Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 394: The Murder of Girly Chew Hossencofft Part II - President Goon

Episode Date: December 13, 2019

On the conclusion to our series on the murder of Girly Chew, we cover the possible ways the murder might have gone down including the possibility that the perpetrator was a former fashion designer named Linda Henning who believed she was a Reptilian queen tasked with saving the planet. 

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. Right above your glade. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? You gotta have a villain to ramp up a story. That's why I'm hardcore Monopoly.

Yeah, but you've been talking about this. How do you ramp up the villain hood-ness? Villain-y. Villain-y in Monopoly. Make sure that there's at least one person in a Monopoly game that takes it hyper fucking serious so we can all understand what the stakes are. Yeah, but you're still just doing the same thing.

You're just rolling the dice and then you gotta put properties on things. Why do you have to do it so nefarious? Life or death. Every day. Fight for that inch. Every single day. You gotta wake up and decide, am I gonna succeed or am I gonna lose today?

That's what I do. Your attitude when playing Monopoly has no effect on the outcome. You could also be very nice about it because it's just a game that is sort of predetermined in the way that the dice rolls. Dyson Hassenkopf almost made it all the way to the fucking touchdown line because every day he lived for himself.

He almost did it. He almost did it. He came close. But the problem is it does betray an inherent flaw. And that's the thing is that I will argue, we'll get into this later, but I will argue that it was his villainy, his ability to take it way too far

was what got him caught. Absolutely. There you go. The Broadway Baron that is Henry Zabrowski, you'll end up in Cuffston in the corner jail. You just have to decide when to unleash your day of reckoning. We're learning a lot from Papa James. I know that.

Welcome to the last podcast on the Left, everyone. I am Ben Kissel, staring at the beautiful face of Marcus Parks. Hello. And then, of course, in sunny Los Angeles, we have the coffee-swollen Henry Zabrowski. You know what they say. They say if you want to find passione, you date an Italian. If you want to find rhythm, you date a Brazilian.

But I tell you what, if you want to make love like two furious cats behind a garbage can, you got to date an Iguana woman. All right, everyone. We are on to part two of the murder, the death of Gurley Chu. So when we last left the story, Gurley Chu had fled her home for good following an incident in which Gurley caught her husband, Diaz and Hassenkoff,

loosening the lug nuts on the back right tire of her BMW. And now perfectly tight. I always love that bit of finding somebody in the middle of their most nefarious schemes. Of course. Just seeing the deer in the headlight looks of his tiny little beaded eyes amplified by his thick glasses. Ridiculous.

And because Gurley was no longer in the picture, it followed that she would soon be filing for divorce, which was the last thing Hassenkoff wanted. However, this wasn't because he had any actual feelings about his soon-to-be ex-wife. Rather, Hassenkoff didn't want to lose a single bit of his scam money that he'd spent years building up. And if his finances were aired in divorce court,

then his myriad schemes would be a matter of public record, thereby making future schemes much more difficult. Like LRH, like a lot of people, like we saw when it comes down to money and my money and what a con man's relationship to money is, right? Because Diazian, he actually had, he loved all these intricate storylines and he loved playing people off of each other.

But I think the thing that was the sweetest creme for him was that the very end, but out of all of this, not only does he cause massive mayhem and misery and he's the center of it and he becomes the lore in these people's lives. He loves what amount of space he takes up in people's lives. He also loves that it's also making him cold, hard cash. But that's his money.

And as a fellow tiny person, I understand the feeling of, don't you fuck with my money? You start screaming that, you know, a giant empty cathedral? I could see where he's coming from. I agreed, you can't take cash out of the grip of a tiny person's hand. You can't. And so Diazian repeatedly violated the restraining order

Gurley had taken out against her estranged ex-husband again and again telling her that she'd be dead soon and that no one would find her body. It was around this time that Diazian met a woman named Linda Henning. And it was with this woman that Diazian found a mark who was ripe for the increasingly ridiculous storyline that Diazian had been building throughout his time as a con man.

I don't know if it ridiculous is the right word. Ridiculous is like painting circles, black circles on walls and be like, with any luck I can go through it. Like this is a little bit more nefarious than ridiculous. But the ounce of ridiculousness that was put into it is what gave it its fire. Diazian is the most beautiful. Diazian understands inherently that you have to do the stupid thing

of make the story a little bit less believable than you think it was so that you could say, truth is stranger than fiction. You could say again and again and again. But Linda Henning, this is one of those weird things about, does fate exist? Do people's actions accurately bring the... Because what they say about life, how did the three of us meet? Dog, me, kissle, how did the three of us meet

in order to create a thing that kind of slipped out of our mouths? A podcasting dating site. We went on odddate.com and we were like, are we compatible? Have you ever been on grunter? It's beautiful. But Linda Henning just kind of was like a tailor made person that seemed to be brought to Diazian just by his sheer actions because Linda Henning is a wide-eyed former lingerie model

so she's pretty, but she's just the type of fucking crazy. She's such a whacked New Mexico perfect woman for Diazian. It's incredible. Marcus and I both agree. She is pretty hot and tempting. She is. I'll give you a little background on Henning. A forensic psychiatrist who examined her in a competency hearing

said that Henning was distrustful of anything conventional or ordinary but would immediately believe anything outlandish or foolish specifically because it was outside of mainstream thought. She's just a Trump supporter. This is just mainstream though now. She's just making her life more fun. It's a thing that we've talked about for a long time in terms of conspiracy theory.

It's a more fun way of looking at history and trying to meet people that bring you together. And this is the far extreme end of when it goes bad. Oh. But Linda was also a go-getter because she'd been a fairly successful fashion designer in Albuquerque before she met Hossenkofft. The fashion district of Albuquerque.

It's a lot of turquoise. I love it. There's a lot of shopping in Albuquerque. It's weird because there's also a massive fine art community in Albuquerque, like Big Money, like New York LA artist selling out of Albuquerque. It's weird. So it kind of is this kind of attainable fashion hotspot.

And Linda Henning was kind of just in the right place. But that's where Hossenkofft was also incredible at choosing Marx where he also knew a part of the fact she was a rube but she was an active rube. He wanted to go get her somebody that also would go and get their own shit. He loved an independent woman. He was not as independent.

I'm picturing a lot of Stevie Nicks flowy dresses. I think it's a cool look. I love it, tan and taupe and turquoise. Well, in other words, Linda Henning was a highly paranoid person who was ready to do something about it. But by all accounts of the people who knew Linda Henning before she met Hossenkofft, the strangest behavior she exhibited was her obsession with Barbie dolls.

Sure, did she believe in Freemason conspiracies and reptilian overlords? Yes. Yes. A lot of fun people do. A lot of cool innocent people love it. There's two thirds of this room that sort of vaguely accept it. Hey, Marcus, a little test here.

Reptilians around the world, prove me wrong. Do it. Prove me wrong. Honestly, just get me in a room alone with W. I feel like I could just pull out his face for a little bit and be like, listen, no offense, Mr. President, let me just touch your face for a little bit. We've got to prove it right now.

I've got a camera here. I've got David Ike on Skype. Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Zabrowski. I don't know why that's my W. Bush. I'm sorry, Mr. Zabrowski. I've got to finish painting this dog in the blood of Iraqi soldiers. Oh, that's so cute. But even though she had these beliefs, these fringe beliefs,

she was still a loving, caring, and decent person by all accounts. And Linda's image of being a decent person was certainly what she projected to all the people at the various UFO meetup groups she was a part of in Albuquerque. She even sometimes brought along her fiance at the time, a man named Greg Ott. So her life is on track before, I mean, she's got a couple of weird beliefs, but she's a fashion designer.

She's living with her fiance. She's getting married that November. Everything is going fine for Linda Henning. Cool. But everything changed when she met Dyson Hossenkofft at a David Ike symposium hosted by David Ike himself at the University of New Mexico's Continuing Education Center. This is very important.

I want you to learn this right now, because a lot of us that we dabble in the UFO world, right? Don't let your significant other go alone. And I mean this because they're kind of horny. It's a horny space. It's a little romantic. You're being taught like the latest David Ike tour that you just did was called Renegade.

So you're in that room, you already believe you're a Renegade. Like you don't, you don't got, I'm outside the matrix. Rules don't touch me, right? Yeah, I'm engaged, but that man, who is that guy? Dyson walks in, I tried on new leather pants because I thought it would make me look more rock and roll. Like he's dressed up like Sandra Lee. What's her name from fucking Greece at the end?

He comes walking in, the crowd stops being like, ooh, ah, is that, is that Edward James Olmos' mini-me? He is a superstar. This is sort of the reason that our country has gone so downhill regarding education. David Ike was speaking at a university for a program called Continuing Education. Maybe the booker should have been fired.

I'm just going to say, if you're booking David Ike for your Continuing Education series, you're a horrible booker. Now, it's been quite a while since we've discussed the reptilians in depth, and it's possible we've never fully discussed what former English soccer star turned son of the godhead, turned reptilian, expert David Ike, thinks about the reptilians.

Oh, Mark, I'm so excited. This whole episode made me so excited to get back into his work and the stuff is, it's honestly, if you go and read, he's had a new book called Tales from the Times. I'm just going to stop you, right? You're going to start your David Ike conversation with honestly. This is going to turn into Uncle Corner.

Like, weird Uncle Corner after eight whiskeys. It's surprisingly readable. And it is, it's got, not that it's better got points, but he like tries to make jokes about it. Like, he has one chapter head that says, the reptilian aliens, are you serious? It says, are you serious about reptilian aliens? And it says, er, yeah.

You are hanging on by dental sauce. Man, we're going to lose you one day. Well, let's take a moment to give a brief overview of what David Ike's flavor of reptilians are all about. Concerning this subject, David Ike has written 20 books, released numerous DVDs, and sometimes speaks for up to 10 hours

about the reptilians during live engagements. You could say whatever the fuck it is you want about David Ike, but you will never, ever take away the title of David Ike is the Bruce Springsteen of the conspiracy theory world. He goes up there, and he's doing all the hits. He talks for an entire day. Like, I've watched, he has the new nine-hour symposium. It's on YouTube.

We go in there, and this is an older man. He's up there sweating, screaming. I was like, I want to know who it is. I want to find his personal trainer that's fucking getting him in the shape in order to do these marathon scream sessions. So, within a 10-hour seminar, how many times does he have to actively shout, this is not about the Jews?

How many times do you think he has to shout that? The last one has a 25-minute segment that basically is, this is why this is not about the Jews. Well, David Ike fell in the kind of the same trap that Bill Cooper fell into. Because remember, Bill Cooper got in trouble for printing the protocols of the Elders of Zion in full and, behold, a pale horse.

Protocols of the Elders of Zion, of course, is a very old anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that says that the Jews run the earth and are here to kill all the Goyim. But Bill Cooper was putting that in his book to say this is not about the Jews, this is actually about the Illuminati. And what you do is you replace the word Jew

with the word Illuminati and the word Goyim with the word cattle, and there you go. But the problem was that he didn't actually do that. He didn't take the time to replace all the words. He just put that paragraph at the beginning of the chapter that was just the reprint of Protocols of the Elders of Zion and said, I'll let you take care of it.

I'll leave it in your capable hands. Well, those Coors aren't going to drink themselves. He's got a busy life. He had a lot to do. He had a lot to take care of. I think Marcus is about to get the silver at the slippery slope event at the 2020 Olympics. Well, Ike believes that every powerful company, bank, insurance firm, and political party

is ultimately run by 13 families of shape-shifting reptilians named the Arkons who arrived on Earth about 4,000 years ago. Can I do some minutiae pushback and say that the Arkons and the reptilians might be separate, but I'm not sure I have to re-read the biggest secret. We'll get back into this when we redo all of David Ike, which we'll do

and talk about it. We can yell about this for hours, Ben. Oh, is this explained in the 900-page document that is the biggest secret? No punctuation, Marcus. Well, the Arkons come from the lower level of the fourth dimension, and they're actually everywhere. Possibly even standing right next to you, sir! That's my wife!

Don't talk about my wife like that! But none of us can see them unless they want us to see them because, remember, they're from the fourth dimension. But they get around the whole transdimensional problem by kidnapping newborns and systematically traumatizing them to create MK-Ultrastyle multiple personality secret agents who are the perfect reptilian puppets. But those are just the foot soldiers.

The reptilians have and do interbreed with humans, but they only interbreed with the purest bloodlines, i.e. the blonde-haired blue-eyed Aryans, and the reptilians work with the Aryan hybrids to create, boom, the New World Order. Again and again. Okay, Henry, did you want to buy the railroad or not? Because this is the longest game of Monopoly

that we've ever played, and we've been ranting for 15 minutes. No! We will go over the timelines again! This is not about the Jewish people! See, it's these human reptilian hybrids that make up the so-called Illuminati, and the Illuminati have been sowing fear and discord amongst humanity for millennia for the purpose of creating negative energy

that the reptilians somehow consume. Orgon energy and all that shit. What do you mean, somehow consume? Do they use a straw to pick up what happens? That's the thing, I don't know how it's consumed. There is several ways that it is consumed. Okay. It is consumed psychically, where they come into your nightmares,

and they literally suck the drill from you, not unlike you've seen when we talk about psychic vampires. The way it is portrayed in... Where is the one... Oh, in Dr. Sleep! When the energy comes out of the body and they all suck it, they all do that weird sucker thing, it's like that. They also do physically consume people,

but they also will do it through your dreams. The goal is that we also exist astrally, because it will take the look off your fucking face or jump through this sky. They move astrally, and people live in a whole other realm in their dreams. And the reptilians live there too, like Freddy Krueger. And that's where they also harvest organ entry,

but also sometimes they just eat babies. Interesting. So you did want to buy the hotel. Is that what you're telling me? You want the hotel? Yeah, I will. I guess I will soup up park, please. From what David Ike claims, every single president we've ever had has been a reptilian hybrid who has also been a member of the Illuminati,

although I'm not sure how we squared the whole Arian breeding thing with President Barack Obama. Do you know that, Henry? I'm not even going to attempt. Yeah, I was like, talk about setting Henry up for total and utter total failure. He could end the entire network with the question of how we got Barack Obama

if it's only supposed to be Aryans that are presidents. I don't know. Wow. I don't know. It's not necessarily just Aryans, but I guess you could... You know what, let's just yada, yada, yada. The reptilians are able to walk among us, but the only way for a reptilian to remain in human form is to drink human blood, but that human blood has to be prepared in a specific way.

The reptilians need what they call starfire, which essentially is human blood pumped with adrenaline, and that adrenaline is usually created by a particularly intense encounter with a reptilian. They're like making you afraid. Your fear makes you super juicy. So they like Pepsi Max. They want the Pepsi Max of blood.

No, Pepsi Max is bad. Pepsi Max is just Pepsi without the good stuff. No, Pepsi Max is Pepsi with more caffeine. No, Pepsi Max is like diet Pepsi. What? That's how I would say it. The liquid I would use is muscle milk. Okay, I always thought Pepsi Max was maximum Pepsi, like more caffeine, more fun.

That's a lie. But the sweetest of all starfire blood is menstrual blood, because, according to Ike, it is rich with glandular secretions. And this is just the absolute basics of the reptilian agenda, according to David Crack. We haven't even scratched a GD surface. This is basics.

This is the least you need to know for this story. Yeah, this is fucking baby food. I could fucking foie gras, dog. I'll need some fucking General Souse chicken of information, which we will deliver in a future episode. Yes. And in the summer of 1999, Linda Henning sat at the University of New Mexico

listening to all this bullshit at the David Ike Symposium, and she's just nodding along like David Ike is the smartest fucking person on earth, and who should see her nodding and smiling, but Dyson Hassenkopf. So he's literally looking like the Terminator looked for John Connor, just looking for a victim. And just think, yeah, it just lights up on her boobies.

No, we don't know exactly what Dyson said to hook Linda, but within two weeks, she had left her fiance, kicked him out of the house, and was with Dyson Hassenkopf. What if I told you I could eat your pussy from nine feet away? Listen. Whoa. Wow.

Funny thing was, though, Linda couldn't even pronounce Dyson's name, so she just called him either D or Doc. And when Linda started bringing D to all of her UFO meetups, she found that the reviews on Dyson were overwhelmingly negative. Mostly, he just skieved everyone out, and his weird, high-pitched voice wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't so goddamn monotone.

And even that wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't using that voice to go on and on about how he was dying of leukemia. I'm dying of leukemia. My blood is my enemy. I think that they were just fucking jealous of his swag, dude. I don't think they were. Do you think they were jealous? Well, they said that he was always dressed very nicely.

He always came in good. Oh, yeah, Doc. Dressing all nice, man. Got some cool stepdad shirts on, some nice new Js. He walks in there, fucking new glasses, hands put in the temple of power at all times, just going, yes, I guess that couldn't be right. How about anything that anybody says? You start wondering whether or not, because then Linda's just like,

oh, yeah, okay. He's making all these yutzes look like putzes, and he is just fucking ready to go, and he fits right in because he knows he's above because he's already banging the reptilian queen. Wow. And Linda towers over him. She's, I would say, eight inches taller, something like that.

Wow. Yeah, much, much taller. Dang. But for most of the people at the UFO Meetups, the last straw came when Dyson revealed that he was a 10,000-year-old alien geneticist from the giga planet who had the inside track on when the aliens would be poisoning the world's potable water.

Ah, the aliens, a.k.a. Oh, this is going to be political, never mind. Just say the fracking companies. The fracking companies. Oh, good. Well, according to Dyson, the only people who would survive were the ones who were inside the Vortexes. Uh-oh.

And these Vortexes were located in Colorado Springs, Laramie, Wyoming, and Charleston, South Carolina. That's the only way to survive the upcoming poison water wars. You've got to go to Laramie. And it seems to be very, uh, I'm almost going to say coincidental, that he had a woman that he was scamming in each one of those cities. Mm-hmm. Huh, that's weird.

Yeah. Weird. But for as much as the UFO group hated him, they said Linda was no less than euphoric in his presence, walking on cloud nine. Somehow, Hasenkoft was able to supercharge Linda Henning into what sounds like an intensely manic episode, even though she was claiming to have all the secrets of the world figured out,

she wasn't showering, she wasn't changing her clothes, and when she spoke, she did it with a frenzied intensity, even though nothing she said made any sense. Uh, I think that's called love. Baby. To be fair. L is for the things you scream at me, O is for the all the weird reptiles you see in me.

I think you're supposed to start like L is for love. Now L is for lick and gutch. Yeah. I mean, if she did figure out all the, you know, wonders of the universe, there is no need to shower. I get it. I guess not. I guess once you figured it all out, no more, no more water.

You don't need it. I mean, all the water's poison anyway, so. Absolutely. I saw a video on Instagram of a man who didn't shower in 60 years. Wow. And he was filthy. Yeah. But he said he's very, very happy.

That's for you. Fly from your clay. Fly from your clay. According to Linda and contrary to what Julie McGuire said, Dyson Hassankoff's sexual powers were quote, intoxicating. He looks like Mike Myers from Wayne's World trying to impress Tia Carrero in bed by doing camera one, camera two. He looks like, but he got Tia Carrero in bed.

You see, it didn't work. Yes, it was scripted and it was produced and it was on cameras and it was fake. It's a movie, but it was real. Okay. Now, it's more like Mike Myers in Sprockets. Ah, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, from what Linda said, the two of them, when they had sex, they would literally turn into lion-like creatures and fangs would grow from her gums. And I'm using literally correct here. That's what she said happened. The way she described it is like, he would turn into a lion. And I was his lioness knowing that I would harbor his seed when the time was chosen and the way he sent waves of pleasure throughout my body. And Dyson's just sitting there with just like two gloves on.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I can get them both in because I got tiny hands. Oh my. Well, she said they had cat sex. Which, let's just get a reminder of what that sounds like. I would rather listen to our 9-1-1 call episode. You don't think that that's not exactly what she sounded like? Good.

Well, he was up to his shoulders inside of her. My goodness. Now, it's hard to say exactly what it was that Dyson actually wanted from Linda Henning at first. It could have just been money or it could even have just been a desire to see how far he could take this alien lie with an attractive woman. But from what prosecutors claim, what Dyson Hosenkoff saw in Linda Henning was an assassin who could assist in getting rid of the woman who was about to put Dyson through one hell of a divorce, girly chew. However, Henning and Hosenkoff weren't the only people involved in this reptilian conspiracy.

The third member of their group was a man that Linda had met at one of the UFO groups before Dyson even came into play. That man's name was Bill Miller, and his thing was government takeover conspiracies. Shit like, remember Operation Jade Helm? Sure. Remember back when Barack Obama was supposed to put the entire country under martial law because a bunch of people saw someone hanging out in an abandoned Walmart? Yeah. Did it happen?

Didn't happen. Oh, no, we're not under martial law. The man couldn't do anything. He was completely handcuffed the entire time he was the weakest president in our lifetime. So when Dyson came onto the scene to bridge the gap between Henning and Miller with information that seemed to confirm both of their paranoid fantasies, Hosenkoff gained both an accomplice in Linda Henning and in Bill Miller, another goon.

I knew you were going to say goon. By the way, I call it the G word, Mr. Zabrowski. Well, until all you goons can figure out how to get together and make some kind of group that makes some kind of protest thing or fight for goon rights, then I guess we'll deal with it. But until then, it's goon, goon, goon, 24 set. It's called every single football team that's ever played. But tell me, Bill, has anyone ever told you?

You would make a tremendous goon. Yeah, yeah, I have heard that before. Well, they were lying before then because you actually weren't ready until now. Oh, I hate being goon. Yeah, you hate being goon because we're all born into roles we have to play. Now, I can tell you immediately, are you a goon or not? Can you jump? No.

See? Goons can't jump. I'm going to go smash this orange and eat it. Yes, yes, goon, goon, yes. The thing was about Bill Miller, though, is that his conspiracy beliefs were not something that he aired publicly. His neighbors described him as a kind-hearted, gentle giant, and not even his wife,

nor his two children, knew anything about his actual convictions. They didn't know he believed in conspiracy theories. They didn't know he was going to these UFO meetups. They knew nothing. This is a thing that comes, I think that this is interesting. I imagine I want to read this book about Bill Cooper because I haven't done it. I wonder how much he filled in his later wife with just what all of this shit

that he was mired in by the very end because the idea that conspiracy theory going so deep because this shows he didn't even trust his own family. He looked at his wife and his two kids as possible people that would rat him out to the government. Do you think so, or did he love them enough not to talk to them about this over spaghetti dinner? Well, not if it was really true,

then this is now we're in the hazy world of who do we believe about his real story because Bill Miller was like, no, no, I didn't believe in anything, yeah. But he was at least, on some level, filling them with bullshit saying, like, I'm into all of this story. Maybe just because he was got wrapped into the romance of believing all of these convoluted shit was real, but at some point he was actively saying,

I'm going to abandon my whole family and go live this fucking conspiracy theory life. Right. Which is like, I wonder what that does. I wonder what makes you do that. Well, I know Bill Cooper and, you know, a pale horse rider, they talk about like how when he was in the hospital back in the 70s, when he met his first wife, he was already like, yeah, the CIA tried to kill me because I know too much.

So he was, Bill Cooper was 100% into it from the beginning or at least when he first figured out like this is a cool thing to do. Bill, I believe you. The way that you filled your bedpan overflowing with Duke, I believe you. Well, the people in Bill Miller's UFO group were well acquainted with what Bill Miller thought about the government. Bill was the guy at the group that was constantly handing out pamphlets

that outlined just how the government was at any point ready to remove everyone's civil liberties and hurt all true patriots in the concentration camps. In other words, Bill Miller was very much a conspiracy theorist in the vein of Bill Cooper who, if you'll remember, Bill Cooper was unfortunately gunned down by police in his front yard while they were trying to carry out a big stack of arrest warrants. The only true conspiracy theorist death. I mean, you say unfortunately, but it's technically kind of fortunately

for the officer because he did have a shotgun. Actually, he had an AK-47. That's what Bill Miller, that's what Bill Cooper had. You must have got a deal on that or something. He didn't have a lot of cash at the end. But at any rate, Bill Miller was getting further and further in a conspiracy thought and he was planning on leaving Albuquerque as soon as possible. He told his wife that he didn't like the new neighbors

because they had a loud dog. But he told the UFO group that the government takeover was coming any day now and he didn't want to be anywhere near a major city when it all went down. Honestly though, I was thinking about this the other day with the Boston Marathon bombing when Boston went under martial law. It was pretty creepy stuff. It was super creepy. It showed that they definitely had a massive plan for it.

They definitely were like, oh, so they just throw in that there is in a file folder somewhere. They pull out, well, this is how we totally take over Boston. They're like, oh, wow, okay, cool. It's like when we started doing our live shows for this year and we practiced at the Bell House. That was their practice show. We're going live, boys. We got it. But Bill Miller, I also wonder, because we talked about Facebook groups last episode too

and there is something about just the sheer boredom of 40-year-olds trying to find other ways to express themselves when they're like bored with their families. So you go to these ufology meetings, which I love. But then I imagine on some level, like when you meet with a group of comedians, it turns into a topping competition of everybody's throwing shit in in order to kind of like feed into this inner drama of a new friend group and that's where all the clicks kind of come from and all this kind of bullshit where it's like drama just finds its way into the group because everybody's got to figure out a way to make it more exciting for them.

It's why housewives start doing crystal math and like truck drivers and all this kind of shit because it just adds excitement to your life. Well, being a trucker is pretty exciting. But the alien, you can definitely see in one of these UFO things like a guy just heighten it completely by dropping his pants and be like, replace my dick with a lizard's dick. See, that's a lizard's dick. It's very pink. That is very pink, Greg. Well, in this UFO group, Miller, Hosenkoff and Henning form their own little clique

because Miller and Henning were constantly defending Hosenkoff anytime someone openly accused him of being a fraud, which happened fairly often and people had reason to suspect Hosenkoff besides the obvious. Hosenkoff was trying to convince someone that he was in fact a doctor with an impressive work history who usually provided a seven page resume that was supposed to prove those claims. Because that's, I know every doctor that I've ever met is constantly going around and trying to convince people that they're actually a doctor. No, most doctors are actively running away from people like all three of us because we're just like, oh, you're a doctor. Can you look at this? Can you look at this?

And we're just like showing him parts of his body, of our body he doesn't want to see at a Christmas party? Well, I know how many times I meet a doctor at the airport or at a bus stop and you know he's a doctor because he got a stethoscope. Yeah. And he'll always reach around your breasts just to see how your heart's doing, which is kind of nice. Yeah. People like Linda Henning and Hosenkoff's Mark from the last episode, remember Julie McGuire, they'd look at this stack of paper and they'd listen to Hosenkoff's spiel

and they'd be impressed and gullible enough to just sort of roll with it. Why would anyone lie about this? But anyone who gave the resume more than just a cursory glance saw that it was filled with typos and every single one of his claims about where he went to school or where he worked was easily debunked with nothing more than a phone call. All you gotta do is just call up Harvard and be like, hey, do you know who this Dyson Hosenkoff guy is?

And they're like, absolutely not. I remember applying for office jobs back in the day. I think I put down, I think it's the closest I've ever been to writing fantasy of the resumes that I would send into these jobs. So I can understand that. No one should have ever seen one of my resumes because it's all stuff being like, I anticipate needs, I'm there when you need it. I'm big into Quicken, expert at Quicken.

When I first got to New York, I got a bunch of bartending jobs and bouncer jobs because I told my favorite bartender and manager in a place called BBC in Milwaukee to lie and say I worked there for three years. And they called him and he did lie. And then I was fired after every single shift. And I got that money for the day. Well, checking up on those credentials was exactly what a friend of Linda Hennings did when she contacted this friend saying, hey, I met an alien

and he can cure both your brain tumor and your multiple sclerosis. No. But this guy was like a legit, because her ex-boyfriend was a fashion designer for the stars. Like, her first boyfriend, the guy that she ended up bringing in here was a guy that on their first date blindfolded her, put on her private jet, took off the blindfold, which is now very scary, but then it was romantic. And he said like, hope you like Miami. You know how in our first date you said you loved Gloria Stephan?

So do I. We're going to meet her right now. So he kidnapped her on the first date, flew her to Miami directly to a Gloria Stephan concert when they got to meet her and everything. That's kind of fun. Yeah. That's pretty incredible, yeah. Yeah.

And they'd remained friends, even though it hadn't worked out. So when this guy got a typo-ridden resume that was supposedly given to Linda by a 10,000-year-old alien geneticist, he was understandably concerned. Yeah. But when the friend brought up the typos and the fraudulent credentials to Linda, she lost her fucking mind and told this guy that he'd exposed Hossenkoff to his reptilian enemies at the NSA in the CIA. Because that's what he would say, that he would tell people like,

don't check up on any of this, because if you do check up on it, then that's going to raise some red flags and the CIA is going to be able to find me because they're always looking for me. So is the NSA. So don't check. Please don't check. He really thought of everything. Wow.

And the dumbest way possible. Yeah. It's just enough because he understands is that I've already got you so on the hook. Yeah. If you're already out here believing that I'm a half alien and believing all these, like, I'm even a surgeon. The first wacky lie, which is just that I'm a doctor, is like, you're already too late for you.

What's the time frame of this full indoctrination here? Six months, a year? How long did it take? With Linda Hennig? Yeah. How long did it take before she's just like a sold check? Please. I'll take it.

Weeks. Weeks. Six weeks. Damn. This goes down in six weeks. Oh my. This whole story. So she was literally...

Between Hozenkoff and Hennig, beginning to end six weeks. From the engagement being canceled to the ultimate demise. Four weeks. Oh my God. Yeah. Now it was around this time that Hozenkoff's first goon, Dwayne Baker, showed back up to retrieve some furniture that Hozenkoff had been keeping at his house.

Because Baker... I left my goon uniform and I left my forklift and I left my mask, my identification mask. Yeah. Well, what's so funny about that first goon is now your second goon. Because the first goon would never forget that stuff. And as you can see... I can't believe that you just went ahead and hired some new goons.

I am first goon now. Anyway, I'm going to go smash this banana. I need it. No. Oh, I guess... I guess I'll go back to holding up a globe outside of Macy's. Well, I don't know exactly what happened, but the first goon had cut ties with Hozenkoff like years before.

He was very tired of being Hozenkoff's goon. It's not easy being a goon. It's really not. Especially Hozenkoff's goon. I would say the smaller your boss, the harder it is to be a goon. Peewee Gaskins. Every single villain that's ever existed. Yes. And by this time, Gurley was already gone.

And Hozenkoff had no idea where she was living. But Hozenkoff was obsessed with finding her. And he asked Dwayne Baker if he'd help for old times sake. Like, come on, goon. Just do one more goon job for me. Whoa. Oh. Yes?

You know you want to. It's your true passion. Following the plans of a genius. One more, just one more goon job. Hey, listen. I know it's been a long time and I've burned you in the past. You were mean to me. I was mean.

You were mean to me. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Here's a rotisserie chicken. To apologize. Oh, how you cracked the bones. You can have the meat back. I just wanted the bones.

Thank you. Well, Hozenkoff asked Baker to follow Gurley home from work. And once he discovered where she lived, Hozenkoff asked Baker if he wouldn't mind blowing up her car. What? Wait, hold up. What? You wouldn't mind blowing up the car now, would you?

Listen, I know I don't want you to go out of your way. I don't want you to, you know, whatever convenience you need to do to you. Yeah. But if you could possibly blow up a Chrysler tomorrow afternoon, that would be pretty good for me. How would I do that, boss? Bombs, Goode. Go to the bomb store, Goode.

Is it my job to fulfill a Goon's test? All right. Let me just smash this apple and eat it. Oh, I love to see him happy. He said, yeah, I'll fucking do it. Why would he? I know it's Albuquerque, but come on. But actually, this is a smart Goon move.

He said he'd do it, and he fucked off to Kansas. Move. Like, smart Goon move. Super smart Goon move. Have you ever been to Galoot, Kansas, which is a whole town of ex-Goons, and then they can go and they can run, and they have these big fields and big, like, big stocks of boxes they can knock over and, like, little people that they can run around with.

They hire little people that they lasso and stuff and put in big cages, and they let them out the end of the day because it's a job. I just want to see a map of America with the red line going through, but instead of band on the run, it's Goon on the run. Well, the amazing thing was, Hosenkoff was still running other scams while he was running scams on Miller and Henning. Or, at the very least, he was still running old scams that hadn't quite run their course.

Turned out, Julie McGuire was still trying to get her hands on that youth serum. Oh, my God. Even after she discovered the truth about both Project Gurley and Dyson Hosenkoff's marital status. And it was, though, Julie's motivations weren't completely selfish. She was also still worried about Hosenkoff's son, Dimitri, because with Gurley gone, nobody was taking care of this fucking kid who's about three years old by this time,

and still wearing diapers. This is a weird thing. Like, I know, obviously, the worst crime in this whole thing is Gurley Chu being murdered. It's insane it got to that point. But this is a crime. What happened to Dimitri is a weird side effect of all this shit, because he's running so many games. And to the point where, like, I'm multitask.

I think I'm multitask, and I am not scamming 10 people at one go. And I'm exhausted at how many kind of things you kind of have to keep going. I can imagine of all these things going. When you say multitask, what do you mean? Do you mean, like, taking a dump and playing Civ 5? Will also check in Twitter every now and again? Civ 5 is on one computer. I got a list of best restaurants I'm trying to hit.

I've got to go and find out with the most habitable toilets of Los Angeles. There's so many things to do. But the idea that Dimitri literally was just sitting in a pool of his own filth inside of an apartment barely getting fed. Why was he? It's weird. But why not civil service? Why didn't anyone be like,

yo, what about that kid? Like, at the alien meeting, just be like, but do you have a child? Where is he? The dozen cop was trying to get another family to adopt him, but he was trying to get rid of the kid. He was just trying to ship the kid off at a time in town square on a milk bucket? The best thing for the kid.

Literally, if he had just left that kid at a con, then it would have been better than whatever the hell it is he was dealing with. And he almost pulled it off in August of 1999, but the whole thing fell apart after Dimitri walked into his new family's house and attacked their one-year-old daughter. Not his fault, just a fucked up kid. Right. So, after that, McGuire took care of him for a very brief period of time,

and when Hozenkoff showed up to pick up his kid, Bill Miller was with him, and Hozenkoff was talking pretty freely about how his ex-wife was going to be dissected here very soon. And it was around this time that Linda Henning started crossing paths with Gurley Chew. So according to a friend of Linda's who testified against Linda at her trial, Hozenkoff had convinced Linda that she was an alien queen. But the problem with being the alien queen was that she had to battle an evil blood-drinking, shape-shifting reptilian queen, a rival queen,

in order to claim her royal title as Queen of the Earth, a Mankind Saviour. You may say that this is ridiculous, and over the top. Right? That this is obviously fake. That he feeds this line of bullshit to somebody, and, you know, how dare you believe it. But there's something in mechanism to the con man slash cult leader's idea, right, in their tactics. We saw it even just on a massive level, when at serious level, in Jim Jones and when he did with his wife.

Right? The people that become the number two of these organizations, they have to be given a special task and be made to feel as if their role is incredibly unique and important, absolutely of vital life and death importance. Because this person is looking for something to give her life meaning. Obviously, she's got a massive void in there. The diazin is now completely filled up.

And in that void, he's saying, this is actually your true purpose. I see your true purpose. No one else does. I see you as the beautiful, voluptuous living alien queen that you are. But the only thing is that an alien queen, she got to fight, she got to fight for her right to be an alien queen. And you kind of put a fucking almost, like, believe in yourself, Lizzo energy behind her, saying that you have to go kill a reptilian queen

in order to be living your hashtag best life. Well, it just so happened that this evil reptilian queen was girly chew. Well, that's the thing. It's like, if you're going to tell someone that they're an alien queen, I just feel like it's too over the top, alien custodian. I wouldn't believe that. Alien caterer. It's always that, like, whenever people do, like, the past life regression,

they're always Cleopatra, or Cleopat, or Cleopatric, which I love Cleopatric. That's what I think is a really good reboot. Finally, something for the men. You take that queen and you flip it to be a man. Finally, it's something I'm interested in seeing. Indeed. Well, we think that's what Dyson Hosenkoff told her,

because there is actually some debate as to whether girly was named the evil reptilian queen or not. We don't really know. We just know that Dyson Hosenkoff told her there is an evil reptilian queen out there that you must battle and defeat with a sword in one-on-one combat. Oh, of course. Yeah. And because she had to defeat this alien queen with a sword in one-on-one combat,

Linda started training with the blade in her garage next to her mini crates of art sand. You legitimately cannot make this shit up. He prepped her. In a way, saying, You best be ready, because when it comes down, when this shit goes down, you better have an umbrella, if you know what I'm saying. Oh, my goodness.

And so this woman, this 40-year-old woman, who was vaguely normal up until this point, is now in her garage doing the Jedi kid thing. Do you remember the video? Of course. The first viral video ever with the Jedi kid playing with the broom handle? Doing that shit in her garage. Man, kill that reptilian queen.

Kill that reptilian queen, but I'm just so tired from fucking all night. Fucking Dias. My God, it's like every 1980s action movie. The montage. The montage. Yeah. Well, at the same time,

Henning closed her account at her regular bank, opened a new one at Gurley Chu's branch, and became a regular customer. She started stalking Gurley weeks, I think like maybe two, three weeks before all this shit went down. And Gurley Chu, without a doubt, knew something was going on. You see, Hosenkoff's erratic behavior when it came to his son

had attracted the attention of the FBI, because his adoption case worker suspected that Hosenkoff may have kidnapped the child. Like maybe we don't know if he kidnapped him, but he might have. And eventually the investigation led to Gurley Chu, who told the FBI all about Hosenkoff's history of domestic violence, his track record as a con man,

and her suspicion that Hosenkoff had thrown a rock through her car windshield about a week earlier. Gurley had even called up the FBI the night before her disappearance to tell them that Hosenkoff was capable of anything, and she had a bad feeling that something terrible was about to happen. But because Hosenkoff had already been admonished for breaking the restraining order, because he technically didn't make any direct threats,

because he just said, you're gonna be dead soon, he didn't say, I'm going to kill you. The FBI couldn't actually do anything. That's so scary, right? This idea that people get away with these types of actions, and it's so difficult to pin down a stalker or somebody threatening you,

because they have to break the law for them to get the gears of the law going, and they can't just, it's just one of those, where you're like, man, all of this shit, and they still couldn't truly call the cops and daisies. Right, right. And since they didn't do anything, Garly Chew-Hosenkoff disappeared on September 9th, 1999.

But the problem we have here is that we don't really know how it went down or who was directly involved. What we do have are precious few facts that might give us an idea of what happened. We also have what Dias and Hosenkoff claims is the truth, although his testimony is, to say the least, suspicious. Hmm, yeah.

What we know for sure is that by the time September of 1999 rolled around, Hosenkoff, Miller, and Henning had all put their houses up for sale because they were all planning on moving to South Carolina together. It was their belief that when the clock struck midnight on January 1st, the Y2K bug would plunge the world into chaos,

and the government, run by the reptilians, would declare martial law, because that's exactly what Y2K was designed to do in the first place. Honestly, it was a great time to eat chili in the basement. I loved Y2K. That was such a fun night. We had fun, yeah.

But this isn't a way, you know, again, not to be fruity about it, but it's kind of romantic, right? Of course. When you're setting all of this shit up, number one, there's a timeline, which is classic and con man slash cult leader work. You've got the timeline coming up.

Yep. It's building to a head. You're making all these fucking hushed, secret plans. You're fucking making cat noises while having sex with a little person in his fucking shit filled house. It is incredible, man. You are planning on selling your house.

To leave. You're going to leave. But then you also don't know, like, are you just swept up, or are you really going to sell your house? But it is interesting. You guys have been mentioning quite regularly the bits of truth.

The Y2K thing, that was like ABC News. Yeah. My parents were freaking out. All of our parents were freaking out. My parents were freaking out, everybody. My parents were freaking out. We didn't really, yeah, they didn't really care. About the end of the world?

Yeah, because they're normal. Your parents did not care about the total and utter destruction of the entire planet. Well, they didn't think the planet was going to be totally and utterly destroyed. They weren't watching ABC News. You know what? You got to watch the news to know what's going on.

You know what I was doing when this millennium ticked over? I was riding around listening to Korn with my buddy Wes. Yeah, I'm not saying, and then it's so cool that you're actually friends with the guy from Limp Bizkit. But why? No, I know that. But it was, anyway, it was national news. It was national news.

It was. Your parents believed it, right, Henry? My parents, we were not prepping. Honestly, they're so outside of the idea of anything technological in any way, shape, or form that they didn't truly understand what it meant. They were like, wow. The entire global economy was about to collapse.

We ate nachos. I had my friends over and we kind of talked. I remember all of our friends came over, all the various close buddies we came over and their parents came over and we kind of were like, as it went, we were like, are the lights going to shut off? And then they didn't. And then we had a nice night.

We ate a lot of candy and I got real sick. I know that. I had friends over, too. But that's the thing is that if it didn't happen in Australia, it's not going to happen. If you two can talk about this. It's across the day line. It started 24 hours before it.

So you would have known if it was going to happen, if it was going to happen in Australia first. Yeah. It has to happen in America in your time zone. You don't understand time zones. I understand time zones. Wherever you are, there you belong. Well, the little reptilian clique believed

that the only way to survive was to move to Charleston, South Carolina, which was the location of one of Haas and Koff's fictional vortexes that would be protected from the evil influence of the reptilians. But before they could leave Albuquerque, there was still the matter of garlic chew. So on September 9th, 1999, Haas and Koff took a trip to a store called The World of Knives

and bought a ninja sword. And that's a ninja sword specifically. Not a samurai sword. It's a ninja sword because ninjas are assassins. What is the difference between the swords? It's different swords, different utilities, Kissel. You got samurai or warriors and they're foot soldiers and they operate in the open and it's about fighting big old wars

but you got to be out there. You're getting in a line, dig a ditch. I don't know, ninjas moving to quiet. You were all black and you got to sneak around. It's probably smaller. It's probably a smaller sword so you can like, you know, hide it. Yeah, hide it in your asshole. Ninja attack.

But even though Haas and Koff bought a deadly weapon on the day his wife was murdered even though a friend said that Henning was training to battle a reptilian queen specifically with a sword, Haas and Koff still claims that Henning had nothing to do with the murder. From what Haas and Koff said, the real perpetrator was Bill Miller. Haas and Koff's story is that he told Bill Miller that all this business with girly, it's getting out of hand.

We got to do something about this. We have to do something about this. And you know that if you're talking with somebody about the situation that has nothing to do with you and they start saying, we really need to do something about this. That's when you leave. You actually don't have to do anything about it.

What's so weird is that, yeah, why, I am not even close to this relationship. I don't know her. Listen, goon too. Only because I'll call you goon too because you're my second goon but you're my most favorite goon. So I'm goon one? No, you're goon two. Because there was one before you and that's just facts.

But you're goon one in my heart right now. You know what I'll say? You're goon president. Thank you. Know this about this because you're my goon, right? We operate in tandem. Someone has to do something about this situation. And that means you have to do something with the situation

because if you don't do something with the situation because we work in tandem, and that means in fact, in legal fact, I can't do something about the situation. So I, in order for me to do something about the situation, the goon, president goon, congratulations. I salute president goon. Thank you.

We have to work in tandem. Am I goon one? I will have to talk with honestly the goon deduciary system. I have to send an email to Ruth Bader Goonsburg and ask her if we can actually get changed the name legally to goon one. Great. I'm just going to go smash this pineapple and eat it. Well, according to Hosenkoff,

Bill was the one that offered the solution. Miller said that he knew, quote unquote, militia people who were experienced in black bag operations and they would be willing to kidnap and kill girly, quote, for the practice. Yeah. Definitely. Black bag, they just shop at Sam's Club

and they know how to get the big things of mayonnaise. And I mentioned that all the time. I can literally see this conversation of Bill Merler at Sam's Club. They're a by the giant Cheetos with a guy who's a militia guy. Who's just a guy that maybe is an assistant manager at the world of knives who also is operating a forklift, loading up onto all the various shelves at Sam's Club. And they're taking me like, yeah, I got a thing for you to do tonight.

You want to take care of somebody? He's like, yeah, I've always wanted to gut somebody for practice. You're like, they're talking about something. Meanwhile, he works at a grocery store. You're Bill Merler. You're a family man that has nothing to do with any of this shit. You have just been twisted turnaround with goo and logic. You know what I'm going to say?

90s be crazy. Yeah. 90s be crazy. 90s be crazy. Well, specifically, Miller supposedly said that he'd always wanted to hunt a human and quote, gut it like a fish. And supposedly he dies and said, sure, go ahead, killer, but leave the cleanup to me.

According to Hassenkopf's testimony in Linda Henning's trial, the militia kidnapped Gurley Chu after work. Of course, the militia that was run by Bill Miller. He was the one in charge of the whole operation. And then after they kidnapped Gurley, Dyson went in and cleaned up the crime scene. And Henning just stayed at home because somebody had to be the alibi. At least that's Hassenkopf's story. Now, we do know that Dyson was definitely at the apartment that night

because one of Gurley's neighbors said that he saw Dyson wearing a pair of shorts, walking into an apartment with every bit of his exposed skin painted black. No, what? Including his tiny little legs. Wait, what are you talking about? He went like a Boon Raku puppeteer. He dressed it all in black. He went in a Canadian Prime Minister Halloween costume over to Gurley Chu's apartment.

And the reason why he did it, this is how we know for a fact, right? Because they did find DNA of Dyson's in Gurley Chu's apartment. And at this point, we didn't really get into the full yada yada yada of this. But Gurley Chu had moved. She went to a place where she didn't tell anybody but her busy body boss where she lived. So she was in an apartment that he had no clue where the hell it was. So he spent a long time stalking her until he got to this point. But that's how we know that he was involved in the crime

because there would be no traces of Dyson in that apartment if he was not there literally that night that she died. Because technically, he didn't know where she lived. The story that he said is that Bill Miller followed her home from Wal-Mart one day. They just happened to see her in Wal-Mart and then followed her home and then that's how they found out where Gurley Chu lived. And speaking of him in the black paint, he looked so weird that the neighbor who saw him said that she had dreams that night

of being terrorized by Hossenkoff as the Stay Puft Marchamallow Man. That is a nightmare. You had a tiny little Marchamallow Man. That's kind of cute though. He had a little hat, the sash. So it was fun. But according to what the police think happened, Dyson was not the only person at Gurley's apartment that night.

They think that Linda Henning went to Gurley Chu's apartment and gained entry because Linda had become a regular customer at Gurley's bank branch. Don't know what she said, but Linda Henning was a familiar face to Gurley Chu at the very least. It's possible that Dyson Hossenkoff was there as well, but was standing off to the side. You couldn't see him if he was, so it's hard to say. There's no way in hell that Gurley would have ever opened her door for Hossenkoff, much less let him inside. It's thought that once Gurley opened the door for Linda,

because there was no sign of forced entry, Dyson pushed his way inside. And once he and Linda were in, Linda might have attacked Gurley. And when the two got into what seems like a fistfight, Gurley might have gotten in a few knocks, which would have sent a small amount of Linda's blood flying down to the carpet. This is what they're saying because Gurley took all those boxing lessons. So Gurley, this is one of those things where you could see this is a very dramatic encounter. Linda's been fucking, I'm gonna kill this reptilian queen, I'm waiting to walk in this room and watch her skin split open and have her go like,

like, full on reptilian queen, but instead you got a 95 pound woman that like, reels up, whap, whap, hips you like, she just fucking clocked her a couple of times in the mouth. At least we think so. But the reason why investigators believe there were large pools of Gurley's blood on the floor has to do with Bill Miller. They think that when the conflict between Gurley and Linda began, Linda was getting her fucking ass kicked. And Dyson was not stepping in at all.

So they think that Bill Miller rushed inside, attacked Gurley, and ended up spilling a large amount of her blood on the carpet, which ended up being in three large spots ranging in size from a grapefruit to the size of a basketball. Then once Gurley was subdued, she was taken to another location where her body was possibly dissected with the ninja sword and the parts were either buried in the desert or thrown down one of the hundreds of abandoned mines that litter the outskirts of Albuquerque. Well, because their main thought process is that there again, if there's no body, there's no crime.

And it's very, very difficult to prosecute a crime, basically a disappearance, because without a body you can't find out what exactly, is she even dead? Is she, how was she killed? You can't figure it all the shit? Because I imagine it is difficult that they dissect the human body with a ninja sword. I think at that point it was probably an ornamental thing, and they would have to figure out a more conventional way of dissecting the body. They somehow got rid of her in some way, shape, or form. We don't know how or where the body, we have no idea where the body is at this point.

So we've got two stories to choose from here. Either Gurley was kidnapped and killed by a secret New Mexico militia who were looking to hone their kidnapping skills, or Dyson Hosenkoft conned two gullible conspiracy theorists into helping him avoid alimony. Damn. Which one is more likely? I'm gonna say the alimony thing. Yeah, and of course not wanting to go to trial because he doesn't want all of his scams revealed. He doesn't want his shit revealed, just the even fact of him being questioned

has destroyed his own narcissistic view of his whole life. Nothing can get in between the fake reality he's generated himself and the way other people perceive him, and that's what Gurley Chu represented. And none of this, of course, is his fault. It's more narcissistic shit. It is Gurley Chu's fault for making him do this. If she wouldn't have filed for divorce, then I wouldn't have to do this, so this is her fault. But what's truly insane about this story, no matter which one is true,

is that, like I said, the period of time, and this bears repeating, the period of time between Dyson meeting Henning and Miller and the disappearance of Gurley Chu Hosenkoft was six weeks. Oh my god, that is so crazy. So fast to twist and turn these people, so fast. So when Gurley didn't show up for work the next morning, her coworkers immediately called the police, because Gurley was never late for work, and she'd been telling her coworkers for months

that, hey, if I don't show up, Dyson has done something to me. Damn. Then later that day, a New Mexico State highway worker named Raymond Gabaldon found a tarp on the side of the road 90 miles south of Albuquerque that was covered in dried blood, human hair, and clumps of duct tape. One specifically was a figure eight piece of duct tape. It looked like it was used as handcuffs. And just 20 feet away from the tarp was a pile of blood stained clothing.

A little while later, someone found a wallet in the middle of the road back in town, and all of the items, plus most of the blood, belonged to Gurley Chu. And this is the part that I cannot fucking figure out, is why did they go to all the trouble of getting rid of the body where nobody would ever find it and just leave the tarp and her clothes on the side of the road? They either were interrupted, possibly saw people driving along, and they probably, because if they were out there in the night, in the middle of the desert, they either had lights or they had a car parked.

In my mind, they probably had a car parked with the headlights on while they were trying to get rid of the body, and people came through and they didn't want to be seen. They got spooked, they'd be feeling super paranoid. So in the middle of it, they kind of abandoned what they were doing, or they are morons, they just put it under a bush or some shit, like literally tried to very quickly wrap it up. Or by this point, they're just like, well, they still need a body.

Like if we can get rid of the body, that's the thing that's most important. Is it possible they were just like, and now this is getting a little boring? Like once they already did it all? Maybe they didn't get the thrill they thought they were going to get? I would say my guess is that they possibly used Bill Miller's truck to transport everything, and they just threw everything in the bed of the truck and as they were driving down the road, it all just blew out the back and they didn't notice.

Oh, that's quite possible. And had no fucking clue. Once they got to wherever they were going, they looked in the back and went, oh, no, no. But now when... Did Linda ask any questions being like so... She never turned into a reptile. Did she even... Listen, everybody wants everything to be wrapped up in a little bow, that's how it's supposed to work, but it's more complicated than that Linda.

It's more complicated than that. Yeah Linda, it's more complicated than that. Am I goon one? Listen to goon two, it's the most obvious how to cogent thought. Mom, I thought I was going to be goon one now. We haven't talked to the Supreme Court yet. So when forensics got to work in the apartment, they found three stains on the floor that had obviously just been cleaned with bleach.

And when they did a luminal test on the carpet, it was obvious that quite a bit of blood had recently been spilled. But in addition to blood and hair from girly chew, they also found blood and hair from a second person, and saliva and hair from a third. Meanwhile, Diaz and Hosenkoft had completely skipped town. See, he'd been running an online scam with a woman from Hanahan, South Carolina named Sherry Clinton, and she'd flown into Albuquerque on the day girly went missing to marry Diaz and Hosenkoft.

So the next day, Sherry and Hosenkoft climbed into an SUV and drove to South Carolina. Hosenkoft just totally abandoned Miller and Henning, she's like, okay, peace. See you later. I'm going to South Carolina. I'll see you there, baby. I don't know. Oh my God. Problem was, Sherry found that her new beau had a few disturbing habits, including, but

not limited to, a hardcore morphine addiction. Because that's the one thing to remember about Hosenkoft is this whole time he is an absolutely disgusting human being. Like he's covered in track marks, he's literally bleeding. He's doing this thing where he's pretending to throw up blood all the time because he's got one leukemia line going, saying he's got leukemia. Then he's obsessed with blood, the whole house is filled with blood. And that morphine thing must make you an unpleasant person to physically be around after a period

of time. Yeah, I would think so. And he also had that huge hole in the bend of his arm. That's right. That quarter size hole. Yeah. And he told this woman that he'd gotten it after being exposed to radiation in a lab experiment, which is also why he was almost constantly vomiting blood.

And Dyson might have just disappeared completely, if not for his ego. He used Sherry's cell phone while they were on the road and made multiple phone calls to three people back in Albuquerque. He called his divorce attorney, his adoption case worker, and his neighbor. And told all of them that he knew they were talking to the FBI. And they'd better watch what they say when it came to Dyson Hossenkoff. You don't think I won't hire a hot air balloon and attack you all from the sky? You don't think I won't show up out of the sewers and attack you from a subterranean

way? The day of reckoning will come! Meanwhile, Sherry's like, so I was going to get charger plates. Do you think that that's worth the extra $20 per person? They are in the middle of planning a wedding, which you know dog meat, you know how stressful that is. So you've been planning a wedding this whole time? Geez.

In particular, he called his divorce attorney and screamed at her for 20 minutes, saying that he knew his son Demetri had been dissected. And if he didn't get proof that his son was alive within 16 hours, everyone was going to die. Uh-oh. So, because he made those calls, the FBI was easily able to track him down in South Carolina, where they arrested him for making threatening phone calls across state lines, and they brought him back to New Mexico so they could try to figure out what the fuck happened to Gurley.

But before they found Diazen, they had already started talking to Linda Henning. I'm assuming she was a steel trap, a brain so good, so strong, she didn't say a word. It was really weird. It's really weird what she did. Talk about this. I want to talk a little bit in detail about this. Well, Henning claimed that she was just Diazen's caretaker, as cool as a cucumber. And she said that her first experience going over to Diazen's house was him opening the

door and immediately vomiting blood. But she said she met him and she felt so much sympathy for him that she immediately decided to be his nursemaid. And that what she was doing was taking care of him and talking like full detail about like helping him when he went to the bathroom and like washing him and doing all the stuff. But out of the goodness of her heart, like he wasn't paying her money. She knew that he needed somebody to take care of him. But instead of just talking about that, like she probably should, she really focused on

government pedophile sex slave rings. She got to the truth. I mean, she got to what matters. To police interview, a woman is missing and you're talking about government pedophile sex slave rings. You don't want to talk to the pedophiles. Because the whole thing is I'm talking about like yada, yada, yada, we're all talking about the murder of this one woman.

But what about the cabals of giant reptilians and you're like, okay, I get it. You already get it out. Just say it. We'll just get through this. We'll get through this. All right. If we have it documented. Okay.

Let's just move on. Now they did let her go, but they only let her go after assigning a surveillance team to Linda Hennig because they knew she knew something. They're like, this woman is there's something off about this one because she was supposedly Dyson's alibi. No. Of course. That's what she told them.

It's like, yeah, he was with me that night, but something seemed off. Of course they knew she knew something. They knew that she was on to the greatest conspiracy ever, which is the largest pedophile ring in the history of the world that is conducted by the United States government in collusion with the United Nations. Honestly, there is a lot of truth in that. It's for another episode, it's for the end of our entire show, and we'll get to it. They also interviewed Bill Miller, who showed his hand pretty damn quickly by asking the

cops, hey, you cannot but how I'm find a body that's buried six feet underground. Also, what do you think you got to do to get goon one status? I was, I already passed one of the goon tests and the physical tests, I did the physical thing I showed that I couldn't jump, I did everything that I could do. Can I be a goon for you, Mr. Officer? But other than that weird question, he also gave him nothing. Weird thing about Bill Miller, though, was that on the day of Gurley's disappearance, he accessed a safe deposit box that contained over $20,000 in cash and coins.

Damn. Strangely, the contact on the box was not Bill's wife, but was instead a hunting buddy named Johnny Buckles. Hold the fucking phone, hold the fucking phone. When the hell did, what is Johnny Buckles, what is Johnny Buckles up to? I don't know, I don't know anything about Johnny Buckles. Johnny Buckles doesn't say anything about Johnny Belts. No.

So he could just have Buckles, it also just sounds like it was Bill Miller's name on Fetlifer. Meanwhile, the cops were focusing more and more on Linda as an accomplice. Their suspicion only grew when 200 cat hairs were discovered in Gurley's apartment and the bloody tar collectively, because while Gurley had no cats, Linda had six. This is where being a cat mom becomes a liability, because you're so covered in cat hair, everywhere you go, that it places you at the scene of a fucking crime. Well you see, officer, the cats did it.

She just walked into a room and left like 600 cat hairs, just left them in a room. She touched the body, another 100 cat hairs. I don't know why people sneeze around me, I don't know. The police also noted other strange behaviors. Linda dropped off a package at a friend's house that contained two CDs filled with data along with a bottle simply labeled colon cleanser. When the cops checked the CDs, they found pure Hassenkoff bullshit. He'd written down the quote unquote formula for the youth serum, which it turned out was

just a vitamin B12 shot, which is why all the women who took it, I mean you take a vitamin B12 shot, you feel invigorated and you might feel a little more youthful. So that's how he kept that scam going. It wasn't like he was just injecting them with nothing and they were feeling nothing, they felt something, but it was just B12. When I got you all on that Pedialyte kick, it worked. It actually worked. Pedialyte's the best.

I feel good. I feel good drinking the Pedialyte. Yeah, but it wasn't like you were calling it like dick liquid that was going to make us get hard better and longer and faster. Nope, definitely not. Do we want to talk about the Pedialyte cocktail that you made backstage in Detroit? Do I want to? No.

You put Patrone, Lyme, Lacroix and Pedialyte together in a drink and we're like, what the fuck are you doing this? You're like, us want to get all the different liquids in a one and this is how you do it. It's how you hydrate. It's going to be great. It's going to taste great. And then as you did it, and then you took one sip of it and you went, oh no. I think the actual noise you made was, nah, nah, yeah.

No, it was gross, it was gross, but Pedialyte, I stand by it. Yeah. Oh yeah. And Linda's, who'd received the formula, also said that Henning was driving around with a ninja sword in her car. And Linda had also told her that her boyfriend's son, Dimitri, had been kidnapped, killed and decapitated and the kid's head had been cryogenically frozen and sent to Malta. Of course, of course.

And just to reassure everyone, Dimitri Hasenkoffed totally fine. Okay. I mean, maybe a little worse with the wearer, but just before Hasenkoff fled to South Carolina, the kid was placed with a new family. And now, hopefully, he's a healthy, happy guy in his late 20s. I hope so. I hope so. Dimitri, reach out.

If you listen to the show, reach out. We'd love to find out. Make sure you're okay. Actually, we did have Professor Charles Grissom that we talked about in the last episode that taught Dyson Hasenkoffed early on in his career. He reached out and said that Henry's voice is spot on. Wow. Very weird.

Very weird. And then he also did, it was a very good reminder of the true victims of all this, which was Dimitri and Gurley Chu and all this kind of stuff, and every single person that Dyson touched in his entire life. Yeah, this guy was, he said like, yeah, I spent 11 months with him and thankfully came away unscathed. Damn. He's like, he touched my life, but all he was to me was an annoyance.

Once the lab results from Gurley's apartment came back, the game was over for Hasenkoffed and Henning. Besides Gurley's blood, they also found Henning's blood and a hair from Hasenkoff's head, as well as Hasenkoff's blood and saliva. In addition to all that, they also found a pink button from Gurley's pants in Henning's car. And the ninja sword Hasenkoff bought on the day of Gurley's murder was found hidden in a secret compartment in Henning's garage.

Damn. Now investigators did find evidence of blood on the sword, but it had been cleaned so thoroughly that a DNA match was impossible. Dyson claimed that the blood was his and it came from a blooding ceremony he performed before gifting the sword to Henning, as was Japanese tradition. Of course. Oh yeah, of course. I did look at, I just typed in the words, do you blood a sword?

Like do you do that? Like, and the only thing that I have is several, several posts about how much human blood you would need to distill to make a sword out of the iron in blood, which is a thing that people do. Wow, I did not know that. However, the blood covered tarp found near Gurley's clothing had a wipe mark that was consistent with the sword, which isn't necessarily proof, but it certainly is highly fucking suspicious. So even though there wasn't a body, Henning and Hosenkoft were still charged with kidnapping

and murder based on forensic evidence, because there was no way someone as small as Gurley Chu could have lost that much blood and survived. And Bill Miller was arrested as well, also through forensics. Upon a further sweep of the apartment, cops found dyed pink deer hair in Gurley's carpet, the same type of pink deer hair that Miller used in his fishing lures. It's just insane. It's just insane, because what they did, this is one of those tales where the cops didn't fuck it up.

Not at all. They did a very thorough, because what they said was that unlike, if you read about the case of Josh Powell and Susan Powell and you're just like, it's awful, like how they really fucked up the investigation, searching for like as much evidence as they can, they just took the entire rug of the apartment and they pulled it out and they spent the whole beginning of the trial with, they used like a tape and they pull up every single particle that's inside of the rug. And that's just fucking wild that they found the lure hairs to technically place him there.

I don't even know, but did he bring his lures? I have no idea, but it's what placed him at the scene. And they did that with, I mean, they pulled all the cat hairs, they pulled some dog hairs, they pulled everything, like the APD really deserves some fucking kudos for the work that they did on us. All right, good job. But unfortunately, that pink deer hair was not enough for a grand jury to indict Bill Miller.

Yep. The only thing I ever wanted was to be goon one, and now, and unfortunately, we're going to have to name you guilty, a being good one, we just got the order in from the Supreme Court. Yes. So only Henning and Hosenkoff went to trial for the murder of Garly Chu. Now needless to say, Hosenkoff did not do well in prison during the lead up to his trial. No.

Really? When two inmates demanded rent on his cell and blocked up his toilet with sheets, Hosenkoff tried killing them by grinding powdered glass into a can of bean dip he bought at the commissary. Yo, fuck with the man, you can't fuck with the man. In that case, you really can. Thankfully, though, the prisoner was transferred before the plan could go into action. So he didn't go through with it. But Hosenkoff still found room to be cocky, and he told everyone that he'd be at a prison

in no time, because he'd committed the perfect crime. Oh yeah, and that's certainly not why I'm in jail right now. No. That's for certain. Also, Dyson, you know, when you say that you committed the perfect crime, the optimal word is you committed a crime. Those are the words that people are going to be like, oh, he committed one, so it's not smart to say that.

But that wasn't his only claim, and Linda Henning wasn't staying quiet in prison either. They both- I could literally just see her running and screaming in a circle. Just freaking out so bad. They both claimed that their arrest was a test from the High Council of the New World Order, and this test was being done to see if they were worthy of being inducted into the High Council. I think, I think that's what they were saying.

Always fold it back into the conspiracy theory it works. Furthermore, they claimed that the NWO was about to kill everyone on earth, except those with A negative blood types, and this would be carried out by the reptilians who were working on systematically poisoning all the drinking water in the world. And Henning and Hosenkoft kept in contact all throughout their respective trials. Hosenkoft wrote her letters, promising her that he didn't form the High Council about her quote unquote, situation. And every letter they wrote was filled with unintelligible coded symbols.

But Hosenkoft wasn't the only one bragging. When Linda Henning's cellmate asked what they'd really done with Gurley, Linda Pantamind that she and Diozen had eaten her. She went on to say quote, Gurley is food, good spaghetti sauce, they won't find the body, little bitch got what she deserved. She then described the murder itself, saying that Bill Miller kidnapped Gurley, took her to a house, tied her to a chair, and murdered her. Furthermore, she wasn't worried about Diozen because he had a foolproof plan to get out

of prison. She was going to dress up like a lady, put on a wig, and walk right out the front door. Now it understands that when I put on heels, I become so desirable that this simple act of seeing me saunter down the hallways will render any police officer mesmerized by my throbbing critics. That's incredible. That's incredible. So the plan is put on a dress.

It's put on a dress and a wig. And a wig. And a wig. He came up with the Alien Overlord story, the reptilian story in his final plan. Is from fucking Looney Tunes. It's a Bugs Bunny plan. Yes. He's a Bugs Bunny plan.

Oh my God. Well, Henning also used her time in prison to expand her reptilian lore. She sketched picture after picture of the different types of reptilians, complete with annotations that describe the function of each reptilian body part. Sweet. She even sketched out what a complete life cycle of a reptilian looked like. From an egg, to a humanoid, to a full on winged fanged lizard creature. And she added to human history by saying we'd all evolved from cats.

You know, I mean LRH fucking made millions of dollars telling everybody they came from clams. So cats kind of make sense in a way, I guess. Like God knows what we were. I don't know what we were. I guess. But she didn't leave us hanging when it came how to deal with the reptilians. She had some very practical advice for us.

Okay. Her advice was quote, throw marbles. I'm sorry, what? Throw marbles. Ma'am, I have been listening to you rant for 14 hours straight and the solution is marbles. Throw them. Marbles? You mean the pinball defense?

That's what we have to do. We have to call Elton John in here to fix this. Honestly, you would say it, you know, we mock her. We mock her. But throw marbles could be symbolic. Of what? You've got to come up with something now. You're trying to give us some of that excuse.

No, you never have to come up with something if you have a rueful laugh. Now, Hasenkoff had decided to be clever and represent himself at trial. Because he'd been studying law in the jail cell. So. Easy genius. Yeah. But after a fellow inmate was brutally murdered in lock up, Hasenkoff decided, I don't want to stay in New Mexico anymore.

What Hasenkoff did was that Hasenkoff decided to snitch on his roommate that was the head of a massive New Mexico gang that I want to say that was called the like the Pasoleis. I forget the name of the gang, but it was a very active, violent gang that operated out of Albuquerque. And he decided to snitch on this person. And that goes very fast. That information throughout jail goes very fast. Yeah.

He became a persona non grata in jail very quickly to the point where that man was murdered. He was also just about to be murdered in jail. Yeah. And so he realized I got to get out of here. Yeah. And so he pled guilty to murder under the condition that he served his sentence in Wyoming. After that was over and done with prosecutors moved on to the trial of Linda Henning. No, unfortunately for Linda, the only card her defense had left to play was to blame the

whole thing on Bill Miller. But since they didn't have any evidence, they had to lean on the most unreliable person in New Mexico, Diazin Hasenkofft. They decided that the guy that was going to save this whole thing was Diazin Hasenkofft. He was going to save her life by putting him on the stand. And the look of the shit eaten look on his face when he walks in that court, if you watch anything that you can find on this trial, when he's walking in swaggering, because this is when he's in full long hair mode.

He is like ready to go to spend like, oh, y'all about to get a show. We are dropping this down. And he gives his full end of the movie supervillain speech on trial. And one person in one of the documentaries, I think it was one of the cops said that not only would someone in their first year of law school ever choose to put Diazin Hasenkofft on the stand, no one in their first day of law school would do something this fucking stupid. Right.

It's the only witness the defense had was him. When he walked into the courtroom to take the stand, he had long, gross fingernails, hair down to his shoulders, and sometimes spoke in a thick German accent. But not all the time. Just sometimes. Well, he's fun. He's just having fun with it. And it was during this trial that Hasenkofft told his story about Bill Miller, adding that

it was Hasenkofft who had planted Henning's blood at the scene so he could throw investigators off the trail. Because he said that he'd taken the blood and he tried diluting it with this kind of acid, but he hadn't done it right. So that's why the blood was identifiable as Linda Hennings, because there his hope was that the cops would see the blood and they tried to test it and they'd be like, oh, no, we don't know who's it is, and then they just kind of give up. Okay.

Yep. Yeah. And he was about as awful as a witness as you'd imagine. Let's listen to a clip from his testimony, him talking about Linda Henning. I don't care whether or not you killed this woman. You want to put the needle in her arm, go ahead. The only thing that's going to happen here is that you're going to kill my next victim. Like, that's the only thing that he failed to add, and everyone's just staring at him

and just been like, all right. So if you're the defense for Linda, just know, just have no one. Yeah. I mean, or put Linda on the stand. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck they were thinking. And the problem with Dyson's story was that prosecutors had intercepted the love letters that Hosenkoff and Henning were sending to each other, that were talking about his plan

to lie under oath, to lie, to make up the whole story. And it may come as no surprise, no, that putting Hosenkoff down the stand sunk the defense completely. And the jury came back with a charge of felony murder, which earned Linda a sentence of 73 years. And Linda Henning almost casually looked at the verdict as a case of same shit, different day. This is what she said about her trial in an interview she did afterward. I wasn't surprised.

If they would have said, well, burn her at the stake, I would have said, well, it wouldn't be the first time. You know, a past life, I believe I was burned at the stake, so. She's very cheery, and I think, you know, good for her, I guess. If she's making her sentence, she is getting sentenced, I guess. Yeah. That's very bizarre. She's serving a life sentence right now.

She, honestly, at least she stays true to herself. I mean, she is, when they're reading the verdict, she shows no, like it is like the look on her face was like someone told her that it's going to be another, you're going to have to wait another 30 minutes, like someone just came out and gave her a mild inconvenience. All right. Well, because she said the fix was already in, that she was already named and complicit by the US government pedophile system, but for exposing it. And so she's just another victim of the gigantic cover-up because they are afraid to expose

the nature of our leaders, which is shape-shifting reptilians that have been placed there since the beginning of humankind, that are slowly but surely acting out their gigantic draconian agenda, which is to farm Earth until it's a gray husk of every bit of its argon energy. Henry, again, do you want to buy the railroad? Because you just buy the railroad or you don't, we have got, I would put 10 hotels onto park place. Here you go. That's a pot.

I know it's against the rules, but not when you have the money, not when you've got the money and that's why I'm the banker. See, he flipped it all the way around, didn't realize that I actually was in power the entire time. I've never played Monopoly with you again. Yes. We should stop. Now, as we said at the top of the first episode, there is a small chance that Linda Henning

was not directly involved in the murder of Gurley Chu. Pretty much the only scenario where Linda isn't involved is if Hosenkoff borrowed Linda's car to both drive to the scene and transport Gurley's body out of town. That's how the cat hairs got on her. And he also had to have taken Linda's blood and planted it at the scene. That's the only way Linda Henning isn't involved. Which is what he said, that's why he used collected blood from her and squirted it out at the scene.

Which is like, okay, but that's very, very complicated if that is indeed true. And it's pretty positive that at least one other person besides Hosenkoff had to be involved, whether it was Henning, Miller, or both. Because as the cops pointed out, such a tiny man like Dyson carrying a body out to the car was going to be a conspicuous sight. A little insult. It's very insult. That's an insult.

That's insulting. I practiced lifting Natalie, just in case there's ever a fire in the house. I can lift her up and get her outside down the stairs. But people are going to notice you lifting her up. That's the point. Yeah, they're going to be like the point. That woman down. Look at the hero.

Weird man. Look at the hero go. The problem we have here is that we'll never know for sure what happened. Because Hosenkoff still refuses to give the location a Gurley choose body and also refuses to give any interviews to anybody. Which that's actually kind of interesting for a personality like his. Pretty much so, and Hennig refuses to roll over on Dyson Hosenkoff. And Bill Miller ain't saying shit.

No dude. You got lucky. His whole life fell apart. I mean he didn't go to prison, but he filed for bankruptcy. His wife left him. His kids won't talk to him anymore. And the Chew family sued him. He got.

Oh yeah. He sued him out of fucking his fucking ass. Yeah, of course. Hennig is pretty dug in on the whole reptilian thing. And quite possibly still believes that she is a reptilian queen being tested by the High Council of the New World Order. Because when you talk to her, she's still like very, the way she talks about this government conspiracy shit and this reptilian shit is so matter of fact.

Because if you look at how many times do we see it on a daily basis now with the kind of the rise of QAnon and these ideas of this is bedrock. This is it. You just slid into a thing that you are at a base. This is what you think is your reality. And then once you're shifted to that point, anybody can really convince you of anything. Yeah, absolutely. Pretty much our only chance here is Hennig somehow finding Jesus in prison and come

and clean with the whole story. What are you, you're like the fly? But until that happens, we will never know exactly what occurred on the night that Garly Choo Hossenkofft disappeared. What are you talking about? We know exactly what happened. She had to kill a reptilian queen. What?

Yeah, it was huge. Am I not getting the right side of this story? We have a prisoner of war in Linda Hennig, the only possible man the tip of the spear against the reptilian agenda in prison with Hossenkofft, I don't know what we're going to do. You know what? I have learned the wrong things in this episode series, but I'm glad you learned. Yeah.

You absorbed and it's good. You learned something. Amen. That's what it's all about. Thank you all so much for listening to the tragic tale of the murder of Garly Choo and of course she is a victim and her family is the victim and it's crazy what insane people when they get together, it's a perfect storm of chaos and mayhem and it's just very sad for her.

And we hope the Dimitri is doing well because we still have a victim out there. Hope so. It's who is of a young age. Yeah. To reach out. Yeah. Just at least reach out. I don't want you even for the show.

Just a view of you. If someone got to you and you know this just like we'd love to know that you're okay. Yeah. That'd be very nice to see. It would be very nice to let everyone know you're all right. Absolutely. So thank you all so much for listening to this series. We have a lot of great series coming up in the near future.

I'm super excited for 2020. That is going to be put on your big brain hats because we got a tale for you. Yeah. Tuesday we got Patreon. The dates will be released. Next day we have a whole, all of our tour dates for 2020. At least the first half of 2020 will be released next week. So come on out.

Come and see our show. We're going to have a whole brand new show. Yeah. And we're going to be most importantly of all, this is the chance to really for us to be able to put our book in your hands. We're so excited for you guys to see this book. How much work that Marcus has specifically put into it. I swear you will not be disappointed by how fucking thick this thing is.

And I will say, as a beta tester of her own book, I have left it on the top of my toilet. Right. I know you don't like saying it's a toilet book, but as a person I like it. Right. I know. I'm not going to say it's not a fucking toilet. It's not a toilet book. I did not write a fucking toilet book.

Oh my God. I know this isn't Joe Bob Briggs talk serial killers. But people read on the toilet. There's nothing wrong with that. Of course. But it's not specifically a toilet book. No. I know it's not.

I know it's not. Take the page out and wipe with it. No, it's a book. It's a book. I fucking just read the hell out of it. It's just great. I'm very excited for you guys to see how good this show is. We are so excited to get that book in your hands.

You are going to absolutely love it. So excited. And that's as Henry said, like the all the dates for the book tour, which is going to start on the day of the book release, April 7th. It's going to start on April 7th. We're going to be on tour for an entire month. Right. We're going from East Coast to the fucking West Coast and everything in between.

We're going to be going to some places that people have been asking us to come back to for a long time. Yeah. We're going to be going to a couple places that people have been asking us to go to for the first time. It's going to be some pretty insane shit. And the other thing about that is that if you're looking for a last minute Christmas gift for that special someone in your life.

My cat. Yeah. A VIP ticket would be a good Christmas gift next week. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. We have a lot of fun with the meeting greets. I love meeting everybody. Say hello.

We have a good time. People yell at us. It's great. And remember, when you buy your ticket, you will have the choice to also buy the book with your ticket. And if you buy the book with your ticket, you're going to get a signed copy. It's not, it's not, we're not forcing people to buy the book to come to the show. But if you do buy the book with your ticket, you will get a signed copy of the book.

Awesome. Ken, now wait to share that with all of you. So excited, guys. And also the next couple of topics we have coming up, we're about to do a very big heavy hitter that is a person that we have been asked to do for a very long time, very excited to launch into it. And again, we are ramping up to episode 400. The work on it's already begun.

That will happen once we are fully exclusive to Spotify. So this is also a great opportunity to start subscribing to the show on Spotify. We are very, very, I don't know what it is. I feel like our show is about to get almost better than it was before. Yeah. Maybe it's just because of the new oats I've been eating. My shits have been so big. Right.

Yeah, you're eating shit oats. We know. Yeah. And keep on supporting all the shows here on The Last Podcast. Now we're tabling this topic. Kind of fun. The wrestling show. We're having a great time with that.

Marcus, there's a music show coming out here in the very near future. January. All the shows. Page seven. Don't forget to support the network because all we want to do is entertain. Of course. Of course. And also, one more thing.

Thank you to Research Assistant Joel for your assistance on this episode. All right. Thank you Joel. All right, everyone. Never forget. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Let's do a Magus Dalatians.

Yeah, we could do one of those. Magus Dalatians. Yeah, Magus Dalatians. Come on. Start to make the donuts. Remember that? I remember that. Remember that?

Is that just us? No, I remember. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.