we hadn't agreed to anything i was meeting these people for the first time and it was this group of like women older like middle-aged women yeah and the one rep from this company was wasted and she came up to me and she was like i bet your dick is so big no unacceptable and she was like i'm just like you i fucking hate my kids and i was like i don't from? You are a grown woman with children. Oh my God. What was she confusing that with? No, she was like, I had jokes about like, how I hate kids or whatever.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. And so she was just like. She goes, I'm just like you, I hate my kids. Right, it was just this moment where she was like, you're just like me and like, we can be bitches. And I was like, A, this is a business, this is a professional environment. B.

We're all wasted. Hello. And then we had a phone call the next day to talk about, you know, the deal. And I was like, oh, I bet she's going to be embarrassed. And she was just as insane. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was drunk. Actually taps to that.

I mean, like, not to her making you feel uncomfortable, obviously, but like. She's consistent Actually taps to that. I mean, like, not to her making you feel uncomfortable, obviously, but like... She's consistent. She's consistent. She's just crazy. So was Harvey Weinstein. There you go. I mean, basically got groped.

Sexual harassment is fun with charm. That's so... It's the 60s. Everyone's drinking. That's so... That's awful. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I mean, like, not even eventually you get to that place, but it's like, I don't know. We will all get to the place. No, I'm saying, eventually you get to that place where you could theoretically joke about your kids or

your penis size with this woman. Absolutely. She just assumed that that time was sooner than the rest of the world might. Yeah. It was just so weird to to me I was so like taken aback I didn't expect it sometimes I gravitate towards those people though like I'll find that I'll talk to

them the most I think it's because I'm from Long Island where everyone's just like let me tell you something about so and so she's a fucking alcoholic and this and this and this and this and you're like oh okay oh my god yeah this is what we're and you're like oh okay oh my god yeah this is what we're talking about

alright like I don't know if it's like the like very sort of like Italian part like Roman Catholic part of Long Island

that I'm from where it's just like we say what we fucking think and I'm just like ah and I almost don't know how to relate to someone

that's not on that level sometimes to the point where I've been told by outside people like you make friends with some crazy fucking people. And I'll be like, oh my God, I guess I do.

Yeah, I think now the storyteller in me wants that. Because I'm like, I need just every- It's fodder. Yeah, every assault that comes my way is just new material. Let's just make sure it's verbal, please. Can it please be verbal assault? I've now added a whole bit about how, like, this woman came up to me after a show that I did in Cleveland

and, like, full-on sodomized me with her fingers. No! Oh, my God. I mean, it was outside the pants, but still, like... No, but she... I don't think it matters. It didn't. Oh.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You've told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City, all new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude, you're a dude, and Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show. We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against,

legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes, dude. We got dogs. Dogs.

We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dude's dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists. We talk about guilt, shame, body image, and huge life transformations.

I was a desperate, delusional dreamer. And the desperate part got me in a lot of trouble. I encourage delusional dreamers. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate, delusional dreamer. I just had such an anger. I was just so mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine.

I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything mad at life. Everything that wasn't right was everybody's fault but mine. I had such a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my life. I was the kid that if you asked what happened, I immediately started with everything but me. It took years for me to break that, like years of work. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me,

you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian

Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez. At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story,

as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The good news is I don't think she remembers, but I remember. It's good for her. Honestly, it's just like, it's one thing, I think, to go up and smack someone on the butt, because you'll forget that. You know what I mean? If you come up and smack someone on the butt, because you'll forget that. You know what I mean?

If you come up and smack me on the ass, I'll turn around and be like, well, that was a little weird. Or maybe, I don't know. Right. I'll just forget it. You try to finger my butthole? That will stay with me forever. Yeah. No, it has.

It won't go away, man. It will. Right. No. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know. I hope that's the only time that's happened.

Unwanted. Yeah, unwanted. will, right. No. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I don't know. I hope that's the only time that's happened. Unwanted. Yeah, unwanted. Unwanted. Right. Yeah. Now I, like, use that in my set. Thank God. Usually as a way to be like, don't do that.

Yes. Beautiful. But then people think they're being funny when they're like, I'm going to put my finger in your butt. Ew, get the fuck out of here. The point of it is that it's not funny. It's not a joke. Right.

Don't ever. They don't do it, but they joke about it. And I'm like, don't. It's crazy. I'm going to put my finger in your butt. What kind of sick uncle joke is that? Right. I don't know.

It comes full circle where I'm like, I'm, this is. Yeah, this is happening to me. And therefore, what does that say about me? Right. No, that is a victim blaming situation. I'm saying I was saying it. I was like, oh, no, I'm like doing it to myself. You do. You do go to yourself. Like, how am I the guy who the joke is

figuring your butt? It's like I'm asking for it. It's my fault. Oh, my God. You know what? It's because we're gay. It's cause we're gay. They wouldn't even think about our buttholes if we weren't. I'll tell you that. I wouldn't want to touch a straight guy's butthole.

It's just like, that's danger zone. Well, you know he takes care of his butthole. I think Zach. Zach, you would. We're saying, Zach Efron, if you're listening, maybe if you're listening maybe although if you enthusiastically

consented we would all finger you back I would say this he works out a lot and so that probably means it's very sweaty a lot of the time

and probably doesn't smell great I feel like it cleans itself like if you if you've seen his pictures of him lately are so

like otherworldly sculpted and like a little creepy. Wait, you think he looks better with the buff, buff, buff body? No, no. Yeah, me neither. I'm saying that it looks inhuman. Yeah. Right, it's not real.

So I feel like his butthole is probably like, it's also inhuman. Yeah, probably you're right. And that, I don't know, it doesn't excrete anything. Wow. I'm glad we're on the same page about this. That's the thing. Sometimes I do fall guilty of this. I will be that gay guy who's attracted to straight men.

I don't know. Or that kind of masculinity. That kind of masculinity. For whatever reason, I think it probably has to do with my upbringing. That is a thing that was impounded in me early, which is this kind of man is attractive. And a lot of times like when people are like like on

Grindr or Tinder and they're like mask only I'm like oh that person doesn't know that that's not okay but I get why they're saying it because society fucking hammers it into you and so but then I remind myself straight guys they don't take care of their buttholes they probably smell awful

and then I don't think about it anymore. Right. Yeah. And everyone should just know that when Matt was punching his hand, it was very masked. And I'm also wearing a backwards hat. Yeah. All right. And I showed up to an event the other day.

And Julio Torres said, yeah, you look very masked. And I thought it was a great read. It was a fun read. I felt very read by him. I wasn't trying to be masked. I just was too lazy to do my hair, Julio Torres. No, it's just your aesthetic.

My aesthetic. Speaking of upbringings, Matt, we're going to ask you what we ask all of our guests. We are. What was the culture that made you say, culture is for me?

Which is our silly way of asking. What was the little spark in your upbringing that made you say, wow, I love you know everything about pop culture. Right. Yeah. I feel like I have two answers

sort of. Great. Give them both. One is maybe less cliche. One is like I mean Who cares about cliche? Just do it. I don't give a fuck about cliche. This is like I mean it's like throwing fish at a shark. Come beyonce thank you right has anyone ever fucking said beyonce no one's ever fucking said beyonce and they're all liars

there's no it doesn't matter there's no i don't think there's a cliche to that there's not i my defense is that like i was a beyonce fan before i was gay like before before i answered the call before you answered this call. Since like Destiny's Child. Since the one song I remember like turning that switch in my head was Lose My Breath. Oh, later. So post solo career even. Because Lose My Breath was Destiny's Child. That was Destiny's Child.

I don't know all the trivia. Listen, you actually are much a latecomer on Beyonce. No, I wouldn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not fair. But it's still. No, it could still affect him the same way, but he's a latecomer. I don't know what year that was.

2005. Or four, 2004. Really? One of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A long time ago. Yeah, that Destiny's Child reunion album seems more recent than it is. Dangerously in love with you is 2003, then the year after Beyonce went back to Destiny's

Child, 2004. Anyway. Okay, but no, it doesn't matter. I'm thinking of a different song then, because I remember my mom used to order from Avon, you know, like mail order cosmetics, and she got this free AM FM radio with a headset. It was like in the 90s, for sure.

And I was like like this is mine now you keep the makeup yeah and i remember i would listen to that and like wait for the destiny's child songs and so like constantly have it in always waiting for the destiny's child song so i could turn it up and my brother and i i'm like for very different songs would like wait for with our like tape recorders to like put it in the thing and yeah yeah so that was like and that was literally like i don't think i was out in well i i know when i came out but it wasn't until college and uh i was like beyonce was my outlet uh like pre like pre gaga pre all of the like if you like this artist like well clearly you're gay yeah um yeah she was one that it was like i can say i like beyonce and it's

still okay you can find cover in it i guess so yeah britney spears was the same way i think right it's like oh i need to say i have a favorite singer. I can say Britney Spears and actually genuinely get behind it. And also I can still be in like, cause she's hot. And then later for me, it was like that person became Kelly Clarkson. And it started to become more difficult to say, well, I like her because she's hot. Because the number one thing about Kelly isn't that she's hot. You know what I mean? I'm going to say it.

It's true true you like Kelly because she sings fierce yeah yeah not because she's hot right when you're trying to be straight at 16 and you're walking around

singing since you've been gone people aren't like oh it's because he wants to bang her right so you found cover in Beyonce yeah I hid I hid my

sexuality in Beyonce uh-huh yeah nice I feel like I'm just there's so much conjuring up in my I hid my sexuality in Beyonce. Yeah. Nice. I feel like there's so much conjuring up in my, because it was also, I mean, I had other, there were other artists, like obviously like the Backstreet Boys.

A hundred. I remember from as my first communion, because I was raised Catholic. Congratulations. Right. It was my first communion and we went to like the reception after like dinner and I got this gift from my aunt and it was the Backstreet Boys album, but she bought it and it was in a gift bag that had the, it was like the bag looked like the album.

Oh my God. Wow. It was like a printed bag and it was basically like here, tiny gay child. Yeah. She knew. She knew. Right. It was that, you know, like sky blue album where they were tiny gay child. Yeah, yeah. She knew. She knew. Right. It was that, you know, like, sky blue album where they were all wearing white.

Yeah. Yeah. And that was the bag. So you, here's the gag for me, is that you waited to get Millennium as a gift. I was going out to the store to get Millennium the day it opened, bitch. No, I couldn't. Right, because what does that look like? Survival tactics.

Right. The first, although the first album that I remember going and buying was Britney Spears. Oh, Britney. Oh, my God. Was Bimby One More Time? Yeah. Me too. So there were a lot of signs.

Sure, but Beyonce was the first like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. This means something else. Right, right. And then my other one that I was going to say was Desperate Housewives was the first show. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Matt. Thank you so much for saying that. Oh, my God.

That was the first show that I remember like, I remember seeing the commercials advertising Desperate Housewives before it started. Look at my eyes. Tears sprang to my eyes because I realized that we are going to talk about Desperate Housewives. And I got so happy that I started to cry. We're going down this path. I started to cry. I understand. I understand.

It was so, I like, literally, I remember watching the commercials before it started. And I do remember thinking like, oh, this is going to be like too crazy. Nuh-uh. You loved it. The commercials made it seem like it was going to be like too campy before I knew what like camp was. Was it the commercial where it was Que Sera Sera was playing? Oh.

And it was the newspapers. You are killing me. The newspapers were being thrown into every land. And they're all out in the gowns like being like. David LaChapelle. David LaChapelle. David LaChapelle shot that. And they always would show that clip where the neighbor,

the ginger woman, was like, she was looking through the window and she saw... Martha Huber. Right. And she saw whatever. I don't remember all of the details. Do you remember Martha Huber's death scene? Yes.

When what's-his-face killed her with the blender? Do you remember the scene where she... Paul. Paul Young. I think it... Was it that she was with Brie or was it that she was with fucking Terry Hatcher where she talks about... Oh my god. She talks about mincemeat. Do you remember that fucking scene? Mincemeat?

She's like... She knows that like Terry knows something and she's like... And she's fucking crazy and she's like and she has a pie with her and she goes you know I have a fun fact like she knows like Martha Hubert's like she knows that like she knows

that she like has the power in this situation she goes you know it's so interesting you know that saying I'll make mincemeat out of you mincemeat it's blah blah blah and like it's I don't remember the scenes obviously but oh my god that the first season was the first season is really really good I just I loved it so much and that was the first time where I was like I have to I have to be home on Sunday night there was a time we were like out it was like a holiday and for some reason they had a new episode

of Desperate Housewives that's a tragedy and it, yeah, it was before we had like a DVR or anything, and I was like, we have to leave right now. Okay, I can't even talk about this because there was a scene, there was an episode in the first season of Desperate Housewives where Susan is across the street at home and she's crying about something.

And across the street, there's a party happening. And she thinks that her daughter, Julie, is at the party. So she goes over to the party and goes in the backyard, and she finds, like, swim trunks on the floor. And she gets furious

because she realizes, oh, my God, my daughter's having sex in the pool. So she goes over to the pool, and who comes up is Marsha Cross's son and Gabrielle's gardener that were

fucking in the pool. I missed that episode because my family was in Pennsylvania. So I had to my dad was like flipping through the channels and that scene came on and I was like, what's happening? What's happening on my

favorite show that's also, now it's gay? Oh my God, I have to. But of course, I didn't get to watch it and I had never seen that episode until years later

because there was no DVR, no nothing. Right. So what I'm saying is, this is the queer experience. This is the queer experience. It's a tragedy that you had to miss

an episode of Desperate. I have to go back. That's like one of the few shows from that time that I don't, like I haven't seen it since. Same with me and Lost and that. I've only seen one episode, like each one at a time. I bought like the book. They have like a book that came out at the end.

God bless you. Yeah. Remember it as it was. Remember it as it was. Because honestly, yeah. That's probably true. Yeah. That's something where it's like,

it should just be one season. Like, if it were now, and it were acceptable to come out and do a limited series, that should have been Desperate Housewives for the first season. I meant just let it go. Let it be perfect. In some ways, yeah. The second season was Elfrey Woodard, I think. Yes, but here's the thing.

Elfrey Woodard, yes, always. When I heard they cast her, I was like, gag-a-ree. I didn't even know who she was, but I was like- You didn't know Alfre? I didn't know Alfre before Desperate Housewives, but then she opened the door. But I was like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Miss Hart and Miss Lane. Souls, honey, Miss Ever's Boys, all the films. But I think, yeah, I think you're right, Matt. It's like, I feel like Big Little Lies season one was just sort of like, that is the modern iteration of what Desperate Housewives season one was. Oh, absolutely. In a way. I have no memory of if Desperate Housewives was like four episodes or like a million.

Oh, it was, the first season was 24 episodes. That was when it was like standard. How many, was there like six seasons, five or six? Seven. Yeah. Seven. That thing went, that thing went for a long time. I think it had 200 episodes.

Right. Wow. Like thing went for a long time. I think it had 200 episodes. Right. Wow. It was fucking out there, but that was another show. That was like the first golden age of TV, modern times. Right. And then pretty much,

because everything was on network TV, everything got super fucked up because of the writer's strength. A lot of good promising shows died right away. Remember Pushing Daisies? Pushing Daisies. Samantha Who, I feel like, maybe succumbed to the writer's was sort of weird i mean i think it fucked i think i know it fucked up lost i mean lost was so tied to its like narrative and then all of a sudden it had to like be so fewer or like weird episodes like it just killed shows

whereas that wouldn't happen with cable now you can just say okay we're not doing it but yeah but I think Desperate Housewives was the first one that I remembered like I need to watch this every week and then I like subscribed to Entertainment Weekly I had like my like I would make every season yeah we love Estella Yoh Kristen her name is Kristen

Dos Santos now sorry we cut you off okay yeah so you subscribed to Entertainment Weekly and I would like, every season would make like a calendar of like Monday through Friday or Monday through Sunday. Like, when are my shows on?

When do I need to change? What did the schedule look like? As you became obsessed with TV. Right. I mean, at that time, it was like Desperate Housewives, like Grey's Anatomy before everyone was lesbian and died.

Isn't it sick? It's really sick. Lesbianism. Lesbianism is so sick. I've always said that I think the series finale of Grace Anatomy is gonna be a fucking meteor hits the fucking hospital. There's a lion loose in Seattle Grace! Come on! I like, when I heard that it was still on TV, I was like, are you shitting me? Right. It's literally so shitty. I mean, there's like a filter on it now.

It's horrible. The only thing that I remember about Grey's Anatomy was the episode where the guy from Friday Night Lights gets blown up by a bomb. I mean, but insane. But like somehow that was grounded compared to what it was. Right. Right. Do you remember the ferry boat disaster? That was crazy. I think I checked out before then. Oh was. Right, right. Do you remember the ferry boat disaster? That was crazy.

I think I checked out before then. Oh, you got it right in time. Okay, that was while Katherine Heigl was still on the show. Okay, yeah, probably. Here's the deal. When she left, that's when it got bad. Okay. Yeah, I got out early then.

It's true, it's true. You got out early. Were you going to say that you did like season two of Desperate Housewives? I liked all of it. I liked all of it, too. You continued to watch it to the end? Yeah.

I dropped off at like season five after Dana Delaney, right? Oh, okay. I did. I kept watching it. I mean, I have a vocabulary with it through Delaney's lesbian escape. Yes. And was that her story? Yes.

She escaped. She escaped with, she became a lesbian and escaped. Can I say, season two was a gag, and here's why. Because people shit on season two. Here's the gag of season two.

Remember Brie's whole alcoholism story? Yes. And when she's, it's the end of an episode, and like Andrew, her son, is being a nightmare. Oh my God, he was truly evil. Do you remember this, Matt?

Vaguely. Okay, so Andrew, her son, is trying to get um what's it called uh uh when when when they break away from their parents oh emancipation emancipation yeah he's trying to get emancipated and um so he's he's being a little shit and she's she's like going to aa she dumps all this wine out in the kitchen and then like they get into this argument. And then Andrew goes, you're such a fucking bitch. No, not fucking.

He goes, you're a bitch. No, you're a stone cold bitch. You know that? And then she takes the wine bottle, throws it across the fucking kitchen. It shatters on the fridge. And then she walks over and she goes, I'm going to do this.

I'm just going to do this line for a line. Do it, do it, do it. I'm sorry. I didn't quite catch that I hate you you know the opposite of love isn't hate

it's indifference if you hate me that means you still care and that means I still have a chance to set you right it's so good

Marsha Marsha anyway here's the thing we've co-opted this this whole conversation from Matt I know

I'm so like amazed like I I don't know it's my alcoholism has just my brain

doesn't work I can't remember anything the thing is you said Desperate Housewives and now here we are

here we are do you remember um when Gabrielle thought her kid was a doll I don't know what is quizzing

the answer is always no here's the thing about Desperate Housewives that's good that you don't remember it you should remember that it was nice and fun and good and campy and diva and gay and whatever that That's amazing. That show got truly heinous because also it feels like almost everyone on network television got into this place where they had amazing first seasons and it was all so good. And then literally all at the same time, they were like, oh my God.

We don't know. Cancer. Cancer. It's cancer. She has cancer. Oh my God. Literally. It's cancer. She has cancer. Oh my God. Literally Lynette had cancer. Calista Flockhart on Brothers and Sisters had cancer.

Izzy had cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On Lost, they had a cancer storyline or several, I think. Every show was just like, we literally don't know what the fuck to do. Give somebody cancer. It will last us the season. Right. The one episode I remember very vividly is the one,

it was like one of those episodes where it was like, the whole family has to gather around and watch this. And it was the shooting in the grocery store. Starring Laurie Metcalf, honey. Yes! Oh my God! Starring Laurie Metcalf.

And that was like, that was ahead of its time. I mean, it was, it was. Oh, but also in the midst of its time, I guess.

I remember going to school the next day and all the like basic girls be like, it was really moving. It was actually really moving. That was me. The next day. That was me too. That was actually really moving. But like,

I'm sure it was. But here's, I guess, but at the end of the day, like the episode ended with Lynette, like, getting up in front of a shooter and being like,

you can't kill people! Like, Felicity Hoffman giving everything she had to like this B minus material. Like, that was so what she had to do for the whole rest of the season, of the series. Right. Because she was so stuck at that to do for the whole rest of the season of the series right

because she was so stuck at that i think they all were just like what's my storyline this okay i mean it was insane from the beginning it was it was i don't know because it was like a satire and like a murder mystery and like all these things and like so it was operating in that world and then all of a sudden it was just like no it did that thing where it was like well what's gonna it's november no no no what's gonna happen it's gonna be a tornado a tornado episode john slattery gets impaled by offense look here's conveniently just when he was becoming a killer here's the thing i agree with bellis killer here's the thing that i agree with bellisai that show is crazy from the jump with fucking mary alice committing suicide over what

like what was the reason again that you find out at the end of season one that she killed herself being sad i know i no no no she she she had an abortion blackmail she was being blackmailed for someone killing her son yeah yeah something like that oh oh oh now I know what it was it was that she their son died and

they got rid of him they buried him in the back in the backyard or something it just seemed like it didn't I mean maybe my teenage self was like I wouldn't kill myself over that

I mean like that's very naive you know what it's classic it's I don't know if I't kill myself over that i mean like that's very you know it's classic it's i don't know if i kill myself over that over burying a child in my backyard my own kid um but it's that thing of that happens a lot with i think any tv show which is why big little lies was so great was because it actually was satisfying where it's like it sets this thing up where it that's so intriguing that it can't possibly be satisfied it's like lost like loss is number one where it's like you have them on this deserted island and it's also like like a mythology and there's magic and it's another time

dimension you can't wrap that up right so desperate house think was something. I feel like I've lost the ability to watch television. Maybe it's because we grew up with those types of shows, but I'm like, I don't even know where anything is going. I just like, I don't have an end in mind for anything. That's also how I think about my own stuff.

I'm like, I don't know. I can start. Sure. It's because if you were to binge watch Desperate Housewives today, you would just go crazy. It would take forever too. It would take forever, too.

It would take forever, but you just wouldn't be able to keep track. I mean, that's why, like, nothing happened. I'm going to do it. After this, it's inspired me. No, I think you will enjoy it, because I think season one is a good fucking soap. It's great. I can also, like, I have a sickly ability to binge faster than the normal human. Well, what do you like now?

What shows do you like now? I've binged, like, seven shows in the last week. Oh, what do you like now? What shows do you like now? I've been to like seven shows in the last week. Oh my God. Good for you. There was a show I just watched that I'd never heard of before called Please Like Me. Do you know it?

Yes. It's an Australian show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so good. It's great. I started watching it. It's like, there was like controversy in Australia

because they like didn't know where to air it. Did they show butts? They did show butts. They show a lot. Yeah. And maybe a little bit of dick. The pilot is like really good. It just throws you into this like,

into his like world. Yeah. But I learned about it because I was talking with someone and they were like, what's your show? What do you want to write? And I described what I'd want

and then they were like, that's Please Like Me. And I was like i was like well fuck but before you said that i feel like you would you would write a beautiful show like that was similar in tone yeah i was like i just like gay seinfeld yeah gay seinfeld but like there's like an element of like that's different yeah there's such a groundedness to it right right yeah youinfeld is Will and Grace okay there you go yes rule number 12 of culture gay Seinfeld is Will and Grace and you have to say it like a whiny baby

um okay so please like me yeah that I just watched all of it's very bingeable there's cause there's only four seasons and there are like 10 episodes or six episodes um the Marvelous Mrsrs mazel okay impressions i liked it yeah i like there's very few things that i watch that i'm like this is not like i like it i think it's very charming and well done and i think she's a star i just saw dear evan

hansen and i was someone was like that was terrible and i was like i liked it that's just my yeah i guess it is it is have you seen it no i've i've listened to the album for like three months because that's i listen to like broadway albums without seeing the show because i'm i can't afford to like go to broadway all the time oh yeah very very very expensive and uh i had no idea what the show was about. And I'd listen to the album. And someone dies. And I was like, oh, I had no idea. Oh, yeah. Anyway.

Would you believe it's devastating? Oh, I cried the entire time. Yeah, I bet. It's really fucking sad. Did you see Next to Normal? No. Another one. Yeah.

Not okay. Yeah, now all I do is watch stuff and cry. I saw you appreciating the new Queer yes i just started watching that yeah that i was like i just started binging it yesterday and was literally just sobbing on my couch i have to start watching it hot producer joe's nodding yeah are you are you enjoying it hot it's so good okay so whatever i just referred to him as hot are you enjoying it hot? Matt, I told Matt he had to watch it. I know, I have to watch it. I didn't have time today.

Well, because I saw a bunch of people being like, don't do this, we don't need this. Okay, and I think everyone sort of came in with that mindset. Right. But I'm seeing everybody be like, oh, wait a minute, no, this is really, really special. Yeah, no, they do it really well.

There's only, there's one episode, I'm not spoiling it, maybe a little. Yeah. No, they do it really well. There's only, there's one episode. I'm not spoiling it. Maybe a little. Okay. It's a white cop. Yeah. And I think they're all in Atlanta.

Yes. Which is like the South, but like kind of not. I don't know. Still an urban center. It's a big city South. Yeah. And it's a white cop

and they introduce it where the five queer guys are like driving to meet this guy. Yes. Yes. And a cop pulls them over and it's the five queer guys are like driving to meet this guy yes yes and a cop pulls them over and it's the black guy of the five queer guys is driving and it's the super tense moment where everyone's like fuck yeah they pulled him over because he's black and then it turns out that the cop that pulled them over is like the guy who nominated his friend and we just pulled you over as a joke and it was like, what are you doing?

Now, I haven't gotten to this episode yet, but I hear that apparently there's some, like you're like, whoa, that's a weird moment, but apparently there's some payoff in the end where Kramo's- They have this moment where like, then they have the guy that they are making over who is also a white cop who voted for Donald Trump.

They like find his Trump-Pence sign in the garage. And then they have the black guy, I don't know his name. I don't know any of their names. Karamo, right? Karamo, Karamo, yeah. I'm just, I just identify, he's the culture guy. There you go, he's culture, yeah. He just makes people cry, that's his job.

Right, right, literally, I'm like, I don't know what you're here for. I saw him on Wendy Williams today and he was by far the most engaging. I was like, is he the star? He should be the star. And then Jonathan was like, hee hee hee. And I was like, I get you too. He has the most salacious photos on Instagram.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. I'll be heading there shortly. He's nice to look at. He's a daddy, too, of two older kids. Right, right. So they have this conversation in a van while they're driving. And it's very like,

they make it seem like it's really deep. And it maybe is. But it's sort of like, they're just like, I'm black, I'm a cop. Like, I guess we're friends now. I get that. Yeah, that feels a little simplistic, right?

It was. I mean, maybe the conversation they had obviously they edited it down of course but like maybe it was meaningful to them but what's on camera like what you see i was like i don't think you solved anything like he's still gonna go back like into his made over home with his new hair products and like vote for donald trump again right right so you didn't really fix him so i'm sorry what's the watershed about this that made over home with his new hair products and, like, vote for Donald Trump again. Right, right, right. So you didn't really fix him. So, I'm sorry, what's the watershed about this

that everyone's really responding to it in such a way? There are just a lot of moments, and you've seen more episodes, so maybe you can speak to this better, Balasai, but, like, I feel like it's just, like, there are some earnest moments of, like, them, like, really changing people's lives and people who they would like they will just

catwalk into fucking rooms full of old southern people and you're like and patty harrison said this she was like i'm always i always get panicked i'm like no like tone it down like for your own safety but like they end up like charming the pants off everybody like it's fine they actually do like i don't know if they change minds in the way that like they would change like a white cop's mind about how he views a black person on the job but like you know it's very feel good and healing in a way that's

appropriate to now now okay yeah I feel like I've watched maybe five or four of them I don't remember time is I just and how many are there like six right numbers and of them. I don't remember. And how many are there? Eight, right? Numbers! And the one that is the best is the guy that they make over is a gay guy.

Oh yeah, and he has to come out to his family? Right. And the ending is him coming out, and it's like that is what got me. Oh, I would fucking cry like a baby. Right, so it wasn't like watching a straight person. I love when people come out. Can I say that? Oh my god. That's what i get off on triggering sure i mean which is the appropriate use of that word and i don't always use it the right way that's okay none of us but i was like

this is like traumatized like i have yeah because the guy does it by like writing a note and like and i was like that's what i did you wrote a note? yeah and it was very it wasn't I don't I have no memory of what was in it but my mom who I gave it to

references it often and I'm like oh my god that's gotta be weird do you ever want to do you have any interest in seeing that note again?

not really I feel like any like every moment that passes I'm like I don't need to relive that but she kept a note? every moment

oh I'm sure it's framed somewhere in her purse. Maybe in 10 years? Maybe. We have some more distance. I kind of would want to read back on what I was like as a fucking... Yeah. I don't know how old you were. I just love that your mom has a museum to...

And this is the letter that he wrote me to say he was gay. And now he's one of the gayest people in media. This was the beginning. She refers to it, though, cryptically. It's always like, you know, like you said, in your letter. Oh! The letter. In the letter.

Can we chill? She's like Maxine Waters-ing it. She's like, the letter? The letter. Yeah. From May 25th or whatever. But yeah, it's very good. Yeah, it's great. It got me. I was like, the letter? The letter. Yeah. From May 25th or whatever. But yeah, it's very good.

Yeah, it's great. And it got me. It got me from the first episode at the end where they're at the picnic table with that man and they're all crying

and I'm like, oh my God, what is this? I was thinking about it. After I'd seen some more episodes, like, they have some like pretty,

because I feel like they have a bunch of like pretty conventionally attractive people that they make up where it's like, it's that like, oh, he took off his glasses and now he's a prince. And the first guy is pretty, whoa. He's rough. It's rough.

He's a fixer-upper. He need a makeover. Right. And so I like that. I like that they started with the real rough one. How long is each episode? An hour? An hour.

An hour. Right. We've talked about it for about as long is each episode? An hour? An hour. An hour. Right. We've talked about it for about as long as one episode. Shady hoe. No, no. You should watch it, Matt.

I know. I gotta watch it. I gotta watch it. I didn't watch the original. Me neither. Me neither, no. So I don't even know the original

Carson Kresley vehicle. Right. And now I deal with him every week. I didn't even know that like, uh, he, like the,

the food guy, it was like the chopped guy, right? Yeah. He's the chopped guy. Yeah. Yeah. They all went on to do other careers.

Yeah. Yeah. Jay Rodriguez was in the telephone video and I think he, he definitely tried to wait. Did I see him in rent? Yeah. I think he was in rent. I think he played.

Okay. I think I might've played the angel. You could say that about anybody. No, you know what? He was Mark. He was Mark. He was Mark? Yeah, because to play an angel,

you have to be like... You know, you have to be like a real dancer. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say real femme, and I was like, no, that's bullshit. No, you don't have to be real femme.

I mean, you have to be like a... It's like a very acrobatic dancer part. Yes, yes. But I almost posited he was mark i will i will source that later and i'm sure i'll get some lost culture useless fans confirming or correcting did you probably probably did someone did you tell me about someone who played mimi and was amazing yeah dave said that tamira gray from rent ray he saw as mimi was fucking killer. Okay, that's amazing. Did you watch American Idol?

Are you like an American Idol person? Yes. But it depends on... I stopped after a while. Yeah. I also stopped after a while. I'm not chomping at the bit for the new season. I was a crazy American Idol fan

like in the beginning. I feel that from you. What does that mean mean i'm just saying because i feel like kindred spirit with you and and i should be offended was the same one no please i like i have to own it because i was i was some like i would vote with like two phones at once yeah i voted for kelly clarkson 300 times one night yeah it was an all-night extravaganza would take like tallies while I was doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was second season kind of like, it was big, another big, no, no. I was the rare Ruben Studdard fan.

Good for you. But my mother was a big Clay Aiken fan. And we, that night, we would like be canceling out each other's votes I mean the votes

didn't count like it was it did not count let's set the record straight right now Clay was not gonna win that show remember that season that finale where Ryan Seacrest was like this was so close a difference of 200,000 votes or something anyway and later on he

was like it was so close a difference of 78,000 votes. Only one million votes separated this rigged, I mean, totally real outcome. It's the very marketable contestant that wins! Well, marketable for like

a month. A minute. And then he died. He did! He is alive, everyone. I remember I had CCD Catholicolic school i don't even know what it stands for and i did it for like 12 years kaka christian to school just school and it was on wednesday nights which is when the results for american idol and i had to like race home from from Catholic school to be my gayest self. Luckily, it was a four-hour episode,

as those finales often were. It's just, yeah, four hours of commercials and then Ryan Seacrest reading. It's Avril Lavigne to sing with Melina. Who's Melina? I want to meet her. A fake contestant I just made up. Are you watching Drag Race?

Yes, yes. Any discussion points you want to hit? Who, yes. Any discussion points you wanna hit? Who's like, who are your favorites? Who are you rooting for? I'm gonna guess who you like. Don't do, I mean, all right, all right. Who? Okay, because I do think you have a strong favorite.

I feel like my, I'm like, I don't have any strong opinions, so my default favorite is Trixie. Okay, I was gonna guess Trixie. Right. Yeah. I also like tricksy yeah that's fine i i went to this is me now just like go name dropping but i was on a panel for the rupaul's drag con in in new york and um it was like bitter

not bittersweet that might be the wrong word. But I was also there. We were recording stuff for my podcast. And so like as a panelist, I got to go into like the green room. But they were like, you can't record anything in here. So if you want to put on your podcast hat, you have to stand with the rest of the like chum. And with like the reporters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went from like sitting in the room and like eating cookies

and drinking coffee and you know with all the queens and then to be like being with all the reporters being like give us a quote for like one second but I was sitting in the room and Trixie walked by and stopped in her tracks and stared at me for a full minute and it was borderline

uncomfortable and I was like did you recognize either? yeah and she was like you do that uncomfortable and I was like Did you recognize me though? Yeah and she was like you do that thing and I was like and she'd heard me on Throwing Shade I did a Throwing Shade podcast and so we like reminisced Oh that's nice Now we're friends

That was our one interaction So that's why we like Trixie. Now I think Trixie is a comedian in a real way. Yeah. And I mean, I think the one person who makes me scream out loud the most while I'm watching it alone in my apartment is Kennedy. Oh, yeah. I would say that's why I think that the top three will include Trixie and Kennedy because I think there's a visceral reaction to both of them

that I think has always been inherent in them and is refined now. Right. I don't know who that third person will be. It makes sense for me that it's Bebe. Right. Because it's just so good. I'm thinking about a Trixie, Kennedy, Bebe top three

because it's like you love trixie because she's a comedian you know she's got jokes right like it's it's good it's good comedy you know what i mean it's really funny trixie and katya show i was watching last night i was literally laughing out loud right it's so funny and then with kennedy it's like that's just so fucking funny like her coming out in that outfit in the beginning in the workroom, that to me is like out of control funny. And her drag is so, so high level. Right.

Yeah. There's so many, I have so many thoughts. Whoa, say them all. What is, have you heard or read any of the BB is the mole? Yes. I've heard the rumors. I don't know if, like how does that pay off in a way that's like. I don't know.

But then like, does anything pay off? Like, I mean, sure. I think yes. There's all these like weird rules where like nothing actually makes sense. Sure. It's all just Rue's show. It's Rue's show. Everything ends up the way that Rue wants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that Rue sat down at the beginning of All Stars 3 and before they had even cast, and I think Rue said, okay, how can we fucking gag the kids? I don't think she said, I don't think she said, okay, who should we cast?

Like, let's like, talk about personalities. Let's cast the show. I think she said, how can we make this season of All Stars 3 a fucking gag-a-roon? And that's where i think they started

and so i do think something is coming right i mean something is coming right like with the handmaid's tale shit like yeah right right yeah something is coming um my other thing and this is more like i don't know i i like tricksy i think I can tell, I feel like I relate to that style of, not style, what am I trying to say? I feel the, like, comedy struggle a little bit. Like, you can feel the, like, I don't feel confident in my own humor. Like, I think, especially when you go back

on the season that Trixie was on, what was it, season six, where it's like, yeah, I don't know, there's like a- The approach to drag feels very relatable to people like us, right? It's like, oh, I would approach this as a comedian through that filter, but like, so I would over-paint and I would be a little quippy, you know, in confessionals.

So yeah, for sure, I get that. I'm gonna do this, so. Do it, do it, do it. Blow it! See, see, when you drink wine do it blow it see when you drink wine you blow it and when he

drink wine he blow it we were just recording in LA for my podcast and it was with a producer

we don't normally work with not Barry Barry was there but we had to like rent a studio in LA and the guy was like

he needs to blow his nose and barry had to be like that's just what he sounds like you said that he used to blow his nose no they said it i didn't hear any of it barry later was like he said he was talking about you yeah oh my god like they were in like the say was one of those fancy studios where they're like in a separate room watching you. And I was in the room just like being my nasally self. When did you find out that he said that? I don't know. Like a couple of weeks later.

Okay. If it had been like minutes later, you could have screamed homophobia and sued them. And that would have been really fun for you. And probably very financially beneficial. Right? Yeah. I mean,

I'm sure it's on tape somewhere. Oh, good. Good. Good, so we can still do it. Right, right. We'll work at them. Before we move on to anything so great, talk about some guests you have coming up in this new season. Yeah, I was in LA and we taped a bunch with- You have Fortune this week.

Fortune was this week, Nicole Byer was last week. Love Nicole Byer, she's gonna judge the Snatch Game. I know, I talked to her because I was like, that is my one goal in life is to be a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race. You can get there. Yeah. Did she spill any tea? No. Only that it was amazing,

which is what I expected. Well, that's good to hear. I was just a bad interviewer. I didn't get to be like, tell me something that nobody knows. So it was Fortune. Next week is going to be John Early and Kate Berl knows um so is fortune and next week is going to be john early in cape berlant great never heard of them actually i don't know them i don't know i don't know i imagine they're pretty foreign to this audience yeah yeah i don't i don't think anyone knows them the one thing we just recorded that i'm excited about i it's been a long time

in the making but we're doing like a Harry Potter episode. Yes. I don't know her either. We just cover really obscure topics. But I had never really been high before. And so we went to Harry Potter World, the Wizarding World, and I got super high at like 11 in the morning. Do you know where we just came from? Right. But we went to the one in LA, which is dumb. Yeah, we've been high there too. No, it did pretty similar.

It was an experience and there was a moment that we got on tape because we recorded the whole thing where I realized I'm high and start laughing for a solid two minutes straight. Beautiful. Oh my god. I love it. So you went on the Harry Potter

ride when you were high Yeah Isn't it incredible You didn't do the big ride No We're gonna take you To either Orlando or LA We're gonna do

Harry Potter Wait why didn't you end up doing it the first time You scared The line It is like a roller coaster, right? It's not a roller coaster. It is a dark ride, which is essentially the way to say a ride that passes through scenes. Right.

Indoors. So it doesn't even go fast. It doesn't go fast. No, no, no. It gives the illusion that you are traveling fast at points. The scariest moment is that you fully are an Aragog's pussy. Like, Aragog just comes at you like,

and you're like, like a huge fucking spider. And then the Dementors come out and they've stepped their pussy up from the movies, let me tell you, because now they reel. It might have been a lot for me at that time. It's just like a haunted house. Essentially, that's what it is. For your first high, like, of course, that's a lot of stimulus. Oh, 100%. Because I we did edibles too and it was like i just need to keep eating them oh no that's

not the way you do it i think i had like three gummies okay oh the gummies are like yeah right and so it wasn't like but but it was enough yeah but the problem was we we went there at like 11 a.m and i also was drinking and it was very hot. It was like 95 degrees. It doesn't sound comfortable. No. And we waited for the fucking hippogriff ride for like 45 minutes. How dare you do that?

By the time it was done, I was like, I've had enough. Yeah, I get it. It's not safe for me to be here anymore. Like there are children everywhere. These two like very nice young boys came up to me and were like, oh, we love your videos. And I was like, I am so fucked up right now. There's literally tape.

We were listening to it today, and I was like, I can't listen to this. This is the one part where I was like, I can't. Me interacting with people, I can't. Because I told them, I was like, are you having fun at Disney? And they were like, you having fun at disney and they were like we're not at disney and i was like i'm so sorry and then we took a picture and then they had me sign it on snapchat and i just signed right over their faces and i had no idea they were like can you redo it they're like god he's so much more fucked up than we thought oh my

god he drinks wine all day. Most of the time when I meet people, I'm like, you know, I'm just not that person. I like, you know, I drink. This time I was like. You lived up to everything. Yeah. And that was, they were like probably the youngest people who I've. Oh, my God. And they were these two, like, two gay kids who I think they were boyfriends.

And they were like these chubby, like, kids with glasses. I was like, oh, my God. Like, I'm setting a terrible example for the no you're not getting your life that day on edibles at a theme park honey that is true I mean they could grow up to be that there you go I know so you didn't pay to go there did you um you were on someone else's di me yeah I guess so there you go you're showing them that you can get yours. It's very aspirational, I think. So I think you should be so proud. Okay, well, we're going to listen to that episode then.

Yeah. That's amazing. We interviewed Luna Lovegood. The actress? Miss Luna? Yeah. I love her. Yeah, she's...

We were just talking about how it's the one... One of the few times that we've ever heard like a Harry Potter actor talking about like their actual like like yeah like where she was like

I'm not Luna Lovegood yeah no like people associate I mean she of all of them was like I am this character but now she's like I've been in therapy

for 10 years. Wow. So people stop fucking talking to me about Luna Lovegood. Damn. I mean, I'm putting my own stank on it. Right, right, right. But we got the gist. Right.

She was like, yeah. Fascinating. You know, there's two sides to that. It's like, those actors' careers started and were huge from the second they were cast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like forget it.

And they will continue to, to work. I think, um, or at least Emma and Harry, I don't, and, uh,

right. Daniel, I don't really know what, what, um, Rupert, Rupert was in a movie with Lindsay Lohan recently. This is true.

This is true. I believe that. Yeah. And then I guess the rest, but the rest of them, it's like, what's going on? Sure. That's interesting.

But you know who fucking slays it? Make a fucking documentary or movie about that. I would love to see that. Yeah. Harry Potter, where are they now? But you know who fucking slays it is Domhnall Gleeson, who is in the Star Wars movies,

and he's about to be in that new movie with the bunnies. He played Bill? He played Bill. And also, so if you go to Harry Potter in Orlando, movies and he's about to be in that new movie with the bunnies he played bill he played bill and also so if you go to harry potter in orlando they don't just have the wizarding world hogs me they have the wizarding world diagon alley right right so this happened like i guess like five years ago they made this no maybe that's wrong probably more recent than that but you know it's it's fairly recent enough where i was like i went to the ride and they have the pre-show

and the star of it is Bill Weasley, who's not a big character in either the books or the movies, but because it takes place at Gringotts, he ran Gringotts. And so he's like the MC of the whole pre-show experience and he's in the ride itself. So thousands of people see him every day. But in the time between that ride coming

out where i was like oh that's crazy this actor is like getting so much play he's actually become huge yeah it's interesting huge yeah and so now i think people are going to start going to that attraction and seeing him and being like oh my god i totally forgot he was in these movies that's that evil guy from star wars that's the fucking crazy evil guy from Star Wars who's like lit doing too much. There you go. Did you see The Last Jedi? I did.

You think? I think so. You can't remember because of alcohol. No, I did. I did. I saw it. Yeah. It was good.

It was fine. You know what? We're not going to pry some opinions out of Bowsy. Why not? Because his M.O. I agree with this. He goes, I like to just find that he's not going to... You know what?

He's not going to like... Take a stance. No. Come on. My one opinion that now it's coming back to me is the scene where Yoda sets a tree on fire. No. Oh, sure, sure, sure. That was the most...

There was so much of that movie that I feel like I dreamed. But that happened. I only saw it once, which is like a bad sign for me in a Star Wars movie that I only saw it once. Yeah, well, same.

I want to, I do want to see it again just to see Laura Dern kamikaze into a fucking spaceship. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert for the, if you're not one of the billion

that have seen this movie. And it's a two month old movie. I only really watched most things once, which is maybe why I can have so much difficulty recalling. Not anymore for Desperate Housewives. I know. When you've been to it again. The one movie I've seen twice is Call Me By Your Name.

Interesting. Which I know you guys have opinions about. We have controversial opinions about. And I feel like I share them. I like it. Really? You share them? I like the movie.

Yeah. I feel like I should see it again, but yeah, go ahead. This could be one of my rants. Got it. Oh, interesting. Because I read the book before I saw the movie. And loved the book so much. Same.

I read it when I was home for Christmas, so it was like in my childhood home. Wow. I was like, that's a very scandalous book also. I was like, I need to read this in the bathroom. I can't be in front of my parents reading this. Like, what are you reading? Right. Just a book.

Someone coming into a peach? Yeah. But Army Hammer ruined that movie. Thank you. I also agree. He was miscast. Right. He's 80 years old.

He has four generations of children. He has no muscle mass. Right. His legs look like weird vines. Like they're not. You guys are crazy. Timothy was amazing. Timothy was amazing.

I agree. They should have cast somebody younger than Army Hammer. Right. Right. Just so that it didn't look so lecherous every time they hooked up. Because every time that they hooked up, I was always like, God damn, he's so much older than that kid. That he looks twice his age.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Like, Timothy was believably a kid. Part of me should feel, like, relieved because it gives me cover as an 80-year-old man who's like, You are age crazy. Don't do that, bitch. I read a lot older. You do not. as an 80 year old man who's like you are age you crazy bitch

I read a lot older you do not but I prey on children like Timothy so yeah no I have some I have some very problematic

that's fine you know what types love interests yeah I get you just but I'm like very public about

so I feel like people can paint a very who do you like who do you like famous that's young Tom Daley was always one but I mean yeah he married a 40 year old

so I feel less bad Nick Jonas yeah but he's fine I don't feel creepy I mean he's older now but Harry Styles and Zayn I guess you love. Yeah, Harry was always my go-to.

He's the star. The boyish one, yeah. Right. You like a boyish type. I guess so. Yeah, that's great. It's creepy to admit, but yeah. It's not creepy.

Shawn Mendes, right? Oh, I love Shawn. Shawn Mendes, I feel like, is the youngest person that I'll ever know of. I don't think I'll know a younger person. What's going to get freaky is the pop stars are going to start getting younger and younger

and we're going to be like, what the fuck? Like, we're going to be like, oh, these are kids. And all of a sudden, we're going to realize

what it felt and how fucked up it was the way everyone treated Britney Spears. Like, the older I get, the more I realize how fucking crazy

the Britney Spears thing was because they had her stomping down that hallway in that Catholic school uniform she was 16 and then it was a national topic her virginity yeah that was weird it is sick and anyone

that's like wondering why like things are the way they are now need only look at what we did to her. Right. Because she was too young to be representing what she represented. Right. Yeah. But we can still for now just like fawn over Harry.

Sorry, go ahead. Yeah. No, I always felt like when I was at BuzzFeed, I became like the boy band. Like I'm going to be like, it's funny because I'm like a teenage girl. And I feel like a lot of gay guys feel that way it's like we didn't have childhood so like possible that we can hook up with them you know I'm not gonna like say me and Harry will never there you go you're right don't say that don't put that in the atmosphere actualize it actualize it right we have met at this point yeah yeah okay and did you get any bi vibes from him or gay vibes from him?

And I'm going to fully ask the question so you don't have to come out and just say it. I don't know if I'm allowed. No, I don't have any information. That's fine. That is one of the things that I want to put that energy out into the world, so I'll say yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good, good, good. But I have a fear inside of me that it's not true.

But I have no information. I think he, and I don't want to speculate about his sexuality, but I think that there might be something going on. I think he is a Kinsey 4.5. I just feel like when you're that kind of famous and also that style of fame where you're just like, I don't give a shit about anything. It's like, yeah, you'd probably. Yeah.

And I also think if you've dated Taylor Swift, you are gay. Not wrong. Not wrong. I mean, literally. He's the modern day Marlon Brando. He just fucks anything that he sees. Hopefully. I just want to anything that he sees. Hopefully. I just want to be his mailbox, you know?

You want to be his mailbox? His mailbox. I love that. Matt. This show is called Mailbox. Mailbox, M-A-L-E. Okay, well, listen, it is time to move on to I Don't Think So, Honey, which is our, you know, I guess our swan song of every episode.

Sure. That we'll be... Close off on. Take one minute to rail against something in culture that's just doesn't seem right to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're privileged to have Bella Sly here. We have Bella Sly here who's going to slay.

Yes. I think you should go first this time. I was going to disappoint won't um oh god i don't i didn't come prepared you are you're you're kidding um i'll go first that i'm not no no no no no i have something i have something i have something just uh just don't don't be a hero i can go first all right you all right you go first all right this is matt rodgers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time... Joe's... Hot Producer Joe's turning the levels down, the game down. Time starts now.

Can I say one thing before we start? You're being very passive-aggressive today, Hot Producer Joe, with your turning down of the dials. It's fine. He needs to. He's trying to help. He's doing his job. You're being very passive-aggressive.

We're two glasses of wine in. Okay, this is Matt Rodgers' I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey. His time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey Facebook. It's turning you into monsters. You guys got to think for yourself. Stop attacking everyone online just because you see an opportunity to. Think, okay, this is a human being.

Is it going to be more productive to just Facebook message that person? Have a conversation with them? Can I tell you something right now? Every time I've had a Facebook interaction that's been public, it is a lot more vicious than when I reach out to the person privately and we're able to have a conversation.

Everyone posting incendiary things and comments and things like that, just know that it is more transparent that you think that you're trying to get likes. Understand that. We don't not know that you want attention. I'm not saying that you want attention. I'm not saying that you can't use Facebook

to make your salient points to say things that you need to say but I'll say this again and I say this a lot. Separate things. Do I want to say this thing or do I need to say this thing?

If you need to say this thing, go on Honey. If you want to say something, it might be harmful. You might be hurting someone in a real way. So I don't think it's a Honey Facebook

which I deleted today. No thank you. I don't think so, honey. Facebook, which I deleted today. No, thank you. I don't think so, honey. And that's one minute. That was a more edifying. I don't think so. Well, it's because something it's something I really feel and I just think that it's actually become something harmful. I think it's a place that people go

nowadays when they have a bad feeling. Right. I think it's become somewhere where you dump bad feelings and I think it's become somewhere where you dump bad feelings and I think it's a place where you dump negativity because you're not thinking about what it really is to make you sad or a productive way to go about solving

that thing for yourself or for humanity. And so you go to Facebook and you put it there so that other people can react to it and you can get attention for it, which I don't think is what you're really hurting about. And so I've deleted it. I kind of hope that everyone just like takes a break from it. I don't think I mean, not not saying that I'll like start something, but I'm just saying like, no, he thinks he will.

I think I will start a movement is what I'm saying. No, what I'm saying is like, it's just become just become so ugly like you don't care about this at all but there was just like some like stupid fucking like ucb like controversy and like the ucb community will just kick around this controversy so hard and like it just becomes this bubble like you know we have like all these social media bubbles and like they literally exist to destroy communities like they were created for that reason right so understand that like we're not existing in in the world we're existing in a small bubble and all you're doing is hurting people that you actually have a lot in common with so please have conversations and not fights because they do change the way that people think about you and that's a shame

sure because at the end of the day the reason that you're friends with everyone on facebook in your social media community is because you like them and want to be friends with them and have interests with them and things in common with them and think that we can all solve a lot of problems if we start looking at the positive and start celebrating and start problem solving instead of attacking and trying to make the community smaller um for arbitrary reasons i don't i don't like this political talk okay all right well that's what I said I'm ready I've got one this is Bo Nyang's

I don't think so honey and his time watch his be about like I don't think so honey cheesecake or something like frivolous I don't think so honey Bo Nyang and his time starts now I don't think so honey people who are trying to do away with the Oxford comma bitch I need to know that my list

ends with discrete items. I cannot have gypsies, tramps, and thieves and think tramps and thieves are one item paired together. Do you know what I'm saying? I need gypsies, tramps, and thieves, period, bitch. I need to know that all of these things are being listed in an order that makes sense to me and that they're being separated and demarcated by a punctuation mark. 30 seconds. People are saying, ooh, it's the Oxford English Dictionary or Chicago Elements of Style, whatever the fuck is trying to say that the Oxford comma is no longer grammatically relevant. But I'm here to tell you that I need to know how to process lists in long form, in prose, whatever.

I need to know what the items are so that I can make sense of them in my brain. Tramps and thieves, they are not a pair. They are different things. Five seconds. Gypsies, tramps, and thieves, period. And that's one minute. Can I ask you legit a question? Yes.

When you have three things, blank, blank, and blank, you do put the comma between the second thing and the end? That's what I'm saying, yes. You do, you do. Okay. I think this might be

a difference of opinion amongst English teachers everywhere. Yeah. It's a recent phenomenon where I'm getting into this argument with my lovely, lovely, lovely copy editor at my work

who is, you know, claims to be like, you know, knowledgeable in all things grammar they are the copy editor exactly this is the gig but she's saying the Oxford comma is technically no longer correct and I'm saying

no Sherry there was just like a lawsuit over it right yeah I don't know any details about it but I know there was a lot I saw a headline there you go in the newspaper all you need to know these days is what the headline is. This theme is communication. Yes, that's the theme.

I have a question for you. Yeah. Do you think, because we write vulture recaps together nowadays. Yeah. Do you think I'm a bad grammar? No. Sometimes. With that sentence, yes.

Do you think I'm a bad grammar? I think you, I think I, my job is to sometimes you put sometimes you end the sentence too soon and I'm thinking just type. Sounds like a yes. Because I'm very colloquial and Bowen is more pros.

So anyway. And so that's what makes us so special. Right, right. There you go. Balance. But I need help. Right. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine.

We're a team. Okay, Bella Sai, are you ready? I'm scared. Don't be, don't be. No, okay, you know what? There's no pressure. I don't want to see you shaking. But mine is also about communication.

I love that. I love a good theme. Yeah. Bella Sai, you need to, you are an award-winning personality. Right. You can walk into a room. You and Lisa Rinna. you need to you are an award winning people's choice personality right you can walk into a room and Trixie Mattel

will stop in her tracks and look at scare you down for a minute I can't believe a minute that was too long yeah Trixie

it was very long where I was like this is uncomfortable was it like a bit or was it like Trixie yeah it was going on for like a comically

long time yeah okay I love it then but I don't I couldn't tell if it was like, is there something on my face? Yeah. Ah, there you go. Of course the vanquisher of Pearl,

of Trixie, was Pearl. Of course. Realize that. Pearl once defeated Trixie Mattel in lip sync. That's so funny. Stupid. This is going to be beautiful. Okay.

This is Matt Bellassai's I Don't Think So Honey. Great. And his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey article clickbait headlines that tell me how to feel before I even read the article. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, yes. BuzzFeed is what I'm talking about.

Articles with headlines, clickbait headlines that say, Tonya Harding killed a baby, and you won't believe how much she'll smile. Like, I, that is a fake headline that I just made up, and by just made up, I mean I thought of it earlier when I was thinking of this. 30 seconds. The problem with that headline is not the

first part. It's the second part. Let me decide how I'll feel if Tonya Harding kills a baby. Okay? The worst headlines are, you know, fucking a possum did this and you'll have all the feels. No. All the feels. 50 seconds. All the feels is the

worst set of words. There are too many feels for you to put into one statement. Five seconds. Oh, God. Chrissy Teigen, fuck you. And that's one minute. Don't fuck you to Chrissy Teigen. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's his truth. She has humor. That's his truth. I don't want to exceed a minute, but my train of thought there is that there are so many headlines where Chrissy Teigen will tweet something about Skittles. And they'll be like, you won't imagine the knowledge Chrissy Teigen just imparted on her followers.

And it'll be like, Chrissy Teigen had this to say about Skittles and you'll get your life. And it's like, I won't. Here's the thing, there is a nurse somewhere with the same Twitter as Chrissy Teigen and no one gives a fuck. There is a nurse somewhere with the same Twitter as Chrissy Teigen and no one gives a fuck. There's a nurse in South Dakota whose Twitter is poppin' and no one gives a fuck.

Some tweet I saw once that was like, you know, Twitter is a place where like your local accountant gets hundreds of thousands of retweets and like your favorite comedian talks about what toothbrush they use. It's like it's like it's for like not stars wow that's actually rule of culture number 106 Twitter is for not stars follow me on twitter.com

follow Matt I think you hit on a real nerve I mean like a good nerve that needed to be had I got too excited once I started going. No, but it had everything because you, you did the,

you understood the assignment. Yes. There was the Bellasai growl. Have people like named that, labeled that yet? No, but I was just listening back

to a podcast episode of mine and I was like, I love it. I do that too much. No, I think it's your trademark. No, you need to get angrier.

Every time you do you do growl every time there's a there's a next i'm like oh bowen's butthole puckers my butthole puckers baby that's all i want like a dolphin surfacing after an hour thank you for talking about the butthole pucker because i thought that might have been something that was a bizarre about me but sometimes when you're extra attracted your your butthole will hunker. The thing I'm probably most embarrassed to admit, that I'll admit now that we're one glass of wine deep, is that, do you ever look at a hot person's Instagram and your mouth waters? Oh, this hasn't happened to me.

It's happened, and I think it's my brain signals getting mixed up. I feel a tingle in my pelvis before I get an erection. Wait, that's normal. Guys, can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? When I see someone hot, my penis gets hard. It feels with blood.

This mouth-watering thing is interesting because it feels, it's like a gustatory thing. A gustus gloop? A gustus gloop. No, no, it's like you're tasting him. I think that the word for that is mouth. Mouth feel.

There you go. There you go. Wait. Your mouth watered over who? Tell us. I mean, like, every person on Instagram. Like, my Instagram is just, like, pure deli counter. Like, just meet, meet, meet.

Do you follow a lot of porn stars? No. I do draw the line. I don't know why. There's no difference. I follow a few. Some, but now that like OnlyFans is a thing, right? I can't with OnlyFans.

I still won't. Where it's like all of these male models quote like basically do porn and think that they're like not porn stars, but it's like you're a porn star. You exist, Reboot and Jackoff. Which is great. More power to you.

Yeah, that's fine. Sure, sure, sure. My Instagram is pure shame. I feel nothing. You said pure deli counter? Oh my god. Deli counter. That's meat, meat, meat. Yeah, it is gross. The best is when those like dogs

essentially those meat boys like when they try to like be funny right you're like honey i don't think so that is yeah when it's like a shirtless picture where like you can see their penis line and like you can see their asshole hairs and it's like thinking about pizza and it's like no you're fucking not. No you're not. You haven't had pizza in years. Oh my god that just made me so hungry for pizza. I'd love a pizza.

Wow this has been a really fantastic app. Rollicking. Rollicking right. It was alright. Yeah yeah yeah it was okay. It was good. Oh my god wait. I also had an okay time okay time wait I thought you know what

I love this app it was about communication it was about communication and I'm happy that we were able to communicate to you that we also love Desperate Housewives and now you can go home

and bin Desperate Housewives and I'm gonna go home and watch Queer Eye for the straight guy yeah but now I'm hearing it's not titled that anymore

it's just Queer Eye that's what yeah I thought it was the whole thing until I saw the gay guy yeah but now i'm hearing it's not titled that anymore it's just queer that's what yeah i thought it was the whole thing until i saw the gay guy and i was like right what is this and now they're just giving the queer eye to the world right absolutely which is what the world needs which is what the world needs yeah is um just teaching someone how to make a grilled cheese which is literally all anthony does okay but i'll watch it but anthony's great although i'm suspicious of anthony you like anthony yeah i mean he's the hottest he's a cutie grilled cheese, which is literally all Anthony does. But I'll watch it. But Anthony's great. Although I'm suspicious of Anthony. You like Anthony? Yeah. I mean, he's the hottest one. He's a cutie.

He's a cutie. I love Karamo. Karamo's amazing. I literally am just judging on this one Wendy Williams interview I saw. Karamo seems amazing. Jonathan seems so fun. He's like too much of a man for me. Oh, sure. The blonde who interior designs, I'm like,

Bobby's cute. You're probably very functional, but you're not popping to me. No, no, no, no, no. Just watch it, because Bobby's great. Okay, and then Anthony, literally, Wendy and Anthony do not get along. So today on Wendy, she was like, How you doing?

And he was like, How's it going? And she goes, what? And then she turns to Karamo and goes, is he down? No. And Karamo goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, okay, well, I have to ask. Wendy's a nightmare. I'm sorry.

No, Wendy's queen. I'm sorry, but Wendy is queen. I don't know. She is a mess. A disaster. She goes into every day without preparing. She walks around her stage being like, yeah, I don't know. She is a mess. A disaster. She goes into every day without preparing. She walks around her stage

being like, yeah, I can handle it. Does whatever the fuck she wants. Fucks up most of the time and fails up, honey. She will be president. What are the first things? I will stand.

I mean, yeah. I would, I just, her inaugural speech is her full Statue of Liberty. Yep, yep, yep. And then she passes it out. She's gonna say, America, how you doing? Not so good.

My first memory in New York, one of the first ones, somehow I got invited to a BuzzFeed event. It was like a Wendy Williams book party. And I was like, where the fuck am I? We're in a basement somewhere. Wendy Williams is here here it was wild did you meet her no but i was like i don't know her i want to meet that's the most wendy williams thing is that she doesn't show up to her fucking book signing her own book signing that's wendy for you i was like no i was like i don't know this woman yeah well listen now i watch her shows and

she did like the ask wendy today and like. I watch her shows. She did like the Ask Wendy today. And like people were asking her questions. And I'm like, why the fuck are we asking her questions? Like, I don't understand why we think she has the answer. What is the function? And the answer to every question was like, okay, I think this is what you should do. And it was something crazy. Like this one girl was like, my boyfriend wants to schedule sex because he's really busy and so am I.

And she goes, he's cheating on you. Do your research. Do your research. He's cheating. There's another woman. Okay? Listen to me. She's a canker upon this date.

No, she's fabulous. Another one was like, tomorrow I'm going to Milan. And my boyfriend, I don't know. I want him to ask him to marry me. And she was like, he'll never do that. Enjoy Milan. All right, okay. Everyone, please read.

Everything is awful. Listen to Unhappy Hour. Are you still making To Be Honest videos? At some point, sure. The last one was uploaded two months ago. So, sir. I don't owe anybody anything. The fact of the matter is, you got

him too drunk, Matt Bellassai fans. I know. I know. For my health and safety, I've taken a break. But they're coming back. Good, good, good. Stay tuned for those. Matt, this was so great. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. We're gonna end every episode with a song. Let's go.

How you doing Shut it down Bye Forever Dog This has been a Forever Dog production Executive produced by Brett Boehm Joe Cilio and Alex Ramsey

For more original podcasts Please visit foreverdogpodcasts.com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the latest

Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team and liking our page on Facebook. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy

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