Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 263: L. Ron Hubbard Part III - Scientology Begins

Episode Date: March 23, 2017

It's the birth of the Church of Scientology this week as we get into the Tone Scale, E-Meters and how to use them, GEs, SPs, the HDF of W and all other manner of Scientological nonsense and just how it all sprang from the mind of L. Ron Hubbard. Special Spotlight Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Electro Cabello Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creat

I just don't really understand why more fairy tales don't have like lesbian parts like why isn't there not a snow white thing where you like open up the lid of her coffin and it's a princess and to wake her up she's got to eat her out. People can't handle it there's a there's a gay character in the new Beauty and the Beast which is literally a story about a woman having sex with a human buffalo and the people are upset that there's a gay character in it friends with Guston. The nerdy one from Harry Potter is gay by a buffalo man and we're upset because Gaston wants to get kissed on by a tiny fan.

Oh no. Alright welcome to the show everyone this is the last podcast on the left I am Ben Kissel that's Marcus Parks and fans have commented how we've always introduced you as a guest Henry. I know I'm a special guest it's nice though because it kind of makes it boosts my confidence alright it allows me to be more free. That's good I'm very happy that your confidence is boosted alright well speaking of I guess boosting of confidence Hillron Hubbard's confidence is growing we're on to part three of the strange

and wild life of Elron Hubbard can I make a thesis statement up top can you give me a bit of a grad grad student moment sure okay now I think what's important about covering Elron Hubbard specifically in the Scientology store we're gonna be covering a little bit of Scientology today if you really want to know about it you spend the fucking hours of research because I have tried to read several Elron Hubbard books and going through the tone scale and going through auditing and all the fucking PTS that all have bullshit right it's it's it's inanity it hurts your brain yeah but when I have watched documentaries specifically the Leah Remini story and Jason Begay both actors that came out publicly

against Scientology after being in it for years right they all have the same problem they can't speak badly of Elron Hubbard they hate David Miscavige they hate what the brain washing is done to them and the idea of disconnection but they still have a hard time in saying that Elron Hubbard was anything but a Jesus figure what we're trying to do here is show that he's just a flip floppy fucking soft bodied man yeah who made up bullshit until becoming a millionaire absolutely they bought you know it's very I mean that is so interesting with the cult even the people who are now SP's that have left the cult they still can't do it either I mean that's how strong this indoctrination is well we were at the Scientology

tent at the Salt Lake City Comic Con which was amazing by the way it was technically the Elron Hubbard tent yes indeed yeah and it was really fascinating to see those individuals in real life after we've been talking about them for all these weeks the woman was dead eyed they did give us free buttons yeah they did cool yeah and the interesting thing was Marcus we were there and how they were trying to entice the kids was a they wanted us to sign up for a free science fiction a challenge a challenge yeah it was an author there was a writing contest that you know people that were aspiring sci-fi writers could enter and possibly gain fame and fortune from and they also gave us a little booklet that was a catalog

of every Elron Hubbard book ever written they even had buckskin brigades in there they're not even ashamed of buckskin brigades they love buckskin brigades they love buckskin brigades also the beginning of Elron Hubbard's science of humanity was science of survival which is going to eventually be the backbone of Scientology thanks commander snake jumps it's it thanks him in it too it's full of shit all things full of shit but I just remember because it's like we never got to meet Jesus if Jesus was real right we never got to meet Muhammad if Muhammad was real but the thing is we have actual documents on Elron Hubbard we know he was full of shit yeah and this is the story of that trail of

shit like a diapers been split open by a razor which is a bad thing to do to a child absolutely and a diaper now when we last left Elron he had landed in Wichita Kansas from Elizabeth New Jersey under the care of a millionaire real estate developer and true believer of Dianetics named Don Purcell also remember he paid to fly Elron Hubbard from Cuba he's been sitting in Cuba for like two months with Richard DeMille who is Cecil B DeMille's like grandson who became like his like co-chair a like his fucking little assistant and apparently he would go to Ron's door and knock on it because he was the only one who had access to him and Ron would open it with a glass he'd open it with a 45 he brought a gun with

him to Cuba which you could do back in the day because it was easier because you just wear a gun and like basically the airport security was like nice gun right thank you and then he went and he'd answer the door and he's like never sneak up on me dick you don't know what I'll do that's kind of cool though that's the coolest story we've heard so far of Elron he's living like Hunter S Thompson see shit had gone south in Elizabeth New Jersey where they had started the first Dianetic Center at Chittagong South real fast as Hubbard was terrible with money and he was looking for a bit of a do-over he founded the Hubbard Dianetic Foundation of Wichita and Purcell was expected to pay for the whole

goddamn thing without question and through the HDF of W Hubbard published his second book under the Dianetics banner science of survival and oh god so no this is a this is an actual brick and mortar institution right yeah yeah he said he's starting at this is the beginning of him setting up little Dianetics foundations and eventually Scientology foundations all over the world he learned that this is how you spread it is basically you create franchises yeah he flipped it like McDonald's where it's like now you can run your own branch of Scientology but then he has to come and check up on every once a while and he has to send his like super loyal acolytes now this fucking idiot Purcell is just hemorrhaging money because he's pulling

a real fucking chip Sinjojo going out there and he's covering these fucking these these new buildings of Wichita with all of the ship lap that he could find and they got new Pergolas everything's looking real nice and ship shape real fixer upper style yeah right now science of survival which continued the trend of each book being more indecipherable than the last one focused quite a bit on the tone scale oh no not mjp no not the tone I love the tone scale HTZ don't come at me with that all right I don't know what to tell you mjp all right but it comes down to the breakdown of the tone scale is one of the most inherently important factions of Scientology and if we mess this up no one's gonna be clear any wins today

for any of our listeners if they can't understand the tone scale no wins no gains well they'll understand the tone scale Marcus you know how to you know how to teach them now the tone scale is as far as I can interpret because this shit is extremely difficult to understand which is the whole point tone scale is a meter of different states of physical and emotional being ranked from 40 to negative 40 and that those are big numbers those are huge numbers yeah that's kind of fun because remember this he is now what he did was he took Dianetics and he blew it out right but Dianetics started with four zones and that you have to go up the four zones he's now made 80 different zones so you're just getting more for your

money you know what I mean you're you're making money now buying it because he's increasing amounts of zones also he's increasing the amount the increasing amounts of tenants from there were originally four tenants of Dianetics to now with the science of survival there's now eight tenants of Scientology which is what they're gonna be drilled on for the rest of their life and this is how you make oodles and oodles and oodles of money I mean every single time there's something new and always improves upon if not outright changes what came before it's actually very similar to what colleges do nowadays yeah there are so many damn classes you really only need for science math English and in elective but now

they have always I've always said school is a scam it is kind of a scam now the bottom of the tone scale is total failure that's number that's negative 40 and that's worse than death yeah between negative 40 and zero you've got states like sacrifice at negative six hiding at negative eight wait hold on what's hiding it's hiding just hiding just like a kid and be like my dad's coming home in five minutes I'm gonna hide in the car I'm gonna hide in the trunk of the car and then you turns out your dad's drunk and he wants to drive next thing you know you're getting re-arranted and you're dead in the trunk of your dad's car because all you wanted to do is hide and now you're a negative eight that's why it's a

negative eight I see that's a sin that's a sin you're bad all right you need to confess those sins you need to do an O you need an OW right up my friend I'm sorry then you've got needing bodies owning bodies and controlling bodies that's negative four negative three and negative one point five remember this because the bodies are bad in Scientology okay body is just a big sloppy hairy vessel horny hard little fucking like bearded vessel yeah you don't want it no you don't want it you don't want what your bakingy smelling like my pubes too long kind of body like you want to free that you want to crack that open so your theta can get out no I understand what you're talking about regarding like your

body and my body and most of Marcus's body but what if you're like the rock or like you know John Cena like you have a bad body that's a bad that's still a bad body still a bad body because you've also got blame shame and pity that's negative one negative 0.2 and negative 0.1 by the way I just had a great revelation John Cena what's his catchphrase you can't see me he's hiding he's a negative eight and he's got a great body he's probably a negative eleven he's an SP he's an SP right there but he's a positive person to the naked eye but in reality he's an SP super impressive personality see me wow the 0.0 is body death which implies that feeling pity is somehow worse than death itself body death is just

kind of put in there at a zero and it seems like he started at a zero and then he started figuring out I think we really need some negatives in here to really push the fact that it's negative and they're like all right you love numbers just write your fake ass numbers now apathy grief propitiation despair fear and anxiety are also a bit better but still worse than the most common state covert hostility which is 1.1 or 1.1 now it's very common to call people a 1.1 if someone's gone 1.1 it means that they are a they're they're bad and they would it's a because what's the covert hostility technically what it means is that it's somebody they can smile at you and then stab you in the back and it's the

most distrust worthy it's a it's a terrible person but this is not a negative where we are in the positives here we're still technically we're in the positives but it's all negative we're also gay we're gay all three of us are gay no that's what 1.1 is 1.1 covert hostility is also the level that homosexuals sit at and this is where the gay cure of Scientology comes in and I love that we include this no one realizes Scientology is extremely homophobic extremely extremely homophobic but it is interesting with the negatives being or being better than death or being worse than death you know because that does lead to that mentality of if you leave when and then when when people talk about leaving the cult it being a suicide

yeah also the back of this you gotta remember what we're gonna get to is that we're including past lives when it comes to like the negative realms you have to take hours of courses to understand that that is the commutative engrams of billions of lives you're getting way ahead of yourself here we got this is by the way I said Marcus was gonna explain everything I am very confused but I'm getting it so we can't we cannot bring past lives into a just yeah good we gotta understand the tone scale I'm sorry I had a bunch of that Trader Joe's coffee concentrate Natalie explained to me after I've already had two full cops of it that it's supposed to be watered down yes I learned that hard lesson as well the other

day I was up for about 30 hours I am a Cuban drum solo right now like I am the song wife out all right so we got the negatives zero being the death worth of one one and this is homosexuality where one one cuz I yeah I don't really know how homosexuality is considered covert hostility but this is still where they put gay people and where the gay cure comes in is that if you are able to move up the tone scale past 1.1 not gay anymore this is Michelle Bachman Marcus Bachman gay conversion therapy yes is like yeah Republican and very evangelical Christian in a way very much so you will yeah because a 1.2 is called still desperately hungry for cock like that's just where you are because they get you up because

you no matter what you do no matter how clear you are you're still gonna be a homosexual person because you're born that way you can't change that there's no there's no yelling at an ashtray that is going to fix wanting to make love to the person that you love what if you like be a dick be a human penis you could turn anything into a penis if you put it inside yourself I guess chaos magically you've made it a penis I see so but you're also the in science of in science of survival he specifically states really quickly because I try to read this he states really quickly that if anybody is under a 2.0 on the tone scale they deserve no civil rights and should be immediately destroyed this is a man that

Hollywood the supposed liberal elites in Hollywood have fallen in love with he is the deity of the left in Hollywood and this is the truth behind what he actually thinks I wouldn't say he's the deity of the left I think he's the deity of like John Travolta and who is the deity of Hollywood if not you know who is the Peter of Hollywood John Travolta Tom Cruz and John Travolta were the two biggest names in Hollywood for decades and decades and Elron Hubbard was the God yeah but not anymore now John Travolta is perennially made fun of for his hairpiece he's slathered with cum because he's just let the guards off because he's just having sex with every masseuse and pilot he could get his grippers

on which I think he should he should John Tra should be himself we've said that on page seven thousands of times well he did very well in the OJ Simpson documentary yes he absolutely did so if you're moving up the tone scale you go from covert hostility then you go through states like boredom disinterested mild interest cheerfulness action games and postulates what does that mean because he even says it's in a footnote in Dianetics sometimes I'm going to verb like before he anybody understands what he's doing is like I'm going to verb noun sometimes and now this is an uncommon practice but I use it in order to to more elucidate my points by just essentially just makes up words he does and says it means

he says words mean other things than they're supposed to mean which is a central tenet of fascist thought right cuz it's destroying your concept of reality yeah and it's a part it's a hypnotic suggestion also there's another whole concept called stacked realities that he uses which is specifically confusing jargon and then hides messages in it it's a hypnotic suggestion that's when you walk into a room and he's like this is where we have all the bunk beds this is where you'll be sleeping and it's nothing but canoes no that's a bad I promise you that's not a rowing boat so after you get to the highest state of the tone scale up at 40 you have reached the serenity of being this fun and apparently with serenity

of beingness it means you can tell something someone to do something and you can make someone do something against their own personal will and against their own personal sense of of propriety like and so in the end the very top level of Scientology that you're supposed to read is being able to go up to someone and be like tie your shoes alright untie your shoes alright make love to me and then it's like and then that's that's basically what they want well they call it tone 40 and then and that's also supposed to be something that auditors are able to reach if they used and they they use tone 40 is like a verb you've toned 40 someone and so this basically allows you to be a total asshole a total manipulative

prick and not feel bad about it yeah because you're in level 40 well yeah because and everybody else around you is a log right which which a term is for us the people that are inherently suppressive we are a log which stands for a worthy oriental gentleman which is a naval term that is true it's a naval term for people who hadn't crossed like certain meridians and so is it and then they became something called like steelbacks something fucking retarded but the the logs are bad well it's some kind of fun though like a wombat it's a it's a racial slur in the UK oh it is yeah well my apologies to my friend quite quite a quite good intense racial slur we Elron Hubbard said it we're not saying it it's his word now all

of this shit is made confusing on purpose by setting these arbitrary states that sound good but don't really mean anything Hubbard is setting himself and his organization up as gatekeepers that are the only ones that can help you decipher all of this it's like the upright citizens brigade theater school like improv school yeah it's like improv yeah well I mean it is a situation where it's like a city planner it's just like we're gonna make the lights all weird and the streets all wrong and then we're the only place it's gonna sell maps you know it's it's really what it is you just mess up everything like what you gotta come to us for answers it's very simple mm-hmm it goes to the very beginning

of the fucking Christian church when they started printing the Bibles in Latin because they knew that people could not read Latin you needed to have a priest tell you what the Bible was saying oh it's all about control of information it's a cult thought it's it's isolating people specifically making them feel stupid and that the only way that you could get fucking wosin up hashtag woke is to listen to fucking my ass it's kind of gas lighting in a way as well yeah so after the publication of science of survival and the establishment of the HDF adabia pilgrims started making their way to Kansas and one of those pilgrims was a pretty little teenager from Texas named Mary Sue Whip I like her

yeah it sounds like a fucking Russ Meyer character she does they call me whip because I don't wear pants just many whips on top of my shoes Mary Sue Whip is actually like she wasn't that it's not that she was that attractive but she was a true believer immediately like die hard she was 19 when she showed up yeah and now she showed up in the home where El Ron Hubbard was staying she showed up in Wichita Kansas at the Wichita what is it called the Hubbard Dianetics Foundation and so this had already reached Texas where she was and this is before the internet obviously so this must have been a fairly large operation already it's like 1951 yeah and I mean Dianetics had made its way all the way across the nation

it was the number one bestseller they're popping up all over the country so yeah it's enough to reach a 19 year old girl in Texas and inspire her to travel to Wichita Kansas the future home of BTK for the man who is literally an orange jack-o-lantern man with a captain's hat on if you show up and you just think is the hottest most interesting charismatic man in the world which shows the power of just talking well like if you could talk good and make good words you can get Lizade twenty four seven also yeah it just confused them and have some have people look to you for answers and you being the prize they seek so Hubbard took a shine to little Mary Sue almost immediately and when within a few weeks

the newly divorced burgeoning cult leader had a brand new chicky to warm his bed the two would be married soon afterwards and she would stay by his side throughout his life right up until her loyalty landed her in prison well which will cover in part four do you mind if I pour myself into you excellent you're my little vase my sweet little vase the flowers are the dookie this is different than I expected it to be but excellent yes so do you mean better or worse it's worse yeah yeah yeah I know I know it's bad oh but despite the influx of believers things weren't going any better in Wichita than they were in New Jersey see Don Purcell the man foot in the bill had been at odds with Hubbard from the moment

he arrived as Hubbard had brought along a brand new angle to Dianetics the Purcell didn't jive with past lives hmm now as we discussed on the last episode when a person was audited they would travel back on their time track sometimes going as far back as conception to look for Ingrams but some people were starting to go even further past conception into lives lived before and Elron rolled with it perfectly wouldn't you just go into your father's ball sack and then have to navigate that world like Martin Shorten I'm in I'm in my father's nut sack listening to rush driving around in his 74 duster I can smell his jeans get get me out of here get me out of here he's drinking and driving and everyone's laughing about it

they think it's just relaxing I think they're about to pick up my mother oh god I'm slapping against my mother's bottom so how was your experience in auditing refreshing good I feel good but also think about this because people were in the auditing session we're just making shit up yeah right so you're forced to come up with shit all the time you're auditing so you're making shit up so what Elron Hubbard does is he automatically knows that you're making shit up in these auditing sessions right so he then flips it for you and says no you're not actually making shit up I'm gonna make you feel better about your own lies and tell you you're making up past lives and they're like whoa I am because now they're

fucking thousands of dollars deep yeah they're about oh there are a lot of money in at this point and going back to what you were talking about with UCB this is Dell Close this is improv 101 say yes yes and that's what I do when I read a menu I say I'll have the jimmy chonga yes and the bean burrito so you mean to tell me I only have to spend above thirty five hundred dollars to be on an improv team with a bunch of other admins and a couple people who are convinced they'll be on Saturday Night Live called Mission Improvable that's correct that's incredible yeah so now if you just take your wheelchair over here that would be wonderful see this is how this is how Elron magically turned these past lives into cold

hard cash see with a new life came a whole new set of Ingrams and it expanded the process almost towards infinity he even got into the game himself one day he showed up at a lecture with a considerable limp and when people asked what had happened he said that during an audit session he had traveled on his genetic time track to a civil war battle in which he had been wounded but he hadn't had time to finish running the whole scenario hence the limp and that's called uh you can't uh oh oh what's the term it's uh you didn't finish your uh cause of action what's what's the god damn it oh there's so many cytology terms what's the cytology term he didn't he didn't finish running the scenario he didn't yeah running

yeah running the reality and he's fucking it's like him coming and be like oh I'm sorry I can't wear a shirt today um I at one point about four billion years ago I was a cute little Pomeranian and man those puppies were just hungry and my nipples are unbelievably sore I was chock full of milk cute Pomeranian though I'm sure I wish I could go back to the days of being full of milk can you imagine the money I'd save on milk Martin interspace Martin shortened interspace love that movie no can you just explain really quick ingrams ingrams yeah ingrams are marks that are left on your uh brain that keep you from being a happy person ingrams are marks left on your brain in your reactive mind that are keep they're keeping

you from becoming a fully and totally realized person and so once you are able to identify the ingrams that are in your reactive mind you can refile those ingrams in your analytical mind and delete them as if your brain was a computer that is exactly where L Ron Hubbard is right now with this stuff all right pain doesn't hurt you and now that you've had past lives to it now you do not only you have to get rid of your ingrams in this life is that you got to go back and get rid of them each one of your past life as well which creates the endless flow of money coming in and meanwhile Purcell isn't sitting around being like this was just supposed to be kind of like therapy and he's just like I don't really understand

I was not a knight at the round table even though I'm having images of it but mostly I just think it's because I want to medieval times one time and I loved it and I had many dreams about it because my section one and it was really nice to feel the validation to be a part of a winning crowd I can't wait to go to medieval times oh this one out in New Jersey I'm going see and and Purcell was also starting to get tired of hubbard because Hubbard was starting to fuck with Purcell because L Ron Hubbard was starting to do some kind of he was starting to do weird like almost faith healing type shit right where he would tell everyone in the audience like okay everyone in this audience you don't need your glasses

anymore leave your glasses at the door in this bowl and you will not need glasses anymore and Purcell was blind as a fucking bat so he goes he takes off his glasses he puts them in the bowl and he has he's fumbling out of the room because he can't see anything and L Ron Hubbard is sitting there laughing at him there's also a very famous televangelist Benny Hinn he used to do a very similar thing and he would take he would whip people's canes out from underneath them and he got multiple lawsuits because those people needed those canes and their knees were all detached they would go to the hospital and be like what did you do to your knee like he took my cane and he got sewed they only need those canes

because they're pts's and they're connected to some form of sp I think it's a football injury but what a good way to fuck with a group of nerds and tell them they don't need their glasses anymore because you can totally do that in high school right now like they have been in your school right now and there's a camp with glasses and you're a remotely either a cool dude or a hot woman you may like you don't need your glasses anymore like I don't I'm pretty sure I I need them like I'm pretty certain you don't need your glasses and all right so can we maybe go get a soda pop and do people still do that hey where'd you go hey oh god oh god I'm in a world of clouds that's kind of fun though I always

like when I lose a contact you can make anybody's face to be what you want it to be but Hubbard before he could turn all that past lives bullshit and all this faith-ealing bullshit into his ultimate money-making scheme Scientology he had to settle present debts as a court had ruled that the HDF at W was ultimately responsible for the debts of the Elizabeth New Jersey branch of Dianetics and Purcell felt that the only course of action was bankruptcy because at the end of the day even though Purcell was a big believer in Dianetics he was also still a businessman he thought all right bankruptcy we declare bankruptcy we have a do over it's totally fine Hubbard though he refused to do that because he saw it as admitting failure

you know it's very interesting this country is a rare bankruptcy is unique to America in a lot of ways Germany doesn't have it for example and it is sort of like erase my debts erase my debts and then they can just be like bankruptcy we have that in this country you don't actually have to like be a magician you just have to file paperwork and you can erase all of your debts it doesn't have to be magic because money is fake yeah because the part of that weird money is fake thing that we kind of like forget after a while being like debt's just a number on a computer screen and they just have us hostage to that which is why capitalism works right that's the whole point is that you're supposed to

go make more money and have your back against the wall all the time so you want to make more money and then you're just constantly working and you can never fucking use where you're just a bunch of worker bees well money is only money back my comrade the no my money is very real very real one could argue it greatly improves your life no no money is fake give us your money you don't need your money give us your money via patreon it's patreon.com slash last podcast to the left you don't need your money for those that don't see Henry is waving his hand in front of the camera so hopefully I'm telling you just give us your money so in this whole bankruptcy fight Hubbard was outvoted bankruptcy was declared

Hubbard resigned and established the Hubbard College on the other side of town still in Wichita Kansas and Hubbard College would be the birthplace of what would become the centerpiece of Scientological Belief the e-meter and the e-meter still in use today is a metal box operated by the auditor with a lighted dial adjustment knobs to fiddle around with and a wire connected to two cans that the person being audited would hold the audit essentially lie detector yeah it has the same technology as a lie detector way defunct I mean it's not it doesn't actually indicate if you're lying or not it doesn't it's not accurate it does give it does give readings that gives readings with the dial on it the dial does

jump at certain points the auditor would then ask questions relevant to whatever level the audit T was currently on and interpret the reactions and the e-meter did in fact read reactions it's about yeah it's like can resist it's very similar to a lie detector test it's like galvanic some other bullshit yeah but lie detectors also do your blood pressure and your heart rate and all of that shit so it adds extra dimensions to it but the e-meter just like kind of spikes and goal you're getting for you want a floating needle like spikes every time you have some sort of emotional reaction we're all bumped to the other side and then you want to get it where you remembered something so much and you've cleared it right

we're so you've sat in it and you no longer have any emotions attached them energy to that memory anymore so it just hovers so you sort of wanted to be like a perfect dick pick on grinder you don't want a real rock hard one because that's too committed that's too aggressive you want to be full what could I be you know one of those yeah absolutely now here's some examples of questions people might be asked during an audit or commands they might be given what solid could others have others understand watching a buddy's dog that's a good solid right that's a that's like a solid you could do for a buddy all right what wouldn't another mind others communicating with who that is

that you know it's just it's not like a Buddhist cone I suppose to is it if I answer the question am I wrong is it one of those where what can you answer ask ask it again I'm trying it wouldn't another mind others communicating with what would another minds others communicating with Jessica Simpson what is Jessica Simpson I would not mind if Kissel was talking to Jessica Simpson that is I would like to speak with Jessica Simpson my mind wouldn't mind speaking with the other mind of Jessica Simpson perfect and lastly spots some owned sex I was good in bed like two months ago one time I because I was the perfect ratio of drunken stoned I spotted it spots some owned sex I was I was good there was good in the past

maybe I know marriage that's actually I think that's the answer every wedding I've ever been to owned sex now people pay anywhere from hundreds to thousands of dollars an hour to be asked these questions and have their reactions interpreted this still happens today those fucking questions are being asked right now in a Scientology Center somewhere on this or let me just Venmo you what do I owe you Marcus I believe for this session $1500 for those three questions lots of own sex it's truly not like it's that like human trafficking and Malay like I say Lewis I don't even want to decipher what that nonsense is and of course all of the answers that you give in these auditing sessions are meticulously documented

and say it so now we know Henry is addicted to alcohol smoking marijuana and is bad in bed unless he is the perfect dose of both no I'm good when I'm connected you gotta look in the eyes never leave the eye gate and suddenly just being clear wasn't good enough in 1952 the creation of Scientology proper introduced another level that of the OT but I just like vanilla coke yeah it just stinks because when someone worked so hard to like they thought they were gonna win the game and then they're like it's time for more when you got wins but you don't have enough gains yet oh I see and they get they take it back right every single time they do this and they are there talking about it's like when David Miscavige

shows up later on we're gonna find out that becomes the new game everything gets rewritten all the time and then you gotta pay for it all over again and get cleared again yes that is the game he sets up right yeah and Miscavige has introduced new games throughout the years I think even as early even as ladies like 2005 like he keeps introducing new tech and that's what they call all of this stuff is when you hear Scientology is talking about the tech the technology they're talking about all of these auditing techniques they're talking about all the things that they do in order to reach the level of OT operating fate and see Dianetics only had to do with the body Scientology has to do with the soul of which

Hubbard quote had come across incontrovertible scientifically validated evidence of the existence of and you cannot argue with me with that because I just wrote that down there's no way to argue with that whatsoever and do it I wrote it I know you wrote it down you wrote it on a page and you're overweight so there's no way I printed my own my own certificate for myself to show me that I had done that okay and I put that up on a wall and a frame I made myself from several pieces of wood I made the frame and the certificate and you can't take that away from me unless you take that from my hands but then I can come and take it from your hands back and it's like I did it again Mr. Hubbard there's a line

for me at the coffee shop please go I have scientific absolute and I have already paid for this coffee yes you did actually you know what I don't even care if you pay for doing a pastry besides this scientifically validated evidence Hubbard had also come across a nasty little legal battle with backer Dom Purcell whom Hubbard regularly regularly referred to as quote that little flatulence I kind of think that's fun I have to admit Elron I would laugh if I was hanging out with him I would be that's good so it does remind me of the Red and Stimpy episode when Stimpy had the fart never when Stimpy lost his fart so Parsons and Purcell every friend that goes into business with him just once again they

get totally screwed over always always always and he still has children by the way he's been a deadbeat father to yeah absolutely so it seems that since Purcell was responsible for past debts it was also possible that a Purcell took care of those debts from Elizabeth New Jersey he would also end up with the rights to Dianetics so Scientology was at this point essentially Hubbard's backup plan just in case the Dianetics gravy train was lost so Hubbard had to come up with something completely new and he did so with typical sci-fi flair he literally just did it he literally just knew that it was all money he knew the Dianetics was going to get taken out from underneath him and he wanted also to make sure the Dianetics

was worth nothing yeah because you wanted to make sure that not only that if he was not going to make money off of it nobody else was and so now it's like well Dianetics was just kind of the step in stones we don't need that anymore now we have this fucking this is the the break off shuttle part it's like evil dead versus evil dead to you really don't need evil dead interesting evil dead to is a superior movie and it's the same plot exactly same movie same movie but with a budget she may tell me I've been putting fucking useless dollars into Sam Raimi's fucking pocket evil dead one yeah just watch evil dead to bro I'm gonna find him in Hollywood I'm gonna pants him no street in front of his family I love

Sam Raimi God is perfect now here's the cosmology of Scientology in Scientology the true self of a person is an immortal omniscient omnipotent being called a Thetan Thetans had created the universe to amuse themselves but in the process had lost their superpowers of being immortal omniscient and omnipotent it's like being in the bath and you put a bunch of subs on top of your penis like when you like sitting there and you're like oh he's got a hat now he's got a beard yeah and then you forget to jerk off sure you realize your your bath water is just filthy and you're not getting clean covered in red now over trillions of years Thetans had picked and discarded millions of bodies going and one going out one going

and one going out one but every person was always inhabited by a Thetan you've got a Thetan I got one I got a Thetan ooh Henry's got a Thetan ooh mine mine is this fun and sweet yes gay as a lark and all he wants to do is dance and to be in movies mine's name is Bloor Brennalds and he and he can smoke and smoke and smoke but he doesn't doesn't get cancer kind of cool but all the sounds like both your Thetans have problems you know with the help of Scientology one could restore their Thetan superpowers and become an operating Thetan aka an OT now this is kind of sort of like you're like if that's the krang inside of the big man robot body and then it can take over and do cool shit for you yeah okay and

if you become an OT you could actually transcend Jesus Christ and Buddha who were in Hubbard's words just a shade above clear not that far I mean they certainly wore a lot less clothes than I do sir I gave you your croissant what else do you want can you get out of this coffee shop this meal I have scientific proof that I've paid for this meal I'm not even charging you scientific proof get and from the moment of its release people ate this shit up this is Tom Cruise was talking about being an OT so he has a what is that a Thetan that has a superpowers I think he's an OT7 it goes up to OT8 yeah OT because that's the thing is that first you but because originally with Dianetics it was just becoming clear that

was just that was the furthest that you would go and then when Scientology was introduced then you wanted to become an OT but once you become an OT there are eight more levels to go OT1 OT2 OT3 OT4 OT5 and so on and so forth okay and every single level above OT you start getting more and more information that's where all the wacky shit like Xenu comes in that I'm sure all of our listeners you know about Xenu and the volcanoes and all that but that's called a status also a part of what Scientology does is a thing called study tech which idea you learn at the very beginning they brainwash you into how you're supposed to learn Scientology this this happens later on it's been well it got burned at their new British home but

it was this idea of there are gradients and and and M.U.'s right misunderstood words there's the only two things that are keeping you from getting Scientology so if you end up in the higher OT levels and you hear the Xenu shit and you're like oh I'm not into this at all it's because you did not properly follow study tech right you know great gradients are like slowly learning bit by bit over time so he builds us in to slowly roll you up to ludicrous bullshit that then you're forced to recognize because you're $125,000 deep and into the program exactly and you would have to admit that you're wrong you have to admit to you that you led your family astray it's highly embarrassing it's yeah highly

embarrassing indeed yeah so again it's like you've been on a herald team for five years and you didn't get a Saturday Night Live audition you don't know why I heard they were auditioning you're just your specific type this year too the Theten theory was perfect for a sci-fi writer as Hubbard was given essentially limitless scenarios to play around with and his followers responded by giving him scenarios that were just as fantastic one pre-clear completely on his own said that he had arrived on a planet 74,000 years ago and had battled quote black magic operators who are using electronics for nefarious purposes I think he was just yelling at a black operator for Sprint and he's just like I'm gonna I'm gonna spin this this is

a different planet this is what Hubbard said further about that story he now goes to another planet by spaceship a deception is accomplished by hypnosis and pleasure implants rather like opium and their effects whereby he is deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl and that's how I like them if I were to have every robot in the world I'd put a red wig on all of them you should see my toaster singed hair all over it but I'll fuck it anyway so in other words with the help of Scientology a person could write themselves into a sci-fi story and completely and totally believed that they had actually lived the life of a space hero in a distant galaxy okay it's

a perfect nerd religion this is as referenced by Henry Zabrowski at our chaos magic panel in the Salt Lake City Comic-Con this is John Candy in the movie Delirious he wrote himself into the script and found love which is by the way sexually predatory it's a great idea though it's a great idea but you can't just how you may work but yeah I mean but he brainwashed a woman technically wrote wrote all the words for her and then she fell in love with a huge huge man yes how do you think it works how do you think I dated my redhead you build a fantasy is that what you're calling your girlfriend my redhead you're like Billy Crystal in my giant this is my redhead is that how you introduce her on the red carpet yes yes

I lied to her that's how she believes that's how she's that's basically what she just said so Hubbard followed up the rollout of Scientology with the history of man which he introduced as quote a cold-blooded and factual account of your last 60 trillion years you're welcome in this he introduced the genetic entity aka GE which was a low-grade soul that occupied your body alongside a feeton this gave Hubbard yet another thing to get rid of as the lower being GE was chock full of Ingrams and most people's GE Ingrams had to do with clams hear him out but hold on a second okay we got we got SP's OG's GE's they just sound like car companies dude I mean it's a it's LRH it's it's you know it's it's all of these acronyms

they what these acronyms do is they just isolate you from the rest of humanity they make you a Scientologist in language because I mean of course like language is such an important thing to control for a cult leader and Scientology was one of the first to really understand that is that if you give someone their own language then pretty soon they're not going to be able to talk to anybody but a Scientologist you're basically implant in them a whole new personality you implant that's what Jason McGay who was one of the big actors that come out against it saying Scientology that's what he was saying that's why this is great for actors that's why actors love it because essentially it's like a role you're playing a role and and

then also you're getting a whole new system of a way of thinking that it's a that basically is an us versus them mentality anyway that everybody else is an SP or a WOG and you are someone that truly understands how the universe works so you get a sense of superiority you get your own fun little language it's great for nerds yeah I guess so now about the clams now this is about the clams you know what Marcus we've been meaning to talk to you about the clams as a matter of fact listen I love clams don't get me wrong I love a chowder I love a linguiney but this is he postulates to use that word that we all started as clams mm-hmm that all and he also postulates that that is proof of evolution that everyone has

a clam GE inside of them I got a clam in me you got a clam in you I got a clam you got to get that clam out I got a gas clam how the hell do I get the clam out of me well okay well I'll tell you please God no I found it I got a feet inside of me and there's a clam I guess he's eating it what is as easy as a little Italian dinner inside of me you were clam you'd be like a gooey duck have you ever seen those clams they're big long oh disgusting you eat the worst food I've ever seen in my life anything that that struggles to live I eat good lord okay so the biggest bugaboo that a clam has to deal with is the constant conflict between the hinge that wants to open and the one that wants to close this could

be fixed by imagining a clam on the beach opening and closing its shell rapidly while at the same time mimicking the opening and closing of the shell with your thumb and forefinger open close open close open close covered said quote this gesture would upset large numbers of people I understand why cuz then you ask me like why are you doing with your hand like its like a clam at the beach I'm making a clam it's clam hands I'm making clam hands yeah I firmly I'm sticking with my idea that this man just belongs in the corner of a dark Wisconsin bar just slamming curds and getting trashed be like yeah look at my head I call it clam it's kind of fun well wait literally online for the public pool just run around on clam

and clam heads oh wait do you hear about the weeper and the boohoo. The weeper and the the weeper, also known as the boohoo, are so named because these creatures pump seawater out of their shells as they breathe. This was the sorts of pre-clears who were unable to cry and also the source of a fear of falling as boohoos were often dropped by predatory birds. So what are we even doing here? That's like what are you even talking about? It's like even in that first meeting I'd be like weepies and boohoos.

What do we do? Why are we doing this? It's like salty candies. And that's not the sound you make when you're full. It sounds like Willy Wonka things. Here's a weepie. Here's a boohoo. Why are my pants down, Willy?

Well, the thing is, is that all this stuff, like, Scientology has been insane and indecipherable from the moment of its inception. All this stuff is totally, this isn't something that they spring on you. This is something that you read in preparation to become a Scientologist, but that's all a part of the allure. How much money would I have to spend before I hear about the weepie and the boohoo? I think you're about $15,000 in at this point. You know what?

I'm beginning to think there's something to these weepies and boohoos. I'm about $15,000 in debt that tells me that's right. You have any idea how many pounds of clams are worth $15,000? That's how I come to be like, how many pounds of clams? I could buy for just anything. I just rather do that. Oh, absolutely. You can have the clams.

Yeah. See, all this is a part of the allure of Scientology. If someone was already into Dianetics and it gained them positive effects, then of course they wanted to know more. So they'd buy Hubbard's next book and the next and the next. All of these books, these weepies and boohoos, all this shit is available publicly. They're selling these in bookstores, but each one was harder to understand than the one before. So in order to understand them, you had to have someone teach you how to understand it.

And in order to have someone teach you how to understand it, you had to pay more and more and more money. And you needed an institution for them to teach you in. Honestly, do you really believe, if you really believe, if you read any one of these books and you truly believe you understand it, you're lying to yourself. You have to be lying to yourself. Do you think that Elron, did he understand the con? Yes.

Yes. Oh, yeah. So this is, and so he must have been openly like laughing at these individuals. He was. Yes. They were. They would talk about it. And when he moved into an apartment, before the big move into the gigantic British Scientology

Center, like the first one, he was just living with a bunch of people and he would come out and they said that he was like this really fun guy. He was like a friend of a friend of like some various like section of Scientology and he'd come and he'd play the ukulele and joke and he'd make these dirty songs, making fun of auditing. Like he would make fun of auditing and make fun of Scientology and do all of this shit. He knew exactly what he was doing. He thought it was funny and they would laugh.

They would just laugh all night and then he wouldn't pay them rent and then he just disappeared. Yeah, I would grab that ukulele out of his hands so fast and just smash it over. Oh, gotta be so fun. Yeah. There was even one story that a guy told that he was hanging out with Elron Hubbard and some guy showed up at their doorstep and offered to pay Hubbard $5,000 for a copy of Excalibur. Remember Excalibur was the book that was supposedly so good that it made people kill themselves.

Right. And Hubbard told the guy very solemnly. Of course, it is not for man's eyes. I cannot sell it for any amount of money. And then Hubbard closed the door and started laughing and looked at his friend and said, you know, man, someday I've got to get around to writing that bullshit. Wow. Very smart.

Never opened the box. If Joseph McCarthy taught us one thing, never show the briefcase, it's just full of vodka and porno. And that's all. I think that the whole mind of Elron Hubbard was tits and whiskey. Yes. As far as, like Henry, as far as you said, like the people who tricked themselves into thinking they understood it completely, that would be the nerds, the eggheads, they brushed

off all the weird feet and boohoo shit as allegory. Because he had people there that had like master's degrees in biology. You know, he had people that were extremely intelligent, book smart, but were still going along with all this shit. It's literally how people read Trump's tweets. What did he really mean? No, he really meant that about college. He said it.

He really meant that. Yeah. He's just saying it. Yeah. And there was no way that someone, these smart people, there's no way as intelligent as they were that they could ever be taken in by such nonsense. It can't be that this person is just spouting this bullshit. There has to be some deeper meaning.

In Trump's case, he has to be playing 4D chess. Oh my God. For some bullshit like that. I interviewed a friend of mine who was a conservative, and he literally said he's playing 3D chess. No, 4D chess. He didn't say, well, he's getting it wrong because it's 4D chess. Oh, I didn't realize it's 4D chess.

I should have corrected him. No, actually, he's so smart. He's 4D chess. And these people... A man couldn't identify chess pieces if he wanted to be like, what are these shitty little statues? Yeah. No, which one do I stick up Melania?

No, I'll leave it alone. And so these people, they went further and further and further. They got in deeper and deeper and deeper because no one wants to admit that they've been played for a fool. No one wants to admit that they were wrong. No one wants to admit that this thing that they went all in on is actually complete and total horseshit. It's embarrassing.

It's like whenever I go to watch the Knicks play at Madison Square Garden, they're down by 15, and I'm like, they got a shot. They got it. They got it. They can still pull this off. Everybody plays fool sometimes. That's what happens, bro. And it's written in a song for a reason.

It's like only fools rush in. That's another fucking tight lyric that actually does happen. We used to say everyone plays with food. Everybody plays with food when they're hungry. Yeah, that was fun. So within a couple of years, Scientology had started to organically grow small pods all over the world, particularly in England. In 1953, Hubbard took control of a group that had spontaneously appeared in the UK and dubbed

it the Hubbard Association of Scientologists International, aka Hossie. He does do a good job with naming his buildings. He's great at this. Yeah, he's awesome. Now, meanwhile, back in the US, Dom Purcell, after enduring legal attack after a legal attack, as well as some mild gang stalking, had given up his fight for dianetics. And so with both that and Scientology firmly in his control, Hubbard incorporated the Church of Scientology in California in February 1st, 1954.

Was this church tax exempt? Not yet. Not yet. They didn't exempt status until the mid to late 90s. And do they still have tax exemption? Yes. Yeah, of course they do. Brilliant.

That's why they still exist. Good job, government. Yeah, that's why they still exist. And the story of how they got tax exemption, that's very well covered and going clear. Yeah. If you haven't seen going clear, go and, and it's just, it's just, I mean, it is, pretty much Scientology harassed IRS agents. Scientology won tax exemption, how the Russians won World War II.

Just keep throwing bodies at them. Just keep throwing bodies and eventually they will surrender. Now, when he showed up in England, they were incredibly weary of this man showing up with this weird cult in this church and all shit, but he showed up as a botanist. And he said when he appeared in England that he was there doing these experiments proving that plants can feel feelings. And that's why they let him in and they were like, they covered him as this famous botanist because he said he was a former nuclear engineer, turn botanist.

Yeah. You could just say things back then and people believed you. Yeah. You can do it now. No, you can't. They can Google search you. It doesn't matter. We're living in a post-truth world, bro.

Well, not like that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we're not living in a post-resume world yet. It's harder than ever to lie in a lot of ways. Yeah. So this whole move of incorporating Scientology as a church, it was the perfect move for Harvard.

Being a church, Scientology could take advantage of all the constitutional rights that a religion was owed. Second, religion was big business in post-war America. If you didn't know, under God wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954. And it wasn't until 1956 that in God we trust was made our country's official motto. The 50s were truly the beginning of the religious clusterfuck that the United States is today. This is the rise of Billy Graham. This is the rise of the religious right, the evangelicals.

All this shit started in the 50s, and Alron Hubbard was smart enough to grab a couple of those people that were looking for some meaning in the empty hollow shell that was 1950s America. Other than Vietnam, which was huge, but oftentimes when societies have peace and money for the first time, and it's still very new, that's when religion spring up when there's time to have them. Also, this began the rollout of anti-communist thought, right? And the communists at the time were used to be like an atheistic society.

So part of this is psychological warfare happening inside of America to start being like, we are on God's side, they're not on God's side, and it allows everybody to join in on a fight against communism. And then also leads to the McCarthy era bullshit, where then it's okay to rat a bunch of people out because they're not with fucking God, and that they deserve to be destroyed, which is very similar to Scientology, wanting to destroy anyone that is an escapade. And it plays into limited government and those things. I follow God's law, not man's law and such things.

Exactly. Now, furthermore, being a church, Bolstered Hubbard's persecution complex. His enemies were no longer attacking an idea, they were now attacking a faith, which made his counterattacks even more justifiable. And it also strengthens him, because now it's like, I'm obviously onto something, everybody that's ever been onto something that's been attacked by the government, Jesus, all these people are evolving. So now look at it, all of this shit I talked about, they're afraid that we're too close

to the truth. And then we will not be governable enough because I'm going to make all y'all OTs, and then we won't be able to listen to everybody because the government will be suppressive people. But didn't the government at some point be like, this is a church, I want to start it, didn't it be like, what's with these woohoo's and boohoo's? Can you tell me about those? The only woohoo's and boohoo's I'll allow are the crying that my family does when I

leave on my many business trips, quote unquote. As far as the attack and went, if Scientology was threatened in any way, Hubbard believed that the only way to defend was to attack. He wrote, if you ever forget that, you will lose every battle that you are engaged in, make it rough, rough on attackers all the way. As we see time and time and time again. Yeah. And that is the first seed for keeping Scientology working, which we'll go into next episode,

which is one of the most sinister tenants of Scientology that makes them so aggressive and a rough group to go against. You know, Tom Cruise jumping on a couch. It's funny. It's cute. That man destroys lives. And he tried to do that to Katie Holmes, but we love Katie Holmes. Absolutely.

And the reason why Katie Holmes got Surrey out of there, we'll get into here in just a few minutes. Now, by 1956, Hubbard, in an impressively manic sprint, had written more than 60 books on Scientology and was releasing a new one almost every two months, each time introducing new processes and procedures that people had to pay to learn, many times requesting that they had to redo previous courses. So I, okay, you already paid for this course? Well, actually, I discovered this new thing in my research.

He always says, my research. I discovered something in my research that says that, no, wait, what I said before, that actually wasn't right. This is right. Now you have to go back and redo everything else and also pay for it all over again. So you made a mistake in your lecture, and now I have to go back and redo it. Well, it's not a mistake. I didn't make a mistake.

It's not a mistake. I didn't make a mistake. But it's because I made a mistake. No, no, no, it's not a mistake. I did further research. But what, so what did I learn the first time, Al? Nothing. You are nothing.

Well, you make a good point. Yeah, and all those courses that people had to take over and over again, Hubbard got a piece of it all. But despite making well over six figures a year in 1950s money, Hubbard still managed to stiff people for rent and bills at every turn leaching off of his followers. So it came as quite a surprise when he let his current landlords know that he had bought the Maharaja of Jaipur's estate in Sussex, England, aka St. Hill Manor, which would serve as the de facto headquarters of Scientology for the next few years.

Now I would say that this is really the only period of time where L. Ron Hubbard himself was happy. Yeah. Because Scientology was small. He could completely maintain it. It was in that little manor. People were coming to him, treating him like a god. He was living in these lavish estates with many workers coming out there.

It was as isolated as he always wanted Scientology to be. So how many people are we talking at this point, are we in 10,000, 20,000, 30,000? A couple. Honestly, it's like maybe two or 3,000 in terms of that because you only had three other centers. So you had California, Wichita, which now is gone, Jersey, which is pretty much gone too. So it's like, and then so everyone's coming here.

Well, he'd already said he'd had some in Arizona. He had some in California. There are some there. They're dotted all over the landscape. But as he was getting all that set up, bad news came from across the Atlantic in 1952. Few years earlier, Hubbard's estranged son from his first marriage, Nibs, had shown pack up in Hubbard's life wanting to be a part of this whole new Scientology thing. Within just a few short years, Nibs had gained the titles of Hubbard Communications Officer

in Charge, Chief Advanced Clinical Course Instructor, and Hubbard Communications Office Worldwide Technical Director. See, it came out that Nibs had, quote unquote, blown, which was Scientology jargon for leaving the church, a.k.a., blowing the org. My goodness, it sounds like an interesting sci-fi film where there's women and they're not wearing shirts and then the guys are all, you know, looking fine. It sounds like, yeah, like dude. Yeah, but blowing the org.

Org. It's like, the org, the organizing. Oh, the org, yeah, blowing the org, yeah. See, it seems like Nibs hadn't gotten any of the financial gain that he figured was coming his way from being the Messiah's son and decided it was time to cut his losses and resign all those positions. See, Hubbard's main concern was not that he was losing his son, but rather that Nibs would try to continue making money using Scientology, which he said he still wanted to practice

in his spare time. In response, Hubbard wrote, if he goes to practice anywhere or starts up a squirrel activity, have HCO cancel all certificates and awards of his, he won't ever be hired back. And that gives you even more jargon that they're throwing in there. Squirrels. Right. What are squirrels again? Squirrels are if someone leaves with Scientology teachings and decides to teach it outside

of the Scientology system. Like if people like certain parts of Scientology, which has happened, they go out and they teach them, and they're called squirrels. Right. And then they have the institution that the folks, the squirrel busters, who sound very fun, but they're not actually arresting squirrels for selling narcotics. They're stalking people. Yes.

And also the idea is that like certificates are, he hands you a clear certificate. If he feels that you've cleared a certain course, you get certificates. And the way he punishes people is by saying, I can rescind them anytime I want and therefore your soul's in jeopardy. Now this, among other things, caused Hubbard's paranoia to increase. And so he introduced security checking, AKA the sec check for all the people that worked for him. A sec check was essentially an interrogation that used an e-meter.

The worst sec checks asked a person dozens of extremely personal and embarrassing questions to not only try to ascertain whether they were a threat to Scientology, but also to obtain incriminating information about the person undergoing it. Right. Here's an example of some of the questions. I'm going to audit you guys again. Okay, cool. Okay.

All right. Okay. I feel like I got this one in no way. I don't know. I don't know if I have this one. Oh, I'm like, I'm going to be a CEO before you know it. Do you collect sexual objects? No.

I don't know. I don't know. You have the flashlight. I know you have the flashlight, Marcus. He's asking the question. I'm not being audited here. NJP, I'm auditing you. You have sexual objects.

Oh, he flipped the table. Can you flip the tables on the auditor? Yeah, HTZ. Absolutely not. HTZ cannot flip the tables on the auditor. Neither can you, BGK. No. That's my answer.

Next. Have you ever done anything your mother would be ashamed to find out? I once was at work and I had a big thing of Indian food. And I was really hungover. And I shot my pants in the cubicle. And then I just threw my underwear out in the bathroom of the office. And I sat with shit-stained khakis on for the rest of the day because I only had three hours left.

Well, my mother would be proud of you for staying at work. So that's not so bad. Have you ever pedaled dope? No, I can actually say I have never pedaled any kind of dope. That's good. And my mother would be proud of me for that. I've given weed, but I've never sold weed. Yeah.

Do you have any bastards? No. Just my friends. Yeah. Unlike L. Ron Hubbard, I don't have any bastards. Are you upset about this security check? Absolutely. Yes.

No, no, Kizzle. That's not your answer. You answer it and go, no. No. And then they get even weirder from there. Here's some more. Have you ever tried to act normal? Every day of my life outside of this show and my home.

Yeah. Have you ever practiced cannibalism? No. Damn. Unfortunately, because it's very difficult to get human meat. You cannot do it. It's illegal. Have you ever had intercourse with a member of your family?

No. What? Why are you asking me that? I feel like you've had intercourse with a member of your family. BGK, MJP, I'm flipping it. You had sex with your brother. What? We can literally answer that question, Marcus.

Strange. Have you ever had anything to do with a baby farm? Okay. Let me clarify. Is this the beginning farm or is this a farm of babies? That's a good clarification because yeah, I thought it was a farm worked by babies. Oh, interesting. That's another.

That's a third option. I don't know. But in which case, no, I've never been to a farm where the farmers are indeed babies. I've never seen a bunch of stalks of babies growing on stalks. What question in this check shouldn't I ask you again? The baby farm one. You're going to have any problems understanding what the baby farm is. I don't even know.

Yeah, that's kind of the problem with that one. Maybe what would your mother not like about you or disapprove of you? Are you upset about this security check? I'm actually fine with it. Oh. Yeah. No. Well, now I'm just thinking about a bunch of babies with tractors.

It's kind of fun. It's kind of cute. Yeah. Little baby tools. And then it can get flipped around. Oh. Say if the auditor is the one going through the sec check that I would be asked these questions. Henry, ask these questions.

Have you ever startled a preclear when he was on a calm lag? No. I think you have. Yeah, it seems like you have the way that you answer that one. No. Have you ever failed to flatten a process when it was still biting? No. I think he did.

I don't believe you. Have you ever jammed a preclear into a one-way flow and then left him stuck there in it? Yes. Wow. You need to be jerked off until you're ready to think again. Is that giving someone a swirly? What is that? Yes.

No. I can actually explain all these. Are you upset by these security check? No. Good. That's the only one I believe. No. So, preclear when he was on a calm lag.

If I start all the preclear, it was in a calm lag, which means that when you're asking questions back and forth in a TR session, and you're doing weird clearing questions, you don't answer them back. Have you ever failed to flatten a process when it was still binding? It means you did not continue the auditing until you've made the needle float. And have you ever jammed the preclear into a one-way flow and then left them stuck there? That's when you do stuff being like, are you a dog? No. Say it again.

Are you a dog? No. You have to like, and then you leave them there. You don't finish the auditing sequence. Sounds like if you put a fat kid in a sewage drain or something, that doesn't change anything. Have I made any of this clear? No. See, and Hubbard's paranoia was so deep that he even created sec checks for children aged 6 to 12.

And this is why some people say why Katie Holmes left Scientology, because at around age 6, that's when kids start getting introduced to this. And she's like, oh, my daughter's not going to go through all that bullshit. Definitely not. Here's some of the examples. What has somebody told you not to tell? My mother is Katie Holmes. I can do whatever the hell I want.

Do you have a secret? Daddy has weed. Do you have a secret? Who have you made guilty? Have you ever been a coward? Have you ever decided, someday when I'm grown up, I'll get even? If so, with whom? Are you upset by this security check?

I am 6 years old. What do you mean have I ever been a coward? I haven't had enough time to be a coward. Why are you asking me this elderly man with gray hair? Someday when I'm grown up, I'll get even is like the basis for my entire career. That is the basis for all of our lives. Yeah, that's why we're here right now. Now, the sec check questions even extended to Elron Hubbard's wife, Mary Sue,

who was by then playing an extensive role in the organization, while also becoming one of the most hated people in the organization. People could not stand Mary Sue Hubbard. I believe it. She was a stickler. Yeah, she was. And it wasn't so much of a surprise that one of the questions on the sec check was, have you ever had unkind thoughts about Mary Sue?

What do you mean by unkind? What do you mean? I mean, it's not like I haven't completely pictured checking her with my car every once in a while. It's kind of like the satisfaction I get of seeing her roll over the hood and smash into the fucking windshield. I don't think about that all the time. I mean, why would these people answer that question honestly? Because, of course, they wanted to kill Mary Sue.

Well, because what it did was, because the emitter did react when you thought thoughts, right? It did have a little bounce. It makes you to the point, it's thought policing. It's to the point where you can't even think anything outside of it, because you won't even do it, because you don't want it. It's not even because you feel scared of Elron Hubbard or Mary Sue. It's because you're sick of the sec check questions, and you're sick of constantly having to deal with it.

So you're just like, I'm just not even going to think about it anymore so that I can just pass this shit so I don't have to do it anymore. Yeah, they talked about that in that My Scientology movie. By the way, Louis Thoreau, I understand he's British. Apparently, I said he was French, whatever. He's British. They're the same people. Yeah, Helena Montana, fuck you.

Oh, why would you say that? Why would you say that? Let us make it family. Let us make it fancy. We're making it fancy. But they were talking about the guy that was giving the exam, or the guy behind the guy giving the exam, one of the big strong guys,

just sort of punching the guy in the face. It was just like, just answer appropriately, and you can leave, and that's all it was. Yeah, and every single one of these sec check check sheets, sec check check sheets were sent to the Scientology headquarters in St. Hill, where they were carefully and meticulously compiled into dossiers on each and every high-level church member. And it wasn't just those simple questions like that.

I mean, it was questions like, have you ever murdered anyone? Right. Some of these people have murdered someone, and they would, so they could get through it, they would eventually say, yes, I have murdered someone. It's like an open mic comedian just searching for the joke. There was a comedian recently who admitted to a massive crime and was arrested.

Not a smart move. I think more comedians that we probably know are guilty of crimes. Yes, I'm sure. So in 1960, Hubbard's paranoia would come into conflict with another one of the 20th century's great paranoiacs, Richard Nixon. Oh. Hubbard issued a bulletin to the U.S.

that said that they should do everything in their power to stop the presidency of Nixon. He said, we want clean hands in public office in the United States. Let's begin by doggedly denying Nixon the presidency, no matter what his Secret Service tries to do to us now. So please get busy on it. Also, I think George McGovern has some good ideas.

I imagine, can you imagine the threesome a woman would have to endear between Richard Nixon and Elrond? No, I don't want to imagine that. Taking your clothes off. I don't want to. As a matter of fact, we'll speak to McGovern. Thomas Hamilton could have used some Scientology perhaps. This is 1960.

Oh, this is the same. This is the Kennedy time, never mind. God, if someone could please draw a threesome between Richard Nixon, Elrond Hubbard, and Mary Sue Whip. Or just don't. If you please don't do that as well. Oh.

I'm going to come. Something he's about to have one. Oh, I'm having one. Are you Richard Milhouse Nixon? Call me Milhouse. Nixon lost in 1960, of course, but it probably didn't have much to do with Hubbard's bulletin. Nevertheless, it helped to further pad Hubbard's FBI file,

which had grown considerably larger since the nutball had founded an official religion. He was already on their radar because he was constantly telling everybody that his organization was full of communists that needed to be rooted out. And then when he started the official religion, the FBI was like, oh, now we really got to keep an eye on this guy.

But he wasn't completely antagonistic towards the U.S. Once Kennedy was in office, Hubbard offered the services of Scientology to help train and condition astronauts with a low, low cost of $25 an hour for 250 hours with the possibility of a group discount cash only. Nice. That's a good move.

That is a good move. That's a men's warehouse move. That's a liquidation. Yeah, that's a steal at any price. Hubbard was so confident that Kennedy would say yes that he took a trip to the Washington Scientology Center to discuss with his staff how they were going to handle the coming flood of astronauts.

Interesting, but I guess instead of buying it, they just raided the offices? Yeah, instead of sending astronauts, they sent the FDA to raid the Washington Scientology offices because the FDA had caught wind of this e-meter bullshit and were investigating them for false promises on products. Food and drug administration. Food and drug administration.

Strange astronauts. Bad move on the part of the government as it resulted in no charges and did nothing more than to bolster Hubbard and Scientology even further as a government group because now they can point specifically to government persecution. They can say they raided our offices, they know we're on to something,

they know that they are evil and we are good, so therefore give us more money because we need to fight the FDA now. It just shows you just got to never give in to trolls. You can never give in to these people because they will, they use it, they flip it and they use that negative energy for themselves. But despite this, Hubbard on his 52nd birthday

issued a general amnesty to his followers saying, Any and all offenses of any kind before this date discovered or undiscovered are fully and completely forgiven unless you've eaten the last slice of pizza and that is a crime that can never go unpunished. They punished them by spanking. Should have robbed that bank yesterday. I didn't realize today was the day that it all didn't matter.

This coincided with Hubbard's sudden revelation that he had visited heaven. 43 trillion, 892 billion, 832 million, 611 thousand, 177 years, 344 days, 10 hours, 20 minutes and 40 seconds before 10.02 p.m. daylight green, which meantime on May 9th, 1963. That is very exact so you know it's real. It's gonna be real. Elrin, what was Jesus,

was he black or white or tall or shorter? He was the blackest man I've ever seen and I absolutely loved him. He was funny, he was smart, he could dance, he could do whatever, he was a funny, funny man. You know who was a piece of shit though? Who? Fucking Beethoven.

Really? Piece of shit him, he was bad, I ate it, I did not like him, Molière, gay as a skunk, a one-one, can't deal with him. But I tell you, and then Joan of Arc, was shorter than I thought and definitely Frencher. Wow, who knew, gotta be true. The Hubbard said that heaven was a high place in the mountains

of a distant unnamed planet with beautiful marble columns. Hubbard said, the entering grounds are very well kept, absolutely tremendously kept, fabulously fabulous entering grounds. They're laid out like bush gardens in Pasadena. Ooh, that is nice. But when Hubbard visited heaven, again a trillion years later, 42 trillion 893 billion 832 million 611 thousand

177 years ago, heaven had fallen on hard times. Just three years later, huh? One trillion years later. Oh, one trillion years later. I said 42 trillion 893 billion 832 million 611 thousand 177 years ago. I see. It's the places shabby, the vegetation gone,

sad, low energy, the pillars are scruffy, the saints have vanished, so have the angels, it's sad, a disgrace, absolutely not fabulous, not tremendous. What do you think happened all around, like bad government or? Obamacare. I'm surprised you know what that is. It's a couple of decades. I'm just saying words, I'm just saying words.

Well, years later, Scientologists, understandably a little embarrassed by this bullshit would try to explain all this away once again as allegory, Hubbard did his best in the same bulletin to say otherwise about his heaven claims. He wrote, this HCO bulletin is based on over a thousand years of research auditing. It is scientific research and is not in any way based upon

the mere opinion of the researcher. And by that, I mean opposite of that. And by opposite of that, I mean opposite of that. I have scientific documentation to show that I did write the sentences that I have been writing and you are currently reading. I have scientific proof of that. It's the sentences that I'm writing.

It's an analogy. Without a doubt. As the years went by, Hubbard's paranoia only increased. In 1965, Hubbard introduced ethics. Ethics was the first major step towards Scientology becoming a society unto itself with its own rules and methods of punishment. This is the worst, this is the worst part of it.

And now this is how we're going to see how Scientology comes completely about the extension of the personality of L. Ron Hubbard. It's about joining you to be a part of him like your cells of a gigantic organism. And ethics are trying to keep people on the ball and completely loyal to him. And it's where Scientology will become

the fucking menace that it is today. So is it C-org as in C-organization or C-organism? Organization. And anyone within the group of Scientology who is thought to be disloyal, lazy, or breaking the rules of Scientology would be reported to an ethics officer and decide a condition in proportion to the crimes committed. These conditions vary depending on the infraction.

They could be as low as a condition of liability in which the offender was made to wear a dirty gray rag tied around his or her left arm. They're also not allowed to wash themselves. And that was like a big thing with L. Ron. We felt that was the ultimate punishment is that you couldn't shower or bathe. But they could be as high as complete excommunication.

That would result in a person being declared an SP or suppressive person. So now, if you're excommunicated, do you still get squirrel busted? Because they kicked you out. Theoretically, you wanted to stay. You didn't blow. Well, they have been. I think in going clear, one of the guys who blew was squirrel busted. Yes, he was squirrel busted.

But if they kick you out, do they still haunt you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If they kick you out, well, you can get back in, but it costs a lot of money. I'm going to read you all the books. I think one person who got kicked out, looked at the cost of getting back in, some like $150,000 for all the courses.

It's called freeloader's debt. It's this thing that you incur when you leave voluntarily. You basically have to come back and pay all the money, especially if you're part of SeaOrd, which we'll find out later on, which we'll talk about is that if you, if you're in SeaOrd, and if you ever leave it, you will then have to pay for the money that you owe

for the classes that you got to take for free. So when you get kicked out of prison, well, you leave prison, you've got to pay for the ankle bracelet. Also, squirrel busted does sound like, squirrel busted does sound like the porn that you would use from the, that King Arthur movie with the hot girl squirrel and the little boy squirrel up in the tree.

Oh, yeah, sure. That's right, sword in the stone. Yeah, if a person was declared an SP, they would be considered fair game by the church and could be sued and harassed as much as Scientology thought was necessary. People that are fair game, these are the people that are gangsta, it's a terrible practice.

Yeah, absolutely. Did they have access to like television and things like that, or was this their main pastime stalking ex-members? This was their main pastime. Yeah, this is their main thing. And in fact, today, like Scientology members are, it is very, if you are deep in Scientology, it is difficult to get permission to freely

explore the internet. Because once the internet came, that's when everything started really falling apart from them as far as membership goes. Because then people could so easily, and now that they've got, I mean, everybody in America has the, every Scientologist has the ability to debunk Scientology in their pocket at all times.

That's one of the most interesting things about the internet. It has led to huge group organizations that would have previously not, you know, they couldn't solidify themselves. Donald Trump, for example, his constituency, but it also debunked so much old fake religion. Now, these practices of gangstalking, of fair game, all that, they were not lost on the Australian government,

who in October 1965 released a 173-page report about Scientology saying, among other things, Scientology is evil. It's technique's evil. It's the most largest organization of unqualified persons engaged in a practice of dangerous techniques which miscarade as mental therapy. That's my new Australian.

I like that. That is a new Australian message. Yeah, I've been working on one, too. Yeah. Scientology is evil. It's pac-naked evil. It is the world's largest organization of unqualified persons engaged in the practice of dangerous techniques which miscarade

as mental therapy. This is very good. I feel like I'm talking to two Australian friends. It's like I have new friends. This is so good. Henry and Marcus never come back. I want Australian Henry and Australian Marcus at all times. See, the reason why the Australians were coming at him

was because a few years earlier, Hubbard had declared that Australia was to become the world's first clear continent and had begun to lay the groundwork to have his organization spread the country over. Now, we're going to learn that it's going to be an ongoing thread with Al Ron Hubbard. He wants an entire country.

He wants to be completely in charge of a country where no one can tell him he's wrong. No one can check up on his lies. Everybody worships him and it's a completely isolated community. He's wanted to be a dictator from day one. Sure. That's all he's ever wanted. In fact, in Australia, when they put out that report,

they even pretty much named him as a dictator. They said the tactics that he uses are the tactics of a dictator. I mean, he probably could have gotten a state. The Mormons got Utah. You know, he could have, like Montana, he probably could have just gone back there and let the whole damn place. But to Australia's great credit,

the state of Victoria outlawed Scientology in December of 1965 and empowered the Attorney General to seize and destroy all Scientology documents and recordings. This caused a ripple effect all the way to England as a few months later, a chairman for the National Association for Mental Health stood up in the House of Commons and asked the Minister of Health to begin an official inquiry into Scientology in Britain.

I gotta say, I disagree with the Australians. I mean, I was... You gotta let people believe what they want to believe. I was pretty conflicted myself. Fuck Scientology. I know fuck Scientology, but people should be allowed to practice if they want to. But that's what you're doing.

You were falling into their trap that they are a religion. Instead of being a predatory cult. You are also... They are predatory cult. They are predatory cult. They are bad. But you also... I mean, Harry Potter.

I've seen some fans at Comic-Con look cult like to me. We want to stop Harry Potter? We want to stop Harry Potter. It was the $1,500 in Harry Potterland. Yeah, I will say it's pretty predatory. Yeah, those wands, they're not magic. They're using Wi-Fi. $65.

$65 for each one of those wands. They were a hundred at Comic-Con. And then, of course, you have to have the wand because you see everybody else has got the wand and they're waving it at shit and things are like animatronics are going and they're like, it's magic. It's technology.

Now Hubbard responded to these allegations in Britain by hiring private detectives to dig up dirt on all the officials coming at him, but the detectives turned right around and sold the stories to the press, creating even more bad publicity. And this is all in addition to the heat Hubbard was feeling back home in the U.S. from the FBI.

The idea on how to escape persecution came to Hubbard slowly but surely. It started with one simple question to one of his higher-ups. Do you realize that 75% of the Earth's surface is completely free from the control of any government? Have you read or seen the film, The Little Mermaid? Ooh, we're going to the sea. And that's where we will pick up next time

on the conclusion of the saga of L. Ron Hubbard. Woo! Commodore coming through! Wow, the sea orcs. Yeah, man, that love boat is not fun. It is not as sexy as the real love boat. I'm sure it's not. All right, great.

L. Ron Hubbard, part three in the books. Brain can be cleared now, Marcus, of that information. Fucking finally. And there you go. You look better already. I have been carrying Scientology around in my brain. So for the last week.

Henry, the thing is, you can actually pretend like you are a Scientologist to get work now and tell, of course, they Google you. I'm trying. But just do that. Why not? Flip it. Who cares? Yeah. Can you see these SPs behind me?

I just find out the guy. It's whoever is standing in audition just staring forward, like screaming at his sides, being like, stand up, sides! Sit down as a chair, sides! That's good. Thank you! Thank you!

Yeah, just constantly being like, I'm eating for two. You know, me and my Theaton. You know, stuff like that. Be like, I'm a 40. No, I'm only 35, but you know, I'm a 40. I'm not day anymore. I'm not day anymore.

All right. Well, yeah. That's it for this episode. We'll be back on the next one. Thanks to everyone, as always, for coming out to our last live show in Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City was fucking amazing. Thank you to everybody at FanX

who brought us out there. Thanks to everyone at Urban Lounge who came out and saw us. You guys are fucking amazing. And if you have not seen us yet and you want to see us live, go to cavecomedyradio.com slash live to see all of the upcoming dates.

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it's a full pint of whiskey. They call it a shot. But in Utah, it was actually one shot and it made the whole night better. Totally. So thank you guys so much for coming out. And thanks so much for supporting

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