Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 232: Bigfoot Hunters

Episode Date: July 14, 2016

It's the strange and wonderful world of Bigfoot hunters this week as we cover hunting techniques (it's all about the RIDGES), the legitimate-as-you-can-get Bigfoot Field Research Organization aka BFRO, and the definitely illegitimate Great American Field Research Organization aka GABFRO.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Man, I ate so many weed gummies last night I was blocked inside my own body like a prison while inside a pool. I'm just so thrilled you found a pool and not a fountain this time.

It was a real pool. It wasn't a lagoon, it wasn't a big foot-foot dent. It wasn't just some wealthy man's bathtub? No. Technically, any pool can be a wealthy man's bathtub if you've got enough surf. That's true. Welcome to the show, everyone. This is the last podcast on the left.

I am Ben Kissel. That's Marcus Parks. Hey, Ben. And of course, we've got Henry Zabrowski. I have been hanging out with Screech for the last three days. Really? Screech has been on set for Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, and he's an interesting guy. He's explained a lot of stuff.

He's not a murderer. Oh, I see. He did snap somebody in my home state of Wisconsin, so he wants to be one. He's just practicing. I don't think he's practicing. He's not practicing. That's unfair. No, he's doing very well.

He's completely rehabilitated. That's incredible. Well, Dustin Diamond, look out for him on this season of Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell. He made quite a bit of money off of Save by the Smell. Was that the name of his porno? Yes. He wasn't in it. He says he tells me it was a body double.

I don't know if that's a myth or not, but he told me it was a body double, and he didn't actually do it. And that's because he had to convince his now wife that he wasn't in the sex tape. And she's like, oh, but you put it out. And he's like, well, I've got all the footage to show that it's just some guy with an Afro wig on with a huge old dog. He's like, you've seen my penis. It's tiny and weird, honey.

All right. What a lucky lady. So we've been covering some really light topics, so we've decided to get into a really heavy episode. Oh, yeah. It's all about bigfoot hunters. Yes. Those marginalized members of society that have been fighting for the truth for way too

long. Yeah. And you know what? And much persecuted, much like the Pokemon. Oh, my God. I actually find it really distasteful that in Germany, they're doing the Pokemon Go game, and they're putting little yamakas in the Pokemon. And the way you get them is you have to hit it with a stick.

And the number one you've got to get, isn't it Jigafoot? I don't know. They all sound like racial slurs if you put into this kind of context. But their main one is just called Ann. Oh, isn't that interesting. It's a little fat one with a bob haircut. Yes. And they're wearing little sheriff badges I've heard.

Of course. Today, yes, it is bigfoot hunters on today's last podcast on the left. Now there are numerous internet sources for today's episode, but the book used in today's episode is Weird Science and Bizarre Beliefs by Dr. Gregory L. Reese. It is highly recommended for anyone looking to get a better understanding of the types of people that we're going to be talking about today and a lot of the weird things that have gone on in America and the world, including like I got a lot of Hollow Earth stuff from them.

There's some great mole men stuff on those guys. It's a really cool book, and I definitely recommend checking it out. And there's no way Gregory Reese is not a doctor. He printed out a paper that says, I am a doctor. There's no way he's not a doctor. Yeah, we're sure because DR could also just be short for like Drewford, and he doesn't want to go by Drewford anymore. So he's like, yeah, now they think I'm official.

Also, I watched about 45 minutes of a man that we're going to cover today. He's a wonderful personality, Tom Biscardi. He made a documentary called Bigfoot Lives that I was watching on Amazon. It's only available through Amazon, very savvy, very smart to get the rental money from Amazon. But they, man, these big fat old guys are obsessed with feet. Yeah. I guess once you can't see your own, you just go hunting for another's. No, we've covered Bigfoot like lightly before.

This is more about the personalities behind the hunt for Bigfoot. Right. These people are like, like older women turned to gems, older men with camouflage full outfits turned to hunting Bigfoot. Right. I mean, and it's really more of a communal experience where they can go and get drunk with their friends and have an excuse to tell their wives of why they're doing it, right? Yeah, absolutely.

In fact, Ben, me and you watched a Bigfoot Hunter episode in which it was for very overweight men with very large beards, and they were hunting. I think it was called the Minnesota Whistler, and they were armed to the teeth as if they were about to go fight in Afghanistan, but really they were fighting a fictitional character. Absolutely. Yeah, they had these gigantic shotguns that they all made sure to cock and load before they win, just traipsing off into the darkness. But in order to attract the Whistler, what they actually did was they brought along a

harmonica. No, they brought along a harmonica because it was said that the Whistler actually responded to harmonica noises. So every once in a while they turn to one of the hillbillies and like do it. And you pull out his harmonica and then you just hear like off of the distance, oh, there. Ladies and gentlemen, Whistler with that down south voice. Money waters, ladies and gentlemen. Now, the first Bigfoot hunt we'll cover today is actually more of a Bigfoot hunting accident

perpetrated by a man named Charlie Victor of the Squaw Reserve located in the Pacific Northwest. Now, this is actually this hunt, this hunting accident is actually where we get the term Sasquatch from. Charlie Victor was the guy who coined the term Sasquatch. And that was the- Now, Squaw is also a Native American term for like tiny hot lady. Well, I'm not sure if that's factually accurate.

So is this like Babe Reserve for the Native Americans? It's like, oh, must go to Squaw Reserve because that's where all the hot trim is. Isn't that true, horny beaver? Yeah. Well, one day, as Charlie was out hunting, he fired into the brush thinking that he was shooting at a bear. But after hearing a distinctly human cry, Charlie discovered he had instead shot a naked 12 year old boy.

Oh. Interesting. Now, what state of body was the child if you could confuse a 12 year old boy for a bear? I mean, similar to the way I grew up. Right. Because I had back hair literally by the age of 10. Yeah, you do look like a kind of a cub. Yeah.

A bit. No, yeah. From what I understand, he was a bit malnourished. Okay. He was a skinny, hairless white boy. Seems like the opposite of a bear. But I don't know, maybe I got that wrong. No, soon after the boy started screaming, a full grown, six foot tall, covered in hair,

female big foot emerged from the woods. And Charlie, who claimed to have strangled many a bear with nothing but his own two hands, later said that the creature could have broken every bone in his body without effort. What's this guy doing going around strangling bears? It seems ridiculous. No, you see, Russians do it all the time. Strangle bears? Yeah, we cover it on round table constantly.

Okay. I don't know. Charlie sounds like the OJ Simpson but for bears. Yes. Not nice. Not a nice guy. Now, the creature obviously upset that the child had been shot, turned to Charlie and said in the local native tongue, you have shot my friend.

Any masculine voice for female big foot. Charlie apologized, saying he thought that the naked pre-pubescent was a full grown bear. And that's what every mother wants to hear, how their child to describe, sorry, didn't mean to shoot your boy. I thought it was a tiny, naked bear. Yes. And then that's how all pedophiles can get away with shit from now on. Just saying, I was just trying to tame that crazy, naked, tiny bear.

But instead of ripping Charlie to shreds, as she probably should have done, the big foot began doing what Charlie called a, quote unquote, wild frisk around the boy, chanting in a loud voice for a minute or two, to which Charlie heard a wild howl come from the mountains in response. So do we know that this wasn't just another human being? I mean, according to Charlie Victor, it was a six foot tall woman covered in hair. This would only be true if it was in Greece. Yes.

And next, the big foot, who was apparently just carrying this thing around with her, started striking the ground with a six foot length of intestine over and over again. Where'd you get the intestine from? Is it like Bugs Bunny? It does seem like a lot of intestine. And when the bizarre ritual ended, the big foot picked up the boy and disappeared into the woods without giving Charlie a second thought. Oh, well, he didn't even get to take home his kill and eat it.

Isn't that sad? The big feet seem to do that a lot. They always describe it about big foot leaving without a second thought. Like, they're always like just showing up, doing something dumb or like waving and then just leaving like they're the wacky neighbor in that fight. What was that? The show? Empty nest?

Empty nest. Yeah. Good show. Yeah. Now, of course, while Charlie's big foot hunt experience was an accident, there are thousands out there who take the actual hunting of big foot very seriously and have even devised techniques and tools for the actual hunt. Now, every single time I see a title like In Big Foot Lives, all the guys that the weird

Wisconsin guys that Tom Buscardi is with, they all have the same title of Private Investigator, which I actually don't know what that means. I just think I technically can be a private investigator if I want because what I do on my own is private. And you're investigated. If you have an expired license, you're a private investigator. Yeah. That's the number one rule off the grid.

Remember that when they say private investigator, there is sometimes but not always the adjective licensed in front of private investigator. Right. And when they say licensed private investigator, that's when you can take them a little more seriously. But you don't want to go with one of those people. They're part of the system. They're part of the problem.

I just kind of like to fuck with crime scenes. Are you eating the bullet shells, sir? Aw, damn. I thought it was cashews. I'm blind. I'm totally blind. I'm blind. I'm blind.

I investigate using my hands and smell like a smell of Bigfoot. Oh, no, no, no. That's just Charlie who works for catering. That's not dumb. I'll never wash. A dumb, daredevil artist and his catering buddy. The most important tool that any Bigfoot hunter has is the ability to track because as we all know, the most common evidence of a Bigfoot in the area is footprints, technically the

only evidence and also highly debatable as to whether or not they are actually feed prints. Oh, my God. If I see one more of these so-called private investigators following me all around New York City taking a sample of my footprints, I'm going to be pretty goddamn pissed off. Seriously, you cannot go to Oregon Castle. No, I cannot. And I've got to get shoes from Zappos. But that's the thing, though, is that there's a lot more to it than just the size of the

print. There are ways to tell if it is actually a Bigfoot footprint or not. First of all, Bigfoots have very long strides and walk one foot directly in front of each other rather than the usual left, right, left, right alternation of humans. Almost like they were done by a man with a footprint on a stick. Yeah. But not really. No, no, no, no.

See, that's the thing, though, is that there are ways around that. It's not a man just hopping around with a stick. See, humans have a variation of depth owing to the arches of our feet. The foot of a Bigfoot is flat, which is why they're easy to duplicate. Oh, and how do we know this, though, for sure? Because I spoke with a Bigfoot, bad lumbar. They need extra lumbars. They got to get new balance.

Yeah, they need some new balance. There's a very easy way to tell for sure whether this is just a big wooden, a big wooden stamp or an actual Bigfoot footprint. According to a man named Jimmy Chilcut, he's got to be, he's got to know. According to Jimmy Chilcut, it's all about the ridgets. That's what I've heard women say as well. I feel like Jimmy Chilcut was born with chewing tobacco in his lip, just like ready to go. He literally cannot begin a sentence without, well, well, how much spit do you have?

So Chilcut, like many in the Bigfoot community, has surprisingly impressive credentials. This is true. We'll see this again and again with these people that we talk about. They do actually have credentials. They have real jobs, not all of them, but some of them. Chilcut is a former crime scene investigator and fingerprint examiner from Conroe, Texas. And for some reason, he's also the go-to guy for fingerprinting primates at zoos and research centers around the country.

Why would we be fingerprinting these fucking animals? What crimes are they committing? Well, you never know when there's going to be another alligator attack. We've got to get the alligators registered on a huge registry and don't let them buy guns. That's the alligators. This is the third week in a row. You've brought up the alligators.

That's about the alligators. The rest of America has passed on to the deep horrible problems that are happening. You were obsessed with this alligator job. Now, according to Chilcut, the size and shape of the plant doesn't matter. Well, doesn't even have to look like a foot. Sometimes it doesn't be a big, weird triangle, but it's logical to assume that since humans aren't of uniform size and don't want to follow that big feet, wouldn't be nether. Well, well, well, well, well, oh, my underroofs fell down.

He's just walking around nude with this fucking dick hanging out in the fucking underwear around his ankles. Yeah. I'm sure he's a professional. Yeah, I'm sure he's a pro. And let's be honest, he doesn't wear underwear. No, absolutely not. You may mock, you may mock, sir, but that is exactly what he says that it's a logical

to assume that since humans aren't of uniform size, it would be safe to assume that big feet or excuse me, big foots aren't of a uniform size either. Now, it's definitely big foots and not big feet. Definitely big foots, big feet. That was just a bit of a slip on my part. Oh, OK. Oh, I'm just actually wondering. Yeah, it's big foots.

So it's big foots. It sounds really stupid. Yeah. I think big feats is better. No, no, no. More than one. It's not. No, no, no.

Well, I mean, technically, you would be a big feats. Yeah. You have big feats. People have been taking pictures of me on the subway for years. And they would call me a delicate feats. Oh, yes. Of course. Now, in addition to the feet being different sizes, big footprints look a hell of a lot

like bear paws. Certainly not always going to be bear paws. It's definitely not going to be always bear paws, and there's reasons behind that. So they have similar paws to a bear. They look just like a bear. So it's definitely a big foot. No, no, no, no, no. It's all about the ridges.

Oh, ridges. I see. See, Sasquatch ridges are wider than those of a human and run the length of the foot vertically while humans have the swirly's near the toes and horizontal ridges running along the arch. You can check your own foot right now if you think I'm wrong. Wooden stamps have no ridges unless you cut ridges into the wooden stamps. That's one idea, Henry, but I have to agree with Marcus on this one.

I just checked out the bottom of my foot and I found an M&M. I mean, wooden stamps, yes, yes, one could, if they were so inclined, carve ridges into it, but one would have to be quite the skilled woodsmen to do so. Oh, no, you just have to fucking cut ridges into it. Henry, do you think these people have time to take out of their busy days of doing random chill cut things? No, they do not have the time to fake this. They're making up a profession.

They're only putting on camouflage and thankfully instead of killing black people, they're out looking for bigfoot. Yes, they should not be cops, that's for certain. Question is, what do you mean when you say ridges? I mean ridges, look at the lines. Look at your, I know you're not wearing shoes. Look at it right now. Oh my God, do not show us your feet.

They are disgusting and strangely brown. I don't know what's happening. You see all those lines? All those lines are going horizontally. And Henry, show it again. These are my skin lines. No, no, no. Henry, show it to Ben again.

I don't want to see it again. Show it to Ben again. Why are you, why am I looking at his disgusting feet? Look at those swirly's up top. They're the toes. They're swirly's up top. God, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Thank you, Henry.

I got modeled pink, weird Scottish feet. They are odd. The thing is that Bigfoot hunters don't rely solely on footprints. In the year 2000, a partial body imprint of a Bigfoot was found in a location called Skooka Meadows in Washington State by the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization, aka the B-Fro, who we'll hear more about later. And they're the real deal, guys, they're technically the only group that is very, very serious about Bigfoot hunting and have tried to put a lot of science behind their work.

Did I hear you correctly? The B-Fro? I mean, the B-F-R-O, B-F-O for short. B-F-R-O. Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization, aka B-F-R-O. Also I think a part of the reason why we took this country from the Native Americans is because they weren't terrible at name and shit. Yeah.

B-F-R-O is a pretty good name, though. Yeah. I don't know if they call themselves B-F-R-O. That's just what I call them. I'm talking about Skookum. Oh yes, that is a heck of a name. Next time I have sex I'm going to say Skookum, like right as I go instead of I'm having one. Now one night, and Lord knows how they decided what kind to use, the B-F-R-O used a certain

kind of pheromone to attract a Bigfoot that was reportedly seen in the area. Greg, do you mind if I just piss all over your cargo shorts? Listen, this is about pheromones. This isn't about my cruel, weird, German embarrassment fetish I have about pissing inside the pockets of a fat man's cargo shorts. Just because I love B-F-R-O and I love our mission I will let you piss on them. Oh, I'm pissing in the area. Oh, you already did it.

Okay, so actually if I didn't give you consent you still would have done it, though. Now along with the pheromone was a large quantity of fruit, all of which the B-F-R-O left out in the woods overnight. Well, apparently that's true because you have to gift in order to get the Bigfoot to come around. They're like gifts. So you have to pay tribute to the Bigfoot? Yes, there's like a list, it's like shiny objects, they're like mirrors, they're like

Christmas ornaments. This is true. And then they're like peanut butter, they're like jerky, and then they're like dog piss. So they're just like Victorian queens? Yes. Including the dog piss. Yeah, I know. They're more like birds and rats.

Yeah. Those are all things you use to attract birds and rats. Quite frankly, I think these people were just cleaning out the refrigerator and they're throwing anything that they have that they don't want at the Bigfoot. I hope it likes mixed greens. I bought this bag of mixed greens that I just didn't do anything with for about 14 days. I got a pre-worn like green sludge. Now when the B-F-R-O team returned the next morning, they found the pheromone attractant

was gone and the fruit was partially eaten. This sounds like Santa Claus leaving when they bite the cookie and then leave like Santa Claus would leave like a half a cookie. Right. So this itself is proof of nothing. The team also found a body imprint of some sort of unknown creature. Jeff Meldrum, one of the most respected members of the Bigfoot community and prominent member of the B-F-R-O, in addition to being a full professor of anatomy and anthropology at Idaho

State University, had quite a bit to say about the imprint. Here's how he interpreted the findings. Apparently the South Squatch had approached the puddle, laid down across the halo of moist soil on the periphery of the puddle without stepping there. Very delicate for the large feet it must have. An impressive dog then leaned onto its left elbow and forearm to reach in with its right arm toward the puddle for a sampling of the fruit so delicate. Love how long and moist its dong must be if you can imagine it if you can picture it in

your mind. And then it's pushing against the mud with its heel, sort of like it's watching Ellen like I do in the mornings. Big long, meaty, pumpernickel-looking dong on that pickle. I mean, do we know it wasn't just a drunk escaped convict? Could it be anything? It was probably you. Oh, it was me.

It's like, where is this? I can see you literally just like, drammerly lost in a forest and just being like, uh, some fruit, huh? Better take a squat. Yeah, you're like in 2000 year old, what, a senior in high school? Yes, I was. Yeah, so you're big enough then. Oh, absolutely.

I was larger than I am now and I do recall eating a lot of fruit in the woods alone. You were probably responsible for at least 20 sightings during your college years. Oh, there's no doubt about it and they're like, Bigfoot has a drinking problem and I'll be like, leave me alone. A lot of that. Now while many Bigfoot hunters claim to have seen a real life Bigfoot in the wild, with one guy on a bizarre Bigfoot hunting competition reality show claiming he'd killed no less than two dead bodies have supposedly been found, yet they always seem to disappear before

scientific verification can be made. There's always, this is the fucking thing that haunts the Bigfoot hunting community is the fact that they cannot ever prove anything. They have no real solid evidence and every person that comes forward with a quote unquote body or a quote unquote pile of shit they saved in Tupperware that they say is Bigfoot, it turns out to be a scam and it's hurting the whole thing. Anybody who wants to take it seriously really can't put an actual valid point out there because you have so many morons with fucking monkey costumes that it's covered in dirt.

Yeah, totally, but this next story known as the frozen man, it could be real. Okay, we're getting close. Now in 1967, a man named Terry Cullen claimed that he had paid a quarter to see a dead Bigfoot encased in a block of ice in a sideshow in Milwaukee. What year was this? 1967. 1967. Yeah.

Cullen immediately notified the small at the time but emerging Bigfoot community owing to the recent unveiling of the infamous Patterson video. So Bigfoot mania was at a peak. And the Patterson video is sort of the iconic video that we've seen over and over and over. Yeah, yeah, Bigfoot walking through the woods and when the team arrived, they found a six foot tall male covered in fur, saved for what skin showed, which was waxy and was said to have the color of a white man who hadn't seen a whole lot of sun in his life. So this man had a family, let's assume, and maybe they were starving and he promised them

he was going to go get a job and he was going to go buy them some bread. And then he came home and his pockets were empty of quarters and he explained to them why. And then they've got a divorce. I saw a man frozen in ice, he had the most back hair I've ever seen. Daddy, I'm so hungry, do we have any soup? No. There's a man frozen in ice, not 30 yards from here, you expect me to bring home food.

I guess we could try to eat him. Literally, he's probably a factory worker who fell in the lake on a soft spot during the winter time. That is the saddest part. The creature had obviously died a violent death, as both its eyes were missing from their sockets. One eye was gone completely, but the other dangled from the skull hole and rested on the creature's cheek.

Apparently, it just came back from seeing that horrible Ben Affleck film, Pearl Harbor. Oh, I actually kind of like Pearl Harbor. Factually inaccurate, Benjamin. I don't know. I do. Well, who cares? This is cool. I mean, you wouldn't even have to market this as a Sasquatch necessarily, it just seems

like a fun thing to look at. I would pay a quarter just to see a dead frozen guy. Yeah, totally. Yeah, well, but then if you bill it as a dead frozen guy, there's probably going to be a criminal investigation. Oh, good point. Yeah. And it's not really a thing you advertise.

It's more like a janitor like kind of nudges you while you're at some sort of like university quad. And he goes, hey, I want to see a dead guy. All right. Yeah, I got a quarter. All right. Now, the frozen man also had an open wound. Its left arm was broken and the room smelled like rotting flesh.

But most disturbing was the creature's genitals as the testicles appeared to be attached to the thighs rather than the dangle usually seen in humans. Well, you know, that's just what happens on a hot day. And I think they froze him when he was like demolition, man, you know, if they froze him quick. Oh, no, no, no. There was no separation. They were firmly attached to the thigh doctor.

What is wrong with my testicles? They seem to be a giant web in between my legs. He's like, I'm sorry, son, it looks like you've got a rare case of bat nuts. Yep. Yep. Another case of nut thighs. I've seen this before. Unfortunately, the creature's body was removed from exhibit soon before the team could examine

it physically and it was soon replaced with a wax lookalike. But those who were present maintained to this day that the specimen was genuine. Did they still charge a quarter to see this wax specimen? Oh, it seemed worth it. Absolutely. Yeah. It's like seeing the real thing. Yeah.

I mean, I also feel like it was one of those situations where the people who worked at the sideshow, they stunk really bad and they blamed it on the thing in ice. I mean, how many times have you been to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum? I went in there one time, super drunk and I was shaking all the wax hands. They got very, you're not supposed to touch them. You're very still. Where did you go to Clown College or something? You're very still, very small, smaller than you should be still.

They are. Come home with me. You're coming home. This is Robin Ferris Elton. Yeah, exactly. Pulling her from the stand. Is that Demi Lovato? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Now, while we're on the subject of dead Bigfoot's, it seems as if the biggest point of contention in the Bigfoot community is what should be done should a Bigfoot actually be found. Now, well, most agree that capture is the best way to go. No matter how dangerous it might be to their own person, a lot of them speculate that such a large creature, when confronted, would be unpredictable. Because, I imagine this, right, I imagine him trying to catch Gary Busey in a net. Oh, sure.

If Gary Busey just himself was like running around Los Angeles and was your job to catch him with a net, it's going to be really difficult and he'll probably be really dangerous when you corner him. Yeah. Think about what a Bigfoot would do. You know what? I like the analogy because he would be a little bit dangerous, unpredictable, but then sometimes he would say a sentence that made so much prophetic sense that it would be a really

a powerful interaction. Oh. Gary Busey is a sage. Oh, my God. I mean, he's like those, you know, he's a shaman. He is a shaman. He is an absolute shaman. And by that, there are a lot of people that believe that the big feet are also wise creatures.

That's right. And when they can talk to us psychically, that's a whole other story of all together. Bigfoots. Goddammit. Yeah. You're really messing this up, Henry. Who's crazier, by the way? Gary Busey or Randy Quaid?

Oh, Randy Quaid. Randy Quaid? I think that Quaid is obviously crazier than Gary Busey because Gary Busey is still working. Oh, that's a good point. Okay. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Gary Busey is, he's crazy, but in the most sane way possible.

That's right. He's got a timeline. He's linear. Perfect. Yeah. Randy Quaid jumped off the grid. Technically a magician. Technically, he's a wizard.

He's making his own shit up. I love it. We should look up to him. Yes. And if you do want to follow one person on Twitter today, make it Randy Quaid, it is unbelievable. Well, yeah, some people say capture, that's the way to go. Some people say he's going to be so unpredictable that we might have to murder him in the process.

But one researcher says that murder is the only way John Green said in a speech at the 2003 International Bigfoot Symposium that killing and dissecting a bigfoot body is essential to the understanding of the creature. Oh, this seems like some um-shin-ri-kyo logic. Yeah. Yeah. To release it. Now, others prefer a more environmental, Jane Goodall type of approach in which the creature

is allowed to live out its life in its natural habitat under observation. And interestingly enough, Jane Goodall, one of, if not the most respected primate researcher in history, fully believes Bigfoot exists. She'll say anything to get in a magazine, that monkey whore. Well, wasn't Jane Goodall proven to be a total fraud? Coco couldn't speak. Oh. I mean, if they kind of speak, if they can't really speak, they know how to ask for food

and they're always horny so they know how to ask for sex. But that's it. They're like toys. And they get upset when their kids die. Right. But that doesn't make them people. Did Jane Goodall have sex with an ape? I mean, I'm not going to say yes because that's defamation of character.

But yes. Interesting. She definitely wanted it. Oh, yeah. It seemed that way. It crossed her mind. I would have to. Yeah.

It definitely crossed her mind. She's alone in that jungle. She's hanging out with these monkeys all day. It's not so much like people. I bet she's like, I bet I could fuck one. But if I smear a little banana on my pussy, I could teach him how to find my clitoris. Oh, right. That's just fine.

Jane Goodall aside, the man with, by far, the most unique approach to the eventual discovery of Bigfoot is Russian Bigfoot Hunter, Dmitry Banov. Now, this is the guy that is based off of the character from Harry and the Hendersons is based off of. Really? Yes. He's definitely in the capture camp, but listen to what he has to say as to what should be done once the capture actually happens.

I can imagine young Sasquatches doing very well in the school, especially designed for them. If a human child brought up by animals becomes an animal, I wonder what will become of a homie child brought up by humans. So Russians have one of the worst school systems in the entire world. They have to wait in line for bread, and this guy is thinking about educating a fictional character before his own Russian kids. Russians believe that twins are bad luck.

They want to introduce a unknown, since a year or two or four unknown, primate species into children's school with that. That'll be fine. Russia's going to be fine. Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And according to Dmitry, this education could go both ways. The sketch watch could become teacher of human boy and girl scouts in the art of survival

in the wild. In that case, we are bound to have parent-teacher conferences with the somewhat different agenda and composition about the sketch watch. And then we kill the rest of the Jews. Oh, interesting. That's a big thing. We take them out of the schools and we replace the Jews with the sketch watch. It's kind of derailed there into more of an anti-Semitic rant.

Oh, no, no, no. It's all linear thought. Oh, I see. Of course, while we might make fun of these people, I truly do believe that they have the best intentions, and many of them do have some compelling evidence. Well, they've all seen shit. They've all seen shit. And the Native Americans have been talking about the men of the mountain for forever.

I think maybe it's just hairy, stinky guys that don't come around. But I think at some point, there were other high-functioning primates that were around that were like us, that were more closely in touch with our communities. Yeah. And I think that's definitely the truth. But in modern times, some might make the argument that the sheer number of Bigfoot sightings actually disproves their existence, because there have been thousands of Bigfoot sightings over the years in America alone, not to mention Russia and parts of Asia, and it would follow

that with so many people catching glimpses of the Bigfoot here and there, at the very least, a body would be found, unless Bigfoots have some sort of death radar in which they know exactly when and where a Bigfoot dies, after which a burial immediately takes place. Now, unfortunately, all that has been found is unidentified hair, footprints, and the odd pile of excrement. And the same thing since Elvis died. Yeah, I think that's right. Now, with so much left to interpretation, combined with such a strong belief by the

Bigfoot community, it's almost guaranteed that there are people out there willing and able to take advantage. Perhaps the most infamous is the self-described real Bigfoot hunter. I like the quotation, quotation, quotation, like, either side of that quote unquote real Bigfoot hunter, Carmine Thomas Biscardi of Las Vegas, Nevada, current CEO and founder of Bigfoot Projects Investments Incorporated, formerly searching for Bigfoot Incorporated, formerly the Great American Bigfoot Field Research Organization, or GABFRO for short. What he discovered is that BFRO was starting to make some money, basically having people

come out and doing lead Bigfoot hunting tours, where people would pay a bunch of money, you'd go with actual researchers out into the forest, and you'd spend a couple days camping looking for Bigfoot. Thomas Biscardi worked as a concert promoter in Las Vegas, and he was like, and he says that he's been obsessed with Bigfoot since he saw the Patterson film on Johnny Carson, or as you like to call him, John Carson, which drives me crazy, so he's like calling it like a UFO, or like, I hate that shit, but he basically was obsessed with Bigfoot and he wanted to get in the game, and so he did was create GABFRO in order to literally directly bite

off of BFRO, and so people would just get confused, and then he would siphon some numbers from them to do his own Bigfoot hunting tours. And these Bigfoot hunting tours are actually fairly, not, I wouldn't say big business, but it's definitely a business. I would do it in a heartbeat. Yeah. I would love to go Bigfoot hunting. Actually, Gregory Reese in Weird Science and Bizarre Believes, he actually goes on

one of these Bigfoot hunting expeditions, and it sounds like the time of my life. Like it sounds so cool. Actually, no. It is definitely keeping paintball equipment stores in business. That's good. Now that I think about it, actually, I'm not gonna go, because it's just a matter of time before no one sees a Bigfoot and they turn on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. It's just like, we gotta get some kind of proof. Right. We're all staring at each other and they look at you and you're just being like, guys, we're all out of marshmallows. And Jen, why are you looking at me like that? Now, although Biscardi had been a part of the Bigfoot community since the early 70s, his first big scam came in 2005.

During an appearance on Coast to Coast, Biscardi told host George Norrie that he was 98% sure that he and his team could capture a Bigfoot in Happy Camp, California. Now tell me, Tom, I'm so glad you're on the show. Tell me, do you think that a Bigfoot were to follow a certain sports team? Would it be the New York Mets? I think it may possibly be the Rangers. I think Bigfoot's more of a hockey guy. What do you think, Tommy?

Bigfoot's do like ice. A month later, Biscardi returned to Coast to Coast and told George that he would soon reveal the creature to the world using a webcam service that people could subscribe to for the low, low price of $14 a pop. That's it. Only $14 a pop to see your real Bigfoot. That's it. That is a very bizarre number, almost to the point where it's like he has a gambling debt

and he knows exactly how much money he needs to pay it off. It was like the guy on the train is like, ladies and gentlemen, I need help. I'm here in New York City from Minnesota and all I need is $11.19 in order to get a bus ticket to get back to Minnesota where I need to, I'm going to be a sea captain. I'm going to be when there's a boat waiting for me in a harbor. I know it's Langlock State. We're opening up a lake. I'm going to be a sea captain.

All I need is $11.19. I would give that person money, actually. Oh, yes. I really do love a good spiel. But on the day of the reveal, Biscardi backtracked and claimed he had been, quote unquote, hoodwinked by the woman who had promised him the specimen and because of this, Biscardi could not produce the corpse that he had promised. And Nori, incensed that someone would go on coast to coast and blatantly lie about something,

demanded that Biscardi refund the money of every subscriber who paid in good faith $14 to see a big foot corpse. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for having that lion schmuck on the show. Anyway, up next, Flat Earth or Teela Tequila. She's got a lot to say. I can't believe that someone would come on to coast to coast AM, the number one paranormal show in the face of the planet and lie to everybody. Now, can you believe you can get a wreck just with gems?

Perfect segue to the plug. Now, Biscardi partially agreed to refund the money. He refunded the money of every subscriber who had paid their $14 after hearing him on coast to coast on August 19th, but kept all the money from people who had paid him before said appearance, therefore keeping George Nori in his good graces. I don't feel that bad for the people who gave the $14. I have to say. I mean, it's an investment, you know, you don't know if it's going to come to fruition

or not. Just this just happened to be a bad one. Oh, yeah, man. If there's anything that a big foot hunting is, it's a gamble. It's a gamble. It's a good time. God, the house always wins. This is not true.

Now, Biscardi's next scheme came only three years later in 2008. This scheme would reach far beyond the relatively small world of coast to coast listeners and eventually ended up being covered in thousands of newspapers across the world with even CNN joining in at one point. But this particular scheme was not a Biscardi original. It came from two men from Georgia named Matt Whitten, a sheriff's deputy who eventually lost his job over the hoax, and Rick Dyer, a self-employed used car salesman whose life presumably did not change one bit after the hoax was uncovered.

Self-employed used car salesman. He had a Hyundai trying to sell from his front yard. Self-employed. Very good. Small businessman. Now, the plan was to take a rubber gorilla costume, freeze it along with a pile of animal intestines, maybe get on the local news, drum up a little publicity, and use that publicity to start up their very own big foot hunting business.

And Biscardi, who at this time was struggling quite a bit making money with Gabfro, heard the story about the Georgia boys, as they came to be known, on the Internet radio show Squatch Detective, and contacted them immediately. They all say the term Internet radio show. They all say it because they think it's way more professional sounding than podcasts. No, they don't. They never want to. No, they're not podcasts.

They're actual Internet radio shows. You have to go to a certain website at a certain time and press play. That's so dumb! Well, there's nothing dumb about the Squatch Detectives, Henry, please. Oh, God, it just sounds like a bunch of people squatting over a glass so people can look inside their asshole. Yeah. Real to Nero treatment.

Now, Biscardi assured the Georgia boys that they could take this hoax way beyond their small potatoes big foot hunting business scheme, and could possibly even gain worldwide attention before the hoax could be uncovered, which even Biscardi knew was an eventuality. But Biscardi could explain all of this as being like what we're doing is we're bringing attention to the news item that is Bigfoot. And that's how he got around all of this, because he is a true believer, but he's like well what this will do is give it the proper attention that Bigfoot needs in order for us to get funds to really hunt Bigfoot.

Right. Yeah. So what is it? This is like the Gulf of Tonkin of Bigfoot hunting. Yes, to some degree. I mean, I guess they just did it kind of wrong. They created their logo before they had a business hoping that the logo would get a bunch of people to invest.

Yeah. Their problem is they're in the Bigfoot business. Yeah, not a lot of money there. Now, before the story gained national attention, it had already drawn the interest of the Bigfoot Field Research Organization, aka BFRO, not to be confused with just Biscardi's Gabfro. They do not want to be confused with Gabfro. They're BFRO. They were first, and they also get very pissed off.

The point where they created several splinter, we're going to see all the splinter things they created to attack Tom Biscardi. Oh yeah, they've been sitting on forums for weeks. This was an obvious deception. To this day, ooh boy, they get so mad. They even started a YouTube channel specifically to attack Tom Biscardi and Rick Dyer, the used car salesman, the YouTube channel Bigfoot Police. God, how dangerous would that be?

Not good. Here's what the channel's description says. In our opinion, Rick Dyer. They all talk like this in my head, all Bigfoot experts talk like this. In our opinion, Rick Dyer hates the Bigfoot community. He hates it. We love it, and he hates it, and he wants to embarrass them on a global stage. His only goal is to show the world just how gullible and naive Bigfoot believers are,

and it's shameful. He hates us, and we were born this way. I think they're getting sidetracked from their mission to find the Bigfoot. They're fighting with each other, typical humans. But I will say, again, and in Bigfoot Lives, these men look at these, the Bigfoot community quote-unquote, they look at casts of giant feet, and they just sound like commenters on Pornhub. They're just like, damn, look at how, look at the plumpness of these toes.

Can you believe? Man, just the depths. How strong is this heel? Strong and elegant. They've got the torsals. I mean, every time a comment is done being made on Pornhub, the person came. Yeah. They're weird.

Yeah, yeah. Well, unless the comment was, I didn't come. Oh, and sometimes they get upset. They usually get upset about people who are limp. Yeah. Male porn stars. Now, while it's obvious that Dyer's motivations were more profit-oriented than some sort of scheme to just make fun of Bigfooters, when it was revealed that the Bigfoot corpse was

just a rubber suit mixed up with intestinal goop, it definitely struck a blow against the credibility of the Bigfoot hunting community. Now Biscardi called a press conference before that actually happened, before the hoax was uncovered. It was a press conference, which was actually covered live on CNN, and he told the story of how he met the Georgia boys, but not without making sure to plug his internet radio show BigfootLiveRadioShow.com every Wednesday night, Pacific time, seven o'clock. I'm more of a fan of Squatch Detectives.

BigfootLiveRadioShow.com. I really wish we could go back to this time in America where CNN would cover this event live. Yeah. It was a great time to be around. 2008. The news was fun. The news was great.

Yeah. What? Eight years ago? Yeah. Back when it was all we had to worry about was the recession and whether or not we were going to find Bigfoot. Yeah. That was it.

And also, that website is fucking horrible to look at. Jesus. It's one of the most stereotypical paranormal websites I've ever seen in my life. Bigfoot websites and UFO websites are pretty much the same, because they're done by the same people, just with different clothes on. I was like, one's got a Star Trek uniform on and fucking fake Leonard Nimoy ears, and the other one's wearing full camo, and he reeks like you because he's covered in deer pheromones.

Yeah. But back to that press conference, besides Whitten being a sheriff's deputy, the best example Biscardi could give that the Georgia boys were trustworthy was that they picked him up at the airport on time, drove him to a hotel, and got him some food. Those are actually three very important things when it comes to a character assessment. No, as far as profit goes, it seems as if the Georgia boys were the only ones who made a dime, albeit at the expense of their careers and reputations. When Biscardi first got a hold of the Georgia boys, they demanded 50 grand for possession

of the corpse, and Biscardi, obviously not a man with $50,000 just lying around, convinced a sucker in Indiana to front him the cash which Tom promised to pay back within 90 days without really explaining how that was going to happen. You have to go bigfoot, bigfoot, this is big, it's big, it's bigfoot, it's bigfoot. You just think the guy's just like, all right, well, I hope you have mine with my $50,000. Sad broken people. The Georgia boys scammed the lonely fellow in Indiana. They did, man, when the body was revealed to be a fake, Biscardi placed the blame fully

on the Georgia boys, telling his investor that he was not responsible in the least bit. The only recourse was for the investor to sue the Georgia boys, but such a lawsuit never saw the light of day. What do they have? They have no, I mean, what are you going to sue them for? You know, fraud. Camo, camo pants, and fucking in retrofitted jeeps with book tires on them. Okay, well, that's kind of cool, actually.

Now, as far as Biscardi goes, he's still in the bigfoot game. Last year, he launched a $3 million fundraising effort in which he would sell stock of bigfoot projects investments, the money of which would be spent making films and selling DVDs with $113,805 a year earmarked for expeditions. Thank God. I want to see that. I got to see these receipts. So how much of the $3 million did he actually collect?

Every BPI shares are sitting at a dime a pop. I'm literally just going to go buy the company. I'm going to go buy the company and then I'm going to address him up his bigfoot and run him through a field. And then while I'm addressing this bigfoot, we're going to do a new thing, $5 a pop, shoot Tom Biscardi with paintball guns. I was just like, oh, can you shoot? Can you kill bigfoot?

And then I'm just run through a field and people just shoot them in the nuts. That sounds amazing. Well, the last person that we're going to talk about today is a lot like Tom Biscardi in that this woman is a believer. She does actually believe that bigfoot exists, but she tends to fudge the facts just a little bit in order to get people on bigfoot side. In 2008, a one Dr. Melba S. Ketchum. Melba.

And she looks like a Melba. Oh yeah. Every Melba looks like a Melba. That's true. She announced to the world that she had in her possession genuine bigfoot DNA and would soon release an academic paper that would prove once and for all that a Sasquatch species existed. And that is actually very interesting because she had a whole proof that she got some hairs.

She won't say where she got the hairs from, but she said she got some hairs. And her hypothesis was that Sasquatch is a hybrid species of males from an unknown hominid crossing with female Homo sapiens, much as Neanderthals once bred with humans. This is really truly monkeys having sex with women. And the strangest thing is that it's not men having sex with Sasquatch women. It's only an unknown species having sex with human women. It's sort of a fantasy thing. I could see a woman wanting to be taken by a cryptid.

A gigantic hairy man. Yeah, sure. Now Ketchum's academic credentials were actually somewhat solid. She was a graduate of the Texas A&M Veterinarian School, possibly the best vet school in the country, and the only respectable part of Texas A&M. This is the slide in Texas A&M because Marcus went to Texas Tech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is your weird Texas racism, right?

They're called Aggies? Yeah, they're called Aggies, yeah. But Ketchum, despite having a degree from a prestigious school, was suspect in her business dealings from the beginning. She was affiliated with many Adubia's Texas Corporation, including Science Alive, LLC, which was a partnership that included a guy named Robert Java Bob Schmolesback, who was previously an officer under Tom Biscardi's former LLC, searching for Bigfoot Incorporated. And man, her lab, I remember reading this, it received an F from the Better Business

Bureau for failing to deliver test results, tax schemes, and numerous lost client contracts. And so Ketchum is kind of doing whatever. She's a fast and loose type player. I agree. And I do think, though, in the paranormal world, and this is one thing I will use to validate the weird ties, right? You got to get money to do all of these projects, right? And look at, like, honestly, Wolf of Wall Street.

Wolf of Wall Street was made because Leonardo DiCaprio basically went out of his way to hang out with oil tycoons who gave him cash on hand, right? That's how shit gets done. Yeah, I mean, George Harrison funded life of Brian, but just because he wanted to see it. He wanted to see it. So you were just looking for cash. You want to do a study about Bigfoot.

You need to find somebody who's going to give you cash to do that. Who's going to give you cash to do that? Not a bank. Not some normal person, not a place you're going to get a loan. They're going to look at you and be like, fuck you. No, you need an independent funder, and that person is probably going to be a criminal. Yeah. Yeah.

Or a very wealthy person who sits alone next to a fireplace pondering over the life that he lived and regretting the fact he never had a relationship with his son, you know? Who longs to make love to a Bigfoot? Maybe. Bring me my precious Bigfoot. Ketchum got a hold of this DNA in 2008, and for three years, she assured people in the Bigfoot community that the study was underway and would soon be released. Finally, in 2011, Ketchum said on Facebook that the study was complete, the paper had

been submitted for publication, and the world would soon know the truth concerning Bigfoots and their dalliances with human females. Pounding out these women, and they're grabbing their boobies and licking on the butts of all the Bigfoots on them women. Yeah. I mean, I would have liked that Facebook post. Yeah. That was pretty cool.

I would have liked it. I would have given it a laughing face emoji button thing. Yeah. But the months and years went by, and the paper was still nowhere to be seen. And as for Ketchum, she avoided public appearances altogether, dropping out at the last minute from a Bigfoot conference in Richland, Washington in 2012, and another conference held the previous year in Hanobia, Oklahoma. I can't believe she didn't go to Hanobia.

She's blacklisted. She could never come to another Bigfoot compodium, or composodium, or ever again. She is invited to the Mothman Festival because numbers people need eyeballs. But going back to our episodes on Chaos Magic, wasn't this just putting the goal out to the world and, you know, she had a mission, she had a plan? Wasn't this just a step for her to achieve it? No, this is just lying. Full on scam?

This is just, I mean, not scam. It wasn't necessarily a scam. Really what happened was no paper would take her bullshit. Oh, I see. You got to flip it and reverse it. Yeah. Isn't just having a degree, even having a career in entertainment is some form of scam. Yeah.

And reverse is a lie, you tell yourself, that other people believe. Yeah, that's true. Yes. Catch them. She skipped Hanobia completely. But the Richland Washington Conference, she actually did Skype in a presentation. Unfortunately, it was a DNA 101 presentation, much to the dismay of the Bigfoot community at large.

So no evidence as of yet about a Bigfoot? Oh, no. None whatsoever, but regardless, catch them assured naysayers that the paper had, quote, digital digit co-authors, many with nothing, many with PhDs. Does that mean nothing, Henry? I don't, she's just saying any could be anybody. And some university heads of departments. Does that mean nothing, Henry?

There are people that get doctorates in physical education. Yeah. Random toe study. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have to say that, that does seem to matter, though. Multiple authors, PhDs, heads of universities, this is also why if you are a young person right now debating going to college, don't. Because everyone who runs it are morons.

Morons. Yeah. And she said that the paper, over and over again, she kept saying it's going to be worth the wait. It's worth the wait, just hang on. In the meantime, catch him, presumably just to give the public something, revealed that not only did she possess the Bigfoot DNA, but she had actually witnessed the Bigfoot that the DNA came from.

And as proof, she produced a photo she had taken on what I presume to be her flip phone of some blurry sticks, blurry sticks, blurry sticks photo, like the Blair Witch Project. The Blurry. No, the Blurry. No, not listen, not like the, but it wasn't hanging from a tree was on the ground. So she's not like the Blair Witch Project at all. Very different. Oh, very different.

It's more true detective. Okay. Those were in a tree too. Oh, man. We're way off base on this one. Now, not surprisingly, the Blurry Sticks photo, as it came to be called, was not cleverly called the Blurry Stick photo. It was not met with a warm reception by the Bigfoot community, but catch him pressed on

claiming to have additional evidence that a family of five, quote unquote, playful Sasquatches regularly congregated around these sticks, but that evidence would not be released until the academic paper itself saw the light of day, which it did. Oh, on February 13, 2013, catch him released her study to the public, which was called novel North American homonyms, next generation sequencing of three whole genomes and associated studies, whole genomes. Man, that's a boring way to say bullshit Sasquatches. Yes.

I think that doesn't exist. I have nothing and I've written about nothing. The only problem was catch him after two years of failing to secure publishing in any reputable science journal, lost patience and just started her own called DeNovo Journal of Science. Love it. Easy to do. That's all you got to do to be a scientist. It's easy to be a scientist.

Well, of course, she denied starting it herself because that would be unethical. But she justified publishing it in the first issue of an unknown journal, which is also very suspect to publish something in the first issue. She said, we encountered the worst scientific bias in a peer review process in recent history. And then she went on to compare herself to Galileo. Well, that's the mistake. That seems like a bit of a stretch. She keeps us peering on coast to coast and she doesn't talk about Bigfoot anymore.

All she doesn't mean like, and the science community won't accept us and buttons all of this weird trumped up horseshit about how the science community won't accept them. It's like, you've never published a report. Yeah. You never did it. Yeah. But who's how's it going to get a start? No one gets in the start.

You got to get your start to get your start. Yeah. That's it. That's what this is about. It's like your first acting role. That's it. Yeah. And when you went to the website for DeNovo Journal of Science, you would find that the

paper could only be accessed if you paid $30 for a copy. Oh, interesting. And due to a glitch in the very poorly designed website, many in the Bigfoot community were able to get a hold of it for free. Thank God. Now, the study was incomprehensible to anyone who didn't have training in genomics or forensics. But the few scientists who specialized in those areas and took the time to read it all said that it, quote, made little sense.

Shocking. Shocking. And then she had a bunch of evidence. She had pictures that she wanted to publish to go along with it. And if you look at her website, it's also, it's really, really dumb. She released an extremely low-res video of a brown furry thing. They keep calling Matilda, just lying on the force floor, like giving it a name makes it human.

It's like, I have this. Like, here's my coffee cup. His name's Tipsy. He's real. Oh, yeah. He's my friend. It's like a beauty and a beast, except I'm violently sexually attracted to this tea cup. Like, I wasn't the one in the film.

Well, that beauty and the beast is a good reference. I mean, there is a certain Sasquatch quality to the beast. And of course, the beauty could represent these women. Well, I don't know if the beauty represents Melba. Well, it's in her own mind. You know, they promised, they said, hey, here's the low-res image. We're going to get you a high-res image. I'm not really sure why they didn't release the high-res image first, but to the best of

my knowledge, that has never been released. Not a researcher named Bill Munn, so that he acquired still images of Matilda. And he said that Matilda's face resembled that of Chewbacca. Chewbacca's like a racist Bigfoot term. That is. Like, you can start calling Bigfeet Chewbaccas, because that's bad. They hate it. C-word.

Yeah. Don't like it. And this is where the Bigfoot Genome Project's website comes into play. The BGP website has become the de facto site for this entire enterprise, and thankfully, they provided a handy-dandy Myths and Facts page to alleviate any questions we may have. Is it really called the handy-dandy Myths and Facts page? I wish it was, because that actually captures the spirit of the website. I see.

Now, despite the many questions one might have about this entire operation, the possibility that Matilda is just a guy in a Chewbacca mask is brought up so much that it had to be specifically addressed on the site. To refute this accusation, the Genome Project shows pictures of the 1800s sideshow freak JoJo the dogface boy saying, here, don't this guy look like Chewbacca? You know. It's loosely. It's JoJo the dogface boy.

He's got a trichinosis. Yeah, he's got a Chewbacca-like face. Yeah. Yeah. They all Spanish. He's trustworthy. He's trustworthy. They also give numerous testimonies of people comparing Bigfoot to Chewbacca, a few of which

Henry will read now, December 20th, 2011. I hesitate to say it looked like the shape of Chewbacca from Star Wars, I hesitate. In July 29th, 1972, a sighting was made five years before Star Wars was released, but the testimony was made after Star Wars release, so take this as you will. Don't laugh, but it looked like Chewbacca more than anything else. I am the same man. I'm the same man. And on an unknown date, another witness said, he told me that once he saw Chewbacca standing

in the woods watching him, I sound like my friend. My name's Roger. This is my other friend. His name is Theodore. And I mean, I'm just seeing Chewbacca everywhere. And I guess, oh, Lord, it's my Star Wars novelty glasses. Yeah, Chewbacca, I mean, very one of the most famous of all the Harry creatures, I suppose. I would say the famous.

Do you think more people know who Chewbacca is than they do know who Bigfoot is? I think more people know about Bigfoot. Because Bigfoot goes to places in Russia, for example, where they don't have movies or TVs. It's Chewbacca Bigfoot, Robin Williams, Kim Kardashian's lower half. The biggest Harry celebrities. Now, the ultimate conclusion of this paper is pretty much that since the samples don't match anything currently in the Gen Bank, presumably where such things are recorded,

the sample must be a Bigfoot. Got to be a Bigfoot. Got to be. Got to be. And that's the thing. And that's why she said she knows that it's not bias and the thing hasn't been tainted. Because she knows how to make sure that a test result is intainted. How does she know?

Because she was a veterinarian. Oh, yeah. Well, that would make sense then. It makes nothing. Now, we may never know the truth as to if Bigfoot exists or not. But what we do know is that these hunters will never give up until they find one. That's great. Thank God.

I mean, if they do find one, then their careers are all over. And then everything's over and the hunt part of it will forever be over. No. So you can't find it. Then they're Bigfoot researchers. Then if you only find one, that means there's more. And then eventually they become Bigfoot fashion designers and Bigfoot car designers. We need to get Bigfoot some rights.

I mean, is it possible that, you know, these are like interdimensional beings, right? Is it possible that they just come to earth, take a big shit and then go back to where they're from? I do believe somewhere along the lines that Bigfoot is actually real. I think it's in the same. Again, I'm going to go through this fucking theory again as I'll talk about always. It's also long lines. It's the same thing as Cine UFO.

It's psychic slash physical interaction between other dimensions, possibly it's a fold over in time, possibly these big feet are kind of around or the just bears. Yeah, that could be. I did see independence day resurrection and aliens are real. I made it through 45 minutes of it and then Natalie and I walked out. You walked out. Walked out. Oh, you didn't bring whiskey in with you.

It's true. You have to get dumber with the movie. Yeah. That's a problem. Yeah. You have to tell you have to tamp it down. What I'm really afraid of is, you know, the next person is getting on this big foot game, Chewbacca mom.

Oh my God. Now she's got her window to fucking squeeze more money out of a bullshit thing that a fucking woman made fucking $40 a pop for autographs. I think she's a millionaire now. Amen. We've been doing this for five years and thanks so much for donating to our Patreon page. Please do it so we can don't become Chewbacca mom. I hate making money.

You know, I would say that we deserve money more than Chewbacca mom. I would say that too. Yeah. Go to patreon.com. If you believe that we deserve more money than Chewbacca mom, patreon.com slash, slash podcast on the left is where you can put your money where your mouth is. It's serious. But in all seriousness, thanks to everyone who gives to our Patreon campaign.

It's a life changing stuff. It's the reason why we can come out and do shows all over the world for you guys. Thank you so much. She made a hundred thousand dollars in donations from wearing a stupid fucking hat. All right. Well, it's actually more upsetting than the toy box killer episode. I feel makes me yeah, yeah, and we will be speaking of traveling. We're going to be in beautiful Los Angeles next weekend.

Yeah. And the Los Angeles deal. I said last week that they're going to be releasing more tickets. I thought that they were going to be releasing them online. What they're actually going to do is they're releasing them the day of the show. So if you didn't get your tickets to Los Angeles and you still want to come see us, definitely call the Crest Theater and ask them exactly how I don't know if you have to show up. At the box office or if you can do it online.

But they are releasing tickets the day of the show. So if you want to come see us, you still can. There's still a chance and we can't wait to come out and meet all the wonderful folks out there that we've met friends with over the year. Well, that's such a smart idea by the Crest Theater because, you know, the chances of having a riot were like not really a lot, but now we have a little, you know, we have a nice little chance of that. Yeah.

And if you guys want your last podcast on the left t-shirt, go to cavecomedyradio.com slash merch and we've got a new t-shirt in production. It's gross. It's really fucking gross. Awesome. Which one is it? Very, very metal. Yeah.

It's the, you know, which one we're talking about with the, with the little danglies. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh God. It's done by our friend Andy Oregon. It's going to be very, very awesome. Yeah.

It's going to be amazing. So be on the lookout on the Facebook page for that and one more live show that we got coming up. Coming back to Baltimore, that's going to be here in August. I believe that's August 19th. So go check out the auto bar website to figure out how to get tickets for that. That's going to be fucking great. I love Baltimore so much.

It's going to be so much fun. We did it a few months back. We played the upstairs and now because of how amazing you the listeners are, we're playing the downstairs. It's a much larger venue and we're going to have a great time. Yeah. It's going to be awesome. I cannot wait to be back in Baltimore.

I can't wait. Yeah. And yeah. Thanks so much for supporting all the shows here on CCR. Abel and Tom Pat for political stuff. Roundtable of gentlemen to feel like you're getting drunk with your friends. Page seven to catch up on, you know, pop culture, sex and other human activities, and the Lucky Bone show for your music needs.

Yeah. Mixlod.com slash the Lucky Bone show. My girlfriend is an insomniac, so I now get up at 7 a.m. Interesting. I'm kind of horrifying for you. And now follow us on Twitter. I'm at Henry Loves You, at Ben Kissle, yep, at Marcus Parks, yeah, at LP on the left. Check out the Twitter.

And then we lost Henry and Ben had to go, so I'm closing this one out. I actually, since we recorded more information, the Los Angeles show, they're going to be selling the tickets day of at the box office, 50 tickets at 6 30 p.m. So you've got to be there at the Crest Theater at 6 30 to get your tickets if you didn't get them before we sell out. We cannot fucking wait to come see you guys. This is going to be so fucking cool, only a couple of more days until we hit sunny Los Angeles.

So until next time, Hail Satan, Hall Geen, Hail Yourself, Megustalations. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to CaveComedyRadio.com.