Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 313: Rasputin Part IV: The Fall of Rasputin

Episode Date: April 21, 2018

On the conclusion to our series, we cover Rasputin's short reign at the highest levels of power, what led to his infamous assassination, and how the whole thing ended in a revolution that changed the world. Smooth Lovin Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Smooth Lovin Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left That's when the cannibalism started I'm not saying that I think that a Lexi should have died good I am saying that there's a lot of stuff that wouldn't have happened Yes, if he had died if or even if a big bird had picked them up, who knows it happens. All right, obviously We are on to Rasputin part four and to Henry's point the only reason Rasputin Was ever around was because this kid was sick, but you know he's they're trying to save a life Yeah, and that's important. It's very entire Russian Empire is hanging by a thread. Yes every single time

They're like, oh man, everyone hates Rasputin. We should get rid of them. They're gonna fucking come up here They're gonna kill all of us and then if you look over at a Lexi and he goes And they had it all starts again, I just bought myself six more months of being Rasputin All right, it's never good if your king can't if your kid can't play ping-pong, but that's a whole other story All right, who cares? That's all the story. No, I've got one correction right up top We are always honest with the audience always the very first thing. I said about World War one was wrong Huh Yeah, I meant to say a bunch of kids assassinated Franz Ferdinand in Serbia and so that instead

I said a bunch of kids assassinated Franz Ferdinand of Serbia Literally Marcus sent me a text at two o'clock in the morning being like I said this mistake and I cannot sleep I was just like it's okay mark History teacher. It's extremely small and I say wherever you die. That's where you're of that's not extremely small Franz Ferdinand was actually an Austro-Hungarian Archduke and the Austro-Hungarians were allies of the Germans while Serbia was an ally of Russia Hence the conflict between the two if Ferdinand was of Serbia none of this would have happened your entire mistake contains four letters So it is a small mistake by by definition though. Yeah four letters can change a lot of shit

Instead of someone says hey, you want to come over and help the maids Hmm, right or someone come over at help. I've got you don't worry Don't worry about coming over. You don't need to help. I have maids and instead maids is all So don't worry come over. Do you I like I do you could come over and help you don't worry about it because I got aides There's a different Afternoons. Yeah, no totally did not work But again remember if you really want to know a good the the the best breakdown of World War one any one of us have ever heard which was the blueprint for Armageddon for From a hardcore history he really goes into because we had to simplify a bunch of shit last episode

Because it's true. I mean and what we will say that again He said well war one essentially was inevitable was inevitable, and then it was ran by a bunch of idiots and everybody fucked everything up There it is a lot of gas. Oh gas. Yep And as we know the world would have been a much better place had Russia kept their nose out of it completely As we said at the end of the last episode the war had been going terribly in the first year One thing I'm not sure we really hit home hard was that Nicholas was actually very religious But it seems like his religion only went in so far as to how it applied to him being czar and the place of the czar's in Russian life you telling me he was hypocritical

Are you telling me someone who was religious is also a bit of a hypocrite? I just really oh so weird You mean it only worked towards his benefit and only seek to like validate his position That was handed to him randomly that he had no business having and he did very poorly Now I would love to go to brunch with you guys, but I got to go to Joel Olsteen's mega church this Sunday and give him a thousand bucks God chose me to go get eggs benedict that cost seventy-five dollars Nicholas believed that God flowed through him personally to the Russian people like a sort of Pope king and this belief would have disastrous consequences for Nicholas his family and the rest of the world

and Nicholas said as he was praying one night a Mysterious voice told him that the only way to lead the Russian people through the hell that World War one had become Was to fire his head commander and lead the Russian army himself what you got to do here is what you got to do Is you got it? What is the deal with having this head commander? Do it yourself there. Are you doing a Rodney danger field Jerry Seinfeld type thing? Yeah, okay. I gotta say that that is a it's so aggravating to me when people are like God flows through me And I'm like you're a cashier at Pigley-Wigley like God is not flowing through you Those are thoughts that you have and quite frankly you're bigoted. Yes piss throws flows through you

That is the one thing that does that's true no untold story says that Rasputin and Alexander supported the idea of Nicholas taking over the army from the very beginning even suggesting that it was their idea But in truth letters suggest that nobody not even Rasputin and Alexandra thought that this was a good idea Okay It's possible that the confusion comes from the fact that once Nicholas made the decision Rasputin and Alexandra supported it wholeheartedly But not a single person in Russia thought Nikki had the chops to pull it off

So Alexandra kept calling him a pussy essentially She kept saying that he was being weak because the both of them and Rasputin were saying like we got to be stronger If you want to be czar you have to really like rule over Russia with an iron fist, right? And then he was like, oh, yeah, that'll do it. Yeah, I'll be in charge of the army and the government and everyone's like I Don't know about all about all that and then but once he decided to firmly do it They did his echo chamber was like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's great boss. Yeah. Well, you gotta show support here This is the biggest army massive army for this guy to have to take control over. It's the biggest army in it's the biggest army in the entire world Difficult, but it's also

75% beggars and cart people People that sell like yams next to the crack they go down and they're like oh she bought a sheen they're like you are now Tankman, and he's just like I'm heavy yams. I have yams And so the the Russian army was huge and also because of that because they were just all these Constricted peasant people that were forced to join the army and then Nicholas just I mean he was just such a fucking moron I mean, can I be just be sad enough? Yeah, they he's very stupid. All right farmers are strong though Dave there's this guy named Dave when I was growing up and I learned the hard way when the farmers punch for fun

They mean it They don't know how to play fight The farmers are they're used to punching cows. Why are they punching the cow? I don't actually know. I always thought that was mean what cow. I mean cow punching that is something just punch cows Farmers punch cows a lot No, one good point fearman makes in untold story is that this idea about Nicholas leading the army might have worked out at least a little bit better back home had Nicholas appointed someone with true Government experience to make decisions in his place because after all if Nicholas was in charge of the largest army on

Earth in the largest conflict in the history of the world He wasn't even gonna be in st. Petersburg much less able to make day-to-day decisions But instead of appointing someone who knew what they were doing Nicholas appointed someone he could trust his wife Alexandra Smart little nepotism there. She's a fucking moron She's so stupid. She hangs out all day with all of these fat-faced idiots in her coterie And she's just like yes. Yes, bread is good. We should have bread like what did but yeah There are people that are starving here. We should get them ready. She's like, no, I mean for me

I get a little olive oil and oregano like the olive garden. I don't know your family Yeah, I don't understand the act out with the words you said she was stupid and then she just said something super smart Also, she was emulating an olive garden dinner, which is again brilliant Nicholas would have the final say in everything But the government ministers would still report to Alexandra and who should be Alexandra's closest adviser hmm but Rasputin Oh, man. He did it again Yeah, just listen this this is amazing just a little over a decade after arriving in Kazan as a filthy wandering Nobody Rasputin found himself as arguably one of the most powerful people in the world

Yeah, filthy a filthy wanderin cool guy Cuz now he's got on because you remember also this time this is really where he always wanted to be He is he hangs out with the Zarina all day. He loves hanging out with the chicks He's got his little coterie of chicks around I mean absolutely everything's in total this just Devastation and the Russian people are about to literally murder as many aristocrats as they can get fucking hold up or Rasputin sitting pretty dipping his dick in and out of whatever you can dip and then

Just fucking just live in the life and given favors to people having people into his house and being like yes Yes, I talked to minister for you and cuz he just loves the flim flam all day He is the living definition of the deal with it meme Because and then he the thing is to is that his aim always is to talk with people that love Rasputin and guess who loves Rasputin five people and on those five people every one of them are fucking the worst Criminals junkies in all of Russia that are also filled with money because of aristocracy. Well, there you go rich friends Oh, yeah, but being one of the most powerful people in the world did not stop Rasputin from also being one of the drunkest people in the world Yes

Boris Yeltsin Gorbachev the Russians have a long history of drunk leaders Rasputin drank so much that his security detail had to come up with an Elaborate classification system for his intoxication levels. I think we're gonna go with shit fuck wasted That's me. That's me at the seven bro I mean I could drink so much that all of a sudden it's like my clothes are on backwards And I've been walking around normal all day and all of a sudden my jackets are backwards. I'm like what the fuck my crisscross These were the drunk Classifications, okay, slightly inebriated. Okay, inebriated fairly drunk drunk very drunk

completely drunk dead drunk and finally Totally overcome with drink. Oh, I think you missed the one confident enough to drive Wow, so all of those are drunk all those are yes, yeah, and it's like the terror scale used to be with the colors But it's all just deeper shades of brown Yes, eight classifications of drunk. So what wow? I would I would love to see each of those acted out to see if we could separate which one is which yes I mean, I feel like it's just him tipped forward to all the way tipped back. Yeah, it's It was estimated that on just an average day Rasputin drank at least

12 bottles of wine Wow, and here's where we have to dispel another myth one that we ourselves helped to perpetuate Okay, despite what the quick Google search says Rasputin was not the bin sized six four man. We had previously thought I'm six seven. I'm mad He's closer to he was closer to you. That's what we originally thought he was like your size Right, but according to both untold story and Dan Carlin. Oh, Rasputin was actually a lot closer to Henry at five nine Really? All right. Yeah, I'll take it. Yeah, that's quite kind to Henry I must say because Henry is five I also say that Dan Carlin is also biolist because he's like four seven I think Dan Carlin is very small. So I think he's biased and he's making everything smaller for himself

So feel it fits on his scale Rasputin was like right halfway in between me and Henry isn't that something? But that makes his drinking all that more impressive. It really does he drinks on part almost with Andre the giant We learned that HBO doc. Mm-hmm Andre would go through four or five bottles just at dinner along with like 75 beers But Rasputin could probably hang with the guy. I think he could so at what point do you exit the party? With Rasputin because I'm sure like the first couple of bottles got to be a good time And then at some point you have to realize that you're in over your head. You got to go home

Yeah, yeah, well depends on what level you're at you go to his parties in the first place where he's throwing his rockin parties Which is true, but the problems at some point he would go to and I'm gonna use the word gypsy because that's what they use And on all these books they'd go to gypsy bars. That was always the end of the night Someone got him addicted to gypsy bars and he'd go and it would just be him spinning Spinning and grabbing grabbing at them because it's different because they're all covered in jewels and stuff And so he'd be playing with the jewels. They're like thank you Rasputin at dinner and he's just like a good one fucker Marcus I got to ask you it. Did they cover that in Anastasia? Did they get to that part in that Disney or that animated classic?

They actually didn't really get into the the general life of Rasputin it got with Rasputin the story kind of began at the end But they did give him the penis spear Right, they gave him a big green dildo that contained all of his power But they didn't get talk about like his drinking buddies, but they did give him a cute little bat named Bartok. That's great It is cute. It makes all the sense in the world too. Also murdered in the revolution Well Rasputin drank a ton, but the man who did Rasputin's autopsy said that Rasputin even with his drinking and internal injuries Probably would have lived to see his 80s Meaning it's just possible and this gives you an idea of how you know near into the past

This actually was right. It's just possible that Rasputin could have survived long enough to watch Elvis on Ed Sullivan Wow, and he would have any would have or at least he would have heard someone describe Elvis to him while he was in Siberia. They would describe what happened. That's crazy The man he made earthquake in pants Never seen he had these blue soft shoes like two cats and he's shimmery back and forth and the women screamed as if they were afraid. Oh Oh my god, of course, there were no one was afraid of Elvis No, no way. I'm watching him on HBO right now. There's a great talk on Elvis. Check it out Who's afraid of Elvis is Goulay Goulay Goulay who the heck is Goulay Robert Goulay the actor? Yeah

Why was he afraid of Elvis? He's not an actor. He's a singer. Well, he was also an actor and they could gun two and a half Yeah, no, they actually had a like a long-standing feud and every time Elvis would see Robert Goulay on the TV He pull out his gun and shoot the TV. We might cover that on side stories That might be something that we can get into there that might be in our wheelhouse. Oh, no We've got an Elvis episode in the future Don't worry about that Now another thing that's a little more complicated than we might realize is Rasputin sex life at least in the later years It's quite possible that Rasputin was at times impotent. Yeah, he was real impotent

to the Russian government I'm clinging to whatever makes me smile every day's a struggle just to get up out of bed Multiple ladies of the night including one named Peach who was interviewed in the 70s Wow said Rasputin never hired them for sex She said Rasputin would hire them just so he could stare at him while they were naked groping them at the very most Some say Rasputin was doing this to test himself to see if he could resist the devil within and a lot of times Those same people claim that Rasputin would walk down the streets Waving his arms and slapping himself all in a tip to drive the devil from his body

He's like he understand. He is like I understand. I've done the same thing He is like a character out of faulty towers hanging out with everyone for Mario Kart What is happening? I don't even and this man is basically second in command He is Rodney Dangerfield He is new money that has shown up from the fucking podunks who doesn't know what else to do He's just it's all his dreams came true. It's crazy. What happens to somebody when all your dreams come true sometimes You get fucking murdered. Yeah, that does happen No, while Rasputin definitely did walk down the street slapping himself and waving his arms

He probably wasn't fighting off the devil. He was probably just very very drunk Think about how creepy this is though. You get paid by Rasputin You already know the Rasputin's the fucking the evil dark monk that controls He has hypnotic hypnotic powers over the czar and Zarina. He hires you. He's he's hammered He's walking and she's going Slapping himself in the face you go into a hotel room. He's like they go with your clothes She takes off our clothes and he's your sister's going No, no Rasputin not today. No, no, no, not on wacky Wednesday wacky Wednesdays. No, never do that

That's a horrific situation. That sounds like Joe Cocker after a concert. That is horrible But then you just have to put your clothes back on then leave like that. Thanks for the money And he says like no, thank you for the money. What yeah, you know It's like a thing when someone says have a nice flight and you say yeah, you do you know Brian Regan He's great great funny come here. Have a nice life And Rasputin had other trashy tendencies as well on one trip back home, but to Petrovskaya Rasputin got into a drunken fist fight with his dad That's fine. That's all the things we've talked about on this show

With recipe that's the most normal thing he's done so far. He's getting a drunken fist fight with his dad Arkansas Saturday Alabama Monday, it is yes, that's totally normal And he did this after his dad called him quote an ignorant old fool who only knew how to fondle done your soft parts His father was right Because the whole time they had a very rough relationship him and his father Yeah, him his father would get into several public fights like full-on wrestling in the public square This is not just this happened like several times and it was because a frame saw right through Rasputin The whole time he's like you're just a drunken dude

He'll say whatever the fuck it is that needs to be said to get on to the next level and Rasputin's like yeah You mean they fucking winner and he got really mad about that He could never stand respite the way Rasputin would brag the way the Rasputin would come and give everybody gifts and everyone would show Like he took over the whole town. They sold the whole what their little town became a fucking hot spot of Activity and they of weird aristocrats coming and out now assassins and secret police It's like Johnny Cash and his father very harsher very very hard relationship And they didn't get along and Johnny said dad. I made it I'm number one on the charts and that's how Johnny would talk and he says you're still a drunk loser to me

So Rasputin that fight with his father his dad got a black eye Rasputin hurt his hip which gave him a permanent limp and the two never spoke again Oh, but despite all this Alexandra still thought that Rasputin had hung the moon like Rasputin could just do no wrong. Wow. Yep. She would send Nicholas Rasputin artifacts as almost holy relics while he was commanding his army out in the field And and they also came like these artifacts came with like instructions on how to use them She said I'm Rasputin's greasy comb Oh, telling Nicholas to pull it through his hair before making any big decisions

This guy is fighting a whole lacious war everything is a nightmare. He opens up a box and it's just a dumpy old cone And it's just like because the last person to do that since was Rick James But that really was worth money. Yes She'd even said Nicholas who is by the way one of the most powerful people in the world She would send him crusts from Rasputin's leftover bread. She called these little crusts Rasputin rusks and great great brander She could sell yes Anything yes, and she told Nicholas to eat these for the safety and victory of the Russian people and that's where croutons were invented

it's very the This not having an explanation to the the people of Russia was really bad Because everybody knew and it all leaked All of this stuff leaked because her coterie would hear these little secrets and tell everybody and Alexander would always get so mad That that her secrets between her and her husband would get revealed But it's because every single person that was involved directly with them that wasn't a total criminal was trying to get Rasputin to Fuck out of there including the secret police that were reading all their mail Rasputin was wasted I'm sure Rasputin was telling everybody all of this stuff himself, too. Yeah

Oh, yeah, and he was and he was even going further than that like he was creating his own myth Like he would never come right out and say like I'm fucking the Empress right he would hint towards it Constantly and you know shit obviously was getting really out of hand back in st. Petersburg And by the way at this point st. Petersburg had changed its name to Petrograd to sound less German and more Slavic Cool, that's always a good thing to do Yes Yes, well, honestly, but that's very that's very common because you remember when the one thing we didn't cover that I always wanted to Forgot that when Rasputin first got to st. Petersburg

The first thing he asked Nicholas to do is that he could change his name to Rasputin new Like new Rasputin like new coke and he was like yeah, okay What if I'm like crystal clear Rasputin could that I would call you crystal clear Rasputin, but You're pretty fucked up right now. You're obviously you're visibly intoxicated. You are not clear well The end of Rasputin began when Rasputin started to get involved in domestic affairs There began a time of what one government official called quote ministerial leapfrogging Yeah, now we call that when senators fuck each other in the bathroom the several

Good Ministerial leapfrogging Ministers would be in dismissed left and right in each time a minister was replaced It seemed like the only thing that mattered about the new guy was how he felt about Rasputin For example, the prime minister was replaced with a guy named Boris Sturmer Who was notorious for picking the least likely spot in a room where someone would catch him napping during important meetings? He is technically just the Russian equivalent of Garfield, but he was in charge of everything And this guy was appointed by Nicholas at the urging of

Alexandra who wrote in a litter pleading the case that Sturmer quote very much values Gregory, which is a great thing Okay, oh my god, it's just so stupid and everybody's watching it unfold They're watching all these people get shuffled around and it's all of just the It's just all the worst of the worst are gaining these positions of power. Yep But I do think it's a mistake to believe that Rasputin orchestrated all of this It seems like Alexandra and Rasputin were essentially working in a feedback loop Okay, Alexander would give an opinion to Rasputin and Rasputin would paired it back to her or vice versa And then they would congratulate themselves on how smart they were

Hey, all right, and then Alexander would go to Nicholas with the idea while telling him how smart and capable he was Which would fuel Nicholas's ideas about him being a great and powerful czar powered by God and he would approve the appointment I like that. Yes, and this is how we got the Neil Young electronic album Not his best But what I at one point that I read that I thought that was interesting again remember this It's like we're covering as much information as we can and stay a comedy show But if you could read the book Rasputin faith power in the Twilight of the Romanovs, it's fucking great It's very very interesting and there's so many fun characters in it

But one thing that they kind of spell out about Rasputin's ideas too is that they didn't even seem necessarily that evil He was like like Russia forward. He was against World War one. He was like trying to fix the food problems That was his big good His big thing was saying that the people of Russia were starving We need to figure out how to like get food to our soldiers and everything like he had these ideas But mainly they just sounded like they were naive and just sound like a dude that um um, probably had no business speaking about military or domestic policy whatsoever that somehow got to be An important aid to a czar that now is too busy to run shit and his wife who also just think it's cute

To run an empire because she's a fucking moron inexperienced people in power Interesting I also can't stop thinking a Neil Young playing a piano on like the move like a member Tom Hanks in big Would he play that big piano? That would be cute. Oh that was so funny man And you could imagine his frown. He was like so pissed off. He has to move Yeah, he's so frowny the whole time just being stepping on the big keys being like oh, I thought that this would be more badass than trying to do it about the the American people There is nothing greater than angry old folk singers. I love them

Now the longer this ministerial leapfrogging went on the lower the quality of the appointments became One guy who was appointed to a high spot in the church opened up an ancient monastery to these wild parties Where he would encourage guests to drunkenly terrorize the monks Which sounds fun? It sounds like he literally sounds like Jeremy Piffin from PCU But it's true this is this is a part of where I could see the infantile What we currently have going on I can see this sort of like the idea of it would be fun to watch everything be in chaos Yeah, like and see watching politicians pull their hair out This is what happens when it's a reality when when the Rasputin really is in charge and it's just

Frat house hazing it's just these guys spanking monks and shit and pouring vodka all over the like He would go to all the fancy altars and shit just pour vodka all over me like yeah, yeah, yeah If it was the perfect world and no and we just weren't a violent Creatures this was fun. Yeah, this is kind of fun Yeah, this didn't have like very real right consequences that they you know still touch our lives to this day Sure super fun, right? And then Rasputin got a friend of his named Alexander proto pop off Appointed to be a pop-up off brought the pop-off brought the proto pop-up off

Brought a pop-off that's what that's how we're playing it. We're playing a pop-up He got appointed to be minister of the interior which is pretty similar to being appointed head of the Department of Justice a Rasputin had met proto pop-off in a clinic where he was recovering from that stab wound from the woman with no nose Oh, yeah, man, what you in for bro my fucking guts got sucked up and still man. I still fuck I still get crazy Fucking slow me down. What are you in for man? Proto wasn't in there for a wound He was recovering from a nervous breakdown because of advanced syphilis, you know, oh you got syphilis dude You go fucking insane. You should be prime fucking minister. Oh

That's great. So he's basically the head of the DOJ for the Russians Well, it wasn't even just that to make matters worse while proto was in the clinic The doctor got him hooked on what was then called arousing powders What is that? In other words Rasputin managed to get a syphilitic coke head appointed as the highest ranking law enforcement officer in all of Russia Yeah, that's fine. You know at least he had the energy at least he had the get-up-and-go But they said that his syphilis was so advanced that he had become completely insane Proto pop-off would walk around yelling at himself and answering himself in interviews on the street After he'd already gotten the job of being and he got the job and then he's wandering around being like you are the king of butterflies

Yes, I am. Thank you very much. God. You're a handsome man Do you want to make love to me every single day of our lives together? Just him alone? Yeah, that's one of the strange times where you have to be like well with any luck. He's just a Scientologist Not absolutely crazy To give you an idea of how much turnover there was in the span of about 18 months Russia had four different prime ministers Five ministers of the interior because the syphilitic coke head did not last long No, cuz you would cry spontaneously just start crying and having these like fucking fits and

Rasputin's been like good guy, right? I met them when my guts were all fucking carved up when I met that bitch with no nose And Russia also had four ministers of agriculture Which was pretty goddamn important in a time when the entire country was starving to death What kind of country would you think it is Henry? Urgrary That's what I heard Loftus December Octobriss the Lenin is in there and I saw another thing there was oh man

There was another term Mikhail there's a lot of Mikhail's there's so many names lots of names And everyone from top to bottom blamed Rasputin for all of this rightfully so in a lot of ways Actually, I don't think so. No, no, no, no, he really wasn't involved in that much There was a lot to the loyalty oath was to him not in every case like it was it was in some cases But not in every single case was a loyalty oath to just to him. It was a powerful guy though He was a very powerful guy, but it wasn't only his fault a lot of it was a lot of it was because Nicholas was left in

Oh, yeah, well an experienced person in charge. Yeah, you know what it seems like to I I There was that thing I was thinking about I was reading this but the the idea of an autocracy And the idea that it's one guy who's the decider because when it comes down to Nicholas It's like you could say that Rasputin had all this power but it was really up to him and it's really about like the the What did the danger of having an autocracy and then a vacuum of power? Somewhere in between in somewhere in the decision-making process where he became paralyzed Like Nicholas would talk about how like he wouldn't know what to do

And then a part of it was like trying to get in front of whatever he felt would make the people happy So he would try it because he was he was balancing the Duma with all of his the and and the running the army and The weird bureaucracy of the Russian government all at once. He's then kind of allowing Resputin Alexander to give him ideas because he was just fucking panicking because it's fucking moron Well, what he would do is like he didn't even have a secretary because he was paralyzed He was paralyzed with the the responsibilities that were put in front of him, right, but he what he would do is instead of Actually facing the big decisions before him He'd concentrate on little tiny minuscule details like shit that and the scheme of things didn't really matter

But because he didn't want to make the big decisions He focused on these small things and that's part of what you know, rotted the whole thing from inside He kind of went with the fainting goat. He kind of took that Good and really like even though Rasputin wasn't like wholly responsible for all of it. I mean again the Perception was all that mattered but to the Russian people like they'd already thought from the beginning that Rasputin was a low-key pro-German guy because of his anti-war stance because that type of shit ain't new You know, it's like one of those things which I oh, you're against the war then you must be against the people, you know And then there was the matter of Alexandra actually being of German ancestry

You know all this pointed towards the belief that Rasputin was a rot from the inside a traitor that needed to be removed And remember Russia was losing people by the millions in World War one. It's so insane. The war was so Brutal and they're and they're just throwing people at it Yeah, a fucking like this small period of time like throw millions of people at it and they're all Sitting back and still living these lives of luxury while the other half of Russia is starving and illiterate It was a very tough spot. I mean I would make a concrete wall Instead of just like a human. Not everything can be a human shield Yeah, horrible what they did to them. They're like they treated them like Legos

Yeah, and this wasn't like it was in World War two America where like everyone pitched in on the war effort with pride Like it wasn't like it was here where people had to go without rubber for a little while like in Russia They were working in the factories non-stop for very little pay and they were going without food altogether Hmm, they were having these riots food riots and the cops would show up to shut down the riots And then they just joined the riots because they realized that they were doing this shit where they were they were trying to clamp down But the the it was the tide was coming for him What can you do so when the hoi-pa-loi and even the higher-ups look to the imperial Imperial family they did not see a well-meaning woman trying to do her best alongside her magical peasant pal in charge of the prince's well-being

Hmm all they saw was a German empress and her drunken fuck clown Making the decisions that were resulting in the deaths of their friends family and country. I prefer clown fuck Yeah, I don't drunken clown fuck or fuck clown is an official title. It's not an official title. That's how the people saw him I like it So at the end of 1915 the aristocracy seeing the writing on the wall Decided it was time for Rasputin to go You know what's also to get part of it is also with the aristocracy with the autocracy is that like Nicholas could have made him leave. Mm-hmm at any time at any point any time you could have said for you you get out of here

That's a point that's supposed to be the ease and the structure of a dictatorship It's supposed to provide this idea of that's like the validation, right? Is that it's like it provides stability and that somebody can come and There's like somebody that will always make some final decision and make sure things are always set and we'll do it a specific way And he didn't maybe got addicted to the addicted to the bread crust And he was like oh only Rasputin can make the good bread crusts with his disgusting teeth Can you imagine leftovers from Rasputin? Oh my god, it's it's it's I'd call them putans Yeah Well, I mean it wasn't just that you know Nicholas could have made him go away at any time because he could but it was also

Something that he just didn't want to deal with his wife. His wife wanted him there, right? Well, that's what you know some historians say is that like it was a lot of Nicholas just wanting to make his wife happy happy wife happy life We've all seen the magnet because it's Russia you're running an entire empire Well every time that that Nicholas would like put his foot down and say like no, we're not gonna do that Alexander I was going okay like great But it wasn't like she was a tyrant or anything like that or that he was afraid of her or anything like he was just trying to keep her Happy, you know like you know, okay

I know I'm away from home because they were very much in love He's like I know I'm away from home, but maybe if your friend Rasputin is around and that might make things with the kid with Alexi a little easier now. I'm thinking about the scene on Roseanne last night where John Where John said or Dan Goodman scared. I think it's John. No, it's Dan Dan We're Dan told Roseanne to be nicer to Becky their older sister is he was so scared after he told her to be nice Oh my god, so like my mom when she gives me the weekly rundown of Big Bang Theory What did Sheldon get up to this week? What did Sheldon get up to? He said he was something about there was a spider-man. He said somehow it's spider-man

Oh, how does he even get into his outfit if there's no zipper on it? I was like, oh, that's so true. Let's see. How does he? I love Sheldon. I love him. I wish we were all Sheldon It's certainly not like if there was a true revolution in this country that he should be the first against the wall No, no No, the first plan for Rasputin's assassination was to send Rasputin on a pilgrimage with a friend a guy named another vacation Another pilgrimage. Okay, we're gonna send him away with a guy named father Marta Meehan, okay now supposedly a different minister of the interior who would replace the coke head paid that priest to throw Rasputin from the

Train But it's possible that Rasputin Either heard about the plot or just got a feeling because Rasputin cancelled the pilgrimage at the last minute, okay? But Rasputin definitely knew the end was coming Oh, because people were being quite clear about their intentions at this point, right? Right whose Rasputin started getting letters from someone who called themselves the Avenger This story has everything Almond an Avenger a drunken monk one of these letters read in part

Our fatherland is in peril There is even talk of concluding a dishonorable piece the very fact that you receive coded telegrams from stuff That proves your great influence thus we the chosen ones ask that you arrange matters so that the people are granted ministers Responsible to them and that the state boomers reconvened So that our country is saved from ruin if you do not comply with our order We shall kill you no mercy shall be shown to you our hands will not shrink as did Gusev's hand Wherever you go death will follow you the die has been cast. Oh my okay I'd like to roll for a sneak

I've got my d20 I roll for a sneak guy make it again With the D&D I make it again under the radar Dungeons and Dragons reference very good, but he it's true because they were saying but up until now I mean like there was a point where the final time they all got together Nicholas they had a lunch and And Rasputin who was not as fun as he had been apparently since basically since he got stabbed He had lost kind of his magic. Yeah, he lost a lot of his a lot of his yeah He lost his mile. He lost that sparkle that we've come to know in love like you know like him dancing around He's not shuffling as much and one time they had lunch and

Rasputin like he go would give the blessings to everybody and then he turned Nicholas He's just like this is not the time for me to bless you. This is the time for you to bless me And they were like weird you always do the blessings and he laughed and they said that he went he knew Something was coming also because they were literally publishing a thing in the newspaper every week sings someone's gonna kill Rasputin And it's kind of interesting that he also didn't think you could go against the Russian government and not get fucking murdered Hmm. All right reminds me of Shawn Michaels when he lost his smile very sad He had to retire there for a little while. That was actually a big coup by the way Was it after a big injury? Well, he actually faked an injury Bret Hart

I believe had to give up the championship. He changed. He totally ruined a WrestleMania I think it was Undertaker had to go against Sid and then he set up a better WrestleMania later It was a lot Shawn Michaels worked behind the scenes a lot to get what he wanted and to push Stone Cold to the top Hmm. There's a lot of stuff there. There's actually a lot of stuff there because he was not injured. Is this a nerd alert? Can I say that because there's so many things I don't understand. I think it's a small nerd alert Yeah, it's definitely much more deserving of a nerd alert than my fucking rant about you know, like the ramifications of Rasputin in the case of World History that I got a couple weeks ago No, I'm talking about a squared circle that defies man

No, it's said that the mood around Rasputin's apartment was intense during this period and that Rasputin roamed his apartment like an exhausted wolf It's so cool the exhausted wolf image and then another thing he said is that he felt that he was a Drift in the river of his powers and that his shit had just like like what we talked about with chaos magic and that That he had been on the fucking he had been in the zone so long like Enchanting people and getting making his will come alive that it just kind of took over everything and drag him towards his death And you know you're stressed out if you're exhausted solely from pacing your apartment The czar had given Rasputin a security detail after the incident with the no-nosed woman

But that wasn't enough for Rasputin now. This is from a letter that Rasputin wrote to Nicholas and Alexandra on December 7th 1916 It's all of the land of Russia if you hear the sound of the bell which will tell you that Gregory has been killed you must know this If it was your relations who have wrought my death Then no one of your family that is to say none of your children or relations will remain alive for more than two years They will be killed by the Russian people now It doesn't really matter whether Rasputin actually had pre-cognitive powers or if he was just a smart dude that knew which way the tide was turning

The Rasputin's prediction was almost exactly how the saga of the entire Romanov dynasty ended. All right called it That's a nice thing on your deathbed. You can be like called it So nailed it Now there's a lot of debate as to who it was that was truly responsible for Rasputin's murder One story says that one of Nicholas's cousins nicknamed Bimbo was the one behind the plot making the previous statement a complete Prophecy yeah, he had great tits. Oh my god Everyone loves him at the party's nicknamed Bimbo Bimbo. That was the family common name. I guess it's some kind of a common name

Huh, this is one of the myths that tends to get perpetuated by the more sensationalist Biographies as it's certainly true that Alexandra blamed Bimbo for Rasputin's death But really the man behind the assassination was only family by marriage Rasputin's actual killer was the husband of Nicholas's niece a flamboyant draft dodger named Prince Felix Yusupov who was spending his time during the war More on a social calendar than in the field Yusupov is a character that has got my attention Upon reading getting into he is very fascinating He was openly gay until he got married like he was just straight up just just doing whatever

Slandering bums Everywhere he could very handsome beautiful beautiful man like piercing eyes Hey, and he got married to his wife who was like he steps around sometimes, but he's still fun And because he was he was like a fun guy, but he got full on into occultism Like he was like he was very very obsessed with shit and his big thing was that he came from a aristotic fam He was a critic family and he had tiny little hands very soft little hands, but he wanted to see some fucking action He reminds me of the pretty dude from funny games Are you describing big bang theory again?

No, what is happening? What did Sheldon do? No, that's why he killed the grot. He killed Rasputin Imagine that see Felix. He wasn't what you would call a call-blooded killer He said his motivations were patriotic that he was killing Rasputin to save Russia But in reality, I think Felix had more in common with Rasputin than what he wanted to admit really like Rasputin Felix wanted to be a great man and how great of a man would he be if his actions ended up saving an empire my feeling is that Felix could justify Beginoff military service while millions were dying in the fields of Europe and do it in a way that made him a

Greater hero than any of them. He's like killing Rasputin. He's sort of like a Russian John Wilkes Booth To some degree. He thought he was gonna be a hero and then everyone's like you're gonna have to die now almost Almost very deep. I think that that's very true. I think that's a very that's a good pull That's very smart, but you know also about him as he reminds me a lot of Andrew Cunanan Yeah, like what you're also talking about when we were researching to that. It's kind of the same thing where it comes out where The way that they talked about his death and the way they were talking about killing him was so matter-of-fact And it sounds like such like a oh like oh, it's gonna be fun. We get to experience something

It's like something outside of what we're normally and like they thought it was like fun and cool to do Yeah, and so the weird psychotic edge of he didn't realize what he was doing And he was doing it just for attention Andrew Cunanan and we're gonna cover him right just my god The Versace thing talks about him, but I don't think it can't be overstated enough What a mastermind this guy when we talk about he just killed everyone who was super wealthy and that was nuts I guess crazy. Yeah, I'm gonna say he's crazy. Thank you killed multiple people as nuts and Felix hated Rasputin besides just disliking him as a person Felix had come to believe Rasputin was a German spy and Even more than that Felix as Henry said was a believer in the occult and he actually

Believed that Rasputin was some sort of supernatural beast. He told a friend quote I'm involved the occult. So I know the truth. I assure you that Rasputin has a power Are you finally once in a hundred years? So this was the plan Felix and three other co-conspirators were to invite Rasputin to Moica Palace where Felix lived Poison Rasputin with cyanide and throw his body into the river where it would hopefully drift off to sea Okay, but since these guys were rank amateurs when it came to murder more suited for costume balls and tea than assassination Oh, massively fucked it up and just about every turn. It sounds like the people from what was that movie? Macaulay Culkin was the star of it

party monster It's very similar and it's also a part of the it's the feeling of the time too where it's just so people are openly Talking about Rasputin's murder when they were prepping for the murder you spot Which is would went into various government officials offices and says uh, hey, I'm gonna murder Rasputin You want to help and they all were like don't you dare to come in this room talking about murdering Rasputin and anyways We've been planning for a month to kill Rasputin They all said the same shit was like yeah, we tried to but then right he caught the other train the earlier train And then we didn't do it and he's like it's just something about it's like the movie sliding doors

It's like I think I've heard that reference right before. Yeah, it's like spy versus spy the mad cartoon So what what could have Rasputin have done to avoid this? I mean he would have just had to dip out I mean he just resigned to die He wanted this. Oh, he knew he knew his own story arc. Yeah, he knew where what he knew I honestly think that he was supposed to be murdered and that's the only way for it to fucking for that for the story to end Yeah, good way for it to end. Yeah, they didn't get him in Petrograd They would have got him in Petroscoya and he wasn't gonna be able to like escape to Europe because Europe was on fire Right, the world war one was still raging in wood for another couple of years

So they said that he faced life with a courageous resignation. Okay, well He also there hid two bodies putting together this fucking murder adventure with Yusupov told Everybody because they thought it was fun little gossip to tell everybody that they were gonna murder Rasputin Rasputin heard it several times They're like why because Yusupov also was like what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna go I'm gonna be best Friends with rescue. Well, you're gonna be like, uh, like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me doing the finger in the fuck We're gonna be just as close as you can be and then I'm gonna spring the trap on him and he's gonna be like what I'm like Essentially in the other room hearing him say that yeah, and so Yusupov went to go

He went to him to Rasputin. He said Rasputin. I'm so glad you could see me last minute I know that we had problems before because they had met they had met once and Rasputin and him didn't get along Rasputin was like oh and you suppose like oh But when they sat down, he was like Rasputin my back hurts. I'm having like a back thing I'm having like a like a Like can you fix it and Rasputin laid him down Started touching all over his body. He started doing that thing where which it will you start realizing that it's a revealed A part of his process like in office space when the when the therapist was like deeper and deeper and deeper

He was like he would touch all over Yusupov's bodies with his fingertips and like And then close his eyes and dip into a meditation for like an hour like swaying back and forth over Yusupov To the point where Yusupov's like this guy's the real deal like he started getting freaked out because it's because as It's been proved time-time again if you get within a foot of Rasputin, he's got you. Yeah Yeah, it seems like you really researched that scene pretty hard Yeah, did a lot of reading on maybe right re-read the page a couple of times and then I had I had Natalie come in the room I dressed in a dark robe I'd be like pretend to be Yusupov and she came in. I actually don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about anything. I got my fingernails real dirty

So when the prince looked at his social calendar He found that his next free night was on December 16th. Oh, tell me that he wrote in the calendar kill Rasputin pretty much So the night was set on that night Rasputin was invited to hang out with the prince at Moica Palace In preparation for the night Felix and his conspirators He had about like four other guys that were working with him on this They crushed cyanide capsules and baked them into rose-flavored sweet cakes Rasputin's favorite That's good. Yeah, and they laced Rasputin's wine with the same

What now follows is the historically accepted version of the assassination of Rasputin With the instruments of murder set in the dining room in the basement The conspirators went upstairs to the study to wait out the murder plot But to remove any suspicion that anything might be amiss The prince had music playing upstairs when Rasputin arrived telling him that his wife was having a get-together up there And they joined him later Okay, and this was the song that was playing as one of the most pivotal men of the 20th century Entered the palace where he would meet his doom

The singer draped and they don't tread on me flag Oh boy, I love that song is very intense by the way the lyrics are like brutal And it's like hey everything's just bad and that's true We're Yankee doodle dandy was playing his Rasputin walk because Yankee doodle dandy was a big hit in 1915 that was that was the 1904 was there that's when cartoon frogs could still get work in Hollywood So Prince Felix took Rasputin to the dining room in the basement where the poisoned rose cakes and the wine were waiting At first Rasputin refused the cakes I think you're channeling your own thoughts on that one

Rasputin said the cakes were too sweet for his taste Okay, but eventually he got drunk hungry enough and starved a few down Okay, but wasn't that how you do it the wine was also poisoned though, too So we were slamming multiple poisons everything's full of cyanide. Wow Meanwhile, Yusupov's just staring at him just going Oh me no, I'm good. I'm watching myself. I have to fit into a corset for my renewing of my vows to my wife To my wife Now Felix thought that this would be the end of it soon

The poison would take effect and Rasputin would collapse to the ground and Felix would strike a decisive blow for Russia Without even leaving the confines of his palace But Rasputin just got drunk. Yeah his favorite. I love it. I love Rasputin in this one at this point The amount of poison in both the cakes and the wine should have been enough to kill five men Huh, but it had very little effect on Rasputin a couple of times Rasputin said that he had a hard time swallowing But that was it. I'm having a hard time swallowing. I'm like, oh Oh, it's just a false strawberry That's the problem if that I was not chewing it. So I'm feeling fine

You have more of these cakes and wine Because he's sitting there He's drinking and slamming all this stuff while Yusupov's staring at him. He's got boys upstairs like looking down the stairs I think you're like, is he dead yet? Is he dead yet? Meanwhile Rasputin's just having a great time the only one partying in an empty room Oh, yeah, and like Felix sat there with Rasputin for an hour And then Rasputin looks over into the corner of the room and sees a fucking guitar and is like play me some songs Hey, all right

And so and so as Felix was playing the guitar and singing Rasputin songs Rasputin kept nodding off Which made Felix think it's like, okay, the poison's finally gonna work now But just would Felix like stop playing for a second Rasputin would jerk his head up and say keep playing keep playing play me another song Yeah, I love it. Awesome That's not you should not be that easy to kill someone. No, no You're just trying to come up with deep cuts just being like he's on the b side of Just try to be like, I hope you're dead soon, man. I haven't been fucking noodling for an hour. All right now Rasputin This is song. It's about to smoke on the water

Here we go. Wait a second. Wait a second. So is it like physically smoke? No, this is on the water or is there a song behind that? No, it's man, just You got more of these cakes So Felix eventually damn near on the verge of a nervous breakdown because he's just thinking why won't you die I just died Felix excused himself to go talk to his conspirers ask him like what should we do And they they were just as baffled as Felix was so they said to hell with it. Just fucking shoot him. There you go Gee, it's always an elaborate plan every elaborate plan ends with just shoot him

Just shoot him in the fucking head Because he's sitting there going it's like so you're going to go upstairs and get your gun now Because that's actually be pretty sweet if you did because it's starting to get really. I'm so full. You might as well just blow my brains out Good lord So Felix took a small revolver went back down to the basement made a bit more small talk And pulled the revolver out as Rasputin was drunkenly admiring a crystal crucifix Oh, Felix then pulled the trigger and shot Rasputin Rasputin fell with what Felix called a wild scream

And collapsed on the bear skin rug quote like a broken doll You're dying so loud Rasputin Trying to cover it because that's what they thought too They thought if they played music and they had a fake party going on upstairs It would cover up the sounds of murdering Rasputin And the people were like somebody's screaming next door and I think it's Rasputin Definitely dying. Yeah, people with like fake fake feet on their hands that are like stopping around to make it seem like they're dancing with somebody else Well, if you're hearing the screams the conspirators came down to the basement and watched Rasputin twitch and convulse until finally

He stopped moving Then began phase two The conspirers dressed a guy named Sergei up to look like Rasputin and drove him back to Rasputin's house Hoping that no one would connect Rasputin's disappearance to them because if they dropped off Rasputin Or a guy that looked like Rasputin and Rasputin walked up to his door And they're like, oh no, it definitely wasn't Felix who made Rasputin disappear last night Sergei, if you're gonna be Rasputin, I'm gonna need you to play the part. Okay start slapping yourself I need you to start spinning like like this

Do you want me to spin like this? No, I need you to sell it. Okay. This is a make-it-work moment We need to do this right. All right, we're all going to jail and I am not ready for the yard Unbeknownst to them there was a new detective on the force detectives colombo And I think you'll be able to solve this caper. This is straight. This is like such a uh an abc Crime comedy slash drama dude and the fuckups just keep coming So the guys they go back to the palace to relax until their next move But Felix couldn't help but go see the body again I just want to see it one more time

Well, he was he was losing it Felix actually was he was just consumed with rage because he felt that Rasputin had made him kill him You made me do them That's really scary because honestly, that's very scary the guy that's in church because that's also So it's funny on one side and then on the other side. This is like a really it's kind of it reminds me of like when the little girls They stabbed the the other girl to death in the name of slender man. No, she's there a bunch of people She did live. Yeah, she's thankfully a part of it is just the the amateurist The amateurish nature of the murder is kind of creepy Yeah, because they didn't really know what they were doing and it was a bunch of people all just kind of confusedly

Higgedly pigedly Murdering somebody and his rage became very scary. Yeah, and I have to ask you Henry When your father came back after being a really overweight police officer Did he describe a murder as higgily piggily done or is that more of just your kind of take on it? No, no, no, no, no, no my father always would just chuckle and just be like sometimes your coin comes up heads Sometimes it comes up tails Anyways, I'm going to go disappear for the rest of your childhood And daddy wasn't higgily piggily done daddy. Hey, it was real higgily piggily. How a fucking guts

We're hanging out of the sack. There was a gut. Okay, so uh, why don't you go be a ghostbuster or something? I don't know what you do go dance go dance in your theater games with you and your other gay kids All right, I'll see you when you're 15 So Felix, you know consume with this rage He went back to Rasputin's body that was still laying in the basement and he started shaking him But as Felix stared in a Rasputin's face One of Rasputin's eyes opened and then the other Felix said the eyes were quote

Greenish and snake like they fixed me with an expression of satanic hatred Oh And this is what fureman wrote happened next Rasputin stumbled to his feet foaming at the mouth Roaring in anger and wildly clawing at the air as he rushed towards usipov blood dripping from his mouth He glabbed the prince by the shoulder by ripping an epilogue from his uniform Rasputin was repeatedly growling his tormentor's name in a low guttural voice So

Why won't you just die die Rasputin? So Felix responded to that with a series of terrified high-pitched screams Oh, no Gotta get out of here. Oh, no. This is gone south. This is an upside down cake of a scenario Oh my goodness, and he ran upstairs to his buddies Rasputin went into the other direction and walked across the Courtyard through the snow Bleeding and screaming that he was gonna tell Alexandra everything

He's like peel boil from young Frankenstein. What is going on? You can't kill me You're gonna kill me on people. So, okay. So at this point his guts have been stabbed out of his body He's been shot in the head. He's been poisoned. That's not my head. No, where was he shot shot in the side shot in the side been poisoned What? I mean everything Rasputin is a tough SOB. That's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, he absolutely is So Rasputin he's walking across the courtyard. He's got his hand on one of his wounds He's screaming that he's gonna tell Alexandra But before he could reach the gates one of the other conspirators grabbed the gun from Felix

Started shooting at Rasputin the first shot missed But the second hit Rasputin in the back sending him to the ground No. Then the assassin walked up and fired the last bullet straight in a Rasputin's forehead Finally putting an end to the legend Because you know you shoot him once in the head and be like Are you gonna come back? Are you gonna fucking come back? Like that's gonna be such a cool moment for a second. You're in a friday the 13th movie

Well, they then took the body back inside but when Felix saw Rasputin's corpse The rage took over Again. Oh my goodness. He's dead. Felix took a two-pound dumbbell and bashed Rasputin's face again and again Until his conspirators dragged him away Felix then fainted and was carrying to his bedroom leaving the rest up to clean up the mess I love that he had a two-pound dumbbell because that is like not what that is not workout equipment But you know, he's like I'm in here lifting weights. Can you please just leave me alone for five minutes? Thank you so much for putting me to bed. But before you go, can you please

Put on an episode of Dave's world It's the only thing that relaxes me Harry Anderson harry r.i.p. America's judge So the other guys that were left rolled Rasputin's body in a curtain Bundled him into a car and drove him out to a bridge there I took Rasputin's body Throw him over the side. Okay, but Their plan is that Rasputin was gonna sink right and then a get eventually get washed out to sea

Yeah, they forgot to wrap the body in the chains What about the two pound weight? Just throw the two pound weight in there Very very stupid and they forgot to like attach the weights. Do we know if they're cartoon dogs? This seems extremely stupid and when they threw winter Rasputin's galoshes over the bridge behind him The galosh just landed on the ice on the river below So their whole because their whole thing was that like Rasputin would be thrown to the river He'd be washed out to sea and as far as anyone else knew like Rasputin just disappeared. Where's Rasputin? I don't know. Maybe he'll come back one day. But then when they found when a Rasputin's galoshes, they're like, oh

Someone killed Rasputin. Yeah, I guess the river didn't read the script The way that they wrote it and you're supposed to be a part of this river I saw Pocahontas and Pocahontas said that the river is through everybody's in a relationship with that Okay These guys are so dumb. It's so stupid And then a few days later the suspicions were confirmed when Rasputin's frozen body surfaced And was dragged from the river with a hook A important thing to also remember though is that when it comes to the the story of Rasputin's murder

This all came from the a novel that Yusupov put out later on that would get turned into a movie Yusupov Did technically it is technically the only source of this story And so there is obviously much contention as there is with every single inch of Rasputin Of what was real and what is legend and there's a part of it because his daughter Maria was like, uh, This would never happen because Rasputin would never eat cake And it's like well when it comes down to it's like, I mean if you're drunk enough, you're gonna eat And you eat cake. Yeah

Whatever there is there. I mean some of the details are corroborated like not the the entire story is not corroborated There are some details that only Yusupov put in there But enough of it is corroborated for us to know that like this is Roughly what happened, right? Yes, I believe it because it's so dumb and that's usually how all of this stuff happens That's true. It is enough cohen brother Idiocy in it for it to be real now Rasputin's death is probably the biggest source of myth when it comes to his supernatural powers Some say Rasputin even survived the gunshots and managed to free himself from the ropes that held him And succumbed only to the freezing cold of the river essentially saying only Russia itself can kill Rasputin

Okay, but the autopsy told a different story First of all, there was no poison found in his stomach But that doesn't necessarily mean that that part of the story isn't true It's possible that because of Rasputin's intestinal surgery that he couldn't actually produce large amounts of stomach acid anymore And that's how cyanide works cyanide reacts with the stomach acid Uh, and that's what actually kills you so if you don't have a lot of stomach acid the cyanide's not really gonna hurt you So the irony is that the the woman with no nose Maybe saved his life for a little bit longer at least a little bit

And that explains why Rasputin complained of light symptoms of cyanide poisoning But didn't succumb all together like when he said he couldn't swallow and he was feeling a little lightheaded Uh, but others say the sweetness of the cakes lessened the power of the poison But as research assistant Rachel pointed out to me flavorate is full of sugar And that did not stop cyanide from working in Jonestown. Okay And we also know he was definitely dead by the time he hit the water Mostly because Rasputin had a big fucking bullet hole in his forehead. Yeah, that's the thing That's the thing even I could be a detective

You got shot in the head died of a broken heart But also Rasputin had no water in his lungs. So we definitely know he was dead nice So in the end it's possible that Rasputin was just unceremoniously shot by a russian dandy Hopped up on delusions of grandeur who thought his act would save the romanovs and by extension the whole russian empire Okay You give it a no He got a whammy that was a whammy unfortunately the damage had already been done Okay, surprisingly after Rasputin was killed some of the peasants resented the government for allowing him to die

Saying that's what happens when one of ours gets too much power. He was their representative think about this because the whole time They could have just kicked him out. Yeah, they were like we were asking for you to just put him on a train And send him out there. It's like we didn't want him dead because we wanted him to have a tv show I thought we would have such a funny tv show. Why why would you kill him? Because they were really like, oh, so you're just gonna kill him. You're like, well, we thought you asked us to kill him They're like, no, we asked you to fire him Different different in this. Yeah, they kind of have a point because like like just for example Like here in America like bootstrapping yourself into a position of power like that was expected

It's the whole point of America that someone like Abraham Lincoln can go from a log cabin to president But in Europe this was among the first times in modern history that a poor person had actually made a difference Up until this point the whole of european history was dependent on the aristocracy It was dependent on people that were born into this, but now you've got poor people up there You've got peasants up there actually affecting change But while some of these people were sad and angry others were ecstatic It sounds like the mood around petrogad was kind of similar to what ground zero was like after bin Laden was killed Like people were crying. They were hugging. They were singing the russian national anthem as loud as they could

They thought this was the turning point. I don't think they were singing the russian national anthem at ground zero Yeah, so they were so some were thrilled some were thrilled some absolutely loved it actually kind of looked like bin laden in a weird way Well, just the just a guy with a big beard Beard is smart and that's the same thing with the Bhagwan in wild wild country Is the reason why I want to get a big long beard because people trust you more Oh, I don't think no I don't think that that's true. No when you get close and they smell the alleles in your beard and they're like Little wise man

Well for nicholas's part it was reported that when czar nicholas got the news that Rasputin was dead A look of serenity and happiness washed over his face So like charles groden from Beethoven or Richard dryfus from what about bob the same look of relief Oh, it's over. It's over now. Yeah, alexander though She surprised everyone by facing it with strength because everyone thought like alexander was just gonna fall apart Like, you know, she would never be the same, but she just called the whole thing quote a sad fact But nothing more Huh, and that's what they have there in uh in russia when you eat a popsicle on the popsicle stick

They don't have fun facts. They have sad facts and nothing more and nothing nothing more But it's it kind of feels like A breakup almost yeah, where they like it's this whole thing they thought well We could never get rid of Rasputin and then the moment is dead. They're like, oh, wow I guess mine is gone. Look at that. It's been like you could have gotten rid of him fucking three years ago And we wouldn't be down with this horseshit Well, she must have been said but now what happens to this kid? Yeah, well things and they didn't have time to think about that. Do you think that maybe if I

Make a little nest daddy. I could be a bird instead of walking I can fly You're really fucking bumming me out but Things fell apart Very quickly for the romanos after that. I mean world war one had only gotten worse Three out of four soldiers were casualties and farmers were being taken off their land by force to fight making the food shortages Even worse. I do don't want to be the fight. I'm scared of corn

I'm having a hard time doing this job man because it freaks me out It's just horrible odds here three out of four three out of four the fourth one was like injured horrendously as well Yeah, so on international women's day thousands of women joined striking factory workers in a march against the war and against the autocracy That day soldiers obeyed the orders of the imperialists and opened fire on their own people not good But the next morning after a night of thinking about how horrible it was that they had just fired on people who only wanted bread The soldiers switched sides and the february revolution began No, no It's just what happened out there with the romanos family

You don't know you don't know how this story ends. They get bread Give them the bread. They don't get bread. Who do they get? They didn't get the bread. They get linen. They get Stalin They get Stalin He's he's they got linen. Is he a russian or is he Stalin? I will say thank you, but they did get some bread. They got linen first Uh, they got a little bit of bread. They got linen then they got Stalin. Yeah, but do you know what happened to the romanos? Well, I hope they all died. They were horrible. No, they're not they they starved their people now They were they were they were not good. They were not great. The people were starving. They were dying

They did not deserve the death that they got. Well, let's get into it. Yeah I'll make my final decision. Yeah, after uh, after yeah, you might want to re uh, re rethink that opinion after we tell you How the romanos died including their All right, well, I didn't really I'm gonna put it this way if you want to fight give your people your right To be a dictator, which is a whole sadder version of that song But if you want to say I'm a dictator. I deserve this. It was given to me to be given to me by god I mean, I don't know what to say. I mean, this is how dictators go. This is how it happens. This is what you want But let's get into this is what you wanted

Do you wanted to be the guy that the fate of russia would fall upon at the very end the final equal sign Would be put on you and it would be if you and you knew if you didn't win this war They were gonna fucking kill you and what'd you do? You fucked it up. You messed it up and you're killing your farmers You're killing your people. But anyway, let's get into it. So with the people in revolt The generals finally abandoned nicolas after letting him bumble his way through two years of commanding So in order to avoid a full on civil war in the middle of world war one Damn nicolas lots of wars abdicated the throne So after the abdication the provisional government ordered nicolas's arrest and the entire romanoff family was imprisoned in

alexandra palace where people would come to gawk at them people nicolas Called gapers. Oh, yeah, we're not gonna get into that. We're gonna move. Oh, now there are some very very talented women in the sands Fernando valley that are now called the gapers. That's fine Then the october revolution came the bolshevik red army overthrew the provisional government And civil war broke out between the reds and the white army The romanovs meanwhile had been moved to a house in the mountains Now well likely never know who gave the order for what happened next, but we do know the rationale The white army was approaching the location where the romanovs were being held and the red army

Was worried the romanovs could be used as some sort of rallying point Plus glad mere linen leader of the bolsheviks had always held a grudge against nicolas Ever since the czar had ordered soldiers to open fire on peaceful protesters back in the first revolution in 1905 killing hundreds The white army moving in was likely just the excuse linen had been looking for ever since the romanovs had been captured and so the whole family Nicolas, alexandra, and their five children olga, alexi, maria, tatiana, and Anastasia were taken down to the basement of the house where they were being held having been told they were being moved to a Different location

There in the basement the commander in charge told nicolas that the decision had been made to execute him The last words spoke by the last czar of russia before bolsheviks ended their reign forever It was nothing more special than what? what? okay All right. Well, there it is. Nope. Not done. No nicolas and alexandra were killed almost instantly as the bolsheviks opened fire

But the children weren't so lucky The jewels and diamonds that have been sewn into their clothing by their parents for transport had worked as crude bulletproof vests And the children survived the first onslaught relatively unharmed And so the soldiers finished the job up close and personal Tatiana maria and anastasia were stabbed to death with bayonets Olga the oldest was shot in the head and poor little alexi whose hemophilia had been the door that let Rasputin into their lives was killed by a gunshot to the head as well. All right That's all you got is all right. Yeah, this family murdered their own be everyone is horrible in this story

And I do feel bad for the children I do feel bad for the children But i'm telling you you can't starve your own people and expect not to have uh ramifications for your actions They were horrible leaders. They let Rasputin in through the door Uh, you know, I my sympathy is It's a tragic story. Please. I love the children. Obviously. I love the children. I love the children I love what they did with the children, but the people were struggling the people were were absolutely struggling But I see and but that's the thing. It's like I I think nicholas and alexandra are tragic figures of history

Yeah, I think so that I think they're tragic figures because uh, this job was thrust upon them And at the end of the day, it's a job, you know, this job was thrust upon them. They didn't really want it Uh, and they were bad at it And they didn't have the goods fucking awful at it and because they were so bad at it, um, people died You know who else was Too current eventy What a sod a sod's older brother was supposed to be in charge in syria But he died and then a sod was just an optometrist and he's like now I have to lead it doesn't make him good

No, it's absolutely still killing his own people and absolutely ignorance Turns at some point at some point just being like I'm bad at your job Like when when it's that level of stakes you the punishments are also high stakes Yeah, because if you can't figure out how to run your shit, this is supposed to be some This was a you have to be very capable to run something complex Like it's an autocracy that's matched with a citizen government that also has a whole branch of the the church That's also involved and you're fighting a revolution within your own country and wars against multiple people that are outgunning you Like that would take a genius and uh, just just to keep it together. Yeah, and to be emotionally sympathetic

I have stressed dreams and we've run a podcast now So I can't You're well butrin just this show literally had to get on medication so I could handle it So I yes, I understand very difficult positions that they were in. Yeah very difficult Because I think it's it's a lot more complicated than just they deserved it. Oh, of course Yeah, I mean, of course the people who did it were horrible. Lenin and Stalin I mean they were also just and then you get into the whole line of they're just following orders They don't know what to do. There's a whole level of blame is very difficult in context of international history, I guess

You talk about my family history, but I know for a fact I would not follow orders because when I went to Taco Bell I doubled the sour cream double the cheese double the beer This is why you're not a soldier and I was fired for not following orders because I wanted to feed the people if Stevens Point, Wisconsin and you're just sitting there like I just gotta say there's a difference between legal and right And the people at Taco Bell will follow me So after this whole family was killed They were their bodies were transported to an abandoned mine Sprinkled with sulfuric acid and dumped inside as the soldiers sat around eating boiled eggs

So russian Wow. Yeah, I don't know why the boiled egg thing is didn't that stick with you stick The dirt get on it. It's a it's a food that collects particles And so like all the flex of all the dirt that everything gets on him and he's like, oh, I did not think we're gonna call bringing pepper, but Well, that's Hmm. All right, but when soldiers realized that someone might find the bodies they brought them back out and took them to a second Deeper mine. I'm actually surprised how bad they are at getting rid of bodies in russia during this time I thought this was something they could really handle. I'm skipping over so much here as far as them

Uh transponding this botching this uh, it is a what actually happens the full story of what happens just to the bodies of the romanovs Is horrifying like it is uh, it's more than what I want to go into. Did they cover it in anastasia? They're glazed over that as well Okay, so they're taking the bodies over to a second mine, but the truck carrying the bodies got stuck in the mud So the men decided it didn't really matter where the fuck the romanovs were buried and they were all drunk and tired Because they'd been up all night So the last zars of russia were buried in the middle of the road in a place called pigs meadow So they literally were this will do this will do everyone is drunk

This whole story is just about a drunks about about drunks with power. Yeah. Yes. So despite what the legends say It was conclusively proved in 2007 that all of the romanovs including anastasia died horrible cruel deaths In a basement in russia 100 years ago this summer. Wow the night of july 16th 1918 july 16th Okay, and as far as what happened to others in the story Rasputin's daughter maria fled russia and died in los angeles in 1977 dude. She lived in LA during the 60s and 70s Yeah, she she was a crazy figure in history. She was like didn't she like did horse training? She did a bunch of like she did a lot of circus performance and like and she was on the scene for a while

As far as what happened to eliodora goes remember eliodora. Rasputin's greatest spiritual nemesis He ended up as a janitor in the met life building here in new york city talk to every janitor you see You never know if they're a secret wizard Yeah, he really he ended up janitor here in the city. He uh spent his weekends preaching at a russian baptist church Uh, and then he died in belview in 1952 history's awesome He was just imagine like what what's that janitor muttering about from the rasputin Can you imagine that can you imagine like the old guy at work like on during break time? Bitchin about Rasputin. I had a personal beef with Rasputin. That is nuts and Rasputin won

Yeah, then meanwhile some kid just peed himself in the hallways. I gotta go Gotta go wipe it up And then there's the matter of Rasputin's cock. Oh, yeah, isn't isn't there a matter about that? That's and that's how we're gonna end this whole thing some say that after Rasputin's death his genitals were Sawed off and spirited away by his followers and worshiped as a relic for decades after okay eventually The cock Mysteriously ended up in a sex museum in st. Petersburg where it is still to this day on display in a big big jar of formaldehyde I've seen it. It's a big one. Yeah, it's a real bell top, too. It's got a real thick bottom and a real thin top

Yeah, it's interesting looking unfortunately. We've got one last myth to dispel Yeah While Rasputin certainly had a pretty big hog can't take that away from him can't take that away Yeah, the member on display in russia is an all likelihood a well disguised horse cock I just wish I could meet that artist That lop cock of that horse just to turn it into a fake human dick and call it Rasputin's cock I'm sure that he was a good man a good father Oh my somewhere. There's a horse missing a cock and that's sad most likely Rasputin's cock was

Unceremoniously cremated along with the rest of him on the side of the road leading out of st. Petersburg And his bones were thrown in the river to wash downstream Into legend by Rasputin. I'll miss you I will miss Rasputin in my life because I like bopping around with him You know when it comes down to it's like yeah, he did a lot of terrible things He's a bad person But he just shows that if you work hard enough and if you just believe in your own horseshit Just enough

You could be president of the united states I'm all right. Well, there it is four parts Rasputin a full month huge. Thanks to rachel Yes, as always on this one who really helped out a ton with with research. Thank you rachel as always Thank you rachel. So I have a couple of thank yous. I just want to say right up top. Uh, first of all, I have received some very Lovely gifts in the mail that have been really very nice That have almost made me emotional if I could if I could your entire twitter feed is about your dog I think you can't I love my dog. I know don't even bring her up I want to thank the people over at miss september for sending me a new fucking dab rig

It's fucking awesome. Oh, and it's fucking vote twitty We're gonna announce our sales of our new official last podcast and left nug insiders That you can buy on our website and also fucking herb grinders there for herbs Yeah, that's right Remember there for herbs for rosemary and I also want to thank the people the whiskered gentleman sent me something very good beard lube that I've been using some oils to keep your beard soft Is it called beard lube? No, it's beard oil

But it's essentially beard lube it makes your beard all soft and I'll say you should have some kissle It works. I'm gonna grow this beard out for a little while longer until honestly what's gonna happen I'm gonna be drunk at two o'clock in the morning and shave it. All right. I don't know whether that's gonna happen But that's one of my fun little life easter eggs Jen and ben w sent me weed They sent me just straight up a bunch of nugs that they grew themselves Can you can you they were beautiful if you're in colorado? Can you colorada colorada?

Can you send weed to states that weed is legal in that's my question? You cannot oh to states where weed is legal can colorado send weed to california vice versa I don't think you can or you cannot it doesn't really it just whether or not they find it or not But I'm asking is it legal. I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so, but it doesn't matter because they sent it to me And I got it and it's great. You can taste their love in it and also Paul schweedler and elie smith are getting married and they cordially invited jackie and I and I wanted to say Unfortunately, we cannot attend But I hope I give you satan's most dearest blessings

I hope that your son comes out The longest dick a son ever had and I hope that if you if you a daughter comes out. Oh, she's so smart and capable Well, it might be difficult for childbirth there, but I'm not sure if you understand maybe you can make it happen. Yeah, I don't know You have to kind of change Things need to be kind of rearranged. Yeah, we got that as well. And yes hail yourselves Hail love We're so proud of you guys and get out there and have a wonderful relationship and be together forever and ever And I would also like to thank a few people who sent us some awesome stuff

I'd like to thank mr. Anti-hero aka Kevin stencils at mr. Anti-hero on instagram He sent us that amazing serial killer pop art painting. Oh, that is awesome Yeah, which is really cool And I also want to thank a guy named tom who sent us this really cool crucifix that has a jesus christ But with the head of a goat is that a head of a goat and a snake I think it's a goat pig and a snake is behind him and it's a really well done crucifix extremely well done I don't know if he did this himself or if he uh, honestly, it's no less sacrilegious than a crystal crucifix Yes, like it's I hate gold crosses. Yeah, so not the point. I hate it

I hate it I hate and we've got a whole bunch of other mail that I haven't even been able to go through yet But you know, we'll be sure to thank people when they when we get through Yes, thank you all so much for everything and thanks for giving to our patreon. Henry and I got another interview coming up for you next week Um, and that's been a very fun series. Henry and I are also going to be working on a little thing We're just gonna like 20 to 30 minute episodes every week just a little bonus episodes not nearly as well researched But we just want to you know, just uh, pop in and say hello

We can get Marcus on there every once in a while Whenever you can when I got time I was just you know, I'm very uh, very busy with you know, putting it Get back to work with all of your work Book and the work and yeah all that that little thing is that little thing is going to be called side store is called side stories And we just did a nice in memoriam for art bell. And so yeah, those will be smaller stories funner stories and lighter stories Or whatever the heck it is for the week I'll never let it be like it's never going to be light. It's always going to be evil The rest of our lives again your twitter feed is only about a dog

No, I mean a couple of good jokes. You'll become me. Um follow us on social media to Henry loves you at Marcus parks Have been kiss'll follow us on instagram at dr. Fantasia and Marcus parks have been kiss'll the number one yep and follow Last podcast on the left all bullshits at lp on the left That's right and support all the shows here on lp n movie signs with the mad Slaveling gets top at page seven just go poke around and you'll discover something you love. I absolutely promise that Um, okay, that's it right. Hail yourselves everyone. Hail site again. Hail me and here we go So let's let's take it out on a fun banger that has been brought up for the months magus dilations