Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 130: Creepypasta VIII - Leg of a Horse

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

Creepypasta returns with two insane asylums, instructions on how to reach other worlds through elevators, and spooky-dooky twists involving horses.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Oh, yeah! Never be happy again. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

I'm sorry I didn't know we were over the warm up section. Oh, welcome to the show everyone. Welcome to the show everyone. That's Marcus Parks. I'm Ben Kissel, the guy who never finishes warming up. I don't need to finish warm up because I am hot to trot. Henry Zabrowski, hot physically to the touch. The doctors call it a fever.

Yes, obese in the summer. Yes, that I have some sort of sickness and that is why I am feverish to look at and hot to the touch because I am dying. So it's like when somebody gets cancer or did the doctor say that you gave yourself this sickness due to bad diet and overall health?

You know what they say how you are what you eat? Apparently, I have eaten up to the ceiling amount of dumplings and the doctors say that I am becoming a dumpling. A human dumpling? Full of delicious pokes. Ooh, thick, thick white

noodle skin all over my body. So line up Chinese women. Line up Chinese men. Well everyone likes a dumpling to be fair. And get a couple of ore sized chopsticks all over my house because we are having a Chinese fucking funeral.

And that is where they eat you with ores from a boat. That is what a Chinese funeral is. I ate up to 16 dumplings a week. Excellent. That is not bad. And I think it is good because it is showing in your skin. You are looking healthier. Yellow.

Yes, like you have a smoker skin. You have a smoker skin. I do have smoker skin, yes. Don't look at my index finger. Don't do it. And my thumb. Alexandra and Caitlin, thank you so much for the Schlitz and for the

great tray from Dahmer's Ambrosia Chocolate Company. It is pretty wonderful. Thank you guys. You are wonderful and beautiful and tiny. You are small but only because I have seen you in pictures on Facebook. So I am pretty certain you are only one inch tall.

Yeah, you should check them out on a larger computer screen. All right, we are going to live show coming up on June 28th at 10 p.m. We are doing all the plugs at the beginning. We are doing it. We are supposed to do the plugs at the end. No, because we haven't even introduced the shout.

It is going to be a creepypasta. Yeah, I know. There is a whole pot full of bubble and water full of fucking spooky spaghetti. You are sitting over here jerking off in the bathroom like some kind of grade C restaurant. Well, we got nobody at our show because we plugged it at the very end. Halfway through people turned it off because

I don't know how to read. People come to the show every week and it is not just drifters. Well, if they come every week, they are going to be very disappointed. It is a monthly show. Yes. So, that is fine. Either way, this month is June 28th at 10 p.m. right here at the creek of the cave. So come out for that.

As Four mentioned, it is a creepypasta. Rap-a-ra, rap-a-ra, rap-a-ra-ra. Oh, so much dough. All right, so let's set the mood. Hopefully at your work. First of all, you tell fucking Maria to stop reading your emails. All right. Get her ass over the other side of the cubicle.

So, if you are at work, first of all, yes, set your dominion, your territory. All right. If you are at home, light a candle. Hopefully it is mesquite scented so you get the waft of fresh barbecue. A barbecue candle? If you don't have that.

It is not common. You could just make barbecue in your kitchen. It is difficult. It is more difficult than you think. You have a grill top of your stove, but that is also expensive Yeah. Light yourself an onyx candle. Smells of lavender. Incense. But don't light those two candles together in the same room.

Barbecue in lavender. I don't even want you to unbutton your shirt today. I want you to cut it off you with the fucking scissor. Or unbutton if you don't have a lot of shirts. Like, I don't have a lot of shirts. Fluff your chest. Fluff your chest a bunch so your boobs look bigger to yourself. Smoke a big, long fucking

Gandalf's fucking stick. And be prepared to be scared. By the dulcet tones of Marcus Park's because I am Sprawski's 8th episode Creepypasta's. The 8th episode of the Creepypasta series. Yes. I mean, I'll tell you, these people keep

on writing them, so we have a lot more episodes to go. Yeah. Yeah. You never write them. Alright. Who wants to start it off, guys? I'll start with the drain. Yes. I feel the soft pattern of water on my head. I look

at the small holes that project the only light I can see. Water is coming through raining on me. Rain down, down, down. Ah, it feels wonderful. The water isn't clean though.

It contains all of the dirt and sweat from your busy day. I stick my tongue out, tasting you. Then comes my favorite part. You clean your hair. And some pieces come out. They travel through the holes.

Lending next to me, I scrape them up, moving to put them with the rest. I have a large collection of them. I've been collecting them since you were young. I have enough now to make a wig out of them. The water ceases, and you leave the view of my holes.

I place your hair on my head, strands falling on my face. I inhale deeply. Smelling you. I can only wait until you shower again. So I can show you my new hair. That's it?

That's the story? So he's just under the drain getting everybody's hair? He's a hair demon? It's a plumber, or a landlord. There's somebody down there collecting human hair. This is what I want everyone to be afraid of now. Just so you know, you're out there. You are fucking, you're in the shower

right, and you're scrubbing your vulva, right? Yeah, a little tiny man is looking through them holes, and he's collecting your hair, and he's making a fun little wig. A little child's wig or something, huh? It's such a little wig. Well, I watched that Chris Rock movie, Good Hair, and I didn't see this mentioned one time. I remember that that was culturally relevant.

It was, not like that story. No. All right, Marcus, what do you get, buddy? This one's called It Won't Be Long Now. So, shortly from now? Shortly. Okay. Good. Any moment now. Even now,

I can see the red glowing eyes. They're floating right above my laptop screen, but I don't want to look up. I need to focus on my writing. Not on the eyes. Not on the eyes. How long has it been? Only two months, I think,

since I started seeing those red eyes. I had just moved into my new apartment three days in, and I noticed the open door. Was it a railroad? Shhh. It was the old woman who greeted me warmly when I moved in.

I heard a slow, dull, metal-grinding screech as I walked by. Screech. Screech. And I let myself in. I was worried, and I was right to be. She was collapsed in the middle of the living room,

and there I stood, frozen in terror, looking at her lifeless body. That's when I saw them for the first time. The red, glowing, piercing eyes just floating in the corner of the room. Waiting. They disappeared when I turned on the lights.

They always do, but they wait in the shadows. At night, I keep my desk lamp beside the bed, but I can still see them. They sulk in the darkest corners of my room, and stare at me. I'm over here. I'm over here, buddy. You try to write. What is it? Some kind of blowjob movie?

Are you alright? Some kind of blowjob fucking movie? They're always staring at me. Looking right into my eyes whenever I'm brave enough to meet their gaze. Even during the day, even on the sunniest days, there are still shadows,

and in the shadows are eyes. I was brave in the light of day once. I got close to them, and saw that it wasn't just eyes. Teeth, too, in a giant grin that stretches up around its eyes. No mouth, really, just teeth. Each one looking like a serrated

switchblade, all in a row, stretched up around the eyes into a contorted, sinister, D. I bought flashlights. Of course I bought flashlights, but it always manages to mangle them in the dead of the night. I mangle your flashlights

so you cannot go. Maybe you should open your laptop and then you can light from the laptop, but I give you no suggestions. Or when a single shadow slips over them. So when the power went out, all that was left was the light of my laptop. It's so dim,

and I'm too terrified to move, huddled in the laptop's pathetic glow. I can hear that slow grinding noise. It's only a foot away, and the eyes are right there, above the laptop screen. Its teeth hidden behind the monitor. You watching some kind of funny YouTube?

You watching funny YouTube on your laptop? Oh, me watch. I should try to move, but I'm petrified. It won't be long now. My battery is at 7%. Woah. That's the most terrifying thing so far in the story. I hope you get my story.

I hope you post it. But God, most of all, I hope it doesn't hurt. Well, I don't know why he didn't close that off of it, but God, most of all, don't rent an apartment from an elderly Italian woman. Cause she's gonna stay in the house,

and I don't know where to go. Its aliens don't believe in nursing homes. And they don't understand privacy. No, that's the major problem. It is a big problem. And no, and absolutely, don't let him in there. The other thing too is, you know, get a charger.

No, no, no, you missed it. The power went out. Oh, the power went out. The backup charger. I mean, get it together. It just sounds like a kid trying to watch porn home. It's a small trailer, but he's got two perfect red eyes. Just tough.

He's got the beginnings of understanding of metaphor. No, it's good. I bet he's a senator now. I mean, I don't know. He didn't help out the dead woman, whatsoever. He was frozen in terror, staring at her lifeless body.

Sounds like not a hero. Not a hero to me. That's what this guy sounds like overall. I tell you, I got a great one for you. It's called 10. You read creepypasta, like a man trying

to teach a dude over at Intacom how to land a plane. Yes, well, God knows. Oh, God knows. I can't wait to have a kid. That'll be nice. Alright, so in this story, a man leaves his house every morning to walk around and go to work, and every time he does that,

he passes a mental hospital surrounded by a wooden fence. Every morning, the patients are out in the yard, and you can hear them saying in unison, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10. This is insensitive. The way you're doing this is what they sound like. People with mental handicaps. One day, he gets curious and looks through a hole

in the fence. Suddenly, a stick shoots out and pokes him in the eye. Fuck! He says to himself. He wouldn't say it out loud. He said it to himself. Fuck! Fuck! He said to himself. That's what it says right here. I'm just reading the story as written.

While walking away, pissed off, he can hear the patient saying 11, 11, 11, 11, 11, 11. That's called 10. That is great. Isn't that exciting? He walks by and he's like, what's in the mental hospital?

Give him a poke. They poke him in the eye. This is what these kids do for fun. Isn't this also technically the rules to cricket? I've only seen the game in little pieces. I've seen pictures of the players and the tools they use. I say tools. Yeah, I know what you're saying.

Dude just left his house and walked by the mental hospital and they were all saying 10. 10, 10, 10, 10, 10. That's great. Of course, I always look at a fence. That's my favorite. A bunch of people are screaming numbers. I'm just going to be like, get me in that room because I am a born accountant. They made their day.

These mental patients, they were thrilled to get an 11th victim. Yeah, it is really great. It is good for them. That's great. My cousins used to play the game. Never look through a fence. Never look through a fence? Don't rent an apartment from an elderly Italian

woman and never look through a fence. We've learned two things so far. This is a great episode. This next story is called Gandhi Candy, I'm sorry. Mom said the little girl rubbing her eyes and standing in the doorway to her mother's room.

Mom the Easter bunnies eating my candy she said nonsense baby the woman replied the Easter bunny gives out candy he doesn't eat it We all agree the Easter bunny

is real honey. Listen you've got to run what he does First of all, Nanita, I need you to shut your fucking mouth because I'm trying to blow your father second of all, the Easter bunny everybody knows, hippity hops around and fucking don't even get me started I'm a dumb child

fuck the woman lightly shook her covers and continued to speak halfway into her pillow and halfway to her daughter. Now go back to sleep baby but mom the girl said the Easter bunny is eating candy she now spoke in a more serious tone

as if she was almost going to cry her mother set up and opened her arms baby I just told you the Easter bunny doesn't eat candy he hands it out to little children besides it's not even Easter yet go back to sleep she said in her kindest voice

what's the other one that she has go back to sleep sounds nice to me okay mom child side she turned to walk out of the room the woman smiled and thought crazy kid with her lively imagination and went fucking back to sleep

out in the hallway little girl stood for a while staring at the Easter bunny eating her candy she's then sighed mommy said I should go back to bed the Easter bunny smiled good idea child turn around

don't look back he flicked a shiny mental pendant at the child she picked it up and cried and she saw what it was the dog tag named candy now the dog tag was named candy

the dog tag described candy this mom sounds dumb enough to look at a dog tag called candy but what's the dog's name the dog tag is called candy but nobody wrote the name of the dog on the dog now now now now Easter bunny

I know only gives out candy now we got a dog named candy but you know that Easter bunny is only going to be friends with our dog named candy of course well for our next one we've gotten a lot of requests over the last few episodes to do some video game creepypasta

oh ok people really like that they love it people like video games see I don't have time for video games and too busy working out and writing my novel what's your novel about Henry it's called three little pigs in a corner and what it's about is a bunch of pigs

live in an apartment together and it's really funny it's a bunch of pigs and they're living together they got personalities do they take up the whole apartment you know they only live in like one corner and who lives in the other in the rest of the apartment this horrible chronic masturbator named Martin so now I see the conflict

right right of course you stay in the corner they can't get into the kitchen because the dudes just they're fucking all the cupboards and pans ingism seamalina so you just can't get your little fingers over the Xbox controller that's why

he doesn't play video games well this one's called Sonic CD Sonic the Hedgehog CD I remember Sega CD it failed miserably it was bad when I was young I had a Sega CD with a few games including

silkied and alright rich rich mr steven's over here I only had a few games I only had a few games I just did a stick and I kept poking people in the eyes every time they looked through the family fence eleven

you had silkied and Sonic CD what a poor dumb kid silkied I enjoyed a lot of them but I only played Sonic CD once or twice cause it was gay eventually I lost my

Sega CD add on so I could only play Genesis games soon after I bought Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and fell in love with the Sonic CD what is this some kind of fucking video game review written by a nerd spoiled kid who's beaten up Pee Wee Herman on Saturday

I mean this is pathetic I bought every game for the Genesis and played nothing did hold it make me nearly write this I bought every game but they hadn't created one of the games that I had thought they should have created yet years later after I graduated from college

I was looking for things throughout my house to bring with me to my new apartment and I found my old Sega CD oh hell yeah now the pussy come running on but the only game I could find for it was Sonic CD but I was glad I had regretted not playing

it since I started liking Sonic after I what's one of your major life regrets Mr. Johnson I just wish I could have played more Sonic the Hedgehog well I also never saw my son alright well inject him

the warden didn't call to cease the execution after I unpacked my apartment I plugged in my Genesis and I put in Sonic CD the game started completely normally while playing however the screen flashed red and white a few times

for a brief millisecond and I thought I saw a creepy face covered in blood in the background every few seconds by the time I was done playing it was 10pm so I went to bed a few days later okay he's in an apartment alone by the way

he was 18-19 years old this is after he graduated college oh so he's like 24? 10pm better put my Sonic down I understand if you were like a construction worker building a new skyscraper but everybody else stays up till 2 o'clock in the morning yeah a few days later

I looked up a way to get secret images in the sound test he's just looking for Sonic's girlfriend's tits I can find that for you if you want the first one I did was the Sonic Mario mix but when I opened it up out of the normal image it was Sonic with completely black eyes

and instead of the Japanese like writing on the bottom it said leave now I was slightly scared by this well I left my apartment in 2 years on kind of my morbid obesity I was slightly scared by this so I tried the cute Sonic

but the cute baby Sonic was lying dead on the ground blood on the ground the background was black and Sonic's eyes there was text at the bottom that said leave now this is your last warning is this just like a bad Nintendo power review

could be I quit the sound test as soon as I saw it and got back to the game I was on title tempest the red and white flashes became longer and more plentiful and so did the faces which were now clearly visible I made it to act 3

and although I destroyed the robot generators the level was in the bad future the boss fight started and I quickly started to drown I tried to get the bubbles but Robotnik was too high to hit the screen went black

I was then transported all the way to metallic madness zone and then I fought the final boss or at least tried to after I lost my rings the game started skipping and lagging a bit so all this horror is happening or Baha Blast

when I got hit I not only died but Sonic was still on Robotnik's gear drill thing it started spinning and Sonic was violently hitting the ground and roof and there was guts and blood everywhere Robotnik let out a deep evil laugh

in the screen so remember that when Edgar Allen Poe used to write horror shorts he would sit and for hours toil over each word he invented the word detective there was a lot of love in his story

loss he looked into the darkness of humanity what did he see reflection of himself this guy hated his Sonic game but this was a creative writing experience for him and this is as creative as he could get

he was still attached to a video game system and still detached from the story also the scariest thing that could have happened to him was that he couldn't beat Dr. Robotnik and had shut off before he could save the game then sent me back to the palm tree panic zone

Sonic was limping with one arm text came on the screen and said you disobeyed my warning you will pay the price Sonic's eyes then turned black and he fell to the ground lifeless the screen went black

suck at his limp little hedgehog penis leave him alone the title screen showed but Sonic's eyes were black I turned the Sega CD off and snapped the CD in half terrified that night I woke up all of a sudden and then I thought I saw

Sonic's head with black eyes staring at me out my window well you know just give rid of the word I thought and just say that you saw it doesn't matter it was probably just a Mexican lawn worker with a mohawk I will say

palm tree panic is a very difficult zone that sounds very hard yeah palm trees and then with the panic it's your emotion it sounds like a palm tree panic sounds like a fun DJ night in Margaritaville that's very true as well I'm always at peace around palm trees I don't know who panics around a palm tree but some folks do

people who are running out of coconuts I guess so yeah if you're in the mood for a coconut and there's no coconuts any of those palm trees you might panic just a bit you will never find me so full of rage look you're shaking a palm tree looking for a coconut

yikes all right this one's called pretending to be asleep doesn't work which is is this about your love life oh yeah buddy that is too funny all right

so a young boy is sleeping in his bed it's just a usual night and he hears oh man that's great so a young boy is sleeping we know where we are so far young boy is sleeping in his bed on a usual night he hears

some footsteps outside his door and peeks out yeah and peeks out his eyes to see what's happening his door swings open quietly to reveal a murderer carrying the corpse of his parents which is so far so good well how do you know that he's the murderer he could just be carrying the corpses but I'm not going to get into you know

as a child he doesn't understand ruining the story semantics you're just going to find semen in all words let's start with an essay huh very good so he opens up his door we already know that and to reveal a murderer carrying the corpse of his parents

after silently propping them up in a chair he writes something on the wall in blood of the dead bodies he then hides under the child's bed cool the child is scared beyond belief he reads the writing on the wall and he knows the man is under his bed

like any child he pretends that he slept through the whole thing and hasn't awoken yet he didn't get go away he didn't jump out of the window or nothing he just fakes sleep he lays there you're like a callous EMT worker I'm telling you what the kid's up to

and I walked into the room and you know he just saw his parents murder there was a lag in one room he was sick fuck it he was playing with a fucking dead baby like it was some kind of handball or something I mean either way

the kid just laid there pretending to be asleep quietly hearing the breeze from under his bed or the breads depending on how you want to say it so he's hearing some breaths underneath his bed he's just trying to pretend to be asleep about an hour passes

and his eyes are adjusting more and more to the darkness he tries to make out the words out of a struggle for the kid he gasps when he finally makes out the sentence I know you're awake he feels something shift underneath the bed cool

I thought it was gonna be you'll never make it as an actor who knows you can't read the writing on the wall I mean that's the thing the kid is getting scared because the guy knows that he's awake but of all the things to be scared of yeah he should have just killed him but I guess you don't want to get all that sweet

creamy boy fear yeah maybe that's what the person lives off of so this is a I found to be scary and sad so I hope you guys enjoy this one it is called the scariest part of being a parent

is knowing the numbers and the odds it is written by reddit user as for class how do you spell that a s f o r class c l a s s thank you

so we should actually reach out to this reddit user and tell them that we read the thing on last podcast yeah we can't reach out to any of these people we'll get pulled in their web of ups and down votes oh I see I can't deal with all that it's all in the numbers that's how you understand anything of real value

in this world at this point we don't need the baby monitor anymore but even after all this time we still need the static to fall asleep it was a while ago when the baby started sleeping it was a while ago when the baby started sleeping

through the night and I needed it even through that transition the monitor is one of those screens too that turns on from movement which really doesn't turn on anymore but sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and press the on button just to look, just to remind myself

a healthy male in their prime will produce anything from like 30 million in the process of one billion sperm during an ejaculation ejaculation it's a bad doctor he got 30 million he got 30 million

you know sperm are like tiny worms yeah I had met my wife in high school but we didn't date until after college she went her way, I went mine for some reason both of us back kids ended up in Panama city beach at the same beach during spring break

it was the kind of scenario we both completely hid from our parents but that was just the beginning the first kiss escalated into a lot of other firsts that would just sort of blew right through that week we had come so far since then getting married, they'd ask sex yeah they did judging by that, you know we had our first kiss

and then we had a lot of other firsts and then he cut my clip off it's a first and a last I guess getting married to honeymoon in Florida we decided that we'd spend a few years on our careers and spending time together we had the kid nine months after we started trying

you know the real irony of having children with my wife is that we were actually both in the same health class together, Mr. Shuler was his old conservative values man for the middle of the century, he sure didn't teach us too much but he did manage to tell us interesting tangents that had nothing to do with sex or reproduction they never did tell us the odds to anything

none of the real numbers like the odds for miscarriages most people don't ever looked at those numbers so they don't realize a spontaneous abortion can take place at any moment during the first 20 meeks but 20 meeks yeah man it's funny, spontaneous abortion

isn't funny though and we also went through a lot of first, a few false alarms in those first two years we made it pretty far at one point, we were a week away from telling our friends and family when my wife had another period it was a rough point in our life together but we kept trying, we knew it would happen eventually once your child's born

there's one in 1500 chance that it will pass away from SIDS fall asleep one day and they never wake up again no one has completely figured out why if the mother is seriously ill the odds go up that the child will have difficulty in American science, the child mortality rate of children

that don't make it past their 5th birthday is around 6 million a year in some countries in Africa it's around 15 to 20 million a year, America's current population is around 310 million when we were finally able to tell our friends and family I was so happy we were making it and we found out it would be

a boy that was such a proud moment we took classes and I grew in my paranoia we did our best to be informed it was pretty hard stepping up to the plate with that Sandra was too drugged up to say yes or no to things so there I was remembering the classes or remembering what to say no to, what to say yes to

they tried to sell you anything at that moment most of the time they just want to get off shift early you can't blame them too much I guess a job's a job and I have no reason to be bitter about our experience at the hospital but there were a few moments where I thought they were trying to get one over on us I just had to keep reminding myself about everything you can learn a lot from history

I mean up in the 1950's doctors were still telling women to smoke while they were pregnant and they took x-rays of the babies we get into rhythms during those first few days sleep when the baby sleeps anyone who doesn't do that deserves to be tired babies are like cats they sleep that much and then once the newborn wakes up just go through the motions

change, feed, burp, rock, boom, you're sleeping but then tonight happened I had a monorail and I fell asleep to the static the lo-hum had made with the volume set at 40% just in case and then 4 o'clock in the morning the baby started screaming and in heart it was the loudest, most terrible scream

that I had ever heard him bring up from his gut there's something inside you when you become a parent something inside that doesn't make those screams annoying instead when it's your baby you just feel the screams like blows to the gut I would do anything to soothe my little guy anything to make him feel better

I would do anything to hold him to give him that comfort to hold him again it was all in the numbers somewhere that's how it always was and how it always is and anything of real value has to be measured by that and life is the most valuable of all things he screamed for 30 minutes over the monitor the motion sensor even came on he was that active

and my wife and I just laid there because the baby had passed 2 weeks ago sits I like that story I mean it's a dead baby it's a dead baby because it's a dead ghost baby ah, now I got it now I get it

the fact that this guy's baby died was annoying father on the face of the planet he was a nervous father he killed the child this guy sounds like he thought he had an indigo child on his hands this child was going to feel way too terrible no baby is special

most babies are just a bunch of lego parts they're just going to barely make it to the end fucking end of the marathon everyone just pretends like all these 8 billion whatever sperm are all like little individual the venti's the winner sperm wins

good guy well I'll tell you one thing keep the baby monitor off or throw it away the kid's dead 2 weeks ago obviously come on bro you're just asking for a baby ghost you knew it was just a numbers game anyway alright this story is called day of all the blood

this is the story of a day where there was all this blood a man was walking around and blood started coming out of him everywhere there was so much blood that it filled up and elevated he went to the store

and there was just blood all over the place people were slipping in it and they were grossed out he tried to go swimming and all the sharks went nuts and bit everybody he got chased by all the vampires ever

one time the blood got a kid and a dog at the end of the day everyone decided they would send him to space so that he would stop getting blood everywhere the scariest part is that the man was you or he was a lady

if you're a lady and you forgot that this happened see I feel like it's all in caps so I feel like you're really missing the true pronunciation of the story which is you know it's a parable of our time

I think it's bigger than his phone I was trying to solve it the other day and I just fell right asleep you know who's the phone it's that what's his name that Facebook what's his name Zuckerberg

I would say step dad step dad he's the phone definitely step dad sure ain't that fake Jesus that's fun to say alright

this one's called what's in the basement it's kind of exciting the exercise bike yeah you always wonder what's in the basement I don't even know why houses have those things I'm not going to have one in my house nothing good is ever in the basement

is that an exercise bike or a ghost either way I'm not going down there like a one bit so the mommy told me like a seven year old accountant going over another seven year old woman's tax receipts every April

so mommy told me never to go in the basement this is written by a child so mommy told me never to go in the basement but I wanted to see what was making that noise it sounded like a puppy and this will attract a child like a puppy if you hold on

that's a man no and you sounded like a drunken furby I'm not a man I'm a puppy so it sounded like a puppy yeah and I wanted to see the puppy

so I opened the basement door and I tiptoed down a bit I didn't see a puppy and then my mommy yanked me out of the basement and yelled at me mommy had never yelled at me before and it made me sad and I cried you see what makes me scared

it's worse if this is written by a 30 year old man probably is then mommy told me to never go in the basement again and she gave me a cookie which is actually bad parenting you should not reward bad behavior maybe that child should have died of SIDS well he was already too old to die of SIDS

cause he can write so true fuck so mommy gave me a cookie that made me feel better so I didn't ask her why the boy in the basement was making noises like a puppy that's a good joke

don't worry about that that's your younger son Bob at least that's what he's called when we put him in the ocean that's a good joke about somebody as possible brother who has no hands or feet you should see him when we put him in front of the front door then I call him Matt

that's another funny one why is he barked cause he's retarded no he's attempting to attract a child he knows that children love puppy sounds completely not dangerous cause he doesn't have arms or legs unless he's got a bunch of traps that are around him yeah unless you get close enough and then he can bite

you can just call a kid's name and he'll come hey your mother kept me down here I mean that's scary but a puppy isn't scary for a child because who was scariest here was the mother bad mother so this is a story called Korean elevator game

and the game is when you get 100 people to fit inside an elevator cause there's only one bag of grain in there I'm sorry what happened I wasn't listening it's a North Korean elevator oh it's a North Korean but this is South Korea

Introduction this is a game from Korea should I not do it by performing this ritual you're supposed to get into a different world like the show with Lisa Bonet according to people that have successfully completed the game it looks the same as the town

building that you are from the lights are off and you only see a red cross in the distance there are no other living things there except yourself some say electronics like phones, cameras, electronics don't work well some say they do also some say that getting back to the real world is harder

for some reason you get disoriented and forget the elevator you came on or somehow the elevator seems to get further and further away as you walk towards it scary Korean elevator game how to do it you must be in a 10 plus story building and in the elevator alone

if someone is in the elevator with you you get them out of the elevator it won't work it won't work go in press 4 when you reach the fourth floor don't cut out and press 2 when you reach the second floor press 6 when you reach the sixth floor press 2 when you get the second floor press 10

when you reach the tenth floor press 5 when you reach the fifth floor girl will come in That woman is not human. Do not talk or look at the girl. If you do, she'll take you away. Press 1 and if the elevator instead starts going up to the 10th floor, then you have succeeded. You will have reached another world where there is no one except you. Good luck fucking masturbating. If you get off of the 10th floor, the girl asks, Where are you going? But don't answer. How to return. If the woman doesn't get on and if you don't get off of the 10th floor. If you don't get off of the 10th floor, then press 1. If it

does impress, keep on pressing until it works. To return after you get off, you must use the same elevator combo to go back. Now remember this. Do the 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5 combo again, right? After you reach the 5th floor, all right? Press 1. As you're going to the 10th floor, press some other number. You got to cancel it. After you reach the first floor, check your surroundings. When you return to your house after you faint, this is possible. If you were to faint in the process and wake up to find yourself in your own house, there's a high chance you'll be taken back in that world again. Wow. Well, that's a hell of a way to make everybody want you out of their apartment.

I will say, if you want to be alone and in the elevator, just keep playing this game. 4, 2, 6, 10, 5. 4, 2, 6, 10, 5. 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5. 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5. Just remember that there. 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5. 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5. You just remember that. And then hope that nobody has a heart attack in the building and the paramedics need to use the elevator, or you will be charged with murder. Or if I'm late for an audition, I'm going to fucking stab you in the throat. That's the real horror there. This one's called The Administrator. Oh. This is another asylum. This is another crazy person one. Oh, exciting. In Columbia, South Carolina, there's an abandoned insane asylum on the

corner of Bowl and Elmwood. Mmm. This is also where my pool pool comes from. Bowl and Elmwood? Should you enter it and travel up through its winding stairs to the second floor, you will find a large treatment area. There's a table opposite to the entrance of this room, which is piled high with hundreds of razor blades. Many people have reported a strange urge to take one of these rusted blades and cut a small X into the center of their forehead in a location corresponding with the pineal gland. Few ever give in to this urge. Those who push aside their fears of tetanus or other infection have reported a sudden blinding headache and a whiting out of vision. When they regain some sight,

they all claim to have witnessed black humanoid silhouettes upon further investigation of the asylum. These shadow people never have been known to interact with these people, generally just emitting an etheric muttering from unformed lips. Mmm. As if whispering to themselves. Others seem content in simply huddling their dark masses in the corners of the hallways and cells. Select people, however, have reported encountering a shadowy entity they universally call the administrator. This being is said to be sitting in the administrative office, made of dark shifting energies akin to the other shadow inhabitants, but with a few consistent discernible

features. These include a dark hood obscuring much of its face and glowing eyes that seem to reflect the light of the room. Strangest of all, the administrator has always said to possess what appears to be akin to a canine muzzle with rows of sharp teeth. All who have encountered him have fled instantly, fearing the sharp, unmistakable malignancy and intelligence housed within his dark eyes. A few people have even reported a later sensation of always being watched, occasionally catching out of the corner of their eyes glimpses of a large black dog. But if Scruff McGruff was real, that would be very terrifying. There's a lot of dog men wearing trench coats and hats in that video. One of my favorite songs.

Oh my goodness, I've been wearing shorts in 23 years. I saw you in shorts last year though. Anyway, this is called Legs. A newly married couple moved into a nearby neighborhood. The first look like you're reading a menu at a fancy restaurant. I believe that's actually true. Snails are not food for human consumption. A newly married couple moved into a nearby neighborhood. The few months of their stay were uneventful, but as time went on, the wife noticed that the husband was coming home later than usual, making her suspicious of him. Maybe he got that job. One night, the wife was awakened by the sound of heavy footsteps on their carpet. Knowing that it's her husband, she decided to give him the cold shoulder by pretending to

be asleep. Or, you know, you just did exactly what your husband wants you to do with fall sleep. I love the old pretend to be asleep, but women don't do it enough anymore. No, they really don't. Pretend to be asleep constantly. Stop bringing up our relationship problems after the light has been turned off. Perfect. Once you pretend to be asleep, that would make me feel real bad. This is now, it is truly getting scary. Good, good. So she's pretending to be asleep. She felt him lie down beside her and place his arms around her neck, which felt heavier than normal, which means he just does this every night.

That's kind of, that's interesting. She had enough and lifted his arms and saw... What did she see, Ben? The leg was a horse! No, the leg of a horse! The leg... The leg! So it was a horse! It was a... It was a leg of a horse! The partner from Hot to Trot, is that what it was? I did not read leg of a horse. Leg was a horse. It was a horse's leg. It was a big leg of a horse. It was a horse's leg. That doesn't make any sense. She was... Yeah, but I mean... Oh, so they just moved into that neighborhood

and her husband was coming home later and later and then she heard some stomping on the carpet. Yeah, and then a horse came home and her childhood dream was finally fulfilled. Well, what was her husband up to, huh? We don't know. I guess they got an affair or something. An otter house. Now that's passed. Here's another one. Serial killer. Over his car radio, Marcus. I didn't write this. Oh, wow. Another Marcus, huh?

Heard the DJ announced that a serial killer with his sure blonde hair and his skull tattooed in his ride cheek had recently escaped from a nearby prison. He frowned and anxiously placed one hand on the pistol he kept at his hip as a young woman in his passenger seat gazed at his profile with mounting terror and prepared to do god only new what in her panic. Yeah, Marcus was a serial killer. Nice. Dating Marcus, pox is hard. You gotta be careful. Dating Marcus, pox is hard. You better play dead. Play dead, pretend to be asleep. It's always the best way to deal with me when I'm in one of my fits. All right. We're so we're gonna end on another video. Oh, that was it? Yeah. Yeah, I don't even give what the story was. He was a serial killer. I was. Yeah, yeah.

The guy was the serial killer. I see. Yeah. It was a twist. Wasn't a horse though, huh? Edgar Allen Poe spent months right playing with a pendulum being like what horrors comes from the monotony of a pendulum. Telltale heart things like this really fun. And some guys, you know, they write little stories in between masturbating. Remember that when they sold us on the internet saying it was gonna make everybody smarter? Yeah. Well, this one, we're gonna end on another video game, another super short one. This one's called Xbox Live. Oh, Brandon stayed up until 3am playing on Xbox Live with his friend Dustin, both boys chatting, yelling and provoking each other over their headsets the entire time. So they don't put the word faggot as an in this. People on

Xbox Live just call each other faggot. They do. So you're saying this is something that less classy people would say to me. It's implied in the story that if they're on Xbox Live, they're going to be saying the unsophisticates. Yes. Yes. The next morning when Brandon called to arrange a play date, Dustin's mother answered the phone and tearfully informed him that Dustin had died choking on a wad of bubblegum at 9pm the previous night. Might as well been like he slipped on a McDonald's wrapper and fell down the floor and he hit his head on a fucking, I don't know. So what the go? I don't know. The ghost was playing Halo with him? Yeah. Ghost are playing Xbox Live now? Yeah. And he died of fucking gum, dude. Yeah. If you're a kid who

dies from chewing fucking gum, you don't deserve to be president one day. A big wad of bubblegums. Definitely not. Choked on it. And then, you know, Xbox on three or four pieces of gum, two for him to fucking choke on it. Yeah, you got it. I mean, a wad is a lot of gum. Too dumb to eat and play video games. I mean, that's pathetic. I used to do that when I was a kid, see how much gum I could fit into my mouth and then spit it out in my hand and then roll it up and a ball and throw it. Boys and girls, this is what we used to do before the internet. Yeah. And you know, I think that's actually kind of a fun game you played there. Yeah, it was a great game. It was called Throw the Gumball. Hey, hey, Marcus, throw the Gumball again, game. It's exciting.

That is very exciting. Well, we all learned a lot today. My grandfather hated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, back in his day, they only got one piece of gum for the whole family to split. So yeah, their game was just like, let's kill the last horse on the farm again. Yes. You know, that was their game that they played because of the Dust Bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a very hard time. Stare at the wall till the shadows make an image. Yes. That's what TV used to be. It was. I loved it. So all right, well, that's this episode of Creepypasta. We got June 28th, 10 p.m. here at the Creek in the Cave live show. It's gonna be very, very fun. So come out to that. And I think we should redo the beginning now so that we can put that in the front. How keen. Hail yourselves,

everybody. Hail yourselves. Fuck. Hell me. Mega solutions.