Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 272: Carl Panzram Part II - The Akista

Episode Date: May 25, 2017

On the second part of our three part series, we cover Panzram’s swath of mayhem across America before he lands in Oregon State Prison where he finds first torture then a shot at redemption before he finally turns to mass murder.

There's no place to escape to this is the last stop on the left That's when the cannibalism started Hi, hello there. Hello. It seems you've fallen into the gap. My name is Yeah, that's a good fake name. Yeah, you sound like Carl Panzer. No You're not gonna say something like that. You're angry Let me put you in a nice one outfit. See we've got these new suits. You can wear them with shorts What kind of public access show is this? It's fashionable for the summertime for the business man He takes subway and you go make sure you need to fit a little tighter

Then you think it would be just like this. What did you say your name was? Jeff You see notice the cameras aren't plugged in you know that and I'm the janitor very Convincingly and very conveniently. We've also put a zipper in the back of these parents. I don't It's more of a formal. All right. I see what you're doing good Lord Okay, welcome to the show everyone This is the last podcast on the left. I am Ben Kissel. That's Marcus Park. Hey, and we got Henry Zabrowski here as well I just wish my mom made me snarl

Snarl would be a good name for mr. Padsrab and that's who we're talking about part two Carl Pads Oh, and we're gonna get into his prison experience the hardening of a man who was already quite bitter and Angry you didn't think he could get any angrier But the US penal system will do that to you Carl was released from Leavenworth in 1910 and headed to Denver, Colorado There he had another experience which proved to be fairly Formational although it could just be an excuse he ended up using so he wouldn't have to say he was out and out gay Yeah, yeah, yeah

He had a lot of excuses about not wanting to be with women, right? Yeah, absolutely Now about a week after Carl arrived in Denver He came down with what he called a first-class case of gonorrhea. I do like that. He's like it's first-class It's not an economy class case of gonorrhea. This is first-class. I'll have my martini when I fly You know it's first-class because they serve you dish of hot knots This is so disgusting. Well, this is why he actually said about that experience Suspected ladies were very good things to leave alone. I have followed that policy pretty closely ever since Cuz ladies are icky

Cuz you know why you know what the thing is about a lady when you flip them over you don't got any of that Hobo grease. Oh, I was technically they're cleaner. Yeah. Hobos are locked by screaming bits of soap I don't want to get into that right now He just always that's he just came up with excuses for why why do you be with women? But there's a story that points towards it doesn't matter whether it does not matter whether or not he was gay Oh, absolutely It doesn't matter, but if he fought it so hard the lady doth protest too much He met a man in a Denver holding facility, which is different now. It's not for 20 Denver now

It used to be just the mountain town before fucking old horse teeth John L. Way carved that town That's right It used to be a rough place and so he went into a jail for a couple months for stealing a bike He met a 50 year old safe. Can you imagine him on a bike by the way with his butt? Just pop it out of the muscles ring ring sick at the shitty bell. I just I can make enough noise You get arrested like three times for stealing a bicycle I just I mean he couldn't because there were not really any cars around and also like he couldn't ride a horse Either so the only way a locomotion that he had he had two ways either the railroads or the bicycle

What was the name of the guy that ice cube had to knock out in the movie Friday? Debo Debo He just reminds me of Debo just like I'm on a bike. There's nothing feminine about it He just must look like you took a circus bear and you shaved it And so he went into jail and you said he started talking to this safe cracker now He said was much older than him He was about 20 years old because he just got not 11 worth meanwhile He is 190 pounds of six foot to six a pile of muscle. Yeah, he's a ripped hard angry face little man And he met the safe cracker then he said that he was super curious about learning how to blow safes because he wanted to up

As much money as he could wait hold on. Yeah I am confused now with it with the this is terminology. It's terminology and so he goes he gets released he was only for a couple months, but the the man the other dude the safe cracker had a five-year term So he gets out he robs a hardware store. He takes a bunch of files carl does carl does He takes a bunch of files straps them to his legs underneath his pants Which is a lot of effort Yeah in order to break back into the jail to release his quote-unquote friend. That's kind of nice if only if you're fucking

Well, I don't know and that's okay if they found love in jail I mean had the story not gone a horrible route that we'll get into that's kind of sweet when I finally have to come visit you in Jail, I'm never gonna go. I can't fit in jail. It would be a it would be my choice as a friend And I would use the visitor's area so he broke into jail and then got caught Because he's a fucking moron because obviously not the most inconspicuous human being in the face of the planet They immediately put him back in jail. And so this is what he wrote in response The things it got from old cal was that he thought I was in love with him and he tried to mount me But I wasn't broke to ride and he was so I wrote him at that time

He was about 50 years old and I was 20 or 21, but I was strong and he was weak All right hot stuff Now I just can't stop thinking about you just getting all buttered up breaking me out of prison With mark is just behind you just like shoving you into the into the vent Just go just go if I just get as slippery as there's a fish. There's no way that can catch me Oh, man. Who knew the head god was a noodler Henry Henry. I'm getting out. I'm getting in No So after dimberg carl continued his life of crime mostly robin churches until he arrived at the kansas state fair

And joined colonel dicky's circle d wild west show It is just as you could imagine what they do after hours Now he didn't last long there and was fired for constantly fighting everything and everyone Including the horses it it is a scene out of blazing saddle. Yeah It is real. He punched a horse right part of the reason why he was fired this guy Is a little stinker Yeah, and that horse they went and it talked to the manager and said I am a working horse And I deserve to be treated with a little respect when I'm at work

Carl saw the circle d again at the Missouri state fair a few weeks after getting fired and in retaliation Burned down both their horse and cooked in before immediately leaving for st. Louis The most beautiful city in the near to midwest. Absolutely. We had a great time in st Louis. Absolutely. Absolutely. I love st Home of chuckberry. That's right There carl worked as a strike breaker for the illinois central railroad Now this is how much of a badass carl was that he'd even fight for the man He just wanted a job fighting and there were so many jobs where you could legally fight in 1910

It's it's amazing. There's so many goon squads. Yeah, it's so the strike So their unions were on strike the railroad union was on strike. Is that right? Yeah, he just went in and just told them to get back to work with his pants down or how did you do this? Well, a lot of times these strikes would happen and the companies would send in strike breakers Otherwise known as beat the living hell of scabs blacklegs blacklegs or knob sticks god And he loved all those names for himself. Yeah, those are all different names. He called his penis That could be well, you know scabs were just guys that went in and worked in place of the union workers Of course, they were some of the most reviled people

In america at the time But there were other strike breakers like carl pans ramp who would just go in and beat the guys into submission They would just beat them until they went back to work and that was carl's forte. That's how much of a dickhead He was he just went ahead and added working for the man to his list of crimes He found a job that was applicable to a skill set and he and he filled it. I guess that is the american dream Isn't it? It is think about if linkedin was around. Oh my gosh And not responding to his his admiral pans ram would like to add Carl then made his way down to jacksonville, texas and on the way picked up two pistols

A little robbery money from a church or two and in his words A curly haired blue-eyed rosy cheek fat boy now He was a yag, which was his person technically his if you gave him a label And I don't necessarily believe in labels, but at the same time labels help you so identify He was a yag and so he had a boy captain now. This is again. We talked about this last time I just can't stop thinking about life of louis and i'm sorry. It's true. Also. I think of myself Yes, the rosy cheek fat boy just with carl pans ramp I'm like, he's my stepdad, right? Yeah. Good lie. Good lie you funny little boy

But it's kind of like if Aladdin also had sex with apu Uh could be yes Hey, and just keep thinking like nick cave songs like he crawled through a whorehouse just to get to one fat boy's ass Oh my goodness that a nick cave song. Oh, yeah staggerly. It's fucking one of his best Well, we might have to investigate those lyrics It's kind of dangerous But when carl and the fat boy were arrested in texas the cops took pans rams guns But left him the fat boy. How do they take the fat boy leave the gun?

There's no constitutional right to the fat boy. You cannot get between a yag and his boy You absolutely can't. No, it's a get between a mama chimp and a baby chimp. I don't know You're actually trying to take the boy? Maybe they just couldn't lift the boy Man, you're heavier than you look. Are you made of steel? And the two were sent to the road gang where the boy was taken away there Only to be given over the to the boss man so he could become his fat boy. I don't understand what's going on What happened to the fat boy from what I could tell you from being an alter boy fat boys are currency I guess so and when the boss man got tired of the fat boy fat boy got sent back to pans ram and the prisoners

Take by this point. He's all he's got all the boss man's oils all over and he can go back to the nest disgusting stuff happening Now in hobo terms the boy was what you called a punk aka an angelina aka a prussian Interesting all right now or prussian not prussian is in like from prussia. Oh, it's like pru sh in I don't know why they were called prussians, but that's where they were caught I don't even know why they were called angelina. I know why he's called the fat boy. I know what's called angelina Yeah, why is he called an angelina? We don't want to get into it. Why would you even prompt that? You know he's gonna say something horrendous And carl's words quote this comes from a fantastic letter where henry lesser

So during this period of henry lesser henry it was just like can you please explain to me some Criminal code and henry lesser was uh, henry lesser was the prison guard that carl pans ram gave all of his no I'll give all of his letters to essentially Henry lesser is the guy who took carl pans rams autobiography and spent 40 years trying to find a publish report Henry lesser is the reason why we know about carl pans ram so in carl's words A punk is a poof turn a poof turn is a pratter and a pratter is similar to a fruiter The only difference between the two is that one likes to sit on it and the other likes to eat it

It's like if dr. Seuss was horrible. Yes. What are those words? Oh, just wait if you want to hear a horrific dr. Seuss This next Excerpt is going to give you all the dr. Seuss you need my friend Okay, but a poofer is a what a poof turn is a pratter and a pratter is similar to a fruiter And the only difference between the two is that one likes to sit on it and one likes to eat it So poof turn is a fruiter a poof turn is so well, I mean our it's like in the Yes, is this what common core is like for children right now?

This is a a further explanation or not even explanation This is just a list of all the hobo and criminal terms that carl pans ram picked up over the years I've been mixed up in every kind of crooked deal there is with every kind of crook there is con men and gang men Prowlers and boosters stick up artists can't open our artists and sometimes face artists peter man and boxman Paper hangers and grape hangers hustlers and wrestlers pimps and mickimps hookers from the big town and hookers from the sticks Big shots and pikers dynamiters and sodomiters fruiters and poofers dig bats and gay cats Shift men and gunmen needle pumpers and snows sniffers hot heads and jug heads

wise guys and dumbbells bootleggers and rum runners wolves and gunsles Dips and shirt card gamblers home guards and boomers boost fighters and cop fighters and last and not least Muscleers and guzzlers. I have put in 29 years in the game of hooks and crooks There is no angle of this game that I haven't tried at some time or other. I've even tried running a gas station I uh, it sounds like when Johnny Depp played hunter s. Thompson. Uh, and he's describing the drugs Fear and loathing in las vegas or a man desperate to sell fireworks just like we got It doesn't explain what most of those mean, but he did expand on just a couple of them a face artist is an exceptionally well experienced

fruiter One who knows his bananas better than an amateur a face artist is one who goes downtown for lunch A nose dives into the bushes when he's hungry. I'm being subtle. I'm talking about cock Oh, I see. I was actually confused. I mean there is something very literary about the way that he writes He's an incredible writer. He's a fantastic writer. I mean, uh, the the quote on the cover of pansram and journal of murder is from norman Maler. I mean this guy is actually well respected as a writer very bizarre Yeah, there's something very bukkowski about uh hearing the way that he uh describes his horrible horribly difficult and strange Oh, yeah, bukkowski hemmingway. There's all kinds of different writers mixed up in here

Yeah, he wears his influences on his sleeve. That's it. I mean, it's possible that hemmingway stole his whole act from panther You think so? Anyway back in the prison camp with his fat boy pansram's 40 days were up and he was ready to head out Into the world alone But the boss refused to let him go carl tried to escape as was his want But he was caught and earned some time at the snorting pole Ooh, what the hell now i've been i have had some fun nights Yes, it definitely sounds like a paris hilton activity. Yes, there's a snorting pole. What do you guys do there?

A bunch of cocaine No, the snorting pole was a fairly common form of punishment in the southern penal system in the early 20th century How it worked was a rope was run through an eye hook a fix to the top of a 12 foot pole And the rope would be attached to a pair of handcuffs snapped around the wrist of the prisoner And the prisoner would then be pulled upward by the wrist above his head until his toes were barely Touching the ground he would then be strip naked and whipped with what was called a red heifer Which was an eight foot long snake whip particularly They used black snake whips which meant that they had a load of lead at the bottom that could be used as a blackjack in a pinch

You know it is uh just picturing this extremely muscular man in that position. I'm fairly certain that my older brothers had similar Articles that they would read as children gave their consent. Oh, absolutely. There's no things about if it's this was consensual This would be the meatpacking Any any point If he could say a safe word and they're like, okay, everything's fine now go have some sandwiches It would have been fine. It does seem in the very bottom of it a little like homoerotic in terms of big burly Railmen with the ears open and him all cut up and like covered in tattoos just going like yeah whip me till i'm gay You're like excited. We don't have to whip you at all then

Now the snorting pole was so called because when men were whipped they would in pans rams words Jerk yell jump and snort and about the experience carl said When a man is let down after being whipped. He has blood on his back and murder in his heart I was making jokes, but this is very serious. This is torture and it's absolutely awful stuff Well, I think he did awful awful shit too Well, I know but he was just one of the many people who were giving this treatment And i'm sure they were just caught doing god knows what of course Yeah, I mean pans ram was the worst of the worst, but this stuff was meted out equally to all prisoners

This was not saved just for people like pans ram Yeah, and of course this kind of punitive this kind of punitive action. It only makes bad criminals worse. Oh, absolutely It does absolutely nothing to help them out But carl saying that he had murdered in his heart He would not act on that just yet after being released carl set back out on simple mayhem He would rob chicken coops and burn them down or set fire to prairie grass or the woods or anything that would burn Because for a while that was how pans ram. That's how he got out his frustration That's how he got out of his anger. He'd just burn shit down until finally one day that wasn't enough anymore

Well, now I remember what was it otis tool and uh an otis tool otis tool and the other fellow there Henryley lucas Henryley lucas they would always rob chicken coops. I never what do they get from it? Chickens they just take the chickens. Yeah. Yeah, you take a hobo in 1920 that motherfucker is gonna love a chick Just feel like it's like on a resident evil. They're just collecting eggs to make themselves stronger I don't know what's going on, but also at the same time the noisiest crime of all It sounds like a nightmare It's quite keep getting caught That's true

Carl would also take pot shots at the windows of farmhouses from the freight trains He was riding just to occupy time and who knows if he actually hit anybody while he was taking those pot shots Right and when he ran afoul a foul of a railroad official Carl would pull out the bible he kept with him along with an accounts book Forged with evidence of him being a good hard work and christian down on his luck And usually that was good enough to get him out of trouble. He keeps doing that for the rest of his life I even think that the game with Henry lesser is a long con that he was trying to get on the other side of Henry lesser In order to maybe help him get out of jail. I think that everything he did he learned you fake being nice because when you're big and

Scary it's a thing that ed larson learned which is very funny for roundtable gentlemen because you're such a big Scary-looking guy that when you're nice people have like a reaction like it's confused They're confused and you can get a lot over on somebody But pentrams lies and schemes with all these railroad officials Didn't always work out quite so simply is him just telling a lie and having the guard tell him to move on One night Carl was riding in a coal car with two other hobos They were found by a railroad breakman Breakman being the guy who would apply the brakes to individual cars on the trains when need be

Me and this guy would walk from train to train to train Usually the breakman was the guy that discovered hobos right in the rail call him a squeaker. They call him a pumper They call him a driver. They call him a stinker And they also call him soon to be victim. Yeah, this seems like a very dangerous job Extremely dangerous job and when the breakman started hassling the three hobos asking them who they were what they were doing Carl pulled a gun pointed it at the breakman and said i'm the fellow that goes around the world Doing people good The breakman

Understandably started backtracking saying he never threw hobos off trains Then he offered to buy the trio dinner along with giving Carl everything he had on him And Carl responded by overpowering the breakman and raping him on the floor of the coal car And when he was done Carl then turned the gun toward the other two bombs and made them Rape the breakman just as he had. Oh my goodness. Well, because he kept saying that um Sodomy was the gift that civilization gave him. Mm-hmm, which is very interesting and he's quote here quoted as saying I knew more about sodomy than old boy oscar wild ever thought of knowing

I would start off the morning with sodomy work as hard at as I could a day and sometimes half of the night It's very uh, he's very intense. He's extremely intense and you can tell in his writings anytime He talks about sodomy or writes about it. You can hear the twinkle in his eye He's trying to freak the squares a little bit a little bit the idea is to bring it up all to comes He knows how unsettling that is to everyone to use it as a weapon Basically, he's weirdly using his sexuality as a weapon. Well, it's kind of like eileen wornosin that weird way Where it becomes weaponized and it becomes this thing because you what is what especially a 1910s man What is he most afraid of?

Getting poopy food in a fucking box car some things never change You know those there are some things that I would put that in my top five years just feel that way. Yes, absolutely But of course as a person who was sexually abused as a child I mean so many times we see it today and just throughout human history They just repeat the crimes over and over again and they they do it to I guess take the power back of them being such a Horrible being victimized. Oh, absolutely and especially in pans rams case I mean, I I guarantee you that every time he was doing something like this He had the four hobos the gang wrecked him when he was 14 in his mind the entire time

right So brutal Real hobo is bad enough. It's hard enough and then you have this situation my god And san francisco pans rams was picked up for trying to fence a stolen watch in a bar called the louvre Which was so named because it was decorated with nude oil paintings and boasted the longest bar in the world Exhausted what do drunks want a long walk? I've always heard they want a long long walk. Thankfully I get my heart rate up So I could go home and be prepped for when I'm beating my family. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's okay

We got some competition. There's the world's biggest zigzaggy bar going up across the street It's called puke. Oh puke is the zigzaggy bar After getting caught for stealing the watch carl was told if he pleaded guilty to stealing the watch He'd get a short sentence But instead of getting a short sentence he was given seven years in the organ state penitentiary known to be At the time one of the worst prisons in america, which was saying a lot Yes, and and the organ state penitentiary because of this essentially he he now viewed himself as he trusted somebody and they

Uh, they reneged on their word the prosecutor the prosecutor reneged on his word And this is going to be sort of like his professor Xavier school for like special children right of criminality Once he gets the organ state penitentiary, this is going to pick it up a notch In his world he would be sort of a wolverine type I suppose or maybe a beast type as well Actually, someone did compare him to Logan uh on twitter. Yeah. All right. Well, it must have been a really nice watch anyway Seven years for stealing a watch. That's that's a bit stiff. I think but so the administrator of organ state was a man by the name of Minto who ran the prison as what could be considered a model of the for-profit prisons that operate in america to this day This whole chapter of his life reminds me of urnus goes to jail. How?

How exactly does he have electricity powers at the end? He wished Oh, yes, he definitely wished and we will get into some electrocution here Minto cut the pay of working inmates from a dollar a day down to a quarter to save money And then he funneled cash that once went to the families of prisoners into what he called an institution betterment fund Which was used to buy machinery that earned the state even more profits of which Minto more than likely Took a cut and shit like this is still happening today And in fact, it's I mean now it's going up to the highest levels of power Yeah, we're gonna talk about it on ablegans top at geogroup and core civic

The they owned the majority of the private prisons the 12 percent of the private prisons who housed the majority of illegal immigrants Arrests for illegal immigrants are up or undocumented workers are up and deportations are down so they're keeping them in there Exactly and we're gonna talk about more that more on top at this is a modern day slavery And it's been happening as we'll talk about in this country ever since the beginning absolutely Yeah, these and these private prisons. I mean this this when Minto is doing and all this was going back into into the state And corrupt officials could skim off the top and now it's going to shareholders because these private prisons They actually manufacture stuff a lot of times in private prisons. Sometimes they'll have sometimes they'll have prisoners Actually manufacturing riot gear for police officers. There was a prison in south carolina that had a contract with victoria secret

So victoria's Would those prisoners be Cole pansram just putting on a necklace. Hey, just being like, don't you fucking look at me. Don't you look at me? Oh, I don't know if they're allowed to try on the the bras before they ship them out But what a strange valentine's day gift that is made by prisoners honey. Here you go And in oregon state Minto his staff was just as heartless as he was his main guy was jim vinegar cooper

Known in the prison as the man of blogs Oh, jeez. It's like, uh, this is it's so it's just it's medieval Yeah, yeah, because even pansram said that is that he one time he went to spain Afterwards we're gonna find he took a big european tour and the third episode will get to his european tour And he explained that when he went he went to go see all of the museum celebrating the inquisition Like like doing only shit and he was just like it was the same shit that he got in this jail This guy is crazy vinegar cooper Yeah, like he would wear gloves and he loved roses and religious hymns

Like he would just listen to religious hymns as he whipped you and laughed Yeah, he'd sing him to himself. Yeah, and he would break prisoners by lashing them with a cat anine tail So it's a guy named vinegar lashing you with a cat anine tails in a room full of roses While he's saying oh lovely thou art my god sounds like a Madonna video It might be a Madonna video and now i'm hungry for salt and vinegar chips Which we get in the green room on all the live shows And we thank all of our venues for providing us with salt and vinegar chips But the cat anine tails that wasn't even close to the worst torture used at oregon state that honor fell

To the hummingbird the hummingbird was a steel bathtub filled with four to five inches of ice cold water The prisoner would be chained hand and foot and lied inside The torturer would take a sponge much like the one used in the electric chair to direct the current And connect that sponge to an electric battery using wires Now to be fair this is what bill bellichick did to make tom brady so good. I mean it's about discipline It is about discipline now the torturer wearing rubber gloves and a rubber slicker to prevent himself from getting electrocuted Will begin by rubbing the soles of the feet with the electrified sponge moving up the body slowly And pansram said the sensation felt like millions of red hot needles sticking into the skin

Now the reason why they use that wet sponge and it's also the reason why they used to use the wet sponge When they would put guys in the chair Because that wet sponge directs the current it puts it all into one place If they didn't use the wet sponge in the electric chair that puts the electricity all over the person's body And it kill you and it well it cooks them it cooks them much slow remember green mile Yeah, when they didn't when they didn't put the sponge into the water with the guy that loved the mouse so much Yeah, John coffee. It's like the drink, but it's not spelled the same. Well, John coffee. That was different This was the cajun guy that

Oh Well, what that sponge is that directs the current directly into their brain and that's what the current did at a much lower voltage with the hummingbird is that they could when they got the sponge he could just Poke it right into a certain point in the skin and you would feel that sensation of those needles on your skin And they would move it up their entire body. This is what pansram said about it Two or three minutes and the victim is ready for the grave or the madhouse Yet there is not a single mark or bruise on his whole body Now what I say too what I like in the beginning of his explanation when he

Because we learned about all these tortures from his letters to Henry Lesser and one of the things that call wrote is like It's called the hummingbird not to be confused with a hummingbird Which is a tiny little cute bird That just Yeah, wonderful to see. It's not that bird. It's not no no, it's worse than that that bird brings nothing but delight And if I see anybody who says any different about the hummingbird. No, I'm gonna push him down into a bath All right, we don't yeah, I know So this is uh, yes, it reminds me of uh guantanamo bay style tactics as well

But I mean, I don't think they were trying to get government secrets out of carl panzeran Well, they actually they talk about all time. They're desperately trying to get confessions They always want oh sure everything's confession based because that's how you get somebody That's how you just cut and dry get them into jail. So Even talk about how the a lot of times the jails themselves Which we're trying to cut down on the punishment tactics because they know they're not getting anything but lies from people Right, right It's very it reminds me of that film shocker as well, which is a great horror movie

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One one man riot Yeah What he did when he first went into this jail because he knew what basically he saw what happened What he realized carl pansram as realize every time he goes into jails You have to be really fucking aggressive as soon as you walk in to let everybody know Who you are and what you do and I think it was a self-defense tactic I think that he knew that if I show up and everybody thinks I'm the scariest dude in the room There's gonna be less and less people who fuck with me also to really adopting it here

Doesn't hurt that he is by far the scariest person in the room. Yeah, that helps play into that narrative Well, I think with pansram It wasn't about making the prisoners scared of me It was about making the guards scare them because the the prisoners look at carl pansram They're like, oh don't fuck with that guy just immediately But the guards he feels like he needs to show the guards whose boss right off So one of the first riots he did is that he broke basically he waited for a break in the shift And the officer left he somehow

Had held the door so that he could pop out of it I forget exactly how he got out of the prison out of his cell But he was locked alone on the bridge with everybody the officers on the outside He stuffed all of the locks of everybody else's cell including the door leading into the hallway with rags So people couldn't get through and then he burned everything in the hallway until they had to put him back in isolation So he was just Fucking maniac yeah, and all this stuff that the uh his prison records I mean they actually looked those up and he did all of this shit

This isn't just him being trying to sound like a badass and saying that he did all this shit that he actually didn't do All of this stuff is on record and he has a steel trap memory. He remembers everything that happened to him It's actually pretty amazing. Well pansram tried to escape maybe Half a dozen times and every single time pansram tried to escape There would be a half dozen inmates that would try to escape right behind him in the exact same way And even though the attempts weren't successful pansram wrote If I couldn't escape I would help everybody else that I could He's the joker. It is interesting. He's actually yeah, I mean he's helping out people. Yeah as he sees it

Yeah, and the person who pansram eventually got out was a 21 year old kid named auto hooker And one night hooker managed to get outside the walls and warden mento decided to join the hunt with the shotgun But hooker had managed in the interim to get a hold of a gun himself And before the manhunt was over warden mento was dead by auto hooker's hand Well, they got to stop putting those barrels of guns just at all the entrances and exits That was just america at the time. Yeah Mento was replaced by his brother john who cracked down on the prison even harder But that only made pansram spread more

Mayhem the first the harder you came pansram the harder he came back every single time Now he robbed the storeroom and stole a few dozen bottles of lemon extract Lemon extract that's kind of fun 85 alcohol get you drunk real good. Oh, yeah, just did a bunch of booze there No, well, you can make your own booze like that. Well, yeah, and then using that lemon extract He got a group of inmates drunk stayed sober himself and egged them into a brawl with the guards He then set the prison shops on fire in an attempt to escape in the confusion But he was caught and that got him assigned to the bullpen along with the other rebellious prisoners And that's also where they created mad dogs 2020 lemon yellow sun

Which is a wonderful liqueur if you're in the mood for something that makes you taste like you or a trailer But you see what they were doing here, too What horegon state was learning is that they kept building tinier prisons within the prison In order to specifically house pansram as they were like because john mento was incredibly mad about what happened to his brother And blamed pansram for the like literally like you started this shit So this happened they had just finished their brand new tiny tiny tiny russian doll jail Inside of this jail, which was called the bullpen the bullpen is a feature of the thing called the bull circle Which is literally a circle in chalk written on the ground and all the prisoners have to stand hand on shoulder in a circle

Walking in a circle all day long and if anybody leaves a circle or falls down they're severely punished Yeah, yeah pansram said that it was 102 steps around Because they were made to walk it during all daylight hours if the sun was up and they were in the bullpen They were just walking around on the circle They weren't allowed to talk to each other at all if you talked you got a beaten if you stepped out of line You got a beaten if you walk too quickly or too slowly you got a beaten and if you tried to leave the circle Shot on site Well, they were just a pentagram away from summoning the devil if they would have just had a pentagram in the middle of that circle

Honestly, it just reminds me of conan turning the fucking Oh, yeah, like turning the wheel. Yeah, like it just him straight. You're just making him stronger You're just making him do cardio. That's a lot of cardio. Yeah But when pansram got back to his cell he continued to sow discord He'd bang on his bucket all night long He'd scream constantly and he would scream and make so much noise. He was down in the basement He was down in the hall But still other prisoners would hear him and they would respond by screaming and banging their buckets as well

And it would spread throughout the entire prison John Minto would sit up all night because it would work its way through the vents And he would sit in the jail Wait, like eyes open staring at the ceiling and just hearing All night long drive him nuts Yeah, and eventually this chaos led to the escape of two more prisoners named cocky o' brian and steppin half smith Oh, all right And they saw through the locks of their cells with stolen hacksaws and used strips of blankets tied to Grapples made from bucket handles to scale the main wall. That's like a batman begins

It is one of the odds they would immediately to the world's longest bar I hear there's a place. It's the world's longest bar. We gotta go get smashed. I don't know They're cocky I'm sick of walking And since the administration couldn't punish cocky o' brian and steppin a half smith They punished the chief trouble maker maker instead Carl They took him down to the basement stripped him naked chained him to a door and unleashed the firehose

It sounds fun if it's like that means they're 50 cent 50 cent fire bombs Yeah, it's cute when it's like you have like a lady and like a thin white shirt with firemen's helmet on She's getting lightly sprayed with a hose. That's fine and nice sure but when it comes down to this was The it was subtly the worst punishment in the prison Yeah, because they said they stand 20 feet back and then full bore slam and they said one medical record The force was enough to blow a six foot man 10 feet back and he shackled to a door They basically shackled to your door completely nude and then just Yeah, like you're the horniest little fire in the world

Yeah, he said his entire body was bruised and swollen. This is what he said about other parts of him My privates were as big as those of a jackass The full effects of this didn't wear off completely and I tell you what I'm thankful Yeah, well, that's another Ed Larsen situation from the round table, but we don't need to get into all that Now in another example of Carl taking out his anger on anyone he could in place of the people He really wanted to hurt Carl wrote this is more than 10 years ago But still Every time I catch an Oregonian and get him in a corner. I give him hell

Many a man has paid for what those men done to me that sunday morning. I'm coming for fred armisen If I even see a trailer for portland, oh my I don't think you would like that show very much Oh, I give that tv hell with my bottom ass Carl Carl, there's a nice bird in the film though or in the movie in the tv show I'm more like put a bird up my ass. All right. Well, not everything has to Can you imagine just a poor Oregonian man just a door-to-door salesman making his craft beer? No, I'm not that person. What do you want from me sitting outside with his wonderful cold brew coffee? Oh my gosh

Now news of Carl's hosing reached all the way to the state house and the second warden mento was removed for cruelty This was a statewide scandal. It was a huge deal And we got written up it got written up on the papers because Carl pansrum became known to America for the first time because of this whole story Basically as an example of he's a hardened criminal He's a hardened criminal that has only gotten worse since receiving such intense corporal punishment And so we're in the 1920s here. No, this is still the 1910s. Oh, okay. Yeah, but the late 1910s All right, so the great depression is looming the great But well, no great depression still like 10 years away. We're guessing the gilded age right now

This is when every everyone is getting stupid rich It's fat cat time. Okay. All right Now that warden mento when he was fired. He was replaced with a reformer named Charles a Murphy now. This is very interesting. This is super interesting stuff like this story the story between Charles Murphy and Carl pansrum. It's very Interesting because Murphy. He was maybe the first person of authority to not treat Carl Like a complete animal and his great grandson went on to become robocop Which is kind of cool. Yes, and in this story

Carl pansrum blossoms sort of like loren hill and sister act two We reference that movie an awful lot as a matter of fact Pretty much any movie with nuns. Yeah, sister act nuns on the run pretty much be anyone pretending to be a nun We love I like fake nuns. I hate real nuns. I don't my problem with watching the keepers I just don't care about a dead nun. You have to care. She's a human being Cessnick and I'm why I watched episode one of the keepers I'm excited to finish the series Murphy began his reign at organ state by abolishing the hole the bullpen and all the torture

And he made potato peeling the worst punishment an inmate could receive which earned him the nickname Spud Murphy. Yeah fun. I love spud Murphy Yeah, Murphy also up the quality of the food fixed the phone lines and made more jobs available to prisoners And after these reforms were put into place tensions eased and disciplinary reports plummeted Yeah, I thought it was really interesting about the food that I didn't know before it said they basically served only carbs Before they would serve either rice or potatoes because when people came to inspect the prisons They wanted them to look plump Yeah, right. So they would literally fat them up with carbs, but they didn't get a nutrition

So there would be so many there was many prisoners that would die From lack of nutrition because of how little vegetables or sunlight or water that they got scurvy Scurvy. Yeah prisons were full of scurvy at this point. It still happens to this day But even though all these reforms were put into place pans ram didn't particularly care and kept trying to escape He was caught again with a saw in his cell, but Murphy responded instead of sending him to the hole of the bullpen By increasing his rations and giving him magazines to read Why ain't taking nothing unless it's golf digest Here it is

I mean, why are you being so Nice to snarl pans, right? You ever heard of this fun magazine called cracks? Here it is alternative facts Snarky commentary When pans ram was caught yet again Murphy called him into his office pans ram Immediately identified himself as the worst guy in the prison. He was a lost cause Murphy couldn't possibly reach him So Murphy in a gigantic gamble told pans ram that the next day the gates of the prison would be open to Carl

Who could go wherever he wanted just so long as he gave his word that he would be back by supper time This is honestly a massive mistake Well, I kind of agree, but this is what the conservatives got all over dukakis for in 88 This is why george w got hw got elected soft on crime. And this is what Carl said happened I fully intended to escape at the first chance But something went wrong somehow Old boy's spud was as good as his word

He opened the gates and I was free to go any damn place I wanted I just stood there dumbfounded and so surprised at what I couldn't understand that I didn't try to escape at all I just walked around a little while to see if any screws was watching But I didn't see any so I sat down and tried to dope out what it was all about Of one thing I was sure I could have gone if I had cared to and another thing I was sure of was that there wasn't any more honor about me than the Stone I was sitting on I just thought as I couldn't understand what it was all about that I would stick around a while and see what would happen

And then I would sure beat it after a few days That evening I walked up to the gate of the prison And demanded to be let back in It's like the end of the movie problem child He didn't know why they were being so nice, but then he found out it's because they cared for him Mm-hmm. Now after that Carl started to change first Murphy gave Carl a job And when Carl seemed to be pretty good at that The warden organized a baseball team and Carl joined that too, but he was terrible at baseball

He was really bad at baseball. Of course he was very difficult because he kept chasing after the pitcher being like throwing a ball at me I'll throw a ball at you, mr. Little pitcher. He might not have to temper mint for that game I don't want to I don't want to see him with a bat either. It seems kind of dangerous What's the movie where the person holds on to the bat and just hits all the people on the bases? Remember that it's major league maybe written me out. It might be major league Carl wasn't any good at the baseball team. They didn't give up They told him to join the prison marching band and they tried to put him on drums Would you think it would be perfect for him? Yeah, you know, he knows how to drum

We kept playing with the flute they tried to give him the flute, but he just bit the head off of it Oh, of course Yeah, that's kind of adorable. Yeah, but unfortunately Uh, his call wrote he was too you said he was too dumb to learn a musical instrument So they instead they made him the drum major. Can you see anybody could play the drums right marcus? No, that's not what a drum major is What is it? You don't know what a drum major is. I didn't go to band. He's too dumb to play in his I don't okay. Let me guess because I actually don't know I think the drum major is the one who marches in front of everybody and then they just have to follow him

Yes, and technically people give him praise even though everyone else doesn't know the drum the drum major is the one with Pizazz the drum major is the leader of the whole thing. They conduct Uh, yes, that's right. But they get a lot of praise. Yeah, the drum major He's like a fancy conductor man with a big hat with a large feather on it was like, uh, yeah Rick Perry used to do No, rick Perry was a yell leader. That's that's a cheerleader thing. Okay, everything all mixed up here. I'm sorry Come come beat that drum beat it like a fat boys drum Beat it like a fat boys. He is wonderful. Like a fat boys. Wonderful. Whatever gets him into character

When he couldn't handle the drum major job either Just watch just go and watch a youtube video of a drum major. I know what a drum major is Imagine Carl and Pat Henry go watch a video of a drum major and imagine Carl Pandram do it and enjoy yourself When he wasn't able to do that They made him carry the prison flag and Carl said that he could do that just fine. That's great That's a fun job because you get to wave the flag like your hacksaw Jim Duggan Just him confused staring at people smiling at him wondering who he needs to grab at first Every week both the marching band of 30 men and a baseball team of 12

Will be trucked around the state guarded by just one man to play other prisons Or exhibitions with regular teams. Oh, this is he is irresponsible. I don't think so because Carl Pandram It's like a necessary roughness that dude gets off the bus first and everyone that's a chilling effect on the other team And they had a magical summer. It's true. It is kind of like what was it the replaceables? What's the other the replacements? Yeah, the replacements. Yes. They oh, this is kind of nice Yeah, they had a magic there was like 42 guys only one guard a couple of them did escape But But Murphy always said the 85% of them came back the very next day

15% it's quite a bit. I'm gonna go steal second and then just gonna keep on going. It was an experiment Yes, it was an experiment might not have worked but so after that magical summer Carl was put to work as a trustee outside the walls and he was allowed to stay out in the evenings after dark where he would walk around Talking to other people and in his words smoking and enjoying life. Yeah, look at that And they were even talking parole for him, but it wasn't to last uh, yeah, oh weird I know Carl was still facing four more years Of his sentence and one night while out drinking with the girls having a great time

Honestly, it says that it does not sound like he was sleeping with these girls. No, I don't think that he was No, he was just hanging out with a bunch of nurses and having a great time just letting let himself be himself Letting his hair down. Well, yeah, no hair, but no if that is proverbial Let his mustache down And you know something just switched in his head Now after a few drinks Carl started to think that there was no real reason To go back to the prison when he could be having this good of a time all the time He wrote the night was warm and the moon was shining bright

A free train was whistling down in the yards calling me I figured anyway I answered My uber's coming Sounds like a van Morrison lyric. He's a very little lyrical writer But he was recaptured after a week in a spectacular gun battle because he said that he was so sad to return back to Murphy Having disappointed him. He was more. He was more scared of disappointing him than going back to jail Yeah, because when he got back to jail

Uh, Murphy was just as he was extremely disappointed and he had decided he was going to make an example of him He reopened the bullpen and kept Carl hanging by handcuffs on the cell door Uh, but Carl, you know, usually when they punished him, he'd scream. He'd yell. He'd destroy everything he could But during his entire time this punishment Didn't say a word. I thought spud Murphy was going to make him peel the big potatoes That's the worst that's the worst pumpkins But once Carl was finally placed back in general population He saw it out of his cell stole a trusty cook uniform

Used a bar spreader to take out the last obstacle and escaped Oregon state forever Oh my goodness and for his troubles warden Murphy lost his job and as he had been under close scrutiny during his entire experiment, he was declared a total failure And many of the lessons learned about prison reform during his reign were totally forgotten Well, you need to have a little middle ground. Maybe allowing them out at the bars at night isn't the best idea I think that was a bit much. Yeah, that was it. That was a bit much But you know baseball baseball is a great idea, but in a you know, fence it in Fence it. It's pretty little fence around it. This sport is so boring

It's more exciting at jail when I get to be really close with the men. Yeah, they're all spread out all over these paces Honestly amateur wrestling probably would have done good. Although no, I'm not sure if he could well that might have been too My yeah, that's a good point He might have just been the defunct champion because no one wanted to wrestle him So in the summer of 1920 pans ram showed up in new Haven, Connecticut to settle a score with his old Nemesis president William Howard Taft Taft about seven years out of office at this point I hate it when a fat boy is allowed to grow up to be a fat president

The fattest of all So Carl broke into the house of an ex president and stole $40,000 in jewelry and bonds Plus a 45 cult automatic Carl used the money he made fence in the jewels to buy a yacht another yacht the akiesta There's so many ships. I love it. I lean war knows that that man who loved her had a lot of yachts as well Yeah, that means a good yacht. There's plenty of yachts around. I guess so Yeah, yeah, well yachts used to be a lot easier to get a hold of and if you got $40,000 in jewels You could absolutely buy a yacht. Yeah, I suppose so and that's even after taking the hit on the on the fence cut

You know, what about yacht taxes and yacht holding fees and maintenance fees and the need for water It's tough to find Uh after Carl bought the akiesta He would finally add mass murder to his already long list of crimes and the yacht is what did it? Yeah, the yacht was what finally gave him the platform Well, finally gave him the site in order to commit the murders that presumably he'd wanted to commit all along boats are bad news Yeah, absolutely. What's the name? What's the uh, was it uh, natalie wood? No, what's the name of the wood jack jack? No, it's natalie wood. Yeah, they got killed on the boat and uh, yeah

Christopher walk and tap dancer off the fucking edge of it. Perhaps talented guy Carl made his way to new york city in his yacht and docked off city island in the Bronx He would make his way all the way down to the bottom tip of manhattan a 25 south street and find sailors who seem to have A bit of cash and promised him big pay and easy work Up on his yacht and when the sailor would inevitably say yes Carl would have them bring all their possessions up to the Bronx and this was a pretty smart move Get all of your money. Yeah, the size shoes. Are you do you ever have do you have bigger shoes in this? I do have bigger shirts. I do bring us to bring everything

Also, hey, oh one thing. Do you have your butt? I do. Yeah, bring that to you. Yeah, we're gonna need it. I've been trying to lose it. Well, I'm gonna need it You're not gonna need it. I'm gonna need it so Okay, well the genius part of that was that Carl was close enough for the trip But he was far enough away where the sailors couldn't leave anything behind I mean the tip of manhattan all the way up to the Bronx. I mean, that's a what 10 miles or maybe like three or four miles I say my schooner. It's three miles if you go at how many depends how many knots you're going as the crow flies It depends if the jib is as wired or the scoot is full. That's right. That's correct

There Carl would get them as drunk as he could as soon as he could what we call pulling a Dahmer Ah, yes, I didn't know that we called it that but we do now. We'll do it now. What I call pulling I would just say honestly if there was like an a la carte way to be murdered and you ordered the Dahmer Yeah, that would be it. Yeah And sometimes he would sodomize him But sometimes he'd just let him go to sleep And while they were asleep Carl would use the very gun he stole from president William Howard Taft Wow to end the sailors life with a single shot to the head

He would then tie a rock around their dead body take it about a mile out into the sea in his rowboat And drop the victim overboard. It's about the implications This is so unreal, but this is all true This is all true. I mean, I mean this is he used the gun of an x president to kill 10 men over a three week period Oh my gosh, great criminal terrible guy. Yeah, horrible guy. Yeah, absolutely He only stopped when other people docked at city island Notice how much loot he was accumulating him just dressed like a fancy queen with a big crown on just draped with jewels

And many layers of sailors clothes. Yes Just out here on my yacht Enjoying my many layers. You look like razor Ramon The next two sailors he hired were kept alive And the three of them started traveling down the east coast robbing yachts together But they only got as far as Atlantic City before they got caught in a squall and were run aground And from there Carl would embark on a world tour of mayhem and horror Which we will get to on the conclusion of Carl pendrum. Yeah, this old dude's just getting started

Just getting going here. What's that video game? Is it fist of fury with the huge dude? You're thinking of final fight. He does final fight. Oh, that's just the huge guy just spins around in just every The destruction in his path. Did you know in final fight that guy's the mayor. Isn't that something? Interesting hypo for him Yeah, he is the if you were to pick like if president were to be chosen by who is strongest and toughest Yes, like any of president camacho in idiocracy, right? He would be president of the united states of america. Absolutely. Carl pans ram Wow, what a story obviously again, uh horrible human being who made terrible decisions and terrible choices And it's quite unfortunate because obviously he was intelligent enough to to know how to write uh to understand what he was doing

And quite frankly intelligent enough to travel around the world He said that he was intelligent enough. He did it very deliberately all of these crimes where he He learned the might makes right early on and then he just kept expressing it because he made him feel good And he's got like he just like not like a lot of not like all of these guys But a lot of these guys like say like for example like richard ramirez There's not a single shred of goodness in that piece of shit Right, like he is just pure fucking evil and even like gacy like there's nothing in that guy redeemable But with carl pans ram it's like sometimes you see that little redeemable moment

Like you see that little spark. I think there's also something to be said about he didn't kill women And so as men were a little bit less sensitive I do think that's the case because you know he he gets um, I don't know I just feel like it's it doesn't he you don't treat him the same way I mean he obviously was making a point Whatever he was doing. He was making a point about his treatment. Yeah. Yeah, he was making a point about his treatment But I I hesitate to call pan to call carl pans ram as we do a lot of these guys I hesitate to call him pure evil. Yes. I really do. He was he got a pounded into him too

He was a part of it where he just kind of only learned punishment And so then he gave a lot of either way no excuses for his action No, I put an interesting story no excuses, but he is uh, I think that he's a much more fascinating care Like I cannot I cannot believe there's never been a carl pans ram movie Like yeah, just the part about him just the relationship between him and charles murphy alone could be a film And I'm gonna say tom hardy for carl pans ram. Well, that's he played bronson and Oh, it's already done. It's like the same thing. We can't do that anymore. Yeah, but it would have been a good go 10 years ago It would have been good. You know what harris and ford goldberg

And the wrestler goldberg could act. Yeah. Well, I don't know like but he showed that he could act and send his sleigh No, we didn't he just he's he did a bunch of taglines and stab people Um, all right. Well, we'll go on. We'll continue. This is an amazing story It's just one of my favorites that we've covered But you know what the reason why it's such a good story is because we have it straight from the man himself and the man himself Can write. Yeah, and he can do a lot of other Disgusting things. Absolutely and we will get into the uh, Horrific things that he did across the world. All right. Well, let's see you're speaking of across the world

We got we're going to toronto. Yeah, so we're gonna see them very soon We'll see that and then let's see anything else to announce as far as that goes Well, we've still got we tickets are on sale for our milwaukey show. Yep. You can find those online We're about to announce a large run of shows For the slew a slew of shows for the summer and the fall That's going to be coming here and probably a week or so We're going to be coming to a lot of places that people have been wanting us to come to for a long time We cannot wait absolutely and of course that's only been possible because of you

Everyone who donated to the patreon page. So thank you all so much for that Yep, and if you feel like uh, we deserve a little bit of cash You can go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left if you give just a dollar or more Then you can get advance ticket sales to all those upcoming shows. We just talked about yeah And I just I just read a couple of creepypastas so make sure to go and give those a listen and harshly criticize me I You can follow us on twitter. I'm at Henry loves you and marcus parks at ben kissle. You can follow us on instagram I'm a dr

fantasy at marcus parks at ben kissle the number one and you can follow us last podcast left and all the the fucking various bullshit motherfucking things all right at lp on the left And of course keep on supporting all the shows here on cc our route table of gentlemen ably can stop at for everything politics page seven Uh movie signs with the meds wizard and the bruiser and every let's see what else am I missing a sex other human activities Everything you know, you know where to find it and I also want to give a special. Thank you to johnny crow hand Yeah, he gave us some wonderful

Jewelry in colorado springs that I haven't been able to properly thank him for yet But thank you very much johnny crow hand for the wonderful Hand necklace you make oh well that sounds like a like puppetry of the penis. Yeah, I don't know about all that It's beautiful. I wear it when I write. Okay. Hail yourselves Hail satan Hail game Help me and I'm a goose deletions go to yourself and be good