Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 365: Psychic Vampires

Episode Date: May 17, 2019

Join us today as we discover the world of real-life psychic vampires, from the history of the movement to the current practitioners, as well as a comprehensive guide on all the signs that indicate that you might be a psychic vampire.  

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? You know what my favorite part about getting back into vampires is? What? Is a guy, is this guy, he appears in every single vampire documentary or anything with ancillary to vampires. His name is always like Ruckford T. Buntleman. He's a Baptist minister who somehow has become some sort of self-appointed expert on vampires. There's always one. And he's always like, you can see here the legacy of Vlad Tempe Dracula with his flowing Hungarian hair and his mysterious absolutely mesmerizing accent.

I can't imagine what it would be like being in the same room as his tenuous, tenuous muscles jump as he grips onto your shoulders and places you tenderly upon the spit. It goes butt first and then eventually it comes out the mouth. Alright, you sound like you're getting aroused. No, certainly not. I love my wife Bertha. She is 275 pounds light. I love spending time with her on the river when we go and we hold hands two times a year. That's really, that is absolutely lovely. Alright, this is the last podcast on the left. I am Ben with Marcus. Hi.

Hello Marcus. And of course we got Henry over in Los Angeles there. Henry, you described a very similar scene in your, in his act out. In the act out, very similar to Cannibal Holocaust with the woman that has the spike go through her entire body and people actually thought she was murdered in real life and then the director was brought in front of the court and the woman had to show up in the courtroom and be like, I'm alive. But she did do the thing where she got on her back and she lifted her legs and they could see the light from her mouth through her vagina.

She's like, I'm just a very good Italian. Alright, so, you know, we've covered some pretty light subjects the past couple of weeks. So it's about time we get to something super heavy. So this is, this is a gold star episode. No, not really. This episode is going to be a lot of fun. This is an important episode because I think there's a lot of people out there that know a quote unquote psychic vampire. And I think, you know how you know with someone as a psychic vampire,

and I'm pretty certain I think the people most likely to be psychic vampires are the ones posting anti psychic vampire posts on Facebook. You're on to some conspiracy. You're like on to like on Christine's conspiracy theory. I think psychic vampires do the Republican trick of naming other people what they are. And so if anybody posts a psychic vampire meme, you might just be a psychic vampire. Thank you, Jeff Boxworthy's grandmother. Alright everyone, as Henry mentioned, we are talking about the wonderful world of psychic vampires. Now before we really get into what psychic vampires do,

it's important for us to classify exactly what psychic vampires are. Please do, because when you guys said we were doing this topic, I was like, yeah, of course, of course. And then YouTube, a YouTube hole later, I'm still confused. Well, what we're going to be talking about today, we're not talking about the mythical or fictional vampires of yore. They certainly wish that we were. Of course, honestly. Yes. Today we're going to be talking about people who walk the streets actually living as vampires.

Now can they walk during the daytime? They absolutely can. So they're day walkers. You're being fucking racist, first of all, number one. I didn't deal with this with Marcus earlier this week. Vampire is not a race. It is a race. Vampire is a race?

Do you get free college tuition? Kissel, if you could just maybe, because when I'm sensing from you there's a lot of resistance to change. Oh wow. What I need you to do is I need you to open your filters and allow these particles of psychic vampire dust to get inside of your holes. Listen to me. Alright, alright. You've got to clean your filters. I'm cleaning.

Vampires are a designated group. Okay. And with this episode, Marcus, we're going to talk about, we talk a little about this, because Marcus made a funny little joke this week too. And I said, oh, I was watching somebody who was a self-avowed psychic vampire talk about the experience. And he was like, oh, so did she like glitter? Did she glitter like with diamonds on camera? I did not. You did not.

You did. And I was like, that is racist. They are a protected group. Okay. So we're trying to, we're making a bridge, not building a door. First of all, that entire- Door's open though, Henry. It's not building a wall.

If we built a door, as long as it wasn't locked, it's actually okay still. Well, first of all, that entire story is a lie. It wasn't a lie. It's another Zabrowski lie. It's another Zabrowski lie. Second of all, vampires are not a race. They are a separate species, if we're getting totally technical here. Interesting.

Alright. Interesting. Of course, the only people who lived like traditional Dracula-like vampires are serial killers like Richard Chase and Andre Cicatillo. Uh-huh. We're talking about those people. Okay. What we're talking about are people who feed on the energy of others to sustain their own life force. Hmm.

But there are people who feed on a teeny tiny bit of human blood to help easily facilitate said feeding. Hold on. So psychic vampires also require blood? Not all psychic vampires suck blood. Some do. It's like when you take acid. Okay. Sometimes a little bit of orange juice helps.

Uh-huh. Kick it off. Exactly. Now, the people who actually draw and drink blood are known as sanguine vampires. Okay. Usually, they only take a small amount of blood from their partners. And remember, we said partner and not victim because there's consent involved here. Okay.

There has to be because if not, it's rape. Yeah. Which is true. Vampires nowadays, modern vampires, they do agree that if you have to take blood from a willing donor, because if not, it is essentially rape. Yeah. Really? Okay. Alright.

The only way to obtain the blood is the only way to obtain the energy they need. While psychic vampires maintain that they can get it through non-physical means. So if you have hepatitis C, technically, you're totally safe because can the vampire get sick off of your blood? Oh, it's a huge thing testing in the vampire community. All the vampire websites say before you take blood from your partner, everyone get tested first. Everyone do a test, okay? Yeah, that maybe would be a really, really good idea. If you weren't just drinking people's blood that I imagine you meet, sort of like one documentary watch this week where they all meet at a place called the Fang Club in downtown Los Angeles,

which I think was shut down in 1996 after Blade II. I'm not sure when Blade II came out when they realized the problems with the vampire clubs when you just raise blood on everybody and everybody gets AIDS. Right, right. As Michelle Bellanger writes in the Psychic Vampire Codex, which we'll be getting into later, the argument of to bleed or not to bleed, known as the sigh or sang debate, has created a long-standing rift in the modern vampire community. So they're feuding vampire fighting. What have we learned from Bigfoot Hunters and the Ewing World of Ufologies? Well, to punish it, if there are subgroups, there is drama.

Absolutely. And they're vampires, so it's extra drama because everybody's got frills on. It's so hard to walk around with those fake fangs and they hurt your gums. They do, they do. Some people actually get their teeth sharpened and have real vampire fangs. But before we get into all that, let's define exactly what psychic vampires are and what it is they do. People claim that psychic vampires are not evil in any way whatsoever, and we'll give those people fair time later. But there are others who maintain that psychic vampires are purely predatory beings who feed upon the life energy of the rest of humankind,

draining us of our life force to sustain their own, and those are the ones we'll address first. Layed out in an article by Brent Swasser for MysteriousUniverse.com called The Strange World of Energy Vampires, a psychic vampire is someone who feeds off emotions and psychic energy, leaving the victim tired, drained, and depressed. So it's like when you have to go hang out with your mother. Yeah. Or in specific. Our mothers. Yes.

Well, actually my mother is not a psychic vampire. My mother is not a psychic vampire either. Henry, I think your mother in this, I love you Mrs. Zabrowski, but she is dabbling in psychic vampire territory. No, no, no. What did you say? She, ah, I don't feel tired, drained, and depressed. I feel agitated. I think agitated is different.

She's normal. I think it's like a psychic fire stata, a twisted fire stata. Oh, prodigy. Isn't your mother really worried? I remember your mother saying that she was very worried about psychic vampires. She heard the term psychic vampire at some point in her life and it became a character within our family because my mom worked out. Like I went to a thing called the interfaith ministry, which when I was a kid, we learned all the different religions because of my mom. Yada, yada, yada.

My mom was in Al-Anon. I ended up in a 12 step store like doing this where we would sing John Lennon songs and learn about Muslim holidays. Right. That's what you're doing. My mom was going through a midlife crisis and brought us with her. And as we were going through that, that midlife crisis with my mother. Oh my God. I would love to see the Zabrowski family learning about Muslim holidays.

It's just flat head rope. So we can't eat. And this one, I can't eat. No, because my mom was going through a aerobics phase. My mom was like 105 pounds doing the steps in a concrete basement of a Catholic church over and over again with the big plastic steps. But that's where she learned the concept of psychic vampires being everywhere. And in that 12 step world, we did meet some. And they are, but they are obvious because they definitely like wear your shirt saying like, ask me, I'm a psychic vampire.

Like they are very present. Okay. Well, these psychic vampires suckle that energy like a parasite. And once they have had their fill, they leave feeling invigorated while the victim gets put through the emotional ringer. Isn't this just the difference between introverts and extroverts? Not really. Not entirely. We'll get into it.

We'll get into it. Now it seems when it comes to the shitty types of psychic vampires, there are two subtypes. The first are your loud, aggressive, pushy drama queens who drain your energy by demanding attention and engagement at all times. These are the people that like, if you go on Instagram, every other post is a post about narcissists. Right. Every post is about like, you know, yeah, I was at the bottom of a dumpster yesterday, but today I'm looking up at the stars. Come at me world. Like those people that are very, very intense about their personal growth, but in a way that just seems to be filtering through their applications on their phone.

I think that these are these people. Yeah. I mean, it reminds me a little bit of John Leguizamo's character in the past. Oh, perfect psychic vampire. Perfect psychic. Exactly. And in the intro, he plays a little vampire stinky dinky. What?

Yeah. I hate this. It's got to go away. This has to stop. It's never going away. It is. It's embedded into last podcast. Now work is nothing but trouble.

Absolutely. Stinky dinky. The past. Or when you hang out with entertainers oftentimes, like stand up comedians, the worst kind where they're always running bits at you. Is that a psychic vampire thing? Somewhat. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the other kind of these types of psychic psychic vampire are the morose variety. These are people who constantly complain about their lives going on and on about all the bad things that have happened, are happening, or will happen to them. Again, demanding attention and engagement while giving none back. There is, I remember I was working with this woman for a period of time. Tell me if I've told this story on the show before. I was working through a temp agency at a book publishing company that I had already done a couple of movies. And it was the sad one where I was in the photocopying room as a temp and the boss came by and said, Hey, I thought you did a bunch of movies.

And I was like, yeah, I did a couple. That's funny. Now you're working here. All right, see you. And I walked away and I thought I was going to blow my brains out. It was a woman behind me. It's a funny joke though. It's like you did do a couple of movies, but then you were working there.

Oh yeah, buddy. I remember, I remember, I remember how itchy my trigger finger felt. But I had a job where my desk was right in front of my direct supervisors desk, which was this older woman who had broken both of her hands falling down in the street. And she tried to stop her fight and she broke both of her wrists. And so she'd go, Henry, Henry, what are you doing right now? And I'm just like, oh, you know, I'm just filling up those reports. Like you said, I showed me like, okay, oh, and she'd be trying to staple a piece of paper with her two broken hands.

I just, oh, I can't, oh, I just can't, I can't staple these papers. So then I had to get up and go around the table just because she wouldn't ask. And I had to staple her papers. And it got to the point that I had to hold her diet coke up to her lips so that she could suckle on it. Well, I don't think that, I don't think she's a sacking vampire. You should just help out this woman who has two broken hands. I still work. You are working an office job. I don't use your feet or your back. You only use your hands.

You've got two broken hands. Oh, the fuck. This story where you are trying to be the victim, technically you are fully able, you're fully able bodied, help the woman who has two broken hands. I was her human seeing eye dog. If you need a little person assistant to roll around with a leash all day to do your little like day to day, like open your mail and ship for you, don't hire a former actor. Yeah, that's true. Two broken hands in the office life.

That's like two broken legs and trying to play basketball. You can't do it. The hands are very important to typing. Very important. Now the worst possible thing you can do with these people is engage in any sort of long term relationship. Whether it be romantic, platonic or in the realm of the business world. If you do happen to be unlucky enough to fall into one of these relationships, you're going to start to feel your motivation and energy decreasing and you might even have physical symptoms such as an emaciated physique or a pale complexion.

Now this is very much so in the line of the pseudoscience kind of therapeutic example of a psychic vampire, correct? Like this is more of if you meet someone who's an emotional psychic vampire that you should avoid but we're not yet talking about capital P, capital V, P into the V, psychic vampires? We are. It's kind of both at this point because the therapeutic world of psychic vampires because there are some people who use, when they're big believers in union psychology, will use psychic vampires as kind of a metaphor, as an archetype to talk about toxic people. Like Alex Jones tries to revert, when he talks about psychic vampires, everyone takes it literally like David Ike talking about the reptilians

and Alex Jones also does mean it literally actual astral level psychic vampires that are the reptilian agency, the black nobility that is running our government but then he doubles back by saying no businessmen act like psychic vampires feeding off the misery of the lower classes when he gets in trouble. Wouldn't Alex Jones, yeah, which is often, wouldn't Alex Jones be a psychic vampire? Because isn't he just desperately seeking attention saying grandiose verbose things just like being a loudmouth ass? But who would ever project what they are on other people?

Like what kind, that doesn't happen. People are truthful and real. But the thing is not all psychic vampires know that they're psychic vampires. A secret psychic vampire. For some people this is just learned behavior. They may not be totally conscious of what they're doing but they know that making other people feel like shit makes them feel better. Is this a symptom, I was trying to break this down in my own mind. Is this like as above so below, like essentially like the outside behavior does register

like you are an annoying bitch, you are that bitch Carol. You are ruining everybody's life at the office, right? Well I kind of like Carol. Carol's kind of funny. Carol's funny. Some people like Carol if you're on Carol's good side but because Carol got filled up with psychic energy before getting over to you and at this point she's ready to listen to you talk about how many buds you had last night or how many times you were like what kind of popcorn you've been consuming recently. Ooh, like butter.

Stuff you like to talk about. I know what you like to talk about. Yeah, if you were the first person that Carol talked to that day you'd hate Carol. Really? But you work in the back of the office so somebody else fills up Carol first. Because think about how much etheric energy fucking Kissela's swollen with. Those little clots too, those clots in your legs, those are like dark chocolate nuggets in the vanilla ice cream that is your etheric energy. Oh great.

But if you, but it's like it is on a astral level though, they are a surreal Dracula entity psychic vampire essentially and they are behaving one way in our conscious reality and in our back reality they are this other thing, possibly. Possibly. Possibly. Now as far as why this happens, it's said that these people don't produce the proper amount of psychic energy that we all need to feel good or even survive.

So they act as a kind of energy vacuum that's constantly sucking without them even knowing it. Uh huh. That sounds a little silly, but what? No. That's mostly because it's hard if not outright impossible to approach any of this stuff scientifically because it's hard to come up with the language to scientifically quantify how much of a fucking bummer someone is. Isn't it just that dude's a drag? Yeah, but yeah.

Slowly the person that you hang out with makes you feel bad and then you have to cut him off. But that's not scientific. No, I don't know. I mean a lot of scientists has taken a surfboarder work. I mean, I don't know. But that's the reason why occult studies is called the future science by some. Oh good. That will make our societies much, much smarter.

Cancel, but though I do believe we can combine what we could know on the occult side, the paranormal side with technological side, which could possibly be future science. I think that is what will allow us to step to the next evolutionary level. Could be. And you know in Japan science brought them a vegan hamburger. Now how is that possible? It literally was science. One day science may come up with a way to feed these unfortunate people with a contraption of some sort,

but that day is far in the future. But those are the involuntary psychic vampires. So it's like a passive black hole. That's a good way to put it. The really dangerous psychic vampires are the ones who know exactly what they're doing. Usually these are the more aggressive ones who surround themselves with people mentally weaker and less assertive than they are. So they can feed whenever they like.

Is that what you're doing dog meat? No. I'm not a psychic vampire. I don't feel trained. We're being manipulated. I know you're happy. You're happy to be kept like a sheep. But me, I'm the loudest sheep in the stable.

Ah! Technically, if I really had to say, well I don't get drained by either of you, but if it was a competition, you'd probably drain me more than Marcus does because every time you open your mouth, I'm concerned our careers are going to be over. Hey man, maybe you should pay me for that. Next time I drain you. Oh my goodness, Henry. Suck in your fucking cock.

I'm getting gay with you. Oh my. According to the book Unholy Hungers, Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Hort. These... I like Barbara. These vampire hangers on are called blindants or revenants. They facilitate the vampire in all his needs while never becoming a vampire themselves.

Purposeful psychic vampires are also very touchy-feely, big on shaking hands, patting shoulders, and hugging because physical contact helps juice the whole process. Okay, but people like physical contact sometimes make you feel warm, make you feel like you're comforted in times of distress and pain. Yeah, look at how popular Joe Biden is. Technically, he's doing very well. Well, in fact, shaking hands is among their favorite things to do, speaking to politicians. See, some people believe that occult energy flows from the right-hand and right-handed individuals

and the left and left-handed people. So, since the majority of the population is right-handed, these vampires can feed with just an extra long shake. They also do things when they tickle your palm with our middle finger. That's them technically flicking your occult clit. Oh, really? I have a little clit on my hand, huh? I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Very interesting. It's like the new phones that you can put your phone on top of another person's phone

and you can charge their battery. So, isn't it possible that the handshake could also give us someone energy? Well, we'll get to that later. I'm telling you, I listened to Teal Swan on YouTube. She did the whole thing. She tried to kill a bunch of people. I know! I know the problem! We interviewed someone who was aware of her cult on our Patreon interview series. If you give to our Patreon, you can listen to that. Thank you all so much.

But she made some solid points. Well, Deon Fortune called these types of psychic vampires psychic parasites or astral vampires in her book Psychic Self-Defense. Although many of the positive psychic vampires blame Deon Fortune for the negative image they have in the psychical world. But Deon Fortune's book Psychic Self-Defense is a really good step into a time machine of how we've been talking about this type of shit since the early 1900s.

Because that book was written in 1930. And she's got a couple of really interesting ideas in the beginning of it about the breakdown of the etheric energy and all this kind of stuff. But it's very God-heavy. Okay. Also, if you want to just do an experiment, go to Pornhub, go to their search bar, type in Astral Vampires, and just see what comes up. I don't know what will come up, but just check that out. She also said to make sure, she had a whole section here, too,

where you have to make sure, when someone's been struck by a vampire, if you want to make sure whether or not it was a physical or spiritual vampire, is that when vampirism is suspected, the thing to do is go over that person's body inch by inch with a powerful magnifying glass. And the search will probably be rewarded by the discovery of numerous minute punctures. So minute that they are not discovered by an examination with a naked eye unless they reveal themselves to become infected and superrating. And when they are usually mistaken for insect bites.

Well, I have to say, you are both the worst and the best TSA agent we have. But we do have some complaints about the microscope and just the magnifying glass that you're bringing to work and you're checking out everyone's... The proof is in the pudding, is in the etic! Still, Deon Fortune does differentiate between different types of psychic vampires. Some are just everyday pains in the ass who drain energy regardless, while other psychic vampires have a true paranormal power that can be used whenever they want. In fact, it is theorized that certain paranormal phenomena, such as black-eyed kids

or the infamous men in black, use psychic vampirism to exert control and power over their victims. Other paranormal beings purported to be psychic vampires are the old hags of your. These hags are said to be witches, both male and female, and they're able to leave their bodies through astral projection to attack others. Because that's when we're most fucking vulnerable, man. We're vulnerable in our fucking dreams, man. You gotta fucking never go to sleep. Because these old bitches, they come around and they're just like, Henry, help me drink my diet coke.

But they're attacking, they're making your astral self-work temp work on the next round. I think you're also just supposed to help an older woman who has two broken hands and drinks her diet coke. She's not my fucking mother. She's not my coven queen. I don't care. Why are you at work? Why are you at work? Because the two things that you need to do work, you can't use. Alright. I don't know if this next part is true, but according to an author who only...

Yeah, giggle, giggle, giggle, boy. Giggle, boy. You are really... No, I'm fine with it. But I'm gonna say this, though. I like people who are just old and kind of bitter. They're funny. They can be, they can be unless you get caught up in their trap and you have to give all of your energy to make them happy.

That's true. There's a good time I had to spend 25 minutes with a blind guy on the queue train helping him get back to Brooklyn, and all of a sudden I was like, how'd you even get to the city? How'd you even get to my dad? I'm sitting here telling her how to go each way, taking him to each staircase, being like, did someone just drop you off in the middle of Times Square from Wichita? Another example of how you should just help someone. Yeah, I know people.

I'm learning a lot about Henry on this episode. Two broken hands in a blind man and you're the victim here. This is classic. Classic psychic vampirism, honestly. Honestly. Hey, man, I'm not taking from them. I got plenty. I'm full of juice. Wow. Like I said, I don't know if this next part is true,

but according to an author who only goes by the name of Constantine, and that's Constantine with a K, he wrote in his book Vampires, the occult truth that Newfoundland, Canada, has a ridiculously high percentage of hag attacks. I just think he spent a lot of time on Tinder in Newfoundland. Yeah, just seeing someone getting beat to death by like seven older women. And then to see, is he just looking for old women and hitting them with his car?

What's happening? See, according to Constantine, hag attacks are directly related to sleep paralysis because these sorts of psychic vampires attack while we are asleep and most vulnerable. Interestingly, one survey done on the new fees found that 23% of those surveyed had experienced sleep paralysis, aka hag attack.

Okay. What's even more interesting is when I compared this Newfoundland study to a study I found published in the 2012 Sleep Medical Review, I found that only 7.6% of the general population reported experiencing sleep paralysis. So you're saying Constantine, who's purposely spelling his name in the most vampir way, is incorrect?

No, I'm saying that the people of Newfoundland experienced sleep paralysis much more than a general population. Interesting. Okay. Yeah, they're at 23%, the rest of us are at 7.6%. I wonder why that is, that's quite an increase. Yeah, but that was back in the 70s. Yeah, and I don't know, maybe it's some sort of cultural memory or something,

but it's an interesting statistic nonetheless. It is interesting. See, what Constantine theorizes is that psychic vampires feed by touching their astral body to their victim's astral body and the vampire sucks away the energy through astral osmosis. With the skilled psychic vampire who can astral project, this sort of thing happens most often when we're asleep and our astral bodies are more vulnerable.

So if you wake up feeling more tired than when you went to sleep, you might have been visited by a psychic vampire. You might have been visited by a psychic vampire. You tell me, if you got astral nibbles on your astral breast, you might just be visited by a psychic vampire. Oh, I'm getting a phone call from Comedy Central. They want you to do an hour of, you might be a psychic vampire.

I actually think that this is very, I think that this is very interesting. I believe that there's stuff that goes on the psychic level. I definitely had these kind of issues when I had my dreams about the flannel man, which we've brought up. There was also brought up in Strange Familiars podcast when we were doing our Men in Black episodes. I have seen entities like this in my sleep.

I have destroyed versions of them when I go into a sort of a trance state in the middle of working out, which is what I do. Sometimes I listen to a lot of metal, because I get pretty stoned before I work out, and then I kind of go into a trance state where I visualize stuff, and then what I'll do is I'll kill an evil version of me that's like a big like Dr. Robotnik version of me, and big silver armor and shit.

Yeah, we are learning a lot of weird stuff about you today. I do things very similarly. No, I know. It's just, it's very interesting. Remember that great cartoon, the comic strip Garfield? There was that one where he had all the books. I remember Garfield. Wait a second, did you just say, do we remember Garfield? No, no, no, no.

I'm saying the specific one. I went to pause Ink in Muncie, Indiana. And you're actually wearing a Garfield shirt right now. I didn't realize that. Yeah, and also a fan, Danny Flake, sent me a wonderful Garfield shirt in the mail, and I'm very thankful for it. Thank you, Danny.

Weird. Fine. I am just saying remember that when he had all the books taped to him, and he said, I'm learning through osmosis. That was a funny one. It is really good. I thought it was good. Yeah, I think I remember that old bitch with the bad wrists had that on a mug,

that I had to lift her trembling chapped weird lizard lips and go, oh, it's too hot. Henry, could you go and put some iciness, because oh, I can't. Just help the old lady. Just help her. Well, if you happen to wake up in the middle of the night to see some sort of amorphous, creepy figure in your room,

and you can't move, that's because you've interrupted the feeding of a psychic vampire. And that's what sleep paralysis sometimes is, or so Constantine says. But those are the mythical beings. Over here in the concrete world, psychic vampires are mentioned in Anton Leves' Satanic Bible as well, and not in a positive light.

Henry will now read an excerpt from the Satanic Bible. Many people who walk the earth practice the fine art of making others feel responsible and even indebted to them without cause. Satanism observes these leeches in their true light. Psychic vampires are individuals who drain others of their vital energy. This type of person can be found in all avenues of society.

They feel no useful purpose in our lives, and are neither love objects nor true friends. Yet we feel responsible to the psychic vampire without knowing why. Interesting. I mean, the lesson here is really good. Hang out with people who make you feel better. And is it just weird, Henry? You slid into George Norrie a little bit in the middle of that.

I'll hear. The type of person can be found in all avenues of society. They'll tell me, Mr. Leves, do Satanists have to go to the cape store, or can you get a cape at Neiman Marcus? And to further demonstrate how hated psychic vampires are in some circles of the occult community, the Church of Satan offshoot the Temple of Set,

who actually embraces vampirism fully, accepts all kinds of vampires, except psychic vampires. Oh. But the Temple of Set is pretty picky when it comes to who they actually let into the order of the vampire anyway. What do you have to do to get into this?

You gotta be legit, Kissel. Okay. And you gotta do the homework. Okay. Now, this is what the Temple of Set says on their website's homepage. If you want to get into the order of the vampire, and they spell it vampire. Okay.

It should really be readily understood by all who think admission to our order that we are unique and separate from the various right hand path-driven online vampire community growth and housing that have sprung up over the past few years. Now, touch groups promote a weak and powerless version of the vampiric archetype

among a myriad of fuzzy new age ideas such as missing chakras, other kin, and a need for blood drinking. We do not tolerate such in our ranks. In the order of the vampire, we promote a posture of effortless power and satient vampiric control. There is no in-between.

There is no compromise. Whoa. But they're taking all the fun out. Yeah. I mean, I'm not for drinking blood unless we're, of course, consensual, as we mentioned up top. But isn't that a key component?

I just feel like you can't call yourself a vampire unless you got some blood drinking. It's a key component in my mind. It's a mix, Kissel, because they are now talking about it in modern vampiric thought. It is more of a lifestyle and a choice and an understanding that you can't-

they now know, they now believe that you can't gorge yourself on human blood. It is an ancillary to the way you normally live your life and it's what gives you a boost of power. But if you read the actual Bible of the vampire, the vampiric Bible, which you got our hands on, it talks about this concept. I know what he means when he says the term

posture of effortless power. It's just this idea of vampires are not supposed to sneak around. They're not supposed to- that's what they get mad about. They don't like this idea that you're going through the back door using the astral plane and stealing your energy.

They want you to be upfront about it. They want you to buy the merch. They want you to have long, dark hair. And they want you to wear a cape. Right. Maybe you drink a lot of Mrs. T. Bloody Mary mix. This is what I've come to understand.

Okay. Alright, I get it. So the question a lot of you might be asking right now is how do you protect yourself from a psychic vampire? Thank God we're getting to that because it's starting to get a little scary. What do you do? Well, according to the article at mysteriousuniverse.com,

keeping a quartz crystal in your pocket at all times will block the power of a psychic vampire. What if you fall down and you fall right on that? That'll really hurt. That'll really hurt. Yeah, that'll dig up your thigh. Worse than keys. And you must never look a psychic vampire in the eye.

But if you're forced to look a psychic vampire in the eye, then the left eye is the better one to focus on. Because the left eye is passive. Their left or your left? You can't look in your own left eye. No, I know, but if I'm looking... You can't close your right eye if you're looking... I did it.

This is the dumbest exercise that I've watched happen from the Skype in Hawaii. Okay, so it's your left. You look into their left eye. Their left. So that would be your right. But if you... Well, it's okay.

All right, I got it. It's just... You're already dead. If Marcus is a psychic vampire, you're dead. You are desanguinated spiritually. Okay. You can also protect your aura by folding your arms and crossing your legs,

and by visualizing a wall, armor, or a shield to deflect the assault. Now, all of this sounds very pedantic, yes. Yeah. But a part of it is... I mean, this is the problem. We actually hold more credibility towards psychic vampirism than we do, like, any conspiracy theory

we're ever talking about. So that's what's hard. We've technically also read more source material on this subject than we did even, like, the West Memphis Three. Like, this is... There's a lot of books on this. I'm just happy you didn't say 9-11,

because that would have been truly offensive to this country and the people who fought the war. But I do understand the... Yes, it sounds silly, but you have to do certain things. That's what they say to avoid these things. A lot of it just sounds like self-care, where it's like de-unfortune trade-up says,

like, if you were... It seems to be your under-psychic attack. The first thing you should do, either number one, is move. Mm-hmm. Where you literally just move without telling anybody and don't take any of your possessions, or two, take a bath.

Take a bath. Yeah. Yes. Okay. But you cleanse yourself. All right. That's one thing. Mm-hmm.

You don't have to tell them who believe that you need no protection whatsoever from psychic vampires. And who else should that be, but the psychic vampires themselves? Wow. And how convenient is that? Very convenient, Marcus.

But either way, this contingent is somewhat led, or at least represented, by a paranormal author and investigator named Michel Belanger. Now, we've actually used Belanger's research on our show before. The Demons, which I absolutely adore. It's a fantastic book.

And I've used it as a reference for many a demon-based episode here on Last Podcast on the Left. Okay, cool. She's also a fun paranormal personality. Yeah. Within the world of, like, the TV world of paranormal shit.

Like, paranormal state. She's been in Coast to Coast a bunch of times. And I like her view on life. But she's definitely like, we need to build a bridge. We need a patch on the American quilt for psychic vampires. Okay.

And representation. Yeah. Very much so. But concerning psychic vampires, Michel Belanger, who is herself a professed and proud psychic vampire, wrote a book called The Psychic Vampire Codex. Now, we're not going to blow up Michel's spot

and give away all the secrets contained in the codex. If you want to learn all the ins and outs of how to be a psychic vampire, you've got to go buy the book yourself, available on Amazon, or even better, the occult section at your local bookstore. Go to your local bookstore.

Don't buy it on Amazon. Please, God, I hate Amazon. Yeah. Go to the local bookstore because you're always going to find some stuff. You didn't even know what you were looking for. And oftentimes, they have t-shirts and cool t-shirts, too.

And they, honestly, occult bookstores have big sizes. Mm-hmm. Because I always get a good double X when I go there. Didn't we go to a great occult bookstore? Was that Portland or Seattle? That's where I got my Necronomicon

that says read on it. Got to go back to that occult bookstore in Seattle. That place was fucking great. Yep. Yes, that place was great. Yeah. I can't remember the name of it, but yeah, there's an occult bookstore in Seattle

that I got a swing by this weekend, or in a couple of weeks when we go on to Seattle. In a couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait. But just know that these psychic vampires get around the hole draining the life force

from people thing by claiming that they can heal as well as hurt. They believe that the auric doorway swings both ways, meaning that psychic energy can be given as well as taken. But there is the question of why these psychic vampires do what they do.

And it turns out there are a lot of different answers given in the codecs. Some believe that they have an imperfect connection to the universal source of energy that we all plug into on a daily basis, either because that connection is cut off completely,

or the energy is processed inefficiently. And they see the way that you can see this pretty often is that a lot of times, according to her, psychic vampires have physical problems as well. So would she kind of equate it to essentially, if you have fiber Malaysia,

Yamad does be a psychic vampire. Oh, my. Wow, this bit is really coming together. Others think that their spiritual origin point is not Earth. And since they spiritually originate elsewhere, like Pleiades or wherever, the natural spirit energy that the Earth produces

is incompatible with the energy that works just fine for the rest of us. Yep, it's like some people can eat cilantro and some people can't. Yeah. I don't understand the people who don't like cilantro. I hate it.

I fucking can't stand it. It's so weird. Psychic vampire. Could be. Could be. If you don't like cilantro and taco, you might just be a psychic vampire. Honestly, this is the funniest comedian

I've ever seen in my life, Wendy. I'm so happy you took me to this condom and central taping. It's weird. I don't know why, but I like feel kind of drained and sick and pale watching him. I might just be a psychic vampire.

And some take it even further, saying that while they can receive the Earth's energy just fine, they're allergic to it. Don't laugh at me. That is worse than being allergic to water. If you just can't take the Earth's energy, that is a bad allergy to have.

And so they have to go to other sources to get it, specifically the energies of other people. I see. But with all these different opinions, comes the question of how all these people got together to talk about the different motivations behind psychic vampirism in the first place. And Belanger lays it out pretty clearly in the codex.

In her opinion, it was the 90s when psychic vampirism really started to awaken. What with all the Wiccan and Neopagan stuff going on at the time. It is really that nothing truly has made me miss the 90s. I've been panging for the 90s this week reading about psychic vampirism. Because I remember, do you remember this time period?

My mom went to a vampire wedding in the 90s. Because that was a part of like, we knew a couple of these guys that would hang out. They would be vamp, they were vampires and they dressed like Anne Rice characters and they'd go and they'd have big parties with people dressed as vampires. It was such a 90s fun interview with the vampire-esque world.

That was great. Yeah, vampires were a hip in the 90s. Super hip. You know, I know I'm 37 years old, but 90s, more evidence, best decade. Best decade. And pre-internet, these people spread their ideas through zines.

Magazines? Zines. There's a difference. Zines are self-published magazines, usually done with like a photocopier and a staple. It's all DIY stuff. Wait a second, Kissel, you don't know what a fucking zine is?

I know what a zine is. I'm not saying that anytime. You were on a college campus. Are we really explaining? Are we this old? Do we have to explain what zines are? I know what a zine is. I'm trying to help our listeners

who are currently listening. Hello everyone who is listening. Hello. And by the way, if you're listening in a PT Cruiser, I still support you. Disgusting. I still support you. Both disgusting.

But no, the zine. Of course, there was multiple zines in every college. Yeah. We had a great punk zine. Yeah, and that's usually what zines are all about. They're subculture magazines. Yeah. You know, usually punk or metal or especially goth.

Oh. Yeah, zines were a huge thing in the goth community. And when people got to hold the desktop computers and kinkos opened in every major city in the U.S. in the early 90s, zines exploded. And with the zine explosion, also came an explosion of vampire zines. Cool.

I mean, of course. Yeah. Well, according to an archive I found on a somehow still working angel fireside. Wow. There was Journal of the Dark. Liquid Dreams of Vampires. Edit.

Yikes. Vampires Crypt. Vampyr Magazine. Carpe Noctim. Yeah, cool. That's a cool one, yeah. Vampire Junction. If you find yourself pulling your surrey up to Vampire Junction,

you might just be a socking vampire. No. Vampire Junction. So it's just so folky. It really is. There's Nocturnal Blood Sentinel News. It's a little long, but... Yeah, yeah.

And International Vampire. Ooh, that's for the extinguished. The extinguished de-singuished. Distinguished. Where have I been talking for? Distinguished Vampire. And with so many zines being published, not only in America, but around the world,

because International Vampire was Dutch, many psychic vampires started corresponding with each other in forming communities. Only problem was, according to Belanger, vampires apparently have a market distaste for capitalism. Really? Yes, and they also distrust organization of any kind, and none of them, not surprisingly,

particularly enjoy authority figures. I believe that to be true. No way. Okay, I actually have a question here, and this is not meant to be any... I'm not trying to make fun. No, I'm not. I'm not roasting.

Okay. If a bunch of psychic vampires get together, they can't be feeding on each other's energy because they don't have any energy. They require people. They require other people's energy. So wouldn't this just be like the saddest, most boring event ever?

They have partners. They bring their partners. They bring the... Can I do the ACK actually? Actually, yeah. They have to voluntarily give in to a pool of energy that all of them can feed into. They do an exercise where they hang out.

They psychically pool their energy. Everybody sticks their straws in. They do the, I will drink your milkshake. They do that to each other. Because they do the same process when, according to the Vampiric Bible, that's how they pool their sacrifice

that they have to give to the astral vampire gods in order to give their blessings to them, basically giving them energy to help give them their eternal powers. Okay. Another follow-up question, and again, not roasting, is come involved?

Because it always seems like come is involved with this female and male ejaculate. Optional. Optional. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Okay. Well, since no one wanted to take the lead

when it came to organizing or maybe using the capitalist system to keep the zines in the black, and since anyone who tried to make any money was quickly shouted down as a quote, unquote, sell out. Oh, come on. They all very quickly fold in.

These are why scenes fall apart? Yeah, always. But there was one of these people who seemed to rise above the pack at least a little and embraced capitalism maybe a little too much. The Temple of the Vampire. Now, near as I can tell,

the Temple of the Vampire was and maybe still is run by a man named Nicholas Strathlock. He's an interesting man. Very interesting. He formed an entire religion around vampirism, which he called vampiric spirituality. The idea here is that vampires are undead gods and that these gods made of psychic energy

seek out hosts who are predisposed to possession by vampires. Do you mind if I read the Vampire Creed written by Nicholas Strathlock? Please. I am a vampire. I worship my ego and I worship my life, for I am the only god that is.

I'm proud that I'm a predatory animal and I honor my animal instincts. I exalt my rational mind and hold no belief that is in defiance of reason. I recognize the difference between the worlds of truth and fantasy. I acknowledge the fact that survival is the highest law.

I acknowledge the powers of darkness to be hidden natural laws through which I work my magic. I know that my belief is in ritual authenticity, but the magic is real and I respect and acknowledge the results of my magic. I realize there is no heaven as there is no hell

and I view death as the destroyer of life. Therefore, I will make the most of life here and now. I am a vampire. Bow down before me. Well, that is wonderful, but now, best buy employee, can you just show me where the printers are? Well, that's why I came...

Here's a printer that also does photos. Are you not mesmerized by the mixture of truth and fantasy? Well, that's actually... This is just what I was looking for. Thank you so much. Please, if you would fill out the survey, it's here at the bottom.

You can fill out this code on Best Buy Dot Com. My name's Nick. If you would please just do that 55 songs. Of course. Well, here's Strathlock himself explaining his religion further in an A&E documentary called American Vampires.

One of our ancient ones will enter into the body and therefore create a permanent a change or state of being which does create the vampire, which is what occurred with me when I died at five. He died at five? Yeah, he did, I guess. The only thing about that video, too,

is that it is very difficult for him to talk because of the teeth he has in. And you could see it's him going, or your actual vampire is the last nobility of a spiritual world. As the teeth are sliding out of the top of his mouth. Yes.

Interesting looking guy. He's kind of a Guy Fieri. He's got kind of a Guy Fieri look going. He looks like a combination between Guy Fieri and John Candy. Yeah! That's actually great. Yeah.

Kind of looks a little bit like gangralla as well. Remember that 1990s wrestling character? Yeah. He was a vampire. Just thinking with the vampire. But I support it, man, if he does. He's got this, man.

I mean, he started the Fang Club in Beverly Hills. Yeah. That had cleared that up a bit. Strathlock claims to have briefly died at the age of five. And when he came back to life, because you know that happens all the time,

remember Barpo went to heaven and back? Of course he did. This guy could read minds to the point where he could finish other people's sinuses. And by the age of 12, he came to believe that he was inhabited by a vampire god. And after that,

he was initiated into his family's clan. The Order of the Dragon. Oh, thank God. It's better than the KKK anyway. Here's him talking about that process. It was primarily just a blood ritual for that. We spoke of feeding. We spoke of taking life force from others.

It's been something that's been in my family for generations. All right. So this is a family sort of, this is a legacy. He's a vampire legacy. Yeah. It was absolutely a wonderful experience.

Sucking the blood of my mother. I don't know. We did that. It was in the morning, I remember. I just saw the new Adventures of Batman. Because I really used to come on each morning, which was fun to do. I like to see the Adventures of Batman.

And then I drank my mother's blood. And I joined the Order of the Dragon. So that's a win for me. That was a big get for me. And then we went to Magic Mountain. We'd never been over there. But I'm not allowed to ride the Rosa Coasters because my blood would get too thin from the excitement.

Of course. Of course. Batman the Animated Series was the best Batman Animated Series. It was on Fox Prime Time. Remember that? Some argue that it's the best Batman ever. All right. Now when he says family,

he is talking about his actual family. Okay. According to an interview he did, he was raised by his Welsh Druid grandparents. And three of his 14 brothers are also psychic vampires. An Order of the Dragon is also loosely tied to Vlad Dracul. That is the, all of that is saying that that was the sect of the Hungarian family

that he belonged to and that Dracul is the side of the dragon. But if you look at the Order of the Dragon Wikipedia page, the dragons there are not like Game of Thrones dragons. They're like, they're like Casper with wings. They're like fat, weird, like succulent duckling dragons that are very strange, that are not, I don't like, are these frightening? Technically they're just kind of cute.

Yeah. Right, right. Well it's interesting. I feel like if you have Druid grandparents, that could turn out really, really fun. Or it could turn out like your, like the crazy old people from the visit. Yeah.

Where they just kind of like want to kill you and rub a diaper onto your face. That movie was great. The visit was so good. That scene was so good. Now it's hard to suss out Strathlock's timeline, but he claimed to have been in the British army for a while. Then he moved to Los Angeles in what seems to be the early 90s,

where he apparently picked up the American vampire accent. Okay. He's British. Very good acting. Very good. Yeah, yeah. That's what they do in LA. Australians in Brits, they just go down there

and they have the perfect American accent. They show up here and they take our jobs and everybody loves them because they're fakeers. They're fakeers out here. That's what acting is. But in LA, Strathlock founded the Temple of the Vampire and played a part in opening a nightclub in Beverly Hills called the Fang Club.

And I think 1997, judging from the photos from the grand opening, I found on Getty Images. Okay. But within a year, the Fang Club either folded or Strathlock was kicked out. I don't really know which one. Hmm. And the Temple of the Vampire eventually moved to the town of Lacey

in Washington State. There, Strathlock, I think, lives with his six kids and a man whom he calls his blood donor, whose blood he drinks once a week. I don't want to be, like, too grossed out about it, but it was just, they did a version on the documentary, American Vampires. They showed him feeding off of his donor,

his boyfriend, essentially. And it was him with a little razor doing little cuts. And then it was him just straight up going like, yeah, okay. So right after this, we can go to Panera, right? They have a new egg sandwich I got to check because I am really hungry and I don't know if this is gonna complete.

This is like a pre-eater, okay? Oh, it's an appetizer. Oh, man. And he's weird, like, almost Donald Duck-like tongue. Yeah, yeah. Like licking the little cuts. Yeah, interesting. They're either having a good time,

so if they're, if they're, like, and they're upsetting to it, I mean, good for you. Yeah, and as long as the kids are in the other room, yeah, that's, that's what's funny. But I thought that you had to eat his teeth, though. He's got the Fang teeth. Yeah. Why wouldn't he use his teeth?

No, kissle, because those are his, that's his, ah, I don't know, man, it's like a nice hat. You don't wear those for the doing of it because they're not functional. Those are fashion. Oh, those are fashion. You don't think those are, he didn't surgically get those put in?

They're sliding out of his mouth. Yeah, and you can see he's at the top, his top lip is kind of bulged out. Like when you put in the, what is it, the redneck teeth that you buy at the gas station. Of course, of course. Yeah, he's obviously got prosthetics in there. Okay.

Now, it says over and over again on the internet, and in the psychic vampire codex, that the temple of the vampire is super exclusive. But all I had to do was buy the PDF for their vampire Bible, and I almost immediately received a thank you email that told me I was well on my way to becoming a part of their order. Cool.

And dude, it's like when I bought all the stuff from the Rosicrucian Order, now we get four emails a week for the ancient secrets of the Rosicrucian. Yeah, it seems like all I gotta do is buy a $200 annual membership in addition to the 40 bucks I already spent on the vampire Bible.

But if I would have gotten the membership first, I would have received a discount on not only the PDF, but other temple literature, audio programs, and their fine line of exclusive temple of the vampire jewelry. And then. Honestly, I'm all about it. That's the kind of merch I'm into.

Yeah, it's actually pretty cool jewelry. It's pretty expensive. It's like $200 for a temple of the vampire ring. Well, it's not so bad. That's really good quality. It's sterling silver. I mean, hey, this is for your goth girlfriend. Yeah.

Goth boyfriend. You got out there. I know you got him. Just, you know, gift certificates at the temple of the vampire. Sure, sure. But the temple of the vampire is only one of many of what are known as houses

in the psychic vampire community. In Atlanta, they got the Atlanta Vampire Alliance, which actually seems comparatively super chill. Okay, I bet. Yeah. They define a vampire as an energy feeder or blood drinker that may display various levels of psychic ability,

but also needs the taking of blood or vital life force from others to survive. But they, unlike other houses, don't use a caste system where there's a defined hierarchy, although they do respect houses who do so. Instead, the five founding members of the AVA conduct business as a cooperative body

in monthly meetings. Five people? You can still have a pretty good democracy with five people. Good quorum. Yeah. To be able to spell on Jay's history of modern vampirism, she says that psychic vampirism got a pretty big boost

with the release of a tabletop role-playing game called Vampire the Masquerade. Jack got it, man. I always wanted to play, but did not have the required goth friends in high school to do such a thing. I remember seeing it. I remember seeing the box,

and I really wanted to do it, too, but no one wanted to be goth with me as a little boy. I was rejected. I wanted to do it so bad. Yeah, because you guys are fucking nerds. Of course. We had friends. No, they were friends.

People wanted to go hang out in high school, watch wrestling, do backyard wrestling, like me and my cool friends were doing. And you know what? I did go watch wrestling with my friends, but you know what I wanted to be doing? Playing Vampire the Masquerade, but no one wanted to play Vampire the Masquerade.

I completely understand why, because their hormones are going crazy. No, but that's how you get them all mixed up. That's how you get everybody mixed up, because the goth girls in there, too, playing Vampire the Masquerade. Who dresses the Phantom? Singing.

The Masquerade. Paint my paces. Humper me. And then they're all into it, because they like that stuff. They're like a sensitive hero. You know what I mean? You technically fain the opera as a kidnapper,

so he's not a sensitive hero. But you know, in the end, he did have a tragic past. You know, I think that now, everyone's too insecure in high school. That's the problem, because they don't want to be seen as like, oh, I don't want to be seen as like an other.

But now I bet you guys play the game, and I get a whole bunch of people to join in. I'm certain that Marcus and I can go down to any high school, and all those kids around us in a circle and start playing Vampire the Masquerade. Yeah, I'm certain that no one would have any problems with that. Yeah, no, that's a great idea, Jared Fogle.

That's very smart. Hope you guys came hungry, because I got a whole platter of sandwiches and dick. But what really took the psychic vampire community to the next level was what else, but the internet. Specifically, the old 90s DIY website services like Angel Fire and GeoCities.

The best. Back when you had to put real work into the HTML. That's right, kids. Back when there was real work, not like today. Uh-huh, yeah. A-ref equals yeah. So thank you to Squarespace for being a sponsor, because now you can just go ahead,

we're not even paid for that ad. Don't even know, we just got all this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By 1997, the vampire community had such places together as Virdolax, Sanguinarius, and SphinxCat's real vampires page. Yeah! I'm certain SphinxCat certainly was an a 40-year-old man

in a basement somewhere. Yeah, I do feel like all of those websites, everyone that created them, they all share one pair of pants. And then everyone would be like, it's Wednesday, I have to go outside. May I get the pants, please? Yeah, all right, I'll quit my job.

And with all those pages came Belanger publishing her first version of the psychic vampire codex. Then, as it always happens, without fail, again and again, no matter what country or time period, subculture surfaces, the community started to eat itself. Oh, I thought you were going to say it became anti-Semitic. Because like 95% of the time,

it just turns into somehow the Jews are to blame. I don't even know how they get there. That is conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theory, for some reason, it always gets twisted. Marks and I were talking about this. I think it's a disease in the DNA of conspiracy theory that it turns this corner at some point, no matter what. Even if you are David Ike saying,

no, it is nine foot tall reptilians. It's reptilians. Like they don't, they just, you know, that's what happens when you dabble in this one. So, Mr. Ike, you're telling me that Jewish people can be nine feet tall? No, I mean, yes, they can. They can, yes.

Not this way. I just, oh. Well, everyone started calling each other a poser or a lifestyler, which lifestyler is like the worst insult you can call someone in the vampire community. What does that even mean, though? It's like being a weekend warrior. You like to dress up as Lestat,

but you don't like to do any of the work. And then during the weekdays, you're a middle manager at some Wendy's or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, real vampires are the middle manager at a Wendy's. They are those guys, but they are in full regalia at work. Right. And some of these guys even tried getting rid of the word vampire.

In 2002, a Canadian house named House Cuinator tried getting people to change from the word vampire to Cuinatorii because they believed that getting a new word was the only way to solve the whole sigh versus saying debate. Dude, good luck. You have any idea how difficult it would be to rebrand something that's been around for tens of thousands of years like vampires?

No way. Instead of hamburgers, we need to start switching it to meat waffles. Ooh, actually, that's a good meat waffle. Then you could put a little syrup in there, too. Get a little egg on top of that. You got yourself a breakfast bun. Of course, you get that savor, then you get that sweet.

Yeah, I didn't eat yet. But on the other hand, House Cuinator rivals the Atlanta Vampire Alliance in chillness. And they are by far the most Canadian vampires around. We don't suck blood. We eat a lot of poutine. That's good. That's a classic kissle bit.

Well, here's what their website says. Quote, Welcome to House Cuinator, smiley face. We are an established house within some cases, some new ideas. However, we hope that you'll like what you see here. We strive for flexibility. And while we do have a hierarchy,

it's a loose one alone for peace of mind for those that desire a chain of command, simultaneous with an easygoing freedom for those who are more individual in nature. Man, I do love aspects of the Canadian culture, and we cannot wait. By the way, we're going to Vancouver. Yeah.

And last time we were in Vancouver, we did the Rickshaw Theater. Yeah. That was on East Hastings Street. This time, we're not going to be on East Hastings Street. So you don't want anywhere near it. So our audience can feel safe, because our audience, the last time we were in Vancouver,

they were waiting outside in line. They're like, can't believe you guys are doing the show here. Yeah. We don't like to wait outside here. Yeah. There's not going to be people shooting heroin blood all over the wall. So why are we even going?

Yeah. Why are we even going to go? We are, yes, people of Vancouver. We're doing a safe neighborhood this time. Yes. So don't be afraid to come on out to the show. Come on out. But it seems as if all of this,

all of this vampire infighting, as for the most part, settled down into a nice subculture of people who live life as psychic vampires, only taking energy from those who are willing to give it, and giving energy when they feel it is necessary. But aren't we losing our edge? This is the one thing.

Once the psychic vampires become nice, then you lose every single fun part of being a vampire, which is you get to be on the fringes of society. You're stately told about seduction. It's not about willing to give it. You have to, like, not make them. You've got to seduce them to do it. That's the whole thing.

You need your hands in the vampire hands that I'm doing. You need to be able to, like, look a woman in the eye. I mean, like, I don't drink wine. I drink molsons. You have to be able to, like, pull them in. But here's the question. What exactly are these people feeding on? That is a great question.

That is the best question so far in the episode. What are we actually talking about when we say energy? Another great question. What kind of energy? Three amazing questions. Well, one man, way back in the 1840s, named Baron Karl Ludwig von Reichenbach, thought he had, thank you, he thought he had the answer.

Yes, he also owned a haunted mansion. And he also could not grow. He was born with sideburns. His name for the vital energy or life force that lives within us and all around us is the odic force, also called od. Now, as I said, od. Odic. Od.

Od. Od. Od. Od. It sounds like the Canadians from South Park, actually. Od. Now, as I said earlier in the episode, it's very difficult to scientifically quantify all this shit.

And von Reichenbach is a prime example of someone trying and failing. Oh. Now, the odic energy is sort of similar to Oregon energy. And it's sort of an example, because the other words that I've heard for this are chi and prana, like those kinds of, those are in the one world, right, where people have been working with chi and prana for years. But Reichenbach was really trying to put, like,

in his, like, in the 18th century science version of it. So his thing of odic force was this, he was trying to say, but I'm a scientist. See, I know that it's real because I bought these beakers. Yeah, it was kind of the time of scientists of, like, you know, fantabulous contraptions and such. This is the 1800s? 1840s.

Oh, that's such a fun time to be a scientist. Yeah. Because you can literally just be a sociopath and people give you a lot of respect. Well, prior to his obsession with the unprovable thesis of odic force, von Reichenbach was actually a well-respected scientist. Cool. But then, while studying sleepwalking,

von Reichenbach somehow got it in his head that some nambulus do so because they're allergic to moonlight. Or at least something carried by moonlight. Huh, okay. And extrapolating from moonlight, von Reichenbach started asking questions about all of the then unknown energies that were floating around.

And since he was so respected, his ideas got a fair shake in the scientific community, at least at first. Von Reichenbach was a member of the Prussian Academy of Sciences. But when odic energy wasn't accepted, he spent the last 30 years of his life yelling at people about it. I mean, he's not necessarily wrong.

No, it always works. It really does, but he's not necessarily wrong. I mean, at this point, we didn't even discover the atom. Yeah. We definitely didn't discover the atom yet in 1840. I mean, people theorized about the atom since the Greek times. Well, I don't know what the Greek era was. They didn't even wear pants.

They wore pants in the 1840s. No, I know. Not in the Greek times, I'm saying. No, they didn't wear pants. No, it was ding-dongs flying everywhere. Yeah, but those before pants were necessary. We decided pants were necessary. That is the yoke that we've put on us. We've made our dick slaves to pants.

Because of proprietary nature of the pure tanical world. I completely agree. And by the way, ladies, I hear you when it comes to the small pockets in your pants, they want you to go out and buy purses. Men get bigger pockets. I know that. Yeah, I've dated a woman.

And also, you wear her pants sometimes. Yeah. You actually do that. Yeah. Well, the source of this man's belief was a group of quote, unquote, sensitives, which others describe possibly more accurately as a group of neurotics. So he just went to Tumblr.

And asked them. He thought that this group that he gathered could perceive things that others couldn't. But every time his sensitives were put into a controlled environment because his colleagues did try to give him the benefit of the doubt, he couldn't prove his theory, and von Reichenbach always had an excuse as to why it didn't work. I tell you why it didn't work.

It's about a goddamn madness. That's what is happening. I tell you why it didn't work is that I look at you, Tony. You had a burger before walking into it. I could smell the onions. I could smell the onions and it is driving me insane. It's absolutely distracting. I'm thinking about a good onion burger.

God dang it, Henry. You're really getting to my gut today. Well, we're about to go to the airport. You can get one. Oh, I can't wait for that onion burger. That's not the only way I'm going to get your gut. I'm going to get it to the back door too. Almost sex with you.

Well, I'll leave the light on for you. Well, even though von Reichenbach could never prove his theory and no machine could detect odic energy, he believed that odic energy explained everything from hypnotism to dousing to ghosts to the aurora borealis to magnets. He even thought that it explained Feng Shui, saying that churches should never have their altars on the east end because that was bad energy,

and that pianos had to face a certain direction to get a good performance out of the player. Any other direction? You're going to be like, play like shit. Yeah, I don't know. That's true. Well, maybe for acoustic reasons. Well, it depends on the size of the room.

I'm also a big fan of Feng Shui. Yeah. Because, you know, it's really just, I always bump my, for some reason, around two or three o'clock in the morning, and I don't know why, I'm totally sober, but I always hit something. And I think that's bad Feng Shui

and not at all a problem with waking up to go to the bathroom. You have a separate room where you have a recliner that is 18 inches from a 72-inch telepathy that you sit and play. Was it, what's the name of the game? Division II, which is phenomenal. And you say you like Feng Shui. I could see the game, the colors of the game

are burnt onto your skin right now. It's a great game, Division II, play it. But of course, this energy that he's talking about wasn't just consigned to humans. It was everywhere. This was an overall earth force. And as such, it may not be exactly what psychic vampires feed upon.

The other kind of energy that they may feed on is organ energy, which we've talked about many times before. And if you want to know more about organ energy, go check out our series on the Nazis and the occult, because the Nazis were fucking obsessed with organ energy. Also known at the time as Vril, which is the old Nordic version of organ energy that was out there deep in the hills,

deep in the hills of Germania, in the sweet, sweet rivers of Bavaria. That is Vril, Vril is alive. And I'm here to conquer it. I'm here to harness it for the power of broadcasting. It is just so fortunate for the world you weren't a German in the 1940s. The dictator who listens, that would be a very good dictator.

I would listen to everybody and I'd make sure everybody was doing good, and then I'd sit on a throne made of britos. You never listened. Have you ever seen a video of anybody using Odec Force? No. I watched a video of a woman harnessing Odec Force. It was her with a stick, and they're like, I'm now presenting.

This is Maxwell von Berpersnerp. He is a ten gold medal winner. He could have been anybody. I don't know. He was a huge dude. And another big man, and they just pushed on this stick while this woman held it, but she wouldn't move. And they're like, the master of Odec Force. And I was like, I don't know.

It seems like it's possible. Yeah, it's possible. All right. But a fun little coincidence here is that the man who wrote one of the first psychic vampire stories later became a Nazi. Of course he did. He was a German-American named George Sylvester Weirich

and his 1907 novel, The House of the Vampire was considered to be among the first to have a vampire who feeds on more than just blood. Then, decades later, Weirich became a Nazi. I'm going to say this. We got to anti-Semitism. We finally were able to get there. In a roundabout way, because listen to this.

Weirich met with Hitler multiple times and spoke at the infamous Madison Square Garden Nazi rally. Oh, that is a crazy story. Yeah, the one in 1934. And Weirich said that the Nazis had a lot of good ideas if you got past the whole anti-Semitism thing, which he didn't really agree with because some of his best friends were Jewish.

Some of my best friends are Jewish. But what are you going to do? If you're sending Jews to the concentration camps, you might just be a psychic vampire. You know, what he said to, well, he was a Germanophile. Yeah. So at that time period, he was one of those that held his nationality to be very sacred.

Because the Nazis were so pro-Germany, that's why he linked up, because he was super nationalist. But I don't really understand anybody that is just proud to be born in a place that you can't choose. Because you're just born there. I feel like the anti-Semitism, that's the hurdle I could never get over. Yeah.

You know, but then they're like, the economic policies are pretty good. That's exactly what they said. That is exactly what they said. Yeah, the economic policies are great. It's just the whole hatred thing. Like, you just got to have to look past it. Just kind of ignore it.

Folks, you can go to the back of the room and you can get your blinders. You can actually put those right on. It's just absolutely crazy. You don't see the worst side of our policies. So because Weirich was a Nazi, he was arrested and jailed for failing to register with the U.S. State Department as a Nazi agent.

And he did three years in prison. Okay. That stay actually, and this is just an interesting side note here. That stay actually inspired a second book which had nothing to do with vampires. Is it called Get Me Out of Here? That book was Men into Beasts.

And because of its descriptions of situational homosexuality, it became one of the first instances of gay pulp fiction in the 50s. Kicked off a whole subgenre. Well, isn't that ironic? Isn't it? No, it seems like it's almost like weirdly that he wrote a bunch of very, very descriptive scenes

of men having sex with each other. Right. And totally scientific. Of course, of course. Just research into what happens when you put a coach alone in a locker room with a bunch of young men away from their families. Right.

I don't know what it is. The basketball team in the army. I guess. All just sliding all over each other. And you just, it's strange how someone would go and corrupt that by turning it into gay pulp things. Isn't that crazy? And masturbating to it.

It's nuts. Of course. And of course the Nazis were very homophobic as well. They killed a lot of gay people. A lot, yeah. But while Virik wrote about psychic vampires, he was not a psychic vampire himself. Really?

Who are definitely not saying that all psychic vampires are Nazis. But Hitler was definitely one of the evil kinds of psychic vampires. Of course. Perhaps the most powerful psychic vampire of all time. And there are other famous psychic vampires throughout history.

Barbara Hort claimed that both Napoleon Bonaparte and Joseph McCarthy were psychic vampires. I believe it. Okay. Do you have to be an alcoholic as well? Is that like, is there anything with that? I actually think it's the opposite. A lot of times these people are very sober.

Okay. But Joseph McCarthy was a particularly bad alcoholic. Yes, and he may have been reading some of that gay fanfic that this other guy wrote. Might have been. Maybe. Also, the sculptor Rodin and Pablo Picasso, both psychic vampires.

Why Picasso? What did he do? Because he took the energy of those around him, drained those around him, put it into his art. But then doesn't his art give energy? Maybe. Interesting. It does, doesn't it?

I don't know. I don't know. Does the artist take from the subject? I don't know. I don't know. Picasso's pretty cool. I love Picasso. Yeah.

He actually laid out a list of people that he believes are psychic vampires as well. So this is just a Henry Zabrowski theory. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to put Bill Cosby on there. Okay. Right?

Okay. That's if that's psychic vampire. I'm going to put a man who ever created child-proof things on the top of the new weed cases. These things, they put these like weed, they put these child-proof locks on the weed stuff, which is so difficult to get at. You're talking about something.

I ended up chopping the top of it off with a scissor and then put all my weed in a Ziploc Prince. You're talking about something kind of cool, which is just getting a bunch of weed in the old, in the oldest man-way possible, where you're just like, but no, I can't even get in the child safety locks. I've gotten the weed.

You just have to hit the button and unzip it. Yeah. I got tiny things. You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys see these things? You guys see these things? You guys see these, these weed things? You guys see these things?

Good lord. You guys see these? Honestly, oh, I'm getting a phone call from me. I'm getting a phone call from Comedy Central. Henry, they want to green light your next special. Have you seen these things? I think this is going to be a great follow-up to you might be a psychic vampire.

Hey, man, I'm down. It's always my career's on lock. It's fine because Comedy Central's doing great. They're not sinking in ratings at all. Oh, no, not at all. But even though those people are evil or at the very least pains in the ass, remember that not all psychic vampires

are out to suck the energy from every person they meet until that person is near death. But if you are in a relationship with a psychic vampire, get rid of them as soon as you can and get back to enjoying life. That's all we got. That's it. That's it.

Oh, my God, that's incredible. All right. But I really do think, I wonder, there are some sincere stuff here. I really do believe. I believe that if you believe you're being trained, I think that there is something to this. I think that there really are psychic vampires out there.

Absolutely. And remember that the way that you'll know that it's going to be hard to leave a psychic vampire because they cling on really desperately because they need you. Yes. So you are actually the strong one. So you have to just disembark

because they will shrivel. Absolutely. And when I was in an Uber in a beautiful sunny Los Angeles, I think we were going to the adult swim studios to do our little stream. But I was talking to the Uber driver, whose daughter was getting into podcasts and he said, do you have any advice?

And I told him, surround yourself with people that inspire you and don't make you feel bad. Everyone can be at their 100 and everyone can be the best they can be. Those are the people you need to be around. So when it comes to psychic vampires, that is true. Just don't hang out with people who drain you

because you got to get rid of them if you want to live the best life possible. Get rid of them. That's it. They're not afraid of garlic. As a matter of fact, psychic vampires truly enjoy it. Ooh, I'm a big garlic guy too. You're a big garlic guy too.

Make me one. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. All right, everyone. Well, thank you so much for listening. Great episode. Hang out with people that inspire you. We're going to see so many folks this weekend. We're going to be in Kansas City.

Cannot wait. That's going to be Friday night. And then where are we going? Denver. Then we're going to Denver, Colorado, which cannot wait for that. And then beautiful Salt Lake City. So this weekend is going to be an absolute blast.

It's going to be great. Can't wait, man. Can't wait to get back on the road. Can't wait to see you guys. We're going to have a good time. We're going to strut and fret on how I'll pull the stage. Won't we, Marcus? Yes, we will.

In the air in about two weeks, we're going to be going up to the Pacific Northwest for a short tour. We're going to be starting in Vancouver. Then we're going to Seattle. Then we're going to do two nights in Portland. Love it. There's still tickets available.

Seattle's sold out. But if you're living in Seattle and you still want to see us and you didn't get tickets in time, just go on up to Vancouver. You can see us there. Or go on down to Portland and see us that Sunday night because we still got tickets for Vancouver and we still got tickets for the second night in Portland.

First night sold out. Absolutely. Cannot wait to see everyone. Let's see here. What else should we say? Australia. We're coming to Australia in late June. Go to last podcast on the left

and check out all of the dates and locations for our Australia tour. We're starting around June 20th, I think. Awesome. We're selling out a couple of dates already in Australia, which is really, really great. But we need people to come out to our Sydney show. It's our big old show in Sydney.

Come on out. Come on out. Thanks all for giving to our Patreon without you. This show doesn't exist. So you guys are much appreciated. And if you want to check out the Henry and myself interview series, we interview a lot of really fun people. And there's like, you know, there's a couple,

there's a couple of dozen on there as far as interviews. So check that out. Some bonus content. Also check out all the shows here on LPN. Wizard of the Bruiser, page seven, Abel against Top Hat, all the shows. Thank you so much for keeping this network alive. And honestly, the network is doing great.

We'll put on our owner's hats. Last podcast network is, you know, just really excelling. And so thanks everyone for, you know, kind of cross pollinating to all the other shows. And I've got one more show announcement that I almost forgot about it. In August, we just added three shows. August 8th, St. Paul, Minnesota. August 9th, Des Moines, Iowa.

And August 10th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And not wait. Get the cheese ready. Warm it up. Deep fry it. Get those beers ready. Cannot wait for Milwaukee. See some old friends out there. And by the time... And Minneapolis, of course. Yeah. And by the time this episode comes out,

tickets will be on sale at lastpodcastontheleft.com. And be sure to get those tickets as soon as you can, because last time we went to Minnesota, and the last time we went to Wisconsin, we sold out both of them. We do well in the big states with the big, wonderful folks. Can't wait to be back in my homeland of the Midwest. Now, I've never been to Des Moines,

so I'm excited to go to Des Moines. I've only been there. I was only there when I was like seven years old. And I don't even know why I was there. I wonder if Slipknot's going to show up. Oh my God. Yes, if you know Slipknot in Des Moines, please. We'll put half of them on the list.

I'll put them on the list. I would love to meet anybody who is ten gentle to Slipknot. That would be fun and shit. Absolutely. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan.

Hail Geen. Let's do a magustylations. Yeah. Yeah, let's do one of those. Yeah. And hail me. You know why? Tiny knees.

That's why you want to be hailed because you have tiny knees. I might just be a psychic vampire. You are a psychic vampire. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.