Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 236: Albert Fish Part III - The Werewolf of Wysteria

Episode Date: August 17, 2016

In the conclusion to our series on Albert Fish, we cover the horrific murder of Grace Budd and the stupendous police work that led to the capture of America's Boogeyman. Hep Cats Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Hey Baltimore people, don't forget that we're going to be coming to your town this Friday, August 19th. Go to theautobar.com to get your advance tickets. Get them now. They're cheaper and the show is definitely going to sell out. So get those so you can come on and see us and the cowmen playing together this Friday. Speaking of this Friday, we're also still going to be doing our adult swim live stream. So go to adultswim.com this Friday night, 7 38 o'clock somewhere around there. Check your local listings. Now, time for Albert Fish, part three. All right, welcome to the show everyone. I am Ben Gissel. That's Marcus Parks. What is this always? I am like a snowball. Do you remember those little the little cakes, the snake cake

snowballs? Do I remember? Of course. I ate three last night. I am covered in powder from my belly button down to my knees. I'm like my grandfather in World War Two. You don't need a shower if you're dry. Totally. And I am so sick of being chafed and I didn't want to bow down to it again this year because the goldbomb powder does make my nuts smell like a bit of an Albert Fish situation. That's okay. In terms of like an old man just kind of full of calm. Right. Covered in dry powder. Totally. But I fucking broke down. I got to say I've never been happier. I feel like Pablo Escobar if he sat down in a chair made out of cocaine. Yeah, that's great. I'm just shaking loose. I feel like I'm covered in snow. I'm like a dog in the snow field. It's been it's been what 90 degree

heat for about two weeks here in New York City. So I don't understand what the breakdown is though as far as powder in yourself you could have just done that day one. Why did you why did you refrain from doing it? I'm just trying to spare the romance of my relationship like a little bit. I'm trying to ease her into the fact that I have a body like William H. Taft and then like him like old in times. I mean I need to be like both moisturized and powdered at all times like a Beethoven like a Mozart. Well the illusion of him being a fancy boy it's all gone now. It's kind of like the message Albert Fish used to leave in his bathroom. Oh my goodness. So we're on to part three of Albert Fish. Congratulations to everybody who got their gold star. And this episode

double gold star. Whoa. You're gonna know when it comes. This is um there's gonna be a lot of unpleasantness with the Albert Fish story. Yes it seems to be that Albert Fish doesn't get cuter no matter what we do. Yeah. Because he does seem like a cute little walrus man because it's fun little walrus mustache. Sure. But the problem is that it's like you remember the walrus from the old poem with the walrus and the carpenter. Yeah the walrus and the carpenter. It's like if that walrus had a fucking tiny hard little cock that needed to be spanked 24 seven in order to come. Kind of a different story there. Yes. All right well let's get to the fish tail then. So after the disappearance of Francis McDonald in 1924 sightings of the gray man began to occur

all over Staten Island which like Boston during the Boston Strangler case and Los Angeles like any of the half dozen or so serial cases that they've dealt with over the years Staten Island went a little bit nuts. I gotta say I'm really sad that she went missing because I loved Fargo and it's really a shame what Albert Fish did to her. Not Francis McDormand. Oh I'm sorry it's a boy it's a boy it's a boy it's a boy it's a small boy. So a little girl reported that three days before McDonald was found murdered she was approached by a gray-haired old man with a mustache who said he'd give her a nickel if she came into the woods with him to look for quote wild rhubarb ladies that's a euphemism for cock. That is never go into the woods. First of all wild rhubarb is never

in the woods it's at a Whole Foods. That's what I always thought. Where do you get the wild rhubarb from? From a farm where a man is covered pink stained with rhubarb stains because he's been growing it all day. Sure. And he's legally allowed to grow it because also you need a license. There's a whole story about rhubarb. Yeah so the girl's mother appeared and shooed the man away but he was found later that night sleeping in the family barn after which he was shooed away once again but he matched the gray man's description perfectly. Ma'am I thank you so much for allowing me to stay in your barn um your hay is just thin enough to put in my penis but can I actually give a bit of a yelp comment because I say of course I wish it was a little thicker. You want thicker hay

in the barn so it would hurt my penis more. I'll be going. Okay so another girl reported that a week before the murder in those same woods she came upon a filthy old man matching the gray man's description crouched down on the ground eating something out of both of his hands like an animal and instead of just turning around and going back home the girl tried to rush past the old man who started yelling at her quote in a foreign tongue that sounded like Italian. What was he eating there? Maybe it was gnocchi. Could have been. I was trying to think what else do Italians eat but all I can think about is cheese and pepperoni but I don't think they eat pepperoni. Yeah but what is he gonna scream at her? I don't know it's just something about being

fragile. So the girl naturally broke out into a full sprint with the gray man giving chase but after she reached a clearing she looked behind to see the old man had suddenly stopped and he slowly slunk back into the woods. It's so bad it's so scary like when you just think about an old man literally just hanging out by the tree lines of tiny stat nylon woods just going like I'll be back then I guess back to the rhubarb. The wild rhubarb. So the Daily News jumped on the bandwagon and painted a to say the very least unflattering portrait of Staten Island. This is what the Daily News had to say. Dateline Staten Island the island in which the murder occurred is overrun with old men morons degenerates of all types men picked out of the gutters and

bread lines of New York City and sent to the city farm colony on the island at present there nearly 500 men on the poor farm and many of them are known to be degenerates. That's where my family's from and I think that was an accurate depiction of your family. Legitimately four generations of Zabrowski's are from Staten Island. It's possible. So hoping to track down any lead police arrested and interrogated a whole slew of local perverts. Right I mean if you are on this list you know it's like you know what I am innocent but it's just kind of offensive that you thought it could be me giving the description of who you're looking for like really. Listen we all know I like doing the pressed ham under glass full of fun prank you think. We all know that I like to show my

butt at people I may be waggled by penis people but I never kill a child you know why because children are there to stare at me waggling my penis at them. Without the children what am I. What am I. So these perverts included a truck driver from Brooklyn who is arrested for quote impairing the morals of a minor. A middle aged man who was bothering a bunch of kids on a playground and a music teacher who was accused of taking a young boy into the woods alone to talk about quote sex psychology. Well that's disgusting but I do like the idea of an old man bothering kids on the playground they're having it too good for too long and get a shoe them. Get out. That's not chewing them though. He's given them a get in motion. It's not a go away motion. I think it was a go away motion. No he's playing hop on pop.

He's literally all of these old men spent all day long creating perverse games to play with children and the guys of seeming innocent. Well unfortunately for police all of these perverts had a solid alibi but part of the problem was that police refused to believe that such a supposedly frail senior citizen such as the gray man could inflict the type of damage that was done to the O'Donnell boy but the thing about Albert Fish was that he was for lack of a better description pretty spry for his age and for his size he was only five six about 130 pounds and he was faster stronger and more agile than one might expect. He's like the same size as Usain Bolt. Kind of but totally opposite but only if Usain Bolt if what if you find out that Usain Bolt was fueled by the need to run

to a nude boy. How would you feel about his world records then? Yes sort of like how a rabbit will be the the the thing that the dogs chase or the dog races. And what if all the perverts were just at a big dance called the perverts ball? Well they were they all have an alibi then don't they? Actually in Staten Island there was a place called Rattlesnake Nest. Oh my god. That the daily news said was an orgy of debauchery and child molestation but when they actually went and searched Rattlesnake Nest it was just an old check that the kids had used as a playhouse. It's a fun thing but again flip it and reverse it. Yeah flip it and reverse it. Now the the daily news that the New York City newspapers during the Albert Fish trial and during the search for

Grace Budd and Francis McDonald were absolutely disgusting. But this is where we got the Moon Maniac and the Vampire story like all the different nicknames and they were playing out the stories of the when Francis McDonald when missing. This is right for selling newspapers because it's chomping up the fear as we're going to see as we go along the kidnapping cases that were happening all throughout America at this time. It was kind of crazy like kids were worth money back then. Now despite what the police said Francis O'Donnell's mother who had gotten an eye full of fish maintained that it couldn't have been anybody but the Gray Man. Here's what she had to say about him. He came shuffling down the street mumbling to himself making queer motions with his hands.

I'll never forget those hands. I shuddered when I looked at them. I shudder every time I think of them how they opened and shut, opened and shut, opened and shut. I saw him look toward Francis and the others. I saw his thick gray hair, his drooping gray moustache. Everything about him seemed faded and gray. I saw my two neighbors dog spring at him and I saw Philip the hired man call them off. The Gray Man turned to me and tipped his cap and then he went away. Kind of like you know when the monsters are now in every single horror movie look at you and they do that turn of the head. If you are in a band, a heavy metal band specifically, Eye Full of Fish is a great name for an album. Eye Full of Fish also sounds like a raffy album. Yes, Eye Full of Fish. Also

it sounds like a dead kid covered in pedophiles. But unfortunately for the O'Donnell family, the Leopoldan Loeb case, which we will definitely cover in the future, pushed the O'Donnell murder off the front pages of the New York paper. A quick little thing. A Leopoldan Loeb is about two rich guys who decided to kill somebody just to prove that they could get away with it. To kill a child. They killed a child. Because it's easier. Again, they're bone snappers here, but that's a different story. Again, it's a different outcome. I don't think that's true. They're bendable. That is true. Now Anna McDonald made one last plea to the city of New York. She said, help us catch the monster who murdered our little boy. I'm sorry, I've been doing this wrong.

It's got to be Staten Island, right? Help us catch the monster who murdered our little boy. Yo, help us. It's got to find a gray man. Oh God. Find a gray man. Oh God. He's the only man in Staten Island not comedy grease from a can of dog food. Everybody here wears cans of dog foods like their heads. Like it's funny kind of Heathcliff cartoon. Kind of a, what is it? The Van Dyke there? Jerry Van Dyke or the other Van Dyke? Despite Mrs. O'Donnell's pleas, it would be another 10 years before Albert Fish would take the credit for the murder of Francis MacDonald. Yeah, he was just hanging around. Yeah, he was just hanging around. Well, now we're going to find out that he, this was just one of the 10 poll cases inside of Albert

Fish's mind. I would say like that Francis MacDonald murder is something along the lines of like Jeffrey Dahmer's like second kill. Yeah, I think of Albert Fish a lot in terms of Jeffrey Dahmer just in turn of descent into madness. Yeah. And it's very possible that Albert Fish's first murder was one of those murders that, you know, a lot of these child molesters, how they actually turn into child murderers is they'll accidentally beat the kid a little too hard. They'll leave bruises that are identifiable. The kid will see their face and we'll say that he's going to tell. So these guys in order to cover up their crimes, they murder their victims. And it's almost positive that that's how Albert Fish started off. He started off as a molester,

of course. And the sheer number of children that he molested over the years, he's going to accidentally kill someone. He's going to accidentally kill one of them at one point or another. It's not right. It's very difficult to like make a souffle. Right. And sometimes it takes many, many, many, many, many, many, many tries to get that proper rise on the souffle. That's true. I'm not even sure what a souffle is. Oh, it's a light, beautiful dessert. Just effervescent. You fold egg whites into a creme milk and you do and you just make sure you get all of them. I've been watching Great British Bake Off and then also thinking about Albert Fish at the same time. And so it's all kind of going together in my mind and one. Okay. That's not going to lead to a strange situation

down the road. Certainly not in a restaurant. No, not at all. So four years after the McDonald murder on May 25th, 1928, Edward Budd innocently placed an ad in the New York World classified saying young man 18, which is position in country. Edward Budd 406 West 15th Street, which nowadays is like asking to be murdered. Yeah. Nowadays is just asking to be murders. Just like, Hey, here's a live a-strapping. Yeah, boy, with just I just got a little bit of hair above my cock. I'm ready to work on a farm or some sort of farm. It's kind of a strange way to say it there. And who should read that classified the following Sunday, but Albert Fish. Now Fish had been on the lookout for a true sacrificial victim, preferably a boy. His plan was to lure

his victim out to a house in Westchester, bind the boy as Abraham had bound Isaac and cut off the boy's penis. Yeah, I don't remember God demanding that Abraham cut off the penis of Isaac. I mean, you weren't reading. I don't, but I don't, I just, I mean, he was supposed to kill the boy, but I don't think that God was like a mutilate the genitals. I don't know. I'm kind of feeling frisky cut off that cock there. I don't know about that part. Yeah. I think, I mean, that was, you know, that was his own little addendum to it. Oh, I see. But as we said in the last one, he was an Episcopalian. They were able to add things to subtract whenever they wanted. It was a very interpretive sect of Christianity. It seems like he adds a lot of like cutting off the penis.

It seems to be to be honest. Yes, his improv's are very one note. Right. Maybe he's got to rethink it a little bit. Yeah. So fish thought that Edward Bud might be the boy that he was looking for. So the day after fish read the ad, he showed up at the Bud household under the assumed name of Frank Howard. And although to most people, fish was a shambles of a man to the Bud family, who spent most of their lives in the service of businessmen and financiers. He looked at the very least respectable at first glance. We could not find their specific jobs, but it seems like most jobs in New York at this time period was either respectable financier or one of their many, many, many, many, many service. Yeah. They do various things. But it doesn't even seem like

it's really the financiers. It seems like it's the dim-witted children of successful financiers. That is the second layer of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's there's three layers. The financiers, they're half retarded, super rich children, like the Trump family. Literally, you're watching the Trump family grow into now. And then you have the people that shine their shoes and make sure their carriages are just the right shade of black. I do love that Albert Fish changes his name, and he's like, everyone will treat me normally now. It's very similar to what porn stars do, where they change their names, but it's like, we know everything. We know exactly what you look like. We still know you're a porn star. Just as I feel like, regardless of the name, you would sense

that this man is the creepy gray man who's murdering all the children. Absolutely not. In fact, it was the exact opposite. Of course, he was very respectable at first glance to Mrs. Budd. But once Fish got inside the house, it was a little half and half. Mrs. Budd got a better look at him. She said that his suit wasn't quite as nice as she first thought it was. And when he smiled, his teeth were moldy and they protruded from his mouth. Like Harold Schecter said, like a kindly old rodent. Now imagine that though. Honestly, like just the symbolic, the symbolism of that. When you like, look, it kind of like Ed Gein's house where he had his rooms, but his mom's rooms were perfect. And then Jeffrey Dahmer had the altar hidden inside of his own house. And John

Wingasey had his basement. And if you look at him and he tried his best to look respectable. He has put on a costume to show up at your house and be like, I'm a normal rich man who's here to hire your fucking tawny, tight little boy to come work for me. I'm like, big sexy fucking corn ridden farm. But instead you look and you just see his teeth are fucking green. And he looks like me sort of because I have the mustache into the half beard. He looks like that. I'm the young sexy version of Albert Fish right now. The research is still out on flossing. So maybe he actually had a really nice, healthy mouth and we don't even know what that looks like anymore. Yeah, we maybe, maybe we don't. But speaking to him, putting on a mask, Mrs. Bud said that fish,

he smiled a lot, but like a lot of other serial killers like Ed Gein, he didn't really know how to laugh like Ted Cruz. Please clap. I was thinking about it. She said that instead of laughing like a human, he tightened his lips and make a noise like he was trying to clear his sinuses. Like all I could imagine practicing left. You know what? I think I'm going to try to be less funny around Marcus. When you laugh, it's more like a car trying to start, but then yeah, he sounds like a man who's trying to shit his own pants. Right. But despite Albert Fish's strange look, he did have one thing going on for him to display some

semblance of wealth, a diamond pinky ring, which showed Mrs. Bud that even though his clothes were slightly too small for him and were more than a little soiled, he was still a man of some need. Also, that's just the Staten Island fucking diplomats idea of like, of what's class. Class is a big, garish fucking pinky ring on him and like, oh, I could come to think about it. I don't like how he was like rooting around my son's pockets looking for change. He said, oh, it's a fun little game called. Hey, I got to check the park meter. But I saw that nice fucking like little diamond ring on him. I got to say, good guy. Good guy. Good guy. Good guy. So Fish went on to tell Mrs. Bud that he had been a successful interior decorator in Washington,

D.C. for many years. I would have loved to see him to see fish in the cast of Designing Women. That would have been a very fun episode. Kind of cut the dick off the black one. I don't. My stars, my work. Delta Burke. But when Fish's eyesight started to go, he picked up his family of six or so he said to Mrs. Bud and bought them a farm out on Long Island. And Fish painted quite a picture of his estate saying he had half a dozen milk cows and 300 chickens. No shit. Whoa. In addition, he also had five farmhands and a full-time Swedish chef. And that is where Jim Henson got his inspiration. Kind of looks like Albert Fish in a strange way. Oh my God. What if Jim Henson really did?

He really put some from weird fucking underground serial killer info into the muppets. Oh, who knows? But unfortunately for Albert Fish, as he told in his story, his wife had left him and he needed extra help to pick up the slack. He offered Edward Bud 15 bucks a week for his services to which Edward agreed on the condition that his friend Willie could come along with him. So Albert Fish is just like, mm-hmm. Okay. Two for one, then. Mm-hmm. Get him exactly what he wanted. How was that so funny? So my friend can come or? That's the funniest thing I've heard all week. If Fish said that, be just fine. Even though Edward and Willie strapping 18-year-old boys that

they were, you've written the word strapping about seven times. You just, I see the boys in my head with the way you say it. Just like it's little rowers, right? It's little like Harvard rowing team boys. Yeah, I mean they're broad-shouldered young men. They're farm boys or at least boys that would be at home on a farm. Like the kind of belly buttons that you could fit a little olive in. Buff, yeah. So in the interval between the initial meeting and the day Fish was supposed to take the boys to his farm, Fish went to a pawn shop and bought what he would later call his implements of hell. A butcher's knife, a meat cleaver, and a small handsaw. And a copy of flubber with the late Robin Williams. Or the original flubber.

And the following Saturday, Fish on his way to the bud's apartment stopped by a newsstand and playing the part of the feeble old man asked the newsman to hold on to a package for him. Little did the newsman know that the package contained Fish's implements of hell. I'm gonna put this out there. Okay, you hand somebody, which is just a paper-wrapped bundle. Yeah. It is obviously filled with knives. It's gotta be, right? There's no way you can hide a bunch of handsaws in a burlap sack. That's not how that works. That man just was a classic New York. I don't ask questions. I don't see things or hear things. I just work at this newspaper stand. Hey, Barbara, this guy gave me something. He calls it the implements of hell,

but I'm supposed to hold on to it. Oh, he calls them implements of hell, I found. The implements of hell, yeah. He didn't kind of whisper it under his breath a little bit. It kind of shouted at him. Wow, really? So, um, hey, put it out back. Oh, yeah, I already did. Oh, my God, these fucking Snickers are like $9 a pallet. God, different times. Fish, after dropping the implements of hell off with the newsman, continued on to the Bud's apartment with a carton of strawberries and a nice pot cheese for an impromptu lunch. He reportedly told Mrs. Bud, it'll never taste a creamier pot cheese. I can guarantee it. But before we begin to dive in, I just, this is just an old man curiosity. I'm from Long Island.

Can I just stick my butt into the pot cheese for a second? Just because I've never done it before. And I'm kind of one of those, like, tri-sexuals, like, I'll try anything you want. It's your cheese, man. It is my cheese. I think you probably already did stick your butt in, didn't you? So, it's kind of already been done. So, I could tell you not to stick your butt in it, but you're currently doing it once again. But just as the Buds and Albert Fish were about to sit down to enjoy the strawberries and pot cheese, into the room walked the youngest starter of the Bud children, Grace. Dreamweaver, I believe it can get me through the night. I think that's allowed. Is it allowed? That's technically just a soundtrack for the parody

of the moment. Technically, you could see Albert Fish seeing Grace Buds for the first time as Wayne, Campbell seeing Tia Carreira, Cassandra for the first time. It was kind of like that. It was like yep. Who was that? Oh, yeah. And he dropped his sunglasses, right? The moon is beautiful. Albert, Albert, snap out of it, Albert. Yeah, fish was. I'm glad I got it out now. That's good. We got to get it out now. You understand. Literally, I'm going to be putting free speech tail in about three paragraphs. And that is the truth. I'm supposed to remain jokeless. I'm getting it out now. Get it out. We're all getting it out now. We have to because it's about to get really fucked up. Really fucked up. So, Fish was reportedly fixated on the little

girl and immediately motioned for her to come sit on his knee. And in another display of supposed wealth, Fish pulled out $92.52, almost two grand in today's money, and had Grace count it out. Honestly, this is sadly honest. This is a detail that is a little bit off. This is true. He had Grace reach into his own pocket and pull out the money. He said, and that is true. He said she sat in the pocket. He said, like, reach into my pocket and see what I have. And she reached in and pulled out a watt at $92. And at this time period, $92 is a fucking lot of money. And it's just like me pulling a billfold out of my fucking like, my nutsack. And it's going like, yeah, it's hot because it's rich. You know what I mean? I dig in there for, what was it? You said two grand today's

most two grand. I dig into an old man's pocket for two grand. Of course you would. But you do it real hard. You because as a man, you'd have this sandwich done. I would do it any which way he told me to. If an old man told me to take $2,000 pocket, I would do it. But the first thing I'd grab him real hard by his shoulder and look him in his eyes and then just real roughly jerk around and reach around inside of his pocket. That's exactly what he would want you to do. So I think that that's a fun strange technique. So after she counted out the money, fish gave little Grace Bud a dime to go buy some candy. And by the time she had returned, fish had already made up his mind to use her for his sacrifice instead of Edward Bud and his friend Willie. Fish told Edward

that he would return for him later that day because in the meantime, he had to attend a birthday party for his niece. And just as he was about to leave, he pretended as if he was suddenly struck by the most wonderful idea. He asked the buds if they would allow Grace to come along with him. He said it would be great fun. Got a lot of balloons, got a lot of games, it's got all the things the children love. Don't do it! Don't do it! He would return for her later that night when he came to pick up the boys. So what's the harm? There's a lot of harm in there. A lot of harm. See, that's the thing. Everyone, all of us, there's a chorus out there, people that are horrified yelling don't do it. But things were much different in 1928 than they are now.

They're more easy going. Yeah, no, they really were. They were allowed to roam free. This whole, like the idea of stranger danger would have been a foreign concept to any of these people. For example, the Francis McDonald murder. Take that. A neighbor actually witnessed Albert Fish in all of his gray man glory closely follow Francis McDonald into the woods where he would murder him soon after. It's true because they also believe that because he was an old man, there was still a reference for old people. Like they say they, obviously we know now that they cannot be trusted and should technically be eliminated and turn into food for the poor. But this old man was, like, he was viewed as very genteel and sweet. Yeah. Because he just seemed like no one harm,

because he seemed very small and slight and scared and shabby. Yes. And much like trying to tell, sell a television show, it's easier to say no. Once you're like that person's a creep who's about to murder that daughter or murder that girl, you've got to go into action. And I think most people just want to like the movie it, shut their curtains and go back to watching or playing Rummy, whatever the hell they did. It's a much easier day than hunting down a zero. I mean, for us, it would be super fun. Oh, I'd love to do it. Yeah. Oh, I follow people constantly. If I knew an old man killed a little girl, I would have so much fun cat and mousing him. Oh, yeah. Dressing up like a little girl. Just all alone out here. Henry, shake it more. Man,

I heard that my pussy opened up yesterday. That's what the doctor told me. Marcus is realistic. That's good. Yeah. All right, Marcus, hit him with the club. Officer, I actually don't know Marcus or Henry. I thought what they did was do that man was terrible. Oh, dude. We're killing innocent old man because we had any money. Yeah, hell yeah. Well, the other reason why the buds were very trusting of Albert Fish was because he looked like he was a higher class than them. He appeared by all measures to be a wealthy man. And of course, they also, they just didn't want to offend him. And they didn't want to ruin their son's chances of getting a job. Right. Because the one thing we compressed here

for time sake is that Albert Fish actually did this over two or three weeks. Where Albert Fish came and interviewed the boys and then left. He saw Grace Bud and then left and came back. And that's when he got his implements of hell. He made up his plan to come great and come back. But what he also did was kind of toe the line a little bit. He made them appear as if he wasn't going to show back up. He wrote letters. He said, I have I have shit to take care of in Long Island, which normally means there's sausages and peppers that are going to burn on the stove. And so he went and had he came back. And so that he created the tension of being like, well, now you kind of have to please me because I'm here. And if you don't jump right now at this

opportunity, I won't hire your son. Yeah. And speaking of that, the great tragedy of all this is that the buds might have lost a child either way. If they wouldn't have let Grace go, fish would have returned that evening, collected their son Edward and possibly murdered him in the same house that he murdered Grace Bud. But he was worried about having the two strapping young boys because he was afraid about how that's a lot of boy to handle. Yeah, but he was going to make it work. I mean, he had a plan. It was a make it work moment like they say in Project Runway. That's right. Make it work. Now the information that is about to follow is, I believe, the closest to the truth that Albert Fish ever told about his crimes. All of this comes from the

confession he gave directly after his arrest. And the reason why I think this is true is because it is the only claim that Albert Fish ever made that is backed up by actual forensic evidence. Well, this is the first time they found the body. They found the remains. They walked with him. He went through the crime scene. He went piece by piece by piece. And he said that this all happened here. There was bloodstains still on the house when they went there. So it was all backed up. And everything else, I think he just got a boner from. And he's still not, don't get me wrong, he's still got a boner from this as well. But this is the truth. Before we get into it, though, can I just ask, did they eat the butt cheese? Do you think they

finished it? Of course they ate the butt cheese. It was a gift from a very rich man. He ate a pinky ring. Yes, strawberries and pot cheese. Okay, that was just a happy moment before we get into the disgusting details. Yeah, this is gonna be fucked up, guys. So I hope you guys are at work. Is this the star moment? This is where the star moment begins. If you're at work, I would say if someone comes to me like, where's the TPS report? To be like, Grace Budd was fucking quartered in an old man's house. If you have your earphones plugged into the computer at your desk, I was gonna say duct tape them in there. If you want to leave that job, yank them. If you want to leave the job, yes. So after picking up his implements of hell from

the news, oh yeah, he's your bunch of knives. I'm sorry to use the fucking cold word. Fish and Grace walked to a train station where fish bought two tickets to Westchester, a round trip for himself, and a one way ticket for Grace. Always a bad sign. Terrible, yeah. Always. And when the two got off the train 45 minutes later, Grace, in possibly the most heartbreaking moment of this entire story, noticed that fish had left his package containing his implements on the train and actually went back inside the car to fetch them herself. The two then walked up a road to a secluded, dilapidated cabin known to locals as Wisteria Cottage. And judging from the pictures that I've seen, this place is straight out of a nightmare. It's literally what you would say,

it says here, it's the archetype of a creepy abandoned house. Yeah, it's like exactly what you imagine, where you would go to murder a little girl. It's terrifying looking. Yeah, and he loved it there. Yeah, well, obviously. Yeah, the wallpaper was peeling in yellow, the floor was just covered in rat shit, and the windows were so dirty that it was almost impossible to see out of it. It was almost like it was a nice house until Albert Fish got there, and then he redecorated it to look like that. Yes, yeah. And while we always imagine things like this to happen at night, it was only three in the afternoon when the horror began. Even though the house itself was the definition of creepy, the front yard was covered in wildflowers.

Fish told Grace to play outside while he went into the house to fetch something for the party. Fish walked up to the second floor bedroom, neatly laid out his butcher knife, his meat cleaver, and his handsaw on the bed one by one took off his clothes and called Grace upstairs. And as the little girl reached the landing on the second floor, Albert emerged from the bedroom, completely nude, and chased her down the stairs, grabbing her by the throat before she reached the bottom. Taken her by the neck, he dragged her back into the bedroom and pinned her down on the canvas painting tarp he'd laid on the floor and pressed his knee to her chest as he strangled her to death. And after he was sure she was dead, he lifted her head and rested it on the

rim of a five gallon paint can. He then reached over to the bed, grabbed the butcher's knife, and carefully cut off her head, trying to catch as much blood as he could in the paint can. And after the neck had been drained of blood, fish took the can, walked over to the same window he called out to Grace from earlier and dumped it out in the front yard. He then walked back over to the body and began to dismember it. He cut through the stomach with the butcher's knife until he reached the spine, at which point he used the small handsaw to cut through the bone until he had chopped the body in two. And still, fully nude, he took the head to the outhouse and almost dropped it in the hole, but instead wrapped it up in some old newspapers that had been lying

on the floor and left it there. He returned to the house, went back upstairs, and picked up the two halves of the body and propped them up in a corner of the room next to the closet and opened the closet door to hide the body from his sight. His hands were covered in blood, but the house had no running water, so he went back outside and scrubbed his hands clean with handfuls of grass. He then went back upstairs, wrapped up his implements, got dressed, and left a little over an hour after the two had arrived. Just another normal Staten Island afternoon. For Albert Fish, apparently, brutal. He just let that happen. Yeah. Well, in the previous, so she was deceased before the dismemberment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did that quick, but again,

what we remember is that the death was a part of the process. He was also surprised that it was a little girl and not a little boy because his insanity at that point was so outrageous. He had kind of fit Grace Budd into his sacrificial world in his head and then just kind of kept going with it. But the whole point was to get the body almost. But did he jerk off or anything? No, he was obviously had a sexual reaction. In his confession, he did say that he was fully erect the entire time. I think, you know, I think he had a Spider-Man moment, but that's only because I know Spider-Man. You know exactly what he means by Spider-Man. I don't know. Of course, you know what he means by Spider-Man. I hold on to hell. Am I supposed to know? I actually pictured

that beautiful girl lowering herself down upside down and Spider-Man kissing her. Disgusting. You're thinking of Kirsten Dunst? That's a Spider-Man moment. No, what do I think of a Spider-Man moment? I think of a romantic scene in the movie Spider-Man. So you're the pervert. I didn't think of an old man shooting webs from his cock. I thought of a nice scene from a movie. That's a Spider-Man moment. Oh, good lord. So four days after the murder, Albert Fish came back. This is, as taken from the notes of the detective who took his confession, what he did on the day he came back to the site of the Grace Budd murder. I took the body and the legs out from behind the door. The legs were so stiff they were as stiff as a board.

I threw them out the window onto the lawn and carried the torso out, picking up the legs as I passed over the lawn and went to the stone wall in the back of the house. I laid the body in the legs as they would be in life behind this stone wall. I then went to the outhouse and got the head. It was all stiff. The hair was all clotted. I propped the head up and placed the head on the body just as it would be in life. The head, the torso, and the legs. And during this whole confession, he spoke in that same board monotone that we hear over and over again during serial killer confession. It's like, if you've ever heard Dennis Raider, the MTK killer, if you've ever heard Dennis Raider's courtroom confession,

he could not be more bored talking about this stuff. It's one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard in my life. He talks to the children of the victims, the children of the victims, and he relates to them. He's like, I'm roughly the age of your mother now, like all that stuff. All this fucking shit. It's the classic compartmentalization where they sort of become another person. They say when they're doing it that it was somebody else who was doing it and that they're kind of off to the side because they're sociopaths, nays, psychopaths. So they don't really understand. He's like, no, buddy, you did it. And that's what's so frustrating because you want to scream at them. You want to get your

revenge, but there is no revenge to get because they don't feel your pain. They don't feel, they can't feel your pain. He literally can't if you want them to. So Fish eventually buried the body behind the house where it would not be discovered until he led police to it six years later. And remember, this is not a six years on the run type of situation. No, he sat in a dirty old tenement house fucking masturbating and spanking himself for six years. Yeah. 1928 is when the paddles with the nails sticking out began. 1928 is when the needles began. The murder of Grace Budd marks the beginning of Fish's golden years of self punishment. So he was kind of, he probably whipped himself for a long time because I think that's

classic Christian and he did all those things. He liked this weird sexual perversities. He had a religious proclivity. He was like, he was a public masturbator. He was a trial molester, but it wasn't until he murdered Grace Budd that he really started hurting himself really, really badly. Yeah. So that's where the pain would really start when he would become a pen cushion to himself. Yeah, absolutely. So what was it about Grace Budd that pushed him over the edge? Why not Francis McDonald? Why not Billy Gaffney or the hundreds of children that he molested or the dozens of other boys he very well could have murdered? I think that it was because Grace was a girl. True. I actually fully believe that because he had a really good relationship with

his daughters. And I think what you say here is that he had crossed some sort of line. Yeah, some something in his head said that for some reason this is what when he went too far. I think the most likely explanation is that Albert Fish just couldn't justify the murder of Grace Budd. With the boys, he could fit the murders perfectly in his whole Abraham and Isaac story that he was sacrificing these boys in the name of God. And if an angel was going to stop them, it would stop them. Yeah, I mean, obviously they did something bad enough for him to kill them for the angel not come and stop them. So it works. And that's what the castration thing is a whole other side plot. That's a side quest of his life. Sure. So he's sort of gonna, you know, we're roughly

in first wave feminism here. Maybe he's reading some in literature, something like that. You've seen he's being a Paul Feig. I have no idea. I mean, maybe he obviously has some sympathy somewhere. No, I just think he's just it's a weird thing is that girls are precious and shouldn't be hurt and boys are dirty little little things. Yeah. Grace Budd didn't fit into his whole Abraham, Isaac situation. Even he tried to shoehorn it in there. He tried saying that he tried justifying it to himself saying that the head chopping was actually a substitute for the penis chopping. But that's like putting low fate man flow fat mayonnaise into a tuna salad instead of normal fat mayonnaise. I actually like low fat mayonnaise. I like it's zing. It doesn't have any zing. Miracle whip.

Now Miracle Whip. That's low fat mayonnaise. That's a very specific taste though. It's not the same thing as low fat mayonnaise. That's a salad dressing. Either way, it's not a substitute for chopping off a penis. No, that's not. That's true. Yeah, but even that was too far of a stretch for Albert Fish. He just could he had a twisted mind. Yes, but he could not twist it enough to justify the murder of Grace Budd. Furthermore, when Fish was finally caught reporters tracked down his son Albert Fish Jr. who, by the way, was not the least bit surprised to discover his dad was involved in the abduction and brutal murder of a little girl. Because then it's like, yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, he was working up to that. He's been talking about that for a

while. I mean, theoretically, you name your child a junior and you make your child a junior so they can carry on a family legacy. Albert Fish Jr. Man, you got to change that name. Yeah, you got to change yourself into a Randolph Hershey and start the Hershey Chocolate Company. That's right. Yeah, I mean, and Albert Fish Jr. not surprised at all. But when the reporters told Albert Jr. the name of the victim, Jr. said that Grace Budd was the name his father used to scream out almost every night in his sleep. That's got to be a way to wake up. It's got to be a way to wake up. Your own father mournfully screaming the name of a little girl at night. Yeah, it's a bad alarm. Well, I mean, it must have been an interesting moment when everything came together for Albert Fish Jr.

He doesn't know who Grace Budd is. Oh, he did know. Yeah, because it's publicized all over the last six years. Well, then why didn't he turn his father in a bit earlier when he woke up in hot sweats in cold sweats screaming Grace Budd? That's the question. Well, the life is full of mysteries. Lock up Albert Fish Jr. He's dead. Now he is. Yeah, I mean, the Grace Budd case was huge. It was gigantic because there was kind of this whole kidnapping hysteria. Because you had what the the Lindberger baby? Yeah. What's the name? The Lindbergh baby. Yes, there were like four big cases. There was a Lindbergh baby and a couple of others. It was actually such a big deal that the New York Times, they started calling it the Snatch Racket. All right. Snatch Racket has a double meaning.

We're not even going to get into that. Because now Miley Cyrus is in charge of that. Oh, right. I'm so pro Miley. I'm so pro Miley. I love Miley. Listen to Henry on page seven this week. Oh, is that right? It's Jackie's birthday, Jackie birthday edition. Isn't that nice? Yeah, it's wonderful. She's 52 years old. Not bad. Miley? No, Jackie. Oh, she looks great. Yeah, but Grace Bud out of all of them, she was the most disturbing because there was no motive for Grace Bud. All the rest of them, there was a financial motive for it. You know, there was always a ransom note, but with Grace Bud, she just disappeared. And not only did she disappear, but she disappeared with a kindly old man, the type of person that you're supposed to trust. Never trust. I mean,

this kindly old man description is wearing on me a bit. He was a man in a weathered suit who smelled like piss. They just don't know. They didn't know how to describe a piss soaked old man. Disgusting old creep. Yeah, that's what you'd say. You'd say a creepster. I think a creepster's a good one. A twisted old fat perverted fuck is what you probably could have called him. No, it's skinny. He was super skinny. He was skinny. Skinny fuck. Skinny fuck would work. Marcus, why didn't Grace Bud's parents just put the two and two together? I just don't get how fish was able to just go away because he disappeared because he gave him a fake name. He gave him a fake address. He showed up and he just disappeared. He went, there's no, there's no internet. You

just go away. And so now you're looking at, and that's what people were so terrified also about this, that these people were openly asking for ransoms. It was like gangsters were taking other gangsters kids and asking for money. They were doing all this stuff. Like this was the first one to become huge and famous that had no ransom letter. Obviously she was murdered. And no one wanted to talk about it because there was this hope because the newspapers are trying to drive saying that there's going to be a new opening. Like there's going to be new information on the case because they want to sell newspapers, but in the end they were like, everybody knew that she was down. Maybe she's going to show up with a bunch of great goods from Britain and turns out

she was abducted by royalty. No, no, no, no. It's a wonderful time. Literally. I turned to a Lindsay Lohan childhood film. Yeah, exactly. There actually was a news story that came out. There was a picture taken of a bunch of girls and a bunch of sailors and somebody actually zoomed in on one of the pictures of the girls and like, is this grace bud? No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Is the news ever done anything good? Well, that's where it's a disgusting racket that that that article that he is talking about is the article that Albert Fish saw in the newspaper that made him think to write the letter to the bud family. That is actually what they did. That newspaper thing came out. He saw that they put the address of the bud family in it,

saying that where they were. Oh, it's nice. Yeah. And then he wrote the letter that got him caught. Yeah. And actually that was a part of a ruse that was put together by the man who finally caught Albert Fish. William F. King deserves to go down as one of the super cops who did the best he could with the evidence he had. He became obsessed with the case because he also had a little girl. He's one of these stories of like, it's like this kind of cop that they make stories about like, like TV shows about. And he was just like, I will catch this guy. I'm going to get this guy. He he was ambitious, which a part of it would fuel them is that he wanted to climb the ranks. He wanted his names in the newspapers. But sometimes that it's kind of like being being a big sports

star, being like, I want to be famous for catching this guy. So I'm going to put it all on the line. Sort of a John Walsh type. Yes. Yeah. Very similar to a John Walsh type. He was very visible in the news. Right. And he was go he was going to go find him. Yeah. And he spent six years looking for him. He arrested and seriously questioned dozens of suspects. But he even spent two years chasing just one dude that he thought might know something about the case because it was the only lead that he had. He went after the Frank. He went after the real Frank Howard, who turned out to be a con man. There was a couple of the names, names that were attached to Albert Fish over the years that he investigated. But he actually busted like three other weird crimes, like a couple of con man

jobs. There's one Larson job, another murder case, all while bust going after Albert Fish. There's somebody who constantly uses my debit card when on a flight on a jet blue flight to Utah. And I always have to get my card stopped and then get a new one. And that bothers me. They're kind of taking my identity. But you can imagine that's part of your identity. That's party. Somebody's doing party on my card. And if they do tell me it's for party row, I will let them have the money. But if you do get your identity taken or your name taken, at the very least you want it to be not from somebody who has committed serial rape and serial murder and killed one of the most infamous murders in the history of the country. I definitely, if I could vote, I would vote against

that. I would vote against it. Or you flip it, you take the name Albert Fish and do good. Yeah. I don't think so. How do you make everything okay? I should start the of the of the orphan, the Albert Fish orphanage for unloved children. Yes. And it's very, very sweet. Yes. And just paddles is just sweet. Like I bring out the paddles and put cupcakes on them. Yes. And little sliders at lunch. Yeah. But after those six years, King never gave up, never surrendered. And his most clever plan was the newspaper plan. There was the plant as far as the the sailor picture. That was a plant. Another plant that he did to try to ferret out the real killer was to put a fake notice in the New York Daily Mirror gossip

column that brought fish out of hiding. Famed gossip columnist Walter Winchell wrote on his column on Broadway, I checked on the Grace Bud mystery. She was eight when she was kidnapped about six years ago. And it is safe to tell you that the department of missing persons will break the case or they expect to in four weeks. One could also argue, why am I writing about this? I'm on Broadway and shouldn't be discussing ongoing criminal investigations. Tell me more about cats, you ask. It's the summer special. It's a musical about talking cats. Anyway, back to Grace Bud, the brutal murder. I heard they cut off her vagina. Back to cats. 10 days after that notice was written in the Daily Mirror, Albert Fish wrote the infamous

Grace Bud letter. Now anyone with even a passing fascination with serial killers has read this at some point. Nevertheless, here it is once again in part on Sunday, June the 3rd, 1928, I called on you at 406 West 15th Street, brought you pot cheese, strawberries. We had lunch. Grace sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her. On the pretense of taking her to a party, you said yes, she could go. I took her to an empty house in Westchester. I had already picked out. When we got there, I told her to remain outside. She picked wildflowers. I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not, I would get her blood on them. When I was already, I went to the window and called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked, she began to cry and tried to run downstairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mama. First I stripped her naked. How she did kick, bite and scratch. I choked her to death, then

cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms, cook and eat. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me nine days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her though. I could have if I had wished it. She died a virgin. Now thankfully Mrs. Budd was illiterate. The only time they'd ever saved a life. That is nice. She was illiterate. Unfortunately Edward Budd was not her older brother. The boy who originally had put in the ad that brought Albert Fish to their home was the one who received and read the letter. You've been trolled for years by people writing shitty letters to them. It's been years and years, but when Edward Budd read this letter, he called up Detective King

and said, I think this is real. King read the letter and he was like, holy shit, yeah, I think this is actually something true. He thought, okay, finally, a clue, something to go on. And an incredible police work. This is amazing police work. The thing that would lead the police to fish, it wasn't a letter, but it was the envelope that the letter was in. Yeah, it was stamped on the back with an emblem with the initials NYPCBA, aka the New York Private Shofer's Benevolent Association. Very similar. Again, going back to BTK, what happened with him and how they identified him through the fingerprint of his floppy disk. Yeah, very dumb. Very dumb way to get caught, yes. So the envelope was eventually traced to a boarding house

at 200 East 52nd Street. Detective King gave a description of Frank Howard to the landlady who said it perfectly matched a border named Albert Fish, who had moved out only days before, who was the border that were testified in the trial that said he left the little mess behind him. Yes. Yeah, so he led, because she had, so she had reason to remember him. Yeah. And as another little side note, it is worth noting that the address where Fish wrote the Grace Bodd letter describing cannibalism is now, no shit, the site of an edible arrangements franchise. Well, that's not good for them. They should have thought that. They should have rethought about building a little business there. Technically, Albert Fish's visit to the butthouse was sort of

a edible arrangement. It kind of was. We'll let it slide. Yeah. Yes. Feel good. Oh, anyway, even though Fish no longer lived at that address, he was still due to pick up a check sent from his son. And when Fish returned to pick up the check, the landlady called Detective King, who told her to stall Fish until he got there. Just wonder how she stalled him. Well, that's what I was kind of thinking too. Like, what do you do to keep a man's attention like that? You want to spank yourself with this newspaper? Yeah, I got some cheese. You want to put your butt in it? All right. Detective, I got him laughing. Get over here quickly. Now, when King arrived, he found Fish sitting in a furnished room sipping from a teacup.

King closed the door behind him and Fish, sensing that this was the end, pulled a razor from his pocket and held it up in front of him. King quickly took the old man to the ground and arrested Albert Fish six years after the investigation began. Can you feel the same satisfaction? That's you beating the old man to death with the hammer. Yeah, that is a fun thing. Yeah, it's a fun thing. Just being able to grab Albert Fish because he's a tiny little old man. He helps him just manhandle him, smash his face against the table and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. And he reportedly, when he got him down to the ground and pushed his face into the floor, he yelled at him, I've got you now. That's fun. But do we know that he pulled the razor from his pocket and not from

another orphan? Because he is full of weapons. Yeah, he's the most dangerous man in the world. It's like when you see in the comedy movies, you guys go into jail and they leave the piles of their weapons and just him pulling needles out of his penis. I mean, not to be too comical with it, but can you imagine him trying to go through the TSA? Tell me about it. Oh my God. Oh my God. A lot of red lights going off. A lot of red lights. Can't fly. I got a metal plate in my head. Remember that John Candy movie there? See, the weird thing about the interrogation that King did after he captured Albert Fish, he never mentioned the cannibalism once. He never asked him about it at all. And Fish never offered up any information about the cannibalism. He never

brought it up until it was time to plead insanity. Now, I actually wonder, because I know you say here, you wonder if that it's just that he just brought it up because it made people horny. They made him horny to watch people upset that he brings it up. I don't think he either. I actually don't know. The only reason why I don't know is because we've seen it happen so often with people like Jeffrey Dahmer. I know that even Dennis Rader even said he contemplated it. Certain shit where it's like you look at stuff. When you are, Jeffrey Dahmer's rise was only five years about. It was like 87 to 91, 92, right? That's when he got caught, right? Yeah. Same years that guns and roses were big. And what a great appetite for destruction. Appetite for destruction. Great. And the spaghetti

incident that always made me hungry that time. Chinese democracy. That was not a good one. That's later or not. So think about it. So he had five years to grow to that point of fascination and bored him with his own actions. I think Albert Fish, it fits the world of serial killer mythos and the way they go and that he could have not probably done the full put bacon on the butt and baked it kind of thing, but he could have probably eaten bits of her just because he was trying to get something out of doing this. He could have, but it also his confession seemed to escalate over time. It's true. Because he first, the first time that he talked about, he didn't mention any cannibalism at all. Then the next time that he talked about it, he said that he took

the pink can full of her blood and tried to drink it, but it was too thick, too thick and too gross even for him. And then eventually it started to come. It's like, yes. And then he started giving out recipes and shit like that. I can see that could maybe be an issue. However, there's also the raw meat story. Yes. Albert Junior said that whenever the moon was full, he said that a wild look would come over his father's eyes. His face would turn red and he would demand raw steak for dinner and he would make Albert Junior eat it raw too. Yeah. He said that was true. He said that they ate raw steak a lot. Like it happened a lot. And then so it's like, he obviously was building up some sort of appetite for himself. I also think there's shame in there. I think that when it comes

to cannibalism, because we talk about the guilty felt about Grace Budd, I think in their own weird fucked up way, it's like the shameful thing he doesn't really want to talk about because it shows how fucked up he is until he saw that he could get off from me because they're talking the whole time. He's like, please, please, please put me in jail. I deserve it. But somewhere in the middle, he's like, get me out of here. He's like, he was ready to be free again because he just couldn't get diddled enough. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And a weird thing, a little, maybe this is a coincidence. Maybe it isn't. But the Weather Bureau checked the records and found that the moon was at its fullest that month on June 3rd, 1928, the same day that Albert Fish murdered Grace Budd.

God damn. Kind of a little bit of a werewolf type. Thank you. They did call him the werewolf of Wisteria. But give him to me. We got to stop giving these serial killers cool names. No, they need cool names. They need cool names. I think you should be called the dumpy fuckhead from fucking shitville. No way, dude. You know what they called him after this story came out? The Moon Maniac. These are all great names for a band again. Moon Maniac does sound like a dire Straits album name. No, it's just a name for an awesome DJ. Moon Maniac. 97.3. We are here with Moon Maniac. It's always midnight. Now, Fish, despite the best efforts of his attorneys and the psychology experts who were swayed more by the needles than anything else, was declared sane

and was sentenced to death by electric chair. Because you remember this point? Because we didn't go through the whole trial because it's not, it's hard to go through. But these people heard testimony that it's unlike anything anybody in this time period had heard before. It's 1934. They're hearing about shit eating. They're hearing about piss drinking. They're hearing about cannibalism. You're hearing about molestation, chopping the penis off little boys. These people were shell shocked. And by the end, like you could maybe have said he was insane. But again, I think they were like, kill it. Yeah. Well, actually, Dr. Frederick Wortham, who heard most of it, who got the brunt of it, he did not believe he should be executed. Yes. He said that

he was insane because he was the one that said he was skeptical until he saw the x-ray of the needles. And he was like, oh, no, this guy's fucking nuts. That's what I'm thinking. I mean, how does this evidence point to anything other than insane? Because, I mean, even Hinckley got off and he tried to kill a U.S. president. Insane is different than being, the whole point is that you're supposed to be competent for trial. And he knew that there was right on a pile of needles inside of his own body. He also hid the body. If he walked down the street with Grace Butt's head on his head, go, I'm like, I've got a new hat. I'm the Queen of England. Then the man's insane. I don't know. I think he's insane. Yes, he's obviously not. I mean, I don't know. Do it great.

Insane is not a clinical term. Insane is a legal term. Well, he's insane in the brain, insane in the membrane. It's called the monotone rule. Yeah, the monotone rule is that if he is found to be held uncouplable for his actions at the time of the, if he did not know the difference between right and wrong at the time of the crime, then he can be found legally insane. But legally insane is also something that's decided by a jury. It's not decided by, it's not guilty by reason of insanity. For some reason, I can't stop thinking about the jury, just like the intro to each day, Alfred Hitchcock, just like walks in front of the jury and today's tale. Oh, no, that's the pink panther theme.

That would work, too. He just gets hard. What horror movie do these people watch? Absolutely. But and then on death row, they would say the problems with it that he would keep, they would keep finding him choking himself and masturbating. And he also had a habit that they would read scripture out loud to everyone. They would do Sunday Mass. And they would make him so violently horny, he would jerk off to culmination in front of the guards until they would just beat him. Yeah. And they also loved it. And he loved it. I know that's the whole problem

with the guy. And they had to debone every single piece of meat that they gave him because if it had a bone inside it, he would take it out and he would just start slicing into his chest with it. Wow. He loved it. Improviser. Oh, yeah. And he was, of course, sentenced to death by electric chair. And we all know fish's words upon hearing his sentence. He said, what thrill that will be if I have to die in the electric chair will be the supreme thrill, the only one I haven't tried. But what most people don't know is the second part. But it wasn't the right verdict. I'm not really saying, you know, he really said that. He did. Yeah. Yeah. It was I'm real. I'm not really. I'm really not very good upstairs. I don't know if you could tell. I can tell. And if I was on that

jury, I would recommend insanity. Well, does anybody ever cactus I could put inside me? Yes. Well, what worth them said is that we should actually keep him alive so we can study him. Because this is such an insane he because that's what he said. He said that the mind of Albert Fish said that like a child, he was like a child, like a child will hurt a cockroach not knowing what he's doing. A child does not know the difference between a man and a woman. A child will play with feces and urine not knowing what they are. But what them said that Albert Fish is the only person that he has ever seen that held this mindset to the age of 65 years old. Yes. And he also, I mean, it's calling it the pee wee and the monkeys and all that stuff, although we

are childish talking about pee pee and saying all that stuff. It's like he was very childish. It's like the example of having your sexuality frozen when you're 11 years old. Well, it's interesting because technically, he's also PG 13, which is kind of his, his, his, his dialogue could be on television today. Actually, fuck, dude, you're totally. Wow. Yeah. He's totally appropriate for NBC. He's Saturday a.m. program. Saturday morning. That's it. And his last words were, I don't even know why I'm here. You wonder if he did. Yeah. That's what he was executed on January 16th, 1936. You know, it was a routine execution. There's always those rumors that say that his needles set off sparks in the electric chair. Not true at all. He died just like any other

creepy old fuck. Yeah. Just torched like he wanted to be. That's right. And he did want to be that, but he's fine. But at the same time, it's fine because he is fine that he's dead. I agree, Henry. I'm glad they just the loss of Albert Fish. No, I'm glad they killed him. I'm glad they did it. Well, I mean, please, Henry, be honest. I don't mean to be. It's like, it's like one of those weird things. I'm like one of those guys that it's like, I have like, I like to be weird. I'm kind of, I'm a contrarian. I like when girls are awake when I have sex with them. And I, and I like that Albert Fish was, was killed by the electric chair. Yes. I do believe that he was completely insane. But yes. Yes. He was very, very, very, very up. I'm happy. He's dead. That's

for sure. He was disturbed. Yeah. I didn't know. Did the media show up to cover the execution or was it relatively quiet? Absolutely. The media showed up and the night that he was executed, they went to the bud household and knocked on their door in the middle of the night. How do you feel? Yeah, they did. They went, they went up. Mrs. Bud opened the door and they told her Albert Fish has been executed. How do you feel? She just stared at him and then closed the door. How the fuck do you think I feel dickhead? I love it. I am the happiest I've ever been. I mean, it's fine. But you get the feeling fish didn't seem to care. No, even with even on the, even on his death stool, he didn't even care about himself enough to feel like he was going through,

he was about to die. Yeah. I don't even know why I'm here. He's a maniac. He was a maniac. He's dead now. I know he's doing horrible things in heaven because he probably said, oh, please forgive me at the very end. And now he's up there with fucking Michael Jackson and Beethoven having a great time. Definitely a true believer. That's for sure. What if heaven is nothing but the worst stuff? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. It was a great carbonic play about that. Happy birthday, Wanda June. Oh, there we go. Very good. All right. Well, Albert Fish, one, two, and three. That's the that's the full story from our perspective. Thank you so much for listening. Yeah, I feel good though. I feel very good. He's dead. The bogeyman is dead.

I know it's supposed to be, you know, like it's of course, it's disgusting, but I also feel expressed. Yeah, I feel I've expressed myself today. Well, I think we've exercised the demon that is Albert Fish. Every you want every serial killer we cover on this show is officially weaker than when we than previously. Absolutely. And I would like to never talk about him ever again as long as I shall ever. Yeah, I'm going to talk to him a lot about Albert Fish. I have been bringing it up quite a bit in various different levels of company. And I got to say, I love the I love the expressions people have. Oh, oh, interesting. Huge thanks to research assistants Emma and Megan on this one. Also, thank you to Brittany out in LA for the beef jerky that we got. Yes. And Ben ate

all of and didn't give any of us. I ate the last batch though, all my own. So I will take that. I got mine. So Marcus never gets any beef jerky. And that's a fun game. Henry and I play. Yeah, I never get any beef jerky. Ben sends some more, but she also sent some special goodies. Thank you for those. Thank you for those. They were unpredictable. They're unpredictable. I also want to say thank you to Sean Engel do for the amazing nuclear Trump t-shirts. Oh my god. Awesome. Yeah, you saw Ben wearing the nuclear Trump t-shirt on last stream on the left. And if you want to buy your very own nuclear Trump t-shirt, you can go to Sean's Facebook page, Sir Osis of Liverpool's Castle. And speaking of last stream on the left, holy shit, guys. Thank you so much

for watching. Thank you so much for watching. We broke records of their viewership on adultswim.com. Their top show only like 500 views. We literally broke in with like 3000 views. We want to break it again this week. We're doing it again Friday at 7 30 this week. And please come and watch. It was awesome. It was so much fun. Yeah, it was so good. Yeah, go to adultswim.com. And that first episode is archived. Actually, if you go to the adult swim website now, just go to adultswim.com and scroll down a little bit and it's got our picture on it. By Stevie Chris, an amazing photographer. Yes, thank you. And also, I'd like you guys to support the new series crypto created by Andrew Parker and Brandon Kahala. I'm doing voices for it. Kiss will be on there. Marcus is on there.

Ed Larson will be on there. And we are it is please help support it. It's gonna be a really good fun series. It's a cartoon series about cryptids. And I'm really excited to play evil German doctor in it. So I get to be I get to be your grandfather's little inspiration. Isn't that exciting? And that's at www.seedandspark.com slash studio slash crypto. All right. I mean, what a great community that that's forming here. I mean, everyone is doing amazing work. The t-shirt designs are incredible. The the the artistic things that are coming out of all of you people is just so phenomenal. You people, you people, what do you mean you people? And if you want to get your very own last podcast on the left t-shirt, specifically the one with new one with the hail yourself

design, we just got those in this week. We've been having a bit of a transition of our t-shirt people going on right now. So if you've been waiting for your t-shirt for a little bit, we're sending them out this week. You're going to have them very soon. Go to cave company radio dot com slash merch to check those out. And of course this Friday, we're coming to Baltimore. Go to auto bar. Go to the auto bar website to get tickets for that. And we've got a very big announcement coming up next week about more upcoming shows. We're going to be doing two out there. We're going to play as a game and see your friend. We got a secret. We got a secret, but we've got two big shows coming up in December. I'm not even going to say what coast it is. Marcus,

you might be going to free speech jail, my friend. Yeah, guess what, man, it chow sucks. All right, they took all the bones out of the meat. You can find us on Twitter. Yeah, we can do Twitter and check out the other shows here on Cave Comedy Radio, Aplington's Top At Roundtable of Gentlemen, page seven, Sex and Other Human Activities, and Marcus's Lucky Bone Show, mixclad.com slash Marcus Parks. And you're at Ben Kissel. I'm at Ben Kissel at Henry Love's U and Ben Kissel and Twitter. I'm at Dr. Fantasi on Instagram. You're Marcus Parks. I'm at Marcus Parks on everything and at LP on the left for both Instagram and Twitter. That's right. Hail yourselves. Hail me and Satan together. Hail game. My good solutions. All right, yeah, everybody, it's time

for our Patreon shoutouts. If we don't get to your name this week, we'll get to yours eventually, but let's get to Marcus. Don't yell at them. Just sit. If you have a problem, if you have, if your name isn't called this week, jerk off. A bunch. You're going to feel fine. You're going to feel great. Yes. And they are just shoutouts. I mean, you know, I got a whatever. I love your names. Great names. So I'm going to, can I read mine one first? Yes. Corinne Tandy. Isn't that a great name? Oh, yes. Hi, Corinne. I know Corinne. Yeah. Hi. That's a great name. Hi. Tristan Caret Myers. She's married. Yeah. Hyphenated name. Oh, and then there's a, this guy's Matt, Matt, Matt. Matt, Matt, Matt. That's not a name. It is a name. That's a fake

name. It's coming out of hiding. Did you kill a girl? Matt, Matt, Matt. Don't do it. Then the other one is Matt RB. Maybe he's a running back. And another one is Matt Laughlin. Then we got Richard Nelson, Odessa, Geneva recusal. Thank you. Charles Ross, Jaren Foster, Matthew Allen, and Tyrell Heckendorf. Thank you guys so much. Monica Esquivel. Gracias. Kevin Zadnik. Patrick Edmondson. Justin DeCuylo. Jeremy Lanham. Catherine Mitchell. Hello. Jason Lahren. Adam Warner. Mark Emily Fuller. I got Vanessa Loretto. Steven Stanley. Skyler Holtkamp. Alan Dobbs. Patrick Christine Moody. Thank you, Christine. Oh, yeah. Jennifer Richard. Richard. Peter Paulding II. Alan and Ian Turpac. Thank you. Kim Horton. Here's a who. Kind of fun. That's fun.

Jim Carrey is fun. That is fun. Love him. Fire Marshal Bill. Gary Lizelle, Travis Jack, Fleckenstein, and G. Thank you. Peter Whitehead. Erica Young. Thank you. Kalina Bowman. Taylor Lloyd. Jesse Rooney. I know Jesse Rooney. Hello. Hi. Hail Satan. Hello. Raphael Estrada. Randy Katzen. Sam. Thank you, Randy. Beef jerky. I eat all of it. Marcus gets none of it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Sam Hall. Christopher Sorenson. John McClung. Rian Marks. I know Rian. We're gonna see you soon. Yeah. So fucking soon. I'm gonna see you in London. We're gonna kill everybody. Well, he's underage. Yeah, you say it like that. It's dangerous to say. Yeah, technically. Keith Cratchnick. Son. Alex Resendis. Greg Hampshire as a new Hampshire.

Your old Hampshire. No, he's new. Old Matthew. Joe R. Jeff Heilman. Grandfather. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Jason Murray and Sarah Desmarais, who I also remember from the internet. Hello, Hail Satan to you. Wow. I got Miguel Del Rio. Nicky Pook. Hey, Nicky. Nicky. Hey, girl. Kirsten Hurig. Eric Downing. Elizabeth. Carly Maxwell. Justin Gray. And Marlo April winner. All right. And I have Lynn Houghton. Carly Drew. The joystick jerks. They're funny. I've seen that part. Yeah. Lauren Matthews. Thank you so much. Thank you. And if you guys want to hear your own shout out, go give to our Patreon, patreon.com. Yeah. Slash the last podcast on the left. Thank you so much. Seriously. Thank you guys so much for for giving us this stuff is really life changing.

Thank you. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. And Hail Geen. Hail me. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.