Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 234: Albert Fish Part I - You Asked For This

Episode Date: August 4, 2016

In part one of our three part series on the living embodiment of nightmares, Albert Fish, we cover the psychopathology of one of the most depraved, disgusting monsters who has ever lived, his horrific childhood, and the mystery that is "Buck Buck How Many Hands Up".

There's no place to escape to this is the last talk on the left Yeah, I've been working pretty hard about making everything uniform and making everything up to my specifications I got all the very strict peanut based Specifications I told you we talked about it before the show a peanut town is a thing Okay, that's how peanut is not a thing. All right a peanut. Well, the town runs on peanuts. I bet you there's a town named peanut Sure, that's fine. That's not a peanut town. There's no town that's got a peanut based economy I'm Mr. Literally using peanuts as money. That's what they do Welcome to the last podcast on the left everybody. I am Ben Kissel. That's Marcus Parks hot peanut debate

I come from a pistachio town. I like pistachio. This is my problem. So I gotta deal with a peanut You know how we used to deal with peanut people like you kill them in their fucking sleep. Oh, that's ridiculous pistachios are ridiculous though They're like dating a model. They're so difficult to crack peanuts or just a chick you found at the bar That's the problems. I like a selective nut. I guess so like another tiny little nails for have to grow my nails out like I'm a professional guitar player speaking of tiny little nails today's subject matter is particularly intense quite disturbing Dare I say overall Disgusting you've asked for him. We're giving them to you heavy-hitter Albert fish Albert the carp fish That was his nickname wasn't it a big floppy floppy stinky carp. Yeah, this guy was horny

Yes, and like and like carp if you met him You should have slammed his head against a rock because he's an infestation He was definitely born bad and should have been killed as a child. Yeah without a doubt I mean this guy was a born sociopath. There was this guy had absolutely no feeling whatsoever as we know about sociopaths Every sociopath has a game. They all have something that makes him feel good Of course because they can't have no connection other human beings They have that one thing that makes them feel good But except for Albert fish who apparently had about 30 or 40 things that made him feel good

No, but the things made him feel bad and then made him feel good. You got to flip and reverse it again He's gonna miss the alien every single time now you can you asked for this. Yeah, um you wanted this episode We have wanted to give you this episode for a long time. It's like we read about the grace bud letter I know I have read the grace blood letter several times. It does not make me horny It doesn't I did not get hard reading the grace bud, but you did read it multiple times. Yes I have I had to know for research and anybody who's into serial killers has read the grace bud letter You know that he wrote the letter to grace buds parents and telling them that he ate them He did not eat her dog eat their daughter and he did not fuck her

But so she remained a virgin when she died now. I thought that was the most fucked up thing that he did really right I know that he was a sexual that's in the top 10 still the worst things that he did honestly Could we we're putting the bud letter in the top 10. I would say top 20 It's definitely the Christmas special All right, um, but this is this story a lot of today's episode comes from the book depraved by Harold Schecter Yeah, the Kermit sounding true crime writer, right? Yeah, the same guy that wrote deviant by that was about Ed Gein He also wrote a great book about HH Holmes Harold Schecter my favorite true crime author by far all of his stuff is fantastic And of course he has a great book that is going on sale soon called. Why did she leave me?

I Did not realize the extent of Albert Fish's deviancy until I read this book. I kind of had an idea I knew that he invented sticking things up his penis and he was a real fucking prince that way He was a real Tom Waits when he came to spanking himself But this this story is so disgusting and so depraved I hope you just understand that and that we're doing three episodes of it So you're fucked. Have you got a problem right now? If anything that we say in the first 15 minutes of this makes you like a Visually upset like a queasy. Well, keep on listening. You're gonna love all three episodes

Perhaps you could recommend they smoke some weed or something Henry. No, no Well, I'm gonna recommend get a bottle of whiskey light a candle like you're a 1950s detective and you're gonna solve this case with us Yeah, what do you mean? Fish did it my problem is that if you solve the case I feel like that means in the end that one of these stories is gonna make you Horny, so hopefully you don't solve don't solve the case. Do not solve the case. Yeah, all right strap in fuckers It's time to enter the nightmare that is the world of Albert Fish aka the ogre of murder lodge the vampire man The orgiastic fiend the moon maniac the aged thrill killer the werewolf of wisteria and perhaps most terrifyingly the gray man Albert Fish was a pedophile and child killer who brutally murdered and ate at least three children during the early 20th century

I believe children should be eaten and not heard I think they are heard when they're being eaten screaming. Yes No, well, we will never know the absolute truth as to how many children Albert Fish killed and raped before he was caught at the age of 64 one Supreme Court justice who was privy to the investigation of fish's past put the number of murders at around 15 and the amount of molestations in the hundreds Wow hundred radios of Moustaches cannot believe that and could think about you know like dogs They say one year and a dog's life is seven years in human life Yeah, I've heard that before one year in Albert Fish's molest life is like 25 years and a normal molester's life

That's so fish was what one psychiatrist referred to as a quote Psychiatric phenomenon unlike any other killer that we've covered fish's motivations for killing hit all four types of serial killers At one point or another during his life He suffered from religious mania and thought God told him to kill making him a visionary killer We know that for a fact because during his confessions and in his trial He said that well when he was talking to psychiatrists towards the end to desperately prove that he was insane to them He said that Jesus came to him and told him he had to kill grace bud because if not she was gonna grow up to be a whore Yeah, so he was trying to prove that he was insane. Yes, we're gonna get into that

Yes, of course and that him saying that he killed grace bud So she wouldn't grow up to be a harlot that would make him a missionary killer as well and like almost all serial killers who Murdered children and like many non-homicidal pedophiles. He was a power control killer No, what does that mean? That means that he likes to basically any child that died of suffocation Which is most of the children he murdered we're gonna see the same thing in Dennis Raider We're gonna you can actively compare Albert fish to Dennis Raider where it's about the it's about the slow Murder it's about the complete acquisition of somebody It's why somebody goes for a small child instead of a big burly man

Yeah, because the thing is they don't understand if you kill a big birdie man and big burly man and right before you kill me Jerk him off. You're gonna get so much more splurge out of it. That's right So it's power control visionary and missionary. Yeah power control visionary missionary But the type that Albert fish fits into best is Hedonistic because Albert fish is sexual perversions. I would say they are almost mythical in their variety We used yeah, like a leprechaun. What makes what makes unicorn all hard? And I bet it if you spanked its asshole, and I'm not talking about its meat around its asshole I'm talking about right in his ass right good get a unicorn ready to have sex

Well, I just I want to say I'm very upset with Rosie O'Donnell because as soon as you said the name hedonistic the word hedonistic I thought of exit to Eden No, no, no, is that what am I wrong? Horrifying image I've had since we've been talking. It's like a minion wrapped in leather Same body as a minion who green lit exit to Eden. Okay, we imagine the man It's like we need to get the most beautiful girl in the world being a something really get audiences in there somebody who's still kind of Funny, but someone beautiful. What about Rosie O'Donnell? Oh my god. I just came in my pants. That's incredible idea Well one psychiatrist said about Albert fish quote

I can tell you that to the best of my medical knowledge Every sexual abnormality that I have ever heard of this man has practiced not only has he thought about it Not only has he daydreamed about it, but he has practiced it for example He has practiced oral perversions on the rectums of men and women and was also Extremely interested in urine. It's the term extremely interested Assam a sommelier of this because it's definitely still it's extremely interested just sounds like it's like a geologist, right? It also sounds like the urine's talking to him as if it courted him in a bar If he's finally listening to the urine and not just treating the urine like it's a piece of meat, which is also strange

Yeah, that would be strange. There'd be more of thing that you do to a lump of shit, which you also like to eat Isn't that right? Yeah, that same psychiatrist listed no less than 17 different sexual perversions after interviewing and examining fish After his capture although some of those perversions like Filatio, Canalingus and homosexuality haven't been widely accepted as perversions for many a year. They're great. No, yeah They're great. However the castration of himself and others the habit of jabbing sharp implements into oneself or others for the purpose of sexual gratification the eating of feces the drinking of urine and of course the Sexualized cannibalism are still considered to be a little weird even here in the 21st century. They're a little weird Well, I mean, I think the stabbing yourself with in the rectum with the needles is the strangest thing. Do you think so?

I think over cannibalism Well, yes, because we have people who have crashed in the Andes or the Alps and they need to eat one another No, this is this is sexualized cannibalism in the Andes. Yeah, if you watch a live no one in a live has a boner I mean like oh Pedro will go and believe when I like to finally I get to eat Pedro I always wanted to be like a part of me forever. It's not weird I know I'm just the goalie and I don't normally talk very much But it's just kind of fun that now I got the power forward like inside me like all the time And ladies and gentlemen, that's today's lesson never talk to the goalie. That's where they wear the mask

But above all above all of these sexual perversions Albert Fish was a pedophile and by extension a murderer of children Men who murder children almost always have some sort of sexual motivation for committing the act and almost all of them are Sadistic in the hours days or even weeks leading up to the actual murder Well, we're gonna find out is not only did he do quick molests, but he also did molests that took took place over many days He would take children and he when he would hold them He would he experienced and did every type of crime towards children that exists and this is not cool Yeah, I mean this was kind of like he was a lot like Dean Coral We're but the difference between Albert Fish and Dean Coral. There were two differences one Dean Coral

He preferred high school boys junior high boys post-pubescent Tony men with kind of like endominal muscles and like brown nipples like kind of like like But not yet sort of I don't think that was in the man with the candy I think that's a Freudian slip. I think that you want a tiny man with brown nipples No, I'm just saying what I imagined Dean Coral be attracted to just like I lie the basketball player with you Can he's got the natural V he's got a pert little behind, but he's not a full-grown man He's got a wisp of a mustache Like a young D'Angelo. Yeah, but Dean Coral. He only had really one sexual perversion

He had one thing that he liked to do and that was tie the boys up and strangle the boys I mean, there's a lot in there. There's a lot in there Let's not let's not minimize we're not poo-pooing him at all. Don't poo-poo his strangulation fetish definitely not but Albert Fish he preferred pre-pubescent boys and he Tried everything that came to his mind and a lot came to his mind It's like the difference between a burrata and a fresh firm mozzarella One is more delicate. I guess Albert Fish did save a lot of money on booze The people that he was doing terrible things to couldn't drink yet. Yeah, Dean Coral's throwing parties every week

And like he was Jay-Z Another thing that is interesting is that I was reading an article in psychology today. You're welcome Do you subscribe now or no? I got it for free on the internet after looking up child killer psychology question mark And it is an article that said it was very interesting is that a lot of times men who kill Technically children ages 13 to 17 most of the time they kill in order to get rid of the body the pleasures in the actual Sexual assault, but those that kill from the ages of 5 to 12 Normally the killing is a part of the process of their fetish and Albert Fish is definitely that what we have here is an instant Jump in the sadism in of his life. That's very very intense

It goes just from cruelly molesting the children, which is probably in the end some sort of flip-flop version of I love these kids So much I just want to touch them in his head too. I love to hear their screams too I need to make them scream too I need to then also make this scream stop because that's when I cut my pants. Yeah, exactly He was a lust murderer a lot of these guys are I mean these they'll these lust murders they use a close-up Methods of killing they like to stab. They like to strangle. These are guys like Ted Bundy John Wayne Gacy Jennifer Bianchi These these guys they are absolutely lust murders above anything and everything else

And this is the most common motivation motivation for serial killing by far I just want to say the only time you should make kids scream. It's for ice cream Because that's what they deserve they want to they should grow up and they should have a wonderful childhood And they need to scream for ice cream. Even if it's at knife point If you do give them the ice cream and you do not do anything wrong to them, that's okay I mean you didn't in any way shape or make them scream This is the problem in that in that term in the beginning is that you have to make them scream for ice cream I think I want it so bad

I think the only times children should scream is in a choir when they're portraying the the great fire of Chicago Okay Now while lust murderers tend to be sadistic fish is different and that he was also Massacistic perhaps the best known fact about fish was his predilection towards shoving needles into his own body an X-ray of his pelvic region show that he had at the time of his arrest at the age of 64 29 needles in his body and that didn't even count the ones that had slowly decayed While inside his body over the decades that he'd been doing this how dangerous it would be to be your colon doctor How long of the needles are we talking here? I mean how didn't anything puncture an organ?

I mean he bleed internally I mean we see videos like that of people sitting on light bulbs and whatnot you do No, we see videos like that. You just ain't collective. We yeah You know what just some people are lucky. I like you. Yeah, some some people have a charmed life There were small there were small needles and he's let them into the kind of the fatty parts of his body Because what he really wanted was to stick them in them so far that he couldn't get them out And so that they would be in him and cause him discomfort for long periods of time Yeah, and his favorite place to shove him in was his perineum aka his grundle

Hershey highway nothing like that strip of brown piece of meat right there just begging for some needles in it Yeah, that's the part where Samwise carries Frodo To Mordor carry the ring We're traveling through the grundle Samwise, what are you doing to your cell? Oh my god Samwise On a number of occasions instead of just the grundle Albert fish tried stabbing his testicles But that pain was too much even for Albert fish Yeah, and the genital mutilation didn't even come close to stopping not even close not even close Wow, perhaps Perhaps the most inventive was his habit of inserting roses into his urethra

After inserting the rose into his dickhole He prance around in front of the mirror, which I've actually noticed is Oddly common among serial killers the prancing in front of the mirror a lot of guys do that and comedians Yeah, and I think that I think that was tiny Tim's last performance on the Johnny Carson show I think he did That is weird weird wild man. What'd you think about that? After the prancing in the shoving sexually satisfied Albert fish he'd remove the rose and eat it Like a horse. Yeah

I think of you said this before kiss-all. It's like he was his own vase. Yes. He was his own table-setting It's kind of cute in a way Yeah, I mean I mean actually if it ended if it started it ended there I could still be friends with someone who I knew stuck roses up their urethra and pranced around that's kind of a funny party trick Yeah, so far. I mean a lot of Albert just like if you went like if Albert fish was like a corner of What he eventually came to be if you took out the molestation if you took out the killing if you took all of that out Totally changed who he was exactly yeah He would just be your super creepy friend that you invite every once in a while when you got want to get weird

Yeah, he's the guy you get weird with never invite him I would never ever ever invite him if I had a friend if I knew no matter how good of friends if I found out that Marcus that you go went home and you had pins stucked up inside of your fucking grungle. Yeah, I would say we got to stop We don't know that he doesn't that's true. You just don't say anything Henry You really need to bring your judgment dial right now. It's about an eight I think you need to bring it down to about a seven you need to actually I'd say you need to bring it down to about a Form a friend for all be the carp fish. I'm keeping it at an eight But it's true

Because there's nothing there's no problem with sexual fetishes even extreme sexual fetishes The problem is the killing of the boys. Yeah, and the lack of consent Yeah, the lack of consent the mullestation all that type of stuff. So how did a man such as Albert fish come to be? Let's start as we always do with his birth in 1875 Henry set the scene for us. What was going on in 1875? Nothing but shit Literally the skies were brown with cold dust You've got rattly carts going down the street women Were forced to have sex with men with handlebar mustaches built into their pubic hair. Oh like Williamsburg now

Yes, yeah, which is trying to go back to these times. Yeah, the smell of curdled butter was in the air like there and there and there was Nothing but the radio and the radio was just tales of how great we did kill a native America That's true. No much of what we know about Albert fish's life comes from a series of interviews He did with the psychiatrist who examined him after his capture This was the guy that was charged with determining fish's legal sanity if he was a legally insane Or if he was legally same pretty much whether he would go to the chair or not that man was Dr. Frederick Wurtham Godbook nerds might recognize that name as the guy who wrote a book called seduction of the innocent

Which claimed that the rise of juvenile delinquency in the 50s was directly related to super violent comic books like tales from the crypt and all that And it was because of seduction of the innocent that ec went out of business and the comics code authority was created Which was in effect in comic books for like 30 years. It was weird shit like you couldn't have a werewolf in a comic book I just want to point out Marcus shoehorn to comic books into the elbert fish episode everybody. It's a fact toy It's an interesting fact Like it is very interesting. It's a very it's a very interesting thing because this guy the this shows that the Albert fish trial Actually had far reaching Consequences and ripples in American pop culture. That's a very good very good turnaround. Thank you. That was very very good

I love it now You also remember that so a lot of the stuff we know about Albert fish comes from his mouth now What we do know about Albert fish is that with the mountains of sexual predilections Y'all he had one thing he was truly obsessed with was writing letters and telling stories He would write lewd letters to people in the classifieds He would look up people looking for work or people looking for housing or people looking for husbands He would find these addresses and send them disgusting letters. He loved shocking people Yeah, so I also wonder where a lot of this information comes from is that we're going to hear stories about Albert fish life

That come from Albert fish I think a lot of this shit was told to Psychologists number one to prove that he was insane and also number two to shock them because that also got him super hard It's really just too bad Larry flint wasn't around to collect all of his great stories because then they could have been published in hustler Oh, this is far beyond hustling. I don't know. I do. Yeah Technically if this was a magazine it'd be called hustler. Oh, I see Yeah, I mean we a lot of this stuff does come from fishes mouth himself But there is enough actual evidence and there is enough testimony from his family to

Say with a reasonable amount of certainty that a lot of the stuff that he talks about is at least half true Well, we talk about with the Satanism the government stuff It's like if only 10% of it is true It still makes him probably in the in the top percentiles of the worst sexual deviants in American history, right? Right, so Albert fish was actually born Hamilton fish. He was named after an ancestor who was governor of New York in the early 1850s and Had also served as secretary of state for the Ulysses s grant administration So he's important. He was he was like a modern-day Jenna Bush. Yes. Well, this was a prestigious New York family I mean these people he wasn't born into poverty

Or squalor like a lot of the serial killers that we covered this guy was actually a part of New York political Royals he had politics in his blood and as we know business business executives and most politicians are sociopaths So this is a direct extension of the qualities that you that you are that are needed to succeed Honestly imagine that cousins were fucking here. Oh, I'm sure there was not a lot of people around No, and so they were just the only ones they found attractive people with the same Salo like Hamilton skin and weird Ulysses s grant haunches like just big feet and big knees We're concave foreheads long vaginas. Yes Full of meat so fish changed his name from Hamilton to Albert when he was a teenager to escape his childhood nickname

Ham and eggs. Now. This is the thing. I disagree with changing the name. Ham and eggs is a fantastic nickname It's a jazz man's nickname. It is it's very fun Cuz it just sounds like a guy, but I oh, yeah, my name is given a breakfast again It's him playing mouth guitar. Yeah, you can't not tap your toe No, as we said fish was born into a fairly well-to-do family But really it could be cousins fucking each other because the psychiatric history was pretty fucked up The psychologist who interviewed fish he found out and also through records that in two generations There were seven cases of extreme psychopathology on both sides of fish's family including an uncle who suffered from religious

Psychosis an affliction that would drive fish's murderous behavior throughout his entire life But specifically around his mid fifties and even his mother showed skits or tendencies Hearing noises and seeing things that weren't actually there and as far as his father Randall fish went he was 75 years old when Albert was born 43 years older than Albert's mother This is why we got to start tracking the Kennedys tracking the Romney's tracking every single political family now And we have to figure out which one of them is a serial killer Murder them murder them when they're a baby when they were baby like looper

We gotta test you gotta test their blood as a baby cut off one of their toes and test They're give that to a doctor in a lab tested for the serial killer gene or hold ice cream up to their face It's they don't scream for ice cream. They don't have any feelings at all. You should I used to obsess with screaming for this I love ice cream You literally go into an ice cream shop and go And they're like he wants the rocky road That's right So the only memories that Albert fish had of his father were his father's face and the nickname his father gave him

Stick in the mud. No, okay It's disgusting nickname to have for a child number one cuz how do you know when he's by Tommy's five that he's even a fucking party pooper How do you know that he's a party? No, I think stick in the mud is just is a disgusting nickname to have for an uncle Yeah, sticking the mud is just being accused. It's like yeah, cuz I'm the stick and my nephew's the mother That's more disgusting but the problem is that why why was Albert fish such a party pooper to his father Do you think that he just wouldn't give it up? Well two reasons one? He was a bed wetter and two he was extremely sensitive. Oh, yeah, that's right He was a little bitch and he also what he was a very that's what they said highly highly sensitive child

And he had one of the major Trifecta of a childhood of serial killers that he was in a very intense bed wetter until his mid teens Yeah, and the reason why Albert fish had so few memories just the face and the stick in the mud was because his father a Riverboat captain until the day he died dropped dead of a heart attack five years after Albert was born He's still had enough coming at him to get one last baby up. Isn't that amazing? That's because his dad was blue dough That's what we're learning here Who's the papa in this story so with the breadwinner out of the picture Albert's mother shipped five-year-old Albert to an orphanage where he would learn to associate pleasure with pain and her

Excuse was the fact that she couldn't find work while having to care for Albert, which is very sad for him Yeah, I guess yeah, and it did bad things to him especially when you send him to the orphanage called like home of the naughty boy right Now it's a certainty that serial killers are created through a combination of nature and nurture And I think that without a doubt had fish not spent the most formative years of his life in this awful terrible place He would not have gone on to be the person. He eventually became he would have been a sociopath Yes, but I do not think that he would have been a child murder and molester. I don't know this guy was a real uncle Jesse He was such he never touched any children. I'm just saying we don't know what he did with those guitars

I feel like Albert the carp fish was even in a fucking a race car family. He would have put his dick in a muffler I don't know mark makes a good point about nature. Yes, I mean about nurture rather Yeah, absolutely, of course, I could see him. Yes, of course, you're in an orphanage hot sweaty boys Nothing but gruel everywhere None slapping everybody and they're all live fucking just lesbians right out of their towns I understand how that's a sexual pot of the coolest Danish fucking did the pleasures that a man can imagine But maybe it wouldn't have done it Maybe not well fishy. He could be compared to Jeffrey Dahmer, you know

You could say that yes, of course Jeffrey Dahmer was born a sociopath But add that sociopathie to the loneliness loneliness and neglect that he suffered throughout his childhood and throughout his Teen years and that pushes him to make best friends with a 14-year-old Filipino boy that he drills in the head and shoots With certain chemicals, but he was just trying to make a lover that he keep forever That's what we're all looking for Dahmer really did not have that bad of a childhood. No, he had a fine childhood But he was he was a but if he created his own world of loneliness Yeah, it's the soup that we talk about, you know, it's like that's just he did not have that bad of a childhood

It wasn't that terrible, but it was nothing but loneliness and Isolation and when you add all those things up you add sociopathie plus loneliness and isolation plus Hating himself for being a homosexual plus alcoholism and that adds up to Jeffrey Dahmer the serial killer It was really the beer base that made it good the nice perblanc. All right Let's get back to the carp himself now a lot like Charles Manson Fish was a small sensitive kid who was beaten mercilessly and was sexually assaulted by the larger older boys in the orphanage But unlike Manson flipped it and turned it around into an almost manipulative currency Fish eventually learned to like he flipped it or reverse it in his own way. That's how you do this guys

That's you you got to adapt. Yeah, you got to adapt and fish is sexual awakening If you could call it that happen when fish witnessed the orphanage guardians whipping young boys six at a time Naked so they could all see each other's injuries See that's where it get it gets bad. That's where it gets me But I feel like I wish you could have just turned it into like I I'm gonna make paddles for the world So that everybody can be spanked into a smile Could be like the Willy Wonka of ballgags get into you sort of get into the sex business. Yeah get into the sex business That's completely healthy. Sure. Yeah, you got to get a connection with someone who sells rubber

I don't want to meet the man who's just like I got But my problem is I'll be How do I make it so you can fuck it? That is the problem, isn't it? Now fish said his first sexual feeling came before the age of seven that was when Albert was whipped and more importantly when he heard and saw other boys being whipped This is when he first latched on to the screams

Of course, this is also where Jesus got wrapped up in all of this because the supervisors would read passages from the Bible as they beat him Particularly verses about sins of the flesh and somehow the ideas of God pain punishment and pleasure got Inextricably tied up in Albert fish's head and they would never come apart for the rest of his life And as we know is that one something sexually linked in the in the human in the male mind specifically once your Sexual to the intricacies clicks in there. You're all mixed into pain and you're fucked forever. You're done But can you imagine the other orphans? Just like literally being like, oh, hey. Hey, I'm an eggs. Hey, welcome to the home of for naughty boys Hey, we're having fun here. I what a great game of everybody look at the dead pigeon the other day

It's nice to have you nice. I have a seventh man. You know, I mean, hey, um, we've been noticing that thing Like when you know when they line us up in the six of us, they won't give us a bit of a whippity-whippin And we've got make with the noise and don't make them to stop, you know Me and the other boys are talking about it. Mm-hmm. Couldn't help but think You seem to like it and I wish you'd stop liking it because I tell you what for me Oh, I hate it. I don't like it one bit because that's why I'm screaming, you know And when I'm screaming and I look over at you and you're smiling and you got a bit of a tech going kind of makes me resent you And that's why we all felt we need to express ourselves. Yeah, I am on eggs. All right, so

Give us a frown next time Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that the other kids were jealous of his sheer joy over their pain Can you just imagine that just staring at him and he's just like Yeah, like even as a boy just like six years old. Yeah, it's like I Think that if you just spank with the little ones a little harder It'll make a higher pitch noise and you make you get the little the fatter ones And you spank him a little bit. He'll make a lower Yeah, like playing this like playing the glass

Wine glasses. Yeah the wine glasses No, there was a particularly disturbing incident that Albert Fish related to Dr. Wertham years later, although as we said earlier We have no idea whether this actually happened whether halfway happened or if it was pure Fantasy, but this is the story that Fish told of his orphanage years. I Am a man of passion You don't know what that means unless you are my kind At the orphanage where they put me just before Garfield was assassinated not the cat

It was the man the president There were some older boys that caught a horse in a sloping field They got the horse up against a fence down at the bottom of the field and tied him up an Old horse They put kerosene on his tail and let it cut the rope Away went that old horse busting through fences to get away from the fire But the fire went with him

That horse That's me. That's the man of passion The fire chases you and catches you and then it's in your blood and after that It's the fire that has to control Not the man Blame the fire of passion for what Albert Herbert fish has done. I'm having one. I can't even make it through the store You guys got a pillow right now if that story was told by an entrepreneur. It's actually kind of it's kind of motivational Yeah, you are driven by your passion and it forces you to run

But if that like say if that was Mark Cuban sure yeah That's what he lights his tail on fire and he goes every day and they won a championship because he found a chairman But if he's wearing a diaper and he has to remove a ball gang from his mouth and then tell the story Well, that's different. Well, we don't know what Cubans into Now this incident with the horse whether fiction or fantasy could be related to another strange habit Which fish would indulge in from time to time he would soak a length of cotton in alcohol stick it between his butt cheeks or all the way in the hole and Light it on fire. So he was like a Yankee candle. It's gonna nice. What's the smell on that old man cock?

strange Just burnt pubic hair. Yeah, yeah, when you light the candle it makes the house smell worse Yeah, I and there it's all the screaming and then the sounds of an old man coming. Did you say screaming? Do you got ice cream in here? Kind of funny. That is funny. That is kind of fun. But I also like again. We talked about the table metaphor. Yeah now He's the vase and a candle. Yes, he's got the whole thing going on get some doilies on his nipples put some Walking go to his mouth. Maybe some grapes or something. Yes, it's true Oh, you put hard candy in his mouth. Oh, that's kind of fun and after mint and after dinner mint

No, I'm just the clacking of that. You know when someone's got a mouthful of mints and they're clicking up against somebody's teeth Totally understand that So at the age of nine fish's mother who had somehow taken four years to find a job Removed fish from the orphanage and brought him home and at 12 fish began a relationship with a boy Who introduced him to the pleasures of drinking urine and eating feces both of which will become lifelong habits for Albert fish Now who is this mystery boy? He's a day. He was a telegraph boy. We don't know his name We don't know anything else about him. All we know is that he was a telegraph boy No child that grows up drinking piss and eating shit lives fish lived until 64

Why it's like the girls from two girls one cup Yeah, he put it into a place, right? It's Albert fish like focus that into he wasn't just eating shit and drinking piss He was also spanking and he had several jobs and marriages This little boy just gave him the gifts. It was like I'm when Gandalf shows up with the ring sure So yes, perhaps the apprentice surpassed the the master unless it was a being the apprentice in this situation Unless it was a weird sort of like Mumbai scenario where they play with garbage and they treat it like it's toys Just had shit and piss and he just thought it was food. Yeah, like somebody in solitary confinement So fish he started visiting bath houses every weekend to see nude boys and men and

Soon after that began working as a corner boy prostitute He even spent part of his 20s in Brussels working at a brothel where he specialized in giving and receiving Flagellation, but I bet he got a lot of promotions Yeah, because he had the he had the power inside of him a horse on fire That's a spank buddy long everybody longer and harder than any one of the other broken prostitutes in that Brussels whorehouse Whatever your passion is just be the best at it fine Yeah, fine your find what you love and let it kill you Charles Bukowski. That's right So at 17 fish began his career as a painter an occupation that he would hold for the rest of his life for a

multitude of reasons Specific to that of a pedophile and or child killer. First of all many of the jobs he took were at places where children were readily available and vulnerable like YMCA's Hospitals and orphanages Jimmy Savile would use this same technique decades later No, what I also find interesting is that in depraved they also said they was in he would do it at homes of the tubercular Yeah, and I think tubercula is a really weird way of saying like it's super rad to have tuberculosis Yeah, I thought that was a good name for my first-born daughter tubercula

The second advantage of being a painter for fish was that the regular attire of a painter is usually overalls of some sort but unlike the vast majority of painters fish almost never wore clothes underneath This meant that fish could be very quickly become nude Should the opportunity arise so he wasn't like Bob Ross painting no No, he was painting. He was painting like window panes and wall like he was the guy that house painter He was the guy that would paint the walls of a mental asylum that horrible puke green But he was good at it. He was really good at almost because he would just spank the walls with the paint right and they're like It's an interesting style, but he manages to get most of the wall

Yeah, kind of a Jackson Pollock type. He's also very similar to the just the life attitude of Picasso, right? I mean But I got this jar of spicy pepper honey the other day with spicy pepper and ginger honey and I open it up I smelled it. Mm-hmm. It's one of the worst smells I've ever smelled in my life I can imagine but I can imagine that that's what Albert Fish's fucking body Must have smelled like I like putting smells in there. What is it a pepper? What? It's spice. It's got black pepper seasoning in it with ginger mixed with honey like an earthy honey, right? You know when they made that they're like what is he it's gonna buy this and then he's just like just can't it somebody buys it

Literally just says on it says it's like cab driver scented Because that's how it smells. Can you imagine just seeing Albert Fish's bony body? Underneath these overalls him winking at just gone like I'm gonna need a little bit help painting here I can't seem to get the lower areas. Oh god little boy. Oh god. Oh god help a painter And that was like which is really you know, I'm not enticing not enticing at all So we had to switch it up. Yeah, he had to switch it up, but that's the thing is that Albert Fish He eventually went on to have six children And he worked as a painter for nearly 40

Years so this guy first of all he knew how children thought he knew what children like He knew how to lure them because he always set up at a basement or a cellar He and of course he had 40 years to figure out the best ways to do it and not only that He also knew how to pack things up and get the fuck out of there He was like the Orville Redenbacher of child discussion. Yeah, it kind of looked like him too. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, he really did everyone looked the same back then because there was no weight everyone was thin. There was no food. That is interesting. You're like what a good diet. Yeah If only Michelle Obama could have seen but if you love poverty sure poverty if you That how long you've been doing comedy about 15 year 15 years. I'm on 15. Yeah, I'm on 15 in radio

We're like starting to get good now like this is the time. I would say we're starting to get better getting there Yeah, 40 years of molest. Yeah, that's a lot of that's a lot of login hours It's his 10,000 hours to be an expert right now think about how long is a molest, right? I'm not really sure but the lead up to a molest sometimes can be days up to months because he would groom a child Yeah, that all counts that all counts towards that's like if you were gonna bill those hours, right? You would put that down on a time sheet. Yeah, for example, you know like a last podcast on the left episode It's not just the hour and a half of recording. It's the you know, 20 to 30 hours of research leading up to My father used to be a truck driver. He didn't just get paid for unloading and loading. It's the drive time

Would he also get paid for sitting and thinking about the drive instead of raising you? My father would actually he was sort of a televangelist over the old CB there. Oh, wow What was his call sign B crowd? B crowd the big crowd the Germans So he was really good at it towards the end because he murdered Gray's butt at the age of 58 What we're gonna find out is that that letter that he wrote the famous letters was gonna end up getting caught But that was six years later. So he got caught at the age of 64 So he had six years in the post game, right? He had six years

Just still being out there and searching for that ring. Yeah being a real LeBron. Yeah, we'll get into what he did there Yeah, God knows what he did probably did a bunch of fucked up shit because he never stopped Yeah, he started the age of 17 on a career of sexual depravity and then did not stop for 40 years Albert fish so Albert fish what he actually did As far as the painting supplies as far as moving around every time after the molestation or the murder Depending on how brutal his actions were he would move to a different neighborhood a different city or even a different state Over his lifetime fish lived and worked and no less than 23 states from New York to as far as Montana and in every single state

He worked somewhere in which children were present and vulnerable this guy. Albert fish was More than any other human that has existed. He is the boogeyman Uh, sort of chickatello-esque as well. Do you whether they moved around? Yeah? I mean, he was able to go from place to place, you know, and uh, he had absolutely no restrictions And you know because of course there's no sex offender registry. None of these cities are talking to each other They don't even know what he looks like I mean, how long did it take to catch hh homes who had three screaming kids along with them? And he was literally cackling like a madman the entire time

But Albert fish got the name of the gray man early on like it was a thing that he was said they would talk about this gray man That would show up which is terrifying In the first place like literally like that's what you got. That's what your legacy left Is literally being called the gray man because his skin was like he had very very very pale complexion in that loopy Fucking disgusting what used to be icy blonde mustache now becomes slowly gray by the time he was like 25 Yeah, I mean he must have been perceived as relatively worldly to somebody in montana I'm who I mean they're never they're never out of montana for the most part specifically during this time They didn't know what people were like in new york

I'm sure he actually had some interesting conversations with people who thought he was just a super smart dude I just don't think you can trust anybody who can keep their whole life in one suitcase That's a good point because it means they're looking to leave totally Yeah, and this guy I mean as far as the gray man went when his picture came out because his picture was sent out all over the country This is a gigantic case all over the country There were people who remembered albert fish from their childhood from decades before Like that there would be a childhood memory that would come up and they would say oh my god That's the gray man. That's the man that tried to kidnap me. That's the guy that you know a mother pulled a child away from

You know decades before he was that memorable and he was that Scary and there was some place the the first version of a john walsh But because there was no television radio wasn't really that great just put on a one-man show All about trying to catch albert fish But you had to see the show to know that you that it was dangerous You have to pay attention. You have to pay the admission to see the show And then you got a trombone player open it because you know somebody So he's there and he's up there. He's got symbols on his shoes

And he's playing the trombone. Hey ham and eggs go up there and warm them up warm them up for me He's just like sick. I hate the name ham and eggs. He's just like yeah. Well, so does everybody Now one of fish's most disturbing early expeditions into the world of perversion came when he was working as a painter in delaware In 1910 where he picked up a kid named thomas keddon Now keddon was 19 but appeared to be much younger and had the intellect of a child Which made him as far as fish was concerned just as good as a regular boy That's how the majority of celebrities date That's actually how you do it. If you like unformed bodies, that's what you got to do

I mean, it's like that french guy who uh married one of the ulcin twins. Oh, they're strange looking Yeah, very very strange looking and also the way a herald schecter I'm gonna blame a little bit because the way he described it as being like a tight bodied young man But he had the brain of a child. So it was like a child. It was like some weird thing of being all right herald and after introductions because keddon had actually been riding the rails for a little while trading blowjobs for protection and that is true That is true. Yeah, he was had been riding the rails. He got off in delaware Uh and albert fish found him said like hey, why don't we go back to my place?

The two went back to where albert was staying What followed was a three week long two-man orgy of perversion and degradation now in a normal story This would be like you totally have a two-man You can have a two-man orgy with two men the metaphorical orgy would have put it this way There's four everybody's got four like digits. You got two legs two arms. So that's eight total Dude, but those are people what they were doing was like there were six guys in there Like an octopi. Yes, literally. They were acting like six. So they were Again, if this is just normal, this would just be an early story from mick jagger's life

Right, but so this was a kid that in this time period people look for like he was looking for help and guidance And i'm sure albert fish which we're gonna hear later on down the line Would often portray himself as a man with a lot of money who is here to take care of you Like he would come he would he had to get a persona as a hollywood producer later on when he began his letter writing series But now I imagine the first thing he said to this kid was like you come with me you come with me little boy I'm gonna make sure you're okay. I'm gonna feed you. I'm gonna take care of you And then but all you got to do is give me a little bit of a spikety spank and then we'll be fine Yeah, he's like but albert. There's no table around to eat on

Bon appetit Do you have a rose? It's a beautiful night Let us Spanky Bella spanky No, it started this whole thing started with mutually seto masochistic behavior whipping each other Uh, you know having various role play situations like father and son teacher and student so on and so forth

But it's always flipsy-turbsy because he liked being the boy in those scenarios fish was always the little boy in these Which is kind of weird, but still totally fine. I mean this sort of stuff Technically, this is all legal the kid's 19. It is legal and everyone was dumb back then Technically it is legal and the hell you know like this isn't much different from what anybody any listener out there does or like Is into You smile on your face Do you guys play a little boy in school marm? We're not you and pickle girlfriend. No, we don't play We're not talking about it. No, we do other things. All right, move on. I do fox and

No one wants to hear about us. William older. She wrong. He man I do wonder woman and wonder man There was no wonder man. That was wonder man wonder man was in the marvel universe get rid of them killer croc and spider woman That's kind of fun. Yeah, and so yeah at first it was all right, you know sato masochism and uh role play It totally fine not that weird, but then it jumped Real far real fast and to drinking each other's piss and eating each other's feces

Uh, and it went even further from there Fish started cutting the boys butt cheeks and then he would put his lips up to the wound and suck the blood out Yeah, yeah, it's like a coconut. It's like when you want to get maple syrup from a tree Yeah, yeah, yeah kind of like that very vermont and the climax. I wonder if they called it the Vermont. You want it? This is the vermont Oh, what's that elbert? So the climax of the entire thing so to speak came when fish tied up the boy ostensibly for some regular SNM because at this point

Yeah, it was getting real weird, but it was also So consensual at this point, but so fish tied up the boy got him hard Pulled out a pair of scissors and started cutting off the head of the boys penis Now what we're we're going to see later on is that his castration fantasies are going to be for forever Like this is the one of the we're going to maybe say this is the first example of this We don't know but as what we've learned about serial killers up to this point is that normally people ramp up to To extremities, right? And so it seems like this may be have been a thing he'd been thinking about since the very beginning I don't know why but for some reason just cutting off the head

Sounds more disgusting. I feel like I could take it at the base. I think I got a strong base I don't think that is very sensitive. Yeah, the whole thing's kind of sensitive It's definitely when he says when I want to give you a permanent and downstairs haircut You're like, okay, that's fine. My pubes are a little bushy right, but then he goes straight for the flower Not good. Well, he didn't get all the way through because I mean, I don't know why I think this was just because it was early on in his experimentation phase But the screams of this guy this kid Too much for albert fish. He couldn't handle it. Uh, so he stopped the cutting

Dressed the wound untied the boy left 10 bucks on the floor and went back to his home base of new york city Hey, $10 is not enough. Well, I mean, that's a lot of money. No, what's what's $10 in nine? I mean, this is 1910. It's $10. Yeah, I bet you it's worth $150 right now. Not enough money. No, it's still not enough It's not an apology. Let's see. Let's say $10 in 1910 money. Let's look this up right now. Oh, it only goes back to 1913, but I bet that's okay Uh, $243 not enough money 243. Not enough money and 47 cents. Nope. Just not still not enough. No, it's not my price is higher What is enough? Five million dollars. That's it. That's actually cheap. Yeah, that's

That's real low. Give that to lose the head of your penis. Not lose it. It's starting to cut it Oh, just starting to cut it. Oh, cut off to cut off completely the head of my penis. You're totally sober Five million dollars is in front of you. I don't know if I could do it. Just take a little snip while you're hard Do a snip like kind of like just a just a tiny little bit of the scissor on Well, we'll talk about that in a different episode. Why though? This seems like This is the time to do it. This is when it happens Five billion dollars. We can just say any arbitrary number. I take a billion dollars I take a billion dollars because then you can get a new penis. You can do whatever you want

Yeah, but however, think of it this way. He cuts it off, but he keeps it Yeah, maybe I just get a whole new one and maybe I don't maybe I'll put maybe Make it like a scene a pro wrestling scene as long as I don't have to watch him like put it on his nose And you're like I'm rude off. I'm rude off. Then I'm fine. That would be terrible. That would be the new memory That would haunt me forever. Yeah. Yeah, so fish his home base was right where we're recording right now in new york city New york. I heard if you can make it here, you can also maybe make it in california Uh, yes, I mean it's actually more often that you'd make it in california because that's where the jobs are Oh, we're in a place without the job. Yes, we are. We're in a fucking dead of a gridlocked. We're making our own jobs. God damn it

Good job marcus. Um, also the kid that got his penis cut off grows up to be that was a donald trump's great great grandfather Oh, isn't that something? So fish moved here to new york city in 1898 and through his mother met and married his first wife very soon after fish Then you got to know about him He was eventually married three times But he always chose women who were either into or at the very least Tolerated his sexual perversions

But if you listen to the testimony of any of his three ex-wives tolerated is a mild way to put it The shortest of his marriages lasted 10 days before the woman realized what she had gotten herself into And lit out because it's a problem. I understand if it's your birthday And you like to have a thing done to you. It is like a thing. There's a thing you like to do It's like, you know, it's a special occasion that that's fine. Oh, sure, but albert fish needed extreme sexual torture every time too much and it gets on point like i've worked nine hours at the mill Or various of the jobs, which I assume in 1910 all involved some form of mill You did a but you told a little place where you're literally wherever you worked in 1910. You're covered in soot

Yeah, not fun. You come home covered in soot Albert fish is there. He's got a fucking tablecloth over his head. He's just like bon appetit I hear it's to our reservations at 9 15 and it has to be that way every single time you're gonna get out It would be exhausting It really would be I mean, let's let's go through the typical courtship of albert fish in january of 1930 Fish was wooing a widow that he had met through one of the matrimonial agencies that was popular at the time This is 1930. You're in the depression No man is going to want to take on a few more dependents in addition to a new wife

Now what I will say I'll put this at this is also after the fact that alper fish has already had six children with the woman That he was married to for 20 years. She left him for a lover that was a border in their house Which is interesting that she stuck around for so long So they got a young man living in the house is some weird border. I believe his name is jack And then yon's foul zon's foul and so she left with him And so he is now free to be as freaky as he wants to be And so he goes and he joins these weird matrimony connection bullshitty things that he shows up at this widow's house You know what I'm gonna say? Good for her. Good for her. Good for her. I'm gonna say good for her

So on the first night the albert came call and he reportedly acted like a fairly normal human being a little Creepy in appearance, but for the most part in behavior fairly normal He got acquainted with the widow and her children and made plans to come over the next night The next night is when the games began The first game was called Buck buck how many hands up? And all of these games came with a costume Before playing the game

Albert would go into the bathroom and come out wearing nothing but a pair of brown shorts And herald schecter again went on to specifically say they were very thin Yeah, and I also don't know how he knows that I think it's more of like, uh, he just assumed Well, maybe he if he's like me it sounds like fish is dressing exactly like an uncomfortable, uh, european relative They have different standards the first time I was ever in germany. I was like, what are you people wearing? Yeah, very strange. It is a very sad. I mean germany is a strange country full of strange people They're flopping all around when they're not wearing yeet knee on adidas jumpsuits. Well, that's changed now Well, this is how one would play buck buck how many hands up?

Albert would hand the children a paintbrush that he had brought along with them He'd tell them hold a certain number of fingers up in the air And I'm going to try to guess how many fingers you're holding up And if I guess wrong, you're going to spank me with the paintbrush In correspondence to however many fingers you're holding up. For example, the kid has three fingers up Albert says five the kid hits him three times and Albert was reportedly Very bad at guessing. Oh, so he's bad at the game. That's weird. It seems like then then why would he want to get punished? It seems weird. Yeah, that is weird. I just want to also clarify technically it should be buck buck

How many fingers up because the answer is always two he was hands Legitimately just improving the name. He was making this up as he just say these kids could have just been like trick question It's always two. He was being a regular robin. Williams in this scenario And he literally was just figuring shit out as he was going. He was like, how do I get them to spank me? Finger game soon as I get that's all you could think of but sometimes you can't be totally accurate if you're an improv Comedian. I'm drew carry with whose line is that anyway. I give you a seven Kind of fun. Yeah Yeah, they'd play this game every night for an hour until fish introduced another game called

Sack of potatoes over which I really don't want to get in a sack of potatoes. I would like to get over I'd like to get into it. You want to get into it? I would like to get into it. Uh, it's right here It's called sack of it. So this is from the little girl's court testimony from the book deranged Sack of potatoes over and how was that one played inquired Dempsey He put on those little trunks and then he would throw us up on his shoulder And we would slide down his back and we would scratch him with our nails And by the time we would get through playing why his back would be red

Jesus, I don't think I mean that it's tough to say which one is worse. They're all disgusting I don't know why but sack of potatoes over that one creeps me out more because there's actually because I think there's uh An actual skin to skin contact with uh with buck buck how many hands up at least it's just a paintbrush But sack of potatoes over you can just pretend like you're a drunk cat going down the curtains No That's what it is though. That's what he wants you to be. He wants you to be normal. He's the curtains He wants you to be normal. Yeah, you're normal. He's the curtain. I want to be heathcliff No, you can't be heathcliff. I always liked heathcliff more than garfield by the way

Because you love because you love the homeless. That's right. Um, it's not a fun game. No It's not fun for anyone. Um, and it's it is a very weird way to get to know the woman you're dating's Children and keep in mind. This is day two. We're just into 48 hours here Yeah, this is uh, not too long into the courtship and each game got progress. I mean this was a grooming process And each game got progressively weirder and more violent the third game Albert fish came over with a sack of small needles and he told the kids all right this game Is that we're gonna see how many needles we can shove underneath our fingernails? I mean by game. This doesn't seem like a game. Yeah, the thing is that did normally in a game. There's points and prizes

Yes, yeah, but that he told him that's what we're gonna do and the kids said no this hurts quite a bit I mean he said okay. Well, I'm gonna play by myself And he shoved multiple pins underneath his fingernails until both of his hands were covered in blood And again each one of these things on their own aren't necessarily the worst thing that's ever happened Mick Foley for example the great professional wrestler did the exact same thing as a child Like literally used to roll around in thumbtacks to toughen himself up for the future japanese death matches He was he was weird. Yeah, he was weird. I'm just saying weird and he loved christmas. He everyone loves christmas Albert fish definitely loved christmas because then he could put on a beard to hide his identity

Yes, but we all had a creepy friend who would poke themselves with needles. No, we didn't uh, I did not Marcus no, I think I'm fairly certain. I remember a kid poking themselves with needles. Yeah, but me Yeah, totally. See I had my kids were more like into Into front like weapons and like karate and shit like that. I know guys like that That were big until like wanting to shoot up the school your queen's new york marcus is texas. I'm wisconsin. Yeah different worlds Yep, the weirdest thing about all of this. I would say I mean Albert fish in the end Albert fish is always the weirdest thing in the whole in the whole scenario It's always going to be extremely weird. Yeah, but in context. This is I think maybe not weird odd

I guess would be the word is that I'd say fucked up. Yeah, whatever Well, this is it's just odd what he would do after every time he would play the game He'd go into the bathroom take all the toilet paper off of the roll bunch it up on the floor and light it on fire No, that was from the testimony of the widow. We went to talk about it in during the trial She said that that's what she discovered But honestly, I think he had shoved it up his ass Yeah, set it on fire and then threw it on the floor because what we're gonna see later on is that when he was Going from house to house

Albert fish like to play a weird sexual game where he'd leave shit On the bed and on the floor of places that he'd left in order to know that he could like He could sexually get off in the fact that they'd have to clean it up Yeah, I'm gonna say that's not the weirdest thing sack of potatoes the scratchy game there I mean the needles and then in buck buck hands up This reminds me almost on par with what the wet bandits did in home alone It's very similar toilet paper on fire in the bathroom before you leave. That's kind of humorous And for what daniel stern did in that film. I imagine he was very deeply sexually aroused well

That's the entire time if you really want to think about how disturbing home alone could have been Can you imagine just home alone is just the beginning of the first in 15 minutes It's just breaking in and then tying up mccally colkin and then getting them hard and trying to call off his penis That's a good thing his parents bought him all those micro machines Now these weird games the weird toilet paper on fire habit he did this Every single night for 10 nights straight alternating between the games always with the fire And despite all of this the widow agreed to marry him after 10 Days and she was present for all this the kids you can understand like you can understand kids

They don't know what's normal. They don't know they trust adult and like we said earlier Albert fish had a lot of kids. He had six kids. So he knew how to normalize pretty much anything It reminds me of the pretty much the only funny thing that mad tv ever did which was their lowered expectations Yes I mean unbelievable. Yeah, and she was at this but this you know this uh woman this widow. She was present for all this Uh, but it seems like she was fine with all this shit happened into her kids But when it came time for her to actually participate in albert fish's weird bullshit She only lasted 10 days or she just found out that he loved the band chicago

And there are people that love the band chicago and people who hate the band chicago. I like the band chicago Yeah, I'm a man. I'm a man is a fantastic song. I'm just stronger every day It's one of those a pump-up song I listen to before I go into auditions. Is reeling in the years. Is that she? No, it's steely dan you idiot. Oh steely dan's good You rude Still really but that's the I wonder what finally broke like broke the camel's back on that Yeah, I'm not really sure either. Um, you know, we've been talking about this guy for a while enough for about an hour And uh, we make a lot of jokes making a lot of yucks

I'm making some yucks You know what it just hit me which is really odd that it just hit me after hours of reading or reading the entire book of Durange doing all that stuff. Are we doing a greater good for society or are we creating a world that's worse? I actually don't know number one. I don't know and number two um This man's very frightening. Yes. Are you just not you're just not getting that? It's really interesting if you really think about it. It's like he literally is a vision from a nightmare He's like everything you want. He looks like a kindly old man. Yeah, he knows how to manipulate children

It becomes known as the gray man. He is um, he is a villain He is like literally like uh, like freddy kruger Like what freddy kruger was before they set him on fire and then he became a dream monster hours of research Multiple documentaries multiple readings of books pages words. It's not until just now that I realized that he's very scary What did you think he was before sort of a henny young man? Just keep kind of focusing on how horny he was and what a naughty boy He thought he was in the sounds of spanking It was mostly just kind of grossed out by an old man being sexually active

That's really what I was mostly afraid of is the sexually active nature of an old man Which is kind of sad for me that I did that because eventually we will be old men and we will be horny And we will feel like we need sex and love and then I will feel gross about that myself No, you didn't have sex until the day you died. Yeah, I know this now I realize this what I really should have been upset about is the Is the murder and the murders. Yes. This is uh, I'm happy that you got here. Yeah I'm happy you got that how you're feeling is how I feel for 20 to 30 hours every single week So, uh, welcome. He's very frightening. He is the definition of horror. Yeah, he is awful. I tell you what I would have

Sucked him one. I would have punched him. I would have loved to beat him to death again like a carp Well, I mean as frightening as he was to uh, this family to these children, uh, in even after his crimes came out Uh, he kept in contact with a couple of these kids And his kids he was very close with his kids, especially his daughters He did not do anything to them. We're gonna go into that until later episodes But he had a very tight familial unit which is fucked up makes him very similar to Dennis Rader Yeah, I think you're gonna say Donald Trump. I mean, yeah, look at the way he touches Ivanka. Maybe they didn't have sex But they kind of had sex

Yeah, but they actually exchange letters while they were in uh while albert fish was in prison they exchanged a lot of letters and this letter That henry's gonna read right now This is a letter that albert fish wrote to his stepdaughter on the occasion of her 18th birthday Now again, remember albert fish was sexually compulsively writing letters. It was a sexual thing as well So the beginning of this letter starts with it saying I wish I could send you $20 so you could buy a new watch But I just bit off this dude's

Penis in prison. I get I had to give him my 20 Because now the price keeps going up. Of course inflation. Thank god Dearest sweetest Mary daddy stepkitty So my sweet little big girly will be 18 on the 28th I wish I could be there You know what you would get from your daddy I would wait until you were in bed Then give you 18 good hard smacks on your behind

You speak of being at the big games fun here in new york city. There's nearly always some kind of game going on In the public schools and all of the ymca's they have large swimming pools If a man or boy wants to use this pool, he must take all of his clothes off and go in bare naked There is one of the largest pools in the u.s. In the west side at ymca and sometimes there are over 200 men and boys All of them naked Any boy or man can go in and see them for 25 cents Now you know how sweet honey bunch that most all girls like to see a boy naked Especially the big boys

Do you know sweet Mary what the girls do to get in and see the show? Many of them have boyish pops They dress up in their brother's clothes Put on a cap and go to the wine Quite often a boy will come out of the water And stand so close to a girl dressed in boys clothes She can and does Touch his naked body

Be careful of all of you my sweet kitties don't go outdoors in the snow unless you have on rubbers Now listen my little miss. Don't you keep me waiting so long for another of your sweet dear letters? if you do Someday I shall come out there again and give you another sound spanking You know where I mean, it's like if you're if your earbuds unplugged from your work computer During that I apologize for you being terminated immediately

I just was I just wish my father could live because I talked to my father like maybe two or three times a year Sure, that's all you got to talk to a dad for and you never have to talk to your dad That's one of the greatest things about being guys. He knows we exist You know, I mean he already did a job. I just wish he stopped telling me how to see boys naked at the wine Yeah, every single time. Yes, and by the way how the weather is there and the differences between the weather here and the weather there I'm not letting this Barbara Streisand yentl thing go Barbara Streisand and yentl dressed up like a boy and that she looks just like the boy Uh, mr. Fish is discussing in his little letter

Interesting. I just think that's what you imagine Yentl. Sexually is yentl and when a bunch of yentls walking around the ymca And so you just hope that all boy's rooms at ymcs are just filled with young barbers Streisand's dressed up as boys Are you gonna be a star? Are you a star? Are you a star? And that seems as good as place as any the end part one of albert fish And as we were saying this guy is frightening the nightmare Is only beginning it gets So much worse from here

All right. Well, thanks for listening No, amazing. It's really very disgusting You know what's weird though is that it doesn't fill me with the same hollowness that dean coral did Because it's kind of interesting to find out about new sexual fetishes It's kind of I kind of think it's kind of cool to figure all that shit out that he invented all this kind of stuff Like he's thomas Edison. Oh, no, he didn't invent any of this stuff. Yeah, a boy told him how to do it in the first place Yeah, yeah, it was passed down. Yeah, it was passed down from boy to boy Yes, like how the Japanese culture has great stories passed on to generation to generation

Yeah, it's like the sexual version of oral tradition You do wonder if elbert fish would have taught somebody else to eat piss and shit Then is the curse lifted maybe the boy that taught him that was just like thank god I no longer have this fetish like it follows You uh, you just give it to somebody else. Have you seen the adam sandler movie the cobbler? I missed that one. It's like that, but with shit eating. Oh, I see Wow, everyone. Thank you so much for listening Let's see here marcus. Do you want to talk about the patreon? I mean everyone's been so amazing. Yeah, everyone's been so great

Thank you so much for giving to our patreon We actually had the reason why we didn't have an episode last week is because we had some major equipment issues Here in the studio and the only reason why we are up and running this week while we're back up and running so fast Is because of the money that you guys have given to the patreon? You guys gave us a nice little nest egg to dip into when we needed it the most So thank you so much to every single person If you guys feel like if you're not given yet and you feel like that we deserve a little bit of cash For the show that we do it here every single week go to patreon.com

Slash last podcast on the left you can give as even a little as little as a dollar Helps us out if every single one of you guys gave a dollar It would be life-changing honestly. It's because cash doesn't doesn't fix all problems But cash fix about 99.9999 percent of all problems Yes, absolutely and so thank you guys so much for supporting us here And thank you for listening to all the shows on cave comedy radio Specifically the ones that marcus and i do together the round table of gentlemen and of course page seven I was just a guest on page seven with jackie zebrowski

Uh filling in for molly neffle and you know, there's no better replacement for molly than fox news has been Absolutely loves that like literally if you want it's like if molly neffle was pulled from the hell dimension from event horizon I'm exactly what she would look like And of course ablingon's top hat for for everything political. It's a very exciting time Donald trump just said he would why can't he nuke the world? So we're going to talk about that this week. He's a fucking monster. It is insane. Do you think he's trying to quit? I think he is just like what do I have to say before they shoot me in the head? And so I can get out of this reality

Like he's just waiting to be like pulled kicking and screaming so he can blame everybody. Yes, we can sell another show I think this whole joke went on far too long and he's completely over his weird weird head Yeah, he absolutely is and uh, of course if you guys uh dig music go listen to my uh music show The lucky bone show you can find that at mixcloud.com slash marcus parks But not a new episode today right after i'm gonna show my last podcast And of course the round table of gentlemen as well. Um, and we got uh, I will say your pretty face is going to hell It's coming back in october, which I cannot wait you're gonna get the first six episodes of our new third season Which kicks ass it's going to be at the sheer

And I want to thank trauma for throwing a lovely trauma dance last weekend. We had a lot of fun I love those all those people john over there is a really good dude and loyde kaufman is a ridiculous human being Yeah, and thank you guys for allowing my band the cowmen to play a trauma dance. It was fucking awesome. Thank you guys Wonderful. Yeah, and thanks everyone who came out to the last live show. It was a real dare say hoot Yeah, follow us on on twitter uh to at marcus parks at henry loves you at ben kissle That's it and our next live show is coming up on august 19th and baltimore at auto bar Uh, just google auto bar last podcast on the left to get your tickets were almost sold out So be sure to get those before the show comes because usually uh tickets get sold out a couple of day

Or tickets get sold out at least a week before and it really does show you how far we've come With auto bar the last time we played there. What was it four or five months ago? We were upstairs in the attic hiding from the gestapo and now they have us downstairs in a beautiful In a in a beautiful, I guess theater or what do you call these things menu can you which one of us is and And marcus is actually and are you the and yeah, because I think you're the one who would just be like she's up here And then I'd be like hello gentlemen. I am one of yours He got hi. Yeah, hail hitler. Everybody having a good time. Uh, will you want some cashews? Um, all right. Hail yourselves hail satan and hail gain also

I'm gonna ask satan today satan. Please satan. Can you make donald trump's shit his pants one point today? Thank you very much. His cool numbers. You're just gonna go up hail satan and hail me if you want And may goose delay goose laces little shits. Hey guys. Don't molest anybody today. All right. Thanks. So ever Um, all right, everyone. These are our patreon shout outs. This is a thank you to everybody who is given to our patreon so far Uh, every single person who uh, who acts every single thank you for the this is a thank you for the people who have given to patreon Thank you so much. Um, let's see here. I'm just gonna read the list Yeah, and if you want to give to patreon go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to get your very own shout out Very exciting. These shout outs are fun for everybody and I want to give a special shout out to one of my favorite people

In the game of clue. I don't think he did it bob peacock Bob peacock. Thank you so much for giving mark heron. Thank you so much as well Cody stewart. You sound like a nascar driver, but you're smarter than that Zach brame it's zack with an x so he's edgy. What do you mean? The first letter is is x But I think it's pronounced zack because the fucking alien isn't a name You cannot have that name. He has it exactly. It is not legal. It is steven hernandez timmy nolyn Connor omara

monica williams katie barrett and rob epps Thank you guys so much literally from the bottom of my weird big too large of a heart His heart is green if you cut him open because he's like the Hulk Danny carol nice name. Thank you. Jamie. Or is it hi me? Hi, mate. I mean, I think it's up to you. It's now. Hi, mate. Mike Patterson that it sounds like a pseudonym Sounds like you killed a girl a long time ago and you changed your name from fucking deer draw But rick or rickery to Mike Patterson, so thank you whatever it's it's it could be it's one of those like it's like dana or ashley

Okay, ivy samples. Thank you. Sandra Bennett. Thank you Lindsay traeger. Thank you. Thomas k. Spence You're welcome. I'm gonna say you're fucking welcome magustylations magustylation. Thank you for liking us ashley k glowing Frenulum Her name is glowing friend a little friend a little friend you know sometimes people on uh patreon give aliases It's probably smart. Yeah, probably robert fauerbach

And I've got dominique noyola appreciate it. Thank you, amanda. Thank you tops bottoms Hmm Thank you, jennifer ruth. Thank you Stephanie diamonds Anthony colman ryan cooper and chad trudgin. Thank you all three also. Thank you to matt ford and tom v Evans all right this first name. I think it's pretty saucy. It's pretty hot. It's liby hawker All right isabel. I actually really like the name liby hawker liby hawker is a nice name. It's q name isabel Thank you isabel anthony mclintock and remember mclintock a very famous actor from back in the day

There's a television series or a movie called it. Yeah a television series. All right katelyn parker uh, ana ana Okay, see now you're trying to trick me up. Let me read now. She's trying to trick. No, I'm on to ana She wants she wants to make me look bad over the radio waves Anna parentoni Yeah, we're still good Uh victoria paterson dylan rostec alex hirsch zane raza, which sounds like a hell of a heavy metal singer Zane raza and jonathan singer. Thank you guys so much. Uh, I would like to say thank you to james

You got to get to miss god stew That's trendadad to you. I guess it's actually a very rich culture. Yeah karina stevens. Thank you claire johnson And thank you constants turner. I believe I know constants. Oh, yeah, wonderful. Yes alissa de antonio john michel pierre Thank you Bethany kane Blake lacy teats who I do know and she's lovely and thank you so much for giving to us lacy. You're wonderful

Yes, lacy is wonderful. All right and meg And meg it's just the family guy character. He just says meg. Oh cool I got chase t hopper gram urwin Irwin, is it a w or a v? It's a w. That's urwin. Well, I'm doing it the german style. Oh, don't do that Caleb sanford steven verston That's actually worst in but verston. That's a very german name. Yeah, that one works. Yeah, jamey illsley

Mitch level scott spiller Jordan lande verde, which means the greenland. Oh a.j. Barroso And allison goodman. Thank you every single one of you. We very much appreciate it and usually when marcus lists off a series of names That means there are all victims of a killer. So you guys are all doing better than Usually the people he names. Uh, all right. I got this dude, uh, matthew mcgittleland middle mainland There's a little bit of a gentle mcgittle. I thought there was a j but it's not it's just a little it's a little thing on the print out

Matthew Maitland Bryce Barnett's dana scully nick Dana scully then just nick. Thank you, nick Sino's which is a very fun thing Daniel fortis Callan piercy Donald Grayson sounds like a politician jonathan orms

And lianna medina. Thank you. Hector guzman. Thank you julaine wood. Thank you. Thank you. Lex So just Lex Don't leave her alone Chris will help Taylor groat Chris carlin sarah bird bret rap Vadom these are off and lee porter. Thank you. Thank you, man. I'm getting all the germans. Here's to dave house line

Eileen ellen out's bude jennifer moon chris pocket Bjorn muna Lee itry Ian hannah diamond brandon riffle I like brandon riffle Yep, and tammy groves. Thank you. We appreciate every single one of you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you

And also fred newp Alex is alien who i've seen on instagram many times. Hello, and thank you. You are lovely. Thank you. Hail satan Jared sandore And tim valenta. Oh, what's the one impression i could do on page seven? What was that one? Oh, uh, oh god damn it Uh, it's very good. I want to do it. It was great. Shit. Uh, oh, I could do tug-of-all Hi, old tug-of-all That's good. I could do uh eddie murphy from uh, norbit do it. How you do You know, all right. We got one. Tim gun. What's your tim gun? Tim gun

That sounds a lot like Ted couple. Uh, all right. Leah murphy. Thank you. Mickey pang Thank you so much. Mickey Jenna poochie and eric evans. Thank you guys so much. I got robert pares harmony parry Chester mcdow and finally Margaret hog Call me now. Call me now Yeah, yeah, that was the madame cleo rest in peace. That's it. Yeah, and yep So, um, thank you for your fucking money. Yeah, uh, hail satan. Keep it coming. Need your cash

Give me your month. No, well, we can't do it like that. Come over here Come on. I got to close off. Absolutely. No, leave your clothes on leave your clothes on Please give us money to keep henry's clothes on that's actually a good reason to give us money or pay me money to take it off No one does that. We're losing money. Pay it to see it Pay money to my penis to see it. No one wants to do that. Um, hail yourselves. Thank you guys so much We really appreciate it. You guys are the best. Yeah, thank you so much patreon.com slash last podcast on The left if you want to get thank you so much guys. You have no idea how much we appreciate it. My ghostillations hail gain. Hail me. Goodbye