Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 252: The Gulf Breeze Sightings Part I - Ammonia and Cinnamon

Episode Date: December 31, 2016

It's the most everyman UFO story out there on this week's episode as we cover the Gulf Breeze Sightings! Join us as tell a suburban tale of beams, terrible smells, and guns all involving the family of a family man named Ed Walters who may or may not have lost his mind.

I recently received a message on Instagram from a guy that said that he worked for San Quentin for a year and he said that he worked alongside Charles A. worked alongside. I am obviously the hottest pin-up model for any man in prison because of my body. But he used to see Charles A. and he said, you know, he heard him talk a couple of times, of course, he wanted to check the access, but apparently in jail his nickname is the cheater. Don't play checkers with him. All right, welcome to the show, everyone. This is the last podcast on the left. I'm going to cancel. That's Marcus. It turns out he got him calling himself a cheater.

How would that sound like? All right, I'm a bit of what maybe people would actually call a cheater. Most fast with my cheating. You never make me the banker. Most, most undisciplined. You're a serial killer, right? Yeah. Okay. But I love Monapery. I like how wrong it takes to play. And I like how many different ways you could screw over your friends with it because people do not know what I bring to the game of Monapery.

Absolutely not. All right. Well, today's episode, I'm going to be making quite an acting debut on today's episode, playing a character called Ed. We're discussing the golf breeze incident. I'm going to say this is some of them. This is the most fun alien story I've heard easily because it's an actual human involved in it. Like it's an actual regular every man, every day dude. There were 18 humans involved in the Coronado group abduction, but they were also at a conference. So at the same time, that is not a mix. They were at a conference for UFOs. Yes.

It doesn't happen in the best Western. No, it was a very fancy hotel. I thought it was a best Western. The hotel Coronado is very, very fancy. I have been inundated with UFOs for the past two weeks. I'm so fucking excited to finally get this idea out of my brain. Christmas is over. Jesus Christ may have been an alien. He may have been some form of hybrid, or he was the last true human bloodline that would help fight against the normally going to black nobility. They were raised by their uptilling, but we're not going to get into that right now.

What chapter of the Bible was that in? Chapter one, verse three of farts. But the Gulf Breeze UFO sighting series happened in 1997 around Christmas time, so actually it's very appropriate to do it at this time of year. Absolutely. Is this our version of a holiday episode? I guess. Yeah.

Okay. So the Gulf Breeze sightings were a series of UFO encounters that were centered around a 40-year-old family man named Ed Walters that occurred in and around the small town of Gulf Breeze, Florida from November of 1987 until May of 1988. May 1st, 1988, when I was four years old. Isn't that very good? Yeah. And one of the sightings happened on January 19th, my fifth birthday.

It's all coming together. I get the feeling this guy wears socks with sandals. Doesn't he seem like a socks with sandals kind of guy? This is definitely a guy who's got those pants that are cargo shorts, but also pants, but have the zipper to make them short. It's perfect because in the winter time, you know, they're pants in the summer. You get it. No, well, many claim to have debunked this story completely and thoroughly.

Yes. We feel it is important and a hell of a lot more fun to cover it in its entirety from both sides, starting with Ed's own accounts from his book, the Gulf Breeze sightings. Him and his wife's book, Francis, they wrote it together. Part of that, I think, helps validate his story is that he had somebody that co-witnessed a lot of this shit, who also possibly was just witnessing her husband have a prolonged mental breakdown after faking a bunch of UFO sightings and then possibly then getting abducted for real, which I think is the story.

I think this is cute, though. Couples need things to grow over, to bond over. Yeah, exactly. And certainly writing a book is possibly one of those things. It could be that she is a witness, could be that she's an accomplice. We don't know. We don't know, but in the end, what is the difference between witness and accomplice? What is the witness to a crime?

In your quote-unquote, quote-unquote, quote-unquote. I will also say debunked as quote-unquote, because we're going to find in the second episode of this series that the debunking is just as dubious as the incidents themselves. Yeah, well, kind of sort of. No, well, you know, we could all talk about what real is and what real is not, and we could have a really long, almost boring conversation about that. This isn't the Clinton deposition here. Let's not argue about is and what is real and what's not.

So the first sighting came on the night of November 11th, 1987, as Ed was relaxing after a long day at work as a contractor. This guy was very normal. He was a family man. He was a foreman on a construction job. He was a contractor. He had his own business. He was a lot like John Wayne Gacy.

I was going to say that. Yes, he didn't like to have it, and that is true. He used to have movie nights with all of the bullies in the neighborhood. He used to come over, and they used to watch movies, and they play weird candle games, he called them. But at the same time, I don't think he was a molesty. No. I think that he was, he liked to imagine he was also still in high school

because those were his glory days. I do want to delve into what weird candle games are, but at the same time, I don't want to have Marcus have to edit. And so... They're not, nothing got stuck. He wasn't making candle labris. No, no, no, it was a... By the way, this show has ruined me.

They're doing construction on my street right now in Williamsburg, and I looked at all the construction workers, digging, and I was just like, which one of you? Which one? No hiding. Look for the one in charge. It's always the boss. So he was a very successful contractor.

His business was really up and coming, but he was a nerd. He was just like a guy that he would like to have kids over, and he was also a bit of a prankster, and he was like the guy that wanted to be cool to the high school kids. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So as Ed sat in his house, his 10-year-old daughter, 17-year-old son, and wife also at home,

Ed noticed a slight movement of light between the limbs of the pine tree that sat in the middle of his front yard. Now, they are also very close to an Air Force base. I believe it's in Pensacola. It's a naval base, actually. It's a naval base. Okay. And they have, so he's used to seeing lights outside.

Yeah. A lot of military aircraft is going over Gulf Breeze, but he happens to see something that is a little bit brighter and a little bit wider than he's used to. Kind of like if you accidentally walk in on a Roseanne bar while she's in the bomb. Roseanne bar joke. Thank you.

Good job. Wow. Thank you. Jay Leto? 1992. Maybe 1994 is Jay Leto. So, Ed walked out the front door and saw a glowing, blueish-gray object gliding through the sky like a cloud.

Now, Ed rushed back into his house to grab his Polaroid and took the first of dozens of pictures of the alien craft. Now, that's what makes this case specific. It's kind of like Billy Meyer, right? Billy Meyer went ahead and said he saw all these UFOs and they gave them special permission to take pictures of them. When you look at those pictures, they're obviously fake. Yes.

Now, these pictures are a little bit better. If they are fakes, they're a little bit better, but what you're going to see now is that this is kind of what this whole case is built on. It's up to, I believe it's 38 pictures that he took of various different locations of different UFOs. And he took these with a Polaroid camera. Now, for those of you who don't know what a Polaroid camera is,

it was very popular in... God, are we that old? Yeah. No, a lot of kids don't know what Polaroid cameras are. There's a song about shaking it. Shaking like a Polaroid picture. No idea what it is. That's an out guess.

That's an old reference in itself. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, dude, that song came out well over 10 years ago. That was 2003. That was 13 years ago. Will Carl Malone ever win a championship? I love Carl Malone. A Polaroid is a camera that would take a picture

and you would instantly have that picture. And in these days of Polaroid picture, you had to peel a film off where he's later Polaroid pictures. You just had to shake it and eventually the exposure would come into view. But what he was doing is he was taking immediate pictures of these.

So there's no time in the dark room. Yeah, because you see, Billy Meyer crafted those pictures by overlaying doing double, with either double exposure or doing these ideas where he would put these things together in a dark room.

And double exposure is possible on a Polaroid camera. Sure. It's just very difficult to do. So back to the US. But also a Polaroid was obviously used many times to take naughty pictures. It is the naughty picture camera.

If there is a picture that exists of your mother nude. It is Polaroid. It is probably a Polaroid. And if you ever had an opportunity to go to an outhouse and let's just say you dropped your keys and you're behind the old toilet there, you'll find a stack of your grandmother's old Polaroids.

And they are disgusting. Or you'll hear a push as the guy who owns the outhouse has been waiting for this moment. Now I got a picture of your asshole. That would be $7. I'm sending it to the newspaper. The newspapers are all clamoring

for a picture of your asshole, mister. I know because I had a dream about it. And that's what happened to the person who was picked up in the beginning of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You have $5. It's a good picture. What's the name of that character? Chop Top.

Well, he was known as the hitchhiker in the first one, but Chop Top in the second one. But yeah, exactly. That is the kind of picture, that is the kind of camera that he had. So back to the UFO. Ed said that it was a saucer type craft that seemed as big as a house,

but it made no external noise, no hum, no wind, no indication whatsoever that it was actually moving through the sky, nor did it spin like other saucers are said to do. But it's actually more common with UFO sightings to say it acts like it's dangles. The way they say it,

it's a string, which is also the problem with the idea of faking it, because if you're going to fake it, you're going to hang it by a string. But they say they bob. Sort of like a top. Imagine the inside of it is spinning. That's the idea, is that the inside,

there's an engine inside of it that is spinning in some way, shape or form, that is an anti-gravitational bullshit machine, that just allows it to sort of hop in the sky. Anti-gravitational bullshit machine. Now, in most respects, this is a fairly typical flying saucer.

It was dotted with what Ed described as portholes, some lit, some not, and there were horizontal lines surrounding the main body. About the portholes, they're not very clear in the pictures, because really, Polaroid cameras are kind of shitty. They're not good pictures. They're made for parties.

They're made for instant moments. They're not made for precision. It's a cool-ass picture, though. When you take a look at it, you just look up and it's like a freeze-UFO, and you're going to see a fuck ton of them. They're good. They're fun. They are really, really cool pictures. So the craft had four sections.

There was a small dome atop the large saucer with a thinner saucer stacked below that, two smaller rings of light below that, and finally, a large circular light on the bottom that was presumably the anti-gravitational bullshit machine. But it said it looked like lava

when you looked in the inside of it. It was weird sort of amorphous, kind of energy-ballish kind of thing like you'd saw in the middle of the spacecrafts from Independence Day. And on the top, strangely enough, it had the letters T-G-I-F. Interesting. And they just

dropped all of those twice-baked potato skins down. They shot into his mouth and he was like, That's a flavor sensation! It is. No, Ed pulled the camera up to take a second picture at the craft, moved in an instant and hovered above him. He said

at that moment, his body felt like when a crowd sees fireworks and they all breathe Ahhhh And at that time, Ed said Ahhhh Like when you see a firework? Yeah. Ahhhh Only when I see a firework, I'm like, It's a war! The war's happening again!

Pearl Harbor! Yeah, not to segue too much away here, but my grandmother used to watch fireworks with us and she would stand up and run away and her pants would fall down. I think I've told that story before. Well, I mean, actually what use is that she stood up and her pants fell down when she was screaming for you to

do well at the basketball game. Her pants fall down all the time. They fell down when she was sitting at the Waldorf. Is it a sexy thing? I don't actually know. Is that just a trick she learned in Germany? How to please the soldier? No, no, this is the American. So, she probably learned it in Germany also.

So, he said the feeling on his body was like when the whole crowd goes, Ahhhh but Ed said, My whole body was screaming, Very good, Tessel. Thank you. Now, suddenly Ed was struck by a blue beam

of light. He said it hit him like a compress, slightly squashing him to the ground just enough to keep him from moving. He tried to scream, but he said the sound was hollow and dead like a vacuum. Which I think is really interesting because also he said he went numb

and the way they describe being numb, because the various abduction scenarios they talk about when the aliens approach them, their whole bodies will go numb and it feels like that really hard pain, like when your foot goes numb, like full of like pins and needles, and it's all over your body. So, it's really very torturous.

Yeah, it is. And his whole body went numb except for his head. He said the pressure increased. Specifically, his brain felt like it was being squeezed, not his head internally. He said his brain felt

like it was being squeezed, and the right side of his forehead he said it felt like it had a knife stabbing through to the back of his eye socket. Sounds like he was being sat on by John Panette. Very good John. Very good John Panette.

Overweight comedian. Yeah, and that spot that's where he feels pain over and over again. For some reason. Henry, is there a reason why that spot in particular is that hemisphere of the brain that you could talk about this in detail if you want.

You know what I do want. There's a follow-up book to the Gulf Breeze sightings book that Ed Walters and Francis Walters wrote that's called UFO Abductions in Gulf Breeze that was also written by Ed Walters and Francis Walters. But we're going to find out is that he has been abducted several times in his childhood.

But that's a whole long story. If we're going to find anybody who's seen UFO sightings a lot of times that runs to the family, or it's a life long scenario, and a lot of that is the phantom pain, if you will, of what happens in countless abduction scenarios where a needle is put up the nose into the brain. And there's no reason why.

There's none whatsoever. I mean, if there is one that grays have it and they're not saying anything, because I think it's like the 14th spice on the Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's just something like if we told you we would ruin the surprise

it's like what's a surprise it's like we're making brain soup. That's a terrible surprise. It does seem like butt stuff in lobotomies. That's all the aliens come down here to do. I have a whole theory that I'll go into at some point. Can't wait for that.

Ed estimates that that pain lasted for about 20 seconds until it suddenly stopped just as he was being lifted off the ground. He was finally able to properly scream after which a voice spoke directly into his brain and said we will not harm you.

He said it sounded like Steven Hawkins. Isn't that something? He's gonna be out of this chair. I can walk. I can walk. Stand me up. I can walk. D.K. it is just a prank. I cannot walk.

This is on the floor. We thought you were serious. You're Steven Hawkins. Let me close her to the computer. Mike, I have to shit on chance. After Ed screamed again the voice said calm down. Will you please calm down? You are freaking me out. I know you are freaked out but at the same time

you're freaking all of us out. I don't know if it's offensive or not but it's a really good impression. Well yeah, it's even Hawkins. Ed was then hit with a distinct smell. It was a scent that he described as being a combination of ammonia and heavy

cinnamon that scorched and stuck to the back of his throat. It was incredibly nauseating. This is a smell that is true. Cinnamon? Yeah, ammonia and cinnamon. Cinnamon. Yes, it is a common smell

linked to grace. People talk about the smell of grace as being like burnt cinnamon all the time. There are things that he says that are details that run through other abduction scenarios that have been said again and again and again. There's a great book called Abductions by Dr. John Mack that says the same shit. All of them

and it's nauseating and it permeates their clothes. And so it's weird little things that he picks up all the time. Same thing with being numbed. Like that is a weird constant thing that people talk about when being abducted by aliens. I just can't stop thinking about the Spice Girls auditions and just some like heavy set do

with huge bush hair and a bikini. He's like, I'm ammonia and cinnamon. Who wants to be in the group? Debbie Mazer looks very different these days. Ed struggled further. The voice slowly said Stop it.

Stop it. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself? Again, very true to many abduction scenarios where aliens beg because people are going like freaking out. And aliens don't have to be like stop it, stop it. We need to get

you into the ship. We're trying to do something with you. Everybody wants to just be like relax. And to which Ed replied Screw you. This is fun. I love acting. It's a totally different person. That's what I feel like. You need to be a character.

Screw you. It's so much better than being yourself. Yeah, because I didn't actually say screw you. No, Ed said it. That is fun. And he said that in a show of bravado that we will all become very familiar with. And it was especially impressive as Ed claims he was

now two feet off the ground. And the voice then switched to a more pleasant female tone asking him essentially to relax. And an unpleasant hum started to fill his head which Ed compared to a hand vibrator being pressed

against his skull. What's a hand vibrator? I was wondering what a hand vibrator was. Is that like one of those like head massage or things that were just essentially migraine makers? No, you put it in your pussy. Yeah, I think it's a vibrator that slips onto your hand that you can use to give back massages.

There's a lot of back massage products that look like dicks. It's 1987. Everything was disguised but it was all about keeping mommy and daddy together until 1995. They were all sex toys that were invented in the late 80s to keep all of our parents together. Yeah, my mom, well I'm not going to say it,

but it seems like they have balls on them sometimes. They're like we'll just call it a back massager. It's a back massager and the ball part of it. That's called a rest. That's how you rest it upright. Oh, I see. And then after that, something really weird happened. Inside

his head, Ed started getting visions of dogs. Just dog after dog after dog, like pictures in a book. And each picture came with unintelligible words written underneath. Were the dogs talking? Yes, it was like Milo and Otis.

Oh my god. It was very cute. Honestly, that is connected to a vision that he had. There's a whole other. In the second episode, we got into the various abductions that Ed believes happened to him. And the first one, when he was seven years old, involves a dog. Yes, it does. It's very strange.

Now, Ed continued to struggle despite the dog pictures, which were presumably meant to calm him down until finally the aliens just gave up, turned off the blue tractor beam and dropped Ed from four feet up. And after recovering from the initial shock, Ed collected the

Polaroids he'd taken and found his wife who before anything else asked him what the hell that awful smell was. Yes. And so she went and washed his clothes immediately. And he was like, I got this new fucking stank ass weed, girl. The nugs are so thick it makes my eyebrows curl. And she's like,

that's great. That's great. You know, you have a family still. I think you should have washed his own clothes. Thank you. That's very progressive. It's not the woman's job to wash clothes. It's the laundry machines. Now, as we're going to see throughout this series, if the Gulf Breeze sightings

are real, personally, I think we're dealing with the B team aliens here because they don't really seem to be all that good at it. Like they can never get their tractor beam to work. Half the time they don't even get the language right and they get photographed like 30 times. I have a theory that counters

this. Okay. That I do believe it extends from the hybrid the hybrid program that they're trying to build. I think they have a hard time staying in this reality if in fact your idea of a quote unquote conventional alien from a quote unquote distant star system arrived here in a quote

unquote sort of air machine. Who are they? I was talking about the aliens. Oh, the aliens. If you do believe that aliens are from another planet and they come here in a physical machine and they abduct us, then that's one thing. Then yes, sure, maybe it's B team. Maybe it's the

bad news bears and up there, maybe that's where Walter Mathau went when he died. He's on the hail-bop version but he's surrounded of all these ugly girls. Why did we get such a grumpy old man up here? He's teaching us about love and life. But I do believe that a part of the hybrid

program, the reason why they're stealing our salmons and our eggs and impregnating our women against our will. Not good. What they're trying to do is they're trying to gain a more strong hold in our reality. They cannot stay in this reality if they are really truly interdimensional creatures. What they're doing is raping us

and making new versions of us that are more stable here. And so these things come through. It's like looking at scrambled cable. Which children that listen to the show also don't understand. Which is an idea that used to be a hovering point between cable channels if you didn't have them. And sometimes you could see

a booby on them if you're looking at porno. Yes, Spice is so good. Playboy 2 is the Jenny McCarthy special. We didn't get Playboy in my town there. Well, yeah. Poor? No, Christian. Good moral people. So I think that maybe have something

to do with it. We'll get into this further. So what do they need the bucket to come for? To make new human slash gray babies that can hold a straw. They can be stronger in reality. Makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I'm gonna say it makes sense so we stop talking

about it. Thank you. You and Natalie do that. That's good. Well, I think we've learned how to deal with you. No, Ed, instead of quietly forgetting the whole thing ever happened, he decided to take the photos to the sentinel, the local newspaper, but as he was a family man

and a local business leader to boot, he decided to submit the photos and the story under the pseudonym Mr. X. Well, apparently he also brought them to a young kid named Tommy Smith that we'll go later. We will find in the debunking part of these of this series, like

was a part of his quote unquote undoing. We said, well, you go and bring these to the newspaper for me and he was like, no, stop talking to me, you 40 year old man. He went and he brought them under a pseudonym saying like my friend brought me this this to me. Mr. X brought them to me in order to bring them to you because he knows

that I have a connection to Dwayne who was the editor in chief and when those those photos came out, it was like fine. It was like a curiosity. It's fine. I mean, it's a good day for the sentinel. There's not a lot of what it's a South Florida news. Where is a Gulf breeze? Is it South

Florida? No, it is at the very top of the panhandle. It's right by Alabama and it's like we're on the west coast of Florida. Well, the theory holds true. Not a lot was going on there. No, so the sentinel was thrilled to get these pictures. Oh, yeah, well enough money would run them.

Yeah, it's a town of like 6000, right? Yeah, it's pretty small. Now, Ed had been ruminating on the first abduction for about nine days before the aliens came again. And in the meantime, he got a little pissed off about the whole deal. This is what he wrote about the half fast abduction he gone through the week before

it had tried to take me against my will. Had someone said, hey, Ed, want to go for a ride? I might have agreed to go. But forced me to obey, lift me off the road, freeze my body solid, treat me like an ant or a dog. No way. Not in this country. It's unamerican. It's unamerican.

Unamerican. And then I was Ed. And now for the listeners, I'm Ben. You see, this is character work. That was so good. But it's still kind of similar to you still. Like, I mean, this is like almost like I don't know how to act. Yes. On November

20th at 4 30 p.m. Ed came home, walked in the front door, announced his presence to the household. Hello family of Americans. Let me do it. Hello family of Americans. And he noticed a slight ringing in his right

ear like tinnitus. And the ringing got louder and louder until it turned into a full on maddening hum like the hand vibrator. Much worse than the one he'd experienced the first time. And again, the right front of his brain was the focal point. And his wife

who had found him struggling to stand up in the kitchen held him up. And at this point, Ed thought he might be losing it worried that he had picked up some kind of alien disease or suffering from what he called quote UFO

madness. That's better than reefer madness. Is that what I have? You might be. I have literally been reading nothing but alien books for about a month. Yeah, I read both of the golf breeze books and the abductions book and another

Jacques Valais book. Am I insufferable? I think it's good that you're reading. Yes. Yeah, that's good. No, this is how you always are. Yeah, you have a madness. Yeah, this is no different. Do you feel like you're different right now than you always are? I feel like I'm cooler, calmer, more collected.

I think people look up to me more. I'm an adult. Yeah. So as Ed was pulling himself together, he heard a blast of air like a bus releasing its airbrakes. After the noise came the same voice from the first encounter, the male one, but this time it was

soft and spoke in what Ed guessed was an African dialect. Mama Africa. Oh my god, is that Peter Dush? He guessed it was an African dialect. I love it. He could be speaking fluent Spanish. She's like

that's an African dialect. No, the voice would pause then continue again as if Ed was only hearing half of the conversation. Wait, that's Jamaican. What? Sounds like an African dialect to me. I don't know. And there's Ed. That's Ed. That wasn't Ben.

Now Ed listened as he picked up his camera, walked out to his front yard and yelled, I hear you, you bastard! The voice. The voice stopped and a rush of air blasted Ed as he looked upward to see a small speck of light

fall at high speed towards him. The voice started speaking English and said, Be calm, step forward. And when Ed raised his camera up to take a picture the voice said, Don't do that. Then the female voice interjected and said, Please don't do that. And then the third voice

said, Los votos son prohibito. Very good. I spent a week in Puerto Rico. You're getting rubbed off. Nice. I really wish you could take some of the shoe polish off your skin while you're sitting here on the radio. You can't see this because of course we're on a podcast.

The female voice came back and told Ed that he couldn't expose him, that they won't hurt him and that they just wanted to run a few tests to which Ed said, If I want to be examined I'll let you know. I want to be examined. No, I would

like to be examined. He was like one step away from getting a leg lamp. Now Ed snapped another picture as the UFO shot over to his right, possibly to escape the camera's view, although it's never really clear why they didn't just take the goddamn thing away from him if they were

so worried about pictures being taken. And the voice came back and told Ed to step forward so he could be taken aboard to which Ed said What gives you the right? And the aliens replied simply We have the right. And here is where I think it gets

kind of interesting. This is interesting. This is an interesting part. Point dog meat. I don't allow you to have it. No. It's a point. Yes. Now let's presuppose for a moment that President Dwight D. Eisenhower did in fact sign a tree with the grays in 1954 giving them the right

to experiment and run tests on Americans in exchange for advanced technology. I don't know whether or not I will definitely say it did happen. The more of the question is when was the treaty signed? I mean did they specify only anal and nasal? Now here's what I'm thinking. Okay. This answers that question.

If that is true then this could be the right that the aliens were talking about. The right to experiment. Furthermore I'm just spitballing here. It could be that the 1954 treaty was renegotiated sometime in the late 80s to tone

down the method of abduction which is why their methods seemed so weak. It could be that with the release of communion the previous year it could be that the government was finally getting win of what these aliens were actually doing to American citizens and stepped in to tone down

all the butt business. And Oliver North was the one responsible for selling arms to the aliens benefiting the Iranians. But honestly you don't think that J. Edgar Hoover would have been like I think we could maybe up this butt business. I'm wearing my skirt

just telling you. I honestly think but this is the ongoing conversation about UFOs though in my mind with myself is that this is the break between our physical are UFOs a physical phenomenon or they completely a psychic

phenomenon? If the idea is like a dream logic that if it's really an interdimensional experience these aliens are maybe right on top of us they don't come from another fucking star system they're right here right and they're just kind of fading it out like weird like signals. We've got a nerd alert. We've got a nerd alert.

I haven't done that in a long time. It's the truth. I don't know if it's about their words. Jacques Villay listen to me. This is how you go crazy on a subway. But I'm recorded now technically we're doing this for money. So this is my job now. I hope that makes it better

or worse. Thank you everyone for your support on Patreon. Thank you so much. It allows me to do this. Jacques Villay wrote about the idea that they are a psychic phenomenon. Maybe the whole point of UFOs and the abduction scenarios and the sighting scenarios is that it's supposed to make us question the nature of reality.

That is like the maybe it's not about aliens or spacecraft or the experiments they do and it's all about what is real and what is not real. And that was the thing that we are constantly struggling with as human beings and then it's an example of that. So if it's

there to make us question the reality who is asking us to question reality? Ourselves. This conversation is 20 more seconds. Okay blow my fucking brains out. Alright so are you saying that it is some unconscious aspect of the collective unconsciousness

that is asking us to question reality? 10 seconds to answer. 10 seconds to answer. The whole point is that the two ideas are supposed to exist at the same time. You're supposed to consider a physical actuality and a psychic actuality at the same time even though technically they cross each other.

You have to hold both ideas in your mind and that's what reality is. It's hovering on the knife point between if I think about it I make it real and if I touch it it's then real. Okay so I'm just going to wrap it all up with subway sandwiches. They still have the $5 footlong. Why are you doing this? Even though the $5 footlong is $7 they still

have the $5 footlong and people pay $7 for a $5 footlong. That is reality. Let the idea hover in your mind at uncomfortable dissonance of reality. It's an obvious lie because you're paying $7 for a $5 footlong. Actually Ben you do kind of get it. I do get it. That's why I just brought it back to a subway football.

That's a marketing lie. That is a marketing lie but that's a reality. $5 footlongs are $7. It could be that these are psychic phenomenon. It could be that these guys are working under new Eisenhower treaty rules or

it could be that they're working under the old rules. These guys are trainees. They're not very good at it. They're just still working out what it is that they're trying to do. Case in point. When Ed refused to step forward to be taken aboard the aliens

tried the whole image thing once again. Look at the dogs. Look at the dogs. But this time it was naked ladies. Yeah. If that alien became like the strip club, if the alien spacecraft became like the strip club from

Beetlejuice. I think they should have just done naked dogs. I love a good shave dog. They're cute even without the fur. That is very true. Or sometimes if they shave the body but leave the head all over. That's the baby cut.

It looks like little furry cocks. No like lions. They look like lions. I think lions look like big furry cocks. I think everything to you seems like a big cock. Or a pussy. Weird. So these naked ladies by Ed's account covered all the bases.

Every type of woman of every race with some pregnant women thrown in there just in case he was into that. Dragon robe. That's like two ladies. You didn't get me. I like amputees. Needless to say this didn't entice Ed any more than the dogs did.

It just freaked him out. As Ed was still struggling the UFO voice said. We will come for you. And the UFO flew away into the darkness as Ed snapped one more Polaroid picture. By this point the story in the local

newspaper started to gain a little bit of steam. Of course it's a small town thing so it starts off as a curiosity and then one guy talks to another guy about it and then the next guy exaggerates a little bit more and the next guy exaggerates a little bit more and then by this time the entire town is talking

about it. Some guys, you know, of course some guys are making sex jokes, you know, the whole alien probe thing. There's even some guys that are saying that it's the work of the devil that the demons are coming down finally to pass judgment on earth. Everybody in town had an opinion on it. Well people are taking pictures.

There are other pictures that pop up during this time period. There's other videos of the UFOs and Gulf Breeze that pop up during the time period. That's a part of what makes this Gulf Breeze so big in the world of UFOs because technically yes it quite possibly could be a gigantic mass hallucination of a bunch of people wanting

to get in on what is a big fun current story. And also it was right next to a naval base so a lot of these pictures that people were taking were just regular airplanes. Or a bunch of people were seeing this UFO and then it's just about how you look at it. It depends on what you want out of the story. Or

it could be that Ed actually did take these pictures and these pictures are real but it could be that he was just taking pictures of an experimental aircraft of course. And he just kind of filled in the blanks of the whole alien story. I mean either way this is the most

exciting conversations that's happened in Gulf Breeze ever since like one kid made it to the majors. Yes exactly. But honestly though if it is an experimental craft why the fuck is it flying over Gulf Breeze? Because it was right next to the naval base. That makes no sense.

That's where they were experimenting. There's a lot of examples. Like the Montauk experiment. That took place in Plain View. Nah but that's a poor shit too. They don't know what that is. It's all in the desert. All of those planes are flying around in the fucking New Mexico and Arizona. That's where all those deep dark secrets

like Dulce and all that stuff is all happening out there. But what if it's a sea craft and they needed to test it on the sea. Because they don't be in the water. Well it's gotta go out of the water though sometimes. What if it's like in and out of the water. Then it should be that's aircraft. But no no no actually that would be the Navy.

Because the Navy has airplanes too. I don't think they're going to be running these texts in front of Gulf Breeze. They know all these people a bunch of yokels with big mouths. David Robinson was in the Navy. He was the center for the Spurs. I remember the Spurs. So on the night of December 2nd 1987 12 days since

the second sighting Ed was woken up in the middle of the night. But by what he thought was his pool pump still running in his backyard. He was back asleep deciding to just take care of it in the morning. Ed heard the sound of a baby crying. I like in the book he's just like baby crying.

We don't have a baby. Weird. Now along with the baby Ed also heard voices but soon realized that once again the voices were coming from inside his own head. The voices were speaking Spanish which Ed had learned from living in Costa Rica for four years.

Part of his weird checkered past is that they just for some reason lived in Costa Rica for three years. The way they said is that they wanted to take in the sights of Costa Rica or take a break from America for a while. Which in my head means they were hiding from something. A lot of people take breaks in Costa Rica.

Organic farming and things like that. I don't connect with Francis a little bit. The voices that he heard a male and a female were unaware that Ed was tuned in and he said that it sounded as if they were coming through a blown out speaker. For Ed's part he was now on the floor next to the bed.

This time he wasn't defenseless. He, like any good American, now had a gun within arms reach wherever he went. After the second sighting he loaded up his whole fucking house. He bought a bunch of new guns. He was saying if these aliens are going to come

and get me next time I'm going to put a fucking bullet in their head. We come in peace then you're like and you leave in pieces. Now his bedtime gun was a.32 caliber pistol that by his nightstand a gun that he at that moment reached up

from the floor and grabbed. By this time his wife Francis had woken up and was now down on the floor with him. Again the slight rush of air came and the low hum began signaling that another encounter was about to take place. Ed, not having learned his lesson yet

started to crawl on his knees towards his front door gun in hand with his wife following behind on her hands and knees as well. She wakes up to him being like he's fumbling around grabbing the gun she has no idea what's going on. He's like come with me. She's following him into the kitchen with a gun.

He's got the gun. She's not seen these UFOs yet. She's going along with it. Yes, and that is a good partner. I agree. She's an amazing wife. He's acting like that character from The Burbs. Do you remember that? This whole story is The Burbs and we're going to get into that

at the end of this episode. Now Ed opened the front door onto the porch. Francis understandably stayed behind to watch his back. And Ed shout whispered at their dog Crystal who is an overprotective Spitz who barked with the slightest provocation but was mostly silent during the

alien encounter. Christ, stop! Christ, stop! Christ, stop, buddy! Christ, stop! Christ, stop! Christ, stop! Do your shit! Christ, get up and do some shit! The neighbor just peeks through the blinds and be like the Walters are at it again.

And he's screaming like, ah, come and get me you bastard! And I'm like, Christ, I'll put a gun waving around their gun in fucking backports at night screaming at his dog. Honey, what's Ed doing? He's waving the gun around in the sky. Well, as long as he's got a hobby. That's fine.

Now as he was doing that, and the dog for some reason refused to wake up but the dog was definitely still alive. The dog was fine. It reminds me of what about Bob when Richard Dreyfus was trying to wake him up in a TV interview and then the alarm goes off and he's like, oh, hey.

And now I like, as you get older you realize Richard Dreyfus' character was right that whole time. Bill Murray is crazy. Bill Murray is a dangerous psychopath. Yes. So after that a soft glow came out of the darkness directly overhead going from the size

of a dime to about half the size of his pool in only two seconds. And this goes to the weird cartoonish reality that happens with these sightings and when people talk about close encounters with aliens and UFOs and then he said he reminded him of a Looney Tunes cartoon because it was like eee-weep

and it just like showed up right in front of him and like popped. Kind of fun. And his wife saw this also. So this is the first time they've both seen it together. So Ed Haldass back into the house slammed the door shut and locked it. The UFO voice commanded Ed to step forward but instead of obeying

Ed grabbed his camera from the kitchen and went back outside. The way he keeps saying it just sounds like he's at the DMV. Right. And once he got outside he just kept running from like windscreen to windscreen like he was a secret agent holding a camera and a gun.

God he's having a great time. This is so much fun. He is having a blast. Because you know in the burbs Tom Hanks was having so much fun that whole time. I mean he's scared but it's nice to feel something besides pure boredom. Yeah it's nice that he's just not a contractor anymore. Suddenly

he is a UFO hunter. Suddenly he is very special. And that is also you know like I've seen people bring up that point before UFO researchers that you know you may ask like why would someone like Ed Walters who's a family man he's 40 years old he's got two kids

he's a contractor he's got a good job he's got a pretty good life why would he make this up? And it's pretty much the same thing how it's like when truck drivers and moms get into doing crystal math. They're innocently like when a little kid

likes to fantasize that they're adopted. Their parents aren't their real parents their parents are king and queen somewhere. It's adding drama to a life. To a boring life. Very very boring. It's exciting and you know like I think with all these alien you know abduction

stories the truth is these people really do they react as if it's real. So is it. We'll see how this he does get pretty god damn scared. Yeah he does. So Ed once outside going from wind screen to wind screen he finally found the right one and took

picture number 10 as the craft's bottom light turned from white to orange before the UFO once again disappeared into the night. Ed finally realizing that the noise he thought was the pool pump was actually the UFO hum. He went through the house

and unplugged any appliance that might give off any hum whatsoever. The fridge, the aquarium, pump, the central heater everything. Because Ed knew that the hum every time he heard it an encounter was about to happen. Now also remember he's got two young

kids in the house. 17 and 10. They're watching his father lose his fucking mind. Yeah he's acting like a schizophrenic. And also he is telling them about this shit. They don't know about what's going on like he's trying to keep it quiet but in a way that he wants everybody to know that he's going through shit

he's like very publicly in the middle of his house being like MY BREED in front of his children. It is 10 and 7 10 and 17. You know the 17 year old is frantically filling out college applications. Just like so desperate to get out and the 10 year old is like home is pretty cool.

But the 17 year old he actually gets in on it. He starts joining his father and thinks it is a great time. Well yeah well they're going to find out after the fact. Because now the whole town including their high school is buzzing with these UFO fucking all these beautiful rumors

Ed is technically not yet named as the guy who's the center of all these UFO sightings are. But it's kind of getting known that that is what's happening because people are seeing his weird behavior everywhere. Yeah there's like three people who know and there are people starting to

notice that like when they bring up the UFOs to Ed he just changes the subject. He's the only guy in town who doesn't want to talk about it. But at the same time he's leaving that sent to the copy of the Sentinel he leaves it in his truck when he drives from contract place to contract place he's showing people the article. Have you read

this? It's very strange because it's like he wants to be hidden but also he likes the importance of being the center of the UFO sightings. Yeah it's pretty cool. So that same night just a few hours later at 3 30 a.m. Crystal finally did her goddamn job and barked but

just once enough to wake up Ed. Yeah in the single bark that was what alarmed him because Spitz is their barky little fuckers. Let's hear an example of a Spitz freaking out over a squirrel. And this is just a squirrel. This isn't even a fucking

alien crack. It's not. This is part of the crack research that your Patreon money pays for and we want to thank you for it. It's cute. Yeah but imagine just one of those like this. It's the verbal equivalent of just loose leaf paper.

If loose leaf paper could make a noise. It's like the dog from the Grinch that stole Christmas. Cute dog. Good movie. So the noise of the single bark told Ed that something was up. So he took his pistol and his camera and went through the French doors that go from the master bedroom to a screened in porch

that overlooked the pool. That's very common in Florida. It's called a lanai. Now am I accurate in describing his what he's wearing as white underwear. Yes. White socks. A beard like Randy Quaid. I imagine he's wearing like one of those like it's Miller time shirts. Right.

And he's got short shorts on and weird adidas. Most of the time he is in his underwear. He does talk about this quite a bit. And I imagine stocky sort of thick thighs. Yes. He's a contractor. So Ed walked out into the porch, pulled the draw cord on the blinds

and staring at him through the glass was a four foot tall gray. He was wearing a dark grayish black box like thing that hid most of his body. He was also wearing a helmet with a clear insert that revealed big black eyes.

And in its hand the alien held a glowing silver rod. I thought you were going to say a copy of the sentinel. Have you read the paper? I made the big time. This is actually common also again with grays. A lot of times they are seen wearing little

outfits. We have now in communion, when people made the movie of communion they always make aliens to be nude for some reason. But in actuality these grays are oftentimes seen with either silver little jumpsuits on or fun little capes. But his

have little boxy armor on and white hair. So it's sort of like their version of Fubu for us bias. Because in my head it was an American apparel but then I imagine it's just an alive 17 year old maybe 18 year old alien

female with bush hair sticking out of the side of his costume. We'll go with Uniqlo. Now upon seeing it Ed naturally screamed and fell backward but the alien didn't react nor did the alien react when Ed pointed the pistol at him.

Ed said the creature only stared at him with sad curious eyes. And that was also when the Mufon investigators later showed up to start helping them investigate these UFO sightings. They said that was one detail that Ed said specifically about this alien sighting that they thought made it real.

He said that the eyes were very wet looking. Is it possible it was just a boy scout? What if he was just an Asian boy scout? It might be. Now the scream woke up Francis who also swears to seeing the alien

in the flesh. But the creature instead of coming in or signaling any greeting whatsoever simply turned to the left and walked out of the couple's view. This made Ed angry. In his usual indignant manner Ed got up from the floor to unlock the deadbolt

and passage lock to chase after the creature so he could tell him what for. Thing was Ed said it was impossible for him to open both locks without using both hands so he set down the gun and the camera to do so but forgot to pick up

either one before going after the creature which is why he has pictures of the craft but not pictures of the creature. That's a crucial moment there. It was definitely a buzzer a buzzer shot that he fucked up. Get that camera out there. So Ed ran out onto the porch

with the intention of capturing the creature to do God knows what with it but as he approached the alien the blue beam came back in a flash from the sky and froze Ed's right leg. The beam then began to lift Ed off the ground leg first up towards the craft

which had suddenly appeared 50 feet above him and Ed, thinking quickly grabbed onto the screen door jam and Francis who was watching the whole thing from the French doors grabbed Ed's arms and pulled until he was finally free the beam disappeared

the UFO hovered away and the creature skittered out through the chain link fence Literally they said it walked like Mac and mead out the fence but he said they got back in the house they looked up out the window and they watched it go like the UFO went zip up zip bounced out

to a field that was like past their house out on the middle of the field they watched the thing go blue beam shot down he grabbed the Polaroid camera took picture of it the infamous picture of his with the alien craft the blue beam kind of come out of the side of it

that is where he took that picture after the fact so I don't understand how weak these beams are he's out there acting like a drunk rock cat he's got one leg up in the air the neighbors have to be like what's Ed doing looks like he's not sober again and then he finally takes the picture how is the beam so weak it can't lift up this one person

I am B team I am saying that it hovers in and out of what is real to us that is a it is a hard everything involving the incident it's like a dream it's like a living dream they don't know what to deal with it so it's like it may be not seen by other people

you're literally just watching maybe hang upside down without seeing anything else if you're looking at it from the outside there are very few people who have seen abductions actually happen there's a little bit of like people have seen people floating out of buildings but that's also of course heavily debunked all the time because then you just believe in somebody's crazy word

over your word and everybody else you're not as crazy as everybody else you know what you have lost your mind now three days later the aliens showed up in a different craft similar to the first but much larger this is when the aliens finally decided

to give Ed their own little pet name for him they called him Zejas that's a way cool name now there's some it's like the name of the kid that was that was the heart on captain planet hmm what's the name

malaki captain planet was propaganda I hated that show from day one fair and balanced there is some speculation as to why the aliens chose the name Zejas the one that makes the most sense is that Zejas

I don't know if this makes the most sense actually this does make the most sense because the aliens you know they were speaking Spanish I don't know if they were speaking Spanish well it's possible and this is the most plausible one I think and if Ed made it up himself then it's fairly clever like the most

sense that Zejas makes is that Zejas is close phonetically to Zejas but I believe it's Zejas no it's Zejas does it mean one with shit in his underwear no it means eyebrows yeah and Ed had very prominent eyebrows

good very good creative name yeah it's very great yeah and if that came up with a Dick Tracy villain name that they had for him it really does the whole eyebrows down there like it's a gross mode so with your arch villain power don't got one I can look like I'm being

mysterious that's a good power to have yeah and if Ed came up with it like I said you know it's pretty clever and I also got to say like even if this whole thing is even if Ed made up this entire thing Ed and Francis they made it up together this one hell of a story it's very fun like it's a really fun

story and Ed you know he ain't a half bad writer but either way Ed said that the aliens showed up again in the middle of the night told him do not resist stay where you are we will not harm you etc etc pretty standard alien stuff but this time they added something new

you are in danger and to this Ed responded by pointing his pistol at the UFO and saying come and get me come and get me come to America oh god I love Ed and again

that was Ed so there was a flash and the UFO left once more and we'll be back next week with squirty liquid terror on the highway and the boys remove fawn on part two of the gulf breeze sightings

part two of the gulf breeze sightings is definitely the burbs you got a bunch of idiots all like bumbling around the small Florida town chasing after UFOs it's a lot of fun if it's not real who gives a shit and you can thank us for putting the word squirty liquid terror on the highway you're great for the first time ever

squirty liquid but I really do think that this is a story like you can completely believe that all this is fake if you want to you can believe the pictures are fake if you want to keep your job you won't talk about it at work you won't do that but a part of the UFO phenomenon which is

does keep me up at night which is the hovering between what is real and what is not real and I believe that they are abducted does that make it less real than if they were not actually abducted but if they still have the symptoms and the memories of being abducted

then technically it happened good point who knows I'm just gonna say good point okay because we have to stop the thing I just think about it all the time all the time we need to really we have to we should just do one day where we just talk and don't mention aliens

we'll do it tomorrow discussion topic of all time and no one wants to talk about it because they're too afraid of getting too close to the truth maybe it's not real it might not be real we talked about our credit scores before the show we did and those are also made up

but you know at least a little bit more but then we have to consider them real right money's the same exact way there are like calculations and like figures but that's just because that's how long we have to believe in the lie we've believed in the lie for so long now it's real

now you're being insulted now you've become full circle now you're one of those people you put me in a corner at homonym where we've reached nothing makes me more dangerous than being placed in the only way the only way out is fighting

that's right no in no way are you gonna go down a rabbit hole that you won't be able to get out of and your career will take a turn for the worst so this is good I can't wait for golf breeze part 2 fascinating stuff alright so let's do what do we do now

we say thank you for listening we say thank you for listening thanks so much to everybody who gave to our Patreon remember if you give to our Patreon even $1 every single person who gives to our Patreon gets first crack at almost

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for giving to us it is truly we have truly got to a life changing point here and we are adding we are changing the format of our live show and Boston is gonna get the first run of that in an experiment and I'm excited now Boston is January 6th Boston is January 7th January 7th

we've got Boston January 7th cavecomedyradio.com slash live is where you can find all of those tickets and these live shows are such a fun communal event everyone gets together and we just get to hang out in each other's company it's really really nice and it's so fun to talk to you guys after the show and no one's attempted to shoot

one of us in the head yet don't even throw that idea out there that's what I always say oh and speaking of heads I want to think I did not get to personally thank the person who gave me the conjoined baby twin heads in Seattle so thank you so much whoever it was I don't know your name but thank you so much it is going to be

a centerpiece in Binding Carolina's new apartment I cannot wait. I thanked him on Abelian's Toppat this week but I want to thank Mr. Weber for giving me the Vladimir Putin calendar for 2017 it's very nice and thanks so much for sporting all the shows here on CCR we're doing great Abelian's Toppat

Abelian's Toppat for everything politics Roundtable of Gentlemen page 7 for all your entertainment needs let's see sex and other human activities if you want to hear Henry's sister talk about sex and other human activities it is mostly a mental health advice podcast it's changed quite a bit because Jackie's

activities have changed but of course and I like to think Elliot Stephens in Portland who helped saved our ass when we left I don't know if you remember this because you were in a different frame of mind no I was seeing an alien we left a bag in their car

they came back and helped us thank you thank you so very much and I've also got a new project going on over on Spotify I can't do the lucky bone show anymore I don't have time but I am doing weekly playlist on my Spotify called the lucky bone list yeah I know

I know right so we're gonna be doing that every single week and yeah go follow me on Spotify to get those playlists well yeah thank you for carrying my drunk body home yeah that was fun that was nice you were very good and you were very thankful I have to be thankful because they got us to our hotel

yes it was very nice Hale Satan follow us on stupid Instagram at LP on the left follow me on Instagram at Dr. Fantasty Twitter at Henry loves you yeah I'm at Ben Kizzle on Instagram Ben Kizzle 1 on Instagram Ben Kizzle on Twitter Marcus Parks is Marcus Parks for everything

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