Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 209: Ghost Cats of the South

Episode Date: January 20, 2016

Join us this week as we explore the world of ghost cats, specifically those located in the South.

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started All right birthday Marcus, thank you Henry would you get him Henry? I got him two gifts I haven't got him anything. Yeah, be a coca-cola And a fritter an apple fritter those grow on trees You're gonna be like good dad who buys gifts at the Dwayne reed like Christmas Eve You know me like Christmas morning. Yeah, should we start the show? All right, welcome to the last podcast on the left everyone

I am Ben Kissel and I'm looking at Marcus Parks. Hey, and I'm also looking at beautiful Henry and Alana Good God grandfather Please tell me why sometimes v-necks are too big in a medium But other v-necks are too small In a large, this is the purest truth. I can ask for grandfather. I'm Robert Shapiro That's your hains versus fruit of alooms controversy. Yes. Why are sizes different? I'm a confused man most of the time when I'm walking around in my life in these two shoes of mine And I just need some definites and that was a sample of Henry Zabrowski's new show

Used to be fat still kind of fat fashion It'll be good. It doesn't get easier. It is getting harder and harder for the white man out here. All right. All right All right today's episode. This is you know another very serious one We're discussing ghost cats of the south. We were told some of our topics recently have been very heavy and very dark We did did we did David Bowie, which I think is was a good departure And it was a good experiment for us and we like talking about chaos magic We know for an entire month of a rape dungeon. Yeah, I understand gets people tired So today's episode is like a lemon lime sorbet used to clean your palate and you know what it sounds like

But I don't see a cat anywhere Yeah Marcus do you remember Snickers when it died a couple of years back? I believe so that kind of sounds like Snickers the dead cat. It was a suicide. Oh my god. Why'd you do it Snickers? Snickers, how is it in heaven? I gotta say there's nine towers everywhere I go and there's so many mice running around. Do you eat the mice? No, I just bat them That does sound like Jesus says I can't kill him, but then I get to thinking maybe we should do something about Jesus You think there's a cat coo in heaven to kill Jesus?

Well, I'm gonna kill the mice. Oh, man. That makes sense. My other question is To me in ghosts, right when we talk about this is residual psychic energy whether it's captured in a place because of like a big kind of traumatic thing happened or something very important happened or things with unfinished business Do cats have unfinished business? Well, I do believe that they have Well, what would a cat's unfinished business be? I just wish I could have chewed on more plants or maybe had just a bit more lasagna I'll squash a spider with a newspaper

You hold a newspaper like a cat newspaper Mm-hmm. It's a newsletter It's to tell everybody where the warmest bowls of milk are Time out New York's best list of most hot slash warm slash cold dishes of milk Well, you see concerning ghost cats Ghost cats much like living cats

Don't always behave the way we would want them to uh-oh in other words Not all ghost cats are good kitties. No, but as Randy Russell maintains All ghost cats have one thing in common They exist Randy and I say good. I do say good as well You know women would love the idea of dating an author But the content of the book does matter right I gotta say I am having a lovely time on our date tonight But there's a ghost cat right over your shoulder over there. I can see it with my ghost-looking eyes Anyways, let's get the ceviche

Well, of course, we won't actually be covering anything specifically from ghost cats of the south as it is for the most part just a collection of short stories centered around various cat hauntings and not an actual source of folklore But I will say about this book it's a bit of a hoot and is highly recommended for cat lovers now regardless of its lack of Factual information on ghost cats ghost cats of the south did put us on the trail to some actual real ghost kitty stories Today, we're gonna start with the orange tabby of Davenport house Why are there dogs in cat heaven?

It's also dog heaven cats and dogs share a heaven. This is a great episode This is fun. Well, the Davenport house in downtown Savannah Georgia one of the most haunted cities in America is best known for the ghost of Isaiah Davenport an unfortunate man who died of yellow fever in 1827 you guys remember that disco hit we did that in an earlier episode. Oh, yeah yellow fever Yeah, we all remember that that's where you lie on your back and you bleed from your eyes It's a it was taken over the 1970s disco scene There's also a ghost of a little girl dressed in late 1800s clothing Who plays with a little red ball on the top floor and of course who can forget the misty gray figure who haunts the gift shop?

But it is said that another occupant of the feline variety Stucks the grounds as well. Although it has never been given an official name despite having its own plush toy in the gift shop The orange and white tabby also known as the Garfield breed has been seen entering and exiting the house for decades Members of the staff as well as those who lived in Davenport house when it was a tenement have seen the cat Darding from room to room and it has always been said to have a connection to small children No one knows the origin of the orange tabby of Davenport house, but as long as the house stands The cat is sure to stand with it. Now, couldn't it just be a cat? That's what I'm thinking because they are quick and you see them out of the corner of your eye and then they're gone

It seems like it's a giant old house. There could just be a cat in it Right see in a cat the decades long cats don't live that long Or is this a guy who's like that is there a janitor in there is like it's not supposed to keep a cat And then he started the story over and over. I mean like no, there's a ghost cat in here There's certainly no real cat that I'm feeding and taking care of because that's against the rule That's a good ploy. Yeah, they just everyone just believes a janitor whatever he says Even though he's probably guilty of some horrible crime because that's how he's become janitor at the Davenport house, right? Well, he usually janitors are guilty of past crimes, but have since rebuilt their lives

I know and I and I'm I've they've done their time. Yeah, and they're usually kindly exactly and they are very wise Next we're gonna travel up to our nation's capital you're gonna enjoy this man. Okay, and we're gonna visit politics, man That's what you like goes politics goes to a senator. That's also a ghost We're gonna visit the Washington demon cat or for sure DC Get it the origin of DC goes back to the construction of the Capitol building in the late 1700s Capitol Hill formerly Jinkins Hill was reportedly home to a den of feral cats and when construction began the den and the cats were Destroyed thereby ensuring that the Capitol would forever be haunted by the spirits of those who came before

So they just dumped a bunch of cement on top of just cats cats just rolling around First of all, it seems number one Don't you want the cement to be flat and it seems like if you just dump a bunch of loose cement on a bunch of living cats They're gonna struggle Making this cement not level they destroyed the cats possibly with shovels beforehand. Oh Making them flat. It's good for warmth warm floor So those who come into contact with DC say that it first appears as a small Adorable black kitten, but when approached the kitty's eyes start to glow red and the cat grows to the size of a panther

If the witness usually a Capitol Hill security guard didn't immediately bolt and run DC would pounce either disappearing over the victim's head or Exploding in his face. All right, so the security guard would turn around and run. It's a ghost cat worst-case scenario It's a real cat Right, so it's a cat so Looks at it and then he so it when it grows to the size of a panther worst-case scenario then it's a panther I can also see the security guard doing the same thing as the janitor Just being like, you know, I saw a ghost down here. Certainly not keep the cat. It's against the White House rules

We better not get too close to him or try to cast him certainly not just because he's beloved to me But he will grow much in size and the most dangerous and there's nothing you can do to protect yourself from him My beloved mittens. I never called him mittens. He will call him DC For DC it's the cat. It's a It's the capital cat. I love the capital cat And I think Henry really does capture the loneliness of being a security guard and the loneliness of being a janitor Don't try to catch him not because he's my only friend in the world and confident Because he is a ghost and impossible to catch

He's got unfinished business Like why Cheryl left helping me investigate why Cheryl left well, she'll come back I think she will I think she will you're doing wonderful. You're working the night shift now I'm working all the shift Perfect. She loves a working man Well, officially DC has only been shot at by capital by capital security guards Shooted cat Twice people don't shoot at cats. They shoot at Panthers Henry, right?

But legend has it that at least one security guard died of a heart attack after witnessing DC's gruesome display Cool and besides just spooking the guards DC is also said to be the bearer of bad news Apportant of calamitous events in American history Particularly the deaths of Presidents He is said to have been present at the deaths of Lincoln Roosevelt and Kennedy Wow Yeah, he was just riding with Kennedy there in Texas No, he appeared he appeared in is he the car can these ghost cats turn into old Cadillacs

I think JFK just had a cat It's possible. No, no, no, no, no the ghost cat appears to security guards right before the bad things happen Huh in one prescient appearance? DC materialized before a security guard on the night of Halloween 1918 and the very next day the worst transit accident in American history the wreck of Mal bone Street Happened right here in Brooklyn, New York over 90 Brooklynites lost their lives under the streets of Flatbush that day Cat on the rails could be and then better not hit that cat I know I'm driving over 90 Brooklynites in my ancient train

But sometimes the cat's the only thing keeping a man alive. I Guarantee you there's somebody out there who would save one cat and kill 90 people Yeah, as a train conductor. I know that the only thing a man could trust of this life is a nice cat Always sits on your lap no matter what you do how drunk you get you say I Don't want to call you out here, but train conductor you sound like a security guard I used to know who was a janitor at some point. It's strange How fast a man can be fired just for having a cat?

Interesting I'm beginning to think you're the problem. I just love cats more than I love the life of a single human being or many Makes sense the next appearance of the cat came almost exactly 11 years later on October 28th 1929 the night before Black Thursday the day that the Dow Jones industrial stock market crashed Sending America into the Great Depression There's nothing our government would love more than to blame it on a cat Well, if you want to talk about government blame it said that it's possible That the cat appeared one last time

All right before 9-eleven and it was wearing a top hat in a monocle It was telling everyone to get out of the towers. Oh, Mr. Cheney said you need to be reasoned for your forever So that is why I take the towers down And don't forget to go and listen to our very serious three-part 9-eleven series. That's right Honestly though what I do like is less tidbit It seems like what you say here something's a demon cat tapered off in the late 40s around the time of the Capitol building stopped hiring the Unqualified drunk relatives and friends of congressmen and security guards Next let's leave the American South and travel to the highlands of Scotland now in days of your

Great care was taken to prevent cats from passing over a freshly dead corpse This was for fear that the care city or cat sith No, it's just like Darth Maul. Yeah, kind of this is where George Lucas got the name sith from oh, yeah It's an old Scottish thing. It was believed that the cat sith would steal the unclaimed soul of The freshly dead before the proper gods could get around to retrieving it So it was somebody's job to sweep cats away from corpses. Well, I will tell you This is what they actually did to prevent The cats from stealing the man's soul men would watch over the bot of the freshly dead

Until it could be buried using all manner of trickery to keep this cat sith away They would play games of leaping and wrestling to distract the witch kitty who loved to watch men wrestle and jump Yes, Henry do you have something to say about this all cat ghosts or the result of drunk Lonely men. Yes That's right. There is not a single real cat Remember when Lawrence Slake had the people in his murder dungeon there Leonard Lake Leonard like yeah, yeah Lawrence Welk Leonard Lake. Yeah. Yeah, it's so weird. They never saw a single cat ghost in there Could have untied him maybe

Besides just the wrestling and leaping Riddles would be asked to know one in particular for it was believed that the cat Unable to answer would sit and ponder over how she might answer If only she could talk you can't ask a question to cats don't care cats don't speak English cats Don't not even just can't even answer riddles cat doesn't know you're talking no But you can put three rocks on a table and you can you can give like a meaning to each rock and whatever the cat knocks down Then somebody wins and somebody loses you bring a laptop next to a grave and the cattle just pay attention to the goddamn laptop Ghost cats were the original Google. They had all the answers as

as Briefly mentioned earlier cat sets were believed to actually be witches who were able to take the form of cats Nine times in their career as a witch What is the benefit of turning into a cat when you're already a full-bodied human? They can do so much more than a cat can do physically no But a cat can sneak in with other cats when there are warm fires your goddamn wit just Disappear yourself and go to the other room or mystify everyone witches like their cats

Yeah, and you have to be a cat if you're gonna steal a dead man's soul By the way, the witch only being able to turn into a cat nine times That's because the witch could only turn back into a human eight times Okay, and the ninth time she was a cat forever until she died That's I guess it would almost be more fun to be a cat. Just stay a cat as a witch You're about to get burned. That's right. Yeah, all the time cats are very well respected And maybe you find a guy who likes a cat Maybe likes to do the things with the cat

You mean you so you say that you would hope that if you were permanently a cat You would hope that a man would would want to have sex with you Even though you are not built to have sex with the man you believe that that is the most pleasurable part Maybe I'm not being stuck as a cat if you're a woman and you could you keep your thing? Can you keep no you cannot have a human-sized giant well because that would be kind of a compromise. Yeah Yeah, where would you put that on the stomach? Yeah? Yeah, we're right though imagine a human vagina They would just a cat is only nine inches long 12-inch cat giant is up to three inches long right maybe two to three inches

Let's go to the three. Let's go to three to four. It's a third of it. Well, I'm not is for fucking Yeah, third of it is never mind its guts and its bones and it's fine Yeah, there's not gonna be any canal connected to the lips. You know guys frankly. We're talking about ghost cats So pardon me for getting the anatomy wrong. I guess you could just kind of rub it on the lips and oh But you could just rub it on a asshole if you're fucking cats And it's not gonna have that you know the vaginal gluten. Yeah, it's not gonna have that Noise that all men crave fucking a cat with the human vagina at the back of it. All right Now as I just said as you can imagine

the the well on Cat ghost stories runs pretty dry pretty fast That's why we're also going to be covering alien kitties on today's episode You assholes Fuck out of yourself. You thought we weren't gonna get to aliens today, but we definitely did absolutely dead Now as you can imagine the pet realm of the paranormal isn't just isolated to ghosts There are some and by some I mean Robert Shapiro in the one man The one man Robert Shapiro one of the Explorer race ET visitors speak who when he channels aliens because this is that

He believes that some of our pets are not only vessels for alien surveillance But might in fact be aliens themselves all of this comes from an alien entity that Robert Shapiro Channels called grandfather and you know when he's channeling grandfather when it looks like he's about to shit his pants Yeah, he is the only man in the world who believes that pets are babysitter cams For aliens sort of like an elf on the shelf. Yeah a little bit like an elf on a shelf Yeah, and by the way, I don't know where you got your information from but from the back jacket of the Explorer race ET visitors speak he claims that the man that he speaks with is named Zeus

Zeus the grandfather. Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, I think he's saying whatever. You know, I also will say He doesn't write the back jackets to his book The publishing company does so when Robert Shapiro just like says Well, no, I just try to take a shit and I start talking to an alien named grandfather They're like, how do we spice this up? How do you jazz this up for new readers? Yeah, well, why don't you read what the actual one? You read what the back jacket says Superchannel Robert Shapiro can communicate with any personality anywhere and any when he has been a professional channel for over

20 years and channels with an exceptionally clear and profound connection Robert's great contribution to an understanding of the history purpose and future of humanity is his EPA kill work The Explorer race series of which this book is number eight in the 13 part series I mean, can you imagine if you're Christopher Hitchens the late Christopher Hitchens? And you're in the bookstore and your book is right by this and it's just taken with the same amount of gravitas And also, it's really funny about Zeus or grandfather. I said, he's constantly promoing the book That's watch the videos. He's just like and make sure to pick up my book Explorer race, you know, it's like at the very end. It's man like he remembers to plug it

Yeah, what you think is very responsible of grandfather or Zeus. That's right, of course and as far as I can tell I don't know. Maybe he does write his back jacket because the the publisher is listed as the Explorer race series Yeah, I don't know excuse me. It's three light technology publishing. It's self-published. It's a self-published book while he does mostly talk to Zeus today will be focusing on beings that have a Physical presence here on earth Shapiro said that he in his quest to cover the broad spectrum of beings put on earth To help us through this slog. That is life He put out a call for extraterrestrials visiting earth who are here to broaden the human perspective But also communicate with us in subordinate form

fake Well, what can you I don't know maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm crazy Don't call it a fake until you hear the testimony from this extra terrestrial from a cat planet who inhabits a cat here on earth and Thanks again to science officer Megan Fierro root for taking the research hit on this one The extra terrestrial cat in question is named in full Batha a galah or as we will call him Batha for short Okay, well, it's just that's the first name. Well, it's all one. It's Batha a galah is there's a bunch of hyphens in there I said stage name. It's last name is Henderson. Oh

he claims to hail from Teth Thea a planet far away from earth which he says is closely connected to cat energy in Batha's purpose on earth is to oversee and listen to the Experiences of cats and to help them accomplish their true purpose Which is to initiate human beings and to interstellar spiritual Oneness this is what Shapiro observes Cats are here less to observe you than to train you that has been noted by those who live with cats as Companions that training is something that cats do not people all those who live with cats will understand that joke

And I certainly live with a cat certainly not with the woman or children Many many many many many many many many cats And they'd certainly train me While we know Shapiro's credentials here are Batha's Batha has been a passenger on spaceship earth for over 40,000 years now taking on the form of one type of cat or another though sometimes he does appear only in Spirit form however no matter the form. He is always visible to cats So Shapiro's his his expert. What is his how is he just has cats and he's lonely and he eats a lot of grains

And that's what I imagine. How do you get the expertise? No, absolutely not Ben It does sounds like you're not paying attention at all here. I'm having a hard time because where's the death? I Can already see it Imagine a housing complex somewhere in Connecticut where Robert Shapiro lives a Pairing group, you know if you have an outside cat like one household So you know my husband and wife has a house of fucking the cat that they let out at night It just keeps going by Robert Shapiro's house and you imagine them just finally being like where's the cat? They see it across the street over at Robert Shapiro's house

So they go over and they knock and they're like oh, it's so sorry that our cat keeps bothering you Like, you know, it's like we let him let him out at night and you must be feeding them And yes, he seems really like you and then he's like his name is Batha He's an ancient spirit from Tethiyah the cat planet and you have to be like great. Oh good. Good. Good. So you're the you're our neighbor Great, this is great So Batha's mission extends far beyond just guiding cats on the ways of training humans He also listens to the kitty stories told by kitty cats for you see a cat's life cycle is Radically different from that of a human and while we only experience one life at a time a cat might be

experiencing multiple lives on multiple planets all at once hmm cats have Anywhere from two to perhaps as many as seven or eight Concurrent lives happening all at the same time and this is why sometimes a cat will just run into a sliding door like one of the glass ones Yeah, because that way Yeah, it kind of turns off there for just a second. Hmm. So naturally such an experience can be a little heavy So kitties unload their tails on Batha a galah to ease the burden Now despite existing for over 40,000 years Batha insists that his main focus is always on the future

specifically cat future, it's because he can't remember the past they have no memory. Well, it's a cat. Well, no He will not provide you with cat lineage or cat history, although he can Cats are stubborn. This is the problem with having cats Is that the only want to give you affection when they want to give you affection only dogs are nice Yeah, if a dog could tell you the history of all dogs, it would tell you anytime you'd like it. That's right We need to be lovable and adorable Well, Batha can say that the time of the cat on earth will end as soon as humanity Awakens to its final spiritual destination. So as Batha a galah says

Andreas why you can So all cats are could commit mass suicide, I guess so right so once we become enlightened Yeah, so we don't they sir. They're not pushing us forward very quickly. They want to stay alive I would assume yeah, well, I mean it's a rocket. It's not that they all die all at once They have concurrent lives on many as as on at least two But as many as seven or eight different planets So they'll just their spiritual consciousness will just be absorbed into those other lives Does you think that this also means that like this proposes that like Garfield and eek the cat and

Heathcliff are also all real Is that an alternate universe? I mean if we got our field planet Yeah, I mean if we go if we subscribe to the idea that there are infinite worlds and that all possible worlds exist then yes, there is a A Garfield plan to be somewhere out there calendar goes from Tuesdays to Sundays. No Mondays But then wouldn't Tuesday be the new Monday. No, there's just no Monday Don't bring it up Itchy and scratchy they're fun cartoon cats too. Well, just one of them's a cat, okay

Mad Max type world where everyone's murdering each other and Regenerating all over time like if we lived in Halo, it's so fun. It would be pretty fun now as far as Batha's Quote-unquote real Appearance goes not the cat appearance because remember Batha is just inhabiting the cat. He's from another world He does not look exactly what you know a cat to beat in reality He's around four and a half feet tall with an elongated face with a bone structure Similar to that of a greyhound so he looks like a dog He is a cat creature that looks like a dog

There's no breed of dog right, but it is natural state in his natural state. Yes, so a cat Entity at its core is a dog this cat entity. I think if this guy cat entity, right not necessarily the cat entity He's the cat entity that is assigned specifically to earth. I think Shapiro was like the least creative Slash most creative person I've ever heard maybe he's never seen a cat right But he knows what a dog looks like yeah Well, I will tell you this I also read the chapter on the dog that hangs out on earth The dog extraterrestrial that hangs out on earth the chapter is much shorter and much simpler. Yeah Yeah, he says the he says you know what the white dogs are on earth. Why supposed to have fun with them?

That's a good point. That's a good point and the dog's natural state looks like his grandmother Yeah, exactly This is what Bethos says specifically about his appearance This dog in my appearance is considered to be and how can I say this so it does not sound self-centered a regal appearance Like a king like a dog. I got it. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a dog, right dog king dog king guy dog king Now Bethod does not have fingers per se

But rather appendages more closely resembling cats paws So now we're back in the cat realm and of course He has a tail in both of his forms both in his home planet form and in cat form and he finds it very Very peculiar that humans do not have tails for it is in the tail that he says 90% of the sensitivity on the nervous electrical and magnetic levels Exists some people do have tails Vestigal tails. Yeah. Yeah, they're very small though. They're children of incest Oh, I once dated a girl with a small tail. Oh, and that definitely makes sure she's definitely not a child of incest

Marcus chose to put his saliva on her. Mm-hmm. Marcus grew up in rural, Texas He comes from a high school class of 11. There's no way it was incest. It was here in New York City. I'll have you know Now but thaw takes great pains to emphasize that not all cats are higher initiates Who have the capacity to do spiritual things such as walk through walls and so on and so forth by his rough estimate? Only one to three percent of cats can do this as we said earlier We're not here. Yes, man. This is a bizarre percentage. It's a rough very one. It's a very specific It's not one to three percent. It's bad. It's pretty rough. I think it's very specific I also want to say this this entire section of this podcast could easily have been given in a monologue by a woman for chance

300 plus pounds. Oh, yeah, blouse at a bus station. Wearing a purple I'd say moo moo slash tent dress. Well, it's not a movie. There's Angelica. Yeah Who's got a cat brooch who just turns to you at one point and says do you know anything about the magical properties of cats? That's it's the same model and with any luck. She'll sit on you by on the bus. She'll sit right by you on the bus Oh, thank God. We're going to the same spot. I Can keep talking about cats Now as we said earlier, we're not here to train our cats our cats are here to train us. Tell me about it Specifically they're here to help us attain

levels of consciousness that much of the universe has already achieved Although it must be said left to their own devices The cat's way of achieving higher consciousness is slow and subtle to say the very least. There was a mentally stunted person in my hometown of Stevens pointing to Roger who would have sex with cats Yeah, and he would throw them in Iverson Park and You believe that Roger is the Don Juan of the cat world Well, now I'm just wondering like how did that cat come back as a ghost cat Or did it tell the other realm the other cat in the other in the other realms all about Roger?

Anyway, it brings to the well. I'll tell you this Aguila does not have a high opinion of neutering. Okay Very low opinion of it. Oh, I bet he has an even more Thorough opinion over Roger manhandling a cat Imagine a cat that comes has been like I'm an ethereal agent all the way from Tethia To teach you about all of a sudden here. Oh Here is I knew I'd find it. Oh, no, please human. No, let me train you in the way Yeah, there goes the spiritual ambassador

Clearing out the cat you went Now at this point you might be asking Marcus if it's true that cats are here to help us reach the higher consciousness that the rest of the universe has already Achieved although the cat's ways might be slow and subtle if this is true Is there a way to work in tandem with my cat to use it as a shortcut to spiritual? Enlightenment and oneness with the universe. I was wondering that luckily for you, Ben. The answer is yes. Thank God for Ben Yes, it's great for Ben. This is I'm most I'm gonna put this again Also, if you're single right now if you're a single person

Never speak of this information to any person you're on a date ever with ever. This is not this is worse than serial killer stuff This is worse than if you could describe The m-lady's rules on a date and still get it maybe still get a kiss This will not this will definitely lead to you being alone for the rest of your life, right? Yeah, absolutely However, if you would still like to learn how to extend yourself into your cat in In order to quickly attain higher consciousness through cat energy all you got to do is Follow these five easy steps number one

Live with your cat for at least two years to develop the required bond if the cat jumps in your lap of its own Volition the bond has begun to form. However, do not extend into the cat Immediately following the lap jump wait until the bond is fully developed. What is extend into the cat? Yeah, what does that mean? I'll get to that mentally like oh mentally not Roger style Okay, mentally fuck the cat. Oh, okay, so that's we so we're gonna go in with that as a cornerstone mentally and Emotionally you are entering the cat never never physically never physically mentally and emotionally Roll number two step number two Continue the bonding for a period of three to five months

And once you feel as if both you and the cat are receiving mutual pleasure from the lap sitting It is time to begin the extension into your cat Do not fuck the cat again. Yeah, that's a rule, right? We're saying that is the that is a principle that we follow again. This is just petting your cat Okay, while it is in your lap and you are receiving mutual pleasure from the lap sitting and the petting Do you not fuck the cat right? Well Step three before you begin know that it is important that the cat is awake

For the experience I'm sure you're really rough shake it and wake it up and falls asleep. Yeah, imagine being inside The body of the cat but remember that it is important to imagine the cat with your physical Feelings as well as your emotional ones. So this could actually be helpful if you're a maniacal Arch a supervillain or something like that. They enjoy cats. This might stop them from blowing up the planet Or something like that might do could be do not imagine your cat elsewhere Stare at your cat exactly where it is. Is it possible to creep out a cat? Can I can't actually look at you and get scared for it's only totally yeah

Because my problem dog meat is that north normally when I'm looking at a cat when I'm imagining is looking at the cat I mean like God, I wish that cat was on a beach really relaxing right little little miss South of Florida Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you gotta imagine your cat exactly where it is in your living room or for foyer If you so choose parent's basement, whatever it doesn't matter or Studio apartment janitor's closet security desk wherever Now remember if your cat accepts this Extension of feeling it will stare right back at you and begin to relax

step four focus on how the cat moves if it accepts you it may begin to move its tail and pause just a little bit because remember it's still relaxed imagine being inside the cat so Strongly that you get the nuance of cat feeling specifically the sensation of a tail moving because remember You are The cat security officer Jenkins. Um, I couldn't help it. No, you're not watching any of these cameras

Um, you're just sitting there with this cat ruining my damn concentration. I'm trying to become a cat Not that I have a cat. This is a ghost cat. Oh Oh Get out of here call the ghostbusters Christian wig And finally step five Just know going into this once you reach step five you will begin to see things Don't question them for cats do not question what they see

However, it is necessary even though you are the cat is Necessary to always remember You are also a human do not become lost in the cat It's a very small creature to work ever again. That's right with the whole financial sector will shut down The GDP will shut down You're an idiot Henry But once you have entered your cat fully and are able to do it Repeatedly you can then reach the natural state of higher consciousness

that is cat energy And again never ever not even once not even just the tip not even a deep kiss Never once ever never ever never Have sex with your cat never have sex the guy you are allowed to enter it fully mentally and repeatedly But then what do you do then you just have ADHD you're going around your you're knocking in all the random fuzzballs And again trying to lick your own butthole Wouldn't you know?

Yeah, my butthole is horrible. Yeah, no one okay. All right, so that's an episode of the show of the wow what What a time we hope I hope that if you're if you are lonely and you have a bunch of cats You feel a little bit less lonely And I hope that if you are lonely and you have no cats that you feel more lonely get a friend Go out to a bar if you're sitting here listening and you believe you want to mentally become one with your cat and sit down and Visualize the cat and join it mentally. I say take the cat put it on the floor go to a bar and Talk to somebody at the bar, but not about ghost cats

Not once that's the key mention what you've just been doing here's the Denver Broncos are playing the New England Patriots throw that out there The 17th meeting the only time you want to mention ghost cats is when you join us at our live show this this Saturday January 23rd 10 p.m. At the Creek in the cave 1093 Jackson Avenue in Long Island City Queens off the G train and the 7 train come on out We'll talk about ghost cats for at least three minutes. It's a ghost cat safe space. Feel free That's no judge. He's here. No judge. He's here, and we're gonna have Holden McNeely of the roundtable a gentleman sitting in with us Oh, you imagine the poor cat that has to hang out with Holden cats don't like him We have had conversations about this cats hate Holden. Maybe there is something to yeah Holden genuinely doesn't like animals

Yeah, that weird just all I mean it really is he genuinely does not like all Animals they get skittish around him Because they may he makes dogs and cats nervous. Yeah, it's very weird just by his presence So come on out. Yeah, he but my girlfriend's cat bites him all the time Well, I mean yeah granted that cat bites a lot of people, but he bites Holden a lot So keep that in mind next time you're listening to roundtable very nice. Um, all right everyone Thanks for supporting all the shows here on CCR page seven roundtable top hat section of the human activities Those are fun shows and thanks everyone. We reached our very first patreon goal

Yeah, we reached $6,000 in which we will now set up here in the next couple weeks Or I guess once Henry gets back in town, we're gonna set up a live chat with all of our patreon supporters And you guys can ask us any questions that you want and we'll and I mean I know we're probably gonna have a lot of questions, but we'll answer as many as we can we're gonna be doing it for a full hour So thank you guys so much And we're we're gonna have some bigger goals here in the future. We're gonna have some real cool shit Coming up, but thank you guys so so very much and glad you're all enjoying them bones Enjoying them bones and again Sundays. Feel free to come by for roundtable whenever you want. We're here usually show starts around 6 30

So we're always Drinking around the creek on Sundays. Yeah, you're always welcome to come each and every one of you if you're in if you're planning a trip to New York plan a trip to the creek in the cave and come hang out with us on roundtable always welcome as As a live audience member and if you want a last but I still don't have t-shirt go to cave comedy radio comm slash Merch and follow us follow us on Instagram at LP on the left Follow me on Instagram if you wanted dr. Fantasty. I'd see part of my my my life see what I do I guess you can try to find where I am if that's what you want to do

But please please be please be saying please be okay, you know, I mean don't kill me Let's not kill me. Yeah, I feel like you're throwing in the energy out there. You might get killed. Yeah, I think so All right, you can find Henry on Twitter at Henry loves you Marcus parks is at Marcus parks I'm at Ben kissle I'm gonna say a hell yourselves and I'm gonna say go follow me on Spotify With a with a high ol' keen. Oh, and we've got some thank yous for some super cool shit that we got in the mail We gotta thank Sherry Barry for sending us amazing voodoo puppets of us. Oh, yeah

Yeah, these are super fucking cool. They have little pitchforks and Little weed bowls To real dog meat and the truth written on each one of that fun Yeah, and I got a little must-up hair and it's super it's they're super cool, and they're really fun I love these things and We also have to thank George Philip Reynolds and all of the guys at Midtown Scholar in Over in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. They sent us 30 pounds of books in the mail this week

Wow, and he also sent us a special package that he requested that we open on air And he sent us special books for each one of us. All right And so and so let's before you open that Marcus. I just want to say it's been really nice knowing everybody this is definitely going to be a bomb and The chances of it exploding are really really uh, you know low low. I talked to this guy quite a bit He's quite he's quite nice, and he's already sent me a wonderful book on the Fiji mermaid and another one on the Milgram experience Marcus is opening the gift now. It's like Christmas Day if you have satanic parents Let's see what it is and at it like his girlfriend's corset

Fingernails and teeth nation. Oh, we've got for oh, we've got for bin a special edition 35th anniversary edition of a confederacy of Dunces, and that's my favorite book. Thank you for Henry we've got a Copy of the book of fate. No shit. Yes very it looks like a very Wow, it looks like a very old copy of it. That's awesome. Yeah, it's a reader copy. Wow I can't wait. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's a photographic reproduction that was published in 1927 fuck. Yes. Thank you, and I got oh my god

Acres of skin human experiments at Holmesburg prison a true story of abuse and exploitation in the name of medical science Holy shit sounded like the Red Rider when there is opening the Red Rider shotgun Red Riders and Acres of skin human experiments at Holmesburg prison. That's great. That's like a romance novel for you, isn't it? Oh the blurb on the back from Jay Katz Acres of skin is painful to read And we also want to give a shout out to to To George's wife

Claire to say like hey, what's up? How you doing? Hello Claire Reynolds? Hope everything's going all right. Take him back Okay, take him back. Take him back. Please. Please. Please. Hail Satan everyone In magustylation. Oh y'all magustylations. Goodbye