Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 324: The Men in Black Part II - Pig Transport

Episode Date: July 6, 2018

On the second of our three part series, we explore the occult leanings of the Men In Black, from their origins in European witchcraft to their links to the sinister Crowleyan dimension known as the Black Lodge. ​ "Fantastic Dim Bar" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? More Tales of the Men in Black from Casebook on the Men in Black by Jim Keith. September 26, 1967, a woman named Shirley saw a silver disc-like object covering outside the back windows of her home. Her doorbell rang. When Shirley answered, she met an Indian woman in a long shimmering black gown. Hello Pat, the visitor said with a painfully large grin. My name is Shirley. Shirley said against her will. I'm sorry. I meant Shirley. Can I have some salt? I need to take a pill.

Shirley brought out a box of salt and handed it to the woman. She consumed a handful of salt and forced a pill down her throat. They both watched as the humming from the UFO increased and the UFO took off over the house and into the distance. The woman in black left and Shirley had bouts of intense nausea. Later that night, two men in old-timey black coats and hats pulled up in front of Shirley's home. She thought they were priests. They set up a camera with a massive red light on top of it and took pictures of Shirley's home. And then they left without turning on their headlights. Secrets November 22, 1967, the Edward Christiansen family and a relative were traveling north of Maryville, New Jersey and saw a large sphere of light glowing red, green and white fall from the sky. They called the Air Force and were heavily questioned about what they saw because they had assumed they had seen a crashed airplane.

They were interrogated heavily by several different officers who kept calling back through the night. January 9, 1968, the Christiansen family got a knock on the door. 17-year-old Connie Christiansen said, It was the strangest man I've ever seen. Does Eric Christiansen live here? I'm from the Missing Heirs Bureau. Mr. Christiansen has inherited some money. The man was at least six foot three, around 300 pounds and couldn't fit through the front door. He said his friends called him tiny. He had a Russian fur hat, a black suit with thin material not suited for the weather. His head was shaved but not properly. There were patches of hair untouched and his eyes bugged out of his skull like thyroid eyes, one of them appearing to be glass. He wore very thick old shoes. His pants were too short and when he sat it revealed he had a green wire coming out of his sock and going into a brown spot on his leg.

They asked if he wanted something to eat and he said, I'm on a diet but in ten minutes I'll need a glass of water. Ten minutes of questioning them about specifics of Eric Christiansen's body, tattoos, birthmarks. Later his face became beet red and he requested the water. He took a large yellow pill and he went back to normal. And when he left, he walked out the door, hailed a large black 1963 Cadillac that pulled up with no driver and it pulled away with no headlights on. Secrets of the Men in Black. Wow, that's great. That was also Robbie Coltrane from Nuns on the Run. Very good. A little known fact.

Very, very good. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, a creepy beginning to today's episode. I am Ben Kissel. That is Marcus Perks. Hello. And we have the creepy scribe himself, Henry Zabrowski. I am so terrified of my thoughts since doing this series. I think we could just end the sentence there. All night I'm having dreams of Men in Black. Are you having Men in Black dreams, Marcus?

They ended. I was having them. Remember I had the dream where me and you were interrogating a man in black as Carolina slept next to us? Yeah, you told me that one. I had a dream last night about another story that I had read about the Men in Black which was that I woke up to see a large man Kissel size in a flannel shirt staring at me with a bowl cut at the end of the bed just staring at me and then dematerializing. Honestly, that was me from 17 years ago. You met freshman in high school, Ben Kissel. Whatever he did to you, I apologize. Are you a time cop? Are you a time cop, bro? Maybe. All right, everyone, we are on to part two of our series about the Men in Black.

Can't wait to learn some more. Can I say this at the very beginning? Okay, you're all going to need to open up that mind of yours with some brain lube. I don't know what it is that you need. For me, it's a stanky glass of whiskey, a couple of edibles, a big old thick old joint. And I think that you should try some of that before settling in to what we're about to run you through. Maybe if you're going through sobriety, some ginseng. Yeah, have a little ginseng.

I don't know if that opens up the mind or not. Caffeine! Oh, my mind is always open, man. I don't need no chemical stuff. Well, I mean, many years of hallucinogen abuse, which kind of opened it for a while. Right, so open that now it's kind of been taped back together. It's sort of like the hardcore championship belt that they had in the WWE. It shattered and then it was duct taped back together to sort of resemble a belt. It's a door that's hanging off as hinges and now it's just kind of leaning up.

It's like you and your buddies call it a door, but really it's a flap. You have to pick up the door, move the door, then put it back after you enter the building. But no, it is a door! It is a door. So before we get to this week's episode, we got to acknowledge our second source, Casebook on the Men in Black by Jim Keaton. It is fantastically written and a very interesting book, even though admittedly it can be very confusing at times.

Maybe for you, you plebe. All I do is understand the mind-bending world of the Men in Black. So our last episode ended with the discussion of Tulpas and the possibility that the modern day Men in Black were essentially born from the imagination, intelligence, and fear of the proto-nerd Albert Bender. You know what I tell all the ladies? A UFO boy's imagination is just stronger than the other boys. I don't think you should tell that to anyone.

But I would like to say I know what a Tulpa is. It's an image conjured up solely from the mind. They're good. You know what? A Tulpa. Honestly, that's farther than I ever thought he'd get. Thank you. Got it.

But one thing to keep in mind with the Men in Black is that they are by no means a uniform group. They come in many different shapes, sizes, and races with different powers and influence. Really? But again, they all share the same thing. Secrets. Secrets? Secrets are no fun. Can you choose to be a fat one or a thin one or a tall one or a short one?

No! You're given your cased from birth. Oh, okay. So on this episode, we're mostly going to cover the Men in Black through the lens of a word whose etymology almost perfectly describes our subject. The Latin roots run the gamut, concealed, hidden, beyond the realm of human understanding, and the word is a cult. Oh!

Word of the day. Now the 20th century is by no means home to the first sighting of the Men in Black. The Men in Black have been around for centuries, most notably in 15th and 16th century Europe, and always in cases involving the most popular paranormal phenomena of the time, witchcraft. See, Men in Black, to me, they're like the David Bowie of the occult world. They fit every fashion. Every single phase that goes through occultism, they're right there. And so a part of it, it's like last episode, we tried to explain one of Nick Redford's

biggest theories is that they are tulpus. We're going to talk about, this episode specifically, is how they are an extension of occult matters that have been around since the beginning of time, and that the Men in Black have always been there, step by step, fucking pocket to pocket, human race, dick to dick, just us together, crab walking, slam next to each other like a couple of boys learning how to hold each other up for the first time in a summer vacation when you run away from your parents for the first time, when they're off, getting hammered on the cruise. That's a strange way to make a teepee, but tulpa, that's something that's conjured up

with just the mind there, you guys might not have known that. But this is why you don't let me do research. We don't let you do research. That's the problem. You get one nugget of knowledge and just all of a sudden you're the most arrogant person in the room. Sledgehammer. Sledgehammer. Agrarium.

Yes. So the first recorded sighting of a man in black, at least as far as Europe goes, occurred in France in the year 1490 when occult practitioners claimed to trample crucifixes as they worshipped, quote, a tall, dark man. The next sighting came 30 years later, again in France. Is it France? Is it France? In this instance, two shepherds told a tale of a tall, dark man who called himself the Devil's Bondsman.

Ooh, that's a great nickname. Oh yeah, and bondsman by that, that's an archaic term for slave. Oh, so he was the devil's slave? Yes, he was the devil's slave and he's a little like kinky. Yeah. Like a little bit. It's a little like, bondsman's a good new term for like the subdom, um, world if you want to use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So one shepherd knelt and offered fealty to the slave and his dark master. Then, supposedly, the man soon after killed an eight, five people. Yeah, he did! Fuck yeah! But you can remember this, if you've seen the witch, right, a part of what the witch would made the witch so good, is that they took transcripts from actual court hearings during the time, like during what we would now know as the famous witch hunt, right, like during that whole time period. But oftentimes, the devil was synonymous with a man in leather pants and a leather vest and a fancy black hat on,

which, I mean, just feels like it's the one gay of the village from the 18th century, like figuring out how to work it, like figuring out how to make everybody's slave. Breaking the law. But that's what he was. Right, something little Judas Priest vibe. That was a real old country buffet that he had. Topos! It's actually conjured up!

Well, of course, both shepherds were burned alive at the stake for consorting with the devil. Over a hundred years went by without another recorded sighting, but in 1645, the infamous witch, Isabelle Gowdy of Scotland, described a man suspiciously similar to some modern men in black. And we know that the witch trials in Europe and America were by and large led by uptight establishment figures suppressing and murdering groovy ladies as well as a few groovy dudes. But there may just be something hidden in Isabelle Gowdy's testimony. The whole thing with the witch trial, right?

It was all because they were taking the bad wheat, right? Bad flour, it was that... Ergot. That's one story is that the wheat supplies would get contaminated with fungus. I would like to nibble on that, though, and just see what that trip is like. If you know you're taking it, I bet you it would be a pretty good time. I think it's supposed to be one of those terrifying trips. Terrifying. Like the trip that Tex Watson had that caused him to murder,

and all the other people. Have you ever had angel trumpets? No. That sounds like a horrible thing that you might get after eating too many grains. Ha ha ha. There's the stool, Joe. Ha ha ha. Wow. Wow.

Um, no. But the idea is that it creates a very... It's July 5th. Okay, can I just clarify? It is July 5th right now. We all had a July 4th. We celebrated our freedom. We all had a great time last night.

Now emphasis on dumb. Okay, hello. Dumb. We're doing good, though. We're strong. But angel trumpets are naturally growing hallucinogen in Florida that are like these flowers that you pick. They create very vivid visual hallucinations where you do stuff like your bed looks like

it's all covered in cockroaches. So you go and you get the bleach from underneath your kitchen. Like you get your bleach underneath from the sink, and you cover your bed and bleach, and then you set it on fire and shit like that. Oh, I see. So you don't want it. You don't want it. No.

Okay. Well, this is a quote from Isabel Goudy's Trial. His members are exceedingly great and long. No man's members are as long and as big as thee. And I found his nature as cold within me as spring-well water. What is she describing there? It seems a little phallic. No.

It is phallic, but she's describing members like limbs. Oh, I see. Okay. Because he doesn't have like a butt. Okay. She was fucking it. Oh, okay. That is true.

Honestly, she was fucking it. All right. Well, this testimony mirrors the long-limbed men in black with the cold touch that we'll discuss later on in detail. But that is very, very much a men in black detail. Long limbs, cold touch. Long limbs, cold touch. What they talked about last time, we talked about a little bit, like a jointless wrist.

They look like Gumby. They have like no knuckles. They're all very flat. They look like they've been made by a factory. Yeah. Okay. And furthermore, even though the quote unquote confession of Isabel Goudy is likely a fabrication made under duress, it still ties in to men in black lore.

Okay. See, the fact that the long-limbed cold, dark man lived in Isabel Goudy's imagination speaks to the genetic memory of humanity. See, pitch black long-limbed figures, for some reason, speak to a primal fear within us. Oh, I mean, this whole thing survives even to this day in horror movies, from the Xenomorphs of the Alien franchise to like 21st century creations like Slenderman and the Babadook. Right.

Like there's just something about like these, it's the shadows that terrify us. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And Slenderman, we were going to bring this up last episode because in the end, like, in a way, it seems that Slenderman is a mirror slash kaleidoscope version of the original men in black visions. And that now, like, I would almost consider the Slenderman to be real. Like we had two people stab a girl, like the Slenderman stabbings case, several other people

have committed crimes in the name of Slenderman, and I don't really understand what makes it any less real. Like that to me is the perfect example of a Tulpa. It's because people, when they're young, their perfect idea of a man is tall and thin, like Curtis Cobain or a series of other people, and I'm a little sorry, I don't fit the fucking mold. The Tulpa was created by a bunch of 13 year old girls, and I'll tell you one thing, when you get older, you like them fat.

Yeah, you like it because you can keep a fat man. You can keep a fat man around, and he's thankful, and he's very excited to be there. But a part of it is that they, I think that what you're saying, while ignorant is also true. I'm onto it. But a part of it is that the 13 year old sexual fantasy, which is what made all of the weird lemon slash-fic about Slenderman real, it's like, it's a part of it, it's like, they are sexually identifying with Slenderman, but the problem like a Tulpa is that it eventually

grows to have its own fucking agenda, and it turns and becomes something else. Like the robots in Westworld, which is a series that I'm watching and referencing on a regular basis. On every time you have either a microphone, or you're on stage, you find a way to shove Westworld into it, but it doesn't ever make any sense, and it doesn't. Episode five, season one. Two years old. I mean, one of the things we're trying to say is that the Men in Black may have always

been Tulpas, but they were created collectively by the primal fears of humanity. And the tales that we just told are by no means the only appearances of Men in Black in the witchcraft era. In 1730, in Norway, a 13-year-old girl claimed that six years before that, she and her grandmother had attended a secret meeting with Satan by way of pig transport. Yeah, dude. Just took the pig bus. I mean, I've been in some bad ubers before.

What is a pig transport? Can you imagine a 13-year-old girl pulling up to you in a pig, being like, hi, what you doing? You want to get on my pig cart and go meet the devil? Yes, I have to. I think so. Wow. And Satan had brought along two companions, whom the grandmother had referred to as, quote,

grandfather's boys. Oh, that is a wonderful series on X videos right now. I don't know. And all three of them were dressed all in black. Okay. We're going to see, but again, we're going to see a very common trope with men in black as well. A lot of times they visit in threes.

We're looking here is that the grandfather's boys, quote, unquote, not his testicles, were actually a part of the unholy trinity of Satan with his two lieutenants who often spoke of in folklore and echoes the modern day men in black who often show up like that. I never heard of them hanging out with a pig though before. This is the first time I'm hearing about the pig. But with all the witchcraft stuff, things with witchcraft tend to get a little blurred. Are pigs big in witchcraft? Yeah.

Pigs? Yeah, sure. All animals are. Well, goats specifically. Yeah, I think the goat. Yeah. But pigs can also have a pretty big part to play. Okay.

Why not? You anti-pig? I'm not anti-pig. Yeah, you anti-pig here. I'm so cruel. Pig, it's like ridiculous. I almost stopped eating them. Anti-pigite.

But a part of it is that the pigs are also smart enough to know I need a job. And like Uber drivers now, it's like a great job in between things, carting 13-year-olds backs to the grandfather's poise, which he's done several other times. But this is a part of also the myth here. So this is, remember when Tulpas, we were talking in the last episode about Tulpas, part of that comes from Albert Bender's first vision of men in black. And that's a more modern idea of where the men in black come from. But what if instead, what we're seeing here is that all of these comparisons of the men

in black to the original visions of the devil showed that men in black may in fact have a more paranormal beginning, even more so than Tulpas, because Tulpas is just the creations of our own fucking mind. Yes, it is paranormal. And the fact that maybe you want to say that ritualistic activity and paranormal rituals and stuff like that, like the idea of talking to the other is actually future technology that we don't really understand. So technically, then it's science, right?

How far have I gone? How long have I been talking? You get to the word science. There it is. Might be a matter of vision, but what if the men in black really just are the what we talked about with aliens and gnomes and fairies and all that shit, too, it's just the embodiment of everything that is the other that has been forever. And essentially they are more attached to like an entity that's poked its way from the

other side into this world. Is it a really big pig that you get inside of? No, she's riding a pig. I mean, it's like a farm pig. Oh, OK. Farm pigs, you ever seen like actually been in the presence of a farm pig? Big pigs. Yeah, no, I get OK.

Yeah, you can easily fit a 13-year-old and her grandmother on the back of one of them big pigs. Now, men in black, they can also be harbingers of doom. This is from an account written in 1682. In Brandenburg, Germany, there appeared in 1559, horrible men of whom at first 15 and later on 12 were seen. The four most had beside their posterior's little heads, the other's fearful faces and long skites with which they cut at the oats so that the swish could be heard at a great

distance. But the oats remain standing. Just feel like they're making fun of their like country folk. No, dude. It's men. Kissle. Pop out of for a second, right? I popped out.

Oh, fucking. How if I know you? I see it, put it back. You're driving along in a cart, right? Yep. Yep. Come on, Motha. Motha, you dead yet?

We're getting you to the hospital. Only three days away. Yep. Yep. Looks over. There's just a field filled with these dudes in black robes and skides hacking at wheat that's not getting hacked. They're just like slicing through it and they're just doing it like it's fucking a black Sabbath

fucking album cover. So they're happy. Just do the shit. And then you drive us. They're not happy. Oh, they're not. They're very mean looking. And then the whole town dies of the plague.

Yeah. Because that's exactly what happened. Right after people saw these figures, the black death sweat through the area. I just hope I get my mother to the fucking hospital. Oh, your mother's got the plague. She's got the plague? Oh, man. You know, this is, man, it's tough creatively thinking.

Now, the links between these manifestations and modern day men in black may seem somewhat tenuous because after all, the color black has long been associated with evil. But appearance is not the only thing these occult practitioners of the past share with modern UFO lore. For example, something was written in 1645 in the laws against witches and conjuration that sounds suspiciously similar to the experiences of modern alien abductees. It was written that the devil leave us marks upon their bodies, sometimes like a blue spot or a red spot like a flea biting.

Two decades later, a witch named Christian Green said this quote, and he was as he was informing on another which he said. The man in black pricks the forefinger of her right hand between the middle and upper joints where the sign yet remains. Now, attentive listeners of our alien episodes will remember, don't criticize the non-attentive listeners, because it's a little bit difficult to follow along. I don't think you need to chastise those who are also busy baking and they have to focus on something slightly different than alien abduction.

Listen, if you are a true student of the UFO nature, if you are a true, I would say, vision ear of the UFO knots, you understand that you're going to have to reread most pages of what you read several times just to begin to understand it. And then also same thing with podcasts or interviews about aliens is that it requires you to listen to it many, many times. That's like when your teacher would come in and be like, for those that did the homework, this class should be a breeze and it's like, well, I am in for a rough ride. Well, the teacher was correct.

The teacher was a jack. I'm not even going to go into it. Well, I know when it, I always know that when a teacher walked in and they said that, I would always said, hmm, very good, looks like Marcus will be getting a thumbs up today. We all can't graduate top of our 12 member class. Well anyway, attentive listeners of our alien episodes will remember that oftentimes abductees return home with marks upon their bodies and those marks sound suspiciously like the devil's nips of your.

Yeah, man. Devil's nips. Like mine, man. I got big, pink old devil's nips, man. But a part of it is, but it's true, right? That is, we're going to see again and again, Jacques Vallée who talked about this endlessly. We're connecting it back to the UFO nature of the men in black. It is every single one of these experiences where people go to another location.

Because oftentimes they are also accompanied by weird smells, blue light, which was actually done a lot of times in ancient rituals where they would cover their torches and pitch that would make the flame that when you light it would make it blue. So a lot of times it's like that's also connected to UFO activity. And then getting scoops and implants is another part of alien activity and abduction activity that has been going on since the beginning of time. Scoops and implants. So scoops and implants sounds like a very bizarre ice cream slash cosmetic surgery

restaurant slash hospital, I guess. It's fantastic. And you should save them for when we retired at Tempe, Arizona, because that's where the real alien money is to be made. Yes. When I think of devil's nips, I think of a very meaty version of those really crappy fireworks snakes where it just sort of like unrolls and like just kind of pink tubes of hmm.

Interesting. Thank you. Well, here's another example. July 5th, I'm going to point that out once again. No one. Anyway, here's another example of a link between UFO lore and witchcraft. The testimony of Tituba, who infamously testified at the Salem witch trials in 1692, said that Stop giggling.

Stop giggling. It's a woman's name. Is it Tituba or Tituba? I think it's Tituba. Tituba. Well, she said, God damn it. No, all right. She said that she met a tall man with white hair wearing black clothes and that the tall

man was joined by, quote, another thing, it goes upright like a man. It has only two legs. And Jim Keith suggests that this duo may have been a man in black accompanied by a Sasquatch. Yeah. Fucker. Yeah. Yeah buddy. So listen.

Wow. Was the Sasquatch wearing a suit too? He's just guys, guys, which is incredible because they should go by Josset Bank because that's where you get all your clothes. No, I am now officially too fat for Josset Bank and men's warehouse, which is a pun, which Henry alerted me to in Philly. I can't believe that blew your mind. So hard.

It's a pretty big deal. No, I am. I am now Rochester, big and tall, solely and forever. Cool. Congrats, man. I want you to get a pitchwork for them. And I think it would be incredible. I would love to.

But you scoff, of course, Kessel, because you didn't do the reading, but if you do look at many cases of UFO activity, Bigfoot poltergeist activity are often all wrapped up into one. You look at the Bridgewater Triangle. You looked at what happened with, uh, Mount Shasta. You look at, there's a lot of different places. Skinwalker Ranch has quite a bit of the same activity, cryptid, UFO, alien stuff, and ghost activity all smashed together in a big ol' cum bottle. All right.

I just didn't realize. Spooky activity. I didn't realize the Sasquatch of the Men in Black were a duo. That's a movie I'd see. Yeah, that is definitely a movie I'd see. But yeah, all this stuff shows up in, uh, when UFO flaps occur. Oh. Yeah.

That's like the term for when like UFO activity occurs in one location for like an extended period of time. Wow. It's also the sound when Stanton Friedman runs up a flight of stairs. Not to malign Stanton Friedman. We had him in the show. He's a friend of the show now. UFO flaps.

I'd call that, remember Bingo Wings? Yeah. We got some of Bingo Wings. I'm gonna call those UFO flaps from now on. No, even though the Salem Witch Trials were almost certainly just mass hysteria coupled with people yes anding each other until a guy got crushed with a big rock. Yeah. Isn't it more fun to think that maybe, just maybe Sasquatch was there too?

Come on guys. Let's have fun with it. Everything is more fun. Yeah. It's like you can put Sasquatch into a series of horrific historical events and it would make them more fun. Tell any story and then at the end add, and Sasquatch was there too. Yeah.

Absolutely. Cut to Trump, Kim Jong-un, talking North Korea capital, like all talking stuff cut over, Bigfoot's makin' Pad Thai in a big rock, like next one. Sasquatch was there too. Yeah. That's great. Chef's hat on. He's also one of the Secret Service members.

I mean. Now it seems that man in black activity either died down or went completely unreported in the 18th and most of the 19th century. And while it could have just been that we finally moved past the witch hunt phase of Western civilization, I mean the literal witch hunt phase. That stuff. Something interesting happened near the turn of the 20th century. Although they were not traditional G-men, hat and suit men in black, M-I-Bs started

poppin' up in Scotland and England. In 1901, a woman in Scotland saw a group of ten men dressed in black, seemingly performing a ritual around a coffin on which a set of bagpipes laid. I think this reminds me of Naked Gun where he shoots a bunch of people who are performing Shakespeare in the park. Yes. What if it was just a funeral? Could it be a funeral?

Yes. Absolutely. They could have just been very into the bagpipes, because all it takes is for one man to be like, beady me with me, peeps. Like, are you sure? You're like, you got to do it in all of your weird black. It's the only way I like to see it, because it's slamming. Three years later, strong poltergeist activity broke out all over the British Isles, and

four people spontaneously combusted in the year 1904 alone. Jeez. Fuck yeah. And a year after that, a young girl was visited three nights in a row by a man in black. The girl said the man gave her a message that she dared not repeat, an experience that was echoed half a century later by Albert Bender. But also, most abduction scenarios. Most abduction scenarios, there is a, normally in the stereotypical abduction scenario, there's

a section of the scenario where they are given secret knowledge, and the aliens are like, well, you can't share this with anybody, and we'll know, because what? We're aliens. We're aliens. Yeah. They know a lot. So what happened at the turn of the 20th century? So what happened?

Yeah. Well. Topos, I know what they are. Well, it could be that one man is responsible for all of this, or at least all of this beginning. There's one man who may have opened a door, just a crack, a door, a door that may have somehow been shut by a person's unknown 200 years earlier, and the man who may have reopened it, okay, is Alistair Crowley. And that's him playing the bass, him playing metal bass, which would be fucking cool as

shit, naked from the waist down, completely hard, beautiful head with a fucking turban on, just like, oh man, I'm falling real in love with Alistair Crowley. I don't know, how did he reopen it between his orgies and all of the drugs and the drinking? We're going to get into it, man. Now Henry turned me on to a book called The Secret Rituals of the Men in Black, and that book attempts to connect the titular characters to that one time in 1904 when, on his honeymoon in Egypt, Crowley made contact with a being called Avos, and Avos then dictated to Crowley the book of law, which serves as the central sacred text to Crowley's religious philosophy

of the lemma, thereby kicking off a new stage of spiritual evolution known as the Aeon of Horus. I think you mispronounced it, it's the book of horny law, which we really do have to clarify that. Yeah, it's just Alistair Crowley doing the old, like, dick in the box of popcorn on the very cover. Yeah. However, I read the book and failed to understand any of it, or how it actually connects to

the men in black, because if I remember, they talked more about a fish man in that book than they ever did about the men in black. The men in black are mentioned like four times, so maybe Henry has a very skeptical look on his face here. I think we have a rebuttal. Maybe. Well, no, I'm that's the thing. I'm not saying it's bad.

I'm just saying I didn't understand it. Just because I didn't understand it doesn't mean that it doesn't make any sense. Well, you get an applause for that if you don't understand it, it doesn't make any sense. No, that's because that's the things that you could understand understand something that I don't understand, but it still makes sense to you. And there are many things that I understand that you definitely don't understand. Oh, please. It's like I refuse to live in a world of lies and I don't drink Bud Light Lime.

He enjoys the taste of it, which is a mystery. That's a topa. That is a topa. You, they are conjuring up images of me with Bud Light Limes. It's not happening. I will always remember the sentence. I will always remember you sucking on a tall boy, but I'm going, it's like a margarita except for God.

No, you fucking dick. No, that is not. And then, oh my God. And then after you said that, they started selling margaritas in a can. So that means that you vary possibly through your love of Bud Light Lime. I don't like or love or even drink Bud Light Lime. It tastes like poison. Someone doth protest too much.

Oh my God. Well, Henry, what is this book? Okay. A part of it is, is that it's technically sequel to Secret Rituals of the UFO Knots. It's by Ellen Greenfield, who is a paranormal researcher and magic ritual master who is a, he is, it's very difficult. A part of it is when I read Secret Rituals of the Men in Black, was that it realized just how far out of my depth I am when it comes to magical learning.

What he says is that the Men in Black are part of a, it's essentially like a group that are wizards from back in the day that have been around. They're like entities that are a part of the original quote unquote, the secret chiefs. They're these entities that come from the other side, essentially lower daemons, right? But a part of what Secret Rituals of the UFO Knots, which is his first book, that was really the first book was printed in like 1996. It was done in a series of lectures and printed in the beginnings of the internet. It was also like heavily, like in the weird backlogs of the internet, that these are the

first people to say that the like the Golden Dawn and Freemasons and all the shit and the ultimate masters they were speaking to were actually aliens. So what he is saying, he's connecting the Men in Black. That is where obviously the Men in Black thing is kind of just the hook for that book. And a part of what it is is explaining how when you do Modern Ritual now, they consider the fish people, which is Oannis, which is this group of, essentially those are the people, the weird amphibious group of aliens that were talking to the original group of Freemasons that started everything.

They're like the gatekeepers of our lives and information talked to the Godhead. Basically he's talking again about, I just realized how cool I know. Are they head fish or feet fish? Fish men. So imagine if a fish kept evolving like a million years from now. Like a fish. I've just seen a fish with a human head. Is it mostly a fish with a human head?

No, it's the opposite. It's always the opposite because they need a cock to fuck us to make more of them. It's a humanoid fish. Oh. Yeah. But it's a, yes, it is a loose connection. But what he, basically what he's saying is that the Men in Black themselves have rituals on their own and that it's the same stuff that we would do to talk to the Godhead.

And they are like, they are intelligences that basically the beginning of the book is cracking that Alistair Crowley understood that the book of law was a gigantic cipher that was given to him by Awas that he realized in the middle of his life that he didn't even understand what they were really talking about. And yet, and he knew that it's, because basically it's written in the book of law that the next generation would come and decipher it and they created a grid, basically all of the, it's all about the grid that they put together with numbers and connecting letters, which Awas is actually like the key to the actual code and that you could use it like all the

biblical numerology shit where it's like certain words match up to numbers that all correspond to each other for no reason. Yeah. But we don't know why it's just, we just don't know what the reason is yet. When did he get the hat? You know? It's a great hat. It's a great hat.

The triangle hat. He really brought it all together with the hat. Yeah. But someone please explain it to me and I'd like to actually speak to someone either in a Patreon interview or just in my life to help understand what the book is about because I'm out of my depth. Well Nick Redfern quoting zoologist Richard Freeman has a somewhat simpler connection. Okay.

Oh, okay. I see how this is. It's like read A to B. Well, Freeman's story starts in the year 1900 with Crowley's purchase of Bullskine House, which is located off the shores of where else but Loch Ness. Even though there are two recorded sightings of a water beast in or near Loch Ness previous to 1900, Loch Ness's reputation as home to one of the world's most famous cryptids didn't begin until 1934 with the publication of the infamous Surgeon's Photograph. There's a lot of people saying there's beasts in the waters, but there's no beast out there

except for Gregor's mother, she's going to soon be in the roast mode. Yeah. Wow. At Crowley, he chose the house for its seclusion, but also because the area had a long occult history, most notably when a local wizard reanimated a whole series of corpses from the nearby Bullskine Cemetery in the late 17th century. So he basically had a bunch of his friends dig up a bunch of graves and then he's like, when I do the magic bim bop thing, whatever I do, throw them in the water.

Yes. Okay. Yes. Exactly. But also very similar to the Zobops, the voodoo priests that also have been compared to the Men in Black. Very much so. I like the name Zobops.

It was here at Bullskine House that Crowley attempted perhaps his most famous ritual. This was the site of Crowley's attempt to summon his very own guardian angel. And hopefully it's got a randy old schvonce on him so that I can consume it with my buttock. I know. I have a feeling this involves like getting a bitty, nice big thing there. It did. But on the other hand, this ritual, actually this ritual kind of runs a little contrary to what you'd usually think about Alistair Crowley.

Like he had, if I remember correctly, he had to abstain from any alcohol or like any mind altering substance. Yeah, dude. If you're going to dilate your butthole that big. I think he abstained from sex as well for those six months. You have to. Yeah. There's a part of this, but same thing with Alan Greenfield.

He said, when they're talking about, when they do these magical works, these take weeks and weeks and it takes a lot of discipline and you have to do it step by step where you like use the Enochian key and then you do a bunch of banning spells or you banish a bunch of fucking other entities that you don't need and you have to keep other people there. It takes a really long time. You have to stop for lunch. Right. And also these people are sober as a fucking cat, dude.

These guys are just high on runes. You have to just sit there and be vibrating with runes so hard that you just can see this shit because again, it's not what you, the idea of what you say is real and what I say is real is completely different because it's more like a hallucinatory reality where you sort of allow the images to conjure their way into your brain and then slowly, but surely they become real. That's why I don't like sober people that unless you really need to be sober in which case be sober, but Bud Light shuts some doors and you don't need every door open in the

house because you got a breeze coming through. It's unsafe. If anyone can enter, you want to close it up a little bit. With this ritual, it requires that the magician summon and bind the 12 Kings and Dukes of Hell, including Payman, in order to rule- Dukes of Hell. Yes. Very funny.

A couple of times. I'm the first boob of the day. It's July 5th. I am- Well, those demons, those Kings and Dukes of Hell, they have to be summoned and bound in order to remove the negative influences from the wizard's life. But Crowley wasn't quite as talented of a magician as he'd thought, as it said that he failed miserably and was never able to banish the demons that he'd summoned, and

it suggested that these demons were the first manifestations of the modern men in black. So Crowley did this? Well, Crowley started it. And let's go even further with it. You're not going to believe where this story goes. I'm not going to believe any of this. I don't believe about 99% of the content that we've discussed on this show. No, I'm just joking.

I really love it. Very good acting. Thank you very much. I appreciated that. I appreciated that. Now Jim Keith maintains that Crowley- Jim Keith being the guy that wrote Casebook for the Men in Black- Jim Keith maintains that Crowley was actually a white magician, rather than the more evil black variety, meaning that Crowley fought on the side of humanity,

like when he later on supposedly helped Churchill win World War II. He was a spy for the British, where they were saying apparently that he worked with British intelligence. And I actually do believe in a lot of this, because even Crowley said that he was mystified at the end of his life, why people thought he was so evil. He was actually trying to do good, but doing what later became known as, I would say, sort of the Satanistic principle, which is you dress like the villain, because it gets you late.

Right. He definitely liked doing that. And Crowley believed that something called the Black Lodge, working with humans known as the Black Brothers, worked against the interests of humanity, preventing us from reaching higher states of knowledge. And Typhonian OTO head, Kenneth Grant, went even further, saying that the aim of the Black Lodge was the isolation of mankind and the rejection of the universal life current, meaning they work to prevent people from connecting with one another in meaningful ways.

Oh, and we see what happens when people get to connect globally, how peaceful it is. No. And how wonderful it is. No, you were not, though, we're being divided up. That's what they're saying. That's what I'm saying. The whole point is that they're winning. And then a part of what this is supposed to be is that, I mean, in the end, Crowley

was truly doing the right-hand path's work, which is trying to use knowledge to help everyone. But it's not working. It's trying to use to be total transparency, and because we will not evolve to the next spiritual steps that will then lead to the technological steps that we need to fucking travel the space, travel the stars, using nothing but our minds and our bodies, turn us into fucking nanoparticles. Woo!

We can't do that if we don't fucking band together. I like that, like the cowboy kid in Willy Wonka. Oh yeah, dude, Twitter comes directly from the Black Lodge. Mark Zuckerberg is absolutely an agent of the Black Lodge. Really? Yeah. I'm going to steal his wallet and see if he has one of those cards. So we just did it backwards.

We were supposed to evolve emotionally first and then get the test. Yes! Absolutely. That's the problem. Yeah, no. You're good. I believe it, yeah. I mean, obviously we're not ready for prime time yet.

No, we were not ready for the technological advances that came in the early 21st century at all. Okay. Now, let's bring Alan Greenfield back into this. Now, and Alan Greenfield, even though rituals of the secret rituals of the Men in Black is very confusing, there are certain gyms that were taken out that make a lot of sense. That specifically casebook kind of parsed all that and took these great excerpts out. Cool.

Now, Greenfield, he even brought in the lore of Philip K. Dick into the mix. He said that the Black Lodge may be defined as the organized institution guided by Valles for the purpose of holding back human evolution, keeping a slave mentality in place. Now, I'll admit, I know nothing about Valles or Philip K. Dick or any of that shit, but I do know Henry knows all about this. Now, part of what you remember is like, oh, so one thing to keep it back to like connecting it back to Men in Black, a part of the reason why they're attaching themselves to discounting UFO sightings and going and shutting people up is because that's the extension of their

trying to create more ignorance and trying to create more fear, right? Valles is a system known as the vast active living intelligence system that approached Philip K. Dick. Now, apparently in a vision to Philip K. Dick, he was zapped with a pink laser beam of pure information from Valles that basically showed him that there's no such thing as time. He went, that all time is concurrent, that he viewed himself in Roman times. It also happened to tell him that his son had a heart condition as a little baby and he had to go through all of these different tests.

He was like making the doctors run all these tests on his son and they were like, there's no reason for this. And finally, they took X-rays of his heart and they saw that he had a heart defect that would have killed him, right? So they feed him these little bone molts of information, which is this. And then he died several years later of a brain aneurysm. Some people say that maybe that was like sort of like that bubble in his brain is what caused him to see it.

Or is it vice versa? So what Valles is, is that? No, wait, so are you fucking bringing phenomenon type of shit into Philip K. Dick? Yes. John Travolta. Yes, the John Travolta. Kira Sedgwick vehicle? Wait.

I don't know what happens here. How are we at Travolta? Listen. What he's saying is that it's possible that, you know, Valles was actually, he was able to see Valles because he had a brain defect, much like John Travolta was able to perform telekinesis in the movie Phenomenon because of the brain tumor. Spoiler! Yes.

Spoiler! I'm the spoiler! Okay? King's spoiler. I'm allowed to speculate. But back in Michael, he's an angel. But back to understanding, so where we're at, right, Valles is sort of one of the spokes or one of the tips, like if you imagine a 26-sided star, right, 26 points, if you imagine a 26-pointed

star, one of, and being the godhead, one of those points is Valles, one of those points are the fish people that talk to the original people, or they want them the same. One of those points is Iwas, one of those points is Lamb, that Alistair Crowley was in one of his contexts, that he drew on a piece of paper and what did it look like? A fucking alien. Yeah. Right? Same shit.

So what Valles is, is the system that Philip K. Dick was connected to, but then it's more about was he feeding, was it feeding him information or was it like giving him selected good bits of info and then keeping him repressed the entire time, because a part of it is understanding too, when you're working in ritualistic magic, because now Alan Greenfield, he calls upon Valles in his new like introductory rights when he does a ritual, like Valles is in there. There's a part of it, because what happens with like, because if Philip K. Dick went insane, he went insane the only way a sci-fi genius could go insane, which is you go really fucking insane.

And then he wrote that Exegesis was the 1400 page journal trying to describe all the things that he saw, which is very detailed, which we'll do an episode about. But a part of it is that when you call an entity like that, right, when you talk to the way, oh, honest, you talk to Valles, who's to say that they don't have their own fucking agenda as well. Honestly, I think I get this, appetizer sampler, you got mozzarella sticks, you got, you got quesadillas, you got maybe many sliders, you got maybe chicken wings, you get a lot, you know, but you don't get the steak.

So he never got the steak, he got the sampler, he could have theoretically been given the steak, but he was also satisfied with the sampler, because let's be honest, they're awesome. Well, I would say, no, it makes sense. Well, I would say that the steak is monotheism, because you get the steak, you just get one god, you just get the one, but with the app sampler, you get a whole bunch. You get a sampler. You get a whole bunch.

Right, so he got all of it, but you never quite got the steak. You know what, I'm technically more confused, because now I'm like thinking about it, what you're saying? And like in a weird way, it does kind of ping, but mostly I think it's just because I love appetizers. Yeah, well, I think it makes a little sense. Of course, let's get back to two words that I'm sure kind of pinged in a couple of people's brains, black Lodge, and of course black Lodge, pinged in your brain, if you're a big fan

of Twin Peaks. In fact, much of the Twin Peaks black Lodge stuff comes from Alistair Crowley. It comes from his novel, Moon Child. Now, in this book, a girl named Lisa travels into the fourth dimension and enters into the black Lodge. The characters inside, it can be interpreted as a dwarf surrounded by music, a beautiful woman murdered with a red line around her throat, and a man of incalculable evil. In other words, the dwarf, Laura Palmer, and Bob.

Shit, yeah, man, what do we pigs do? Well, Mr. Lynch, thank you so much for coming here to Sony and pitching your show idea. It was really quite, I'm on, I don't, I am, I need to go. You gotta get the big fish. Did we just give him the show? You might say that this is all fiction, you know, it's just Moon Child is a novel, Twin Peaks is a TV show, but Moon Child was largely based on magicians that Crowley knew and the rituals that they have performed.

And Twin Peaks, we've been talking about this a lot, it's about as close to modern occult mythology as we're gonna get. Cool. Because they really did their homework in terms of, if you want to talk about the black Lodge, the new season, the third season of Twin Peaks is in a gigantic occult exploration, which I would say is as close to David Bowie's Black Star as anything else, where it's like, you just want to get down deep and you go through all these references, you technically need to be watching Twin Peaks with the fucking computer open, like, searching shit.

I haven't seen the third season yet, we'll get to it in two years from now. But you remember, when it gets to, the black Lodge is where the men in black lived. The idea is that Alistair Crowley, like, opened to a black Lodge, a couple things slipped out, then he slammed it shut. Yeah. Wow. So how does all this tie into the men in black? That's a good question.

Well, the story goes that Crowley spent decades keeping the black Lodge at bay, working with other members of the great white brotherhood. However, there were some in the brotherhood who fell to the influence of the black Lodge. And the most successful black brother of them all was L. Ron Hubbard. Oh, my. He's back in. Again. He's back into play, man.

How does it all come back to that rotund Colonel? Because he was very important. He sadly, weirdly, was a very important to American history if we believe that our interpretation of these events are true. Yes. Okay. Now, if you'll remember from our L. Ron Hubbard series, it was either like episode one or two, I think it was one, Hubbard made friends with noted occultist and rocket scientist

Jack Parsons when Hubbard was on the road to founding Scientology, and he was pounding out his girlfriend and taking all his money and having a great time. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't think Parsons liked him too much. No, no, no. But in 1945, these two guys working together, and we know for a fact that this actually happened.

We know that Parsons and Hubbard attempted the moon child ritual in which they were hoping to produce an incarnation of a divine woman known as Babylon, aka the Scarlet Woman. Now, following the ritual, Hubbard essentially ruined Parsons' life, and Parsons died under suspicious circumstances six years later in a quote, unquote, accidental explosion in his garage. Yes. Yes. Oh, man.

And it is definitely worth noting that Parsons was a student of Alistair Crowley, and Crowley had no confidence whatsoever in these two dudes, and this is decades after Crowley's peak. Yeah, you can't just go making flubber in your garage if you're not a scientist that's capable of doing so. No, you can't. No, but not capable of doing it. You can, though, because sometimes it makes you great at basketball, and it brings your

family back together. That's true. Well, this is what Crowley wrote in a letter to, like, another O.T.O. guy about these two assholes. Apparently, Parsons or Hubbard or somebody is producing a moon child. I get fairly frantic when I contemplate the idiocy of these louts. I'm sorry, I'm sitting on a parking cone. Uh, sir, I'm just trying to park here.

No parking, valley only. Okay. Um, but it's important to remember that Crowley was not happy that they were using his magic wrong. Absolutely not. Okay. Well, a part of what's going to be very difficult to explain to people outside of the magical world is that ritual work, to be honest, while it's talked about quite a bit, is pretty rare.

The right hand path, like what you always talked about, we had talked about when we did our magic episodes. They always did this for specific, personal knowledge. They weren't trying to actually use the rituals the way they were intended. Alistair Crowley stepped out of style, and he was the one that was really doing stuff being like, I want to do it. I want to talk to the entities. I want to get power and money from them.

I want to show people that that's what magic is for. But the thing is that a lot of people, like you're going to see, I think that we have real witches and sorcerers that listen to the show that do ritual magic, but you know for a fact how many people, you know, or self-describe quote unquote witches, they've never done a fucking ritual. They've just got candles and shit. They're just having a nice time and they're wearing see-through clothes that's making, making some of them witch.

But a part of what these guys do, it's just like, is L. Ron Hubbard and Jack Parsons had the fucking schnances to actually do the moon child ritual, which is an incredibly important ritual that no one had really, I guess they had tempted forms of it. These guys taken a full fucking home run swing for it, because a part of it, and they had two separate goals. Jack Parsons wanted to use the spirit of Babylon to actually put down Alistair Crowley's beginning of the Aeon of Horus, because Horus is connected to Mars and to fire, which is the idea that we're living in this like war-like time, and what we're trying to do is bring peace

and love and harmony, and Babylon was supposed to come and teach everybody that slick pussies and hard penises and all that stuff is supposed to make things good and not bad, like sexual healing for everyone. But fucking L. Ron Hubbard had a whole other idea of how to use this energy, and it seemed like yes. I can't stop thinking though of Parsons and Hubbard in like clear see-through shirts like Christian and Ed from WWE used to wear, and I just don't want to think about like their weird bodies being able to be seen through their black cloth shirts.

I mean Hubbard, he had definitely a weird body, but like Parsons, Parsons was a heart throb. He was? Oh yeah, man. Oh yeah. Hubbard had a perfectly normal body. No, it's your body, and it's the only reason you're saying that. He had a thinker's body, a technically very successful man's body.

But even though Crowley had no confidence in these guys being able to pull this off, it's possible that L. Ron Hubbard actually knew exactly what he was doing. And he used Jack Parsons and the knowledge that Jack Parsons had learned from Aleister Crowley to do it. And here's another thing from Bishop Reverend Allen Greenfield. You gotta say like, here's another thing, and here's another thing. This is good. Greenfield maintains that L. Ron Hubbard was working for the Black Lodge.

Greenfield wrote, the Black Lodge's aim was to delay the manifestation of the new Aeon, the birth of the magical child, and the realization of the Uberminch through diversion of the will current into less than useless power plays, demoralizing materialist and superstitious delusions, and new age jargon. And it could be argued that useless power plays, demoralizing materialist and superstitious delusions, and new age jargon are the foundations of Scientology. Interesting. Yeah, new age jargon.

I like it. So this is, is this like, what's that Xenu guy, Ed Olden with Scientology? Is that, is that, is that where he came up with that idea? No, he purposefully, I think that it's technically, the idea is that it's purposefully misleading. It is purposefully done to get, to con you and make you believe in something that's entirely cynical. And then by the end of it, it's, you have been wasting your time. Yeah, Scientology removes thought completely.

You have no thoughts of your, all Scientology does is it just, you know, shoots a bunch of manure in your head. And then you can, this sounds like a father trying to convince his daughter not to get into Scientology. All Scientology does, it just shoots a bunch of manure in your head, and I don't see why you can't just be happy here in the homestead in Oklahoma, it's a perfectly fine home, your mother loves you, I love you, your brother loves you too much, but that's okay. But you don't understand, not only can I jump seven feet, I'm also not gay anymore, dad.

Maneur shoots into your head. Now it very well could be possible that Hubbard's actual goal in the Moon Child Ritual was to open the door to the Black Lodge completely, letting all manner of creatures and malicious aliens into this world. And what do those include? The men in black. Wow, because after all, it was only two years later, the aliens were crash landing in Roswell, New Mexico, and UFO sightings haven't slowed down since.

Yeah, aren't the men in black, don't the men in black, I've seen the fucking movies. Yeah, don't they kill aliens? No, no, that's just the movies. They're part and parcel, man, they're all like, it's the idea of the Hegelian dialectic, they are the same phenomena, they control the UFO activity, they are part of UFO activity, they're UFO poles aren't they, and also they control, sort of, but they also are entities like the UFO knots that pilot these crafts. You just won't, you just refuse to say UFO knots, don't you?

I will not. Alright. Now supposedly, aliens weren't the only thing to come through the door to the Black Lodge. Although creatures like Sasquatch, Nessie, Mermaids, and such and such, have existed for centuries, something curious happened following the Moonschild Ritual. Around that time, truly bizarre creatures started showing up all around the world, but North America in particular. Take for example, the Flatwoods monster that we spoke of last week.

Yeah, with the fucking fish flaps and the fucking big flathead and the red eyes. That was first seen in 1952. And remember, Bender said that the creatures that he met in Antarctica looked just like the Flatwoods monster. Yeah dude. Then, there's the half man, half frog, love land frog man in 1955, the fishy man goat that is the Lake Worth monster in 1969, the tendril finger Dover demon in 1977, the spiked Mexican Texan Puerto Rican chupacabra in 1995, and countless others all across the continent.

Think about this, you're fucking your big foot, right? You're OG, you're out there like you're hanging out with a Native American and he keeps calling you long wise man, and you're like keep them coming, keep them compliments company Native Americans, you'll see how far you get, you know what I mean? You're sucking on his peace pipe, things are totally fucking groovy. And all of a sudden, the Flatwoods monster shows up, and he's just like, get me fucking out of here dude, I'm just a fucking monkey man. The chupacabra showing up eating all the apples.

Oh yeah man, you're Sasquatch and the chupacabra shows up like, get out of here, at least a mildly human like, fuck yeah you're fucking annoying me bro, shut up. And that's exactly what it is, from what I can tell with a few exceptions, a lot of the other cryptids around the world that you see in the latter half of the 20th century, even before that, they tend to have fairly close zoological cousins, but the ones seen here in North America are usually malformed beasts, like nightmare chimeras that terrorize small towns. Think about this right, and like the men in black that pop out, they're like nightmarish

copies of humans, it's like that shit, it's like annihilation, where the creatures that come out are like, there's these entities that poke their way out of the black lodge and sort of hang on these like ideas of like, humans wear shoes. You have to have a thick sold shoe to make sure you protect your very fragile human feet, so all of a sudden you have a big thick sold shoes on, you show up all this stuff being like, oh look I'm a, I'm a deer, but actually you're the Dover Demon, you're just going ha ha ha ha ha, because that's how they fucking show up. Oh, kind of prairie dogged huh?

Oh yeah man, pop up, pop down. And no cryptid of that time was more terrifying or more famous than the Mothman. And the Mothman curiously shares a state with the aforementioned Flatwoods monster, both were in West Virginia, and it just so happens that the Mothman was also at the center of some of the most bizarre encounters ever recorded involving, do you want to take a bin? Involving, I would just, Mothman an inflat guy, no, no, no, no, no, who are we talking about? We're talking about for, we're going on like two and a half hours now.

Okay. Involving. What was the question? I really want to get, I'm not, I don't, it's not a question, I want you to finish my sentence. Oh okay. Alright, I want you to finish my sentence. Here we go. And it just so happens that the Mothman was also at the center of some of the most bizarre

encounters ever recorded involving, this is going to be a very easy class for those that do their homework, I don't, I don't, just say the men in black, in the men in black. Involving. The black lodge. Involving. The men in black. The men in, involving the men in black. Are we breaking you?

Oh no, I've been broken a long, I think I've thrown episode 50, I was broken, so. But before we get to the Mothman, we've got to introduce the third of the three writers that contributed the most to the men in black story besides Albert Bender and Gray Barker. Okay. And that man is John Keele. I love him. Oh yeah. Now John Keele is actually a pretty fascinating character in the world of the paranormal and

although he did write a saucy soft core Batman porn parody paperback named the fickle finger of fate. Oh god, which is just Batman with a finger permanently placed inside Robin. Yes, he did write the fickle finger of fate. But he's best known, he's best known for his 1975 book, The Mothman Prophecies. Now if you want weirdo history of America, The Mothman Prophecies is an essential book. Think about how many books we've read in the last two weeks for this episode. This may be the most, technically the most quote unquote not real subject we've ever

covered. Well, there's, I mean, page count we've probably done more. Researched more. Yeah, page count definitely going to go ahead and say Jonestown, that's our number one. That's the big one. But number of thin books, maybe black is definitely up there. Yeah, we're fine. Oh, you guys got a bunch of personal pan pizzas coming your way.

No denying that. Oh, the book club. No, nobody in class. You never get, you never get rewarded for reading alien books. How many times I would bring those into class, I remember bringing alien books into class as little kid and they're like, this isn't real books. You need to read a real book like, of mice and men. Oh god, I hate that book.

I love that book. Oh, I know why you hate it. Yeah, because first of all, rabbits are, they're weak. Second of all, why are you so mean to the big guy? Leave Malone. It was because he killed a woman. He killed a woman. I understand that he gave a massage to someone, but you know what, man?

It's like, whatever. Leave the guy alone. Leave Malone. Well, Keel, besides just writing the Mothman prophecies, he was one of the most important voices in men in black research. And although he did not coin the phrase men in black, he was the one who popularized it in a story called UFO agents of terror in the men's adventure magazine, Saga. God, again, that's when men's adventure magazines were so much more fun than they are now.

It's all muscle milk and how to get your penis slightly larger and how to get your pecs bigger. Why can't we have fun stuff like that anymore? I don't know. I don't want to climb a mountain. I don't want to look at myself in the mirror flexing and feel good about it. Now, I just want to talk about, I would much rather read a tale like that. I want to read a story about how a guy climbed a mountain and found a weird bird and then climbed back down.

I just want to read a story about a five foot seven boy, a round boy, who meets a very long woman and they spend their lives going in a big hot air balloon from town to town killing men in black and having sex. I think you're going to have to write that one. Yep, I will with my actions. Well, however, even though Keele was a talented paranormal writer, he also had a flair for exaggeration. So whatever story told to him tended to be given a little extra oomph for dramatic purposes.

But that though was saved for his writing. In person, Keele tended to be a little more real. His most bizarre encounter with the men in black was just told to paranormal author Brad Stieger, who we have no doubt used as a source on last podcast in the past. We've definitely used. Oh, yes, absolutely. He is an old school Bill Cooper style conspiracy hot like hard line guy. Yeah, he's a hard line guy, but he's not quite there.

Like he's not going to die in a shootout in his front yard like Bill Cooper did. Okay. Now, allegedly, Keele had the same sort of visitation that Albert Bender had experienced as in, you know, men in black show up, say, stop looking into the shit and we won't have to hurry. Yeah. But during Keele's visit, the men in black decided to turn up the weirdness factor a bit at the end of the conversation in which the men in black, not so subtly threatened

Keele's life. One of the men in black started rummaging around under Keele's sink. The man in black came out with a big bottle of Clorox bleach and asked Keele, what is this? What is this? What is this? What do we have here? What kind of liquid?

Well it's got the yuck logo on it. We did put that sticker on it for the children so they know how to drink it. And Keele told the men in black, it's Clorox bleach, it's a powerful disinfectant. Yeah. Really? Like we're going to believe you. I would. Yeah.

Because the men in black, he opened up the bottle and he put it, he just stuck it under Keele's nose and told him, sniff it, smell it, smell it, which everyone loves. Everyone always loves if we force to smell things. It's always a great set when someone requests you to smell something. Oh yeah. So, after the men in black confirmed again that it was indeed Clorox bleach, he just took a big ol' swig of it and then handed it over to the next man in black who gulped down like a few more swallows like, and then he handed it off to the third man in black

who finished off the bottle. It always reminds me of what's a Harlan Williams from Dumb and Dumber. Oh yeah. He goes and he gets the bottle. Get out of here. Then they just left, nope, not replacing the bleach. This isn't even close to the most bizarre of the men in black stories because as the movie, and you know Ben, you are guilty of being fooled, sugar water, more sugar water.

Even though the movie may make it seem like the men in black are all like swabbed dudes who show up to save the world, get a couple of good one-liters and they get out of there. To be fair, there's only one swabbed dude. No, it's not supposed to be, he's the white square. But he's still a swab, but really, most of the time, the men in black are just unsettling weirdos. Yeah, like they're fucking horror creatures unleashed from the black lodge. And unsettling weirdos were exactly who infested the small town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia

in 1967 following the appearance of the Mothman, and that is where we'll pick up our story on men in black part three. Now you may be wondering why we're doing a trio, because number one, it actually works with canon because men in black come in threes. So I think that spiritually it works, and psychically it works. But also, guys, unfortunately, we have just scratched the surface, and there is so much more shit. I was saying this the last time to Marcus, and I really believe this, where it's like,

one day, you guys ain't going to see me for a while, and I'm going to come back, and I am going to either have a men in black in a fucking net, and I'm going to be taking pictures of it, or I'll be covered in men in black blood, just like hunting them down spiritually from state to state and country to country. So you're just going to kidnap a bunch of people? No, I'm going to kidnap men in black, and I'm going to torture them until they admit that they are men in black. Okay, yeah, that'll be good.

All right, well, wow, there we go, men in black, part three, coming up next week. Oh, yeah. Wow, man, I feel cleansed. Me too. That felt good. We got it out. Yeah, we got it out. This is good sitting up side, but you're having so many nightmares and babbling at Natalie,

and she likes it too, but a part of it, man, way too, oh man, we're going to fucking crack this me and Natalie one day, we're going to get off this fucking grid. I've been getting a lot of polite nods in my household. That's nice. I was just there yesterday, we celebrated July 4th at Marcus's house, I brought over so much cheese, but you still have it there. Oh, we definitely still have it, in fact, while we're in Portland, our ladies are going to get together and just have a cheese day.

They're going to eat that cheese. Yeah, very good. Like a couple of hot mice. Yeah, absolutely. All right, I love cheese. Anyway, so that's men in black, part two. All right, now what do we have to do? We have to thank everyone for Patreon.

Of course. Henry and I had a great interview this week. We interviewed this guy, he hosts a podcast called The Gateway, and they're checking out this guy, this gal, Teal Swan. She's a possible cult leader. We don't, it's up for debate. Sounds good. I'm leading a little bit towards.

She sounds like a cult leader. I'm going to put it on my, upon re-establishing it, she just sounds like a cult leader. He's being generous, which I think is nice that he is having this. So check out that interview. If you haven't subscribed to our Patreon, please do, and you can listen to all of those interviews series. Yeah, there's dozens of interviews. These two dudes have done, over on our Patreon, if you give $5 or more, then you get access

to all of them. You also get access to my series in which I am working on reading the Bible, beginning to end. There it is. About 30 minutes at a time, and I think I'm pretty far into Genesis now. I'm past the baguettes. Oh, 30 minutes at a time. You're going to be done with that by 2088?

We're just doing the old testament. We don't need to do the new testament. That's right. Yeah, thanks for listening to all the shows here. On Toppat this week, I interviewed Wildman Mark Mara, which is a motivational speaker now. So if you're feeling down, I think it's a very uplifting episode. That's really cool.

And I would like to thank everybody. Follow us on all the fucking horseshit, and I'm so fucking sick of, on Twitter at Henry Loves You, at Marcus Parks, and Ben Kissel, who's on Some Reason Back. I don't know why you're like that. Well, no, I'm not. See, if everyone was like, oh, I hope people are nice to you, this stuff, no one was really mean to me on Twitter. I'm just, I am a sensitive little bean, and I absorb everything.

We all are. We all are. We're all punishing ourselves. Yeah. And I just couldn't deal with everyone's thoughts. So what I did was, I got back at it, but I didn't use the app. I'm just looking at it, I'll post, and then I just try, because I find myself just getting like mad with it.

Yeah. It's fucking awesome. Thumb, thumb, thumb. My thumb has never worked so hard in its whole little thumb life. Oh, yeah. Twitter, Facebook, both things are creatures of the Black Law, I guarantee. I hate it. I hate it.

But unfortunately, we're a mom and pop organization, so we, we're all mothers and fathers here, and so we got to get the word out, and so unfortunately this is what we're doing until finally that solar flare comes, that it wipes it all fucking out. Oh my goodness. And then also follow us on Instagram at Dr. Fantasi at Marcus Parks and Ben Kissel, the number one, and LP on the left, or all things, last podcast on the left. And unless it is certified LP, last podcast on the left, or one of our names, we are not in charge or in control of any social media presence out there.

No. So don't, don't confuse us with anything, man. We are just the same three dudes as always, and folks are doing what folks do, and what can you do? You can't contain nothing. We're in charge of our personal Twitter, the LP on the left, on Twitter, and Instagram, and that is. And that is it.

That's it. We have no control, nor do we look at it, nor should you look at it, so there's nothing to do with us. Yes. All right, everyone. We'll thank you so much for listening. We love you, and I cannot wait. We'll see you in Portland this weekend.

Yeah. Friday night. We're listening to this on the way to the show right now. Yes. So yeah, oh, maybe we could pretend like, you remember that scene in Wayne's World 2, where they're all driving to the concert, and they're listening to, like, Mr. Scream, and they're like, yeah, everybody out there that's going on the way to the Aerosmith concert, and then he goes, eh.

See you guys in Portland tonight. Oh, man. And I hope they have one of those really cool, licorice dispensers like they have in Wayne's car. Remember that? Who is one of them? That's fucking great, man. Yeah, I would definitely do that.

That sounds great. All right, fuckers. Hail, Satan. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hell, keen. Hail me. Fight the Black Lodge every day. Fight the powers that want to keep you ignorant.

Yeah. Read a book. Go make love to your significant other. Go to a pool. Magoo Stylations, everyone.