Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 222: Manifestos

Episode Date: April 29, 2016

Today on Last Podcast, we're talking manifestos, from the pathetic mewlings of the world's worst person, Elliot Rodger aka the Virgin Killer, to the somewhat-reasonable-if-he-didn't-kill-four-people ramblings of former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner, plus some bonus Martian blowjobs thrown in for good measure.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? It was all over the place. Yeah, well, you grew up in New York. I didn't go a lot of fares. Yeah, you can go to the state fair. You didn't see fucking Ario Speedwagon or BTO. I wish I did. All we had was hip-hop versions of the Looney Tunes on really, really long shirts. That's disgusting. I don't know why they had all that. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I remember hip-hop Looney Tunes. That's right, hip-hop bugs.

My father told me the country was going downhill. All right, so this is the last podcast. On the left, I am Ben Kissel. We've got Marcus Parks over there. And then we've got this guy here. Hi, I am a numerological expert. Numerology, numerology. I don't need to be good at saying the word because I'm good with numbers. And this is episode 222. And you know what that means? What? We're doing a good job.

What is the number 222 trying to tell you? It means you should, taking forward action will result in something positive. Keep doing what you're doing. Continue along with your current line of thought and course of action. You're headed in the right direction. Yeah. Your current intention is aligned with your highest path and purpose, kind of like when you're sitting down to write a manifesto before shooting up a bunch of things. Yeah, I was going to say, maybe for this episode, don't follow on your current path if you do want to go on a spree killer. All right, so today we're going to cover manifestos, a very interesting phenomenon that a lot of psychopaths, it's something they do and create.

Absolutely. That's what we're covering today. We're covering killers, specifically spree killers, who send out manifestos either prior to their actions, during their actions, or after their actions. And today we're focusing on the manifestos themselves. Right. And these are really fun. Yeah. And not a fun thing, not fun what they did. I mean, that's terrible. Right.

Ooh. It is terrible. Of course it isn't. We all know that. I mean, satirical. Yeah, we all know that. These, the manifestos are amazing because you really get to hear from the horses cock what these killers believe they're doing, what their actual motives are. Like we like to sit here and we talk when we go through heavy hitters and we talk about their motives and we kind of wonder and you piece things together.

Sometimes you get words from the killers, but that's normally after the fact that they've already been in prison for a while and they've calmed down a bit and they've got to think about their shit for a little bit. This is manifest, a lot of these manifestos are written in the heat of the moment. Right. The brim and tea, the thick, the fat of the milk. Right. But these manifestos are just the pure niche. That's what I'll call it, the pure niche of the killers. Nice.

So we're covering three different types of manifestos today. We're covering the crazy, the reasonable and the pathetic. And we're going to always say reasonable. In quotes. Yeah. Reasonable, reasonable. We're going to start off with the pathetic killers. Now these types of killers are the ones who publish manifestos revolving around their seemingly superhuman inability to get laid.

Their constant complaining is focused mostly on social rejection rather than ideological problems with society at large. Just one second, I have to start writing some things down. Yeah. I'm working on a script. It's a script. I'm playing a character. Yes. Now although Sung Cho, the Virginia Tech Killer, definitely fits this category.

Today we'll be discussing a human being that is somehow even more repellent, Elliott Roger, a.k.a. the virgin killer. This guy is a fucking human diaper. He is. I wish that he was used as that in prison. What a mulling child of a bastard. This kid is. I can't believe it. He committed suicide, right?

Yeah. He's way done. Yeah. He's way done. So on May 23, 2014, in Isla Vista, California, Elliott Roger embarked on a killing spree that would end in the deaths of six and a severe injury of 13. Halfway through his rampage, Roger emailed a 137 page manifesto to his parents, his two therapists, and about a dozen of his quote unquote friends. You mean to tell me he didn't have a lot of friends, Marcus? A dozen is a lot of friends.

It's true. Now think about how many friends you actually have. Eight. I have eight friends. Honestly, it's true. I think about it with close friends, I have maybe six or seven. Maybe. Yeah.

Close friends, but these weren't. Yeah, let's just hear about one from one of these friends, one of these quote unquote close friends. This is a clip of them, of this guy describing what it was like to be friends with Elliott Roger. Sometimes I don't want to hang out with him because he's so depressing. I mean, but that's just a friend. Yeah, it's a friend. That's true. A friend sticks by you no matter how much of a droning broken cloth you sound like.

How long have we been friends with the whole domain nearly from the round table of gentlemen? I mean, he makes dogs scared. But Elliott Roger is, of course, he's a fucking piss bucket of a human being. So the people that we've been hanging around him is imagine this guy, Elliott Roger is like the cool one of his friends. And they're all still getting laid. He was friends with a lot of exchange students, correct? Yeah, Chinese exchange students. He lived with Chinese exchange students.

That guy that was just talking was a Chinese exchange student. It was those guys and his dad's friends. Yeah, and it's very strange. And they're all getting laid. And it's like his Chinese exchange students friends are like, I went to a geometry class today and I talked to young Emily Sue. And I will say, she is most delectable in the downstairs area. That's kind of a funny joke.

She's going to get back to writing. So the manifesto titled My Twisted World, the story of Elliott Roger, is an unbearable concentration of 21st century entitlement, and perhaps the most disturbing we'll cover today due to the sheer number of men who think exactly like him. The internet is filled with people like Elliott Roger. We talked about how technically the most masculine version of this was Leonard Blake and Charles Ang. They took this cruelty to a much bigger level, a more intense level. Cruelty of women, you're saying, right?

The entitlement, the view that women should be toys. Yeah, women owe you something. The entire manifesto revolves around his virginity, which he blames on the, quote unquote, cruelness of women, among many other things, including his apparent inability to learn how to skateboard when he was 10. This is from his manifesto. I had been trying very hard to get better at skateboarding, but when I saw that there were boys a lot younger than me who could do more tricks,

I realized that I sucked. I could never master the kickflip or heelflip. All I could do was the ollie jump and ride down a few ramps. I saw eight-year-old boys at the skate park who could do a kickflip with ease. It made me so angry. Why did I fail at everything I tried? I asked myself, my dreams of becoming a professional skateboarder were over. Better get back to riding.

Back to riding, I go. Women hiding their vaginal hair from me, and I feel betrayed. So the first part of the virgin manifesto is a litany of complaints that start at the age of five, in which he repeatedly mentions the name of a childhood friend named Lucky Radley, who Roger said became an object of my extreme jealousy and hatred. A Lucky Radley is also when you eat a Carl's Jr. sandwich off a woman's butt. Yeah, that's a Lucky Radley thing. Oh, I thought it's when you had a couple of onion rings at the bottom of a french fry container.

That's a Lucky Bill. For Lucky Radley's part, he said in an interview after the attack that he in fact barely remembered Elliot Roger, saying the virgin only came over to his house a couple times and never gave more than a one-word answer to anything. I wonder, Lucky, if you would like some zeppelies I got from the Italian fair. So you're like a closeted gay dude, right? No. Roger wrote at 14, quote, puberty utterly doomed my existence. I was finally interested in girls, but there was no way I could ever get them.

And so my starvation began. I love the voice that you chose, by the way, because I think that is his inner monologue. That's what he thinks he sounds like, but it's more like puberty utterly doomed my existence. I mean, he has the classic closeted gay way of speaking of women. There's a comedian here in New York City who everyone knows is gay, but he'll never come out. And I was hanging out with him one time at a bar and a pretty woman walked by and he looked at me and said, oh, I bet you she has a nice pussy. And I'm like, straight guys don't, what are you talking about?

What do you mean a nice pussy? I don't even know. What does nice pussy mean? She certainly knows how to pick a pair of heels. Yes, that's very true after her. And Elliot, he kept using, like he kept saying, these women kept rejecting my sexual advances. And then he said that he loves the word starvation and he also loves the word magnificent. One of his journal and one of his video journals, he's like, how could women deny me?

I'm magnificent. I have my Armani glasses. Look at how I look at them. I look magnificent. And my BMW is nicer than the other cars, the other boys drive. I do have just a hatred for his parents. I have to say, I mean, I know there's sort of victims in this. This dude should have been smeared on the highway as a child.

Now, Roger said that all the boys his age were having sex at 14, which they fucking weren't. They definitely weren't. We all know that kids lie about that type of shit all the time. Like, what sorts of weird shit did kids say when y'all were 14? Oh my God, I used to be like, I didn't have three pizzas last night. You know what I would be like? Yeah, I totally, I was like, I love watching porn. Um, Ben, you have like a smiley of pepperoni.

Yeah, cause I didn't eat it. He believed all this dumb bullshit that the kids were saying and he hated them for it. This is what he wrote. That hatred would only faster the more I suffer from my sexual starvation. These recent events caused me to withdraw even further away from the world. I drowned all of my misery in my online games. World of Warcraft was the only thing I had left to live for. Be a bear, bear, bear!

It's me just fucking wanting to shoot him in the fucking head. This guy needs to fucking go. Yes, I agree. See, one of the most important things to remember about Elliot Roger is that he was fantastically rich, which even further played into his entitlement. This guy, he wore the most expensive clothes. He drove a brand new BMW. He went to movie premieres.

He went to Katy Perry concerts. This guy was more privileged than any of us could even possibly fucking imagine. We came from a Hollywood family. He's very similar to Jonah Hill. And his father directed a lot of commercials, which pays a lot of money. It does. It does. It seems like his mom's only credit was that she dated George Lucas for a little while.

Oh, well, that's a hell of a credit. That's a big credit. That's a big credit. But Elliot was pissed off that she never married him. Why wouldn't you marry George? I just wish I could be closer to the mind that could have possibly have thought of that wonderful, magnificent character. Jar Jar being Jar Jar. It needed a dose of humor.

The Star Wars world has become so dull and sad. Yes, there's an army of clones. But what about me? Don't I yearn to smile? I starve for a joke or a chuckle. I guarantee you Elliot Rogers loved Jar Jar. He had. Oh, and he even had like in the Hollywood world.

Like his dad knew a bunch of different people. And one of the dad's close friends was a screenwriter who used to give Elliot like certain tips. Like, hey, why don't you try not being such a weird fucking creep? And this guy, he actually did have some pretty good credits. He wrote Ruthless People, My Cousin Vinnie, and most impressively, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I'm not trying to say My Cousin Vinnie for most impressively. I love that movie. I'm a Dirty Rotten Scoundrels guy.

Yeah, yeah. So no one likes your final choice, Marcus. No, I said Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Oh, you said that was the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Overruled. I must get back to writing. Even though Roger was already rich by any standard, he became obsessed with winning the lottery,

saying it was his only way, even going so far as to drive to Arizona and Utah to buy extra powerball tickets. But when he missed out on four consecutive jackpots, this, for some reason, was what pushed him over the edge. Now, this is very unfortunate because he just went from being your run-of-the-mill loser that wears Euro trash clothes and drives a BMW, and then he went ahead and bought a gun. Yeah, he went and bought a gun. He started going to a firing range on a regular basis, and he started planning his so-called day of retribution. And the thing is, I will actually say something about the parents is that they tried. They actually did.

Everyone tried with Elliot Roger. No one abandoned this guy at all. His parents, he started going to therapy when he was in a middle school. His parents got friends like, hey, listen, can you help out my son? Can you say something to him because we can't get through to him? All of his, a bunch of people said like, yeah, I tried talking to him. I tried being his friend. I tried getting through to this guy, but he never took to it.

He never took to a single bit of it. He was just ruined. What do you think is that mental illness? Is this psychopathic? It's narcissism. It is an extreme form of narcissism, combined with psychopathic. That's what they talk about with manifesto killers, right? Is that the idea is that they have an agenda and they want the whole world to bow at their feet

and know exactly why they do what they do, which is why they write what they do. They have an endless need to connect and rule over everyone. And it's very interesting how you have a whole active community trying to help somebody, but he still goes ahead and he pulls the trigger. Yeah, he does it anyway. He knows how to write. He wrote 130 pages. Why can't he just be an author? I mean, why can't he just be satisfied with that?

Ben, anyone can write 137 pages. That doesn't mean it's good. Have you been listening to the shit that this guy's been writing? Fifty Shades of Grey is true trash. That is actually really true. More books than any book on earth. Exactly. He could have written a story about the loner's perspective of a lonely dude going out looking at chicks that he can't get and he buys a gun, but instead just gets his dick sucked for an hour by the gun salesman woman.

That would sell a million copies. It would, and all you have to do is get that on the desk of one of these schmucky producers and they'll be like, ooh, solds, whatever. Exactly. Just books about the battalions of hot women that stop shooters before they happen by sucking their dick. I mean, Jesus, Henry, what would you do for this guy's connections? To be friends with the guy that wrote Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? Thought I'd only be making money, baby. Making money.

So as far as this guy's worldview goes, after his day of retribution was finally being planned, this is when his worldview really starts to come into focus. Women's rejection of me is a declaration of war, and if it's war they want, then war they shall have. It will be a war that will result in their complete and utter annihilation. I will deliver a blow to my enemies. That will be so catastrophic. It will redefine the very essence of human nature. All right, so I just gotta, do you know there's like 3.2 billion women in the world?

What? Yes, billion, with a B. What? Yeah, you're one person. And I heard somebody told me that even Danny DeVito has a wife. He does. Perlman, yeah. Oh, Rhea Perlman.

Rhea Perlman. She's not a total dog. No, no, I mean you would have to kill her as well. All right, I guess I did love Cheers though. Oh no, Rhea Perlman has her own charm. She does, absolutely she does. I could see it in the way Danny DeVito smiles, how happy she makes him. I wish I didn't have to kill Rhea Perlman.

All right. Now, Elliot's ultimate plan was to travel to the Alpha Phi sorority house and kill as many women as possible because through research and stocking, Roger had decided that Alpha Phi had the hottest girls in town. He said, I will sneak into their house at around 9 p.m. on the day of retro-brook. Just before all the partying starts, I'll slaughter every single one of them with my hands and nerves. If I have time, I will set the whole house on fire.

Then we shall see who the superior one really is. Can I just throw this suggestion out there at you? Why don't you're there, they're partying. Why don't you leave the knives and the gun and just go have a drink with them? But what about the day of retro-brook? That was just a day of celebration. You mean I should take my phone and I should turn it upside down? Yes, grow your heart.

His heart grew three sizes that day. So on March 23rd, Roger began his killing spree by stabbing his three roommates to death because as he said, these were the biggest nerds I have ever seen and they're both very ugly with annoying verses. This is really Bundy-esque to stab three people. I feel like I would wake up if my roommate was getting stabbed. But I guess you just do it so quick. You got like weird allergy muffs on and you got like the weird humidifiers running because

they were a bunch of nerds. But this is straight berserker mode. It's not easy to stab three people in one sitting. It's really not and it was later on at night too. I mean this was like early evening. We didn't really have time to go through the actual timeline of what happened with the three roommates but go read it, it's terrifying. When did they go to sleep?

No, they weren't asleep. What? It was just, he just walked in and did it. Wow. So tragically, one of the roommates was planning on moving out the very next week as Roger reportedly spent most of his time in his room blasting the most hated of all musical genres, Soft Rock. His favorites included Phil Collins, Sting and this song in particular.

Hey Roger, I got a test in the morning. Hey Roger, it's my finals week. It is my Phil Collins time. You see, I used to rock my Phil Collins time. Oh, thank God I bought these white sneakers so I could walk down the avenue in them while listening to this song. All right, I'm going to move out in a week, okay? Wait a second, wait a second.

Could you check in the kitchen to see if we have any clean knives? Yep, all clean. There is no musical artist I hate more than Phil Collins. But is it Phil Collins' fault or his fans' fault? It's Phil Collins' fault. It's Phil Collins' fault. I'm going to say this whole killing spree is Phil Collins' fault. No, he does not have blood on his head.

Yes, he does. Leave him alone. He does because the thing about this, this music set Elliot Roger in a belief that every day was supposed to be a sunny LA boardwalk in 1987. Yeah, that's a good one. Where he was giving finger guns to chicks on roller skates. And they loved it. Yeah, and they were like, woo, you know what I mean, like they didn't realize he was watching

the videos. And no one loved Phil Collins like that in real life if he wasn't a multi-multi-millionaire. There were actors in those music videos. We know about this man's penchant for the worst music in the world because Elliot Roger shot and uploaded dozens upon dozens of videos to YouTube right up to the day he died. And the videos had names like... Life is so unfair because girls don't want me. And why do girls hate me so much?

And of course, stuck in traffic and Santa Barbara made it a little fun. And that's why he just filmed traffic while playing SOS by the police. That is making it a little bit more fun though. The police always make it a little bit more fun. I just think a lot of times when I'm not thinking about my day of retribution about how women are starving me of any sort of affection, I like to make things a little fun. That is fun. You know what I mean?

Just stop by. If you're in traffic, just pull off the exit. Get yourself a little bit of ice cream because if not, you're just going to be sitting in traffic. And now I can just sit off to the side the same amount of time and draw myself a little vanilla cone with some rainbow sprinkles on it. How was your date with Elliot? It was fun. We sat in traffic.

Listen to the police. I made it a little fun for him. And he didn't just of course upload videos because his account is still up. Is it? Yes. Oh wow. You can go and see his account right now. You can see all of the videos that he uploaded.

And you can also see all of the videos that he liked. Oh. And he seemed to be overly fond of videos featuring various Pokemon songs, including this one. Well Sally, now that I've played you my favorite song, will you have sex with me? Ah. Mmm. Ah. So you'll starve me again?

Yes. He was also really into videos about the video game Conquer's Bad Fur Day, which was a mature audience's Nintendo 64 game about a greedy drunk squirrel trying to get home to his girlfriend. Good lord. So in between the murder of his roommates and the assault on Alpha Phi, Roger uploaded a video he called Retribution, easily one of the most repugnant, creepy, and pathetic videos on the entire internet. This guy, he is in the running for one of the worst human beings to ever exist.

See I would put him up there. I mean out of all the billions of people who have existed, Elliot Roger, top 500. See I put, I mean like, to me, my number one worst dude of all time is still BTK. I would say he's my number one because he added the methodical, genius level of cruelty that BTK had. Like that's the one thing that luckily Elliot Roger did not have was any sort of like, real commitment. Well, these millennials don't get jobs.

They don't. You know, BTK went out there and worked. He really put his hands into it. And that's the other thing. Millennials take it so, such for granted, just upload manifestos to YouTube and email them out, Ted Kaczynski slaved over a typewriter for years. He sat in a milk written shed. We're going to be good parents.

I remember when serial killers had to sit down there and shed in the woods and Dennis Raider had two snail male floppy disks, two of the police department that got him arrested. Yeah, I did. Yeah. I mean, Joe Rifkin had to actually go out and look for prostitutes on Long Island. Now you've got this asshole out on Giglo Beaches putting up Craigslist ads. They're coming to him. Tender's getting people murdered in their own homes and people are just thinking it's

a suicide. That's not right. Before the record, millennials actually worked very hard and they are being demonized. Thank you so much for stating that. Technically, we're all millennials. Yeah. We love our millennials. I do.

I love Amazon. I like the same day delivery that's happening. I like the drone delivery. Same day delivery. Yeah, they can do that now. It's spring to me now. I like that you can buy a little button. You can put it next to the toilet.

You can put something, and it's on your wish list. You can press a button. It just literally comes to your house. I don't know why it has to be by the toilet. Because that's where I do a lot of my shopping. Honestly. You buy online? Yeah.

Well, you're on to the toilet. Deep into online shopping while I'm shitting. Oh, yeah. On your phone or you bring your laptop? On my phone. Not a fucking pervert. Yeah, I kind of burst out the laptop there in your naked thighs. Just my top of my dick, just like snail trailing the bottom of my fucking laptop.

I do not want to think about it. So here are a couple of excerpts from Elliot Rogers retribution video. These are, you know, Henry's been doing the voice the entire time. This is the inner voice. This is my inner voice. That is the inner voice, but this guy's actual voice is... Putrid. Putrid.

That's the word I was looking for. Yeah. I'm 22 years old, and I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl. I've been through college for two and a half years. More than that, actually. And I'm still a virgin. And it's been very torturous.

College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. But in those years, I've had to rot in loneliness. It's not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you girls aren't attracted to me. I don't know why. But I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because I don't know what you don't see in me.

I'm the perfect guy. And yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious men, instead of me, the supreme gentleman. Here, here, here, here, it's the wedgie patrol. Here, here, here, here, here, here. We're gonna give him a wedgie so hard his father dies. You know, I'm actually really surprised. So, you know, he seems fairly gender neutral and, you know, he seems actually like a guy that be girls in California would like. Sure.

I've met a lot of dudes like that who get laid constantly and it drives me nuts. Yeah, with a producer father in Los Angeles, they're normally doing fine. Technically, he's in Los Angeles doing, it's like, it's, he's just garbage. He's human garbage. Well, the problem with him is that he has, you know, he's talking all of this manifesto stuff. He's got these YouTube videos, most people say when you were around him, he wouldn't give you more than a one word answer on anything. Like this guy, he believed that if he got a nice car and nice clothes, that women would just automatically be drawn to him and pretty much start sucking his dick on the streets. I mean, that's how intense his narcissism and his entitlement was.

He's not wrong, he's 90% there. That's not wrong. I mean, he's wealthy. He's got a nice car, nice clothes. He seems sensitive. But the also number one, he wouldn't know what to do with the woman if she even wanted to have sex with him. He wouldn't know what to do with her. No, of course not.

This guy doesn't even watch porn. He just jerks off looking in the mirror. But the FBI analyst that went into some show was really interested, talked about this a little bit, about how there was a difference between the manifesto version of Joe and the manifesto version of Roger than the real life guy. It was like, Joe was a nobody. Joe was a non-entity. Same thing with this guy. This guy sat and stared at his shoes and said nothing to nobody, but he was filled with silent rage. And then that's how we got to make the jump on everybody doing this manifesto, which he said was the real him.

And as I actually know, the manifesto is a construct. The manifesto is the construct of turning yourself into a Quentin Tarantino character, into a big deal action star type, because now you can rewrite history. Now you feel like if I can put it in writing and put it out there, everybody will know I'm this malign, genius, or secret badass that should have been getting his dick sucked the whole time. But in reality, the real person, the real Elliot Roger is the silent nerd who sat there doing nothing while his friends were eating normal life. Playing a video game with a drunken squirrel. Yes. And as far as his, I guess, narcissism went, I mean, his narcissistic complex, it went far beyond what it, I mean, there are shit ton of narcissists out there. Every person that's listening right now knows a narcissist.

But this guy was on a different level. Listen to this bullshit. And this pretty much sums up Elliot Rogers' view on the world and his view of himself. I hate all of you. Humanity is a disgusting, wretched, depraved species. If I had it in my power, I would stop at nothing to reduce every single one of you to mountains of skulls and rivers of blood. Yeah, yeah, we know. And rightfully so. You deserve to be annihilated.

And I'll give that to you. You never showed me any mercy. And so I will show you none. See, I do believe I've given the same speech to my health insurance company. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good to say if you're talking with AT&T or something. All the guy had was mercy his entire life. Yeah, all he had was that. All those people willing to take care of him.

Yeah, chance after chance after chance. And he talks like, I mean, you talk about him being in a movie, he talks like he's in a bad movie. He talks like it's a bad screenplay, it's even got the fake evil laugh. What do we do to counteract this kind of thought? Like what do we do? Can you just say like, what do we say to people? Like listen, like a part of it, it just gets better. Or if it's just like you will feel comfortable in your skin, you will be able to talk to people.

Or like just get out and talk to people or kill yourself. I think this guy would just go with the latter. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's plenty of people out there that are on the road to be in this guy that can definitely get off. Just if any of this stuff that he's saying, or any of the stuff that he's written, if that sort of thought has ever crossed your mind, if that's any things that you say on the internet, if those are things that you fucking write, it's time to go back to the drawboard. Like it's a-

A mountain of skulls and a river of blood. That's pretty sad. That's sweet. I think about that all the time. It's very sweet. We all think about mountains of skulls all the time. But pick up a fucking guitar. Right, exactly. If you put it in and put that guitar behind that, you'll get ladies.

But also maybe deemphasize your need for ladies. Maybe the ladies side of it you need to take down and start thinking about yourself and thinking about what you like and what you need. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If every woman that you come into contact with hates you, it is your fault. If women do not like you, it is your fault. It is nobody. I cannot emphasize that enough.

If women do not like you, if women are repelled by your presence, it is your fault. You know what you gotta do? There are some mean women out there. Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm talking every single woman. Ben? Ben? What?

If every woman- There's some terribly mean women. Yes, but if every single woman, yes, there are some terrible women. You know what you gotta do is you gotta get a gimmick. Get a puppy, be the tarantula guy on the boardwalk. Be a magician. Become a magician. Well, depending on the woman you want to get.

But I'm just saying, you could get a woman. Get a hobby. Do a thing. Go again, apply yourself to something that betters yourself. Give you something to offer. Give you something that you can give to the world instead. And also remember is that if you're a silent slug, you're not gonna get a model. You're not gonna get the hot blonde at the Alpha Phi sorority.

That's just not gonna happen. Sometimes it happens. We just gotta have a lot of money. Ben, why are you defending these people? I'm not. Sounds like everything I'm saying. You're kinda defending this guy a little bit. No, you're giving dated advice.

I'm gonna talk about Elliot Rogers. I'm saying I've seen a lot of silent guys get with really hot chicks. Yeah, it happens all the time. It's true. But you have to be David Navarro. You have to wear a lot of scarves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you change in your outfit.

You need a bandolero hat. You need scarves. You need many rings. No, we're just like a dating portion of the show. I've never talked about Elliot Rogers at all. Yeah, but you gotta have charm. See, that's the thing is that you've gotta have a look in your eye. If you're like a super quiet guy, you gotta have a look.

You gotta have a real good look. You gotta be able to slither a woman across the room. And you know what a real good look in his eye? Kyle Odom. Yes, he did. Let's move on to our next manifesto. Oh, did he have a look? We're moving on now to the crazy.

Now, think about this. Now, Kyle Odom, we're going to cover here. He definitely had, I would say, a 9,000-yard stare. Yeah, I mean, these people, the people that riot the absolutely insane crazy manifestos, these people are truly sick. These are the only people that I have sympathy for because they're schizophrenics.

You know, they're manic depressive. These people, and a lot of times, they don't even know that shit's going wrong for them. A lot of times, they believe, like, oh, this is just the way the world is. I'm the only one that sees it except for maybe the president. Unchecked schizophrenia can lead to some of the most vivid, intense audio-visual hallucinations that you can imagine.

Like, literally, like, straight up, it looks real. It feels real. So along the lines of having DMT or, like, or Angel Trump, or one of those really, really intense hallucinogens where you're having, like, reality-based hallucinations. And Kyle Odom was one of these men. Oh, now, we cover this guy. This is recent. Which is pretty cool for us.

This just happened two months ago. And we don't get a lot of hardcore, like, view into the schizophrenics downfall. And his manifesto is such a great example of how slowly it slides into a normal person's brain so subtly that he begins to believe it's real. Right. And the way he writes it, it isn't an all-caps,

uh, you know, out-of-control screed. It's not a homeless guy on the train yelling about microwaves and shit like that. This guy, he sounds reasonable. Like, he says, I'm 100% sane. Yeah. Zero percent crazy. Yeah, yeah.

He says that over and over again in the manifesto. Yeah. Which, if you've got to say it. Yeah. You're crazy. Yeah. So, just two months ago, on March 6th, Kyle Odom, a former Marine,

drove to an evangelical church in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, walked up to Pastor Tim Remington and shot him six times with a.45 caliber handgun. Kyle then boarded a plane bound for Washington, D.C. and was arrested by secret service agents after they witnessed him throw something over the White House fence.

And what they found was possibly one of the most insane things we've ever read, the Martian blowjob manifesto of Kyle Odom. I got to say, if you're having one gigantic schizophrenic breakdown, it might as well involve a bunch of Martians blowing. Yeah. You got to thank him for their service.

Thank you for your service, Mr. Odom. I can't believe you came all the way from Mars just to suck my cock. Yes. Well, thank you for your service. So, Kyle's central claim was that his life was ruined by an intelligent species of amphibian humanoids from Mars with technology millions of years more advanced than our own.

Sounds crazy, right? It does, but I heard he was 100% sane, 0% crazy. That's the thing is that it just sounds crazy, because you know what, truth is stranger than fiction. Kind of like that movie with Will Ferrell. Stranger than fiction. Is that it? Yeah.

Now, as far as what these Martians' relation to humanity was, this is what Kyle wrote. They have a massive breeding stock of humans, which they bleed and control from birth. They use these humans to live vicarious lives among us. They appear to be completely normal because they're good at imitating human behavior. You actually don't sound that human right now, right?

What? No, I feel 100% sane, 0%. Crazy! I'm not crazy! 100% sane. But above all, the Martians were controlling and manipulating humanity for, and this, surprisingly, is a new one to me as far as why aliens come to the Earth.

They were using us for sex. We're sexy. We are sexy. We're sexy. I mean, you ever seen Star Trek or anything like that? We're definitely the sexiest on Star Trek, always. Were you gonna look at us kind of squiggling around with pink or soft?

You'd want to stick a dick in a bunch of us. You'd just feel like he went through a weekend where he watched The Matrix and then he watched Earth Girls Are Easy and then he just like combined them and he's like, that's my manifesto. It's quite possible. This is what Kyle wrote, as far as how the Martians approach sex and humanity.

They take control of wild human beings and use them as sex slaves. Don't believe me? Ask President Obama to take a lie detector test on this one. And that was the problem is that he was hard to pin down Obama to take a lie detector test to see if he's getting blown by Martians all the time. Is this a democracy or not? I don't want to see the documents.

Well, that's what he was saying. It wasn't that, you know, you'd think he was thinking, it's like, oh, President Obama's in on this. He knows that the Martians are given a secret blow job. No, he thinks that President Obama is a whore for Martians. I see. He thinks that Obama's in the thrall of the Martian race. Right.

So after first contacting the aliens through transcendental meditation, Kyle said that the original blue light that he had encountered during said meditation, and he, by the way, identified that blue light as a female. Oh, he identified that one as a female, which will be different from what happens later on. He says that that blue light abandoned him soon after leaving him. I think this is what he says. After the blue light abandoned him, it left him to the devices of the sex Martians.

So what happened after he had his first real experience during meditation is that afterwards, he went back to class because he was a grad student, I believe, in genetic science. Yeah. And when he showed up to class, he said that he could understand all the flaws in genetic science and that it all become too easy for him. And his instructors kept telling him, just have fun. Just have fun. It'll be fun.

Just have fun. He was smelling shampoo at a Kmart. The red light, the blue light special went on, and he just had all these ideas. I have a bunch of weird theories about all of this stuff as it goes through about whether or not any of it really happened, or if he was just sitting in his apartment the entire time. Oh, yeah. I think he was out and about. Yeah, but he was going apeshit.

Yeah, he was absolutely going apeshit. But I think there's evidence later on that says that this was actually happening, but not everything that he says was actually like a flesh and blood type of thing. So the first specific incident, the particularly disturbed Kyle Odom, that kind of just knocked him off of his axis, happened with a couple of fellow grad students. This is what he wrote. After a few days of nights at no sleep, two of the graduate students began reaching out to me.

And when I went to see them, they both kept pointing their finger at me, saying, pew, pew, pew, pew. Like they were shooting the gun. They did this over and over and over, and I kept wondering what their problem was. Months after I left Houston, I was told they were not human. They were tasked with making me into the quote-unquote next school shooter, as they called it. I imagine this is why many of our school shootings take place. I'm not crazy!

That's what 100% said. So that's what his theory is, is that every single school shooter that we have, that there's just a guy walking up to him going, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. With finger guns, and that's how they get you. If we were in a classroom together, we were doing that to someone, and they started to freak out, like, you just got to keep on doing it. You got to keep doing it. That's so fun.

I would look at my hands and be like, are these things working? Oh, my. This is the most killer fucking prank of 2016, man. Especially college. You're just going to keep doing it. You're going to do it with your friends, and you're going to laugh your ass off until it's not funny anymore, and then you're going to let it rest for about a week,

and then you're going to start doing it again. Absolutely, because it's going to become funny, but the thing is then he stops laughing, and he starts nodding, going like, I'm ready for my mission. And then you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I can already see how it, I would start doing it. Henry, you would laugh. No, Henry would start doing it.

I would laugh. I would start doing it. Marcus would do it, but then you would feel bad, and be like, stop it, guys. Guys, stop it. He's really getting fucked up. But then Marcus would start doing it and realize how fun it is, and then long story short, Marcus would yell at us

when he goes and chews up to school. Not Marcus, but the guy that we traumatized. So not too long after that, Odom's very serious schizophrenic tendencies started their steady ramp up into a total break from reality. Concerning a plane ride back to his hometown from Houston, this is what Cal wrote. Now, this is where the story starts to get weird.

On the plane ride back home, my seat was taken. I asked the flight attendant, and she directed me to a new seat. When I sat down, an older gentleman in front of me kept glancing back, until he got my attention. As he kept looking back, my head began to hurt, and single. The moment my head began to hurt, his lips scrolled up into this evil looking smile. The pain and tingling in my head continued

for the rest of the flight and got more intense as time went on, and every time I felt it, the man would start taking notes in a note pad. About halfway through the flight, someone else in front of me held up a newspaper that said psychic reading for like five minutes straight. It was blatantly obvious they were doing something to me, but I don't know what, and once we landed,

the older gentleman kept showing me his track phone, as if to say, get one of these. It's the best phone on the market. Get one of these. Was he at a T-Mobile booth? I think so, he ended up at a kiosk. Well, that guy's just so happy to be like, no one ever buys these track phones because they're dog shit.

Super, yeah. You were 100% sane, 0% crazy, sir. I'm not crazy! Love these track phones. No, I said the prices are crazy. What? Yes, the prices are crazy. No, you're 100% sane.

Thank you. Apparently, Kyle thought that this entire experience was part of a secret job interview with the government. Well, now you remember, he just dropped in and out of school several times. When he dropped out of school, all of these things are happening to him and happening more and more often

that he can't concentrate on school anymore. So now he started a couple of interviews at some government firms. And yes, he thought that this was the secret interview. The world's most elaborate interview, yeah. So he then started getting text messages about a place called The Alter from both a man named John Padgilla

and Tim Remington, and then the pastor, Kyle, would eventually shoot six times. No, this is my question. Do you think he was really getting these text messages or is this insanity? This is insanity because he said specifically in his manifesto that Tim Remington was sending his text messages in coded Bible verses,

that he was just sending him Bible verses and Kyle said that he would just sit and stare at the Bible verses trying to decipher exactly what was happening, so it could also be a possibility that Kyle Odom went to Tim Remington's church, gave him the phone number, and Tim Remington was just one of those assholes that decided to just text him Bible verses every once in a while.

Or he's on a mass text. Yeah, exactly, like a weekly, like once a week you get a text. Yeah, a once a week Bible verse, and yeah, because I think there is, there's definitely evidence that Tim Remington was the only actual real person in his life, which is why he was the one he fucking shot. Well, absolutely, because then he believed

that he was the source of all his problems. And then he said he got one last text from Tim Remington that just said the word angels, and then he noticed helicopters were buzzing his house all the time, buzzing his house, as if they were doing it actively, and the wheels started to come off. Yeah, he said that he made an appointment to meet this John Padula,

but before he could meet that appointment, something quote-unquote very bizarre happened. After making the appointment to meet John, something very bizarre happened. I received the most unnatural erection I've ever had. It felt like someone was manually pumping blood into my penis, and I don't know how else to describe it. Immediately after that, a song began playing in my mind.

The lyrics went, Sister, sister, he's just a plaything. We want to make him stay up all night. So he just had a talking head song stuck in his head. Sister, she's just a baby. We want to make him stay up all night. Were you able to relieve yourself? Oh, several times.

Yeah, good, good. Yeah, so he started getting powerful erections. Yeah, really powerful erections. What did you say about the manifesto, Henry, because you put in the words erection and penis. Well, all of the naughty words were redacted. He had written out all of the words, and then he blacked out erection, and he blacked out penis.

I have to assume it's erection and penis. But then I was reading other stuff online, and it came out as erection and penis. Okay, yeah. I mean, so, but what got him so aroused? It just, well, get to it. Alien space vibes, bro. Yeah, well, we'll get to exactly what

and exactly how he got so aroused. Just been watching Fuller House. Oh, my God. Stephanie Tams. Yeah, the dress that woman is wearing. Woo. My goodness. Cleavage.

Grapefruit smuggler. No, unable or unwilling to sleep for days following the sister-sister talking heads incident, Odom decided to visit his family in Albuquerque, and on the plane ride in, Kyle sat next to a large man who kept telling him telepathically that he was going to crash the plane. But at the end of the flight, the guy said,

never mind, you passed the test, the government has a job waiting for you, and you get back, brother. Scary. Man, I really do wish this is how job interviews work. Yeah, it would be amazing if they just happened to you. So much more fun. Yeah. Then when Kyle got back, he decided

that it was time to visit the altar. And then, on this trip, that is when Kyle Odom realized, mostly due to the smell of the place, which Odom described as reptile and vinegar, that he wasn't dealing with the government at all. It can be only one thing. Martians. Always.

And with Martians comes the inevitable sex. Hell yeah, that's what it gets sex in. Because up until this point, Kyle was extremely confused. He didn't know what was happening. He hadn't, you know, kind of figured it out yet. Yeah. He was just thinking that the government was out. He was just on a bonerific interview series

with the fucking government. I have to change it a little bit. I'm 95% sane, 5% rock hard. Rack hard. So this is what Kyle wrote. When the Martians started coming into his life, when the Martians started to get a little sexy with him, this is what Kyle wrote.

One day I was in the bakery at Safeway when I got surrounded by a bunch of old men. Some of them looked at me and sniffed. So I knew it was them. They started stimulating my anus and penis simultaneously. Then they spoke aggressively. They said, humans are nothing more than the result of a successful genetic experiment.

You are a threat to the way these people think and you could no longer be free in society. Your life is over. You are nothing but a toy. Your purpose now is to suck cock. They continued to say other explicit things that were so obscene I won't repeat them here. This has happened in the Safeway?

What I think is really interesting is I just think a group of gay men realize that they can manipulate the schizophrenic man. And to have sex with all of them by just telling them they were Martians. The kid in the cereal aisle in a cowboy had to be like pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. I will say this though.

If you do want to have sex with a crazy person, you just have to say I'm from Mars and our Mars commander demands it. And you'll get sex. Yeah, and a whole series of other things. As far as I know, I think it was just one old man jerking him off and the other guy playing with his butthole a little bit.

At the bakery in Safeway. But I imagine it was behind the dumpster at the bakery. Yeah, I would hope so, not like right there. I mean, that's a lot. And I wonder what the other explicit things, because you are nothing but a toy. Your purpose now is to suck cock. That's pretty graphic.

I imagine they said other stuff like we want to look at your butthole and oh, we just want to look at it. No, I'm going to lick it. I'm going to lick your butthole, you young boy. Or maybe it was just like I want to hold your hand on the boardwalk and look at the ocean and the seagulls. Why don't you guys just get married?

That's another guy said next in the soup aisle. You guys like each other so much you guys should just get married. So after the butthole hand job encounter in the Safeway, the old man took Kyle back to his place. Kyle said for the rest of the night, the old man constantly stimulated his genitals and made him orgasm to the point of serious pain. So bad that Kyle attempted suicide

by burning charcoal in his car's backseat with the windows rolled up but the Martians wouldn't let him. Very intense. It's a strange way to do it. Technically this is like the real life version of the website Lemon Party. Oh yeah. Don't go to it by the way if you're at work right now.

But otherwise, go check it out. In desperation, Kyle attempted to confront the Martians at the church. Speaking with Pastor Tim Remington, the man that Kyle ended up shooting six times, Odom said that the pastor's face changed but only for a second or two, just like a little reptilian flash.

This is what Kyle said it looked like. His eyes really stood out so they captured my attention. They were huge and bulging. The eyelids were darker green and the irises were yellow brown with slit pupils. Weird. Yeah and he actually did a couple of sketches of these aliens, these Martians, what they looked like.

It's pretty much like a, it's like a Muppet Turnip head. And he said the reason why they did purposely look like Muppets and they helped engineer the look of Elmo, this is in the manifesto in order to get human beings acclimated to what Martians look like when they come down to sexually take over. So he just like absorbs all this imagery from the real world and he has no way to, he just, he's crazy.

He's deeply sick. Are you telling me he's not 100% sane at this point? Is that what we're learning? No, he is not 100% sane. I wouldn't even say he's 90% sane. You know what I mean? I wouldn't even give him the benefit of that. I would say a solid 7% sane.

Yeah, I mean when you get paranoid schizophrenics, I mean every single thing that they see is a sign and every single thing that they see is completely directed towards them. The world is, the world revolves around them. So there's a certain selfishness to it, right? I mean, it's not necessarily a selfishness. They just can't control it.

Yeah, it's not a selfishness at all. The thoughts are coming so intensely and vividly that you just think it's real and now you're scared. Mostly he's in terror running around thinking that Martians are raping him. And like literally I have to kill the man responsible. You've begun to believe that Tim Remington's the guy you have to get rid of.

And then he believes, he says, he shot him 12 times and he's like anything but a Martian would have died. Yeah, and it's not a selfish thing at all. I mean, it can even, and it doesn't even have to be as bad as paranoid schizophrenia. I mean, a few years ago when I was having like really intense problems with anxiety, I believed that people could read my thoughts on the train

but only on the train because the metal in the subway was a superconductor that would activate the psychic thoughts of people with latent psychic abilities. Marcus Parks 100% said. Now he is though, but he actually just got a certificate. He also literally now has, I'm starting to say this, but I can read your thoughts. And you do have a bar over your head.

That's how I know how to approach you about certain things is that when it goes, when the lever is hitting about 90%, over 90%, I know that we can talk. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And these things just happen and I've gotten better, by the way. Hell yeah, look at you. Look at me.

But no, it's true. Bipolar disorder also has hallucinations. There's a lot of stuff that your brain again is just jelly. And then also again shows how thin reality is about how like you're just one fucking cuckoo step over from the fact that you believe that Martians are blowing you every day. And then you have to kill the head of the Martians

or you'll never stop being jerked off until you hurt. Yeah, I'm two weeks without bipolar medication away from believing that people can read my tests again. Alright, Marcus, I just want to do one test. I have finger guns here. Boo, boo, boo, boo. I'm a chill bill dude. Woo, look at that.

It's a chill bill. Wow, wow. We're safe. Does it weird? Is it weird that it makes me want to kill? That is kind of weird. Okay, okay. I've been going through a lot though.

Well, Carl Odom, despite all this shit that's going on in his head, despite him thinking that old Martian men are giving him blowjobs and giving him handjobs until his fucking dick can't shoot anymore, he's still attempted to live a normal life. He was going to school to be a pharmacist. He went back to school to be a pharmacist. He said, you know what?

I don't care how many blowjobs these Martians give me. I'm still living my life, man. I'm still fucking doing it. America. America. Yeah. Also, there's probably somebody at Duane Reed right now who believes Martians are sucking his cock.

Yeah. And he's giving you your prescriptions every day. Yeah. I mean, that is the American way. During my first gigantic bipolar breakdown, I finished college that semester. You know why? Because I had a can-do attitude and a head full of sirac will.

There you go. So, and the thing is about the pharmacy school is that Carl, he was actually doing pretty good for a while, but then the Martians, the brain manipulations, started ramping up again. And that set Odom into blind regions and complete and total blackouts. And Carl said that the Martians were fearful, paranoid,

hypersexual, and hyper-aggressive, particularly the males who were power hungry, megalomaniacs obsessed with control, and above all, Martians hate surprises. Don't even try to throw a surprise party for a Martian because you will get blown until it hurts. Concerning the behavior of these creatures, Carl wrote,

Who else do you know that has these characteristics? If you answered God from the Bible, you are correct. Oh, I did. Martians are responsible for the God myth. Martians may have created humans as they claimed, but they are certainly not gods themselves. They are just another intelligent species

that evolved in a neighboring planet. There is no God. There is no heaven. There is no hell. Earth is as close to heaven as we'll ever get, and we are letting the Martians ruin it. And they're going to destroy Earth just like they destroyed Mars

if we let them. Our survival rests in their hands for the time being. 100% same. You don't find. Yeah, great. He's almost a pharmacist. I mean, that right there is, I mean, some, I mean, you just replace like Martians with corporations,

and yeah, you got a point. Who? You're Bernie Sanders. And so Carl Odom, not able to take it anymore, took a.45 caliber pistol, and shot Pastor Tim Remington, presumably the only flesh and blood representation of the Martians that Carl could actually touch and see.

And Carl Odom currently awaits trial in Idaho. And also remember, Tim Remington lived, so the whole church can really use that for fucking mileage, because it's a fucking miracle, and he gets to come back and be like, when I went, I went through a tunnel of light, and when I got to Jesus Christ, he said to me,

you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen. He said, it's not your time yet, Pastor Tim. Now you need to go back to your congregation and get $20 from each one of them, so you can buy yourself an Xbox One. An Xbox One. Wow.

Yeah, wow. Yes, and if you go far enough, you can get your own multimillion-dollar mansion, your own private jet. Wow. They need it, though, in order to properly serve their congregations. Yeah, they really need it.

And how we got the manifesto is that he threw a flash drive over the White House, onto the White House lawn, and that can get you arrested. Yeah, it can. Oh, yeah. You can't throw anything over the fence at the White House. What if it's like, I love Obama, a balloon?

Nope. No. I still don't think they like it. What about a flying airplane that says, I love Obama, please toss back? You can't even throw like a taco, empty Taco Bell wrapper over the box. A lender ball, like those delicious lender balls.

You can actually do that, and you can, that makes a tree. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chocolate tree. The 25th Amendment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, our very last subject today. We've covered the pathetic.

We've covered the crazy. Now, we're going to cover the quote-unquote reasonable. And what we mean by reasonable is that we by no means whatsoever condone the actions of this man. We by no means think that violence is a way to solve anything. But what we say when we mean reasonable

is that you read the manifesto and you think, you know, this guy's kind of got a point. We all got, we all got bubble and over points. Oh, yeah. I'm going to say we all got things. I've definitely yelled in a bank. I've definitely been,

I have been forcibly removed from an office. That is true. I told you that story about how I quit my job and I threw my tie at the, at my boss. No, because I said I was selling out. I was at a headhunting firm in the, in the business of the financial district and I was having really hard time

dealing with the job because I was getting screamed at all time. It was like a real life Wolf of Wall Street scenario where my boss would go like, never get off the phone, never get off the phone. And I went out to the little triangle park and I listened to the Mountain Goats,

Tallahassee album. Wonderful album. And I had an emotional response and I walked inside and I said, I quit and I took off my clip off tie and I threw it in his face and then security escorted me out. Yeah, the clip could hurt somebody.

I guess so. Yeah. So the reasonable or quote unquote reasonable man that we're going to be talking about today is Christopher Dorner. Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo. Woo. This guy was a real Rambo.

He was. Yes, he was. On February 3rd, 2013, former LAPD officer Christopher Dorner began a nine day reign of terror that paralyzed the city of Los Angeles, making cops so jumpy that they accidentally shot three civilians

during the largest manhunt the city had ever seen. It even topped Richard Ramirez easily. Hey, they were excited to shoot those civilians. Yeah, they were thrilled to have a reason. Now, eventually, Dorner would kill four people and wound three others in the name

of righting the wrongs that he said were done to him during the few years that he was a member of the LAPD. Specifically, institutional racism within the organization, which we know. LAPD? No, no, no, no.

Innocent. They are a fun bunch. I am not, like, it's hard to be a cop. Yeah, it is. I mean, it is actually hard to be a cop. We actually have quite a few, listen, we have quite a few police officers that listen to the show while they're on patrol.

I've heard from quite a few, so let's go. I mean, we're definitely going to preface this by saying, not all cops are bad cops. There's a shit ton of good cops out there. Most cops are good cops. You just hear a lot more about the bad ones. Well, yeah, because those are the ones you write about. You don't always write about the good cops.

No. Because it's boring. Yeah. Boring story, yeah. Super boring. Now, the interesting thing about Dorner is that there is a definite logic to his actions, to his violent actions.

There is a cause and an effect by his own admission in his manifesto. Dorner, again and again, from childhood, had a pattern of meeting racist actions or words with swift, extreme violence. He told two stories in particular where he said when he was a kid, like he grew up, you know, and this kind of thing,

like this is a sort of childhood thing that was instilled within him. He grew up in a town that was 99% white. Yeah, and he was the only minority walking around. He was the only minority, he was the only black kid. Kids used to throw racial slurs at him. And he beat the fuck out of him. He beat the living shit out of these kids.

Dorner was a big guy. Yeah. And also, Dorner was a real fucking, like, through and through, like, blue guy. Like, he was like, he was in a goody-two shoes in a way. He was a stickler for the law. Yeah, he was all about integrity. That was what he always talked about was integrity.

He's constantly used the terms, it's not just us, it's justice. Yeah. Like, that's a lot that he said a lot. See how both he was a very good cop and also very annoying to his compatriots. Yeah, sure. Also possibly a very bad cop.

A very reactionary person. Yeah, possibly he would have been, he would have possibly been an extremely dangerous person to have out on the street. Sort of like a liability. Yeah, I would say a big liability. Now, if that pattern holds of meeting violence, or meeting racism with violence,

and by the way, this is just speculation on my part, it's possible that Dorner must have encountered quite a bit of racism in the LAPD to inspire the murderous rage that eventually bubbled over into actual action, which again, absolutely none of it is justified whatsoever, no matter what. If you follow the logic,

then you can see how this happened. Well, if you believe his manifesto, he already had one sort of vital interaction with the fellow police officer when they said the N-word in his presence in a cop car van when they were talking about another perp. And he was like, basically, he turned and he was like,

don't say that word again. And the other officer was like, I'll say whatever word I want, because he was a superior. And then he grabbed him by the Dorner, grabbed him by the shirt, and said, don't you ever say that word in front of me again, and wrestled his superior in a van.

But because cops work the way they work, nobody reported the incident. And of course, the N-word was no as Dorner was going for a bagel or a donut. Yes, yes. And then the second N-word he said was nader. They were talking about the green part. Nader, yeah, yeah, right.

There's actually a lot of N-words. There's many N-words. Nincompoop, ninja. Not for nothing. That's two in there. Nancy is a woman. Yeah, and now we're actually out. Yeah, so there's actually not that many that we can say.

There's nine. And the tenth one you can never say. And nine is one, so that's kind of fun. Oh wow, 11. Oh my goodness. And to give some backstory, Christopher Dorner was fired from the LAPD in 2008 after an incident in which he was found to be lying

about an excessive force complaint registered against Teresa Evans, an officer he was training with in 2007. Perhaps not so coincidentally, this complaint was registered the day after Officer Evans gave Dorner a negative performance review two weeks after the brutality incident in question actually happened.

And there's a thing about Dorner is that he believed that he had never had an unsatisfactory mark on any one of his records when he was in the services and when he was in the police department. Absolutely not true. Yes, of course. He was in the Navy Reserves before he was in the LAPD. One of his officers, like he was written up

for wearing his own shoes in the Navy Reserves. Oh, you got to wear the Navy shoes. You got to wear your freak flag fly in the Navy. No, they signed a big contract with Reebok. You better wear those Reeboks. They said that he was a stickler for the rules but only the rules that he believed in. You got a problem with my elf shoes?

It's almost Christmas. I'm trying to keep the spirit alive. It's just not really what we have here in the Navy. You mean to say I can't wear my jingle shoes? No, I did not even say that. How am I supposed to keep the Christmas spirit alive? Did anybody remember Christmas Carol? Scrooge went from a miser to a generous man and it was all because of the Christmas spirit.

I'm not saying anything racial or anti-Christmasy. How about you with equal force? Come at me with force. Donor claimed that Officer Evans kicked a mentally ill man in the face in the process of an arrest but the review board, after interviewing several witnesses at the scene who said that no kicking took place, they ruled against Donor and fired him for false testimony. However, it must be said that the victim in question

was given medical treatment for facial injuries that night. He told his father at the hospital that he had been kicked in the face by a female officer and he gave a videotaped interview saying the exact same thing. But then the father of the victim said that he was riddled with schizophrenia and often said yes to many questions that were asked of him. Also, anything that's refuting this is coming from the mouth of Donor. Donor is the one saying that people did not stick up for him on the review board

and he was the one that said that Evans had the nickname of the Chubacabra when she had a reputation for drawing blood. He said that one time they were arresting an elderly woman and Evans gave the old woman, she had very thin skin and Evans gave the old woman an Indian burn. Oh, that's a Chubacabra move. That is a Chubacabra move. No, Chubacabra move nips a small hole in a goat and goes...

Chubacabra. That's the problem with Donor is that he makes dozens upon dozens of claims. His manifesto is very long. It's accusatory as you could almost say. He's got a lot of opinions. He makes a lot of accusations, but he also killed four people. His credibility really goes down. Your credibility really goes down.

Why, when you dress in camouflage and hide in the San Bernardino Mountains for some reason you can't be taken seriously anymore? For some reason that just sort of shoots your credibility to hell. But like Henry said, the person who was arrested, he was severely mentally ill and by the time they got him into the actual hearing, he was incoherent, he was unresponsive, didn't say a single word. And while this does prove nothing, it is very interesting that Donor could be fired from the LAPD for something so comparatively small

when officers who straight up murder people or straight up just beat the fuck out of suspects can just get off with a slap on the wrist. Right, right. It seems like he compiled a long list of complaints and they probably just got a headache with him. What would happen was that you have to build friends in any organization. Totally. Being a cop again is very difficult. And so a lot of times they have to stick up for each other.

And that's both in good and bad ways. There are ways that they look out for each other's lives and they sacrifice their lives for each other, but also there's a weird gray area between a lot of times of what is right and what is legal. The thin blue line. Yes, and so a lot of times they hold this code of like we hold ourselves together. We are only, we make sure we are honest to ourselves. We make sure we don't betray each other.

We make sure we don't rat each other out no matter what happens. We'll handle it one on one. They're a gang. Yes, they're a gang. Same thing. A lot of the times. And so Donor made no friends at the LAPD. That's what he said.

He said apparently like Teresa Evans said when the first is the day they started training together Donor was like when I'm done I'm gonna sue the whole LAPD. And he had started picking at different policies and the way people handle stuff as basically all the time as it went and became a real know-it-all. And they don't like that. No, he became a know-it-all. He became a nuisance. He just didn't follow the company line.

And you know pretty much when you're at any job and the entire time you're like this place fucking sucks. Like this place blows. You're probably gonna get fired. Right, right, right. And there's something too hazing and there's something too, you gotta get acclimated. You gotta get in the system. You gotta get to superiority. We gotta buy into company culture or get out.

Basically. Yeah. So after being fired from the LAPD, Donor returned to the Navy Reserves where he'd served prior to his career as a police officer but he was discharged. In January of 2013 we have no idea why just a few days later the rampage began. And it is very unclear. I couldn't find out what Donor was actually doing from 2008 to 2013. That is five years between the time he was fired from the LAPD and the time that he wrote

his manifesto and killed four people. That was a five-year gap and we have no idea what he was doing. You know when Forrest Gump just ran for all those years? He just paced. Yeah. Just circular paced. I think he was just getting real good at Smash Brothers and the harmonica. Could be, yeah.

We do know that he lost his security clearance, he was discharged, and blamed every bit of it on the LAPD outlining all of his claims and what is now known as the Facebook Manifesto. This is what he wrote. I have exhausted all available means in obtaining my name back. I have attempted all legal court efforts within appeals at the Superior Courts and California Appalach Courts. This is my last resort. The LAPD has suppressed the truth and it has now led to deadly consequences.

Now his manifesto began with definition of the word name and what it means. He said, this is about my name. A man is nothing without his name. That's the whole point of his killing spree was to get the LAPD to reinvestigate his firing. Yeah. That was the whole thing about the shooting sprees. This is going to call attention to inequality in the LAPD. It's not like Rodney King called attention to it.

This is what's going to call attention to it. This is what is going to get people to look into institutional racism. But it did go viral. He did very well. He got a lot of likes. Think about how hard we've tried to go viral. Oh my God. Never done it.

How many videos I've made about how hard it is to date and all the stuff like, Tim Tebow. He's ridiculous. Have you made that Tim Tebow? He actually did do a Tim Tebow video for Jess.com. I don't think Jess.com exists anymore. No, I don't think it does. Now, Dorner goes on to name multiple incidents of racism that he encountered while working in LAPD. This is what he said.

I saw some of the most vile things humans can inflict on others as a police officer in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the streets of LA. It was in the confounds of LAPD police stations and shops, a.k.a. cruisers. Enemy combatants in LA are not the citizens and suspects, it's the police officers. The attacks will stop when the department states the truth about my innocence publicly. I will not accept any type of currency or goods in exchange for the attacks to stop, nor do I want it. I want my name back. Period.

There is no negotiation. And then he does do a lot of acronyms. Yeah, he does. Yeah, and that's a thing. To make no mistake, Christopher Dorner was extremely dangerous. I mean, this guy wasn't fucking around. He was motivated, he was angry, and he was trained. That was his whole thing.

He was talking about, I'm going to bring asymmetrical warfare. And the manifesto is not for people. The manifesto was for cops. The manifesto is to the cops, and so it lists a bunch of phrases and a bunch of terminology and training verbiage that are in the manifesto that I don't understand. Yeah, I don't understand either. And that today is that since it was directed straight towards the cops, you could see why they were, of course, there's no excuse for them shooting three people. Of course not. But you can see why they were a little jumpy, because he named 40 different LAPD officers in his manifesto, saying, this is what he said about it.

No amount of I am INT, M-A-S-I-N-T, and L-I-N-T assist you in capturing me. I am off the grid. You better use your feet, tongue, and every available DOD, non-DOD, H-U-M-I-N-T. I know your route to and from home, and your division. I know your significant other's routine, your children's best friends and recess. I know your son's gym hours and routine. I assure you that the casualty rate will be high. If you just would have worn the right shoes, you're at the Navy Yard, you would have never fired a job.

You were pretty good, actually. Christmas is sacred to me. Christmas does not just come once a year. I know, I know. You'll learn anything from them up at Film and Christmas Carol. You have to celebrate it every day of the year. And no age symmetrical warfare that I bring to the Navy will be able to handle what you will not be able to understand. My justice.

Justice. Justice. Justice. It's July. It's July. So it's just not even accurate. Thankfully, before that body count got too high, the donor got cornered. Don't be so proud of yourself.

Yeah, so happy. No, I stole that. Oh, okay. That was a big thing back there in the manhunt. There was just going like, can't corner the donor, bro. Can't corner, I remember that. Can't corner the donor. The memes went crazy.

It was a big meme time. A lot of memes. Yeah. So, I mean, there's a live active shooter for nine days and the internet is just like, meme that. Let's meme that. That's good. You know, Donor did manage to kill four people, including the daughter of the council who

defended him during his hearing, as well as the daughter's fiancee. Plus two police officers who were killed trying to apprehend him. Now, killing the daughter and killing the fiancee, like that really shows that this man had a cruelty within him. Like that is cruelty. That is malice. That is spite. Like that is, I mean, that puts him down at the bottom. Technically, it's asymmetrical warfare.

That's what he was doing. He was coming at them. He was coming at them with everything he got to make them scared. He was being a terrorist. Yeah. And that's what he said about, like, he took his cues from Vietnam and Afghanistan, you know, and the, you know, Al-Qaeda fighters. He said, the reason why we will never beat them is because they have no fear of death.

And he said, I no longer have any fear of death. And he just completely, every single bit of integrity that he had said was so important to him his entire life. And that's what that cognitive dissonance is. He talks about his name and he talks about how I'm a good person and how the LAPD has smeared my name. And he goes out and he kills, just kills a woman and kills her fiancee because she happens to be related to somebody he doesn't like. Right. And I mean, he's still going to the In-N-Out burger in a full, like, one of those tree hats like they wear during camouflage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like in army movies. And so it's like, he's still, like, having to be a person at some point during this time. You know, he's eating leaves. That's what he's doing. Hey, Christopher, we know you're not the Bush. We know you're not a Bush. Come on in. Get your In-N-Out.

You will never be able to defeat my asymmetrical warfare. Okay. Now, Doner got cornered and killed on February 13th in a cabin in the San Berdue Mountains. Oh, my goodness. Either by a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head or burn to death when one of the pyrotechnic tear gas canisters, nicknamed burners, because they catch everything they hit on fire. Cool. They caught on fire after the LAPD fired a few of those into the window, much like Waco, pretty much standoffs,

end in big fires when cops get involved with this. You wanted this guy dead and, you know, rightfully so, the trial would have been terrible. If he had one shred of honesty to him, it is that there is some systemic racism in the LAPD, and the last thing they want is a long trial where someone is screaming about it on the stand. Absolutely, because then everybody's looking at it. Twenty of it's all over the newspapers, and it's just all these attention on it. He becomes a folk hero. Yeah, exactly.

And of course, Christopher Doner's idiotic self-serving rampage didn't change anything in the long run. The legacy he did leave behind is a long, long list of shout-outs at the end of his manifesto. Let's go through it. Let's go through it. Let's go through it. You know, it's kind of sad I won't be around to view and enjoy the Hangover 3. What an awesome trilogy. Todd Phillips, don't make any more Hangovers after the third, takes away the originality of its foundation.

World War Z looks good. In the Walking Dead Season 3, second half, looks intriguing. Damn, I am gonna miss Shark Week. Hillary Clinton, you'll make one hell of a president in 2016. Much like your husband Bill, you'll be one of the greatest. Look, Castro in San Antonio is a running major, possibly secretary of state. He's good people, and I have faith and confidence in him. Look, after Bill, he was always my favorite president.

Chelsea grew up to be one hell of an attractive woman. No disrespect to her husband. No, not okay. Governor Christie, what can I say? You're the only person I would like to see in the White House in 2016, other than Hillary. You're America's no shit taking uncle. Do one thing for your wife, kids and supporters. Start walking tonight and eat a little less.

Not a lot less. Just a little. We want to see you around for a long time. Your leadership is greatly needed. Off the record, I love your new bangs, Mrs. Obama. I didn't vote in this last election as my choice of candidate, John Huntsman, didn't win the primary candidacy for his party. Anderson Cooper, stop nagging and berating your guests.

Do your guests. This is amazing. Christopher Waltz, you impressed me and glorious bastards. After viewing Django Unchained, I was sold. Dave Brubeck's Take Five is the greatest piece of music ever, period. Hans Zimmer, William Bell, Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Bob Marley, Sam Cooke, Metallica, Rob Zombie, Nora Jones, Marvin Gaye, Jay-Z and King, Louis Armstrong, our musical prodigies. Larry David, Kevin Hart, the late, Patrice O'Neill, Lisa Lampinelli, Chris Rock,

Jerry Seinfeld, Lucy Kay, Dave Chappelle, John Stewart, Wanda Sykes, Dennis Miller and Jeff Rocks are pure geniuses. I'm a big fan of all your work. Larry David, I agree. 72-82 degrees is way too hot in the residence. 68 degrees is perfect. It is so weird. And that is only a few, that is, I would say about a third of the shout-outs that he gives. Hi, man. I'm down. Jeff Ross got a shout-out.

Jeff Ross, everybody, Jeff Ross got a shout-out. Now, I remember when it happened, because I was in LA at the time, and I was with Jeff. It was like me, Eddie, and Jeff hanging out. I literally was just like, just got a shout-out from Dorner. We're all like, woo! We're all excited. And we have one more here. Henry, I actually loved your Netflix Specialist characters. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about here.

I got to say, Henry, what did you do with the characters? It was our races. You were obviously playing the character. I got to appreciate that sometimes you step out of line in order to keep the rest of us in line. Can't corner the Dorner. Cannot corner. Well, you can. Yeah, you can. He shoots himself or you burn down the building.

You set him on fire like he's a guinea pig in Indonesia. Yeah, yeah, sure. Turns out you can. And we got one last guy that we don't really got the time to cover, because we already did him for a fucking two episodes. Yeah, we did two episodes. We did Ted Kaczynski. I will have my revenge! Uh-oh. And Ted, another reasonable man.

He makes a couple of good points about the emergence of technology in society and how it's taking us further from being human. Every year that goes by, Ted Kaczynski's manifesto gets just a little bit more true. But the problem with it is that it is the most boring fucking thing I've ever read in my life. Wait a second, but this is one of, I want, let's have Kaczynski read one of the more scintillating paragraphs. For some reason I came in today and they're like, Kaczynski, you're going to read Ted Kaczynski and do it like Kaczynski. So I don't know what that means.

Alright, so let's see here. He uses a lot of large words. Okay, so it may be that existentialism is in a large part. It may be that existentialism is in a large part a response to the purposelessness of modern life, very widespread in modern society. So is the search for fulfillment, but we think, so is the search, but you cut it up all wrong, Marcus. Is the search for fulfillment, but we think that for the majority of people, an activity whose main goal is fulfillment that is a surrogate activity does not completely,

does not bring completely satisfactory fulfillment. In other words, it does not fully satisfy the need for the power process. See paragraph 41. So I feel like there's a joke on me here. It's fucking difficult to shit. And it's boring as fuck. And he was stinky as a bastard. Dude, you really do when you read it.

You feel like you wandered into the wrong college course. You feel like you wanted the professor that really loves the sound of his own voice. And you're like week six. Yeah, you're past the point of being able to drop the class. And now you're just stuck with Professor Kaczynski. Alright, so I'll give you a bunch of Facebook. Ben can read. Well, you know what?

Ben can read. We all know that Ben can read. He does very good. He does a whole podcast where he sounds very smart. Able and can stop at. Yeah. No, I know. I do a bunch of podcasts.

Yeah. That's the one I would say you're probably the most smart on. Oh, I like politics, Henry. I know you do. You do. I like politics, Henry. How you do? Oh my goodness.

Alright, manifestos. Geez, I gotta spend. I've spent the last two days reading manifestos, right? You know, we do this every episode of something like this where it's just piles of nonsense. I'm mentally exhausted. Yeah. I have a hard time understanding because also because they're at the height of either schizophrenia or mental anguish, they're not written very well.

No. No. They're absolutely not. They're disjointed a lot of times. They're rambling. Ted Kaczynski, he worked on his for years. I'd say too long. Way too long.

Yeah. He thought, well, it was all he had to do. But these guys, you really do, you read this stuff and your brain turns to mush, speaking, I gotta say a big thank you to Megan Fierro, research assistant, who actually read Ted Kaczynski's manifesto and gave us quite a few choice clips from it and some choice excerpts from it, but it's too boring. It's too boring. It's just way too boring.

And so I want to thank her for taking the bullet on that one. I also want to thank research assistant Alice Bennett, who did a lot of great work on this. The research assistants have really been killing it lately. Two have already died. They actually have. It's really sad. They die of that Japanese death where they're just too exhausted from work. Yeah, exactly.

Death by overwork. So yeah, thanks to the research assistants that have really been helping us out a lot lately. I'm going to tell you this. You know what, also, you don't have to kill to get a manifesto out of your system. Go ahead, write a manifesto. Keep it in your drafts or email. Just keep it in yours. Tactically, J.K. Rawlings was starting a manifesto.

It turned into Harry Potter. It turned into a lovely book for kids. Yes. So we're writing a manifesto. Here's a couple of things that you can start with. There's a couple of topics I'd like to start with. Oh, you're going to give them some prompts? Yeah.

Here's to all those who didn't believe in me. That's a good one. That's a good one. My own personal revolution. Good. I think it's a good one. And the other one is I'm taking you all with me. All right.

You're not bad. Just write along those themes and then save them in a draft and then you get them out of your system. Yeah. Get it out of your system. Yeah. Maybe try to, I don't know, like, oh, try to convert your manifesto into a concept album or go to a bowling alley and bowl.

Do people still do that? I think so. Concept albums? Absolutely. Bowling alleys. All right. Thank you guys so much for listening and supporting the Patreon page. Of course.

Yeah. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. We're getting really close to our goal of a 10,000 a month. Oh, my God. As we said, if we get that 10,000 a month, then pretty much like everything will be self-sufficient. It paid for itself. We will be able to make last podcast a top priority and speak in which and we'll be able to take a lot more live shows and speak in which, God damn, we've got so many live shows

all across America coming up this summer. The big one that we got right now is Los Angeles. We are coming to Los Angeles on July 16th. We're going to be at the Crest Westfield Theater doing a live showing and live commentary of one of the best horror movies that has ever existed and one of the first horror movies that has ever existed, Haxson. All right. But before that, we got to go to my wonderful land of the Midwest.

We're going to Chicago. Chicago land. We're going to Chicago. We already sold out the first show. We added a second show. It's going to be our children's matinee. It's children's matinee and name only. Understand what it is that we do.

Understand what it is that you bring a child. You're a bad parent. That's on you. Yeah. That is absolutely on you. But I'll entertain your child. I don't mean suck its car. All right.

All right. But that's a good indication of how our show is. So remember that if you do have a child. But just Google LastPod. I don't have the exact information right now. Just Google LastPodcast on the left, Chicago tickets and you'll be able to find us there. If you want tickets for a Los Angeles show, get those soon. We are close to selling out that show.

And by the way, that accent showing, it's going to be our own cut. And I'm going to be doing a custom soundtrack for that movie because it's a silo. It's a silo film. I'm super excited for that. We're going to start work on that real soon. It's going to be a real end. We're going to have a band play beforehand called The Real Players. I just sent them a list of a ton of different really cool songs from horror movies.

They're already starting to work on it. I made sure to put some Iron Maiden in there. They said they can fucking handle it. You're going to do what evil men do? They're going to do Run to the Hills, but I can also get them to do what evil men do. What about Sarah McLaughlin in The Arms of the Angels? You know, I lost my virginity to Sarah McLaughlin. You did?

Yeah, it wasn't my choice. The girl that I was with, she was a college freshman. I was a junior in high school and she thought it. She wanted to make it special for me. The arms of the angels, you're fucking a dead woman. No, I was going to say a crying dog. This was 1998, 1999. Before she sold it to the ASBs.

Sold out. She did sell out to the ASBs. I mean, she's taken bank off of that. Totally sold out. But the live shows, we can't announce them just yet because they're not officially booked, but we've got some really cool shit all over the country coming up. Follow us on Instagram at LP on the left and you can follow me on Instagram at Dr. Fantasty. I know Kissel is just a new one.

I'm working on it. Marcus is at Marcus Parks. Yeah, and you can also listen to my music show, The Lucky Bone Show. If you go to mixclaw.com slash Marcus Parks. Yeah, you can find me on Twitter at Ben Kissel. I mean, I am on Instagram at Ben Kissel One. I just forgot my password. I don't know how to get it.

You got to read, just change your password. Yeah, but then, yeah, everybody. Yeah, I mean, you could just click a button. It says forgot password and they send you a new password. Yeah, where am I sending it to? To your email. There's a lot of complication. Don't confuse it.

I'm on Twitter at Henry Loves You. Also, follow me on Snapchat, I guess. Oh, you're doing Snapchat now? I've sent out like three of them. I don't know what this is. I heard Snapchat was out. I don't know what that is. I heard it was out.

I don't really care. It's totally out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of these comedians are saying like, oh, I guess I got to get on Snapchat now. It's out. It's out. You guys are, you missed the boat?

Great. Yeah. Good. I don't want to. I like Instagrams. And if you want your very own last podcast on the left T-shirt, go to cavecomedyradio.com slash merch. And I guess we haven't done a show since the last live show.

So thanks so much for everyone who came out to the creek in the cave. It was a wonderful show and everyone is always incredible. And for supporting all the shows here on CCR, we are crushing it. Marcus and I do Abel against Top Hat. As mentioned, that's politics. It's so fun this year. Yeah. Roundtable of gentlemen.

Get drunk with your friends. Mm-hmm. And section of the human activities. Well, I took, yeah, section of the human activities where I elaborate more on those weird things I was talking about earlier with thinking I, people could read my thoughts. It's a mental health advice show. I am qualified to give it because you got it.

100% sane. Pale yourselves. Oh, and also page seven. This, the last few weeks and the next week or so, Henry is guesting on page seven with his sister Jackie and myself. And it's cute. And it's cute and fun. It's cute and fun.

We're talking celebrity news. I do feel like I end up getting too real on it. Like I bring too real to page seven and then I get conspiracy talking. Then you and Jackie look at me like I'm crazy. Well, I bring it back to the center. Any good Busey news? Busey. Busey's doing fine.

Good. He's alive. He's alive. He's doing a lot more alive than Prince. All right. Very nice. Very happy Prince. Heilgein.

Heilgein, hail me, hail Satan. Magusalations. A big magusalations. Hey, believe in yourself. Okay. Except. Except for when you're going to go out and kill, then just stop. Never believe in yourself when it comes to crime.

They got it. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.