Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 308: Robert Hansen Part I - Gun Nerd

Episode Date: March 17, 2018

​In the first of a two part series, we cover the early life and early murders of Robert "Bad Bob" Hansen, the nerdy baker who supposedly hunted down kidnapped women for sport in the Alaskan wilderness in the early eighties. Decisions Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Octoblues Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.o

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Did you guys wake up today? Just so sad that you'll never kiss Stephen Hawking's on his tiny lips. Yeah, that was sad. That's what I thought The one that got away He's got a smile like a Pomeranian But he was so smart It was like the Norbert of scientists

Honestly, one of the tuna tuna melts my heart and Norbert my two favorite dogs. I love Doug the pug Yeah, but come on But he managed to cheat on his wife using nothing But the weird nubbin that he must have had left or just rubbing his knees against her vagina Something in the wheelchair. That is the greatest encouragement ever for a child to get into science Get into science and you can find love too. All right, welcome to the last podcast on the left. I am Ben Kissel I'm staring at Marcus Park's beautiful teeth. Thank you, and we got in the morning. Henry's a brows. Yeah. No, you're devastated. I Shaved my pubic hair in morning

Just so that my the top of my penis would be completely bald for God to see I hide nothing. It's a strange tradition It is All right. All right. Well speaking of I guess speaking of pubic hair. Thank you You're gonna want it if you live in Alaska. Let's go All right, we're gonna talk the story today takes place in Alaska. It's about this dude Robert Hansen John Cusack played him in the movie The Frozen Ground. He was too handsome for a role For the first time ever he does a very good understated job and so does Nick Cage a very understated to the Porter, it's like he wasn't even trying

45 minutes and he boiled down to a 17 minute film. Yes, it's almost like they were just there to collect a paycheck All right, let's set the scene here Anchorage, Alaska June 13th 1983 There's a bold eagle evidently in the sky a Young woman named Cindy Paulson handcuffed and terrified Flags down a truck driving past a used car lot in the middle of the night The girl tells the truck driver She just escaped from a pilot at Merrill Field who is in the process of forcing her to board his Piper cub light

Aircraft the pilot's plan had been to take her out into the wilderness set her loose and hunt her down like an animal And she believed him because she'd seen his house The basement was filled with hunting trophies bear skin rugs wolf hides goat heads and stuffed ducks It was obvious this man knew how to hunt and knew how to kill. I've been a detective for 30 years And I'll tell you one thing if I see a stuffed duck, I know they're guilty And it was obvious this man had done it to a woman before Imagine the type of man who would do such a thing Imagine what sort of monster a person would have to be to hunt down a woman in cold blood

Now imagine that guy is Elmer Fudd and that's Robert Hansen. Hey, very very quiet I'm hunting wadies I actually blame what was the name of the famous rabbit there a bugs bunny you forgot He would dress like a lady sometimes maybe that put the thought in Elmer's head So you're saying just because he dresses in women's clothes that is an excuse for him to be Hunted down by a man with a speech impediment You just blamed Looney Tunes for a serial killer. Hey, man, what you put into your mind you bring out I don't know

So Robert Hansen a.k.a. The butcher baker was an acne scarred Warrant-covered serial killer with a speech impediment and a weird dick who killed at least 17 women in Anchorage, Alaska from 1980 to 1983 Mostly by rifle now one thing I will to say immediately about Robert Hansen is that no one's really properly touched the story of this guy I mean there's been a movie frozen ground ID Channel has done several Specials on Robert Hansen, which is kind of why we decided to start today's tone with some true crime voice That Marcus does so well. Thank you because you're born to do this Eventually, this is how you will end your life is working for the ID Channel But

I think today's the day a stuffed duck tells him to pull the trigger To just knock it on the door Marcus. Why are you narrating alone? I told you to stop it ends in your suicide But the truth is is that I think this story has got a lot to do with and the reason why it's covered by ID Channel and like the Oxygen Network specifically is because it's really great at scaring women and it fits with the true crime world's Fascination with killing sex workers, but no one ever actually tells the real story here Which is the story event of a fucking incel gone wild? Mm-hmm, right? No, well most of our gun toting serial killers tend to spend relatively little time choosing their weapons Bob Hansen was a gun nerd placing him among the most

Incefrable nerds we have to deal with here in America. Oh my god. You know AR stands for armor light I just wanna some people say it stands for assault rifle. It sounds it's armor like sounds like a jelly spread Also, I always get scared of calling them gun nerds because we know that they are that but they have the guns Hansen's weapon of choice was a ruger mini 14 rifle Which to me kind of sit like I watched a bunch of YouTube clips like a bunch of YouTube reviews It kind of seems like the hipster choice over an AR 15 Okay, like the cool kids. She's like, you know you do an AR 15. I like the classic mini 14 And here's an example

Why do you keep your gun in ammo magazine sort of pointing at your playboy? Here is an example of one of today's gun nerds having a conversation with himself on YouTube about the mini 14 Welcome back to gunning shot TV and today I was gonna talk about the ruger mini 14 I'm not a huge AR fan. Not that the AR is a bad system It just for some reason visually didn't appeal to me. Good. So I did want a gun that would shoot 223 Or 556 because that is the cheapest centerfire rifle cartridge you're really gonna get so I After much looking around I found a pretty good deal on a new one box

Stainless and wood which is the color combo that I wanted ruger mini 14 Please put the gun down Put the gun down and also you're not on gunning shot TV. You're on the internet Yeah, and now if you excuse me, I have to have my super beats You know, she's a babe. She told me to have super beats Robert Hansen described as dippy and crater faced with overlapping front teeth and thick Hormrimmed glasses was described by even women who survived him as looking like a nerd

Straight out of central casting. Yeah, I mean you're sitting there and laughing because he comes up to you And he's like, hey girls. Hey, and it's true. He had his fucking his pants just under his nipples shirt tucked in fucking pockmark face huge coke bottle glasses and you're like, haha Get out of here nerd and then all of a sudden is Which seems to be the unifying hardening sound of nerds everywhere Just that gun cocking back and a gun nerds We're specifically talking about not people who go to comic-con. Yeah, we love or or crime cuts Yeah, and speaking of that, you know, like even Robert Hansen's modes modes of speech were nerdy

But not in like a smart nerdy or even like a reference heavy nerdy kind of way Hansen was what you would call a dull nerd Possibly the worst kind like he'd use phrases like gee whiz and my gosh and dug on it Even when he was talking about killing women, it makes it worse. Yeah It makes it worse because you can't talk it. You can't talk like the beef All of a sudden you've got a chain You have a specific chain loop in your ceiling that's built for hanging women up by like there's something about it That's his weird dull doll like eyes kind of like Gary Widge way

I imagine when you're like looking at him trying to like plead for their life And he's just like why is my meat talking and like that kind of weird patina Glowing over their face where you just like oh now that dude is now gone Whatever animals inside has taken over now, although Hansen was known for his doughnuts back in the 70s and 80s Today Hansen is mostly known for his imitation of the Richard Connell short story the most dangerous game Originally published as the hounds of Zaraf and later adapted into the past starring John Leguizamo Oh my god, it is the plot of the past The original story the titular general Zaraf a deranged

Russian aristocrat uses a shipwrecked big-game hunter named Sanger Rainsford as prey Turning the hunter into the hunted. Oh my now It's not known if Hansen ever read the story Although it's not really that likely because Hansen's IQ was somewhere in the Gary Ridgway Dullard area, but he was very organized and it also shows that the power of being very organized and what it can do for you Which is that if you never fail and you think about every single detail That's how he covered his tracks besides shoddy police work as normal, but he covered his tracks pretty well because he was a such a Fucking insufferable nerd about every single fucking thing that he did

so that he and he kept lists and maps and He would then checklist all his bullshit, but either way whether he read it or not Hansen's eventual MO was eerily similar See this is how general Zaraf described the prey he hunted before Sanger Rainsford came along as it was quoted in manhunter by John Douglas I hunt the scum of the earth Salads from Trump ships a thoroughbred horse or who is worth more than a score of them General Zaraf

Zaraf just Zaraf. Did his son go on to be what was it Zangief? I'm pretty certain that Zangief's last name Zaraf so Zangief Zaraf and that's a this is canon This is a part of the street fighter lore is the part of the extended universe, okay? But also the differences is that general Zaraf was fighting fighting sailor men and not scared women in the dark Mm-hmm and for Hansen's part He felt a lot much the same way about his victims replacing sailors with topless dancers in a classic Madonna whore complex witcheroo and women to him were either goddesses to be protected and cherished or Filthy creatures that needed to be punished and honestly like in modern times

You know we already mentioned it a little bit like Robert Hansen He wouldn't be out of place on some of the darker in cell subreddits, you know these guys in cell involuntary Celebesi is that is what they call themselves they call themselves in cell Yes, they probably call themselves in cells. They say they are involuntarily sell a celibate that they will never find a woman They will never get laid in of course. None of it is their fault They they're too well the two gentlemen. They're too much like gentlemen and eat like the supreme gentleman It's even gone further than that like they they canonize Elliot Roger like he is they did they canonize him he he's like their hero and these guys go even further than

Then the whole like nice guy thing the nice guy thing is a part of it But these in cell guys have taken it to the next step like they blame the rest of the world for not unconditionally accepting all of their numerous faults and You know they they want the world to just pretty much hand them a supermodel just because they exist because they're men and Robert Hansen these days would have been one of those guys I mean I will say yeah, there's a lot of costs that come in with dating a supermodel I mean first of all you have to have several different outfits for just the different photo shoots that she's involved with

Casually like you can't just wear the same shirt because then she doesn't get the same kind of money And if you see it out like you have to I'm you're talking like doorbills at the Spaga At the Viper room, I don't even know if people even still go to these places I don't know if supermodels go to that. Yeah, the Viper room is probably just it's probably just Nikki six at this point bartending and being the number one Supermodels go wherever they go, but I know there's a door cover and the supermodel doesn't have to pay it But you as an incel will definitely have to pay it probably twice

That's gonna look you up and down and double charge you so you have to understand you have to have some kind of steady job I don't think we've ever stumbled upon a subject that we know less about No clue No, almost all of Hansen's victims were exotic dancers at strip clubs in Anchorage Places like the Kit Kat Club the Wild Cherry and the Gentleman's Retreat not to mention the great Alaskan Bush Company Which is why they outlawed Polish funerals in Alaska. What's a Polish funeral? Do you have to shave your pubes for my intro? My pubes in mourning and then a kissle made a pubic hair

I have so Yep, the Alaskan Bush Company. There's a dog. He'll never talk It's 12 30 p.m. According to the 12 Bud Limes Then it's always early morning. You always said I've never drunk a Bud Lime I know for a fucking fact that you have I don't think I've seen you drink a drink a Bud Lime on the road If it was yeah, if it was free That's a different story. I think we were at a bar in DC and you drank a Bud Lime

It's like you take the tropics with you like you were saying something like that at like five people that weren't listening What's new? Robert Hansen was so detached from these women as humans that in his confession. He nonchalantly referred to his serial killing as quote a Summertime project what a drag is which shows how little he thought of it Yeah, and also again about his extended game to me Robert Hansen It's very similar to a Jerry Brutus were actual apart a part of his pathology was having a family and kids and a career That was like a part of his But what he'd get pleasure out of was seeing like look how I can hold all of this other shit together

And also be a fucking maniacal supervillain on the other side, which is what how most incels view their entire life Mm-hmm, and with that let's get into the life of a Robert Hansen Robert Hansen was born February 15th 1939 to a frail woman named Edna and a severe Danish man named Christian Oh, no as very Danish name very Danish Christian is it? No, it's not. It's technically No, I real Danish name is like yurk by harness. No Hans Christian Anderson He was an author. Wow, and the Danish one is that and a Danish one was he do you know that for sure? My mother was very into him

Before the podcast so you could pretend to know something about Denmark No, I know a lot about Denmark say you know whole series of other kind of marks. No, we all know with zero killers It's either the mother or the father who does the number and in this case It was most definitely the father Robert Hansen was a constant disappointment to his dad Even as far down as to what hand Robert wrote with as was the style at the time Christian forced his son to write with his right hand instead of his dominant left and this forced switch scrambled Robert's brain and saddled him with a debilitating stutter that he would carry for the rest of his life And it's interesting because there's a lot of people that were forced to do that

My mom was beaten pretty severely in Catholic school to switch from left to right and it changed her whole life I don't know if that's why we're all the way. We are all like like my family. It goes down the line I don't think so. I hope not. I mean I'm looking for an explanation I'm looking for somebody to tell me something because everyone I yell at has got no answers You I for him I think he was already on the way and I feel like there's a lot of things it's kind of like Fucking not to celebrate John Wayne Gacy's father But he's x-rayed visioned into his son and saw something fucking weird about him

And he thought the way to do it was to beat and dried and this is how I'll make him a strong human being Where and also there was a part of it where he Christian looked at Robert was like you are disorienting me and he wanted to force him to be a tall straight Danish man and Meanwhile, like you have fucking Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors as your son Oh, and you and it drives you insane. Yeah, I mean what I didn't like doing left-handed layups. Oh Let's layups with a war Yeah, I'm with you there. All right. Yeah, and you know these guys they were awful fathers Of course like like about that like we're definitely not saying that this was the right way to go about it

They did that they did they did it the wrong way because Of course You did use the word celebrate in the same sentence as John Wayne Gacy's father, but he did say I don't want to celebrate John Wayne Gacy's father But then he did yes, that's the thing. He said I don't want to celebrate John Wayne Gacy's father Realize it until afterwards if they turned out to be people that invented headphones or they committed suicide at the age of 25 They would definitely be wrong Today's sponsor for last podcast on the left is the new horror thriller where silence means survival a quiet place Starring Emily Blunt and John Krasinski

Lee Evelyn and their two children have survived in a post-apocalyptic world by finding ways to keep quiet and avoid Summoning vicious sound detecting predators But how long can this family survive in a world where any sound they make could be their last? And I checked out the trailer and this does look like a pretty solid post-apocalyptic thriller Which is far as like war movie sub-genres go and guys say post-apocalyptic thrillers are Among my favorite. So yeah, I'm definitely gonna be going seeing this movie in the theaters when it comes out And when does it come out? You may ask a quiet place will be in theaters April 6th

That's a quiet place starring John Krasinski and Emily Blunt in theaters April 6th That stutter that Robert had he could keep it under wraps well enough as he got older But it always came out when he felt as if he was losing control And it was a just a constant presence when he was a kid for the father spark Chris Hansen was a local baker in the Iowa town of Pocahontas a town so boring that they have a whole heading on their Wikipedia page about a big tornado That touched down outside of town a few years ago. There's no deaths or destruction or even injuries or anything like that It's just really really big. So the biggest news of the day was there's a storm near here No, it was not even the biggest news of the day. It was the biggest news of the decade. It happened like in 2011

Well, it's pretty cool here to tornado Oh Definitely pump up that this is the birthplace of Robert Hansen and become one of those true crime mechas like Ed Gaines small town Honestly, just lean in. Yeah, why not? No, the only thing that they the only famous person They'd talk about two famous people on their Wikipedia page. It's It's an anti-war activist whose name. I can't remember Okay, and a middling baseball player named Larry Bittner I had about a 2.4 or 0.27 batting average. Yeah, that's better than me. I'll sell you that. That's great. It's not great

That's okay. It's fine But even though baking was the family business little Robert wanted nothing to do with it Although he was still forced to work there most days all while his father yelled at him for how worthless he was I don't think that's a problem. Well, maybe if you stop being worthless Yeah, I mean, honestly if it gets down to a point the yelling will stop if you get to be a better baker So this is at 445 in the morning It's good to teach a kid a skill like that. Oh, yeah, well Bob didn't have a skill though He had a real passion in life and that was his bow and arrow and his throwing knives

He would practice for hours behind his dad's bakery obsessed with the skills needed to achieve a silent kill Like Bo Jackson Jackson he makes his own arrows After he retired. He's like what else can I dominate the world? Nature, it's really amazing, but he was a sports star first. Yes, and he's a very good man from what I understand Robert Hansen wasn't even a baker first He's just like knives and it's weird to say that it's your your passion is throwing knives Like I understand I like the the slingshot guy that German slingshot guy on YouTube. You know that guy. No, I don't know that guy

He's good at slingshot. You don't know that guy. No, you got it His name is like Grischlars and he does like crazy slingshots And now he makes money from doing on YouTube and that makes a lot of sense because you can monetize it using YouTube Nowadays Robert Hansen didn't know that so what was he getting out of it besides just Screaming everybody out perhaps on this week's last stream on the left every Tuesday at 8 p.m. An adult swim Dot-com. I'll have one of those videos for you Henry. Oh, yeah Yeah, they're awesome Well naturally in school Bob was less than popular

Partially due to him being the weird knife kid in school who had the mean Danish dad But mostly because kids can be extremely cruel when it comes to someone with a stutter Especially back then. All right. A stutter is a pretty debilitating speech impediment. It's terrible. Yeah Yeah, it's extremely hard to get over. Mm-hmm. It's very difficult and it fucks with you mentally But there's not just bad stutterers like Robert Hansen. You got to remember. There's also famous stutterers like James Earl Jones. Mm-hmm. Was he a stutterer? He was. Oh, yeah, he was yes and bud shineberg Who's bud shineberg famous stutterer according to this list? I'm looking at Did you just Google famous stutterers?

Yes Then when Bob approached teenage years things only got worse they didn't get better They did not during the glorious teenage years that we all had Bob developed an awful case of severe acne bad enough to deeply scar him for the rest of his life It became one of his define it became his defining physical characteristic at least the one you can see a wink-wink Which we'll talk about later. Do people like him and Robert Crumb? Is there like a disease that you get like is it like a nerd disease? Like honestly, could some people just get the slam-bam full deck of nerd problems?

Like immediately and I don't know why I don't know why no I had a I had a friend in college named Dirk that was the exact same way. Why did it happen to Dirk? Dirk should have been fucking like the opposite of his name if there was a purpose to the universe He would have grown up like six and a half feet tall like a member of the lacrosse team But that's a thing Dirk turned it around. He's doing great now. There's an awesome time out in Washington, DC Hey, perfect. Yeah, he turned it around but Robert Hansen did not no We didn't know and Hansen he was just the butt of everyone's jokes all throughout high school He just I mean because you know the guy had a horrible stutter and just a face full of pus filled pimples

I mean it just it covered it from forehead to chin I mean, it's like what I imagine like one of these tons is like this is one of those towns for like the teachers join that Hey, hey Robert. Hey, come here. Hey, Robert. Come here. It's okay. Listen me and the buddies here No, we've been making fun of you quite a bit for your your acne and your stutter and your stoop Where you walk around and how you can't speak to a woman You never look at anybody in the eyes and you're always playing with knives. Let me ask you a question Okay, guys guys guys shut up shut up guys What's your favorite TV show? I?

I love the show about the little ponies. Oh, yeah, thank you for giving us all a new one You made him a Brody. No problems if you're a Brody, but my goodness But instead of just getting over his high school bullshit and growing up like all the rest of us did because we all had high school Bullshit, it's an absolute fucking number. Some of us have it worse than others. Yes, but everyone's the bullies are miserable The ones being bullied are miserable, but the ones being bullied are sometimes bullying people It's a whole it's a cesspool of horribleness instead of getting over it Bob Just let that pain fester into a nerdy rage that would explode sooner rather than later Now Hansen tried gain and respect where he could like a lot of these guys do by like joining the volunteer fire

Department or signing up for like the junior police instructor program, but none of it's stuck No one gave us yet Well because he thought that that's how you got respect and we see the same thing with David Berkowitz who say the same thing with Oh fucking bumble, but they think that if you if you join into this this series of of a program where people wear uniforms People have to respect me and then you're doing it out of spite. You're doing it from your own bully mentality You've been bullied into being a cop you believe and you think then now I have control because authority is gonna give me all The backup I need because I don't have the spine to stand up for myself This is a recipe for a horribly abusive police officer. Yes, it is

So when Bob graduated high school, he didn't become a cop He tried for the last avenue of institutionalized respect that he could think of the army. Oh No, honestly, remember though, this is not everybody who joins the army. No, we're talking about these We're talking about these fuckers Yeah, we're talking about like these kinds of guys that replace the idea of self-respect and honor With what they can get out of these systems. Oh, yeah, that's that's really what it is It's because the idea is that they want to use these systems or what they can Exploit other people while using the systems. Yeah, most people get in the army or like really they're doing it for an education

Yeah, where they have a they have a passion for no every listener. We have that's either You know a police officer or you know in the army or any kind of armed forces You all know this guy like you all of you are thinking about a very specific person right now as we talk about Robert Hansen it's the guy who's gone is the cleanest and his bed is like weirdly made diagonal And he like he's allergic to certain foods inside of the at the mess hall and he won't eat him and everyone But he's just like I just wish they'd give me extra corn, but Against the dietary needs for a soldier That's why that's really what turned me off to the military. Yeah, what beds?

Making of a tight bed. Yeah, how do you do it every day? I've never understood how people do it You go to we go to the hotels. We stay there you come back the beds like that. I don't get it too tight I don't like it. I always tight. I always bring it out every time Now Robert Hansen stent in the army was pretty unremarkable Except for one incident Happened right across the river here in New York City really Robert being the good little soldier that he was earned the distinction of being one of the USO's Soldiers of the week hey and was given a day pass to explore the city. It sounds like they were just trying to get him out of there

Ah, here you go. You won. Let's wait. Can we make something up? soldier of the week Go hit Manhattan. All right, and if you get lost there's a lot of opportunities in Manhattan That you can take and take advantage of There Robert and a couple of other good soldiers headed downtown and hired a professional to finally pluck Bob's flower It's a different time than now now. He would just be at a dose Kamino's eatin guacamole Maybe going over to you got to go to Dallas barbecue. I got a Dallas barbecue. It's like you're in Dallas But we're in Times Square, so it's like super annoying. What is sad about this? What's sad about this result?

Actually, I hate to say it, but I was in Times Square. I like that trashy You don't hate to say I like Times Square sometimes if no one's there, but it's always kind of busy Of course. Yeah. Oh, yeah Times Square is always kind of busy the winter time. It's a little bit more Relaxed. Yeah, that is true. That is true. It's not relaxed. It's desolate Well, nothing the American guy F Yeti's American grill is gone. So what's what's the point? When was your last trip to an olive garden? Oh Olive Garden is not for me. I don't particularly care for soup I don't particularly care for set up for salad let alone unlimited amounts of amounts of things that I don't care for

An Italian food restaurant you can get pasta you could get chicken parmesan you could get toward Italy No Well about Robert's experience with a lady of the night in New York City the first his very first time He said quote I got to feel it, but that was about it Everything was strictly slam-bam. Thank you, ma'am. I didn't even get a hug and I wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed Actually, now that I think about it He's kind of like the dude that Katy Perry kissed an American Idol Yeah, who was like that I was saving it for someone special. I'm like you're 20

And Katy Perry kissed you. You're fine. Yeah, he just definitely felt you too because you you see it immediately right now We were good his rest of his life. He worked with sex workers and in his victims were sex workers He was take yeah, he was taken him out or because of this I don't think so because of this it's a weirder pathology than that but I'm not saying that it is because of that but as we learned with all serial killers right there's seeds that get planted right There's a shit that it happens early on that start little memories And so his reaction immediately to his buddies doing a wartime what it's supposed to be like Army men having a timeout like boys being boys going to see a sex worker having a good time

He turned into a whole thing of like he was supposed to fall in love with this woman Like this was supposed to be something crazy. So you could see I imagine his buddies were like yeah, exactly It's slam-bam. Thank you, man. That's what you sex work Yeah, yeah, we're not we're trying not to have a girlfriend. That's the whole point is that we're in a fucking army We're trying to have a good time and then he And so I mad that's like a weird thing immediate his reaction. He's just complaining. It's just sex It's literally if I was like so it's just soup and salad Yes, sir. Yes, sir. That is what the deal is sir

And that's another like kind of incel thing to where you know people thought I was like, yeah, just yeah If you have such a hard time, you know, just kind of maybe go to a professional and you know Just kind of get it over with me like no, I've wanted to be special. I wanted to be the woman I fall in love with and say Ah, man, you just first time is every way It's literally never special. Yeah, it is never once ever special. No one is my the first having never sex is just it's just And usually oh Sorry, it ends with I'm sorry and and the rest of the times Hopefully doesn't end with I'm sorry because if it does end with I'm sorry

You're on your way to becoming a serial killer every single time. All right Let's move on So after basic training Robert returned to Pocahontas But the army had done nothing to temper the rage He'd felt for his school and everyone inside and to make matters worse the police chief took his junior police instructor rank away Partly because he was getting to be too fucking old for that sort of thing What do you mean? I'm 34 years old I can't be a junior police inspector. Oh, no

No, we me all we all look at each other. We've all decided no, no get the fuck out He's like night. What is he or 1918 19 he's 19. He's 19 years old. Definitely too old Yeah, but it was also partly because the police chief had seen Robert Hansen still at 19 Sitting in the back of his dad's bakery still throwing knives at targets over and over and over again and the police chief actually like came back and Asked him like so what do you what are you doing back here and Robert like throw a knife He goes see how silent that was and then you get his bow and arrow at and shooting goes It's really silent, right? Like like no one could ever hear you coming

Nobody could ever hear you and that's when the police chief was like I you can't be a part of our whole operation He should have said auditioning for the Johnny Carson shirt Honestly now with America's Got Talent. There's a lot of excuses for horrible weird hobbies It was about this time that Robert's need for revenge started taking actual form At 19 years old Robert started hanging out with the high school kids who worked at his dad's bakery And he formed his own little delinquent gang. So he's finally he's finally cool. He's to the high school kids Of course, he's that guy. He's like hanging out with these ragtag group of newsies That have formulated around this loser that he is he has

Now he has control This is what he wanted like he likes to have his little group of people that'll look up to him because everybody else It treats him like the mouth-breathing Like the mouth-breathing loser that he is right Now this gang's first project was to blow up a tractor in the nearby town of Rolf But that was just practice. Okay, their ultimate small town Batman villain scheme was to blow up the town water tower Which would somehow show them all who's boss But uh

At some point, you know, Robert, we're gonna need to drink water. Yeah, but think about how stinky we'll all be for a week And how wet it'll be when the splices come down and the squirrels and the dogs get all wet So we're kind of punishing ourselves in a certain way, but Well, it's kind of like if I punished myself It's like it is Irvin and also I'm Punching But that was the ultimate stroke in their master plan that was the end game There was one institution that needed Robert's attention before all the others

the school Robert said this about the school in his confession I just hated that place with the divine passion I would do anything and everything I could think of to get back at that monster school that I convinced myself Was out to do all bob hits and personal wrong Oh, man. Now. I'm just thinking of a school with like frankenstein and dracula Maybe brawn stroman. I'll throw him in there. That's a monster school. That's a great television show No, that already we that already happened. That was a that was a cartoon for like two years in the 90s

Yeah, it was a monster school. Well, it was a monster high school. It's a high school that was popular completely by monsters Yeah, but I don't think it was called monster school. You're right. You're right But still keep in your brain because we could always revamp it revamp Now the new one is called monster high. I think the other one was called like dracula ink Oh, ah, very good. All right, but think about how lame that is that at 19 You want to blow up the high school? You're out. You're out. You went to the army You saw the city. You did all of this shit. You still want to blow up your high school Right the name of the high school gravedale high. So you were even close

Gravedale, cool. Gravedale. Yeah, rick moranis was in it. It was great. No kid. Yeah, I used to love it So robert hansen in order to get back at his school and everyone in it Mind you about two years after he graduated. He figured there was only one thing he could do Burn down the bus barn. No, that's where the bus babies are I see because the buses go there when then when all the lights go out and it's nighttime That's when the buses can finally make love without the prying eyes of man You're having like a thomas the tank triple x fantasy Can we look that up to see if that is real? Yes, there is no way I don't do there's a spongebob triple x

Yeah, but spongebob is at least his arms and legs. Spongebob at least has got pants on that hides a cock You know what I mean because if you give a cartoon pants Then you can theoretically give it a cock because the pants are covering something up. I suppose that's true Huh boy, when you put in thomas the tank engine of porn hub some real weird stuff comes out. All right. All right Let's move on. So he's burdened down. Let's get back to arson. Shall we? Well one night while most of the town was attending a big basketball game robert and his underlings took the opportunity to strike They like an in the idea of in pocahontas the the best basketball team is the generals from harlem clothes job

So you mean like it that's a t that goes on to play the harlem globetrotters that get the shit beat out of them Who do you think wins in the the jones town boys? Or these pocahontas the pocahontas one Oh gee, I wonder what the pocahontas uh high school mascot was something racist. Yeah, I think we I think we know So robert and his gang took a can of gas doused the barn and lit it on fire And bob who hadn't been kicked out of his volunteer fire department gig yet Received double pleasure from the act when he got to return to watch the whole thing burn to the ground All right

Three of the school's seven buses were rendered rendered totally useless Infuriating the school superintendent wall doh mick who also happened to be And wall doh mick happened to be one of robert hanson's father's closest friends Okay, because that's what robert hanson liked to do. He just liked to poke his dad in the eye He liked to poke the town in the eye, but in these little shitty nerdy ways All right, well think about what carl pansram did carl pansram burnt down half a fucking school Like carl pansram as he was a kid was such a already deadly predator than robert hanson to me a part of what makes robert hanson unique leading up to

The his his later crimes is how lame and unsuccessful a lot of his crimes were Like and I think that's what kept driving him and driving him towards a weird sort of serial killer perfection is that he kept Fucking up and it would infuriate him. Yeah, he is a fuck up. That's for sure Yes, but it wasn't long before one of the kids who helped robert set the barma flame Opened his mouth and made the bad decision to brag about the arson to a straight laced gi back home in pocahontas on leave The gi reported it the teen cracked and robert was arrested now robert denied it completely Which ripped the town asunder into pro bob and anti bob factions Pro i'm uh, I got i'm on pro bob

i'm pro bob So what does that mean really we I have to like bob to be pro bob because I don't I I don't like pop I don't know robert I mean he had people on his side But it was mostly they were on his dad's side because chris hanson was like a I mean he was a well-liked member of the community But just nobody liked his son but because they liked chris hanson they're like, all right I guess if chris's his son didn't do it then his son didn't do it also a running

A running thing in this story was the power that the community baker Has over a bunch of people if you have access to free carbs People will do whatever it takes to get them people love bread and pastries It's really weird and as we've learned Hanson specifically chris hansons. They love baked goods They put a plate of cookies in front of someone and that individual is forced to confess We've seen it on time and time and time and time again to catch a predator give cookies to these child He's always and a cookie was just like I will tell you the truth and I must

He's around cookies all day. I don't know what is with that name and cookies and confessions Robert you know with half the town behind him He even managed to somehow convince a girl to marry him while all this was going on He convinced another local loner named feebie pageant and feebies parents Did not want her to marry robert hanson anti bob anti bob faction anti bob faction It goes into every everybody's got to be anti bob and pro bob is just poor bob poor stupid stupid bob And he's sitting there just going like feebie. I was thinking that maybe that we could go On a date. Maybe does that sound good to you?

Uh, yeah, what we could do is you want to see how silent I can kill I always miss shit up. I always miss shit up Oh mary uh Whoa, yeah Yikes I gotta think about this for a second love happens for all so many more serial killers have relationships Yeah, they they really do but also it also is a running theme in a lot of the serial killers we cover that uh the wives Their parents tell them don't do it. Yeah

Usually listen to your parents usually your parents your friends. They all say don't do it There's I can't remember a single serial killer who got married When the brides parents didn't say there's something wrong with this guy He always see him coming. Yeah, they always do But for robert after he got married things started falling apart Hansen failed a lie detector test and in the process somehow managed to admit that he had a plan to blow up the police chief's house He probably did one of those where he's like well at least I didn't blow up the police chief's house And they're like finally now we can all can we all arrest him now? It's cool to get him

So that was that was the courteous line in the frozen ground. Oh, yeah in q sec This is such a cliche line during a police investigation Interrogation and the victim comes in he says, oh, I should have killed you when I had the chance Oh, wow All of the frozen ground was shot as if it was shot in 2013 And it was like a formulaic formulaic cry movie was never shot before and they were constantly surprised by their own choices Well after robert fell the lie detector test He still said that he was innocent

But to avoid bad publicity in pocahontas and he was the one that voted that way He pled guilty to put them out of arrest. Oh good. I know how it is. I know it is in pocahontas You got the paps everywhere. You don't want to be you don't want to be on the bad side of the pocahontas mafia The pocahontas press. I mean they're they're tenacious So hanson was sentenced to a short term in animosa state reformatory But he only lasted six months before he confessed to his new wife Who began divorce proceedings damn near the next day good because imagine how sad that is right? You just got married. He gets picked up for setting fire to a bus barn. Yeah many months ago

He said i'm innocent i'm innocent out of nowhere He calls you into he's at the state reformatory because he pled guilty To the police you then are sitting there like okay, but you've been telling me you've been done wrong and then finally he's like Yeah, I did it. I got those buses and then like like oh this is done I know my last name's pageant, which is the weirdest nerdiest name in the world But I definitely can fuck higher than this. Yeah, that's when the uh the pendulum swings to the anti bob Immediately she got infected with an anti bob cancer But after febe it was time to tell his father

See chris hanson had spent months since his son's sentence was handed down running petition drives to overturn the punishment Telling anyone who would listen that his son was innocent. He had chris hanson pretty much made this his whole life So they mean to tell me robert after all this time I combed my moustache Shaved it as tiny as society would allow me to shave my moustache. I made over 200 copies in xerox machines putting up the flyers never mind the wear and tear I put on my hiking shoes walking about town

And now you are guilty If only the nazis was still around I could send them to you because that was the ultimate punishment You get the oof from uh from uh danish person. That's not good. Yeah I don't think his dad was that so he wanted to write with the right hand because that's what society wanted That's what I mean right handed desks And then he worked in the bakery. He wanted his kid to just be a baker Yeah, then he tried to get him out. It didn't really seem like his dad was that horrible I mean he was just he was bad. He was shitty like he was definitely a shitty dad

But it wasn't anywhere near the level of a lot of other serial killers Yeah, because his dad was trying the act of the act of petitioning as someone who did it when I successfully ran For brick and burrow president It's an idea to successfully run successfully run. Yeah, you got you out on the ball. That's a huge deal. Thank you How much was that again? How much you get? Six thousand votes 1.8 of brooklyn. I own it and that's wherever I am But yeah, he was just stern. I mean tiger woods his father Duck taped his hands to a baby golf club until he learned how to put that's true

It's like a thing where you these guys are he was a stern father that was trying to make something out of what he Thought was his weak son, right? Look at LeVar ball. He's got a kidding place for the Lakers not doing well though LeVar ball is actually a horrible person Well, when the truth came out chris hanson was so humiliated by his son's lie that he sold his bakery Left town and bought a resort to run in minnesota at a place called leech lake Ugh the best part of coming down to glorious leech lake is if you deny the giant sea slugs That had been inhabited several of the cabanas or severe pink clouds that rained goo Down on all of the trapped torus. He ought leech lake one thing we do have is dollar bud lines

And when robert was released from prison He joined his family in leech lake because there was nothing wait for him back in pocahontas Okay in fresh off that arson stent robert hanson met the woman who would be his wife until the day he was caught darla henrickson darla's two defining characteristics were these She was a woman of strong christian faith of the submissive to the husband variety And she had a deep almost blind desire to help people in need and in robert She definitely found someone to help

Darla openly said that too. I read an interview with her later on where she said what she met him is that He was a 25 year old man. Just got out of prison. He was cleaning leech lake God knows what the fuck was in that lake. Yeah, he was out there Doing stuff and she immediately said with his weird scarred face and his stutter and the way that he Spoke and the way that he couldn't make eye contact with her was all like I could help him That was like her first stop being like finally I'll use my I'll use my bosoms because at the time she was tall And they said that being tall as a woman like made you so undesirable Which drives me crazy because I think it's hot. Yeah, look. I mean look at fucking natalie

I like a woman that's much taller than me because I climb them Well, I mean if she was like five eight she'd be three inches taller than you I'll take it. Yeah I'm fine with it So over one magical summer in leech lake Really? Is that the word you want to use? The best part darlas you can hear the slugs making love in the moonlight. I actually never thought about that before and I don't really want to know how that works

Oh, that is nice robert. I'm so glad you took me out here. Yeah, so over that summer the two fell in love Darla went back to school in the fall But the two kept in touch by letter before robert had enough and said quote Dog gone it we can get married Well, that's actually a fine time to say dog gone it because it's followed by a nice sentence. It's like dog gone it I got guts all over my arrows But all of these comments are coming from when he's inside jail for murder That's the difference is that he's recounting this now. I see. Yeah. Yeah, this this isn't something like from his wedding speech

Like that was after this was in the middle of him talking about hunting down women and killing so it actually was that Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Thank you and the things about getting married They finally had the means to because by this time Bob had finally given in and had taken up the family trade and was becoming a successful baker in his own right Working at every supermarket who would take him in the Midwest. All right Pigly wiggly pigly wiggly. Yeah, he loves safe ways safe ways. Yeah. Yeah Yeah You don't like safe ways and we didn't really have a safe way growing up with pigly wiggly. We had a cops grocery store

We had scags. It's not a grocery store. That is a problem. That's an e-sig That is not anywhere that you should ever buy meat Well, Robert finally settled in Minneapolis where Darla was finishing college and as soon as she finished the young newlyweds Set their sights north almost inexplicably and moved to Anchorage, Alaska where they opened up Hanson's bakery. All right Now we're gonna explore Alaska, which is uh, sounds incredible Didn't actually really think of Alaska as being a sort of paradise for serial killers But it is oh in a weird way where it's got all the kind of qualities a serial killer could ask for in terms of being remote

Very little sunlight But it also sounds like a lot of fun. Yeah, I would love to go to Alaska I mean it sounds like it sounds great now and back in the 70s It sounded pretty fun too. All right. Well because Anchorage was like it was kind of gone through a weird time because as opposed to now It's always been kind of a weird place, but then it was like a transition time Okay, like back then like Anchorage was like it was the most frontier frontier towns It was like the last true remaining outposts for like loners and weirdos that were just looking to get away from civilization All right

But then the oil came and with the oil came the boom and with the boom came the workers and with the workers came The sex workers as they always do in a boom town of any kind Yeah, they say and then according to all the id channel docs and I watch it's all been like And where the prostitutes went smiles followed And they go up there It's like because those hard pipe workers needed a place to rest their weary bottoms And there's nothing or like a nice soft woman's lap to rest a weary bottom and these prostitutes knew The people who do vo ever like you sure you want me to say

I feel a little uncomfortable They're just obsessed with prostitutes. I mean, I mean they're saying the word Yes, they say it like 55 times in each documentary and street walkers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like street walkers I like ladies of the night is one of my favorites. Of course Now when you read the book we used for research in this episode, which is terrible. It's an awful book The book's called butcher baker They make it sound like anchorage in the 70s was pretty much oil fields titty bars a couple of churches of police station and robert hansen's bakery If you work in an oil field, what else do you need?

Maybe there was a roller rink you we saw the pictures Marcus sent all of us picture problems from the time period Yeah, it was cool that you sent that Marcus because it's nice to get a feel for the town and it looks sort of like saint paul now Kind of yeah, I mean it's a very it was a very stark Landscape, but it had like a creepy kind of charm, you know It looked kind of fun It looked kind of fun But like for me like the creepy kind of charm like I saw a picture of a station wagon that just had the words

Relentless struggle painted on the side and huge letters. Maybe it was a demolition car Anchorage in the 70s. It was like it was a town with like a wild west feel But with still with like modern technology It was like kind of in an odd Transition period between like the frontier times of yore when anchorage was pretty much like an air hub Like it was just a place you went through on the way to someplace else It was between that and like the 80s and 90s when it became like ski resorts and like oil executives and like big golden The big golden towers that they have downtown now when the real sociopaths moved in exactly

Pretty much because at the frontier town side of it just sound like it was kind of crazy But it was also the way they sort of described it was that every man was a pipe worker And every woman that you saw was a topless dancer or a sex worker And I was like whoa that sounds kind of fun They're like it's just another description of a typical anchorage woman. It's like five foot three Busty round in the bottom brown tawny hair. I know it's like whoa. That's the average anchorage woman I mean it sounds it kind of looks like you know a filthy town for filthy people like and I mean that in the nicest way possible It's like the Baltimore of the north pole

The Baltimore of the north pole Love our people in Baltimore. I love them. Love our people in anchorage And honestly if there's anybody who gives us a reason to perform an anchorage Sadly this episode. It's kind of inspired me to go there. I would love it Now as we know sex work is many times a transient business and that went double for anchorage in them in the 70s See anchorage was not necessarily a place where a woman might set up permanent shop for a career in sex work Most times women in the trade specifically the topless dancers were working on a circuit on the pacific coast San Diego LA San Francisco Seattle Vancouver and finally all the way up to anchorage

And then they had all the way back down south to start the whole thing all over again Okay, can I ask a second question about like the the titty circuits? Yeah, when you're on a I don't think they're called that It's not called that we're titty. I mean, I think it's nice I think oh whatever they do is great because it makes people smile But the part of what it is is that do they go is it like comedy where there's like bookers? And they go and they basically follow the line of bookers or is it a more unofficial than that? I'm pretty sure it's the same owners for the

Establishments and then they kind of travel around because of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember in uh back in texas There was like a a bit of a triangle. There was like a amaryllis Uh abalone and Lubbock because there was a jaguars in each one of those cities So the women would just kind of go from one place to another and just kind of travel around and make money and that And also that way like they wouldn't get creepy Like the regulars wouldn't get too attached. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yep Which I think it's really important because technically this is the group of the they have to rely on themselves Especially at this town, especially at this time and depending on where you go and it seems like they they all talked about what you did see

In this case specifically with sex workers having to use their own interior Protection system and saying like this place is creepy. There's a guy here That's creepy that comes around all the time Robert Hanson Robert Picton Gary Ridgway They were all on short lists for creepy dudes that were around and they were well known from a long time Of there's a couple of creepy guys The problem is is that if someone wasn't plugged into the circuit and knew exactly what was happening Then they would be vulnerable. Mm-hmm And the circuit thing like that was if a woman was a professional

Some of the women coming into town anchorage they'd only stay for like a couple of months usually a summer and Make a quick anonymous buck before heading back down to the lower 48. All right So since so many women were in and out of town constantly Disappearances weren't taken too seriously And as we're going to see pretty much any other crime committed against a sex worker and anchorage wasn't taken seriously either All of this made anchorage the perfect place for Robert Hanson to develop into the worst serial killer The state has ever and hopefully will ever see

So pretty soon after Robert and his wife Darla have arrived in anchorage Robert earned enough money to open up his own shop in a mini mall on the corner of ninth and Ingra On one of the main thoroughfares of anchorage Now this was a great spot for business, but it also put Robert close to the tenderloin district of anchorage Tenderloin being the name often given to american red light districts. All right Actually has its origins here in new york city the theater district in manhattan. That was the tenderloin Yeah from the the late 19th century to the early 20th century There was that was the tenderloin because there were so many bribes thrown around a police chief said

I used to be eating chopped beef, but now I'm gonna be snacking on the tenderloin It's a delicious kind of beef, but the San Francisco. It's a terrible neighborhood port that that poor place is very uh under under governed But it's I wonder if he did the same thing right where did Robert Hanson actually go to this part of town Do you think because he knew that he was giving himself one of the little allowances? I don't think so. I I think Robert Hanson or subconsciously Maybe subconsciously, but I think he was a bit of a product of his environment Yeah, maybe well, uh, I well, he's got the previous shit maybe in Iowa. Yeah, well by well, but that's a thing

I don't we actually looked into it. I had a research assistant Annie look into the whole Iowa thing There's nothing to that. Okay. He was just thinking about it Yeah, the claim because one of the investigators and all of these in these investigators in this case Really like to ramp up how bad bad bob Hanson actually was Uh, and they'd say they just kind of off ended through like, you know, I think he was doing things back in Iowa But there was there's nothing to support that says that he did anything up until about like 1971 Okay, and by like product of his environment like I don't mean that Anchorage made him what he was I think Anchorage gave him the opportunity to be what he wanted to be

I think if he would have stayed in Iowa, he probably never would have done any of this shit Or at the very least it wouldn't have gotten to the point that it did It's probably a very classic. Well, we see a lot is kind of like a 60 40 where there's like a 60 percent It's in his makeup. It's in his DNA. He was going to do it. Anyway, and then the 40 percent is the random things that sort of lead The way that show what show what to do because as soon as I imagine he shows up His shop is right next to where all of the sex workers are that a whole red light district He's watching them come and go and the more and more

He becomes obsessed with them coming out of the shop watching them watching all stuff and he's like Oh, wow, nobody knows where these women come and go He starts to realize these people disappear all the time And come in and out of town and that maybe just maybe this is where I could start doing my weird shit Yeah, and the tenderloin in Anchorage. It was no different from the rest I mean this place it was home to as many strip clubs as an Alaskan could want And most of these strip clubs had at least a couple of women who are willing to go further than just to dance But for Robert Anchorage was not about the women at first at first

It was about the hunting and this was where Hanson's nerd flag truly flew See today's nerds have it easy with the internet You can just go on the internet and you can you know talk to people with whatever nerdy shit you want to talk to them about But back in robert's day nerds had to make do with doing it all through mail You had to be you had to go the extra mile for it And that is how robert started submitting his hunting kills to the pope and young club Yeah, do you not like that those two words together Pope and young

And the pope and young club dealt exclusively in hunting records set by archers and that is not to be confused With the boon and Crockett club, of course not No, yeah, I mean jesus christ lord They only dealt with deer killed by gun naturally So and sons beat by paddle perfect So in 1971 robert set the record for the biggest ram horns bagged by bow and arrow Followed by the second biggest caribou the 12th ranked mountain goat the 13th ranked doll sheep and 34th ranked black bear

doesn't count Why doesn't count 34th? You stop ranking after 10. They do top 50. I think uh, honestly 34th ranked black bear just sounds like a big dog It's really not that that big of a deal. I mean, we're not hunters though I thought isn't there like a rhyme that's like brown lie down black go attack White say good night where it's about bears. I have no idea. Why do you know but bear rhymes? I don't know To go to the bathroom or something

The point is that hanson knew how to hunt and he loved doing it damn near more than anything else However, I think it would be a mistake to think that it was his hunting that escalated into serial killing hanson wasn't his baking I mean, I don't know the baking got really boring. I would say the hunting's the more exciting part of it He was just good at hunting. Yeah, he was great at it and he loved doing it But his escalation into killing humans I think came from another place entirely which is the same place it comes from with a lot of these assholes It was all about control. Well, what he openly said Several times is that what he was good at was wounding the animal and tracking it until it died

Yeah, he would always talk about how happy was he's like, yeah, you get a guy shot in on him And then they get all weak and then I can get my hands on it's just like it's very strange Where it's like I thought the the thing to do was to like kill it like really quickly Like that's what you want to do with a bow and arrow. It's totally yeah bow and arrow is totally different than like a rifle I don't get a man. You know when you're a baker, you got total control over the muffins You got control over the donuts you got control over everything And I don't get how that's not enough control for you. You can make cakes in this shape of titties You can make muffins in the shape of vaginas and then you can fuck them and wreck them and do all the weird shit

Yeah, they don't even just have to be female body parts. They could also be leprechaun St. Patrick's Day, or they could be little, uh, you know, just fun gnomes And you could still fuck them until they fall apart. You can do anything with a pastry Well, I think with Robert Hansen it just so happened that his nerdy gun hobby Just happened to coincide perfectly with whatever evil it was that lived inside him the hunting was almost incidental Then the beginning of Hansen's escalation began damn near 10 years before his first confirmed murder Late one night in December of 1971 Hansen followed a customer from his bakery back to her house He walked in and creepily asked for a date and when she refused Robert left

But the rejection festered a week later He returned with a gun and attempted a kidnapping but was thankfully arrested in the process I mean this all thing like this is like that, you know, the old saying is that, you know Men are afraid that women will embarrass them and women are afraid that men will kill them Robert Hansen is that guy. Yes. Well cause also a part of it too is this is A failure that shows honestly he was not to it's I'm trying not to be like fucking gross about it But he was bad at this. There was like a thing that because he couldn't become the predator he wanted to become Quickly and I think that these failures

It's what ramped him up to the craziness of hunting them out in the woods and being really fucking ornate With with being a fucking like villain like he wanted to blow this out of the water Be and this is the kind of stuff that led to it because he just he just he couldn't get it together He's not randy orton the apex predator That a wrestler randy orton. Yeah, randy orton. Oh, he is very attractive very attractive Well, I think you know what we're gonna see is how many failures he does because I mean this first time he he was arrested Almost immediately and I think after he failed so many times He started thinking well, what am I good at?

And baking stick with baking. Yes. Good. Yes. You have a you are you come from a long line of bakers It's all set up for you. Good. God. I think what he came upon was that. Yeah, I'm good at hunting I can I can I can hunt, you know a deer. I can take down a bear, you know with a bow and arrow I can take down a woman While he was out on bail from this arrest, you know He went right back out and tried it at least one if not two more times with deadly consequences This first one is not confirmed to be Hanson But the mo and the time period is just too close to be coincidence

On christmas date just a few days after the incident with the customer cops found the body of celia van zanton In mcqueen creek state park She had her hands tied behind her back with speaker wire and she'd been slashed across the chest with a knife But the wound wasn't what had killed her Celia had escaped whatever fate her assailant had in store, but the temperature that night had been five below Celia had frozen to death while hiding from whomever it was that had kidnapped her that night Well, we're gonna see I mean it fits his mo later on and that's why they're gonna tie it back to her But this is what it shows

She fought like a crazy person to get away from her assailant This is a strong person who is a rational person, but no, but you know, I mean like she fought really really hard She had street smarts and she was a survivor Which is what allowed her to survive and this is the thing that robber hanson could not deal with And one thing that we see with serial killers quite often where they have to go for the easiest possible victim Because they need to feel totally in control and what he eventually started to realize is total He had to control every aspect of the kidnapping and in a in an obsessive way Because he wasn't physically strong or smart enough to outsmart these people who survived for a fucking living

mm-hmm Now robber hanson denied he was the kidnapper that night But the next woman to be kidnapped that winner was most definitely him When cops started a canvas working girls in the area looking for clues as to who could have kidnapped Celia An informant named robin paterson told cops she'd recently had a near deadly run-in with a short Pockmarked guy with a stutter Robin said she'd been kidnapped by robert hanson at gunpoint It had been driven to a motel where he forced her to have sex

He then drove her to the wilderness parked the car and not so subtly told her he couldn't let her go But robin actually managed to talk her way out of it telling robert She hated cops and wouldn't in a million years talk to one So robert went through her purse found her parents address and wrote it down He told her he'd kill him and her if he ever found out she went to the cops Just like all the girls he killed before Now robin took him at his word and didn't say a thing until her handler eventually convinced her to make a report I have a theory on the inside of this

I think what may be happened is that she realized what was happening And flipped to start talking to him emotionally Because she said the last thing that she remembers hearing him say is that when he dropped her off is that he said I wish we had met under better circumstances And he had a him kidnapping her and having her at gunpoint. Yeah, I mean, I just think But he's disgusting But what what she probably did was like you're cool like you could she probably had to lean in and try to like Manipulate him because that's what he did because then he kind of fell in love with her

And and did the thing because she switched from horde a Madonna in his mind And then you're going to see that a lot in his ammo where he would he would pick and choose Who he murdered depending on how they reacted to him But one thing robin made sure everyone knew saying it as often as she could There was a further deformity that robert hanson was hiding from the world. Uh-oh, apparently robert hanson's dick was quote Short but very large around earning him the nickname dimple dick for years to come I wish that it would what I wanted it to be which is

hockey puck Not happening But think about that think about the psychological nature of that which I think that people if you have a micro penis This is not we're trying to change me. He's got a round. He's like a like a dog muzzle All right, I don't want to talk about his weird dick anymore Now when cops brought hanson in they did have one piece of evidence He'd used an alias to sign in at the motel with robin But that still gave cops a handwriting sample

And when they asked him to empty his wallet for comparison a little piece of paper with the name and address of robin patterson's father Fluttered out onto the interrogation table. Now. You got to think on this one. They got this guy dead to rights They got hard evidence that actually puts him at the scene But one of the cops argued that they needed a search warrant for the wallet Saying that if they didn't get a search warrant for a suspect's wallet Then the paper might be deemed inadmissible. They were just trying to technically they were trying to cover their all their bases But also it sounded like they didn't want to do a lot of work And also robert hanson ran to goddamn bakery where all the police got their fucking donuts

Or they were hanging out with them all the time Which is the truth where it's like these cops knew this dude. They knew that he was fucking insufferable nerd But they also thought that we'll give him a shot. We who knows what it's what's happening with these sex workers I don't trust them But also the the way he got the the rid of the paper is ridiculous The dude was turning around While he was the piece of paper fell out of his wallet with the address on it Dude turned around and fell at some paperwork rob

But robert hanson leaned down and pick up the piece of paper guy turns back around He's like what's that piece of paper you got? He's like it's uh for my Pearl officer it's important. I have the paper and he's like all right Take the piece of paper writes down what's on the paper and he's like you could have the paper back We just need to know what it is Okay, yeah, and then he crumpled it up put it in his pocket and that was it and and with that it was just Robin's word against robert's word and that's when robert's friends came in It's because he hanson always had friends in relatively respectable places like insurance agents who went hunting with him

Or his wife's friends from church would come in and they all Vots for robert and they'd even give him like fake alibi sometimes Well jackie actually illuminated to something to me about an anchorage because her ex-boyfriend had family and anchorage And there's a little bit of a because there's so many outliers out there and it's such a place for Uh, I mean honestly loners and people that are running from other places. They protect each other quite a bit There's a lot of uh, there's a lot of distrust of the police especially back in the day And they kind of believed in a little bit of vigilante Justice like we will police our own people. All right

Now the other thing hanson and millions of other criminals throughout history had gone Was that these cops saw the sex workers in their town as nothing more than nuisances and certainly nothing to protect Robert hanson was about to learn that lesson firsthand He pled no contest to the previous assault charge on His customer and in exchange the da dropped the kidnapping charge involving robert and paterson And captain ron reis of the anchorage police department He put it perfectly when he said that they pretty much told him he could do whatever He wanted to with the prostitutes anchorage because the cops didn't give a shit about him either

It was like it's a fucked up thing. He said it's just straight up He's like we accidentally gave him permission And we didn't know we didn't know that we did gave it to it on purpose. Yeah Now this was even beyond guys like picked in ridgeway. It wasn't just that the cops weren't investigating Disappearances it seemed as if they were actively looking for ways to let hanson off the hook In 1973 it happened again with a school teacher from the lower 48 who was moonlighting as a dancer and anchorage And that time hanson got away because the anchorage da wouldn't let the woman Testify through a mediator because she was a school teacher, you know

She thought that if she testified it was going to get back down to her bosses and she would lose her job forever I don't really understand these kids are not going to see her titty pictures anyway Like why does it matter? This is not the now where you can just look up on the internet or whatever Oh, I don't know. That's not true. No, that's not true. People talk people things travel people People talk even now a woman would lose her job. Oh, it happens all the time. The new york post make sure to put them on the cover Yeah, exactly. That's that's horrible. No, it's awful. It's fucking it's stupid What did put hanson away though at least temporarily was something that I suppose the establishment of anchorage Valued a hell of a lot more than the women of their town. He got put away for a chainsaw

So in 1976 hanson witnessed an overweight man having a heart attack outside of a fredmeyer super store And this reminded him of his father who was also a fat man with a heart condition And that reminded him of that christmas was just around the corner a baker, huh? A fat man with a heart condition aka a baker So hanson walked inside the store picked up a chainsaw for his dad placed an old receipt for something or other on top of the box And tried to walk out the front door But of course he was caught and arrested almost immediately Now this wasn't robert's first foray into theft by this time hanson had turned into a full blown kleptomaniac

As a lot of these guys do a lot of time kleptomania Is what happens on the way to the serial killing because it's about thumbing your nose at society and they brag about it Yeah, this is the thing that robert hanson used to do while sitting there He used to have a window area where he used to decorate his cakes and all of his shit And guys would sit there and they'd jaw all day and he'd just him telling all these funny stories about how he liked to steal And then half of them are cops and they're all laughing at it You know and then in frosting on the window he would write if I did it This is what hanson said in his confession about his kleptomania habit and this is this is an exact quote

I have a thing about taking things because I just love to see if I could get by with it My gosh, I damn near Ejaculate my pants if I could walk into a store and take something and get out the Dang door with it not pay for it Honestly, man. I was a bouncer for multiple years Uh, if you do ejaculate while stealing you get it. You can actually keep it. I will pay for it for you Because it's obvious. This is really important to you So for the crime of stealing a chainsaw robert hanson was sentenced to five years in prison

He'd be back on the street in 16 months and at about a year after that the murdering would begin Yikes five that was what they they were super pissed about the chains I mean, I guess in alaska you use it for multiple things. Yeah, you know Yeah, I guess like stealing a horse in the wild west or something, but they took that damn seriously But it could also be that the uh, the judge looked at the The resume the resume he could have looked at the last few times like okay This guy's been arrested in question for this and got off He's been arrested in question for this and got off these are different incidents different women

You know, this guy's just been getting away with shit So we're going to give him the maximum sentence that could have also happened It might be that the judge actually did give a shit maybe but I just didn't like his fucking face How many times judges just look at you just been like I hate your fucking face and the way you talk I'm getting thrown the book at you No, we don't know the real name of robert hanson's first victim in the first in a series of weird Very alaskan names given to the unidentified victims of robert hanson This first victim came to be known as eklutna Annie. All right, please

Honestly though, there's a there's a couple of these pronunciations that I'd love to know If it's real or fake because I have no idea how to pronounce some of the because these I think it's a According to the frozen ground that was how it was pronounced eklutna eklutna. Is that eskimo? It's not eskimo. Inuit. Is eskimo a bad word? Eskimo is a slur actually. What? Is igloo not good? Igloo is great, but they have 97 words for stow. Do they have like 47 words for seal? All right, this isn't time to educate you on everything about the eskimo. No, inuit people. Inuit, inuit now

In the summer of 1979 bob kidnapped and drove his first admitted victim out to eklutna lake Just a few miles northeast of anchorage probably the first time he ever took a victim out into the wilderness Now it's almost certain that robert did not intend to kill that night as it almost always is Things got out of hand the girl ended up dead and hanson found that he liked it It could be that robert got overconfident here You know after all the woods were his element So in this of all places things should go smoothly But not too far to the trip robert got his truck stuck in the mud

And at this point it seems like robert just got embarrassed And he told the girl that he lost interest in the whole thing and as soon as he got unstuck He was just going to take her home But she didn't believe him and she took off running into the darkness So hanson chased after her and grabbed her hair She pulled a knife out of her purse and started swinging hanson wrestled it away through to the ground and stabbed her to death He tried it with another woman a couple months after that in his camper But this one managed to truly escape but again

It was her word against his and that was even though she had showed up at a stranger's house Naked with her hands and feet sliced up from being bound by guitar strings Still the cops took his word over hers. Good lord. These women keep showing up saying it's this fucking guy They point to robert hanson. They say it again and again. It's this guy. It's really hard to fucking miss this guy He's the pockmarked nerd that runs the fucking Bakery with oh, did you say he runs the bakery? Oh, it's the big I like They got a snap to him. He's the donut guy

But it's true where it's like they straight up thought that he was they they thought of him so pedantically They thought that this fucking fat bodied nerd same thing with the fucking bumblebutt as they looked at this guy being like He can't do anything like he doesn't do anything. He's a fucking worm So it actually flipped the other way where with bumblebutt they liked him But with hanson it was just like he's tolerated him. Yes. He's the guy from toxic avenger He's not somebody who's gonna kill someone Yeah, well because the cops didn't do jack shit with that last woman six months later rocks and eastland became hanson's second victim And she was found only with hansons assistants after he'd been caught but his third

Was found pretty soon after the murder In one of the most gruesome and bizarre ways i've ever heard Joanna messina had met hanson at the docks in anchorage and the two had gone out for dinner nearby Messina kept telling hanson that she was looking for work Given a not so subtle hint as to why she agreed to go to dinner with some guys She just met on the docks in the first place and we're gonna see this again and again This is robert hanson's mo. He likes to set it up. So it's supposed to be more than just sex worker and client Yeah, because

Finally, she just got tired of hinting and just came right out and said i will have sex with you for money Now up until that point hanson was not planning on killing her But once the proposition was made she was no longer what hanson called quote unquote a decent girl Piece of shit He said he never looked down on the girls who danced but as soon as money came into the conversation that woman changed from madonna To whore and that gave robert the permission he needed to think of her as less than human And once that proposition was made robert made the decision to kill and joanne and messina met her fate In a remote spot on the kanai peninsula for just that reason

But in a horrifying twist it was not a human who found messina's body first and this is something I don't even know if this is out of a horror movie. This is something beyond This is like straight up just what makes alaska scary because they would also talk about how like you can go hiking and the weather Changes so fast and so aggressively that you just disappear and people are out there like and it's filled with dangerous animals It's fucked. I'm gonna do that soon So when investigators arrived they found that an endangered black bear had already made a meal of the crime scene and had left But when the cops are trying to salvage what they could the bear returned

To finish what he'd started the cops tried to scare the bear away the best they could But the bear was only getting more aggressive the closer he got to the body He'd already partially eaten So the cops made a snap decision between the bear and the crime scene and the bear lost Thing was according to the establishment anchorage. They have plenty of hookers But bears those were in short supply Oh, and so at the end of the day the goddamn bear got more concerned than joanna mesina And that's where we'll pick back up next time for the conclusion of robert hanson. All right robert hanson crazy story thus far

My god, yeah, I mean robert hanson these these fucking good. It's it's just Men are raised badly Well, he's just he's a total asshole. Yeah, well, yeah, thank yes Yes, I mean a lot of people were raised a heck of a lot worse than robert hanson and turned on his father's fault He just wanted to run a fucking bakery. All right. Let's do some what we want to do We want to thank everyone for patreon. Of course. Thank you all so much For contributing to our patreon without you none of this is possible. I got a creepy pasta coming out I think on monday or something like that. Yeah, it's gonna be scary. Yeah, I'll make sure to listen with friends

So, yes, thank you all so much for for contributing to that Yeah, and if you all want to give to our patreon you can go to patreon.com Slash last podcast on the left. We could not tell you guys How much you've changed our lives and helped us to expand this little operation that we call the last podcast network Yeah, then thanks so much for supporting all the shows here on the last podcast network page seven movie sign with the mads abling and stop and we got sponsorships so and they Yeah, everyone who filled out that survey for abling and stop that hopefully we sell you products many products advertised products that you actually use as opposed to just Ed medication. I don't know. I mean, it's nice to have the backup. Yeah

Yeah, just in case just to make it so it's hard so it hurts I don't remember I've done that. I don't know one of those bodega Like definitely not those will kill you. Yeah, don't take horny goat weed. I don't take it anymore I'm not attacking a pill or that weird one that shows Ryu's ass while he's going to town on Chun Lee Who makes those? I honestly have no idea where those are created and honestly people make money off of these I want to thank the people that set me a literal pile Of coffee and hot sauce, you know that make sure that my asshole is a barren wasteland for the for anybody Like I I can't I poor doctor that will have to give me a prostate exam soon

Um, but I want to thank first of all Evan or fan of this You gave me some very sweet gifts from Alaska the smoked salmon vodka That he gave me that I'm going to take at the end of next episode. So you all hear my reaction to it live Um, I technically have to drive after this or else I would but it's pink I'm gonna show this a picture smoked salmon vodka. It's I don't know what to think about it. I don't either Maybe maybe maybe maybe I'm excited. I actually think it'll taste pretty good Uh, I want to say thank Michaela Denny I want to thank the people from belly who hot sauces onyx coffee lab

But somebody sent me from from arkansas this fucking nice little coffee. I want to thank spring hill jack For that spring hill jack coffee is what's really very nice. I'm excited to try it. Um, the uh, chocolate sparrow sent me some coffee Uh, and I am going to drink all of it and never be the same Have you been soliciting coffee from people? Why'd you get all this coffee? He did solicit coffee. He I did. Yeah He solicited coffee last week and uh, People sent a shitload of coffee people answered me and it was really incredibly nice and also check out eating out with Nadia white that they're the competitive eating show I went to go see her eat with a bunch of other competitive eaters at a place called big mama's and papa's where they make the biggest

Deliverable pizza that exists and I gotta tell you what it is fucking devastating to watch Yep, saw some pictures there interesting indeed. It was maybe a little hungry for pizza a little bit I um, I am sort of turned off from pizza just watching them do it Well, they towards the end of an eating competition. It all becomes a mush and you got to eat it with your hands It kind of it kind of falls apart. It got pretty it got pretty brutal Um, but follow us Follow us on twitter at Henry loves you and marcus parks had been kissle follow us on instagram at dr Fantasty at marcus parks had been kissle the number one and follow last podcast and left at all the horseshit at lp on the left

All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail satan. Helgeen Hail me Let's do a magoo's delusions and anything else but coffee If you want to say because i'm i'm loaded up Are you are you're fine? You have you're fine. You don't need What do you need juice send me shoes Yeah, i need i need guns Send guns

You're not allowed to ship those anymore. No, you can't oh, you're damn democrats Unbelievable right you can't even ship guns and you if you feel like me and ben need anything You can send that to last podcast on the left p.o. bucks 1870 long island city new york 11101 i need nothing magoo's delusions See you fuckers