Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 196: Listener Stories II - You Do It

Episode Date: October 15, 2015

As per our Halloween tradition it's time for you the listener to call in and tell us your spooky stories! We got a great crop this year, including stories about cannibals, snake-handed Englishmen, singing closets, staring dogs, Skinwalker sisters, and more!

there's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left that's when the cannibalism started when we're whenever when we're alright welcome to the last podcast on the left everybody it is Halloween I am Ben kissle that is Marcus Parks and finally back from disgusting Canada in the studio Canada's full of half people Henry Zabrowski Henry Zabrowski is back and I got to tell you Canada's just lucky we don't use their whole fucking country just to test drones we I think we might oh I mean whatever it is and I was saying before when I went to deal with every time I talk with somebody who's rude in

Canada I was like I can tap your phone right I can call the NSA myself then where you mentioned phones and that's what today's episode is all about we're doing a listener pasta call an addition aka you do it it's a big jump that kissle just made but I will jump with you gotta do it this last week we had you guys write creepy pastas and we read them in our melodious tones and this time you're gonna come up with stories that really happen to you and then you're gonna fucking do it because you do it you do it you gotta do it so we took a bunch of great phone calls and man I'll tell you the stories this year

I think this is I mean definitely tops last year and I don't think it could be beat next year this is really phenomenal stuff y'all lead crooked lives mm-hmm y'all are broken and so again so today we're gonna spook you out so what I say you do right now is that if you're wearing moccasins you kick them off oh yeah first of all you're an Indian I need you to just pretend to be Spanish so I can speak with you they don't want you to do is we roll off your sweat pants all right like they're fucking pizza dough's like the strum bowls strum bowlies for those of you that are not from New York I want you to pull

your panties down just to your knees if you're a man as well removal the rest of your clothes diligently business business like no no pleasure involved and then what I want you to do is I want you to roll up a fucking Andre the Giants toe of some sweet sweet Jamaican allspice and wrap your lips around it like it's a fucking flute yeah okay yeah right I'm saying okay I wasn't quite sure what you were saying so basically you're telling everyone to just relax and get comfortable yes because we're gonna scary okay cuz it's gonna be scary so I guess we should just go to the first phone call yeah let's

start it up here is our first call in yeah it really and we got Darcy on the line Darcy Darcy could you turn on your video by any chance I don't know if mine actually works right now all right yeah my laptop's kind of like three years old Darcy are you seriously just a seven-year-old man that's why you don't want to show your face you can say it hmm you caught me I don't know also know that if you've had your face recently replaced because of an animal attack we won't judge you oh absolutely not I was just discussing now I think the woman who got her face ripped off by the chimp looks better than ever and I

completely disagree I think that she should have some sort of Cobra Commando mask mm-hmm and then she no one will ever have to ever worry about kissing her that's well that's very true I'll kiss her though I love her all right Darcy thanks so much for calling in yeah Darcy so your story is you were in a haunted house between 11 to 18 yeah so we moved into there after my parents divorced and it just like especially like in my room and in the basement it like just felt really like oppressive and weird things happened in that house was it just because they wouldn't let you play your rock music

maybe maybe that was it so give us some location what state and town where you in yeah I am from Oshkosh Wisconsin hey go pack go yeah that's great Oshkosh is beautiful I was at a wrestling tournament there once I placed six and at that same wrestling tournament a man broke his arm in one of the most brutal ways I've ever seen in my entire life that's a depressing story that's an Oshkosh story I really nobody won so you're an Oshkosh no no one did when Oshkosh Wisconsin and the Wisconsin itself is very very haunted a lot of people died in you know random construction accidents yeah and they all freeze to death

mm-hmm so what are other examples of the hauntings you have more like specific examples so it started about the time you're 11 so your parents divorced which they know a lot of times in hauntings acute psychological trauma will make them happen much like a woman's menses becoming active and also or if a series of boys are murdered in a real right yeah the two scariest things that happen I guess one instance was I was like 17 and I procrastinated and I was up really late doing a paper punished you were punished yeah and all the sudden I like heard music coming out of my closet and I like I have a lot of toys from my

childhood in there so I was just like okay maybe one of those is like playing or something so I went in to try to find like a toy that was making that noise and I couldn't find anything and it was playing the like go to sleep like that song like what's wrong with me go to sleep go to sleep no no go to sleep that's the heavy metal version the creepiest song of all time to come from a closet for no reason right right it's also a song that does the opposite of putting you to sleep well it makes me by the way makes it go under the covers though which makes it more likely you'll fall asleep like a canary yeah kind of yeah and I

like I my closet shared a wall with my brother's closet so I thought it was like him playing a joke on me or something but I went into his room and he was like fast asleep and I couldn't I couldn't find the source of it and it sounded like it was coming from like in the wall and I have no idea what it that was that was just like that's your classic Wisconsin mouse family live in the walls and they eat little cheese curds there's they're just little cheese crumbs but they call them and they're always putting their mice children to bed with that creepy creepy tune but they will crawl inside of your mouth while you're

sleeping and steal your breath I have asthma to this day oh I thought that was just because you were too big for your lungs oh yeah yeah yeah you also had it Darcy you also had a staring dog yeah well she would just like stare at nothing all the time you know we used to have a dog like that in college that was just because we blew weed in its face right technically illegal to do that by the way yeah I didn't do that at my house with my mom but but the other like scary or experience that I had was I was trying to sleep one night and my my room was down the hallway from my mom and my brother's room and all of a sudden I

felt or I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and my door opened and I was like half asleep so I was just like what do you want and then I like they didn't answer and they walked over to the side of my bed and I don't know why they weren't answering so I was like okay what do you want and I didn't like look at them I just like put my head in my pillow cuz I was super tired and I felt someone sit on my bed and I was finally like what do you want and I like woke up and I could see because the light from the hallway was coming in my room and there was nobody sitting on my bed and there was like and it looked

like like an indent like where somebody would be sitting oh sort of a heavy set Wisconsin ghost yes yes that's the thing is that you have heavy set members of the family because maybe they were just sitting there that afternoon and the button was left yeah could be maybe it maybe it was the career of a career of Don Magic Mikowski go Pat go former quarterback before Brett Farf took over you know who I'm talking about Darcy does she she's like 20 Ben yeah different ages yeah she wasn't just crushing clans Kansas Schlitz against her forehead 1997 okay that's very interesting so you felt like you had a relationship with

the entity at all or did you feel like you had a relationship with the entity all because they say a lot of times with long-term hauntings you begin to feel like you're communicating with someone well I attempted to contact it with a Ouija board which is just a bad idea you did like the ghost catchers things you're like come out and face me yeah no well my brother bought me a Ouija board for Christmas one year so good brother then I like tried to contact it but I didn't really get like any information or anything out of it but like I mean I could I always felt like I was being like watched at night which wasn't fun

unless you're a performer I would love it looking for eyeballs oh yeah even ghost eyeballs are awesome every time I go to a show and there's only two people they I there I always say the seats are full of something you know so it was fun in Wisconsin I played it with a Ouija board but oftentimes it would just spell out go to Pizza Hut you were doing it though my hands were never on it never on it I wasn't moving it I said I'm not moving it so that was kind of a fun little thing we used to do that's very I want to go back to the staring dog I feel like we really just breezed over the staring dog the staring dog you know the dog that

would stare and bark yeah but what it just that's it well that's a part of the haunting phenomena yeah yeah okay it would I don't know it would sleep in my room and like all the sudden wake up in the middle of the night and like look in the corner or just do like things that just freak you out and I didn't know if she was just senile or if she was just actually looking at something that's what my grandfather did a lot towards the end my other question is is did you did you notice when it was finally over or did your did your family see anything as well or was it just you it was it was just me and that's when I moved out to

go to college and stuff like all the all the stuff like feeling watched at night and like I heard whispers when I would try to sleep all that just stopped once I went to college good thing that they a thing an automatic haunting killer is sweet sweet PBRs well I was gonna say PBRs in that great Wisconsin education yeah ghosts are too dumb for college that's where you gotta go to get rid of them what college did you go to in Wisconsin I went to UW Madison for my first year that's great I took a bong I took a beer bong off a 32 story building in Madison Wisconsin and I had about 10 beers in about four

seconds and I had a great rest of the night it took some mushrooms and everyone else I was with passed out you know there's a tear going down Ben's face it wasn't a super sad night Wendy loves but he's smiling real big at the same time that's very interesting that none of your family noticed as well I'm really surprised that that no one said anything or they or do they just not believe in that that kind of thing or they were do they look at you like you're crazy because were you also like were you doing the half like shaved head thing and like right poetry as well with no no none of that I my mom really like would

just say like don't say that like that's scary and stuff and like she says she doesn't believe in it but then when we moved into a new house she like burned incense around to like try to ward off your mom was getting haunted as fuck and did not want to tell you I was literally up all night long with like a full form entities just going like get out you know and she's like I just wish you stop saying scary things like like the music coming out of the closet I gotta tell you I I just wish it was light like that for me Wisconsin goes so it's like oh get out just get out of here I don't know I'm haunting this woman I get out

of here the casserole alone you're gonna get worms it's not done yet worms from a casserole that's not good well amazing thank you so much Darcy I'm happy you survived I would love to have a ghost come and sit with me at night that's another again the tear just dropped again but he's still smiling broad no I got a mouse I got a mouse Hail Satan Darcy do you understand that ritual meets perception meets reality yeah you'll understand it better I'm I am the one that explains things we are not in Reed is not know how to speak to humans the map is not the meaning something like that that's a cryptic

thing but actually makes a lot of sense if you fucking think about it we are not the map we are not the map never look a staring dog in the eye that's all I'm gonna say thanks Darcy oh awesome all right we got Nicole from Michigan yeah Nicole Nicole's story is about an attic dweller oh it is okay so this happened in 1970 it's my mom's story but also she has she's 105 and all everybody was there I interviewed four people to get this story right oh awesome so my grandma had five children and her husband was gone it was dusk somewhere in a small town in Michigan my grandma decided to take her 11 year old child up to the

store about two blocks away so sorry with the with the ages here but it's gonna get a little weird so there was my aunt who was 11 my mom was five and then there was a toddler and a baby in the house so my grandma leaves and she goes to she goes out to the street and just shortly afterwards my aunt who's like I think I said like nine or something she's in the kitchen and she hears something in the utility room I guess the utility room had like a sliding glass door and she looks back there it was the washer and the dryer and also one of the kids bedrooms and the attic like the thing at the top it

opens up and a man comes down and she just sees all this hair so she just screams she grabs a toddler runs outside my grandma yells to run to the 11 year old that's with her he doesn't run so apparently she slaps him on the back of the head to get him going kids don't understand they don't understand the man there's a man in the attic and what that means no there's a man in the attic my mom's five she pushes past everybody and starts running down the street she runs past her mother she keeps going until about like a block down and neighbor runs out and just catches her while she's screaming so they all

get out of the house the neighbor gets a shotgun they call the police I think my favorite part about this is that the police come and then my grandma gets the baby out of the house tell you this part yes we not to there's debate but me while the attic man's with the babies gonna go to go yeah you are sweet little baby I live in the attic and I killed Santa Claus Randy Quaid looking dude is actually kind of a good babysitter so they went into the house nobody was in there but before they went into the attic to check and see if anybody was in there the police put a wig on a mop handle and put it up there

to see if like the guy would shoot at it or attack it it's like the same thing they do at the humane society when they meet get a just like a crazed dog they like put a hand up to it while it's eating to see if it'll attack it yeah but it didn't did they think he was a cartoon cat I think so I think that should be the new thing is like I wasn't sure about it but I put a wig on a mop handle turns out it's alright so the police search the attic they found like paper plates and food wrappers my uncle said there was fecal waste in a trash bag that's disgusting yeah and he was probably up there for around two weeks

whoa so how how is that played into your psyche just as you go through life do you check doors and windows and I don't know put them put a wig on a mop handle and make sure that no one's coming out say it well for me I didn't know about the story until I was a little older because my mom like wouldn't tell me because it was really scary but my grandma is actually really concerned about me telling the story because she's afraid that the man is gonna hunt them down and come and get that I'm gonna say this 45 years ago yeah yeah escape convicts do not survive that long but what I will say is to be frank not

to scare you but if he did listen to a podcast it would probably be this podcast it might be as a matter of fact he might be in the in the rafters right now we don't know getting the podcast for free well like everybody else okay never mind yeah I got a good quote from my mom she said why was he living up there was he looking for me was he getting cut us up and eat us what the fuck man I don't know that is a great quote well I guess is your mom Rosie Perez she told me to tell you that she's not always that ghetto I love yeah maybe he just wanted to be a part of the family my aunt had probably the most

realistic thing she said I thought it was probably nice I mean he could have killed us he certainly had the chance so right could have killed all of them in their sleep so easily right and he didn't and that restraint shows that he's like Sinbad from the movie house that's a very good point so was he I guess trying to escape throughout the evenings and he was kind of raiding the fridge did you guys ever notice like yeah my grandma had complained for a couple of weeks or at least a week that like we got five kids I can't afford to feed you oh where's all this food going I even heard that my uncle got a spanking for

eating something that he didn't eat oh your poor uncle and how if you're a kid this is like the go-to be like you never know maybe there's someone in the attic mom like yeah you're lying and blah blah blah meanwhile he's up there munching on roasted chicken just being like I love getting other people in trouble yeah that is the sad of a child getting spanked I never get old never get sick of that well I don't say that the best thing that I like the most interesting thing I also learned on asking everybody is that growing up my mom was always really fast at running and she's really good at running races

and when I asked her about it this time she said it's because when she would run nobody knew that in her mind it's cuz she was always running from the man in the attic awesome that's a good Usain Bolt quote yeah you know it's also God and just live it in him just live it in the attic it's it's kind of yeah it was just kind of the member of the family after a while it's nice almost kind of an Anne Frank like character did you find a diary we didn't just okay a trash bag full of dookie yeah that was his diary it was an art installment paintings and feces on the walls but no diary so what so once the cops did such great work and got

him lured him out with the mop handle that had the wig on it now you guys just went back to living in the same house I guess they did they moved in a couple different places actually the guy ended up likely getting away in a robo on a part of their house what is he blackbeard he might still be alive I don't know but I will say it in terms of being a pioneer because obviously he's a pioneer he has a boat yeah he technically discovered and claimed your attic not unlike Columbus he was like he was a Columbus like that became his house he now he's like I claim this in the name of Cosmo the drifter

yeah I explain why my whole family ended up with smallpox yeah at least he didn't rape a million Indians up in your attic I don't know I don't have any evidence of that I think you can neither confirm nor deny oh my god well what an incredible story Nicole that is so unique and hopefully extremely rare so we can all sleep tonight mm-hmm absolutely well thank you for having me on this show I'm a really big fan of you guys thank you so much thank you thank you so much happy Halloween what's up yo what's up dude how are you man hanging out doing well all right so you at your mother is a self-proclaimed medium okay

what happened here is I grew up with three brothers not my brothers but as a separate family and that three brothers they're my they're my buddies growing up their mom was a self-proclaimed medium and all the time anyone she would ever meet she would give him a she'll give him a demon diagnosis so they go you got demons inside of you or you don't have demons inside you she was a she was all over it she told me the very first time I met her that two demons inside me and one day they're gonna ruin my life oh cool hell yeah demons are weed and beer yeah yeah Henry your mom's kind of like this but

she's like that with auras right my mom can read auras my mom also thinks that but my mom specifically believes that random people will talk to her and that dogs that we've owned throughout our lifetime are saying to her that it's good that they're okay and so my mom always comes up to me it's like every once a while like I'll have a conversation with my mom she'd like Henry Thomas I was in a grocery store the other day and a man came up to me and he said that beauty is on the other side and she's doing okay and I'm just you've lost your fucking mind but it's sweet yeah but no and also all mediums are

self-proclaimed oh yeah sure sure there's no medium Academy handed these things out oh so one day it started to get really bad she just she sits us all down we used to call her fuzz because she has this huge ridiculous set head of hair and fuzz set us all down she was like there's some there's some demons at work in the house there's some stuff going on in the house there's big things going on so y'all just blew it off whatever fuzz is a little crazy the following weeks we would just hear cupboard slam doors would start to oh we would see a door go from just sitting there to just open right in front of us

we would walk in a room where we knew the lights were off and the lights would be on that kind of stuff so we were a little alarmed by it nothing too crazy so one day the youngest brother and I are babysitting his nephews they're about five and six we're all hanging out whatever we send the two nephews to bed we go in his room we go play ax talk whatever this was a few years ago so we did you know whatever 17 year old kids do playing Xbox stealing beers out of the fridge whatever salty cracker yeah you know some scrabble just mm-hmm so about an hour or so later we hear the TV on in the living room so we go out and both of

his nephews are awake watching a movie in the living room and we're like hey guys what the hell we we put you to bed what are you doing up you guys got to be asleep and they look at us dead in the face and like the gray man woke us up we're like what do you what the hell are you talking about the gray man and like the gray man that slams the cupboards he came into the room and woke us up and yeah just scared the hell out of all of us the first thing to be like you know hey kids first of all never fucking just boldface tell me that the gray man right because first of all that's some scary shit second of all just go back to bed

and the gray man never say a goddamn thing ever again and they were just watching television yeah they were just super calmly watching cartoons they are they were pretty they're all right with what happened so you what do you mean the gray man woke him up like the gray man woke him up and said hey go watch cartoons hey the gray man I guess he just shook him up he's like hey guys uh let's uh fuck the rules for the night yeah and I'm gonna slam these cupboards you can watch this TV hey hey children Spongebob square pants has a cartoons if that guy comes out and you if Brandon Trezza comes out and tell you

to uh to stop watching cartoons how about you go ahead wait for him to go to sleep set the whole house on fire after the Spongebob marathon you know just you know take it back just take it on back yeah no when I mean it's really scary to us too because even on top of uh you know their mom being whatever kind of medium uh I grew up in Auburn and the house was about one block from the prison you could look out the front windows and see the prison walls which was the first prison they ever use the electric chair and what do you like old timey prison uniforms look like this gray shit you know what happens when

you burn them in a chair they kind of get a little gray yeah exactly and they just in there they're real upset and they and they miss cartoons mostly that mean that gray man just want to watch cartoons himself and he can't he can't do the ghost shit because he's not doing the Patrick Swayze concentration bit and so he has them go and turn on the cartoons for me just like god damn I love rockers modern life yeah I love cartoons and they hate naps so if you can get rid of both at once so the ghost sort of asked like acts like a Hasidic family on Saturday convince other people to turn the television on

for them make them random that really is true to be honest have I ever had kids and they ever just turned to me and said stuff like the men in the closet says to kill all the dogs in the neighborhood right I would send them to a boarding school yeah that's it no they're they're done yeah they're you're getting Thorazine we're kill we're killing that you're you're invisible best friends so did you tell fuzz about what happened yeah the next day fuzz came back home we're like hey you know this whole this whole medium things kind of getting a little bit out of hand target and she was like yeah no I know I know about the

gray man that's exactly what I was telling you guys about yeah well then you could probably see did they hear all that shit all the time where they always like around when it was constant we could just be hanging out watching a movie in the living room and the door to the living room would just shut in front of all of us and what when what with the mom constantly tell what she'd be kind of casual about like oh that's the ghost again yeah yeah it would just be as normal as if a dog bumped into it hmm but the creepiest thing about this whole story that you're leaving out is fuzz didn't have cable I can't believe

it the gray man could work out getting that sports package that it'll be fine for him to be around it's nice whenever the cables on the gray man's on the roof holding an antenna so you're safe but when that thing goes off you're all done I DVR grace anatomy for you you get it well that's incredible hell of a story and definitely freaked us out quite a bit I hate it when kids see ghosts yeah did you feel a presence a presence in that house though every time you would stay over yeah I mean there's a there's a little bit of whatever it was definitely more seeing the lights turn on and off door shut we would be hanging out one

room and we hear the cupboards in the kitchen slam so it wasn't really as much of you know you hear oh I could I could feel the eyes on the back of my neck it wasn't really anything like that but it was definitely more of just hearing it going on all the time and then with the kids it just came to a head and we they moved out of there about a year later and up until the time they moved out it was all still going on so we even knows do you believe oh hell yeah I believe yeah I mean I've never seen it ghosts won't come to me it's something about my fucking I'm maybe it's my smell maybe it's my my company but ghosts won't come

to me but we've seen some stuff we had a friend named we have friend named Natalie who came in and just saw she saw she got like scratched up by some ghosts I believe entirely and that gray man's still there yep oh yeah he's still waking kids up and enjoying that sponge Bob yep and ghosts will scratch you up that's why you always have to have by your bed a pair of ghost clippers and if you see it try to grab one the creepiest that'd be the creepiest fucking thing on the face of the planet hey man clip and it goes snails all night that's what sends the ghost back to heaven or hell or whatever sort of world it wants to

live it's the only thing that's creepier to do to an alive man amazing well thank you so much hey thanks for having me on guys I appreciate it hey man happy Halloween Hail Satan I use well Hail Satan love the show thank you man thank you so Marcus we got we're gonna call him sergeant golden throat I think sergeant golden throats but nothing like a good golden throat on on on an older man I mean I mean all not older it's just the beard it makes me look older that's all right I know the tactic well thanks so much for calling it all the way from the UK yeah yeah we've got agent golden voice sergeant golden throat yeah

sergeant golden throat well you can call me whatever you want to call me Ben and Marcus is that's cool thank you thank you dog meat no you mean I hate the dog meat shut up you're long meat decided you're long meat he's dog meat you're too real all right long long pig yeah I'll take it long pig thanks golden throat okay all right so we're going we're gonna be here all night so you gotta remember it's midnight here oh yeah you're gonna drop that I can't talk about as you know right I'm gonna talk about it and next five minutes so let's let's do this we let's do it let's do it okay right well the background to this

is is as I say it is genuinely distinctly sensitive I live in an area where there's a big national park near us now in the UK a national park is not like a US a national park which is huge it's quite small and it's quite close to the urban areas and there've been reports coming in to the people I work with but they a couple of guys have been should we say training there or acting suspiciously in a kind of paramilitary way now as you know we're in the UK as with you you have a sort of bit of a security situation so we would detail with checking these guys out we've been tracking them for about a week or two and

they call themselves the jihadist brothers of radicalism so it's a healed name it's like it's very middle-of-the-road name so they do quilting together as a group yeah that's right that's all that's that was we basically these guys I suspect they were they were jokers who are trying it on and fancy themselves as radicals and so on but anyway it was quite clear there was a problem because they were focusing on area of the national park this actually closed the public because of old unexploded ordinance and weapons and bombs and stuff so these guys were pushing into this area we suspected to try and get hold of

this some of these explosives so as I say I can't go into great detail about this but we were detailed three of us to look out look out for these guys and we were staking it out all night one night night vision goggles and so on and so forth just you know watching these guys at work and sorry it gets actually quite emotional as part of the story because it was it was really very disturbing but we were watching them and something started moving in the trees behind them it was kind of at first just a shape and then clearly a human figure of some sort and it was kind of ragged and I can only describe its head as lolling and

shambling and it was a it became clear that it was some sort of tattered creature it wasn't it didn't look like a an animal or a person or anything we got regularly it it was very very disturbing and I was looked at my colleagues and they look back at me and we were all alarmed and this thing was getting closer and closer and closer to these two guys that we were tailing and then it became well within range it but clearly was a human figure and I can only tell you what I saw it was about six feet tall it was skeletal with sinews and tendons and as I say the word is ragged things hanging off it and and weirdly I

know this sounds bizarre but a really big full beard like a big beard big sort of Alabama beard right down here somewhere and this thing got closer and closer and closer to these guys as I say shambling along lolling and then it held up its two hands and in each hand there was a large substantial serpent and as it came up behind these guys they hadn't heard anything it was moving noiselessly it reached forward with its hands and then we heard these two most almighty blood curdling screams and these guys fell to the floor and this creature I guess just kind of dematerialized it just slipped away and

when it all was quiet we went down to the scene and well we had to call in a crew to clear up because it was it was very very alarming these guys were both stone dead they were their faces and heads were black and swollen with venom they had two puncture wounds on each on their on their side of their necks and most alarmingly of all when the the autopsy was done afterwards they were found to have been crushed like they'd been constricted by as if crushed by some by a serpent by a snake now that was an alarming thing and it was only later when we did some research that I think I have an explanation for this

there's this character I sent the picture to Marcus earlier on a guy called brusher mills who used to live in this area back in the 19th century and he was known locally as the snake catcher and he died in an arson attack on his little cottage that he lived in in this remote area and it turns out there have been reports of this figure being seen before in the woods out there but on this occasion clearly something a little bit more happened now the reason you won't find that find out about this is you'll find the story of these two guys who were shall we say found dead in this area of army ordnance it was released to

the press as being to do with having a trodden on a an unexploded mine or bomb or something but I'm afraid the truth is significantly more alarming well I'm just so happy that I'm just so happy that this UK entity is fighting the war on terror yes you know now Mega Man like snake weapon oh yes I mean we have nothing the UK is stepping up their terrorism game big time straight up first of all agent golden throat bottom bottom top you thank you for the best story we've received so far on listener and so oh you so do you think it's someone living out to the urban legend of this of this brusher mills character

or is it the guy himself is it like one of those things where they were just fucking with the wrong part of the woods and it just happens to be the ancient boogie man is a guy with snake for hands yeah or was it some guy as you say living the sort of masked superhero life as I know we all do but yeah I two things the way that this thing moved was unnatural it really was there was something off about it there's something wrong about it like it's his his limbs and his joints were wrongly articulated if you know what I mean that doesn't make any sense what's it what's the term on on Canny Valley kind of thing where it's

like human but it's not it's the problem side with what we're making human like cyborgs yeah kind of like a bad robot not quite like that more animalistic than that but I know what you mean you're on the right track yeah so when you saw it did you confirm with your two colleagues did you guys all agree that you guys saw a similar thing yeah well my two colleagues up on the hill opposite me and I was on maybe 50 60 yards away but we were in contact with comms we were maybe 200 meters from the the actual event that was going on so they were getting a slightly different angle but we were definitely seeing very much the

same thing and we compared notes afterwards but it's as I said it's something that I'm happy to discuss on a overwhelmingly US forum right that's I know it's worldwide but equally I'm pretty sure that the people who are involved in this aren't going to be listening to last podcast no it's mostly Tacoma Washington I don't know we have been in heat magazine we have been in heat magazine so we have a lot of coverage yeah we had a lot of negative interviews someone someone told me you guys we're gonna come and do a tour in the UK but I think that was just bullshit yeah that's our horror story we're

gonna tell it here right after yours here but it's looking like March yeah way way I don't even want to see it yeah Sergeant Golden throat yes but I do want to just ask now you have these you have three I suppose six eyes three people watching the same event obviously you guys aren't lunatics you're not out there drunk doing a bunch of drugs totally respectable sources were you do you keep that to yourselves or do you go and do you actually tell did you tell any higher ups or I mean you know the state the bodies was such that there was no way that they would they'd been blown up or dropped dead or right

shot each other I mean there was something very very alarming about the state of the bodies and when you when you these guys we were basically told that here's the story say nothing you know there's no publicity the fact that we're even there you don't you don't share with people the fact that they're these things going on close to built-up areas certainly in a small island like Britain it just doesn't happen we talk about all time I mean like that we were discussing how the NYPD likes to control how how many times it like a week they shut down some gigantic terrorist plot to destroy New York City it's

just like there it's one of those things where you can't really talk about the fact that you have jihadists working out of a national force and then also you have an ancient snake handling bush creature well that is fighting for your freedom that I think is actually good the government could use this I feel like the UK government could definitely be like it's like and we've got the big feet to do it you know it's like we know we will defeat terrorism well from a government perspective I could see how they would assume this might destabilize society to a point that the UK could no longer go on yeah but so maybe we do

our best we really do do our best I mean we have like three kinds of snakes in the whole of Britain and only one of them is poisonous and it's just like it's not rattle a city over here it's just right even the thoughts of having snakes in the countryside would terrify most British people yeah it really riles up the Irish as well oh don't even get them started because it's chasing after snakes can't even hand can't even take an Irishman to the zoo no yeah that's right well also say incredible story man thank you so much for talking to us and sharing it on our pleasure on our juvenile show just listen can I just say

very briefly I've been listening to you guys since episode 31 which is you know like three three and a half years ago so I'm a long-time listener I'm gonna ask you to indulge me I'm just gonna do my shout out as many as I can do in one breath absolutely it's a huge shout outs to the old crew you know who you are they are Abby Amanda Amara Amy Ariana Callan Chelsea Christopher Christopher Daniel Daniel Danielle Eleanor Eric Eric Jem James Jamie Jamie Jase Jonathan Jonathan Caitlin Kelsey Kyle Langley Lucy Lynn Mal Megan Melissa Nikki Olivia Patrick Raven Roscoe Ryan Sara Susanna Tabitha Taylor Todd and

yai yai yai that is the original crew the original crew yeah it's still on the Facebook page but quite a few of us have split off I think oh so phenomenal well thank you so much and just lastly how has this affected your world view has it changed the way you do your job what talking to you guys no that'll shatter everything no seeing this unbelievable snake monster that's that's only one I've got many many other stories I could tell you there's some Strange shit going on out there. Well, we'd love to have you back. This is great Thank you so much, man. Thank you for a real pleasure genuine privilege. Cheers guys. Thank you sergeant. Hail sweet Satan

Hail hail migustalations boys. Hail yourself sergeant golden throat. Hail me if you will hail Henry Christopher All right, can you hear me? What up? What's up, dude? Oh, he's a ginger Well ginger is actually very offensive and as a ginger. I apologize for Henry You're not a ginger ginger has bright red bush hair. I do have bright red bush hair I bet it's darker than a real ginger than my head the head on the hair on the top of my head I'm blonde, but I am like Ben in that I am German. Oh

You're a good person with a good heart Um Chris are is you are you a Krueger like the famous movie ghost pedophile? Yes, very good. Okay, so there's a bit of a delay. So let's take that into account. Let me try a reconnecting He's getting blown by a chick He's not wearing a shirt. No, he's not wearing a shirt. I think we're recording. Can I say that Chris is not wearing a shirt He's totally not wearing a shirt. He's going he's going Hong Kong style. Yeah, Chris. Are you nude? Oh Okay, I'm not wearing a shirt, but I'm wearing pants. Oh, okay. Okay. We were we just seemed like maybe you were

Getting some sort of oral sex. Yeah, and I want to see on the Skype call the girl that's in bed with you I want to see side the side of her face the entire time. Yeah, if I if it disappears I'm gonna assume something terrible is happening. Hi What's the what's the name of the girl with you in bed you Nazi? Oh All right, so Christopher Christopher has a story about skin walkers. Oh awesome Yeah, or what what seems like skin walker lore. Yeah, so begin at the beginning of your skin walker tale Okay, so it's about three years ago on winter break and I think mid-January and

In the middle of night, so it was very cold and very dark. I was like if somebody Colored the air outside with a sharpie. It was very pitch dark and So this was before I was in grad school So when school was out academics was completely off my mind and all I did was kind of sit inside play video games all day night So I was sitting downstairs about 3 a.m. I Was playing video games the only lights near me were the light from the TV and the light from outside the porch fight and I finished whatever I was doing on my game

I got up to go get a drink and I saw out of the corner of my eye in Back yard from the light. I saw it looked like my sister. She was wearing her pajamas and It looked kind of like her face, but it wasn't finished yet It was like in the invisible man when they took the gauze off and then the gauze was just kind of splattered in the air Mm-hmm. It was like pieces of her face were being assembled It's like her body and then her face kind of just splattered around in different areas where a hedge would be So I saw that that looks like my sister. I bolted Upstairs. I thought I was gonna go in her room to see if she was there or not

And if she wasn't there then I'd be like, alright, I just saw my sister but then I took into account the risk of that And I was like if I go into her room and she's there Then what did I see outside? I'm never gonna be able to explain it I'm never gonna be able to think it out rationally. I'm gonna have to live with it So I never went into her room I just went in my room and went to sleep tried to get about it and so to this day. I I'm just assuming for You know my own comfort that I did see my sister. I never told me I never asked her about it and never said

All right, Chris. I'm gonna ask first of all, we're not the police You know, I mean you don't have to do that thing. We're like, no, I was going to the kitchen to get some orange juice I was just I needed some vitamin C. I like to keep my blood Yeah, yeah, my question is gonna be give me a dube count here zero Oh zero dube count. I Didn't really have a big social life. It was just kind of me and my games Do you think that weed means that you have a social life?

Because it is the opposite my friend I was telling you that weed has helped me because helped keep me from a social life No people are getting gather and smoke weed. They bond over herbal things. This isn't a grateful dead commercial I'm just I'm surprised the man has a German flag hanging on the back of his wall I thought the light might have been coming from a burning cross This is like actually that's very interesting though. So why what makes you think skin walker? Where are you from like where do we're what part of the country is this? This is like East Coast rural Maryland

You know, have you heard about the concept of glitches in the matrix like I think it could be something along those lines That's right. Yeah, where you kind of see Something like that because realities of fucking hologram And you can sometimes throw an imprint of reality into reality from your own center your own fucking mind, man And I'm saying don't look at me. I'm not looking at you. I'm just saying but it's true It's sometimes you can kind of build these things because again like I told Darcy who was who called into the show perception with ritual Creates reality

Or you know what get that college degree and have an actual boss and really make something out of your life Did you go and speak to your sister and ask her if sure face was? Dripping off of her skull the night before by any chance Well, well we lost Chris Unfortunately, oh, no, no, I think he had a little bit of I must be a doom related problem with the satellite Correct, maybe but a hell of a story about the skinwalker. You never know what's gonna happen when you look out the window That's why I always say, you know paint over them black You know you do say you say you have a lot of sayings

But most of time when you say that you've had a saying it's the first time I've heard you say it Yeah, it's the first time I'm expressing it out loud. I got a bunch in here So you just stand your own windows all day long and you're like paint them black. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Isn't that what that song is about? I thought it was about Larry Bird wishing he was Magic Johnson. Oh So, oh Chris is coming back. Oh, are you back Chris? Yeah, sorry You look a little bit more relaxed I saw her I saw her she handed him the the laptop that she's very sweet. So what were we talking about? We were discussing how yeah

so he saw his his sister's face dripping off of her body and he did not go into the room and Now did you did you speak to your sister about what you saw the next day? No, and you still haven't spoken to her about it to this day No, um, Chris. I'm about to blow your mind. You don't have a sister You never did you never had a sister. That's what we're here to do But this is a thing so call her right now. Can you got our cell phone number? Yeah Call her up on the phone right now and ask her if she remembers that night when she was a skin walker

Literally, just be like what's like Thomas 10 o'clock night? Call her and be like wake up. Wake up. Wait a second. Were you outside? Have you been outside? Okay, my sister's here. Okay. What's your sister's name? Hey Caroline, how are you? Um, we're so do you know what last podcast on the left is? Cool, oh perfect So your brother is on a podcast right now and he was discussing how he woke up one evening looked out the window and he believes that he saw you And your face was melting off your skull

Yep, yeah, what like it was like when a break like three years ago. I was you know how I'm always downstairs late playing video games Drinking orange juice anything So I thought like I saw you outside walking in the backyard I thought like I thought it was you because it had your clothes on But it wasn't like your full face. It was kind of not fully formed Is that freak you out Caroline? Does that make you upset that that is even real that you did that? How's your face is your face present What are it's your face intact like do you got a full face on your on your skull?

Yeah, okay before it's before midnight. Are you tripping balls of mushrooms right now? Did you get a call at a bad time? All right, well, we just want to let you know that your brother Chris thinks that you might be a skin walker So next time you guys have a family get together Bring it up around the dinner table and try to solve it amongst yourselves. Yes, and if you would like to consult the Wikipedia page For skin walker, please do so before said dinner. Yeah Alright, it froze again. We're gonna assume that she said yes. We're helping families Get along here on the last podcast on the left great story from Chris Krueger and Great the sister was a Caroline Krueger

Oh, right Marcus who we got we got Ellie on the line. Yeah, we got Ellie on the line So Ellie tell us about this house that you grew up in Okay, so I grew up on a little flower farm in rural Michigan So I got to give you some backstory on this place or this won't be as spooky as it could be So the original structure was just two rooms and it was a doctor's office is the area that we lived in used to be a little village and So this was built in maybe I know sometime in the 1800s So then later on in the 50s the original

Two-room structure was built onto to turn the building into a home. Okay, so my parents moved into this place in the early 80s and The prior inhabitants had apparently been an elderly couple and this is the story we heard from the neighbors. So I Have no way of knowing if this is absolutely true But this was the story so this elderly couple used to have their grandson come visit them And he would stay in the room that became my bedroom and apparently one day He was outside playing and they had one of those in window air conditioners

And apparently it wasn't grounded very well And he stood up and his head touched the bottom of it and it electrocuted him and he died hell Yeah, like the movie shocker. Yeah, did he get superpowers? Oh, yeah, like Ernest goes to jail as well So we've got this we've got this house The middle part of ESP doctor's office my room apparently someone electrocuted in Okay, so lots of creepy things would happen in this house and it wasn't just me who experienced these things It was my parents. It was my younger brother Sometimes all of us together sometimes, you know individually and something that would happen frequently is we would hear

a child's voice calling for their mother and It's hard to describe this voice It sounded too clear I don't know if that makes any sense like it wasn't an actual sound like your own was hearing inside of your head and Sometimes we would all hear it together or my parents would hear it in the middle of the night and get up to check on us My brother and I totally asleep Something else that would happen is I'd be laying in bed and I'd get a feeling like my cat had jumped up on the end of

The bed and was like walking around on the end of the bed. So I'd call for the cat Nothing turn on the lamp nothing there, but it would still feel like something was sitting at the end of my bed My brother's room had some weird things happen in it in his room was part of what used to be the old doctor's office He had one of those double tape decks in his room and we'd just be hanging out playing a living room or whatever And then all of a sudden the stereo would just blare on whatever like little kid tape He had in the tape deck at the time We just come blaring out and we'd walk into his room to check it out and the play button was pushed down on The stereo and no one had touched it

We'd have things happen like the TV would just start changing channels rapidly with no one touching it That sort of thing so the creepiest thing that ever happened was one day I was at home and I was alone and I remember that it was it was sometime in the summer and it was late afternoon and I'm just hanging out in the living room reading a book or doing something and then all of a sudden All of these electronics in our house turn on by themselves. So you're thinking okay power is there just not that odd But my brother had one of those big I don't remember what this thing was some big plastic GI Joe toy that was hanging out in the living room

They were you push the buttons and it made like, you know machine gun sounds and bomb sounds and stuff This thing starts going off on its own and Other battery operated toys going off on their own the microwave and the kitchen turn on The alarm clock the alarm clock radio and my room went off Just all of these things at the same time just out of nowhere and all the hair stood up on the back of my neck I'm like what's going on? And I guess I was freaked out, but I wasn't especially Specially scared like I didn't feel threatened or like anything bad was going to happen

It was just very very strange and there was definitely a weird like the air felt electric and So I sit there for a second like is this gonna is this gonna stop like I I don't really know what to do and After a couple minutes, I'm like, I don't think this is gonna stop So I actually had to go around the house and unplug things and pull the batteries out of toys and such to get them to stop hell yeah Yeah, it's like a ghost in the machine, dude

Well, it sounds like the kid was just trying to have a good time play with some toys Maybe he was making pop tarts in the microwave. You also literally just described three events that just happened on up We just had another girl come on named Darcy who described the same shit about Disembodied voice which is really true because if we want to look at that all consciousness is remote, right? And it's up in the cloud again. Don't put anything in the cloud. I don't even know what he thought but they The we're that's how we're the disembodied voices kind of come from is that our brains are like antennas

and also the feeling of a weight or literally a Presence sitting on their bed while they're sleeping and then All electronic disturbances, which is of course because you're dealing with the fucking you're literally dealing with a child ghost Yeah, yeah, I was to play with the toys. It's very interesting and I can also why like people also have very personal feelings with entities depending on what their their aims are where you're literally just dealing with a kid who doesn't know He's dead probably yeah, yeah, and it's funny that it gets the the the last girl that called in She talked about it like it was the scariest thing that had ever happened or something that haunts her with you

It seems more matter-of-fact like yeah, this was creepy, but I was okay with it Yeah, and maybe I just you know, and I was a kid myself So maybe I just didn't know enough to be frightened But it didn't feel malevolent to me I didn't feel malevolent to anyone in my family. So we just sort of put up with it You know, we didn't feel like oh this is something we need to take care of we need to make this stop It was just sort of like this is what's happening And I think it maybe if my family had had a different response to it

I might have been more frightened, but no, I didn't I didn't get the sense that I should be scared But I think that you would get it loud and clear. You know, I mean like if it was malevolent I think you would have experienced that like because it's an inner thing. It's a presence thing I would have felt cold. I would have felt like it was trying to do something bad to you You hear that all the time again with the previous caller who said this entity who sat in her bed But it made her like freak out and it was like I was a menacing Well, it was a huge Wisconsin beast man. This is a cat. A cat is much nicer to have sit on your bed a ghost cat But I had a girlfriend in college. No, you didn't I

You did people have touched me overtime But there is a She used to talk to a guy named mr. Ghosty man that used to be in her family's house and then followed her to her dorm And what she would do is Uh, this is I knew her after she had lived in the dorm But she used to like have a cereal box and she would be like hey, mr. Ghosty man Are you there and then she'd take a cereal box and put it in one corner of the dorm room and

Whatever it was would toss it across the room and it became like a game to them But it was not a menacing thing. It was not an evil entity. It was just more playful It would be kind of good to bring that ghost around if you're playing cornhole Maybe he's a good cornhole ghost something like that. I would say your girlfriend Maybe not a creative writing major with she was ghosty ghost man. She was she actually was a creative writing major She's a poetry major which if you ever want to if you're dating someone as a poetry major Just know that that's translation for a professional liar Always yeah, and always gonna be broke. Well, Ellie. Thank you so much for calling

I guess the major point of the story is get central air No air conditioning no air conditioning at all none none. Okay central air. Come on. It gets I sweat in my sleep Oh, yeah, till I'm slick wet Did you ever try to make contact with this ghost? Actually, I really wanted to It might be this might be why I have a Ouija board collection now But I was not allowed to because my parents are quite religious and they were not into letting me have any kind of say answer try Contacting the spirit at all because you know that could open the floodgates

Meanwhile, you're like, I'm in love with a ghost boy mom. Just like make just to be rebellious Thank you very much for calling and I like happy Halloween. Yeah, I'll Satan Hail Satan Nathan yes. Hey. Oh my god. Hey, Nathan. Hello Nathaniel No, Nathan. Oh, right. Well, then we're gonna have to end this call. Yeah, different person Okay It was nice talking then It was it was a good call. What's your what's your accent? Where are you from, Nathan?

I'm from New England up up north. All right. Well this story Nathan's story is about how he was at one of Carl Draga's target houses if you don't know who Carl Draga is I did a bit of research on him He's like Clive Bundy, but what he was pissed off about Was weather stripping on his house and how they wouldn't let him do it. Oh, wow. Yeah, why wouldn't they let him? Against codes. Well, let's have Nathan tell us. All right, Nathan. Let's hear a little bit about Carl Dragan Okay, so um, he was ended up getting killed near on Brunswick And so I was up at Maidstone, which is about 20 minute drive And so we had a babysitter at the time me and my two sisters and at our camp

The downstairs door would not lock and so My um babysitter decided that it'd probably be a little bit safer to go over to her camp And her father was one of the lawyers that refused to um to represent Draga And so he was on his way to coming up in there and kill him before the cops got to him Oh, very cool. Wow. So you were in you were sort of in a crossfire here between two adults with a ridiculous legal matter Yeah, you could say that how old were you when this story took place? Maybe two or three

So you didn't you weren't a part of the decisions then You weren't in there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I didn't know if you were a part of the decision to not represent him legal Yeah, I was calling all the shots. Oh hell. Yeah. I mean, that's you know the thing about you're just lucky You weren't taken hostage because nothing is sweeter to the fucking newspapers and to the police and killing a two-year-old boy Yeah, it might for the sake of sighting. Well, yeah, but you know when you're when you are a kidnapper You look at a two-year-old and you say terrible twos. I wish it was one I would take them but you can't the two-year-olds they need too much. They start to talk to There's just so much cuter when they're infants when they're two they start getting ugly not saying you were ugly

No But they're less attractive for to kidnap of course of course so the man was going to the cabin that you were staying at and How close was he to you before the cops got to him? About 20 minutes. Oh, okay. So you had a little time there You could say that All right. Well, he's got actually got a couple of stories He also said when he was four he got lost in the woods and was saved by a supernatural force

Cool. Okay. All right. Let's like can you just start the set the scene? So you how'd you even get to the forest at four years old? Okay, so up in my town where small town it's um, not much mainly woods and so It was about I think on the weekends during the summer and so I was I was the only kid My age on the street around eight or nine. How old were you here? I was four. Oh, okay and so my sister she was She was a little bit older. There was a lot of kids on the street that were her age And so I always like to hang out with her because she was the one with all the the friends and doing things

She did not like that because I was just annoying to her So you were four and the problem of the four-year-old is had can contribute nothing Yeah, it's tough when you're the only four-year-old with a rolled up pack of cigarettes in your sleeve And you just want to be a man Well, that would be the cool if you were four because then you could be handing around cigarettes to the adults Right if I have a kid the first thing I'm going to do is load his diaper up with little airplane bottles of booze And then just pass them around to all my guests. I'm my many gallows You're hanging out with your sister in the woods. You're four-year-olds. You're chain smoking

Well, no, I'm following her at this point and she notices me But she'll claim to this day that she didn't notice me and so then she started to run off And I wanted to follow her because she was still doing the cool things that I couldn't do Like hang out with people and so I chased after her and I could not catch up to her And so she wouldn't she went off deeper into the woods and I could go and so then I remember just everything getting really black the trees got really really tall taller than they ever were to me and I just I got so disoriented I got

I started walking and then I realized that I had no idea where I was and so I started to cry as A typical four-year-old would do in this situation And I kept walking and walking and the sun started off high up in the sky and by this point I just couldn't see it. It was just pitch black and eventually All of a sudden I just get this this feeling that I know where to go. I know what to do It's not like a hand grab me or like a an entity Like led me out of the woods. It was more like their spirit filled me with the knowledge of where to go

And so I just start to walk towards the exit and I finally come out on the street And this guy is this older fella is calling to me like, you know, hey, what's wrong? You need any help and I'm just telling him like, yeah, I'm I'm lost. I just I don't know where to go He's like, oh, what's your name? And I told him on Nathan and he's like, oh And he he knew my mother's name. He knew her right off the bat. He knew where I lived He knew everything about me. He's like, yeah, I can bring you right up to her hop into my truck and so yes, his old

Light blue Ford pickup truck has dense. It's rusted. It's it's old I gave him to this his Truck and it's just a bench seat and it has holes and it has the fabric coming out and The innards of it just seeping out And he takes me right up to my house. But by this point was what I remembered to be was about the sun was starting to set and I don't think he did anything to me because he had the hots for my mom And so I think he thought that this would get him closer to my mom

You can't start dating a woman by molesting her son. No, no, you got to end it with that Yeah, that's how that usually works in the circle of molestation Yes, that's true. Hmm. So I think he just wanted to impress my mother by bringing me home safe and sound And being the the night that he wasn't I'm gonna say that If I was your mother, I'd be fucking way concerned Yeah, I'd be like stop picking up my son in the woods. Where did you come? Where did you even find him? You know, I was I was on a street and she did run over and grab me and hugged me and cried Yeah, but then you have to hear the the guy's story about how he's just like I just ran him out of here on the street

I saw a ghost next to him was leading him out of the forest and I was like get away ghost Get away and the ghost just looked like a police officer and I just hit the police officer Yep, Nathan's spooky uki ride home Very scary never trust a man with a tore up car seat That's what I always say that means he gets angry and stabs it when there's no one in the passenger seat Well, yeah, yeah, he's stabbing it because it's empty. Well, it's quite possibly that you that you You were drawn by an inner force meeting an outer force that protected you sometimes I believe as all as is true our brains are antennas for psychic activity because consciousness exists in the cloud

So entities that we confer with whether they be et's or phantoms or People that you talk to inside of your apartment because all you got is two fish in there Don't save any of your personal nudes in the cloud though Those will get half nothing in the cloud. We talked about this last episode Nothing in the clouds. Wow. Those were amazing stories, you know, thank you so much, Nathan I'm so happy that you survived Uh, honestly not just this day, but seems like every day of your life up until you were 18 It seems like your mother just kind of put you in the woods there at a young age

And I'm gonna put it on you good work on you. Yeah, not being molested. That's right You noticed that he was probably going for the creepy touch and you Defended yourself and sometimes the best way to protect yourself from being molested as a child is to not remember it That's another good point. Yeah, that could be the point Yeah, well, it's so nice to have a Survivor such as yourself on the show, Nathan. Thank you. Thank you so much man. This is great. Yeah. Thanks so much, dude for calling it Hail Satan Um, all right, we don't know. What's your name? I'm sorry. I don't even know

I'm kitty glee thing. So you have a snake story for us A kind of yes. Hmm. I have a reptile person story for you Oh, of course. Yeah, of course A reptilian person story for you. That's great. Oh, yeah Yeah, I just was reading an article about a woman who said that she was taken to the inside of the moon to be raped By a reptilian for three days You were reading an article. It was an article. Oh, okay How'd that go for?

She didn't like it But I will tell you but but then she ended up owning three iguanas. So I think in the end Someone got changed inside of her. Yeah, she might have given birth to him. All right. Do I tell the story now? Yeah Yes Okay, so I used to work at a reptile store here in southern Indiana and it was like reptiles exotic fish Lots and lots of hamsters because there's a plethora of those all the time but um, this guy he used to come in and just

kind of start up conversation with me and not end it and See, that's a relationship is what you mean. Yeah classic kiss. So that's what I sounds like to me Three hour conversation with a creepy guy about the reproductive habits of bearded dragons Ben kissle. Yeah. Yeah exactly how he does. Yes. Yes but so he would come in just like Every day and it got really really creepy like hands-on touching feeling which reptile people Are kind of like that. They're just kind of touching with each other and

Understandable, but this was a little more than that but uh So he ended up Following me out to my car after we would close and my boss would be like hey, Katie so yeah getting the back creepy guys here And actually like had me hide because he was absolutely terrifying. So I quit that job kind of because of him And was like, oh my god if this guy ever finds me blah blah blah

I don't want him to like find me on facebook or any of that nasty shit So I was just watching the news with my parents a couple years ago and there's this horrifying story of a man who had Killed and eaten his ex-girlfriend And I looked at my dad and I said hey dad remember that guy from the reptile store That's him And he killed an eight his ex-girlfriend So you said that she he ate her head heart and part of her lungs

Well, he actually like came to He he broke she broke up with him because he was bad shit insane right understandably So she calls the police has him escorted off of her property um the next day Did your life just flicker maybe we have fluorescent lighting in here and it's not very good Don't don't don't worry about dog meat unless you just see like a japanese girl like wet with like black hair Like rise behind his shoulder and even then don't ruin the date That's uh, it's all marcus. He's into that stuff

All right, awesome But um, so her she didn't show up for work the next day The police had been to her house the night before she had been texting her co-worker. Hey this my ex-boyfriend's crazy And he's at my house and I had to call the police Police are gone now And she stopped texting them or stopped texting the co-worker And the next day she didn't show up for work. So her co-worker was like, okay, that's weird calls her cell phone and

He actually answered the cell phone saying that he was her brother and Co-worker didn't buy that. It's me stacey. Everything's totally normal Go get into work. Sorry. I got a case of the heart burps Oh, okay So then um, she was like, okay, that totally wasn't her brother So i'm gonna call the police and do a welfare check And the police arrived in the house knock on the door and he answers covered in blood just

Covered in blood. Sorry guys. It seemed to have dropped my ketchup collection. Let me get a fresh shirt on Well, you heard the man. We better just get on to the next job then I think we learned two things from this story number one That bearded dragon like dialogue worked on at least one woman. I know i'm kind of encouraged actually Yeah, it worked. Number two, you know, if you're dating a cannibal if at any point during your love making He takes a half a lemon wrapped in rosemary and puts it up inside of your vagina Because that's called making aromatics. Oh, yeah, it might really work though

Who knows I learned that from barefoot contessa Yep Do you uh, do you date anybody who likes uh, reptiles or amphibians any longer? Um, my fiance is actually kind of weird like he likes all animals and is not as keen on snakes But his parents have snakes. Well to take Henry's advice a little bit further remove all the spices from your house Absolutely, and if you ever buy if you never notice he's buying like stacks and stacks and stacks of aluminum foil He's gonna broil you. Yeah, so be careful. Yeah Wow, well, thank you so much for that story

I mean how horrifying to actually confront Evil like that face-to-face and avoid it. You were very very smart And we ever we never victim blame But if you ever feel like the person who's talking to you is possibly a cannibal feel free to break off the relationship You know, you know what? Maybe sometimes you need to just I would say give someone a benefit of the doubt and be like Hey, I I'm down. Hey. Hey Daryl. It's been fun talking. Got a feeling you may be trying to eat me And then if he goes like, oh, you got me Then you know, he's a cannibal. Right, right, right, right? Well, I'm happy you found love with your fiancé. Have a good wedding

Thanks for the invitation Happy Halloween We'll be there. Well, we will definitely be there If you want you can it's gonna be an open reception. So tell you we drink a shit ton of booze. Yeah Yeah Down we'll have it and we can feed y'all too. Hey, all right. Wow. Excellent. Hail satan Yeah, he'll say excellent Have a good day. Who's the most bored? Hail satan I've ever heard. Yeah. Hail satan. Cool

Oh my god. Well, thank you so much and I'm happy you survived. Thank you so much, Gabe We got stacey from washington calling in here marcus. She's got a bunch of good stories Oh, yes. They say you got something that happened to you today. Yes So I work. I'm gonna I'm gonna be very vague for obvious reasons. HIPAA, etc um, I work in a juvenile detention facility that's that's based out of uh Basically like seattle to coma area and I work for the government and we get kids referred to us and generally Our kids are not violent. These are kids who you know turned to drugs too young Um

thefts, you know petty the kind of petty shit the teenagers get into yeah Well, we had somebody we had a case manager attempts to refer a kid to us who had homicidal ideation Admitted that he got erect by thinking about murdering people. He's 15 Um, the fantasies aren't working for him anymore. So now he wants to try actually killing someone Stated that he roams his neighborhood with a machete looking for a cat to kill And he wants to bury the pieces of the cat after he kills it So that a tree can grow over it so he can get hard every time he looks at the tree You know, they're um, some people grow up wanting to be president and we don't shut them down

No, we don't and I think that sometimes it's about you follow a dream outside of a box Because we all live in a box and sometimes your dream takes a hold of a balloon goes about of a box And sometimes I'm not gonna say you'd be a killer, but I'm saying you allow a kid to follow his dreams Well, the phrase I want to see the blood run out of them Was directly quoted So we were you know, sadly we had to to put him down on that little precious jam You had to put him down sounds like a sweet. I wish uh, maybe there's a hog farm That he can go work at he can just be a creepy character like straight out of a texas chainsaw massacre type town

This is also the type of thing where a sarcasm font would really help. Yeah. Yeah So Stacey, what tell us about uh, you have a story um that involves I guess it all All started in the woods in the swimming area Yes, okay, so this took place in the summer of 1995 when I graduated from high school So I had just gotten back. I'd spent two weeks in Honduras doing this in for my church So, you know, we've been doing stuff like pouring foundations and getting diarrhea I'd come home and I wanted to cut loose. So my friends and I Got this bright idea. Hey, we're gonna sneak into the local

Sort of I think it's technically a state park It closes the sunset. We're gonna we're gonna sneak in and we're gonna go skinny diving So we drive in it's a ways outside of town and there's The only way to drive in there's a high banked road that's built up Uh, so it's probably 20 feet up from the pasture that runs on the other side of it And it's about a fourth of a mile drive in well to keep people out They just have a cattle gate that they close across it

However, if you park on the river side, you can walk in through the woods, which is what we did So the whole time we're walking in we're freaking each other out I had a friend who was about in tears because she was a giant pussy And you know, we kept screaming that bob from twin peaks was gonna get her and uh, 1995 1995 that was that mean twin peaks is a great show for our younger listeners Twin peaks is a great show. You should watch it. It's on netflix. Yeah, you can and twin peaks was filmed It was actually filmed about an hour away from us

Anyway, so we're we we're walking in and everything's typical, you know, we've got flashlights. We're laughing. We're tripping each other We make it in Shuck our clothes Jump into the water, you know, we're a slasher film just waiting to happen And one of the girls who is with us. She's really nervous because her dad's a cop So We're in the water and it's nowhere near as like fun and you know shenanigans as we were hoping because we're splashing each other a little bit Oh, yeah

Yeah, you know, we scissored tenderly in the moonlight. Oh, yes. Yes, and uh, but like, you know, it's dark You can't see the rocks. So we're stepping on him. My feet hurt the water's cold It's been very disappointing so far this evening. So we're trying to get out Get dressed and all of a sudden everybody's heart sinks because we see a flashlight coming towards us So, so, you know, this person's probably about 40 feet away and we're thinking fuck. It's the cops You know, we're like fuck fuck fuck get your clothes on get your clothes on, you know, get your clothes on Then we'll just get in trouble for trespassing. They can't prove anything if we're clothed So i'm trying so i'm shimmying into these stupid shorts which are sticking to my legs jumping up and down

And all of a sudden the girl whose father is a cop very slowly. She says, uh, that's not a cop We're like, what what do you mean? How do you know it's not a cop? She said if it was a cop he would have identified himself by now And so this person's coming towards us and we're like, we're like, what the fuck do we do? He's between us and where we came in so so Logistically, he's between us and our car So we start to run towards the trees and all of a sudden the flashlight starts jiggling really fast and we realize he's chasing us So we're like fuck. This isn't just some

You know highly improbable coincidence of you know two groups of people meeting in a state park after hours Who shouldn't have been there? Yeah, he's not just like the world's luckiest dude. No He's like stumbling about 18 year old girls. Yeah, exactly. This this was not uh, this was not a deer penthouse for him kind of thing Yeah, me and my delta kai brothers are just coming here with three cases of bruise and we really didn't know Who else to stay but if you guys want to get jamming So when we get to the pet section and because of the trees there are these deep hollows So just in a spur of the moment Whomever was uh in front of us probably my friend kari says down there

So we jump down into this this little hollow and we press ourselves up against the side and cover ourselves kari and jessica had a um dark plaid blanket that kari had kept in the back of her car and so they actually blended in pretty well I had a baby blue beach blanket So i'm terrified thinking that you know if he shines a flashlight over here They may blend in but if he sees like even a scrap of that towel were fucked and That was the longest couple of seconds of my entire life

But this is also kind of where shit gets weird So we had run and the pet area the parking terminates the Asphalted parking terminates and it just becomes a gravel overflow. So anyway, uh, We had the the gravel right so every football we're taking Super duper loud, but we can hear him behind us. So we're we're hunkered down in this hollow We can hear him walking on the gravel and the gravel goes for you know It's a wide gravel expanse because it's for parking So we can hear him like shifting his weight on the gravel

We can hear his breathing at one point. I peeked my head out from underneath the towel And I shit you not I saw his flashlight being slide across kari's blanket So i'm thinking that's it. We're fucked. He's found us At this point. He's just screwing with us and so I it was the weirdest sensation of Wanting to scream just because of the tension and also wanted to run right we wanted I wanted to bolt and run And I'm sitting here. I'm like, I don't know what we're gonna do What are we gonna do? What if he's got a gun and all of a sudden I hear kari say

Okay, he's gone. Let's go And I'm going what the fuck are you talking about? He's standing on the gravel. I heard him a minute ago We look up Nobody's there He's gone. There's no fucking way this guy could have snuck up snuck away On an expansive gravel that's probably 20 feet in either direction I mean, you can't tip-tail on gravel. All right, fine. Whatever. I was panicked, right? So maybe I just didn't hear So we're like, well, who gives a shit fuck it. We're out of here

So we get up We run we run through the parking lot the parking lot leads to the high banked road that I mentioned before So we're gonna walk out on on the on this. We're not gonna go through the woods again And Like I've never before You know ever been like so scared that I wanted to pee myself But I I very easily could have lost control of my bladder. Like if somebody had come running at me I would have peed myself

No questions asked. Honest to god, would I just let go? It's also a good defensive maneuver. Well, that's right Unless they're really in to it puke on them. Do what you gotta do frogs do it. Yeah, unless it's so true So I'm wheezing and I'm gasping. I mean secrecy is not it's not in the cards at this juncture for me Jessica and cari ran up ahead My other friend bevan stayed back behind with us and Or with me. I'm sorry. We walked out catch up to Jessica and cari and they're at the the cattle gate that's crossing the road

And I'm thinking why haven't you guys jumped the gate and gotten in the car And they look terrified so we catch up to them and we see that where We can see the car. We can see the parking lot that we parked in and where Cari had parked, you know when we had parked obviously the parking lot was empty We wouldn't have snuck in if they hadn't been there are now two cars One of the cars is on and someone is in it So we're like, okay Who's this person? How does this person play into it?

So finally after a few minutes of standing there, we're like fuck it. I want to go home I went out of this park. I want this night to be over We climb over the gate and there was a like decorative Square of greenery in the center of the parking lot with like railroad styles Driven upright as like crude fencing So we're like fuck it. We'll just keep that between us and this car and if they you know Try and run us over or something. They'll hit the railroad ties and they'll hurt themselves before they hurt us so this car

Which has been started backs out Of its spot and then turns to climb up onto the country road that you know leads away from here But as they drive away, they start laying on the horn And it's very rhythmic. It's like wha wha wha and they do the whole way Up onto the road. So at this point in time We're like fuck it. I want is I want his license plate number

We're going to get his license plate number and we're going to give it to jessica's dad So we all pile into the car and we go chase now after him And this is okay. And this is where it gets really weird But I swear to god none of this is made up. So we're following this guy and about a mile down the road maybe less there used to be a slaughterhouse And right in front of the slaughterhouse. There was a Access road, I guess you'd call it. You could use it to get like You know out into the toolies like further out into the toolies, but I think you could also merge onto the freeway with it

This mother fucker sped up, but it was like watching a tape and fast-forward We were I mean granted we were driving like a 1987 chevy Chevelle, which isn't known for its get up and go but we couldn't keep up with them and When they decided to speed up it was like they were gone. They were down that road and gone before we Could even process it Like it was literally like if we had just been watching a screen and somebody had fast-forwarded a car It disappeared that fast

So the really weird part is We're talking afterwards and we're trying to like figure out if we should tell Jessica's dad So we're like, all right Well, we can at least tell them what kind of car it is so they can be on the lookout for the car We didn't think to look at the the car that was still parked and a lot All four of us saw four different things Now bystander fallibility like I know bystander like like an eyewitness is like the worst Just like evidence that you can bring to something but this was we all four saw something different

To the point where I swear to god. It was like a four-door sedan Kari saw a very small two-door yellow pickup truck I mean you don't fucking confuse a sedan for a pickup truck And uh, one of them. I think it was bevin saw a sports car And Jessica saw the am Wow, that's that's really weird. Well, right and so so, you know, we drove back to Into town and just none of us left each other until sunset

We all went over Jessica was house sitting and we went over with her and just sat in the house She was house sitting until sunrise because we were too scared to separate and at that point when you guys got back home You were still a little bit wet from the water and you were still wearing white shirts and things like that at that point in time The only wet would have been sweat from the asthma attack and the panic attack on the so it stopped being vaguely lesbian sexy Yes, absolutely. I'm afraid that the sexy pillow fighting was long gone And this was more of the I want to crawl into bed with my mommy and daddy because they can protect me Still sexy. Well You

Pictures of my dad. Yeah, but yeah to this day and and You know, like I've taken my nephews out there a couple of times during high summer Basically only when my arm was twisted so that they could swim, but I don't swim out there anymore interesting Well, thank you so much. I'm definitely going to if I ever do get a case of the runs diarrhea I will definitely call it a pouring foundation pouring some foundation some foundation. Yeah Pour foundation in a third world country. Well, I'm glad you're alive. Thank you. I am too Uh, and then we all learned the lesson today. Don't go skinny dipping unless there's uh only just your by yourself Will you I guess or just don't go skinny dipping in washington state you go skinny dipping by yourself jaws again get you

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, so maybe it's an odd number Some kind of adjacent knockoff will get you. Yeah. Yeah, exactly like this guy flashlight man Mm-hmm. Maybe we was just running out there to tell you like it's dangerous to swim On night time. It's dangerous. I have to catch them But when we talked about it afterwards We my my opinion and the others agreed with me is that the guy in the car that we tried to follow was honking To tell the guy that was still in there that we were out there now Oh, like I think that's why he was doing the rhythmic honk honk honk like they're like, oh, they're gone

Yeah, well, I'm glad. Well. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that states. Yeah, thank you so much for calling us guys for having me on That was a creepy one. I love them I'm shaking to the core Wow, I don't even know if I can speak after that. Oh, that is scarier than after a telephone conversation with my mother Oh, wow That usually involves the story about how the dog is still barely alive. We put the dog down You did? Yeah, my mom had to put the dog down because the vet they my mom brought the dog in the vet's like This thing's too fat to live

And they she's like so we got to kill it. My mom's like, okay This hasn't been revealed on any show yet. Has it? No, it's just a few days ago. This is very new information I feel like I've had a relationship with this dog for four years Yeah, well now it is a fat old ghost dog. Your mom's better to death Yep, yes, and I'm just saying thank god the pediatrician doesn't allow fucking euthanasia on children because if they saw us when we were kids We would have gotten the same death sentence Oh my god, no disease in the dog. Just too fat. None. Just too too big to move Wow, too big to fail. But guess what? That's not true when your dog. No, because you can be way too big to live

Right Wow, so that's scary as well. That is scary Halloween Um, thank you so much for all the call-ins this year I mean phenomenal stuff and for everyone who wrote in for the creepypasta episodes Yeah, thank you guys so much. It was great this year. It's great. We're celebrating Halloween. Yeah, I'm just done again I'm stronger. I jump higher this time of year. I can drink more booze. Um I'm lactating Yeah, which I find is weird

I do think that is odd and I brought it to the doctor and he says this is it milk. This is Toasters strudel icing. Hmm. So something's happening. You're becoming a strudel. Love Halloween. Huh? Um, that's amazing. Henry. Thank you. I feel bad for your doctor Oh, he's gets his he gets his pound of flesh All right, so let's see here. Uh at the end of this month here October 24th We'll be doing the live show right here at the creek in the cave. It's going to be extremely fun I'm gonna have to fucking Skype in because I'm still gonna be in Toronto But I'm gonna Skype into that in that piece of shit. All right, well, I'll have you Skype in for a bit

Hesitant you're off the show Henry Um, all right. So, uh, thank you so much. Happy Halloween everyone great October We've got a couple of more great shows for you. Anyway coming up in this month. Yeah, absolutely our next episode We're going to be teaching you guys a little bit of fucking magic We're going to be focusing our wills next week and we're going to have a couple of actual magicians on the show This ritual creates perception creates reality and we are going to have two people that are genuine magicians Um, you'd expect them to be richer But they're gonna answer your questions

Okay, well, we will say this as we speak one of these magicians is in an oyster castle in Denmark Is the oyster castle run by a burping whale that's under the ground? Oh, yes But I need no oyster I have a sea otter type creature But uh, yes, let's continue to celebrate Halloween next week and ooh Satan's coming back and guess what when Satan comes it means that it's a no shirt zone for everybody But oh and then don't forget about with the wizards if you would like to ask a question of our wizards We've got one chaos magician and one oto guy. That would be sex magic, correct?

Yeah, yeah, sex magic. He also does a lot of DMT. Yeah ton of DMT And if you have any questions for them that we can ask them on air write to cave comedy radio at gmail.com I'm gonna hope you guys are ready to eat a whole bunch of your significant others semen and or menstrual blood Because there is a lot of that Sounds fascinating, um and also the t-shirts you can find the t-shirts over there Comedy radio.com slash merch you can get your last podcast on the left t-shirt featuring all three of our smiling faces Yeah, and you can find marcus on twitter and marcus parks I'm at ben kissle henry zebrowski is that henry loves you and the podcast is that lp on the left

Check it out. Follow us on twitter for the fucking updates and if you don't I'll kill your families. Well That's what I'll do and leave a five star fucking review in itunes because if you don't I'll take your father and I'll Stick a fucking q-tip up his penis and I'll be like I'm testing you for gonorrhea even though he knows He hasn't had sex with your mother for 20 years. You never know what's happening um All right, thanks so much for supporting other shows here top hat roundtable page seven section of the human activities ccr is crushing Yes, we are we're doing fucking great out there. We are doing brighter side is also very brighter side Yeah, we never it may a brighter side check that show out

Um, yeah, everything is going very very well. Yeah, I'm gonna give them a goose deletions I'm gonna say a hail yourselves because this halloween season is all about Uh, you it's all about us and it's all about us being together. Yeah, absolutely That is almost christmas like the way you said it and you know what after you said it now i'm mad This is our christmas, right Yes, it is. Just remember that the discordian Katmas, which means um, uh together we must stick apart And if you want to dress as all three of us for halloween feel free if you have a pair of stilts or something like that

You can be me and if you got a pair of uh bad teeth You can be marcus and if you want to wear a fat suit you can be henry Just smash your face with uh cut your guns out gums up with some glass and smash them with a hammer a couple of times You'll be good. Yeah File them in a little bit get really get the sharp teeth in there Yeah, and then smoke for 17 years and really get your gums to recede and bleed all the time Well, if you get this a 17 year process to get to the halloween costume 18 years from now you're planting that seed Check out heroes on on mbc. Check out. Fuck. Check out heroes marcus a halloween. Maybe a halloween everyone

It goes delay johns. Yes Uh send money. Oh, yeah send us money. Oh, have we ever asked for that before? No just straight up just send money Send cash any money. I just donate something to the paypal page But remember if you donate 25 bucks or more you get a free t-shirt or just or be you fucking altruistic and just send cash I'm having trouble making rent don't even listen to him I'm having trouble with food and rent only show confidence 1093 jackson avenue if if you want to send us a halloween gift you can send it to last buck s on the left 1093 jackson avenue long island city new york 11101

Oh, that's great Keep the food coming in and whoever sent us that beef jerky. Oh randy. Yeah randy Come on man more beef jerky and thank you to uh the lady who sent us bucklava Oh, yes, she sent me a facebook message. It was lovely of her and i'm just Slathering it on my body right now, which is making me very sticky I'm covered in almonds. I love a good zabrowski pop. Her name is leila shake Thank you for the bucklava leila. I'm eating it with no clothes on. Yes, you are because that's how I eat things Yeah, I'm looking at you do it

Good. Bye. Good. Bye for more shows like the one you just listened to go to cave comedy radio.com