Last Podcast On The Left - Best of: Xmas Edition

Episode Date: December 26, 2020

In this Best Of, we've compiled some of the darkest Christmas moments from throughout our show's history. So, gather 'round the yule log. Light a massive hog's leg. And try to forget the giant elderly man — dressed in a blood-red suit — who entered your home last night only to leave a mysterious package, upon which your name is crudely written.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Hey there, buddy. Don't forget there's plenty of Last Podcast Network merch available over on LastPodcastMerch.com We got shirts for all of your favorite shows like Wizard of the Bruiser and Page 7 and No Dogs in Space And of course plenty of stuff for Last Podcast on the left. Go to LastPodcastMerch.com Thank you There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left That's when the cannibalism started It's Christmas morning Oh

Can you feel everybody's up and everybody's ready to go and you're down like let's say, you know, you're not anywhere right now You're you're wherever you are alone. You're in your bedroom. This is another Christmas What do you do? Can imagine you wake up and you just like fucking you come down It's like if you really wanted to feel better about Christmas. Yeah, I'm excited to see everybody I'm excited. What am I gonna do? And you go into the living room. Yeah, your parents were fucking murdered in the night And your fucking bodies are just splayed open. They're guts have been they've been their guts have been pulled out of them Like they were party poppers and they were exploded on New Year's. Oh, oh my god. It's a it's Christmas miracle My parents have been abusing me my whole life

And you got the PS5 Hey everyone, welcome to the last podcast on the left. This is as you can tell it's just Henry and I yes today We're just doing a quick intro for the best of episode. You're about to listen to we got some yucks and some clocks coming your way And we hope that you are whoa, that's a that's a dog bar I've been having a hard time with animal noises today We just covered before because I wouldn't brought up a dolphin and I just went Everyone said that's a turkey and I drowning turkey. I'm just not a fucking biologist. No, you are not Well, thank you all so much for listening to the show this past year

We really appreciate you and we made it to Christmas Or we made it or to whatever you're celebrating or just the holidays or just a vacation Hopefully you get a little bit of time off and I don't know how to give advice here But just really try to just enjoy your brain Take it down time. This is a really good time to clean all your guns and it's a really good time to go and get I mean honestly crossbow bolts sure they go on sale Very soon right after Christmas. There's a fire sale right after Christmas. Yeah, you get to shoot everyone that didn't give you the Right gifts. Yeah, you got to go

You got to go and make them feel make them feel the Christmas spirit Even if they don't want to and the Christmas spirit is not about gifts is it it's about giving it's about giving and being together Also, it's about big corporations making billions of dollars out of people who are currently struggling just milking and milking and milking a deeper and more and more Poured and debased economy almost like if Jesus came back you would say this is not how I would celebrate my birthday Oh, no, I honestly think that he'd be like McDonald's is amazing

This is incredible and then he would just become you'd immediately become a corporate shell I could see him immediately. I can see Jesus all of a sudden just you'd have his own goop Yes, he would of course the Gwyneth Paltrow He was still had a fucking if Jesus was real. He's still in a fucking massive ego on him because his whole shit He acted like he was a son and God which was a lie to begin with So he obviously couldn't have been that good. He kind of been that great. It's like he's no different than a fucking comedian Yeah, well in many ways he is the Gwyneth Paltrow of all deities He has a lot of wacky ideas and a lot of housewives love him and he brought a lot of fish

And he definitely did he's pescetarium perhaps. Yeah, all right everyone will enjoy the episode and hail yourselves All right, welcome to the show everyone obviously it's Christmas time and everyone's like oh wonderful Santa Claus is gonna break into our house and steal all our cookies and maybe leave us a load of crap I absolutely hate Christmas. I am so with you and I don't want to be a bomb bug guy Hey, but I just don't like the holiday that much number one Marcus. You love it. I can tell look at your smile He's gonna twinkle in his eyes got Holly coming out of the top of his pants. I got shitty cubic hair I love Christmas. It's a jolly holly time of year I'm gonna put mistletoe right above the toilet and really confuse all my guests when they go to the bathroom

Now have my kiss now You missed the mistletoe, but I will say so yes Christmas is a celebration of our Dark Lord and Savior's Fucking ultimate enemy right the stinky desert wizard known as Jesus Christ, right? But I'd like to say that I think that we Satan has begun a long game of trying to get Christmas and I think we got it now You think though there was a war on Christmas and Satan's winning I do so been there's been a war on Christmas Oh, okay, there's been a slow Absorption of Christmas by our Satanic master and I mean cuz who gives a shit about Jesus Christ?

Nobody it's just presents. It's what am I getting right? That's all it is it brings out the worst in everybody. It makes everyone a snarling fucking beast. Oh, that's right I mean Jesus Christ was like Russell brand. He was born into royalty They were giving him gifts as soon as he got out of the pussy They got didn't do anything to deserve him Frank and sends myrrh and whatever the whole the Showed up yeah, he showed up his mom slept with some dirt guy out behind a stable Some horse ranger and she comes back and she he and Joseph's like what are you? And she's just like ah

God did it. Oh, okay better. Cool. Yeah, absolutely. So today. We're covering Christmas monsters Yes, but the true story of Christmas the untold story and again if you're a Christmas traditionalist This is gonna shake some of your tradition. This is gonna shake the Very bad rock form the bedrock of everything you've loved about Christmas. Oh, yeah It's the dark side of Santa Claus today, and I got this first part of the episode I got all of this information from WWW dot AV 1611 dot org Yeah, it's an organization. I would love to go to their headquarters

Is that just like a random number generator turned into a URL? I think so Yeah, this is from their pamphlet about Santa Claus. Oh, they did it's a digital pamphlet It's a digital pet. They did publish it They did publish it and hand it out and sell it in various Christian bookstores Gregory We're just not getting the eyeballs on this that need to see it Santa Claus is a pervert. We got to stop them You know what I'm doing. I'm making a dot org website get it done But let's get to Santa himself and the occult origins of Santa and how Santa relates to Satan If only this was true

Yeah, this would be so much better. What a better story for who's to say it's not Henry. I know I know so that's a good point So first let's examine Santa's trademark. Ho ho ho now most people don't know exactly because it was definitely Soften from the original horror horror horror horror. Yeah. Yeah, he was just walking around the means horror Where's the horse? I mean from out of town, and I'm looking for some straight-up horse I want to sleep with an old bearded man. Well, don't kill him one day. He's gonna be Santa Claus So most people don't know where did the ho ho ho come from is this just a jolly Exclamation is just this just something that fat guys say upon entering rooms. Yes, and yes

Hey, I'm you think we get into elevators Yeah, ho ho ho ho Well, that's actually what they said. Oh, we'll leave. We'll just leave you guys can have the elevator. We're mean We need to with these elevators, huh? Well, I agree. Oh, no It is something that someone says upon entrance, but it is not fat men It is the devil for in pre Shakespearean plays They had these two characters in most of these plays there were morality plays There would be the devil and vice and the devil's ordinary exclamation upon entering the play would be oh ho ho

What a fellow I am Was he like a Yoda type or what happened to him? He and that was known as the devil's bluster. Oh And of course we're doing this more often God, how bad was the pre Shakespearean plays rough? Yikes. Yeah Shakespeare itself kind of sucks It was all plays we're back in the day where it is distracting from the fact that you died the age of 38 And if you were 13 you were pregnant, right? If you're lucky, yeah So plenty of people have pointed out the fact that Santa is a very easy anagram for Satan. It's oh, yeah

It's a very easy anagram. It's funny. Ha ha ha But it does have some meaning Well, cuz it's it's very true because we're gonna learn right now is that the idea of hidden words are very powerful in magical studies Yeah, absolutely. This guy HP. Blavatsky. Who's this guy? Blavatsky. Blavatsky. Get in here. The sausages are late Can't believe you for quit the family carpet business to research Santa and call him Satan He's a Satanist and a new age teacher. He wrote in a book called The Secret Doctrine. He said the name isn't important It's the letters. I don't know what I got to do to get kids in the seats You know, I'm a new age Satanist teacher. I don't know how to get my I don't know how to put butts in the seats

I was trying to do some of that Peter Frampton mouth guitar, but I got to tell you them the buzz is uncomfortable Oh terrible terrible, which is maybe one string cheese Meow, meow You're a meow I do Other new ages have also used anagrams for Satan Such as Sonata Kumara who in order to trick people into worshiping the devil and as for the claws in Santa Claus Claws is an anagram for Lucas, which is a modern new age name for Lucifer

Cool Satan looks it seems another modern new age name seems to mean that they just made that up Right, yep, but Gail, but Please sir listen to the words of Gail Ripplingger, of course and her book New Age Versions Here's what she says about the use of anagrams in the occult world. Henry. What do you think Gail sounds like? Okay Lucifer's now everybody, please Please disregard the sound of my voice. I'll have to please listen to the important information I have to say Lucifer's true identity as Satan is revealed as the anagram

A transposition of letters. That's what that means. Oh, and she's just got the nicest closet Southern husband. Absolutely. This is my husband, Gail We are names rhyme Well, that's why I love her so much. Don't forget to tell him about the blind sweetheart. Oh, yeah, you're right Gail Obscure the true nature of a name you use blinds as esoterics call them include in the scrambling the letters of a name to hide the true meaning of a word from the uninitiated Love it. I want some lemonade right now. I don't know why no

And so that is actually very true Which is where the idea of secret schools started back in the day where it's like, you know what they'd said Where Jesus was a wizard of the Bethlehem or that that whole group or that the what's at the The the where is he born? He was born in Nazareth the Nazarene Yeah, the Nazarenes were in the Bethlehem's that whole group were a bunch of secret schools and the ideas that they used riddles and anagrams and Stars to either talk about teach people like folklore about the seasons or When the reptilians are coming back. Yeah, they were just making it up. They just didn't know what else to say Here's another interesting thing, you know, we all call him Saint Nick old Nick things like that old Nick is

An old English term for Satan. Oh, Nick. They call him scratch There was a lot of pepper bud. They call them dingley-dangle. They call him Mike. Was Charles Manson naming all these people? It's my buddy, his name is Snickity Snack Oh, it's so nice to have Charles with us. Charles, what are your plans for Christmas? Well, the first thing I plan to do is dig a nice hole in the dirt. I'm gonna take a dump on it Well, that's sort of a gift that keeps on giving them. I call it a foolish stocking I got spiders on my feet, but you know what? I'm okay with the spiders. It's Christmas. You got to open your heart It's better than a stocking full of coal

Hopefully you're dookie. So scholars, they mostly biblical scholars They concur that Christ was actually born in the fall on the fourth day of the Feast of Tabernacles December 25th is actually the Feast in honor of the birth of the son of the Babylonian Queen of Heaven Later called Saturnalia by the heathen Romans. Saturnalia. Saturnalia. She had a mole It sounds like it sounds like an erotic festival or an oil Something you put all over your brussel sprouts to make it. But again, but we knew all this they Blumped all the holidays together so that people would still have days off from their fucking sheep herder job Yeah, so they could tell people you don't take a day off sheep herding buddy. Well, you know what?

It's a lifestyle. We'll actually talk later about what happens in Iceland if you take a day off from sheep herding. It is terrifying Again, we'll go and tell them Christmas in Europe is scary. Oh everything in Europe is terrifying It is also worth noting that Santa is Spanish for holy sure Santa is also from the Latin word Sanctus which means also saintly because you're taking us down a pipe here. What what how does this go our English words? St. Sacta sanctify comes from the Spanish word Santa Sounds like Satan's claim in the Bible of I will be like the most high plan is in action in other words Holy Clause a.k.a. Holy Lucas a.k.a. Holy Lucifer

It's about worshiping Satan. Thank you. I feel better now. I'm gonna go put up Christmas decorations. Yeah, and Clause also sounds like Clause with W. Yeah, maybe it's Santa Claus means Satan's claws like a lion's claws That's not true. Let us read from the Bible. We shall read from 1 Peter verse Chapter 5 verse 8 be sober be vigilant because your adversary is the devil as a roaring lion Walketh about seeking whom he may devour Verily verily I say unto you he that interests not by the door into the she fold But climb it up some other way Jimmy the same is a thief and a robber

Well, that seals it. Yeah, that does it so they just two thousand year old logic Right does it again? Yeah, and I've got more for you, man. Please. I'm not done Good, most people were unaware that until the 19th century Santa flew through the sky not in a sled drawn by reindeers But on a white Horse, that's right. It wasn't until 1821 that the magical white horse. That horse was fucking terrified. Terrified Then on the eve of December 6th as I mentioned earlier the myth said the bearded white-haired old saint quote-unquote Clyde in a mantle rode through the skies on a white horse You know, there's another character who travels on a white horse Johnny cash

Right Johnny cash. Is that who it is the antichrist? Let us read from Revelation chapter 6 verse 2 and I saw and behold a white horse and He that sat on him had a bow and a crown was given unto him and he went forth conquering and to conquer Little know that modern biblical scholars have now discovered that that was today. We're talking about Bruno Mars Oh, I love Bruno Mars. So a bow like a bow tie or like a bow like a weapon like a weapon or a stick So Santa's just rolling around on a horse with us with a stick coming to your house and that's where you got to feed him He'll kill you He'll kill your entire family. Believe me. I've been traveling all the world. I also get hangry

Oh, I don't get them fucking cookies when I'm expecting them. I'm going upstairs. I'm gonna start sucking your kid's dicks. I'm Santa Claus That's not what you should do if you're hungry. That's there's other options out there Well, we talked a little bit about black Pete earlier. One of Santa's dark helpers. Let's get to what is Possibly Santa's most infamous dark helper Krampus now, I will say you're pretty face going to hell a little bit of a spoiler We have done a Christmas episode that features a Krampus and it is a lot of fun That's awesome. We had like we had a very good time Krampus Krampus Krampus Krampus Krampus is a half goat half demon beast

Who've literally beats people into being nice and not naughty. I think that's like, you know spare the rod I agree. You spoil the child and that's why all these kids are out there listening to their iTunes Hopping they're playing games or gem games. Yeah, I'll be farmer farmer You tell me you want me to be a farmer on Facebook. You need to be a farmer in Idaho We're running out of farmers Meanwhile, you're tagging me in post about how there's your your cow is sick. I say feed the goddamn Me down the goddamn cow get a job and make money and get that grain. I'm very upset with the youth Farmville I remember when I was a kid

Farmin there was there were farms around working so hard. Yeah, you farm in all the meat from the Arby's Refrigerator over to the over to the Jill slice it up. It's getting all sweaty. Sometimes I would bleed in it Krampus goes by many names. My favorite is Gumpnickle Gumpnickle God, I would pay I would pay a nickel for it forever for a gumpnickle I feel like you go to the store in the 1930s like I'll have four gumpnickles and he's just saying he just tugs on your balls four times I think what he said that I go young man. That's great. Well, I don't know how I'm cured, but I feel my polio going away now So crampus at Krampus is usually seen as a classic devil with horns cloven hooves a monstrous red tongue

But he can also be spotted as a sinister gentleman dressed in black or a hairy man beast A lot of things there. There's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah It's a it's a wide berth as far as what Krampus is all about He punishes the naughty children swatting them with the bundles of twigs Rootin bundles rootin bundles and he also uses rusty change Which sometimes have bells attached and he would swap the children before dragging them away in baskets to either a fiery place Down below into the black forests of Germany or to the nearby body of water for a quick drown In some legends. He has a drowning tub that he also drags with him that a cleanie clangs on the night that story back in the

1800s was followed by a blow out of the candle. Good night. Tom. Good night, Tom Yeah, it's like a little Tommy. Oh good, Bill. I have to wake up in three hours so I could get back to milking Yes, you get drugged by the crazy Santa Claus man crumpest fella. So here's the fiery pits Here's the origins of Krampus. His name is derived from the German word Krampen Krampen Krampen, which means claw and he's said to be the son of hell in Norse mythology cool in Norse mythology Hell is the ruler of Helheim the realm of the dead Which is when I imagine what it looks like is like the cover of a metal album

You know, it's just like long bearded hair and like columns and season and then some dude with his dick out in the huge like Four fucking fredded guitar with the four fucking tops do it. I don't know guitars. Yeah, that's about right Yeah, that works Hell is the youngest child of the evil god Loki in the giant istang boda She's usually described as a horrible hag Half alive and half dead with a gloomy and grim expression. You talking about my ex-girlfriend. I love that joke This is Krampus's mother by the way Her face and body are those of a living woman, but her thighs and legs are those of a corpse mottled and moldering

That's pretty hot. She's kind of how does she move? Oh mottled and moldering. Oh, yikes Her boobs are hot, but her pussy's cold Yeah, I'm all dead down there. I'm all they're just describing every housewife in Nebraska I'm all dead down there. I can't wait for my wife to tell me that Leave it alone. It might as well. Hey, you are there been you want to take a stab at my old pouch there You're gonna be having sick with a corpse there. The cops are gonna take you. I Didn't know you were

Well, I still love her I'll get some more mashed potatoes for you So the gods abducted hell and her brothers from anger boda's hall They cast her into the underworld into which she distributes those who are sent to her the wicked and those who die of sickness or old age Her hall is Helheim, and it's called El Yudhner Home of the dead. You've got good pronunciation guide right from from Ragnar. Oh, no, this is that's all Icelandic stuff This is just me talking out of my ass. Okay, cool. We are I'm gonna say again We are doing our best to get better at the pronunciation

We're trying off of our cocks All right, we know we know we are ignorant. Yes, we know I'm not a fucking college professor you pieces of shit I think that's all you nail it. You've never mispronounced a word in your life Marcus. You nail it as far as I'm concerned It's not about the sound of it. It's the meaning behind it. That's right Glee and so her maid servant is ganglot and she has a man's servant named Ginglotti and both of those can be translated into Tardy now does that mean like like retardy? What are we going to do?

I'm sorry, what was that? I've got stinky legs now. You got stinky legs? Yes, mama's got stinky legs. Oh, I'm all dead down there Thank you ganglattie. I'm just glad you're alive enough to be our mom Oh, that's really actually kind of sweet and almost warmed my vagina So that's Krampus's mother now Let's get back to those bundle of sticks that we talked about earlier. Yeah, let's oh, can we talk more about bundles of sticks? I love this part of the podcast Those may have a connection with the initiation rites of certain witch covens for rites

Which entailed binding and scourging as a form of mock death and the chains could have been introduced in a Christian attempt to bind the devil But again, those could also be a remit of pagan initiation I'm just gonna be really happy when every single bundle of sticks in America can get married Yeah, that's gonna bundles of sticks deserve love, too I agree with you So according to folklore and this date shows up again and again December 6th Krampus shows up in towns on December 6th is known as Krampus Noct

Krampus Noct. Oh, that's not good. That means Krampus night It's a cool fucking name for a holiday though. If there's ever a holiday Krampus Noct. It's just again. It just sounds like a Yeah, that's true Yeah, I'd bang my head a little bit to that December 6th also happens to be Nikkorstog or St. Nicholas's day when German children look outside their door to see if the shoe or boot They left outside the night before contains either presents or a word for good behavior or a rod or a bundle of twigs This is all back in the day where it's like and it wasn't like a fucking PlayStation 4

No, it's like a shovel so you can help with the rock farm with your family or it was like a pee or like one of the Rude wooden horses that you just stared at. Well, you know, you know for a fact you're not getting new shoes Yeah, that's like an impossible thing to fit in there and in other versions Krampus is an incubus who accompanies Santa Claus in the night of Christmas That's much crazier. Yes when he goes in there. He's just like he just said I mean it's with the dad and like in Flirting with the kids. I think it's the children Sure if Rod Stewart was around yet You

Moves through space and time. Oh, I see I didn't realize the truth behind that last sentence So as far as people co-opting Krampus young people in the mid 19th century used to dress as the devil and stand along with others Dressed to St. Nicholas in the marketplace waiting to be hired to come to homes and visit children to scare them God damn it Becky. It's so difficult having this child scare business. There's no good Krampus is around I haven't found a good Krampus in three years. He's lazy hipster pieces I think she's being bad. Did you want to go into town and get to Krampus for us? Yeah Yeah, sounds like something that's glazed. Mmm. I would eat it in Europe He began to gain popularity outside of the remote isolated alpine areas where he

originated doing part to the popularity of Christmas cards portraying him in the late 19th and early 20th centuries Krampus is often featured looming menacingly over children He's also shown as having one human foot in one cloven hoof and in some Krampus has sexual overtones For he is pictured pursuing bucks and wins now This is the Krampus that I view as being played by Rodney Dangerfield, right? Yeah, give me some of them. I just can't get any respect. They're grabbing movies everywhere, right? Yeah, well, yeah, if you go back and watch those Dangerfield movies, you didn't get a lot of respect because technically he's a felon Which is kind of interesting, but I don't know Hallmark doesn't make that card anymore though

I want to see a good Krampus card come back from Hallmark. I'd love to see one This is Merry Christmas. You got the tits a Krampus would love. Oh, yeah, and what a gift they are for me So Krampus's frightening presence was suppressed for many years the Catholic Church for example forbade the raucous Celebrations and fascist World War two Europe found Krampus despicable because it was considered a creation of the social Democrats So the Nazis did take offense to one Krampus Out of all the things that they could have been like maybe we should not genocide But okay, listen everybody first first point of the meeting is if we're getting the Jew children's shoes I want the good ones the shitty ones we burn right second one is we got to get rid of this Krampus piece of shit because it's making us look bad

Great the Holocaust making us look great, you know and in the 50s after World War two in Austria home of Hitler The government distributed pamphlets that also Arnold Schwarzenegger The government distributed pamphlet pamphlets that were simply titled Krampus is an evil man Mm-hmm. Sure. All right, but he's not real at all I think that what you do it is you the government the way you got to do opposite psychology I mean the government thinks that Krampus is a cool fucking dude Yeah, you have them co-op Santa Claude Krampus put sunglasses on him and a skateboard and be like Krampus once you have a good Krampus Knocked and no one will like it anymore not one bit

So a more modern take on the tradition in Austria, Germany, Hungary, Slovenia and the Czech Republic involves drunken men dressed as devils who take over the streets for a Krampus loft which means a Krampus run when people particularly young women are chased through the street by the devil It's a rape parade. Yeah, I was gonna actually make a joke about rape night and stuff like that But that's really what it is. You know what I'll say is that that's that and people don't like Santa con Yeah, I mean they wonder why oh boy. This is a fucked up version of Santa I will say in Atlanta There is a Krampus crawl that they do where people dress up as Krampus and stuff and they go from bar to bar in a

Big pub crawl and it's fucking great. I can because it's not rapey. It's I mean it's all rapey, but everybody's always a rapey No, it's just women are like wearing no clothes Oh, that's right And like Krampus horns and the men and like all the guys who do the puppets for pretty face were dressed in these like nine-foot tall Krampus uniforms. He's usually awesome. That's amazing. So one American did go to one of these Krampus love So celebrations over in Germany and this is what they will set they sit about the the Krampus celebrations Krampus will hit you Oh, there are dozens of men dressed as Krampus he will hit you but he aims for the legs

Oh, yeah only stings for a moment and you get the rooting bundles that like Michaels. They're not hard They're not right. No, no, and while the majority of Krampus say Krampus say that's Krampus say that is the plural of Krampus the Krampus say They steam content to harass the crowd on foot while some road in large carts or vehicle Shooting flames or bellowing smoke. That's awesome. They were particularly brutal to anyone who taunted them or tried to retaliate Yeah, I bet Particularly large and frightening Krampus chased down an offending teenager threw him to the ground and sat on his chest And the boy looked terrified and near tears

Yes, I didn't realize they were taken down the youth Yeah, I'm bro Krampus Yeah, and the narrow streets in the old city section of Saddlesburg were packed with pedestrians as the crampus a Stomped through many people were caught unaware and reacted with terror Some would flee and try to seek refuge in a shop or restaurant only to be pursued by a determined Crampus is a huge fucking drunk ass German dude. Just go like That is scared. That is terrifying. I might stay in house. I might stay inside that day. Oh, yeah, or be a Krampus You only got two options. Yeah, I just were a Krampus

How I wonder if your grandfather celebrated it at the camps just to make it extra scary Well, I don't know if they needed to make it any scary. It's a while to get to it though Waited till the end he waited till the end. I just did one. Yeah, you just did one We've mentioned Germany a number of times already. Yeah We're covering John Bonnet Ramsey today Yes, okay, so John Bonnet and John Bonnet Ramsey rest in peace beautiful girl did not deserve anything that happened to her But we're gonna discuss her case, which is a worldwide phenomenon and much much larger than we have been led to believe John you're with us John Bonnet. How's heaven John Bonnet for me? It's so much fun

What I like about heaven is that there's slides everywhere and I can take a slide From the ice cream store to the there's a store just called the present store Does God make you wear a little dress and dance like you're an adult even though you're a child who shouldn't be sexualized He says that it's sexy how my knees are shown and so much of my thighs He loves that about it. Oh, what's that John? I think I hear John loves my up my special skills segment Which I always did yeah, I was filming. That's how I wrapped it up It's how I was like clencher, you know, the judge would be like, oh, we've heard you song We've seen your dress now with your special skill and I'd go let me suck that dick

Oh, I see. That's good. I think God's calling you back to the slides now All right, welcome to the show Marcus Park's bed kiss old job, but a Ramsey is here as well Perfect. Obviously. We're discussing this case another amazing job of research. Mr. Marcus Park. Thank you very much What this is I'm gonna call this a tangled web of horseshit That's your that's your the professional term for it how we because you know, we like to this is that you know Because there's the case which we're gonna cover which is the case in general, which is just brutal and sad and There's a lot of unknowns a child is dead. Yes. Yes because it was such a high-profile case of such a

Beautiful I you know I this is I'm already feel despicable even saying of it But it's like a picture of the perfect victim, you know like yeah with her in the pink dress, but she's got those like sad eyes Yeah, so she's great for newspapers. She is perfect for newspapers We discuss it on the other end of the spectrum with the less dead black prostitutes elderly She's the most dead jumping in the most dead person in the hits. She is she is our She's our baby the baby that was stolen from the Limburg Bay. She's our Limburg Bay And I watched documentary basically sort of exonerates the parents because all of America It's sort of naturally assumed that the parents did it

Which is not entirely true They may have a hand in it in terms of cladestine go secret ops government associations. We'll talk about that But the idea is I feel like with something like this when there's so many unknowns and the killer wasn't caught It's real easy to just dump a bunch of conspiracies from every side right into it Yeah, again like the Limburg babies soon if there's no conclusion Everyone has their opinion and everybody is technically right as the other person Yeah, absolutely. If you don't know about the John Bene Ramsey case This is in 1996 so some of our younger listeners and some of our international listeners might not know about this John Bene

Ramsey was a six-year-old beauty pageant queen who was brutally murdered in her own home on Christmas Day in 1996 she was strangled she was sexually abused and she had her head bashed in in the basement of her home and smash mouth was Plain on the radio smash mouth. They were having fun on the Sun I'll never forget this day because that this is the day my parents told me I could no longer compete in pageants They said it's getting too dangerous for a pretty girl like you man And you're like I was never a pretty girl. You just wanted me to be mom or dad you in that huge fucking dress Huge lollipop. It's like you've been chowing halfway through it. They're like that's our decoration

Why is it so sweet then? So John Bene as a veteran of the child-duty pageant circus She'd get circus is the best word for by the way not circuit circus Circuit she had amassed two dozen trophies and titles including Colorado State All-Star Kids cover girl America's Little Royal Miss Little Miss Merry Christmas Little Miss Sunburst Little Miss Charlevoix Oh, and the national tiny Miss Beauty. Did she also get the tiniest sugar hole? Did she get that I don't know if that was a category Everybody in the audience is that any one of these events unless they were the mothers of the child should be arrested for pedophilia That's yeah, even the mother's hell

Right wrangle them all up if you're a man there in a Cleveland's brown jacket. He's going in like I just love to watch the sport Get it get it. Whoa Shake it sir. We're gonna have to ask you to go. Why why everyone's everyone's daughter So there are even magazines in this industry not long before John Bene was killed she was chosen for the cover of the spring issue of Babette's pageant and Babette's pageant and talent Gazette. It's baby, right? No, it's bad. I know but it's supposed to be it's a little babe. It's a baby No, Babette is a woman's name. It's a French. It's a it's a French name for you have to be a whore

called Babette You are working in the crept Sex crime business. Just follow the follow the magazine arrest whoever buys. Yeah, whoever's buying it Who's not? Yeah, exactly mother or father to the children that are in the magazine Just like involved in the in the in the circuit in general, right? This is a perfect example of how wealthy people begin their reign as pedophiles They do it right in front of us. Yeah, this is this is no there is not one Babette magazine Babette magazine go into a lower-income family. Oh now the publisher of Babette magazine

Buffy Davenport Who just sounds like the person that like has all like the baby MK ultra like prostitute team on leashes It'll be like Buffy. Bring me number seven Shuffling senator ronaldson senator ronaldson Well, Buffy described John Bene as quote a natural a real dynamo. She was one of the up-and-coming 100 who could win the cars and the cab and she's probably gonna end up dead Most likely and it's a good thing. They're giving a six-year-old a car

That's a huge win for that six-year-old. Oh, no way way way in the future. Oh, I see She's talking after she's been a veteran of this business for 10 15 years Oh, great So something she can wrap around the tree when she's taking too many Xanax and drinking martinis all night She's been molested her whole damn life. Exactly when she's trying when she's trying to forget Right, right. Yeah, put her in a nice car. That'll help Well about the effects of child pageantry William pins off president of the family institute at northwestern university Who studied child actresses and models?

He found them prone to drug addiction eating disorders and depression impuberty He said for most kids performing is not a good psychological experience. I'd like to see the raw dad on that. Oh, wait a second. Oh, there's There's piles of it. Yep. Oh, wow Look no further than Cory fell So let's answer the question who are the Ramses who were John Bene's parents now John Bene She had the Breeding to make a beauty. Yeah, nice tight little horse Oh, yeah

Nothing I like is a good solid cup of cum full of a fucking rich man is semen And then a good tiny fucking hot woman's egg and you smash them together You get one ugly you bash it in the head with the brick sure you just keep on moving till them eyes are big and pretty Yeah, oh, just it's such a creepy grandfather thing to say when he sees your future. Yeah, she's not she's good for the breeding Yeah, why red hips long in the face Like a big brown eye big brother So her father John Bennett

Uh was a handsome forming former navy officer and private pilot But most importantly He was filthy fucking rich. Yes. Yeah, he was they had two homes their home and uh, their home in colorado Four stories and their vacation home in michigan where john was from Also a gigantic mansion. He helped found a company called access graphics Which was eventually bought by lockheed mark when I love like a name about access graphics of that kind of company too Is that it's so nebulous. You could not tell any what like what it is that they do no He wants he's a software company, but when you look at access graphics

I was like started to dibble around so but they all just kind of said software company But in blockheed martin, we know is a weapons developer, right? So this guy worked for a company that did a lot of miscellaneous things for probably Not I wouldn't even say nefarious company, but like lockheed martin is just uh, they're the war makers of america Everybody knows what they do. It's interesting if you ever watch the cnn's or msnbc's of the world They're all sponsored by a company called northrop grumman. So when they're leading you up to war They're basically just northrop grumman is just like can you do 15 minutes about how we should go invade syria to get our numbers up? It's all a huge game people

It's a huge game. Lockheed martin is the exact same way. Yeah, they finance a lot of good A lot of everything that we they finance a lot of our news. Yeah two and a half men They were a part of the team behind that. Yeah, yeah, so access graphics They reached one billion dollars in sales in 1996 So it was a gigantic company as far as john bennett's mother patsy goes She herself was also a beauty pageant queen She was miss west virginia in 1977 and her and john bennett's aunt pamela Was with miss west virginia two years later sort of like the uh culture of

uh generational Influence and the mk ultra breeding programs. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely, which will get into Like mommy like daughter So the hologram universe Patsy is a very appropriate name for this woman because she wouldn't she would end up becoming one Oh, well the conspiracy websites that I read made numerous references to that. Yeah Yeah, patsy and john had both a son and a daughter from previous marriages

John ramsey's daughter was killed in a car accident. I don't see any quotes over car accident marcus That was just four years before uh when uh, the daughter was 22 years old So john has two dead daughters under his belt Well, she was the only girl to die in a car accident. He was shot in the head He was murdered in the head So patsy ramsey's son. He lived in atlanta at the time of the murders, which that will become important later on Linda hoffman pew Who was the family's cleaning woman for about 14 months prior to the death?

That's how white they are is that they had a white cleaning woman. Yeah, ultra white. Wow That's how rich you can be. Yeah, they had a cleaning woman with a hyphenated name. That's fucking rich. Yeah Yeah, so she says that the ramsey's had a very troubled marriage She said that ramsey berated miss ramsey for being a quote lousy homemaker and cook Why does she need to be either she got you got fucking linda? Yeah, you have i'm sure they have a cook as well And shortly before the murder she said that the couple never once demonstrated any affection for each other physical or otherwise In front of the cleaning. It's like the honeymooners, but this is how it is in real life. Yes, you know when you're very mean to your wife

She ends up killing your only daughter. So let's go through the timeline. Let's start at the timeline of the murders Let's start about a month before on or i'd say about 20 days before on december 6th The lights of december parade John fucking i hate these fucking putrid white people parties when you just the description of any one of these things Just makes my fucking blood crawl. Yeah. Yeah, john benet appeared on her own Little miss colorado float during the lights of december parade on the boulder mall It was really weird or should she had this great crown on that had this like Target it looked like a gun scope. Oh, yeah, which is really weird. Yeah, it's kind of fun. Yeah on december 21st

Access graphics had their first billion dollar year and celebrated the one billion dollar mark at a very public Like banquet and what they do with those banquets when you reach a first-ever billion dollar year is that most of those banquets have black people dressed as tables And food is just put on their backs. I didn't know that yeah On december 23rd the ramsies have a christmas party about 30 people attended and former journalism professor bill mc reynolds Played santa claus. Oh, that's great. That will become important later on another indication of how wealthy these people were Did they get a professional santa claus? No, they got a journalist to become a santa claus. They got a powerful man to dress up in a costume

On december 25th They go to a christmas party at their friend's house The friends say nothing out of the ordinary occurred at the party other than the fact that they didn't they didn't bring their family It's a christmas party. Isn't that a family event? They did bring their family did the ramsies. Yeah, it was the entire Everyone was there jambanay was there jambanay was there berk was there because they also had a son named berk Who was about four years? Oh, okay. Where's berk right now? Where's berk? I'm just hanging out berk's the missing link here. Well, we need to be looking at yeah, he's only four No, they couldn't possibly have beaten and strangled his sister to death

Actually, there is a theory about berk. Berk is not innocent Berk did it. We'll get to berk later. So they arrive back home a few hours later And according to patsy jambanay is last seen alive at 10 p.m Well, I mean because the 10 p.m. Is when she has to go through her dances and songs routines every single night Yeah, that's not even christmas can't have christmas. Absolutely not Marcus are you are not a fucking you haven't been out there in the circuit I'm not know what these fucking animals are prepared to do. Yes. I'm not a champion. That's the only way patsy ever saw her alive when when she was dancing on stage

To a m that night neighbor melody stanton heard a prolonged scream from a little girl Which was cut short very abruptly she thought nothing of it made a note of it But went back to bed. Hmm. Is that the blood curdling shrill cry of a dead child? Back to sleep At 5 30 a.m. The ramsies wake up to catch a private flight to their second home in michigan Right. Okay. So 10 p.m. To 5 30 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah as far as they know little girl still alive Right 5 45 a.m. The ransom note is discovered Patsy ramsie wakes up. She goes down the back stairs towards the second floor remember

It's a four-floor house She goes down the spiral stairs towards the ground floor on the step near the bottom of the stairs She discovered a three page handwritten Ransom note saying that john benet had been kidnapped So patsy at 5 52 a.m. Calls the boulder colorado. So it took her seven minutes seven minutes. I'm freaking out Yeah, that makes sense. That's not that long. Well, she had to search the house first She wanted to make sure that berke wasn't playing a bit of a goof on her classic bark move

Burke being only for the world's greatest career criminal about to be born berke was 10 Oh, he definitely killed nearing puberty Sort of not if he's me. He's got another five years So let's hear the 911 call that patsy ramsie placed that night She's old How long ago was it? I don't know. I took him in those Oh my god, this is a same checker What? Is it the same agenda? I don't know. It's a there's a ramsom note here. It's a ramsom note. It says it's btc

victory Please, okay, what's your name? Are you happy? I'm the mother. Oh my god Please Do you know how long she's been going down? Please we just got out from here. Oh my god, please Okay Honey And that's how every one of my dates ends

Patsy patsy patsy patsy patsy seemed asian Oh, I see Wow, but that is a very intense. I believe her emotions in that for sure. Yeah, absolutely. I don't think she I mean, you know It may be premature, but I don't think she's got anything to do with the actual crime. No, she seemed devastated I would say like we can't say right now that uh the prevailing theory is that the ramsies did not do it It's it won't go into it. Why later, but they have no evidence There's zero evidence and really the circumstances surrounding it would be if the ramsies actually did it It would be the most bizarre crime in american history. Absolutely

to do to do a fake ransom note is like a sort of head fake to the to the police for some reason and then it just And she has no history of physical abuse. We'll talk we'll talk about this, right? But it would normally that's what they say it's like 90 it was like 92 of the time that a child was found dead in the In the home, uh, the the family is responsible But normally there's a history of abuse almost a hundred percent of the time There's a long history of abuse, but there was none reported none found on john bennett 92 percent of the time But a hundred percent of the time abuse it would be kind of fun to make your own ransom letter though

Because then you can write a check but to yourself so you lost money, but then you make it right back Yeah, and all you have to show for it in the end is your horribly mutilated daughter. Yeah, you have a dead you have a dead child there So let's read the ransom note. Oh my god And by the way, this ransom note Is the longest ransom note as far as we know the longest ransom note in american criminal history Most ransom notes are no longer than 15 words long. This is 374 words So if there were like a tandem a duo doing it, I'm sure the one member was just like what are you doing writing your novel over there? You know what?

Hey buddy, come on. I think you know, steven king. Am I right? Have you read his later novels? Oh, when he got hit by that van, I gotta tell you that quality really ran down anyway guys We gotta go because this dead girl started to get cold. Hmm. All right, let's hear the letter Mr. Ramsey, listen carefully The other group of individuals that represent a small foreign faction To respect your business, but not the country that it serves At this time we have your daughter in opposition She is served and unharmed and if you want her to see 1997

You must follow our instructions to the letter. You can withdraw $118,000 from your account $100,000 will be in $100 bills and the remaining $18,000 and $20 bills Make sure that you bring an adequate size attache to the bank when you get home You will put the money in a brown paper bag I will call you between 8 and 10 a.m. Tomorrow to instruct you on delivering the delivery will be exhausting So what I advise you to get rested if we monitor you getting the money early We might call you early to an arrangement earlier delivery of the money and hence An earlier delivery pickup of your daughter any deviation of my instructions will result in the immediate execution of your daughter

You will also be denied her remains for proper burial The two gentlemen watching over your daughter do not particularly like you so I advise you not to propose them Speaking to anyone about your situation such as police, FBI, etc The result in your daughter being beheaded if we catch you talking to a straight dog She dies if you alert bank authorities She dies if the money is in any way marked or tampered with She dies you will be scanned for electronic devices and if any are found She dies you can try to deceive us, but be warned that we are familiar with law enforcement countermeasures and tactics

You stand a 99% chance of killing your daughter if you try to wrap smart us Follow our instructions and you stand a 100% chance of getting her back You and your family are under constant scrutiny as well as the authorities Don't try to grow a brain John You are not the only fat cat around so don't think that killing will be difficult Don't underestimate us John Use that good southern common sense of yours It's up to you now John

Victory SBPC That is why you do not inhale cigar smoke Very bad for your vocal cords And thanks to Ed Larson from the brighter side for purchasing this this voice changing machine It's my new favorite toy. I've been using it for the last three days just wheeling nilly You were having far too much fun dare. I say you've used it before in an actual ransom situation. Mr. Parks perfectly executed I just think it's so sad that John Bonnet never did get to see 1997 because in sync came out with no strings attached

She would have loved it. Oh my god. She would have flipped for it too bad. She's uh She's a skeleton at this point. She is and she's never been a better model Which is sad So after the 911 call almost immediately the ramsies call their family friends fleet and priscilla white And john and barbara fernie. Wait a second. So these guys mexicans Are they um fleet white? What's the correlation between having a bunch of money and having old american wealth and just white trash It is cousins marrying each other because the richer you get it's not poor people that fuck the at least Poor people fuck. They're significant for others cousins. You know, they all fucking that within the same family

Rich people believe they're making each other smarter by just fucking in the family fucking the direct family Yeah, keeping that blood a royal purple So 6 a.m. The police arrive those family friends that they called arrived after the police got there But police let them inside making their very first mistake by failing to secure the crime scene in any way whatsoever And let's go ahead and say right now that the boulder police department Fucked this up worse than any other crime investigation than I have ever researched. That's why it's that's why it points to suspicious like Questions yeah when he comes in there like basically they showed up they let them trample all over the crime scene And their friends came in there. They're walking around the kitchen

They didn't even search the entire house because literally what you're going to see right here is they searched all full They've searched the house But they neglected to really search the basement Her body was sitting there the entire time just behind a closed door. Yeah, they just didn't open the door Yeah, yeah knock knock. Oh, who's there now? Oh, this is the boulder colorado high school marching band come on through come on through It's fun And exactly it's like they just didn't open that basement door because it's like well You just hate to you know interrupt anybody's privacy. We've got to have a little bit of evidence melt off the body

You know and I wouldn't be surprised if this is also just rich bullying where the police are there the French I'm Of the white whites. Uh, hello. Hello. Yes gold coin for you sergeant Ah, you're good pure of skin and brown of eye come with me join my family crest So by 7 30 a.m. John Ramsey has already collected the 118 thousand dollars It's about an hour and a half later. Boom 118 thousand dollars The guy pretty much pulls it out of his pocket right at 8 a.m. The police Not the Ramsey's the police call a victims advocate group

To come and counsel the randy ranzies bringing more people into an active crime scene and in fact After using the kitchen the advocates Cleaned and wiped down the counters with spray cleaner So they were like, oh, this is just oh, I can't even yes I know our daughter was actually hacked up and fed to a bunch of dogs last year Yeah, so and you know what I did a thing that really just ticked me off about it Is that when I was sitting there just being like, oh my god, my daughter was cut into a bunch of stew meat I was just like, oh these counters are met. I'm yes, and then I remember and I can't concentrate

I remember Clorox came out with a new lemon scented Bleach and I can't wait to spray it all over the places that made or may may or may not incriminate you But it's the a similar situation that happened in the simpson trial where the where the guy just came The cops let everybody trample everywhere and then a guy came and wiped or changed the doorknob that was full of Uh, probably simpson's blood. Absolutely. So right before 10 a.m The police at the very least sealed jambani's room. It took him Three hours no four hours to figure out like oh, maybe we shouldn't let people go into the scene of the crime Let's seal that off

And it's the only place in the entire house where any attempt to seal the crime scene is made But also I but I find this fact to be really true as well Is that they were suffering a lack of manpower because it was Christmas and everybody was on fucking vacation Yeah, it was Christmas day and all the rookies drew the short straw. So you had a bunch of inexperienced Police officers. You didn't know what the fuck to do coming over to this house and just bungling up the whole I don't really understand. I thought criminals called true song Christmas Yeah, exactly. Do they know it's Christmas Uh, it's uh, was that a gelfand something like that, but gelled off gelled off. Yeah

Uh, and also during this time, uh, john benay, uh, john himself and patsy They're very cold with each other and they're not in the same room They're in separate rooms and doing all like they didn't act as if a couple like a couple in morning Well, that's what people said is that patsy was beside herself upset and blah blah blah But john was just kind of pacing around. Yeah at one point he checked his mail Right. Yeah, which I mean, I will admit that it's odd behavior, but not that strange. He's in shock. Yeah, everyone has different That's one thing that that pisses me off about uh, people's analysis of this case Is that they're judging how a parent should act in grief now

If there is no standard for how someone acts if he called the airline that he owns or his private jet and demanded a refund Then I think that would be well, we're not taking the flight. So I will have my money back Yeah, if he's haggling with seamless about how his summer rolls didn't show up, right? Like that's the problem. He's just like this is just this is a problem that needs to be rectified I am I am emailing and calling customer service Here's an interesting fact though Uh, it's crazy to think they didn't even have email back then. Yeah, well, they did but it was just 96 I had email them metallic rows at yahu.com

Yeah, because my two favorite bands were metallica and guns and roses and I had I had no idea at the time like how Like much it made me sound like a nanny. Yeah, it sounds like you should be doing anal gate porn on a webcam I thought I was so cool No, I wouldn't all right You were so the eight to ten because remember in the ransom note They said that they would call them between eight and ten a.m That window came and went nobody mentioned it. Nobody said a single after 10 a.m came and went nobody said anything That's very weird

So you would think you'd be waiting by the phone for these two hours eight eight a.m. Hey guys Colombo was on right right right and when I am in a colombo jag It's like I may as well be deaf and dumb Colombo was a really good detective if the murder happened in a bizarre way He would have been graded helping this case. Yeah, but he's fictional But if you would just see somebody shoot another person, I don't think he could solve it So a little bit before 1 p.m. This detect or this police officer her name is I think Karen aren't She was the only cop left on the scene

This is very interesting that they had one cop an extremely rich man Who had connections to the defense industry who had a ransom note that mentioned a small foreign faction Which indicates the possibility of terrorism the FBI came and went they came at about 8 a.m They dropped a wiretap. They dropped a wiretap and then they fucking left there were in the area There were other examples of CEOs having their sons being kidnapped and the FBI just fucking swarmed these places Right, but with this case they left one rookie officer to watch over this entire scene So this rookie officer is just this just this is so fucking dumb She said that John Ramsey. She said the room was tense

So she wanted to give John something to do So she told John to search the house from top to bottom looking for her fucking Which is literally like if you're an NBA basketball player and then you also have to deliver beer to the stands You know like he is the father in mourning. Why is he doing the detective work exactly? So in any other case, they would be considered number one suspects It's a part of what they have to do is they have to eliminate the family out of the equation And basically you're giving him carte blanche to go. Hey, why don't you um John you seem so nervous. Why don't you go hide all the evidence of your crimes?

Yeah, what do you what's that in your back pocket? Oh, this is the come reg I always used to clean up a seaman, but why you bring it throw that out. That's dirty and filthy Just got one more wipe-up job. Yeah, so he just gets to go walk through the house He gets to walk through the house and he gets to if you know if you subscribe to uh, the theory that they that he killed her He gets to double check that he didn't leave any evidence behind. This is what I'm saying. This is what yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, just let him go. Yeah, let him go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just let him go So about five minutes later and John immediately goes down to the basement. He goes right down there first It's weird like he's been down there a whole bunch and like maybe like furiously the night before

But it's not that weird because she said quote top to bottom He's gonna take a bomb the top because he's a ceo and he ain't gonna have no one tell him how to do He started from the bottom killed his killed his daughter then went to the top with that rap song He did the cereal. He did the ceo movement where he goes He was like she says like John. Why don't you go search the house? And he's like sitting there silent and he goes, you know, I'm gonna do I'm gonna go search the house It's got to be his idea right right so he goes down to the basement and John not the cop who had gave a cursory glance to the basement earlier

He opens up the wine cellar door Turns on the light and screams. Oh my god. My baby. Oh my god. My baby In the wine cellar where I did not leave her so John Bene when he found her She had black duct tape covering her mouth a cord around her neck that was attached to a wooden How is this pronounced garot? It's garot a garot. Yes, because god forbid. I've mispronounced something. Okay This is our problem. Are you getting upset? Are people getting upset? I have no idea what human emotion is anymore Are you mad marcus? I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. We ain't from webster's dictionary. We are not webster's dictionary We we uh, we have a fun way with words. Yes, we do

So the cord was attached to a wooden garot and her hands were bound over her head And she was covered by a light colored blanket. Now the crime scene is at this point Bucked yeah, because he walks over he rips the duct tape off of John Bene's mouth He attempts to untie her hands and he carries her up the stairs setting her down on the floor Like basically then detective art came in picked up the body yourself Moved it to the living room and then patsy came in freaked out and just went to the body and just Just basically went like pat pat pat pat pat pat pat and left her hands all over it Yeah, I mean totally insane. It is the did you see that pro wrestler die in the ring?

There was a video on youtube about a pro wrestler. He just died in the ring a week ago He broke his neck and obviously these pro wrestlers just immediately start throwing his body around to make sure he's To see if he's dead and it's like well. He definitely is now. Yeah, absolutely So it's not only uh, John Ramsay that uh contaminates the corpse, but it's also the detective Let's not say detective. She's not a detective. She's an officer because it is important to note that they left a Beat cop to watch over this crime scene And so and Pat Ramsey also contaminated again as she knelt as she you know knelt over the body repeating my little angel over and over and over again

So about 1 30 about 20 minutes later John calls the pilot of the private jet that was waiting to take them to Michigan was John Travolta Which is also strange John Travolta. It was Henry Kissinger was a copilot for some reason. Yes Oh, yeah, and a guy dressed up as ET Did a hole in the front of his dick hanging out weird special guy So he's overheard saying To the pilot. Hey, everybody. Hey a little bit. We have a little bit of snafu going on

Going to hit down a hot Lanna and check out some of the clubs or something When we do that instead though, he actually does he asked him he says hey, we need to go to Atlanta We're going to Atlanta right now, but the police towns like hey, you can't leave town They actually make they actually do that right. Yeah, they're like you can't leave town Right is because CNN was there. Did you want to go talk to the news or what was the re there's no reason the only That and no, there really is no reason because at this point his Patsy son who lived in Atlanta was already on a flight back to Boulder Hmm, so why was he wanting to go to Atlanta? Was it possible that he knew what was going on?

Was he going to Atlanta to possibly settle a score and what he would what would he do? He would he would speak to their manager throttle a man. He was going throttle throttle this vile beast No, it sounds like he got mixed up with the wrong crew people always He's I just think that's what happens in order to have multiple multiple millions of dollars You have had to have seen yeah something fucked up and not said it or have done something fucked up Well, he didn't know what to do because at this time in in history Liam Neeson was still starring in romance movies So he didn't he didn't have a role model for how to go seek revenge on his daughter's death Mm-hmm, but you know who did have a role model?

The people who wrote the ransom note There's a lot of weird things about this ransom note And by the way before we get to the ransom note It should be noted that the cops did not fully secure the crime scene until almost two o'clock in the afternoon They were they were eating right they were just having family were having a meeting they were happy They were apparently the day after Christmas. They were putting together toys You have any right how long it takes to set up and like a new PlayStation. I know And then you tell me we're gonna spend an hour not setting up this PlayStation and not we're not gonna play a little bit kids are crying

Yeah, because if I remember 1996 was the year that PlayStation one came out. This is what I'm saying Yeah, it's it they were busy. I'll never forget it. That was the year. I got a Sega. Yeah, well You're like a you're like the poorest hugest rich child. Yeah, you know. Yeah, yeah, please someone write that children's book So let's continue with some of the evidence Jon Benet's body itself the results of the autopsy revealed that she was killed by Strangulation and a skull fracture a grot made from a length of tweed cord and the broken handle of a paintbrush The paintbrush by the way was Patsy Renzi's paintbrush, which was in the basement

That had been used to strangle her and her skull had suffered severe blunt force trauma Was the paintbrush broken on John Benet or did they just have a random broken paintbrush? I guess they had a random broken paintbrush. I think I heard that Patsy Ramsey was did a series of sort of by the numbers But technically skillful landscapes and you try to get into art school, but you couldn't get in so she broke it in fury Not unlike the story of a young Adolf Hitler So there was the official cause of death was asphyxiation due to strangulation Associated with cranio cerebral trauma. They're saying is what seems to be the natural timeline of her death is that she was She was tased in her bed. She was moved to the basement. She was getting strangled

She woke up with the process of being strangled. She screamed and then he bashed her head. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying he I don't Mean to be sexist. It could have been a lady. Yeah, it could have been a family dog for all we know So the bungling of the BPD does not end with the crime scene It continues John Eller the man in charge of the case had never been in charge of a homicide Investigation prior to this and his squad of six detectives young inexperienced No experience on homicide cases either and John Eller also had an extreme distaste for the DA who was a liberal progress Oh, so they all can't work together great exactly So it sounds like they went through they had the mirage of an actual investigation

It's sort of like when you're a college football elite team like Alabama the first game or one of the first games of the season They'll just play a total crap school. Yeah, and they know they're gonna win But technically they're both playing football, but they set themselves up to win There was no way this case was gonna get solved I feel like the order was a highly ambitious like commissioner who was like I'm gonna put together a rag tag team of some of the Yeah, they may be rough around the edges, but I think they're gonna pull this through but the problem is that the bad news bears, right? Doesn't actually work Technique never works. You should never make

Detected decisions while you're watching the mighty ducks. Yeah, because they're not gonna turn out to be Danny Tambor No, they're gonna suck in real life. No, no, no, listen to me. Listen to me. Yeah, I know he can barely see and he barely passed Criminal justice school, but I'll tell you when he puts up that triple juke in the final debt in the final round Right now when they're when they're wearing them that when they're finally I can't even tell you the term when the hockey game is all the tippity tied up and he comes in and he shows up and they're Oh, you'll see you'll you'll see who find that rapist Why is the detective leading a group of officers into what looks to be a flying V? Why are they coming into our house like that? So adding to the suspicion against the Ramses the Ramses

immediately Lawyered up immediately and then they hired their own team of private investigators Profilers forensic analysts and a PR company So the harder that the Ramses tried to push the investigation away from them the BPD Assumed they were more convinced of the Ramses guilt And this is a situation of wealth not translating to normal society Yes, why would you get a PR firm PR firms are usually when you come out with a new fragrance and you want to make sure people love it I mean, but they immediately and the lawyer up thing it makes all the sense in the world

But it looks really bizarre to people who don't even have that as an option This is a corporate family right works for one of the most intense It's like basically they have the ear of Lockheed Martin They have the ear of all these like very like hi Lord. Do they have the ear of Lockheed Martin? Yeah I mean, I don't know, but they're dealing with these cladestine like high-level military corporations Right, they're getting a lot of advice from them And they're basically saying like cover yourself on all sides because literally again you look at the previous evidence We have about John Ramsey. You're suspicious as fuck and that plays into everything all of their what seemingly is bizarre behavior for us

For them I mean, I guess if you're John Ramsey You've seen death many times and a lot of death from children if you've worked for Lockheed Martin You're literally the grim reaper Seriously, yeah So of course it's at this point that the tabloids descend and man if you were alive in 1997 and went to a supermarket John Bonnet Ramsey's face was there staring at you in the checkout

It's just the blonde hair the pink dress the big blue eyes. It's perfect perfect picture of a victim Yeah, this this tabloid news cycle was endless every day I mean it was years and you talked to people who worked for those tabloid Newspapers at the time and the editors would tell them they would say like okay now. We're gonna go for John Bonnet We're gonna start off with the parents the parents did it and then after a little while They were like okay now. We're gonna go for the son the son did it this ten-year-old boy killed his sister out of jealousy At one point bat boy did it? I mean it was insane. Did that boy die? I don't know if that boy was ever real Is imagination real is magic real

No, yes, yes, yes, so it was just a little more than a year since the OJ Simpson trial Ended and of course the tabloids were fresh out of material John Bonnet Ramsey was fucking perfect And they were freshly aware of what a the death of a beautiful white person would do for their for their readers What a spicy meat a ball for them It's crazy because you know for a fact as soon as they found out about this these heads of the tabloids the editors They were happy. They didn't say you have to be a way to say what it was. Oh, okay. Let me look at this I'm gonna oh So she's been raped and murdered

That's awesome. It's great. That's great So the DA He had of course no experience dealing with national media, right? So he tried to deal with the tabloids in the same way that he dealt with the local press with the bolder daily camera Did not work and build Bill James makes a great comparison here He said that it's a difference between dealing with a house cat and a tiger, right, right, right You can't just pet a tiger and hope it calms down. Yeah, these are professional snoopers Yeah, that are now crawling this deep into this case

They're asking you questions to get their answers that they want to have I mean he was in way over his head Yeah, and so the it was national what national attention So both the police department and the DA's office were under an enormous amount of pressure Unimaginable pressure and because of this the DA Tried to control the narrative in order to control the narrative He had to have control over the police department who hated him right in fact at one point The DA's office brought in their own investigators and the police in turn brought in their own attorneys Oh, so they're not even talking to each other at all fucking cool. It's a clusterfuck of

Bullshit like all this litigious red tape all broadened and it's like and it comes down to it a little girl was raped and murdered In deeply cold blood, you know, I mean a horrible murder and everybody for like forgot about her But it was it all again to present the illusion like an investigation was going on it's possible You know if they just keep everything messy keep everything cluttered. They're technically working every day, but they're doing nothing It's like what I used to do. It's like what I used to do when I worked at Taco Bell You know what I did a lot of time in the freezer a lot of time wiping down areas that were already clean Yeah, it's like I'm working so I eat all the burritos when you work at a temp Agency without a piece of advice they got was walk around with a with a file folder and go like

Like do a lot of like Your hands up yeah exactly and you and you know, baby bring up a real good point here Is that the tabloid press covered this every single day and at the end of the day? This was the brutal rape and murder of a six year old child who had her head bashed in who was strangled Oh, absolutely this was talked about and but the murder wasn't talked about at all and we talked about investigation It was the parents we've talked about this before when we do go on like CNN or whatever one of these networks And they try to demonize the demonize us for discussing these these true crime things and making light of them We're so much more respectful than the mainstream media was again with the OJ Simpson trial

We cover that in depth how pizza sales went through the roof if the if you're the CEO of Domino's you're like Oh, we have to get another black athlete to kill his ex-wife and her white boyfriend We must have it happen and I will always put the conspiracy angle on it It's like the government loves nothing more than a story like this to get real messy. Yeah, because then you can attach It's like now when the conspiracy theories are going to attach to what we're going to go to it's so easy to just sort of like Be like oh look at all these crazy people blah blah blah and it's like we are literally sitting on what is possibly an extension of a gigantic pedophile Ring that is connected to various world governments as a secret keeping organization that I'm I know

For a fact is real I guarantee you one of those guys in the audience watching John Minnet dance was Jeffrey Epstein Who was just waiting until she was ten and then he was gonna take her on air fuck one and bill was gonna meet her and the Whole damn thing was gonna go down. Yeah, I mean if we're learning anything right now from what's going on in the UK Yeah, it's fucking real. It is real. It is concrete. It's happening all the time. So let's get back to So this is a this is an analysis from from Bill James. He really sets it out in common sense terms this is the case against the Ramses being the culprits in This case Patsy Not the brightest bulb in the fucking drawer. What are you talking about? She's a beauty queen

I thought you have to be a genius to be a beauty queen. How would you solve world hunger? I think that Burritos are big enough to share look at her tits. So if you look at her tits, she's really smart And it's okay. And so her handwriting her hand if any one out of the two wrote the note It would be Patsy because the handwriting match it matches the literary talent that this woman would have had to have To write this note would have been astounding especially writing it only moments after bludgeoning her fucking daughter to death or Moments after her husband had bludgeoned her daughter death Well, so, you know, you've ever been in the afterglow of some good sex

And you're calm cool. You could write a thousand poems. Yeah. Yeah. No afterglow of good sex is like that's my great Like that's meditation time for me. It's you know, it's sex magic. Yeah, it's like what William Shakespeare did But she murdered your daughter and then wrote a long suit Note there It's like a little sonnet kind of second of all, they were much better places to hide this body right, I mean they lived at the foot of They were in Boulder, Colorado. There are mountains everywhere. There are national parks There are hundreds of good places to hide this body, especially if they're trying to fake a ransom note

Yeah, even Robert Durst knew after accidentally murdering that man that lived next door to him shot that he had to Viscerally fucking pull the head off that body in order to hide the identification, right? Even he knew yes Yeah, even he knew but the ranzies apparently did not know so they decided after if the accidental sex game gone wrong Theory is true then that means that after ranzie killed his daughter in a sex game gone wrong His first thought was like well, you know Ransom no Ransom no, what's funny Patsy is that I always wanted to write a ransom note

Yeah, but exactly if the end result was to rape your daughter and murder her right if that's what the part of the Satanic ritual was supposed to be to murder her I imagine there would also be a plan to deal with the body Yeah, absolutely because you don't want it because this is too heavy There's too much heat here if you're gonna be doing it in some sort of ritual abuse sort of way or even in a pedophile ring Sort of way say this is some sort of weird initiation that he had Harvey Keitel is gonna show up with the cleanup crew and they're gonna get rid of it Yeah, third they left no evidence behind

whatsoever that would point to either one of them the murder weapon was never found and the only thing that could have been a Murder weapon a baseball bat that was leaned against the house outside Tested negative for any forensic evidence whatsoever fourth the DNA that was found underneath Jon Benet's fingernails and on her underwear matched no members of the ramsie family, but The DNA does come with a caveat the DNA that they got off the body was known as touch DNA Which is notoriously hard to collect and it could be contaminated very quickly and we've got the fucking BPD who couldn't even secure a crime scene

Collecting this DNA right right people handling the corpse right after they it was discovered right out any sort of No crime science you there to look at it. Oh, yeah, they were doing whatever They were probably cleaning her hands being like I don't want her to be buried with her hands all messy And it's crazy. It doesn't seem like that long ago, but 96 OJ was really one of the first major trials to use DNA and actually They were skeptical of it. Yeah, so people were still cuz they didn't know exactly what the science was yet Yeah, they really had no idea now concerning the scream at 2 a.m. That the neighbor heard if you'll remember we mention on the timeline The world's the world's worst neighbor. Is that what this is? Oh, yeah, she was just busy. I mean come on She was in the middle of a Frasier Marathon

Right can't believe and it should be like will miles get Daphne. I won't see it If I don't if I leave right now, I think she was more like when smile is gonna come out But he never did he never did no man. He loved that pussy. Yeah, you talked about it just like you did too Well about the scream remember that the ramsie's house was four stories high Right, they were in the basement. There were three stories between the murder scene and the ramsie's bedroom They actually did audio tests that revealed that the ramsie's could not hear the screen Gotta bring an ace been sure That's also probably it it's when they buy the house and John Ramsay

Did you come down to me and like, huh? All right. Well, great. It's living room is three four Can you up couldn't take me down the basement? Um, hey Rodney, can you run up there? No, I just want to I just want to see if It's a good murder in basement Did you hear that? Can't hear it. I'm gonna murder my daughter here. Can you hear that Rodney? Huh? No, not a word John Ramsay So the audio test revealed that while the ramsie's couldn't hear the scream The neighbor could hear the scream Just fine because there was a window leading out

There was a metal grate that she could have heard it. The acoustics could have traveled up to where the neighbor was right now as far as the footprints they make a big deal of saying that there was snow outside and that there were no Footprints in the snow. First of all, it's total horseshit. It's such horse. There was a great documentary that I believe believe Bill James is a part of oh that they talk about this thing where basically you show pictures of the Outside of the of the Ramsey home and they kept saying oh, there's no other you would have seen it The whole path is clear. Yeah path is clear up to a basement window grate that you can open it And then they said oh no no no only a midget could fit in that right literally what they said Yeah, but then he's like he's like I'm not a midget. He's like I'm six foot four

I'll show you exactly how you get this great and he lifts is the great he gets it He's you can look here You can see how that it was possibly disturbed when they show the picture of the actual great cuz they took a picture of it You showed how he opened up the basement window and he's like an episode like bump bump bump He crawled into the into the home and he was in there in literally 30 seconds But then we'd have to go up what floor was John Bene's room on do we know or it was on the force So we don't have to climb all the way up through the house and then bring her all the way down and what that's what or he was in there He was there already. We'll talk about that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly

So the footprints total bullshit Because the other thing is if they search the house and talked about him finally they got a search warrant But there was no duct tape found. There was no cord found. There was no stung gun No murder weapon found anywhere in the house. So where the fuck did they go, right? Where did they go? Someone had to have left and why hide the murder weapon if you're not gonna go ahead and hide the corpse Yeah, which in the corpse is the bigger amount of that's the evidence that is the evidence I mean look at right here. Look at Robert Durst again without his wife's corpse They cannot prove that he murdered her so because you have no evidence that she's dead

So it's like the first thing you do is get rid of the body. Yeah, maybe you couldn't take her through the window with him He's not Santa Claus unless of course he is Santa Claus We're gonna get to Santa Claus at the later on of the app just a wink of the eye and a tip of the nose Right up the chimney he goes With your dead daughter with your rape dead daughter Okay, so the DA they actually did do a much better job than the be the BP did of assigning Who should take this case the BP or the DA's office brought in their own investigator a man who was The a veteran of literally hundreds of homicide cases and within days of arriving this guy is a super cop

This guy is a super fucking cop And he Concluded in just a few days that the Ramses didn't commit the murder. Okay. Yeah, he was like. Oh, yeah, look at this Absolutely. Yeah, he was like this is fucking. He's like this is easy. I this is such an easy fucking job And the breakdown is really interesting. Yeah, the breakdown is great. So while the Ramses were at the Christmas Party on Christmas Day The intruder broke into the house bringing with them the duct tape the cord the stun gun also like Santa Claus Yes, exactly my question is do is when you sneak into a house to to rape and murder a little girl Do you do the?

Like tiptoe through the house You make the noise while you do it it totally counter. It's a counterproductive to the you won't be quiet. You need me. Hmm I think you're the world's worst capital Sorry, I didn't realize I was making the noises out loud. I meant to just think them. Can you keep it down? Oh, am I yelling you are sir? Why are you in my house, sir? I'm gonna I'm gonna rape and murder your daughter. I gotta keep these thoughts of myself. I'm a pizza delivery man Very thorough. Thank you brought it straight to the kitchen great

So we got one final theory Santa Claus horsey fucking did it Santa Claus did it so trip de mousse one of the original prosecutors on the case bad name Yeah, if you're a trip de mousse But it's another one of those white wealthy Ironically trashy names. Yeah, the guy who mixes cocktails with his finger and then sucks on his finger. Yeah, you taste good Yeah, so if you'll remember in our first episode We mentioned at the Christmas party at the Ramsey's house on I believe it was the 21st I believe it was on yes. No, it was not okay on the 23rd that Christmas party Santa Claus was played by

the former journalist Bill McReynolds. Yes, and on that day he supposedly gave John Bonnet a card that read You will receive a special gift after Christmas. I'm going to rape and murder you little girl Oh, I'm sorry. He wanted a dollhouse. Let me change that on the list Yes, and then write about it now. Did this journalist that played the Santa Claus? What is it? I just want to call him McRib McReynolds, right? Did he write about the case extensively or did he kind of wash his hands up and back away from it? Well, he had already retired as a journalist. Oh, okay

And his daughter had already been abducted 22 years before and his dog and his wife wrote a play about a child Who was molested in her basement and then murdered. Yeah, and by the way, it was 22 years To the day before John Bonnet's death and of course his daughter died at the age of 22 So there's another numbers that are the same 2 plus 2 equals 4 4 sides to a square square on the The altar of the mason's square compass. Oh That's okay come back with you'll come back come back to us tomorrow Bush Prescott Bush did it. Yes. Oh and one more by the way Bill Reynolds died in 2002 and did he comment at all on

On the case or he was apparently he was cleared the couple gave hair handwriting and blood samples They were eventually cleared thanks to DNA tests, but if we remember the DNA is a it's a little iffy right right shadow on shadow and About SBTC the signature at the end of the ransom note Could be interpreted as South on Broadway towards Cashmen just use map quest. We had map quest tonight Internet poster Don Bradley wrote to get from the McRinalds former residents in Boulder to the Ramsey home

You would be advised to go south on Broadway towards cashmen. So let's jump ahead to 1999 court documents were released I believe this was just last year that these court documents were released. It was revealed that in 1999 a grand jury voted to indict John and Benet Ramsey of Not murder but of child abuse resulting in the death and being an accessory to a crime in Connection with John Benet Ramsey So what this indictment said and by the way the prosecutor declined to sign the indictment but due to lack of evidence But what this means is that a grand jury saw enough evidence to say that they had part of it

They were at least a part of it that they weren't they didn't kill her But they were at least a part of it the grand jury's indictment papers didn't indicate who killed the beauty queen the Ramses weren't officially Indicted let's see here But in 2008 then Boulder District Attorney Mary Lacey exonerated the girl's parents an immediate family after After DNA pointed to an unidentified male as far as the indictment itself goes Yeah, count four of the indictment said the Ramses quote did unlawfully knowingly recklessly and pholoniously Permit a child to be unreasonably placed in a situation

Which posed a threat of injury to the child's life or health which resulted in the death of John Benet Ramsey a child under the age of 16 so in layman's terms count four is pimping your daughter out at at shows where she's wearing scantily clad clothes or possibly putting her up at Parties that this is where they this is what they do that that they basically are naming if it's true That this sort of government parties the after after parties that we talked about with the Franklin cover-up And yeah, she was a part of that and maybe the entire beauty queen Establishments a part of that. Yeah on a show if we remember in the Franklin cover-up And I'm sure everybody's been hearing a lot about indictments lately

And it's not hard to get an indictment right in this country But if we remember from the Franklin cover-up the witness to all of these horrible sex parties She not only didn't get the indictment against Larry King. She was also charged with Ted with light under oath with perjury and she was sent to prison for nine years and But this jury They voted to indict but the DA just didn't do it Just didn't sign anything in evidence and what's even more damning is that the evidence that was presented to the grand jury? Has never been released and there are multiple redacted items in

The search we're gonna see should come out in the next couple of years Yeah, and they all start to die off. Yeah, yeah in 2000 in a 2001 interview with grand jury specialist Michael Kane Who led the 13-month grand jury probe? He said there remain dozens of secrets Absolutely dozens and a lot of what the public thinks is a fact is simply not fact My personal belief is that the that the pedophile ring is real. I think that it's all real I think there's evidence to prove that I mean my purse my personal belief is that they they didn't kill her But they know who did they know who did and they know why yeah Really the biggest loser here is John because his political career got derailed turns out when your daughter dies in a mysterious death

And your other daughters die mysterious circumstances He ran for Michigan Congress in 04 and 08 and it's tough to work yourself out of the Out of the pit of that guy might have killed his daughter You have to start every speech. Yeah, like hey. Hello. My name is John Ramsey. I did not kill my Did not you know so that is the man who I was I want to talk about the man that I am man who wants to fix our Highways there's got to be a green light in the corner of a mole drew in gefferson Yeah, that is the story of John Bene Ramsey. I don't believe this. I don't believe this case Will ever be solved it's gonna go down as one of the great unsolved murders in American history

It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yes, it's so sad and the poor girl and don't have you know I don't know. Maybe we should pass legislation banning these these these child events. It's just disgusting They're out. Well, I know they're outlawed in France If the French don't allow it We're basically yeah, absolutely Sexualizing our kids stop it. It is it's an epidemic. It really I mean I hate to say it But even you watch those MTV like the new musicians that are out now like they look like children They would they're wearing nothing. I sound like a total father or something

But it's just it's more than it ever was before the little the little girl of vacation of like sexuality of like I think it's Disgusting shaved pussies grow some bush ladies. Yeah. Yeah You know, let's not go crazy a little bit of bush Oh, yeah, you know what? I hate it. You know what? Keep it shaved, but tattoo your driver's license on And that way we all know I know what I'm looking at. It's perfect. I do. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got a bush Just so no one thinks I'm a little boy. I don't think they're gonna think you're a little boy All right, there it was a little best of episode of us screaming at each other talking about a whole series of dare I say

wonderful peaceful Things yeah, yeah, it's nice to have Cuz Christmas cuz it just relentlessly comes around every year like Jason Voorhees It seems to come around earlier and earlier every year, but maybe I just say that every I will say this year I was certain get to it superiorly offended if I see a fucking single Christmas order on Halloween. I Just I get so upset I get so trigger. It seems like you need to grow your heart twice the size like that like the grinch And he had finally the heart attack took Henry's a Browsky that we all know was coming

Yeah, isn't that weird inside of your body in all of our bodies? There's just one little one little Homer Simpson person working on one little thing. He's gonna fall asleep one day Yep, you never wake up. No, you never wake up. Very scary. Happy Merry Christmas. Have a great holiday season y'all We love you check out all the shows and LPN. We got wizard in the bruiser We've got page seven. Yeah a blink and stop hat Celebrate so many different ways side work. No dogs in space. Go check them out Checker checker check about brighter side if you want to check out have some have a night have a smile Have a smile has Christmas have a smile this Christmas have some cookies have some ice cream and some pies

And just try to stay warm and have a nice time with whoever you can be around. All right, everyone. Hail yourselves Hail Satan my goose delicious. Hey me. Are you Jesus? Are you Jesus Christ because that's who gets hailed on Christmas? I wish I had his fucking abs This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast now network.com