Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 39: Hail Satan!

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys explore the many facets of Satan and Satanism, including the origins of the myth, how extremely misinformed people are about the concept of Satanism, and Satanic clubs throughout the centuries.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? It's like kind of Native American Jewish. What are you doing? You're wasting a piece of the buffalo. Hello. Welcome to the last podcast on the left. With Marcus Parks, I'm Ben Kissel with us as always. On Humble Knee Before Our Dark Lord, my name is Satanic Priest Henry Zabrowski. Wow, Satanic Priest Henry Zabrowski.

As you can see, my voice is rational and calm. That is the true trait of a Satanic Priest. Nothing scary about it whatsoever. Welcome, Father. Henry, you were out in Atlanta. You were filming something for a television project. And you were playing a devil the entire time. You would make up the horns. For the last two weeks, I've been in Atlanta totally spray-painted red with gigantic horns attached to my face,

like playing a mischievous demon for a television show. And I was introduced to a book called The Satanic Witch by Anton LeVe by the guy who did all the creature makeup, who is this brilliant artist named Shane Morton. What has Shane worked on? The remake of Halloween 2. He made this incredible movie called Dear God No. If you're into a seven-minute long stabbing scene of a pregnant woman, that's a lot of stabbing. I guess with a person who's pregnant, you gotta stab twice as much. He went to the ring. He left it all on the dance floor.

That's the only thing I wish about the whole Manson thing is, if it was in the age of video cameras, we would know what Sharon Tate's death looked like. I mean, absolutely. Oh, man, it went on the internet. You remember the best score with the gay porn star. Yeah, that's the good and the bad. It's like because we have all these pictures, we get to see people's disgusting brunches. Yeah, Instagram. I've never seen one seven foot on Instagram. Come on, people. Eat a thumb for once. Just come on. Let's get one more picture.

Let's mix it up. I hate it. Brean muffin. That looks nice. Oh my god, it's a fuzzy sunset. Isn't that wonderful. Please show me Sharon Tate getting stabbed screaming for her life. I want to see a bunch of thugs taking pictures of their glocks on Instagram. Do that. Sounds beautiful.

I'm already dead. God, I wish I could see that footage. So you're hanging out with this incredible guy. Well, these guys were great and we kind of like made a fast bond and then I really started reading really deep into Satanism and I think it's the way to go. Wow, so you're sold on Satanism right now. Well, because there's a lot of things. I think there's a lot of human beings take symbols very seriously, right?

There's a lot of writing, especially psychologically, when you put on a costume. Technically, what I was doing was we realized it's sort of this extended mask work where I am fully in the massage of an incredibly evil looking demon. You know, and there's only so long you can spend dresses, the symbol without like, you know, you fill it out all of a sudden. You become you get into it. It's sort of like the old adage fake it till you make it. You know, so if you want to work on Wall Street, we're a business. You know, until you go out there and the next thing you know, you're just going to become a Republican. And it's also a part of a thing in Satanic which the Antelope was talking about is if you have the devil's name, then you should play the devil's game.

And the idea is that if you rhyme everything in this book, it's sort of a loose wrap. Yeah, you could have a Dr. Seuss of Satanism. But the whole it's just the idea of eventually of like, if you look like something is like you become something and then in order to get people to do what you want in your life is that you start acting even more into your own stereotype. So people think that they have you pegged and then realizing that there's a form of you called the demonic form, which is the total opposite, right? Which is he makes his wheel of character, which is like it's like a clock. And like on each as you get to each different hour, like it promotes a different sort of characteristic. And the idea is that wherever you are in the clock in appearance, there is an inner form of you that is on direct opposite on the clock. And the idea is to attract people is that you act stereotypical to what you look like.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a thin number seven. Like you just get to a thin number seven, maybe a muscular number eight. That would be great. But that's called the Satanic Witch. Everyone should read that. It's about getting sex. Pretty much. So it was created by this Anton LeVe character. Well, let's start from the very beginning.

Let's just talk about Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan. I feel like we're in every writer's meeting for Black Sabbath. So let's just start from the very beginning. Satan started off as a demon called Lucifer that was thrown out of heaven for an angel. He was fucking one of Jesus's favorite angels. I don't know. I like that. No, he just thought that I think his idea was that I believe the original argument was about like the apple.

The idea of giving human beings like knowledge of their own free will. And basically he was kicked out for that because God apparently, you know, he don't be an upward mobile assistant manager in heaven. You know what I mean? Because you're going to own this place. You're never going to own it. You're not my father. He gets kicked out and since then there has been a grand, you want to say, shaming of the name of Lucifer and the devil. And this idea that what he actually stood for was true knowledge.

And what his name means is the Lightbringer. And it's so right from the very start of the ancient stupid Christian mythology, you have an immediate sort of banishment of actual knowledge. They were the Statue of Liberty. They called the Statue of Liberty Lucifer because she's the Lightbringer. Yeah, that's true. Interesting. It is? Yeah.

I know people are always very, very upset about it, but yeah, that was the whole point of Lucifer was to bring the light. Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, I think at the beginning we need to make a distinction between Satan and the devil. Yes. Because I think Satan and the devil are two very different things. Because I got this book, it's my favorite art book by far, it's called The Illustrated History of the Devil. And it starts around 300 AD whenever the first actual visualizations of the devil, like the Christian idea of the devil start, first start appearing. And the devil started off as a trickster character, an idiot.

A lot of demons. Anansi, the spider guy, or like Loki. Well, I mean, even dumber than Loki. He's more like folklore demons. Yeah, Anansi. The idea is that he comes and he plays like weird tricks on people and they're like, get out of here, but devil. And he was very easy to banish. And my favorite part about the early representations of the devil is that he would look a lot like the Greek god Pan, who wasn't really a god.

He was more of a demon type character. And also the concept of the Satyrs in which they have hair from the waist down. And you know all this stuff, number one, shirted in Greece, where everyone's covered in a thick coat of hair. I thought he was describing Monique for you. Pan and Dionysus all just came from probably one fat Greek dude who banged everything. And he was like, they're like, ah, there's Pan over there banging that melon again. And he was like, whatever has the hole, I will fuck it. No, I'm from Greece. I cover it all up and I'll fuck it.

Jesus man, what sort of ravioli do you have stuck in your throat right now? But the best part about the early images of Satan is that he always had a face on his ass. And he just had a face on his ass and he was usually green. And then Spider-Man and Ace Ventura. You know what's really interesting about that too is that if you look at the earliest form of... Another image that the Christian church used to form our modern idea of the devil is Baphomet. And Baphomet is not really a specific god. It's like an amalgamation of a bunch of different pagan gods that were like that.

The idea was that it was about balance. Baphomet featured the two halves. It was a goat headed creature that symbolized fertility. He had one arm facing up and one arm facing down. The idea was that it symbolized night and day. It symbolized man and woman. And the idea of true integration of man and nature. Which Christians immediately separated.

And so anything that remotely resembled duplicity... I would say not duplicitousness, but it's more like the idea that there's a separation between spirit and flesh. That's what they wanted to get across as much as possible. And I think that reminded the people of the unification of that. So the Christians want the unification of spirit and flesh. And Satanists want the separation. Yeah, a complete opposite. Another thing that the early Christians were trying to do...

We all know that, including Christmas, a lot of Christian holidays are just repurposed pagan holidays. And that was one of the things that the early Christians were trying to do is bring paganism. Or just to have people push away from paganism while still keeping all the fun parties. It's like talking to a development person at a network. For any television station, just talking about... Listen, can we get rid of all the Satan stuff? We want to keep all the fun. We're really looking for a bit of a touch of the fun, but can we get the tanners in there?

We're looking to try to make a full house, but with a lot more blood. Well, eventually with the image of the devil, it continued to be this trickster god for a while until the Catholic Church realized that they could start using this creature as a symbol of evil. A carnality. And carnality. And something to scare people. And then our modern vision of hell comes from artists like just mentally ill artists. Like Bosch.

Bosch. My favorite artist in the world, Heronimus Bosch. Heronimus Bosch. Heronimus Bosch. What the fuck that dude? It's a good name. I want to name my son Heronimus. Heronimus is one of my favorite names I've ever heard.

I know, it's great. Wow. If you've never seen Heronimus, do you ever see that Metallica video until it sleeps? Okay. Yeah, that was based on a Heronimus Bosch painting called In the Garden of Earthly Delights. Okay, cool. Which is my favorite painting. It's a triptych.

It's gigantic. It's the size of a building in like say here in New York. It definitely took like more than an afternoon. Yeah. I mean he hasn't been just tiddling with this in its garage. He really has been putting some energy. Yeah. Heronimus, come in for dinner.

I'm painting hell. And it's just so many different forms of torture. Oh, that's what it is in the garden. That's what it's in the garden. It's so many different forms of torture and so many different types of evil and demons and all of that. It's pretty creepy. All the demons look like giant wicked birds.

Yeah. It's really, really creepy. Can you think of one specific form of torture that he painted? Well, it's all over. The one with the guy with his head in a cage. There's one with the guy with his head in a cage. Not the bees! The bees!

The bees! The bees! Like literally. Thank you, Nicholas Ketch. Yeah, he did it. He finally stood up and really he was just like, hey, let's go and do something from Heronimus Bash. It's like whatever you want, Nick.

Just put some pants on. The weirdest demon in that painting is a pair of ears with a knife coming out the middle of it. Oh, wow. And there's also another demon that looks like it's got like a real bit. It kind of looks like a bagpipe. It's got a very bulbous bottom, kind of like an onion. And then out of that is this strange tube and just kind of like a hole in the end, which,

you know, it can suck people down. It's got all these weird arms coming off. Oh, I thought Clive Barker created some good characters in Hellraiser. But fuck that, dude. Bosch is the man. Bosch is pretty sweet. He is the best. He is the inspiration for most of our, like, Clive Barker stole a lot of shit from Bosch.

Which is great, though. He did a great autumn, he did a really awesome 80s gay S&M take on Bosch. Yeah. Which is pretty great. More leather. That's what he's missing. Needs more leather. No.

So the more you read into this stuff, though, it's really, it's fun how people took all that imagery and just made it into like fun little things for a long time. It seems like Bosch was taken very seriously by the Catholic Church. Bosch was taken extremely seriously. Was he like, I mean, not to get too off the subject of Satanism, but was he like, was he like financed by the church? No, he wasn't. They just saw his paintings and were like, that's the version of hell we're going with.

That's pretty sweet. Yeah. And he also- Hey, I'm not going to shake your hand, but I'm definitely going to take these paintings. Well, really what it was, it wasn't that the Catholic Church started taking it. It's that other artists, like he had a lot of copycats at the time. Okay. And so other artists started building upon-

He was one of the times of the plagues as well, and there was a lot of hell imagery. That was kind of the- Look out your window, right? Yeah, the plague was happening. I don't believe it was a punishment from God trying to erase humankind. Right. And they were right. Guess what?

But God wasn't powerful enough to kill everybody, were you, God? Come get us, God. Come get us, God. I'm so- You do some static over that. So Bosch is the one who first started the slander campaign against Satan and hell. Oh no, that started before him. He was just sad and mad.

He was just insane. Yeah, Bosch was just fucking crazy, but brilliant. So let's go through some Satanic clubs through time. Sounds good. Real quick. Just real quick, because there's two different kinds of Satanic clubs that I- Two of them I want- Which I love, right?

There's the fun kind, and there's the guys in serious robes and doing like- Right. Who really think they're doing some demonic shit. Like the fun kind, so there's like stuff like the Hellfire Club which started the 1700s, 1700s, which is another- It was made of- It was like Benjamin Franklin was in one. Oh wow.

And all this stuff. And what these were, were- They were fuck clubs, where you'd go, and they were these- They would dress in the full regalia, and they would- They would kneel to Baphomet, and then they would just suck each other's dicks, and smoke opium. And like this is all they did. And so everyone started this whole mystique around them about being like-

Oh, we see Bosch paintings on that. Yeah. Oh, what, just fat white men sucking each other's dicks? Ooh, they're semi-hard penises. Ben Franklin's- I thought their eating was spaghetti in there, they're sucking dicks. Can you imagine what Ben Franklin's cock smelled like? The amount of cheese odor coming off of that nutset.

There's nothing but cheese. Wrapped in wool. There's wood and teeth. Nobody talks about how big of a fucking disgusting asshole Ben Franklin was. Oh, absolutely. I bet, man, I bet he could eat a butt. Oh, I'm sure he could. I bet he was an expert at eating butt.

So those guys were having a good time. Any other clubs on form? Was this Hellfire Club in America or France? This is all in England and France and Ireland, and that was where it all started. This is also- Because the Hellfire Club was also sort of making fun of what would be- Like the Masonic lodges and Shriners lodges that would turn into what you could maybe consider the modern day Illuminati, if that's real or not.

But there's a lot of what Masonic and the Shriners do is they cover up a lot of what they- It's a Christian or they're a Christian organization and they do a lot of ritualistic stuff that's supposed to be- Again, they were supposed to be very fun. The Shriners are supposed to be funny. Like them getting in the crazy costumes. Little cars. Like the little cars and stuff like that.

But there's also a sort of a rumor that underneath what they do is a sort of magical ritual that they may actually be doing it for the good of mankind to promote peace. That's kind of where this idea of the world government comes from and the idea is like, well, we could stop a war if we get the whole world in a one giant umbrella government. We just started sucking each other's dicks. Everything would be fine. Exactly. Because the thing is in order to make a lot of these so-called spells work,

because if you go- We filmed in the Shriners Club and I was not allowed to go into a lot of the rooms like when we were filming in Atlanta, because it was the Grand Temple of Atlanta. And in there, like they said, it's like they have this weird giant slide that you have to- You start the ceremony and you go down the slide and you're all blindfolded and the whole thing is like,

will you die or live at the end of this slide? And apparently they do worship graven images of a Baphomet-like character and then in order to get these magical spells along, like with the masturbation sigil, you needed a release of blood or sexual energy. And so a lot of times you have these old men sort of fucking sucking each other's dicks and doing all this stuff in order to make their spells come true. Right? But that's another story.

You know, like half of the dudes are just like, I just want to suck so many dicks. God, I can't wait to suck Marv's dick. Marv, just you want to release that energy, Marv. And then, alright, so another group that's like the Hellfire Club, it's Bohemian Grove. If you want to talk about this, which is in America, which takes place in a secluded woodland area in Northern California called Bohemian Grove. And there's a lot of people who say that that's where, in the 1950s,

it's like a two-week-long, like, party hangout time for the super rich and politicians to hang out. It's super secret. It's like they're Bonnaroo. It's exactly. And what they do is, at the beginning of every Bohemian Grove ceremony, there's a giant owl statue that they burn an energy of a human inside of it. And that's true.

You can see footage of that online. Love it. What was the name of the guy that snuck in the Bohemian Grove? Oh, my fucking brain. He's from Coast to Coast. Art Bell? It's not Art Bell. It's George Norrie.

Yeah, yeah. And what does the owl symbolize? That's another sort of, it's like a fertility thing and like an all-watching thing. And it's a weird amalgamation of pagan deities. But that's a fun club. But there's also a lot of people talking about in there, you know, that's where the Manhattan Project came from was that Oppenheimer and a couple other politicians were getting fuzzed at the Bohemian Grove

talking about how we need to make a new weapon. Wow. It is. It's said that a lot of the biggest decisions that are made throughout world history in the last, what was it, 50, 60 years? Like where Barack Obama was made president and where we decided, it's where Call Me Maybe came from. Call Me Maybe was written at Bohemian Grove in order to help hypnotize...

Hello, Maybe. Yes, this is Doug. It's just weird. All these major decisions surrounded by people in loincloths. Yes. Yeah, just fat white men. In wood somewhere. Yeah, they make decisions the same way, they make decisions and plans

the same way that we do. Fucked up. Yeah, just drunk. Smoking weed. Just drunk. Smoking. You know, we're fucking great ideas, man. I was like, we need an atomic bomb, dude.

Man, you know what? You know what I fucking hate? What? I fucking hate the Twin Towers, man. You're fucking American. Yeah, you know what we got to do? I got to fucking listen to me, man. This may be the fucking Jager talking, but I think if we bring the towers down,

we could get a whole bunch of wars fucking going. Yeah, man. Man, don't blame Jager for 9-11, please. Out of all the beverages. So, and then now there's the serious clubs, which is people like the- We could start a Jager Meister, start at 9-11. Yeah, that would be great. But you have the Age of the Golden Dawn, which is a magical society that Alistair Crowley

came out of. Also good? No. These are people that take it very, very seriously. These are the bad clubs now. These are the bad clubs. These are the people that kind of sit around and these are the people really doing like sexual rituals and blood rituals and probably have like done a lot of sinister things.

And that's been around since the 1800s. It's very much linked to whatever magic is going on in Masonic temples. And then there's another group called the Order of Nine Angles, which was like revamped in the 80s by neo-Nazis. And the idea of sort of a- That's kind of connected to sort of satanic fascism. Okay. Where they just believe, you know, sort of satanic Hitler come to life.

That's what they want to make. Like that snow, that fantastic zombie film. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just real. You know what I mean? There's just like meetings of those meetings. Because now it's like that all used to take place in England.

I think I'm not sure if I would rather go to see one of those meetings or go to one of those drinking liberally meetings. Well, some of the Alistair Crowley meetings, like those are- Those were very sinister. Those are extremely sinister. Like there were, of course, I mean there were murders involved. Oh yeah. Yeah.

And they would actively recruit and destroy people. There's a story of Alistair Crowley taking this one guy out into the desert. Feeding him peyote and then fucking him in the ass for two days straight. And the guy comes back. Alistair Crowley's fine. The guy is destroyed. Broken man. Never recovered.

Wow. Well, his philosophy and that where they- Like it was used in the Hellfire Club and used in the Golden Dawn, which is his idea of do what thou wilt, which is a major tenet and now also modern day satanism, which is the idea of super individualistic, do what's good for you. And Alistair Crowley just, you know- But Alistair Crowley also believed he fucking talked to a golden eagle that- Yeah.

He wrote the laws of the forbidden down and like in Egypt, he was like, he was- He creeps me the fuck out. He's creepy, dude. He's one of the few people in history that actually does creep me out just a little bit. He's sort of like the main villain in that terrible 80s remake of Dragonets during Tom Hanks. Yeah! Yeah! What about the Black Order of Germany?

Is that something- What is the Black Order? Is that just a witch? Is that a witch thing? Is that something? I have no idea. I don't know. That sounds like a witch thing because Germany has a lot of it.

They have a long history of witches. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, that's just, again, that's just- You want to go back in time and talk about it. Just anytime anyone was ever groovy, they were a witch. The time of modern Catholicism and Christianity. If you were dancing and having a good time, if you were a hot chick, because that's what

they thought, that's what the term enchantment comes from that. Like, it comes from the idea, it's like, you know, some priest is banging some hot chick and then he's just like, the devil, the power of the devil made me do it. It's the best way to fuck it. That's what Tiger Woods should have done. Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. Yeah, that shit doesn't fly anymore.

Yeah. And I'm reading that demon that got this- just got this book, The Field Guide to Demons. And most of the demons are used as folktales to either, one, keep people from accidentally drowning, two, keeping people from falling off a mountain, and three, having an excuse for fucking some other woman that's not your wife. I like that last one. Or somebody who's not your husband. It works both ways.

Oh, it's pretty great. It's a good catch-all. It is a good catch-all. So, with this history here, how does Anton Leveille put his stamp on Satanism? Anton Leveille is the guy who brought it all home. He's the guy who finally figured out how to do this in a fun way that you could even- you know, kids were doing it. But it's a little dark, a little sinister.

It's a little dark. It's fun. It's fun. So, let's talk about Anton Leveille with the American Church of Satan. He started it in 1967. Hail Satan! Hail Satan! Now, he was a carnival barker.

He was an organ grinder. He spent his life being like a hypnotist, doing all this stuff. Photographer. He was a photographer. He was a crime photographer. That was his big thing. And what he realized, his main- he said as a child, the first thing he read was this like, you know, the idea of like, he was obsessed with war.

And he realizes as you watch this, you know, it's like people buy weapons in order to win wars. And he's just like, the meek doesn't inherit the earth. It's the strong guys that inherit the earth and they're laughing. They're laughing and lying to us because they're telling us the weak inherit the earth and that's just not true. The person who wrote that was very strong. Very strong.

He's like, oh no, no, no. Just continue to be meek. You're going to get it done. And with working as a carnival barker and working in like that line of, he realized that, you know, humankind has a two-fold nature and that we like to separate them. Like we separate our personality into, you know, as you were saying, like on Saturday night, you'd see a man like, he'd be playing the organ for the, like the burlesque night at the carnival and you'd see a guy like all over a woman sucking on her and all that

stuff. And then Sunday morning, first thing in the morning, you'd see him right there and he's playing the organ for the church service and the same exact tent and he's sitting there with his family and he's just acting like it's totally fine because he has separated his personalities, which make him not a complete human being. See, I love that. I mean, that's a great fucking ideal because the whole idea is that it's not, they don't, the modern church of Satan does not believe in a God, a deity Satan.

They believe that Satan is a, is the, is the natural energy that explains certain things that science can't explain, but it's also just where, where we are right next to the animals. You know, it's, it's nature, it's, it's cruel, like get fair nature or more than anything, it's just a symbol. Yes. It's a fun symbol too. And you can also, like that's one of the other, it's like, you have to know that, like,

you know, that once again, it's like, you don't really believe in an actual power. You believe in the power yourself and where you stand in nature and nature is powerful. The earth is powerful. And then the other thing was, is that you have to have a pretty heavy contempt for organized religions, the idea of, and so you use their symbology against them because symbology, like makes humans believe in it harder. You need the ritual, you need the sign, you need the, the, the, to enter the space. And there's just certain things that can only happen in private.

You have to do things in mass, you have to do things publicly. Yeah, well, that's why the Catholic church is so popular, that's why the, uh, Hasidic Jewish community and Orthodox Jewish community has such a strong hold over its members and why people are so fucking afraid to leave the church. You dress in a garb. Yeah. It's, if you, if you have the devil's name and you play the devil's game, it's the idea that you dress the garb, you dress the part, and then if you fill the part.

Yeah. Why do you think my, uh, on stage character in my band is covered in blood, skull, face, pain, X on my forehead, and a cowboy hat? It's not because it's not just cool, because I am the soil child and the devil belongs to me. That's right. Very good. I like it.

I like it. Um, by the way, the Hasidics, my brother was at the Gay Pride Parade this year. The Hasidics were the only group protesting. Man, they must have been so hot. I know. There are their jackets in their hats, looking at men in Speedos. They're really getting into protest these days. They love it.

They're, they have that huge gathering at a city field. More than anybody else. I think they really hate the passage of time. Oh my goodness. The future is not looking bright for them. It's quite unfortunate. So I want to read the 9 to 10. Do you have a question?

I do. I just want to say, so what was the, go back to that one thing where you were saying with the, when the guy was touching all the boobies and then he went and played the organ for church. Like what did Anton think about that guy? That's what he, he's just saying that this, uh, he's not a full person. That guy can, he's, he's not a full person. He separated himself into like his animal nature, which is all secret and forbidden

and shitty. And then he puts on this public, this hypocritical face of being a religious man on Sunday. And so it's like, it just shows you half each time. It's just always the, it's also the inconsistency of a Christian God. It's also the idea that like you can live your whole life being a rapist and murderer. And then if you go on death row, a priest can come up to you five minutes before you die and forgive you all your sins and you get to go to heaven. What's that?

That's called the, uh, Yazidia? No, there's another, that's a, that's an ancient, there's a Kurdish tribe called the Yazidi that is a Satanist like tribe that they worship a Baphomet type God. But the idea is, is that they also believe in a God God, but the God is so powerful and forgiving that they don't even pay attention to God. They only worship the devil and they want to please the devil because they know no matter what they do in their life, in the last five minutes of their life, they can just get forgiveness from God and go to heaven.

Yeah. I mean, we have to do, we can do a whole other episode on different, uh, cultures. Yeah, I love it. Concept. Like, I mean, how we can go through death cults, we can go through, uh, Kali, all kinds of shit. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

So here we are. It's interesting, it reminded me of a story. I had a teacher, Mr. Brill, I went to a really Christian school and, uh, Mr. Brill was a disgusting fat man. He was a disgusting fat wife. Like Eddie Brill? Like, like, well, I'm not saying it. I want to get booked on Letterman.

Wait a second. Um, and, uh, so he would all. Women aren't funny. Oh, Jesus, man, we're going to start a Twitter campaign. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Hail Satan.

Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Jesus Christ, man. It's more controversial than saying the n-word right now and saying women aren't funny for fuck's sake. But he would always, he would teach us anti-masterbation and stuff in class and we went to the porn shop when I was 17 and I saw him there. Oh yeah.

It reminded me of that story. We met eyes and then he immediately scored it on out of there. So he was being a half person. Oh, absolutely. So nothing quite as makes you hard as like how forbidden and secret it is. Right. Believe me. I spent two weeks in a hotel.

Gets weird. Oh, I tell you about this. I have one quick antidote before we go into this. I'm reading the Satanic Witch and, um, first of all, the whole hotel, my whole hotel room is just trash. It's just covered in red paint and like I've also, because I had a very bad skin irritation, I had to cover myself with moisturizer. So everything's also got like moisturizer stains and grease stains all over it.

And I left my Satanic Witch book out. I've been hiding it because I've noticed that Hispanic maids, when you're in the makeup, like specifically take it very seriously. Yeah. I mean like. I'm sure they do. I have another story. I have another story about that.

I think that they think it's going to come through the door at all times. What? So just waiting for it. Two stories then. The first one is so it's like I left the Satanic Witch book out, which has got a big Baphomet symbol on the front of it. And then when I came back in, they had done housekeeping and she left a moisturizer, like a body lotion thing on top of the book.

Whoa. That's weird, right? That is weird. Yeah. It's weird. The demon in or something. I don't know. I don't know.

And then the other one was I was filming in an elevator and I had the shotgun on my hand. The whole thing is I'm supposed to go in to kill this guy and I go into this elevator with the shotgun. The whole thing I'm supposed to stop it before it goes up and I'm in full demon regalia with the shotgun on my hands. And then all of a sudden it's just like I didn't hit the button fast enough and the elevator starts going to the fourth floor. I'm sitting there with the shotgun in my hands going oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck.

And then the door opens and it's this family and they lose their shit because I'm just like I'm sitting there full, I'm shotgun and full demon makeup and I'm just like oh my god, oh my god. And I was just like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but what I wanted to do was like vengeance has come. Hail Satan. Hail Adrian. Hail Satan.

Hail Satan. All right. So let me go to see if these are the nine satanic statements that Anton LeVe put. I think we're already at like this isn't an hour long podcast, no we're only like half an hour. Oh sweet, sweet, sweet. Here's the nine satanic statements that are fun, one, Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence.

Satan. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams, Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-defeat, Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on Ingrams, Satan represents, depends on who you say is Ingrams, he also believes it's moral relativism so it really depends on each person. So Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek, that's what he says, if someone smite thou cheek, smash his cheek, something else, Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires, Satan, the concept of psychic

vampires seems to come up a lot on this show. It's cause it's like my mom constantly talk about psychic vampires. That's what it is, yeah. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who because of his divine spiritual and intellectual development has become the most vicious animal of all. Satan represents all of the so-called sins as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification.

Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had and as he has kept it in business all these years. But what I also like, talk about the sins thing too, cause a major tenet is also the idea of constantly celebrating the seven mortal sins of Christianity which is pride, envy, gluttony, sloth, wrath, lust, envy, lust, lust, lust, lust, lust, lust, lust, lust, lust, envy. We already got envy. We already got envy.

We only got six out of seven here. Gluttony, sloth. Gluttony, sloth. Gluttony. Gluttony. Yeah. What is it? So the idea is that each one that you celebrate each one in your own way, it's like my favorite

one was talking about envy. He's just like, envy, yes, you look upon another man's things and you want those things for yourself, but that's the major thing for ambition. That's the major element you need in order to succeed in life. Envy drives success. What about sloth? Sloth? What was it he said about sloth?

It was just saying something about how the problem with sloth is it's like, so what you want to stay in bed an extra hour, problem with sloth is that it normally leads to lustful thoughts and God forbid you have lustful thoughts and that's like, sloth is the perfect thing to lead into a sexual magic practice. I love it. I love it. Slothy day. That's perfect.

I did it yesterday. Tomorrow's going to be one hell of a slothy day for me. I sat in my own filth for 15 hours yesterday watching a Vincent Price movie, Smoking Weed. It was great. It was a wonderful day. I'm not going to put on pants until like nine o'clock tomorrow. Don't have to. Yeah.

Don't have to. I'm going to smoke weed. I might even rub myself with something. Absolutely. Yeah. Maybe some chocolate. Turn off the air conditioner. Get all sweaty.

Just start smashing him. Don't let anybody tease you. Don't let anybody tease you. Yeah, no, I don't even think that Anton would allow that. That sounds pretty disgusting. But there's a lot in here. You could talk about this for a long time. Do you have another one?

What were the seven satanic sins? Well, the nine satanic sins are stupidity is number one. Oh, yes. Pretentiousness is number two. And then number three, or it's kind of a tough one to pronounce, solopiasm. Solopsism. Yeah. Solopsism is the idea that one person thinks that they are the only true human being on

earth. Yeah. They're the only brain that exists. The satanism is all about, like, you know, respect that each person has their own individual mind and that that's the moral altivism, relativism thing, so you can't tell anybody what to do with their life because you don't know where they come from and what their set of rules are. Absolutely.

Yeah. And the modern version of solopsism is thinking a lot of it. This has become more and more a problem over the years that people think that they are the only human in a world of robots. I love it. Yeah. Like, self-deceit, number five is a herd conformity, number six, lack of perception, number seven, forgetful of past orthodoxies, and number eight, counterproductive pride, and number

nine, lack of aesthetics. I love that. I really enjoy all of it. Yeah. That is a fucking fantastic list of sins to avoid. Every time I read and read about this, too, but that's what I'm saying is that every time you, like, I was reading this thing about, like, true Satanist, and Andy, I was like, if you read this stuff and you identify with it, and that's how you've already been living

your whole life, then it's like, you've been in the club all along, buddy, it's great, we're in grown lone wolves, but we're in the club now, of lone wolves. I've been a Satanist for years. I didn't know this. I didn't know it. I didn't know it. Yeah. This is why I didn't fucking get behind the tea party.

This is why I don't get behind Occupy. Fucking love this. It's against the Satanic rules. Yeah. Heard conformity. Do not conform. God, it's great. Hail Satan.

Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Do not conform. Do not. Well, just don't be an asshole. Just don't be an asshole. Just be yourself.

Smoke weed. Enjoy yourself. You guys want to talk about the Satanic ritual abuse? Because I could talk about the, I mean, the Church of Satan, I am not going to dane to say I am an expert on this. No. I am a new student. I am learning about this every single day.

I am trying to, like, believe me, like, listeners, if you have any more, like, things to send me about old magic and Satanism, please do. We would love to hear it. Yeah. We would love to hear it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Cave Comedy Radio and Gmail. Because I know Ragnar is going to have, like, nine things to say about what we've said wrong. And that's fine. Oh, yeah. And that's, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Need to be educated. Yeah. Well, do we want to get into the, well, let's talk about the Satanic ritual abuse right now. Like, how do people perceive Satanism to be? Like, how... Well, this is all how things are framed. Yeah.

Like, what's happened with the recent, like, all of the, uh, creepy crimes that's happened with Satanism? This is, this was in, uh, it started in the early 80s. It was the fear that Satanists were kidnapping children or using children for ritual abuse in order to... And these Satan... Anton Leves specifically says to never use children or animals for sacrifice. Yeah.

And he also doesn't believe in human sacrifice. The idea is that you just, you hex someone. If you want to sacrifice someone, you put a hex on them. Sure. Not like, never physical blood. Yeah. Just cut your hand or cut your knuckle or something. And a lot of...

A lot of these, uh, trials, like there were a few trials throughout the 80s and early 90s that were, uh, they were, uh, these daycares were accused of Satanic ritual abuse against the children, uh, that they were supposedly trying to take care of. Here are some of the accusations, and the one accusation, I have no fucking clue why, but the one accusation that, uh, runs through every single one of these cases, hot air balloon rides. No, this is when during the 1980, like, rash of people blaming, like, molested, like... This is when the whole, uh, hidden memory thing really took off, right?

Yeah. Where it's like, uh, kids were getting put into hypnosis and told to, like, remember, like their molestation stuff. It's like, what's the term? Not hidden. Uh, repressed. Repressed memories. Yeah.

Like, yeah, when all this, like, all the new Satanist fervor came out. Yeah. Which, by the way, why would you even pretend to get that out of people? If it's repressed, just let it be down there. Yeah. It's perfect, you know? It's like, it's like the bloop in the bottom of the ocean. The brain is a good job of hiding that shit for a reason.

We're all trying to be normal, man. Yeah. It's the door shut, man. Well, uh, one of the biggest of these, and one of the first was called the McMartin pre-school trial. Uh, here's some of the accusations that, uh, McMartin pre-school trial. Uh, here's some of the accusations, uh, that the kids made. Uh, but it's also said, take this with a great assault, because it's also said that

a lot of this stuff was, uh, like, it started with one kid who had a fucking amazing imagination and said that all this stuff happened, and then they started suggesting it to all the rest of the children. Yeah. And they started, eventually. They eventually said, yeah, I'll say it. One kid said, or they said that they saw witches fly, traveled in a hot-air balloon. They were taken through underground tunnels.

One child said that he was molested by Chuck Norris at this day. So it's just basically just tells you what kind of shows he was, his parents were watching. Yeah. It's a, uh, the, uh, broomsticks and doorknobs or whatever. Yeah. Like some of the abuse was alleged to have occurred in secret tunnels beneath the school. School investigations turned up evidence of old buildings on the site, another debris from before the school was built, but no evidence of any secret chambers were found.

There were claims of orgies at car washes and airports, and of children being, and of children being flushed down toilets to secret rooms where they would be abused, then cleaned up and presented back to their unsuspecting parents, in the Willy Wonka child molestation made his wonderful molestation factory. Some interviewed children talked of a game called Naked Movie Star, suggesting that they were forcefully photographed nude during the trial. Testimony from the children stated that the Naked Movie Star game was actually a rhyming taunt used to tease other children.

Here's the taunt. What you say is what you are. You're a Naked Movie Star. I would love to be a Naked Movie Star. That was, that's all it was. It was so interesting. Yeah. That's all it was.

What you say is what you are. You're a Naked Movie Star. I'm going to start saying that to myself to get pumped up. This is another blow to Satanism here in the 1980s, also led by the one and only Harold O'Rivera who did an expose in 1987. It's just a very sexy image to attach to what then comes into horrible, either real or not molestation, so I think all these people got acquitted, pretty much, it all fell through. Because most of the main person who made these statements, it was found to be like three

years later that he was mentally ill, and that information was kept from the defense. Like the prosecution, they knew that he was mentally ill, but they kept it away from him. But you know, the stories of Satanism, I know in my small town, there were always stories of Satanists, like that's where Satanists hang out. That abandoned house has Satanists. See, my big thing was voodoo. And there would be, like you go in these houses and there would be like pentagrams, spray paint on the walls, just a bunch of fucking kids, like all the freaks fucking with the

popular kids. That's all it was. It was the smart kids fucking with the dumb kids. And that's what it always is, because the idea is like, there's that also, that documentary called Paradise Lost. I mean those kids were stupid, but like, you know, one of them was legally stupid. Yeah, they all had problems. Legally stupid.

You want to announce legally stupid. Yeah, that's the story, I don't know if you don't know, it's the story of three, it's a great documentary about three goth kids who wrote 666 in the notebooks and they got convicted of a brutal rape and murder of a little boy and basically you find out three documentaries later. They've been exonerated. 20 years in prison. Yeah.

And they're pretty much, it's pretty much definitely the deed of one of their uncles who's as normal as they can be. It wasn't even with their uncles, it was a pedophile that lived across the street from where they found the body of the boy, but the detectives are like, no, we got them. Absolutely. We got these heavy metal music listening kids. But that's the reason why they were big Metallica fans. If I ever have children, I will always say like, you can trust the man in black with

the pentagram, that's the man you actually want to trust, the ones you don't want to trust is fucking Uncle Fred, Uncle Fred's going to molest you because he's an uncle now. Thank you, shorts and fucking white sneakers. Yeah, you see the neighbor, don't touch him, he's obviously molest you, you can see his eyes. If you see somebody that looks like an assistant football coach, don't talk to him. Don't talk to him.

Don't touch him. Never be a part of a children's organization or a children's group because all it is is just, it just makes perverts have power, you know, again, just like it's like a priest. Never even be in a fucking same room as a priest. God no. God. All right. Well, I think that's it.

Did I tell the stories? Let's end on the story, yeah. As I was walking to the podcast today, full with power, filled with vigor, ready to do this podcast. I saw a man handing out a watchtower in the L train station. And watchtower is the Jehovah's Witness Armageddon pamphlet. Yeah. And I went to grab it from him because I wanted to read it on the podcast.

And he went, no. And he like pulled it away from me and I was just like, come on, I want to know. Yeah. I walked by. He sensed the demon in you. I walked by that guy too. He was, he looked a little unhinged. I want to pull his pants down.

Yeah. Just do that rhyme. Just scream that fucking rhyme out of mouth. What you, what you, what you say is what you are, you're a naked movie star. That's great. And you're all naked movie stars out there. So in all sincerity, I want to give a Hail Satan to our listeners. I trust that the power of Satan leaves you to good things today.

Absolutely. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Serve yourself. You know, be kind to those who deserve it. That's right. All right, guys. All right.

We love you. For Marcus, Mark, Ben, Kissel, Henry Zabrowski. Yep. Yep. We will talk to you next, probably next week. Yeah. Yeah. Magusalations.

Magusalations. Magusalations.