Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 253: The Gulf Breeze Sightings Part II - Gary, Don, and Bob

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

It's time for the boys from MUFON on today's Last Podcast as we wrap up our two parter on the Gulf Breeze Sighting! Listen in to hear of Ed's final abductions, his repressed sperm-milking abductions, and the city council election that finally brought the whole thing crashing down. Casa Bossa Nova Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Uh-oh. Every time I hear the word hum now, I'm like, yeah, they're common, slightly horrified. It's kind of like that Tuvian throat singing.

Yeah, that's right. It's like, is he too, is this guy Tuvian throat singing or is he some, he's sucking some senator's cock. That's the difference, really. All right, what was this? It seems like a strange song. I'm all right, Golf Freeze, part two, that's what we're on to right now. So we're going to hear some more amazing voice acting from yours, truly, which I cannot

wait. Oh, absolutely. Oh yeah, this has been Kissel's, I guess, acting follow-up. It's a W, part two. I would say if this could be awarded any sort of award performance, I would give you a Cable Ace Award. Oh, wow. I forgot.

For best mid-level shouting. Thank you so much, man. That really means a lot. Do you remember those? Yes, I just remembered that when you mentioned Cable Ace Awards. The guy from Dream On had like nine of them. You do get the feeling Ed was like, that was the only award show he watched. This is the only one that's legitimate.

It's cool because it's shaped like playing cards. All right, so let's get into this crazy story some more. So 12 days had passed since Ed's fifth encounter, but the next time, he would come out of the experience with something much more tangible than just pictures. Juice. Ooh. Piles and piles of juice. We have the orange stuff, purple stuff.

What's this? Oh, this is, goddammit, it's alien cum. Oh, why is it always like, ugh. So two hours after Ed and Francis went to bed on December 17th, 1987, Ed was awoken by a white flash inside his head as if the light was coming from behind his eyeballs, whiting out his vision. Have you ever had that before, the sound of a loud banging in the back of your head? Yeah.

It's called, what is it called? It's got explosive head syndrome. Like literally. Explosive head syndrome. Something like that or exploding head. Exploding head syndrome. It's a cool album name. Whatever it is.

Great album name. I think it happens to athletes on a regular basis when they get knocked unconscious. So Ed managed to open his eyes and beside his bed were three dark figures barely visible with more shadowy figures moving towards the foot of the bed. Ed shot up and tried to speak, but no words came. Can you do it, Kissel? Very good. Ed?

That was me. No, but that was Ed. I'm confused. I'm so good. But I was reading this. Now is this sleep paralysis? It's very possible that his bedtime encounters are sleep paralysis. That is a possibility.

Yes. We can't just always throw every single alien abduction scenario into the fucking sleep paralysis bucket. All right? It's a big bucket. So the figures when Ed tried to speak, they turned quickly but deliberately and that is how he said that they always move. They moved very quickly, but very deliberately.

All right. All right. All right. All right. We heard there's a sale at Arby's at 6-4-1 to cut the cheese ones. They're fun aliens though. They are fun. They're super fun.

So they turned left and left the room. Ed attempted to grab one of the figures on their way out, but the same intense hum from before hit him and he slumped over the foot of the bed. Swoom. And literally it hit him and he dropped and that's when Francis woke up. You guys have been watching him go like wrestle with his own blankets. And she just must be like, where's she wrestled with me like he was wrestling with those blankets? So this is their weapon.

There's this hum weapon. Is that all they're armed with down here? It's not necessarily a weapon. Sometimes it's used as a weapon. Sometimes it's used as an antenna of sorts. The hum is very nebulous. He doesn't ever quite nail down what the hum is or what the hum is used for. Sometimes Neil Young uses it as warm up when he's playing his little harmonica.

The guy that makes all the mouth noises that don't worry, be happy song, do you think that all this was beta testing for a home ferry? Harp. Disimpo agent. That's what he is. Could be. So in the background of the noise that Ed described as standing at the foot of a gigantic waterfall, he heard a sound that had the tone of the UFO voice that sounded like the high and low

tones of music being fast forwarded on a tape recorder. He had composed himself, grabbed his camera, left the gun behind, and went outside. The UFO was hanging in the air before him, an edge shot photo number 13. Suddenly, the power source at the bottom of the craft squirted out steam and a kind of strange liquid. What is that? Is that a UFO or is that a Roseanne bar up there? That is a funny joke.

See? Jay Leno. Wow. Is she a squirter? I have no idea. We're not going to get into that conversation. So Ed gathered up the liquid from the ground and placed it in a plastic butter tub and saved it for future analysis, although to the best of our knowledge, it never actually

made it to a serious laboratory. So can we all agree he ate the rest of the butter? I mean, yeah, he had to empty it out. At some point, he's just sitting there, how many times have you looked at your refrigerator? I mean, what do I want, I guess I could try it. Mushroomy? Do I like this? I love to finish off the butter tub.

Now, there were plenty of people who claim to have seen UFOs besides Ed Walters and his wife, Francis, during this time period in the Gulf Breeze area. Over 30 people reported seeing something that might have been UFOs and it remains a UFO hot spot to this day. This is probably the only thing bringing Gulf Breeze's business, except for I imagine a beautiful beach. Yes. But then you get to go.

Honestly, it's kind of like a fun vacation for me specifically. Is it you go, you can buy a bunch of UFO shirts, there's a beach there, so everybody looks like me. So it's a no shame beach for me. I can go out there in little, like the tiniest little fucking underpants and swim in a big, good slick, oil covered ocean in the Gulf of Mexico. It does seem like a fun place for fat people to do paramilitary training, you know, just as like a weekend excursion.

I don't need to chase them up in the skies, but if they come down and on land and they're within five feet of me, I could grab hold of an alien. Frank, just Jimmy to the next chicken wing. Oh, you're right. You're right. We just space them five feet apart and we tie these out fast so I could get them. Fat paramilitary training sounds so fun. So even though there were all of these people who witnessed UFOs at this time, it could

be attributed to mass hysteria, could be attributed to people seeing, because there was, in addition to a naval, naval base, there's also an air force base very nearby. But then people seeing these things in the dark, but then they use the classic debunking of that debunking, which is, well, we know what different airplanes look like. So we know the difference between helicopters and planes and fucking weather balloons and we know what it looks like at UFO. But it's quite possibly mass hysteria, but it's mostly, I don't, I don't like the term mass hysteria.

It's just everybody wants to be a part of what's cool. What's going on? Look at Pokemon go. Oh yeah. I mean, they'll jump onto a thing when it becomes a phenomenon, so you don't want it not be, like, if I, there was a bunch of people looking at UFOs and saying they'd seen UFOs. I'm desperate to see a UFO. I mean, I probably wouldn't see it, but I'd be there selling t-shirts.

I'd be there selling UFO sparklers. Well, the sad irony is I would probably see it and just not even care, isn't that strange? Is it possible the government was working on one of those devices they use now to deter protesters, a hum machine, the hum device? It actually very well could be. I mean, it could be that he's getting tuned into that because as we all know, like technology when it's finally made for the streets, like, we've had iPhone technology. We had iPhone technology for a decade before the iPhone actually came out.

It's not that we can't do this stuff. It's that it's not cost effective to do this stuff. So it's very possible that they were still developing, yeah, some sort of crowd control device around that area and it could be that Ed Walters was a focal point for it. Or it could also be that multiple people were focal points for it. Ed Walters was the only one who actually said anything about it. But that's also true and we know that the hum that is sound weapon is in the works right now.

Oh my God. They are using it in Afghanistan. It's the protest poo poo. They're just going to make them all poo poo their pants. Yeah, the brow. That's literally what they're going to do. The thing is though, you make me shit my pants, the more dangerous I become. I think that's kind of true.

Because I have so much, I've nothing left to lose. I'm covered in my own shit. I agree. And then I become a weapon. Kind of. Because everybody I touch gets covered in my shit. The first biological weapon was human poo poo. So even though all of these neighbors saw all of these possible alien craft, there was

only one person outside of the Walters family who saw an actual UFO in Ed's presence. Patrick Hanks was a college student and a friend of Ed's son who is a willing participant in what Ed called his quote unquote game. I don't like this. By the way, Ed was the one who put the quote unquote on games in his own book and did not go into what the quote unquote games were. They said that they played a game called the candle game, which I brought up the last time, which I cannot, I still cannot elucidate upon rules because he brings up the candle

game also in his secondary book, UFO abductions in Gulf Breeze, where it's something about a bunch of boys in a room with the lights off and he blows the candles out one by one as they tell some sort of sequential scary story. And I think the scary story is, the reveal is that he turns on the lights and he has no clothes on. Yeah. I think that that's true. There is an underlying current that this man has sort of a bizarre B side to his life.

I mean, it's got chains of buck buck how many hands up. Okay. I don't think it's a molesty. I hope not. I think that it's just sad. I think it's more sad. I just think his peak years are in high school and he likes to hang out with other kids that make it feel like he's in high school again.

We made it an entire episode and a half without having a situation. See? You know? We're responsive. We're trying. We're trying to get home from college and well aware of what was happening with the UFOs and the Walters family decided to drop by to check in on how Ed was doing. When Patrick knocked on the door, Francis opened it, pointed towards the back of the

house and said, it's here. It does feel like Poltergeist though. It does feel like 80s horror movies. It feels like a burp. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And Francis is the one with all the creepy lines.

Yes. It's here. Outside. Edward. Edward. It's here. I can hear the humming Edward. Well, this is a problem.

Francis at this point is scarred because she's been watching her husband, I guess at this point, either go completely nuts because she's now seeing the UFO, quote unquote herself, or she's too scared of Ed to say that she hasn't, which I don't know what the difference is anymore. I think she's just leaning into her insane batshit marriage and she's just like, all right, we're the UFO couple now. What if it makes them like extra hard and now they're fucking each other even better because there's all this danger and mystique everywhere.

Absolutely. They're alien hunters. They're not just slobs in Florida anymore. That's incredible. That's what I want to happen to me. Let it happen to me. You want it too bad. So Patrick said he got to the middle of the living room before he saw the craft through

the windows, stopped in his tracks and watched it hover and Ed out back working on the pool pump again. He noticed it as well and walked inside as soon as Ed came in because he thinks the hummings the pool pump acting up again several times in his tiny whiteies with socks and sandals. So they have interdimensional technology and this poor bastard in Florida can't get his pool pump to work. I am Zeus. As soon as Ed walked into the living room and looked at Patrick, the craft hovered off

as if the aliens were viewing the world through Ed's eyes and were unaware of Patrick's presence until Ed was aware of Patrick's presence. I think they've said it a lot about how the concept of being with the UFO, which I find really haunting, Jacques Valais would talk about this a couple of times with people when you see a ship, is that it regards you as if it's seeing you and it's like being next to a gigantic blue whale is the way they put it. It's an animal that can't understand what you are and you can't understand what it is but it acknowledges your presence.

Isn't that interesting. So it's seen the world through Ed's eyes now. Possibly. Interesting. Very possible. I wonder while they're at it if they can fix that fucking pool pump. So not too long after the squirty liquid incident, the boys from MUFON, that's the mutual UFO network.

You know that song from Ghostbusters where they're like, we got one. The boys from MUFON running down the steps, they caught wind of the stories in the Gulf Bree Sentinel and showed up to offer the help. Now Henry, how did MUFON know that Ed was the Mr. X the papers had talked about? Because everyone knew that Ed was Mr. X. The crazy guy working on his pool pump screaming at the aliens? Yeah. The guy that constantly brought up about how it's crazy how this Mr. X brought these

photos to me and they're like, yeah Ed, everybody knew that it was Ed because he had let it spread over town and also what they did was they didn't tell Ed they were coming. He showed up, they were in the house, they scared the shit out of Francis. Now we remember while this is happening, Ed's work is just building up. He talks about in the book, the Gulf Bree's UFO sightings. He talks about how he's not paying attention to anything so finally it's like, I gotta go do some work and he leaves. Francis sitting in the house, she's going through so much.

She's so scared barely sleeping, there's commotion outside, he basically sees a bunch of people walking out of their front yard doing, taking pictures. She looks out and she sees two idiots, a tall skinny guy in a parka and a sure fact guy with a camera taking pictures from angles in their front lawn without knocking on their door not asking anything and they leave and what they would do when they were testing the angles of the pictures of where they possibly could have come from. They found out that Mr. X lived on this block. They went from house to house to house to house and took example pictures to see what

would match up to the pictures that were printed without telling any of these house owners. Now remember, Mufon is not the cops. No. This is not a government agency. Do they have badges though? Oh yes. Okay, good.

Because all the nerds know you have to have a badge in order for people to respect you. I agree. Certainly not to take off your clothes and leave you upside down in a trash can in an alley somewhere. Which happens to a lot of them. With just their badge. And by the way, he's up inside of himself. Well that's kind of a sad place to put it.

By the way, these guys' names were Don Bob and Gary. Now Don Bob and Gary showed up ready to bust his face right up. Are they from the New Heart Show? Essentially. Old reference. He came in and they approached Ed, of course. Now Ed, obviously, is now fueled with the power and mystery of his own UFO sightings and it's getting very excited by it.

These guys showed up in trench coats essentially saying like, we want to help you with your UFO problem. And he's just like, I'm your man. Right. I'm Don. I'm Bob. I'm Gary. Yeah, great work.

I'm Ed. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So I hop in high five, five, six times. So on January 12, 1988, Don called up Ed and said that he had checked out a sight where another witness who called himself Believer Bill had taken some photos. Believer Bill most likely was Ed Walters. Yes. He was Believer Bill also.

He was also Believer Bill. It was a man whose actual legal name that he had to change it was Gullible Gregg. He had to change it to Believer Bill because he doesn't want to appear naive. Or not believable. Well, actually, an investigator did look up the copyright on the photos that were printed in the sentinel under the name Believer Bill. Copyright was owned by Ed Walters. It's all a lie.

Not necessarily. Not necessarily. Well, I'm just saying Believer Bill. Humber on the edge of a knife. Believer Bill is a lie. Yes. But all the rest of it, we don't know yet. And let's not forget that pool pump, that's a real horror.

It's out there like an old school fucking station wagon just waking up the entire neighborhood. It's horrible. So 15 minutes after the Believer Bill conversation ended, Ed started to hear the hum again. It was intense but short lasting only about 20 seconds this time. It was then that Ed remembered he had left some important contracting work undone. So he got in his truck to go take care of it. But he also said that he felt then he'll say this several times that the humming was coming and then pulling at the center of his head to go someplace.

Or pulling at the right side of his head. Wherever it takes it, it was taking him to the right. Which eventually takes you where? In a circle. So you just come right back home. Interesting. So this whole time he is actively building people's homes? Yes.

And what point do you stop trusting the contractor? I mean even after it came out, he was still building homes. His business really wasn't affected that much by him being Mr. X, by him being the alien guy. It's Florida. This is Florida people. If you're not going to hire a crazy contractor, good luck getting one in Florida. My father in Palm Harbor, Florida would be so excited to be like, Hey, you see this guy?

He's working in the pool. He's fucking an idiot. He sees UFOs. I love this fucking. I throw grapes at him. I tell him, come over here and let me cigarette. I step on his foot. I laugh a whole long time and he's like holding his foot.

Half fucking idiot seeing UFOs. So he's in charge of the safety of your home? Yeah. Okay. So the whole place burns down. Sheep. Real sheep. Okay.

Interesting. I was driving down a secluded country road when he said everything again suddenly turned bright white, although this time the light was coming from outside his own head, reflecting off the hood of his truck. The light came through the windshield and shone on his arms and numbed them, replaced by a pins and needles sensation, then back to a complete and total non-feeling, as Ed called it. Which is common in many alien abduction stories. Yeah, exactly. Also could be a stroke.

Could be a stroke. Could be a stroke. But we're going to say aliens. When he looked behind him while still driving about 45 miles an hour, mind you, with completely numb hands, Ed saw. That's how my father drives. He can't feel his hands. Yeah, but that's because a type 2 adult onset diabetes.

Yes. That's dangerous. Now behind him, Ed saw a UFO quickly accelerate past, then keep pace in front of his moving truck, hovering silently about 500 feet ahead. Ed's plan was to slow down the truck, pull a U.E. and head back home to safety, but he found his hands were too numb to actually make the turn. But as he stopped at the side of the road staring at the UFO, now just 200 yards ahead, Ed remembered the shotgun he was keeping just behind his seat.

Just the guy he want heavily armed at all times. He managed to grab the shotgun and the camera as his hands still kind of worked. Despite the numbness, he just had to see what his hands were doing. Yeah, you have to look at your hands. But he said that he would just flop his hand back until he knew he was hopefully grabbing a shotgun. That's safe. That's Hunter Safety 101. Put on your hands until they're numb and then try to shoot.

So he got the shotgun, he got the camera, he rolled out of the truck and shot picture 19 and then scrambled underneath the truck, shotgun and camera in hand. The blue beam suddenly came back, but instead of trying to take Ed, the beam was now depositing aliens on the ground in front of his truck. They must be so excited. He can fucking go into action. They never get to go. Never.

This is only the second time that the aliens have actually showed up. Possibly the third although that could be sleep paralysis. Or it could be some sort of different team. I mean this is the ground team right here. These are the guys that are in charge. Five times the beam came down and with each beam came another four foot tall gray all holding the same sort of silver rod as before. Yeah and Ed's hiding underneath that truck like he's Osama bin Laden.

Here comes the alien SEAL Team 6. That's what I was thinking. Fucking ice is that. I was thinking about SEAL Team 6 as well. It's funny you bring that up and I think it would have been so much cooler if they had little rods instead of guns. I mean how much more trippy is that? Cattle prods and whips.

The aliens began to move and lock step towards Ed. Like Nazis. And Ed was hiding. What do we know about Gray's? They are technically organic robots and they're kind of hardwired into a gigantic group like machine. You think they're prone to be Nazis? Well no they move in unison all the time because they're like robotically controlled. Although if you will remember Betty and Barney Hill also made some Nazi references.

They did because that was just more about the doctor. The doctor one, the lead one which is Ed talks about later in his abduction scenarios. It's a female one with big alien tits and long stringy white hair. Isn't that strange. And as the aliens were walking towards him, Ed's still hiding under the truck just screaming obscenities. Horrible job hiding. Fix my goddamn pool cup if you're going to come down here you fucking pieces of shit.

When the aliens were about half way to Ed, he composed himself, jumped in the truck, hit reverse and sped away without even looking where he was going. I don't know, we didn't even realize he would use the car again. Bungled again. Get back in the spacecraft. Now what happened the next morning is what makes this a true classic UFO story, almost a little too classic. After all the hubbub in the paper and all the talk going around town,

a couple of good old fashioned men in black showed up at Ed's front door. Or a fun new term I've heard for them recently, the Disappearers. Oh really, I always just go with Mormons. Anytime there's a people in a suit knocking on my door they're Mormons. I like MIBS. Yeah, I'm a MIB. As soon as Ed opened it, the MIBS walked in flashing ID cards and identifying themselves as Agent McCarthy and agent name Ed couldn't remember.

Great work, great reporting Ed. You would think you would remember that. And they said they were from the Air Force Special Security Services. They told Ed that they had knowledge of UFO photographs that Ed had in his possession that fell under a material seizure warrant that he was required to hand them over. But Ed, plain cool, told them that he'd already given all the photos to the Miami Herald. Oh yeah. Ed said they were very rude but still left.

But they left with the threat that if Ed was lying, they'd be back. The promise that he was lying and then they didn't come back. Oh, they didn't come back? No, they didn't do their due diligence. He kept actually publishing more photos and kept taking photos. It's a bad story. I'm thinking of Michael Douglas from the movie The Game where he makes a bet where he wants to go and have a murder and all that.

It seems like this could all just be an elaborate setup for a great surprise party. When he went to the Mufon guys and said I think these men and black guys came over to the house to shake me down for these pictures, they said actually what's a common thing, which I actually think is the real story, is that guys that are UFO enthusiasts, not unlike myself, which we were talking about before the podcast, is that I'm the type of person who's the exact reason why Ed Walters has changed his name and can't be found anymore. He can't be. That the reason why what they do is that UFO enthusiasts show up dressed as fake cops to go get pictures from people and show up and go look at this evidence.

So it's very possible that these guys were guys like me who put on police officer uniforms, which I actually think is a great idea. Terrible idea. And then you show up and you ask for the evidence yourself. Yeah, but Ed said that these guys were like big and buff. Ed was lying. I don't know. Don't be small.

No. Ed was scared immediately. He saw badges. I honestly think that all of this is amateur storytelling and it's fucking juiciest and perfect. It's just so perfect. Because everybody's an idiot. He's dealing with the Mufun guys who act like experts and they're idiots. Ed's lying about at least half the stuff.

At least. But also experiencing something where that's where my end of the story comes from, is that he faked some pictures and then has been certain to get abducted and raped by aliens and he's really upset about it. Because it kind of comes to the center of your whole life. But now the mips show up. Yeah, fake mips. We don't know if they're faked or maybe they don't comment on enthusiasm.

Well, I mean, this has all the hallmarks of the unjustifies the means. I mean, this definitely, the Men in Black story, it does not, if and, you know, it probably is total bullshit. But it's definitely, it's the whole Big Foot Hunter scenario where they fake just enough evidence because they believe so hard they fake just a little evidence or fudge the truth just a little bit because they believe in it. They think that they need other people to believe in it and to make other people believe in it, they think, oh, I need to have just a little, I need to have extra truth.

If I fool them into the truth, we're going to then get the support we need to find the real truth. Exactly, yeah. So now that the Men in Black were officially involved, Mufun really felt like they were onto something here. So by the time the 12th sighting occurred, Mufun had already set up a full-on surveillance program on the Ed Walters household. Now, when you're saying surveillance program, I mean a guy in a van, I mean a guy in a van with a camera. They got hammered, they all sat and talked about, this is true, this comes from the story.

They sat and they had a couple of drinks and they said, what we got to do here is just like, I'll buy the walkie-talkies, Ed was like, I'll front the money for the walkie-talkies because Mufun is not exactly a rich establishment. They're not, huh? No. Self-funded? Literally to the point where they can't afford walkie-talkies. Yeah, very cheap now it is.

And so what they decided to do was they was like, we'll sleep and shifts because they also have day jobs in a van around the corner from Ed's house and we'll be there on call in order to snap the pictures that they need because they're going to give them a super like a secured camera. Yeah. Whatever it is, it's like a locked camera. Yeah, it's a locked camera that could not be used to do double exposures or fake or anything like that. The picture that you take with this camera is the picture no matter what. And yeah, they were in a van about a block from Ed's house, two blocks walking distance,

hanging out in the parking lot of an apartment complex. And by the way, they had permission. They did and they were like, because they know that you have to do everything correctly. Can you imagine the aroma that would waft from the door after you open that? It's like a 13-year-old boy's bedroom. Oh come on, she knows it. Smells like it's been Gary's shift. I only have one pair of jeans.

And by the way, they did sleep in their clothes because they always, they needed to always be ready. And they know that for a fact. He specifically said that as a room. And like Ed also, I think at some time is just like, great. Like he also is not as enthused by the Mufon guys. Ed becomes like the cool guy in the scenario. But that's what this is about, right? In the end, you make up these fanciful stories in order to feel more cool amongst your peers, right?

So now he switched his, I'm going to impress these teenagers to, I'm going to impress these three morons that have been sadly shipped here by Mufon. I love these guys too. I have a lot of sympathy for the Mufon guys because they really are just looking for the truth. They're out there. They're really prepared. Are they nerds? Maybe.

Un-unbelievably so. Maybe. Are they bad, bad hygiene? Definitely. Maybe. They're not approachable to by the opposite sex or the same sex, whatever it is that they're attracted to. Any sex, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Of course they are. So good luck to you, man. But that allows them to focus more on their jobs. And I think that's what's so important. They're not distracted from the outside temptations. Oh, no, they are very focused. So on January 21st, Mufon member Bob Reed was sitting in the van with a camera pointed towards the rear of Ed's house, waiting for a call on the walkie-talkie.

The plan was that Ed would call as soon as he felt the hum and Bob would take the picture when the alien showed up. I just know he's going to call when I've got to take a shit. So I'm just going to do it here in the van. Oh, I hope Gary doesn't mind the smell of my hot dookies because it is just, I ate two plates of old stroganoff this afternoon because that's just what I had. And it comes down to it, the Mufon allowance of $2 a day ain't really cutting it. Well, it's a good thing he gave you all those butter, those butter tubs to poop.

So they had surmised, Mufon and Ed, that there was a 15 hour window of possible siding times from dusk till dawn with the most likely times being 5 to 6 a.m. and 7 to 8 p.m. When Bob couldn't be there due to what he called, quote unquote, personal circumstances. What if he literally was stuck to a toilet? What if it was like a thing in a weird set of circumstances? It was like he couldn't be there until 9.45 every night. To get a job. Yeah, but you would think he would say like, yeah, I had to be at my job,

but no, he made sure to say personal circumstances. Because that's an official reason. Yeah, he's probably a receptionist at a dentist office. I mean, who the hell knows who these people are? He's probably one of those guys who sets up those dancing inflatable wavy guys in front of car dealerships. I don't even want one, I don't want one of those, but it was Bob who was on watch at 10.30 p.m. on January 21st. Ed was walking over to the van to deliver an item to Bob that Ed wanted passed on to another MOFA member, although Ed does not specify in the book exactly what the item was.

He just said, I had to deliver an item. It was the butter tub. That was it. We need a new toilet. I got another butter tub, let me just finish this butter. Ed was walking the path over to the van. He heard the telltale hum and pulled out his walkie. He told Bob to get his camera ready and Bob did so.

Only problem was, Bob was looking in the wrong direction. Because Bob was looking like, where, where? Because look, he turned out, because that way he described it, because Bob wrote a little letter in the book to describe it from his point of view. He saw Ed saunter down the street with his shit bucket. And he saw Ed grab his head and went like, ugh. And then with flailing around, he's like, the hum, the hum. And now this is in the parking lot of an apartment building.

You know, and there's many other people watching this too. So Ed is doing this. I do believe he's doing this for an audience. And Bob is ready to be the hero that the world deserves, not the one that it needs. No, definitely the one we deserve, I think, though. So the reason why he was looking in the wrong direction is that he got focused on a plane to the north. Because he kept saying, that's a plane. That's a plane.

He's like, no, no. No, it's a UFO. He's like, no, I think that's a plane. I know it because it's got wings on it, unless you're starting to build UFOs now with wings. And then that would make sense. You know what? He was right. It was a plane, but he was looking to the north.

Ed, who finally realized what was going on, he yelled, look to the south. Very good. What are you saying? Was that Ed? That was Ed. Look to the south. But as Bob turned his camera around, the UFO winks out of view. Fuck.

Over the nine-day stakeout that Mufang conducted, this would be the closest they would come to spotting a UFO. And then, yes, they would sit and he wrote a nine-day journal saying he was that one. Unfortunately, that was the first day. It was the closest. And then they sat there for a day. That was the third day. The first day was January 19th, my fifth birthday. So they had 72 hours in this band.

Yes. And then they had another six more days of nothing. Yeah. A lot of days of nothing. But Don did say at the end of his account in the book, he said, Ed was the bravest man I've ever met. Look to the south. Now, the 13th sighting is particularly interesting because it was somewhat witnessed by an actual journalist. This is the aforementioned Torment on the Road.

At 5.30 p.m. on January 24th, Ed started hearing a low hum as he was pulling into the driveway. As the hum grew louder, Ed ran into the house to call up Gary, who was on shift at the van. But for unknown reasons, Gary wasn't answering. Now, where the hell do I empty this shit bucket? All right. Now, they said I can't do it in the grill anymore. I can't do it over here by the grate. They said that was full.

And they said the lake was no good because they've got the skiing competition that's coming up this weekend. I guess I could just dump it. I'm just going to leave it here until everybody gets free pudding for people. Not a bad idea. Come get a bucket of pudding. So Ed was desperate for someone to actually film an encounter besides himself. So he went and picked up Dwayne Cook, who was the journalist for the Gulf Breeze Sentinel who wrote the original story and the follow-ups. And just won you off from Dane Cook.

Oh, isn't that exciting? He could have been a millionaire. He could have been. So the two were driving back to Ed's house with a video camera when the hum started to increase and Dwayne started filming. The alien voice came back in Ed's brain and gave him another cryptic message. And sleep, you know. And the voice kept just repeating the message over and over and over again. And sleep, you know.

And Ed, still driving, started to have a bit of what sounded like the kind of freak out you have when you're 15. You just get like way too high for the first time. It does. It does. Like Ed turned to Dwayne and said, Dwayne, Dwayne, does my face look like it's moving? Like, like is my face moving? You're talking, but no.

I mean, besides just the talking, your face is not really moving, but your cheeks are because you're speaking. And Dwayne said, no, of course not. So Ed came back and said, Yes, is my eye moving? It's my eye, it's my eye moving. You're blinking, but it's not moving around your face. I mean, like you freaking out, bro. Do you want me to get you some Thorazine, man?

We'll get you some juice. You got that poop bag. Dwayne responded. I don't think your eye is moving, but the pulling on the right side of Ed's brain was getting stronger, just as bad, if not worse than the very first encounter. And now in full freak out mode, turned to Dwayne and said, Dwayne, are we going too fast? What's too fast, man?

Is it too fast for you to drive? Is it too fast for us to meet in a car? What are you talking about, man? I don't mean to continue to freak you out. It's like you're making me freak out. Then the odd sensations in Ed's body took a turn. Ed said that there was a twisting pull that traveled through his whole body, starting in his forehead, traveling through his neck down into his stomach.

The hum had quieted down a bit, but the pulling remained as Ed drove down the highway saying, I don't like this. I do not like this. I don't like it either. I don't like this. I don't like it either. I don't know why you volunteered to drive, man. Finally, Ed pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car, which he probably

should have done much sooner, or at the very least, let Dwayne drive. But thankfully, Ed remembered to grab his camera before getting out and falling to the ground in agony, and his Ed rised in pain on the side of the road. It was unbelievable. Dwayne hovered above him, and when Ed looked up at Dwayne, Ed saw the alien craft about 200 feet up and said, oh fuck, there it was. And he jerked the camera up to his face and took picture number 21. Dwayne turned around, but just as he was about to see the craft, it blinked away once more.

But if you look at the photo, the UFO appears clear as day. And even though Dwayne didn't see the UFO itself, he said he did see Ed take the picture. He said he saw Ed take the photo out of the camera, and it was Dwayne himself who peeled the negative off the photo. So what Dwayne said is like, listen, I didn't see it, but seeing you take the picture, next best thing. Yeah. And I want to clarify, now I'm Ben again.

Okay, thank you. Thank you, because I remember, is that how Daniel Day-Lewis does it? Yes, well, I'm Abraham Lincoln. Now I'm Daniel Day-Lewis. And now I'm hungry. So the 13th sighting was short, but eventful. Two days after the torment on the road, Ed was soaping up in the shower. Finally a moment of peace.

Just one time, just me and my loofah. I don't need to be bothered by anybody thinking about Cindy Lauper. I'm here just washing my pits and having a really nice time. I still feel like he's covered in a full pajama. Yes. Just head to toe. Oh, no, he is fully nude. Oh, okay.

Soaping up when Francis came in and told him that the UFO had appeared, although it isn't clear why there was no hum to alert Ed to this encounter. Can't I just for a goddamn second, just for a second have a moment of peace. Maybe it was the water that protected him from the hum. Actually, that's very interesting. That's why they're breaking his pool pump, so he's going to stay out of the pool. Wow. Holy shit, dude.

He's coming together. So Ed ran naked out of the shower, grabbed a towel. He didn't need to. He didn't have to run naked out of the shower. No, he did not. But I also, in a way that I think that also kind of describes Ed in general, that he barely wrapped around it. I think he just cupped his own.

Pure the thing where you walked past your window nude with a towel. I do it every day. I just hold it above my dick. Like I just hold. That's the one part I don't cover. You can still see my pubes. Just technically not a crime. Yes.

He ran naked out the shower, grabbed a towel on his way through the bedroom, and ran out the house into the night, wet and half nude. When he got outside, the UFO was moving towards the house slowly. Ed shook his fist at the sky and asked him. Dropping the towel. Just dropping the towel. And actually, there is a picture of Ed with the towel around him shaking his fist yelling. So funny.

He asked him, what the hell they wanted to do, which the alien said. Say, we are here for you. Ed said he wasn't going to go anywhere with him. To which the aliens replied. Say, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. It's just a scary way to have to fall asleep every night. And with this, they winked away again and left Ed half naked in the dark. Now let me ask you this.

Are they saying we are here for you or are they saying we are here for you? That is actually Ed Russell with that question often in the book. He doesn't know. That's a thing because aliens with their accent. Maybe they can't really put the proper enunciation. They can't put the proper emphasis. Did they send us a boy band? And their famous song is we are here for you.

We are here for you. But it's like, yeah, because that's a weird, oh, that would be very scary as a boy band. A song you don't know whether or not it's a group of men here to take a little girl from a room or they're there just to support her. I have no idea. That's what he doesn't know. He doesn't know whether he's special or they're trying to rape him again. But we're going to find out the opposite. They were milking him.

They were milking him? Oh yeah, he was getting milked. So 12 days later, the craft showed up again in the Walters backyard near the pool. Ness is when the whole family gets in on the fun. Ed's daughter, Laura, called him outside saying Francis had something to show him. Ed ran outside with his camera, passed his daughter who was standing next to the door and as Ed opened up the door, the blue beam came down and hit the pool deck. He snapped a picture of the beam just as Francis dove past him.

After taking the picture, Ed slammed the door, pulled his daughter down to the floor where Francis already was as the windows were open. Ed was terrified the blue beam might come through the windows. I think I like doing the sound effects. They then crawled over to Ed's son's room where he was studying with his headphones on and seeing his father's terrified face, Dan joined his family on the floor and they all crawled into the hallway, the only place in the house without a window. After about five minutes of terrified silence, Ed led his family to the van in the garage

so they could make their escape if they had to. But when they got to the van, the hum started up again and Ed's head, the aliens spoke to him once more and said, Do not deny us we are here. Remember. Remember sounds funny when you say it. So the kid's just listening to a kiss or something on his phone. I assume it's 1987, he's listening to Nothing but the Power of Love by Huey Lewis in the news

and that's all he's listening to. Fuck nah dude, that kid's listening to Appetite for Destruction. Either way, this is a very fun family. I'm beginning to think Ed is the best dad I've ever heard of. This is by far more fun than my family ever had even once. Oh, and dude, Dan was so totally into it. Of course he was. He kept saying like, Dad, let me at him, Dad.

I got it, Dad. Just give me the gun, Dad. Give me the gun, Dad. Don't give him the gun. He's been listening to Satanic music. Also, you know he's been like, Dad, every old authority in the house is slipping hard. He's drinking a lot in the house.

Like, is that just letting him have beers openly in the house? Kids are just running in and out. He's having enough. He's not doing any schoolwork. Everybody knows that he's just in the thralls of a UFO panic, so he gets to do whatever he wants. It's incredible. It's a fun time to be a kid.

It was great. But as they got into the van and right after the aliens talked to him, the humming stopped. The family got out of the van and returned to the house where they talked for hours before falling asleep one by one in the same room. My family never did that once. The great bonding agent of an alien abduction story. This is wonderful.

No, we did that once when there was a bunch of escape convicts that were running around our area. We all slept in the same room talking for hours. Where are they? Are they going to come here? We're in an isolated home. They might show up here any minute. Dad's holding a big gun, just waiting for him.

Who are they sexual assault first, Mommy? Will it be me or one of our wonderful brothers? Doesn't sound like very fun, but the bonding's nice. It was super fun. Yeah, after a while, we got tired of waiting for him to come to us, so we went out and looked for them. So then you... Well, that's how mobs are formed.

Exactly. It was just a small family. We didn't actually call anyone else up. Like, hey, well, there was one time when we did go out and look for a guy, but you know what? We found him, but we went and talked to the police. Said, hey, we found him, but then we did go out there with him. It was a great Christmas.

So you guys were out hunting for ex-cons on Christmas? Yes, Christmas Day. Second best family next to the Walters. I honestly think that Texas will be the first to succeed from the world. So on May 1st, 1988, Ed Walters would have his final encounter with the Gulf Breeze aliens. Francis was out of town on a weekend trip, so Ed decided to take a special camera given to him by Mufon to the park to see if he could get some shots.

This is that, what is it, a four-lens camera? Some 3D camera. Some 3D camera. All the lenses are glued together, double exposure is impossible. It's supposed to be impossible to fake any sort of shot. These took the most compelling pictures. Yeah, they really did. So at 12.30 a.m., Ed heard the hum, although it was very distant.

About 40 minutes later, Ed got impatient and yelled, You call me, Z-Hoss? I want this to be over! I want you out of my life! Excuse me, sir, could you stop yelling? I'm trying to have sex with this homeless man over here. Okay, if you would, because you really, you're ruined in the mood. I do apologize for that.

I am sorry about that. So Ed turned his head to the left, and there the UFO was. He turned the camera and took two shots, capturing the craft both times. The UFO then moved right above him, only about 30 feet up. And Ed's sight went completely white. He couldn't tell whether he was being flooded with light, or if it was the same situation as before, where the light was coming from inside his own head.

But he did say that his body went completely numb, the only sensation being a sense that he was falling. The next thing Ed knew, he was lying on the ground about 20 feet away, an hour and 15 minutes later, with no recollection of the time. I like that. That's a good way to get through the day, just forget half of it. It would be really nice to just zip through the day like that. Yeah, just kind of fall asleep, pretend you were abducted,

and lose a bunch of time. That's called clinical depression. Is that what that is? That's what I was told by my therapist. Oh, I thought it was just called needing to sleep. No. All the time. Now, the only thing that Ed knew when he woke up

was that his right hand smelled terrible. It smelled worse than waking up after a nap against your own will when you're right hand was sleeping. Missing time. Uh-huh. It smelled so bad. You had a couple of those, right, Gissel? Well, I mean, what do you do?

Then you just like... That's the first thing that you hear when you wake up. You woke up and you put your hands in where it shouldn't be while you were sleeping. It smelled so bad. He had to wrap it in towels to hide the stench. Just wash it. He tried washing it.

It didn't come off. Oh, my goodness. Now, back at the house, Ed figured he would clean up a little bit, so he ran a comb through his hair and felt a bump at the back of his neck. He went to the mirror to check it out, but as he looked at his face, he noticed a large bruise with a red dot in the middle right between his eyes.

Two more of those marks were centered at his temples, also bruised. There are pictures in the book, UFO abductions in Gulf Breeze that are very interesting, very bad little bruises. Yeah. Very compelling. He tried to wash the stink off his hands and found that the smell was actually coming from little bits of black material under his fingernails.

That's stookie. He collected the material for analysis, but at the time of the publication of the Gulf Breeze sightings, Ed said that the sophisticated equipment necessary to analyze it had not yet been located. They found it at Gary's house. I would assume so. Now, this was not his first experience with missing time.

What you're going to discover now is, well, I don't know whether or not this is a chicken and the egg scenario with either talking to the moof on guys or if Ed did his own research or if it is completely real. Now, mostly when people have a rash of UFO sightings, what they discover is that they have been involved with UFOs in their entire life. It normally runs in families.

They talk about it like, if your grandmother saw UFO, it's likely you're going to see UFO. That's just kind of how it goes. I don't know if it's like a weird, because you think about it, you're going to see it more often, but it seems to be a part of the lexicon. And what we're going to find out is that Ed has had missing time or supposedly had missing time many times throughout his life.

Yeah. I've had some weird shit. I once saw an apparition that I thought was death and then missing time afterwards. But now you're on a cocktail of drugs just to keep you normal. A heavy cocktail of extremely psychotic, anti-psychotic drugs. Getting it looked at again on Wednesday. See?

It ain't going well. Rejigger. Yes. It's just a constant soup. So it happened three times in his life, apparently. And each one is eight years apart. Again, I like the symmetry. Sure.

Because again, it just seems to work with aliens. Totally. And the first incident happened when Ed was just 17 years old. Now, this explains the visions of dogs that he received on the first UFO sighting. Right. He was just by home one day when he noticed a large black dog following him.

He tried to lose the dog, but the dog just kept appearing wherever Ed went, behaving in ways that Ed said were too deliberate for a normal dog. I'm just here feeling out an envelope. Putting out a stamp. Just a dog. Mailing an envelope. Smart dog.

I like it. Very smart dog. And even when Ed got home, the dog just stood there staring at him with a vacant glare. Not staring at you. Just kind of looking over there, happened across my way. It's a bit awkward when you catch ions with someone

when you're trying to stare in a general direction and then they look to you from your eyes and it looks like you're staring at them. And I'm not. I'm just a normal dog. I think you are a normal dog. Just probably trying to look. He's looking for a home.

Looking for a home. Looking for a bone. And more than one way. I'm a gay dog. That's your choice and that's fine. Not his choice. I was born this way. You were born.

I know you were born that way. After a half hour of staring the dog left, but later that night, Ed had a classic late-night alien visitation. Or as you suggested, Ben, possible simple sleep paralysis. Depending on what you want to believe, Ed said as he tried to fall asleep

with his brother in the room in a separate bed, Ed felt a force press down on the outside edge of his mattress. The only sounds that he heard were of the sprinkler hitting the window outside. When Ed opened his eyes, he saw shadowy gray forms moving around the room. And a gleam of light shown through the windows,

and Ed sought reflect off a bald head only six inches from his face. Patrick Stewart. Oh, no! He left out of bed and yelled for his brother to wake up. Both boys ran out of the room in terror. Once awake with the lights on,

they noticed the floor was wet. And there were small, strange, wet footprints shaped like flat-bottom slippers leading down the side of Ed's bed. It was then that Ed's brother noticed that Ed was also wet, although Ed had no memory of going outside. And then he leaned over and started kissing Ed, and it just was two brothers doing something

that God said they should never do. But Satan was telling him it was the right thing to do. You trying to make a romantic thing here with him? Incessual. Very interesting. And so what happened? So get into the wayway go-forward machine. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

In his second follow-up book, UFO Abductions in the Gulf Breeze by Ed Walters, he explains after everything was said and done after May 1, 1998, and he had that missing time sequence, he's like, he wanted to go back and find out if he remembered this incident. He's like, I want to know if there was something to this as well. I remember the dog.

He said, and so he talked to a hypnotist who gave him a series of self-inducing, weird at-home trances that you can do in order to help get him acclimated to the deep trance that he needed to go into in order to fully regress into these hidden memories. I don't know why he let him do this on his own. I know, it seems dangerous.

He was responsible almost. Sure. And so he goes back to the house, and one thing he said that was really creepy is that what he remembered the first time they did a mini regression inside the hypnotist's office was that the dog snapped its head back in a really unnatural way,

and it looked like its head was on backwards, and it was going like... We're just fucking creepy as shit. It all needs to be loved, though. It is a dog. No, exactly. But you know when a dog makes that weird noise, but then it goes from cute to like...

Yeah, I had a dog that would do that every time I came home. That's how he would speak to me. It's terrifying. It's going to scream terrifying. Like, let me out of here, release me. That sounds like one of Ariel Castro's girls. Not good. Every day when I came home from school,

for 14 years... Like he was in pain. He was the best dog ever. We stopped feeding him food eventually. He just hunted his own shit. He was great. The only dog we had that died old age. It just sounds like something you'd do to a foster child.

His name was Trout. Oh, Trout. Trout the dog. Never named a dog after another fucking animal? Well, it does seem very strange. Let's get back to... I know it's a stranger story. Yeah, Trout the dog.

So Ed gets back to the house from the hypnotist's office, and for some reason he decides, I'm going to start doing this on my own. I'm going to also have the whole family come up into the bedroom and watch me do this. Just for safety's sake. Daughter, son, wife. And there.

So he's like, guys, I'm just going to do this, you guys. You're my spotters. So he puts himself into a deep trance. And all of a sudden he's like, there's a dog. I see a dog, and I'm asleep, and I'm in a room. They're putting a cop on my penis. I'm ejaculating. I'm ejaculating against my...

I'm coming. I'm coming against my will. He goes into a full furious orgasm. Simulated in front of his children. Yeah, that's awkward. And they have to slap him up, because they don't know how to get him out of the trance. So they're slapping him.

Do you really think a contractor from Florida said my penis? I honestly think he said his penis because he's very weirdly proper. Because he says penis a lot. What you're going to find out is that he's being milked by these aliens, and then you let his own son see it. Isn't that kind of embarrassing? Can you imagine watching your father come in his pants, even if it's imaginary?

I don't think he actually did come, yeah. I don't know. Well, we don't know. Yeah, I mean, even if there is no ejaculate, if it is simulated, isn't it that close enough to seeing your father ejaculate? The last thing I can fucking imagine is seeing my father's come face.

No one wants to see that. Absolutely not. So eight years after the dog incident, Ed was driving home late at night when his car suddenly began slowing down, despite Ed stepping on the gas like the car was in neutral. He pulled over to see what was going on, and down the road, Ed could see a single light like the headlight of a motorcycle.

But when it reached him, the light rose up above the road. Ed got freaked out, got back into the car, which was working just fine again, and he sped down the road. The light turned around and followed Ed until it completely flooded the interior of his car. Six hours later, Ed woke up on the side of the road with no memory of what had happened.

So when he went to the hypnotist for this incident, what he discovered was, so finally he was like the hypnotist, he goes back to the hypnotist and he's like, I was doing it all myself and I had shocking results in front of my family. And the hypnotist was like, what is your fucking problem?

Never do that again. Like literally yell at him saying, it's like, why don't ever do this? So he took him through this next incident. Now he was very reticent to go through these memories. What they would do is this weird process where he would set up his unconscious memories into his hand. And he said, make little hand motions.

Ed, you're going to put your hand on your knee. And if you want to answer something, say yes by flicking it, your index finger to the left, and you want to say no, flick it to the right. And if you want to say, I don't want to answer, flick up your middle finger. So he would ask his unconscious through his hand, kind of like the little boy in the shining.

And he would like ask that first before he would ask Ed, if it's okay to consciously go through these memories. And because they were so traumatic for Ed, because every single time they would bounce back into it, he would start screaming. So they would like, all right, you're going to do this exercise. So it's like you're watching it on a screen in a movie theater. So you can remember it.

So according to Ed's memory, he wakes up in a room that's like a porcelain, like made out of porcelain with a weird like bowl on the ceiling. It smells weird, smells like cinnamon, goes out into a hallway. Everything's looking like porcelain. Here's children crying. Kind of like that image he had the last time

when he heard the sign, he was like, I don't have a baby. Heard a baby crying, goes into another, this other porcelain room. He's two little kids alone crying in this room. He goes to them trying to help them, like going like, help, help. Because all weird alien, it's like, it's always like a struggle to speak.

And he's saying that and like, they have to just like, who are you helping? He's like, children, help, help. He gets the kids and he's like, or we're gonna figure out what's going on, he leaves. All of a sudden, three gigantic Komodo dragons standing on their feet. This is true.

Really? Stand or walk down the hallway, see him. And he's in a panic. And they're like, snap it, snap, snap, snap. Which is very interesting because it let it, a lot of times reptilians in our minds, the way we've described them, David, Aika's describing this, that humanoid reptilians.

But a lot of times they look like just gigantic lizards. Right, so they just look like Komodo dragons. Running down the hallway, he's like, I'm gonna save myself from, I'm gonna save these kids first. Take these kids, put them in a bucket that he found. It was weird bucket with a basket. He put the kids in a bucket. Yeah, he found this bucket.

That seems like a strange way to save kids. You gotta remember that this is dream reality. Okay. Right, in a weird dream reality. The lizards are snapping at him. He decides to save them by taking off his shirt, getting nude again. The rose to shirt over the head of one of the lizards.

Let's go like, snap, snap, snap, snap. And the other one snapping at his belly, snapping at his belly, and he talks about how scary it is. Finally, they're hit by a blue beam. Their reptilians are frozen. Female alien that I was talking about, with the tits and the white hair, comes and grabs him, being like,

that was just a distraction, Zejas. You must understand, we are one of 13. You are one of 13. You must remember. In sleep, you know. In sleep, you know. And then he wakes up back in the hypnosis office. So we did what Leslie Nielsen did in Naked Gun.

He just threw a towel at a person's face. Yes. Or in this case, a Komodo dragon. Yeah, so you can defeat a Komodo dragon with cotton? Just throw it. You just also can hit it in the head with a baseball bat. You can do it. That would be a much more effective way.

Interesting dream, though. Yeah, very interesting dream. And again, eight years later, when Ed was 33, in his final missing time, incident before his final encounter in 1988, Ed was out in a canoe during a solo fishing trip, and at about noon, he noticed the canoe had hit something metal under the water,

and the canoe suddenly went still, as if it had run aground. After a moment, it started to move again, but when Ed looked in the water, he saw a stream of bubbles stretch out in front about 30 feet ahead. He noticed a green glow beneath the water, big and getting bigger.

Five hours later, Ed found himself miles from where he began, with no memory of what had happened. Very interesting story of a USO, unidentified submerged object. Good job, Henry. Which is also, there's many people who want to talk about it, but we can do an entire episode in USO. If you want to.

I call him Usos. I call him Usos. Disgusting. Yeah. And in this one, he just said that he woke up to the same titted female alien that said, you remember, in Sleep You Know, in Sleep You Know, and then he was put in a headset

alongside with other smaller, tiny grays, where he feels like they were trying to combine their brains, and then you're going to find out, like after the fact, in Sleep You Know, he starts to mull over this idea, and those are the real three abduction sequences he remembers. He starts to realize that what you didn't realize

that he fed this little tidbit in the original Gulf Breeze UFO sightings book, is that he said that he could put himself to sleep by imagining a black cloud of relaxation that would go from the tips of his feet to the tops of his head to the point where he had been doing this whole life that he could just say, sleep now, and he would go straight to sleep.

But he also found out that he could cover up with ingenious problem solving, the fucking things, by thinking of a problem before going to sleep and then going, sleep now, and he'd wake up with a new problem. So now he started thinking about the aliens before going to sleep, and he came up with a vision of a mountain in South America called Takamwadi,

and he said that maybe that's where the aliens are coming from. He should have been thinking about that damn pool pump and how to fix it, because I feel like that's really the most important issue here in reality. Now, all of these fantastic stories, absolutely wonderful, well told, well written, you got photographic evidence,

you got multiple eyewitnesses, and to top it all off, Ed, he passed two polygraph tests concerning his story, very intense polygraph tests. Very intense polygraph tests, but on the other hand, you know who else passed polygraph tests? Gary Ridgway. Gary Ridgway was a simple, and you can do that if you're a simple, it's easier to lie when you're a simple.

Yeah, it's easier to lie when you're a simple, but the fact remains, polygraphs, they're not admissible in court, and they are possible to lie about. You just have to convince yourself that you're telling the truth. So they don't work on sociopaths. Yeah, it's a thing, Ed Walters was a bit of a neighborhood prankster

concerning the photographs, double exposure on a polaroid is difficult, but not impossible. We're now starting to get into the counterarguments, the debunking of the golf resides. Now, the debunking is very easy here, because you could just say no, if you don't want to have a fun life.

That's true, you could just be like, that's all total horseshit, and that's just shat in a butter tub for no reason. You totally could. Yeah, you absolutely could. But, you know, here on Last Podcast on the left, we like to cover both sides. Sure.

So we have to cover the skeptics as well. Boy, you just, you do not look happy. He's pouty now. I will, I have my own. I have to see you as a five-year-old boy right now. Removing my clothes. Full beard. It's a very, very nude boy.

I'm sure. So Nick Mock, a friend of Ed's son, said that Walters, in fact, knew how to do double exposure on a polaroid camera. Mock even produced a picture that Ed had took that demonstrated that Ed had done it in the past. It was a photo of a girl with a quote-unquote demon behind her.

It's not a good picture, though. It's not a good picture. It's not well done. It's not well done, but it's a start. Then there's the video of the torment on the road. People who have actually... Oh! It's my face moving!

It's my face moving! Oh, no! People who've actually seen the video say it's the worst acting they've ever seen in their life. Well, because he wasn't acting. You know, and some of the best acting they've ever heard in their entire life was on this episode. Interesting.

That is interesting. That is very interesting. And as far as Dwayne Cook's claim that he witnessed Ed take the picture, it's entirely possible that Dwayne Cook, who was the reporter for the Gulf Presentinel, who first reported the story, it's very possible he was just in on the whole scheme.

He's a reporter. They don't lie. The thing is that if it's your good shoes, you had quite a bit to lose if it comes out as a hoax. He tries to get involved, but he could make a lot of money if the whole thing becomes real. But the problem is that it goes back and forth, right? Like, that's the problem with debunking any of this bullshit,

is that when it comes down to it, as you could say, it's good and bad either way. It's either you distance yourself from it and you had nothing to do with it and you're a part of his coax all together, or you were witness something that you now can't fully explain, so you have to kind of halfway back out of it. I think he's doubling down on it.

I think really what happened is that Ed came clean with him, said, hey, listen, I'm Mr. X. I faked these photos. You are complicit now. And I need help. I need somebody. These Mufon guys are on my ass. You know, I need some sort of proof.

I need something to give these guys. But this is conjecture. This is your conjecture. Exactly. This is all my conjecture. This is my thought of what might have happened. Could be. Yeah, this is definitely all conjecture on my part.

But I do think the Ed Walters brought him in on the- But he did take those two pictures with that locked camera. He did take the pictures with the locked camera. Those pictures with the locked camera are pretty good. And then there's the matter of the model. When the Walters family moved out of the house where everything happened, the next family to move in found a model

that was very similar to the UFO featured in Ed's photographs. The UFO was also made using drafting paper with Ed's handwriting on it. Plans from a house he worked on. However, the UFO, the model, that was a fake. Concerning the paper, the plans were from a house that was built in September of 1989. This was almost two years after the first photograph was taking, meaning that the UFO model was most likely a plant made to discredit Ed.

But why would someone want to do that? Why would someone want to discredit Ed? Years after the whole thing had pretty much died down, well, it all comes down to local politics. Oh my goodness. Ed was running for city council against Tom Smith, who was the father of one of Ed's son's friends, Tom Smith Jr. Tommy came forward during the election

and said that he had in fact faked the photos with Ed Walters. Now he said that he can't have additional photos, that he had been a part of the hoax, and originally he was the one who was supposed to bring the pictures to the newspaper and be Mr. X, but Ed, you know, and then he said no to Ed, because the reason why, and then Ed Walters comes out, and he said number one, I was running for city council against his father and trying to shut me down.

Tommy was also a dude that he kicked out of his quote unquote games because Tommy was being a ruckus to hanging out for movie nights. Nick Mock as well. Yes, these were guys that he kicked out of like the group of dudes that were hanging out at the house all the time, maybe because they wouldn't suck dick, but I actually don't know. But also, all of this was instigated by a man named Craig Myers who was a reporter for the Pensacola news journal

that was the competition to the Gulf Sentinel and he did the sensationalist reporting of the Gulf Sentinel and the fact that they would even believe in these UFO cases so he made it his life's mission to tackle these stories. Say what you want about the first couple pictures. They obviously could have been and probably were hoaxed and put together. I really do think that he made shit up being an asshole and then part of it was that he was obsessed with UFOs life,

like the Bigfoot thing. He was trying to put a little fake evidence in there to get the conversation going and to get people to come believe it and be a big deal, right? Didn't realize why his whole life he was truly obsessed with UFOs and wanted to be part of lexicon. So all of a sudden getting flashback memories of that he has been serialized, raped for years by aliens

and that's why he's so obsessed. Well, that's going to be a tough thing for a campaign slogan. Yeah, it is going to be very difficult. Cereally abused by aliens. Yes, and then he, now it's like he's happening to him in real life. Oh yeah, and by the way, city council election? Dead last. Dead last.

Dead last. The Sentinel didn't endorse. That's bullshit. That's very sad. He was the only reason that paper had anything, it was an existence. I made you. I made you. Who doesn't know for Ed Walters?

But that tells a conjecture on my part. Yeah, that was also a conjecture. What is not conjecture, however, is that Tommy Smith Jr. did come forward with additional photos saying, hey look, these were taken both by me and Ed. We worked on these together. Photographic experts who looked at those photos said that they were not double exposed, that they could not prove that they were hoaxes whatsoever, that they were actually among the most genuine of all.

Yeah. He was telling the truth. But the problem is they keep saying there's all these pictures that were also hoaxes that looked like Ed's pictures, but where are those pictures? Why aren't they out? And then Marcus is trying to tell me, oh, not everything goes on the internet, but I like to fight the other side and say everything makes it to the internet. Absolutely.

You're a man of a million questions, Henry. That is a fallacy. A million questions in one answer. Just because it's not on Google doesn't mean it's not on the internet. Just think about it. Just because it's not on the internet doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Interesting. If I think about it, is it real?

Right? Again, if we're going to deep into this rabbit hole. Well, there's really nothing to even go into. The family seems happy, and that's all that matters. The family seems happy. No, they were tormented by UFO enthusiasts. Other than them faking an orgasm in front of them, I think for the most part they had a good time.

It started off super fun, but I think it just got weird by the end of it. They left. He made $200,000 on the book deal, but that quickly goes away. Each time you make the next book deal, you're going to make less on the advance. He kind of strung this out for a while. He was in charge of the Gulf Breeze UFO conference there that was there for a long time. That petered out. Then also the final nail came. 1990, one of Ed's biggest boosters.

A Navy physicist named Dr. Bruce McAbee came forward. He announced. We believe that you're Bruce McAbee. I like that. Yeah, why not? Yeah, sure. We believe that your force exists. We enter this investigation with the natural favorable bias toward the wildest case, but

our investigation and analysis lend to the conclusion that several, if not all of the photos are probably horses. I'm a cartoon monster. Oh my God. It sounds like if a chocolate bar could talk. I love that. No, he's saying that to try to discredit Bruce McAbee. I know what you're doing.

Yeah. Bruce McAbee is a serious man. He did come out very hard for Ed Walters and say, I really do think that this is an actual case, but as time went on, he had to admit this is probably all fake. The whole thing has just become so ludicrous that he's trying to distance himself from it, which is the problem with serious investigators getting involved with UFO incidents from now on. We're going to see this.

We're really fucked up by hanging their hat on this case because they really now showed you, you basically left this all in the hands of Ed Walters, who's not a reliable human being, which of course nobody, I guess who's involved with UFOs, turns out to be a reliable human being. Not one person. But the problem is that that's why we can't get serious investigators to come look at it because they all look like fools by the end of it because they have to deal with all these idiots at that time.

Remember McAbee is what they say. We still have Stanley Friedman. We do. He's doing a good job. Stanton Friedman. He's doing good. Jacques Filet is still out there. I don't think you can put Jacques Filet out there.

Yes, he can. Yes, I can. I will. Yes, I can. I will. You got Richard Dolan. He's doing really hard work. But mostly he just talks about how the government takes UFOs a lot more seriously than they

say they do. They sit there mostly. What do you mean? Hard work. Most of their job is... They're thinking. They're using their brains. Like us.

Yeah. Like this is hard work. Yeah, I do hard work and I sit here all the time. Yeah, my hands are not callous, but my brain is. Okay, that's true. The thing that we did not get into in 1990 that I want to quickly, briefly bring up because it's the end of the episode is this thing called the Doomsday Six, which we didn't realize this is that there was a group of six members of the NSA that went AWOL from Germany to

go all the way to Gulf Breeze to help save us against the war against aliens. And this is completely real. Well, not necessarily the war against the Antichrist. They did this weird aliens-Christian thing. These six true government workers went completely insane. They said they were a member of some sort of mental. It was a standard like we're going to make a super soldier, like weird hypnosis and drugs cocktail thing that they were working on in Germany.

And they started using a Ouija board and talked to an alien entity named Sapphire spelled with an F. And there was also several other alien beings that were talking to them as if they were part of the archetypical old school, old book of the Bible, like Noah, those guys, were coming forward and telling them, you have to go to Gulf Breeze, Florida. There is a war happening between the Alliance, which is a group of good aliens and a group called the others, which are the bad aliens. And they are going to bring about like basically 1998, quote, zip, zip, zap, zap, yada, yada,

yada, 1998, there's going to be an Antichrist. You guys, the only ones who know about it, you got to go fight it. So these guys left their posts in Germany, went all the way to Pensacola, Florida, rented a van where then they were picked up for having a tail light out. And then the cops ran their fucking, they gave them the driver's license. He's like, you guys have all went AWOL from the NSA and literally helicopters just show up, scoop them up. They're like, nobody knows the story after the fact, except for one of them wrote a romance

novel that is about him being in love with the roommate of one of the girls that he was, that was above the six people that were going with him to save the world from the Antichrist and it was about him banging her. Well that's an interesting little story there, kind of a side story. Doomsday six, look up Doomsday six, don't break it. Some of you are just a bunch of lazy NSA workers who wanted to get out of Germany. They lost their minds. I would say this, yeah, this is more probably an Edward type of situation, like this is,

this sounds like a combination between Edward and MKUltra. It's a crazy, I just would, we were looking through like at the very end of researching last night, I was like, holy shit, look at this, and it completely also, it adds up because the names all come up in a New York Times article of a group of NSA people that were outside of Gulf Breeze that were arrested for having a tail light out of a van that they had bombed. And speaking of research, I want to say special thanks to April for all of her help on this one.

She really came through on it. So thank you very much. Thank you, April. Thank you, Megan, as always. All right. Well, that's the Gulf Breeze story. That was exciting. That was wild and alien adventure.

I'm so happy this is out of my mind. Oh yeah. Oh, I don't think it is. No, you seem more obsessed than ever. I honestly am, I'm not worried about myself. We're worried about you. But I went really deep. I've been having a lot of dreams.

I've literally been reading about nothing but aliens for about three weeks, almost a month. Well, we're getting back to murder next week, so I'll get all wiped away. Yeah, Jack the stripper. That's going to be funny and cute. All right, everyone, thank you guys so much for listening. Marcus, what do we do now? We got to plug some stuff?

Yeah, we got to plug some stuff. Go to cavecomanyradio.com slash live for tickets to all of our live shows. We're going to be announcing a lot of dates this week, so be sure to follow us on Twitter at LP on the left to find out where and when those live dates are. But if you want first crack at any and all live shows, or at least live shows that aren't a part of festivals, go join our Patreon, patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. If you give even just a dollar, you get first crack at tickets, and we're selling out all of our shows, so you need to get your tickets soon.

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