Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "Yes..." (w/ Julio Torres)

Episode Date: June 7, 2017

Okay bitch, FOCUS UP! It’s time for a mesmerizing journey into the wondrous mind of Space Prince JULIO TORRES (SNL). Coming off a stressful apartment hunt, Julio joins Matt & Bowen in-studio to UNPACK all the CULTCH that SHAPED him. We’re talkin “I Dream Of Jeannie,” Jeannie’s evil twin, the ICONIC Nicole Kidman (especially in Birth!), Sophia Coppola — I mean, what more do you need? Oh I know! How bout we throw Desperate Housewives, Riverdale, and some EPIC I Don’t Think So Honeys into the mix? Gird your loins, folks! This is a SEM-I-NAL EP!LAS CULTURISTAS HAS A PATREON! For $5/month, you get exclusive access to WEEKLY Patreon-ONLY Las Culturistas content!!https://www.patreon.com/lasculturistasCONNECT W/ LAS CULTURISTAS ON FACEBOOK & TWITTER for the best in "I Don't Think So, Honey" action, updates on live shows, conversations with the Las Culturistas community, and behind-the scenes photos/videos:www.facebook.com/lasculturistastwitter.com/lasculturistasLAS CULTURISTAS IS A FOREVER DOG PODCASThttp://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/las-culturistas/ Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The Real Housewives of New York City are back for another bite of the Big Apple. Look who it is. Joined by elite new friends. Rebecca Minkoff. Have you ever heard of her? But things could change in a New York Minute. She had this wild night and ended up getting pregnant by some other guy. What?

You told her? Not today, Satan. Not today. The Real Housewives of New York City. All new Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo. Or stream it on City TV+. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski.

And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question, what kind of dudes

are these dudes? We're gonna find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll.

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Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba?

Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Receive $50 towards any mattress purchase at www.caspertrial.com forward slash lasculturistas. And by warbyparker.com. Get a free five-day home try-on at www.warbyparkertrial.com forward slash lasculturistas. Five pairs, five days, 100% free.

Las Culturistas is brought to you by the Forever Dog Podcast Network. Be sure to check out more original comedy podcasts at foreverdogpodcast.com. All right. Enjoy the show. Come on. Come on. My grandma told your grandma I'm gonna set your flag on fire. You're talking about henna. Henna. Henna.

Henna. Aiko, aiko, ande. Jagamo, fino, anane. Jagamo, fino, anane. Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. Greetings, earthlings. Ooh, I hear an alien. You heard me arrive.

An alien has arrived. I've touched down. Can I be honest with you? Yes. I was trying to thematically set the scene for our guest. Okay, yeah. That's honestly what I was doing. I clocked that.

I clocked that. Because, look, he's otherworldly. He's earned the title of Space Prince. And I don't know if he's really earned it as much as it's self-proclaimed. But you know what? We can get into that. We can talk about that. I think it intersects it both.

I think that you're probably right. Okay, let's go to the credits. So who are we even talking about? Oh, come on. Let's go through the credits. Okay, if you insist. So first and foremost, you've seen his incredible work this season

as a writer on Saturday Night Live. Like, truly hit the culture hard in the face. Hit the culture hard in the face. Truly. And you know what? The culture hasn't recovered. Culture has not recovered. And I hope they don't recover. Hit the culture hard in the face. Truly. And you know what? The culture hasn't recovered. Culture has not recovered. And I hope they don't recover.

Wow. I hope they don't. That is vicious. Savage. Yeah. And you can see him this summer in August at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. He's doing a month-long residency there. Check him out.

If you happen to be in Edinburgh. One month long. One month long. It's so long. I mean, but, I mean, come on. I mean, the demand is there, honey. Absolutely. And of course, look out for the upcoming Comedy Central half hour, which is going to be just

fabulous. Savage culture, savage garden. Okay. It's the savage that is Julio Torres. Hi. Hi, Julio. How are you? I'm great.

I'm okay. That's good to hear that you're great. Yeah. Because I know you're going through something stressful, which is moving. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I am apartment hunting.

Yes. I, yes. And you're meeting with a realtor after this. I wish I had no one. And I'm meeting with, yes, I am rushing after this. So to go see a place in Fort Green. Okay. Which is not the neighborhood that I saw myself in originally. Yeah.

I was going to say. Yeah. What were you going to say? Well, I think that you should be around Sharp. Like, very industrial. I think that you should see the brand all the way through. Yes. To me, there's too much green in Fort Greene for you personally.

There's, I don't think like brownstones are for me. No. I like glass. Yes. I like a lot of glass. I saw a place in Williamsburg today that was, believe, apartment number 13. Okay. Lucky number 13 and the the price was great the location was perfect perfect the kitchen was too big oh my gosh and aesthetically was it good

it was fine it was it was uh a large bedroom and a large living area. And a kitchen that is daunting in how big. There were so many cabinets. Wow. I wouldn't know what to do with them. It's a red flag. It's too much. And here's what I need.

Yeah. I need. I don't need a kitchen kitchen i just need like a mini fridge yeah 100 should put like half of an iced coffee yes but i'm not going to finish drinking yes and you want to see what happens to it over time yes yes exactly i don't i don't need all these like there were so many cabinets it was truly upsetting it was like what i wouldn't begin i don't have dishes yeah right well you know what though sometimes that shit is very it seems one way and is another like we looked at our apartment and there were so many cabinets and i was like

this is too many cabinets and guess what it ended up not being enough no no because you uh and your boyfriend first of all are two people that's true yes and second of all, are two people. That's true. And second of all, you enjoy making a meal, maybe. Or like eating. He does. If it could not have a kitchen, I would be so happy

and take that extra space. If you could reject domesticity wholesale, you would. I saw another apartment that was also reasonably priced. Okay. Even better location. Wow.

Wow. You mentioned the last location was perfect. Yes, yes. But this is even better. Okay. More than perfect. More than perfect. It had a backyard that was so big, it was upsetting.

Because what would I do with wilderness? You only need a small corner. I don't want to sit in my bed at night and thinking about the acres that I own. That you have. That I have nothing to do with. Are you just averse to scale in general? Is there a room in the... No, no, no, I am not.

If it were like a giant loft, I would take it. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Form has to equal function. Yes. And also, yes. And also a lot of these places,

I would end up paying for things I don't need. Like a backyard. I don't want it. Okay. I don't want to be, you know, when I was shown that,

I was like, well, what did we say? I am not a creature of wilderness. Well, yes. I need air. I need,

I need to be, I need to be up there. The creative space. Yes. Like for me, for you, the plants can't take up the space that your ideas and thoughts would take it up. Yeah.

And also just like, what am I going to like barbecue? No. Barbecue? No. Although I would say you could do a bang up job just retrofitting that backyard to your sensibility. I don't so i disagree and i passed he passed it's already done it's already done someone some like an ancient couple is living there and they're probably loving it they're probably so happy they're probably good for them yeah ancient couple if if a baby can exist in the space it it's not for Julio. Exactly. You know what? It should be dangerous for a baby.

It should be like, oh, no, if the baby gets too close to that wall, it'll break and fall 17 floors. The baby will break. Yes. Yes. I just, I think that you'll find it. I just don't know if you're going to find it in Brooklyn. Is that weird to say? Are you, you don't want to go into Manhattan?

No. No, I don't don't want to go into Manhattan. No. No, I don't think I want to go into Manhattan. Like, I saw... Okay, I saw another place today. Uh-huh. Eighth floor. Beautiful view. Okay.

Fort Greene. Okay. Small. It's a studio. Okay. The kitchen was as big as like an airplane kitchen. So it was perfect.

An airplane kitchen. Okay, so like those tiny kitchens that the stewardess have just enough room to do what they need to do. Exactly, yes. That's unbearable. So it was perfect.

It was perfect. Except the, I mean, taking a word that you love, Bowen, the building was frankly classist. Classist. It was classist. It was classist.

It was, their requirements almost suggested that not only, okay, it's reasonable for them to want to know that I can't afford it. Yeah, of course. But it's almost as if they wanted me to prove that I've never been broke. It's insane the shit that they ask for prove that i've never been broke oh it's insane the shit that they ask for that i've never and that is no thanks i do not think so honey i do not think so honey can i pitch something to you yeah i'm gonna pitch the financial district and i you know i would love the financial district i would i fantasize of living high up in the financial district. In a tower.

And just overlooking a maze of gray buildings. Yes. And there's no one there at night. Yes, absolutely. Think of the Instagram stories of Julio reaching his gnarled hand out, casting a spell upon his domain. I think that you living on top of all those men with their like dumb faces and big butts i think you thinking about you reigning over them i think i want you to live there because i want you to destroy them yes i want you to destroy them and i think that only you can do it that's how i feel what do you think i? I would do it as long as the building

isn't prissy because I have a little lightning bolt earring dangling from my body. I can't be part of a co-op. No, no, no. I can't be part of a co-op.

It's too much. It's too much of a commitment. I already, you know, I belong to two unions and I work for television. So it's very difficult. I don't need more commitment.

You've already been dragged down by other people's needs. Yes, I don't need it. Wow. I agree with you. You don't need it. I mean, but being in a co-op building, that doesn't mean you have to necessarily be involved unless you're on the board. Am I? No, you have to be involved.

No, but that means that i don't know but that means that i i i have proved to them that i am worthy of their presence right now i don't think so honey i don't think so honey that is who needs it julio has transcended just having to seek out that sort of approval no but i i don't think anyone should go through that sort of approval i don't i yeah it's like the whole like i i remember when i learned that i had to apply for college i was out i was like excuse me no what is what is what is with all of this and it's i'm just gonna say it it's a very american thing of just having to prove yes your uh your status over and over and over again. I was just talking about this with my father.

I was like, you know what's stupid? Like the concept of college. Like you don't actually have to be good at the shit that they teach you in high school in the world. So why is it so fucking high stakes? Yeah. It's so stupid. The SAT is a joke.

Well, that's a corporation that's just a monopoly in college but they make you feel like well you know there's there's everything you've done and then there's the sats and they hold equal weight which i'm i think is changing but i don't know i also haven't i was a college tour guide really what college what what college the new school the new school i wanted them to know. I knew, but I wanted them to know. That was a nice save. Yeah.

Let me tell you, bitch. I know my Julio Torres. So you were a tour guide at the New School. I was a tour guide at the New School. And the only, I was just reminded, because the SAT requirement was something that I had to know, but one of the many facts that I never learned. I just sort of bluffed my way through the tour.

I think it's becoming less important. Well? I feel like I can't believe you were a college tour guide. I was very bad at it. I was very impersonable. You know how you're supposed to like walk backwards and talk yeah i refuse to do that i never did that uh i would just pick them up from wherever wherever i picked up like the welcome center or whatever the name of it was no the welcome center you know for a

fact it was the welcome center and then i would just take them to the first building, and we would just walk in silence. We would just walk in utter silence. But when I saw this one building that I had bookmarked in my head, I would turn to them and say, we're almost there. And where was the ultimate place you were going? Yeah, where was the ultimate place you were going yeah where was the destination the destination was a building on 13th street and like closest 6th avenue so this is a it's a uh well you guys went to nyu it's like pretty much the same deal where there's no i think i exactly

i know what place you're talking about too it was like a big new school building yeah there wasn't much intermingling between the nyu kids and the new school kids i don't think so because i feel like nyu if it were a person go ahead say it come on it would be this very sort of like career hungry eyes on the prize yes uh sort of like miranda yes yeah that's what it is the new school just sort of like Miranda yes yeah that's what it is the new school just sort of like rolls out of bed at noon and is just like hey isn't Aiden isn't Aiden no

okay wait no Aiden's maybe like brown Aiden is brown well then what is the new school a Blair from Gossip Girl the new school is unrepresented in media, frankly. You're right. We need a show that really gets a new school vibe.

Gets a new school vibe, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Listen, we're talking about your past, and I feel like this is now. This is now. This is the moment we ask you. Where we pose the question to you, Julio Torres. Yes.

Now, what was... I truly don't know what it's coming, because even though I love the beginning of your podcast... Do you 15, 15, 15 skip it through? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get to what? I think Julio just stops when he stops, but Julio one time stops when he stops.

I think when the Sam Taggart episode came out, Julio messaged me and said, wow, is Las Culturistas going to be the first podcast I listen to all the way through? And it wasn't. wasn't but it was not but it was very close yes yeah that sam taggart episode got real shitty in the last 15 minutes oh did i have to say i have to say it is you know it comes as a great honor for julia oh wait hold on you know what i am gonna come for taggart on because he came for me and us he came for us and he came for us in our i don't think so honey and he came for kelly clarkson in the i don't think so live show which you better shut you

better okay let's please you know what let's we'll get into it but first let's let's start at the beginning before we can get to that cultural high point in julio's life which is hating kelly clarkson um so this is the question i don't hate ke don't hate Kelly Clarkson. I don't have the reverence for Kelly Clarkson that you have. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. This is the question we ask all of our guests, Julio, which is what was the culture that made you say, you know, growing up as a young Julio,

culture is for me. I want to step in a cultural direction. What was the culture that made you think, I could use culture? Does that make sense? It does not. Okay, answer it, whatever it means to you. Whatever it means to you, and... Can you give me examples of previous answers? You know, Julio, I'm talking about

films that influenced you, television shows, perhaps musical artists, but also perhaps maybe your upbringing. Things in the culture that influenced you. For those of you who are not in the room and are listening to the podcast when... I've been grabbing at the air trying to explain.

...said in the culture, just sort of grabbed the air in abstract. Everything, for me, Julio, everything is tangible. Yes. Yes. You are very tactile, very like... Kinesthetic.

Tangible kinesthetic person. Gritty person. Yes. Yes. You are very tactile, very like... Kinesthetic. Tangible kinesthetic person. Yes. Yeah. I think that... Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Please, please, please.

I was going to bring up Mary Alice Young, but that is kind of a peripheral thing. Yeah, I want him to bring it up. Okay. Well, all right. All right. I'm sorry. Well, that was... I was already fully formed by that.

A formed cultural person. Yes. formed by that. A formed cultural person. I think that I grew up watching very old American TV shows that I thought were current. Yes. That I loved. I Dream of Jeannie.

I thought, I was under the impression that I Dream of Jeannie was being shot, like, weekly in California somewhere. Yeah, yes. And then I came to learn that years have passed and that I was looking at a time capsule. Yeah. I loved I Dream of Jeannie. I loved, so Jeannie had this, had this pink outfit and a pink bottle.

But Jeannie's evil twin had this... She was a brunette and she had this sexy green outfit. And the inside of her bottle... And we're coming back to the first uh topic of conversation the inside of her bottle was had just had a gray marble table with a fruit plate in the middle what color were the walls which it had green accents but it was not as like oppressively uh filled with fabric like her sister's okay so that is the apartment I'm looking for you found yourself drawn to

Genie's twin to Genie's twin that makes a lot of sense to me that out of I haven't thought about I dream of Genie in like years I think about I dream of Genie maybe once a day that makes a lot of sense to me actually

like the magical aspect. I loved just wondering what Genie did inside her bottle when she was waiting around for the astronaut to come back home. Was that the show?

Was his name Greg? Major Anthony Nelson. Oh, Major Anthony Nelson. Yeah, I guess. What a blind spot. Did you watch that one? Major Anthony Nelson. Oh, Major Anthony Nelson. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I guess. What a blind spot. Did you watch that one? I barely watched I Dream of Jeannie. Oh, I love I Dream of Jeannie. I was always aware of it.

Were you a Brady Bunch fan? No. Okay. Nothing that was, I didn't really care for anything where the concept of the show was family. I was reading that from you. Yeah. Okay.

That always rubbed me the wrong way. Okay. I was reading that from you. Yeah, that always rubbed me the wrong way. The hokiness and the lesson learned at the end of it. I could never stomach Full House or any of those shows. What about Three's Company? I never saw Three's Company. Okay, I think that you should go back and revisit Three's Company. The premise of the show is... Very convoluted premise.

It's basically this guy, Jack Tripper, pretends that he's gay so that he can move in with these two hot women, one blonde, one brunette. And Suzanne Somers is blonde. Wow, okay, this is very important because I had no idea that was the plot. Oh, yeah, in the 70s.

I thought the plot was just... Three people live together. Three people live together. So, wait, so then... He's not gay. Three people live together. So, wait. So then... He's not gay. Throughout the... Of course not. He's on television.

Right. So throughout the... He has a lead role in television. You better believe. So he's not gay. But the... So the... So was he hiding his heterosexuality

throughout the show? It was so stupid. But it was just stupid enough that it was believed by a broad audience. It was he wanted to live with these women because he was attracted to them. I guess just to look at them or maybe eventually reveal that he was actually straight. I don't know how the show turned out. But he was parading as a gay man in order to be that. What were the, I cringe to think of, what were the techniques that he used to convince that he was gay? He didn't act super gay.

I think he just like wore a loud pant once in a while. Got it. See, I'm not familiar with Reese's Company either. I think we all should go back and revisit it. I don't think so. I don't think it deserves our... That's fine too. I don't think it deserves our tribute. You know too. I don't think it deserves our tribute.

You know, rule number 79 of culture, no one has to do anything. What number is that? 79? 79. No one has to do anything. Well, what about, I think, you know what the spiritual successor of I Dream of Jeannie is? Bewitched? What do we think of Bewitched? Not the successor, the contemporary

of I Dream of Jeannie. They were on at the same time, I believe. But I have my timetable so warped, as you know. But I think that it was on at the same time. I think that it was just, I think it was sort of like a deep impact Armageddon type deal. Where it's like, you could have like two of like kind of the same. Sure. Here's what's, I should have liked bewitched more yes because she was she

was a witch with agency as opposed to a genie that's submissive right she was also dumb a captive dumb yeah barbara eden played her like sweet and naive yeah and And whereas the lead in Bewitched she was... Elizabeth something. I think so. She was very proactive. Yes. And she was very much the head of the household. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see the remake with Nicole Kidman?

I did see the remake with Nicole Kidman. Thoughts? I think I think what the majority thought which is that Kristen Jenowitz steals the film was she in it? she was in it she played the neighbor oh I see I see

I remember as in a post wicked world and as a little gay boy me being so excited that Kristen Jenowitz was getting film work but the premise of the movie was the day we're filming the TV show we're making the TV show very They were remaking the TV show. Very stupid.

Doesn't need to be that dumb. It was just very, there were a lot of levels. There was just a lot. It was working on a lot of levels. And I, you know, Nicole Kidman is one of my favorite actresses. Yes. Wow, thank you. And I think that's why I watched it.

But I like roughly 50% of. Of Bewitched? No. What is it about Nicole for you? That she can play weak in a very commanding and powerful way. That's it. Very, very astute there. Yeah. That is what it is.

My favorite movie of hers, and maybe one of my favorite movies ever, is Birth. Yeah. Birth. Are you familiar with Birth? No, I'm not. I'm so sorry. It's amazing. In Birth, she plays this very, very wealthy New Yorker who is getting remarried.

She's a widower. She's a widow. She's getting remarried. She's a widow. She's a widow. She's getting remarried. And during her engagement party, this little boy knocks on their door. She opens the door and she's like, hi, who are you? And the boy says that he is the reincarnated spirit of her deceased husband.

And then they have a relationship and then she sort of cheats on her fiancé with this little boy. And it is her trembling is so powerful. There's a scene which is literally a five-minute close-up on her face as she watches opera. Yes.

And it will leave you shook. I am sold. It's true. And even in her loud performances, like even in her big performances like Moulin Rouge. I've never seen Moulin Rouge. Oh, Julio. You will. It's worth it.

You will love it. Would I? Yes, I think that you would. She cops blood. You'll love it. She. Okay. She dies fantastically of tuberculosis.

Yes. Okay. And I think that you're gonna be irritated by the first 30 minutes of it, but you gotta stick with it. Because you will appreciate what's happened in that portion of the film later on. We're gonna have Julio right now

as one of those people who just doesn't get the diegetic concept of musicals. He doesn't understand why they have to sing. It takes me, yes. You know who else doesn't get it? Baz Luhrmann's why moulin rouge works okay oh oh interesting and that's why julia will connect to it yeah it's a connect with it's fully batshit insane okay but but talk us through your um i'm not gonna say disdain but you're sure you're just um your skepticism of musicals as a concept i think think that the suspension of

disbelief where a character is having a conversation and then they break into song is just, I can't make that leap. Okay, but what about, like, in the movie adaptation of Chicago, for instance, where you find out that all these numbers are taking place in the protagonist's mind. What about that?

No? That makes sense because the protagonist presumably has. What about that? No? That makes sense because the protagonist presumably has a very rich musical... And she wants to be famous. Yeah, so thematically it fits. Yes. But no, you don't like

just breaking into songs. Yes. For example, this sentence. What's your reaction to this sentence? I can no longer speak, so I must sing. Oh, kill me.

Wait, what is that from? That's just the rule of musicals. When the emotion gets so big that you can no longer speak, you must sing. Really? Because that's how I literally live my life. I don't express my emotions musically, and maybe that's where I can't connect. But you are a lover of music. Sure.

But you just don't express yourself musically. It's like, yeah, no, I don't. I see. Yeah. This fall on Bravo. It's time to turn up. Think you've seen it all? I don't think you've been a good friend to me lately.

We're friends like that. Who needs enemies? You ain't seen nothing yet. Cheers to being Germanic. With the Real Housewives of Potomac. Oh my gosh, can I take this in? It's gonna be amazing. New York City.

Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt in? It's going to be amazing. New York City. Everyone is a gossip. No one gets a happier life. Salt Lake City. We don't wear costumes, we wear fashion. And below deck sailing. You broke the rules and now you're here getting upset. Watch all new seasons on Bravo or stream it on City TV+. Let's have a real good time.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. Guess what, folks? We're teammates again. And we're going to welcome you guys all to Dudes on Dudes. I'm a dude. You're a dude. And Dudes on Dudes is our brand new show.

We're going to highlight players, peers, guys that we played against, legends from the past. And we're just going to sit here and talk about them. And we'll get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs. Wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dudes get into the types of dudes. What kind of types of dudes are there, Gronk? We got studs, wizards. We got freaks. Or dudes dude.

We got dogs. Dogs. We'll break down their games. We'll share some insider stories and determine what kind of dude each of these dudes are. Is Randy Moss a stud or a freak? Is Tom Brady a dog or a dudes dude? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during

the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother

trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh. And his name, Elian Gonzalez, will make headlines everywhere. Elian Gonzalez. Elian Gonzalez. Elian. Elian. Elian Gonzalez.

At the heart of the story is a young boy and the question of who he belongs with. His father in Cuba. Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. At the heart of it all is still

this painful family separation. Something that as a Cuban, I know all too well. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Cheryl Swoops, WNBA champ, three-time Olympian, and Basketball Hall of Famer. I'm a mom, and I'm a woman. I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby, journalist, sports reporter, basketball analyst, a wife, and I'm also a woman. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. See, athlete or not, we all know it takes a lot as women to be at the top of our game. We want to share those stories about balancing work and relationships, motherhood, career shifts, you know, just all the we go through. Because no matter

who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I, well, we have no problem going there. Listen to levels to this with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby and I Heart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Elf Beauty, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. the form on uh on a personal level and in a way that's like i want i'm interested in in executing the form i mean does that sound yeah it's like okay so it's like uh say uh a musical where uh this uh stockbroker is getting coffee and his life is going wrong and he puts his coffee down and then he starts singing yes i don't think that that man has a musical spirit yes so why is he doing that i understand so how

to succeed in business without really trying is not for julio but the producers might be because bialystok and the producers wants to be a producer. Yes. Okay, great. This is fascinating. You know, I think it's not that you don't like musicals. Maybe you don't. I don't want to tell you what you like. But I'm just saying

there could be ones that would hit with you. You know what I think you would like? Nine. Oh, nine is... I don't know. I don't know about that. I think you would like it

because the diegetic of it does work. It's like this tortured Italian film director, Guido Contini, and he is having a lot of trouble. He's having a block artistically, and he sees the nine women in his life that have influenced him and he muses on appear to him in song and perform for him. And I think that you would like that however the movie is like this is the movie with it has nicole is nicole as manelba cruz kate hudson fergie fergie fergie is in it and steals the

whole she's great oh good for fergie she sings a song called be Italian. Uh-huh. And it's just like she plays this hooker from his childhood who like sexually awoken him. Uh-huh. And she... It's incredible that the nine women that formed him are tall and thin and gorgeous. One of them is Judi Dench. Okay. Okay. And

one of them is Sophia Loren. Old. Yes. Sophia's. It was great to see Sophia. And she sings guarda la luna. Wow. Just guard the moon. Yes. Yes.

Full culture. Full culture. Full culture. But it's fun. At first. You would love Kate Hudson in it. She's so fucking dominant. She's so bad.

She's so bad in it. Okay. Favorite Nicole. Oh, it's birth. Birth. Birth. Wait, where does this, I was going to ask, where does this fall time,

what is this fall timeline wise? When did this come out? That's 2004. Wow, so this is post Oscar. I was going to, when you asked that question, I was going to say that it's set in winter,

but it was wrong. It's very cold. It's set in winter. Set in winter. It's like a bitter January, I think. Yeah, which is exactly where you want it. Which is exactly where you want it. But I would say...

Go ahead. How does this resolve in the third act? Or whatever. It's not him, right? It's a child. It's just a child. Well, these are the questions that you have to answer for yourself. You're right.

I think it is kind of open-ended. But after she won her Oscarcar she did get very experimental and what i noticed about nicole kibben's filmography which i really appreciate is she works with every director like she has worked with everybody and you know what i heard is really good which is coming out is that movie the beguiled oh yes which is with sofia coppola who is a huge influencer she's yes yeah i i love sofia you love i even love the the films that objectively i i'm like this maybe it's not her her like somewhere but yeah like somewhere but i i still I still adore them. That aligns very well with Julio, Sofia Coppola. I love a long atmospheric pan.

Yes. And just sort of just like the climax is someone that moves their index finger. Yeah. I also love a good anachronism. Like when Marie Antoinette is wearing Skechers Converse

I thought that was really good that movie is very funny I really like that movie my favorite trailer of all time great trailer I love the font you love the font we love the font

we love the font we love the font we love the font we love the font we love the font I imagine that I think that if I were to run for president my campaign one of my campaign videos would just be reenacting the Marie Antoinette

trailer in Versailles just me looking down as I've let everyone down. Yeah. Oh my God. That scene when she comes to

and they all stop. Oh man. You know, I fucking love Kirsten Dunst. I've said it on this podcast many times. She's a terrific actress. I think she's amazing.

I think she's amazing. And she's not as skilled as Nicole in that same regard of playing weak so powerfully. But she does have that mysterious... There's a naive beauty to it. There's a naive beauty to it. I think she can do anything. She can do anything.

I really do. I think she can play dumb, broad comedy. Yeah. I think she can do super small melancholia, like this kind of really small, almost emotionless, but still so full. I just remembered something. Do I have this right that your main, Matt Rogers, your main comedic influence is Eva Longoria? Eva Longoria. Yes.

And I don't know. I can't remember if I decided that this was the case or if you told me. But also Tara Reid, a big influence. Tara Reid. Maybe Tara Reid is like an influence on the way I live my life. Sure. In terms of how I execute comedic material, Eva Longoria is a huge influence on me what about Eva Longoria because I see it I see it a hundred percent but what about Eva can you articulate why yeah you connect to her yes it's the way she takes space and it's the way that she because

she has a slender lines it's the way that she gets a script and says, here's the funny. I see it in the same way she does every single joke in Desperate Housewives. The way she reads all her lines is, I feel it coming out of my mouth. Sort of like holding onto a clutch and just sort of like smacking someone

with a clutch. It's that kind of thing where it's like, yes. That kind of acting. Here's the pattern of Eva Longoria. Hey! Hey! This, this, this! Carlos! This! Carlos! This! Right. Carlos! Well?

This, this, this! His eyes are so wide open right now. And that's something, a note I have for myself sometimes in my performances is my eyes are too open. Oh, to Eva. Yeah, to Eva. I think Eva Longoria huge and also Amy Poehler huge.

Both big ol' big ol' big ol' choices and sharp, very good with the one-liner. Well, Amy Poehler is more evident, of course, because you both have the same comedic lineage. Eva Longoria is the actual answer.

She came up in the Sofa World community. Is that true? Yeah, she was on General Hospital. But I think Julia was going to say she came up. General Hospital might be wrong. She was on one of them. She came up in the Corpus Christi, Texas. Yes. In the comedy scene.

She actually was known as the Del Close of Corpus Christi. Wow. Yeah. Evil and Gloria. Well, we have to take a quick break. Okay. But when we get back, we're going to get into Desperate Housewives because I think it's what joins the three of us all together most strongly.

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Let's go back to the show. Come on. And we're back with Julio Torres. We took a break that was maybe half a second long, but you know what? Because I have to go look at that apartment. He's got an appointment. But to you at home,

it felt much longer and you know what they call that? Podcast magic. What happened to them at home? Well, they actually just experienced

a little bit of an offer. A little bit of an offer from Casper Mattress. Or Warby Parker, we're not sure. Or both. Or both. Wow, that's a very

specific demographic. Sure. It's the same person. It's're not sure. Or both. Or both. Wow, that's a very specific demographic. Sure. It's the same person. It's the same person. Yeah, it is. It's the same person who just lived as a young urbanite. Yes. Who has difficulty making choices, so they need two options.

Who has difficulty making huge, important life choices about sleep and eyesight. They're liberal, but they are comforted by a brand. Yes. They're comforted by a brand. They don't want to take a risk because... They don't want to take a risk, yes. But they think it is a risk that they're shopping Casper mattress and Morgan Parker. Are you going to have to edit this out?

No, we're not defiling them. No, no, no, no. I think they know who they are. Okay. Those companies know who they are. Yeah. I just got my eye exam at Warby Parker this past Tuesday. Wow.

And there we are compensating. And there we go. And there we go. That's what makes us professional. There we go. Okay. Desperate Housewives. Come on.

Yes. Come on. Talk. I mean, when did we find out that this was the tie that bound us together? I think we just were quoting Mary Alice. I think so. We breathlessly said yes. Yes.

Yes. I think it happened really early on because I know I met you at Ethnic Realness. Yes. I feel like it was one of those gay-ass group conversations that three people end up rising to the top of. And that might have been us three. It is so funny to me that that show is so present in my mind,

given that I think I have an accurate assessment of its quality. But I think the first season is actually truly good. The pilot was so funny and so fun. Yes. First season was solid. I don't think I've ever crossed the street to my apartment

without thinking, yes, and imagining a car just hitting you hitting me like um and someone neatly from above narrating it and there being a crane overhead shot yes panning about the cranes did so much of the work for that amazing amount of work yes now i have to ask you um was there a character that you identified with most because i have one no i i i can't say i connected to i could i i connected aesthetically to terry hatcher no no what a mess oh to marsha cross marsha cross yes uh just that severe love.

But it's that very gay boy fetishizing of trapped domesticity that was just so... It was just so easy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think they did a really good job of covering every base. Like, you know, it's like with one of them, I gave up my youth. I gave up my control.

I gave up my sanity. They covered all their bases of womanhood. All the bases of womanhood. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They checked all the boxes. I just think, like, it really read to me as like a fucking whatever I was, like 13, 14, 15-year-old. I was like, yeah, this is accessible for me. And I had no right having any access to that.

It was like porn. It was like, oh, this part of my brain really gives into this. This is very primal. I understood it. Yes. And there's something to that. But also, I did think a lot of it was actually great. I mean, it succeeded on so many levels.

It succeeded as a comedy. I remember the pilot, the scene that convinced me that this was a show that I would enjoy. Felicity Hoffman's heels against the bottom of the pool. The pool. Yeah. Yeah. And then the train of her dress. Of her black.

Of her black blouse or whatever just floating up to the top. Because they were at a wake. It was at a wake. Yes. And then she had to drag her twins out of the pool. Yes. And wow. Phyllis Citi had to give up her career.

Her career. Her character. Her character had to give up her career. Her character had given up. Right, yes. Lynette. Lynette. Had given up her career her career she at the time her character her character had given up right yes yeah lynette lynette had given up her career yes um i'm who i thought was so sexy was lynette's husband tom oh my god do you okay so does this mean that you that you oh well he looks yeah he was so hot doug savant no i was gonna, he looks like what I know you're into. He's very... All-American. He's very all-American.

He'll barbecue. He'll put away the wrenches. But I do... He just needs the mac and cheese. Terrible diet. Yeah, terrible diet. Carlos grew on me just as a husband. i don't think i was attracted to any other men in that show really i was attracted to mike delfino for sure mike delfino and then

you know that show had the opposite problem than the the the rest of television which is it had no idea how to write for men no and it was so funny to see the painful painful painful dialogue between two men on that show yep it was just brutal like i there was this scene where what i can't i can't remember what what part of the show it was but i think mike was reading a book uh and he was in prison for some reason. And then this other con walks up to him and goes, what are you reading? And then he just grabs his book and throws it away and goes, I guess I'll just wait for the movie. And he's like, who is writing?

Mark Cherry. Yeah. I'm sure a lot of the writing, if you go back and watch it, wasn't actually good. Although I do think a great TV moment that is oft overlooked is the dinner party scene where everyone's laughing

and then Marsha Cross' character says, Rex cries when he ejaculates. Like, that's great. And I think that is like... But you know what? Because Desperate Housewives brought back narrative TV because we were in this reality like oh because it was a huge hit and so people were like oh maybe scripted things are kind of that was when it was turning around yeah i felt

like that was like the golden age of television well yeah was born it paved the way back for us yeah truly honestly it was because desperate Housewives started hitting at the same time Lost started hitting. It was Lost, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy. But also Desperate Housewives spawned the Real Housewives. Yes. Of Orange County. Yes. And, oh, no, no, no, because that was a hybrid.

I'm sorry. The Real Housewives of Orange County was a hybrid between Desperate Housewives and The O.C. And The O.C. They wanted to try to combine those brands. Were you an O.C. person? Did you watch The O.C.? I did.

I love The O.C. So great. I really, really enjoy them, and I will always, I think, perversely enjoy teen dramas. Yes. I have seen every episode of Riverdale. That's a blind spot for us.

Come on. We gotta watch it. We gotta watch it. Do we have to watch it? I think you should. It is mostly a TV show, but a huge part of it is a CoverGirl commercial. There's like a hot ginger guy on it. There's a hot guy whose hair is red.

And there are entire scenes. There's a scene where the female protagonist is looking at herself in the mirror and she's putting on lipstick. She's putting on her CoverGirl lipstick. And then her mother walks in and goes what is that scarlet rose and and and the daughter goes says something like yes it is and then she like wipes the lipstick off of her and hands her another lipstick and goes i think you're more of a like pale pink this and like beautiful long shots of the product wow it's a cover girl commercial and it's relationship building and it's a promotion the only clip i've seen of riverdale

i saw the first like 10 minutes of the pilot which i which was gorgeous which was like them being on the boat like yes searching for whatever it was, the, they're really going for this hyper-stylized. Yeah, yeah. Every frame is foggy. Wow. Like a noir? Yes, actually, yeah, because they are, like,

very moody shots of, like, diners. That sucks, yeah. A lot of neon. There you go. I love it. But then the other clip I saw was was I think it was Reggie or someone the clip of that guy saying

look I'm a weirdo okay I'm weird that's my thing or whatever it was I'm paraphrasing this is a sort of like Donnie Darko-esque narrator who you can tell that

they take that character deeply seriously. And I would be willing to guess that they're like, oh, we'll get you an Emmy nod for it. Oh, wait, we're talking about, what network is it on? The CW. The CW, yeah. I think Julio was telling me over text one day, because I saw that clip and I knew Julio was watching Riverdale,

and I was like, I just saw this clip it's ridiculous and he was like oh yeah but you know that god that actor is like texting his manager like hey like this is the tape just just just following up i think this is my for your consideration submission like for the emmy deathly that yes it's it's a it's a deathly serious performance wow desperate housewives and lost were also the two shows that got me into and i hate that this was a big part of my personality when i was in high school but i would go on like online and go to the forums like the like the like gold derby was the website i went to and like really talk about who was gonna win emmys like i really cared about you were into the race and i was into the race. I knew what everyone's tapes were.

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I knew what everyone's tapes were. I still know that Terry Hatcher submitted the episode Impossible from season one. And Felicity Hoffman won submitting the pilot. Wow. The heels against the pool. The heels against the pool. Yes, of course.

And let me tell you, nobody thought that Felicity Hoffman would win the Emmy. They thought it was all Terry Hatcher. They your forum or? I think the industry and the forum were all like, it's got to be Terry Hatcher. It's got to be Terry Hatcher. The Emmys are going to want their own. I was a has-been speech. That's what everyone was saying.

The narrative was that Terry Hatcher should win. Despite, I think, everyone knowing the most talented person on the show with, I think, the juiciest role was Marcia Cross. Oh. Well, Felicity Huffman's amazing. I just thought she got shitty material. Didn't Felicity win the Golden Globe? Oh, no.

She won the Emmy. She won the Golden Globe for Transamerica. Yes. Okay. Wait. Different times. She was an Emmy winner for Desperate Housewives, and she was the only one. Got it.

Got it. Got it. And then I think Mrs mccluskey won like a guest emmy right um but for me i thought for me what i remember about desperate housewives is eva longoria and nicola sheridan yeah they're they're sort of tramps yeah you like the tramps i always say like i always tell um bowen and Sam That their next Live on Broadgate Should be the pilot Of Desperate Housewives

And I'm Edie Oh yeah Because I want to Wash that car Does she wash a car Yes yes Is that in the pilot It is in the pilot

That's in the pilot I'm just washing my car And then just like her Like really hoeing it up On the street You know what line reading I still remember to this day from Edie, from Nicolette Sheridan is when she,

I think it's the second or third episode is Terry Hatcher's talking to Mike Delafino. Susan's talking to Mike and then Edie shows up and she hands Mike a, a sausage puttanesca. Disgusting. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She was, she was sizing up Terry Hatcher one time and she just goes, Hmm, you, yeah. Yeah. She was sizing up Teri Adjo one time, and she just goes, hmm, you clever little shrew. I mean... Truly entertainment created by a gay man

for young gay men using a woman as props. But they were so happy about it. It was, it's the sort of showbiz version of just playing with Barbies. It's the showbiz version of it, as Cole Scola would say, like, trying on mommy's dresses.

And by a gay man who insisted that every episode be the title of a Sondheim song. You gotta love that. Come on. Queer art. You gotta love that. Come on. Queer art. You gotta love it. Queer art. Queer art.

Fun Light was one of the episodes. Queer art. Queer art. The Ladies Who Lunch. Every Day a Little Death. Every Day a Little Death. But I have to say, the funniest part about Desperate Housewives is,

you could tell they made the show and they were like, this is fun. We know, you know, it's great. And they were all like genuinely happy to just have those parts and like be able to like be leads on a television

and they truly became the superstars of television and then you could see it all get into their heads and they were like no i want the juicy dramatic storyline for me it's my turn vanity fair shoot what that was funny and also came very early on though That sets the tone for the rest of their... Yeah. It's so incredible. Can you imagine, Bowen, for a second, that, okay, so you are with a group of your peers. Yes. And you, presumably, as legend has it,

say that you want to be at the center of the photo shoot, right? And you have this very, if this is what happened, you have this very selfish moment. Yes. Can you imagine the ripple effect of that request just echoing and echoing through decades? Through decades. To the point where, like, three up-and-coming Brooklyn comedians

in the year 2017 are still calling her out on the audacity on this unforgivable... I'm thankful she did it. I'm thankful. Yes. I've never felt more spoken for.

Oh, my God. It's insane because i i have sent like emails yeah i have sent my emails that oh my goodness if i if you were the terry in those emails if they were to find out if the if the young gays were to find out they'd still be talking about i don't think i don't think i'm the same. But I have had small moments where I've been like, this is how it has to happen. I love it. You have to be like that. I was following one of Julio's email chains with this Edinburgh residency.

Oh, you read the, what was it? I think I read a few of the things, but you were just like, I forget what it was, but you were just very reasonably resolute with what you wanted. You were like, I forget specifically what it was, but I remember reading that chain. I was like, yeah, no, Julio's right.

I was put up in a hotel room for... It was about the hotel. Oh, it's always about the hotel. It was always about the hotel. I was put in a hotel room recently at this very nice hotel but the,

the view was, just overlooked the courtyard. Wow. Which is unacceptable. Oppressive and unacceptable.

Oh my God. Yes. God bless. And it's, well, it's gonna be a month. We were, but this was a different hotel in the past.

But even so, I mean, this is a lesson in advocating for yourself. It's in picking your battles, I think, because I am a very reasonable vegan. I am a vegan. I have that diet restriction, but I'll go to any restaurant and make it work.

You have made it work multiple occasions when we've eaten out together. Yes. It's like Nicki Minaj says, if I show up to any restaurant and make it work. You have made it work multiple occasions when we've eaten out together. Yes. It's like Nicki Minaj says, if I show up to a photo shoot and there's some sliced pickles on a board, no, you know what? I am going to leave. Because if I accepted the pickle juice,

I would be drinking pickle juice right now. They don't ask Jay-Z. You know what? When Jay-Z does something like that, they say he's, when Lil Wayne does something like that, they say he's, when Wayne does something like that, they say he's boss.

He's a boss. He's a boss. He's boss stuff. But this, Julio is saying that this is a lesson in picking your battles. Yes.

Because you're a reasonable vegan, you're a reasonable eater, but when it comes to a hotel room view, it must meet a standard. And they will walk over you as a gay man.

That is, I don't think that's, I think it is. A couple times. Wait, did you work in a hotel? Did I ever work in a hotel? Yeah. Oh, no, I'm not talking about the hotel workers. Oh, okay.

I'm just talking about people in general. Oh, okay. Like, they think, oh, if he has a request, it's just fun. It's just like, he's just being like, you know. You're looked at with a certain sense of more frivolity. Like you're petty because you're petty and that's funny. Yeah, when you're dealing with people, it's like I think that you are

taken least seriously as a woman and then gay men and then straight men. I don't know if this is connected to that thesis or not, but I think that I spend a lot of my day just convincing people perhaps deceptively or perhaps truthfully that i

am not as difficult as you might think i am i agree though i think it's i think it's truth i think that's truthful oh yeah it is you know how many people well henry when i first started dating him said to me about Bowen, and this is coming from another gay man. He's like, I didn't expect Bowen to be so nice because online presence is so severe. Oh, my God. And he's the nicest person ever.

Well, this is a boy who eats a McFlurry every day. He's left the McFlurries behind. Do not put that on the atmosphere. He'll be like, no, I'm healthy. Henry loves Halo Tops now. Halo Tops. What's a Halo Top? It's this creation that they found out not put that on the atmosphere he'll be like no i'm healthy henry loves halo tops now halo what's a halo top it's this creation that they found out that is like a substitute ice cream just don't eat

any type of ice cream there you go that's hard for people who love ice cream i'm garbage i'm trash i will eat anything if it's bad for me that's what i need i just want to close the loop on this vanity fair shoot yes conversation yeah because we're not Vanity Fair shoot conversation because we're not done with her. We're not, we're not done with her. No. In life,

you're either in moment to moment, you're either a Terry Hatcher demanding to be in the center or you're Marsha Cross calling that shit out and being like, no, there should be no center. I'm sorry. I'm tapping on the table. There should be no center.

Is that, is that, is that how the legend goes? That it was Marsian Cross who... I don't know who it was that put their foot down and said, this is stupid. But all I know is... They should have been all in a rotating platform

and it should have been a gif. What they should have done is... And that's how true equality... It was a fold-out cover, I remember. What they should have done was they should have done that thing... Oh, fold-out covers are cruel, though, though. Because you're posting there and you don't know. Wow, that's true. What they should have done was they should have done that thing. Oh, fold-out covers are cruel, though, though. Because you're posting there and you don't know. Wow, that's true.

What they should have done was they should have done that novelty cover thing where you didn't know who, like, you collect every kind. Like, sometimes you get one with Terry in the middle. Sometimes you get one with Eva in the middle. Oh, my God. Take five different shots. Seven different covers. If that's what they want. Seven different prints.

Oh, man. Make them all seem like miserable nightmares. I mean, come on. You know what? We can choose to be the Terrys in our lives or the Marshas. You and if these are the two choices that I don't think you ever, you were ever not a Marsha. I don't think you ever not calling people out on there. Me specifically?

Yes. Wow. Okay. You point at things and go, that's classist. A lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. And I don't, but I could do a better job of balancing that out with the Terry Hatcher side of demanding something. Yeah, but not necessarily deserved.

What was her claim to wanting the center? I guess it's like, the only two of them that are still working are Eva and Felicity. Felicity has a marquee role on the anthology American Crime. Right, right. And I think that she'll work forever. She does. She has like the lead part on her and Regina King. Queen.

I hear she's great. You know, when I, in high school, when i sort of just sort of woke up and decided that i wanted to be a comedy writer i wrote happened i kind of yeah uh no that's not what happened i had um uh i will i will get into that but i wrote a pilot uh when I was maybe like 18. And I cast it. I casted it. And going, I think solely by her, like, Lewis and Clark credit, I cast Terry Hatcher as the lead. And it was like a Terry Hatcher, maybe Molly Shannon role. But Terry Hatcher as the lead. And it was like a Terry Hatcher,

maybe Molly Shannon role. But Terry Hatcher, Molly Shannon. Maybe Molly Shannon role. She did have the biggest career prior. She, I thought, as a child, I thought she was, on Lois and Clark, I was like, that is the most beautiful woman. She's gorgeous. The bob, the, yeah.

And I also casted Jane Krakowski based solely on her Ally McBeal work. Icon. Yeah. That's, you know what, yep icon yeah that's you know what that's that's the seed that that's where all this that's the seed crystal okay should we move on jane krakowski always keeps coming back in something fierce yeah like she's always she's so funny she's so good so good and also she actually to bring it back was in the tony musical the god tony musical the broadway musical nine and she won a tony for that performance she played the role that penelope cruz plays in the movie

and she won a tony her a call from the vatican was like a call from the vatican that's that's that character's big number that yeah another number it's a ballad called Simple, later in the show. But hers was very famous. And this is sort of based on 8 1⁄2? Yes. Almost directly based on 8 1⁄2. But she had a very famous performance of that number because she came down upside down from the top of the ceiling and lowered down and then did the whole number

and then the number ended with her going back up to the top of the ceiling and lowered down and then did the whole number and then like the number ended with her going back up to the top of the house. Descending and ascending is so funny. Amazing. It's never not funny. Lady Gaga, Super Bowl, Whoopi Goldberg. Beyonce at the VMAs years ago. Descending and ascending is very difficult to achieve but it is

very very funny. I love it. Beyonce has descended twice from the VMAs. She came down, baby boy and then what was the second one? Ring the alarm. Here's it is very very funny i love it beyonce has descended twice from the from the vmas she came down baby boy uh-huh and then what was the set what was the second one ring the alarm here's one of the most uh and i and i don't think that this is talked about enough but the most embarrassing part about being a performer i think isn't performing or like being seen or like even like bombing is leaving the stage because there is no, there is no good way of doing it.

I've discovered how I, Alyssa Edwards, my way off the stage. Now I point and I just, but I wish it could be a blackout and I could, uh, not be there at all. Don't think about it anymore.

Just leave confidently and then no one will think about it. I think if there's anyone... I don't think anyone's thinking about it, but I'm thinking about it. You can invent the new way in which people exit. I think this is so true. It is embarrassing. See, I think it's triumphant. Okay.

All right. I think it's a frame of mind. I think it's a frame of mind. I think it's a state of mind. I think coming out is worse. No, entering... There's more at stake. Entering is heaven. Entering is great.

Yes. Entering is the... I don't know. I think a lot is decided in the first minute. So I think that your entrance is a part of that. And I've thought more about my entrances than I have my exits. I almost never think about my exits. I always think about my exits.

Because the work is done at that point. I have never successfully exited a performance. Wow. I think my dream exit is Margaret Hamilton just... Melting. No, cloud of fucking red smoke in Munchkinland. Oh, the first exit. The explosion and she gets taken down on an elevator.

That's a pretty good one. That's a pretty high-tech request. See, I think you'll get rightfully read by the tech crew. But I will make a Terry Hatcher-esque demand. Exiting a stage, I just realized, is almost as bad as being seen coming out of a bathroom. Wow. And with that,

we should move on to I Don't Think So Honey. Yeah. Because our guest has somewhere to go. Yes, I have to go see the studio. I don't think so honey,

this, yeah, right? The studio. The studio that I'm gonna hate. I Don't Think So Honey is the centerpiece of our show, is our moment, our opportunity. The centerpiece that is

at the end, yes. Yes. The centerpiece at the end, is our moment, our opportunity. The centerpiece that is at the end, yes. Yes. The centerpiece at the end. The culmination, really. The moment. Yep. Okay. That you gagged for.

We're going to take one minute to rail against something in culture. Bowen, do you have something? I don't. Do you? No. And that's very on brand for us. Although I could sort of go off on something. Actually, you know what?

I will. Okay. All right. In honor of our guest. In honor of our guest. Okay. This is going to be great. This is Matt Rod what? I will. Okay, all right. In honor of our guest. In honor of our guest. Okay, this is gonna be great. This is Matt Rodgers. I don't think so, honey.

Time starts now. I don't think so, honey, if you come for Kelly Clarkson ever. Don't you ever do this. Do you understand how much this girl has struggled? No, because you know what? She doesn't let you know.

She just comes out there, plants her goddamn feet, sinks her fucking heart out, and she leaves the stage bitch she has been through struggle and i know that because i am too big of a fan but the fact that she's just been there for us for the last 16 i'm gonna make up years and the fact that you never see her sweat but but she's been through it, means that is a superstar. She is the American idol. The American people fell in love with her, and that is no mistake. And when you come in here and you call her Starbucks, and when you come in here and you

call her Basic, you call me Starbucks, and you call me Basic, and if that's the case, bitch, meet me outside. I will meet you there, and I'll be bel belt and catch my breath which is a little known single that should have been top of the charts but the industry is out to get her more respect for Clay Carson

I don't think so honey and that's one minute wow did you just say that she doesn't let us know that she's been through struggle

because that is literally what every song is about that is that's okay because you know what she's a constant reminder

that she's had a hard time. Her music is for you. It's not for her. She lets you live her songs. Matt has said she's the ultimate treadmill queen. Her songs are designed for the treadmill. So she's harnessing her vulnerability and her struggle,

but she's just manifesting that. I'm tired of it. You're never going to hear about her feuding with another pop star in the news. Sure. Yes. No, she seems to me like a very genuine, beautiful person, but I think that it's sort of in the same area

as Christmas, where it's like, you know what? They're popular. People like it. I don't get it. The part of my brain that should react to it isn't there. I understand that they're popular and people like it. I don't get it. I don't, my, the part of my brain that should react to it isn't there. I understand that they're pure joy, but, um,

yeah, no, sure. Okay. It's just that Julio has, has called her Starbucks and I like Starbucks. I like, I like Starbucks.

In fact, they know my name at a Midtown Starbucks. They know my name at the 42nd street. Whenever I've been. In fact, they know my name at a midtown Starbucks. They know my name at the 42nd Street Starbucks. Whenever I've been to a Starbucks, I have pretended not to know what their sizes, the names of their sizes are. And I always do that. That's important. Because I refuse to give in to their lingo. I get that.

It's a power play. Okay, Bowen, are you ready? Should I be preparing one of these? You need to have one, bitch. No, it's fine. Sometimes it's better when it just comes to you in the moment. But I'm having trouble.

You just said, I need to have one, bitch. So I'm gonna start thinking of one, I guess. Okay, so I'll go and then you can start thinking of one. Here we go. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So Honey

and his time starts now. I Don't Think So Honey Swell Bottles. The new trendy swell bottles. I have one right here, honey. And I love it. But this is the problem. I don't think so, honey. Swell bottles. The new trendy swell bottles. I have one right here, honey, and I love it, but this is the problem. I don't think so, honey. Swell bottles,

you do a bad job of masking the disgusting odor of my own saliva. And honey, I don't want to be reminded that I have bad saliva. And I know what people, and look,

I'm putting myself on blast and that is how badly I need to put this message out there. I don't think so, honey. Swell bottles, I wash you every day, but you still, for some reason, have this weird odor. It's not something in me. I have great oral hygiene, but

you're making me think. You're making me second-guess myself, honey. I don't think so, honey. Swell bottles for making me think that something is wrong with my saliva. I don't want to have to think about my saliva not doing its job breaking down carbohydrates in my mouth as I'm masticating and chewing on carbohydrates, honey.

I don't think so many swell bottles for being the Warby Parker, I guess. Ugh, kill me. Of fucking insulating water bottles. But I don't think so many swell bottles for just pushing this lifestyle on me but making me think I'm less than because of my disgusting saliva.

I don't think so many swell bottles. One minute. Hmm. It's just, it's making me feel very insecure about myself and about my... So, hold on. What you don't like about swell bottles is that... They retain the odor of my saliva after one use. And that's not the...

You haven't felt this with other bottles? No. Listen, I will go to the gym and take, you know, any- Equinox. I'll go to Equinox, thank you, with, you know, just a bottle from the juice press that they have in each of their locations. Right.

And I'll use it just fine. And look, it's bad for the environment, I know, but at least I don't smell my disgusting breath on them. But for swell, for some reason, it sticks to the metal. I want to see a breakdown of your spending and where it goes because i'm very i'm very curious i've just i've yeah so am i okay um i'm not gonna say i'm myself financially responsible yeah don't say that but i i will reward myself when i think it's okay here's the

question though where where don't you reward yourself? What are the areas where most people would spend more money and you spend less? Restaurants. You don't go to restaurants? I don't. I'll go to them. I just don't, like, there are some people who will just spend, like, more money than I ever would on a meal. I'll never seek out, like, a fancy restaurant to go to. I'll keep it pretty

fast casual, pretty casual. That's it. You have roommates? I have roommates, and what else do I not splurge on? Look, I splurge on a lot. He spends the money he makes. You do.

That's great. Yeah, spend the money. I bought a Nintendo Switch yesterday I felt like I deserved it I don't know if you've covered this on the podcast but you two comparable to the journey of the Mayflower in its

grandiosity in its audacity took that what was it $150 car ride to a taylor swift concert yeah absolutely absolutely yeah and we bounced back from that that is just that sentence is so disgusting and let me tell you how expensive the fucking margaritas the margaritas in quotes we had when we got there were they virgin margaritas no No. They certainly didn't taste like they had alcohol in them. They were $20 each.

I spent, and the beers were $14 each. It was crazy. I was like, I know how much money we're giving away right now, but it's like, Taylor. And now I don't know. It was a different time? It was a different time. It was a different time.

And then all of a sudden, the world changed. Yeah. And no one could remain apolitical without... Absolutely. But she managed to, but now she's been gone for a long time. And I have a theory. And before we get to Julio's, I don't think it's funny. I want to say this theory.

I think that Taylor Swift is going to come back. And I think she's rebranding right now. And I think she's waiting because everyone's coming out with the music right now. I think Taylor Swift is going to come back and I think that it will be smart for her to go in the direction of being like the next, like Pat Benatar. I think she's going to come back like with a really hard image. Like I've been through shit.

Oh my God. You put me through shit and I'm like a dark Phoenix rising from the ashes. You see her Met Ball looks getting a little more metallic and strange and I think that she That's her struggle. I think her good girl days are well in the past. I think 1989 was her exploring a more

risky side of her personality and I think she is going to respond to the dragging that she's been through with some sort of dark Taylor. And I think it's a good thing. Okay, all right. I think it will result in interesting music.

And also I heard a rumor she's trying to make a hip-hop album. I heard this rumor too. Which I will be furious about. Guys, we're going to prophecy it now. If Taylor Swift comes out with a hip-hop album next, we will riot the streets. I mean, we're going to buy it. Okay, so I am sending one text message to the realtor saying that I will be a little late.

We are so sorry. We'll get you out of here as soon. No, no. Please. I hope you edit that out. We can edit it out. Yeah. Okay.

Here we go. I will want to hear a whole transcript, and I will choose what remains in the podcast. Absolutely. But for now, here's Julio Torres's I Don't Think So, Honey. And your time starts now. How much time is it? One minute. Oh, that's too much. I don't

think so, honey. Atheists who observe Christmas. I don't think if you actively reject having a god old year but then at the end of the year

you give in because you want presence and see your family then stop masquerading you're a Christian you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior don't for a second tell me you're a Christian 30 seconds you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior don't

don't for a second tell me that you are that you are an atheist no you can't you can't have it both ways you cannot absolutely have it both ways

stop looking at us it's your time 15 seconds what's the solution also stop observing Christmas and don't go to the birthday of this person

who hates you oh wow who hates you. Oh, wow. Who hates you? Yes. Five seconds. If you stand, if you stick to the biblical God, then we are abomination, so don't go to his birthday. That's one minute. Listen,

Christmas is post-religious at this point, I think. No, everyone says that. Christmas is culture. Christmas is culture. Christmas is culture. Everyone says that Christmas is just buying. I mean, I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said. You know what? Your takedown of Christmas.

Don't observe it. Stop it. Why does a MoMA close on Christmas when they are profiting out of so many artists that have struggled because of Christianity. Well, there you go. If you can spin this in a way that speaks truth to power, then I am on board. So, MoMA, leave your doors open on Christmas. Yeah, I agree. There you go.

That's the frame. Ignore it. Ignore it. But you're saying don't even see your family? Of course not. Oh, wow. Okay. Alright. Do you not understand that. Of course not. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Do you not observe Christmas? I do not observe Christmas.

No. What holiday do you observe? My birthday. Mm-hmm. Which is when? February 11th. Okay. Beautiful. That's a perfect birthday for you.

Is it? Yeah. What does that make you? An Aquarius. Aquarius. Yeah. I don't really know what that means. I will say this, we cannot be atheists

and believe wholesale in astrology either Can I be agnostic? Yeah, I agree with that We have to reserve some skepticism towards this basic pseudoscience That was my little stupid soapbox

No, I totally get that I feel as though I'm agnostic because you can't know anything little stupid soapbox. No, I totally get that. I feel as though I'm agnostic because you can't know anything. You can't. Quote, I feel as though I'm agnostic. Because you can't know anything. Matt Rogers 2017. I feel as though I'm agnostic.

Because that is the definition of agnosticism. You can only know the self, and that is solipsism. Wow. Wow. Guys, this has been a fantastic episode we love our guest julio torres so much thank you for being on and we're of you i it's truly a joy it really is and we don't get to see you enough no we don't that's true but look it's the summer it's the summer it is the summer you're gonna be across the pond in august but we will see you in July. Where can they find you on the internet?

Julio Torres. Oh, I like exiting a stage. I couldn't possibly give my Twitter handle. And that is Julio Torres. That is his exit. You know what? You want to follow him? Go fuck yourself.

It's too American? No, it's too embarrassing, but it is too American. And being American is embarrassing. Absolutely. Listen, guys, thank you so much. I'm Matt Rogers. I'm Ben Wenyang. That's Julio Torres. Bye.

We should sign off in a Desperate Housewives way. Okay, which is... Yes. Everything does come to an end. But every end we should sign off in a, in a desperate housewives way. Okay. Which is yes. Yes. Everything does come to an end, but every end is a beginning. That was like really bad. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Forever. Dog. This has been a forever dog production. Executive produced by Joe Cilio, Alex Ramsey, and Brett Bohm. For more podcasts, please visit foreverdogproductions.com.

I'm Julian Edelman. I'm Rob Gronkowski. And we are super excited to tell you about our new show, Dudes on Dudes. We're spilling all the behind-the-scenes stories, crazy details, and honestly, just having a blast talking football. Every week, we're discussing our favorite players of all times, from legends to our buddies to current stars. We're finally answering the age-old question,

what kind of dudes are these dudes? We're going to find out, Jules. New episodes drop every Thursday during the NFL season. Listen to Dudes on Dudes on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. My latest episode is with Jelly Roll. This episode is one of the most honest and raw interviews I've ever had. We go deep into Jelly Roll's life story from being in and out of prison from the age of 13 to being one of today's biggest artists.

I was a desperate delusional dreamer. Be a delusional dreamer. Just don't be a desperate delusional dreamer. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Trust me, you won't want to miss this one. On Thanksgiving Day 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida.

And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tarika Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day.

Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to Levels to This with Cheryl Swoops and Tarika Foster-Brasby, an iHeart Women's Sports production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports.