Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 109: Regional Monsters II: A Hint of Mucus
Episode Date: February 17, 2015We further explore the wilds of America in our second episode on regional monsters with tales of Loveland Frog Men, the Flatwoods Monster, the Melon Heads, and the Wendigo! ...
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There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left
That's when the cannibalism started
You see all these all these frog monsters got to do if they want to be accepted by society if you put a hat on them
Put a suit on them give them a fishing pole like just like an old-timey sad clown and put them out
Like the old figurines you ever my grandmother had to see you figurines of little frogs little
figurines and little trolls
Fishin everyone's fishing. I guess it's cuz frogmen are casual well every time they see them. They're just hanging out
That seems weird though and in by the road. Yeah
Let's see Marcus. We're good to go. All right. That's Marcus parks. I'm Ben kissle
We're joined by a fellow who said the word cute four times
Recently, which is the most I've ever heard him say the word
Okay, you guys got any guys got any water to wet my skin
Are you a frog man? You're a frog man. I'm just being a frog man
I'm just asking around for a friend better. I'll just dip your toes in the water there frog man
You know what I'd like to apply for a barista position. You want to work here at Starbucks?
Oh, he just throws up just by all and yeah swamp muck all over the Starbucks fucking camera
It turns out it tastes great in the coffee. You're hired frog man. It's a tough academy
Get a jab it is a very tough economy. All right, so obviously that was Henry the frog man's a brown
I'm gonna try to get through this whole episode without saying Holden instead of frog man
Oh, that's good because it's so hard. It's a go-to joke. Of course, you know hold the McNeely. He's the lizard lizard
It's fucking disgusting. That's right
You know and I it could have just been most of these are just sightings of the McNeely family
It's parsing for bugs next to dirt roads
It's actually interesting though because most of the McNeely family very handsome very attractive
Avery is a dream book
From his his grandparents who were first cousins. Yeah, there was some trickle-down gene there some frog genes
But of course we're discussing the frog man because today's subject is regional monsters
Hey, we're going on the country. See what monsters you got. Oh, hey there, Wyoming. You got a giant horse. Good to see you
That's just a big horse. Yeah, and it is interesting when you say country and that seems to be the place where most of these sightings happen
Very rarely in urban environments
I think these people it's because the satellite dish companies don't get out to the coal mining areas of West Virginia
So they have to make fun little shows for themselves
Okay, so of course today's first monster that we're going to discuss the Loveland frog
It's just really grow like a love land because I've land. I mean, where is this? This is which area of this is Ohio, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so high what does not a lot of love happen in Ohio
Right, there's a bunch of love winter months a lot of snuggling a lot of hair fibers tingling other hair fibers
No, I love from lovers. I love people from Ohio. Yes, you know
But it seems like you got and you're gonna get a lot of frog men from Ohio beautiful women frog men from Ohio
Yes, well ladies enjoy a nice frog man from Ohio like you
All right, because if not he's gonna he's just gonna be fucking a chicken
That's right and a frog having sex with a chicken. There's no place for that in my America Marcus
I don't like it, but Marcus. Let's go down. Where did the Loveland frog begin? How did this myth start?
Well at approximately 3 30 a.m. In the year 1955 and approximately 3 28 a.m.
I remember the time exactly because that's what I was going to look for frogs as I did every Wednesday a
Business man
This guy is he's in from out of town
Expected to see these kind of frog men everywhere. What kind of business do you think he's a part of I don't know the ass factory?
Ah making fake butts. Hey, we got the most primo fake butts in the Ohio Valley can stand
Isn't that something in two black guys because going door-to-door in Ohio selling fake butts that'll get you punched in the face
All right, so Marcus give us some info on the Loveland frog
So the businessman who shall remain nameless to this day. I love a good anonymous business man
He claim to the Bilderberg group. Oh, this is a G7 thing
I think you're giving him quite a bit. I'm sorry. He was in the middle of the woods at 3 30 in the morning
I haven't even heard the story yet
He claimed to have witnessed three bipedal quasi reptilian entities congregating by the side of the road
Did he literally say those words to the officer? Yeah. Yeah, and was he immediately?
Arrested and booked for meth abuse because he was hi
55 he was on the Benny's yeah, what's the Benny's those would be amphetamine tablets. Yeah, Benzadrin
It's what like all of Jack Kerouac's things were written on. Yeah, isn't that something that isn't that's what I have to get up
But back in the day people used to have so many more drugs just lying around cocaine next to the sugar jar
We had a bad toothache. That was like a time when he'd have like a jar to be full
It's like I got two yellow jackets got your buzzes got weavers, you know whippersnappers things like that
I got to make it from Cincinnati to St. Paul overnight. Give me some Benny's
Yeah, some of these health pills. Yeah, he wants some weasers as well. That'll be good for you
So the man pulled the card to the curb and witnessed these three creature creatures
He observed them what is estimated to be about three minutes. Okay, and now how big are these creatures?
They must be three to four feet tall. Yes, three to four feet. Yes, he said they were covered with leathery skin had webbed hands and feet
Frog like measure them in McNeely units. So each one is one McNeely unit long
You get one every ten minutes. Yeah, is he certain that these weren't just day laborers
Who are up really early?
Do we know what he claimed them to he said they were distinctly frog-like in their head region
Okay, and he claimed that they bore deep wrinkles where there should have been hair
Just here's what's very interesting
Just as the man was about to speed away because barely three minutes is enough
One of the frogmen produced a wand. Yep from who knows where really and he started
Flinging it above his head shooting sparks everywhere. Yeah, the Roman candle
Giant frog got into some fireworks and somebody left in his shed and they're just like they thought they were just saying hello
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense or maybe maybe there was three tiny elderly children
What's that disease where you're a child?
Pejoria yes, perhaps three people with pejoria just out there looking for help and yeah down the only
Racial slur to call people with pejoria frog head. Is that it? This man's a racist typical business
That's another thing is that all of these regional monsters have names that could definitely just be applied to any race
You got a damn frog head and
It is said that the scent of alfalfa and almonds were left behind
Like almonds. Yeah, why would he leave? Yeah, it sounds nice. It's like a bath and body works over there
Beautiful. Yeah, the frog scent and then as the frog man was waving the wand a small scent of mucus
Came out of the frog man's mouth a scented mucus a small hint
Excuse me. Oh, I see a hint of mucus came flowing from his mouth. You only want a hint
You only want a dash of mucus with your regional monster. I just like you need I just think he saw a big-ass
Frogs, right? He probably saw three or four feet tall with a wand with the wand
That's where it turns into a Hummel figurine, right?
Yeah, just a big basically turns of one of those one of the say elegant memories. What are the name of those dolls with no faces?
Um, what are the precious memories and I'll tell you those children were praying a lot
I'll say if you want to get me back into spending some money and some precious memories make them all frog men
I'll do it that reminds me my parents when I was growing up
They had a brilliant idea to get rich all they did was collect humbles thinking that they were gonna skyrocket in prices
This is pre beanie baby face. Oh, yeah, and turns out nobody wants a Hummel anymore
So they have a bunch of trash. Nobody wants weird childhood memories frozen and porcelain anymore. No, it's very terrified
But they thought they thought there was gonna be a huge market for these
But I also love the space but I love it so before we'll jump into more details love land frog men
But I love these regional monsters because it's it's it's it you also get something about each society
Like what animals they find to be scary because it's like you are
Marcus is terrified of frogs. I hate frogs
This I almost didn't want like when I was doing the initial research for this
I saw love land frog man and some of the list. I was like nope moving on
I was especially like if I look at when I was looking at drawings of the love land frog man
Mm-hmm me and a frog man have like the same body
Tiny round no, but you know and then like what my dad looks like my dad looks like a little turtle because he's just getting
Uglier and uglier every year, right? I'm gonna look the same
I'm gonna turn into a love land frog man, right pretty soon
Well, as soon as you start hanging out of the highways of Ohio, we'll know the transformation is complete. Hey, you guys see my wand
You know one day I'm gonna see one of these businessmen
I'm gonna sell them a whole TV show story on us little Cynthia frogman my daughter. All right
Let's go back to the bogs Cynthia frogman my daughter and what a wonderful beautiful daughter. She is she's just going
Yeah, well you should have seen her mother. I just wish you could be attractive just to get us out of this goddamn swamp
Now you want to sell your frog daughter for sex you want to get her into the human sex frog man trade
Hey Cynthia go over to the man go in
This is my daughter Cynthia and I gotta say she's got that fog
He's got that never quit and frog vagina that you gotta do it on this on this on those long business trips
I mean, I'll tell you that sounds like the
1950s version of a flashlight just a nice soft Cynthia the frog just a hint of mucus. Yeah
Oh, you want more mucus? Cynthia spit it up. Spit it up real good. You got it inside. I
Think she's choking. I think she's choking now. Oh, no, that's just the sound she makes when she loves you
Well, she must love me a lot
20 years go by. Oh, no frogman sightings. I can't believe
Unbelievable until almost 20 years until 1972 early March
Jimmy's burning the American flag women got flowers in the hair. Is that a chick with no brazier on
I want to grab her unbelievable
To police officers or at least actually one police officer sees this the second police officer comes later one police officer
Says reported that he saw a four-foot tall frog faced human-like creature with leathery skin
This is what the report said
The creature was three to four feet tall 50 to 75 pounds leathery skin possibly wet
Madden hair on its body that made it look textured possibly a tail ahead and faced like a frog or lizard and
could leap over the roads guardrail and
And she sounds like every Italian grandmother
Possibly wet maybe wet. I would say
We don't have the tactile evidence
So but I try to touch it and admit me and now I'm slowly turning into a frogman myself
He tried to sell me a bunch of her famous origa Tony
It seems like we have some very high-class individuals discovering the frogman
Usually it's more local yokels who are toothless and ready to shoot their shotguns at anything that doesn't go ahead and not say
These police officers aren't yokel locals. Yeah, I mean they are men of the law
They are men of the badge, but no, it's true to police officers saw it
We have this one police officer saw it it jumped over the rail, right and then another one shot at it, right?
Yeah, another one shot after an anonymous farmer reported citing four bizarre creatures while inspecting his field
I don't mean you'd scare your police officers, but I prefer to have my name be left out of this
Let's I get revenge from the other frogmen in the forest, but I believe I saw one
You should go shoot it and it's big frog shape head when I got to go corn's rotten
You should have gone a little while ago then and a new detail was added to the frogman by this farmer
For their mouths were wide and filled with sharp teeth. I just really think this is people seen a different race for the first time
I'm having a tough time here with the with the frog man ever since that golden dragon opened up in the corner of
Clarence and where this was in front of seeing frogmen all over the place
However, it must be noted that the original policeman recanted his story later on he recanted his story
He said it was an is no monster. It was not leathery or had wet matted fur
It was not three to five feet tall. It did not stand erect the animal
I saw was obviously some type of lizard that someone had as a pet that either got too large for its aquarium
Escaped by accident or they simply got tired of it
It was less than three feet in length ran across the road and was probably blinded by my headlights
It presented no aggressive action
Just because people because he shot at it so he saw a lizard in the street and he shot at it
Yeah, well, that's what everyone made fun of him. I mean he came back and it's like it was five feet tall
And I had to shoot at it, you know, yeah, Ohio PD. I mean, you know top of the game
It seems like um, what was I gonna? I had a thought but then I lost it
But what is the more reasonable story that someone just had a Komodo dragon in the middle of farmlands, Ohio and
Just let it go he was forced to recant the story the frogmen got ahold of him in the middle of the woods
They started tickling the speed and said do you want to keep your goddamn job? Well, then you better change your tune buddy. That's right
Tell him it was a normal lizard
Exactly
Being tickled to death is its own special health especially by a bunch of frog people. Yeah, it's sucking on your toes
It's going like
I don't know why you're still trying to pawn off that disgusting Cynthia toad woman
Frog daughter. I'm sorry. Just something the way she swings them hips. Oh
Oh, melodic and it's like a bobblehead of a hula woman a bobblehead
You know now that I think about it being tickled to death by frog people is my worst fear
That's your biggest fear right behind prison. Yeah. Yes. Yeah prisons like the more real fear
Yeah, yeah, you're the frog in prison
It's called you Cynthia frog man
Passing you back and forth between cell block C and D
Well, no, you know what you could use less of them teeth when we just fuck them out of your brain real quick that
You know, you could use more of mucus. Let's get you crying. Let's get you crying. That's very prison lube
So let's move on to a much more famous monster real quick any any in anybody dead from the frog man
Nobody from the frog. No, they just saw a frog man. They just saw frog man. That's a fun thing
There's a lot of these stories are the most of stories are like I looked up on the hill and I saw him and it ran away
Every every one of these stories. So I would yeah, there's not a lot of they didn't get an interview with the frog
Okay, well, maybe we should go there any of our friends in Ohio that maybe you live in
Loveland, Ohio, please go try to interview the frog man in the woods
I'm not sure exactly where they're located
But if you see a road flare or something like that stop and if it turns out it's just a somebody who has a flat tire in desperate need
Keep on going. They're not a frog person. No, no, no
But if you've also also if you ever happen to have dated a frog man
Please get in contact with us because we'd love to have an interview with him. Yes, indeed
And I'm sure our emails will be lightened up with that because I'm sure there's a lot of ladies in Ohio who have claimed
To have been I think I may have dated a frog man
But I in the end I think he was just his name was Brandon and he was a Buckeyes fan. Yes
So this next guy is someone that a lot of people out there probably would have heard about especially if you're really into aliens
Yep, the flatwoods monster. Yeah, this is my favorite kind of regional monster because I because you hear a lot with mothman
It's well a lot of these stories are often paired with UFO sightings. I love it because to me
It's I it supports the idea that there was a grand
Paranormal theory that like aliens and these monsters and elves and fairies and shit are all the same thing
Don't look at me like I'm I'm not even looking at you. I'm trying to I looked away. Yeah, you got a look away
I have a series of beliefs
The one fun thing about this with the flatwood monster, he has a little scooter with him
He's got his own little little like a doctor Robotnik. Yeah, like a
Professor X. Yeah
Which is very fascinating. Well the first sighting of the flatwoods monster was in
1952 when a group of kids saw a flying saucer
Crash into the land out of the sky. They went to go check it out. Of course. They saw a large pulsating
Ball of fire. Oh, which is really cool
Okay, because this was also witnessed by a bunch of people this was seen by like a like a couple dozen people some adults
They called the police station because they were like they thought there was a downed aircraft
And so a bunch of people went out to go see what they saw and the great show in the history channel introduces us to a
Investigator who has been working on the case for 20 years 20 years had a wife in 20 years and
He's got a lot of files on the flatwoods monster
He does have a lot of files and a lot of saying I think he's just got a lot of dirt in those canisters
He's collecting all the dirt from the scene. Well, of course these kids though
They were the first on the scene. It was a group of three kids
They detected a pungent mist in the air
A lot of smells. In fact, we see that a lot with big feet as well
Yeah, it's scunk big feet that would be the plural big foot. Okay. There are many big
I don't know about I've never been an organ, but I swear to God
I'm scared the idea that there's like nine to twelve big foot something there
I think big foot is the proper term. Yeah, not big feet
Well, if any of you have an opinion on whether it's big foot or big feet, I guess it's the time to email
Well, go to the last podcast go to the last podcast Facebook page and let us know there big feet sounds like a whole nother creature
No, he's got he's not only he's only got one big foot. He's got two big feet
So if you want to make an argument that the whole thing is wrong
Two big feet and I will add that into my super theory
Uh-huh
It's an ongoing debate then I'm going with big foot when I release my journals
Everyone will see the truth. No, you're gonna you're gonna be framed for a crime. You didn't commit just because they're so psychotic
So they go out there with their flashlight
They're looking at the object that is of large glowing ball on the ground and they see off to the left two glowing lights
In the trees they shine their flashlight over revealing a creature
Which is said to be at least 10 feet tall a red face
bulging non-human eyes and shaped like either a heart or the ace of space people saying it's ace of spades and it looks specifically
Very artificial now we're like which is really interesting because you're gonna hear there
There's several other sightings of this monster which we'll hear right now
And he apparently this is some sort of costume. He was wearing or some sort of protective suit
Yes, it makes sense. Yeah, why don't you take some of the other sightings?
Well, the other sightings were basically the the other there was a couple driving was a 31 year old woman and her daughter were driving down
The highway near the area where it's originally seen about a week later and they saw
Another gigantic nine foot tall humanoid. This is they were driving
Say very similar to a UFO story blinding light hit the car
They stopped the car in front of them through this light and smoke which began to surround the car
Which again, they said smelled like mustardy smelled super sulfury this creature and a gigantic look like what?
Well, we hear and describe the original sighting of the monster. It's like a gigantic metallic skirt
Yes, and it's bleeding. Yes, and it said the same thing this creature came forward
It looked lizard in nature nine feet tall to its hands the same thing that it described in the first monster
Its hands were just like two long digits. Yeah, two little fingers short stubby arms ending in long claw like fingers
Yes, protruded from the front of the body. Yeah, it's just somebody after an 18 hour rave
Just body painted. Yeah, some woods rave
Yeah, but it was floating on on this device and it came up to their car touch their car and apparently created a V
Burn on the hood of their car and then disappeared and the car stopped right they had some car troubles. Yeah, that was the
Yeah, we're very common UFO scenario. What is the name of the town again? This is Braxton County, West Virginia
Braxton County way, so I'm just gonna go on a limb a 31 year old mother
Driving with her 21 year old daughter. Yeah
21 year old daughter isn't that interesting both of age
This is another common scope well because you can easily connect this to the mothman
Sightings because mothman same exact thing coal town giant glowing redding eyes huge nine foot tall creature and there
But he could fly he didn't need this
But there's it's there's a connection to the two that I think a lot comes from like the
Poisonous gases coming out of the mountains. Well, that's my favorite thing about it
This guy would he would just get everybody's super messed up on this on these inhalants mustard gas
Yeah, because the people who originally saw the flatwoods monster got incredibly sick
Yeah, they say even later on and on that monster quest episode on
About the flatwoods monster. They basically said like everybody who was involved in the original sightings have been dying a cancer
But the thing is it's a very old sighting and I have a feeling these people all change
They were gonna get and there was a lot of whiskey and they all died just it seems to be natural cause
But there's all coal mines. I mean there is a very rational explanation for the flatwoods monster
They all got a blood and throat cancer. Yeah asteroid owl
I don't understand what do you mean explain this owl thing they said that they that the way they have explained off the
Flatwoods monster is that it's this chain now that they saw and they saw an asteroid
There was a fire in the forest and then they saw big ol owl and it shined their lights on it in the in the
And they have a thing called an expectant
Perception yeah, yeah, we're like they use in cryptozoology
Which is that this idea that like if you are told that you're gonna see shit and it's like cause the mothman was also happening
I'll nut like nearest to the same time and these stories have happened all over the country for forever
And so it's like you're expecting to see something
So maybe you'll take the vision of an owl that you shined a flashlight on and make into a giant monster in reality
Not only that but in 1952 this was when aliens and UFOs were all over movies
They were all over comic books television these kids. They see something flying out of the sky. Remember their children
Yeah, and then they they will see what they want to see they were in their teens
Yeah, they were in their teens, but still these are the types of kids that are gonna be seen that type of stuff and the short
type of protruding limbs with claws
Get pretty big they can't get nine feet
I mean they can't well if they're up top and you see if they're on top of say a bush or something like that
Because it was also described as being green in nature. Mm-hmm the actual pleated skirt
It could be an owl sitting on top of a bush
How am I the one that is being portrayed as crazy right now?
I'm just saying it just sounds crazy that just some owls gonna be around in the forest
I've seen a lot of owls. I've never thought it was the Flatwood monster not even once not at all
But you never know but there is these stories have been told for years and years and years and so and it's so we could
Probably hop from that to the moth man, of course the moth man, which is just that we have we've when did moth man start?
1966 1966 so and this is again West Virginia. I've mapped it. It's about an hour from Flatwoods
And so it's the same area again a town sitting on and that's specifically a point pleasant, right?
Point pleasant was sitting on a coal waste dump like underneath the ground
They dumped all the waste products from the coal mine into the water supply. Yeah, they're getting poisoned for a while
So they were just seeing things like maybe yeah, but I feel like if you get poisoned for 20 years you get used to it
Oh, absolutely. You know yeah, yeah until the cancer comes
Well, and the cancer's gonna come for us all anyway most likely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah massive heart attack
As well, that's a that's a very good possibility
We don't know though going back to Flatwoods real quick
We don't know where the smoke came from and everyone does seem to think that that was a real phenomenon
It just sounds like the smoke is a part of what made you see the thing is that it's probably some fart from a mountain of poison
It was a whole gas it was a mountain out in there. Yeah, I made everybody just go like
Yeah, the impact of the asteroid upon the ground could have expelled some sort of gas because there are asteroids falling on record
At on that day at that time in that area. Oh, so that's it. Yeah, unless it came from the asteroid
That's a very very good possibility
It's an asteroid in a big owl. Oh, it is. All right. All right a lot of smoke though
I'm gonna take a look at the evidence again, and it's decided for myself if it's not the blackwood
Monsters real or not. Oh, you mean the children's drawings. Yeah
Well, they're very well very creepy. Yeah, they're creepy as shit. I like the way you describe
Uh, you know how that's just the earth fart and so like a guy's words. Oh, yes
You're taking a big piss and then like a volcano. Oh, it's just guys shit. I'm not a scientist
Right. That's yours. Take a big shit and then you're like you're bad
They know that most of you must have had some spicy food. Oh, you look like a spicy shit to me. Oh
So instead of us really getting into the mothman because we cover the mountain before everybody knows it and so a real brief a
Bunch of mothman sightings happen and then a bridge collapse outside of this and point-plus in West Virginia
And they believed it became this harbinger of bad news
Well in reality the bridge collapsed because of bad government
Infrastructure in this country is not doing well not nailing it. No, but let us go to the land of the Bard
Yes, I want to hear well, so I love doing this when we're researching topics and we've already covered
It's like let's see what the mothman has inspired
Yeah, so let's hear some music that is mothman based that I mean it's surprisingly good music
Every artist has one story to tell right. That's what I vote. That's what I was heard from from ancient times
Eric Clapton has a dead son. Let's tell the story tell the story over and over and over and over and over in the world
Yeah, but this is this is a couple of tales a couple of
discretionary songs
Invented from the folklore of the mothman. I mean the reality of the mothman, though. West Virginia
Oh man, I want a finger pop Jenny so bad
I love this. Oh, man, you ever read the lyrics to this song
This is my favorite three-page. Oh, man. You want to huff some fucking shit from this cheese whisk and
This is great if you close your eyes, you can almost see the mothman
Is this cross me still snatching young and mothman
Well, this is wonderful as much as we love this. Yeah
This is this is actually one of this is dwindling human conscious
Conscious and this is mothman song version two. Wow version one was acoustic and it was very pretty
He had his girlfriend on tambourine
And she called to the tambourine, but it was just a dried beans in a jar that she'd shake that that's fine
That's normal
And you know, this is a metal style which you know, you expect that from a mothman an urban legend type thing
You know, you expect mevel. Yeah, all of us like metal man
Mothman loves mevel. You better worry bringing them out because mothman will bring bad luck and then like and make sure that your
Guitarist doesn't really know how to play guitar because these guys are experts. Oh, this is amazing. This is this is this is one guy
This is one guy bedroom. Oh, it's like kid rock. He doesn't he does it all he plays all the instruments
I've recorded songs like this in my bedroom before and and it's this is pretty much what it sounds like
This is a song about Becky
Go mothman version two now it was about scissors
My song. What was it about scissors scissors?
Okay
Yeah, so let's move on to another style very good music. This is just called the mothman
This is kind of sexy though. Yeah, it's a woman is involved. Oh, let's check this out. Oh, oh, yeah
It sounds like sing-and-see music factory
I love that's I'm my window just to take a peek. I saw something in the sky way up high
I saw something fall. I saw something tall. Is it me? I kind of like it. Oh, not me
Yeah, way to go Melissa Starfall. Yeah, Melissa Starfall. This is pretty sweet. This is good. Let's see that sort of a Peaches vibe as well
Yeah, I think it's the exact beat from this is pretty sweet. I want to put this up on the Facebook page
Yeah, I think it's gonna make people start making out. Yeah, definitely
I put it on my iPod. Can I just say that I actually did put it through a converter to an MP3 and I put it on my iPod
That's normal. Yeah
Freakin high, you know when you're high, you start saying things
Yeah, and then she starts dogma getting high, which is great. We all love getting high
That's right
And there were some truth to those lyrics when you get high you do start seeing things. Yeah. Yeah lion absolutely
It just so happens to be through the entire West Virginia area
You can get high just by walking through the forest. It seems like there's so much toxic gas suck on the ground
Flying through there. Don't eat the grass. Don't don't do that whatsoever
Well, let's move over to Michigan. Okay for one of my favorites the melon heads
Again another possible slur
You can contribute to any race that you want a lot of this
I think is again, they just saw somebody with a different shaped head. Yeah, a lot of that out
I'm just trying to think what what race would go well with the melon. I'm not gonna say
I mean, it's it's up for you to decide the irish. You know, maybe I know it's it's always the irish
They have the huge heads. It's I didn't want to say I was thinking the irish
But I feel like we harp on people have big scottish. I'm scottish. I have a big okay
Well, then you can say it. Yeah, and I was actually turned on to this by a listener. Yes
Yeah, PJ Griffin sent a wonderful email to cave company radio team. We love the story so much and the story is great
So here's what we know about the melon heads according to one story from Michigan
They were originally children with hydrocephalus who lived at the junction in St. Asylum near Felt mansion
Yeah, what is hydrocephalus hydrocephalus is a it's a condition in which there's too much water in your head
And your head is just literally where the term waterhead baby comes from. Yeah, and what they would do is
It's a term for uh, I mean they use it for all mentally disabled people
But this is if you ever see, uh,
Crops they were called potato heads. Well, you could call them anything you want to really again. It's a regional thing
Yes, it's all
Some people have you know, uh, albertson quick trips. There was I'll tell you growing up. There was a great, uh, gas station called kikapoo
Ah, kikapoo gas station. We would laugh and laugh and laugh and it was great times the documentary Cropsey
Um, they show the original footage of uh, of herald over vera
This is the story that broke him when he went into the insane asylum if you want to see what uh, these what's the
I mean, waterhead is just so much easier to remember than the technical hydrocephalus hydrocephalus
If you want to see what these kids look like they're all in the background sitting in their own fecal matter and sitting in their own
year and and they just shake back and forth and it's real but I will see it sounds like they did a lot more than shake
Back and forth in this story. Yes, they did. They eventually after much physical and emotional abuse
They became feral mutants
Yes, and we're loosed into the forest where they eventually settled in underground caves
So they just let these feral big heads out into the forest. They were like, you know, it's like when you put the
Code in on mba jam and then look all the players just have the massive mallet
They just like taken extras at the food line. Why why send them out to the forest?
I think they're very difficult to deal with they always sound like they're splashing around you're like getting seasick just being around them
It's very bizarre drama me and just to do a therapy session
I always got a piss when bing goes around it just sounds like water's running all the time
But this is interesting because this is the first example take all those human snow globes and put them out in the forest
Don't shake them up too much
Mr. Brains
All wild
They're hanging out in the forest. This is interesting though because this is the first um
Monster that is actually does stem from a real human. It's just a disability
But there does seem to be a supernatural transformation that goes along
It's like someone who's unreasonably afraid of michael j fox of just being like, oh, I can't go anywhere near that jumping bean man
Yes, of course with the I believe he has palsy or parkinson. It would be it would be parkinson. That's ain't no Parkinson's
That's the devil's FIFA. Yes, who makes you shake a little bit and you get a sitcom
So that's actually not bad. I'd sell my soul for that
There are other versions of the story that say that the hydrocephalic babies the melon heads devised a plot to kill
the
Evil doctor that was causing them all this pain and they didn't know where to put the body
So they just cut them up and had pieces of them all which I understand because there was this bingo and bongo
We're sitting around there going me like I don't anything with the doctor did you won't put a faucet in my fucking
Put a faucet in it. Yeah. Oh my god. Well, if it wasn't for those goddamn melon heads, this whole place would have burnt down
But we managed to put a faucet through their head and they hose down the entire insane asylum. So we're saved
Thank you melon heads over in ohio. This is an actual slur, by the way. Yes. That's what it is. Yeah, it really is
Okay, uh over in ohio
There's another version of the story that says that the melon heads were created by an evil scientist named dr
crow
Also called dr. Trubano
or
Dr. Melonhead dr. Melonhead
And that's where the name came from of course absolutely and these are my melon heads
So it's sort of like a frankest situation. Yeah, but the other thing so it's going to dr. Melonhead
What disease do you have to have to go to dr. Melonhead for you got a big head? Yeah, you got a big head
Or do you go over the normal size head and he pumps you full of liquid and then you got a big head when you come out?
It said that that's what dr. Melonhead did is that he took some children who were normal and he made them has
Hydrocephalic and the melon heads the actual kids who already were already
Hydrocephalic pumped even more liquid in another way. This is even bigger. I this is just the era before the culligan man
This is before they would deliver water coolers to a living room. You just had a human water cooler
I will also see I can see also now between dr. Melonhead and these melon heads just run around inside of the insane asylum
Their hat bill must have been out of control insane. It's not one-size-fits-all
Is it they'll release him to the forest? Yeah, no fitted caps there
Can you imagine if these human melon heads were just used as the water fountain and all the water fountain conversation?
Just would have to be about them just one prohibition themed party just bankrupts the entire hospital
It's not good all the fedoras you have to buy oh my goodness
Oh, yeah, they can't dress like a 1920s flapper or a 1920s businessman
It's a rail thin society in the 1920s. We can't get the dresses over their big melon heads. Isn't this insane?
So now so what are the modern sightings of melon heads the modern sightings?
Well, I mean it's kind of an urban train the G train has a lot of no no no no no the real melon heads
It's a teenager type thing. They they go to the one that I mentioned earlier. I love this story felt mansion
Which story would that be story have in mind? So a group got
One story is apparently you see them off into the sides of dirt roads again like frogmen
They just hang out and like they so the story is a group of teenagers went
To go like neck and out in the woods and like these boys were like out looking for
Like scary shit to like scare their girlfriends. They're driving through the forest. They went down this dirt road
They pulled off they all got out to like I guess
I never did the thing where I made out with my girlfriend with a bunch of other dudes
Like I never did a group fuck with all my high school friends
I mean you can stop that sentence. It's disgusting, but you could argue. You never you just never made out with your girlfriend
You know, but everyone else I made her I made out with my girlfriend in high school so hard her face was flat
Really?
Yeah
The flat the flat face monster of wherever you're from
Um, so we the story right they were making out and apparently they're all hanging and they heard their car engine
Rubbing and they looked and so four melon heads in the car driving around the forest
Chanting and hollering at him like that is so all right do these melons. Do they have a confederate flag?
hat on as well with a t-shirt
Like they saw so the melon head stole their car. Yes, and so they looked at they literally just saw melons going like
So the flat wood monster is uh, you know knocking people out with it with a with a with a gas and a strange connecticut valley, mexican
yes
Stealing the car driving it all around these melon heads. They seem like we we actually have real evidence here
They're real and they saw there was a couple other sightings of it just big head kids
Now well what they say about connecticut because that sighting wasn't connecticut, right?
So what they say where the melon heads come from in connecticut is that of course they were turned out once again
They were not they did not develop hydrocephalus just as they were going out into the world
But because they resorted to cannibalism and because of inbreeding
They eventually developed hydrocephalus. I see I see a cause of hydrocephalus. No, I don't know what hydro
I mean, there's all sorts of things that they're just making up a bunch of myths so they don't have to treat them like people
That's probably what's happening here
But that's okay as a matter of fact
We got a couple of amazing emails this week and another one was from agale who works at the cdc the center for disease control and uh
Email us back and let us know what's going on here with these melon heads. Yeah, are you guys making a melon?
Are you making them? Is dr. Mellon head working for the cdc?
Oh, yes, he is doctor getting into this. I know you know this but dr. Mellon heads another thing for mangola
It's very awesome. It's very very possible. Well, these were mangola. These are post world war two stories
That's true and he was in america doing something well
He was in argentina, but his his double was in america doing all the mk ultra stuff
So he could be making melon heads. Yeah, if you say it like that it so sounds true
Yeah, you know it's it so sounds true. I love it
So I mentioned cannibalism. Yeah, this is a great story. This is my favorite
I love this and marcus will lead this up
I also love this idea because in these rural areas
Cannibalism happened a lot like especially in the anirondacks and places where you had like very condensed
What's like very condensed communities that were not
Necessarily connected to cosmopolitan areas if there was like an epidemic or something happened these people like massive
groups of people would die and you just have people living on the remains because they can't get to the food
I mean, you know, that's that's uh, they're snowed in if they're like
Must be weird. Yeah, must be weird to just like look at a group of dead people or like alive people that are about to die
It should be like future buffet like future buffet food right there. Oh, yeah
That's gonna be my daily value meals on fucking wednesday. I'm having some mrs. Henderson
What's the best part of the human body to eat? Do we know but the but the but is the best part
Absolutely, even as a browski even out. Well, look at this fine meat. I got right you got no, that's your thigh
That's your right here from right under my balls to my knee. That's a that's a flamie. Oh
You got right over here. I got thick rib meat. You don't have to lift up your shirt. Look Henry
I don't want to look at it Henry. I've seen it. Yeah, you've all seen it. You're always lifting up your shirt
So don't tell me I'm not good to eat. I'm a person that I'm a prime suspect
I said your butt wasn't good to eat your entire body is amazing
I would love to see it general sows Zabrowski. Yeah, I'm sure it'd be great. I'd be afraid to eat you
Well, that's a long and your meat's gonna be all fucking stiff and marbled because of my ups and downs with weight
Is that good or bad to have a marbled meat? Yeah, it depends on your preference. No, that's Kobe beef
That's I'm a Kobe kiss. I'll be finally
The fat is littered through because it's been massaged for so long. Oh, and yes, I've been massaged
See, I'm just stringy. I'd be like eating a rabbit. Yeah, that's not good. Yeah, you got to kill someone like Jackie my sister
Her up eat her. That'd be great. She'd be good. She'd be good
So let's go to the best cannibalistic regional monster of all the windigo also known as windigo
windago windigo windiga
witiko witako
And manaja
Well, isn't that something
Are these old car brands?
The 2007 manaja
Manaja
That's great four door not bad. So the windigo is a demonic half beast creature
It appears in the legends of the algonquin people on the atlantic coast and the great lakes region of both canada and america
I take uh, I I take um, uh
Issue with the term half beast if it's something's a half beast. That's a full beast
Yeah, well you're essentially happy. I'm looking at the whole thing. The whole thing's a beast if you're any part beast
You're all beast. Yeah, you're beast. It's like it's like they say if you mix five pounds of ice cream
Five pounds of shit you get ten pounds of shit. Yeah, that's right. That is a great thing
I've never heard that ever
ever
But you never heard that. No, I'm just applicable to many things in life
I just never word at a work that has scatological cold stone before. Ah, yes, of course
The scatological cold stone
So that stone the windigo could be one of two things
It is either an evil spirit that possesses a human or it could be what a human becomes
After eating the remains of another human very similar to the skinwalker stories as well
This is true. Once you this is also another native american legend
Once you do go cannibal and you start eating and dining on all of your greatest friends and peers
You do begin to go insane. What now what region is this mostly located around?
Most of the great lakes region places where it gets very cold
Very fast and there's a lot of snow because when people used to freeze to death constantly
Yeah, it's very much a cautionary tale
This is one of the only ones that we see as far as regional monsters go because regional monsters aren't really cautionary tales as much as urban legends are
They're just more fun. However, the windigo is very much a cautionary tale because apparently there were so many people
Eating each other in this time in history in this native american tribe that they had to create
A legend to keep people from doing it because a lot of these people like what we did with jesus christ
Exactly. Yeah, or what the zebrowski house did with the koko puff monster
And they said if you eat all the koko puffs and the monster cobs and he watches you sleep all
Oh, koko puff monster here. Well, do we have any more koko puffs? Oh, we do. No, he's not here because we have koko puffs
Oh, I don't even bring up the koko puff monster around me
It said when the windigo ate someone it would grow in proportion to the meal it had just eaten
However, it would never be full. So windigos were simultaneously gluttonous and emaciated
They were always hungry yet always growing also very like a zombie story as well. Yes
It also sounds like a pomeranian if I may say so myself. I don't want any your dog nanny humor pomeranian in this show
They just eat and they eat and they eat and they never get full
And of course once a person tasted human flesh, they would immediately be
Consumed with the hunger. They would develop these violent violent thoughts. There was a reason why this legend was in place
Yes, they didn't just doing it. Can you don't eat Sadie? Yeah, yeah, don't eat becky
But the meat would be so well preserved. It's freezing cold in these great lake communities. I mean, I feel like
I can see the temptation, but even in stories in like of other tribes from other areas, you know
The Mayans committed did a lot of cannibalism in Africa. There was a lot of cannibalism
There's a lot of places where that happened and there there is diseases associated with eating human meat
Oh, yeah
So before the heroin epidemic of the 70s the crack epidemic of the 80s. It was the cannibalism
Epidemic in the 1950s. Yeah, 1550s. Yeah, I mean, it's a bit of a stretch similar. Yeah
Yeah, I mean you you get addicted to it after your first bite after your first smoke or toke and then you go absolutely insane
And you'll do whatever it takes to get it including murdering your fellow man
It was said in these cultures in the northern Algonquin cultures that cannibalism even to save ones life
You absolutely could not do it
And if there was some sort of famine because famine would come across quite often in these harsh areas
You would they would either whole tribes would commit suicide
rather than
Eat their fellow men
Or they would design themselves to death. I yeah, I would have just you know
I would have been so bad back in the tribal times
They're all talking about it's like we must commit suicide in order to
Keep the honor of our people. Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys. How about we just do like a sit brunch?
How about you do a brunch? You want a brunch, huh?
Let's have a sit. We'll do a brunch and we'll check in, you know, like I made I made these things
I invented this thing. It's cold. It's called a pig in a blanket. It's what I'm calling it
Yeah, that is that is your shit wrapped in a leaf. Oh, I'm sorry
I guess if you've been five pounds of shit with five pounds of pig in the blanket, all you get is 10 pounds of shit
Yeah, yeah, you have to really do that with anything. You can mix anything with shit and then it's just shit
I would actually agree one pound of shit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a tiny piece of shit
I don't even want to accidentally eat the tiniest. No, I know it. It's all mixed up in there. Yeah. No
It starts hiding. Not a chance for it, you know, I even have a hard time when I'm brushing my teeth
After I've taken a big old dump in the bathroom because I know the shit poo poo flakes is all over my stuff
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know, they just stay there. They don't go away
What? Well, no, his poo poo flakes might get up and leave
I don't know I play a flute and they follow me down the hallway
Out to the outside and I throw them at a homeless man. That's great
What I find very interesting about the windigo is that it is the only
Uh, urban legend or the only monster that has actually it's uh, the things that people say about it have actually found
their way into psychology and what is known as windigo psychosis
Interesting. However, I mean a lot of people say they have debunked it, but it is
Documented many times that people once they get that taste for human flesh
They don't want to stop. It's all they want. Well, yeah, you get keyed into the sort of the primalism of it
Yeah, it's kind of interesting. So our final two here with the uh, with the uh, with the melon heads and the windigos
These are real phenomena. These are actually things that exist. They're based on something or not
Like the melon head sounds like a combo of an urban legend and what it just seems to be
A huge fear of people with disabilities. Yes, and this is more like keep you don't just don't eat each other
Kind of would love to see some uh, some melon heads in the special olympics just run in there
Ah, you know just attack stealing like all the judge's cars and stuff riding them around the parking lot
I mean, there must be a great skill. What would be the the perfect olympic skill for a melon head?
Synchronized swimming. Oh, you can't yeah
Bobbling on the top of the thing because of the water polo density is the water. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. You can't drown
the common groups
Bob sledding that was the biggest mistake with the titanic none of melon heads on there
Haha, that's that's the attitude you get a bunch of melon heads for any ship
From here on out see because you could just tie them to the bows and you want the shits going down
It just keeps it up
You could do that and you know if everybody dies you want somebody to tell the tale and it'll be like a weird like melon head tail
Yeah, uh, but I love these could be interesting. So we're saying we have
Flaggins more. Oh, yeah, and you know wagons and you know what else there is an actual
I have an actual documented case of windigo psychosis. So what windigo psychosis is actually defined as
Is eating human flesh when there are other foods readily available
You choose to eat human flesh over other foods
A man named swift runner a planes cre trapper from alberta canada
And oh, he wasn't like italian from brooklyn
And 18 like he doesn't sound like he's wearing a tracksuit
In 1878 this guy swift runner butchered and ate his wife and his five children
Although there was a food storage only 25 miles away, which he could have come on. He could have made it. He's a swift runner
But he's not a long distance guy
I guess it's just his version of de giorno. Yeah
I mean instead of just making the 25 mile trip which he could have done
He opted to just kill his wife and children ate all of them every single one of them
They did not find him until spring came. They didn't realize his crime
They didn't find out about his crime and he eventually confessed and was executed by authorities at fort sascha one
So it's illegal
This is that wild
Which is so weird because I feel like if you make your kids shouldn't it be legal to eat them?
I mean, this is sort of a bill cosby joke on very true
Yeah, I think it is where I can take you out. Yeah, and I'm gonna take you out by eating the shit out of you
I just feel like yeah, if kids to me, it's like I made my own little rump roast. Yeah
Anytime I want they're just happen to grow up into people
I'd say up until the age of five
Do you kill after they go to school? You can't eat them anymore. You can't eat them
Okay, because then they have a registry and then some sort of book somewhere
So I guess you kill them all at once or do they just like slowly start to realize that like their brother is gone
And like your dad's like super happy and full but slower getting like jack Nicholson from the shining
That's the problem. The only way I can imagine killing my whole family is to be like
There's a surprise birthday party in the shed for mommy and they're like, we didn't even know it's mommy's birthday
And everyone go out to the shed and then I just line the whole shed with dynamite and it's popped it off
You know, but that's you can't get good food out of that. That's just mayhem. Well, that just sounds really premeditated
That sounds like that was just not off the cuff
You've thought about that for a little while. It's the old shit blowing up the shed trick
Blowing up every time. Yeah, that's good. There's so many regional monsters. So many. This is so much fun
Well, yeah, we could do nine episodes of these. Yeah, in the future. We'll get to the jersey devil
We'll get to the dover demon. There's so many things the dover demon was the beast of the beast of yeah, which is a giant cat
Yeah, giant cat. It's a real big cat. There's also flying people which is a big phenomenon
Like people just fly in the air. You see that a lot in like South America and Africa. There's like a lot
But that's international and that's a whole other kettle of monsters. Yeah, the beast of blade and burrow. Yeah
Dental dam, you know, but it's fun that we did and so I'd like to give a shout out to atomic cotton
Who saw me wearing a t-shirt of your sound you make it sound like it's a per atomic cotton the company
Wonderful t-shirt company. It's awesome. And they gave that they are they they saw me wearing a t-shirt
There's a best week ever. And what was the t-shirt of the human centipede?
Which I loved and I just want to say thank you to them go buy shirts from them
Yeah, you're from us. Is it just atomic cotton dot com atomic cotton dot com there. It's a mom and pop from kansas
Um, it's awesome. They make their own shirts and it's good shirts
It stands the tests of me wriggling around in them. Absolutely if it's strong enough for Henry Zabrowski
It's strong enough for anybody on the face of the planet and dare I say
um
And a wolverine as well like any sort of bat creature or winged beast could probably wear
Yeah, they could dress all of those interesting fact in wolverine's very first appearance. He battled windigo
Whoa
Wow
Incredible hulk 177. Wow, you knew that
Let's stop that. It's good that he knew that. I think it's 177. I could be right
You know how to blow up your family in a shed and he knows about comic books
Yeah, that did remind me of the scene from the burbs that great tom hanks movie at the end of course with the
181 181 you idiot marcus you idiot
No one's gonna love you now
But instead of bones coming from the chimney like the end of the burbs the zabrowski
Flesh and lard the fat that would fuck you up from the
The chimney there, you know, you just imagine what that would look like
I just want to steer clear that we're a thousand people massacred in this shed. No, no threes the broski's
Those are enough meat around here to fill
A small army. Um, all right. Well, we must wrap it up. Yes. We're gonna do a two-parter on this at some point
Oh, absolutely. We have to do nine nine of these actually. This is the second one of these that we've done
Oh, yeah, yeah episode 25 was a regional monsters episode. Yeah, we did moth man. Oh, that's right. Yeah
I don't think we just branded it moth man. Um, that's awesome. All right. No, we actually branded it regional monsters regional monsters
Well, whatever
Jesus Christ
Um, all right any other plugs?
No
If you guys didn't know me and ben also run a politics, uh podcast called abling can stop that
You can find that on cave comedy radio and we also do the round table of gentlemen
Always check it out on cave comedy
Henry's on that one every once in a while
And we found lately that a lot of people who like last podcast
Fucking love the round table of gentlemen. That's right. And abling can stop that if you dig politics if you got a mind for that
Yeah, it's nice. It's got it dips its toe in politics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's goofiness. Yeah, it's all goofiness
Well, hell Satan
Hail yourselves, and uh, yeah, I guess we'll just talk to you soon. Absolutely
Oh, yeah, mongoose delations that we haven't said mongoose delations in too long. I say it every year. Yeah
Yeah, as I always say
Me that's right. That's right. And go to atomic cotton.com and get your uh get your new shirts
Yeah, we landed this one on the harbor boy that chopper shirt is really nice
Oh, you want one of the shirts that chopper shirt. What's the chopper shirt is really nice. Oh, yeah, I know the shirt
Henry and marcus are fighting over medium. It's a good knife
All right, everyone hail yourselves. We'll talk to you soon