Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 137: Astrology

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys delve into the world of astrology, from it's murderous uses throughout the years to how you can use it to improve your gardening skills, plus we read our astrology charts and reveal some very surprising things about ourselves.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Printing Kern with my daughter So much Lashesh brashes Oh, is that praying in the sky? Is it a what is it a what pray never come out here pray never come. Oh, it's dropping some sort of big Is it a bag or a freezer laser? Is it dropping? Okay, well that just turned into the most offensive thing that's ever happened on the show no

I think that's just Hiroshima Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, I like Hong Kong Henry Zabrowski All right Get some aloe Vera on there something like that that would be good. Oh, I don't look good Well, you sound you sound great. I am so devastated by this week's news already. I'm depressed over here And you're bringing up when we drop the atomic bomb on a bunch of That things could always be worse, that's true. Oh, thank you, Henry I'm sure you did that under the rightist behavior happening in Ferguson. Yes militarized police stepping their bounds But are they have they dropped an atomic bomb on them yet? Have do they have one?

That's the question if they did would they I believe they would I don't know But I bet people will stop post-testing they use it. Mm-hmm. That's what you want to have happen All right, we're gonna talk I'm I'm very excited because today we're gonna talk about one of our more light-hearted subjects I think since we did bizarre creatures fairies and gnomes We've never really conquered it, but I know a lot of our listeners In particular our female fans who we're gonna love today's subject. It's all astrology. Hey Marsha What's what sign are you? I'm at Pisces. Oh Marsha. You're such a bitch. You're such a Pisces I'm a baggle. Is that a sign? Oh, no, I'm just hungry

Signed it's a time for lunch. Oh, I think so Astrology helping skinny guys with half beards get laid since 1965. I mean has it I think it's helping cats get adopted Well astrology at the precise moment of your birth My mother screams in agony and the doctor says what is it? What is it? We've never seen anything like that before Oh my god, Mrs. Abrowsky shat all over these sheets. Why is the poop crying? Ah, well, hey Stevens get in there dig around and find the big fat baby. She shat a lot right there It's underneath this piece of corn lump. It's all it's a part of this corn cluster. Yeah Those are actually his teeth. Yeah, they're all yellow and weird and fully grown

Well much of your fate has already been dictated by the heavens the relative position of the planets and stars Plus any other unusual circumstances like sunspots bailed moons Eclipses have already created. They create kind of a little map of your future. They already have certain personality traits Certain things that you will accomplish in life. So what happened? I just want to know what was going on in the sky That made it so I got fired from Burger King for injecting a chicken stick with barbecue and ketchup I'd put it in my mouth. That's cuz you're Leo that I'm a cancer Oh, you're cancer. That's right. It's cuz you're a cancer cancer Leo cusp. Ah, yes. See I'm Capricorn Aquarius cusp

I'm a tourist Leo cups cusp and that is makes me both energetic powerful sensual But also rooted to the ground. So you you're a Leo tourist cusp. I'm a Leo I'm a tourist Leo cusp. It was gonna be a lot of this conversation I have a natal chart breakdown of both Marcus and Ben and we're gonna learn a lot about each other today and our listeners if they You know, this is the way you can pick apart a personality So if you want to attract one of us, which is easy because everyone here is desperate lonely sad Never been touched. It is easy to do you will find out today through our natal charts, right? Like every character that Drew Barrymore plays in a movie we do in real life

My other question is but honestly though, there's gotta be maybe something to astrology I know for a fact I pay attention to a lot of astrology because it helps me relieve my anxiety To believe that there is ultra all other forces in the universe helping, you know And also it's a way to talk to women in Los Angeles Yes, yeah, I definitely pay attention to mercury in retrograde like it's a it's a time in which mercury is in retrograde I don't know exactly what that means. I will say that my farts are longer and browner Yes, I retro I feel like it's just like wearing hip hipster clothes or something's got a like mercury has a beard It's in retrograde. Well the word I do love this information that the word zodiac means little animal

Yes, zodiac. It's a Greek word and it means little animal. I love that for little animal Yeah, if I if you have a cat and you just recently adopted as a matter of fact There's a one-eyed cat that one of our listeners just adopted perhaps zodiac Yeah, not a bad name zodiac's a great name for a cat. Yeah, and put a little hood on it Yeah, blame it for a bunch of crimes. Well cats are murderers, so it also plays into that as well Well for the origins of astrology, we're gonna get in the way back machine Keep keep it be a boy. No Further back further back

This raid way back machine only goes to the revolutionary times We're gonna need another one to go four thousand years in the past to ancient Babylonian times so these the Babylonians they were the first people to do a correlation between the celestial bodies and the God's of their Pantheon, so they paired Venus with Ishtar, Jupiter with Marduk, Mars with Nurgle? Mars got Nurgle? Mars the whole time Mars is like, oh give me the sun or the moon. Mars you got Nurgle? What? God damn it! It's like a kickball team and they got to choose last. Yeah, Nurgle you're the goalie because you literally

are about half the size of the goal so there's a 50-50 chance you'll do something right. You know that my shin's bruised. Come on now. What am I going to do during the recital if I got these bruised shins? Get Nurgle a chair. My school policy he's forced to play. Well Saturn's got Ninib, Mercury's got Nibu, the moon has sin and the sun has Shamash. Shamash sounds cool. Yeah, yeah, I want to hang out with Shamash. Shamash sounds like a cashier at Target. Shamash, will you please come and clean up your area? Or maybe Shamash, you just got a promotion Henry. There's a lot of positive things that Shamash did this past year and let's make her Target

employee of the month, Ms. Shamash. There's a lot of people because I imagine also that the zodiac was probably exclusively used to also chart out the farming calendar for the year. Well this is long before the zodiac itself was created. The zodiac wasn't created until you got to Greece about 3,000 years later. Until then the heavens were all seen as an all-encompassing indicator of how the king was doing. It only pertained to the king and of course how goes the king, so goes the country. So say if the sign said that the king, if they were aligned against the king in some way, they might say the gods are about to

wallop the kingdom with like a plague or a drought or a war. Well that is, people think politics and leadership is hard now. Imagine if it's all reliant on something completely out of your control. And the king's astrologer had to be a kick-ass liar. Oh yeah. You keep just showing up and just being like, yes the tidings of this crab in the sky, it means the astrologer gets a raise. I feel like you're getting a lot of raises this year and there's a lot of crabs in the sky. Yes, it is quite unusual. Well by 130 BC astrology has gotten to Greece and that's the place where it was first personalized. That's where they first put it up

into 12 different zodiac symbols, but this is also where they started to assign the planets to certain body parts. Like Venus, they had the genitals in the belly, Mars had the blood and bile, and Jupiter had the head and the brain. I want to be, which one do you want to be, Marcus? Oh, I want to be Mars. You want to be the blood and the brains? I want to be blood and bile. Henry, how about you? You want to be Venus and the belly? All right, then what am I left with? You got the head and the brain, you're doing great. All right, I'll take it. Yeah, yeah. Also, I imagine that this was also

the, I just lost my brain. Oh, I got it over here. Here, have mine. Well doctors, they would attribute certain diseases and they would base their treatments based on astrological signs, based on the symbols. And in fact, this belief lasted for so long that by the 1600s or the 16th century, so the 1500s, at that time there was a book called The Sickman's Glass. Terrifying. And that was still well regarded. Someone would go and be like, I have a sprained ankle and they'd be like, no, according to the stars, we have to amputate your arm. Absolutely. But it's the ankle. I know it's the ankle. Yes, but there are answers out there. I'm giving you the answer.

You can't even see there's just starlight things painting all that umbrella covering the outside. I'm going to live like the people of 2007 and never go to the doctor again. So astrology, I mean, how can you, you were talking earlier about the astrologer lying to, in order to save his own neck. By the way, I want to say 2007 was chosen because healthcare, universal healthcare was passed in 2008. You're getting really current. Thank you on this one. We're back at we're in the fucking. I'm sorry. We're in DC times and you're bringing up Obamacare. Oh, leave it alone. Good God. So astrology. I mean, the astronomers actually

lying about shit. That wasn't too far off because Tiberius and Caligula, both emperors that were known for being very unstable, they would do the charts of certain senators. And if those charts were thought to be bad or threatening to either of those guys, he would have them executed on the spot. That is rough. That is real rough. And there was a big day. Yeah. And there was another guy that did a he did a horoscope asking who would succeed a succeed a certain Caesar like serious Caesar, Vitus or something like that. And he came up with a certain actually no wait, I got to get to that later. We're going to get to that with the chicken section. Okay, by the way, I knew Marcus was

going to say some sentence that he was going to be very happy about because the smile on his face was similar to a smile on somebody's face that would watch Henry Zabrowski in the new ABC sitcom A to Z. He was he was he was that. And then, of course, chickens were involved in Marcus's smile. But I also like there's a lot of also people who do believe that. I mean, of course, now that the story that the Zodiac itself tells a story about the fate of humankind, somehow involving the second coming of Jesus Christ, the idea that that cherubim or cherubim, as they're sometimes called, our combination of different animals, all of which are represented by the brightest stars in certain zodiac constellations

and cherubim and the Sphinx are the same thing. Right. And that one is called you look to the four brightest stars in the zodiac to see what makes up the cherub, right? So basically, you can tell it's a story, right? Which is the formal Halt and Aquarius, which means man, Regulus in Leo, which is the lion, Antares in off a key us serpent holder or eagle, who is they said steps on a scorpion, it injures his foot. And then that that hunter who's like Orion is actually Jesus Christ, because Jesus Christ also hurt his foot. You remember the Jews did it is a sort of. It was a different time. Italians did it. It's fine. Shamash might have done it in all different Aldebaran and Taurus. The bull is a part of this idea that

Satan is going to show up using the power of the zodiac to convince all of us that the real holy ones are coming. And now and those are aliens in UFOs. And that is connected to Ezekiel's wheel, which is a story in the Bible. They believe it was the story of an ancient UFO encounter. And that the Antichrist is going to make this thing called Gog of Magog war. Yeah, you remember that? Oh, yeah. The war will end in fire for the enemies of Israel. That's gonna be intense. Antichrist comes with his holy ones, aliens, UFOs. And then Antichrist allows building of third Jerusalem temple, which I don't particularly understand. You just feel like you really discredited your earlier statements when you

said astrology is a great thing to bring up to women at a bar in Los Angeles because you just terrified an entire bar and women are usually just like, Oh, I'm a Leo because I like cosmos, you know, and I love a nice my tie every now and again because you know I'm a Leo. Well, you you tell that to the people I was talking to about the Franklin cover up two nights ago and see if that if that changes their opinion about me. Henry, I have a feeling it was like karaoke and you went up there to sing like space Odyssey or something that you just got. Can you can you play the music louder? I ground control to Larry King. I think he's changing the lyrics. Lasting Children in Nebraska. Not the way I remember

this David Bowie song. Well, not only were the emperors really into astrology, this lasted thousands of years. Louis the 14th, his birth was delayed until the court astrologer determined that the birth was very good in the heavenly sense. So the queen on the astrologers instruction held the baby inside her vagina for an hour before the astrologer leaned out his window and waved a rag and said it was okay for Louis the 14th to flip on out because the cloud changed into an elephant or something. Yes. Now, how does one keep a baby and it's like a Duke just kind of like put his toe on the head inside? It's like the Santa Claus scene from a Christmas story. Oh, but instead of sending a kid down a slide, you keep it inside of

its mother. Well, as far as modern day predictions go, I mean, they's about an astrologer. It's just like any sort of fortune teller. They won't be able to tell you like, for example, you know, your car is gonna crash next Wednesday at 3pm. They can't do that. They can do that. But they can tell they can tell you be careful driving that day. Don't be careless driving next Wednesday. What day shouldn't you be careful driving extra careful driving next Wednesday extra super careful. If you usually eat a burger while you're driving around, don't eat a burger that day to taco from the new Taco Bell morning breakfast menu. Taco Bell is good for driving Java juice. Java juice is wonderful. Well, anything you have

to eat with a knife and fork perfect for driving. Yeah. Well 1987, a British astrologer, his name was Dennis Elwell. He wrote letters to a bunch of different marine firms and he told them that the astrological astrological circumstances in early March of that year matched those of the astrological circumstances when the Titanic sank. Of course, none of them listened to them. They all scoffed and laughed. What an idiot. But on March 6, the car fairy Herald of Free Enterprise capsized after Zebrug and 188 people drowned. Damn. And I guess who did it? One angry astrologer. I told them perhaps he wanted to get his revenge. Yeah. Very Kaczynski like but there is there's something to do with weather patterns and an ocean wave

patterns and things like that. Well, I mean, ocean wave patterns are dependent upon the moon. Right. There is some scientific basis to astrology. There's a lot. Yeah, I mean, there's a fair amount of scientific basis for it. If the moon can make a woman bleed and a man strong. Yes, I've heard that. Then then God knows what Uranus is doing. It makes Australians into werewolves. Yes, you've been you'll like this one. Nancy Reagan. She used to consult a San Francisco astrologer named Joan Quigley for advice on everything from scheduling the president's diplomatic meetings to take off times for Air Force One. Did she ever say anything about Alzheimer's research? That would have been that would have been

a good question. How do I believe my key? How do I cure my husband's future dumb, dumb brain disease? Is AIDS a problem? Yes. No, no, I'm not here. I'm not here to ask the real easy question. It's true. Should I wear the blue dress at the inauguration? Yes, Nancy. If you're the presidential astrologer, you should have a turban on that has the seal on top of it, you know. And like long, flowy sparkly robes dress the part. Oh, indeed. Pewter rings the whole thing. Oh, yeah. And as far as ancient structures go, all the mysterious ancient structures that we know and love Stonehenge, for example, it was a huge astronomical clock. So that way the Druids, they would know exactly when to do certain ceremonies

and certain rituals. I feel like the do believe that the sphinx was also some sort of, you know, well, that was more of a marking device. So this thinks is the line to point towards when a specific constellation in the sky, which is supposed to link up to when Nibiru was supposed to be approaching our galaxy. And as we all know, that's a crock of shit. Well, it gives it fuel, right? Something like that. Your answer is as good as any of the other energy machine in there. There's a free energy machine in the pyramids is, you know, the Stonehenge was just a place where people did their laundry. It's the Exxon mobile of of old monuments. I feel like the Druids got a bad name. I think they partied more than

the name implies the Druids were pretty fucking hip. Yeah, Druid, Druids have been working to this day, make an armpit hair sexy. Totally. And I think it's great. I think it's great. Let's move on to the zodiac itself, the signs, what they mean, what they are, the 12 signs, they're essentially geometric divisions. All of them are 30 degrees from each other. They go from the spring equinox, and they proceed in that direction that the sun moves through them. Now, did you find in your research, I heard this, this is true. Everything is a month ahead, actually now because the of the shifts and the stars and things. Bullshit. Built into the timeline of the universe. Nobody knows when it started. Nobody. Maybe you

haven't listened to one Ken Ham, who is a creationist. It started 6000 years ago. Sir. Yeah. No, but then there's also a belief that maybe we are actually 300 years in the past or 300 years ahead, because there's that, you know, the dark ages happened and a bunch of timelines were destroyed. Maybe the date's all wrong and everything's wrong and none of it makes any sense. And maybe we are in some aliens cardboard box in this mansion in another universe. Who knows, you know, leaves could be president nine different realities. Oh, I would love if Keanu was president. I'd vote Keanu any time. So the whole sequence starts with Aries on March 21st, and then it goes once a month, usually on the 20th

or the 21st to the next zodiac sign. So let's go through the zodiac signs and all of you guys can, you know, whichever one you are, either you can say, okay, that's me. That's the best one. That's bullshit. Yeah. Be loud and proud. That's how you feel. You put it up there and if you've got if you've got like a zodiac old tattoo, put that up there too. I mean, you shouldn't have gotten it. No, Henry, don't say that. If you have a zodiac tattoo, I think you're one of the coolest hippest gals or guys around. Yeah, and let everybody know. Oh, I'm a ram and I'm full of Vim and Vigor enthusiasm and imagination. Of course, they feel unappreciated and will react with rage. Well, you didn't have to

tell me that because I looked at your tattoo and I already knew that. Good sir. You have a job right here at subway. They're very high strung. And as far as a body type goes, they're lean and hard with broad heads and pointed gins. Wait a second. Wait a second. So we got a bunch of Aragorn's. So if you're an Aries, you look like you look like Vlad DelBona. What's his name? And who's Aragorn? Vigo Mortensen. Legally, so Bieschi. Vlad Bagana. That was a name that you thought might be attached to a human. Vlad Bagana. Vlad Bagana. Google it. All right. Do you think in the research you did, Marcus, are there any people who find their sign that they, you know, regardless of if let's say they

were born on March 21st through April 20th technically in Aries, but they relate more to a Capricorn or something like that. That is what's known as the cusp. Okay. You know, people, those of us, all three of us, all three of us actually are all cusp people. Also a big thing too about the zodiac. I mean, this is just human nature in general. Oftentimes people like to talk and hear about themselves. And that's, that's what's great. And that's what's great about using the zodiac and a way to talk to people and get to know each other. It's sort of like live in magic where it's more human than anything else. But the idea is that people like and respond well to like basically hearing info about themselves.

So they'll agree to anything. So as soon as you hear the description, you're like, Oh, yeah, that's me. But it's also it's always the best. It's not like Aries, the Ram loves cheese puffs and he doesn't wash his hands very well. Sometimes he gets him on his face and in his eyes and he doesn't know he has him on his face and his eyeballs and he goes on public and he goes to Walmart. And then next thing you know, he's on a Google or on a website called the people of Walmart and everyone makes fun of it. I'll put it this way. Some of the things about tourists are pretty like they're a lot of backhanded compliments. Yeah. Well, the next one is tourists. The bull. That's Henry. April, April 21st

to May 20th. It said that this is when the human race began. Short and strong with heavy jaws and big dark eyes. That's me, baby. Big long arms. Oh, I got dark set eyes and I'm black underneath my clothes. They are capable of great feats of engineering, great, great singers, great cooks, great friends. Yeah, however, but I have a whole I have a bumper sticker that says great singer, great cook, great friend on my on my segue that I bought out here. They get back and forth. However, if they do, if they are unemployed, they will become lazy and overeat. Oh, very interesting. I actually take back any you look at all the good qualities of a tourist. I'll take being lazy and overeating. You know what I mean?

Well, I just feel like when not given an opportunity to succeed, a tourist will prove that everyone who didn't give them opportunity to succeed right. So it's kind of a double edged sword in a way. But also I also have a at least definitely for us. I've definitely researched our sexual natures, a Torian sensual sensual nature. Disgusting. What Marcus is about to say, I just want to put a disclaimer. There is a word that Marcus is about to say that is going to aggravate a lot of a lot of ears. And I apologize beforehand. Their sensual nature means they go crazy for romantic massages and I'm putting them on and lay them on and focus on foreplay. That's good on your feet until you fall asleep until you die. Also

here it says productive and moist. No, well, that's that has to do with our planting with your plan. Oh, that's not a sexual thing. No, no, productivity and moist. Those are very important things in the expansion of the human race for the three of us. We I also said what gardening tips we best have. Taurus is an earth sign. Taurus is productive and moist. Say that I have done a lot today and I am covered in sweat. It's second best for planning and transplanting good for root crops and potatoes, especially when hardiness is important. Also a good also a good sign for leafy vegetables like lettuce, cabbage and spinach. So they're Irish. They're all just weird Irishman. Every Irishman is a tourist. Yes. Oh, I see. I see.

Next up is Jim and I, the twins that's May 21st to June 20th. If you put them under stress like say tuberculosis, pneumonia, they will die very quickly. That is a shame. That is that is a shame to write off a whole section of humanity. Just put under stress. They will die quickly. Oh yeah, can't can't be in LA. Not in that traffic. The names, they nailed it. Yeah, the people who did the zodiac names. What was this 4,000 years ago? Yeah, well, these these came about more like 2000 years ago. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, they also a Gemini's are tall, thin and prone to sudden movements. So probably karate like ninjas. Sure. Yeah, like a like a Michael Phelps type. Maybe they're in like slender man. Yeah. They're

intellectual, curious and great storytellers. Next up slender man, a Gemini. Slender man don't never die, man. No, man, he's too real to die. He was never born. Gemini. Remember that? The great American gladiator Gemini. Remember him? Oh yeah, I remember Gemini. I thought Gemini was the lady. Was it a lady? Gemini was definitely a lady. Yeah, big old ladies name. Yeah, like zap was the dude knows that was a woman to a woman. Yeah, the black fellow. What was the most Stanley gladiator? No, there was no Stanley the gladiator Garfield. You're mixing up your cartoons. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Marmaduke was it was it? Yes, well, Marmaduke would have would have done great. As a gladiator, Marmaduke

is one of the greatest comic strips that's ever existed. Yes, and Marmaduke is very good. Now he's the best. Next to we got these are Ben's cusp ones. We got cancer, the crab. And that's a great name for a crab. Yeah, can't call him cancer. This is my crab kids. And you snap his alarms off and suck them down. I want your crab boil this weekend. Oh, man, I'm jealous. If I go into the ocean, those animals should be afraid of me. Mm hmm. Maybe they'll know you would they ate the you ate one of their own and attack you, which I would love to see. How'd Henry die? A bunch of crabs got the revenge. I've had a problem in Glendale. I'm staying in Glendale, California right now. I've been attacked by three birds. Um,

do they? Is this a common thing for Glendale or is this specific to you? I specific to me. I have literally been walking down the street. Two birds were fighting. They fell out of the sky and they landed on me. I had to smack the birds off. And then two other times birds have jumped out of bushes and hit me like literally hit me in the chest. Like I'm some kind of giant worm. Do you? I'm like, I'm not holding McNeely. Right. Do you feel like you're living? Uh, like the character that Jim Carrey played in the Truman show and someone just like will drop the birds on him. The, uh, the viewers are getting bored. I know things were as often I stopped to get gas and the guy was like morning, Mrs.

Browsky. How'd you know my name? I didn't say Mr. Soprowski. I said the cookies are the lousy. Yes, don't have the cookies today. I damn it. I've hurt sales and I almost blew my cover. So the crab is from June 21st, July 21st. Bit of a puzzle. These guys. This is Ben Kissel. This has been Kissel. Yes, aloof, but very emotional and romantic at their core. Right. That's very true. I am romantic at my core. Uh, you got to get through a lot of, uh, get through a lot of lunch, meat, gin, and just, and spit your shirt to get to that core. It's a real, it's a real sludge to get there. But once you do, oh, what, and what, what a heavenly experience that is for you. As far as sex goes, you place a lot

of emotional, you place a lot of value on an emotional connection and love, and you express this through eye contact and close intimate embracing during sex, which I know that about. I know you're a cuddler. I am a cuddler. Yeah. Just you gripping onto this. Yeah. Yeah, you'll like it. Yeah, you like it, right? I guess I'm his girlfriend because I guess this feeling of being a prisoner is like being in love with him. Right, right. Yeah, when you give them no option out, the only option is love. I've heard that before. Very devoted to family and home. Uh, fancy a taste for the finer things in life. You guys know, well, they're they might not. Yeah, I do have a taste for it. Yeah. Um, I don't have a plate or a debit

card or a credit card to get it. Make good art dealers and interior direct decor decorators said about Ben. I was like, Ben should have been an art dealer. Well, I mean, this one doesn't fit you short with a fleshy body and an uneven gate. No, I have a very even gate and exceptionally tall. Yes, you also internalize your feelings so often that you suffer from stomach trouble. I also internalize a lot of baggles and hold three baggles yesterday. Three baggles yesterday. I couldn't get enough and a half a pound of cream cheese. But you know what I also did? What ate a good block of cheese to go. I was mixing all the cheeses eating all the baggles. Oh, it was unbelievable. I won body. Oh, I'll have some more craft

services. Oh, the cameras are around. But I know I'm filming soon. Well, you also you're a water sign. So in planting, you're very fruitful and moist. Moist again. Okay, I see fruitful. Best sign for planning. Also good for irrigation. Very good. Yeah. And the other one of your of yours is Leo, which I think this actually does describe quite a bit about you as well. This is July 22 to August 21. This is why so a Leo Leo is my ascending sign as well. You're loud, proud and demonstrative. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. You're at the center stage. You like to run the show. Don't try it on me to bring it. Yeah, your friendly outgoing and obstinate. Oh, that's obstinate means you stand your ground. That means you're

an asshole. Ah, very good. Bit of a braggard bit of a show off. Now it's getting negative. Good. Good leader, but a lousy follower. I'll tell you that's a straight up truth because it's either lead follower get out of the way and I always choose lead. So you better be following. Get out of the way. That's right. And also if I am driving a car and you want to ride, there are three rules as gas or grass. One of those three really good. Love them. No shoes. No. Thank you. Really good white collar workers. Really bad at manual labor. I'm just a Leo. I feel like a taller than average with a tendency to put on weight later in life. No, I put on weight earlier in life, though. Yeah, I'm going with what's the Pratt,

the guy from Guardians of the Galaxy, Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt. I want to have his body arc and hopefully career arc as well. Oh, yeah, he's a buff guy now. He had sold out. He looks good, Henry. I liked it when he was fat and dumb. And now he's all fucking tight and dumb. Whatever. You saw yourself. You got if you buy that ladies, I got a bridge I could sell you and that bridge is made up abs. The bridge of Madison County because every woman loves it. Every woman loves Chris Pratt. That is true. Former fatty. So you know, he's nice. Next up is Virgo, the Virgin, August 22nd of September 21st. Conscious methodical, good with tools, gardeners, fashion designers, painters, directors, musicians,

kind of snooty about just about everything. They sound kind of snooty. They sound real snooty. Fucking fashion designer, painter, director. Fuck you. Whatever. Yeah. Eat me. They're attractive. But okay, Bart Simpson. Eat me. Eat me. Henry. Did you hear that when he said eat me? It's all right. I said cowabunga to a guy earlier today, but only because I'm in California. Eat me. Eat me, bro. Virgos are attractive. I think that Henry isn't assimilating to our culture properly. I think he learned everything from the movie Point Break about what water cultures believe him and I keep telling him that you break it. You bought it. That's been my new. That's my new catchphrase. You break it. You bought

it. They're attractive, but they have the tendency to binge. Okay. Next up is Scorpio, the scorpion, October 23rd. Many Scorpios in my life. Oh, that's bad. And they're very intense. They're beautiful, hot, sexy people, but also all fucked up. Yeah, yeah. They're the most powerful sign for students of the occult. Oh, it's a sign. It's a sign of mystery, secrecy, and dark passion, but again, difficult to be around on a just normal Wednesday, but great for Saturday night. Extremely jealous. Mystery and mystery, secrecy, and dark passion. I would say maybe not the best for a relationship. Pretty bad for relationship. No, no, no, no. Spurned Scorpios can become violent. Yes. Oh, are we? Am I? Okay. I think I just figured

it out. Never mind. Scorpios are great. Yeah, I figured it out a while back too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've done some birthday math with some people in your life. Yes, I have. I have done the birthday math as well. Man, I wish I was dating a scorpion. Scorpio. Yeah, they seem like the best. Perfectly happy with the gym and I myself. Beautiful, though. Very sweet. Scorpios are very good. They're always in control, very aware of what's going on. They have a hypnotic power on those around them. And this is not something I wrote down, but they often have problems with their genitals. Henry, do you know anything about the last um, and about the last character trait of this sign or I have problems with genitals

in general? We will move on. Next to Sagittarius, the archer that's over November 22 December 20. Cheerful, optimistic, dependable, friendly and outgoing, but vulgar. Good looking with above average height, wiry physique, expressive eyes, but they suffer from sciatica, rheumatism, and anxiety attacks. I like that Sagittarius. I feel I'm more of a Sagittarius than a cancer Leo cusp. Well, we'll see. No, no, I think you're Leo. Okay. Next up, Capricorn. That's my first sign. Oh, December 21st of January 19th. We're slow moving. We're methodical. We're pragmatic or orderly and we're trustworthy. Wrong. Slow moving. Yeah, you're a quick moving guy. I'm very quick like a ferret. Yeah, human ferret. The smoke's a pack of

day. He doesn't know where he's going. He has no idea why he's moving, but he's always doing it. As far as sex goes, we prefer to plan sexual encounters and then proceed according to plan. We take our time. That's what the night stalker did. No, no, no, no, no, I know exactly what it's talking about. We take the time. We're memorable about it, and we like to involve a lot of physical activity with it, like a real like thorough workout, like really like like a like a Tybo session. Or like if you join the U. S. C. Marcus. Good to meet you. You're going to show up my house Tuesday night at 8 30. What you're going to do is you're going to touch your ankles to this hoist of God. My door. You're going

to do is you're going to sit there for approximately seven minutes while I get myself an old Palmer, and I'm going to bigity bang you from top to front. You're arriving with a shower curtain. I will be arriving with a slip and slide like liquid, like a lube or a piece of bubble bath. No, we're methodical. I know what I'm doing. So you're not a call in violent in bed. Not violent vigorous. That is a violent man's word for violent. Passionate. Right. Also violent man's word for violent. I'm not a violent man. But you know what? We are. We always make sure that every party involved are very satisfied. It's more about the journey than it is about the destination. Well, what do you hear? You're good at taxes. I'm bad taxes. I am. It also

says we become judges and bankers. I'm not a judge. However, my brother also a Capricorn. He is a banker. There we go. Yeah, connections been made unsuccessful. This is funny. Unsuccessful ones display a whiny and disgruntled nature and many of many of them go through life with a scowl. Oh, all right. Well, life is difficult. And this next one I'd say as far as like physicality goes. This is pretty spot on hard and lean and dry as a bone. See, this is my problem is that Holden McNeely is also a Capricorn. Oh, the whole thing's falling apart. There is one look at truth to this nonsense. But we also fall to depression in general malaise. Yeah, I have the problems of depression. Capricorn. So these are these are the people if you are

premiering the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake film or new movie, you don't want the Capricorns in the crowd. They're not going to like a one damn bit. Yeah, but I'd say Leonardo definitely in Capricorn. I can tell that immediately and Donatello is a Sagittarius and Michelangelo is a Leo. Is it is a Virgo? No, he's not a Virgo. He's definitely cancer. Rafael is a cancer Leo cusp. They were all born on the same day though, right? Technically. Well, no, they weren't born in the snow. They weren't the nerd, the nerd show on this is not a nerd show. They weren't born on the same day. They all get their ooze on the same day. So they could have been born in a different day, but the rebirth was sort of on the same

day. I just stopped giving a shit. Yeah, no, I never want to say that again. As a matter, I don't even know if I was right and I'm sure we'll get some angry messages. In the other side of my astrological sign is Aquarius as January 20th of February 18th refined and intellectual as I am. We're philosophers, poets, anthropologists, philanthropists, serious and quiet, but can break out of our shell among congenial company and become a spark plug for all around this one. So I think that this writer was an Aquarius. Yes, we're emotionally undemonstrated, though, and we expect too much from our friends. We can also be naive. Do any of these say like podcast or on them? You know what the thing is Aquarius

is like, but that's also like emotionally under motion of an expects too much from friends and naive. That just sounds more like, you know, like he cares too much. Right. But also this one, I mean, I'm definitely with a body type because Aquarius is stocky with a good complexion with bad ankles, legs and vision. That's a Marion type. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bad ankles, legs and vision, huh? Oh yeah. And it's an air sign barren and dry. Oh, yeah, that's when it's not good for farming. Yeah, well, that's when you harvest root and fruit for storage. But that's also when you destroy weeds and pests, but it is good for planting onions. So you smell like onions. You're planting in your harvest in roots and random dry things.

You got bad ankles. You can't see a damn thing in your eyes are all messed up. February is a bad month. This whole breakdown has made me not attracted to anyone ever again. Yes. But what about Pisces, the last one from February 19th to March 20th. They're good, but moody friends, good listeners, reactive rather than assertive. And they're also dreamers under average height and pale and offer suffering suffer from foot problems and skin difficulties or poor Pisces. There was just a malnutrition problem going on when they were creating this all of a sudden everyone got ankle issues. What happened? Got rickets. You're wrong with these people. It's really fun, though, to kind of connect yourself to a gigantic sort

of psychic grip. I believe with the power of symbols. We talk about magic all the time. Like, you know, I do believe that you can you can take these symbols and fill them with intention and it can lead your life in specific directions and you can meet people and you can learn about yourself and stuff. And maybe the the horse scopes aren't directly truth. But in the end, there are lessons to be learned. Yeah, I would say just tell people just just just start off with the I got a show on TV. You know, and then maybe you can segue into this later on. Well, Henry, do you want to before we get into other forms of divination? Do you want to while

we're on the subject of zodiac, you want to do our birth chart right quick? Absolutely. Let me talk about it really quick and see let me see if I got any good juicy tidbits for Marcus and Ben. I had I had the largest shoulders in North Dakota, according to the doctor who birthed me and my mother did all of this birthing without any anesthetics or drugs at all. So she is a mule of a woman. She's a strong. She's a strong woman and I respect her for it. I was kind of imagined she'd be a delicate sweet woman. Well, she was very sweet. And she was delicate except for those nine hours where I did not want to leave. I loved I loved being in the womb. I couldn't get enough of it howling like a

jackal that was set on fire. Yeah, something about that was just like I feel like I want to go to sleep. You know, I was born during the Great Blizzard of 1983. One more time The Great Blizzard of 1983. What was great about it? Was it was it snowing gold? Yeah, it sounds pretty terrible. It was real. It was big and it was icy. My dad was stuck in a bar for a day. I don't think I'm sure that it was like he opened the door and a bunch of birds were singing in his son. He's like, I'll tell him there's a great blizzard. Yeah, I'd love this bar at the Great Blizzard of 1983 because it got hammered with Ted for fucking four. Your dad was stuck in a bar for a day the day that you were born. Okay,

so he got he was getting hammered with Uncle Joe. But what else are you going to do in a bar when you're snowed in? Go to where your kid is being born. Can't go. It's ice. It's an ice storm. There were 15 inches of snow on the ground. But he was also happy because he has a little Marcus born. Yeah, and he didn't have to see his disgusting wife destroy it. Fuck you. Wait, no, no, no, his beautiful wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Like God watching Joseph do all the fucking hard work all he said up there smoking a cigar watching Mary struggle with his young Arabic boy ripping through her. I mean, uh, we'll

just just tell him that an angel put it in you, Mary. That'll work out well. I'll work out. All right, so Marcus was born in Lubbock, Texas on 9 15 on what was your January? 19th, 1983. Um, very interesting stuff involved here. He's Cap corn. He's a feet on the ground. I am the prize sign. Those who son Capricorn have a realistic grounded approach to life. They could be seen no matter what had no matter how dreaming the rest of the birth charts suggests. These people know how to do things and they get things done. Capricorns naturally turn their backs on things. They deem too frivolous. They are very much concerned with things that are worthwhile, and that includes their own lives. So you want to survive. He

is honest, reserved, circumspect, honorable and strong willed. Quietly ambitious within the realms of the possible. He likes and takes on responsibility. He can work in the social domain weaknesses, sometimes bitter and mistrustful mind. Very true. Interesting. Does it say anything about a terrible Celtic tattoo? I'm staring at it right now. It's Egyptian. Egyptian tattoo. Oh my goodness. He is likable and sociable, very sensitive to environmental conditions and surroundings. He likes home habits, comfort and his little world. Very caring and protective of loved ones. Weaknesses subject to indolence inertia. He is impressionable and too sensitive. Family problems. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, my family. Yeah, family is good. Yeah, my family.

That is no problem. But the other few are extremely true pain painfully true. He is intelligent, has big ideas. He is tolerant and has a strong sense of justice. He has good judgment, good sense and has a speed on the ground again. He has a gift of the gab and likes to speak. He also likes literature. He is erudite and will normally be successful socially. Isn't that fun? That's very fun. Yeah, yeah, good. His fate depends a lot on marriage. Marries for love, children, happy emotional life. You live for relationships. It is hard for you to think about being alone. Harmony is most important to you, so it is unlikely you will attempt to dominate a lover. You are a peacemaker, sometimes going to brief links

to achieve the balance, harmonious relationship. Be careful not to bend over backwards just to keep the peace. You may be taking advantage of boy, that was disgusting. Tell me why my last relationship failed. You feel he did what she sodomized do a whole bunch. That's what I got out of that. He is nonchalant pretensions full of self-importance. He likes what is beautiful and sometimes ostentatious and spends lots of money for the sake of appearances. He likes to please in his numerous amorous adventures. He's wearing a wife beater right now. Yes, all right. But I do have numerous amorous adventures. And then this sometimes means unhealthy sensuality. He is hard and does not know how to express his emotions.

He is frightened of showing his love, and this leads to disappointments, breakups, lack of satisfaction. It is likely that he had problems with his mother, who did not know how to love him or give himself confidence. Your mother beat you? No, my mother was nothing but telling me a story about your mom beating you, Marcus, according to your astrology chart. The truth happening love to be he will learn how to be happy in love and to be at ease with himself and to control his jealousy in the second half of his life. So that's 60 on thanks to an older person who gives his self confidence back to him so that he can then trust others. So this is just little bits of yours. 29 more years of misery to

go, Marcus, until you're 60. I'm not going to know life will turn around before then. I have heard the call. I have heard this call. I'm taking it as science. I will not 60. Just seem like you take a bite. Marcus has been slamming it. Marcus has been slamming a twizzlers down his face this whole damn time. By the way, I've never fought in a half. It's wonderful. It's an amazingly. It's an amazing amount of sugar there. Jordan Wonka dick. No, he's got a twizzler. Yeah, Wonka dick. Yeah. So now here is Ben. Ben was born in let me see here was born in Fargo, North Dakota. He had huge shoulders to his mother at a tiny vagina. What is the exact day again because it's all broken up July 21st 1981 1981 the same year

the same day July 21st as John Lovitz and Robin Williams. Oh, wonderful. Who is dead now? Thank you. So now the sun and cancer, you know, sun and cancer natives. He has a strong survival instinct. They are protective of those they care about and of themselves to the orphan quite reticent about sharing their inner selves to the rest of the world. So this is going to be tough for you. Caught up in reminiscence. Hmm. Cancers have a reputation for moodiness, although this trade is most evident when the moon is in cancer. Cancer needs roots. There is this change to an extent and concern themselves about being secure and safe and most everything that they do. Cancers can be quite intrigued by objects

with history attached to them. Antiques photos souvenirs and the like. Hmm. I do go in. I love a good antique. I'll look at a lamp and I say, look, that looks that's old. I love how old that is. Yeah, that's a fire hazard. Cancer is a very sensitive sign and they don't appreciate when you're blunt with them. The reactions to hurt will depend on how thick a shell they have developed. Most cancers react by withdrawing or retreating. Some have developed an ability to manipulate others to get what they want. They avoid direct confrontations almost as a rule. Cancers are in fact quite yielding and soft when you have them in the right mood. They're one of the more hospitable signs of the zodiac. Sure, they can be touchy

and direct, but they're also very dependable, caring souls. That's very true. I like that. Yeah. A lot of political figures were cancer. Yes. Yes. He weighs words carefully in his tenacious, so calm and discreet nature, tender, thoughtful, sensitive and impressionable. You want to be noticed for your unique and special qualities in your creativity. You are happiest when you're expressing yourself in a special way and attention comes your way as a result and the flair for drama and or sports. You're proud of your fun loving attitude towards life as you demonstrate your ability to shine. Avoid grabbing center stage all the time. You're happy dispositions enough to get known us, but do find creative ways to express yourself

as this is the path to true happiness for you. I like that. I think that that's fairly accurate. Yeah, that's very accurate. I'd say you didn't mention anything about the German size. Hwang because I just saw something on the Internet Congo, the largest and average penises, 7.1 inches. What's the next country? German sizes very easily frightened. He's fearful, shy, prudent and emotional. Your feelings are right out there for everyone to see and you can come across as emotional and impatient or nurturing and caring or both. Your first reaction is emotional, especially if the moon is close proximity of the ascendant degree. You need emotional stimulation, movement and freedom to express yourself in order to feel happy

and fulfilled. Good education. He likes to discuss. He likes polemic. He has good judgment and it's determined. He is frivolous and imprudent. He lacks judgment and is full of self importance. He is reserved, conservative, ambitious and stubborn and sincere, frank and warm affections. He's full of tenderness. He may be devoted to sick or poor people, which is not true. You hate them. Life is unstable and he has a taste for the arts as a dreamer is easily influenced and romantic. He is very sensitive. So this is very interesting. It's very revealing because you put off such a stern front, Ben. I mean, I don't. I knew all about it. I knew all about it. But I would say you could have just summed it all up with one sentence better

than Marcus. Marcus, much better than yours. Much better than yours. No, mine's great. I'm very happy. I'm very pleased with who I am. I'm very pleased with who you are too. So this is Henry Zabrowski. He is he is sassy and fun. Woodhaven, New York on May 1st, 1984 at 1 35 p.m. But you're putting a little more flair in yours. I just want to say you're giving yourself a little bit more. I'm just saying we'll see how this goes. Tourist natives are sensual folk, and this includes sex, but extensive pleasures in all areas. They delight in the sensual pleasures of food, a comfortable blanket, a richly colored aquarium to look at, the smell of flowers or spring rain, pleasing melodies coming from the stereos, and so forth.

Some might even say they live through their senses more than most. And when say and when native and tortoise natives work, they work hard. They deal with the steadiness that may rarely be considered quick. Rather, it's a dependable, plodding, steady effort that has its payoffs. Security is immensely important to tourists. Some of them actively seek wealth, while others are content to be comfortable. The tourist definition of comfortable may not exactly be the same as the rest of the science, but comfort is definitely a driving force. Although hardworking, they're fixed in comfort loving nature sometimes makes them appear lazy. This is only because they separate work and leisure so well. When they

work, they work hard. And when they play, they don't only play as much as they relax. Me, you can see me without all my clothes off. That's what I do. A solo tourist who has kicked his or her feet up is rooted there. You'd be hard pressed to get him to move. On a mental level, you'll likely have the same problem. Terrain stick with things and ideas where once of the same, that's negative. He's going to the world. What was that? He has charm. Oh wait, are you skipping over every negative? You're skipping over every negative thing that you have. Oh, I can be emotionally unavailable in a lonely old man. I was called the manipulator. Okay here. This is negative. This is negative. You faced

a fair number of challenges in your life, especially in the first half of life in which your attempts to express your will were often thwarted. There could be a persistent feeling that you don't get what they want in comparison to others. You can feel unlucky in times. You want to be considered an accomplished and important person. And when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. So I gotta believe in myself. Yeah, I don't think that that's the that's not that negative. Sweetness itself convinced of your ideas and strong willed. Highly imaginative, prolonged studies is intuitive, professionally successful abroad. You could be precocious, animated and passionate. That's true.

All right, go on with this fluff piece. Yeah, this is this is pathetic. He's frank, honest, and optimistic and generous. That is true. I says it does say I need to trust others more, but it's just because I'm so sensitive. He makes quick decisions because I'm great. His thirst for knowledge is never satisfied because I'm fucking awesome. He looks at the bright side of life. He's gay. Very optimistic and sociable. But he may be impatient. Hmm. All right. So where's the app? You know what I've decided? I've decided I'm starting loving today. I'm fucking I am dying in 62. I am officially at the midpoint of my life. All right. So I I opened myself to love today, my friends. Ladies and gentlemen, you heard

it here. First Marcus Parks opened himself to love. So you get ready for a bunch of it to come your way. No doubt about that, Marcus. You sons of bitches. Well, it turns out that we opened ourselves to other forms of divination. Yes, let us go through other forms of divination throughout the years. These are all ancient forms. The first one is gyro mancy. I love gyro mancy correctly pronounced. You know, mancy, you're a mancy. We were doing some text messages before the show discussing what we're going to talk about. And I did send out a pretty funny. Is that about the is that about the lamb sandwich? Yeah, kind of a funny little kind of a funny little text error. And then I said, I'm on fire. And as you guys

can hear, I was very funny. I texted back. Boom. Very funny. Very funny. I texted nothing back. Yeah, well, behind the scenes, though. So to begin with a circle was made on the ground and the border was marked with letters of the alphabet or other mystical symbols. And one man, the gyro mancer, if you will, the gyro mancy circles. It's fun. Can we can we shave you with a sharp knife? That's what I would like to do anywhere near inside one of my circles. These are my standing here. I'm the gyro mancer. So the gyro mancer would enter the circle and he would start walking around and around and around inside the circle over and over and over again, getting dizzier and dizzier and dizzier. And every time he

stumbled the letter or symbol that he landed on was noted. And once he stumped once he spun around so much that he couldn't get up anymore. The message was considered complete. This is just an early version of the chokeout game. He just got himself dizzy and fell down. You know who could have been incredible gyro mancer is my retarded cousin. Oh, yeah, I'm sure turns out what it is. So he reveals a message, a message. Yeah, from the future. And so he has to do this. Oh, oh, no, it says tie your shoes. Oh, circle, you're hilarious. So you he would have to fall down or stumble. I mean, at least 1415 at least a Twitter amount to like 140 character amount enough times enough times where he couldn't get up and

go anymore. That's a lot of times. That is a lot of times. I feel like just just write it. Just just, you know, maybe throw a rock. Well, that's kind of what the next one was. That was called electro mancy. This required a barnyard cuck and it could only be performed when the sun or the moon was an Aries or Leo. Once again, you draw a circle on the ground and you would draw the letters of the alphabet around the circle and then you would have a kernel of wheat that you would place on each letter and the young and it had to be a white cock and it had to be a young cock, a little racist. Okay, a young white cock. You would decline and then it would be forced to swallow a tiny parchment scroll on which

magical words had been written. Can you imagine just catching the cock and having to try to force it to swallow this scroll that afternoon was like. Electro mancer was just running around like I just want just one second. Which is why I get that. Sorry, it's worth just fighting the shit on it. What a bad day for the cock, you know, all the other cocks go and get murdering. He's like, I think I got real lucky. They cut off all of his claws and they jam a fake piece of magical poetry down his throat. And then the Electro Mancer would hold the cock aloft. I love it when the Electro Mancer holds that cock. So small white young cock. He would hold it aloft and then he would say an incantation before putting

the bird down inside the circle. Come on cock, come on cock, write a sentence cock. I agree, that's what it would sound like. And then from that point on, they would have to keep track of every single grain that the rooster ate. And then after the rooster ate a grain from a certain letter, you'd of course replace the grain in case the message had the letter more than once. And then once it all made sense, then the message would be over or until the cock stopped eating the grain. So just make shit up. Yeah, you got to. It's usually just going to be like. Well, one practitioner, his name was Emberus. Okay, well, that might have been, that might have been how he spells his name. He did it and he only came up with

the word Theo. Thio. Theo. So this magical white cock created a four letter word. That was it. Yeah, Theo. Theo. It wasn't hungry after four grains a week in the gym that goddamn piece of paper into its stomach. It's a problem you're ruining its appetite. So he was trying to see who was going and this is what I was talking about earlier is that he was trying to see who would succeed balance Caesar as ruler of the empire. Only problem was there were four dudes whose names began with Theo like theosities, the cradies, the bum, the bonbon, bonbon, whatever. Theo, Theo Huxable. Yeah, I mean there's just so many Theos. Yeah. And then as soon as Caesar found out the prophecy, he had all four Theos killed and as a bonus

poisoned the magician. Oh, every time. The problem is it has to only spell up. You know, again, it's like it seems the cock is spelled. Give the an extra man to raise. Send him on vacation. Yeah, I think lying about it might be the best option in this situation. Always lie. Always lie to Caesar. Never tell Caesar the truth. No, tell him the positive lie always. Yes. Next way you can use to divine the future birds in ancient Rome. If the birds flew east, the news would be good. If they flew west where the afterworld was located. The signs were bad and they were really just kind of grasping the straws here. Oh, yeah, it was a good sign if an auger heard a crow cry to his left or an auger, an auger, a person who

could see the future. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a professional liar. Yeah, right. Or if you heard a raven to his right, that was good as well. And generals, I mean, we're still in the bird bird world here. Generals would keep sacred kitchen chickens, sacred chickens and cages. And if the sacred chickens ate so quickly that bits of food dropped in their beaks, it was considered a very good omen in war. So they were Roman generals easily you could set that up so easily with food. Yeah, you could set that up very easily. Yeah. So yes, there was Roman generals who based their entire strategies on whether the chickens food fell off its mouth or not. Well, we still have Groundhog's Day here to discuss how long

summer will last. They would have built their entire empire upon this story. Magical chickens number one, magical chickens and tell you the truth. They could tell you if your wife cheating on you, they could tell you if your dogs been getting fucked. Tyson chicken. We've got Necromancer and chicken. Necromancer and chickens that would be beautiful. They come frozen in your in your in your grocers frozen section. Necromancer's chickens, Tyson chickens, they don't know shit. And finally, we have something very closely related to bird Nancy. This is zoom Nancy. And this is kind of what you were talking about the sound of a wasp that suggests malicious gossip gossip or an unexpected visit from a person you've never

met. That's kind of fun. Yeah, yeah. Small spiders in your home bring money. That is a good that's a super superstition. That's why you're not supposed to kill them in there. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's a good thing to tell your girlfriend. Be like, No, it's not because I don't have a job and we're living in a terrible apartment beneath my parents' house. It's because we're lucky. We're lucky, honey. Yeah. But however, a spider spinning its web in your house could be a sign that someone is plotting against you. The spider is not plotting against you. Yeah, it's just trying to make a house in your house. That's true. A little house inside the house and then they're going to kill all the bugs in good for mosquitoes.

Yeah, spiders are quite helpful. I love spiders. Yeah, a lot of people do a dog howling in the dark was warning that ghosts were lurking about and that death was imminent. However, a lot of dogs in my neighborhood in Glendale. So do you hear him howling? There's always death imminent, necessarily. Right. However, the site of three white dogs was considered a good omen again with the white. Oh, yeah. People like white. I feel like a black dog. It's a beautiful dog. I think that's changed. I enjoy black dogs. Yeah, chocolate lab is one of the best things you're going to money combined. I agree. And I think as a society, people would agree a chocolate or a black dog is superior to your white dog. I see more

black dogs than white dogs. It is true. And then a lot of dogs with a bunch of little spots on them. The best part about a black dog is that you could spill a whole cup of coffee on it and it won't stain. Exactly. Oh, I'm so weird. Where'd all that hot sauce go from my burrito? Oh, it's on the dog. Who cares? Rub it in. You know, lizards were a signifier of a miscarriage in the future. If only Holden could have been. Yeah, that would have been amazing. But a lot of people had miscarriages back in the days and there's a lot of lizards around. Always a lot of lizards around. Yeah. Speaking of Holden, piebald horses were good luck. Good luck. And if you were fast enough, you could make

a wish upon one. However, if you looked at the horse again after you made the wish, the wish wouldn't come true. That is tricky. Yeah, that's too tricky. Don't look at the horse. Don't look at the horse. Don't look at the horse. Don't look at the horse. Oh, look at the horse. Gotta look at the horse. It's a beautiful animal. And finally, this is one that everyone can relate to and just this. This is a site that always makes me happy. Donkeys rolling around in the dust means good weather. I mean, sounds like you're in a drought. It sounds like you've had a lot of bad weather. If the donkeys are just rolling around like pigeons in New York City, just cleaning themselves in the dust. It is

cute. All right, it's fine. All right. Donkeys are cute. Donkeys in the dust. Donkeys are very cute. Donkeys are very cute. They're kind of cute. They're donkeys. All right, cute about a donkey. Well, something good smelling about dirt. I like perfume and I like cars. By the way, one person one. No, so that they like the smell of dirt from dozens of people dozens say that dozens dozens. No, give it. Give the eight. A dozen. I'll give you up to eight one dozen. There have been many people multiple posts on the Facebook page. People agreeing with the Facebook post multiple emails, multiple Facebook messages, personal messages to me. Well, what kind of community are you trying to build a fucking dirt community?

We're all going to build dirt houses and we're going to live in the fucking dirt world. It's going to be the shit and you guys can't come. I don't want to be there because I don't want to live like a worm. Come with my house made out of Italian marble and the finest of leathers and my tourist's paradise. That sounds pretty perfect. Cold, very cold. In fact, I'm going to read you. I'm going to read you a Facebook message. I'm more of a log cabin guy. So if you enjoy more of a rustic feel warm and cozy, yeah, unless you feel like you're back in your mother's womb. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's what one listener said said. I think freshly dug dirt smells good like graveyard dirt. Okay, you can have them like graveyard dirt

my people. Right. That's your exit. This is proving your point. I think it smells good like graveyard dirt. Yeah, we've got and there was just a ton of people and so they loved it. You know, dirt we had a big discussion. We have a big we had a big argument as to whether dust could be considered dirt. It can't be it's dust. Yeah, we decided that it was dust sand is not dirt as well like so then you know the desert people they're kind of out of luck. So right. Yeah, sand is not dirt. So you know, it has to be good dirt that you can make mud pies out of. Right. That is great. I'm just yeah, I'm just it's nice. I don't I'm happy that you guys are have each other. We've learned nothing today.

I love that. But it's nice because the real news is just we know no real murder talk today, which I need a break from the other. So what we'll see is that we if if last podcast were to come to the United Kingdom to do a couple of shows. Are there enough people out there that want to see us? That is an open query. It is. Yeah, there's a very good chance we might be going out there sometime next year. So that would be super exciting and we're actually much better in real life because you get to see how attractive we truly are. Well, very attractive people. I have got my teeth fixed. So look forward to that. I have a good attitude and I'm buying shit ton of drinks. Right. And then I'm just you know,

I'm going around there making sure everyone is safe, calm, collected and having a good time. Well, we're going to do something evil next week. So you get ready for it. Don't worry. We haven't gone soft just yet. No, there's going to be something with fucking blood and bile. All right, blood and bile. And then of course, one of the 31st of August this next not this Sunday, but the next Sunday. Yeah, that is going to be the Sausage Fest, the Cave Comedy Radio Sausage Party here at the Creek in the cave. Come out to that. And of course, this Saturday is going to be the the Creek Awards. So come out to that and the Creek Awards this Saturday, August 23rd, starting at eight o'clock. Yeah, here

the Creek in the cave. 1093 Jackson Avenue. And yeah, last podcast, we were actually we're up for best podcast best variety show. We were up for the Roaster Markets Park. So we've been in and Eddie were up for that. And various various other things. So yeah, I mean, the voting's already closed. But if you want to see if maybe we win, and that's going to be on Saturday. All right. And also the last podcast live show is going to be a part of the Cave Comedy Radio weekend. That's going to be on August 30th. And then the Cave Comedy Radio Sausage Party will be on the 31st. So our show is the 30th. The last podcast on the left. Yeah, that's going to be live show the night of August 30th. That's going to

kick it all off. That's going to be perfect. All right, everyone. Thanks so much for listening. And we will talk to you soon. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. I'll gain. We please give it me some hail. Hail me a hail Henry or a hail me or a hail Marcus or a hail Ben or a hail by just take on my take on my beautiful saying to every baseball game. In sensitive Henry, surprise key. Thank you so much, everyone.