Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 244: Listenerpasta IV - Jeff

Episode Date: October 27, 2016

We're back this year with more Creepypastas written by you, the listener! Tune in for fly infested dead bodies, a dirty poem, an astral projection gone wrong, and Jeffff. Final Battle of the Dark Wizards Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Intrepid Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Metaphysik Kevin MacLeod (incompet

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Money can buy a class. That's right, I do it. Against the hunt, my friend.

It's a real housewife who sings that? Ben kiss her. Oh right, well money can buy a class. Money can buy a class. And then she does the Asian breakdown. But you don't do the Asian part of that place. I didn't do like a ninja. No, you did not do like a ninja.

I can, though. No, do not, but go back. If you do want to listen to the real housewives of I forget what county, just google her and you'll find some great songs. Like a ninja, it is she's playing a character. Alright, welcome to the last podcast on the left everyone. I am Ben Kissel.

That's Marcus Parks speaking to characters. Who is he going to be today? You know, it's October and we are getting into some scary stuff, of course, besides just the fact that it's 80 degrees in the middle of October, besides the fact that Donald Trump, a man bent upon world domination, is going to be president. I don't think he's going to be president. I think that Hillary Clinton's going to shed her skin very soon.

You think Hillary is the reptile and he's the human? Unfortunately, I think Donald Trump is very human. We've got to get you on top, Pat, buddy. These are the cutting edge opinions we need. To be a real politician, you have to be a reptile. Donald Trump truly is an outsider, but he shouldn't be president. You see, it's a weird thing. In order to be president, you have to be a lizard.

You must be a lizard. Yes, because you have to not have these feelings. You're dealing with many levels of interdimensional talks. Do you think Donald Trump can talk to the grace? I don't know. Do you think Donald Trump can talk to the Nordic? At this point, I feel like you're making the pitch for Hillary. If she can talk to the grace in interdimensional beings,

that's the president we want. It might be the president we need. An exo-politician. That's what we're looking for. But yes, you know what's really scary? So you're off the bazagio train? Yeah, but you know what's actually very scary? My hair loss.

Oh, don't bring up your hair loss. I want to be real with everyone. Oh, my God, Henry, your hair is fine. I don't think it is. I was looking at a video of myself. I took a video. You ever take a video yourself while you're sitting in the toilet accidentally because, you know,

Instagram has the your story thing, and then you click on it accidentally, and it turns on while you're taking a shit. You see a big bloated red face heaving over this toilet, and you see how your hair just looks like a bunch of cobwebs on top of a leprechaun's lawn ornament.

That's my life now. You're the lawn ornament. I'm just a leprechaun with a bunch of cobwebs on top of it. That doesn't sound bad. Cobwebs, that's a lot of hair. But I've just been taking all this biotin in order to fix this. I'm just thinking about being honest.

We've got to be honest on this show. We've got to be transparent on this show. Well, I mean, I just feel like you're not losing that much hair. And if you do go bald, that's fine. If you look at Jason Alexander, he was a very successful television character at Seinfeld.

I got explained to be by my manager, you never start with hair and then have not hair. You have to be bald from the beginning or be bald when you're old. Yeah, this is why the industry is awful. Henry had a two-hour meeting, and he came back shattered. Henry, don't forget,

you peed in Leonardo DiCaprio's toilet, and no one can take that away from you. Thank you, and I'll always remember that he just had normal Febreze. What kind of Febreze did you think he would have? I think he's something fancy, but he didn't. I thought he'd have Chanel number five Febreze. A bowl of potpourri.

No, that's for fucking old women. Leonardo DiCaprio is too busy eating muff to have potpourri. All right, so today's episode, speaking of creepy, we've got some creepy pastas for you, and I don't want to hear one word about my reading abilities.

It's on purpose. It's all fun, and I just want to get this out of the way right now. Fuck! Thank you. Give the people what they want. That's right. Now, these listener pastas episodes, what I really like about this shit

is the fact that our community is filled with very creepy, strange, broken people, but also they know how to communicate well through the written word. Now, we want to celebrate our audience. We wouldn't be anywhere without the people listening to this show, and yes, it's like we cover a lot of creepy,

horrible subjects on the show, but I think that there's enough creepiness and horribleness just in our people that listen to our show that we can celebrate it for Halloween. Well, you know what? The creepiness and the evilness isn't in the people. They put it to the page,

and inside of them is nothing but love. That is actually true. We do have very loving fans. Wonderful fans. Very friendly. Yeah. And this is for you. This is for you.

Now, before we do this episode, but I'd like you to do, if you're home, leave the house. What? Just for a second. Just get out of the house. They can't do anything illegal out there.

They have to stay fully clothed. I always say, don't kill the boy. Let the boy live. All right? The boy will grow up to maybe cure cancer or be the police officer that will eventually arrest you for the rest of your crime.

So don't kill the boy. Or hair loss. Maybe it'll cure hair loss. Don't do this. Okay. Then come back in the house once you've realized that you're part of the... Once you look out at the hologram

that is outside of your house and you're so unsatisfied that reality is real. Come back in the house and I want you to take off first your shirt. And hopefully you're dry because good's come down. Let's just face facts. Everybody hates seeing somebody be visibly wet

unless it's Crisco. And unless it's a girl from Hawaii. Maybe Michael Phelps. They liked him being wet. He won a lot of golds. Only because he came back with the fucking golds. Yeah. I want you to roll yourself up

the thickest branch of fucking Satan's oregano. I want you to just do something... Do something different today. If you dab, take a dab. Alright? Hopefully you don't have a seizure. Like the arm thing?

No, not the arm thing. The weed thing. What is it? Colin Kaepernick. The weed thing? The weed thing. Dabs. Oh, dabs.

Yeah, you fucking idiot. Knife hits. Yes. No, not knife hits. That's classless. We really can't go down this hole. Do drugs. Quit your job.

Come home. Just leave your office. Come home and get ready for this year's episode of Listener Postas. This time, oh, spaghetti. Gonna crawl up your asshole. Imagine, oh, so many spaghetti turning into gigantic spiders.

Oh, Listener Pasta. Unless you're recently sober and have a job that you like for the first time ever, stay sober, keep your job. Fuck the wagon, man. Stay on it. Alright, Henry, do you want to start us off?

Yes. This is a story called Saskatchewan by Morgan. Sounds like a cologne. It's a Canadian province. Sounds like it just smells like random leaves or something. Saskatchewan by Morgan.

Beer farts. I was 13 years old out in a rural Saskatchewan visiting my aunt and uncle's farm for the weekend. One night, my cousins, who were sisters, my friend and myself, who were all around the same age, were outside playing riding bikes

and playing tag. Things 13-year-olds do. Don't wink at me. You fucking just winked at me. They didn't see that, but Henry winked at me. Did he wink at you? He said, things 13-year-olds do. What is going on with you?

Curious 13-year-olds. The more your hair goes, the more focused you are on... I have one of those mirrors in the shower, the no fog mirrors in the shower, and I looked at it. I was washing myself, I was like an orangutan,

I just got out of the river. Alright, Saskatchewan by Morgan. It was early November, so it got dark fairly early, especially out in the country. The sun had set, stars were out, but there was still a bit of natural light

left in the sky, so we all started riding our bikes back down the road to head in for the night. There was little to no light pollution out in the farm, so the sky and stars were very clearly visible. That's when we saw what looked like the northern lights, but it was eerily close to the ground, nothing like I had ever seen before.

I could see it clearly in front of us, but my mind was having trouble grasping what I was witnessing. As we got closer, it seemed to disappear, almost fade. When we passed through where it had been hovering, we were about 30 yards away from the front of the driveway

when we heard a bike fall to the ground with a skid. We stopped and turned around to see who had fallen. I looked at the ground where my cousin's friend's bike lay, and above it was that green light, again hovering above the ground we had just passed over. But it was holding my cousin's friend, suspended in the air, arms stretched out to her sides,

head hanging limp, unconscious five feet off the ground. We steered for what seemed like hours, but within a minute or two, the light disappeared and the girl was on the ground, waking up from whatever trance she was in. She said she didn't remember anything, but we all agreed we saw something.

Since that day, my cousin said she barely saw or spoke to her friend, and apparently, even though she claimed she doesn't remember anything, she was never the same, has attempted suicide on multiple occasions throughout her life, and is now a recluse living somewhere in a small town in Saskatchewan.

Ooh, and that's the fate worse than death. Yes, that's like hell but on Earth, but with just bars that have weird pinball games and bacon that's ham. Yeah. Hey Morgan, good to see you again. Okay, I'll go back to pinball.

Saskatchewan. Saskatchewan. All right. All right, this next story is by Derek, and it's called Ants. That's my story about Antsparkas. You like it, it's way creeper. My name's Derek.

Uh-huh, and who are your ants exactly? Um, ant Martha, ant Maybelline, and ant Jerry, and it's a man that we're forced to call him ant by society. Well that makes sense, that's how he identifies perhaps. All right, this was written by a guy who works in hospice care and has done so for years.

During a stint in hospice care, while travel nursing, a terminal patient took a turn for the worse, and medical care was discontinued except for pain control. They wound up lasting days longer than any of the doctors thought possible, and no amount of pain medications seemed to help ease the suffering.

A week after the patient passed, family members of other patients began complaining of being invisibly slapped and shoved while in the room. Family and staff claimed to see the bedside rocking chair rock with no one in it, and things fall to the floor on their own. Anyone who entered the room swore it felt like someone was glaring at them with utter contempt.

Shortly after that, the room began to continually be infested by ants, despite being several hospital floors up. They would be found on the walls, the floor, and the countertops. The room was treated by exterminators on three different occasions, but the ants would come back anytime the room was reopened.

An entry point for the infestation was never found. The unit managers shut the room down and the infestations ended. It was converted to a supply closet several months later, and the supplies were often found ripped open and strewn about as if someone was throwing a tantrum, but with no apparent culprit. The activity finally stopped

when the hospital's chaplain blessed the room on three different occasions and asked the presence to leave. Ooh. But who likes ants? Why would a ghost stand ants? Thousands of ants? I guess the ghost liked them.

Well, either way, being a hospice nurse is the closest a human can be to being the angel of death. I would be so scared to go to work every day. It's like a ghost factory. Who's gonna die? Yeah, they're future ghosts. I mean, what is life? I think they might be current ghosts.

Dude, my big thing is, man, death's just another fucking trip. I agree. My friend, I think I've told this... Well, that is kind of true, though. I've told this story before, but my friend in college would... I think he still does work in a nursing home,

and he would tell me stories about how people would stand up, they would snag their skin, which is about as... it's like paper mache in a certain age, and it would just rip down their whole bodies, and they'd have to glue it back on. I mean, who wants to live like that? Yeah, I would hate to live my whole life like my whole body was just tear-away clothing.

Yes, it's kind of fun if you want to play a game of basketball. Yeah, it's just like, a person's skin... That fucking bone man sure knows how to do a layup. He's clattering bones of meat to sink in threes. Everyone's afraid of garden because they get all this fucking guts, fucking flew it all over him. Yes, it would be like what Magic Johnson went through

before people got woke. Remember that, Magic? He had a case of a problem. HIV. He beat it, though. He beat it. He did beat it. What does that have to do with people getting woke? Because you're just like,

oh, you can't let him look at you, otherwise you're going to get it, and then people realize, no, that's not how it's transmitted. Genuinely use the term woke? I said it woke, yeah. What is it? It means you are aware that you were ignorant once, but now you're a woke.

Just say that. Yeah. I don't like woke. Just say, but yeah, I don't like that. Just say like before people was idiots. No, before people was idiots is what, that's just a longer way of saying woke. Having HIV is not on fleek.

That is true. All right. So this is my turn here. This is called the burned girl by Annie. And I don't know if Annie burned her, but either way. So I come from a big Catholic family, and I actually, my family's Christian.

Yeah. That is great. Kind of close to mine. Yeah. All right. So I already relate here. So I come from a big Catholic family when our neighbor,

when our old neighborhood started getting dangerous, my parents finally found a perfect house that would fit eight kids and we moved in. Or one Ben Castle. I don't know. They got it. Yes. You fucking cock sucker.

You don't even have to classify. You just say Catholic family. We know it's going to be big. They don't believe in wearing anything down there. Shortly after. Okay. So they moved in. They got the eight kids in there.

Shortly afterwards, my mom and dad would keep waking up to someone whispering, mom or dad directly into their ear. So they didn't like that. They would wake up. They'd wake up, check on all of us and we'd all be sleeping. The fire alarms were constantly going off.

Sounds of footsteps all through the day and night. And the basement would get an overwhelming smell of freshly lit match. Sulfur. Yeah. Sulfur. I remember my dad constantly yelling at us asking, who was playing with the matches?

The way you go through these stories a lot of times, it reminds me of like a dad on Christmas Eve going through his kids like Christmas list of all the gifts he forgot to get. Yeah. Whatever. So okay. So yeah.

So the fire alarms are going off. The steps are happening, but the kids are asleep. I don't know how they're sleeping through all this. Isn't that interesting? But either way, and then someone's playing with matches, but the kids say they don't.

They didn't do that. One time, my brother walked out of his room into the hallway and stopped in his tracks because it was freezing cold. You want to move faster then, but that's fine. Then the fire alarm above his head instantly went off.

My parents never believed in ghosts, but we're thinking about moving out again. They were scared. So my mom decided. She didn't even remotely sell it. They were scared. They were. I did.

They were scared. They were scared. They were scared. They were. They were scared. They were. So you were getting there. They were getting there.

Try this next paragraph with that energy. So my mom decided to go to the library. After a few weeks, she came across an old article in the paper. 1958. The article in the paper was from 1958. It was about a little girl who was playing with matches in our basement.

She caught her dress on fire and wound up dying in the hospital. hospital sort of a Richard Pryor type oh thank you but a little girl thank you but a little girl I always wondered why running up the basement steps were was the scariest thing ever she had done the same thing well consumed in flames her

parents were the ones that sold us the house around 30 years later thanks like it was some sort of fair like while she was consumed flame it's just fine my parents had a priest come and bless the house and that's when things slowed down the fire alarms continued to go off around the around the anniversary of her

death for years and every year my parents still visit the little girl's great yeah yeah and this is actually from the Cleveland Plain deal she actually went to the library the woman who sent this in and she scanned the newspaper article from when this little girl died wow that sent me the actual newspaper article

this is a hundred percent real there any pictures of the corpse 1958 yeah you don't waste a picture on a corpse yeah and and this is an excerpt from the actual news story the pretty new green and white polka dot dress which Donna Takarsky chose for her preview of the thrills of kindergarten

brought death from burns yesterday to the Fairview Park four-year-old Donna one of six children of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Takarsky died in Fairview Park Hospital of burns suffered Monday when she evidently set fire to the synthetic fabric dress with the lighted match her mother Catherine believes the

inflammability of the fabric may have greatly contributed to the extent of the child's bones of course interesting did you know this the lighter was invented before the match you know an Iceland it's covered in green and then the Greenland is actually covered in ice well someone answer why do we park

on the driveway I but we used to just wrap our kids in asbestos for many years yeah this is my grandfather died from this I mean I bet it was really difficult putting up all the asbestos inside of the oven that grandfather lived a long healthy life and on the beaches of Uruguay yeah I mean there really was

back in the day yeah a lot of kids clothing a lot of a lot of people's clothing it was made out of this synthetic fabric but what would happen when the synthetic fabric was lit on fire is that it would melt into the skin yes and that's what would eventually kill these people was the

actual fabric melting into the science somebody on the Facebook page the last podcast on the Facebook of the last podcast on the Facebook page if you're not on it go join it if you can handle it but someone just posted a bunch of pictures of beat people being tarred and feathered yeah yeah yeah holy hell that's

much we joke about it like it's kind of a fun thing it was on loony tunes but then you see it in real life just like oh it's like hitting somebody in the head with an amble loony to it's like bonk oh right in real life your head just becomes like salsa yes my god all right

all right Henry you're up when you watch so many videos of human death you just realize that death is an uneventful just click and one time you're alive in the next thing and you have full of memories and hopes and dreams the next minute you're just fucking meat mm-hmm this story is called my radishes

more like butternut squash yeah I mean it depends on how you're done with it I mean like if you die a cancer technically you turn into a human scarecrow but if you get hit by like some sort of cement truck yes you're turning to a more of a suit I'm just picturing your son like just ready to

play soccer just ready to go to practice yeah it's just so much fun son I love kicking the ball around you know what I also love is the idea that every single breath I take is one last breath I'll take I like let's say there's a million breaths I would take left right now can I just get out of the car 999,999

out of the car dad 999,999 out of the car 999,997 it's like a clock that's always thinking my radishes my radishes by Anna this sounds like a Rihanna song about her tits this happened on the metro in Washington DC three years ago I was riding home late one night and in about

halfway to my destination the doors opened and a Santa ask a man in a tank top and suspenders boarded the train alone well I should have been suspicious from the get-go Santa Claus being outside of the North Pole it's not Christmas time you know he's here to rape I'm sorry I'm sorry it is funny but it's

difficult well I should have been suspicious from the get-go I mean a man with the beard he looked like a harmless white bearded potbellied man in his sixties I noticed he was talking to himself animatedly right yeah that's a word that's totally animatedly animatedly and animated with animation I noticed

he was talking to himself with a lot of energy and was wandering around and was wandering around desperately trying to get the few other writers to engage him in conversation I paused the music I was listening to but didn't remove my headphones so that I didn't draw his manic attention very good city move

mm-hmm after expounding on his extensive academic achievements in philosophy with according to him the world's most brilliant philosophers peering out the window and noticing that it was raining and screaming the rain will be so good for my radishes he realized he had no willing conversation partner and defeated

took a seat as I surreptitiously watched him through the reflection in the dark windows I saw him remove his glasses clean them on his shirt and then without looking passed them over his shoulder to the Asian woman behind him who then put them on he got off at the next stop and the Asian lady kept the

glasses on until I got off a few stops later he entered the train alone tried to talk to everyone and then took off the glasses he was wearing and blindly passed them to the random woman behind him who then wore them I remember looking around the train to see if anyone else had witnessed this and no one would meet my

eyes please help me to understand Hakuna mafucket and from Detroit Hakuna mafucket might be my favorite way to end anything yeah it's Jackie's new catchphrase is that right Hakuna mafucket Hakuna mafucket it's your most accessible and allowed catchphrase for the last five years you can say that on TV mafucket's

not a swear word it gets peep for more Hakuna mafucket go listen to page seven all right so the only way I can understand this is reality is thin and that woman was also possibly at a level for improv class and understands you just say yes and you just build the story because you just wanted to freak you out

and that the rain probably would have been great for his radishes probably I don't know how radishes grow but if somebody gives you glasses put them on right what else do you do with them and we're also again you're in Detroit so things are gonna be different well she was in Washington DC at the time again

Washington DC Washington DC's full of fucking lizards all these people are variously connected through weird hidden means mm-hmm I remember being in this Starbucks once in Union Square in New York City and I was having coffee and he looked over and there was the same thing a bearded looking like a Santa type man

what those big blue blocker like old people sunglasses that you put the one you put over glasses yeah in the middle of the day and he's sitting inside wearing these things and he's talking at a table with the chair opposite him with the newspaper and he's talking like he's talking to a camera like he's talking

forward to no one and it seemed to be he was kind of like and he but his facial expressions and the way he was gesturing to the empty chair next to him it looked like he was on a late-night talk show he was a host talking about something this person is here to pitch he's like talking talking really creepy

looking and he got up and he left and I walked over to the table to where his newspaper was and the newspaper was a village voice and I forgot whose face was on it he had made it into a gigantic you I guess he was doodling on it into a ornate demon face one of the scariest drawings I've ever seen and over it he

kept writing Hitler that's it sounds like Clint Eastwood prepping for the 2012 RNC convention you speak into the empty chair I'm like that girl I was saying this guy seemed like a real weird guy mm-hmm seems like a good artist to me all right this story is called my milk hmm by Jessica my milk no okay this

one's a little sexy so a little creepy all the same time my milk rain beat against the thin pane of his upstairs bedroom window as lightning lit up the sky like a flash bomb creeks and moans of the old house struggling against the unrelenting wind made up the soundtrack of his lonely midnight a soft

moan escaped his lips as a stray tree branch scraped against the window it was as if the world itself were reaching out to him calling to him from the wind and the rain Jeff the wind whispered through the trees that the worst name for a wind to whisper tree he sighed once more as the groans of the settling house

seeped into his body he shuddered as he imagined the implications of the house's soft cries a hand slipped between the glorious satin bed sheets that caressed his flawless body it was his hand Jeff Jeff I found my own penis Jeff no he gasped to himself and withdrew his hand as if it was scalded as if his mere

overwhelming attractiveness conducted physical heat Jeff Jeff so horny for yourself he was parched his lips were dry and he flicked his tongue out attempting to moisten them but it was no use the strain of denying the house's advances was wearing on him sucking the moisture straight from his body to water

the dry earth outside of his window Jeff Jeff you're so wet now you're dry I'm sorry it's raining me he thought it's raining me it's raining me weird he thought his pupils dilating fully in the darkness of his bedroom I have to fulfill my duties to my earth the world it needs me Jeff actually there's many others we could use as well

so it doesn't eat just you Jeff he slid from beneath the sheets like a snake slithering along a pan of hot olive oil he must sacrifice himself to the house thunder cracked above him as he stumbled his way through the dark fear gripped his body the air escaping his lungs I'm trying he shouted to the house the

tiles of the kitchen floor were frigid underfoot as he grasped desperately for the refrigerator door the light blinded him as he reached into the cold box grabbing a small unmarked carton he slammed the door lighting up the house once more as Jeff Goldblum took a deep drink of the creamy life-giving liquid

my milk he whispered to the house no I want to take that one too he whispered to the hot and he whispered to the house my milk Jeff Goldblum wow Jeff I actually was wondering in the middle of it is this about Jeff Goldblum love it is written by Jessica Elmer yeah that's great job Jessica I love that disgusting

thank you so much you just you're just made so horny by Jeff Goldblum himself that you imagine that he is haunted by a ghost of his own horning for him bloom people love that Jeff Goldblum love him I met him he's very very nice haha another person I've met knows I exist that's good I'm real I saw him

once on the street I've seen the fly I love the fly mm such a good movie good film solid a film of the fly yeah all right so this one's called the hill by Marco all right so I live in the hills of north this is California I live in the hills of northern California I'm surprised I need to get a license to

drive no matter I actually had to take it twice I had to take it twice they're all parking and what was the last time you parallel parked every day I mean I mean in New York City you do it and I have literally every day members there's cameras in the help you out no not every card unless you have a car that's

before 2010 I'm a very good driver it was I was 15 and a half when I took it and the instructor he was a pervert yeah what he was a pervert like you're blaming your own failings on a per instructor but you can be a pervert and a parallel car driving it's when you have to parallel parking is when you

try to when you go through a Wendy's and he makes you kiss you that's the parallel park all right it's different that's called a date yeah well that's what I was on apparently I failed it um yeah hated that I'm all right so the hill by Marco so this guy he starts off here I live in the hills of northern California

in fact we have a big hill that leads into a forest in my backyard I don't know why he's complaining here that sounds nice lovely backyard just just I mean it doesn't sound like he's complaining little bit it doesn't as a child I used to explore that area a great deal I felt safe there it was a second home

until this happened so his second home was the forest just one night through I am getting through if you would not interrupt me that would be nice so okay so we know the background here one night I suddenly awoke in a part of the forest that was familiar to me but instead of going home like I wanted I started

walking away from my house calling someone's name that I still don't remember well going deeper into the forest the next thing I remember I'm sitting at a desk in my room staring at a blank computer screen dirt still on my feet I stayed in that position until the morning when I awoke from the

trance then I showered slept and never went back up that hill again over the years we've lost countless pets to that hill my dad and brothers chalk it up as a mountain lion or something like that getting a hold of them but I think it's something else we never found the bodies great what a hell of a story I mean

what am I supposed to do with this you guys in a nice place sauce it up you got to punch it up okay one he's awoke I don't know he's just he's wakes up next to his computer screen and all his animals are dead he just went into a masturbation blackout I understand that I've been there you know like the

moments before you come were literally if someone told you like oh give me a thousand dollars and we'll kill this dog and you're like whatever just do whatever it's like you're like not thinking at all and then you come and then you're a rational human being again it was a mountain lion because that of

course there's no bodies they eat the whole thing yeah but then what happened when he was wandering through the forest screaming someone's name that he did not know against his will elephants actually bury their own dead sometimes they do I mean it just doesn't seem to make any sense to me yeah yeah story it's supposed

to make sense no it's a story about a mountain lion you think maybe it's a it might be a mountain lion but it's the whole thing is that it's a possible paranormal experience kissal you know what you are you're a reductivist what's that hmm nobody knows this one is a poem it's called the graveyard at

midnight it's by Renata I love their hotels I know thisles claim the tombstones stuck in solid clay the granite angel moans at the evil and the prey standing over the graveyard covered in her moss she has seen all of man our centuries of loss I have dared to enter with unholy intent the granite defender cries in

silent lament alas my evil task demands I cross her gaze I did so with my mind and unholy haze the crypt is filled with death and damn spirits who fill my lungs with their breath but I keep moving through to the shelf to the place with a coffin wood warps yet I I have done this all just to

fuck a corpse my goodness I have a twist ending there yeah sex with all the corpses that you rob so that's his whole thing it's fun that's yikes alright so this one's called flies by Catherine Catherine Catherine or is it Catherine I think it's Catherine I think it's a sea it's Catherine no

it's never Catherine yeah Catherine is just a fine name to Catherine has never existed no you say Catherine no you cannot you know no one I've never heard anyone say Catherine if I said to me Catherine I know it's a fake name and they are literally on the run from from the police Catherine bowels that's me

Catherine chocolate table water bottle huh well Catherine is a real name I had a friend named Catherine now you're making it up yep all right flies by Catherine thank you all right so I for some reason everyone's telling me where they're from here in my living on over Florida which is where my parents live

yeah don't kill my parents you can't though my dad is packing well I think your dad is slowly killing himself and your mother can't wait to see him go you live in Palmer Florida in a quiet neighborhood right by those the Browskies who were always trying to give us food yes they killed their dog by feeding it

too much my father's killing himself with three packs of cigarettes a day three packs unbelievable it's his hobby he loves it three packs of cigarettes a day Henry's father smokes all right so flies by Catherine Catherine we lived in palm we lived in Palm Harbor Florida in

a quiet neighborhood we had a neighbor two doors down to the right a woman in her fifties she was a recluse one day my brother and I were playing in the backyard near the screen didn't porch and noticed a large amount of dead black flies there had been a few of the same kind

in the house that week too the large slow flies that don't really bother big juicy ones they kind of look like you could eat they I love a good big fly yeah you have respect for it the recluse is grass had gotten pretty long so our neighbor across the street knowing the woman was alone went over to ask if he

could cut it for her when he approached the house it seems she painted the windows near the door black but when he knocked the black moved she hadn't painted her windows it was all flies well isn't that cheaper than painting he called the police and they had to break in they discovered her body

liquefied into the couch all of her animals were dead except for one fat cat which that is horrible that fat cat was having the time of its life yeah eating those flies the woman had died of alcoholism six weeks prior the cat had survived on its owner yeah oh my so that cat was just like I died and went to

heaven yeah technically I'm the one still alive I guess I do like Mondays every day is like a Tuesday now that's why cats are terrible they will immediately eat you the dog will lie down next to you and slowly die with you but also the worst is that a dog will defend your body so much that it

wouldn't even let the EMTs get to it to save you that is true that is a problem that I mean it's a double-edged sword it's got to be in between her there that's why I always have an animal in a cage the cat survived on its owner but I think true cat lovers they don't mind that yeah that's what they kind of what

they want to have I think they're into well I mean I think like true cat lovers like to be abused a little bit a little bit that's all of thousands of snakes and I'll release them as I die I'm gonna have a thing like hooked up to my heart then when I die all the cages to my snakes open that happens in

Florida all the time yeah that's why you guys constantly have random amphibian problems yeah but I was a kid my parents were super religious and made us go to church and Bible study our church was very old and had a lot of creepy hidden rooms and basements each year my dad helped with the greening of the church

basically putting up Christmas decorations without admitting to the commercialization of Christmas to fucking late and they stole the holiday from the fucking pagans from a base upon a religion that did not exist in the first place the fucking Jesus Christ is a collector of myths early 1800s Christmas

wasn't celebrated at all hmm one year my brothers and I helped decorate one of the church elders took us to the creepy catacomb style basement to get more decorations and he told us about the iron tycoon and his wife who had built the church in the early 1800s the two loved each other very much but

loved Jesus even more so they built this beautiful church to celebrate him but soon after the church was finished the wife killed herself in the chapel yeah gotta do it metal yeah the tycoon then retrofitted a mausoleum into the basement and buried his wife there and he must not have cared that much because he

married another woman shortly after people deal with grumpy grief differently also gotta get a dickwit she was very superstitious and started to believe that she could smell the rotting dead body of his late wife coming up from the basement of the church she insisted that he dig up the body and remove it from

the church he resisted for a time but his wife persisted that there was an odor of rotting flesh so he finally removed the body but his wife continued to smell rotting flesh after many years of complaining of smells and sounds coming from the basement she committed suicide in the choir hall

yeah he's over too now damn wow that dick's got to be sad yeah I had to do that with a dog once what two dogs died no I buried a dog right outside my window but I didn't bury him deep enough so when he started decomposing the smell started wafting in through my window so I had to dig him up and bury him

somewhere you're like a trailer trash version of Edgar Allan Poe isn't that nice my brothers and I weren't scared until the elders took us back to the basement where the mausoleum and pedestrian for the coffin were it was very creepy with a rot iron gate and candelabras built into the natural stone

wall so we ran back upstairs with my brothers joking that they could smell the rotten flesh that's funny before we left for the night my brothers teased me about the mausoleum so he snuck back to the basement to see the woman's grave the temperature had dropped in the basement some of the lights wouldn't

turn on my brothers insisted that we stand by the pedestal and call to the ghost I was terrified but was too scared to go upstairs by myself so we went inside the mausoleum and stood by the pedestal to this day we can still recall the wafts of rotten meat coming from the room the rest of the lights

started to flicker and then blew out so we're standing there with no lights and then heard crying but it wasn't like audible in the room per se it was more like it was inside our head but we all heard a woman's voice crying we ran for the iron gate and when we got out of the mausoleum a bunch of the Christmas lights

that were still downstairs have been thrown all over the floor with most of the little bulbs being broken when we told our dad he was mad at us for going down alone and we got blame for breaking the lights all right well I guess he didn't bury the the wives very well huh yeah what that's about I mean it's

pretty much just a you know keep they killed themselves and you know he buried their bodies and they haunted it through smells of rotting flesh which a lot of people say like hauntings the smell of rotting flesh at least in poltergeist activity often off accompanying accompanies the you know haunting makes

sense smells and movements like when we're in the bathroom I wasn't getting that that's a sign of good health I bought a blender I've been juicing they keep saying the term juicing I'm just putting booze and strawberries in it you're just making no juicy at all yeah it is juicy I strawberries

among those kiwi banana straw and there's one more thing that I'm forgetting that rum and I put in a bunch of rum and that's that and rum has coconuts on the on the old cover there so that's kind of a coconut you're just getting drunker in a fruitier way hey man all I know is I feel great my skin's never looked better

and I am a gain in weight I see you are visibly hung over as well more often than normal yeah well no I'm not hung over I'm super vitalized other sponsor today is Adam and Eve dot com go to Adam and Eve dot com and for a limited time only you'll receive 50% off just about any item when you

select your one item at 50% off you'll also receive three free adult DVDs plus a free mystery gift and to top it all off they'll even throw in free shipping on your entire order Adam and Eve dot com use the code left at checkout that's left at Adam and Eve dot com use left at Adam and Eve dot com

okay this next story is by our old friend Claude Wilson the boy the boy who wrote the wonderful Cthulhu story last year this one is called intrusive thoughts intrusive thoughts are involuntary unwanted ideas images or compulsions that can be distressing become obsessive and be difficult to ignore they're

usually violent sexual or otherwise inappropriate and aggressive in nature the source of these thoughts in literature is the metaphorical imp of the perverse a term popularized by Edgar Allen Poe a parallel concept to this is the Freudian death drive or Thanatos the inherent human compulsion towards

self-destructive behavior why do we as humans feel this compulsion towards the destruction of both the self and the other what biological evolutionary reason is there for our mind to tell us to do these things if we as organisms have developed in such a way that we would want to survive well what if that

voice in your head those intrusive thoughts are coming from your brain what if the imp of the perverse is real I see that you're eating that carrot but I was actually thinking of a fun little idea about how but instead of you put up inside of your asshole is that the imp of the perverse dog in my brain

no guilty hmm oh I see you're eating that apple that seems like a phone little thing how about instead of putting your mouth you can't get instead you put it up inside of your ass it seems like a similar thing to what I thought about with the carrot how about we kill that police officer on that be kind of fun

you know what it's he says hanging out waggling his big fat pear bottom around when you go over take his girl take his girl have fun with that the imp make it fun have fun with this one have fun that's what life is all about it's all about having fun I actually do believe there's an also theory the reason why

we have not been approached by alien races is that because any species that builds its way towards consciousness is essentially on a suicide drive and they kill themselves before they can reach intergalactic travel so you're saying the aliens are all dead we essentially and then we blow ourselves up and that we're

on the debt we're on the track to blow ourselves up the consciousness that you're saying the consciousness is a suicide machine yeah fuck yeah I can totally see it I'm just watching yeah let me ask you how many theories of why aliens haven't visited us yet do you have rolling around in your head

there's way more than the reasons why they have visited us you mean they haven't visited us yet you don't think they've visited us yet well actually you know you know my thoughts we need to expound upon that I can't do that well pretty much why they haven't I guess it's why they haven't contacted us the

problem is that we also are we are part of the very arrogant belief that they would show up with like an armada of ships with flags just like we do they would show up like we're here from the planet nipto and then it would be like a whole thing like they all come down our president would meet them they all think

that that's what I would happen where I do but of course it's much more mysterious than that our universe is thin reality isn't even real they're even talking about like as a biological necessity the reality could actually be more fire on brains actually for survival that we don't actually see

things that match up to what are what is really real because it's really just about fitness it's about works on our own brain you could take Ragnar for that article that I read at the gym yesterday while I was I was struggling I almost threw up I was doing the back machine and I was like this isn't real and then it

was easier but it is real though it's not though it is you've been watching brain games that's kind of a fun show on television by the way yeah we I mean we are creating our own doom it's gonna be robots though I was watching nothing but robot footage yesterday they just beat the hell out of these robots they're like

it can take it and it's like well that's good to know that you can beat it with a lead pipe and it's doing just fine I trust robots rather than people no absolutely not get pretty on the robots yeah Ben you're really getting into this robot it's awful terrifying it's terrifying you should be there gonna be

a chair it's fucking 80 degrees out it's October we're done we're done robots need to take over because they know robots are more pollutant than humans all they are they're a bunch of gas but they don't need water and air to still live you mean that robots are a bunch of gas they're not gas they're not all running

off of combustion they're lawnmower robots are lawnmowers lawnmowers are robots trapped in a forever long episode of steampunk which is the show that I've been watching recently is people doing it steampunk designers either way designing things for rooms and the robots are gonna take over and

then we just keep on making them and then every their Charlie Rose just interviewed one why are you yeah you sit on us you send an article and sweat now what do you mean that's just lubrication oil we're it is robot sweat only thing is oil when they trick us and then all of a sudden you go home

with the robot and you lost all your body parts because she was sweating you thought she was real even in total recall they didn't sweat yeah I am uploading my brain to the first exoskeleton that we heard about I'm gonna do it I must do that I'm gonna be the funny one the funny exo exoskeleton well I

don't know this one's called house invasion and it's by Katie house invasion by Katie all right they're always telling me where they grew up here in the starts they're trying to connect I try to connect this is Katie's life not not mine just to let that make that clear they're setting the

scene all right I grew up in a suburb on the edge of some woods near st. Louis our backyard had thick and a thick band of trees behind it and one Saturday when I was 12 years old I was out back mowing the grass with my two dogs tied up nearby the dogs started barking at something in the trees but I didn't see

anything I assumed it was a month I thought I assumed it was a squirrel or something I didn't think much of it so she's mowing there she's got the dogs with her the next day my younger sister was home alone and a man rang the door bell my sister answered and he asked if our parents were home she told him that

they were upstairs he said okay and left you have you also notice sometimes to the way you read the stories it's like your police officer dealing with a streaker you never know what they're up to there a couple of days later I was at school in the middle of class when someone came to the classroom door and

asked me to come to the office my dad was there waiting for me looking very upset the dad is upset kind of nice to get out of class though he hugged me and told me that something bad had happened to my mom I immediately worried that she had been hit in a car or you know had been in a car accident was maybe

even dead but my dad continued and told me that she had come home from the grocery store and a man had been in the house he had a duffel bag full of our stuff electronics and jewelry and held my mom at knife point our next-door neighbor noticed that our our dogs had run outside and she came to check on our

house isn't this nice a nosy neighbor could save the day let's see how it works out a lot of times a nosy neighbor just masturbates to your children that's not good the man with a knife still on my mom made her let our made her let our neighbor into the house he forced them both to undress and possibly worse but

my parents would never tell me exactly what happened they watched they watched how I met your mother something kind of fun there was nothing bad happened there I promise they all learned about life and love that's well I don't know maybe they watched maybe something kind of like a fun brain game right yeah gentle they

eventually ran in separate directions and the man fled okay so now everyone's safe the police found him in the next morning sleeping in a tent in in a nearby house's backyard which struck me as particularly dumb of him but whatever the police found a little nest in the woods behind our house and it turned out

that he had been sleeping there for about a week watching our house our dogs have been barking at the guy in the woods while I was mowing the lawn fifty feet away you shouldn't have given him the story this is actually very creepy that man was in a tent watching the family and then he had a knife point with the

help of a neighbor rape this woman's mother he did not do that now they would just hang it out in their underwear that's not true that is the truth keep it upbeat story that is a piece found him all right it's a lovely story that is nice and I'm happy the dogs were okay I was worried the dogs were going to die

sigil abduction by Emmett so when I was bombing around the UK living on couches and stuff as a little homeless holiday I began doing some magical exercises to try and get me a job sigils middle pillar exercises that sort of thing and you know what it worked but that's not the crux of this story

my dreams began to take on strange symbolism as I felt the spell come into manifestation over the course of a couple of weeks I've been reading the works of Robert Anton Wilson hieroglyphics of the gold hurris began appearing on the walls of otherwise unremarkable dreams in a lucid dream I

was offered a pill with the eye of Horace on it I didn't take the pill I'm a little paranoid about letting things in so one night the fella I was saying with was out so I was asleep in his bed in the middle of the night I woke up to see history saw above my bed it was like an enormous black pyramid and I would

be invisible if it was not lit up with a slight light coming from Renzi's edges now I don't know how to explain this correctly but the object seemed to be flippin behind the world beyond reality somehow if you've read grants more since the invisibles think of it as being something floating outside of the

superfluid that we are eating is projected on I got you I follow anyway soon as I noticed as it began to fade away and I called out to an amen come back I want to talk suddenly a cacophony of sound think like someone playing a trinium note said once on a synthesizer rod up and engulfed me

consciousness it was terrifying and for a moment my brain tried to brush it off as just a movie nope it's just a game nope just dream nope fuck this is real absolute terror sat in there and then I was pulled into my first out-of-body experience and my only one since the noise increased in intensity and I

began to be pulled towards this massive light color and noise that I couldn't really make sense of I'm a feeling in my brain was going to stop this experience into an alien abduction scenario to make sense of it I called out to communicate with me in a way that makes sense I just continued to

pull me towards a terrible mass I formed astral hand somehow and know that I should signal it somehow I throw out a symbol because these things speaking symbols right and all I can think of was to flip it off and I did and I was thrown back into my body and then I laughed because it was one of

the most incredible experiences of me life I'm just saying if it's your first out-of-body experience it means that you should have a second one but he's just he only had one and one okay yeah I mean sometimes you only get one shot and sounds like he fucked it up no I think you did everything right he flipped

it off and going back to his body at a great time practically the problem is that he says he has a problem with letting himself go and letting letting things in is that if you really want to live a magical life you go into that shit yeah but if you never come back and next thing you know

you're getting torn torn apart by bees that you know talk like British people have legs that could actually stand up on what I will say the problem with doing ritual magic all the time is that eventually you do need to choose whether or not you want to have a normal life or be a wizard when you start reading about

people that are truly into magic they truly become I would say almost unbearable people it's like people that are highly Buddhist people are very advanced and like you have to be reclusive and choose a lifestyle yeah you have so if you in order to really go there you got to go into the black

pyramid and then you are forever the dude who hangs in front of the slushy machine telling the guy at the 7-eleven counter how you know secrets about the universe that nobody else does because by this point you have nothing else well why do you need a slushy thirsty yeah yeah I mean even if you

have the secrets of the universe you can still enjoy the sweet sweet icy sensation of a slushy from 7-eleven I'm like cherry coke kind of guys they get the cherry coke you know what they do yeah but they do get the cherry cherry coke ices yeah you get straight-up cherry man that's the way you go with an icy the worst kind of

icy I get them at the movie theater sometimes I get a cherry icy every time I go to the movie theater I get a cherry icy I tried to mix it with vodka but the vodka melts the ice too fast yeah we did that and remember we did that in LA yeah didn't work yeah did not work out for us that's okay

though all right Marcus you're up all right this one is called the leaf spirit of the old church oh my story involves my childhood habit of breaking into old buildings in my hometown there was an old church that belonged the Jesuits who had been stationed on my reserve

but the church had long been boarded up a few of my friends and I had a habit of breaking into old places we as we considered ourselves urban explorers we pulled a corner away from the front door to go in the metal beams supported the building were rusting through the walls and they were almost blood red the

floor was covered in ripped paper and bird feathers and there was no altar next to where the altar should have been was a door with a hold from the top left half to a few inches above the missing knob we opened the door and there's a staircase that leads down that is stone and covered in moss a few of us decide

to go down using my friends lighters as flashlights my friend crystals slips the last few steps and falls down the basement is a dirt floor and covered in old rotting leaves as I'm helping crystal up the room starts to buzz like something is powering up and the air is sucked away from us we look across the

basement and the leaves are pulling back towards the opposite wall like a wave as the wave reaches the back wall there's a loud sound like a tornado and we haul ass up the stairs and slam the door as we hear the roar behind us a few friends that stayed upstairs think that we're trying to scare them but their faces

turn white and they rush out we follow them we found out later that the other girls saw a face in the hole in the door that looked like it was made out of leaves cool environmental monster our friend our friend Sina that we know through various comedic means also does the

brighter side on a cape comedy radio he saw a leaf made man or a man made out of leaves while in ayahuasca so it's got to be real there's gonna be an elemental Colin Wilson talks about elementals yeah you fucking asshole no he wasn't tripping off one of the hardest hallucinogens known to man he just saw

a man made out of leaves maybe it makes you maybe it was a soldier maybe it makes you see clearer don't you ever fucking think that for a second I don't think it does third eye open it up you've got too much fluoride in your system but you know what but you got no brain I'll take the fluoride love the

fluoride close the third eye that's actually know what the third eye is if you know what I'm talking about mommy I absolutely don't even worry about are you talking about anus are you talking about anal cavity no yeah I don't get it what is it he was on ayahuasca did not see a leaf creature

mommy by Pat this is the final story final story story unless we're doing it I'm maybe this isn't the final yeah it's the final okay mommy by Pat I'll read it I'm from a small town in Dwight Illinois love that I've been to Dwight great place I have two brothers Ben and Chris and one sister Kendall we lived in a remodeled

hundred-year-old farmhouse the house lies 2.5 miles from a small town known as Cardiff I've also been the Cardiff Cardiff Cardiff Cardiff no it's Illinois so it's it's a old car I don't care cardiff guard cardiff cardiff either way they love their baloney the reason I'm telling you is the reason I'm

telling you all this is because it all ties together okay exciting so Dwight Illinois two brothers Ben and Chris sister okay so it's all ties together here the first interaction with the spirit was when we were kids my sister and I stayed home from school my sister was in the living room laying on the

couch and I was in the kitchen putting a putting a cup in the sink it's got a strange thing to remember doing but the next thing I remember is my sister standing behind me whispering do you hear that at the time I didn't hear anything but the closer we got to the front of the house I heard it it sounded like a

child crying and yelling for mommy years later I talked to my sister about it and she said she thought it was a dream I told her what I remembered and she was stunned so I researched the house with my little brother Chris and found out that one of the owners of the cardiff mine lived in the plot of land

where our house is he had a wife and a small child who both passed away there I'm not sure they just died turning to your turning to your kids one day right if you ever have child I don't know if you're if you're remotely fertile but imagine if you having children and I mean like what was it like what was your

father like what was been like as a dad and they're like he paid more attention to the mice that's what they'll say they'll say he was cold and distant like a statue well if you ask the mice how it was they'll tell you a different story how has been as a dad monotone monotone nice I'm tall very tall as a father I am

more of a here's some money kind of dad see that's what I would I would take the money that's an atlanta and we're talking about this the other day if we ever have kids you can send them to boarding school now you just send them on board in school and then you just visit during the holidays bringing big gaudy presents

no that's what you used to be able to do you can't do that do it now that's a horrible way to raise a child it's not raising the child that's giving a child to old British men and women and having them do it for you pretty much having walls and a bed and our fed and our they get forced outside time that's

what they get that's what they get for all the money you know what don't have a kid yeah don't have a kid yeah you're just gonna send it to a wooden box it's like I'm gonna make my my own little William Randolph Hearst gonna devastate the body of your girlfriend and then you're not even

gonna get the cute kid until it turns into a teen and then ship it away we have Christmas it's a travel for Christmas Christmas st. Christmas day that's not a day that's not a holiday the day after Thanksgiving because we have our own Thanksgiving

I'm like fourth what what do you do at st. Crispin's Day st. Crispin's Day you hand out toffees I think you made up that holiday yeah all right wow those are some creepy stories yeah thank you guys so much for sending them in yeah thank you very much for sending in all of your

stories this year some of them are real and some of them were less than real and some of them were truly scary and some of them just sound like you didn't go far enough with chaos magic bro I don't know I think they did a great job this the scariest one was Jeff Goldblum he drank all the milk man he's hot he just

smell very good yes I'm sure he does um we are so close to Halloween getting there I have not really had the time to even really sit and get into the spirit because we've been working so hard doing those stuff and it's just so nice last night I sat I watched Phantasm one two and three oh it's the best lovely

time you feel so good the falls coming love that I'm wearing shorts do you just get out there it's just great it's just great Halloween so soon and your pretty face coming to hell your pretty face is going to hell it opens on October 23rd so please full of a god watch it hell is waiting for you all right I also

watched a movie called clown which was very scary well they say clone but it's clown and I highly recommend it check it out also Dinesh DeSosa's Hilary's America you got 4% than rotten tomatoes and it deserved less than that was the worst thing I ever saw in my life you know what's really fucking good an Iranian

horror movie called under the shadows yes very very good I was very close to watching that I got to say the Iranians are absolutely crushing it although I'm not sure if that movie was actually the vampire film a girl walks alone or some girl walks home alone at night I believe girl walks alone at night it's

great though that is a very romantic movie it's a good movie yeah the Iranians are crushing it with a lot of things although I think that was actually filmed in LA so I was told but it's an Iranian movie it's very beautiful yes well thanks as always thanks everybody you gave to our patreon if you want to

give to our patreon patreon.com slash last podcast on on the left is the place to do it tickets are on sale for Boston right now go to cave comedy radio.com slash live to find tickets to Boston those are selling out extremely quick can't wait to go there and have you guys throw things at us yeah they're

very nice in Boston I don't know they're very rowdy when we do murder fist usually do awesome all the time and they're great great comedy crap but they're nuts. Yeah. Pock the car in the Harvard Yacht. Very good. Pock the car in the Harvard Yacht. Be sure to do that. I'm going to because that's an impression.

Now Red Sox there you gotta get up from Boston. Not from Boston. That's Boston. Stop from Boston. Like fire marshal. I know my name is from Boston. I'm from Massachusetts. In living color all right. And that's on January 7th and in December we're doing Seattle and Portland all the tickets all the links

to these tickets are over our cave company radio dot com slash live. We've got I think let's see here. Two three four five six dates that we are just a tiny tiny tiny little hair away from finalizing from being able to cut to be able to announce and it's seriously all over the United States and Canada

the carpenter's term is cut hair away. No that is not. That is not what I was trying to be classy. I don't want to can't buy a class. Money could buy you class money could buy me class. Patron you met as much money you give it to us you'll never buy us class. I'm gonna get class I got a bunch of class. I don't

want no class. I want class. Yeah a bunch of Loretto high heel boots coming. And I ain't got no principle. Been your class ain't nothing but trash. All right whatever you idiots. All right so let's see here thanks so much for supporting all the shows here on cave comedy radio abling its top ad it's heating up we

only got three more weeks of this election hell or maybe two more weeks I'm gonna win this all my brains yeah so that'll be exciting and sex and other human activities the round table of gentlemen the lucky bone show makes glad dot com slash market sparks and check out the wizard and the bruiser that's holding McNeely's show

with the he's doing with Jake Young just you know what you just put it on mute and play one through give him a reason to live he's just it's a really fun show I'm actually I produce a few episodes so I'm on a couple of them but yeah go and check out the Sandman episode that we just did was a lot of fun so go and

check that one that's a that's a good one to start with I'm hail Satan everyone yes and of course should we say something about Washington DC or I mean well I mean word we sold out so there so don't bother coming to that yeah we sold our Benson ball show so we we can't wait to

to see all there come on down come on dad check it out all right hail yourselves everybody hail me oh man I got a shit okay hey oh game I do too yeah god no installation no it's not a tag team that's not how tag team works bushwhackers don't even bring up the bushwhackers there's a great take