Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 198: Halloween

Episode Date: October 31, 2015

It's a Halloween special on Last Podcast as we cover the origins of the holiday as an Irish deathfire festival known as All Hallow's Eve up till the 20th century, where it turned into a Detroit deathfire festival known as Devil's Night, with some children's riots and poisoned candy thrown in for good measure

There's no place to escape to, this is the last talk, on the left, that's when the cannibalism started. What was that? I'm eating show, I get to have some. Yes I know but after the show we have to start. Alright welcome to the last podcast of the left everyone I'm Ben Kissel with Marcus Parks. Henry just decided to jam his face full of beef jerky. I just wanted to plug the delicious jerky, who sent us this batch of jerky? This batch of jerky, we actually asked for jerky one week, next week we get three shipments of it.

Keep sending it because now I'm back in the studio and all of these fucking piggies have been horsing it down. Yeah we gave it, we had the live show last Saturday, all the fans that showed up all got to partake in what, three pounds of beef jerky? And I didn't get a scrap of it. You were too busy filming a television show. Well then you miss out on beef jerky. I want home made jerky. Yes this batch is from Jeremy, Nicholas and Christina, either Bochamp or Beecham. There are two different pronunciations for that, Randy Katz and of course sent us wonderful, wonderful beef jerky.

And Joe Harvey, who also came out to the live show, also sent us some wonderful jerky as well. Send the jerky. I want to put in a new order for more jerky. Alright but this is not a holiday to be celebrating beef jerky, this is a holiday for candy and that holiday of course is Halloween. I would say that beef jerky is like meat candy. I don't think you can give beef jerky to the kids, Henry. I would. Yeah but just what, one piece of beef jerky for your grubby hands?

Well I would hand it out and be like, this piece of my old neighbor Tom. And after I took Tom, and I remember we were playing a poker game and I made him drink about four shitloads of James and whiskey. Have you ever had some kids you have some? You have some, have some on your lips, huh? And guess what, he told me he had four aces and I knew that he had the 16 aces inside of his pocket because he had brought up to 12 extra packs of cards with him. And that's the difference between a haunted house and a house of horrors. You know what I did is I took a screwdriver and I stuck it up on his dick and we sent him to his balls on a mix around to fucking comb his balls. And I went into his blood and he got blood cancer so happy Halloween.

Good, very good. I just want to be, I just want to be alone. You will be, don't even worry about it and you will creep out children your entire life, I promise you Henry. But what, I mean let's get, let's get into Halloween, where did it begin? And finally here, we're releasing it tonight, tonight is Halloween Eve, October 30th. And oh man, I just love Halloween. I like it when, I like ladies in sexy costumes and I also like them in dowdy costumes. And I like men in costumes where you can see too much of their bodies too.

That's right. I love Halloween. That's right, I'm going to Superman but with his balls revealed, which is kind of an exciting costume. Women always get the cleavage up top, we gotta show more balls. Call cleavage. Call cleavage. And Marcus and I, Dogmeat and I are going to go as edeps of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dog. I have my Crowley, or my Golden Dog, Crowley era costume all worked out.

I got my snake head, I got my pyramid sides, I got my robe, I got my little wand. And I am ready to fuck a fish because my girlfriend's going as a fish. Okay, so you do tend to dress to get laid but then neither of you. I don't even think your girlfriend will be touching you. I think my girlfriend's going to be Catwoman. Crawling all around. Very good. All right, let's get into some Halloween.

Let's get some truth out there. Well, we're going to be going through the history of Halloween and then later on we're going to be going through a couple of famous Halloween murders. But let's start way back when, let's do the way back time machine. Yeah, Michael J. Fox and I can't tie my shoes. No, no, way, way back. You can't tie your shoes now. Way, way back. That's the only Michael J. Fox I remember.

That isn't the worst. Back to the future re-enactment of all time. Isolate it. That's great guys, really impressive episode so far, really impressive. Well, all Hallows Eve or Halloween, as it eventually came to be named, was originally a festival of fire and death and the powers of darkness. It's really only since the 1950s, particularly here in America, that Halloween has become the happy fun good times that it is today. Yeah, fucking chill for the candy corn industry. That is absolutely true.

The candy corn industry calls this their Super Bowl and that's not a lie. It's also truly a met, the same batch of candy corn has existed since the beginning, right? Yes, yes, they only made eight candy corns entirely. Because no one's eaten them. No, I do, I love candy corn. That is, again, you smellin' dirt. You got a raccoon penis right next to your keyboard and you eat candy corn. You are, you are a chupacabra.

If you plant a candy corn in the ground, it makes a trailer. Yeah, it makes a trailer house. That's how trailer parks began. Well, the roots of Halloween lie with the druids, a Celtic priest class operating out of England, Wales, and of course Ireland. And if you play one in D&D, you get a magical knowing role. And also, you can get a knowing role and also for translations of foreign languages because technically you've been schooled or of a mage. Perfect. You could also call it a mage.

Well, they held the druids, they held two great fire festivals every year. It's Bellatina, that's spelled Beltane, but it's pronounced Bellatina on the eve of May the 1st, Henry's birthday. And Sawen, which is spelled Samhain on the eve of November the 1st. Which is also what a Chinese man says at a restaurant when he's putting pepper on your dish. Sawen. Not gonna give it to him. All right, Marcus, move on. Oh, Sawen.

Okay, it doesn't matter, it's just a racist joke. Well, according to Yahoo Answers, modern pagans are very touchy about the correct pronunciations. They will get very angry with you if you say Samhain instead of Sawen. Okay. Well, in ancient Ireland, a sacrifice was offered every year to the gods by order of the Irish king Tuat. Is that how that is pronounced? I think it's the closest I can come. Tuat.

Tuat. Tuat. Sounds good. Thank you. I'm gonna go with yes. That's Dalek for shit face. Oh. I'm just gonna say that, because I can, because I don't know.

Well, all the druids of Ireland would gather on October 31st to sacrifice cows and horses on a great fire. And then on November 1st would sacrifice a black sheep for the spirits of the dead to consume. So on Halloween night they'd have a barbecue and on November 1st we have lamb. Right, that's pretty much it, isn't it? Except they wouldn't eat it. Oh. What do they do? They just burn it.

That's disrespectful to the animal. Well, you can't, if you're sacrificing to the gods, you can't eat it yourself. That's the whole point, is that you're sacrificing it so you can't have it. I would love if the gods came down and was like, Mr. Zebrowski, where is my sheep? Where is my black sheep? I was hungry for black sheep. I haven't had it since last year. Oh, let me find it.

But let me just unbuckle my pants. Because I kind of let them open and just kind of breathe through them. Let me lick your face and see if that tastes like black sheep. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I would also, I would show up definitely in a big robe with a big fake beard on going like, yes, God of the North has come for some of this. Mm, is this medium? Excellent.

I will take it to my god family. So I will need all of it. So thank you very much. Well, fire has always been a part of Halloween from its earliest days. In the 1860s, a man traveling through Scotland counted 30 fires on hilltops between Dunkeld and Eberfeld, each with a circle of people dancing around it. God, that must have been awesome. Oh, man.

Halloween used to be great. Right. I mean, it's still good, but it used to be all fire. Well, yeah, you can't have a fire in the middle of Brooklyn dancing around that. Yeah, we'll just, they'll call it a tragedy. Right. Well, we'll get to the fires in the middle of cities later on. However, back in the past, in North Wales, there was a duration in which every family

built a bonfire with each member throwing a white stone, which he had previously marked in his own personal marking, into the fire. Prayers were said in the next morning, if a particular family member's stone was missing, it was said that the owner of that stone would die before the next Halloween. Cool. They do the same thing at the projects, but it was crack rocks. The trick is that all of the rocks are always gone at the very end of the night. Is that a sacrifice to their God?

No, no, no, they're just smoking crack. Oh, I see. Okay. Not saying it could be anywhere. It could also be in Missouri. Oh, absolutely. Yes. Or it could be in a trailer park with meth rocks.

Crack cocaine knows no race. Only knows fun. Well, certain Scottish villages had the tradition in the 19th century of boys asking for, quote, Pete to burn the witches as fuel for their bonfire. And once the fire had been lit, the boys danced around it shouting. Fire, fire, burn the witches. Fire, burn the witches. It's kind of a fun thing to do.

Simple, but fun. Fire, burn the witches. If you could, please, burn the witches. And as to why October 31st was chosen, November 1st, the next day marked the beginning of winter for the Celts. The previous year was dying, so the veil between the land of the living and the dead was thinnest. And as we see in most magic things, and most spiritual ideas, is that because it's both symbolic and a physical change, because it is the changing of the seasons, you can see,

and because the seasons meant everything to ancient man. So that's why, you know, like the Jesus myth came from the, you know, the changing of the seasons, the idea of rebirth. It's very interesting how you can then extrapolate it, like, as above so below, as we'll learn in the next week's episode, following the left hand path. The seasons were basically the first television. You needed four channels. It was really exciting.

Man, each one of those shows were five months long. Whoa. Love that new season of winter. Great, great show. Great episodes. I liked last season better when my son didn't die. Yeah, that was dramatic season. Dramatic season.

Yeah, this one. Now, as is common among ancient peoples, offerings of food and drink were left out for the ghosts and spirits, and the ghosts always moved from east to west, the direction of the dying son at sunset. One Irish tale tells of a young man who stayed out too late on Halloween and met a band of fairies. They, as fairies are wont to do, gave him wine and fairy gold, and treated him well. But when the young man looked closely at their faces, he saw that each fairy wore the visage

of a neighbor who had died, some of them years before. The fairies shrieked with laughter and tried to hug, tug the boy into a dance with him, presumably a fairy circle. He struggled away and passed out, but woke up the next morning inside a stone circle, arms black and blue with the marks of fingers. Now, we know that I am reformed about the Irish. You're reformed? I'm reformed, I believe that they are beautiful people.

I love their culture. I love their singing. I love their men and their women. I love their... But I think it's almost safe to say that in this instance, that man was shithouse drunk. Yeah, who reformed you about the Irish? I did. I saw the error of my ways.

You felt guilty? This is the one area in your life that you felt guilt making fun of the Irish? I had to change. You know what, I made the changes that I am responsible for. 2016, Henry Zabrowski is running for president under the Satan's Liberation Army. That's my party. That's my party. That's it.

That's all we're pro. We're anti. Everything else. What happens when you start doing things in Canada? Your whole power structure gets wrong. Gets all off. The Irish still have no power. Well, creatures darker than fairies were said to roam the countryside on Halloween as well,

such as demons, hobgoblins, and witches who straddled broomsticks and shank bones, flew in sieves, or eggshells, or rode on the backs of black horses. I believe it's Seves. It's Sieves. Alright. I like our new pronunciation games. About the creatures that stalked the night, writer Ann Murray wrote in 1920 in the book Father Allen's Island. The mouth of the night is the choice hour of the slew earth, the host of the dead, whose feet never touched the earth.

As they go drifting in the wind till the day of burning of the slew earth. The spirit of terror that frightens folk out of the hisque of their hearts. Of the washer, whose sights with herself in the twilight, of the slim green coated ones, the water horse, and whatnot. The light that is shadowless, colorless, softer than moonlight is ever the light of their liking. At the mouth of that night along the water courses my ways at the hour of dusk. I love lateness, you had best be shunning, you are like to meet them, to rest of houses they pass. What to do, who shall say, their ways being new wise, human. You know when people say you got a face for radio?

That author had a voice for writing. That is awful. Hello, I'm Ann. I'm so happy you decided to meet me. Yeah, write it down. I read your words and I thought you were brilliant and beautiful, but your voice, it's just... I did so well dating on my space. I have such a problem at these fast dating nights where you date for one for two minutes. I'm bearded fast impressions.

It sounds like there is a devil trying to get out of here. So in response to these creatures who terrified the country folk, masked men started going from house to house, singing and dancing to keep all the evil spirits at bay. This is the tradition that has been passed down to children along with the food offerings, or at least that's what the historians say. The origin of giving specifically candy on Halloween has a much more recent, dangerous and American roots. I love what Halloween brings out of people. I know there's a lot of violence involved in Halloween and a lot of people get hurt. There's a lot of random slashings and people getting pushed down in alleys and people getting grouped up in groups and beaten with planks. All sorts of weird crazy shit happens on Halloween.

But there's just something great about a bunch of people on masks scaring the shit out of a bunch of normals on the street. I agree with that, but you know Halloween used to be exciting when the kids would get candy because it was once a year, but now kids already have onset adult diabetes when they're five years old. I feel like no Halloween, no candy on Halloween. Oh, don't you fox news this. I'm gonna fuck, no fox news is all about the big candy. Well, when I say American roots, I mean North American roots. For in Toronto, Halloween 1945, there was a teenage riot as a group of high schoolers took over the main thoroughfare,

started bonfires with gasoline, and when mounted police arrived, the kids threw rocks at them and set up barricades to keep fire trucks from entering. And when police arrested 13 of these kids, a mob of 7,000 teenagers and children marched to the police station to free them and could not be dispersed until the cops brought out tear gas and water cannons. And that is legitimately the last badass thing that any kid in Canada ever did. Right. Very true. They are not a heavy metal people. And they actually, it's Canada, so they're tear gas, they just play Liza Minnelli really loud. Yeah, they start crying.

It's just something about her voice. It's like, you know what it is about her voice? It's got longing in it. It does. Well, surprisingly, this behavior actually resulted in the modern practice of trick or treating. Rather than having children destroy cities sometimes for days at a time, homeowners just started giving them candy instead. And it worked. Yeah.

Yeah, it was just like, here, have candy. Don't burn my house down. You see, and I think that's a really appropriate contract to sign with today's children. They're ready to kill. Totally. You know, these kids are popping off left and right. They're gonna kill us. And you know what the thing about us adults is that we got shit to lose. That's right.

You know, these kids don't. So give them candy. Don't be one. Don't be that funny, dirty house that shuts its lights off at Halloween because if not, those kids could break into the house, tie up you and your wife, slash you up with razors until you bleed to death. Yeah. So just buy the candy. Buy a bag of candy.

Last but not least, brought to you by Snickers. Ooh. I get so mad when I get hungry. As with most modern holidays, the traditions come from a lot of different places. Another practice from medieval England was quote, unquote, soling in which the poor and children would sing and say prayers for the souls of deceased loved ones in exchange for cake. It just sounds like people were giving them a cake to shut them the fuck up.

Yeah. The British ruined it. And this was done on Halloween because like so many other pagan holidays, the Catholic Church replaced the November 1 celebration with the Christian holiday, Old Saints Day, alternatively known as All Hallows Day. But the pagans won in the end and October 31 became All Hallows Eve and was eventually shortened to Halloween. And that's why you get to maybe have sex with someone dressed as Marge Simpson tomorrow.

Ooh, exciting. I want to be Bart. Have you seen those pornos? The Barton Marge. Yeah. The family guy. I've seen them for like three and a half minutes at a time. I will say I am not as much as I love costumes.

I am not that much into the heavily costumed porn film. You're not jerking off to guar concerts or anything like that? No? Yeah, I never once jerked off to Norbit. Huh, strange. So Halloween in America didn't really exist in any true form until the Irish potato famine of 1845 to 1852. They always just crawl their muck-laden knees into it. I love the Irish.

Yeah. But they are all over the story. That's when the Irish immigrated to America and Canada and numbers reaching the hundreds of thousands. And the Irish, of course, brought many of their traditions with them. Many Halloween traditions come from the Irish concerning Jack Lanterns. An Irish legend tells of a miserly man named Jack who, while alive, tricked the devil into agreeing not to take him to hell. And upon his death, Saint Peter wouldn't let Jack into heaven because he'd been too stingy and sinful. The devil wouldn't let him into hell because of the deal they'd made.

So Jack was condemned to wander between heaven and hell with his Lantern, looking for a place to rest and never finding one. Very cool. So they had, during the Great Potato Famine, which ironically they only had potatoes to eat, they also had pumpkins. But at that point they were like, no, that's not food, that's for carving. You could technically eat pumpkin. You definitely could eat in a pumpkin. Or you could have made a latte craze. Sure.

Well, pumpkins are a North American plant. They didn't have potatoes over, or they didn't have pumpkins over in Ireland. They only started the Jack-o-lantern once they were firmly in America. I see. Oh, yeah, you see, because then they're looking at these pumpkins just like, hey, look at that. What it looks like, it looks like my mother's head. And I just want to curve her face into it. Oh, my beautiful mother.

You see her, oh, you see her beautiful face. They're like, I'm afraid to say that Mr. McGulloch could eat. That's an ugly face you draw. No, no, no, it's quite beautiful. You can see her with her cragly teeth and her treading eyes. Oh, typical Irish beauty. Beautiful people. They are beautiful.

They are beautiful, yeah. They are beautiful. I'm not anti-Irish. I don't know what happened, but yeah, no one's anti-Irish. I have Irish ancestry. My mother's maiden name is McMean's. I'm very pro-Irish, although I am firmly American. Oh, very good.

So before Halloween was for children and now for adults that dress up their children to get upvotes and likes and all that sort of shit. I like how you wrote that into your outline. Well, I wanted to make sure to say that I'm disgusted with all of you parents who are dressing your children up in elaborate costumes. They never look happy. You look happy, but they look miserable because they don't know who Chewbacca is. But also, stop it. Kids don't understand that they're becoming a viral hit. If they knew their parents were monetizing their face, they would be smiling.

Kids, no. Kids are more in... They're in tune with the internet and upvotes. That's the only way they get any sort of positive influence in their life. Especially when they're four. They know. So before all that, Halloween was more commonly known as Mischief Night. The concept came from the English who traditionally used November 4th, the night before Guy Fawkes Day,

but eventually moved it to October 30th. Of course, Guy Fawkes is the anonymous fella, the 4chan fella. Guy Fawkes, what is his story? The story is that he would try to blow up the Buckingham Palace. He tried to blow up Parliament. Cool. Yeah, yeah. He didn't do it?

No. What do you have to do? It's a big place, you know? It really sounds like it's celebrating failure. So Mischief Night is known in Yorkshire, England as... It has a lot of different names. I don't like British nicknames. It's known as Mischievous Night, which is what you don't do with a nickname.

You don't make it longer. Yeah, exactly. Totally wrong. Completely British. Miggy Night? Say it right. Excuse me? Miggy Night?

Say it right. Miggy Night. Huh. Right. Miggy Night. No, say it like you would in Yorkshire. Miggy Night! Miggy Night!

Miggy Night! Tic-Tac Night! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say them Americanly, and then Henry will give us the Yorkshire pronunciation. Tic-Tac Night! Tic-Tac Night! Corn Night! Corn Night!

Corn Night! Corn Night! Corn Night! Corn Night! Trick Night! Trick Night! Trick Night! Or Mickey Night!

Yeah, I might have something over there. Mickey-Mickey-Noi. Perfect. Parts of New Jersey call it Goosey Night, while in New England it's known as Cabbage Night. Where did you get this parts of New Jersey piece of information, by the way? Did you have an uncle from New Jersey? No, I got it from the Atlantic. Okay.

Yeah, they're a reputable source. But the reason why in New England it's called Cabbage Night, and also in parts of upstate New York, is because there was once a tradition in which teenagers would raid gardens for rotten cabbage and throw it at houses. Now they do that in Bushwick, and it's called composting. Isn't that exciting? I'm sure one of those kids definitely put his penis inside of one of those cabbages. So up until the 50s, the trick part of Halloween.

That was the focus. On one single Halloween night in Queens, over 1,000 windows were broken. Great Depression only made things worse, as people used the night as an excuse for vandalism and extreme violence against each other. And I feel like I wish they had someone like Scrooge, the end of the movie Scrooge, stand up and be like, and let's not just save the vandalism and terrorism for one night, but keep it in our hearts for every night in the year. I've seen Queens, I think they do.

In Camden, New Jersey, mischief night escalated to the point that in the 1990s, widespread arson was committed with over 130 arsons on the night of October 30th, 1991. However, there is no city in the world that compares to what happens in Detroit every year. Devils night. Oh, I thought you were supposed to say the representation of our economic slide and the slide of American power globally. Because of democratic policies.

No, don't you do this. Okay, so Detroit just burns on Halloween. On Devils night, arson is the primary crime. The destruction peaked in the mid to late 80s with 1984 counted more than 800 fires in a single night. During this period, anywhere between 500 and 800 fires were set in the three days and nights before Halloween in a typical year. And again, if they had just taken the scenario and just started dancing around the fires

and had been cooled old school Halloween and not massive vandalism and terrorism. Yeah, I feel like we've actually gotten more extreme. We usually look at the primitive, older cultures as primitive and more violent, but they just danced around fires and burnt random women. I just think what you do is that in a scenario like this, you take that frown, you turn it upside down, and you use the fires as either to throw your barbecue meat on or to dance around with no clothes on, or it's light to loot things by. Yeah, in Detroit, most of those house fires were caused by Bill Lambeer, a little known

fact. Especially in 1984. Loved it. So after a particularly merciless Devils night in 1994, Detroit city officials organized and created Angels night to protect the city. And in each year since, as many as 50,000 volunteers patrol the city from October 29th to October 31st, fires have since plunged to near ordinary levels. Detroit, just like 10 a night.

In 2010, being the only exception with 142 fires, a 42% increase from the previous year. Damn. Yeah. And Angels night has only been canceled once since its inception. It was canceled in 2005 due to the death of Rosa Parks. Why? Because they were afraid they were, did they like set her body on fire and they were afraid that Angels night people were going to come and put it out?

I have no idea. Seems like a strange reason not to protect your city, because Rosa Parks died, so they were like, burn it down. I don't get it. Yeah, this 95 year old woman died. Burn it down. But it's like in the end of the one Batman got his back broken, in the end of the comic book and they held a vigil for him.

It was like that, but with Rosa Parks, and, but I still, she didn't die by having her spine snapped by 350 pound mass criminal. No, I remember that though, when Bane was like, get to the back of the bus. Yeah. And she was like, no, I won't, Mr. Bane, I won't do it, I certainly won't. And he's like, I will break the woman. And then that's right. Yeah.

Mr. Paul. Does Bane have to sound like that, by the way? The kid will just go along with Hardy's take on the man. Oh, well, I hope you could stand like God, these are better aings. These weathers, like weathers, like the butterscotch candy. I find you all for a good home trip, Mr. Paul. I've said in my bed rings that you will, you will crumble at the side of Rosa Parks Queen of the Night.

That would be sad to watch Bane try to eat a sweet weathers original, though with his own mask on. I can't eat. How I wish I could enjoy the butterscotch goodness, the delicious rules, I'm sorry Mrs. Parks. I wish we could have subtitles because no one's gonna understand any of our Bane stuff. No, but candy does soothe all wounds. It really does.

That's why they gave it to rioting children to keep them from destroying Toronto. But would you call diabetes like an ongoing interior wound? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, one that slowly removes all of your limbs. You're supposed to have candy once a year, that's all I'm saying. The one bizarre response to consistent destruction of property came in Omaha, Nebraska in the 40s.

Neighborhood hooliganism got so bad that the police commissioner recruited 500 of the quote unquote worst boys to be quote unquote boy police on Halloween, giving them badges and beats and much like the Stanford prison experiment, giving hooligans authority worked and juvenile crime on Halloween largely disappeared. And I heard that those were the categories that Jared kept his boys in as well. Yeah, Jared Fogel, worst boys, boy police. Oh God, him and Jerry Sandusky, just their forefathers, that's exactly, that's the town they ran.

I don't think I want to briefly talk about his gang initiation, quote unquote gang initiation on Halloween, which is a rumor that is not real, no matter what you hear on the news, there's no gang, they don't get together on Halloween to kill people, there was a rumor back in, I believe it was 2010 that they were going to kill 31 women on Halloween night in order to initiate people into the bloods, but it's not true. They go to Halloween parties, gang bangers love Halloween because at that time you can wear a mask and you're celebrated. I don't know if you have a proper understanding of gang violence.

Yeah, I went through a list of Halloween murders and most of them were gang related. Yeah, but you also look on the 30th and the 1st and they're also gang related. That's true, yeah. No, but there's also, there was a number of face slashings, but that was fun. Technically that's trick or treating, that's not getting the candy, you're going to get your face slashed by a Crip. But it's not necessarily, just don't believe that you have to lock your doors and think that the gangs are coming out at night to do stuff on Halloween.

They're doing it every day. Yes, every day. I would just say lock your door every day. Just be afraid. Yeah, that's a good idea. Well speaking of which, now we're going to move on to some famous Halloween murders. So Peter Fabiano is our first victim. In 1957, in Sun Valley, California, Peter Fabiano answered his door at 11pm on Halloween

night thinking it to be a late trick or treater. Let me get this door mouth, it seems like some poor kid was left up, his parents probably on methamphetamines. His wife, Betty, only heard the muffled voice of a man impersonating a woman downstairs, and then the gunshot of a.38 caliber weapon. Turned out after a rough patch in their marriage, Betty had gone to live with another woman, a one miss Joan Rabble. Afterwards, Peter and Betty reconciled on the condition that Betty never see her quote

unquote roommate ever again. Rose, you got to get a three way out of this. Yeah, this is the time to flip it. You got two clam slappers, you got to be the shuckster in the middle of them clam slapping. Open it up. Come on, this dude just did not parlay the experience, the situation whatsoever into a great experience. All right, I cannot stand the mutual masturbation, I cannot stand the two of you or I than over

each other, cover it in oil, suck on each other's breasts like you're trying to get milk out of there. All right, I want to have a normal sexless life with you, Betty. This guy got it all wrong. I'm going to sit here and enjoy my plain corned beef, all right, and we are not going to have three some sex tonight, Betty, she's just going like, rubbing herself on the edge of the couch. This guy, he likes unseasoned meats, sugar free things.

So although the lover, Joan Rabble, had not pulled the trigger, a woman named Goldine Pizer claimed Rabble had cast a spell on her, compelling her to commit the murder. In actuality, Rabble had spent months convincing this woman that Peter Fabiano was a human monster who deserved to die. She would just constantly say, like, this guy beats his wife, he beats his kids, he's terrible to her, this man is a blight on the earth, we must get rid of him, and after months and months of just jamming that into this woman's head, finally she relented and said, all right, I'll kill him.

Well, maybe she was also talking in the middle of just stabbing at that clit like an anteater with her tongue. Yeah, we know. She must have been a marvel at it, twisting these women back and forth. Away from Peter, sad. So the reason why they chose Halloween for the murder was because Pizer's disguise, a Zorro mask and dark face paint wouldn't be as conspicuous. A bit racist.

A tiny bit racist. She went as a black-faced Zorro? That was it, huh? I guess it was the 40s, right? Different times. So Pizer knocked on the door and shot Fabiano in the chest. And the reason why, like, it took a very long time for the police to actually find the murderer, eventually they tracked down through, like, they talked to Betty, who said, okay,

there's this woman, Joan Rabble, that might have had something to do with it. Rabble said, nope, over and over again, had nothing to do with it. But through persistent police work, eventually they connected Pizer to the crime and found that Pizer had taken out a storage locker in a bus station. They went, opened up the storage locker and in was the.38 caliber weapon. So you're telling me it was a black-faced Zorro, huh? Ah, man, there's got to be 500, 600 of those out there on the streets right now. Black-faced Zorro is the world's biggest costume right now.

God damn it. And of course, both Pizer and Rabble spent the rest of their lives in prison. And a woman's prison getting nuts with it. I've seen some videos. Absolutely. Cleaning, having punch-and-bag parties with each other, slapping her boobies back and forth and saying stuff, being like, bet I can't find a clit. She's like, I'll bet you can.

Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Different ideas about the mass incarceration problem in the country. I don't think the chick should have gone to jail, the one that convinced the other chick to kill the dude. I mean, she just did a good job of convincing her friend. Her friend still did it. Hey, man, it's the same as hiring someone for a murder. But she didn't give her any money, did she?

She did not. But even though the transaction was not taken, you could still say she was responsible for it. She was a accessory to murder. And then they probably trumped up the charges because they were in a lesbian affair. And at the time, I imagine that was highly, highly scandalous. Mm-hmm. Yes, she was a bit of a spin golly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spin licky. All right. Jerk off. You're a jerk off, jerk off. Next we get to Michael Skakel. Now is it Skakel or is it Skackl? What's better?

I don't know. Skackl? I'm going to go Skakel on this one. Got to go Skakel. So Martha Moxley, she met her death on Halloween 1975 in Greenwich, Connecticut. She was beaten to death with a golf club and her murder would remain unsolved until 2002 when Michael Skakel, nephew of Robert F. Kennedy's widow, was finally tried and convicted. Some say the Kennedy connection is what kept Skakel out of jail.

Mm-hmm, for so long. Skakel. I agree, it probably is. It definitely is. Yeah. The Kennedy's always got away with murder. Especially the most Kennedy way to kill somebody is killing someone by a thing you can find at a country club.

Right. Yep. Might as well strangle her with a sweater. Finally we get to what is possibly the most famous Halloween murder there is, the Candy Man murder. Yeah, this is pretty good. In 1974, Ronald Clark O'Brien, a.k.a. the Candy Man, a.k.a. the man who killed Halloween. But little does he know that Halloween cannot die because it lives in the land of the undead.

He laced his eight-year-old son's pixie stick with cyanide after taking out an insurance policy on the child. Gangsta. Oh yeah, man. That's an easy way to make money, because this is the thing, right? You can just make more kits. Right. And then you put more insurance policies on the kids, you fucking whack them, whack them,

whack them, whack them, you and your wife can go live in the south of France and fucking within five years. Yeah, she's all loose in the bottom, but you can just do the C-section. That's right, making money, making money on top of money. Boom. So how O'Brien pulled it off? He opened up the sugary candy sticks, filled the top two inches with powdered cyanide and stapled them back shut.

So the kid wasn't too fucking bright? No, definitely not. Well, if you don't know what a pixie stick is, it's just a paper stick filled with flavored sugar. Yeah, but very rarely stapled at the top, like it was put together by some maniac from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre family. He's a brand new pixie stick, all right? And everybody know I'm giving my son a brand new, unopened pixie stick.

Looks like it was opened a little bit though. Yeah, shut your fucking mouth. Okay. I'm poisoning you with this barrel of cyanide I have. Interesting. It was an idiot. He asked every, in the months leading up to it, he asked every person he knew is like, so how much cyanide do you need to kill a child?

Listen, okay, listen, okay, listen, all right, let's say, hypothetical, I'm trying to kill my son some fucking Byzantine insurance scam. Exactly how much fucking cyanide do I got to slip into a pixie stick and pour somebody eat? This is when you pull the asking for a friend, lol, asking for a friend, lol. He also, he went to like a chemical supply store and tried to buy cyanide. But the guy was like, I can't sell you any less than five pounds. I love it.

Nope, no more, no less, just enough to kill your whole family and maybe some of the extended family too. Kill most of the town. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But also, you didn't have to do it on Halloween. He could have just put it in his food and he could have just eaten on his food. Well, he had a whole scheme going because he didn't just give pixie sticks to his son.

He also gave them to his daughter, who he also had an insurance policy out on. But he loved her more. No, the daughter was just smarter and he also get, or smarter, or just didn't get to the pixie stick in time. And he also gave pixie sticks to three other children in the neighborhood. He was seeding. So if all of these kids got all got sick at the same time, he'd say like, well, how they, I don't know where they got it from, they got it from somewhere.

The only problem was because it was raining, they only went up and down two streets. Right. And he was the one giving pixie sticks. So that is today's lesson for the parents out there of children and for the people that will be trick-or-treating. If the snicker bar is stapled at both ends, that is not a stickers bar. That is cyanide. That is horseshit.

That is horseshit. Possibly human feces. Also, how cruel, because it's like me and my sister didn't go along when we were growing up. It's like, we get along great now, but at the time, how cruel do you have to be as a sister to be like, see it be stapled shut and be like, here you go, Tommy, you're gonna have mine. You know, he's like, here you go, have extra.

I know you'll like them. I mean, it's like sitting, watching. Yeah. Always be suspicious of your brothers or sisters when they're nice to you. Oh, yes. I agree completely. There was enough powder in those pixie sticks to kill two full-grown adults. It's better, you know, because you can always take away, you know what I mean?

It's always better. That's an editing trick. Right. You can always take away. Shoot more. Yeah. And the kid, of course, almost immediately, it was like, daddy, my tummy hurts. He went into the bathroom, started puking, started convulsing, and he died on the way

to the hospital. Cyanide works very quickly, and of course, the cops started canvassing the neighborhood. And by neighborhood, I mean, two blocks, two short suburban blocks. They found out that no house had given out pixie sticks. None of them. Except for this guy. Except for this guy. He's the only one that had given out pixie sticks.

Of course, he was found to be the perpetrator very soon. And O'Brien, here's an interesting little tip and a trivia for you about O'Brien. He was the first inmate in Texas to be executed by lethal injection. Oh, I thought you were going to say pixie stick. That would be pretty good. That would be Alanis Morissette, ironic. That would be. I would love that.

300 demonstrators gathered outside Huntsville prison, chanting, trick or treat, trick or treat, and pelted anti-death penalty protesters with candy. Oh, I love that. I'm personally against the death penalty. I don't think the state should put anyone to death, but if you are going to kill somebody, I think this guy is right for the picking. Well, he's just also dumb. Yeah.

I mean, you get to throw candy at protesters, which if you're a protester, very confusing. Absolutely, because you're also, I mean, you're hungry for hours of protesting. But again, empty calories. Empty calories, yeah. Of course. And of course, this is where the urban legend of poison Halloween candy comes from. And there is not, by the way, not a single documented case of poisoned Halloween candy, laser blades and Halloween candy, nothing horrible wrong with Halloween candy.

I'm sure there has been some, yes, dookie bars here and there, but that's not national news. But that's just fun. Again, it's fun. It's Halloween. It's a mischievous holiday. Oh, yeah. I mean, dookie plays a big part of Halloween.

There's a lot of, you know, like the dookie bags, the big flaming dookie bags. We used to do it all the time as kids. It's one of the funnest things you can ever do. Again, a good way to mix it up is don't do it on Halloween because they're looking for it, do it on Christmas. It's a random day whenever you want to, yeah. Yeah. Go play your ding-dong-ditch.

Do everything. You can do it any day of the week. You can do it any month. Just have fun with it. Just put dookie around. Yeah. Just dookie, especially if it's somebody who's real, like, fussy, who, like, dresses real nice all the time.

Then he gets shit all over his spat, so he's like, it's spits. And then you guys can just laugh about it for days and your whole life will be filled. Take back your childhood. That's what I say. Yes. If you have any sort of fastidious widowers that live in your neighborhood, please put dookie on their porch so they can stop it out. And then when he catches you, you can both learn an important lesson and you can become

fast friends. And unfortunately, he will die just as you're both starting to understand each other, but you'll learn some very important lifelines. Well, hopefully he dies because if he lives long enough, he eventually molests you. That's right. And of course, you'll get caught and probably become a roundtable of gentlemen's story, which is kind of fun. Man, so it's Halloween night, guys.

Oh, man. It's, I love Halloween. I missed a bunch of it. I was up in Toronto and they don't know how to celebrate it because there are a bunch of nerds. I, we're going out tomorrow night. The cowmen are playing a show out in some weird loft thing and we're going to get nuts and weird.

That's it. I'm so excited to take whatever drugs are offered to me. Oh, I got a couple of drugs for you and a pixie sticker too. Oh. If it's stapled, don't bother. You know, questioning it. I don't need any. Just slam it down.

I don't need any Lipitor. Mm-hmm. Are we done? Is that the whole episode? That's it. Oh, it's exciting. I just wanted to go on the show with your children because they are warning that there's going to be a bunch of weed in the chocolate.

Fuck it. So, make sure to try all of your kids' tricks. There's weed in the chocolate. Weed in the chocolate, which sounds like an amazing trick or treat experience. Love that idea. Yeah, fucking please put weed in my chocolate. And don't forget the Halloween costume that is all their rage this year. Blackface Zorro.

So, go as Blackface Zorro. It's not going to get you fired from your job. Definitely. Take a picture of yourself, dress up as Blackface Zorro, put him up on Facebook because that is going to keep you your job that's correct and your friends and it's not gonna make you unhierable for the rest of your life because nothing is permanent once it's put on the internet no and don't use makeup use a Sharpie that is very good okay I'm just kidding obviously do not do that did you see

that no she's she's forever scarred with with Sharpie anyway she ruined her life so well happy Halloween thank you guys so much for coming out last week to the live show we had so much fun and it's always incredible to meet everyone yeah I'll always in Chrome meet everyone yeah thanks and we also have a lot of thanks to put out there oh before we get to thanks though let's plug a show that's happening here in November 4th Wednesday at the Creek of the Caves in 93 Jackson Avenue it's a fun writer fundraiser for our friend Eric Bergstrom who's been diagnosed with stage four lymphoma and he needs quite a bit of

money to survive so if you guys want to come on out for that it's a night of a hundred one liners Henry I believe you're gonna be performing Ben were you I am performing I just interviewed Eric he's an amazing guy you you you'll love him incredibly funny and a really really good man it's one of those tragic things of like sometimes bad things happen to good people but he's really be keeping a good head about him he'll beat it he'll beat the cancer so yeah November 4th that's gonna be a super fun night despite the cause you know but we will defeat cancer with every PBR and also November 7th last

podcast and left will be doing a live show at the DC Podfest this is gonna be amazing yes yeah tickets are available online right now you can go to DC pod fest calm and buy tickets for the last podcast on the left live show and go get them now because they are almost sold out and I will finally be there yeah finally be at the show and we're gonna be given Obama what for that's right so Henry you are here forever and ever and ever yeah until I mean I mean my career is over that that's what that means great so yes that's awesome yes absolutely yes absolutely and that's gonna be fucking awesome yeah so let's do

some thank yous right now for some of the people that everyone's been sending us some amazing stuff for Halloween we definitely want to thank Maddie Webster sir for sending us some amazing coffee from Bungo Java roasting it's very tasty thank you Maddie he'll sing to you we want to give a thanks to Noel for knitting us our beer mittens oh my god I brought the beer mitten on the stage for the last one so did you Marcus and it is one of the funnest things I've ever experienced in my entire life you got yours and yeah and I used it in the house oh you have to yeah it makes you feel like a little eskimo but also a drunk

legitimately totally nude but just my beer mittens I love it I love it great cuz the only clothes you need to wear is a beer mitten and a smile that's right and of course we thanked all of our jerky people up top finally I want to think or we all want to think Christina nail for sending us an amazing painted pumpkin yeah it's so sweet it's how we're gonna post a picture of it on the Facebook page it's amazing thank you so much Christina for sending us this this pumpkin and thanks to everybody for all the stuff these days of course Ellie Brown sent us something last week some amazing Ray Harry house and color and

book and also Joe Harvey I want to mention one more time because he came all the way from Grand Rapids Michigan to come to the live show so amazing last Saturday so thank you so much man it's so cool and I also want to say to my buddy Ron Shaw who is started he's started his own pottery company online called the claw on the sea he's going he's getting beginning to make Ed Gein skull bowls that he will sell on his Etsy page and he just needs basically there to find the request from you guys so it's like go and go to the claw on the sea on Etsy and be like I want my Ed Gein skull bowl and he will make it

yeah why wouldn't you that sounds like a great gift yeah it's a wonderful yeah it's I think that's absolutely wonderful we've got so many great people listen the last podcast and left that creates so many great things yeah I can't believe it you know we're all we're not all monsters no you know they just assume it we channel our monsterism into creativity that's what I keep saying to everyone who'll hear me yeah thank you guys so much I mean the art is absolutely amazing I mean truly incredible art yeah I mean everyone yeah so talented praise be to Satan the only real deity hail yourselves happy

Halloween I mean what are we on are this is this the third Halloween that we've done now this show yeah isn't that amazing it's pretty incredible we've been around for four years but there's really for the first time the third time we're actually a Philly officially celebrating Halloween that's right and Satan is happy because he could tell because he is lying to my pockets with drink and check out yeah so tomorrow check out the show I don't know the address for the cowmen show but it's at like 11 o'clock at night or I don't even know the address for it some weird loft party in Bush where he'll post it

on Facebook or crazy so fucking so yeah okay well oh yeah we're gonna be a walk in the left-hand path all night yeah eating calm bring me my cakes of light ritual makes perception makes reality yes and I'll gain everyone and a magustillation yeah sure yeah yeah and hail me and if you don't I'm gonna come to your house I'm gonna set it on fire where families that's very funny Henry happy Halloween yeah and all the shows here cave comedy radio thanks for supporting them page seven is good yes page seven section of the human activities a blanket stop at round table a gentleman and also one more thing

about us episode 200 is coming up we've got something very special plan for you guys so eaten come I don't think we're gonna eat come no eating come I don't think you're gonna eat come I'm definitely not gonna eat come let's see what happens once the come is presented oh my god the more shows like the one you just listen to go to cave comedy radio calm