Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 181: Creepypasta X - Thumbers

Episode Date: July 2, 2015

It's the tenth in our Creepypasta series as we read stories involving skin burning, eyeball popping, Pac Man, and thumbers, plus bonus 911 calls!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left That's when the cannibalism started Those are hot dogs. I know I know I know I would not want to go to it. I would not want to go to a public festival that celebrated big fat Jersey men just eatin' literally eatin' coffee Like I don't know if that says July 4th to me. I don't know if that says birth of our nation to me It absolutely says really the death of our nation Ironically enough the hot dog eating competition celebrating the birth of our nation really just shows our ultimate demise because I will say that apparently the Benjamin Franklin Actually invented the sexual move of someone sucking on your balls. Really? He made a slave to it

No, he did not Benjamin Franklin didn't own slay. No, he didn't own slaves, but he certainly perused them sexual leave Benjamin Franklin alone He was fat and you know how difficult it was to be fat back then No, it was extra easy back then because everyone just assumed you were rich Oh, well, and he was covered in sheets of cotton and rayon and many girdles. Well, mr. Zabrowski, I don't think we're gonna have you history substitute teach any longer Benjamin Franklin ripped the black Until he made the Spanish and I know that for to be certain on this today, July 4th 2015 I have called you out of your office to make you interview me for the job of professor of history here at Doolane University

I just don't understand how I failed the SATs I listened to mr. Zabrowski and I wrote down exactly what he said and then they called me a racist. I was expelled Well, welcome to the show everyone. I am Ben Kessel joined by Marcus Parks. Oh my goodness There's a scent of a Zabrowski in the room. Yes, it's called a clone by it's called cannabis by fresh That is actually true. I wear a cologne called cannabis. You do. Yeah, isn't that kind of fun? Just if like if you're not getting harassed by the police enough just wear a cologne called cannabis No, no, no cops, and I have a good laugh. You know why cuz we're all white

That is like the definition of white privilege I'm sorry. There's a lot of race in my mind July 4th is coming up There's been a lot of good things that happened in our country of America I was in Canada for them and so I'm just gonna I'm also gonna take part in the big celebration I was I wasn't here for it. I just want to say good work fucking America We are 2,000 years old today on July 4th. When is that it's I don't know? I don't think we're 2,000 years old. That's a way older than the earth is only 6,500 years old I'll give you that we're all at least a third of that. I don't know. Okay, and we're gonna

I can't wait to roast the pigs nuts here in New York City. It's so good to be back All right. Well, it's great to have you back and in honor of you being back. We're gonna read some creepy pasta Hey, I hope you like it. I hope you like it Oh It's a kind of my common it macabre marinara. It's got a my comment it has your comment. All right Well, this is a great first date place. I Just I just love how the chef comes out and he interacts with all of the people here in the restaurant I know how I make it a marijuana

Mara man, but I'm not a sauce but I go they got anything to take a four tomatoes I throw them out and then what I do is I take a sweet blood from a screaming fucking swan I take a swan and I cut open its fucking chest and oh so red and then come in it And then I thought that over the garlic. I hate to break it to you Our chef has been chained to the oven for the past five weeks. That was a homeless man That was a homeless man. You just hate his semen. We are yes. We're back to doing some it's been a long time Oh well over a year. Yeah, and there's been so many fun writings and different creepy pastas that have Popped up over the past year that we're excited to share with you

Can we just say honestly creepy pasta hasn't gotten better? No, no, I would say it's gotten a little bit worse I was really hoping that we would find some, you know, really choice creepy bits out there And then I realized I don't I personally don't have feelings anymore I can't be scared anymore or happy or sad or So maybe just lost on me. It's just words on a page. Yeah, it's absolutely lost on yeah I had one of my assistants research some creepy pasta and she was like, this is really scary You're like, I don't know. This is super scary and like what are you trying? Do you know what scary is? Yeah, do you know what happened during the rape of Nankin? Oh, right? Well, let's not bring it all up

All right 731 I was just gonna say unit 731 the most horrific war crimes that have ever exist so there's two lovely Japanese people on the crew on the the cat in the cast of heroes and and They seem to have deny all knowledge of unit 731. Okay, they're not taught about it in school And they took they're like, what what do you mean? It's just like and I'm just like you boil the man's hands What is fucking bones look like? So you're so on the set of heroes. This is your between Shoot banter. Oh, yeah, I'm sitting around the bit the crafty table like looking at brand muffins and shit meet like meets and cheeses Well, technically, it's like your workplace. So you my job. Yeah

But then you're just kind of accusing people of war crimes there at the now It is my responsibility to bring truth I am the Luciferian lamp light of of knowledge and power everywhere. I go It is my responsibility as a Satanist to leave no stone unturned to leave no shadow Unscured, I think you're taking that up on yourself. I'm not sure. I think workplace banter is supposed to be like whole milk What do they call it? Is I got a can of skim milk and it was full, too. Oh? And they're like unit 731 Chinese are not logs. They're people There are five elite bloodlines that run our world as a part of a new world order and who controls the water

controls the future. All right All right, all right is actually very good for your teeth and it's also keeping us from being psychic. Well, it's ginger bitis and heart disease as well It's some real scary stuff. Yes, things written by 49 year olds in the dark of their mother's basement for the internet Oh my god. All right. Who wants to start? Well, no before we start what I so what I need you to do I'm gonna do this to traditional. All right, like like we always do First of all, if you're wearing clothes shut off the fucking podcast and quit listening to the podcast If you have been naked for the entire time of listening to all 181 episodes of last podcast on the left you You're a failure and you're a no you're a nobody. That's untrue. Take off your fucking clothes

No, you're doing wonderfully and they have to go outside. They don't want to get arrested Henry I don't care again Luciferian lamp light Take off your suspirior shirt Take off your many corsets if you're one of the beautiful women that listen to this show. I know with you everybody's wearing corsets Um, take take take that off be nude Tell Barbara in the cubicle next to her to fucking shove it You don't care what her half blind autistic kids got to say well, that's very true. No, that is nobody cares Yeah, because their their opinions are half a Barbara. You made it if you're blind

You don't get half the information so you can't be trusted. Well, that's another story. They're heightened I think equals it doesn't Know they're not daredevil No, no, not really. Um, I want you to lawyers though roll up the thickest fucking toddler arm of The fucking what I have right now is a stuff called green alien and I was tripping balls the other night Staring at my fish. I got a fish tank. What did you get a fish tank? It's in the Airbnb that I'm staying in Toronto. Oh, and so I go and I'm fucking I was totally nude I smoked an entire joint of it. I just stared at this fish

I guess guess what man they hit into a rock because I thought I was a fucking predator And so I want you to do that roll it up And when you sit back in the dark light a couple candles and know that we're about to lay some creepy hands down Underneath the meat underneath your knee and we're gonna work it up the back of your legs and tickle tickle the bottom of your Butt cheeks with something truly frightening. That actually sounds like it feels really good. Yeah Yeah, I love that those fish were just looking at you be like the bloop is real The bloop is real the rumors are true. It's the Riverman of the River people. Hmm. All right. Who wants to start us off? Okay

This is called I'll be waiting Okay You don't know me No one knows me only a master knows of my existence. I mean it's No, I just realized what that did. Yeah, yeah, yeah version of that did You don't know I don't understand Okay, I see now you see my interpretation master. Yes. Yes. Yes, and then that voice and the rest of this thing. Yes, okay

You don't start to get out of it. Oh, yeah, well Ah, feel the okra I'll be waiting You don't know me No one knows me Only master knows of my existence But master and I know all of you We visit all of you my friends

during the witching hour I'm never there during the day The sun's rays penetrate my shadowy soul and obliterate my flesh My bones turn to ash My organs become dust Daytime in one place is nighttime in another though So master and I always are traveling Never in one place for too long

After the sun has died the moon lives again I come I'll get close up to you and breathe in the scent of your life. I Listen to your heartbeat and breathing Master then starts work on you putting one finger on your forehead And whispering Latin words like Ola And Maraca, that's Latin America. Yeah, that's different than Latin. You always end up squirming or screaming Master calls them nightmares. I always want to comfort you hold you close, but I can never touch not ever

Master tells me never to touch I've learned not to touch Master hurt me badly And my skin My scarred sensitive skin has paid the price But sometimes I can't help myself When master isn't looking I strike

I brush my fingernails down your arms trace your lips comb your hair away from your face But my skin kills your kind Breaks the blood vessels bruises your body in mysterious ways. You can never figure out. I'm sorry. I really am I just can't help myself. I want to show you how much I love you This is a great dating manual This is pretty much word-for-word what I do just thinking about that. Yeah when master and I are done with you I always remember to take a souvenir

Usually it's something small that you won't notice is missing like a coin or a peon and Snatched up from behind master's back But sometimes you don't have very much when that happens. I take something else with master's permission, of course Hair nails eyelashes a part of you, and it will always be mine. I Hope to see you tonight If you don't fall asleep We'll have a problem

Master says I can't let you see me if you see me our friendship will be over and I'll have to kill you I don't want to kill you. I don't want to see the blood seep through your bed sheets I don't want to see your face as you scream in the sight of me my deformed skin my scars My love for you But maybe deep down inside just a little bit. I do I am master's child after all Sweet dreams darlings I'll be waiting for you kind of a kind of a manicurist I think this is the this is the McNeely's the Holden McNeely's father and mother that was their wedding like

Nice, so just kind of taking skin shavings and nails and random hairs. Yeah, seems like that's the gist of this monster, huh? It's weird, huh? He's an ugly guy. I must be a vampire. I don't know. I'm not really sure about blood I can't figure out who this person is. I think he's like a Renfield Yeah, could be a Renfield. Yeah. Yeah, like Tom Waits Well very creepy sure very good and they kind of kind of got a rousing there in the middle, too Yeah, no nice erotica. All right. Who's up mark? I've right that I'm gonna read a story called Marie Tiba dough By September dirt by September dirt

Marie Tiba dough 1901 to 1881 was a remarkable woman. She was kind intelligent headstrong and never once told a lie I call bullshit. Yeah, she got a lie. You got a lie sometimes everybody lies just to be nice sometimes most people lie every You're just mean a representative. That's what Chris Rock said have a nice day. Oh, I didn't mean that have a nice day I raped my my father last night. Okay, come on now But are all of you voodoo high priestesses? I think not they work by different roles just like Marie Tiba dough She lived her entire life in New Orleans establishing a reputation from an early age as a potent healer and clairvoyant people traveled for miles simply to visit her

Apothecary although many more sampled her legendary concoctions by the 1870s She had simultaneously become one of the most feared and revered figures in Louisiana in 1881 a landowner named Jacob Parrish traveled to New Orleans from baton Rouge Paris was vastly wealthy and devoutly religious but possessed a morbid fascination for the occult He had hired a platoon of ex-soldiers from the recently concluded Civil War and with them He marched down Bourbon Street and into Marie's store. Despite the protests of her assistance. Marie granted Parrish an audience He had heard rumors that the great voodoo Queen had discovered the secret to eternal life and demanded that she yielded it to Here's it to me. Oh, you shall hear the secret through the little life to me. I John Parrish from baton Rouge

Hmm never flustered Marie corrected him. She had indeed discovered a ritual that would grant immortality But only for a set period of time 50 years to be exact that doesn't technically make sense because more immortality is forever I mean, I mean, I don't mean to be like a fucking larper here. I don't mean to be like a YouTube commentator here But it just does seem like she's lying doesn't it? Yeah Once performed the subject would rise again after his natural death having no need for food air or water Immune to disease and utterly impervious to bodily harm after 50 years had elapsed However, the subject would die once more never to rise again

Frustrated by this revelation Parrish nevertheless knew her by reputation to be an honest woman It would not pass up the opportunity to live beyond his natural lifespan. Marie agreed to conduct the ritual for him As long as he vowed to leave New Orleans permanently once it had been concluded Parrish agreed and the ritual was performed true to his word Parrish returned to baton Rouge later that day But not before ordering his mercenaries to murder Marie and her assistance and to burn her apothecary to the ground It's a bad move to do against a voodoo queen. You know why because the whole thing was like voodoo queens is that like their shit? Like goes on after you burn them down. Totally. Yeah, they get stronger the more you burn them. Yep Yeah, Louisiana folk are renowned for their superstitions, which are many and varied. It was unusual

However, the dozens would later swear that they had seen disembodied shadows making their way en masse Up to the Parrish months that night and that was just them being racist Mm-hmm kind of racist. Yeah, the following morning the 15 mercenaries were found with their neck snapped as though they had been twigs Parrish himself was discovered in his bed wide-eyed and apparently Terror-stricken his throat torn out with such ferocity That the state coroner was forced to conclude that a bear had somehow made its way into his locked seventh floor bedroom Well, you know how the over there safety of them bears they are they come out out of the swamp as a swamp bear And I don't remember yeah, it's one bear runs all over that whole room and now they can't be held by doors

They cannot he'll be able to help our cages because they are shadow bears and I just wish I wish my wife Marie Claire would come back to me That's what happens when you make the only guy in town with a knife the corner The hints of black magic were not lost on locals However, who promptly buried all 16 bodies in Magnolia Cemetery the following day Marie Tibbadoe was a remarkable woman She never told a lie, but that is not to say that she never withheld the truth What she had not disclosed was that resurrection would not take place until 72 hours after death When Parrish's grave was exhumed for relocation in 1953 Puzzled excavators noted the singularly deep gouge marks found inside the coffin lid

You just got punked My god like Paris Hilton going down in a fake plane crash this woman got punked. I say she deserved it, too No, he it was a man. I'm saying Paris Hilton deserve this guy also deserved it of course. Yes. Yes. Yes Yeah, man, you got fucking got got yeah, that's what happens you try to double cross double crosser What do you get you get triple triple crossed more or more crossed than the person that you cross double just know that Everybody know that if you're dealing with a voodoo queen, right? She's always gonna say it's a monkey spa agreement She's gonna say yes. Yes. Yes. It's gonna be that this always gonna be the thing. It's always gonna be thing You want to live forever? Yes, you'll live forever, but you got nine dicks now

Right, I mean you have to deal with it. Oh you want all the money in the world You got all the money in the world, but that money is made out of calm. Well, that's fine. You got a touch I don't know until Dixon come but it's fine nine dicks isn't the worst thing to go through life with I feel y'all would not Where are they Ben? Where are they? Are they all in your crotch? Are they all like a strange plant that is sprouting from your nether region to from your knees? Yeah, one where your tongue should be so every time you want to like you're like You're gonna a big thick fucking cock coming out of your mouth. Yeah, yeah, they're all four inches long and always flaccid Oh, well, I mean it would be monkey spa agreement. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know

They'd be kind of fun though because then you can flare up like a scared cat You know get hard and you know this is quick. This is a quick quiz fill a before you get next story quick quiz for the ladies If you took a guy's pants off and you saw nine dicks, would you shrieking horror give you so your answers this week? Find that we'll find out on the Facebook page. This one's called touch by September Durliff Now this is a story about romance. Okay, so he and his girlfriend were the most romantic. No, no, no, no, no, no, no take it from the top He and his girlfriend weren't the most romantic couple their idea of spicing up their relationship was making out in the dark It's kind of fun to do that. That's what you make women do, right?

I don't know why why would you have lights on when you have a body like mine? I am the light. I like to see the bodies No, that's disgusting Henry. He came over to her this this is going back to this relationship Oh, he came over to her house late one night when her parents were out of town and they laid down on them on her bed together And he turned off the the bedside lamp held her hands in his hands and they began kissing gently He was kissing her gently. How do you ever have sex? Like just like this the thing about the darkness is that it heightens your other senses like we were talking about with the blind They're devil is here and I was smelling hard

I don't know if you want the smell to be harder But the sound of her gentle breathing beginning to quicken the sweet smell of perfume off at the base of her neck She put it right there in her neck the taste of her lips and the salt on her skin The feel of nails beginning to dig into his shoulder just by the darkness his eyes snapped open as he realized that both her hands were still Class firmly within his own So who was rubbing his back? Oh? Who is now? It was old man, Greg. Yeah, just lie there. Couldn't help but notice you both made love

And couldn't help but notice it's your back. Look at she also couldn't help but notice that I'm allergic to pants and a belt Oh man, Greg is coming to be the third leg on this wobbly table. I love it. The table is too wobbly. We need another leg Now me to lick the stamp little man Greg lick the stand Everybody's got a job to do isn't that fun? So that was a relationship story They were having sex with each other in bed and he felt hands on his back even though hers were clasped in his hand So kind of scary Hmm. All right, so now we have a very special moment in the show. We are back I you know how many times everyone says oh

The 9-1-1 calls are too much and we hate listening to them and oh me me I'm scared of listening to them so we've promised forever to never play a 9-1-1 call again And so guess what we're so we're never gonna play one ever again, right Marcus never ever. Nope This is actually a 3-1-1 call. Oh, yeah, totally different. Yeah, absolutely this this call that we're gonna be listening to right now This is a man who was working at a recycling plant in Florida in Orlando and he had the Unfortunate position of having his leg ripped off by a Baylor. He did not do his job, right? Oh, well, let's listen to we're gonna come in about seven minutes into the call seven minutes

Oh, it's an 11-minute call to get there. It spends quite he spends quite a long time talking about how he's gonna die How his mother is gonna just kill him. Oh, which is the weird thing because he's already gonna die, right? Yeah, all right, here we go. Okay, so I'm gonna get so fucking fired Interrupt the sheriff's office. We can't find him in the recycle center. Where about are you? Okay, he's all the way in the back behind you John. You're right. You're behind the building at the big blue machine, right? I'm in the blue machine. Yes, sir Did you copy that? So yeah, right behind the building. Okay, they're a big blue machine big blue machine. Yes, okay, we had the Head sales all around it. Maybe afford this out front. I don't know

Pretty gruesome in here. I'm not gonna lie to you. Yeah, no, I understand. I understand The police are there now looking for you. Okay, sir. I'm gonna pass out. Okay. No, I want you to keep talking to me You're gonna be fine. Oh Yes, sir Yeah, I'm here on your mind That's fine. You're much like a hero. Do you hear somebody do you hear somebody there now John? I hear somebody in the background That's my coworker, Richie. Okay. Okay, so I just found you John, yeah, your coworker just found you, right? Yeah, he just found me. Okay. Tell you if he's still there with you

No, he wants to get the police. Okay Okay, sir. Yeah, that's fine. I love everybody. Okay. They're coming I'm here, sir. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Please you're talking to the police right now Yeah, sir. Okay. I think I'm gonna Sir, sir, I'm calling. I'm calling is on my pocket. Okay Sir, yeah, sir. Are you talking to me or the police John? I'm talking to both of you. Okay. Am I gonna go to jail for this? Am I gonna go to jail for this? That's so sad. I'm really surprised

We didn't get to hear the point where the cops rolled in there. We were like drop the bailer drop the bailer And they shoot him multiple times in the head. You saw him. He had a bailer. So we had to kill them I gotta say this guy's about one shin low What does that say officer Greg? You are getting funnier every time we come across a man half-dead Isn't that great? It's so sad that the man's poor concern is going to jail. Yeah, and they before that he's like call could you call my mom I Dude, she's gonna fucking kill me man He actually sounds like a pretty good guy that he's like calm a step and you know what he survived

And he actually released the 9-1-1 call himself to help other amputees come to terms with their condition That's very nice. He survived his leg is currently haunting the area. Yeah, just every time people go by you Just like a woman's skirt. She just feels the toe run up a leg Yeah kicking mean guys around the bailer in the butt Yeah, that's what I do if I was a ghost leg. They could have been a little bit more specific with the location They're like a forklift surround thing. Yeah, yeah, there's a bailers and I'm not really sure how to do a bailer makes bails Bail is like a ha it's an organic cube A bale is a it's like a bunch of it's what Cowboys sit on a bale is

Chicken's house. All right a little bit more specific with the location would help I there's a blue sky and there is um, and I have one leg now So look for the guy who's only got one leg Salute Chris All right. Well a very actually one of our that's got an uplifting call. It's a bit of a yeah We're gonna start we're starting with an uplifting one there. Yeah, we're gonna end with a not uplifting one though You fucking asshole great people great people Um, so this is called nightmares if you guys have not seen the documentary the nightmare

Do yourself a favor and do it so that you also can be haunted with the idea of seeing the man with a black hat And you can't go to sleep like I like what happened to me Literally, I've never been so scared alone before in my life since I've seen the documentary the nightmare watch it. It's fucked up And I'm sorry to say if you do have night terrors if it does happen like if you if you had maybe saw shadow people in the past Uh, I don't mean to alarm you they are real and they're gonna start happening again You want to sell your house immediately at a bot bottom? There's no real they're gonna follow you wherever you go for the rest of your life You're a victim. They're attached to you. It's you. You're the problem. The only way out is is either

Literally the only way out is you have to suck your own cock until you shoot into your own mouth But I'm a girl that you're fucked. Oh, huh? Nightmares I used to think nightmares were fun. So I asked for more They were the only source of excitement in my endless rut of a life I never used to get nightmares and for that I should have been grateful. I wasn't I Wished for more. I craved the adrenaline and the pounding of my heart. It's my eyes flew open They say be careful what you wish for

They are not lying There's a shadow behind you. Oh watch out The nightmare started to come quicker and much more often It was small things at first the things anybody would have being chased by wild dogs being abandoned or running naked into school That just sounds like my child I tired of them quickly. I know reason and keep myself awake after them Soon they began to become more intense My brain began playing with me. I'd be held down by my throat unable to breathe unable to scream my

Chest heaving, but no air entering my lungs I'd be torn at my skin coming away like butter. I'd be tied down as those I trusted slice into me. I Began to dream of hell. They're behind you watch out. Oh Then I'd wake My eyes not quite focusing on anything in my small box room The purples of my cushions would merge with the cream of my wall and the giant teddy bear that sat in the corner would blur But I could breathe There was no pressure on my throat. I would take in deep lungfuls of air as if I hadn't breathed for hours

I scratched at my skin to check if it was still there and it was I would check my clock And it would always be the same time five minutes past three in the morning became my waking hour The witching hour. Oh My eyes would try to slide clothes, but I couldn't let that happen instead I'd pull myself to the bathroom down the carpeted hall and splash icy water on my face until I was in no danger of sleeping The sleep deprivation I concluded would be better than facing the out of the horrors of the night. I Go into school like a zombie And nobody seemed to notice that anything was different. I began to become paranoid

As people walk past me the memories would come rushing back invading my mind She was one that made the first incision two nights ago He was the one who had his hand over my neck last week and they were the ones that retrieved the knives in the depths of hell I pushed everyone away in Fear that they would build hell on earth So I sat alone Excluding myself from the drone of conversation and the inconvenience of life Dylan Klebowl

Think about it my nightmares would plague me Creative writing assessments in English were easy. Just pick a night. There was a horror story right there Talks of battles in history shocked others barely even struck me as odd the drawings I did an art made everyone feel nauseous, but seemed quite normal to me Lessons on hell and re would spike fear into my very soul All the things I needed more imagery about Hades was not one of them. Those lessons began to creep into my dreams, too A human being can go 14 days without sleep before they die The record for days without sleep is 11 days a record which is held by a university student from America

My record is five days. I started hallucinating so horrifically on day five. I couldn't take it anymore The sorceress whispers began first This voice is assuring me. I was crazy, but it's worthless doomed to be ended by my own mind Next it was a high-pitched Sempaternal screaming squealing squealing It sounded like nails running down chalkboard or a knife scraping against a plate only twice as high and five times as loud Then inanimate objects began to turn clink when

Spots of bright brightness admitting from plants and pictures blinded me. I know that these were merely chemical chimerical He made that the author made quite the use of the thesaurus on this one the fuck I Know that these are merely kind miracle, but can a schizophrenic stop having hallucinations Neither can someone suffering with extreme sleep deprivation Decided to suck it up and face the nuances every night like the ones behind you look out. Oh, I Been sleeping well when I say well, I mean I've been getting six hours of sleep at night That's why I know I'm not hallucinating when I see dark figures in my bedroom at night When I hear the creaking of my door opening, I know it's real

When the piercing screams of tortured souls invade my eardrums, it's actually happening I'm gonna hear the hissed threats that are coming that they're coming for me. Sadly. I know that that's real, too You see be careful what you wish for I wished for hell I Got it It's five minutes past three in the morning. I Can hear them Who kind of exciting? I like the cream walls meets. What was it purple purple cushion purple cushion?

That's what I'm gonna say if I were if I ever have sex with a woman. Why my purple cushion would like to meet your cream walls euphemism simp eternal adjective eternal and unchanging whatever chimerical Adjective unreal imaginary visionary miracle like the chimera right the mythical creature And look with one look and turn you into stone. Sometimes people use big words just because they don't want you to understand and Seussurus whispering murmuring or wrestling the sussurus of the stream So this guy so this guy had a fedora like mark on his fucking forehead, right? He had a word of a day can't work word a day calendar

He's just flipping through it and you got to the words you want But sometimes I really do wonder if the people that suffer from these night terrors and the sleep paralysis that maybe you know Maybe they do see into another realm past the curtain of this reality into the next and maybe the man with the head is real You know maybe and maybe he's got a pet monkey and his name is George He's got a yellow cap and the whole world's crazy But that's just in the in the color world But then when the shadow is cast upon our world it becomes the shadow man because in the nightmare They have all this stuff about like iron claws gripping at your penis when you sleep and stuff like that

And the man who's just looks like a shadow made out of static comes up and he touches your chest and all you can do is scream But you can't make a noise. Yeah, maybe this man is real and that's usually ended with the sentence to uttered by a father saying That's just the family cat All right, this next story is called why do you keep your eyes shut? It's cause I'm sleeping Jeremy I'm sleeping up. That's why I keep my eyes shut. No, it's a story. That's our you guys having a campfire sleepover Just a two year. Yeah, I'll bring over my body old man Greg That's good. I'll tell you why I keep my eyes shut

Because you hate seeing the movements of old man Greg's knees walking around the room Oh great great friend of mine Anyways back to the story Don't go camping ladies and gentlemen There was once a girl living in a town where everyone expected you to be normal Yet every day people sent her glares and weird looks because they knew she couldn't see him Dylan Kleebles I don't think Dylan has anything to do with this one Her eyes were always shut they never opened and not even her mother knew what eye color she had

However, she acted offended when people grimaced she could walk normally and she could even take notes when the teacher was talking The girl acted as if she could see doing things that other people could do with their eyes One day a brave little boy on a tricycle rode over to her and stared at her eyelids The boy gasped as the girl stopped and looked down as if she could see him miss What why do you keep your eyes shut the little boy asked? What do you mean? The girl inquired and after the little boy didn't respond She continued to walk when she was walking home from school the next day a couple of bullies surrounded her She stopped in their presence making the bullies shocked yet. They quickly regained their spiteful attitude

Who are you? Why do you always keep your eyes shut? one bully demanded stomping his foot on the ground after the girl didn't respond one bully hit her in the head and Pulled her hair and another one kicked her leg and stomped on her foot. They continued this action That's a salt that is a salt felony assault. They continue this action, but not for too long Amelia Robinson was enjoying a nice walk with her husband that same day Their pace quickened when it became darker, but both of them stopped abruptly when they saw something so horrible something so

Horrifying that Amelia screamed and called the police There on the sidewalk laid three bodies all of which were boys They had been mutilated their blood stained the sidewalk and their guts and veins sprawled everywhere It appeared as if someone had just dug their nails into the flesh and ripped them open like you rip open a bag of chips However, very good imagery of their teeth there However, one body part was missing. Can you guess what it is the penis is with buttholes? their eye We were way off

We were thinking below the way That Amelia was so frightened that she didn't see the note that the police had found they claimed It was taped to one of the victims bodies After reading the note the police chief and his backup went to investigate the dead body some more Which weren't being removed until the following day The note said when you teased me about my eyes being shut I figured that you could have them and return I will have yours The police's prediction was right in the bully's hand was a pair of eyeballs

It's like that character from that Nickelodeon cartoon who had the eyes that was always holding the eye Oh, yeah from our real monsters. Yeah Grumpkin, oh, I love that one grumpkin Yeah, would you also what you call when you fart in a bowl and then you make your lover smell while you're fingering her butthole That's a grumpkin. Oh, that's grumpkin. That's pulling a grumpkin. Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. This story is called thousands So that is a lot Right sure the mother-in-hundreds and there was me. Oh man. Greg. I'll let you get back to your start Yeah, old man. Greg like to use boys for a long way off. Get out of here

Get out of your old man. Great. I got a cough and disease. Yeah, you're a chain smoker and you're in Vietnam. Oh Yeah, that's right. Vietnam My memories All right thousands Thousands you crawl into bed around nine funny. That's a little early for you But you don't seem to care you toss and turn for a few minutes before you feel it somebody's watching you you're sure of it You're selling me

It sounds like you're selling on me on this. No, I'm selling it. Yeah toss and turn for a few minutes. You're sure of it Yeah, somebody's watching you. Oh, do you not want to see what I'm about to sell you for nine for three easy payments of 33 99 You're crawling to bed around nine funny. That's a little early for you But you don't seem to care you toss and turn for a few minutes before you feel it somebody's watching you you're sure of it You can you scan the room finding nothing, but you still feel a little uneasy you lay back down facing the room You shut your eyes, and you're trying to sleep, but you can't you still feel the eyes watching you It's just nice to have somebody there You you pull the car I take it, you know, I'd take a ghost at this point over pure loneliness. Yes. Yes

Exactly you pull the covers over your head, and you're feeling and you're and the feeling fades you relax and close your eyes But as soon as they shut the feeling returns You're scared to you're scared to move the covers to search to search for the eyes that you know are watching you You're terrified, but you yank the covers down as you do and your as as you do your heart skips a beat You scan the room seen absolutely nothing yet again the feeling disappears, and you scold yourself for acting like such a child Yeah, I'm an idiot. I'm a child. Yeah, I'm a grown 39 year old man You roll over toward the wall and quickly fall into a peaceful sleep, but let me ask you this Do you know how many hiding places there are in your room? I do thousands

There's thousands of them I feel like that's also a bad thing if like you get a girl over your house and you're like do you have any hiding places? I have in my room. I do thousands thousands of them. Yeah, I've checked No, I literally have no hiding places in my room. I have no furniture I just feel like this guy must have a huge room. Yeah, thousands thousands. You got a closet knickknacks says he had oh my goodness Well, he's tiny. Oh the thing watching. I think the thing watching it has to be tiny for there to be thousands of hiding places You have to be tiny. Why are you goddamn scared? Why are you scared then? Yeah, why is an elephant scared of a mouse?

Elephants not scared of a mouse. They are. Yeah, they're not. Yeah, they are. No, they are not. Yes Yes, they are. We can show you a YouTube tunes, cartoon concept. We can show you a YouTube video right after this called Elephant Scared of a Mouse. We're not doing this here. We're not gonna do it here, but we'll do it later. Let's go back to Play 9-1-1 again. We're not playing another one of these calls. They're too grisly and they're too disgusting. All right And I think that people and it's it's it's reprehensible the idea that we would even play one of these phone calls ever Because this is human death. Do we not find human death to be the death to be sacred? Do we not find do you know like are we not people like with with empathy and Consideration for other people's feelings. I'm gonna say you are not that's true. Yes got a booger in my nose

There it is. He just went on a whole diet tribe about life and death. You're picking a booger over here All right, let's just play this dang'd call. Yep This is a nurse at a nursing home Refusing to do CPR on a dying old woman. This is great Okay, that's not we need to get CPR started. That's not enough. Okay. Um, let me yeah, we can't do CPR. Okay, then hand the phone to the Pastor by if you can't do it. I need to hand it to the pastor by I'll have her do it Or if you've got any any citizens there, I'll have them. No, no anybody there can do CPR. Give them the phone, please. I Understand if you if your facility is not willing to do that give the phone to that pastor by that that stranger that had that then I need

This woman's not breathing enough. She's gonna die if we don't get this started. Do you understand? I Understand, okay. I am a nurse, but I cannot have our other senior citizens who don't know CPR I will just do it in a dining room. I will instruct them. Is there anyone there who can do that? Okay, I don't understand why you're not willing to help this patient. I am okay great Then I'll walk you through it all the week. EMS takes the liability for this Colleen. I'm happy to help you Okay, this is this is EMS protocol Okay, I Don't know where he is, but he's yelling at me and saying that we have to have one of our other residents perform

CPR and still instruct and I'm not gonna do that and I'll get that call Colleen is there anybody that works there that's willing to do it? We can't are we just gonna wait? We're gonna let this lady die. Well, that's why we're calling 9-1-1. We can't wait She can't wait right now. She is stopping breathing She can't wait for them to get there It's not enough we need to get CPR started He's saying we don't so you can talk to my boss and I'm okay I don't know. Oh my goodness. All right. I bet enough and she just shows that thing too of like

What's more evil than that like bureaucratic like kind of like stiff arming? Yeah, where it's just like that think about that is that she just like literally she just thought about her job Yeah, she was just thinking about her job thinking about her job with no Passion whatsoever. Well, I'll tell you that's what happens when you have the Now deceased Anna Nicole Smith working at a hospice That woman sounded like she was on more drugs than any of the employees there any of the Patients there and you get the feeling there was a family was just like driving by me like let him die hospice must be French Yes, drop them off. You know what? I am here and grandma's death rattles

You know why because it's getting over me. It's really messing up with me playing Call of Duty Yeah, never, you know, I had a friend who worked in a in a retirement community a hospice and he was a very nice guy But let's be honest They treat these people terribly if you have an elderly family member in a hospice right now Just play a fun game and it get about break them out of there and take them to the beach What do that thing where you go and check on them every once in a while? Just see if they're breathing go check them out. Go go go visit them. Yeah, I mean or let them die You know, I don't know I'm gonna crawl into a porch

God when I feel the time coming. Oh, absolutely. I like a possum. Yeah, that's that's my goal I hate that nurse so much. That's evil. She's like a Nazi. She is like a Nazi Is there any talk about consequences that came from this this 911 call none whatsoever? Well, there's so far. There's an investigation into the incident But there's not been revealed to do any criminal wrongdoing because as far as I know I don't think unless there is a specific law a A municipal law meaning a local law saying that you must help a stranger in distress Then the American people are by no means allowed to help someone that is dying or in distress hell cops aren't even

Required the Supreme Court just ruled that cops aren't even required to help you if you are in danger or in distress Good good good. I never need it. That's right. All right, so remember everyone. You're all on your own So if you ever need to do CPR make sure you're trained on it so you can do it to yourself You got to do it to yourself sometimes like an old Western cowboy would sew his own wounds after stabbing himself All right, so this is called I'm gonna read a story called it's a small road a.k.a. Thumbers by Deathlord A spot a fellow standing on the side of the road slightly obscured by the low-lying fog He's got a thumb stuck out kind of gruff and dirty looking. It's like hell. Why not? I pull the car over and the man opens the door. You hop in without saying a word. It's your lucky night

I state normally I don't pick up any Thumbers Despite the night being dark. I noticed some bright yellow teeth in my rear view mirror It gets you smiling at the comment Must be I never thumb much myself anymore. Y'all it's not since what happened. Oh, I ask what happened? The man in the back seat pauses for a moment. But with the shrug of his shoulders. He commences a tale Poor some years ago late at night as you might expect. I was out hitchhiking Man comes along picks me up sounds good, huh? Yes, it takes here when I give a grunt of approval story to Yeah, well this may pick me up. Yes dangerous, isn't it? What is asking? He says thumb

Before I can even speak the man pulls a big old pulls out big old knife on me. He says, yeah Dangerous all right the stamps at me the car served no lover cuz he's stabbing. He's a stabbing. He's stabbing. He's stabbing This is a horrible story to tell in the middle of a car. I've grown again Uh-huh becoming interested. Well, what did you do? I? Tell you the man yells I tell you and I don't know where he thrust his arms forward right against my cheek I look down on it and the hand is gone. It pulls it on back. You gotta cut it right up How'd you escape?

More bright yellow teeth in the mirror again Well, I gotta hold his hand an instant kick in bit of fingers got to Car hit a tree and I made a run for it. I'll run again gripping the steering wheel with my bad hand The one missing the two little fingers What It was me It was me death lord all along He was the person it was the person that did the thing the man see there was a man

There was a thumber and then the thumber was picking up another thumber, but the thumber that picked up the man Had already picked him up before but they both had bad memories So they didn't remember that they had already picked him up before because he hadn't had a thumber in a long time clear as day Yeah, see they were both there were thumbers They were thumbers one of them was a thumber and what was the other one kind of a more of a pinky guy or he had to Yeah, his little fingers were missing. So he was a pinker. Yeah, so he's got a pinker You're the guy's a thumber and the thing about pinkers is in thumbers is that war has been going on since nah Since the beginning of the pinkers and thumbers

I'm saying numbers and pinkers were born on two sides of the same Valley But then one thumber roll on over and he raped one of the old man of the pinker tribe Yeah, I feel like this is how a white trash mother talks about dicks with her daughter Thumbers and pink numbers and pinkers. You got those long skinny ones. You got the short stubby ones You got to find what works best for you. You got to put the thumber into your pinker Every day every day. All right. Well, this next one is written by One third 1337 noob guy newbie guy newbie guy. It's called Pac-Man versus child protective services It seems very real. Well, I'm beautiful and sunny fucking day. Pac-Man was enjoying a nice shitty rape this sunday

He put down a shitty horrible peach and violet juice for a drink and got up on his mother fucking legs He went to fucking McDonald's to fuck a child when he arrived there He exposed his cock and small tiny dick and everybody was shocked But he recognized someone it was his child and the child was enjoying a fucking drink Pac-Man went over to him and continued to rape him. soon child protective services burst in through the door Face snipers ready tolic escalate Pac-Man's dirty ass so it needed it Needless to say Pac-Man would not take such shit from such a fucking shitty group full of F human's

He fucking fucking he fucks spraying in the action and shot all over him He then continued to get out a small rod by pushing it out the head of his penis and shoved it up the fucking ass of someone Hyper realistic blood fucking win every fucking place and fucking pack fuck win fucking over To the fucking leader and fucking through the shitty fucking ways to fucking flesh fucking DNA and fucking Oxygen and fucking decimated the fucking rest of fucking child protective fucking services He then fucking went home to fucking finish that fucking shitty rapist fucking Sunday

So how was your weekend? I wrote some stories mom and fuck you. Okay, honey. He's a creative mom I'm a lord of the internet everybody fucking knows my ass when I'm a fucking internet You don't fucking tell me hyper realistic quicksco Kind of taste blood in my mouth a little bit after that one. All right Marcus very good Let's see. Oh, this one involves the internet as well YouTube Let's see here. This one's called here comes fucking Walter Cronkite. Oh They've got I'm a my day. There was a notepad now that got internet pads

Oh, well, you know what you need is a feminine pad because y'all are pussies That's I'm having an iPad in my old pads use the state of the same you got guys got pointing it Yep, Cronkite would freak out if he saw the tampons that are inserted into women nowadays Marina Mord and Mordegard Glesgorf That's the name of this one. We purposely gave this to him so it would be difficult for him to read I read it. I'm gonna read it. It's just I don't know what's going on there. All right There's a video on YouTube named Marina Mordegard Glesgorf If you see this if you search this you will find nothing all right the few times you find some

Wait, the few times you find something you will see is a 20. Let's see. This is all wrong It's written like a jerk off. Okay. Let me redo it. This one's called Marina Mordegard Mariana Mariana Mordegard Glesgorf There's a video on YouTube named Mariana Mordegard Glesgorf If you search this you will find nothing the few times you find something all you will see is a 20-second video of a man staring intently at you expressionless then grinning for the last two seconds the background is undefined This is only part of the actual video hmm interesting the full video last two minutes and was removed by YouTube After 153 people who viewed the video gouged out their eyes and mailed them to the YouTube main offices in San Bruno

Yeah, you guys remember when that happened Like four days for a package to get there anyway, you know what I mean like it felt like it instantly goes there go with brown That's what I say don't FedEx it UPS it Said people also had also committed suicide in various ways So the people who set the eye yet the people who sent the eyes They also committed suicide in various ways it is not yet known how they managed to mail their eyes after gouging them out Yeah, that is a good question. Oh, it gets demons are going to the fucking post office I think you fill it out first. Yeah, you know fill out the envelope first gouge them out right next to the mailbox

I think I put them in there. Sorry. See you guys Oh, okay, whoosh me. I have to put these Netflix DVDs in there as well I love Netflix DVDs and okay So they gouge out their eyes they mailed them in and the cryptic inscription they carve on their forearms has not yet been Disoffered YouTube will period it peer it will YouTube will periodically put up the first 20 seconds of the video to quell Suspicions so that people will not go look for the real thing and upload it All right seems kind of weird the video itself was only viewed by one YouTube staff member who started screaming We have who started screaming after 45 seconds. This man is under

This man is under constant sedatives that is apparently unable to recall what he saw the other people who were in the same room as him Well, he viewed it and turned it off and turned off the video for him Say that they all could hear all they could hear was a high-pitched drilling sound none of them dared look at the screen The person who uploaded the video was never found the IP the IP address being non-existent and the man on the video has never been Identified that's why for all your video recording needs a video watching into the internet use the vid.me vid me YouTube's the way of the of the dodo of the back vid me is the way of the future. Ah vid me join today

All right, so should we do another phone call or I think we're gonna round this out with one last nine one We're not playing 9-1-1 calls. Are we not? No, are we not? No, we're not playing them anymore I mean round table is over. That's been canceled. It's done. Yeah, and we're not playing 9-1-1 calls anymore I'm not even on round table anymore. No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right everyone. I'm not even on a television show right now Is that true? Yeah, I Just like and go to the park and I'd say everybody. I'm in I'm in Toronto For months now you've been lying this whole time. I pack a lunch You do I pack a lunch and I go to the park by myself and I feed the goose

But why did you do fake film in Canada? Why didn't you just haven't filming here in New York? I don't know the lie got bigger. Yeah, the lie got bigger around me. You know, okay, but I can't suck my own dick Hey, all right, let's play the 9-1-1 call. Let's do it This is a teenager who confessed to beating his father to death with a cane 9-1-1, what are you reporting? I'm calling to confess to a killing All right, when and where did this happen? It was last Friday

Around 9 o'clock 9 p.m. Who did you kill? My father Is he still there? No, he's looking dead. We're in the house early He's outside, you know Container first your last name S-A-L-V

N-A-N, your first name R-I-V-N-R-Y-L-A-N Is anyone else here with you? Not at the moment. My mother and sister have left the neighbors for the time being. I told them what happened, so they left for a spell until I I told the police to take care of things, so I had to kill them Well, we

We've both been drinking some and there was a confrontation. I said something to him told him to stop, he shoved me, didn't hit me, didn't shove me and I I just, I had a pain in my hand at the time I knew I promised it wasn't premeditated or anything that I had been drinking and I just

started swinging You know, obviously he had a conflicted childhood, you know, past, conflicted past and most sort of a tipping point. What kind of container is it? It's a sell-off of a wooden box What's your middle name or initial rival? Hendrick?

Your date of birth? On January 2nd, 98 Oh my, 1998. There's a 17 year old kid here. How do you, that's not even, you don't even have time to get the full traumatic childhood out yet. No, no, no, but he was almost out of there. He was almost out of the house This just proves the lesson time and time again Do not have children because they will kill you whether by their own hand or leaving you just to become a ghost in a hospice. Exactly, with a terrible nurse who doesn't resuscitate you when you're having a heart attack. Don't drink with your kids. This is a 17 year old

This is trying to be cool, Dad. He was abusive, Dad Then he tried to be cool, Dad, because the only thing he knew how to do is drink and fix motorcycles He's like, my son's 16. No, he can drink with me anyway, and then his kid killed him Mm-hmm. You don't drink with your kids. You let your kids drink in the basement with their friends Right. That's what you do. You do that thing. I mean, like, if you're gonna drink anywhere I'll have you drinking in the house I mean, you let them do that and then you lock them in the basement. Right and don't let them out even if there's no bathroom down there Never let them out. They'll figure it out. Let it be their fucking grave. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right

Well, very interesting stuff today. Yeah, and by the way, uh, the kid beat him to death with a cane Put him in a wooden container and then partially covered it with dirt cat litter a cut-up bicycle and motor oil Okay, that's perfect. Okay, so that's called that's called redneck compost. Yeah, I think that is redneck compost There's a some metal some all and dad Oh, wow That's great It's like when you go to a sports bar and you get the garbage nachos and they're like just put all the garbage on top And but that's like beans and cheese and sour cream change the name to change the definition of the term big daddy cane

Hey, wasn't he a rapper? He was a bit of a rapist A lot of those rapper would be the rapist is normal because it got two peas. It's like trappist without tea Yeah, but rapist without the extra pee. Yeah, right, right, right So I'm like a former rapist. Yeah. Yeah, I'm a convicted rapist. No, that's how you say if you're a I'm really into rapping No, I'm convicted. Rapist. Oh, I see. Okay. You have convictions. Yeah, right. Yeah, right, right, right, right Well, you know different different and cusserous Cusserous Cusserous, yeah

Yeah, creepy pasta. Yeah, we did it guys. So um, put your clothes on you disgust me Oh, how you're naked you told him to get naked. I know I Listen to have always stay fully closed unless you're indoors and no children are around It's like the five seconds after watching porn after you're done jerking off and you just go like Who would do women? Yeah, I would do that to that one It's always these poor women. Yeah, what's wrong with me? I'm a half a man And all I do is jerk and watching this fucking watching this rape fat fantasy. No sex doesn't work like this sex is Is it deeply just a complicated? It's two serpents entwined mm-hmm two souls dancing with each other

Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing porn will definitely give you a different use of a martini glass Uh, they can do you can drink a lot of stuff. Oh, yeah, bukkake sure. Oh, are you talking about bukkake? No, it sounds like a nice flower that you might buy for your aunt. I'm not into bukkake. You like bukkake Uh, I like the well, we're not gonna talk about it here. Well, it seems like that is a definitely confirmation that you like No, I don't like bukkake. Oh weird because that now though you said that with like a smile on your face like you were lying No, I don't want him in a very deep truth saying that he likes bukkake. No, everybody likes bukkake I don't they have nine million views on the videos. Yeah, a lot of people do. Yeah So people just watch it and it's also it's group fucking so groups of dudes watch it, too

No, but I oh no, I also like to watch nothing but women Female bukkake. Yeah the squirt the squirt. Yeah, it's a whole bunch of women There's there's have you seen the one with the girl by the pool. It's called sprinkler party Yes, and it's good for your lawn. I like the ones where that we're the I like to watch the porn videos where the woman becomes president I do too. I like to watch the bukkake where the Japanese woman is trying to read the news Isn't that kind of funny? Yeah, I was I like the Japanese with the with the blurred out dicks and the blurred out pussies I just pretend like there's two sasquatches Gotta go and add it there. He's a dick for a sasquatch and he's a pussy for a sasquatch

Put the yeti in that put the yeti in the big foot. You disgust me. All right Well, thank you guys so much for listening. It's so nice to have Henry Beck and I hope you had a good vacation Marcus In New Mexico. It was weird. It was a real weird time. No way. He's got a Roswell, New Mexico shirt on right now Which is awesome. He's got a good alien on a good haunting eyes. Whitley Striever right now would be rock hard looking at that Thank you very much. I was able I got this at the UFO Research Center in Roswell, New Mexico. I was able to get a copy of the majestic 12 report Written and signed by Stanton T. Freedman and did he write other things just like so much for the trip for the grocery store And again, he was with this. Oh, I'm sorry going now, but no

But I did talk to the cashier the cashier She was a wonderful middle-aged southwestern woman and I said, oh my god I can't believe you guys had this signed by Stan Freeman. She goes, you know what a lot of people think he's stodgy But I think he's just a sweetheart. Wow. She fucked him. She must have banged him out. That is exactly what happened She was just like, oh, Mr. Scientist man, it's like I'll take you on a trip to the grocery store And I mean the orgasm store come here. You sweet Native American woman Do you know that I am a nuclear physicist? I am a lecturer on nuclear

And there are a series of documents that I oh, that was a quicker than normal. Yes, we're gonna get into the politics of New Mexico on top at this week I can't wait to hear about it a couple of the books that Marcus brought with him Billy the kid serial killer absolute truth This is self-published by get him Dave Gerke. Oh, it's published by master psychic Dave Gerke Oh spoke beyond the grave to Billy the kid Pat Garrett and Governor Wallace who is the governor of New Mexico at the time I'm gonna put this as a tip to anybody out there if you're reading a Paranormal book and it's not self-published. You're reading a shills book Published it means that it was too but you're real. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got a couple of self-published. It's not poorly written

It's very well written here. Oh, well, it's gonna be difficult to read. That's for sure Yeah, but is the truth different. It's easy to hear nice. I think not the occult connection UFOs secret societies and ancient gods Yeah, yeah, that was yeah. Yeah, also self-published and of course the dictionary of demons So you came back with some great books from New Mexico wonderful books are New Mexico. I bought a horse tail Man, you know because you were talking about how it's like you were stressed out to hang with your family But I just feel like they were normal. They were stressed out to hang out with you Yeah, because you were just buying like demonic books and horse tails. They really don't enjoy hearing me speak, right? That's the problem, but they let you live your day to treat you like they treat their horses

They're like let them run. Let them run run that field almost don't want to come back. Don't say that more like a dog Well, thank you guys so much for listening. Hail yourselves Hail Satan again remember everywhere if you are Satanist you are the ones to teach people the truth though let anybody says like anybody who believes in even in one lie if you believe in one lie wholeheartedly you're You're living an entire fake life. All right, but I would say don't bring up war crimes from their cultures past I would say the opposite always bring up war crimes in their past It just depends on the interaction you want to have and look who's this message is coming from Mr. Kessel you are alone in the world Henry or should we say hair kiss a hair kiss from oh, no

He put it. No, don't vary. I'm not from Germany. I live in Uruguay All right, very very fun stuff I love it in this they call it Stefan's point I work in a box factory and I ship supplies for propeller companies. Yeah Well, I'm happy you guys are using your comedic sensibilities for good And I'll gain everyone and everyone who ordered a new heart t-shirt they're being ordered this week We finally got all the pre-orders in they're gonna be ordered this week and they'll be shipped out next week So thank everyone for being patient on those. Yes, and go to last go to cape coming radio comm slash last podcast on the left

To order either the classic logo t-shirt or the new satanic heart t-shirt and we appreciate everybody that has ordered one so far It's awesome. Thank you guys so much for all the encouraging things on the Facebook page on itunes Make sure to go and rate and review us on that Thanks for supporting the shows that we do here on CCR. We really appreciate it means it really means a lot This is all that we have personally. Mm-hmm. This is it But it's the it's not all that we have we have it a very we have it. We have an amazing thing Yeah, so it's a good all to have but if the trip to New Mexico has taught me anything. Yes, this is this is our thing This is it. So it's just if you could give that five-star review. Happy really great

Don't I Henry don't break down. Yeah, I'm just saying to be really good And no one thing none of this four-star shit. Yeah I'll gain I everyone out there. I'll gain I remember him and you know what? How me because you know what? I'm fucking great. That's right. Oh Do you feel good now? Do you really feel great or do you usually when they say I'm great? That's the spotlight off of me. Okay, you know I'm great I'll say for more shows like the one you just listened to go to cave comedy radio calm