Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 364: Israel Keyes Part II - Mama Bones' Vodon Hamburger Bar

Episode Date: May 11, 2019

On the conclusion to our series on Israel Keyes, we cover the disappearance and murder of his last victim, the hunt to find Keyes after he reached out to law enforcement BTK-style, and his unfortunate and pathetic attempt at slam poetry. 

There's no place to escape to this is the last talk on the left What are you doing kiss? Are you opening up a condom right now? What are you doing? I'm opening up a Starbucks frappuccino getting ready for the show buddy Oh It's like the equivalent of drinking a quart of condensed milk Are we starting today's episode with shaming me for drinking my frappuccino Just drink it half and half Essentially I will say can I amend something we said last last episode. Okay, obviously

We really stirred the pot. Did we came to Lincoln Park, right? There are a lot of people like you know obviously responding to people, you know like big ups to Chester Yeah, I mean doing good wherever he is on the other side of the veil I will say I will vindicate him in one way. There is a band that is worse than Lincoln Park Yeah, of course the band is called crazy town Crazy town's not new metal if we're gonna stay in the new metal realm is stained worse than Lincoln Park No, yes I don't hate Lincoln Park Lincoln Park is just fine. It might be but I do think that crazy town

I think is technically new metal What's it the Puy Puy shells yeah Puka shells puka shells puka shells Remember when those were in style Anybody had sex All right, well, I guess we're starting today's episode talking about 90s music This is the last podcast on the left everyone. I am Ben Kissel hanging out in New York City with Marcus Barks It's a beautiful day New York City

New York City and of course in Los Angeles We have Henry Zabrowski and I think our weather is probably not to have a weather conversation But it's probably similar to a talent to that mom. Are you on the show? No mom. It's incredible I can't believe that you decided to guest on the show Are you about to tell me about all the times that you thought that you wish that I could be on Broadway that I wish I could be doing theater instead of performing Podcast I don't see Broadway would be really cool if you could get on Broadway. That would be nice It's a fucking scam man. Broadway's a scam. I tell you what I spend every day in Los Angeles

Looking for a pedophile to attack People dead on the street People leaving any kind of those because we have like a Montessori school near where our apartment is right and like all the kids come out They're all so Smart it sounds like you're just hanging out outside of a school asking if people are pedophiles almost as if you're looking for company You are losing your damn mind. All right, well speaking of people who have lost their damn mind We are on to part two of this fella again your laugh Henry your impression impression of this man has gotten a lot of attention And I absolutely love it is real keys part two. I don't really get why people are making fun of my laugh, man

It's perfectly normal to laugh at your own jokes Now as we said in our last episode keys was careful up to this point to only choose victims in the lower 48 At this point in the story He just murdered Bill and Lorraine Courier down in Vermont about eight months before But as his arrogance took a steady climb upward keys wanted to know what it was like to commit a murder in Anchorage to juice the adrenaline that much more. Hmm. I I have a theory. All right I have a theory about why he moved up north why he started killing in Alaska. I think you're you're correct I think he was juicing the adrenaline, but I think that there was also a part of him

It's the same reason why we added the third side stories a month not to always compare ourselves to serial killers But there's a lot of legwork in creating the show the way that they mapped out all of his various random killings He did they have his flight receipts from the Anchorage Airport so they know that he went to Fort Wayne, Indiana He was in Arizona. He was in Washington He was like he was traveling and then when he would land and then drive for hundreds of miles They go drop off a kill kit and then try to like scout for a victim And he wouldn't debt one every once in a while or he would if you want to say he's that he's a plus 10 serial killer Victim wise right which we don't know for certain that he might have done this a lot

Or he was very very very selective about his victim, but that took time I think that it took too much work for him hustling back and forth like he was he got tired Essentially and then just kept one close to home. Yeah, he sounds like he's traveling more than the grateful debt I mean, it does he was really working, you know, he's a total piece of crap, but he was putting the legwork in that's for damn sure Yeah, he sure was and it very well could have been that you know He just got a little bit lazier, but either way on February 1st 2012 Israel keys went out for his next victim Keys chose this night in particular because he had tickets to take a cruise to Mexico out of Louisiana Louisiana at the very next day that Louisiana cruise to Mexico to be a fly on the wall here in those conversations

Just all of them are nothing but the spiciest taco You got piles of black on so Come on down to the voodoo hamburger bar, you know You've got to see mama bones the way she puts that spice down on that burger Oh my my my friend my cool. Oh my I would love to see a bunch of people with Cajun accents wearing sombreros just hammered off of margaritas Well the thinking went that if keys was gone He figured it'd make the police that much harder to track him and in this he was absolutely correct Now since this was a different sort of crime from his previous murders keys scouted locations instead of people see for keys

The person wasn't as important as finding the right location because all he cared about was killing easily and not getting caught So he is literally like Ray Kroc McDonald's where it was like we're not in the burger business. We're in the real estate business He was looking for locations more than he was people He said himself that he he did take some importance on the victims because he scouted out the houses He was kind of like BTK because he can't have anything like remotely fuck with the his view of how perfect a predator He is right Well, eventually keys settled on a small coffee hut called Common Grounds Espresso

Located in the middle of a parking lot at 630 East two-door road near the old Seward Highway in Anchorage And there wasn't anything particularly special about this spot The only thing that made it stand out was that it was open later than the other coffee stands thereby making it the easier target So keys scouted the location for a few days and decided the amount of low traffic at the end of the night made it perfect And in preparation keys had bought himself a police scanner so he could check for police presence in his immediate vicinity You know police scanners are really really fun to have if you got your buddies around and everyone is super stoned It's like I mean now. I'm addicted to the citizen app It's like it's like please skater 2.0 as a matter of fact in Queens yesterday

There was a man arrested for throwing feces out of his window And I would not have known that without my citizen alert Thank God because I had to text hold it and be like yo, bro. You live in Queens man. Just be careful. Dookie's flying Bro, I will say it's hard when you're like trying to relax at home Yes, it's like, you know, I know I'm not trying to frighten Natalie No with various this like horrible news, but definitely like sitting at home It's like 11 o'clock at night, you know, we're watching our shutdown show which is normally which has become naked and afraid Oh, okay, this is an apple just like blink blink. I'll see my phone go and I'll look and just be like men with machete

Attacks person 7-11. It's just like shows that it's like 0.9 miles away from me, and I'm like Oh, it's covered my phone. No reason to be always plugged into the net. I'm sorry because now it's like, what are you looking at? Why did you grimace? I will say eight to ten Bud lights in I do feel like getting involved in Probably 50% of the alerts when I get on citizen app Well, listen to the police scanner that was a hobby of old ladies in my hometown Is that they just sit all night long and listen to the police scanner Waiting to hear a name that they recognize so they could wake up the next morning and start the old gossip

Man all about who got arrested for a DWI the night before good for them Talk about doing their legwork Well keys had also prepared a special place at home in which to commit the murder once he'd kidnapped his as yet Unchosen victim see Israel's house had come with a shed conveniently placed on the side of his house So right before he left to choose a victim keys set up two heaters to stave off the February Alaskan cold then spread a 9x12 tarp on the floor to take care of any blood that might come as a result of his next murder Hey, baby, don't worry what I'm doing in here. I'm just kind of making like a super small slip and slide myself You know how I love throwing yard parties where it's just me, but it's in the shed

Finally he set out a couple of links of rope and screwed a few eye bolts into the wall With everything ready keys left the house and pulled his 2004 Chevy Silverado into the Home Depot parking lot next to an i-hop across the street from common grounds You know that he's also the cut cut He's also the kind of guy that goes into Home Depot who has all of this shit and they're just being like, you know You know probably customary with the rope and the tarps and all the and the shovels and the eye bolts and you know the guys like Home Depot It's like oh, this is a this is an unusual load that you got here, uh, mr. Keys and he's like yeah I'm gonna use it to fucking kill somebody tonight

And they all look like yeah That's scary that's scary that you said that that is a perfect small town trifecta though i-hop home depot coffee shop Yep, why would we move? Then at about 8 p.m When keys heard chatter over the scanner that something big had gone down across town which pulled the police in that direction Keys got out of his truck and began walking towards the stand where 18 year old Samantha Koenig was closing up Thing was though keys hadn't quite decided just what he was gonna do as he was walking up to the window of the kiosk He knew he was definitely gonna rob the place, but he didn't even know how many people were working there that night

Unfortunately, it was only Samantha Koenig who had only been working there a month when Israel keys came calling With his 22 in the pocket of his jacket keys walked up and ordered an americano I want it extra hot, please Because that's the only way I can drink it is if it burns my fucking throat People are like that though. I don't understand super hot americano. I don't understand it. No clue what it's a sociopath's drink That's why I like my frappuccinos as we figured out. Why would they just have this 18 year old girl closing after one month though? That's a mistake. Yeah, I don't know. Have you ever lived in you've lived in a college town? Of course your town is run by 19 year olds

Well, that's like the oldest manager is like the 23 year old who just didn't graduate you just ended up like staying in Tallahassee. Yeah, why would I man? Why would I stay in college? I get benefits here at armist. I get great benefit I get great pennies. I get like free lunches. I got my shit all fucking worked out dude. It's fucking. I got Trish She's my girlfriend for fucking ever dude. Yeah, I give you shit about nothing dude. I got my homeboy. It won't true Fucking where do I gotta be and fuck this shit And Samantha turned her back to make the order and when she turned back around to hand the americano to keys He had his gun drawn and pointed towards her keys then told her to turn out the lights And after that was done he climbed in the window

Telling her to get on her knees Israel bent down and was binding her hands behind her back When she told him that her father was going to be there any moment to pick her up Now this presented a problem for keys in the past keys had always been careful to never use a car Registered in his own name when committing his more heinous crimes But since things have gone smoothly thus far keys risked it and pushed Samantha out the door after gagging her with a handful of napkins This is the forget where the monkey wrench Section is this is why I believe Like if you if you want to believe that Israel keys was telling the truth about claiming to have murdered at least seven people

This is what actually makes me believe it is that he actually has a measure of confidence going into this And it's like he's done this shit before so what is this phase then? It's not berserker because he's still in control, but he's more I guess comfortable with with killing definitely comfortable with killing and this is a phase in which He wants to juice up the adrenaline. We're gonna see exactly How he's gonna do that because he wants to do something more than just murder And he's also tired of nobody knowing who the fuck he is. He's tired of not getting any recognition This is another way that he is completely in line with Dennis Raider

Just to write a song like crazy town dead. It doesn't have to be good, but you can get recognition You could write a whole album of songs about murdering women and get it out of your system I don't think it's pop. It's gonna be popular No, if you just imagined it and wrote it technically you're just uh chuck polemic. You're just an artist So he took her out to a Silverado pushed her in the passenger seat And told her that he was gonna hold her for ransom and all she had to do to survive would be to cooperate Oh, yeah, all that big alaskan oil money. She was definitely an oil magnets child That's why she's closing a coffee shop. Where's the money? Yeah, and there was it was fake kissle

It was never it was never going to happen. Yeah, and it was the exact same thing that the uh, uh Couriers had said before they're like we don't have any money You're not going to get any money for ransom. Why are you doing this? Right? Right, but that's why you could see the escalation with the couriers where he He kind of set it up in an almost a joe calendar sort of way In his mind where he set up these kind of scenarios where because well when when the the When the one guy escaped and the other person was running away This this gives him the juice that he wanted and I feel like that's where things were just becoming boring for him

And for those that don't remember the couriers were the older couple that he killed initially. Yeah Well, the thing was ransom was a part of the plan But the plan did not involve Samantha Koenig staying alive So after securing Koenig keys took her to the house He shared with his girlfriend in the turn again neighborhood in west anchorage Once there he blindfolded Samantha and led her into the shed right next to his house Now amazingly, Israel risked this while his girlfriend was awake inside and hanging out in the living room How the

What are you doing, honey? Just like one of those would work Good lord. So this guy is he's really taken some chances here. Yeah She could have easily looked out the window and seen what he was doing But he managed to slip by unnoticed. Geez once Samantha was in the shed He noosed a rope tied to the wall around her neck and tied her hands in front of her so she could smoke if she so chose Okay, I guess Polite. Yeah, I don't know. I mean honestly I feel like this is an anchorage thing because we'll see Israel keys is obsessed with smoking in jail too

I just think it's just such a part of like if you're 12, you're just giving it pack cigarettes and I don't know I'm not from anchorage, but I feel like that's like it's a hobby there. That's bizarre. Okay Then he told her that he had quote some errands to do around town to get the ransom thing going Telling her that he was going to be listening to his scanner while he was gone And if you heard the cops were coming he'd be sure to get there first no matter what the consequence Then right before leaving keys turned off the lights and flipped on the radio Turning it all the way up so no one would hear if she decided to scream come come my lady sugar Oh, I can't even leave right now fucking love crazy town man. Yeah, he does sound like someone who would love crazy town

No, no, no not at all He seems like the guy that will talk for 30 minutes as to how much crazy town sucks If you even mentioned that you even kind of like crazy I tell you what man. I also hate the fact that it should just really be spelled Ne w metal because it's such a new take on them on the whole genre because I love the flavor of hip hop Look at wick a wick a wick a wick. There's nothing. I love better than a man with a mohawk and a lip ring rapping at me So dreamy just want to have sex with him Did I say that?

I want to hit your character in the head with a hammer I want to hit his real keys So bad right now Well, the main errand the israel needed to run was getting a hold of samantha's debit card His idea was to eventually use samantha's phone to get a hold of a friend or family member and direct them to deposit money In her bank account and then he'd use her debit card to withdraw the money So israel went and fetched samantha's wallet from her boyfriend's truck across town came back by the time he got back His girlfriend was asleep. So he went inside and poured himself a glass of wine

Oh, so classy so classy wine in hand keys put on his headlamp went outside and entered the pitch dark shed where Samantha Koenig was sitting exactly where he'd left her First he untied the rope from the wall and laid her down on the tarp Then he tied her up further and wrapped a 36 inch cable tie around her neck Finally he cut off her clothes with a knife stabbed her in the back And raped her while yanking the table tie as hard as he could until she finally choked to death Ugh He then used a nylon rope and hung her dead body from a nearby shelf before finishing his glass of wine

After he'd had his fill he went inside took a shower and then just went about his daily chores What all of this is the I mean it's all game and ship right you look at this is very similar to btk Especially also in mo and the way that he did it the way that he liked playing all these balances Also, we got a little bit of brudos in there because he got his kill shed literally right next to his house Where he likes the idea the balance of the two He I think that he's not even a wine drinker. That's what I'm gonna say I think that he thought it was a fucking evil villain prop. Yeah I'll agree with that. He's the type of an empty. He's such an empty piece of shit

Right that like I don't think he ever enjoyed anything ever. I think that he was a person It was all about his appearances And so when he came in with a glass of wine Because that's what apparently he did is that he put down a bowl of water for her And he said you can have water and then he sat and drank his glass of wine as she like cried in front of him, which was him Doing a fucking movie version of a shithead and not actually feeling anything on his own Yeah, what a piece of shit. Yeah, you woke up his daughter fed his dogs and double checked that he had everything for the Mexican cruise He was embarking upon later that day. I got my fucking slipknot tapes. I got my sombrero

I got my brown face paint. I'm gonna rock cosmo, baby Oh my god, so this whole time he's playing in this cruise. She's still just in his shed and she's hanging up dead She's dead, but she's hanging. Yeah, she's hanging there. Yeah. Oh my god You didn't want to go into his fucking shed. No one wanted to go into his shed But mostly you just thought it was gonna be a life-sized cut out of the guy from crazy town with com all over the torso Oh my god Hey, once everything was set he went back to the shed took down Samantha's body and wrapped her in the tarp The last thing he did before leaving was to stuff the body in his shed cabinets

Knowing that the Alaskan cold would keep the body from decomposing until he got back Having done that he double locked the doors called a cab to the airport and traveled down to New Orleans via Houston and got on a cruise ship touring the Gulf of Mexico for two weeks Geez, I mean this is how do you what do you do on that cruise ship? Like i'm serious like you have this woman. She's dead in your freaking, uh, you know shed And then you're just two weeks being like, yeah, these are pretty good marks Like what do you like? How do you decomparten mines? Uh, how do you compartment compartmentalize compartmentalize? Yes, how the hell do you do that?

I think it I think he did it on purpose I think he did it from again I think he did it as an empty choice because he was such a serial killer fan boy for so long That him doing that's been like i'm the coldest motherfucker in the world. Like look how fucking badass. I am I'm going on a fucking cruise. I got my fucking hamburger bar fucking Lipped up. I got my fucking I went down to the cruise club and you know, I did the worm Because everybody fucking loves the guy who does the fucking worm Because they're all watching me. Yeah, of course. Wow. All right. Yeah, he's just going on the cruise ship

They probably make a stop in Galveston probably make a stop at San Marcos Island probably when it cancun You know just going for two weeks going in off and on this cruise ship and acting like an ass all the time all by himself He was he went alone. Okay. Yeah Well, meanwhile the search for Samantha Koenig back in Anchorage have begun the moment the kiosk was found empty The first thing they checked was surveillance footage But since keys had made her turn out the lights all they could make out was a tall-ish white guy If that's the one thing too about I think we talked about this last episode Covering such a modern serial killer, which we've never really done before you have all of this footage

So you can see the footage of her getting kidnapped, which is really harrowing just on fucking youtube Yeah, and you can't it's just a figure walk you but it happens so fast It's so scary Well the best suspect that they could come up with and when I say they I mean the busy bodies in the local Anchorage community Was a lanky aspiring rapper named Christopher bird who went by the alias white tyson Oh man leave white tyson alone Well, apparently he and Samantha had butted heads a few months earlier Uh, and the public had just gone all in on blaming bird. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I don't get it, son

You're giving me ice coffee. My thing is why don't you make the cubes out of fucking coffee? D-d-d-d-d-d-d unit Call me white in white east toy All right, so they got a scapegoat here in white tyson Yeah, that escape goat and the public outcry was so strong bird got kicked out of barber school because the owner couldn't stand the heat And he lost his $6,000 tuition fee First of all, that's a hell of a lot of money for barber school. It's a big cut. Yeah, it's big bill Leave him alone. What did white tyson? He's just trying to wrap and cut hair

But bird's mother had assured everyone that white tyson had been grounded at home on the night of the abduction Hey, yeah, god fucking solid alibi, dude. My mama said I couldn't leave my room Yeah, I'm 27 years young. I said to my mama. Yeah, I respect you. So I'm gonna stay in my room. Play my switch Well, the police easily cleared him as a suspect But in the public and on the internet bird wouldn't have his name cleared for weeks to come Okay, I just want everybody to listen to reason. Um, my real name is christopher I Have nothing to do with these heinous crimes

And I can't believe that the reputation of onkerage could possibly be so solid By this I just want to say big ups to lazy jay and Juh-juh-juh-juh G unit to everyone who my friends Well keys had more to do down south even before he returned to anchorage And we don't know exactly what he did on that cruise, but after returning keys decided to rob a couple of banks before heading back To alaska. I mean to be fair. We know exactly what he did on that cruise You just lay out you put a bunch of suntan lotion on your body a desperately attempt to avoid getting that shit

Sickness where someone defecates on their hand and then rubs it on your face. I don't know what happens on cruises I got really sunburned first day and I had to spend the rest of the time in my room In eleno, texas keys set fire to a house and a barn just outside the city limits to draw local law enforcement Out of town so the bank would be easy pinkins for a robbery But for some reason keys just sat on a hill near the side of the arson and watched emergency vehicles through a pair of binoculars As they struggled with the two blazes Hmm, but at his next stop in asel texas keys would go through with his plan There he put on a hard hat glasses gloves and a respirator to hide his identity

Then he taped human hair that he got from god knows where to the inside of the hard hat to give him the appearance of long hair I mean was he going as like one of the 9 11 heroes? What what was this? Looked that he was going for if you watch the surveillance video It's on that's also on youtube He does look like one of the disguises from wanes world 2 when they dress up as the village people and they end up in the Oh my god So the disguise in place keys robbed the national bank of texas

Then after putting nearly 3,000 miles on the blue kia soul he'd rented keys returned his car to the houston airport And took a red eye back to anchorage and upon his return before he did anything else Keys checked to see if konig's body was where he left it After finding that it was keys went inside and played with his daughter Because it was his weekend to take care of her god. That's so I tell you what there's no days off to being a dad Yeah My god, but after she went to school on monday Keys returned to the shed and put the next phase of his plan into action

Only thing was the body had completely frozen in the 20 degree weather in the two weeks that keys was gone So in order to get the body out keys had to dismantle the entire cabinet After getting out the body and cleaning up the blood that had leaked out in the previous two weeks Keys constructed a table in the shed and placed the body on top Then after thawing out the body keys added necrophilia to his long list of crimes Oh, I didn't know we were gonna go there here. My god. Yeah, just when this guy couldn't become more of a douche bag Wow Do you think this may be an inappropriate question?

But do you remember in a christmas story when the guy stuck his tongue to the pole? Yeah, and it gets stuck Do you think the same thing happens with the body? No, no, I don't think so But if you want to hear more hard-hitting questions like that, make sure to get five bucks to our patreon Henry and I do a great interview series. We actually just interviewed john douglas for mind hunter, which is good I should have asked him Yeah, you should have asked him If there was anybody to ask, yeah Yeah, well, it's always nice when we're just like oh this interview ended with another person hanging up

We didn't do a good job Good job guys We haven't lost anybody yet No, I had Well, I did one of the documentaries I watched buddy's real keys. They said the thing about him Was that almost as a point of showing everybody how hard of a worker he was Again always going towards my thesis that he has never made a genuine choice in his life Is that he

Never stopped working. He wouldn't even take lunch breaks He called people who took lunch breaks pussies on his construction site We'd go and he'd work and he'd work the entire time and work harder than everybody else So there's something about him that has this mentality of being like, yeah, I'll take the whole fucking cabinet apart What do I give a fucking shit like he'll go and and he'll make his own custom table just to put it on her And I think it's all these weird Game and ships within his own mind to show how tough and how crazy he is Oh, he's the definition of a tryhard. Hmm. It which is pretty common in the new metal community if I remember correctly

Right, right, right, okay as I was I was one of them. You were a tryhard. Oh very much a tryhard. Well, I'm happy you've changed Well after he did necrophilia did necrophilia I guess after that Jesus he went to target and bought a polaroid camera And since they only had the camera though keys went back home talked his daughter into bed And went back out to pick up the film at the target and with Silla remember with Silla. I do remember with Silla That's Sarah Palin's land. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna go against popular opinion and I'm gonna say honestly We can't see Russia from here You know, I'm honest is real keys

I mean, honestly, it is interesting. It's you know, remember when Sarah Palin made that video of her in front of all of those turkeys That were kidding me at it. Yeah, it's a Alaska is more comfortable with bloodshed. Yeah, you know hunting communities are more I mean, I remember during hunting season in Wisconsin just the amount of deer guts that would just be in someone's garage And you just have to like look at it and be like there that is every time I go back home There's always a deer hanging from the shed, you know, just kind of bleeding out new bucket Yep, no, New York. I was raised with taxes bumping the horns and and guys slinging pizzas in the street and stick ball and Oh, the Brooklyn bombers

That's what I lived in. It's me. Oh, it's scorsese man. I do love a good zeppelin Well, the next day keys continued running errands at Walmart where he bought makeup similar to what he found in Samantha's purse along with fishing line and a few sewing needles Oh Finally he grabbed a stack of fairly recent newspapers from a recycling dumpster behind a grocery store And that completed his shopping list for a good old-fashioned ransom note See keys knew that he wouldn't get any money unless he could quote-unquote prove that konig was still alive But that was what the makeup and fishing line were for. Oh my god

You've ever seen home alone too. Yeah The only thing you got to do is get a light set up and get the wires to get her arms moving like she's dancing to a song And I you know nothing better than slapping some Israel I hate to break it to you that was home alone one. That was just home alone one What? Yeah, you were actually wrong about that. Yeah, Israel. I fucking hate being wrong Fuck yeah This guy he is probably the widiest bitch we've ever covered easily. Yeah Now he first spent three hours applying makeup to the face and body making it appear as if she was alive

Since the face was naturally expressionless keys used tape and super glue to give it a little emotion And the fishing line needles were used to control the expression in her eyes It's like fucking Tom Savini in this shit. Have you seen the photo here? Have you seen the photo kissle? I haven't seen it. Uh Quote-unquote photo I will say because okay. Well first before we get to that, you know, it took them It took them about like five or six attempts and keys finally got the result He wanted and took a polaroid picture of the body next to the february 13th edition of the anchorage daily news

Okay, but there are a couple of different versions out there of what the picture looked like In one version that I actually saw Keys had used the fishing line to sew the eyes open then prop the body fully clothed up against the wall As he somehow held the newspaper next to her and took the photo at the same time with a polaroid This isn't a smartphone here. It's a tough selfie to take Yeah, but the original source of that picture at least the only original source that I could find Was one of those weird bodybuilding forums that had like a whole bunch of different subjects Where you talk about just whatever and I also don't know how he could have taken the picture and held the newspaper at the angle that he did

I I don't know but what's weird about those bodybuilding forums is that that's where I found the Turner diary That's where I found uh, that's where I found the peewee gaskins unreleased But like that's where I like there's something about bodybuilding forums that has all of all of this underground pdf shit in it for some reason interesting But in the book devil in the darkness Author j.t. Hauner described keys sewing her eyes to look as if they were shut tightly And that keys took the picture of her naked lying on a mattress next to a flattened out edition of the anchorage daily news That's how I had originally read it as well. And I've read other sources. I think that this is a fake picture

Yes, I think it might be because the way I saw the way I had heard was that she was like lying on her side with the newspaper next to Her and that he had painted over the eyelids To make it look like her eyes were open that he had done it like it was that's why when they got the picture They were all like this does not look right like she this is not this is not a real ransom Some macabre macabre stuff here. Yeah, and I couldn't confirm which version of the story is true Well, let's go with the bodybuilders. Yeah, I'm just not gonna argue with them. They're they're jacked up They're full of roids and they'll break us in two I love bodybuilders because we have a lot of bodybuilder listeners, but they don't move quick

So you just got to be squirrely or cover yourself in lube and they can't get you Well considering keys is mo for wanting to make people feel as horrible as possible And since hunter is a published journalist and not an anonymous poster on a bodybuilding forum The second is probably closer to the truth. Okay But anyway after taking the photo keys typed up a ransom note on a typewriter bought from the salvation army Now I couldn't find the exact text But the gist was a pretty standard sneer full of false information and a demand of the $30,000 be deposited into Samantha's bank account and you know for a fact it was written by israel keys because he just got off the cruise and he said

Hola, uh, this is israel keys and he learned so much about the culture of the mexican people Uh-huh. I love it. He then sealed the note and the photo in two ziploc bags and drove his girlfriend's car to connor's bog dog park I don't it's okay connor's bog dog park not connor's bog dog park Yeah, we have one sounds like it's hosting a chewing tobacco competition the other one sounds like it might take care of dogs Also, like a bog dog just sounds like somebody who lives in louisiana. That's like a swamp house Well connor's bog dog park keys tack the ransom note and the polaroid under a missing dog flyer near the park's entrance With that in place keys turned on Samantha's phone and sent this text to her boyfriend Connor park sign under pick of albert. Ain't she pretty?

Just the fucking just feels just rage so much fucking rage You want to punch this motherfucker so hard in the face. Listen, I've watched hours of his fucking Oh, I hate this piece of shit. Yeah, I hate him so much. I watch you watch him talk I just want it's like just fucking hit him with the chair Honestly, the car I watched the interrogation video on youtube and the cops were very polite. Yeah, like far too polite Well, they were trying to get information from yeah Well, the worst part though is that when the boyfriend got the text he was eating lunch with Samantha's father Oh my god

So the two of them rushed to the park found the baggie and called the police Careful to not touch the package lest their fingerprints contaminate the scene But keys was at the very least careful when it came to not leaving any clues The cops were given no new leads based on the note the text or the picture And began making preparations to give keys at least part of the money Meanwhile, even though it was winter in alaska, the body had begun to decompose Keys thought about hiding it in a snowbank in his backyard for a little while But he decided a permanent solution would be better

So he set about dismembering the body Using a wire tourniquet on each limb to minimize the bleeding keys cut off the limbs one by one with a utility knife And stuffed them into two rolling tote bags Then he triple bagged the totes and garbage bags and put them in the corner of the shed until he was ready to move them a few days later After getting everything he needed for the trip. He took the first package to matanuska lake north of anchorage I love swimming in matanuska lake. They got the best leeches Every time I get out of there. I got 15 to 20 leeches on me, and it's pretty cool And I tell I tell my wife stop being upset with the leeches because that is lunch

That's a four-pound leech How much primo leech meat that is That's what you want. I don't really understand how his girlfriend doesn't notice all this shit Yeah, that's what I was wondering like Natalie knows when I pick up my phone like like Natalie knows when anything is happening in the house Yeah, his girlfriend traveled for work a lot. Oh, okay. Yeah, because that was what I was thinking that too I'm like, what the hell is going on here? Yeah, and it seemed as like when she was he had also uh made sure to establish a relationship where it was you do your thing I do my things sometimes we do things together

But when I'm doing my thing leave me the fuck alone no matter what it is again This is the same thing with gacy. Just what are you doing honey? Just a couple of what are you doing honey? That that'll solve a lot of stuff here. Lie from your grave Lie from your grave Well keys knew that transporting the body all in one go would draw too much attention So he took two different trips to a frozen lake and disposed of the body through a hole in the ice Under the guys that go on ice fishing He even went as far as to build a little hut for himself to keep up the ruse

And that was necessary because on that first day There was actually another dude out there on the lake with him. I just he's also dumping a body into the lake Hey partner. Hey partner. Yeah, what are you doing? Um, I'm you're fishing. Yeah Yeah fishing. Yeah Yeah fishing So the first parts to go where the head legs and arms Each of the three bundles were wrapped in bailing wire and attached to heavy fishing weights before being dropped into the ice hole

Then the motherfucker spent about four or five hours Fishing out of the same hole And even caught a few fish. How many times do you catch the damn head? Oh caught the head again. Like what what is this? This man is he's like next level crazy Yeah, and then later that night he cooked his daughter and girlfriend the fish that he caught while disposing of his murder victim Oh, my god again. Where did you get the fish and the next day he disposed of the torso in the same way and caught even more fish Oh And so following the disposal of the body keys felt it was safe enough to finally check

Samantha's account to see if the money had been deposited, but he found that only 5,000 had been deposited not the 30,000 that he demanded Oh, it's just the idea to think Just the idea to think that these this money is not crazy being monitored Right like this is like this is all going swimmingly This money's just going in there like there's no possible way the police are involved in this I don't this is where the wheels are starting to come off for him Yeah, it seems like he's sort of in the Ted Bundy phase of just like I don't know why even why they're following me to Florida like

Well, because it's a big deal, buddy Well furthermore for as much of a quote-unquote criminal genius that Ezra keys was supposed to be he sure as fuck forgot that you can't withdraw More than $500 a day for most ATMs So unless he was planning on going to 60 different ATMs over the following two months His plan wasn't going to work out very well And regardless the first day he managed to make it to two ATMs while concealing his face and withdrew a thousand dollars And naturally the cops staked out every ATM that seemed likely for a withdrawal But in a city the size of Anchorage that meant that they could only stake out about 50 of them

A keys knew that even though the cops couldn't watch all the ATMs in Anchorage It probably wasn't a good idea to keep withdrawing money up north Yeah So keys traveled back down to the lower 48 for another road trip in early march keys flew down to Las Vegas And rented a white 2012 forward focus from avis and drove to Dallas Probably to retrieve a gun from a kill kit left after the azole bank robbery I actually read a thing that I didn't know that he had to extra cover these guns with grease So that they wouldn't jam if that they sit in there for a long time

That's gotta be really fucking scary to have a super slippery gun Yeah, it sounds like it could really lead to a lot of accidents. It's not axel grease. Oh, I don't know It's a pole made with the LZ1 on the damn thing. I don't know when does he work? Uh, does he work this whole time? He takes but he owns his own business. He is a contractor Well, he's an independent contractor. He doesn't have it doesn't seem it's not just it might not be his own business It is his own business Does he do that because yes, he started it owned it operated it the whole the whole shebang So he's just on vacation for a month at a time. Well, he could take time off whenever the fuck he wants. Yeah, okay. Yeah

Well after getting his kill kit he doubled back to arizona and went through 400 dollars from an atm in the small town of wilcox An hour and a half. Yes, wilcox. It's not even that funny. It's not even that funny. It's a very common name I had a teacher named mrs. Wilcox It's fine. You have to save this for when it's a truly funny name One hour and a half later He was in lordsburg, new mexico, but again hit the daily limit and only managed to get out another 80 bucks But here he fucked up for the first time Although the camera at the atm wasn't great the fbi

Using enhancement We're able to see that the car belonging to the men using Samantha's debit card Was a 2012 ford focus. Okay. Whoa But keys had a feeling that this car might have been spotted by now So after his new mexico withdrawal He drove 13 hours across new mexico and texas to humble where he ducked into an avis to trade his rental car Okay, like all of these hours of work. Yeah do this this is like hours and hours of work It has to eventually wear on your brain. It's crazy

Well, he figured that if he kept switching cars while withdrawing money the cops would never catch up to him But when he went to trade in his white 2012 ford focus He was annoyed to receive A white 2012 ford focus. Uh, no, sir. I just get it. This is all we have for you is a uh, is a 2012 I don't think you understand. I showed up with one of these I don't want another one. Please. Please. Please. Is it working? Uh, here's a here's a red sharpie if you want to go, uh, color it in yourself, bud I love hard work and I'll work harder than you you juke. I'll work harder than anybody who's ever lived

Did you just call me a juke, sir? I don't even know if that's an offensive term or not You shut up and don't tell me what curse words are because I'm always right and I'm never wrong That's my crying noise Well, he couldn't very well tell the rental car company that he was on the run from the law and needed to hide his identity So he needed a different kind of car. I think he'd gone in and told him's like, hey, there's this car's making weird noise I need a new one. So when they gave him the 2012 he just had to go fuck it. All right. He just had to take it That is hilarious. You always got to flip it to be like my mom was raped by a ford focus That's horrible

So that honestly, this is really that is quite humorous with the ford focus. Yeah, it is man. Yeah And further board just before he traded in the car. He'd withdrawn another 480 bucks from an atm Which put texas cops on high alert and that is the last fucking thing you want in this world Yeah, they're never really on low alert. So as soon as the texas cop is like and now we're going more extreme It's like your your days are numbered. Uh texas cops are terrifying. Yeah, I was driving the middle of an abandoned country highway in texas No, no, nobody there. Nobody on the road. I was driving. Yes. Was I doing 19 and 65? Yes, right? No, it was on it, right? Try to make good time

going going going One bush straight up one bush in the middle of this whole highway Cop was fucking inside of it. Yeah drove out of the bush I didn't see him Came out think and then pulled me over and he's like y'all ready to go to jail. Yeah those. It's like white white Yeah, that's one of their favorites. Yeah, one of their fate there y'all ready to go to jail is a big thing Yeah, well, I would be like wouldn't you believe it? I am. Yes

I'm showing my gaping asshole. My tits on my back. We've got nipples on my back fat, and I'll be ready to be butt-fucked at any time officer Here we go. No, you don't want to mess with the texas cop No, terrifying The keys had another reason for being down in texas besides just withdrawing money It also happened be the weekend of his sister's wedding. Oh my god So he's doing all this normal people stuff always. Yeah going on cruise. There's going to weddings taking care of his daughter Yeah, man. Oh god life is what happens when you're busy making other plans

So after getting the car keys drove to nakadochis just northeast of the town of wells where his extended family had fallen into another cult Oh, yeah. Oh my god. They were now followers of the church of wells Formerly you must be born again ministries or the ybbam And of course, that's the church of david wells the former yankees pitcher a little overweight, but you know good leader Is this a yankees sports joke? Yeah, you Fucking nerd It is a David wells. He's a pitcher. They throw the ball. He's the fat. He's fat. He's fat. Is that what you're saying?

Yes, he's a wisey baseball player. I thought baseball players couldn't be fat. Is he like roger clemens fat? No, roger clemens was strong. No. No, david wells is pitcher fat pitchers are just lumps. They're big Explained the joke again David wells was a pitcher Compare him to curby puckett. He's like curby puckett, but he can see curby puckett can't see anything curby puckett was blind He got hit by a baseball. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's And that's this weekend baseball from the 90s Well, the church of wells is still run by three former street preachers around our age

And they use bible verse to justify cutting off family members Although not all members practice that particular command just most of them And the controversy section on the church of wells is wikipedia page is actually quite long In 2012 they carried the dead body of an infant from house to house in wells praying for resurrection Before they finally called 911 and in 2014 one of the head pastors and another member Ruined the wells homecoming parade by walking along the route while telling children that they were going to go to hell And they were soundly beaten as a result. Oh, okay. All right. I like that little justice there Yeah, their only slightly redeeming act was when six members were arrested in 2015 for bursting in the lakewood church in houston to heckle joel austin

But even then it's still just six assholes yelling at a slightly different kind of ass Oh my god And that also i'm sure led to them getting their asses kicked because joel austin's security Very well paid and very jacked up. Yeah, and it was the leader of this group that was presiding over israel's sister's wedding Actually, this guy was one of those preachers who took a wedding as an opportunity for a sermon Thank you. The last time I was at a wedding the pastor decided to really let us know about what he thinks about transgender individuals Cool. Thank you for bringing this. Thank you for bringing this to this wonderful ceremony to celebrate love. Cool. I hate when pastors That's why it's anyway. It doesn't work. Yeah, this is not about you pastor

Yeah, and so the pastor started talking about the evils of atheism. Oh great Now israel took this as a personal attack and honestly He might have actually been right to think that in this case because he was the black sheep of the family Yes at this point because he had left the church He had like he went to go live his own atheist style and he was super new metal about being atheist So he was like all about like he wore a shirt that said god with the ghostbusters like cross out on top of it Like he's that type of guy, right? Okay, but regardless even if it is directed at you It's your sister's wedding. Yeah, stay fucking quiet. Right. You just got to eat it. Yeah, but what israel did instead

Was stand up and yell this Your gospel has no grounding in truth Then he walked up to the altar smugly smiled and said quote Not everyone shares your beliefs All right, well, you know sometimes you got to stand up for yourself. He's just such a piece of shit He's just so fucking awful then he just left and that was his last weekend as a free man As a few days later the texas highway patrol caught up to israel keys. All right A full bowlo had been put out on the ford focused. What's a bolo above all points bulletin

I can't remember. I can't remember. Yeah, full bolo. I can't remember what the uh Bolo stands for sounds like something i'd get a kentucky fried chicken there and just get a full full bolo Yeah, honestly, it sounds like I think it cheats. Bolo be on the lookout. Okay. Yeah, all right. Yeah, bolo full bolo We're in full bolo mode boys I feel like when I'm on full bolo mode. I'm taking a massive shit The keys had parked his ford focus in full view outside the quality in of lufkin Now hypo caught side of it ran the plates and found it was being rented to a one israel keys of anchorage Now they wanted to do this one by the book so they sat and waited until keys fucked up

Luckily he did so almost immediately great He left his room and started driving down the road and the second he went one mile over the fucking speed limit They pulled him over when they searched the car They found a gun money from a bank robbery the mask the keys had worn when withdrawing money from the atms and most damningly The debit card and cell phone of Samantha Koenig. Why do serial killers always drive around with everything that would make them Look like a serial killer In your hotel room. I actually It's it's a that's a it's a hard decision to make right

It's like is it better to keep all my shit on me where I know it is at all times Where I can see it and I have it or do I leave it someplace and it just so happened What if it gets discovered by somebody? Yeah, what if you have to deal this kind of shit? So you believe you're holding it, but then if you do get caught you're right on it But israel keys technically had a backup plan He knew That he was going to pull a gun if he got pulled over his His what his goal was was to immediately kill the cop, but he couldn't get to the gun in time

That's what they think the way he kind of said he had put it in the wrong bag But he was ready to like shoot somebody in the head if they got anywhere close to him Geez, I mean, you know if you are going to leave that a bag with a gun and a mask and a quality in they would They would be like, oh, yeah, that's another bag here in a holiday in like, you know You've never thought about what would you do if you accidentally murdered somebody how you'd cover it up? Uh, I haven't thought about that in depth. Um, I don't think that I could cover. I'm six foot seven I I think I would be found pretty quickly But you never thought of it like how you'd get rid of the weapon. Would you do with it?

I think I know you something. I know that you have I think you would just put it in uh in the sewage drain You know on the street because that flushes through every 10 hours or so. Yeah, and then once you get it in that Yeah, so probably just something like that. Yeah thought exercise is definitely. Yeah, that that's happened. Yeah I mean, I still think in this country I have a full, uh, you know brain spider web on the walls that I've been painting. Um, so yeah, I'm thinking about it. Sure Well keys was royally fucked and was quickly shipped back to Alaska to face punishment Now even though keys knew that they had him dead to rights It didn't take much pushing to get him to confess everything

Now keys like to say over and over and over again that he wasn't in this for the publicity And that he didn't want people to know who he was But that's exactly what he fucking wanted Of course he fucking wanted it because no one's gonna know you're a serial killer unless you tell people you're a fucking serial killer Right. Yeah, if he didn't want that then he would have shut his goddamn mouth and not said a word He never would have sent ransom demands. He never would have killed an anchorage But as it was he talked giving the excuse that talking would get him into the execution chamber that much sooner Because he said the death penalty was all he was interested in he's like i'll tell you everything just make sure I get killed as quickly as possible

And he said he wanted no publicity and he didn't want the details to reach the public Because he said he didn't want his daughter to live with the shame of her father being a serial killer But maybe he should have thought of that before becoming a fucking serial killer. Absolutely and I do feel horrible for his daughter That's gotta be so that's just gotta be so freaking weird. Yeah, how do you trust anyone when your father is his real keys? Yeah, this is what he said. He said quote My concern the problem is Nowadays the more stuff my name is attached to the more likely it is that somebody's gonna try to do some kind of stupid freaking TV special or you know, you know how it is nowadays like with all this true crime bullshit

That people are obsessed with like some fat idiot with a beard. It's gonna make fun of my lap And there's nothing wrong with my lap I do love that israel keys is slowly becoming a version of kasey anthony from hell They are very similar I think this is the ultimate justice for serial killers since you get to be made fun of by three fucking idiots Who get to sell ads on it? Yep, so they get to do all of this shit. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you david burkowitz. Fuck you Yeah

Yep, so though israel keys talked for hours on in laughing at his own terrible jokes. Yeah while demanding americanos peanut butter Snickers bars and cigars in exchange for information Oh, that is actually disgusting. Yeah, it is Snickers and cigars and americanos, but it's weird like it's liquid shit It's an actual dookie And another harder dookie that you just suck on. Yeah, it's all shit colored things Yeah, as soon as he got down to the holding cell, he must have had a real explosion in there. He sent a message The problem was laska doesn't have the death penalty If what he didn't even know that

No, if keys wanted that he'd have to make the case federal So he began admitting to murder after murder specifically the murders of bill and laran currier Sadly though by the time keys told investigators where he'd killed them and hid their bodies the abandoned farmhouse Where he'd done it had been torn down and nobody had noticed the two bodies in the rubble Geez, I mean sure the crew had noticed a powerful stench coming from the basement right before they tore it down But they ultimately decided it was probably just a dead cat or something So they tore the whole place down and sent the rubble to a landfill without checking

Oh my well, that is a hell of a way not to find a body. Yeah, just be like, well, that's a cat. Yeah For sure. That's a cat. Yeah, that's a cat And even after an extensive search the bodies were too far gone to ever be found Wow The only reason why they can definitively attach the murders to keys is because information was found on his home computer Linking him to the area But so as we all know the wheels of justice work slow And keys would have had a better chance of being found innocent than to go from arrest to execution in a year

Like he wanted. Well, he had a total He had a totally childish view of the way the criminal justice system works He thought that he could just show up and demand all this shit and he would immediately give it to him They unfortunately had to play nice with him for as long as possible because he threw out immediately tidbits that he was Just trying to connect himself to about eight murders. And so their jobs here are trying to get as many cold cases shut as quickly as possible So they're trying to work with him and talk about all this shit But at the same time keep telling him being like dude, this is going to take a long time This is this is it like we're in the process of this

The way we could maybe hurry this is that if you do if you give us all this information now And we can then work out how we can kill you as soon as possible But his real keys he started catching on at some point if you watch the hours of interrogation Where he just raised upset being like I don't really need to sit and wait for you guys to do it when I can handle myself Myself Like he does he says that Well, he knows that he can he could get himself away. Isn't he also making the process longer with each new Person that he claims to have murdered. Isn't that another trial? Yeah

So isn't that just elongating the entire process because he was a weak piece of shit that couldn't handle jail Because he he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle the noise. He hated being jeered at He hated being on the low rung of a totem pole. He hated you going there and he was immediately getting physically checked He couldn't handle it. So that's a part of it And this is where I view him as such a he's so weak even compared to btk Because I am going to put out there to be a serial killer a part of it is the third wave of being the incarcerated monster That's the role you're supposed to play if you're going to be a notorious serial killer You're supposed to be a boogeyman kept in a cage that people can go visit

Like you can go be btk who sits and he's got his little color television And he has his like the forms you have to fill out in order to oh my god You have to like do all you have to find that's where that's where you're supposed to reside. That's serial killer retirement absolutely Michael Myers and rob zombies halloween. That was a great incarceration scene and uh Carl pansoram. Yeah, that's what you're supposed to be Well, of course the story got out because israel keys was a goddamn serial killer and the Samantha conic story had been national news I mean, you guys remember when I mean even before israel keys was caught I remember the Samantha conic story and after that keys stopped talking for a while saying he'd felt betrayed

And that he was quote Honestly kind of ticked off. Yeah. Oh, you're kind of ticked off. Are you? So after it became apparent the keys wasn't going to get what he wanted from the state immediately He decided to take matters into his own hands rather than face the punishment for his crimes On december 2nd 2012 Israel keys noosed a bedsheet around his neck tied the other end to his left ankle and cut his own wrists with a contraband razor Ensuring that if the blood loss didn't get him the strangulation caused by loss of consciousness would He even thought to use empty milk containers and cups to capture as much blood as he could while

He was still conscious to make sure nobody would be alerted by a growing pool of blood coming from under his cell door And israel keys fucking died. All right He had had a couple there was a because there was a couple of things about him that were That did happen. He did try to escape from court. Yeah Very pathetically He managed to work his way out of his ankle chains He ran out in the middle of a court hearing and they fucking tackled his ass, right? But ever since then he became a high risk A high risk prisoner that at some point they had put him they were he was on total suicide watch

He was fully chained every single day while they're interrogating him And then eventually they had moved him to the lower security part of the jail Which they believe happened because he said i'm willing to talk he finally said all right I'm gonna go and do we're gonna do this shit I'm gonna go and tell people the whole story a whole story They brought him to what which is the the bravo module, which was the long-term Prisoner section for people once you got outside of the suicide threat cell Which was like basically stripped of bedsheets and all this kind of shit and then the poor dude that was supposed to be watching him

Lauren Jacobson Um, who's immediately fired. Yeah, uh, he was fired because essentially he was on his union break He was about and he was reading a book as like it's like a movie shot. You could just see him being like I wonder if Harry Potter will ever defeat Voldemort And as the camera as he's saying it over his shoulder, you just saw his legs just fucking jerking right right right Interesting and of course isro keys couldn't leave without telling the world what he thought of him one last time Uh-oh and did so in a long-winded new metal influenced slam poetry suicide That's the worst kind of suicide note a slam poetry one everyone. Please

Enjoy the worst piece of poetry Ever written really? Let's get this started with a little bit of a beat marcus. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, bro. All right Where will you go you clever little worm if you bleed your host drive Back in your ride the night is still young street lights push back the black and neat rows Off to the right a graveyard appears Limes of stone bodies molder below

Turn away quick bob your head to the seat as straight through that stop sign You roll loaded truck with lights off slams into your broadside your flesh smash As metal explode You may have been free you love living your lie Fate had its own scheme crushed like a bug you still die Soon now you'll join those ranks of dead or your ashes the wind will soon blow Family and friends will shed a few tears pretend it's off to heaven you go But the reality is you were just bones and me and with your brain also died your soul

Send the dying to wait for their death in the comfort of retirement homes kicking Justify say it's for the best it's best for you So the fate you'll not know turn a blind eye to the screen soaking your reality shows Stand in front of your mirror and you breathe in a plastic castle You call home land of the freak land of the lock land of scheme american eyes consume what you don't need Stars you idolize pursue what you admit is a dream, but then it's american die Get in your big car so you can get to work fast on roads made out of dinosaur bones There's so much more left

There's a lot more of this one Punch in on the clock and sit on your ass playing stupid ass games on your phone Paper on your wall says you got smarts that test that you took told you so No, but you would still crawl like the vermin you are once your precious power grids blown Land of the freak land of the lock land of the scheme american eyes now that I have you held tight I will tell you a story speak soft in your ear so you know that it's true You're my love at first sight and though you're scared to be near me My words penetrate your thoughts now in an intimate prelude. I looked into your eyes

They were so dark warm and trusting as though you had not a worry nor care The more guileless the gaze the better potential to fill up those pools with your fear Your face framed in dark curls like a portrait the sun shone through highlights of red What color I wonder and how straight will it turn plastered back with the sweat of your dread Your wet lips were a promise of a secret unspoken nervous laugh as it bursts like a pulse of blood from your throat There will be no more laughter here. I feel your body tense up my hand now on your shoulder Your eyes looking for a way out of this small dark room. Forget the lady called luck She does not abide near me for her powers don't extend to those who are deceased

Precious pet would that I could keep you let you be the master of your own fate The violent metamorphosis You just kill yourself israel already kill yourself israel. I'm not fun with my song dude And can you see my fucking head? You see my head tilts? I know your head tilts are very good You're like west borland I would come often and worship on the altar of your flesh You shudder with revulsion and try to shrink far from me I'll have you tied down and begging to become my stock home. Sweetie. Okay talk is over

Where it's a placid and weak back it with action or it all comes off as cheap watch close while I work now Feel the electric shock of my touch Open your trembling flower. Oh your petals. I'll cook a cook a cook a cross shot Oh my god, this man Wow, that was the worst. I am man. I feel like it's uh, what is that movie when I think it's adam sandler Where the guy's like, thank you. We are all dumber for hearing what you had to say Yeah, I feel like I'm back at the fucking open mind frankenstein's and law that can it's fucking It's 1999. Yeah, interest man oil just played a set

Because you could see him like writing it out just going like yeah. Yeah, this is it But yeah, this is fucking killer Oh my god, I gotta send this to chester. Yeah, you better send this to chester. That's gonna be a huge hit for limp biscuit Well, the only satisfying part about the death of israel keys is knowing that his funeral service was overseen by the pastor that keys Had heckled at his sister's wedding That is funny and the pastor spent the whole time talking about what an awful person keys was and how he was currently burning in hell Okay, but regardless just know that a big part of the reason why keys talked Was so people would know what he did and would think that he was a big scary criminal mastermind

And for the most part the media took the fucking bait always do But while keys did indeed cause a lot of suffering and a lot of pain we're not minimizing that He was not professor fucking moriarty nor was he even among the scariest serial killers to ever exist He was nothing more than a smug whiny immature little dickhead Who couldn't figure out anything better to do with his time on this earth and kill people. All right. Wow. That's israel keys that was a Really interesting story. I don't think we've ever covered any story quite like israel keys um, what a uh, man, he attempted to be a

Unique monster, but in the end all these guys boiled down to the same loser Yeah, it's all just the same always loser that couldn't get his shit together enough Uh, to in mentally to just love his life being like you had everything you had love Yeah, family you had a good job You had all the things that a normal person it would be enough for And you felt that it wasn't but it's just because the thing that you were lacking Nobody could ever fill and you probably just should have been aborted I mean it does seem like the only thing that was mildly strange about his childhood was uh growing up in a cult

But a lot of people have that kind of childhood and grew up just fine. It wouldn't even really that much of a cult Like it was just a weird small town You know and it was you know with some white supremacists living down the block plenty of people come out just fine of that situation Well, and some stay and make no country worse, but yeah, you know, yeah very rare Is it doesn't lead to a to making someone a serial killer? All right. Well, that was israel keys. Um, that was great Uh, let's see here. What do we have to do? We have to say, uh, we got we're doing good with salt lake We need people got come as vancouver show got to come we're so excited for this show We're so excited for this fucking show. You gotta come out. We're having a good time

We're gonna have a good tool come on. I think we'll vote absolutely and of course. I know because we are I don't want to use the g word, but I think it applies to us genius We scheduled our salt lake city show on the same night of the game of thrones finale I just don't know We didn't no one it's not to low. I know it's everything's on streaming now I'm gonna watch it in the hotel room after the show. It's gonna be fine. Yes. What come to the show Watch it afterwards. I promise no spoilers none because I don't I never watched the show. So I can't even spoil it I'm not gonna spoil the show right. It's it's fine. And also, uh, don't forget everyone that we are, uh, gonna we added a second

Uh, portland show to that tour, uh, wait the first night in portland on june 1st that sold out But we have tickets left for the june 2nd show In portland and portland was fantastic last time you were there can't wait to come back to portland So definitely come out to that. Uh, and then after portland, we got a big long stretch You hanging out here in america and then we're going to australia Yeah, we're gonna be on the 23rd. We're in perth on the 24th We're in adelaide on june 27th. We're in sydney. Come on out to sydney, uh, june 28th We're in melbourne and june 29th. We're in brisbane and june 30th

I'm gonna be uh on a sidewalk hammered in brisbane So make sure come out and hang out. It'll be a lot of fun. I believe it's brisbane brisbane I I will say I want to put this notice out here now I'm gonna put this out in the universe. If you're a an australian occult or true crime expert And want to possibly be interviewed you want to talk about send us some emails Send us stuff that you want to talk about australian paranormal topics or australian true crime Because we're gonna be recording side stories on the road while we're out there And we're really really excited to meet some people that are local to australia that can explain some shit to us

Absolutely cannot wait to get over to australia. Um, yeah, and thanks to everyone who gave us to our patreon You seriously are the only reason we exist Um, we're still we're still diy over here at lpn And uh for five bucks you can listen to the henry and I uh henry is it henry and my uh Interview series. It's a lot of fun. And uh, it's just great little little bonus content Um, so thank you so much for giving to that and also henry I have to say I did not realize on the stream available over on adultswim.com slash streams I didn't realize that when uh, we did the hee-haw episode your backdrop was a cornfield. I noticed that

Yes, you didn't realize that. Well, we don't we don't yeah, we don't see the what's going on on the green screen behind you While we're recording, but that's that's a very nice touch. Yeah. Oh, no, we worked on that for an entire week in secret And I didn't tell you guys And also really fun and also adult swim now has a 24 hour channel Yes for the uh the stream so you can go watch us do the stream whenever you want. I just got to find the uh I just got to find the address for that. I will find it soon You can watch us get thinner and fatter fatter and thinner Yep, if you go to adultswim.com slash stream slash last dash stream dash on

dash the dash left dash Channel, is this made this beacon that teaches typing what the hell is happening? You can go watch a 24 hour stream of uh of uh last stream on the left Yes, and if you want if you want that link a little bit easier, we'll tweet it out on the last podcast Uh, whatever last podcast on the left twitter. We'll tweet that out so you can get that

Also, we are we are submitting our book this week. It is happening. It's coming It is flopping out of our fucking uterus. I don't want to hear the four-legged word Are just so fucking floppy right now. It's all out ready go but this next month of topics I'm really fucking excited because we're getting weird. Yes. I really excited to get we're getting back to some weird We're getting back to some my favorites. Oh, I can't wait. Yeah to really really get into some stuff After 10 years of doing the show now, we're gonna start getting weird It's all a weird. We're gonna start getting weird, huh? Yeah, man I've been I've been deep into zero killers for about three to four weeks straight now without a day off

I'm looking forward to you know, let's see what's going on in the skies Oh, by the way Henry and I solicited uh responses from people who are in the navy obviously there's a lot of disclosure going on with ufo We had a lot of great responses in our emails We did and they got some great dms on instagram as well at ben kissle one The navy is on the front line. So thanks for sending those messages out to us And we'll read a couple on this week's side stories or next week's side stories. That's supposed to be all right, everyone Thank you so much for listening and do not forget hail yourselves. Hail satan. Hi, Helgi

Magustalations Help me give it to the boys knees tiny little feet Help me You could really be a successful new metal singer, man. American lice American lice It does sound like a horrible rage against the machine lyrics. He was a big rage against the machine fan I love that band. But my god, they attracted some douchebags. Well now he's worm food. Yes. He is indeed Best thing he ever did probably yep This show is made possible by listeners like you

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