Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 273: Carl Panzram Part III - Yacht Club

Episode Date: June 2, 2017

On the conclusion to our series, we cover Panzram's horrendous time in Africa, the back breaking injury that put him out of commission, and the murder that finally sent him to the gallows. Lost Frontier Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Bossa Bossa Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Backed Vibes Kevin MacLeod (inco

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? I was in Pittsburgh for a very lovely memorial service for Natalie's grandmother. The whole was dug and it was very solemn and very beautiful. That's the burial, isn't it? The memorial service. You're not supposed to go. The body was already cremated. It was in an urn. They put it in a gigantic concrete square. It's like a thing with a lid on it. Everyone felt like, you know, of course you say a couple of words and then everybody leaves. But Natalie wanted to do something really special and put a necklace of her grandmothers in with the urn in the concrete box.

So she asked me if I would be down to go down into the grave, right? Yeah, I saw that. So I crawled into the grave and opened up the thing and I didn't get hard. And I want to say that's a great... Wow, congratulations. It also seems like they really captured her soul and it will never be released again. They double buried her. A cremated cremation container and then a metal box. Five cloves of garlic.

Wow, all right. This is the last podcast on the left, everyone. I embed Castle. That's Marcus Parks. We have, I guess, a funeral dweller, Henry Zabrowski. See? Suddenly doing nothing naughty with the skeleton. I never will. You'll never catch me. All right. Well, speaking of... Well, I don't even know what we're speaking of with all that. But we're at the Carl Pads Rampart 3 and this is where the story gets a little bit more murderous and quite... If you didn't think it could get more intense, well, believe it or not, it does.

It gets much more intense and much more evil. Now, when we last left Carl, he had wrecked his yacht off the coast of Atlantic City and lost all the spoils of the 10 murders he had committed while docked off City Island in the Bronx. That's the problem with keeping all your loot on a yacht. Yep. You can't go hitting that rock. Well, he didn't have, like, a storage locker at Port Authority he could store it in. Did he have a little Bart Simpson to hang out with, like, sideshow Bob? That was a great episode.

By the way, I've been watching The Simpsons. It's pretty good. It is pretty good. The problem was that if Carl Pansram did have an assistant, they don't last too long. No, they do not. We'll talk later about Carl Pansram's assistants. All right. Now, undeterred, Carl immediately went back to Connecticut to the same town where he had robbed President William Howard Taft, looking for another score of the same size.

So you could buy another yacht. Now, do you think Taft was still stuck in the tub after all these years still just trying... My boy, I heard your first robbery and I have to say I congratulate you on your stealthiness. But can you please, sir, get me some oil? Please apply it to my sides. This is embarrassing. I was puzzled. Oh, my butter him up and then the sun comes through the window just so he starts cooking like a turkey. Taft turkey.

But on this burglary attempt, Carl Pansram was unsuccessful and he was arrested for burglary and did six months in jail. After he got out, he decided to try his hand at being a legitimate sailor and join the flying squadron of the Siemens Union as a scab. Hold on, hold on a second. So they are, they're Siemens, they are at sea. But they're the flying squadron. But they don't fly.

So why would they choose flying to be their sort of term? It's about speed. I see. Oh, okay. But he and a few other scabs managed to get into a gun battle with the cops and Carl was arrested for aggravated assault. He didn't say why him and the other scabs got into a gun battle, but they still got into a gun battle. Wow. One question. What is a scab?

A scab is a person who goes and works in place of a union man who's on strike. A scab is among the most reviled people of the American worker. A scab gave us the Philadelphia phenomenon. I believe it was a truck driver or a person who owned a dump truck who became a kicker for the Philadelphia Eagles. Oh. There was a movie about it. So Carl Pansram just did everything that was bad. Everything.

Like just above like working for the DMV. Like if he could just, if he could have worked for the DMV, he would have. Yeah. Yeah. Stay on there. I'm going to take a picture. Take a picture. Now what I'm going to need you to do is bend over and grab the toes of your shoe.

This is not for documentation. This is my own personal pleasure. Also, you're going to need to get your original birth certificate. I know it's a pain in the ass. It's a pain in the ass. I can do the other thing. Once Carl was out on bail, he decided it was time to see the world and he skipped out. He sailed to Europe and from there caught a ship to Africa. And this is where Carl would leave his humanity behind forever and commit some of his most despicable crimes, ensuring his name would always be shorthand for evil son of a bitch.

Wow. And I tell you what, he certainly wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the great state of Oregon. Oregon. Because Oregon, how they treated him in those prisons, it's unbelievable what they did to him in Oragion. It's disgusting. Henry, I think it's actually pronounced Oregon.

All right, guys. It's Oregon. We all know how it's pronounced. I think it's Oregon. I don't know how it's pronounced. All I know is weed is legal and we always have a great time in their wonderful state. In Angola, Carl worked as a slave driver for the Sinclair Oil Company. While there, he bought an 11-year-old girl from her parents for $8, making sure she was

a virgin before he made the purchase. He said he took her back to a shack on the first night and back to the family shack on the second, as he said, she was not, in fact, a virgin. The parents exchanged that girl for their younger daughter, an 8-year-old. Carl said he took her back to a shack and thought that maybe she was a virgin, but it didn't look like it to him. Now, personally, I think this whole thing was Carl in the most evil way possible because he was still a little gun shy from the Denver, Gonorrhea incident.

I think he was trying to prove that he wasn't gay. I'll show you how gay I'm not. Give me that little girl over there because it's just, I'm just not gay, that's for certain. This is very disgusting, though very disturbing. This behavior is absolutely awful, and this is the worst thing that he's done so far other than, of course, the 10 murders. The 10 murders. But this is really ramping up here.

But it seems like when he bought this girl, he proved the exact opposite. As he said, he took the 8-year-old girl back, quit looking for virgins, and started looking for a boy. The boy he chose was a table waiter back at the Sinclair oil camp. Carl said, I educated him into the art of sodomy as practiced by civilized people, but he was only a savage and didn't appreciate the benefits of civilization. I'm not sure if any of that's true.

A kid told his boss who fired Carl for the offense, but didn't go quite as far as to actually have Carl arrested, and Carl beat his boss half to death for his troubles. Carl went to the US Consul's office to try to get back to the states, but Sinclair had called ahead, and the consul refused to help. He said, you're never going back to America, at least not on our dime. You gotta stay here because you are a monster. Well, why would they want him to stay there? You would think they would shoo him away, get him out.

No, he had to stay there because they didn't want him in America. They're like, well, just stay here in Angola. Do whatever you want here. Just don't do it in the United States. I see. God. Yeah. Now, while trying to figure out what to do next, Carl was sitting in a park next to the

camp when a 12-year-old boy came along. Carl led him out to a gravel pit about a quarter mile from the camp, sodomized him, and bashed his head in with a rock. Carl said, his brains were coming out of his ears when I left him, and he will never be any deader. He is still there. And as an added bit of mayhem, Carl burned down one of the Sinclair oil rigs before he left camp, causing hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage, an incident which was

well-documented, like many of Carl's crimes, so we know that that actually happened. And that's the thing about many of Carl's crimes, and we'll be talking about this a little bit more in the next few minutes, is that people went back, they looked, they checked out his claims, and a lot of times, it checked out. Yeah, it seems too fantastic to be real fantastic in the sense that it's so unbelievable. Yeah, he's like an evil Paul Bunyan. Yeah, in a lot of ways. He's very similar to Paul Bunyan, because Paul Bunyan only had that water buffalo, right?

Wasn't it like Bessie that had a female's name? It was Babe the Blue Ox! The Blue Ox. There's a Paul Bunyan restaurant in Wisconsin. All you can eat pancakes. There's also a big Babe the Blue Ox outside of Fargo. Well, there you go. Fargo?

But Babe could also be a man's name, like in Babe Ruth. So it keeps with the thief. Sort of. From that oil camp, Carl bought a ticket down to the coast to Libido Bay and hired a canoe with a crew of six locals to ostensibly go hunting for crocodiles on the river. The crew had their backs turned to Carl. He shot them one by one, reloaded, and shot them again in each of their heads to make sure they were dead. He then threw the bodies overboard and let the crocodiles do the rest.

I gotta say, if you are an arsonist blowing up an oil camp, that's the creme de creme. That's what you want to do. Oh yeah, that's like trash can man level stuff. Yeah, wow. Yeah, that's so much fun. You get to watch it all explode. Yeah, I think that's what he wanted to do, yeah. Oh, and Carl wrote about all this in his autobiography.

Like I said, he gave very specific instructions on how to at least partly verify that these murders happened. But by the time his journals became public in the 1970s, it was too far in the past to truly look into these specific murders. But there was a picture in the Saturday evening post of a man in Angola driving workers the same way Carl said he had driven them. It was taken during the time that Carl said he was there, although the picture was taken too far away to make a positive ID. We gotta start cutting open these alligators. Check them out. Always cut open an alligator. Yeah.

Carl traveled from Africa to Portugal where he tried to get passage back to America from the US consul there. But Carl's reputation was so horrible that word of him had traveled all the way to Portugal from Africa. And this is in the 20s, the only kind of news that traveled fast was bad news. And Carl was, without a doubt, bad news. And carrier pigeons. They do that. Man, he's like that bad to the bone guy. George Thurgood?

The musician? It's just like him, because I heard George Thurgood also had a real bad reputation. He did, and he liked to drink alone. With being good and bad. Because I think he had a micro penis. I'm pretty certain he had a micro penis. No, we can't spread rumors like that. No, we can't spread rumors about George Thurgood.

We know the lead singer from Fog Hat has a micro penis. But that's because Eileen Mornos told us. Because we trust the word of a serial killer on that. So when the US consul refused to give Carl passage, Carl stowed away in an English ship and eventually made his way back to New York in early summer 1922. Yeah, hometown boy. Nice to have him back in town. Hey, oh, get yourself, forget about it. What are you doing to that kid?

Is that what that's on? The boys are back in town. It's all about Carl Panzram coming home. Technically, if that was about Carl Panzram, it would be called the boys are running away from town. Yeah, that'd be very true. By July, Carl had murdered another boy this time in Salem, Massachusetts. He was a 12 year old named Henry McMahon. So Carl beat that boy to death with a rock after sodomizing him. Carl said he left the boy there with his brains coming out of his ears.

And while Panzram would never go on trial for this murder, when he confessed to it years later, cops in Salem said that the details Carl gave matched up with the facts they had on hand. And locals fingered Carl as the guy they had last seen the boy with. I don't think we should. They should not be fingering. Yeah, I was good. Why would we say fingered? It's an old thing. No, but it's like a 1929 finger and I eat. They fingered me.

But in this case, Carl's like, but will you? Will you actually do it? Finger, Carl. Good luck getting the finger back. Yeah, no kidding. Talk about a trap. After the murder, Carl acting as a yag picked up a boy named George. With George in tow, Carl shot and killed a man who would try to steal a yacht that Carl had just stolen in Rhode Island using a gun that Carl had stolen from the New Haven police commissioners yacht. Damn. So much yacht stuff happening.

He loves killing people with guns that he's stolen from authority figures. He just gets off on it just that much more than like a little bit of extra fuck you to society. Now, after the murder, George decided that he had just about enough of a life of crime and Carl let him go back home. And when George got back, he told police all about Carl's activities and they caught up with Carl and NYAC New York and arrested him for sodomy, burglary and robbery. But Carl actually beat this rap only because he made an agreement with a lawyer that the lawyer could have Carl's yacht as payment for services render. What is going on with the yacht? What is happening? You can get away with all these crimes if you got a yacht. Histle, you need like four yachts. You're running for it. You are running for it.

I need yachts. You need yachts? Yachts are currency? Yachts are not currency. Yachts are a place to hide your secrets. You know, I'm very confused by this yacht love, but that's fine. Well, you know, back in the 20s, I mean, a yacht was a perfectly normal means of transportation. A lot of these guys didn't have cars, so they just kind of had to go from port city to port city and a yacht was very useful. What's the difference between a yacht and a, oh my God, I forget the name of the boat. A rowboat? Not a rowboat, tugboat. No, not a tugboat. Cavalier boat. No, never mind. A yacht's bigger.

A yacht and a, oh my God, I just, oh my, we could name boats. I will name, it's on the tip of my tongue. Tampoon, lampoon, pontoon boat. You can't live on a pontoon boat. Yeah, you idiot. What are you talking about? No, you can't live on a pontoon boat. A pontoon boat is just like, it's just a big table that floats. Pontoon's a fun word though. Basically, my uncle lived on a pontoon boat, but it was against his will and it was in Vietnam. Well, if that's, I mean, you're just living on a piece of wood and a tent on a river, pontoon boat. A yacht? A yacht is about attitude. It's about, this is my yacht, y'all. You have to add y'all to it.

Take your shoes off when you get on my yacht. Yes, that is a dead sailor. But Carl, yeah, he beat the rap. He gave the yacht, he beat the rap, he got out of there. But when the lawyer went to register the boat, it came up as stolen. And the original owner came back from Providence and took it back. I got pans rammed again. Should have just let him sanitize me. At least I would have gotten a result from it. He got pans rammed indeed. A few days after Carl's release in August of 1923, Carl went back to New Haven, Connecticut and found another boy. But this one, he gagged with a handkerchief before strangling him with his own belt.

And this one, Carl said he, quote, enjoyed most and details of his confession again matched up with details the New Heaven police had on record. But it wouldn't be the murders that Carl was arrested for. The night after the belt murder, Carl was caught robbing an office in Larchmont, New York and was sentenced to five years in prison after being free for half a decade. Robbing, raping and killing as he placed. You know, I think it's good they arrested him. I'm just going to throw that out there. At some point, they're going to have to arrest him for all these murders, right? Well, we'll get to that eventually.

I hope that seems to be the worst crime going on here. It is the worst crime, but I mean, five years, because we only got the highlights. We only got the absolute worst things they did. I mean, can you imagine what Carl pans rammed did across the world in five years? See how I'm chewing this gum? Guess what I'm not going to do? Put it in the trash can. Put it under the park bench.

Wow, that'll get you fired. Pants ram crime. That makes 15 for the day. Time to go to bed. Carl was sent to Clinton prison, a.k.a. Danimora, located in upstate New York. Danimora was often called the Siberia of America, essentially the precursor to Alcatraz. It was Alcatraz before there was Alcatraz. That's only because Cleveland voted to no longer be called the Siberia of America.

So that's not a good thing, huh? Oh, Siberia is a terrible place. Sabertooth is from there. No, Sabertooth is not from there. Sabertooth is from Canada. I don't know. Sabertooth is fake. Oh, I see.

Both Sabertooth and Wolverine are from Canada. That's why they're always at each other's throats because they're both, oh, I'm Canadian. No, I'm more Canadian and they hate each other. They're both Canadian, but they don't do improv. That's interesting, right? And they don't do, yeah, they don't drink a lot of Molson. Molson? Because that's what the Canadians do.

They must have some kind of competition where they're drinking their Molson. I love Molson. Now, what made Danimora special was that since it was so isolated, the town in which the prison was located was almost completely populated by people who either worked at or had worked at the prison. And this made prison guard life a kind of tradition, which was passed down from father to son. It was an almost tribalistic life with its own value systems, all of which were centered around the punishment of the inmate. Yeah, it's not tribal like they were doing mushrooms and seeing the DNA of plants and like eating aliens and shit. It was just being like, son, if you really want to make their assholes gape, you got to put an apple in it. Honestly, and that's just, that's basics.

A lot of abuse in those prisons. Oh, yeah. And if a prisoner's mind broke from that abuse at Danimora, that prisoner would be sent down the street to the state hospital for the criminally insane, which was so bad, prisoners were sent to prefer solitary confinement. Don't you ever send me to that mental hospital? There's some annoying guy who says he's Napoleon. Everybody wants me to inspire a revolution among the inmates. And I say, this is not one flu over the goose. That's okay. I'm trying to do my time. I do my time here. That's it. And that's all you can do is your time. Mm-hmm. Juicy fruit.

What? Juicy fruit? I think Marcus just had a brain aneurysm and the only words he could think of were juicy fruit. So once Carl was inside Danimora, Carl began a predictable run of prison mayhem followed by an escape attempt. But unlike the others, this one would not only be unsuccessful, but would be disastrous for Pansram's health. What they said, one of the most interesting things about Danimora is that it had 30-foot walls. It looked crazy. It looked like the prison from Batman began. It's very, very intense, but also the walls extended 30 feet below ground so they couldn't tunnel out from, like, a laundry room, because it's, of course, a very classic escape attempt. So Pansram, somehow, without the guards seeing him, built an entire ladder made out of gardening equipment.

This is how clever he was because I can't even, I'm in a sound booth. It's just they blanket over my laptop. And this is as creative as I get. Right. It does seem strange they allowed him to have gardening equipment in his room. Not a lot of grass. And you would wonder if he needs it. No, he was out in the yard. He was out in the yard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all happened out in the yard. Okay.

And that's what these guys do. Don't mind me. I can't whistle. Certainly not building a ladder. That's for God, I'm sure. Carl, you're building a ladder, Carl? Yeah. You dropped a quarter.

Oh, did I? So Carl tried scaling the wall using his homemade ladder, but of course it broke. Oh. And Carl fell 30 feet down to a concrete slab, breaking both his ankles, both his legs, fracturing his spine, and in his words, rupturing himself. Not good. I honestly think, does rupturing yourself, in my mind, its asshole fell out of his butt, right? No, I don't think so.

You mean like a, that's a prolapse. Maybe his lungs or something got punctured or something. I think it's like a hernia type of thing. It seems like it's a nut and butt centered injury. Yeah, I mean it could. Are you the most medical thing you've ever said? Thank you. Carl stayed for only five days in the prison hospital until he was thrown back into his

cell without his bones being set and without his legs put in the cast. He was left in that cell for eight months without the care of a doctor, which of course crippled him forever. Sure. Oh, and it also, it completely rehabilitated him too, right? He said, I'm sorry. And he was really like, he was very repentant and he understood like the nature of his crimes, right?

No, I don't think so. I am going to say though, it is good that he's a little bit weaker. It seems like he didn't really do anything good when he was at full strength. So, well, let's see what exactly that did to him. Yeah, we're going to find out about that. I have a whole theory about this time period. Now, after 14 months, Carl was taken to a hospital where they operated on his rupture and cut out one of his testicles in the process.

So, I guess it is a nothing but type thing. Okay. You were right. Five days after the operation, Carl, still in the hospital, decided to see if the loss of a testicle had any effect on his sexual performance. Good Lord. I would have said it would. Men are disgusting.

Men are disgusting. He literally just lost a nut. His ankles are trashed. But somehow his cock still works. Yeah. It's just like, I guess I could just put these pillows together, but it's not fun because pillows don't scream. He was caught trying to sodomize another prisoner in their hospital bed and was thrown back

into a cell where he would stay for another three years waiting out his sentence. What a maniac. He wrote, The more they misused me, the more I was filled with the spirit of hatred and revenge. I was so full of hate that there was no room in me for such feelings as love, pity, kindness, or honor or decency. I hated everybody I saw, except for that Jimmy Fallon. What a funny, light-hearted way to end the night.

That's it. You know, one of the most fascinating aspects of Carl Pan's Ram is just how much of his brain power he dedicated to murder. A lot of serial killers like Dahmer and Gacy, they play this whole dog and pony show being a tortured soul. They always struggled with it, and they didn't really want to do it, but they had to do it. There's other guys like Bundy who never really quite owned up to it, even the day of his execution.

Who is it? You know, the guy who killed Robert and tried to blame the whole thing on pornography and bullshit like that. James Dobson. James Dobson. Focus on the family. James Dobson. Ted Bundy was officially forgiven.

Jeffrey Dahmer, however, would have built a hell of a ladder. He's a Wisconsin guy, you know? No, but he grew up in the suburbs. He could build ladders. He could build a ladder. He could build ladders. He would have found a ladder. Yeah.

He would at least have found a ladder. Carl Pan's Ram was just so indie. He was so DIY that he had to make his own ladder, because honestly, you were talking about this in the first episode, Marcus, the man is deliberate. The man, Carl Pan's Ram, was a mayhem machine. Of all, I like in our show, what we try to do is we demystify serial killers. We like to say like, obviously these are losers. Bundy was a fucking horrible maniac that definitely should have been destroyed.

Dahmer was a loser. Gacy was gay and couldn't figure out how to handle that in Midwest. Carl Pan's Ram, though, really is a monster, and he looked like it, and had nothing ever changed him. And every single time they punished him, he got stronger and stronger, like he was some kind of big, burly, gay rogue. No, it's more like the Hulk. The angrier Pan's Ram gets, the stronger Pan's Ram gets.

It is more like the Hulk. And the funny thing about him is that, I mean, really, I mean, just physically, he was not that large. He was like five, nine, maybe five, 10, 190, but every person who talks about Pan's Ram talks about how gigantic he was, and that was just a sheer force of presence. That was just his personality that made him look so gigantic. This is what he wrote. My whole mind was bent on figuring out different ways to annoy and punish my enemies, and everybody

was my enemy. I'm going to say the word annoy, you know, it's like holding a MacNeely from the round table is annoying. But think about how evil that is, actually, Kissel, that's how evil it is. It's all levels. He does not care just about, like, it'd be different if he also was into, like, of course, he liked the murder, and he liked all and the robbing and all that stuff, but he also just liked to bother you online, waiting for the bus.

So it's just like, if I just do a low hum behind this person in line, that'll really annoy them. He was a real, honestly, he was a real, I'm going to say, what's his name, a bow. He's fucking... Bow Bridges? You know that. Bow Bridges. Don't bring Bow Bridges.

He's a real Bobby Bonilla. He's a real Bobby Bonilla. He really lived baseball. That's the only sports reference you ever say, and I, what, he just like saying Bobby Bonilla. We need an audience member to cut, or a listener to cut together every Bobby Bonilla reference, and how, somehow, Henry gets to it. Well, I think...

Well, I think another part of that is him annoying people. You see this here in the city all the time, where you see people that are out in public, and they are outwardly annoying because they want somebody to say something to them. Because once somebody says something to them, then they have a reason to react. All of a sudden, it's not their fault anymore. It's not their fault that they beat the shit out of somebody. They beat the shit out of somebody because they said something to them. So it's all just a justification thing.

But Marcus, isn't this just a cry for help? No, it's not a cry for help. I don't think he cries. No, fuck off. There is no crying for help with Carl Bantram. He had a thorn in his paw, Marcus. He did not have a thorn in his paw. He had a chance for redemption, and he had many chances for redemption, and he absolutely

blew it. If only he would have just stayed the flag boy in Oregon, then he would have been fantastic. What a great flag boy he would have been. An Aragon flag boy is what it would have been perfect for him, just big and burly waving that flag. And then he could have had all the sex with men that he wanted, because the flags. Who doesn't love a good flag? In an extensive letter to Lesser, and this is talking about how much Panzram thought

about murder. Panzram wrote about the plans for mass murder. He concocted it in Dan Amora while he was sitting there waiting for his bones to knit back together. The plans he very well could have carried out had he not been so devastatingly injured from the fall. Now remember this. This is eight months of solitary.

They put him in alone. His legs do not work. He is, his spine is all fucked up. He's laying in a cot, staring at the ceiling, thinking of a terrorist axe, as nuts. This man is very patient. A lot of time to think, not a lot of options either. No. The first plan started with a few robberies to gather up money for dynamite, formaldehyde,

and a few hundred pounds of sulfur. Carl would then go to a railroad tunnel between Meyersdale, Pennsylvania and Cumberland, Maryland, a location he had already picked out. He had it in mind. Once there, he would lay a contact bomb on the tracks in the middle of the tunnel next to the large glass containers full of formaldehyde along with the hundreds of pounds of sulfur. Then when the passenger train hit the bomb, the bomb would explode, trapping the train and filling the tunnel with deadly gas, killing everyone aboard the train within minutes.

If there was only a cartoon duo that could stop him like Rocky and Bullwinkle, he does seem like a very strange, it's like an old timey sort of terrorism, I suppose, in a way. Carl would wait outside the tunnel and shoot anyone who would come out, and when he was sure everyone was dead, Carl would put on a gas mask and loot the corpses going from train car to train car, and to ensure he'd have enough time, he'd also blow the bridge behind him that the train had just gone over, and if Carl carried this out, the body count would have been in the hundreds. But with the loot Carl would gain from the robbery, he planned to invest all of it in

the stock market and maximize profits by starting a war between England and the United States. First, he would wait until diplomatic relations were strained, which they actually were between England and the United States in 1927, and Carl would wait until a British ship was anchored in the Hudson River in New York City. Then, dressed in a US Navy uniform, Carl would have fixed a Navy flag to a couple of small boats, load them up with TNT, and anchor them next to the British ship. He would then light 15 minute fuses on all the TNT and conspicuously paddle away in a third boat, hoping that someone would see him in his US Navy uniform.

Carl's hope was that an Englishman would see either the boats or Carl in a Navy uniform and blame the United States starting a war. And if that didn't work, Carl would play it from the other side by buying a British ship and blowing up one of the locks in the Panama Canal. He had different angles for this. Double angles. And it was really close, because back in the day, when you were saying, there was an actual real tension happening between the UK and the United States, he could have done it.

And technically, he would have been like, weirdly the most important man in American history. Carl's other plan was on a much smaller scale. This one involved half a dozen hogs and a barrel of arsenic. Carl said he would starve the hogs and present them with a mash of flour and water with the poison mixed in. This is what he wrote. They would all dive into it and fill themselves full, and in an hour or two, the poison would

begin to work through their systems. Then I was going to hang them all up by their hind legs with a wash tub under them to get the slimy poison and froth and drain out of them into the wash tubs. That I would strain and dry out. And then I intended to get some clay and make three big clay pots, each one to fit inside the other and each one a little harder than the next one. Then I was going to fill all three pots with poison. I was going to put the lot all in one and put that in the bottom of a small creek that

flows into the reservoir that supplies the town and poison all their water. The Grisha Borscha used this racket on a small scale, but I figured on a few extra improvements so that I could do a better job than the Borschas done. They were pikers. They didn't kill half enough. I'm being kind of a tiger mom there. They should have killed everybody and lived this world for the only good thing in it. Nature.

This would be a damn fine world if man was out of it. Well, he's got all environmentalists there at the end. I'm still a little bit confused. Why do you have to feed it to the pigs? So you can get the... Well, I... Can't you just put it together? I think he just wanted to feed pigs random poisons.

I don't understand what's going on to the pigs. And now I feel like we're in an umchenrikyo case. I love the pigs. They... You are not appreciating the workmanship here. I just don't know... And the type of DIY energy. I know.

The type of Amy Cideris. I... DIY energy that he is bringing to these terrorist plots. I just don't know why he included pigs. That's all I'm asking. It seems like he got a middle pig. And I'm like, I don't think you need a middle pig here, aka middleman. In this case, the middleman is a pig, so it's a middle pig.

But I just don't know why they're involved at all. I just don't know why they're involved at all. I remember when Osama bin Laden did it. Osama bin Laden did it. We know that because he was a set it and forget it terrorist. This was a man every inch of the way. You wanted to be in charge of every detail. I'm just a little bit confused with the pigs.

I mean, it probably has something to do with the pig blood and make it go into the water more. What's that been used for? An explosive. I just watched the Oklahoma City documentary. No pointed pigs come up. No, this is an explosion. This is poison.

Eh. So it's poison. Yeah, right. I think the idea is to sort of, to be honest answer, launder the poison a little bit. Where you can hide a little bit of the nature of the poison exactly what it is if you hide it in the pig shit in the pig vomit. Yeah. And also the pig vomit's already got like all the pig stuff is going to make people

sick because they're drinking like rotten pig blood. But thankfully less than two months after Carl was released from Dan and Mora, he embarked on a reckless crime spree committing 10 burglaries and a murder in Baltimore. But Carl wouldn't be taken down for the murder. This time it was nothing more than the theft of a radio that would put Carl Panzram in prison for the rest of his life and a murder while inside that would take him to the hang man's noose. But he did get to hear the Carter family and they're a great wonderfully, wonderfully

talented family. On August 10th, 1928, a fence named Joe Chivinski rolled over on Panzram after being caught up haunting a radio that Carl had stolen from the house of a well-known dentist in Washington, D.C. I just like the idea of being like, I'm the most well-known dentist in town. Every smile is my smile. It's my smile. That's my smile.

And when Carl was arrested, he treated the charge like a joke saying he'd killed too many people to worry about this charge. But it would be while Panzram was awaiting trial on the radio charge that he would meet a 25-year-old prison guard named Henry Lesser. Henry Lesser seemed like a pretty good dude. As far as prison guards in the 20s went, he kind of reminds me of like Tom Hanks in The Green Mile. Oh, okay.

Yes. He would definitely be played by Tom Hanks. Or nowadays, like an Oran Wilson. Oh. I like Owen Wilson. Oh, your name's Carl. Wow. Oh, and when Wilson proves, you can have a weird nose as long as you have a perfect body.

That's it. All you need is a perfect body. Just call him ombre a lot. Oh. Henry Lesser, he also had the temperament necessary to be a pretty good prison guard. He was a guy that had an urge to help the less fortunate, but he also enjoyed the power that being a guard gave him. He just had that.

I think you just need that to be a good prison guard. Oh, absolutely. You have to have a little sympathy. He was also a very small guy. He was considered to be a failure by his family because he didn't, I believe he did not go into the family business. He found this job accidentally. And basically his whole family was like, oh, you can't be a prison guard.

You're not going to, you're going to be terrible at this. He's like my size, but he's like, I'll make up for it with gumption. Which thankfully, I mean, honestly, just thankfully Carl Pansram was hobbled or he would have gotten a bit more gumption than he could have handled. Yeah, probably. Lesser was immediately curious about Pansram from the moment he saw him. You know, like we said, a Pansram is a man with presence. So Lesser walked up to Pansram's cell and asked, what's your racket to which Pansram

replied? What I do is reform people and the only way to reform them is to kill them. Well that's murder. That is not a form, that is not a form. I was trying to find a cool way to say I killed people. I know, but it's a... I've been working on the line for a while. It's my log line.

I know that, but reform would imply like they're a better person when it's done. It's darkly ironic. I don't fully understand it, but yeah. For some reason, Lesser decided he wanted to know more and struck up an unlikely friendship. But what finally won Pansram over was when Lesser, after Pansram had gone through a particularly brutal prison torture for trying to loosen his cell bars, Lesser gave Pansram a dollar. Oh, he gave him a dollar. He gave him a dollar, but I mean this is 1928.

No, I know. Here's a dollar. Okay. But it's hard to... It seems very insulting to give a huge man that just been tied to a post and beaten for hours. Like, here's a dollar. You know what I could really go with?

Go for a hacksaw. Do you have one of those? Well, actually, what would be really nice is some ice for my fucking one nut I have left. Here's a dollar. Well, this actually brought tears to Pansram's eyes. He was almost crying and he told Henry Lesser that no screw had ever done him a favor before. And because of that, Pansram chose Henry Lesser to be the one to hear the full story of the

life of Carl Pansram. Now I have a theory about this. I think, and so he confessed to all of his crimes while being heavily tortured in the basement of this prison. Now, I think what happened was that after Danimora and he was completely crippled and they said that his gate, the way he walked, he said it looked like he was skipping. He was very badly damaged and covered his scar tissue and in constant pain. I think that he realized that he was sort of at the end of his powers and that he was

not as strong as he was before and that Henry Lesser, in my mind, it was another game. I don't think that I think that he was touched by Henry Lesser sort of like the way that Murphy tried to reform him and he responded a little bit. But I also think that was a long term game as you find out because he eventually tried to escape again. I think that he was trying to switch it up because and basically come out and end everything because he knows that he's a sitting duck. He's eyes are on him.

They're waiting to challenge him as soon as he gets out of solitary and he can't hold his weight anymore. It's time to tell his story, maybe. I don't know. I think that he does have some urge to reach out because with the whole Spud Murphy thing, Spud Murphy led him out of prison dozens of times. He had dozens of chances to run away. It was just that one night that for some reason a bug got up his ass and he decided to leave

that night. So I think there is a genuine urge in him to not be a total and complete monster. There just wasn't ever anybody who gave him kind of a, there was nobody who actually like reached out to him, although did he really deserve to be reached out to. That's a whole nother question. I'm going to say he's a total monster. But Henry Lesser also had his, he had his fucking agenda too because he knew, because he said that he was doing all of this from a criminology aspect.

He was really interested in the minds of serial killers. And so this was great for him. Henry Lesser was like a version of us in the past where he got, he basically sat on a gold mine being like, I'm going to find out like directly from a psychopath's mouth, like what a psychopath thinks. Yeah. It's interesting. So whenever Lesser could, he would smuggle a pen and paper in a panzeram cell and panzeram

would fill each paper carefully numbering each page before leaving them between his cell bars for Henry to find the next morning. And these pages are where we get the vast majority of our information about panzeram or at least what gave writers and researchers a roadmap to find out more. And what we have said before, honestly, mostly when you hear the writings of a serial killer, you're going to doubt it. It's obviously going to be full of shit. And there's a bunch of people that try to attack his accounts.

But what we've said again and again, there's constant references to his shit is real and that he was really spilling his guts in a way that I think that he knew that people were going to pay attention to in the future. Yeah. I love the chapter that he wrote. If these pigs could talk, pigs are smarter than dogs. Yeah. We know, Ben.

All right. We have to eliminate them. No. Well, that is true. They are attacking your home state of Texas right now. Oh, the wild hog. The wild hog. You know, they just legalized hot air balloon hunting.

I saw that. Yeah. It was like, we just missed it when we were in Texas. Can you literally shoot for, well, fucking hot air balloon, like a Looney Tunes thing where you shoot and then the basket goes backwards. Yeah. No, it's actually, no, it's actually a lot easier and safer to shoot from a hot air balloon because the helicopters they were using were way too loud.

And it's hard to get a good shot from a windy helicopter. But when you're on a hot air balloon, you can do it free game and you can travel all around the world and something like that. I could just walk around planes of Texas and get all the free hog meat that I want. Oh, you don't want to eat that. No, no, no, you don't want to eat that game of shit. We used to kill those wild hogs and then someone would serve them up at parties and everyone would just grab big hunks of meat with their bare hands.

That sounds fantastic. Well, now, yeah, Marcus, you just sold it. I thought it was stringier than that, man. Oh, it's extremely stringy. I mean, it's awful shit, but you know, it's good to try anything once. Now, while all this is going on between Lesser and Pansram, Pansram was starting to gain some attention. During one of his torture sessions, Carl had confessed to the murders of the three boys

in Philadelphia, New Haven and Salem. And like we said, the details were all checking out. So when Carl went on trial for the radio theft, a crowd was gathered and Pansram took the opportunity to say a few words for himself in open court. Now the way these words are formulated, you're going to say that he understood the gravity of having everybody's attention and he really he was trying to cement his place in history. Yeah. You people got me here charged with housebreaking and larceny.

I am guilty. I broke in and I stole what I didn't steal. I smashed. If the owner had come in, I would have knocked his brains out. There's something else you ought to know. While you were trying me here, I was trying all of you too. I found you guilty. Some of you I've executed.

If I live, I'll execute some more of you. I hate the whole human race. You think I'm playing crazy, don't you? I'm not. I know right from wrong. No delusions. I don't hear anything you don't hear. My conscience doesn't bother me.

I have no conscience. I believe the whole human race should be exterminated. I'll do my best to do it every chance I get. Now I've done my duty. You do yours. I am the Batman. You get the feeling his defense attorney is just like, stop. Cut it out.

Cut it out. Oh my goodness. Just don't. Carl, that's going to make the case more difficult. And for that little speech, Carl Pandran was sentenced to 25 years at the Federal Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas. The same prison he had served time in after the Army when he was a teenager. After the verdict was read, Lesser went to Carl's cell to do a routine bar check on the

windows as Carl had gained a reputation for using his immense strength to loosen the bars. Lesser walked in and turned his back on Carl while he was doing the inspection. Carl walked up behind him and said, you're brave, but don't ever do that again. Turning your back on me like that. Lesser replied by saying that there was nothing brave about it because he and Carl were buddies. But Carl said, yes, you are the one man in the world I don't want to kill, but I'm so erratic. I'm liable to do anything like fall in love.

Oh my love, my darling. And they kissed. You need to stay for the entire song. I got to go check on their rooms. This isn't the only cell I have to monitor. I'll sit here and this really is the Michael Myers, Danny Treyho relationship in Halloween. But the face to face friendship wasn't to last for on January 30th, 1929, Lesser took pans ram on his transfer to Leavenworth.

Once they're the two shook hands and promised to write and write. They did. This is such a weird story in this point. Pans rams letters to Lesser are worlds apart from the biography pans ram had written while house in the Washington DC jail. He talked about the articles he enjoyed reading his favorite philosophers. He left content Nietzsche and his opinion that Lesser should get out of the prison racket. It's really funny.

He got into content Nietzsche. It's like the same as the people like they were in the gamer gate. It's like the same. It's all the same guys. Yeah. And you get piles and piles of philosophy books and struggle to read them like he would take them in and desperately try to. It's very interesting imagining other people watching them through.

I also think that Henry Lesser was just not as tight and that is just why he didn't go at him. Well, pans ram even gave Lesser business ideas such as pans rams admittedly good idea to invest in the dehydration of foodstuffs as a means of transportation. Oh, that's good. And then it could be lesser is more, which would be a good slogan. You have dehydrated food, which looks lesser, but in reality, it's more. Wow.

But I don't think you took it. This is what Panzer wrote about that. If you have done as I told you to do to get from the Department of Agriculture some treatises and papers of the subject of dehydration of fruits and vegetables, then all you will need to do is go to the nearest grocery store and buy a quarter's worth of ripe bananas. Write that down. That's all you need. You have to dehydrate them until they're really dry and then you grind the result into a fine

flower. It's nice. Bam. Kick it up a notch. Then you eat it. You will find it is a very good. I have done this myself and I know. Did you ever eat oatmeal with chopped up bananas in it?

That's something pretty good to eat, but it's also much better when it's as fixed up as suggested by Karl pans ram 31614 taking it a flavor town. I know he's like the guy Fieri of prisoners, but he can't roll out anywhere. And that's really sad. Although it would be funny if he was, I'm rolling out, but he's on a yacht. And when Lesser wouldn't write back soon enough for pans rams liking, Karl would play the part almost that of a wounded lover. Oh, I received your last letter July 29th.

This is my third letter since then. What's the matter? Don't you get all of my letters or don't you care to answer them? If you don't want to write to me, just say so and I'll not bother anymore. I saw what you did. You left me on red. I see the three dots. What are you trying to say? I just say, say what you want to say.

Let the words fall out. Honestly, I want to see you be brave. Carl, I just don't think it's working out with us. You're imprisoned in your serious. You just start like all the rest. I'm not, Karl, you're just a serial killer and I have a life to live. I've had a woman. I am a man with needs.

I am a man saying yes to his sexuality. You have to jump into it with just I, I'm in love with a woman. You. But it wasn't all bananas and bitching for Karl pans ram at Leavenworth on Karl's first day when he was taken in for processing. He told the officer in charge, I'll kill the first man who bothers me. And six months later, pans Ram would make good on the killing threat. Upon arrival at Leavenworth, Carl was assigned duty in the laundry room, which is overseen

by a hard ass KKK leader named Robert Warnke, whom pans Ram absolutely despise. Why, if nothing sticks to Teflon, how do you get Teflon on there? Airport. Wow. Well, why would this guy bother pans Ram? I mean, he knew it wasn't going to turn out right. Well, Karl said in, he said in open court. He told Henry Lesser.

He said it on the transfer there. He told the deputy chief. He told the guy who brought him in again and again and again and again. I'm going to kill the first man who bothers me. Don't bother him. Don't bother him. He was setting it up because he was setting it up because the actual relationship in jail is someone is going to bother you.

Of course. It is going to happen. At some point, somebody's going to cross you. So he was just telling everybody, I'm going to do it. Because at this point also, I think that there was a gigantic, you're going to see the sentiment in jail was that he was full of shit, that the people thought that his stories were full of shit, that he was just some kind of guy who was trying to get attention in jail because he was getting a bunch of extra attention because he was basically getting hauled in

to do all these different confessions and all the shit. So he's got to put his money where his mouth is. Yeah. Well, there was really just one guy who thought he was full of shit and that was like one guy that was in solitary confinement with him. All the rest of the guys were absolutely terrified of him. And after he was crippled, I mean that's how much power this guy had and how much he exuded and just how terrifying he really was, how much of a monster he was.

You think about Hank Hill's dad in King of the Hill. He didn't even have legs and he was scary. It's like Stephen Hawking who only got smarter when they put him in the chair. Yes, that's very true. So after a few months of being a good boy, Panzram started laundering a few extra handkerchiefs for some pocket change for the prison canteen and Warnke soon caught Carl and busted him down to third grade status, which was just as bad and leavenworth as it was the first time Carl was there.

Third grade prisoners were sent to solitary confinement were placed under strict silence rules, couldn't receive mail, couldn't use the commissary and weren't even allowed to watch the monthly prison movie. Oh, that's so sad. And for busting him down, Panzram swore to kill Warnke as Warnke had indeed bothered him. Now usually when a prisoner was busted to third grade, the prisoner would be reassigned from the person who busted him down to avoid the inevitable revenge.

Well, now what kind of movies are we talking here? Like Flappers and bow ties? Like what's the name of the films back in this era? This is your, this is your, we're not into the talkies yet, are we? Well, in 1928 was the year Steamboat Willie came out, the first Mickey Mouse cartoon. I bet you he would have liked it better if it was about a yacht. Who needs all this steam? Well, of course, yeah, they always reassigned these guys because they were always afraid

that these guys would take revenge on their bosses. But because Panzram, and this is the amazing irony of it, because Panzram had specifically threatened to kill Warnke, Carl was sent right back to the laundry room. Because Warnke didn't want to lose face, because if he lost face, then he would lose respect. And in a prison like Leavenworth, a hard-ass place like that, respect is the number one thing that you have. It's the only thing you have. You lose that and you're done.

It's the currency, yeah. And when Panzram came back to the laundry room from the hole, the other prisoners said that Carl had calmed down, or at least appeared to and eventually faded into the background. But in a letter to Henry Lesser, Carl wrote, I'm still on my same job and like it less each day. I'm getting all set for a change. It won't be long now. It seems scary.

Yeah. So on June 20th, 1929, Carl was walking into the laundry room when he passed by a half-built washing machine that had an open packing crate next to it, which was filled with 10-pound iron bars. Just out of the open. Why are we shipping these to prison? Why? Yeah, what would be the point of that?

You could use it if you want to escape. Carl picked one up and hid behind a steel support beam on the opposite side of the room and waited for Robert Warnke. And when Warnke entered the room, Warnke stopped in front of the same washing machine to take a look at the construction and possibly to wonder why there was a large crate with a bunch of 10-pound iron bars just sitting there. It seems to be a mistake. And I know that I'm also a Grand Wizard of the KKK and I'm like fine with that, but this

is a big mistake. That is a mistake. And when Warnke turned around, there stood Carl Pansram. And with the loud roar, Pansram brought the iron bar down on Warnke's head, sending him to the floor. And Pansram bashed Warnke's head again and again until the foreman's head was an unrecognizable mush of brains and bone. Take that, dad.

Take that, dad. This one's not so basic. Grand Wizard, right of the KKK? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Get up. And Pansram then turned his rage towards the other men already at work, and he started swinging the bar at them, but as Carl wasn't as surprised he once was due to the fall,

he missed again and again. And Pansram then limped out of the laundry and into the office of the deputy warden to take his revenge on that guy for denying Carl's work transfer. And while he was doing that, he walked right past a guard who noticed Carl but didn't really think anything of it. Well, you just don't, I mean, you don't want to get killed by Carl Pansram. I would have definitely turned the other cheek. So covered in blood with a 10 pound iron bar and be like, hey, Carl, need anything?

Hey, buddy. Need a water or something? But lucky for the deputy warden, that guy was in another wing having a conversation with guard Captain Fred Bulldorm Shurdy Morrison. And Pansram did not have his revenge. Pansram moved on to the adjoining clerk's room and started swinging the bar again, but he didn't hit anybody that time either, and he also chased a trustee to the dining room, but never managed to catch him due again to the limp.

And imagine the look on his face. It's sort of like, you know, when you put a dog in a wheelchair and it has that look, he must have felt so sad. Yeah, he's like a drunk Raphael. Carl then made his way down to the isolation block, opened the nearest cell and sat down with a relaxed look on his face, satisfied with the mission, at least part ways accomplished. That right there, that is my Xanax. I guess so.

So on December 5th, Carl Pansram was indicted for first degree murder, which sat just fine with him, because Carl, at this point, he wanted to die. Finally, he's getting charged with murder. Is this the first time? This is the first time. Good lord. Well, he was indicted for murder when he started confessing to those murders or those boys in Philadelphia, New Haven and Salem.

They started inditing him for those murders, but this was the one that he had done out in the open in front of dozens of witnesses. And had tried to kill dozens of others. He was going to kill as many as he possibly could, because that was his main goal was to die. He was crippled. He was done. He was never going to escape from that prison.

He was there for 25 years. By the time he got out, I think he was going to be in his 60s, so he had nothing left. And also, he needed to get a kill on the books. I think he knew in order to solidify his reputation as an all-American folktale person, identity, because that's what he wanted to be. He wanted to be a folktale. He needed to prove that he could murder. And I think that's why he did it in such a public way, to be like, I'm not full of shit.

I will do this again, and you let me out of here. I'll kill everybody. Yeah. I mean, this guy, if I could compare Carl Panzram to a character in fiction, like if you've read the comic book Preacher, I mean, Carl Panzram is the saint of killers. Yeah. And this guy is a fucking monster. That's fucking metal as shit.

I don't want to say it's not cool. It's not cool. He's very mean. Nothing is cool. Yes. But Carl, he actually had a surprisingly hard time making it to the hangman's noose, but not for lack of try. And Carl's plan was to act as his own attorney, plead not guilty to ensure the harshest punishment

and essentially demand death during his defense. But the feds refused Carl's request to act as his own attorney, and the lawyer they did assign him wanted to plead insanity. That was the only way he could find out of it. And Carl's smart ass ways seemed to only confirm the whole insanity defense. Like when he wrote his last will and testament, he left his corpse to a dog catcher in East Grand Forks, Minnesota, and bequeathed to mankind an unspecified curse. Ooh.

That's awesome. That's the only thing that he was doing because people were like, oh, if he wants to die, he must be crazy. I love an unspecified curse. Just that he was like, I bequeathed to mankind a curse. Look at that. That's awesome. Honestly, man, this is how Ozzie's got to go.

When Ozzie knows that he's just about to die, he's got to take everybody with him and write a fucking super metal obituary and just fucking, aw, man, Prince of Darkness, man. Then Carl's trial was delayed even further due to a riot at Leavenworth in which prisoners came up with a bizarre plan in which they would strip naked, blacken their faces and bodies for camouflage, capture the warden, kill them, cut up his body, and fry it in the steaks. Well, that would have been a great defense against Predator. Very similar to what Arnold Schwarzenegger did.

Really great defense against Predator. Yeah. And that would have been awesome because there were a bunch of guys that probably looked like the team from Predator in those jails. Maybe. No, they only got as far as the naked and blackened part, though, as by the time they were... That's the worst two parts.

No, no. That's the funnest two parts. That's the funnest. I don't know. Everyone's kind of uncomfortable and giggling a little bit and you're like, we're being naughty. We're being really naughty, right? We're being really naughty, right?

Yeah, and by the time they were done with all that business, the warden was well out of reach and the riot was eventually quelled. Hey, tell me. Wait, Carson, can you see me? Can you see me? Yeah, I can see you just there all covered and... What is that? Oh, man, did you cover yourself with shit?

Aw, that's horrible. Yeah, it was the only black thing I could find. I haven't been eating well. They say that my black shit means that I'm bleeding internally, but, you know, say not me. All right. But Carl's biggest obstacle was the fact that capital punishment was, at that time, illegal in Kansas, where Leavenworth was located.

However, since the prison was on federal land, the murder was a federal case, so the death penalty was on the table. USA. USA. USA. USA. USA didn't stop local death penalty opponents from coming to Carl's aid very much against his will.

When Carl found out that advocates are trying to get his death sentence overturned, Carl wrote them an extensive point-by-point letter on why he should be allowed to die and why they should leave the whole business alone. And the conclusion to this letter contains some of Carl's best-known lines. And really, with these lines, that was really all I knew about Carl Panzram before we started this series. This is him writing to his advocates concerning their attempts to save his life. Oh, dear, look, we got with that dear young Carl Panzram, he sent us a letter.

I bet he wants to say thank you so very much. Well open it, Craig. Open the letter, Craig. All right, I'll open it, but I know you will be very thankful for it. We're doing the Lord's work, Craig. The only thanks you or your kind will ever get from me for your efforts on my behalf is that I wish you all had one neck and that I had my hands on it. I would sure put you out of your misery just the same as I have done with numbers of other

people. I have no desire, whatever, to reform myself. My desire is to reform people who try to reform me, and I believe that the only way to reform people is to kill them. That's my trademark, I'm trademarking. My motto is rob them all, rape them all, and kill them all. I am very truly yours, copper John 2, Carl Panzram. I tell you what, Clark, I'm kind of wet.

And I don't know why, I think it's the choking. Different reaction than we thought. And so Carl Panzram finally got his wish and was sentenced to death by hanging. But in a strange move considering how much effort he put into being hanged, Panzram attempted suicide two weeks before his execution date. What a great last way to say fuck you to everybody. Yeah, like honestly, it would have been all, like he basically begged and begged and begged and then finally like I did it before you could do it.

First he ate a rotten plate of beans that he had hidden in his cell for weeks. That's kind of fun. Yeah. I think I did that in college. Then he used a sharpened button to sever a particularly vulnerable leg artery. But he was found, had his stomach pumped, and was patched up. Little known fact, it was a campaign button for Taft. It's a bigger button, so it looked like a normal button on his body.

And this whole thing probably was a big fuck you, but the interesting thing to note about this is that the attempt came exactly one year after the murder of Robert Wernke. Oh, I thought you were going to say the six pigs. But whatever the reason, Carl wouldn't try again. The night before his execution, Panzram's blockmate, Robert Stroud, the infamous birdman of Alcatraz. Why did they call him that? Because he raised birds.

He raised canaries. Raised birds. Yeah, in fact, it didn't he discover a lot about canaries, their mating habits, diseases and things like that? He had a jail time relationship with the bird expert that they sort of, they were pen pals back and forth, and they both helped figure out some weird thing with canaries. And then they got married. It was very interesting in order for him to stay his execution, because he was in jail

essentially for killing somebody on the inside. He was, Stroud got a life sentence because he killed a guard that fucked up visitation rights for his brother. Like basically he got booked on some citation as you could see his brother. So he was just stuck there raising birds. Oh, I see. Yeah. And Stroud is a, I mean, he's one of the most famous prisoners of an American history.

And he was the one that said that Carl Panzram's whole story was bullshit. But really Stroud hardly knew Panzram. They just, they were in the same solitary confinement cell block together. But Stroud was just, I don't know, he was just trying to pad his book a little bit. Everything outward was his book. And he actually, it's pretty cool. I read a little bit of it. It's a lot of fun.

Yeah. But what Robert Stroud said is that the night before his execution, Carl spent the whole night singing a song. And the song was of Carl's own composition. And in Stroud's words, its principal theme was, oh how I love my round I, I would never give him back, oh how I love my round I, try to take him back, try to take him back, try to take him back. Wow.

I'm a system of a down flare. I imagine he had a very new metal singing voice. Yeah, probably. And the next day Carl was taken to the gallows so eager to die that he was half dragging his escorts behind him. And when asked if he had any last words, Carl said, yes, hurry it up. You Hoosier bastard, I could hang a dozen men while you're fooling around. And so on September, what are your thoughts?

It's funny you called him a Hoosier. Yeah. It's just, it's such a juvenile sort of a pleasant slur, I suppose. Yeah. Of all the things he could have called him. And also it just makes me think of Gene Hackman. Yeah, exactly. Hoosiers, yeah.

What a great Indiana team they were. And so on December 5th, 1930, the spirit of hatred and vengeance was hanged from the neck until dead. And it would be another 40 years before the world would know the full story of Carl Panzram. There it is, Carl Panzram, all three parts. Marcus, how do you feel? Icky.

All right. I feel icky. Officially, my favorite heavy hitter. Yeah? I am in love with them. Oh, I don't think you should be in love with them. You and Harold Schecter and all these, the true crime guys, I mean, if you want to talk to Harold Schecter and you want to strike up a conversation with him and really get

him on a deep cut, I can guarantee you, man, talk to him about Carl Panzram. There it is. We're going to meet him on Saturday. Yeah. A week from Saturday in Indianapolis. Yeah, we're going to be at the Indianapolis crime con. We're going to meet and then are going to be appearing on podcast road and then the three of us are going to be doing a panel on Saturday.

It's going to be cool shit. That's right. We'll see you in Indiana. Yahoosiers. You damn Hoosiers. Yahoosiers, which I cannot wait to go back to the Midwest and we'll be in Atlanta this weekend. If you can, we're at the Earl and there's a lot of great places around there and stuff.

So if the show, I think the show was sold out, but I think the Earl is going to be releasing some tickets at the door quite possibly for the first show. And that is, that's a big maybe that is a very big maybe. So I would say on the day of the show, if you still want to come, call up the Earl and ask them if they're going to be in that. And actually that's a good, that's a good tactic for any of our live shows. Call up the, call it the venue of the day of and sometimes they do release extra tickets and also they can come out.

The Earl has a separate bar too, so just go hang out at the bar and we'll see you a bit after the show. Yahoosiers. The Earl is a fantastic place. It's our favorite place in Atlanta. Mary's down the street is hilarious. It's a crazy bar. Oh, yeah.

I love that place. Mary's is great. Let's see here. So what else do we have to do? We got the Patreon. I want to thank everybody for that, for all your donations. It's unbelievable. That's why we can do all this.

So you can go to what is it, patreon.com. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. If you want to give us a little donation, of course you get something in return. If you give just a dollar or more, you get pre-sales for all of our upcoming live shows. We're about to, we're about to announce a hell of a whole lot of them here in the coming weeks. And don't forget that we're going to be coming to Milwaukee in, I think it's June or July 14th or July 16th, but I think it's July 14th.

Go to cavecomedyradio.com slash live to get tickets for that. That'll be very really walkay. And that's how it's pronounced as Millie walkay, which means the good land and it is the good land. That's where I went to college. It's a wonderful place. I can't wait to go back home. Listen to the shows here on CCR.

Thanks so much for supporting all the shows here on CCR abling its top after everything political round table gentlemen section of the human activities page seven wizard and the bruiser movie signs with the Mads. Check them all out. And follow us on Twitter. I'm at Henry loves you at Marcus parks at Ben kissle. Follow us on Instagram at dr fantasy at Marcus parks at Ben kissle the number one. And also follow all last podcast left and all the, the fucking things that are grinding

our society to a hold on the, oh my God, to say the least Twitter is an interesting phenomenon. Oh God. Oh, can I just say that? Do I just say cofifi? Oh, I don't know. We don't have to do that. Everyone will just say, all right, everyone. Hail yourselves.

Hail Satan. What's Twin Peaks you fucking idiot? Yeah, it only got a point five. No one watched it. You're so fucking stupid. Well, I don't have showtime. I don't have showtime. Download it illegally and talk about it.

But then it doesn't register. Henry. Well, I don't know. Watch Twin Peaks. It is. I can't wait. It is beyond fantastic. I'm watching house of cards right now.

And I do. I want to, I will get to Twin Peaks. I love Twin Peaks. And of course, Helgi and everyone. Magus deletions. All right. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.