Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 261: L. Ron Hubbard Part I - Grub Hubbard

Episode Date: March 10, 2017

It's finally time to talk about Scientology as we look at it through the lens of its founder, L. Ron Hubbard. This first episode explores his many, many lies throughout the years about his upbringing, the beginnings of his writing career, and his relationship with famed rocket scientist and black magician Jack Parsons. Awesome Call Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Nile's Blues Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

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Plus, once you've completed the survey, you can enter to win a $100 Amazon gift card. Again, that's podsurvey.com slash L-A-S-T. Thank you for your help everybody. Now, enjoy the episode. We'll see you in the next one. Alright, we're good to go. We're good to go. Welcome to the show everyone.

I am Ben Kissel. Mark is Parks. I'm staring at that beautiful face right now. How are the teeth? Teeth are good. Okay. Absolutely wonderful. And then we've got Henry Zabrowski as well.

Half a thumb lighter. Henry sent us a picture of your thumb yesterday and it looks like an enchilada, an enchilada just covered in mole sauce. Yes. Well, because the problem was is that I chopped the whole top of it off, right? And so the blood just kept coming and coming and coming. And the doctor had to cauterize it, which is just burning it close. And I'm not a brave man.

I don't believe it. When I have cancer, the eventuality of me getting cancer, once I have cancer, I'm going to be one of those going like, kill me, just fucking kill me. Alright. So it was rough. But yeah, it was covered in hardened blood, which is the reason why it was hurting so much because it was like all I didn't realize when I took off my big little my thumb sock, that the blood had gotten all the way around the knuckle and it made a hard little net like

an evil little spider man was inside of my bandage. I would have loved to see you during the Civil War era, just, you know, like I can't go into battle today. You wouldn't you believe it? I was cutting garlic. Well, for those of you who don't know, the reason why we haven't had an episode in about a week and a half is because I first had to get a tooth yanked out because I had a big abscess and then Henry cut off half of his thumb while chopping garlic.

So what's going to happen to me? Who knows? A kidney stone or something. I think blood clots are going to travel up to your brain. Yeah, maybe. And that's death. So I don't want to wish that. Alright, well today's.

But also while I'm in the middle of doing this, I'm reading Dianetics, right? And so Dianetics is supposed to fix you physically. Right. I'm going through it. Nothing's working. Oh, I can't believe it. Today's episode absolutely thrilled to finally get to the subject of L. Ron Hubbard. Yeah, people have been asking for this one for years and we're finally going to tackle

it. Of course, L. Ron Hubbard is the creator of Scientology, full name Lafayette Ronald Hubbard. I think you made a smart decision going with the L. Ron. Well, I mean, you know, as we'll get into later, L. Ron is much more scientific. Sounds like a robot. That's true. Scientology is without a doubt the most successful and insidious cult of the 20th century.

L. Ron Hubbard was described by one of his most ardent followers who got wise to the scheme later on as quote, a mixture of Adolf Hitler, Charlie Chaplin and Baron Munchhausen. Oh, I'd like to see that mountain rush more. Strange combo. Honestly, if my name was Lafayette, I would have went as Laffy. Oh, that's actually L. Ron Hubbard's grandfather. Sometimes when he's Laffy, I don't like it because he was named after his grandfather Lafayette.

I am so excited to dive into this man. I watched a lot of videos on YouTube and I don't see the charm, but we will get to the bottom of it. Again, it sounds like you're about to fall in love. I don't know. You sound like Princess Jasmine and you're talking about Aladdin. Oh my goodness. Now, in this series, we will explore the life and lies of L. Ron Hubbard and follow the

story of one of the frankly most impressive con men of all time for, as they say in going clear of the fantastic HBO documentary to understand Scientology, you've got to understand L. Ron Hubbard. Because the whole thing is an extension of his mind. Once you get to the very bottom of who L. Ron Hubbard actually is as a human being, you start to see that he just wanted to create millions of little hymns and then eventually a gigantic country filled with little hymns. And guess what, they've all got disgusting teeth.

I mean, it's every man's fantasy, I suppose. Yeah, I suppose so. Now, the primary text for this episode is the book Bare-Faced Messiah by Russell Miller, which seems to be the definitive, actually true biography on L. Ron Hubbard. Definitely recommended reading. It's a huge, it's really thick, it's really huge and we can't cover everything in there. So if you're interested in this episode, that's a really expansive look at L. Ron Hubbard's life.

Also, I gotta say, if there was an entire nation that was L. Ron Hubbard, the toilet paper shortage would be through the roof. He looks like a guy who uses a lot of the TP. So I was thinking, instead of just getting the super soft TP for the PCs, instead what we could do is have one big block of just kind of a square of cotton that I can rub myself on, attach it to a stump onto a little boy. Horrifying L. Ron, horrible. Now, the legend goes that L. Ron Hubbard started Scientology on a bet with sci-fi author Robert

Highland when Ron claimed he could make a religion out of science. It's a good story, but it never happened. The truth about the origins of Scientology is much more fascinating and much more complicated than that. Also, we're gonna find out, too, as I was researching, not only did he not just say it just one time that religion is how you make money. He said it at least four or five times, the entire way of growing up before creating the first version of Dianetics.

This has been on his mind since the very beginning. He's always been obsessed with money and power. He was very frank about it to his insiders, because in the end, he said it all, you know, the end justifies the means, is that once I become super powerful, then I can help the whole universe. Well, and I'm sure we'll get into this, but what stopped him from just going the route of a Joel Osteen and just attaching himself to a religion that already exists? Because certainly, that's a billion-dollar industry in itself.

I mean, really, to answer that question, we gotta get into his life, you know, because this is a man who really used what tools he was given, and he was also a master at making it up as he went along. He was a master at just following the road that was laid in front of him, which is what all cult leaders do best. They're all like fucking jazmen, so when the drummer goes, you gotta be able to make sure you go, because if not, you get killed by the drummer. Yeah, kind of reminds me of the Children of God cult, of course.

I mean, yeah, every cult, right? Yeah, every cult. Now, the first thing you've got to know about Lafayette is that he's a fantastic liar and an even better storyteller. And in fact, he told so many lies over the course of his life that we cannot cover them all. It's not just his own life, not even counting Scientology could be an entire episode just in itself.

Now, the ironic thing, though, is that Hubbard's life was actually fairly interesting. Even without the embellishment, it just wasn't Messiah-level interesting. At most, like, the best reaction he could hope to get after telling it would just be cool. Does that stem from an insecurity in your own reality? Absolutely. Yeah. The idea is that you see, he had a very intense superiority complex since he was a little kid.

He started lying to himself within his journals. He would write about adventures and shit that he was doing to lying to himself from a very early age, which is actually a weird primitive form of chaos magic, which we'll get into later on as well. And it's it's but it's very he couldn't stay. He believed he was better than the life he was born into immediately. But he would also be practicing for pretty much charismatic cult leader status because while he would be creating these ventures about himself, he would always be referring

to himself in like this self-effacing manner. So like Buffalo Bill looked in the mirror with his penis tucked and was like, oh, fuck me. Would you fuck me? And he was just like, I'll follow me. Would you follow me? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, absolutely.

But the thing is about Elrond Hubbard from a young age, he could not separate the stories he wrote from the stories he told about his own life, and if you ever called him out on it, you'd get some of that red haired temper that Hubbard was famous for. Like I'm famous for too. Oh, Henry, you're gushing blood out of your thumb right now. I'm mad about it. Before Hubbard wrote Dianetics, which is the book on which the entirety of Scientology is built on, he was one of the most well-known science fiction authors in all of America.

He got his start in the pulp magazines, writing everything from pirate stories to detective tales to westerns with vaguely homoerotic titles like Six-Gun Caballero, Rotem Cowboy, and Hot Lead Pay Off. Hey Barb, leave me alone. I'm reading Hot Lead Pay Off. You know I like my westerns, Barb. Leave me alone. Barry, just for a second, could you put some pants on?

Maybe conceal the erection, the mayor's coming over for an inspection of the backyard. Oh Barb, if you want another child, sit on it really quick. Oh, this is my favorite page. Sit on it really quick. And all that is in addition to his first novel, Buckskin Brigades. Now, what's interesting too is that during this time period, so he got married really fast. He had like a fun little childhood, but he was also traveling back and forth from New

York and where the sci-fi community was back home to California to his wife and disappearing more and more just hanging out with these nerds. But he was lying about how much money he had. He would go to New York, tell them all these stories about how successful his books and his stories have become. Meanwhile, he would go to homeless shelters and pose as a homeless person getting free soup because that's all he could eat. And so they said when he sold Buckskin Brigades, they owed so much money to the grocers that

they had cut them completely off. And so finally he had all of this money, he was supposed to come home and he could finally get out of debt to all the various weird local businesses that gave him a tab for some reason. And then he shows up, his wife was immediately like, oh, it's amazing. Let's go pay them now. And he's like, I'm sorry to tell you, honey, I bought a boat. And he literally bought a boat that he did nothing with. They just sat on the front yard like David Crosby eventually Elron would move on to science

fiction. And in 1937, Ron began work on a book called Excalibur, which 12 years later would become Dianetics. And Excalibur was described as quote, a summation of a life based on his analysis of the state of mankind and came from Ron's quote, discovery that the primary law of life was to survive. Like how do I survive with horizontal teeth? I have teeth like little parallelograms.

I have to eat nothing but hot soup. Homeless hot soup. It sounds like there was another trick that he did with the hot soup. He met up with this writer and the writer was like, here's how you get free to make a soup. You go down to the automatic. You get a free bowl of hot water. And then you take that nickel you were going to put into the machine to get this powder

for the tomato soup. You put that nickel in your pocket. Then you go over to the table. You go over to the free ketchup on the table, dump half of that ketchup bottle into the bowl of hot water. You serve it up. Presto free soup. Tomato soup.

Wait a second. What was your name again? A young Gordon Ramsay, lovely to meet you. Why is it the people who have life all figured out live like an 1820s hobo? There's like, no, we got to figure it out. If you lower your life standards. We have it all figured out at your lowest standards. Life is really easy to figure out because all you got to figure out is how to turn hot

water into tomato soup. It sounds like ketchup soup, which is a whole nother thing, just a half bottle of ketchup and a bowl of hot water. I think I had that in college a couple of times actually know about Excalibur, the book that would become Dianetics. It was said that the first six people to read the manuscript were so overwhelmed by the content that they were all driven insane with knowledge with one person throwing the manuscript across the room before jumping out a window.

Damn. That's what I'll say. What ages are we talking about for Elron here? This is, what is it, like mid 30s, I think like early to mid 30s somewhere around there about around our age. I will say this when I read 50 Shades of Grey for the first time, I shoved a spatula up my ass, but that was just because I was looking for a thrill. I was bored and lonely in Toronto.

50 Shades of Grey for the first time. How many times have you read it? Good catch, Ben. If you put a number in the title of a book, that's like a bet to me. How many times can I read it? You know what I'm saying? Yes. Also, so later on, his personal assistant Jerry Armstrong, that would be like one of

the first big defectors away from Scientology, said that. So all old manuscripts of Excalibur, which was debated whether or not it even existed, there was two. And they're all handwritten by Elron Hubbard because that's how he wrote everything. And Jerry Armstrong, like, read it, it was the interview with him and he's like, I read it at Excalibur and I didn't go insane. Totally normal. Isn't that how the hud sucker proxy ended?

Did he read a book and jump out the window? That's the beginning. I think that's the beginning. Okay. I'm happy I didn't ruin anything for anybody. But you know, for Elron Hubbard, for his writing to have such extraordinary power, for it to have the power to literally drive men insane because it was too good, Ron himself needed to have led an extraordinary life bordering on godlike.

People had to believe he had the experience necessary to hold such power and low amount of bullshit was built. Even just calling it a mountain of bullshit is not enough. You're literally the beginning of a trillion year map of galaxies of bullshit. Yeah. Now, according to official Scientology biographies, Ronald was born in 1911 and grew up with his rich grandfather on a ranch in Montana that was so big it took up nearly a quarter of the state.

And when he was six years old, he had an encounter with a Blackfoot Indian medicine man named Old Tom, who recognized him as a child while beyond his years, made him an official blood brother of the tribe, quote, in a ceremony still recalled in Blackfoot legend. Thank you. Tell me, tell me now, are you guys the Dancing with Sheets Indians or the other Dancing with Sheet Indians? I'm having fun, guys, wise beyond my years. Oh, no, it's like a strange tale to make up.

Why? Well, Ron, this is all BS, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he just made up that he owned a quarter of a state that's basically uninhabited? Well, he grew up on a ranch that was as big as a quarter of a state. His grandfather owned it, but that was necessary for later life. See, it's one thing built on another, built on another. See, Ron spent his days breaking Broncos and tending to the land, becoming a seasoned cowboy

before the age of 10. While working for his wealthy grandfather, who is also, by the way, a famous sea captain. Of course, but that's why he's not around, which seems like that is like the orphanage story constantly being like, no, my daddy left me here because he's a famous sea captain. That's why I got to get good at washing floors so I can get on the big, his big old shiny ship as soon as he comes back any day now. He sounds like a kind of a lemony snicket character. Yeah, I mean, it's just making shit up.

So I hope it's any day now. Everything will be fine. Now, after his childhood ranching career, Ron rejoined his parents and soon after his father enlisted in the Navy. And on a boat trip from the West Coast of Washington, DC, Ronald befriended a US Navy medical corps psychoanalyst named Commander Joseph Snake Thompson. You know, something about meeting a psychoanalyst named Snake alone on a train, a young boy in him.

No, alone on a boat, on a boat, which is even worse because it's the always sunny thing where it's about like you take a woman out on a boat and it's about the implication. And Snake can be a really cool nickname if he's like a G.I. Joe or an undercover agent. But if he just has a really long tongue and strange eyes. He was called Snake because he really liked snakes. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Just call him Heeding Lamp, then. I mean, who cares? That's not a reasoning. Just call him Joe. Just call him Joe. That got my buddy Joe who likes snakes. You don't get the nickname Snake because you like snakes. No, Snake had been a personal student of Sigmund Freud or so Elrond Hovered said and taught

Ron all about the mysteries of the mind on that magical trip through the Panama Canal. Oh, yeah. That's kind of Freudian. He called him Snake as well as opposed to oysters or something. Snake and a boy traveling through a big old canal. Interesting. And when the family arrived in Washington D.C., Ron stayed friends with Snake who, in Ron's word, took the opportunity to, quote, solve my nose into books at the Library of Congress

and then do something weird with my ass. Did it make you feel weird, Ron? It made me feel, what's the word, complete? It's a disturbing voice to say the least. And highly accurate. I know. It's completely. See the charm in this guy.

Again, you're falling in love with him every second we go. You're falling in love with him. I'm falling in love with your impression of him. Now, around this time, Elrond also managed to become the youngest Eagle Scout to ever exist. His father was then transferred to Guam, and this is where Ron began his, quote, travels in the Orient. Yeah, covered in orange sauce, isn't it funny to say?

It sounds like the imagination of the old man from the movie Up. This is literally just going to find the golden peacock or whatever the heck they were looking for in that movie. Well, this is why it was necessary for him to have a rich grandfather on a ranch in Montana because his rich grandfather funded his travels in the Orient. Because it was still necessary for him to have somewhat of a working class background. His father was just a simple Navy shipment, but his grandfather was the benevolent family member who funded the travels in the Orient.

So he had it both ways. Right. So he can have the mixture of the two. He can connect with anyone. So he has the understanding of the common man and the understanding of the truly wise. And so he can put them together. And the truly... And the Barack Obama.

And the truly wealthy. Yes. Because then if he had that, you know, oh yes, my grandfather was also very rich. He has that blue blood connection which enables him to snake a lot of fucking money out of those people. Now in China, Elrond said he met an old magician and he met a Hindu who could hypnotize cats. And in Tibet, he lived with bandits and made friends with the warlords of Manchuria by demonstrating impressive horsemanship.

And I'll tell you this as a chubby redheaded man, there's nothing any foreign people likes to meet more in the wilderness than a lost, chubby, redheaded little boy who thinks he's very smart. They make nothing but friends. Elrond also said he slept with primitive tribes and learned the language of the Igaroti people in just one night by lantern light. And all of this supposedly happened before Hubbard had reached high school. Now the thing is about that huge chunk of bullshit, there is some truth to every single

one of those stories. Yeah, like little threads, tiny little beginning eggs of truth. Little tiny things. See, Hubbard was a master of embellishment and even better at making people want to believe his stories because why else would this nice charismatic man lie about such things? For money and power. But why? Money and power.

Why? Why? Well, I mean, I guess it is more fun to believe him, right? It's so much more fun to believe him. You know, all this shit, it's so much more fun because he makes you feel special. And if you feel special, it is because this special man is making you feel special. So the better the bigger of a character Elrond Hubbard is, the more of a character you are. Also, are you going to sign your whole life over to Toby from Burger King who runs the

fry later, or are you going to sell your life to the man who's been all over the world and knows all types of girls? Do I get free fries? From Toby? Either way. Either way. Oh, I do? Okay, well then I'll go with Elrond.

In reality, Hubbard's childhood was a little unorthodox, but nothing particularly special. Compared to what a lot of cult leaders we cover went through, Hubbard's childhood was fantastically easy. He was well-loved and completely overindulged by his entire family, particularly his grandparents and his aunts. By the way, that wealthy grandfather that owned the entire ranch, veterinarian. Oh. Just literally the sweetest people on the face of the planet.

And I'm sure at some point he saved a snake, so it's all coming together. Yeah, when Elrond's mother washed his mouth out with soap one day, his aunts retaliated by holding Ron's mother down and washing her mouth out with soap, because how dare she? How dare she do anything to little Ronald? My mother used to wash my mouth out with soap, but I just decided I'd love it. And then they stopped doing it. Chaos magic. That's right.

Chaos magic. Flipped it on her. What if Snake was just his penis with a little face drawn on it? You'll teach me everything I need to know, won't you? Stand up and be proud. Oh, sit down. Like a little solitary confinement puppet. That's sad.

Now all of this stuff, compared to Charles Manson getting raped by older boys in Juvie or David Berg sleeping in the same bed as his mother and wanting to fuck her the entire time, all this is pretty tame stuff. Yeah. What? That's crazy. I thought it's pretty normal to always be sleeping in the same bed as your mom and always talking about wanting to grip on her breasts and suck on her breasts.

Even Holden McNeely make an entire comedic persona about that for a number of years. He's changed. He has changed. Now he's transferred it from his mother over to his fiancée, which is, oh, that's right. Yes. Congratulations Holden. Indeed. Now Hubbard, like I said, his grandfather was an arranger, a small town vet, and the

black feet, they don't even have a blood brother ceremony. Of course not. They're not going to fucking get this little fat redheaded kid in there anyway. He must have been so allergic to leather, putting him up on a horse, because we look pretty similar. Like, if you look at me and him, especially his back in the day, he was exactly that, like a round little, like weird, beady-eyed redhead boy like I was. A robot.

Yeah. It was just like, I need more. They keep spooning porridge into his mouth. No, kind of like Bobby Hill type character. Yeah. Yes. Now Hubbard was an eagle scout, but it's impossible to know if he was the youngest because at the time the Boy Scouts didn't record ages.

So he was like 12, 13, but I think that's normal for eagle scouts, right? Yeah, it's pretty, I think like eagle scouts, usually it's like 12 to 14, somewhere around there. That is just such a stupid lie, because no one's going to be like, oh, you were the youngest eagle scout, now I must follow you. Who cares about the age of the eagle scout? Well, that lie started when he was around a teenager, because when he was a teenager, since he was actually traveling around so much, he would come back to like Helena, Montana,

and they would write these stories about him. They'd write news stories about him. So he started planting the lies there, because the only record of him being the youngest eagle scout, and this is like in a Scientology Museum, is a newspaper clipping from the Helena, Montana newspaper that said Elron Hubbard is the youngest eagle scout in history. So his parents would just submit this to the papers or something? No, absolutely not. Absolutely not.

This is Helena, Montana. There was nothing happening. The fact that this little kid, because he traveled with his parents, they were Navy people, so they traveled and they'd come back, and so it was this immediate like fascinating thing that this little kid from Montana went to China, but then he immediately understood the idea of PR. Yeah. Sort of like what we're seeing now with Trump and shit, like the idea is that you

weave, you say a lie, and then you dare people to figure out if it's wrong or right. Like he has to then be like, fuck this little kid, I don't trust him, I now have to go research and fucking debunk him as fast as you can possibly, because the internet wasn't around yet. We talked about that on top, that the onus is on you to decide what's real, and you said there was nothing that happened in Helena, Montana, Henry, but I heard they had the youngest eagle scout, so yeah, sorry, I actually do know for a fact that was a true story. Yeah, Elron did travel on a boat through the Panama Canal with his parents, but there's

no record whatsoever of a commander, Joseph Snake Thompson serving in the Navy, nor is their record of him ever studying under fraud. We do have a janitor here, they called himself the lewd gecko, but what did he do? Well apparently he'd make is, this is inappropriate, do you care if I share it with this family? I guess it's okay. Apparently he'd cover his hands so thick with a coating of cum that he could stick to the walls just by touching it with his hands. Well I'm Stan Lee and I have a new idea for a superhero.

Thank you so much, I'll be going now. Hubbard did do some light traveling through the Orient when his father was stationed in Guam, but his personal journal tells a different story other than warlords and magicians. He hated the Chinese saying quote, they smell of all the baths they didn't take, it is a funny joke. It reminds me of the old dirty joke books that my father would leave on the bathroom at the top of the toilet that I would read that kind of turned me into the human being that I've become.

Yeah there was a time where parents were like, let our kids really study Milton Burl, that's a good idea, the man who smokes nothing but cigars and says racial slurs. The only thing Hubbard was impressed by in China was the Great Wall saying they would make a million dollars if only they would turn it into quote, a roller coaster. Just turn it, just turn it into a roller coaster and it'd be totally fine. That makes a million dollars, there ain't nothing else going on in China but that great wall, they just put roller coaster on it and they make a lot of money. His idea was to turn the Great Wall of China into a roller coaster ride.

Yes. Exactly, perfect America. You knew exactly how to make money. How would it, okay we'll get to this. Think about this right, number one, you're 13 years old visiting China, it's a huge event in your life. You come from Montana, you don't know anything about like traveling in foreign lands, you're on these big huge boats, he's completely unimpressed by all of it.

He's the worst kid I've ever seen in my entire life, like literally like mommy they stink, why don't they make that a roller coaster? Exactly. And why are there chickens hanging in the windows, what's this mommy? What's really important is that he's already thinking of money, like as soon as he went, it's like, I know it's like ridiculous but if you look at it, when they talk about the journal and he would talk about the ways, he would talk about how they can improve their country at the age of 13 years old, where he said to me like, well I can go in there

and I can fix all these things, I have tremendous ideas, I have absolutely fantastic ideas that where I can fix this country. And it's incredible, like you watch, it's like oh wow, he's always been the Elron Hubbard that he became. Yeah. And that's the thing is that he, the entire time he was doing these trips, he was writing, it's just page after page after page, constantly writing in his journal. And after Guam, Hubbard went back to Montana where he tried to get appointed editor in chief

of the school newspaper, which was called The Nugget. I remember my sister's, my older sister's first husband had a whole stack of magazines called Nugget, but it was Trucker Porn. Oh, is that right? I thought it was Owen Hart, it was a nickname for a former pro wrestler, Owen Hart as well, the Nugget. The derogatory towards it. But Elron Hubbard, as a newcomer, he was not made editor in chief, he was instead made

jokes editor a position he had to share with a girl named Ellen Galusia. Oh, I would have turned that around. If you had made me jokes editor, I would have put Helena, Helena Montana on the fucking map. Absolutely. But I mean, there is no denying he was actually motivated. He did write a lot. So he was talented to some degree.

He was an amazing, he was amazingly talented, like at what he, at what he did, the temperature in my little pot starting to get a little hotter, this little frog's about to boil. Hubbard soon disappeared from Helena saying he had to leave town because he beat a guy half to death for throwing a baseball at his head. But other people say that Hubbard was running away because he had been expelled for, quote, putting his butt in a waste paper basket. Yeah. Oh my God, now I remember me and my friend Jared did that.

I used to roll him around in the recycling bin on a regular basis. Of course. That's right, Henry. I am learning to love. This is what I'm telling you, man. I am going to change. He's only reeling you in. Wow.

He's only reeling you in by bit. Now in 1931, Hubbard directed what he called the Caribbean motion picture expedition, which is supposed to be a seafaring trip in which he would explore and film pirate strongholds of the Spanish Maine. And then it started with a big, fantastic pitch and then he's like, but we'll also get scientific little bits. We'll travel on a thing, we'll collect plants and rocks, and it's this whole, it was all a validation in order to get all of his kids and friends on a boat and they would roll

down the Caribbean, which sounds like a great idea. It does. Yeah. I mean, what they were going to do, they were going to get like 50, like they were going to rent like a big schooner. They were going to get like 50 kids together, which that's also a testament to how he could get people together. He got it together in like a week.

This guy, he could motivate people, he could get them gathered and he could get them to give him money. And apparently they also, they said that even at this age in high school, Ron was never not surrounded by groups of people. Yeah. Wherever he went, he was surrounded by people because he just knew how to bullshit. Like he could just, he keeps people engaged. Well, do you want to be around the editor who smells like yogurt of the nugget?

Or do you want to be around the jokes editor? You want to be around the jokes, the fun. Exactly. He's the Jimmy Fallon. That's the Jimmy Fallon of the nugget. Exactly. Now the Caribbean motion picture expedition did indeed happen, but it was a catastrophic failure.

The man who Ron chartered the boat from Captain Fred Gerfield described it as quote, the worst trip I ever made. Sir, you don't have a leg and you're missing an eye. How was this the worst trip you ever made? Children. That'll do it. It was like the movie hook, except none of the kids were as attractive as in the movie hook.

I don't know if we watched that movie for the same reason. Yeah. They didn't film a single thing. They never made it to the Spanish main. They barely made it off the American coast and they spent the entire time arguing about money. But of course, when Al Ron Hover talked about the Caribbean motion picture expedition later, they went to the Spanish main.

He did a full mineralogical survey of Puerto Rico. They had done dozens of surveys for gold all across the Caribbean. But of course, it was all bullshit. In 1933, Hubbard met his first wife, Polly Grubb. Yeah, the old Grubb. The old Grubb Hubbard wedding. That is... Take it to Lasso stand.

Old Grubb. Grubb Hubbard sounds like a villain with just like, I don't have fingers, but I got strong nubs. Like Grubb Hubbard, the nub killer. Grubb Hubbard sounds like a food app on your phone that you could get when the delivery comes. It's just food tied to the back of a dog. Yeah.

It somehow has to get to your house. Order Grubb Hubbard. All we got is ketchup packets and mayonnaise jars. Come on down to Grubb Hubbard. We got condiments and uneasy ways for you to eat them. And they are expensive. Today's episode of Last Podcast on the Left is brought to you by adamandeeve.com. Go to adamandeeve.com for a limited time only.

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Use code LEFT at checkout. That's LEFT at adamandeeve.com. Use code LEFT at adamandeeve.com. Now by this time, Hubbard had started his writing career having sold three articles to the Sportsman Pilot magazine and one to the Washington Star called Navy Pets. I like that. Navy Pets are fun. That's fun.

If you would have just kept writing articles about pets like little dogs on boats, it would have been great. I'm just a pug on a boat trying to get a bound. They're just horrible Nazi cats of the U-boats. For a steam ahead, young mittens, we must destroy the USS Good Boy. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I do like it.

Now concerning the pilot articles, this part of Hubbard's life was actually true. By all accounts, Hubbard was an extremely talented glider pilot known for daredevil antics which earned him the nickname Flash Hubbard, although it is suspected that he gave that nickname to himself. Because the only person that called him Flash Hubbard was himself, talking disparagingly about how I've somehow earned the nickname Flash Hubbard, which is you making your own nickname. Yeah, Flash Hubbard also sounds like a superhero who can run really fast, but he constantly

steps in hot tar, so he just really never gets going. Oh Flash Hubbard just sounds like a fat redheaded man who's showing people his cock. Also another possibility. Now that nugget of truth would help himself all the rest of the bullshit that he would repeat over the next few years, and all that added up landed him an actual position in the famed Explorers Club who didn't bother to check out any of his claims. Is the Explorers Club still around? I'm not sure, I didn't check.

Is the movie up? Am I just tripping out here? Wasn't that the Explorers Club? I guess, I don't know. I'm not going to reference the film anymore. I want to look up, I have to look this up, the Explorers Club. This is still around, that's ridiculous, because we found everything. Everything's explored.

Yeah. Now the ocean's not explored. I mean, okay, yeah, I guess it would be, the ocean isn't explored. Absolutely. Oh, now it's like Explorers, like they use their brains to explore. Like I'm looking at this now, yeah, this is dumb. Well the Explorers Club used to be like, I mean, it used to be this organization where there would be these rough and tumble men that would get together and they would tell

stories and they would go on expeditions and trips together. Yeah. No, it sounds like super cool. Like they had a new- It sounds like a great way to secretly have sex with a bunch of other leather clad men in a fancy club in the middle of New York City. Haha! I'm sorry, young Reginald, I seem to have gushed all over your fine moustache. Haha!

Different kind of gold mining, I guess, alright. But the Explorers Club was a big deal. It was very well respected and now Elron Hubbard was a part of it. And with his reputation as an adventurer, fully established Hubbard's career writing stories in the pulp magazines took off with the publication of three stories, Fear, Final Blackout, and Typewriter in the Sky. Oh, cool. Now, while pretty solid for pulp writing, the stories were still full of embarrassing

lines like Peel Your Peepers. And by God, he's got spunk. It's in his pants. Haha! What was the first? Peel Your Peepers? Peel Your Peepers! Peel Your Peepers, you young savage and learn how to skateboard like that little girl does.

I don't know. Strange. One of Hubbard's most useful skills that would take him far into the cult game was his ability to not only sell bullshit, but to get others to sell it for him. And when World War II broke out, Hubbard convinced a congressman to write a letter to President Roosevelt extolling Hubbard's virtues as a worldly adventurer with considerable influence in the Caribbean and Alaska. Now, that congressman turned out that was originally just his neighbor.

And they were like drinking buddies, and they would go out and play darts and get drunk all night. And L. Ron Hubbard would sit and talk about all of his ideas and his past and stuff. And he was like, oh, this guy's got a crazy bunch of ideas. And this guy's goes, it's like, wow, this guy's really lived a life. And L. Ron Hubbard, that's the first man that he said to him, if you want to make money, you got to start a cult. And then you went on to be elected a congressman.

Which is how shit gets done in this country, is that you get hammered and share secrets to someone who eventually starts to get into the government, kiss all I'm looking at you. And then that's when you can really start getting things done. Well, there's no way that this show isn't going to hurt me at all. No way. Everything is just fine. This relationship with a congressman who sold his line of bullshit to the president of the United States is how L. Ron Hubbard, with no experience, was commissioned as a lieutenant

in the US Naval Reserve during World War II. Just that easy, huh? Just that easy. He took bullshit and flipped it into becoming an officer in the Navy. And that's like, again, we're going to bring this up a lot. But that's like chaos magic in action. That is the idea of generating reality. It's insane.

Now, the Scientology story says that Hubbard fought in all five theaters in World War II. He received 21 medals and was severely wounded and blinded before miraculously recovering of his own volition after his family and friends had abandoned him. By contrast to that claim, this is what one of his superiors said about him in 1942. This officer is not satisfactory for independent duty assignment. He is garrulous and tries to give impressions of his importance. He also seems to think he has unusual ability in most lines. So he's not going to be working with old Lude Gecko.

Wow. Now, this review landed Hubbard in a desk job, but it wouldn't be long before he was able to bullshit his way into gaining command of a small submarine hunter off the west coast of the United States. Not in Germany, not in Japan, near San Francisco. Ooh, that's a fun army. But that's like what my dad did. My dad did the same thing, but they had fun with it.

Like my dad was stationed in the submarine in the Gulf of Mexico during Vietnam and the goal was to just watch Cuba. And so they would just sit on lawn chairs and drink on top of the submarine while the other Cuban submarine just across the way, like over the water, would sit and drink on top of their submarine, and in a way, it was an example of how equal we all are. So it was just Mikhail's Navy. That's basically it. Now, that opportunity with being a lieutenant and him being assigned to this small submarine

hunter, Hubbard would fuck that up spectacularly on May 18th, 1943. And this story is true, Hubbard caught sight of something on his ship's radar, which he immediately assumed to be a Japanese sub parking itself in a busy shipping lane. Now, remember, there were a lot of stories of Japanese subs slowly sneaking up on America. And there were actually a couple of examples. There was a Japanese sub, I guess, was fired at like a couple of years before, like right after Pearl Harbor, there was a little buzz of a Japanese submarine. So like he's kind of like, okay, maybe my bullshit's starting to come true.

Maybe I can really command this submarine and make something happen here. Now, over the course of two days, Hubbard dropped dozens of depth charges into the water in an attempt to sink whatever was down there, ordering refill after refill of ammunition after each attack. He dropped down two dozen, he called into the coast, they'd bring in more ammunition. Two days that went on. And when someone in charge finally got wind of what was going on, probably because an insane amount of ammunition was being fed to one small sub hunter near San Francisco,

it was revealed that Hubbard had been battling with a well-known magnetic deposit. Oh, well, we have to kill that magnetic deposit. Good Lord, but think about how the cancer the magnets will beat. Yes. But before he could be disciplined for that, he took it further by opening fire on a group of small islands near Tijuana for no apparent reason other than he just wanted to. Well, he said he was taking them out for training, but he didn't realize that they literally had crossed the state like they crossed into Mexico to do it.

So essentially it was an act of war. Yeah. It sounds like he almost started a war on a different front. Yes. And so you're this is literally a movie. This is Mikhail's name. This is like a bunch of idiots in a submarine just blowing shit up. It sounds like a great time again.

Oh my God. Oh, the temperature in this pot is boiling. This is what I'm telling you. This guy, you're going to love this guy, but I could see I just like there's just so many opportunities where I could see a guy grabbing his hat thrown on the ground going, God damn it. Hubbard. Yeah.

With your, your faulty plans and your hijinks and your dough and your red cad group of idiots. Sounds like a great time. And then I'll be like, I'm too tall to be on a submarine. And then Elrod would be like, well, go outside. Like now we're going to have to call you a stupid. You got a stoop, a fitness report described him as quote below average and recommended he be placed on a large vessel where he could be properly supervised.

After this embarrassment, Ron embarked on a long career of malangren, scamming whatever money he could from veterans affairs. It began with an ulcer, then expanded to headaches, then moved on to arthritis and debilitating hemorrhoids. Interesting. So yeah, when you, when you have a desk job, technically hemorrhoids are the worst injury you can have. Yeah, they really are.

Just debilitating hemorrhoids. Debilitating hemorrhoids. Yeah. Well, it's cause they also grew a mouth and they were like, I don't believe in you. You can't succeed. Yeah. Like a, like an alien that pops out of Sigourney Weaver's chest. No, one real ailment, element he had concerned his eyes.

He told friends that he had been the recipient of a flash burn evading capture on the Japanese Isles in hostile territory, which is why he had to wear sunglasses at all times. But in reality, it was nothing more than conjunctivitis, aka pink eye, which essentially just means he wiped his ass and didn't wash his hands. Right. Not nearly as fun as a combat injury. Yeah. And by the way, he got three medals, not 21.

And two of those medals were essentially participation awards. Yes. And the one for being a part of, he was just in the Navy when we won the war. Yeah. That's like how you get, you just get those medals. And then he, you'll see to what I like to see here is that it's the beginning of this scam, right? Where he's trying to do the injury lawyer scam right now in this beginning here.

He's starting to learn, well, I can make money just by coming up with bullshit. I could not string together the miraculous, courageous military career that I wanted to. So now it's like, how do I get free money? And you just debase yourself. You just allow yourself to say all of these things are wrong with you in order to make money and not worry about embarrassing yourself. You just got to lay it all out and just be a professional victim. Yeah.

And he did that for years. And eventually. He really was a veteran. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he really was a veteran, but there were many other veterans who were much more deserving. I will say the only, the most noble thing that my dad has ever done is the fact that he won't take veteran benefits because he didn't actually shoot anybody in Vietnam.

He was just like, literally be like, I was in no danger in Vietnam. Yeah. I'm sure as a matter of fact, their alcohol consumption probably led to ammunition being less available to a ship that actually needed it because the army was out of money because they spent it all on Coors life. After the war, Ron Lee chuffed the Navy as much as he could, but eventually he returned to his career as a writer and Ron's career took off in the middle of what some call the golden age of science fiction with Hubbard releasing work right alongside Isaac Asimov

and Robert Heinlein. And not surprisingly, these writers were a pretty tight knit group, although Asimov absolutely despised Hubbard. But on the other hand, Asimov was a gigantic asshole and hated everybody. Okay. So, through these writers, Hubbard would vaguely cross paths with another charismatic 20th century con man, the man we mentioned more than anyone else because he seems to be eventually involved in almost everything we cover, Alistair Crowley.

Now, I say they had their paths vaguely crossed because Hubbard's real connection was with one of the most fascinating figures of post-war America, famed rocket scientist and satanist John Parsons, known to his friends as Jack. This is, Jack Parsons is an incredible figure in American history. You guys got to look, read about him, get into his lifestyle because it's absolutely fascinating. He lived, we're going to go into it now. Do you remember this?

So, think about this. He got out of World War II. He has not been home in a years. His wife does no clue where he is. He went straight from World War II back to New York to hang out with his nerd buddies. Then all of a sudden, California calls. During the day, Jack Parsons worked at the California Institute of Technology known the world over as one of America's foremost experts on explosives.

But by night, Parsons was a dedicated black magician who was an ardent disciple of Alistair Crowley who was by that time in his twilight years living as a junkie in various boarding houses. Now, Parsons joined the Ordo Templi Orientis in 1939 and soon became one of its higher ranking members. From there, he began correspondence with Crowley and always addressed him as most beloved father and always signing off as thy son, John. God, that would have made you so, Crowley, just so horny and it's really nice to do something.

It's like when you go and read for old people like in a home. It's like nice to do that for somebody like him. I hope someone does that for me. Yes, depending on the book. Now, Jack's personal room was decked out with a gigantic altar flanked by pyramidal pillars hung with various occult symbols. But like most magicians, Jack was a nerd. And like most nerds, Jack loved science fiction.

He would frequently attend meetings of the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society which gathered appropriately enough in a basement. They don't need all that light. Why would they need the light? It just gets in their skin. The pigment doesn't, they're not so white with the sun. And there, Jack met writer Lou Goldstone who introduced Jack to none other than Elron Hubbard.

Now, this was like, oh, my love. When they met each other, it was incredible because it's king of the bullshit artists. Me to do that, you get into black magic essentially to get laid. These guys are all the nerdiest motherfuckers on the face of the planet. They have figured out a way to have sex with goth women by you do all this, we're getting power, all of this. And as things become more and more successful within your rituals and in your little community, you start believing it more and more Elron shows up who has all the ear of the entire

science fiction community that it's like, because essentially like before they became classic writers, Robert Heinlein was a fucking fat, gross little nerd. Right. It's like, like if I didn't, like if we didn't start getting bacon money doing this, like I would just be a fat dude screaming on the street, you know, you get the, what's it, you get the validation, but then now you're a sci-fi writer. Well, now you're, now you're interesting, right, because that's what all these nerds figure out.

They figure out how to be interesting. That's a little tip to all you guys out there. Just figure out how to be interesting. That's all you have to do. Well, even if it's a funny hat, a funny hat will make you interesting indeed. The Parsons and Elron Hubbard, yeah, they just immediately hit it off. And Parsons, he immediately recognized Hubbard as possessing great magical skill, which honestly he did.

If you want to talk about somebody who was able to create their own reality, Hubbard is among the most successful magicians of all time. He's an incredible wizard. Like honestly, just being able to say shit, we'll give it, in the next episode, there's even more of that. So. Yeah, no, unfortunately for Parsons though, Hubbard hit it off even better with Parsons girlfriend Sarah, who very quickly began fucking Hubbard, who had all but forgotten

his wife and two kids who were living with his parents back in Montana. Hubbard's stealing wives, but doesn't he have Grubb back at home? He's got Grubb back at home, he don't give a fuck about Grubb, now he wants Sarah. That's ridiculous. Uh, he wants hot, witch woman, California, Sarah. I don't know how hot Sarah, how hot was Sarah? Yeah, he doesn't want Pauly Grubb back in Montana. Pauly Grubb could be beautiful.

Yeah, but wasn't Sarah's last name like Northrup or something like that? It doesn't matter. Hot girls always have bad last names. I don't know if she's hot. How do we know she's hot? She's dating this lumpy bastard. Yeah, that he is right. Like Sasha Gray's real last name is like Galushka or something terrible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's very hot. You moving to this house, so Parsons lived in this house out in Pasadena, this gigantic sprawling mansion that he would only have the most interesting people he met stay there. And it was this big pantheon of like, it was free sex, free love. Sarah was this like live goth girl before goth was goth that was there. You have this L run Hubbard shows up in a suit, red hair, literally very similar looking to me, sees this girl and then somehow hooks her. Now, do we say you're like Jack, he's used to the OTO lifestyle, but this makes him

pretty upset. Yeah, I mean, because of course he just lost his gal to a lump. I mean, it's a he's a follower of Alistair Crowley, the book of the lots do as thou wilt as the whole of the law. So if you are a follower, if you're a thalamite or an OTO member, then you're not supposed to have these human emotions such as jealousy. Everybody is supposed to be allowed to do whatever they want, but Jack couldn't handle L run Hubbard for some reason, because well, I think there's no, but plenty of people have

been bonezoned in his gal. I mean, everybody was bonezoned and everybody. Oh my goodness. Yeah, but L run Hubbard, I think he was he was threatened by him because he was able to match Jack's charisma. And in his mind, his magical power, right? Because Harvard, he saw L run Hubbard as an equal. Everyone else was beneath him, and he would let them fuck his girlfriend.

Yeah, and be like, yeah, whatever, it's fine. He's not they're not going to they can fuck whatever, you know, she's not going to run off with them. But suddenly L run Hubbard, it's like, oh, shit, she could run off with this guy. And apparently, like Jack Parsons in between being friends with L run Hubbard would do these late night rituals in his room to try to send magical spells after a little work. You scream. He would see that one guest would talk, they go in the open and he'd be going like a nude

or like kneeling down like all the candles that around him, meanwhile, like, you got fucking L run in the other room, just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, call me Spider-Man. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I threw up a little in my own mouth, I shouldn't have had so much soup. Is that ketchup soup? Do I smell that ketchup soup? That's good.

Yeah. Puking into my mouth, puking into my mouth. And then they're fucking then he's just like sitting there being like, why has Satan forsaken me? One guy just screaming, I was just doing it all wrong. But anyway, if you listen to what Scientology says, though, Hubbard quote, broke up black magic in America. They said Hubbard was sent by a group of physicists to quote, handle the situation.

Go fuck themselves because he showed up because literally Jack Parsons was now writing letters to Alistair Crowley saying, this guy has shown up. I love him. He's the most powerful magician I've ever met. He's trying to take over my branch because Hubbard got right in there. Like, yeah, he showed up. He realized what he could do and he started swaying everyone around him, telling him stories of being a glider and being the explorers club and all of his like his many victories

in the Navy. It's really nuts. So it's like, he always shows up and he's ready to be a leader. And this is again, like you mentioned earlier, Marcus, before Google, before you could just be like, oh, this guy is totally, completely full of shit. This does remind me, I was watching Lock Up Raw, Extended Stay, and there was an inmate who had, he was cheated, he was, he fell in love with another inmate's wife and then she married him.

You can imagine how terrible that inmate felt because he lost his wife to another inmate. I'm sure he got stabbed to death in the shower after that. I was like, how do you lose your wife to another inmate? You know? But it happened. I mean, Hubbard, as much as he was trying to take over, he was still doing a lot of rituals with Jack Parsons. They were still friends.

The most ambitious and undertaking was, without a doubt, the Moon Child Ritual. These fuckers tried the Moon Child Ritual. It's pretty amazing because Hubbard, Elron Hubbard gets like, now he's become officially the scribe of the group, right? He writes down, he chronicles all of the rituals where Parsons puts them together. But what is this Moon Child Ritual? Crowley believed that the greatest thing a magician could do was to usher in the coming of the Antichrist, which Thelomites called the Moon Child.

And by the way, that's also a plot point in The Invisible. Yeah, it's that entire chapter. It's really fun. Moon Child is terrifying in The Invisible. It's really good. It's like, I think he likes me. It's fun. I like it.

The Invisal is pretty, it's awesome. I'm back through it again. I'm on number four now and I love it. But think about this, right, because it seemed to be the perfect recipe. You got, Jack Parsons believes he's a powerful man of magic. This man shows up who apparently is his equal, his rival, and his best friend, because they used to call each other like uncle. They used to have this thing where they were really, really, really close.

So there's something about magically, the idea of something that is both so attracting and repellent. He also then looks as Elron Hubbard as one of the most powerful magicians he's ever met and Jack Parsons considers himself a super powerful magician. So he's like, we got the goods. We got the Space Jam team that it's going to take to fucking make The Moon Child happen. That was technically a sports reference. Space Jam.

The Moon Child was supposed to be bored of the Scarlet Woman, the unholy harlot the Crowley searched for, but never managed to find over the years. The Scarlet Woman actually comes from the book of revelations, this passage in particular. I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet colored beast full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns, and the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication, and upon her forehead was a name written, mystery, Babylon the Great, the mother of harlots.

But before the Moon Child could be summoned, Parsons and Hubbard had to find their Scarlet Woman. Unfortunately, there was a ritual for that, it began on January 4th, 1946 at 9 o'clock PM, they played Prokofiev's violin concerto and went forth into the land of magic. First, Parsons prepared and consecrated the appropriate magical weapons, tablets, and talismans. Then, he performed 11 consecutive rituals throughout 11 days, starting with invoking pentagram of air and invocation of the bottomless one, which is a lot of spinning in its hand

motions, and the whole thing was to end with license to depart, purification, and banishing. The first indication that something was happening came on the second and third nights when windstorms began to whip at the windows of the mansion, not quite what he was expecting, but still an indication that they were on the right track. The seventh day brought poltergeist activity, when Parsons was awoken at midnight by seven knocks followed by his table lamp being thrown across the room, and the tenth night brought an actual attack. Ronald, dressed in his magical magician robes,

I'm just walking down to the kitchen, eating nothing but a nice pat of butter. He was holding a candle when he was hit by a spirit in the right shoulder. He dropped the candle and called out to Parsons, and both men saw a brownish yellow light seven feet tall in the kitchen. Sorry, I'm the farting ghost. That seems like a wild ghost. Parsons drew his magical sword and waved it at the apparition, which quickly disappeared. Bye-bye, thank you for having me, bye!

These guys are such nerds, I can't even... They're doing this to get laid. They're all doing this to get laid. Go out the front door, where Craig T. Nelson was knocking for the poltergeist activity. Well they're not just doing it to get laid, they're also doing it because it's fun as shit. Yeah, the fucking dude next door is just sitting down watching I Love Lucy, these guys are waving magical swords at ghosts.

It's the chocolate factory episode where she has to eat all the chocolate because the conveyor belt's moving so fast. It's funny. Yes, it is funny. Think about it, it's also a whole house of witchy people, like everybody's buying it, and all the chicks are looking really good, and the guys are all super exciting. This is high drama, this is fun as shit. This is high drama, this is the type of stuff that super intelligent nerds get into, because

I mean Jack Parsons was a fucking rocket scientist, and not just a rocket scientist, but one of the most brilliant rocket scientists in the entire world. So this is, and Elron Hevard was a brilliant man in his own right. So this is how super nerdy, super smart people, this is just how they spend their time. This is one way they spend their time. This is how all of them spend their time, this is how Bill Gates and like Hawkins, Stephen Hawkins just get together, and I mean someone has to wave it around for Stephen Hawkins, but then they do-

That's the problem, you don't even know his legs, like he's Kermit when they put him on the bicycle and shit like that. Just really don't know if all super intelligent people do this. I'd say I'd rather this than them forming a Nazi party, which is the last time a bunch of fucking nerds wanted to turn something serious. I suppose that's true. Yeah, you know all these stories here that we're talking about, these don't come from Elron Hevard.

Elron Hevard wanted all this stuff flushed away. All this comes from Jack Parsons' Magical Journals and his letters to Alistair Crowley, who was not the least bit impressed by Ron and Jack's antics. In a letter to another OTO member, Crowley wrote, Apparently Parsons all harbored or somebody is producing a moon child. I get fairly frantic when I contemplate the idiocy of these louts. Oh, excuse me, I have a whole birdcage up my ass. Well let it out.

Jeez. What the heck did it get up there? But the funny thing is, the ritual to summon the Scarlet Woman actually worked. Four days after the end of the ritual, Ron and Jack went out to the desert to relax as, you know, things were getting a little tense at the house because nothing had happened. Sure. Four days doing goofy bullshit, four days went by, nothing happened, but then suddenly Jack said that he was overcome by a sense of relaxation and well-being, turned around

and said, It is done. The toaster strudels? Oh, I love a toaster strudel. Okay, so it seemed to work. When they got back to the house, they found a redhead, a Scarlet Woman named Marjorie Cameron waiting for them. Wow. And this is the thing too, because this house was known to freaks everywhere, because this

is Pasadena. Well, he put on ads in the papers for freaks. Yeah. What year is this? This is 1947, I think. This is mid to late 40s. There was more redheads around then. There was.

Yes, we're dying out. Yeah, y'all have been bred out pretty hardcore. But so women were just kind of showing up all the time, but in magical teachings, these kind of coincidences are exactly what you're looking for. Yeah. So when she shows up, and not only, we say right here, like she was not only willing, but impatient to have the Antichrist. Yeah, she was.

She wanted to participate in any and all magical and sexual escapades as soon as humanly possible. I think that if you do want to bump up activity on your Tinder profile, man or woman, you can just say anxious to be host to the Antichrist. And patiently wanting to be the mother of the Antichrist. And Parsons, he was eager as well, possibly to mend his broken heart as Sarah had pretty much chuffed him off Iran by this point. Parsons said he had received instructions from a higher power on how to impregnate the Scarlet Woman with the Moonschild, just as Crowley had received the words that would

become his book of law. So tell me, what is sex? You're taking the fun out of it, the spontaneity, you've got to go through a whole book and things like that. No, it has to be very serious, Kessel, for this shift to work. Okay. This is a very important ritual, you idiot. It's just that you are minding us.

I just feel like the Antichrist would like to be born out of fun. No, it's serious. Okay, well, okay, I guess so. So Hubbard, Parsons, and Marjorie, the Scarlet Woman performed the ritual in February with Rachmaninoff's Isle of the Dead playing in the background. The three of them began chanting. All right, let's do this together. Yeah.

All right, ready? Glory to the Scarlet Woman. Babylon. Babylon. The mother of abominations. The light upon the beast. For she has spelled this blood. I don't know if we're going to make it, guys.

I think we're messing up. We're messing up. We're messing up. We're messing up. We're messing up. We're messing up. We're messing up. For she has spelled this blood.

I don't know if we're going to make it, guys. I think we're messing up the Antichrist ritual. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay. Let's start again. Let's start again. Let's start again.

Take two. I'm getting cold. I'm getting quite cold. Take two. Take two. Take two. All right. All right.

Don't mess it up this time. Okay, stop. We'll go three, two, one, go. Okay? Okay. Three, two, one. Glory unto the Scarlet Woman. Babylon.

Babylon. The mother of abominations. That rhineth upon the beast. For she has spilt their blood in every corner of the earth. And lo, she has mingled it in the cup of her hordom. Great job, guys. We only have to do that 16 or 17 more times, and then the moon child ritual will be complete. Oh, my gosh.

Guys, guys, guys, guys. My problem is that I just came. Well, I guess I'm going to have to be wandmaster now. All right. I thought I was going to get to be scribed this time. We'll wait 45 minutes and try it again. Okay? Let me go get a mania sandwich.

After the chanting was done, Ron remained at the altar while Parsons, the high priest, inserted his wand, wink, wink, into the Scarlet. That's what they said. Okay. All right. Into the Scarlet Woman and gooshed her good with a little. Did they say that too? All right.

I officially don't believe anything that you guys are telling me anymore. They gooshed it or two. He gooshed her good. He gooshed her good. Okay. Elron Hubbard wrote that along with Mr. Parsons. Jack put his little stick in there, right? And then immediately went like, oh, and just shot ropes.

Don't know if this is how you make the Antichrist. The Parsons was completely convinced the ritual had worked and was expecting a nine months time to come face to face with the fabled moon child. Ron, on the other hand, was just along for the ride playing a long con on poor old Jack Parsons. All Jack Parsons wanted to do was invoke the Antichrist and bring about the end of the world. That's all he wanted to do. That's all he wanted. That's it.

Come on. See, Hubbard, though, he had no money and had gotten a reputation in the Parsons house for borrowing cash and never paying it back. Classic. He had also all but stolen Sarah away from Jack. And Jack, wanting to play the good OTO free lover and possibly overcompensating a bit, agreed to enter into a business partnership with Ron and Sarah, flipping yachts. Now, this is the thing that escapes me.

This whole time, they are working on creating a ritual to bring about the Antichrist. Yeah. Like, you know, Elron is just lying to Jack. Jack's like super serious about this in the middle. They literally just opened the door to hell. They had a full on sex ritual with chanting and shit. Right. A couple of days later, Jack sitting around there, literally knitting like the three-legged

thing, like from Adam's family, like waiting for the Antichrist to come. He shows up to me and like, hey, hey, Jack, Jack, Jack, great idea, great idea. Love making the Antichrist with you. You're great at fucking. Good work with that one. High five. High five. We got to get into flipping yachts.

Why wouldn't we get into flipping yachts? Of course, that's the next step after you make the Antichrist. You go and you flip sea vessels. Parsons was the one with the money. The only one with any cash. The only one with any money. Elron, I guess he was charismatic. Amen.

He was the guy. So he stole this guy's wife. He's taken all of his money. That is why I have his girlfriend. His girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. He stole her away.

But that's the same. Like Parsons, he's overcompensating because he is an OTO leader. He's trying to remain in position. So he has to prove that he's okay with Sarah now being with Elron. Right, right, right. So he puts up 10 grand. And Sarah and Ron, of course, immediately ran off with it over to Miami. He's like literally go by the boats.

Okay. So Elron shows up with all these like, okay, I found this type of boat. And I think this kind of boat we're going to do. We're going to do these tours and then we'll flip them, blah, blah, blah. He's like, okay, go by the boats. Just come right back. He's like, I'm already back. It's like I'm back.

They don't come back. No kid. He's like, where are these boats? They come down to Florida. They catch us up to them in Miami where they have these boats out there. He can't find them. There's no record that they bought, they can't find the records of the boat and which one they bought.

Finally, they find, when Sarah and Ron show up and be like, absolutely, we got to get you your boat. Like you were going to do this. You could have the boat back. You could do whatever you want with it. Cut to literally him on the harbor. Watch them being like wave and being like boats over here. We're going to get in the boat.

We're going to bring it around. So boat just takes off. They literally just goes out into the ocean. But that night in his hotel room, Parsons fought back. He donned his magic ropes, which he had brought with him to Miami just in case. He drew a pentagram on the floor and invoked Bartzabelle, Spirit of Mars. Did you call it Bartzabelle? Bartzabelle.

Oh guys, they call me Bartzabelle. Can I change my name from Bartzabelle? I really feel like as the spirit of Mars that we could stop with the pedantic nicknames. I stop boats. Does anybody get mad at you? Nautzelizor, because you create different types of knots? No. Everyone respects you.

I'll call you Nautzelizor. No, I won. Now, whether it was a coincidence or not, there was an actual sudden squall that night off the coast, which forced Ron's boat back to port. Parsons was waiting and took the boat back into his custody. He decided after that to go a more worldly route from then on and filed a lawsuit against his former friends, which was settled out of court. Ultimate Chaos Magic.

Call Lawyer and then just have it get done for you please. The thing is that changes your reality. It changes your reality from not having a boat to having a boat. To having a boat through a financial transaction with an intermediary. That's Chaos Magic. That's Chaos Magic. And now you have a boat in landlocked Pasadena. Who bought it?

Also, meanwhile, his scarlet woman has gotten very attached to him, who is pregnant with a child, sitting there. So Jack Parsons loses his groovy girlfriend, got a boat that he spent $10,000 for. He's hanging out in this house that's falling apart and then eventually he dies in a nitroglycerin explosion in his garage. But some say that he was murdered through a magical attack because since he was one of the most, he was one of the biggest explosives of experts in the entire world, there was no way that he would have mishandled nitroglycerin, something so elementary. So it must have been an attack.

Well, or he's an idiot who has a boat in a desert. All I know is that I've cooked food hundreds of times and I chop the whole top of my thumb off. I think having nitroglycerin around all the time increases your odds. That eventually you will be exploded by nitroglycerin. Absolutely. But after the lawsuit, Jack Parsons never saw Sarah or Ron ever again and the two ended up marrying each other later that year. And Sarah had no idea that not only had her new husband been married before and had two kids, but was still married to Polly Grubb when their union took place.

He's a bigot. You can't even trust the guy you cheated on your boyfriend with who then did a ceremony to create the antichrist you stole a boat with. You can't trust anybody anymore. That's the worst thing about love, isn't it? And I'll tell you what, being married to more than one person, it takes a lot. And it's bigot him and it's bigot me. Are you kidding me right now? Stu, are you Stu from ABCs or ABCs A to Z?

What about Barb? What about Barb? What about Barb? After the wedding, the pair moved back to California where Ron would return to that most dangerous of all his books Excalibur. And within four short years, Dianetics would be born, which is where we'll pick back up next time. Oh my goodness. Well, what an insightful episode on the weird, nerdy life of Ella Ron Hubbard. Yeah, it all starts with nerds.

With all of them. Every cult that ends in death starts with nerds. You've got Scientology. Aum Shinrikyo. Heaven's Gate. It's all nerds. Yep. You've got to start to think about nerds.

Bullying nerds again. That's what I start saying. We don't bully nerds because this is what happened when they got bullied. Because these cult leaders say we can make you powerful. Remember about nerds. They're good with money, so they always have a lot of it. You know how to save it. They get very obsessed with specific things.

It is a great core group to get at if you want money and a lot of people do and work for free. Because that's what nerds do. That's the idea. That's why you'd harness them to do the group work in school because they do all the hard work and then you'd be the flash man. That's what I do. I suppose so. All right.

I mean, it is unbelievable that this man really shaped Hollywood and shaped entertainment in this nation for so long and convinced some of our, not our brightest minds, but some of our more famous minds. Our more John Traum minds. Our more John Traum and Tom Cruise-esque minds that he was an actual, I guess, a deity to some degree. I mean, when you look at some of the weird ceremonies that Scientologists have and the reverence they give to LRH as they call him, at some point in the ceremony, everyone always turns and salutes a picture of him.

Look to LRH. Our savior. Oh, so weird. And it's very odd. That's even going clear. They show a scene like that. Yeah. They should just call him Flash Hubbard.

Yeah. Flash Hubbard. Flash Hubbard. Do you, Flash? Yeah, that's kind of cool. Man, it's, and it's still going. I mean, they have a lot of money, but I hope, I think they're hopefully dying. But we'll get into actually what Scientology is, which is very difficult to talk about.

I walked into a Scientology office. There's one in Midtown just lit off my ass, and I did scream a little bit. And then they did escort me out. Well, Scientology, their membership numbers are down, but their profits are way up. Way, way, way up. All you need is a couple of rich ones. And you're going to be doing just fine. Awesome.

All right. LRH Hubbard. That is informative, illuminating, and also interesting. Don't fall into the trap of these cult-like personalities. Remember, if it's too good to be true, then it is. It always is. It literally always is. They cannot fix you.

No, they cannot. You can only fix yourself. You can only fix yourself. Boom, Marcus. Oh, we're married now. Oh. That's nice. Now, fuck.

What? No, I don't want. Oh. Now, fuck each other. Henry. Later. If you want to see his fuck, go to patreon.com slash slash podcast. Not going to be.

OK. Well, I don't. Honestly, if you donate $3 million. $3 million. No. I said $3 million. You said $2,000? $2,000.

No, $3 million. You like to have sex with each other. $3 million. No, but that's $2,000 every month. Yes. Yeah, but that's only 24. No. We only have to have sex once.

For $24,000? No. I mean, there might be like, what if like 40 people want to see his have sex? That's still not remotely close to enough. Not even. Think about this. You could fuck Marcus and imagine Marcus as a lady for a small period of time. I'm not Ross Parsons.

I'm not one of you new types. Look at him. I wear robes. I believe that Seaman is best not digested. Yeah. My butthole is pretty hairy. Oh my God. Now this is just a story.

Thank you so much for donating to the Patreon page. I'm doing, I'm trying to do a weekly creepypasta. And you're doing a great job with that. I'll get one out for you guys soon. So that's really been a life changer and we really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Yeah. And speaking of Patreon, all of you who give to Patreon just a dollar or more, get access

to pre-sell tickets the day before shows go on sale. And we just announced a gigantic block of shows. Colorado Springs. Denver. That's 419 and 420. Now what happens on 420? Bong noises, dude. That's good.

What I thought about was ketchup soup when you did that. We're doing Denver on April 19th and Colorado Springs on 420 at the Black Sheep. Then we're doing two dates, Los Angeles, California at the Masonic Lodge at Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Well, you know, I feel actually really weird now that I read that ritual with you guys. You know I'm converting to Christianity. I'm going back. I think that's very, very brave. Yeah.

We've been talking about it for my career. You know, I think that that's better. And Jesus did have a lot of great points in a lot of ways. And it was so fun. And then May 11th to May 13th. We're doing a Texas tour. I'm coming home. Austin, Texas, Houston, Texas, and Dallas, Texas.

A country boy made weird. Marcus Parks is coming back to Texas. Yeah. What I would like when we're, I think Dallas is probably the one, right? If someone could point me towards, I want a full cowboy attire outfit. Dallas, we're going to, I'll take you down to Fort Worth. I'll take you down to the stockyards and we can fix you up good there. And then we'll go have barbecue ability bobs right afterwards.

You'll love it. You are going to end up turning on some random gay man in Dallas. And you're going to walk out of there like you were just riding a horse for three days straight. It's going to be too much for them to handle with your succulent strange Polish, but all dressed like a cowboy. I'll tell you what, I don't wish I could quit him. Now you'll do fine.

There's nothing that Texans love more than some dumb shit tourist showing up spending a whole bunch of money trying to look like them. That's what I want. I want a big hat. I want a big hat. I want an embroidered shirt. Like I want snake boots. You're just Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber.

Exactly. Yeah. That's it. Then you'll get some of that good old fashioned Texas thinly veiled contempt. Oh my God. Howdy. So it's dry, it's a dry heat, huh? Not from around here, huh?

No, I'm from anywhere I want to be. What's your excuse? Lovely bell buckle. Bust into show tunes. That's a good idea in Texas. I had a dream. Well, I mean, we take you to the stockyards if you're feeling frisky, if you're feeling thrifty, we'll take you to Lusky's.

Oh, I'm feeling frisky. All right. I want to drop some point. All right. I want some bones on my hat. All right. We can do that. You can easily spend a thousand dollars on a pair of boots.

Let's do it. Man, May 25th, we're coming to Canada. We're coming to Toronto. Yeah, wait. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then June 3rd, we're going back to Atlanta.

And specifically, we're going back to the Earl. Yes. Can't wait to do that. We fucking love the Earl. We're doing two shows there. And then on June 10th, we're going to Indianapolis, Indiana. Cannot wait. This is going to be so exciting.

So excited to be back with my peeps in Atlanta. I got V and Karen and the whole crew. We're going to do this shit. Oh, we're going to have a lot of fun. I mean, the first time at the Earl, I think that was, we sold out that show. And that was sort of the first time where we realized how, well, we always knew the fans were amazing. But I just remember I put some beer on the stage to strike it as a theater.

Strike. No, strike is when you take it away. I don't know. Set it up. And then, you know, the crowd was just so nice. And I was like, wow, guys. I mean, you know, it was just awesome to meet everyone. Yeah, it was the first night when we realized people were actually listening.

And it's pretty amazing that I think it was this weekend that it's been only a year since we did Baltimore for 70 people. Awesome. And it's really fucking great how far we've come since then. And so of course, I all do to all of y'all out there that's been coming to all these shows and really supporting us. So thank you so much. We can't wait to see you on every single day.

And thanks so much for supporting all the shows here at CCR. Bye bye. I'm Ben Kissell 1. I'm sometimes using it. I'm Matt Marcus-Parks and go follow me on Spotify for a new weekly playlist that I'd just like to make. That's right. Hail yourselves everybody! Hail me! Hail again.

M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut.

M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. M'gut'n'ayj'ut. Alright, it's time for the Patreon shoutouts, everybody. Thank you guys so much for donating. You guys are lifesavers and wonderful human beings. Marcus, what do we want to do? Should I start this one off? Sure. Alright.

Patreon shoutouts. This, I want to thank Lindsay DeVries. Thank you very much. Tallof Valdin. That sounds like a magical man, doesn't he? Tallof Valdin? Mr. Valdin? Hello. Mr. Valdin. Matthew Erickson. Thank you very much. Dan Howe. Rohan Gray. Aaron Garcia. Thank you so much. Taylor Gibson. Leanna Kaye. Andrew Frankus. Jeffrey Young. Chad Missenheimer. Ooh, that's fun. That's like out of a naked gun.

Chad M- Isn't that the room? Isn't that the room? Missenheimer? That's Dr. Meinheimer. Dr. Meinheimer. Well, maybe they're related. Chad Missenheimer. Thank you. Lamy Khan. Jesse Jones. How do I mess up Jones? Jesse Jones? How do you pronounce this one? Rob P. Victoria

Lubach. Or Lubach. Tim Tweed. Heather Holly. Jed Jacobson. Tom Mezek. Joseph Richardson. Brian Dixon. Kero Bader. Rachel Stevens. Angelica Saundersen. Wood Giles. Infocopolis. It's like apocalypse, but with info in front of it. Infocopolis. Infocopolis. Infocopolis. You're killing me. Infocopolis. You're killing me. You're dying? I don't know anymore. Katie Simon. Lakin. Lakin Erton. Martin O'Neill. Luke Breen. Russell Badgett. Taylor Brennan.

Susan Gartel. Aubrey Bolin. That's a fun activity, too. Lucas Nord. Stacy D- That is fun. Lucas Nord. Stacy Daggle. K-Tor. Russell Holly. This is Spanish for Aunt. Tia Baker. Ashley Livermont. Sarah Rommel. Hi, girl. Hey, Matt Coughlin. Yeah, she's around. She's around. She's around. She's around. Catherine Souter. Anthony Capuano. Chris Bell. Matthew K. Barrens. Kalina Bowman. Christiana Cushing. Tia Wilson. John Michael Perkins. Lindsey.

Sounds like a slow jazz singer or a soft rock singer. John Michael Perkins. Yeah, why not? The Rivers of Lions. Bradley Gilbert. Kyra Davis. Jeff Wolf. Joshua Young. Katie Hopper. Andy Forbus. Solcrates. Oh, that's interesting. Brendan Pontio. Malo Malo Malo. John Naylor. Julie Ruse. Sean Lyons. Kimberly True. James. Alex Desarano. Donald Holman. Sarah Keith. Jennifer Sanders. Cash McMains. Alexander S. Cash McMains. That's my cousin.

That's a great name. Yeah. His real name is Cash McMains. Yeah, he's like the coolest fucking dude ever. Hey, Cash. Hey, Cash. Hey, Cash. Yeah, one of my favorite people in the world. I can't wait to see you in Texas.

Oh, no. He lives in Nashville. I thought you all lived in Texas. Nope. Lies. Where do the lies stop, Mr. Hubbard? I have a very big family. I guess so. Alexandra S. Crispler. Hanna Pepin. Nolan Williams. Alex Sinotti. Alexander Blyford.

I like it. I would love, and you know what, sometimes when I really want, when I get super stoned, I would love a Blyford. You are done. Yes. I got, thank you, Renata Varraic. Varraic? Renata Varraic. Ian Forrest. Brandon Lem. Alisa Jackman. Kyle Olguin. Kelly Morgan.

Erinis Josephine Kilcullen. Johnny Confidence. That's my favorite. Johnny Confidence. Johnny Confidence. Quick, you got 14 seconds to make up a name. Johnny Confidence. Johnny Confidence. You only needed one second to do that.

Crystal Vergara. Emily Cooney. Ken Marsh. Natalia Santana. J.D. King. Dan Verdermuren. Verdermuren. Verdermen. Verdermen. The name you can't say when you're drunk or sober. It's Verdermen. Verdermen. No, officer.

My last name is... Don't take me away from performance. Verdermen. Verdermen. Yes. Like a vitamin? No. Like a verderman.

Daniel Phenon. Megan Sanchez. Alyssa Vaughn. Patrick Van Brunt. Sarah White. Kaylee Johnson. Taylor Roth. Megan Olinger. Taylie Poe. Tiffany Gabry. Jake Collins. Robert Perry. Carrie. Neil Bartlett. Jessica Colantuno. Rollo Grayson. Kelly Higgins. Corey Newman. Sam Barrett. Liz Vortman. Adrian. Brittany Scherzer. Simon Grimmer. And Rosemary White. Alright, I got Alan Varner. Thank you so much. Alan Joel and Josree Villareal. Mike and Tara Khamnelli. Michael Mack. Alyssa Tassino or Tassino. Mark Waldorf. I love your hotel. Verox. V-I-R-O-X-Z. I'm assuming Verox. Jake and Sam Laboss. Chelsea Mars. Sarah Orvides.

It's O-Y-E-R-V-I-D-E-S. Orvides. Orvides. That's a fun one anyway. William Langley. Agata Stasic. Which sounds like something you say to the doctor. Agata Stasic. He's already on fire right now. This is good. Here's your sign. Do not bill angflame me. You might be, okay. Jason Scholes. Eric Henshel. Tony Stab. Whitney Meyer. Hello Whitney. Mr. Dangerous. Nicholas Pastillo. Meg Turney. Chrissy Deller. Wait a second. You should say Meg Turney. Yes. That's a very, that's a famous person. Yeah, Meg Turney. She is a famous cosplayer.

She's coming and seeing us in, yeah, some, I can't remember which one. But yeah, we've been talking to her on Twitter lately. Oh, wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Meg. I'm nervous now. She's coming to the show. Yeah. I don't know. She's just a person, Henry. Take it easy for crying out loud. You get all nervous around her. Oh my. Well, you just blew it. It doesn't matter if you're nervous or not because you just blew it already. Isn't that incredible? 35 year old man. Okay. All right. Chrissy Deller. Jeffrey Edwards. Joseph Downing. Gina Fosello. Andrew Kelly. Well, this is just a series of letters. S-R-A-H-K-I-S Siracus. Okay. Sarah White. Ashley Snyder. Andrea Devanna. Olivia Oliver. That's kind

of fun. Tim Thorpe. Maybe related to Jim Thorpe, a great football player and Native American. Oh. Ravineal Singh. Ravineal Singh. Thank you so much. Taylor Nice. Leela Shake. Christian Penner. Sierra O'Flanagan. Travis Steenstra. Nicole Gaskin. Carrie. Ashley Smotic. And Catherine E. Kovac. Thank you all so much. Hey, Catherine Kovac. I believe I know you as well. Yeah. Yvonne Holden as in Holden the Joint. Pessit. You got to pass it, girl. Jason Hill. Nick. Dudu Kovac. I know it's Dodok. It's like Dodok Kovac. Dodok Kovac? Dodok Kovac. Dodok. Dodok Kovac. Dudu Kovac. Bonnie Guillotine. Christopher Bishop. Natalie Morose. Kevin J. Hogan. Casey Schubert. Jane Basten. Dee Pibb. Seattle Mick Mattenberry.

Lindsay Withers. Matthew Scrum. Grady Horn. Elise Deloy. Erin Corcoran. Erin Robb. Tamsin Hunter, who we've known for a long time. She's an Australian. Hi, Tamsin. Hello. Maddie Gallagher. Kylie Henke. Nathan Nathaniel Bona. Candice Juniper. Nathan West. Justin Breube. Josh Harden. Marius Zoll Johnson. Kristina Smith. Wellington Hutzlar. Leisha Syngox. Summer Ann Adamowitz. Madeleine S. Amy Romero. Matt Cabral. Sarah Samael. Bill Cassidy. Erin Garcia. Jesse Smith and Kelly Kierst. I got Gucci. Kris Kataldi. Chrissy Lee. Tyler Gronski. Brandon Bolton. Shawna Lawler. Jim Harley. Kimberly Johan Johnson. James Morgan. Mackenzie. Shelby Hunt. Stephanie Palmer. Jack Hodel. Sophie Edwards. Preston

Light. Alex Martin. Mintzbuck. The Matt and JB Show. Kathleen Maugh. Alyssa Diaz. Eric Miller. Joseph Zvir. Lauren Roth. Juliana Copeland. Isabella. Christine West. Haley Mara. Brittany Sims. Jeffrey Lawr. Nick Johnson. Miranda Pellecano. Brittany Arradondo. Tara Donahue. Jennifer Wilkut. Carrie Steer. Austin Koenig. Ryan Marsh. Jennifer Waldman. Stacy Lee. Jess Turner. Peter Kenneth Clover. Clogger. Elizabeth J. Eric Ashford. Joel Wadsworth. Ryan K. Barcha. Eugene Sparks. Nina Cork. Goldblatt. I love it. Yeah, and that's a hyphenated name. Ooh, Cork, Gore. That's out of, what is the John Waters hairspray? The Goldblatt. Yeah, the Goldblatt. I believe something like that, something Blatt related. Christina

Here. Nick Glasgow. Jason Yen. Sarah Lindsey Moore. Ian McCollum. Eden Sondern. And Traeger Rooter. Traeger Rooter. Traeger Rooter. Traeger. That's a good, scary name. I hope he's mentally stable because that could go, he could either like solve all the crimes or like create all of them. It could go either way. Either way. I love it. Thank you guys so much for donating to the Patreon. Thank you guys so much. Yes, I'm going to get out of creepypasta here very soon. Give me the money. Give me your money. Also, we've got a new limited edition t-shirt that is going to be on represent.com coming up very soon. Just look up represent.com slash L P O T L. And we got an amazing shirt and it's designed

by Ian Clairer. And I think it's really fucking cool. Yeah, we'll blast that out at some point here, right? Yeah, we'll blast it out. We'll blast it out on our Twitter at LP on the left. There it is. All right, everyone. Hail yourselves. Talk to you soon. Goodbye. Hail me. Hail Satan. Again. My Gustav Lations. My Gustav Lations.