Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 221: Aum Shinrikyo Part IV - A Billionaire's Testicles

Episode Date: April 24, 2016

On this, the final part of our four part series, we cover the ramp up to the attack, the day of terror experienced by the people of Tokyo, and the aftermath, which was almost an even deadlier disaster.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Nice. Is everything hot? That's nice. Is everyone feeling hot and nice? I feel hot and nice. Hot and nice. Oh, how do you like your soup? I like it hot. I like it. Nice. Put some oyster crackers in it. Is it got potato cubes in it? No? Good. Cause that's not nice. Yeah, you don't need potato cubes with oyster crackers, bubble carbs. All that is is filler. Give me the meat. I want meat and broth.

Alright, this is the last podcast on the left. I am Ben Kissell with Marcus Parks. Hello? What was wrong with that? It wasn't a way that people say that's under-response. It sounded like you were being kidnapped. Like I was walking, I was free. No, I'm not. Who am I? Who the hell are you? I don't even know anymore. Alright, fine. So you're not going to do a character? Isn't life but a stage? Um, Shinrikyo, part four. We're wrapping it up. Yeah, we're wrapping it up. One of my favorite series that we've ever done. This is one of the most fascinating things that we've ever covered.

These people are dangerous and they are Japanese. That's right. And I'm going to congratulate myself on how racist I wasn't. Yeah, you get a B. You know, I get a B. And guess what? I don't know if I'm going to make it to the end of this episode. We'll see if it stands. So by the end of 1994, Om Shinrikyo and Shoko Asahara, nigh-invisible, these guys were feeling. They had millions, if not billions of dollars in the bank. They had 40,000 members worldwide and a stockpile of chemical weapons that were capable of murdering tens of thousands of people. You did say invisible.

Nigh-invisible. Yes, yes, yes. They were very visible, quite overweight. Oh yeah, use that, use that. And they did smell a great deal on the hand. Several compounds. Yes, nigh-invisible, excuse me. And then on January 17th, 1995, Asahara received what could only be interpreted as a gift from God. An earthquake in Kobe, Japan, a city with a population of about 1.5 million, killed 5,500 people in just 15 seconds. Wow. It is Black Mamba, Japan. Not bad, not bad. And much like our old friend Lord Rael, Asahara took a natural disaster and used it as proof that his prophecies were coming true.

And Harumageddon was going to definitely happen in 1995. Well, technically in the very beginning, he modified it because he originally said it was anywhere within 1997 to 2001. Nice window, yeah. Yes, he was giving himself some time. Because you remember, in a cult life, especially a cult leader's life, he's building a narrative. And so he needs to push the end chapter for as long as he can make it. And at this point, his followers don't really know that he's going to make sure that Harumageddon happens. But what you imagine is that once it hit 1997, Asahara was going to go back and fiddle with the timeline and be like,

first the Mets have to win the World Series. Michael Jordan will retire. Yes, exactly. We're looking at 2002 to 2005. Wow. Yeah, that's what these Doomsday cults do. They're constantly moving the goalposts. And they can also see, just for example, Rael, who we're all big fans of Lord Rael here, if you don't know who Lord Rael is, go back and listen to some of our past episodes on this false messiah.

Also, we are going to do an update on Lord Rael actually coming up. We absolutely are. But what Lord Rael does is that every time there's a natural disaster in the United States, he comes out and he says, I made this happen. I made this happen because you did not believe in me. Because of the karmic debt of the world. Yes, the karmic debt of the world. By God, Manchoco Asahara is what Rael wishes he could be.

Absolutely, because Lord Rael is sitting in fucking Baja Mexico smelling his own nuts smell right now. Asahara was doing the same thing, but he had billions of dollars. And guess what? Your nuts smell so much sweeter and chocolate-er than when you're also sitting on billions of dollars. Oh yeah, you smell the money too. Can you imagine how much you'd love to smell your own dick if you were a billionaire? Oh my God, I couldn't get enough of that. I would package it.

I would literally all day just dig in between my dick and my nuts going, Hey, what are you doing? Are you smelling your own balls? No, I'm smelling a billionaire's balls. A billionaire's nuts? Yeah, so it's totally different. Can I? Yeah, exactly.

No, you cannot. And because of those billions of dollars, Asahara could actually back up his claims. He could actually make Harumageddon happen. I mean, the AK-47 factory, it was slow going, but it was steady. Their chemical weapons stash rivaled that of any actual nation besides possibly Iraq at the time. And all evidence available points towards them being well on their way to obtaining a nuclear weapon. They were essentially a state unto themselves at this point. We had Jean-Claude Van Dammen there.

We really did, but the problem is that he'd just start staying for the Bush. And then once they put the jail-covered electrode hat on him, he'd be too groovy to fight. Yeah, they flip him. And then now we have to fight Jean-Claude Van Dammen. And I can't handle it either way. You know what you do? You trick them into doing the split, and then you move the post that he's got his feet up towards the steel ball. Snap his balls in there.

Wow. Now, Asahara was telling, also this is also where people were on a need-to-know basis so deeply. While they were making these AK-47s and these factories, the people that were even in charge of the factories didn't know that they were making AK-47s. He told them these were metal factories. And that they were producing metals. And then he'd be like, why? And he's like...

And they're like, oh, fuck yeah. And he's just like, yeah, dude. And he's like, what? And he's like, dude? And he's like, yeah. And then fucking Stephanie Seymour came out in a fucking mess. You remember her? I do remember her.

Totally, yeah. Apparently, according to the blind items that we read on page seven, she fucks her son. Oh, doesn't she know? Great for him. She'd be in twice. And by the way, Henry is guesting on page seven for the next few weeks. Hey, check me out. Very nice.

But, you know, they had all of this stuff. But fortunately for the people of Japan, the six-year murder spree that it begun with the death of the Sakamoto family was finally starting to catch up with them. It always does. You know, after six years of a murder spree, it just gets exhausted. The spark cleaves. You know what I mean? It just, you lose the snap to it. It's like an old pair underpants. You know what I was thinking about keeping them alive today?

I didn't think I lost it. So, Omshin Rikyo's plan for Horumageddon came crashing down with the murder and abduction of a 68-year-old notary public named Kyoshi Kariya. So, Karoshi Kariya's sister had for years been a steady cash cow for Omshin Rikyo, hooking up with the cult thrill yoga class like many people did. What? Yoga is nefarious. I am so against yoga. It's ridiculous.

Yoga is great. If you go as a single man in Williamsburg, you will do well. Like, if you walk into a yoga class being like, I'm just trying to learn that by myself, I'm going to center myself. I don't know. Girls are going to be like, I like you. I think I'm going to start breathing through my nose a little too heavy. They're all going to think I'm trying to smell them like they're a billionaire.

So by 1995, Kariya's sister had given $600,000 to Oms, but when the cult started to pressure her to sell all of her property as well, she got the fuck out of there. And Asahara, furious that a member had left as he always was, but probably more concerned about losing out on a super sweet land deal, he ordered cultists to find her and bring her back with all haste. I tell you what, if I lose out on a land deal, nothing makes me matter. It's losing out on a land deal, or if I drop a sandwich onto the floor while I'm walking down the street in New York.

Yeah, or if you're like late to San Francisco during the gold rush. Late? What year is this? It's like 49ers. You're going to miss out on a land deal. What about the 52ers? How many of the 52ers? No, I'm sorry.

It's 49ers. Fuck! God damn it! What the fuck am I going to do with these overalls? Three pass. God damn it! Yep. So, the four-man team that Osahara sent out to kidnap this old lady, to try to find this

old lady, they figured that the best way to find the woman was to kidnap and torture her 68-year-old brother until he gave up her location. So one evening after work, the team found the old man, bundled him into a van, tranquilized him, and took him back to the compound. Again, remember, this is a legion of MIT dropouts. That's how I put it in my head, right? It's a bunch of super nerds that he acts are like stormtroopers. But literally, you have a bunch of nerds go and grab an old man, and they just stick

needles into him, and what happens when you just have a bunch of people who don't know how to kidnap somebody and they kidnap them? Oh, the kidnappy die! Yeah, that's what happened. You don't grab an old man. You seduce children with candy, and you seduce old men with flax. You open up the van door and be like, hey, how are you feeling? See, what I do is you open up the van door and you go like, hey, look, you know what's

in there? The good old days. Oh my god! You mean back when music was music and kids respected men with high pants? Whatever that means to you, yes. All right, well, I can't wait to see old Missy again. Oh, it's gonna be so sad to be old. So after they accidentally killed this old man, his body, like so many others, was microwaved

and dissolved further by nitric acid before Ohm members dumped the body sludge into a local lake known mostly for water sports. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Debbie, I gotta say, this is the best beach trip we've ever had. Yeah, brav! I can't believe I had my period earlier this week after all that pushing you did at me. Tell me about it, Debbie. Oh, let's go water skiing.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Did a piece of, like, human sludge just heat me face? Oh, I hope so, because if not, my period started again. But what cult members hadn't counted on was that the day before they kidnapped the old man, he had written a note to his son saying, I was abducted by the Ohm Supreme Truth Sect. Definitely. So with such hard evidence in their possession,

implicating Ohm and a disappearance, Tokyo police started to plan a full-on raid, the largest they had ever done, on the Tokyo compound. Because again, as we said before, they were waiting on hard evidence to finally go in there and look at everything, because before, their entire chemical weapons plant was hidden by literally a fern. They literally put up a plant and they're just like, I thought this was chemical weapons plant, but they put the parrot on bridge.

Must be a zoo. Yeah, must be. You're a B-minus now, by the way. Hell yeah, I don't care, I want to fail. But Ohm, as we said in the last episode, had members in both the police and the military and were warned of the upcoming raid. The minute planning for it began. But unlike other raids at this point,

it was impossible for Ohm to scrub their entire compound free of evidence that they were not only planning out an all-out chemical assault, but that they had an AK-47 factory, a military-grade helicopter, not to mention the makeshift prisons and the world's largest underground drug factory. They should have used those speakeasy waiter trays. They should have. And just flipped it. It was not a cart.

You know things about roulette tables flip. Right. You see, it's kind of like the night before you go to the dentist and you're like, better get to flossing. Right, right, right. So Ahsahara decided that the only course of action for the cult to take was to create a distraction so large that police would either have to postpone the raid indefinitely or forget about Ohm altogether.

And that's the thing that most people don't realize about the Ohm-Shinrikyo attacks, is that ultimately it wasn't really at that time about a death cult trying to bring about a Hrumageddon. More accurately, it was a criminal enterprise trying to cover their tracks. But this is where I will slightly argue. Where I do believe on one very practical way it is this. They are a criminal enterprise trying to cover their tracks and Ahsahara was trying to do that. He was trying to distract the police using sarin gas attacks. But at the same time, his fascination with nuclear weapons and with building an army

and his just general fascination with this concept he had called juicing. He wanted to juice people from the world and this is true. Like Willy Wonko? He wanted to squeeze the girl out? He had part of his visions privately that he would talk with his most elite members with the idea of juicing people which is getting rid of all of the people so that they have all the structures on the highways so when Ohm-Shinrikyo is taking over in the post-Hrumageddon world, they have everything they need because they're not exactly civil engineers.

As long as they got shops and shit, he can get people in there running everything but he can't build them. And so his megalomania, his view with the apocalyptic guruism he was doing actually was a big part of it. He really did want to end the world. He really did but it was funny. It was like he was using the plan for Hurumageddon to postpone until they were ready for Hurumageddon. That's the problem is that that's why he had to bump up the date.

Until then he was still waiting on 1997 because he was trying to build this plasma weapon. But the thing is about the plan for Hurumageddon about moving it up a little faster and moving it up a little closer is that he didn't want to use the Seren attacks at first. He was like okay I want to save the Seren attacks. But he didn't want to use those attacks at the Seren attack at first. They tried a couple of different plans before they finally got to the Seren attack. His first idea and it's got to be remembered that the guru had a head full of acid at almost all times. But you got to stay level.

You don't want to meet me without my coffee. You don't want to meet Asahara without a head full of fucking weapons grade LSD. His first plan was to use a gigantic laser to slice the Tokyo police department's headquarters in half. And they were like um what do you want us to make? He's like we will make a plasma weapon most powerful. Young Sapien will show. He's like oh look he gave me a fresh head. It's like this.

Imagine fresh head you turn on and make everybody brare up. Young Sapien is most wise aren't you young Sapien? They come from my most powerful tutelage. He's as blind as a goddamn closet door. Not bad. And after our own scientist patiently explained to Asahara that such a weapon was well beyond their capabilities, they eventually settled on what could only be described as a high powered laser pointer. Oh they should have just made the police station into a toaster.

Exactly. And then pushed it down. Oh you see? You see? These are ideas. You need to be in the inner circle. I shouldn't have been in there. And the laser pointer idea really would have worked if this was the fival world in all tops for cats.

That would have been fine. I can't stop thinking about earthquakes and that's why you should always wear a seat belt. Always wear a seat belt. But what they would also, it's kind of like being a late night talk show host. Where you go out there and you say a bunch of ludicrous shit and you've got a bunch of writers that are like you have to come up with good reasons for why it won't work. Right? And so what they said, their reason why they won't work is because we got all the plans. They got plasma weapons to go.

Technically yes, these don't exist and nobody has them and this is not a thing. But we have all the plans. The only problem is that we don't have enough power. And he's like, if we could harness all the power of Tokyo, which is fine, but we'd have to get a whole of the fucking grid, which is a whole other rigmarole. It's going to be paperwork. And Asahara's like, I don't got time for this. It's already 1995.

Right. Yeah. Because the original and the original plasma weapon, like the super big one, it would have been large enough to fill four cargo planes. And they said that the noise that it made would have been so loud it could be compared to an artillery shell. So not inconspicuous. You can't get a concealed weapons permit for that. Sure you can.

And the plan for the gigantic laser was to just shine it at the police department and any cops who happen to be standing near the windows would be blinded instantly. Which would cause pandemonium, which would cause the raid to be postponed. We used to shine deer in Wisconsin. That's what they wanted. It's kind of similar, yeah. It's like that. What we should have done is get old B Arthur out there and fucking strip or nude.

Yeah, that's a good distraction. Blind them instantly and have her walk down the street going, these boots are made for walk. You're not wearing any boots. And that's just what they'll do to my feet. Oh, I see. These boots today they'll walk their way right all over. You fat ugly police officer. Whoa, a raster.

A raster. So after that plan proved to be unworkable, the next plan was to spray the entire city with LSD using the helicopter. Fuck it, yeah. I wish that one went through. Yeah, but the biggest roadblock to that was that Ohm was never actually able to get the helicopter off of the ground. Tripping nuts.

Yeah. It is a problem. I got into a car once on too many mushrooms and I remember getting in the car being like, it's easy, you just get in the car, you turn the fucking key on. You just you pull away and you drive. Do you drive all every day? You can do this. Yeah, you're a mushrooms, but it's a car.

Yeah. And then I get in the first thing I was like, this car's too big. I'm too small. Just five guys staring at a helicopter. Oh, yeah. Fuck it. He's being like, I can't get it. Man, man, I got the fucking E.B.G.B.

It's like big time, bro. You got to get up there and spin it. You got to spin it. I was trying to do the fucking toggle switch and it turned into a fucking snake dude. It's like, I'm fucking Noah, dude, or Moses, dude. Very fun. And they tried using little remote control helicopters instead, but every time they tried to fly them, they just kept crashing them into trees over and over again.

You know who tried to do the same exact thing? Who? Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Debt. Isn't that exciting? So then in mid-March, Ohm got word that the raid had received an official date, March 21st, 1995. So with no options left, Ohm decided to use sarin gas, the only weapon that they had actually succeeded with.

And as for their target, they chose the location that would cause the most chaos, the Tokyo subway. And this is intense. I love this breakdown for the subway as well that you do. Yeah. And unlike here in New York City, Tokyo, they have the most efficient subway system in the entire world. It carries 2.7 billion people a year, twice the number of people we have to deal with

here in the city. And I'm going to go out on a limb too. The other thing is the Japanese people are more stackable. They are actually. They fit on each other's shoulders. And because they're more physically able, they go hop, hop, hop, and they all just fit in columns like totem poles. Yeah.

And they're much more of a uniform size. Here in New York City, it's a melting pot. You got the shorts, you got the towels, you got everything. You have the Mayans, you have the Russians. There's so many different people. Oh, and you don't stack a Russian. A Russian. A Russian.

They go inside of each other. That's what they do. So every single day, the Tokyo subway carried 5 million passengers and covered 470,000 miles. And yet, delays are remarkably rare. And OM would match the train system's efficiency in their ultimate plan. Which is also the problem when you're too good at something. If you get used for that. And that's what they did.

And also, have you ever seen video on YouTube of people getting onto the Japanese subway? Yeah, it's terrifying. They pack them in. Yeah. They have a packer. They have a packer. It was somebody's job to pack it. To just be like, can you imagine just what a perverse tendency that job must be.

Just getting a press hold on them against each other? No, it's all eunuchs. It's all eunuchs. You think so? I think so. I think they have to take off the balls. Otherwise, they're going to be felching. Felching.

For no reason. No, you're talking about fraudage. No, fraudurism. That's about felching when you suck semen out of a recently cummed in butthole. No, I thought felching is when you step on a dead man. We've done this. Okay. That's mulching.

Mulking. Mulking. I'm not sure. Either way, the subway system is special. But the Japanese people, do they have a separate car for men and women? No. Is it Chinese? Maybe they do some places, but not in Tokyo.

They're not the same. That's for certain. I know that for certain. But at home as always they chose the most cartoonish way possible to prepare for the attacks. The Scout team they send out consisted of four identically dressed men wearing beige jackets, navy blue pants, sunglasses, and gauze masks. The only one who-dressed a little differently was the leader of the team who, for someone reason, decided to wear a gigantic white wig on the mission.

They took notes on, and they were meticulous. They took notes on what time the trains arrived and departed, which car doors open nearest what exits and how long the doors stayed open. They're very studious, and they really worked very hard. And then when they asked the leader being like, why are you wearing a wig to the reconnaissance mission? He's just like, I know we all stand together in unity,

but the leader at some point must stand alone. Yeah, Channel is in her Marilyn Monroe. So the plan was to hit three of Tokyo's biggest subway lines, the Hibaya, the Marunuchi, and the Chiyoda. Each team member was to carry two airtight plastic bags filled with 20 ounces of sarin solution, wrap those bags in newspaper so they would be less conspicuous, dropped into the ground at their appointed time and station,

and punctured the packages with sharpened umbrellas, and run away. Like the penguin? Like literally like a bunch of penguins. So what if it's not raining that day? I don't know, and you look incredibly suspicious. You have a wig, a bizarre air pack, and an umbrella with you. Honestly, though, it does make me nervous

since doing research on this specific series, is that I might go on the train, and it's sunny outside, and I see the umbrella on it, I go like, terrorist! You have to, you have to scream it out. Now, if done correctly on each different line, the different trains would converge on Kasuma Gaseki Station, where the Tokyo Police Department was located, right as the shift change was happening,

and right when the sarin gas had reached its highest potency, killing as many cops as possible. Because the liquefied sarin gas is released, and then it slowly breaks down. And as it decays, that's when it becomes the gas and becomes super, super deadly, and it happens over a bunch of minutes. So the guys who got, who popped the bags,

had time to run off the train without being hurt, and then it just drifts, and because it's so powerful, and because they're so efficient, it would have taken it all the way to the heart of Tokyo. You would say, in your expert opinion, this happens in a bunch of minutes. In a bunch of minutes. You wouldn't believe how many minutes it is.

It's at least a handful of minutes. It's a bunch of minutes. I hope everybody's got enough dollops of sarin gas, because we've only got two dollops of it, and then there's the shoot side, if it won't be good enough to make everybody go cough cough. Okay, so I'm the rootie of scientists. Give him a shot.

Give him a shot, get him in there. You're gonna be a great dad. When are we there? A bunch of minutes. So the five cultists chosen for this task were high-ranking, loyal members who had been a part of Ohm for years. First up was Dr. Ikuo Hayashi,

the man behind Ohm's makeshift clinics. He had presided over dozens of tortures and medical experiments over the years. He was essentially Ohm's mangalop. Next was Yasuo Hayashi, a dope-fiend and electrical engineer whose specialties included abduction, wiretapping, and intimidation.

The media would later dub him Killer Hayashi. I'm so glad they changed my nickname to Killer Hayashi, and not Duri Daipa Hayashi, like I was, with the Ohm Shinrikyo. You poop your pants one time. One time, everybody see. And I say, oh, I was just roughing too hard at a joke that demestimates.

And they all, oh, I get nicknamed Duri Daipa Hayashi, but they'll see, oh, they'll see. Six years of killing later, he finally got it, Killer. Then came Kanichi Hiroshi, an applied physicist who had graduated at the top of his class and had turned down a job offer at one of Japan's top electronics firms

to join Ohm Shinrikyo. Then there was Masamoto Yokoyama, another physicist. Classmates remembered him as a quiet preppy who was super into bowling. Masamoto, you really like bowling. Why you say I like bowling? Just like you talk about bowling

when that one time when bowling, you talk about how much you have a good time, you like literally bring it up. Like once every third conversation, you talk about how much you like bowling. It's like, I like bowling, it's team sport, it's also a casual way to hang out. It's a good group day.

I like bowling, but it doesn't everybody? Doesn't everybody like bowling? I mean, we all like to bowl every now and again, but it does seem to be of a fascination. It just seems to be like it's a fun thing. You get to go out in this chicken wing and you get to be in, you get to go and you bowl. I mean, I'm really alone in this.

You usually do it alone. Yeah, I do it alone. Yeah, because I'm the only one because everybody say how much they like to go bowling, but I'm the only one who's really in a mood to go bowling. It's like karaoke. Everybody gets all mad because I bring up going to karaoke

because I like to go karaoke, but no one ever really go. Hmm, so the fifth and final attacker was Toru Toyoda, a particle physics graduate student. He was a pop, what? Just because his last name's Toyoda. Hi, my name's Eaglin. Hello, my name is Brian Dodge Caravan.

It's a common name in Japan. Okay, it just seems like somebody who's like, you know, not Asian was just like, I'm going to go there and try to fit in. How do I assimilate into their culture? Hi, hello, my name is Gregory Wanton. Are you Asian? Yes, all right.

So Toyoda, he was known to classmates for his spot on impression of Shoko Asahara during Ohm's 1990 election campaign. He would not have, I'm sure that Asahara did not know that he did that impression. I guarantee you not. He was converted to Ohm only two years later by a fellow student, and as the five attackers

were given their assigned subway lines, Chief Scientist Saichi Indo was working as fast as he could producing nearly two gallons of sarin solution. But thankfully, due to the rushed nature of the job, the solution ended up being only 30% pure, which saved thousands of lives. You want it quick? You want it fast?

You want it good? You can only get one, two of those. Have we said that each time on this episode? You want it done fast? That's right, motherfucker. That's less different than what Henry said. No, it's pretty much, see, I've seen the sign, it's like a quippy sign.

It's always like in a TGI Friday, it's like you want it fast, you want it good, or you want to cheat. You can only get two of those. As gas or weed. What? As gas or grass, and one rides for free. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it is.

That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, oh, that's totally what it is, yeah. I would always get in cars with those people and be like, I don't have any grass. I got it. I got two feet ass. I'm calling your bluff, motherfucker. Oh, yeah, they're just raping you behind a dumpster.

I just wanted to go to Milwaukee. So the night before the attack, Indo gave his final briefing in front of an image of Shiva. He handed the attackers five umbrellas, whose tips he had personally sharpened with a lathe, and watched them as they practiced their mission over and over again. Imagine this scene, five grown men,

sat and stabbed bags of water for hours, upon hours on end, trying to find just the right pressure to use. Again, remember, everybody's on LSD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too hard, and the solution would spur it up into their face. I just forget a lot too, but it really is.

Remember, these people are literally on drugs. A lot of the time, these people are tripping balls. They're handed in umbrellas. Can you imagine how heavy that is? They have a head full of acid. And so I'm being like, you got to be a terrorist tomorrow, buddy, get your umbrella. You got to stab these bags of water, man.

Do it better. You got to do it faster, dude. And he's just sitting there being like, you see good or is it bad? Did I do bad? Am I good? I can't even watch how I met your mother on acid, because I just want to know the answer so bad.

And they never really tell you. So these guys, too hard, it's going to spur it up. Too soft, and the bag wouldn't get punctured at all. But ready or not, the next day, each agent was taken to their assigned station at 7 AM and entered their assigned target stations. Now, technically, this attack is, we're going to get now into the famous attacks.

Now, this is essentially Japan's 9-11, besides Hiroshima, which we did. So we did. We don't really get it. Nagasaki, we kind of did it twice. We did it twice. But it's not, it's what, they deserve it. They deserve it, thanks for they deserve it.

They didn't deserve it. We were just, it was dickwitted. They did bet you. They saved a lot of lives. We did. I think technically, there's a lot of revisionist history that goes back and forth. I mean, we saved a lot of Russian lives.

And, you know, when all the Russians were allies. Japanese attack, Pearl Harbor. Think about that. We did allow that to happen. We would not have had that shitty-ass Ben Affleck movie. That's for certain. Oh. They hadn't done it.

Oh, yeah. Who are we going to get to play FDR? Fuck, I don't know, Dan Akroyd? Why not? He loves the set. But this is very serious. Yeah, this is serious now. People died.

This is actually very, like this is definitely Japan's 9-11. So, Killer Hayashi, he was the first. He boarded the train at the Ueno station. And if you stops in, he calmly placed his bags on the ground, stabbed them as many times as he could, and elbowed his way off the train without anyone noticing what had happened.

The scene would be insane. Yeah, but you've also got to remember, this is rush hour. This is a rush hour, it's a rush hour train. It's filled with people. Everyone's going to work. No one's paying attention to the person next to them. I don't look at anybody on the train. I just don't look at anybody on the train.

Yeah. I mean, how many times have you had an asshole just elbow his way through it, like Grand Central or something? I saw somebody panicking get off the train, and I got off the train. Really? Yeah, because they must have known something. No, they probably just had a panic attack.

That happens to me every once in a while. I'm extremely claustrophobic, so if a train's too tight, sometimes I have to get out and take a couple of breaths and get back on the train. I never got off the train because I got to get places. Even if I'm fucking about to throw up. Toru Toyoda, however, instead of not getting noticed at all, he had decided to wear elbow-length plastic gloves

on his train car, but he still managed to puncture his bags without too much notice, as it is after all Japan. And you see weird shit all the time. Fashion, yeah. So Kenichi Hiroshi, he hit a small snag when the crowded train prevented him from taking off his backpack, which contained the sarin.

And when he did finally manage to wriggle it off and take out the bags, he dropped them on the ground. But he still carried through his mission and was able to puncture his bags five stops from Kasumi Giseki Station. And at the other end of the same line, Masato Yokohama attempted to puncture both bags, but only managed to get one leakin'

before running off like the rest. And the last one, Dr. Hayashi had second thoughts, the only one that had second thoughts, but still did his duty. That's where there's a very interesting series on Netflix right now called Zero Hour that focuses on the day of certain big events in history that are normally horrible.

And so they did one on these attacks. And Hayashi, it was very interesting, because he was a doctor. When he was on the train, before he popped the bags, he was looking around, just being like, I used to help people. I used to make people feel better. Like, why am I doing this? He said he looked across the train and saw a woman.

He's like, when I puncture these bags, that woman will definitely die. And then what he did was, what Asahara posed to them all the time is what we talked about the Mahamudras, and these nonsense things that he would ask, impossible things he would ask of the people in Omshinriki in order to prove their faith.

And so the way he got back into that thought loop of being like, this is an impossible thing I'm being asked to do, and I have to face it. I have to do it without questioning, because that proves that I'm truly devoted. Meanwhile, he's Asahara smelling his nuts, counting money. Yeah, I hate this guy. They don't like him. No, he's not cool.

No, I don't like him at all. The doctor or Asahara? The doctor. No, Asahara, I mean, I kind of respect him for his sheer desire for a nuclear weapon. But this guy... I can kind of understand it. Yeah, all of us want to be Asahara.

He's also smart enough not to be doing these attacks. So by 8.15 AM, all five assailants were in getaway cars heading back to the Ohm compound, and nine bags leaking sarin gas on five subway cars were all headed toward the center of Tokyo. Now, first came the smell. Pure sarin has no scent, but Ohm's 30% batch was said to smell like a cross between mustard

and burning rubber. One woman also described it as kind of smelling like rotten onions. And on one line, passengers were able to sniff out the source, and they kicked the leaky bag out the door, but it was far too late. Because the other thing about the way the sarin gas spreads is that there's so many commuters,

there's so many people walking in and out of these trains, and the sarin gas is down on the ground. So every time people get off the train and get back on it. The pressure literally pushes it up. It just pushes it up into the air. Also the traditional Japanese game of kick the stinky bag.

Yes, I love that game. And it began with coughs and sniffles. Like people described it as a train full of people all suffering from colds. And within seconds, people started collapsing to the ground. They started twitching. They started spasming. And at the next stop, dozens of passengers

exited the cars. They're all coughing. They're all wheezing. But the train didn't stop and continued on after less than a minute, still on time. Because people don't complain. Yeah, right. They literally were like, not going to complain.

They were on their way to work. Nobody assumed that anything was bad was happening. Yeah, well, they knew something bad was happening. But they're just saying to themselves, I'll deal with it. I got to get to work. So at the next station, a woman collapsed and was carried off. But still, the train didn't stop.

It took three stops before someone finally pressed the emergency button as dozens were gagging and vomiting throughout the entire train car. So out of the dozens that rushed out, five collapsed immediately on the platform and started foaming blood from their mouths. And three more didn't even make it that far and lay on the floor of the car rapidly dying.

And above ground, hundreds of commuters were pouring from the subway exits. And while one would expect this to be absolute pandemonium, kind of something that you'd see on 9-11, people screaming, people yelling, the scene was almost silent. Because the sarin, it removed everybody's ability to speak. All you heard was just coughing. And otherwise, it was just absolutely silent.

And people collapsed on the ground. They're bleeding from their noses and their mouths, all without a word. I haven't seen pictures myself, but descriptions of the scene from helicopters, news helicopters above, it sounded like Jonestown. Because people didn't know, again, what was happening. No idea.

And because they have not had any sort of terrorist attack in Japan up until this point, and because it's such an apharias quiet weapon, and it just snuck in. They were very smart. Like, Omshinrikyo was right about the sarin gas. Because it just kind of spreads silently. And it doesn't make it sound like a bomb. Like, a bomb brings cops.

A bomb brings police officers. It brings a lot of attention. Like, this thing, it was crawled right up into the center of Tokyo. It took them two and a half hours to figure out what was going on. They had no idea. Make sure you check your carbon monoxide detectors.

Thank you. That's also a silent killer. Thank you. That's actually very sweet of you to say that. Also, sometimes somebody will break in your house throughout your work. And what they'll do is they'll hide in somewhere in your house, like you can use it in your closet or in your bed.

And they'll be there all day, because literally they're a psychopath bent only on torturing you to death. And they'll do that. So you want to check your carbon monoxide. Yeah, exactly. But they'll wait till you go to sleep. And then they come out, and they do whatever it is they're going to do to you in the silent of the night.

Right. So what was the point of scaring people like that? I'm just saying, think about it all the time. Right. The other thing about this particular station, why it was particularly deadly, is that it was extremely small. It was one of the smallest stations on the line. So the gas spread to hundreds of people very quickly.

And it was the deadliest of all the attacks. Eight people died here. 2,500 had permanent injuries. But they also fucked it up. Because technically, they should have killed all of them. Yeah. Like, if this was really well made, sarin gas, everybody would have been dead.

Well, they knew that it wasn't going to be. They knew that it wasn't going to be a gigantic, like, thousands of people dead. Because it was only 30% pure. That was the best they could do. But Asahara didn't know. To be honest, Asahara did not know. He was expecting a shutdown of the entire city.

Right. And Endo's just kind of keeping it from him. He knows that it's not going to be that great. But he knows it's going to be enough. It's just not going to be enough for the man whose appetite was described as, quote, unbelievable. Yes. And it's also probably the first time a Japanese person

ever settled for a sea. Oh, wow. That's not good. So on a different line, the Hibaya line, the flow of vomit from passengers was near constant. It covered the floors of the trains. And through it all, the trains continued to run. And on the Chiyoda line, station master Tsunayo Hishinuma

removed Dr. Hayashi's package and took it to his office with the help of a colleague. And when supervisors found them, minutes later, they were found lying on the floor, bubbles of blood foaming from their mouths. And while Hishinuma undoubtedly saved dozens of lives, both he and his coworker would succumb to their injuries and die soon after.

And while most exposed to the gas did not die, the injured numbered in the thousands. Yeah. Hospitals were in absolute chaos. And nobody had any idea what had happened. They didn't know how to treat any of these people. And thousands of patients were spread across 30 different hospitals.

They're blind. They're vomiting. They're disoriented. They're going into seizures. And nobody has any idea what's going on. Because that's actually the most and the fairest thing about poisoning is that unless you know what you're looking for,

it is very, very difficult to find out what's happening to somebody. That's why those stories about a wife killing her husband over two years slowly poison them, they just don't know because you have to go looking for the agent. You have to know what you're looking for. Yeah, it took two and a half hours before a military doctor

finally recognized it and finally said, like, oh, holy shit, this looks like sarin gas. And then they finally did the tests on it. And they found out that's exactly what it was. And also each one of the deliverers of the sarin gas had a antidote syringe. Yeah, there is an antidote for sarin gas. Yes.

And so they were given that. So once they left the train stations, their instructions were there were cars waiting for them. They got in the cars. Each one had a cup of water. They took their umbrella. They washed the tip of their umbrella in the cup of water throughout the umbrella

and then gave themselves the antidote just in case. And only one of them actually got some of the gas into his system. That's kind of fun. So it was a situation where the sentence like, get me the antidote was uttered. That did happen. Yeah, that is really cool.

I never thought that was real for a long time. It does happen, too. If you get bit by a snake, you will probably. Then you have to get bit by an alligator and then you get cured. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that that was just deadly folklore.

No, no, no. You get bit by a snake, then you have to get bit by an alligator. Then, of course, you've got to go eat an egg. You're the worst doctor of all time. I'm a fluffer. Oh, you're a fluffer for corn sands. Yes. Oh, not a doctor.

I told you, you said doctor. I said fluffer. You know, I guess, Obama care. Well, come on. Pull him down. So while the hospitals were filling up with people, the trains continued to run the entire time. At one stop on the Marnucci line, a station master

removed the bag with a broom and dustpan before the train moved on. But the gas from that bag had already spread through the car, killing two and entering hundreds inside. This is a day you can call in sick. You know, it's true. Hop off the train, go to a TGI Friday.

It's margaritas at noon. No, not that. At the same time, in New York, and I rely on the trains, I kind of wish we had a little bit more of this discipline. Yeah, no, that's true. Because sometimes it's been like, I don't care if there's a guy randomly stabbing people in that other fucking train car.

I got it. I'm trying to see, fucking, they're doing a screening of 2001. Yeah, yeah, you've got to get to IFC. Get him out of there. Just push him and then keep the train going, yeah. And besides the dozens that were severely ill, you know, Ben, you're talking about taking a day off.

Thousands still reported to work that day with minor sentence and sent sarin sticks to the victim's clothes. The gas was spread even further. In fact, many commuters just stepped over people, collapsed on the ground, so they could make it to work on time. It's so interesting how people, I mean, obviously it's very important in their lives. And it reminds me of the secretary in 9-11,

during 9-11, I forget what floor, but she was just like, he needs to get his paperwork done today. And it's like, the buildings are falling down. Yeah, and she's still on the phone. And the firefighters are coming in like, what the fuck are you doing here? And she's like, well, you know, he's got some appointments. OK, I want to congratulate you on being the world's hardest

worker. Here's your certificate. Now you're fired because literally the offices are gone. So in all, 169 hospitals will report sarin cases over the next few days and weeks. Over 5,500 would be physically afflicted in one way or another by the attacks, not to mention the thousands of cases of hardcore PTSD.

The most gruesome of all the physical ailments that I heard about, one woman was admitted to the hospital after the gas had fused her contacts to her eyeballs. They had to surgically remove her eyes. But at the same time, doesn't that technically completely fix your eyes? Yeah, it's sort of like you don't even

have to get the Lasik surgery anymore. Yeah, it seems like they know. It's almost like, why didn't anyone ever think of just spraying sarin gas in the faces of people who wear contact? That's only if your doctor's a fluffer. Oh, yeah, yeah. As for the perpetrators, they returned to the compound, burned their clothes, threw their umbrellas into the river,

and were congratulated by Asahara himself. He said, it is good that the victims lost their souls to this holy leader. And to Shiva. She's very casual about this. Oh, I am. What's that smell? Ah, yes, my testicles.

And as far as how the people of Tokyo reacted, the very next day, the trains were running on time again. It just got fucking great. Yeah, it is amazing. Take a day. I say take a day, but what do we know? Yeah, that's why they're going to beat us in science fairs. Now, instead of drawing attention away from them

as they had hoped, suspicion for the attacks immediately fell on own. Of course. Because what Asahara had somehow forgotten was that he had been name checking sarin in his sermons for literally months before the attack. They had even written a song about it, which they published in their cult science manual.

It resembled the company anthems that Japanese factory workers apparently sing every morning. People are happy to work in other countries. They are. They like to sing. Yeah, this song was called Song of Sarin, The Magician, of which we have the full lyrics. It came from Nazi Germany, a dangerous little chemical weapon

sarin, sarin. If you inhale the mysterious vapor, you will fall with bloody vomit from your mouth. Sarin, sarin, the best sarin, immediately poisonous gas weapons will fill the place. Spray, spray, sarin, the brave sarin. What a bunch of nerds. Good God.

They had a songwriter hanging out. And they just stole it from Simon and Garfunkel, the sound of sarin, or whatever. I don't know. The sound of sarin. Yeah, exactly. I heard that Sia actually wrote one of those songs. Oh, it was Sia.

I want to swing from the chandelier. No, no, no. She doesn't have the face. She dances with the child. She's got the child in it. I'm not sure. Shia LaBeouf's in it. I think you've made this up.

No, Sia. I know what I'm talking about. Well, because of the sermons, because of the song, people had a pretty good idea who had perpetrated the attack. But really, they had a hard time believing it, because in the public's mind, Omshin Rikyo, they were just a goofy collection of weirdos.

They were known mostly as those guys who were the elephant mask back in the 1990 election. Asahara himself, just another talk show guy. They thought he was like Richard Simmons. Yeah, he was the guy they brought in when they wanted something weird. It would be like after Oklahoma City happened that we found out that it was that fucking vermin supreme

guy from New Hampshire, or it's like the flying spaghetti monster people. They couldn't fucking put it together in their heads. It was vermin supreme. I think he was at a TGI Friday. Oh, good, good. So two days after the attacks, police conducted the first of 50 raids on the compound,

where they found cyanide, hydrochloric acid, chloroform. Every chemical needed to produce serin, $7.9 million in cash, 22 pounds of gold, and dozens of emaciated followers rotten away and make ship prisoners. Spatular pad. Oh, so fun. I love that they threw away the umbrellas, but they just kept every chemical that

would be needed to make serin gas. We can't have this hard evidence. Well, they actually destroyed hundreds of pounds of mustard gas. They got rid of as much as they could in the time. They had too much. Yeah, they just had too much. The enterprise had just gotten too big.

Please tell me the last time, I can't imagine what it's going to be like trying to move out of my apartment. Oh, yeah. I can't even imagine. You know, when you have a whole compound. Yeah. The knickknacks you leave, all the drawers that you forget. You know, it's like, I don't know how many times I open up

a drawer and be like, oh, weapons, great plutonium. Yeah, don't even remember that. Don't remember buying that. You know, and then you lull. What they didn't find, though, was corpses. The only thing that police found in the basement of Cetion 7 was the microwave and 80 blackened metal drums. That means that they had incinerated at just there,

just on their compound, 80 people. Yep. And we don't even know how many others they just let die where they lay. We don't know how many they buried around the countryside, like just of their own followers and just of people that may have crossed them, 80 at least. They just assumed they were making 80 barrels of premium

smoked human scotch. That could be good. And despite all of this, police still refuse to implicate the cult in the subway attack or arrest anyone for murder. They're still deferring with the parrot outside. So they're not convinced it's not a zoo. They're pretty sure it's a zoo.

And they definitely had a snake. But I don't know why the Japanese police that literally just wanted to see a skeleton with a sign on it, being like, they did it. Yeah. Like, that's what they wanted. That's what they did in the mirror. Ha ha ha, I can't die.

This is how afraid the cops were of Asahara and how afraid they were of Om Shinrikyo, or at least how afraid they were of fucking up the case against him. One ex-follower came to the compound after the attacks to finally free his children. But as the guy was leading the kids to his car, police stopped him and arrested him for trespassing.

And as the guy was being handcuffed, a bunch of Om members came out of the compound were handed the children by the police and took them back inside. Om Shinrikyo, and you bring this up here, they definitely had somebody either well within the police department or the military. Or they had something on somebody really high up,

which I think is much more likely. I don't know if they had something on somebody. It's just they were generating so much cash, and they were involved with the Yakuza. And so there are so many weird interconnections between the criminal world and the government and the police system in Japan that it's like, it's just all one family.

So everybody's just trying to ignore what they thought was just the pesky little brother problem. They just thought it was just like Om Shinrikyo, which is kind of an embarrassing thing, but whatever, we'll kind of deal with it because they're making us money. So basically laundering money for all these drugs and weapons and shit.

But no, now they're biting their hand to feed them. Yeah, absolutely. So by day six, investigators had surmised that Om Shinrikyo was capable of producing enough sarin to kill over four million people. And while Om was in fact in defensive mode for those first few days, they're doing press conferences, they're trying to blame it on the Americans.

They're saying we couldn't produce sarin. The only people who could produce sarin are professionals like those in the US military. Yeah, so that's why they're doing the Harumageddon. Yeah, they're doing it. So they were pushing forward, which is really interesting because the plan was falling apart underneath their feet, but Asahara had enough focus to be like,

no, no, no, we need to flip it now. If we can flip it, this is what I've been talking about. I am right. I do have the prophecy in line. Yeah, they'd started to get real fucking proactive here. So at dawn, about 10 days after the attack, Takaji Kunimatsu, the official head of the Om investigation, was shot four times in the back

with a 357 magnum revolver from 30 yards away to hit a moving target in the dark with a revolver that had such a big kick. That was something that only a few people in the entire country could pull off. I think it's like one of those things. You know, when your buddy's in a lot of drugs and he does something really ludicrous

and it's just kind of like a guy who could like survive, like, you know. Like Doc Ellis throwing the no hitter on an ass. It's like one of those where it's just like, you know, it just kind of was the perfect mix of being on drugs. You just don't give a fuck and you can make something. You can make a miracle happen. Toxicology reports on Lee Harvey Oswald,

he was full of mushrooms. Yeah, yeah. Tripping balls. Well, actually what investigators believe is that it was either the assassin either had to be a cop, a member of the military, or somebody who had been trained by, you know, somebody overseas, most likely Russia.

So the OMPR campaign chugged on, leaders started appearing on TV shows so often that they became household names. The most visible of all of these leaders was a man named Fumihiro Joryu, handsome fella, who always appeared wearing turquoise pajamas. Joryu came an overnight sensation with the ladies who were dubbed Joryugals.

And Joryugals, they admitted to having dirty dreams involving the PR man with one girl saying, he took me to strange basement room and then we made love. Why'd you laugh like that? Oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, because he did not know, me did not have vagina. You're, you're a man.

Yes. Are you even Asian? Yes! But the horror was not over for the people of Japan. Although not all the horror would come from home on April 19th, commuters thought that they'd once again been victims of a subway gas attack outside of Tokyo, but the perpetrator was found to be a small-time

gangster who had sprayed mace because of, as he said, personal problems. I thought it was hairspray! No, but it's interesting, you know, like after 9-11, do you remember that small plane that hit the buildings that was- Oh, yeah, the city shut down in Queens! The pilot was a former Yankee. Yeah. It was a much smaller attack. Yeah.

Man, we thought that was just 9-11 was happening again. Yeah. But you know what also happened on April 19, 1995? Oklahoma City. Oh! Yeah. So this attack got a little overshadowed, but let's also remember this. How long did it take us to get Timothy McVeigh?

Oh, a long time. Two days. Yeah, a long time. Oh, yeah, we got him real good. Well, we actually wanted to get him. Yeah. Well, we almost didn't get him. Well, we talked about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're definitely gonna do an Oklahoma City episode in the future. But I gotta say, again, not to be like this, we just do things a little bit more flair. Well, I mean, just a quick thing with Oklahoma City, just get your license tags renewed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what got them. They have these huge plans and the smallest little details, but derails them so many times.

All the way. Hey, Bundy, you lose the lug wrench. You know what I mean? You lose the thing. Absolutely. And even though the victims of the attack itself were front and center, there were still other victims of Omnicon Center, mainly the former Colt members. Right.

And I mean, there were thousands of people on the compound that were extremely devoted to Omnichenrikyo, and then all of a sudden, these people are starting to filter out and they're having to try to reintegrate them into society and it does not go that well. So a part of what's really interesting about the book, Destroying the World to Save It by Robert J. Lifton, as I've been reading from, is that it includes a lot of like kind of like debriefing sessions with people that have come out of Omnichenrikyo and are trying to be rehabilitated. And this is some of the shit they've said about their time in Omnichenrikyo.

There's one man in Isoda who is short and stocky and bald, but he said he was very arrogant. To put it bluntly, I am arrogant. Rather than believing just in Asahara, I believe in myself. I had the belief that I am a great person, so I will survive. I think my personality is like Shoka Asahara's personality. When I walked down the street, most of the time I'm imagining things, and in Omnichenrikyo, when you imagine things in that way, it was about Armageddon. Rather than thinking that Asahara was above me, I felt more like we were equal.

That's one reason why I left, because there cannot be two leaders. So that's one guy, and then here's another one, unbelievable. This guy named Yano, who talks about the way he, another one of them, the Poa validations. In Shin Buddhism, there is a paradox. Bad people may be closest to the Pure Land and may have a real moment of salvation. So perhaps we can say that Asahara is the one closest to the Pure Land. So it's like this concept where literally, after the fact, they have left Omnichenrikyo. They already knew that the Seren attacks were done by Omnichenrikyo and they are still validating

it. That's how deeply they were programmed within the world of Omnichenrikyo. It's very dangerous. Yeah. And the people that were so far below that had absolutely nothing, had no clue. They continued to live in delusion. They refused to believe that Asahara had anything to do with the attacks at all. What I said, the only thing I am afraid of is that if Asahara disappears from this world,

I won't be able to attain enlightenment. It's still that intense hold of, you know, if without the Guru, all is lost. Without the Guru, I go to hell. Right. I mean, it is such intense brainwashing. But most disturbing of all, as far as the people that they had rescued from the compound, were the children. And while the kids, they seemed to progress nicely for the most part, because you know,

kids can adapt, they can change, teachers would often return to their classroom after leaving the kids alone for a little while, define messages like Master Asahara, and let's keep up with the training scrawled on the blackboard. That's good. That's a good message. It is a good message. Also, yeah. I mean, that's why, you know, we got to do with kids.

I was talking about Natalie last time, we were talking, we have a long thing. It's like, you know, we got to do 10th birthday, take them out to the middle of the field, right? Say, we're going to, we're going to talk Chuck E. Cheese. I'm like, oh, yeah. Chuck E. Cheese. I'm like, I'm going to do a blindfold on them. I'm like, I want to surprise you.

And you drop them off in the middle of a forest with a bag of supplies and two sticks and say, make it back home. You're from Queens. You're at no point in your pair to do that. Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm saying. That's the problem. It's a problem with me.

I'm not trained. No, you couldn't even make it out to the middle of the field. Yeah, but my kid will. I don't, yeah, I don't know. I mean, you couldn't even make it out to the middle of the field to drop your kid off in the middle of the field. Yeah, I drive. I'm driving.

You're going to drive, open the door, kick the kid out. Yeah, make it back, and when they make it back, we'll have a full pizza party, and if not, mom and dad are available for fucking again. Yeah, that's nice. Just make another one. Yeah, that's what you can do. Possibly the most terrifying of Om Shinrikyo's attempted attacks came on May 5, 1995, Children's Day.

And that morning, investigators found a flaming bag in the bathroom of a subway station and quickly put it out. But, yeah, I know, you're right, yeah, he's a man with kids. No, no, no, no, no, it's dookie again. So when the bag was inspected further, investigators found two condoms, one filled with sodium cyanide, the other with sulfuric acid. And when combined, these chemicals produce Zyclon B. It kills within minutes. So it wasn't dookie.

It wasn't. So that's worse. That's like when your buddy takes a prank, like a little too far away. That's still a little too far. Like, when you upper shelf somebody, where you're shitting the, you know, not the toilet. That's not funny. One time I put a can of tuna up inside my buddy's car, up in the seat of his car, and he got really upset after a while.

He actually sort of set a permanent rift in our friendship. Yeah, but like, you just responded by like, killing your mom. Yes, taking it too far. And had the police not prevented the acid from eating through one condom into the other, the Zyclon would have been sucked up into the restroom ventilation system, spread across the nearby platform, and killed up to 20,000 people within minutes. Unbelievable. 20,000.

Wow. And they, and it was, it was literally a minute and a half away from, from reacting. Like that. Stomping on it, like a bunch of jerks, that's what stopped it is them just being like, gotta put this out. You know what I mean? Like that's all it was. Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. And that's after the Sarin attack. After arresting and interrogating hundreds of own members, cops decided they finally had enough evidence to pin Asahara himself to the crime. In fact, cops had known for months that Asahara was hiding out in the main Tokyo compound after noticing the copious amounts of melons, the guru's favorite fruit, were being delivered to the compound. Only a big fat man can eat this many melons.

So under cover of fog on May 16, 1995, police raided the compound and found Shoko Asahara hidden in a tiny chamber dressed in purple, as always, and meditating. And at his side was over $100,000 in cash, some medicine, and a cassette player. He told police he had been there for only two days, but his matted, greasy beard, along with what author David Kaplan called, quote, an unholy aura of rancid body odor. It told a different story. I'm glad how many bad guys end up in holes. Oh, yeah.

Sadam Hussein ended up in a hole. This is the problem. Why do you end up in a hole? Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler ended up in a hole. You go to your hole. Go to your hole. You made a mistake.

Go to your hole. And even though Asahara would be arrested, a few days later, four separate Zyklon B attacks would be attempted in one 24-hour period, and all of them were foiled by firefighters and cops, and every single one of them would have killed tens of thousands of people. If all four of them would have happened, you're talking 80,000 people. Yeah, true terrorist attacks, but it's very interesting how they were flailing at this point. Because once he was gone, once the head of the snake was really cut off at Omshinrikyo,

it really fucked. Because that's the problem with the guru-led death cult, is that they all were supposed to be him. They all looked towards him. He was the replacement of their personality, and once that's gone, there's nothing. The army and all that shit is just a hollow thing now. You don't have the motivation anymore, and it falls apart. So Asahara was taken in and charged with 27 counts of murder.

Nine years later, in 2004, Asahara, along with 13 other cultists, were found guilty and were sentenced to death by hanging, a sentence that still has not been carried out. To this day, Asahara and his followers sit in prison. And since his capture, Asahara, he has lost his mind. So a prison psychiatrist diagnosed him with severe incarceration psychosis, meaning that Asahara's brain had essentially been broken by imprisonment, just like he broke so many of his followers when they crossed him. In other words, karma's a bitch, motherfucker.

Yeah, that's what happens. You write that check, you have to cash that check. Oh, I would not. Awesome. I'm glad it happened to him. Fuck him. Yeah, fuck him. I hope he sits in a pile of his own shit for the rest of his life until he hangs and then

shits himself one last time. Oh, and then makes a little drug. Can you imagine how fucking, I bet if you ate his dookies, you trip balls. What part of the body would you eat of a person who's taking a bunch of acid? Would the brain make you trip nuts? No, it says it's in the spine. It's in the spine. Yeah, it was spinal tap.

I ate a restaurant that had a little served lamb spine and it's delicious. It's like chicken wing, but for lamb meat, it's like a little kind of little barb spine. You suckle the meat out of little fucking crevices of it. You're going to like a weird hell. It's going to be strange. I just know that's why it's like something in my blood when I go to a farm, animals run from me. Yeah.

Oh my God. All right. That's a four-parter and um-shin-re-ki-o, Marcus. How is your brain feeling? I feel free up until the next one. So I feel free for like the next like 12 hours or so. I just kind of feel like Asahara was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

After all this reading, I'm kind of ready for Haru Mageddon. Yeah. And this all started because of a stupid magazine, what was it? Twilight Zone magazine. Twilight Zone magazine. Twilight Zone magazine. He was, he fake levitated and this, that started this whole damn thing. I can't believe it.

Yeah, I can't believe it. All right. And one thing we got to say right now, fucking Chicago, man, we're coming to Chicago on May 7th and shit, we sold out the first show and like an hour and a half. We're thinking about doing a second show. We're thinking about doing a matinee at like four o'clock. That would be all ages. Yeah.

And the matinee would be all ages. So if you guys- Yeah, but not like nine years old. No, it would be all ages. You can. You can come if you're nine. If you're nine listening to this, go to bed. Or-

Well, it depends on what time. Kill your mom. All right. Don't do that. Jesus. Obviously that's satire. If you want, if you're interested in a four o'clock show, get ahold of us. Go on our Facebook group.

Get ahold of us on Twitter at LP on the left. Get ahold of us on Instagram at LP on the left. Send us an email at cavecomedyradio.com. Let us know in the next couple of days. And if we get a good enough response, then yeah, we'll totally do a second show on Saturday, May 7th in Chicago. I cannot wait to get a hot Italian beef. I'm not being gay at all.

I want a hot dog. I want a hot dog. You'll get a hot dog and you can get your hot Italian beef in. You ever had one? Yes, I've had it. Have you? It's a hot dog. No, it's not.

No, hot Italian beef is a big fucking, neat fucking thing. Stick it in my mouth. Thanks so much for supporting the Patreon page. Patreon.com slash the last podcast on the left. If you guys want to go and support us, thank you so much to every single person that's supported us so far. If you want your own t-shirt, go to cavecomedyradio.com slash merch and buy yourself a t-shirt there.

Check out the Lucky Bone Show roundtable of gentlemen page seven. A bull against top at sex and other human activities. Yes, that's right. Henry's, as I said earlier, Henry's going to be guesting on page seven the next few weeks while Molly's getting married. What a mistake. You can check us out on Instagram at LP on the left and also me on Instagram at Dr. Fantasty if you want to.

Also, for some reason, I'm on Snapchat and I don't know what it is. It's dumb. See, that's a face swap. Yeah, face swap. Oh, we're having a lot of fun. Yeah. We're having a lot of fun with face swap. Yeah, I'm face swapping myself with a bunch of albums and put it all on my Instagram.

It is. You can face swap your face on a butt, maybe a butt face. Someone did a face swap with all of us yesterday and I got to see what I would look like with tits. Oh, was that a woman? Yeah, well, she had breasts, Ben. I didn't really look at the picture that hard. No, I just looked at the faces.

I couldn't sexualize the... You don't sexualize anything. No. No. Maybe a water glass or something. Breasts. Breasts. Breasts.

All right. Yeah, Marcus Sparks on Twitter. Henry loves you on Twitter. I'm at Ben Kessel on Twitter. Hail Satan. Hail yourselves. I'll gain pale. Mia.

And Sakahara? Is that his name? Asahara. Sakahara. Asahara. We just talked about him for like five hours. Asahara? Asahara.

Asahara. Don't kill everybody, okay? Yeah, no one, please. And now, let's go to the next question. Please. Yeah. Okay. And now, please.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. I'll go to the next one. Yeah. Okay.

Okay.