Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 405: JFK Part VI / The Conspiracy Part II - Executive Diapers and Also the Truth

Episode Date: March 29, 2020

On the final chapter of our series on the JFK assassination, we explore the many hows of what a conspiracy-driven killing of the President might have looked like, and it all ends with our serious take on what we think actually occurred. 

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Everybody's got the right to some sunshine. Not the sun, but maybe one of its beams. Rich men, poor men, black or white. Everybody take a bite. Everybody just hold tight to their dreams. Everybody's got the right to their dreams. Look at that. You want to kill a president.

You can take the boy out of Queens, but you can't take the queen out of the boy. Come on and kill a president. That's from Steven Sonheim's Assassin's. Very good. My older brother was an assassin. He played Abraham Lincoln, and much like Abraham Lincoln, he's gay. Welcome to the last podcast on the left of what I have been looking at Marcus Parks, and of course we have Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, but we probably should bring up, I mean, Assassin's by Steven Sonheim, Lee Harvey Oswald's the main character in that, but a new song actually dropped today about the JFK assassination and the mysteries. And finally, Bob Dylan Troubadour has decided to emerge from his bunker and spread the truth again with such rhymes as

Jackie, he is feeling wacky. It is not good. It is the worst, slowest casket rap I've ever heard about JFK. Well, it's helping us get through this quarantine period, and so thank you Bob Dylan for unleashing your mustache onto the world once again. Yes, it's thin. It is as thin as it is talented. Very powerful. 17 minutes on. On November 1963 was the day of the death of John F. Kennedy. Jackie was wearing pink. It was a crime that showed its dink. Was it written by Cartman? It sounds horrible. He's so awful. It's the worst thing he's ever released.

We are on, which is saying something, of course, old Bob Dylan. This is the thing we all have to remember once we get older. All I'm saying for the rest of my life is, oh my, kind of fun, wild. I am never doing anything new after 50. Yeah, I guess my penis is certainly full of cum today. That'll all be saying at the Podcasters Hall of Fame reunion tour. All of us have lost our feet due to diabetes, but all of the microphones are made of gold. Isn't that nice? And we'll have all of our feet in little caskets right in front of us. That'll be cool. All right, everyone, we are on to our final episode of JFK. Now, before we get into information that Marcus and much of Henry's brain have collaborated on, I have a little bit of information for you guys that I don't think you'll know. Oh, exclusive? Is this exclusive information?

This has been just a little exclusive information about John F. Fitzgerald Kennedy. What do you think his favorite ice cream was? Peanut Proline. Yeah, I think he liked Italian Pussy. No, that's not an ice cream. That's Sophia Loren. No, this is a little known fact, and this proves that JFK was beholden to the Pope because it's the most Catholic favorites of all time. He liked vanilla, second favorite kind of ice cream that he liked the most. Anyone? Anyone? Chocolate?

Peach! And I think vanilla and peach is the most Catholic choices of all time, and I believe a good leader, the best ice cream for a good leader, Napoleon. You got pink, you got white, you got brown, the melting pot of America, it's strong, it's powerful. That's what all leaders should eat is Napoleon ice cream. Why are you calling ice cream flavors just pink and brown? It sounds like I literally, there's poop on my balls. That's what that makes me think, which I don't want to think. I'm just saying that's a piece of information that maybe you guys, while you were researching how he died, overlooked where, what does the peach ice cream have to do with it? Thank you for your valuable contribution to this episode. Don't say I didn't do it.

Thank you for adding two minutes to what might be a three hour episode about the murder of John F. Kennedy. I'm stretching, stretching. So on our last episode, we outlined the why behind a possible conspiracy to kill John F. Kennedy, at least when it comes to the military industrial complex. On this last part of the series, we aim to explore the how when it comes to a conspiracy killing. See, as we've said again and again throughout this series, there are over 2,000 books on the JFK assassination. 2,000! Jeez. 2,000 and while some do follow the Warren Commission's findings on how Oswald supposedly killed the president, most of them do not.

No. How many books do you actually think we need out of these 2,000? Well, we used, how many did we use Marcus with these last? I think we used eight overall over the entire course of the series through all of our research assistance. Thank you so much to our research assistance on this. We could not have done as thorough as a job as we've done without our research assistance. So thank you so much for that. It is, however, worth noting that the vast majority of these conspiracy books cite the Warren Commission when it supports their findings, but call foul anytime it does not, which is pretty common amongst conspiracy theorists. What this was really, this was the birth canal of the stripe of conspiracy theory in our country that has taken us to where we are today.

I think that the reason why it has so potent was because the Warren Commission really did fuck up a lot of stuff, slash omit a lot of pertinent information to the public, that allowed these, like a lot of investigative reporters, which I'm going to call myself, covered my own ball butter in my soft pants while I was reading, I was an investigative reporter. But as I, as you read all this content, I almost feel it's there. I put the responsibility on the Warren Commission and the fact that because there were such valid concerns about the lack of information that they had and the things that they didn't solve, it kind of gave a credence to all of these different theories that came out about the whys and the hows of, you know, are there multiple shooters? Was the mafia and the both, and the CIA all involved in killing him? And they kind of are responsible because technically these people have some reason to think these things. And of course, Henry Zabrowski's ball butter brought to you by Lando Craps.

Make sure you check out their ball butter at your local Walmart. It goes good with the slab by anchovies. Now almost every single one of these books has their own pet theory as to how the president was killed, because how he was killed supports their theory as to why he was killed and who killed him. Method is very important here. But besides just the killing itself, we're going to cover some of the weird shit that happened leading up to November 22nd, as well as the motives of other organizations and people that may have had reason to participate in the killing of the president. You wanted to kill a president! Was Nambla involved? I would love to see what Nambla would do to kill a president. And then finally, at the very end, we will lay out exactly what we think really happened.

Or at least what I think happened, as Henry's opinions may have changed, now that he spent countless hours in the JFK conspiracy hole. I won't let myself out. And Natalie is going to leave me when she would, but the quarantine's kept her in. And now she's forced to know the truth, no matter how many times I've yelled at naked from various parts of my home. I know Marcus had done the same experience to his lovely wife. It's not worth it, Henry. It's not worth it. JFK is never coming back. And if you do find the truth, you're just going to be killed. Now as this episode unfolds, you might notice the absence of one person, Lee Harvey Oswald. And the reasons behind this decision are pretty simple. Oswald will come up here and there, but the conspiracies involving Lee Harvey Oswald as a Patsy, a double agent, one of two or three or four different Oswalds, and Oswald as an unsung hero trying to save the president's life are wildly convoluted and overly confusing.

You might even say fake, but I won't go that far because there is some doubt because what they say about Lee Harvey Oswald, if you really just, this is the breakdown of Lee Harvey Oswald was a double or possible. There were many Lee Harvey Oswalds is that there are people that believe that there was no concrete evidence of Lee Harvey Oswald going to the Mexican embassy in order to get a way into Cuba. There are people that do not believe that he did that. That there was somebody that was sent that looked like Harvey Oswald. We might have his name in the roundup of people that were in Dealey Plaza. We might have the name. Okay. That's really what it comes down to is that I was hoping for clones, but they didn't go as far with the clones as I wanted them to. Well, that would have been great. Is it possible Oswald shot Kennedy to try to fix his back in the same way when you go cross-eyed after you get kicked by a horse?

You got to get kicked by a horse again to go back. It might be. Maybe. Yeah. I think so. Would these Oswald conspiracies reach way too far and require way too much muddy background information? Even more information than we've already given. Yes. Muddy background information. That's what I call it after I have 30 bug lights and then I wake up in the middle of the night and you know what I'm talking about.

That's the whole thing, man. We got to stop wiping. Yeah. That's right. I remember that. So while Oswald will pop up, we're going to be focusing more on the organizational nature of JFK conspiracy. Now, one of the strange things that occurred in the lead-up to the assassination happened in El Paso, Texas on September 20th, 1963. On that day, a man named Richard Case Nigel walked into a bank, fired two shots into the wall with a Colt 45, and demanded to be arrested for his actions. I demand to be arrested. I will kill another fan if you do not stop me now. Wow. It's the middle of the summertime. Don't take out the fans. When the FBI questioned Nigel's motives, the only reason he would give was that he would rather be arrested and sent to prison than commit murder and treason.

Wow. Now, this might not have warranted attention, but Nigel's supposed connections are interesting. Now, take this as you will, because Nigel gave this information to Jim Garrison, who will be explored further later. But Nigel said that he was a CIA double agent working with the KGB, and he'd gotten wind of the upcoming assassination attempt on JFK. Hold on a second. Yeah. If you're a double agent with the CIA and KGB, you do not say, I'm a double agent with the KGB and the CIA. That is rule number one.

Think about this. Think about if your person is already bad at keeping a secret. But then they're not going to recruit you. That's why they didn't recruit us. But how do you know when someone's bad at keeping a secret? If you ask, are you good at keeping a secret, and they say, yes, they're lying. They never were. They could never keep a secret. How many times have we lied to get a job? Sure. I would have said anything to get a job at one point where you've just been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love.

All I do is work in virology, and I know how to handle this flu. I would do anything to have a job. So yeah, you're going to lie to these people because they also have guns. And all of a sudden, now you're working for both sides, and you were never good at it, even once. So now it's all falling apart. You gave you a gun. Now you're just like, I got to get myself out of here. I mean, it's like how I would get myself if I was forced to be drafted into the Army. I'd shoot off one of my toes.

Well, this is really great. Thank you so much for coming, Dr. Fauci, to this White House press hearing. I heard that you have a, there's a new doctor on board, a Dr. Henry Thomas Zabrowski. What we're going to do is listen to me, American public. I'm going to call some of the panic. We got big nets. I'm finding this Rona virus. I'm going to pin it down.

I'm going to force myself onto it so it understands what it's been doing to us as a nation. And then we're going to start attacking the jungles because this is obviously a full frontal war of the planet Earth against the human race. And we got to start, no tree left alive by the end of this. Well, either way, no matter what happened with Miguel, rather than face even the chance of participating, he sent a certified letter to J. Edgar Hoover, warning of the upcoming attempt and fired the weapon in the bank to make sure he'd be in jail while the murder took place. Weird. And that is all true. That's true.

It's weird. Well, at the very least, he said afterward that he was in there because he did not want to participate in the JFK assassination. Oh, OK. So he didn't say that JFK was going to be assassinated and said, I don't want to be a part of it, so put me in jail. This was all after he was killed? He said that he sent a letter to J. Edgar Hoover. And he said that this was because of JFK. But at the time when he was arrested, he just said, I would rather be in prison than commit murder or treason.

I see. Do you think it's more or less suspicious to talk to your jailer after the assassination happened? Do you be like, see, I'm innocent? Like, you're like, yeah, you're in jail. What are you talking about? How do you see nothing to do with that? Never try to kill the president not even once. Flawless plan.

Now, Miguel was all set to testify about all this in 1995. But before he was able to do that, he died of a mysterious heart attack just before his hearing. Hmm. Miguel had also entrusted a purple trunk supposedly full of evidence to a beloved niece. But when she went to retrieve it from his house after his death, she said the house was ransacked and the trunk was missing. I don't know what happened to your trunk, unki-nago. I don't know. Somebody might have given me a kiss for it.

Oh my. Why is that so disgusting? It sounds like Betty Bloop. It's like an aborted Betty Boop. Would you just say Betty Bloop? Yeah, an aborted Betty Boop. That's me, Betty Bloop. All I do is fart. And the boys pay me for coming back from the war.

They want some kind of entertainment to nothing like in a couple of loose flaps flapping the air of a woman made wins. So you're saying the greatest generation invented cake farts after they came back from the war? That's what you're trying to say? That's what they did. There's one of those stories. So the Nagel story is very mysterious. Also the allegations of PFC Eugene Dinkin is another guy that straight up said he was a cryptographic code operator stationed in Metz-France. On November 4th, 1963, he went AWOL and he ended in Switzerland using forged document.

And he said, I know for a fact that they, quote unquote, they were plotting against President Kennedy and that something would happen in Dallas. But then somehow he ended up in insane asylum. And yeah, you might say, coincidence. About that. About, you know, yeah, maybe it does sound crazy that he said he knew that someone was going to kill President Kennedy or was he just so crazy enough to tell the truth. But I don't think he did say someone was going to kill Kennedy. He said the word they and something. They're pretty broad strokes.

I mean, you know, because it could definitely could have just been almost spoiling JFK's birthday party, which was supposed to be a very nice surprise. Now, it seems like Miguel was jumping the gun, so to speak, by getting himself arrested on September 20th, a full month before Dallas. But this was actually correct timing because Dallas was quite possibly the third serious attempt on the president's life that November. On November 2nd, JFK was supposed to attend an Army Air Force game at Soldier Field in Chicago. But just before Kennedy left Washington, the FBI learned from an informant that four snipers were planning to shoot Kennedy while his motorcade drove from O'Hare Airport to the game. Pretty much the exact same game plan as Dallas. Not too long after that, criminals in Tampa were caught on tape openly talking about a very specific plot to kill the president in Florida. So, so Floridian, just openly talking.

I'm here to president, but first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to, I'm going to finally go to school. Really? Well, when I kill the president, I'm going to write a song about a cheeseburger in paradise. Jimmy Buffett. That was when he was going by buffet, because he's actually French. Now, the Florida attempt was the work of white supremacists, but the Chicago attempt was possibly orchestrated by who else but the Chicago mafia. Yeah, man, I don't fucking trust no deep dish mafia. I like a thin crust mafia.

Now, when it comes to JFK assassination conspiracy theories, the CIA definitely holds the top spot as far as motive means and opportunity go. But a snuggling second is the Chicago mafia, although the two of them are closely related, if not intertwined. If not intertwined, because there is a long history of the CIA and the mafia, Frodo and Samwise kissing each other and supporting each other through a perilous journey on their way to killing the president. Henry is literally 25 years late watching Lord of the Rings. You have been doing fan fiction of Frodo and Samwise having sex in your head for a week. Sam, I can't believe that I can come so hard while you're pulling my penis back behind my balls. That's that's how Hobbits do it. The starting in the early 60s, four mobsters named Santo Traficante, Johnny Razzelli, John Martino, and Carlos Marcello had all been CIA assets working on plots to assassinate Fidel Castro at the direction of then Vice President Richard Nixon.

Now, fiction or not, anyone who's seen The Godfather part two knows that the mob had a vested interest in Cuba. You remember that whole scene? Of course I do. It was an abortion, Michael. The reason why is because those casinos that the mafia owned had flourished under the brutal dictatorship of US backed leader Fulgencio Batista. And with Castro coming in, casino game was fucking over. Oh, damn it. Castro was no fun.

He's not fun. No, no, no. But again, the clarinets were great in that island. Yes. And they do still have the authentic Coca-Cola, which is very good. Furthermore, this dictator was a political ally of Richard Nixon, who reportedly had business interests on the island with his good friend Charles BB Roboso, who is a banker from Florida with mob connections. Okay, you're telling me he didn't just specialize in clown noses? Without a doubt, he's like, I got big shoes, I got big clown noses, I got big hair. With any luck, I'll be a billionaire.

I was born with a disorder called longfoot. I was born with a disorder called the reindeer nose. And how I wish that I could shed this burden. But instead, I joined the mafia. And the mafia connections to Cuba went further than just casinos. When President Eisenhower established an arms embargo against Cuba during Castro's revolution, the mafia and the CIA filled the void, providing arms to both sides of the conflict. Good. This is all completely legit. Oh my God.

The CIA and the mafia, they were working together. That is undisputed. So we're seeing the beginnings of the system that kind of went unchecked because all of the government kind of let the CIA do whatever the hell they wanted to do as long as they were quote unquote getting whatever jobs done that they needed to get done. But what they started to realize, they had no oversight. The CIA was running all these side quests, doing all of this bullshit without anybody's knowledge and hiring the mafia to kill people for them. Well, I mean, that's just that's just smart hiring. You know, who needs a website to find a good person to do the job when you got the mafia. But this just happened with the Fast and Furious situation. This happens all the time where they sent a bunch of guns to Mexico to track the guns to theoretically find the drug lords, but they lost the guns.

Well, this is a different type of situation. They weren't sending it for any sort of purpose other than making money, at least the mafia. The mafia was sending it just to make money. That's why they were selling to both sides, because that way they could maximize their profits by making the conflict go on longer. The CIA was providing guns to the Cuban exiles in order to advance their own objectives because Fast and Furious at the very least had like good intentions, dumb intentions, but good intentions. This was just pure fucking evil. But the thing about Fast and Furious too, it's all about the family. It is. It's kind of like what Burger King did with the Impossible Burger. You're getting your vegans, you're getting your meat-eaters, you're coming together. Yep, everyone's coming together.

Now, Eisenhower and Nixon comparatively tolerated the mafia, but when Kennedy became president and appointed his brother Robert as attorney general, the brothers went after the mafia hard. Their specific targets, as far as the bosses went, were Carlos Marchello, Santo Traficante, and Sam Giancana, who described himself as nothing more than a tomato salesman. That's racist. Yeah, exactly. And they shouldn't have called it Operation Pasta Sales, because that was really offensive to the Italian people. Well, that's what he said. He's like, I'm a legitimate businessman. I'm a tomato salesman. And yeah, one thing about tomatoes, as we know, if you're going to make sauce, you're going to have to squish a couple of tomatoes. Right, right. But you only sell the tomatoes. You don't sell the crust or the cheese. I just don't see how you can make that much money, because you live in a mansion, and you have a bunch of cocaine, and it's just tomato money?

You're a big tall drunk guy. You want to go for a ride with me? I want to go take- I want to show you this fun little place. It's called the Wharf. It's only going to be you and me and my buddy here, this guy wearing a mask. His name is, what's your name, guy? My name's Fred. He's only been better in his name, really, being Fred. We're going to go fucking whack you, buddy. Okay, Chris. Alright, I'm just going to be straight. Oh, okay. I like the honesty. I'll go with you, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice.

The Kennedys made it even worse by publicly embarrassing these mobsters. I tell you, I went to Carlos Marcello's house, and yeah, he made a big deal saying his wife made homemade marinara sauce, and when I went into the kitchen to relieve myself because the bathroom was busy and I knew a quick piss in the sink wouldn't bother anybody, I saw that the sauce was in fact prego. Whoa! That's the most offensive thing you could possibly say. Well, the Kennedys called the mobsters up to Washington for public Senate hearings run by Robert Kennedy. Well, you know the mobsters, of course, every question they asked, they just pleaded the fifth.

But when the mobsters refused to cooperate, RFK went a little schoolyard with his tactics in the middle of a public hearing. This is absolutely true. RFK absolutely said this. When mobster Sam Giancana merely giggled at most of RFK's questions, Robert Kennedy said, quote, Would you tell us anything about any of your operations, or will you just giggle? Every time I ask you a question, I thought only little girls giggled, Mr. Giancana. Whoa, RFK going in! Now, going after these mobsters took balls for a number of different reasons,

but the prosecution of the men up top was particularly difficult because RFK knew that the mobsters were heavily embroiled with the CIA. Carlos Marchello donated money to Cuban exile groups in America, having hooked up with the Cuban paramilitary community through his connections in New Orleans. And these groups were, as we've established, funded and trained by the CIA. And RFK, at the time, too, he was starting to work on his own in-house Cuban project that he was trying to separate even further from the president to keep his brother separated from anything else. He was trying to do his own covert ops in Cuba with a thing called project freedom. If you look that up, it's a weird little track thing where he was trying to find a middle ground with using mafia guys that he could know and build up essentially a intelligence war in Cuba. It wasn't a hot war. We weren't going to do what they did with Bay of Pigs. They didn't want to do a full invasion. It was more like sending sensitive people to the Cuban plate to just go, like, random Americans to literally go in Cuban bars.

I mean, like, so tell me, Castro kind of sucks, right? Like, doing that kind of weird, like, thought virus way of defeating the Castro system. It's essentially a soft coup. That's what Robert Kennedy was trying to do. But the mafia was involved in that. And because the CIA was working so closely with the mafia, it was difficult to fully prosecute the big boys up top like Sam Giancana, because prosecuting would immediately expose collusion with the intelligence community. The best RFK could do was break up the criminal networks that made these men money. And he did one hell of a job bringing down like heroin distribution networks like the infamous French Connection. Now, the mafia thought at first that they could simply influence and blackmail the Kennedys through the Kennedy celebrity connections. But when Giancana and Frank Sinatra got too close, JFK ended his friendship with old blue eyes.

Honestly, you got to keep the friendship with Frank. He's your bridge to the other side. I think that was a mistake. It's also, you can't depend upon Hollywood to be your inside guy. Everybody, they just don't care. Like, Frank Sinatra in the end is just trying to get a good table at a restaurant. That is all you really want under this whole scenario. Hollywood people are never that serious unless you're harboring a pedophile ring and then that is very serious business. JFK also ended his illicit relationship with Judith Campbell when she became involved with Sam Giancana, which was a relationship we touched on briefly in our last Relaxed Fit episode. And both of these people were connected to Johnny Razzelli, who was the mafia's connection to Hollywood.

Hey, you know what I tell you, I know La Brea, I know Kawanga. You don't worry about me, buddy. I know everything you need to know about Hollywood. That goes big. You just named two places and a food. You know anything else? And the beach is by the coast and Mount Rushmore is in one of the Dakotas. It's in South Dakota. Anything else on the inside of Hollywood? Renee Zellweger was impressive as Judy Garland. Great. I'll take it. So, with both blackmail and influence off the table, the mafia began looking at a third option. Plain fucking murder.

Mighty. Now, we don't know if the mafia was actually involved with the assassination, but we do know that they talked about the possibility quite a bit. Their first plan was just to kill RFK, but Marcello, according to reports, invoked an old Italian proverb in rebuffing the plan. He said, quote, If you want to kill a dog, you don't cut off the tail. You cut off the head. But if you want to kill a cow, you take a grenade and you put it up its ass. Really?

Well, you make chili. That's how you make chili. Okay. Well, in this case, the head was, of course, JFK. You kill RFK. JFK is just going to replace him with another guy, and he's going to go after you twice as hard. I would say, though, to stick with the analogy, I think that RFK was the heart of the dog. You know? I mean, RFK is a very significant character. He's an extremely significant character.

I actually think he's underestimating RFK a little bit. See what the mobsters were thinking was that since the Kennedys were backing them into a corner, they really had nothing to lose by taking a shot at the president. They knew that if they succeeded, Lyndon Johnson would most likely back off. And in this, they were absolutely right. Lyndon Johnson was an incredibly petty politician. And since going after the mafia was a pet project of the Kennedys, Johnson turned down the volume on the investigations after JFK's death,

and the mob recovered and operated at full strength for decades after. And the world saw the greatest growth in tomato produce in the history? In the country, also, man, we would not have any Scorsese films. That's true. There is some positives. The mafia also believed they had immunity from investigation, because openly investigating the mafia in the murder of the president would have exposed the Kennedy-backed coup to overthrow Fidel Castro,

which involved the mob indirectly through their CIA connections. And exposing this coup would, of course, risk pissing off the Soviets again, which might have sparked a full-on nuclear war without all the posing that came beforehand in the Cuban Missile Crisis. But what a wet dream this was for these mafia guys, because they're all so full of shit, and they all want to be a part of something bigger than they are. They all are so excited.

That's why you become a member of the mafia, right? You want to feel important. You want to be a big guy. Now you're working with the CIA. You've got all these connections to the fucking government. You've got Fresh Gabba Ghoul. Any time you want, that's incredible. And the CIA, I mean, because the problem is that they don't have a lot of taste. Have you ever seen My Blue Heaven?

Yeah. Think about Rick Moranis and Steve Martin. Steve Martin, that great suit, and he does the weird little dance thing. And then Rick Moranis has got the bad socks. And that suit seal, it's all like that. If you really want to see the true relationship of the CIA and the mafia, you have to watch the film My Blue Heaven to understand. Although you do have the body of Roger Ebert,

not necessarily the movie skills. That is actually breaking down the movies in the same way. What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman? What is? You could unscrew a light bulb. That's from My Blue Heaven. That's My Blue Heaven. That's My Blue Heaven. I just really wish that Frank Dreben was real,

and police squad was there, and that he could have just gone and killed Castro himself, like he did in the beginning of Make a Gun. And you would believe if Frank Dreben wasn't involved, if Frank Dreben was involved, he would have been riding on the limo, and it would have been a thing where as Jackie screamed and covered him blood, he'd like accidentally grab her boobs five times, which is great. But the mafia were not the only ones with Cuban interests

that had the means and motive to kill the president. There were also the Cuban exiles, who had training facilities in at least three different locations around the United States, and owing to CIA training programs like Alpha 66, these men were highly dangerous individuals. They were dangerous, trained, motivated, and now you blew-balled them.

Now they don't have a secret war to go to. They were all ready to go, and it's just this, it is a fucking higgledy-piggledy mix of mafia, Cuban exiles, CIA spooks, all just now hanging out, and they cut nothing but time to fucking sit and to plot. And they're all incredibly angry at John F. Kennedy for fucking up the Bay of Pigs invasion, especially the Cuban exiles.

Dr. Fauci, why is it that your associate Dr. Henry Thomas Dabrowski called the coronavirus, quote, higgledy-piggledy? I don't really understand. I don't normally espouse a lot of the beliefs of Mr. Dabrowski. It's Dr. Dabrowski. I went to eight months of fake doctor school, and I drew up a certificate for myself. And I tell you what, I am going to rub a noogie

into that fucking coronavirus as soon as I get an anal on it. And the next thing I'm going to do is I'm going to make pizza thinning. Whoa! Okay, but when it comes to these Cuban dissidents, they were upset because Kennedy wasn't killing Castro faster, because they hate Castro. I hate Castro. So they were upset with Kennedy for not taking aggressive enough action. Exactly. They were upset at Kennedy because they blamed Kennedy

for the Bay of Pigs invasion failure. Because they thought that, and rightly thought, that if Kennedy would have supported the invasion with the Air Force, then they would have been successful. But they just want to see Castro dead. They want to see Castro fucking dead. And they blamed Kennedy for not making it happen. Now, this next part comes from an extremely unreliable witness.

But a heroin-addicted stripper named Ro Cherome said that she traveled with two men on November 20, 1963, who were on their way from Miami to Dallas with orders to kill the president. And I could tell it was two men because I saw at least three feet in there. And I am certain that I was at least two hats in their car. I remember them sitting on top of a seat. We have an entirely different idea about the brain-trap that exotic dancers have in their heads.

They know everything. They have photographic memories. It's more the heroin-addicted part than it is the stripper part. No, that's good because then they think you're sleeping but you're taking it all in. You don't even know you're taking it all in until you get on cocaine and then you start talking and then you're like, I can't believe I knew all this stuff. And what was the nationality of these two men?

Cubans. Now, I don't know why the powers that be chose these men to run a side errand on such an important mission, but according to Cherome, they picked her up in New Orleans and were instructed to take her to Houston where she was supposed to meet a seaman who would give her 10 kilos of heroin in exchange for cash. I'm actually really interested in this trip

because I've never met one seaman alone. Normally I meet like thousands at a time. Supposedly this man was holding Cherome's baby hostage and her further mission was to take that heroin money to Mexico and then once she took the heroin money to Mexico she would get her baby back and she would go back to Louisiana and this whole story was told in the hospital after Cherome was hit by a car

outside of the Silver Slipper Lounge in Louisiana. I told you, I thought, I was like, is that a car honking its horn? First I was like, it could be a bird. Next thing you know, I'm just in the hospital. You know what I mean? Where is my baby? Where is it? Did I ever have one? I need to see this 80's sitcom with Michael Keaton and I'm forgetting the name of...

I need to see this 80's sitcom with Michael Keaton and I'm forgetting the name of the other 80's star that was always like the dad that was kind of goofy. Gutenberg! Gutenberg! Yeah, Steve Gutenberg! This mobster is taking care of this baby? How the hell, like he's just feeding it with his gun? What is going on and why would the mobster hate this woman? I feel like the mobster is getting the raw end of the deal.

That's all I'm saying. It's very difficult to be a babysitter for that long. A mobster or a CIA operative? Even worse. It depends on what hat you're literally wearing that day. It's either a hat with like our lady of San Giacoma on the front of it or it's a fucking hat and it's got a knife in the back of it. Ooh. Now both the FBI and the Warren Commission

declined to speak to Ro Cherome but interestingly, she was found dead on Highway 155 outside of Big Sandy, Texas just two years after the assassination of the president. Officially, she'd been run over by a car. Again. Okay. You feel like you can't learn the lesson. Honestly, there's no reason to die like the fucking Roadrunner. No. But she may have also been shot in the head

as records describe a deep star-like wound to her right forehead. Yeah, these aren't like, these aren't up for debate. She was either shot in the head or hit by a car. How are these two things like? Well, we don't know because her detailed autopsy has since been lost. The important part of Cherome's story is that she claimed that the two men who drove her were two Cubans named Emilio Santana and Sergio Arcaccia-Smith. I've seen this video.

I love the idea of it's called delivering the girlfriend. I mean, it is BangBus. But delivering Mafia Man's girlfriend is another, like, of those mini sites. Yeah, which they're not wearing seatbelts on that BangBus. No, it is very unhealthy. Very dangerous. And with this, we are now officially in the world of infamous conspiracy theorist Jim Garrison. Now, for those of you who have never seen the Oliver Stone movie JFK, Jim Garrison

was a New Orleans district attorney who famously prosecuted a local businessman named Clay Shaw for participating in a CIA plot to murder President Kennedy. Tommy Lee Jones doing an incredible, like, very affected gay man. He's very good in that movie. He's great. Him and Gary Oldman are the two good parts of that movie. Do you think that Oliver Stone is a net negative when it comes to spreading misinformation? Absolutely.

Because I was watching his secret history. I think it's secret history of the United States. I think that's what's called secret. And it is like, there's so much misinformation and it concerns me a little bit. I would actually blame Oliver Stone for the fast cut conspiracy theory style that we have to deal with today. That, like, this person is connected to this person and this person is connected to this person. He has muddled up the conspiracy world so fucking much, much to the detriment of history. Right.

Well, of course, Smith and Santana were two big puzzle pieces in Garrison's case. As Garrison claimed, both Smith and Santana told him that they had been active CIA assets in both Cuba and New Orleans since 1962. Garrison further connected the dots when these two dudes who possibly killed the president said they also worked closely with New Orleans private detective Guy Bannister. Guy Bannister played by Ed Asner in the film. Wonderful play by Ed Asner. Wonderfully played, but also, man, he hits that N word hard like four or five times in a way that it feels like, Ed Asner, did you have this bottled up? Guy Bannister, I do not have a vagina, but I am wet. That's a hunky name. Guy Bannister is a hunky, hunky name.

But he doesn't look like Kevin Costner, he looks like Ed Asner. He's Ed Asner. That's the thing, Guy Bannister, I mean, I honestly would be more attracted to him if his name was Man Staircase. If you remember from episode two, Guy Bannister was the private detective who had an office at 544 Camp Street, which was the address Lee Harvey Oswald had printed on the flyers he handed out in New Orleans for fair play for Cuba. That's not in dispute. But according to Jim Garrison, Guy Bannister shared an office with Emilio Santana and Sergio Arcaccio-Smith at 544 Camp Street, and the office was supposedly a central planning point for CIA-sponsored Cuban exile operations in America. Guy Bannister also supposedly worked with the alopecia stricken David Ferry, all poor guy, played by Joe Pesci. If you'll remember, was Lee Harvey Oswald's captain in the Civil Air Patrol when Oswald was just a teenager.

Coincidence? Another one of those. I love it in the movie how they depict it as Ed Asner screaming and making coffee, like he's making coffee and he's doing all that stuff, filled with Cubans. It's like guys in the most stereotypical way like Patton, the croquetas, and like making the press into sandwiches and loading guns, and Joe Pesci with his fucking eyebrows slapped on with the little captain braids hat going like, Daddy, let's go, let's go. It's such a funny scene to think that this is how it went down. Well Garrison's star witness for all of this was Perry Russo, who, while drugged and hypnotized- Completely true. Perry Russo, the guy that- remember the guy that Kevin Bacon played? Yeah, yeah, drugged and hypnotized. That's how he came up with this whole story, an extremely leading series of questions. Perry Russo said that he'd heard Clay Shaw and David Ferry discuss a plot to kill JFK with Lee Harvey Oswald at a party. Just at a party. And to remind you of this scene in the movie, Perry Russo, of course, played by Kevin Bacon, and the scene in question is the one where they were all painted in gold while dressed as Dandy Phops during one of their many homosexual orgies.

The homosexual orgy, I think, is the most, like, true part of it. Yeah, that part, I believe. I absolutely believe that all these men dressed up as Dandy. A bunch of dudes in fucking New Orleans in the early 1960s having a good time with poppers. Yeah, they're fucking painted in gold and dressed in as Dandy Phops and having orgies. What of it? Honestly, and it only takes me- I don't even need poppers to start talking about killing the president. I have three or four cups of Spring Hill Jack coffee and I'm right there. I don't need to be covered and come. Actually, I prefer not to be covered. John Candy came a long way from being a shower curtain ring salesman. I'll tell you that. John Candy was not painted gold in that movie. He was not in that scene. Good. You're thinking of Tommy Lee Jones. I'm thinking of an old man that I watched. My father took me to the movie theater to watch that because he thought it was history. That's why both of my older brothers are gay or not, but I guarantee you my father is just like, I should not have taken them to that film.

Uncle Buck has become Uncle Fuck. In the movie, Jim Garrison is portrayed by Kevin Costner and he's portrayed as a defender of American justice. Good family man, just doing the right thing. I've been sleeping for three years. But according to reporter James Phelan, who made this claim under oath, Garrison had at least at one point a very different idea as far as motivation went. According to this reporter, Garrison very clearly and at length went on and on about how he believed that the whole plot to murder the president was a homosexual thrill killing akin to the Leopold and Loeb murders of the 20s. Wait, how did he get there? I'll go into it. I'm going into it right now. Well Phelan said Garrison told him, quote,

John Kennedy was everything that Dave Ferry was not, a successful, handsome, popular, wealthy, real man. You can just picture the charged Ferry guy out of plot in his death. Look at the people involved. Dave Ferry, homosexual, Clay Shaw, homosexual, Jack Ruby, homosexual. And after adding two more game into this conspiracy, Garrison said, I had six homosexuals in the plot. One of maybe two. Okay. But all six homosexuals, how far can you stretch the arm of coincidence? And I'll tell you what, you put six homosexuals together. That's called a trifle of homosexuals. That is what it is. It is incredible to see what kind of plots they come up just thinking, drinking cocktails and mocktails for those of them that become sober. So five gay dudes, that's a party. Six gay dudes, that's a plot. That's a conspiracy. That's a conspiracy, my friend. Makes all the sense in the world. And did he say this in court? No, he told this to a reporter. Okay. Because a reporter was trying to tell us, like, come on, tell me what you really think happened. Tell me what you really think happened. And finally, Garrison said, all right, I'm gonna let it all out for you. This is the truth right here.

You never ask a man in his fifties in the sixties what he really thinks. I also don't think that there's ever been a time period where it actually is probably true more than now that if you get six homosexuals together in a room, they might start talking about how to kill the president. Maybe. Well, Garrison further claimed that Jack Ruby's quote unquote, homosexual nickname was pinky and that Lee Harvey Oswald was a switch hitter who couldn't satisfy his wife. And by the way, Garrison, who was a gigantic critic of the Warren Report, used the Warren Report to support that claim. Okay. If you take a look at some of this paperwork here, you'll see it out here is he never wants learn how to activate the clitoris. He only he once told his wife that a pussy is like a butthole boat without shitting it. But is obviously ridiculous is all that is. Kennedy did have further very real enemies besides just jealous homosexuals with alopecia. Besides the CIA and the FBI and the military industrial complex and the mafia.

Kennedy had also gained the hatred of the Texas oil barons by proposing the closing of a gigantic tax loophole that Texas oilman have been exploiting since 1913. All right. Well, let's see, Robert McNamara being like, Mr. President, we got a problem. Number one, we got homosexuals with alopecia. They do not like you. And then also we got oil magnets who are upset with you. The first thing we can do now to fight the alopecia is we can make wigs illegal. That's very good. But now, possibly a bigger threat. Now, oil magnets, they also don't like you. They have a lot of money. I don't know who's scarier. Game and having an orgy or people who have a lot of money on the line. I don't know who it could be. I mean, these guys were serious. And in this closing, this tax loophole was going to be a gigantic blow to their profit margins.

Then in June of 1963, Kennedy went after the Federal Reserve when he used an executive order to strip their power to lend printed money to the government by returning the right to print money to the U.S. Treasury. Executive order 1110, I think it was. Literally, I think it might be that. Actually, I think it's 11101. I think it's 1111000. Yeah. 1111. You guys want to do this? This is like if the lawnmower man had a podcast. Gotta guess he Wopner. Remember that?

I love. Rainman, yeah. But the enemy that was closest in proximity to JFK was Lyndon Baines Johnson. Also known as Lyndon Baines Johnson. Yes. Huge cock. See, Vice President had been a consolation prize to Johnson after Johnson lost to Kennedy in the particularly bitter primary of 1960. Johnson hated Kennedy with every ounce of his being because Johnson believed that he had earned the presidency and Kennedy had, in effect, skipped the line. And he'd pissed off all of LBJ's friends in the Texas oil business in the process.

Now, that part is fact. What comes next is rumor. Rumor? Okay. Supposedly, the night before the assassination, Johnson's mistress, Madeleine Brown, attended a reception at a Texas oil baron's house in Dallas. She said that LBJ arrived around midnight, anxious and red-faced, and whispered an ominous statement into her ear in a quiet growl. Don't tell anyone I just pissed my pants. Fucking hammered. If I don't speak, no one will know how hammered I am. Go into my office and get my executive diapers.

According to her, he said, quote, After tomorrow, those goddamn Kennedys will never embarrass me again. Well, that's pretty ominous. Mr. Johnson, is there anything that's going to happen? I'm going to show them all, take a look at this five-foot teddy bear I wanted to carnival not just last evening. And you cannot see a Harold Mann with more accurate sight didn't live. I could shoot that clown in the mouth until his brain exploded with the water cannon and earned this five-foot-long teddy bear. Never be embarrassed again.

That's kind of scary. All right. She also said that the other guests at that party were the mayor of Dallas, mobster Carlos Marchello, Governor Jack Connolly, and who else but Jack fucking Ruby. Damn. I don't know if anybody's inviting Sparky Rubenstein to have dinner with the senator and the vice president. I don't think that he's going to be invited to that. I mean, honestly, though, is it possible that he was bringing girls in party atmosphere? Who knows? Who knows? Of course.

Now, that is dubious. But what's not in question is what Johnson did at his swearing-in ceremony. Fuck shit, motherfuckers, God damn, a piece of shit. Mother shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, you, fuck, you, fuck, you. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. You're the president now. I love my swearing-in ceremony. That was so much fun. It's so fun to do. You can do it. Now what's nice in quarantine is that it is a really good time to have your own swearing-in ceremony. Yeah, that's it.

After taking the oath of office remember with first lady Jacqueline Kennedy. Oh, NASA's at his side by LBJ's directive LBJ turned to Congressman Albert Thomas and gave him a knowing wink and the congressman Winked right back. They are boning each other Honestly, how many numbers of winks in American history do you think led to somebody's murder? Hmm. Well, doesn't the wink happen after the murder and after you got away with it? Yeah, yeah, the wink happens after like we did it buddy Wink Wink it. So now that we've established that dozens if not hundreds of extremely powerful people wanted nothing more than to see the end of

JFK's presidency Let's get into the witnesses that were actually in Dealey Plaza on the day of the assassination Assassination with that's what we have here that makes the JFK Assassination conspiracy world so thick and meaty is the fact that you had hundreds of witnesses You had all of this evidence you it was in the fucking the middle of the day He got shot in the fucking head so you have footage you have the Mormon photo You have this a pruder film But you have all of these things that act documented this this fucking murder

But it's it that's what makes this entirely unique is that we get to see the murder happen from fucking like three different angles Right, and you hear at the time because cops were right on the scene So people were out of automatically they were automatically talking to witnesses So they had so much information But the one thing that we sort of I think we start to hit here It's kind of like when Columbine was happening and they were interviewing people on the scene Oh, they immediately said there were like six shooters The so now what we're going to see is a flood of information and I want and you wonder where the truth lies more some

Conspiracy theorists really want you to think that every single witness was correct Which might increase the number of shooters every single time you speak with somebody it has to Yes According to the conspiracies Dealey Plaza was the perfect place for an assassination The nature of the parade route meant that the president's limo had no choice but to slow down on that stretch of road And there were dozens of vantage points from which an assassin could take a fatal shot. They call it a killing box In addition to that the open-air layout of Dealey Plaza on the ground made it possible for support teams to control the entire crime scene

While capitalizing on the chaos that was going to inevitably ensue afterward And the most famous claim when it comes to conspiracy is that the fatal shot to the president's head came not from the book Depository where Lee Harvey Oswald was perched behind the president But rather to the right of the limo on the grassy knoll For those of you who have no idea what the fuck a grassy knoll is it was just a patch of grass on a slight incline That's what it's nice. It's nice though. It's like a little it's a nice little spot. We don't go you can take a shit It's nice. There's a little bench there a more accurate description of the area would be a grass-covered hill leading to a parking lot With a small fence separating the two locations

Now when the fatal shot came Witnesses said they heard shots come from the area around that fence at the top of the grassy knoll and the instinctively ran Towards it, but some of them said that they were stopped by men in plain clothes Identifying themselves as secret service In particular a police officer named Joe Marshall Smith said he was among the first to rush up the grassy knoll He said he pulled his gun on a man in the parking lot behind the fence But the man pulled out secret service credentials and Smith let him go problem with that is that at least according to the Secret Service No Secret Service agents were on the ground in Dealey Plaza at that day and none stayed behind on the scene

After the president was shot. So who was that guy? Who was that guy? Who was that guy? Now supposedly the preparation of the assassination began prior to JFK's arrival in Dallas Two days before Dallas police reported a group of men standing behind the fence on top of the grassy knoll Practicing their aim with rifles in hand Very good Johnny doing a very good. Yeah, what they imagine a cantaloupe that I likes to fuck That is sort of what do we shoot it? They sit in a limo zine, which is a half a car It's a crazy thing. You don't have a hat on the car Johnny you are a funny as I hate the man I've ever seen that's crazy

and about an hour before the assassination a woman named Julia and Mercer said she saw a green van stop at Dealey Plaza and a Man carrying what looked like a rifle case wrapped in paper got out and carry the package up to the top of a grassy knoll This is my rifle. He's uh, it's my son I want to make sure he gets a good vantage point of the president as he travels through here slowly with his brain exposed I Do love like they just wrap things in newspaper and they're like with any luck They'll just think it's today's daily ray Definitely looks like a gun sir

Well, that's what I remember one person one of the people that talk about one of the various witnesses that says that says Lee Harvey Oswald had Nothing to do with the shooting would talk about how he picked up Lee Harvey Oswald to take him to work where he had his infamous Curtin rods with them and it's like and I remember the exactly that day said Lee Harvey Oswald Yeah, he picked up his curtain rods and he held them just like you would by the butt of them because those Curtin rods had a big bud at the end a big long kind of barrel thing at the top and he held it Just like you would Like what are you fucking talking about? He's like he's hella with military position. Yeah He did anything like he was like trying to use it

I'm looking like it was like a hefty and it was a bunch of janglin bullets in his pockets. Yeah naturally, of course I mean just to give you a perspective on what everybody who says that Lee Harvey Oswald has nothing to do with it says at According to them at this moment Lee Harvey Oswald is sitting in the book depository lunch room enjoying a sandwich Hanging out listen to a guest listen to a podcast Well, this woman said that the person driving that van was without a doubt Jack Ruby But when she later saw the statement she supposedly given in written form she discovered that the report said she could not identify the driver And there were other witnesses as well a man named Julius Hardy said he saw three men with rifles and shotguns on top of the

Underpass at Dealey Plaza and two more men said they saw a man built like a football player due to about six foot five Carrying a rifle into Dealey Plaza. Now. What do you mean built like a football player? Well, what I'm saying is it looks like he could commit a double murder If they are trying to be so secretive would they just be I'm gonna say the words willy-nilly Mm-hmm. They're just out there with their guns flashing them to people. It doesn't like why would they be doing a soul? You think this shit doesn't take rehearsal. No, I believe there wasn't a choreographer Involved giving notes, so why wouldn't they just lock down the entire area if because they could do that with the parade route At least they do it now. I mean the whole damn city shuts down now

Ah, but who would lock down the area that would cause quite a bit of attention All right, maybe get that football player is a double murderer There also may have even been people running interference to distract from the setup immediately prior to the president's arrival Honestly, this is where Henry would come in great. Just be like Henry and Kissel. Okay, goon and troll You guys run in different directions meet up in the middle. You got it. Got it. Got it. I know how to do this, right? Pasta I'm a great distraction Well, man named Jerry Belknap had an epileptic seizure on the scene, but when he got to the hospital

Apparently just got off the stretcher and walked away without a word. It seems like maybe nothing was wrong with Jerry Knett Belknap. That's why when I do my cabaret act. I'm known as the great Epilepto cool But all that is what comes before the president's arrival The real meat of the witness statements comes from the moment itself and there aren't many witnesses more famous than Ed Hoffman Ed Hoffman was deaf and mute. What you think would make him actually a worse witness, but actually it doesn't That's the thing

According to conspiracies that gave him sharper eyesight than most like daredevil him and daredevil are the same because daredevil's got the Superhero in Annie's Catholic. Yeah. Yeah, he's opposite daredevil. Is there I do Obviously senses dude. They do. Yeah. Yeah, of course, but when it comes to eyesight, could it really have been that much better? He's not Cyclops Well Hoffman had found a spot right off the stimmins freeway to watch the motorcade go by and in waiting for the president He surveyed the scene He said that he saw a suspicious looking fellow in a suit hanging around the grassy knoll Along with another suspicious looking man in a railroad workers outfit. Just cut to the inner workings of Terminator's brain

No, he saw the scene from Wayne's world, too We've already said this several times where you just saw them all hanging out There's a play was a Native American Then when the motorcade came Ed said he saw a puff of smoke come from the man in the suit Now at first Ed thought that the puff of smoke was from a cigarette But then he said he saw the suited man turn around quickly with a rifle in his hand Which made Ed assume the smoke was from a shot because remember Ed was deaf He wouldn't have heard it right immediately after he said he saw the man in the suit run over to the railroad worker and

Quickly toss the rifle and the railroad worker broke down the rifle with a twist and walked away with it Yeah, he watched him go, dissembled the rifle, put it inside of a toolbox and then put it inside one of those Electric boxes like one of those weird like side utility boxes and hide it And from what Hoffman said a police officer then came around the fence and confronted the suited man The suit showed identification which was good enough for the police officer and some think that this police officer was Joe Marshall Smith Okay Now Hoffman tried to report this to the police, but since he was deaf and mute The Dallas police didn't have the patience to suss out what Hoffman was trying to say. Oh, they weren't super accommodating

So Hoffman kept quiet about it for three years Hoffman then tried going to the FBI, but he claims the FBI agent He spoke with pointed his index finger at Hoffman then put his finger to his own mouth in the hush sign The agent then tried to pay Hoffman off with a $500 payment But Hoffman refused and instead had a long career as a conspiracy documentary mainstay and that nothing is more lucrative Than being a professional conspiracy theory witness, you know, I think the JFK out of all conspiracy theorists If you are on the front lines, I bet you you could actually make a little bit of money You can make like five grand a year. Yeah

This was the this is really the heyday of the conspiracy theorists Especially during the 80s when the man who killed Kennedy you watch all of these people like now we did there's so many conspiracy theorists You throw a fucking you throw an umbrella gun Five feet and you'll hit ten conspiracy theorists. Then this is this is really was a cottage injury industry There's a lot of people that made vague sums of money from this crime Now what's not widely known is that Abraham's a pruder might not have been the only person filming on the grassy knoll that day supposedly an infantryman named Gordon Arnold had brought his camera as well But from what Arnold said when he began walking around to get a better vantage point a man in a suit with a gun

Claiming to be a secret service agent blocked his way. Remember. No secret service agents on the ground Get out of here. Oh, it's good. Hey, buddy. Hey get out of here And I don't really I'm one of those where if you have a gun and something that even looks slightly like a badge And you're like hey get out of here. I'm just gonna leave. Yeah, like I'm not gonna be like I want to speak to your superior Sorry, I'm just gonna go. Yeah, so Arnold settled into the top of the knoll and began filming Arnold said that just after the car turned on to Elm and started toward his position He felt a bullet whizz past his left ear and just afterward heard the crack of a rifle report Arnold hit the deck, but once the shooting stopped he felt a sharp kick

He said he looked up and saw a policeman standing over him telling him to get up Once he did he noticed another policeman crying and shaking and that officer in distress was holding a long rifle They demanded the film from Arnold's camera and Arnold complied and two days later He took a plane to Alaska to report for duty at Fort Wainwright and was so terrified He didn't tell anyone about his experience until years later. Wow or so Gordon Arnold says right Now Gordon Arnold's presence at Dealey Plaza has long been debated But in the 80s it's thought that Arnold might have finally been found in what is known as the Mormon photograph This photo which some theorists claim to be the key to the whole goddamn thing

Was a Polaroid taken at the moment of Kennedy's death by a woman named Mary Mormon And she's just as surprised as you to be a part of history because she was just trying to take a picture and think about that like the moment She took the picture the moment his fucking brain exploded. Yeah, so cool picture. Yeah, but also very traumatizing So when it comes to new tech, do you think that the CIA was still operating in an older world? Did I mean this is like the last time you could ever do this every inch of everything now is videoed Yep, this is like maybe do you think they underestimated just how many people had cameras and like how means how mainstream? They had become probably I mean this is Because it's a pretty bullsy ass again daylight. Yeah, this is this is this is without a doubt the most documented

assassination in world history, so you know after they did it. They were like Gotta wait with one Wow, I believe I have come to believe that they if they did have a hand in murdering the president The reason why you like this is me full conspiracy theorist You know turned around logic They did it because they knew how much coverage there would be because they wanted to show that if we want to kill the president We can touch him right in front of everybody We can literally kill him in front of everybody and there's nothing anybody can do we're completely in control when you say

They you're talking the CIA in this case. Yes, okay Yeah, but on the other hand if this it but that's all That's a that that theory just sort of Takes any and all any and all it just it's a blanket theory Exactly, you know what a blanket does keeps you warm That's right, but if the CIA truly was concerned about taking away any and all documentation Why did they not take away the camera of the man who was standing on a pedestal with a big fucking camera, right? I think they wanted he wanted that they wanted it back cop out that come on

That's me also that theory doesn't hold up because the Zapruder film didn't come out until years later And there had to be multiple court cases to get it showed in public I am underneath my blanket I have a conspiracy theory pillow and I'm laying my head on it I have my I have my how many people killed JFK curlers in Well back to the Mormon photograph Through quite a bit of creative interpretation concerning blobs and spots You can kind of sort of make out a man holding a camera

Which some think is Gordon Arnold the guy who claims to have had the run-in with the fake cops, right? But that isn't the true meat of the photograph Supposedly this photograph also captured the infamous badge man And it captured him at the moment that he fired the shot that struck the president in the skull and killed him and the badge He was wearing that's kind of sort of visible What's part of the police officer costume the assassin was wearing supposedly the same man that Gordon Arnold saw crying and shaking? And if you look closely that badge is from the Burger King kids club wheels nice

No, it's at this point that you might be asking yourself just who these assassins were who's bad man I have been asking that for five weeks, and you guys have not answered me yet All right, thank God wait my friend It's about time we got into it, and you know We're not just gonna talk about the guys on the grassy knoll Some conspiracies say that there were whole groups of assassins in the surrounding buildings or on the highway or even Underground a Bogota was there So we're gonna go through a surprisingly long list of who these men might have been and where each set of shooters

Might have been group. I want shoe size, and I want cock size. Otherwise, none of this is making sense They're they're Italian, so it's not about length. It's about girth They're also some of them are French, which means I don't even they're uncut All right back to the assassins who let's start with badge man Badge man if he did Marcus it's bad Badge man if he did exist was most likely a Corsican hit man named Lucien Sarti who it said took the contract in Europe and slipped through the Mexican border along with two other Corsican hit men using Italian passports in the first week of November my girls. It is Lucien

Salty Yeah, I was charged we had to secure hang on the prison don't which is true And he went to the head of the Corsican mafia the Corsican mafia guy buffs the the I don't know how you say it in French The the blast he called his hit man into his room, and he's like okay you boys We're gonna be hitting if we're gonna do in a hit uh-huh on an American politician And they're like okay, so some kind of Senate there some kind of hair so represented a fingers fingers crossed fingers crossed It's Hubert Humphrey He said I want you to kill the highest vegetable that is the French term I guess

For the president like the big guy up top, so Then try to kill the highest vegetable. Mm-hmm Then you got the Cubans these men were members of the aforementioned operation 40 and alpha 66 and both of those Organizations were staffed with professional sharpshooters who are readily available and could have traveled to Dallas to do the job That means they're semi pro sharpshooters, which is kind of scary They were they were freelance sharpshooters, and they yes, they were ready to travel to Dallas in a second because they didn't really have What going on because when you're a professional sharpshooter or a semi professional sharpshooter and your day life And you have nobody to actually kill your only job is just giving people finger guns outside of gas

Well those guys were supposedly in the buildings behind JFK Some were in the book depository along with Lee Harvey Oswald and possibly Malcolm Wallace Who was said by Roger Stone in his 2013 JFK book to be LBJ's personal assassin in addition to being his press secretary See Roger Stone doesn't get everything right, but sometimes even a broken clock Don't even try to use the broken clock thing again You if you don't know how that works, and you don't know what the saying I do a broken clock is wrong six times today Or it's right six times a day if you really break it down by the seconds of the minute We've already you're derailing another series with the tickets in the minutes

You're still very wrong about that if you take down the middle of seconds. You're extremely wrong about that don't matter No, even though that claim does come from one of the biggest pieces of shit in American history Malcolm Wallace did murder a man named John Kinzer in the clubhouse of an Austin golf course in 1951 by shooting the guy three times with a snub-nosed pistol because the guy was having an affair with Malcolm Wallace's wife And guess what he got for that five-year suspended sentence Honestly, you're gonna have an affair with a mobster's wife. You're gonna get hit with a snub-nosed. That's kind of It wasn't a mobster. He was not a mobster. He was just a guy dude. He's just a fucking guy He was LBJ's press secretary LBJ that is a fact LBJ's press secretary killed a guy

Helpful job if you're gonna be a hitman where your job is to go in front of television cameras and speak into microphones Yeah, all right tough guy hey Anyway cross the street in the Daltechs building you had a whole other set of assassins among those was possibly Charles Nicoletti AKA Chuck E typewriter who is Sam Gian conas top hitman in Chicago? It's cuz I'm allergic to pens That's what they call your Chuck E typewriter? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's the reason why I also go clicky clicky clicky clacky clicky clack and if you hit my spacebar some weird things happen

Oh my, let me just read you what you wrote here, Chucky Typewriter. And then he grabbed for his shaft. No, not the barrel of a gun. It was his hard, hard cop. Hey, don't, hey, don't read my Jackie J.F.K. fan fiction. Yeah, it's very interesting here, Chucky Typewriter. Well, the reason why they say that there's multiple systems of shooters is because they wanted to do this mafia style,

which requires multiple hit points as you go, which is what they said the mafia did, which I actually don't think they did. But the CIA use mafia people who say this is how they kill people, as they try to cover as many angles as possible. So they flood the area with killers in all different ways to see who can get to JFK first. I have to say, it is very, we got some stereotypical name.

We got like a Tommy Tomato and Victor Petrola. Chucky Typewriter. Yeah, I mean, these are like some pretty mobster names. Well, the Daltex building was also the location of Operation 40 member Tony Iscorrito. Sure. Suspicious criminal Jim Brayden and future president, and then CIA operative George Herbert Walker Bush. Fucking David Copperfield himself.

David Copperfield himself was in one of these buildings. If you look at the documentary Dark Legacy, they talk about the history of the Bushes working with the Nazis. They started the OSS together. Work on O&I. George fucking Mr. Prudin himself. HW, he was a fucking, the head of the CIA after this, so he got promoted for a job well done.

But he was a spotter because each guy had a, they had a lookout guy, a spotter. They had a gun loading guy. And then a guy shooting the guns. This is how it works. Typically. Because it's union. Typical government bureaucracy.

So certain people can't do certain jobs because it's against union rules when it comes to assassins. The Bush family, man, that is crazy. They are, Herbert Walker is not a cute man. George W. Bush is not a cute man. No. They're also not dumb. Which is something that a lot of people.

The entire Bush family is a dark system of some of the worst spooks that ever lived in this country. They're the reason why this country has a black heart. Jeb! I think Jeb might be the only good one out of all of them. Remember when he failed? Please clap. I thought about that yesterday.

So remember when he used to take the little turtles around with them on the campaign trail? Nothing excites the youth more than giving him a fucking turtle. Slow and steady wins the race. Doesn't, though. Fuck you, he actually does it. Your father understood that if you wanted to win the race, you kill presidents.

Okay, so that too was in the buildings. At least a few of the people that were in the buildings. Okay, so we got Chuckie typewriter. We got Badgeman. We've got... Badgeman was on the grassy knoll. Badgeman is on... Oh my god, okay.

I feel like... For Badgeman, well, if you want to believe that JFK got shot in the front of the head, you know that Lucio Solti was probably the guy behind the fence dressed in a Halloween store cop uniform trying to shoot the president from the side. And that's where the bullet whizz past the deaf and mute guy. No, maybe.

No, he wasn't deaf and mute. Gordon Arnold was the guy on the grassy knoll. The deaf and mute guy was on the bridge. I think JFK just saw the future about people talking about how he got assassinated and blew his own fucking brain out. I'm going back to suicide. I'm going back to my idea.

Don't worry. My theory or the theory that I subscribe to is very simple. Okay. I think you'll like it. All right. But back to what's going on on the grassy knoll. On the ground, you had Walter Tobinski and his cousin Clyde. Maybe.

These men had supposedly killed over 1,000 people together and Tobinski can supposedly be seen on the Zapruder film wearing a bulletproof vest. And you can totally see it if you put it there with your eyes. Right. You'll totally see Walter Tobinski in a bulletproof vest miming a rifle shot. They say Walter Tobinski might have been shooting a paralyzing

dart into JFK's body to freeze it in place so that the bullets can hit him from either side. Walter Tobinski also might have been the person that the CIA sent a picture of to say, hey, actually, we did have some footage of Lee Harvey Oswald in Mexico. So they sent a picture of what they say is Walter Tobinski who had bleached blonde hair to the Warren Commission. And that's where the Lee Harvey Oswald had a double theory

comes from. So the government is relying on the Italian and the Polish. Is that what you're telling me? Yep. Honestly, you can depend on the Italian Polish for a nice meat sauce, for having back hair. Yes. That's me and fucking Steve Busceca, a friend of the show.

Of course, don't do all that. They're having fucking full-on Shrek bellies. That's what an Italian Polish has. Then you've got the Umbrella Man and the Babushka Woman. Babushka! Despite what we said before, the Umbrella Man was possibly Roy Hargraves, who is a member of the Intercontinental Penetration Force.

God, what the? What is that? What is that? We have to ask our friend Nadia White if she's ever met the Intercontinental Penetration Force. Yes, I have already. And what is their day rate? And by the way, the Intercontinental Penetration

Force also included men with such male porn star names as Rameego Arce, Dick Watley, Ralph Schlafter, and Oscar Del Pinto. I am going as Oscar Del Pinto from now on. That is my new fuck name. That is it. When next time I make love to Natalie, I'm going to be like, wait a second, no, your husband's not in and your

husband's not here anymore. It's Oscar Del Pinto. Be prepared. Prepare your clippers. Now, the Babushka Woman was not involved in the assassination itself, but she said that she got yellow paint on her shoots, which some think came from newly painted markers that were there to let the

assassins know when the president's limo reached the perfect kill zone. Yeah, dude. They sent construction workers out. Yeah, you might think that they were just painting a curb for some like non-nepharious reasons or because the curb needed to be painted. But no, they decided to put out direct markers with

the umbrella man open in the umbrella and then big, freshly painted curb things that were the yellow zone, the perfect kill zone for the president. It seems so much more difficult this way. Oh, that's what the umbrella man was there for. The umbrella man was there to, when he opened the umbrella, that meant time to kill the president. So we got one guy with the blow dart.

We got this fresh paint. It could be. We got the umbrella guy having to open up. I would just say shoot the guy. No, man. This is what I'm saying. They had a choreographer who's like in a one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four.

I need energy. They had a Bob Fosse out there. Yeah. Jungle cat it, baby. Well, I need you guys to put more jazz into this. Open that umbrella with a plum on the beat. And a one, two, three, four. And of course, somewhere in there you had James Files,

who was tried again and again to take credit for killing the president. And no one will believe him? No one is, no one's life. No, that is so sad. Poor bastard. But things actually go much deeper than ground level. And I'm talking literally.

One researcher who made his area of expertise, the presidential limousine, claims that the only place the fatal shot could have come from was from the sewer grate on Elm Street. Raphael did it. He was very upset. He was very sad. Raphael did it because he had it.

He's the grumpy one. He had an attitude. He's the emotional one. So Franks, so they believe that someone might have popped up from the sewer and shot the president, like one of the guys who throws the, I think throws the hammers or the wrenches in Super Mario Brothers 3.

Yes, of course. But this is one of my favorite side tracks in all of JFK history. If you look, if you watch The Man Who Killed Kennedy, number one, I posted the picture of the limousine expert on my Instagram. This is the expert. If you see him, his eyes are so crossed,

it's like they switch sides. But they, one of these guys talks about how he broke down the Zapruder film footage of JFK's heads exploding. And he's like, I'm using some of the most modern technology in the world. We could see this photo with up to 256 bits of information, which is far surpassing anything human kind would ever do again.

And what he did was create these weird points using this two, this highly grained, destroyed 256 gig, whatever the point. 256 pixel. He's talking about pixels. Yes, 256 pixel picture, right? So it's just a series of grays. He took these things and he created a paper 3D model of what he said that the head wound actually looked like.

And it showed that the only way you could see through using this 3D model, it's the only way that you could tell that the shot actually came from below and to the right of the president and blew out his brains. And so they had a guy named Jack Brazil run underground trials to see how fast you could get from Dealey Plaza through the sewers out to just some random drainage ditch where he said all of the shooters went from where

someone came from, from the fucking great down to a thing. And Jack Brazil, he's like, I'll tell you what, me and my team, we ran this run. We ran it in 45 minutes and that was with two coffee breaks. But then we got it down to 37 minutes. And then we got it down to 32 minutes. And then we got it all the way down to 23 minutes. And that's all it took. No one's asking for a time.

No one asked, no one cared. There is no time for him. We have no clue. But you know Jack Brazil is legit because he's got one of those mesh cowboy hats. Yes, you've got to believe him. So in order to clarify the Kennedy assassination, they made it more blurry.

So then they could really figure it out. Maybe Dog Man did it. One of my favorite moments from all the JFK conspiracy documentaries that I watch is about Jack Brazil standing in the sewer with his head poking up out at fucking Dealey Plaza. It's just his head, just half of his body poking out. And he's just looking around, surveying the scene.

Just like this. If you want to learn more about Dog Man, we have our special coming out very, very soon. And we talk about Dog Man and it's very, very interesting. And I think you'll like it. Well, the man in the sewer might have been Frank Sturgis. Might have been. Frank Sturgis was one of the five burglars

in the Watergate scandal, which led to the resignation of President Richard Nixon. And Sturgis was not the only Watergate plumber said to be in Dealey Plaza that day. This, of course, brings us to the three tramps. The three tramps are such a fun side, another one of these. Of like, I'm not quite sure they're always, I'm not sure why they're always looped in

to the JFK assassination. I don't know why that picture, but it's a famous picture of these three dudes. Well, there's a reason why they get lumped in. Because after the assassination, Dallas police arrested three men appearing to be hobos in the railroad yard behind Dealey Plaza. And the reason why there's so much controversy

is because all three of these guys were quietly released without charge or record of detention later that day. Is it possible that the cops were busy dueling an investigation of the assassination of a president? How dare you? I don't know. But like, what are they being charged for? They're fake hobos.

Well, you know what? I think they can like, we can take care of them next week. I'm sorry, you're gonna get, if you're getting a ticket for impersonating a hobo. Well, I guess I'll take my bendal and I'll go back to my fucking mansion. No, we don't know for sure who these men were. But there are theories.

One is that two of these men were Chauncey Holt and Charles Rogers, men linked with the CIA. And they were accompanied by E. Howard Hunt, who's deathbed ramblings you heard last episode. Yes. I'll say to the LBJ, we had pepperoni pizza and I remember J.F.K. saying, I would fuck that pizza if it had text.

I'll remember. Others say that one of the three tramps was Edward Lazdale, the architect of the Bay of Pigs invasion. While others say that one of the tramps was the mysterious man named Raoul, who planned the murder of Martin Luther King for James Earl Ray. There is a very interesting documentary called Spook's Hoods and the Hidden Elite that I started watching

that talks about Chauncey Marvin Holt and his insights inside of the three tramps. And he says that he was just a driver of the two fake hobos. Okay. Well, the juiciest possibility, at least from a celebrity perspective, is that one of the three champs was Charles Harrelson, who happens to be the real-life father of Woody Harrelson.

Oh, now no one related to Woody would do anything wrong. I love Woody Harrelson. It's not Woody. Charles Harrelson was executed for killing a judge because he was a professional hitman. He's a professional hitman. I was reading an article on him and he had a, he literally would walk around with a fucking business card

that said hit man or gun for hire. And he was very like publicly a hit man. He was really, really into it. I had a very anti-Semitic Uber driver today who also gave me a card. He is a wedding singer. Oh, wow. I swear to God.

And I have the card with me. Well, Charles spent his last days denying he was in Dallas that day, unless of course he was too busy confessing to the murder of John F. Kennedy. Well, so I did not realize that Woody Harrelson's dad was so cool. Now, if you think that even a few of these guys

were present in Dealey Plaza that day, and I'm talking about this whole list of assassins, then it probably follows that you believe that there were more than three shots taken in the successful attempt on the president's life. The funny thing is, at least one governmental investigation agrees. Marcus, would you say that is the funny thing?

That is humorous. Yes, because this is the core belief. If you believe that there was more, if there were more than three shots, there's a conspiracy. Somebody else was there shooting. Right. Well, in 1975, Representative Henry Gonzales introduced a bill

calling for further investigation into the assassinations of JFK, RFK, and MLK. Jeez. This was known as the House Select Committee on Assassinations. And while they did report that the Warren Commission was mostly correct, they concluded that there were actually four shots that day, not three.

Interesting. Using a previously undiscovered audio recording from a police dictabelt that just happened to be recording an open channel on a policeman's dispatch radio that was in the president's motorcade, they determined that three shots came from the book depository

while a fourth came from the grassy knoll. And of course, the dictabelt is a great belt to use, especially if you're a young boy and you get unwanted boners. You can flip it up right into the dictabelt, and it hides it so when you stand up in class, no one laughs at you. I do wish that they weren't sold by Jared Fogel,

but I really appreciate what they brought to site. That man, have you seen? He has gotten very fat again. Prison has not been kind to Jared Fogel. I don't know. I like the pressures off for him to keep the weight off. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard, yeah.

However, the accuracy of this report and their methods of arriving at this conclusion, the four shots conclusion, are of course highly debated. Some people say it doesn't, they did it all wrong. Some people say they did it absolutely right. So, but Marcus, everybody's right though. Everybody's right about whatever they say is correct because that's how you know that it's correct

because they said that it was correct. Right, right. My big wiggity view of this at this point, with the amount of hours that we have spent forcing the shit into our brains, is what if, like Lee Harvey Oswald, we have said here in the last podcast on the left that we believe that Lee Harvey Oswald took those shots.

We know that he was, that's why we did not cover all of the various methods that said Lee Harvey Oswald was completely innocent or that he was a double or he was fighting on the president's behalf, which I think is hilarious, but because we believe he took those shots. I am starting to believe that perchance, yes, there was a plan in action to kill the president,

maybe, right? Who knows? But how is, I know this might be magical thinking, more magical thinking than ever before, but who knows? What if Lee Harvey Oswald rolled into a dealing closet to kill the president that day? And they're also magically straight up. Obviously, there's nothing to truly back this.

The plan to kill the president was also happening at the same time, that you had CIA operatives mixed with mafia people trying to kill the president at the same exact time that Lee Harvey Oswald was also there to kill the president because it literally was a big, fat turkey shoot. He was put down in a public strip, slowly shown in front of all these assassins,

and maybe the way that Lee Harvey Oswald forest-gumped his way into so many different parts of history, maybe this was one last time where he arrived into the middle of the CIA trying to kill the president, but he was the one that did it. Hey, maybe, man. I mean, there is something magical when it comes to JFK. Again, looked no further than Bob Dylan

releasing a 17-minute song, the first song in over a decade. Well, we're doing our JFK series. It's crazy. What's the odds of that? I don't think Bob Dylan is a fan and was inspired six weeks ago. I think that Bob Dylan probably has some hard F-words to say for anyone who listens to a podcast.

I would actually love to hear the Nixon tapes of Bob Dylan. I think they might shatter Mr. Tambourine Man for a lot of people. They say anybody can make a podcast with a microphone, but no one ever asks me. I got a lot of thoughts. I'm going to do one about baseball. So now that we've gone through the crime scene,

let's talk about what went on with the president's autopsy. Now, one of the biggest points of contention when it comes to the autopsy is what doctors at Parkland Hospital claimed to have seen when the president's body came in versus what was reported at the official autopsy done at Bethesda Naval Hospital. At Parkland, doctors thought that the wound

on the president's neck looked like an entrance wound, suggesting the placement of a shooter on the grassy knoll or elsewhere, but definitely from the front and not the book depository. But at Bethesda, the doctors doing the autopsy who had never done an autopsy before, by the way, definitively stated that it was an exit wound, which of course supports the theory

that Lee Harvey Oswald fired the shot. OK, if you're a professional and you're doing autopsies, exit and entrance wounds are pretty frickin' different. Well, however, it must be said that doctors in Dallas did not examine the wound fully. They just eyeballed it and claims that they definitely knew that it was an entrance wound or erroneous. But isn't the entrance wound much smaller?

Isn't it much smaller than the exit wound? Doesn't the exit wound kind of have more of an explosion type thing? It depends on the type of bullet. Full metal jacket bullet goes right through. Oh, very smooth. Yes. And if you look at the wound on his neck,

on the published autopsy reports, they're saying that they are different than what they saw. The ones that they showed to the ward commission and to the public, they think that might have been after they had cut it open to examine it. I'm not certain. I don't know. Yeah.

Well, telling Lee, these doctors only started making the claim that it was definitely an entrance wound after they started getting attention for their statement that they thought it was an entrance wound. Because that's what they first said. They said, I think it's an entrance wound. I thought that it was an entrance wound. So this is more people who are not necessarily

used to be in the public eye having cameras thrown in their faces and microphones thrown at their mouths and be like, talk. Well, getting attention. Yeah, OK. And getting positive reinforcement for saying this shit. Right. But what's a little more difficult to mistake

is that those doctors in Dallas also swore that the right rear of the president's skull had been blown out. But when it arrived at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the back of the president's head was intact, other than an entrance wound. And it said the man responsible for this was an embalmer named John Liggett.

Liggett. You love it. Yeah, John Liggett. They said he was the only who was the fucker that could really get it done. They all blamed John Liggett. They said John Liggett had the tools. He had the tools.

He had a gambling addiction. So he needed the money. So they easily had a pressure on him. They'd lever on him. And then he went in and built a whole fake head to the back of JFK. He built this whole thing in the night and then went to his gambling flop house

with his family to hide until it was all blown over. But honestly, what I don't understand is why would someone with a gambling addiction need money? Because all you do is make money when you gamble. So it seems strange to me in that way. I don't think you would need the cash. But I remember the guy talking about him

in the, the guy talking about John Liggett in the Men Who Killed Kennedy was like, and I'll tell you what, I knew John Liggett. And he's the type of guy where like, you need like, you need a face. You'd lost your face. He could build you a new face. Zippity-dood, zippity-doo doll.

He could go, you need ears. He'd make you some ears. He could look and he'd make a nose. I watched him make a nose out of a bunch of, literally it was a bunch of donuts. He piled them all together and that was the most incredible. I thought that nose was going to be sniffing when he was done.

Well, there was also something fishy about how the president's body arrived in Washington, D.C. When the corpse left Dallas, it was wrapped in cloth in a bronze casket so large the handles had to be broken off in order to fit it through the door of Air Force One. Pretty distinct casket. But when the body was wheeled into Bethesda Naval Hospital for the autopsy, it was in a body bag

and a gray metal casket. What's the deal with the switcheroo? I don't know, Mr. Sine. What is the deal with the switcheroo? Honestly, what is the deal with the switcheroo? We don't know. Is it possible that the casket that they had put him in at first was just covered in his brains?

And they were just like, well, let's clean it up or I mean, or maybe it was too big and they were like, we want to get it into the hospital. So let's put them in a smaller one. We don't know. Don't know. Then these are the points where conspiracy is created. I see.

But there were far more dubious goings on when it came to the autopsy. And here's where we finally get to what we think happened. Yay. From here on out, I'm being totally serious in what I'm saying. And while I am not telling you that this is definitely what happened,

I am telling you that this is absolutely the theory that I subscribe to. Okay. And that's how we got you fucking legally. You try to tell us, we're not saying it is, but we're saying it's something that we think. Yeah. You guys, you guys called the last podcast lawyers

that don't exist and make sure that this is all in the up and up. No, I have a lawyer. His name is Oscar Del Pinton. He's incredible. And I tell you what, he can come three feet. Really?

That's the craziest load I've ever seen. I love our lawyer. Yeah. It seems like it might just be you. As far as all the conspiracy theories go, when it comes to the murder of the president, the aspect of the cover-up itself has always been the part that intrigued me the most

because there's more evidence for a cover-up than for anything else. And as we know from American history, particularly 20th century American history, the biggest government scandals have not been the crimes themselves, but rather the cover-ups. And this might be another one of those cases.

For me, the conspiracy theory that holds the most water is the one that looked at the death of the president from the perspective of a cold case murder. And the seeds for that theory came from a ballistics expert in Baltimore named Howard Donahue. Honestly, if you're going to be a ballistics expert, Baltimore's a great place to be.

Yeah. There was a lot of bullet holes. Yep. And if you just have to carry a block of gel around and catch a couple to really train yourself. Love Baltimore, love Baltimore. Love it. See, Howard Donahue had participated

in a firearms exhibition of sorts for CBS News in 1967 to see if it was possible for Oswald to fire three shots and hit a moving target in 5.6 seconds, which was the time the Warren Report said it took Oswald to kill the president. Come on and kill a president. I am happy that this has awoken your love for musical theater once again.

I just love that there's so many good songs in it. Well, that's the thing is that, you know, that was one of the Warren Commission's many mistakes. And this is also another place where conspiracy was born. It was not 5.6 seconds that Oswald took between shots one and shots three, because that's ridiculous. It was twice that.

It was 11.2 seconds. How did they mess that up so bad? I guess. They were just so, I think they were lazy. I think so much of this stuff comes from human laziness. Yeah, a lot of it does. I don't know if it's, you know what? I would say it's not, I'm not even,

I'm not going to give them the credit of saying laziness. I think it's the opposite. I think it's just, they wanted it to be done. Well, that's lazy though. Yeah, that's what is, get it fast, all right. Laziness is not the crime here. To me, it is a fucking cover-up. It's literally a, for us to really pull this apart,

to really pull this apart is going to have us, we're going to have to look at things that we're not going to want to look at and have to talk to people that we're not going to want to talk to and reveal things that are secret, and we know our secret. Right.

But even with just the 5.6 seconds, Howard Donahue was up to the challenge. He was a gunsmith, he owned a gun shop, and he acted as an expert witness in court cases many times over, testifying in the field of ballistics. I also killed three of my wives. Wow, he's a pro. In other words, Donahue knew his shit

when it came to guns. And out of all the people CBS asked to replicate Oswald's supposed feat, Donahue was the only one who pulled it off, although it did take him three times to do it. Okay. Why didn't they just fucking arrest him? Afterwards, we're like, yeah, and that's it,

sir, you are guilty of murdering the president. I'm a reenactor! I'm a reenactor, dammit! So after the appearance on CBS, Donahue was asked by a popular men's magazine called True to write an article supporting the Warren Commission's findings from a ballistics perspective.

We were gonna call it jizz, but we went with True. So Donahue agreed. But as he began to study the Warren report, he found that the ballistics didn't make sense, specifically when it came to the trajectory of shot number three, and how that same bullet performed in delivering the fatal wound. Now shot two, the one that hit Kennedy and Connolly,

that made sense. Lee Harvey Oswald was using full metal jacket bullets, and because of the jump seats we talked about in episode four, that bullet was perfectly capable of performing the way it did. But this is actually, they wanted to push what the Warren Commission said, right? Because didn't they say that the first shot

was the one that went through Kennedy into Connolly? The second shot missed, and then the third shot hit him in the head. Well they are now saying that there was an error. That the first shot, shot, and they all heard it and reacted to it, and that was the one that missed. And the second shot was the one

that went through Kennedy into Connolly. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and that is accepted fact now. Like the Warren report, yeah, they got that wrong. First shot missed, ricocheted, like it went through, it ricocheted off of the pavement, hit that one guy in the cheek, and then the second one hit Connolly,

and then the third one killed Kennedy. Pretty big error. Mm-hmm, yeah. But the third bullet behaved in a completely different manner than the second bullet. Yeah, we're gonna have to, Mrs. Bullet, we're gonna have to put your kid on ADHD medication. It is just, it's sporadic, it doesn't like to learn math.

Well the third bullet did not pass through the skull like it should have, but instead exploded upon impact. In other words, you had two different types of bullets. The second type of bullet, the one that hit the president's head, was a frangible bullet, which was designed to shatter upon impact

and cause as much fatal damage as possible, as exposed to a full metal jacket bullet, which is only supposed to wound. Oh, so a full metal jacket bullet is actually supposed to be, I guess, safer for lack of a better word term. It is a Geneva convention thing where it's supposed to... I always thought they were more aggressive.

No, less aggressive. Oh, okay. A full metal jacket bullet is supposed to wound a soldier and take him off the field. They go back home. So it's a cleaner shot. It's a much cleaner shot. That's why that second bullet was able to pass through Kennedy

and go into Connolly, because it's designed to do that. Okay. Furthermore, when Donahue looked at the trajectory of the bullet, he found that it had exited at the wrong place if the shot came from the book depository. If the shot came from up there, the bullet would have exited at Kennedy's upper left forehead, not the back right of his skull.

So Donahue surmised that the first two shots came from Lee Harvey Oswald, but the third shot came from somewhere else. But if that's true, then why were the three spent shells in Oswald's sniper's nest? Well, the interesting thing about that is that one of those shell casings was bent, and it was found in a completely different spot

than the other two. This means that the third shell could have been used as a chamber plug. A chamber plug is a spent shell that's kept in the chamber to prevent moisture and grit from building up and causing a jam, and someone who was as close to their rifle as Oswald was would have probably used a chamber plug. Huh.

And considering how far away that shell was found from the other two, it's highly plausible that Oswald ejected this shell prior to taking his spot at his sniper's perch in preparation for the attempt and left it where it lay. And when you entertain the idea that Oswald only fired two shots, it's possible that his claim of being a patsy might have had just the slightest ring of truth.

Damn. If it is in fact true that he did not take the fatal shot. Because maybe he couldn't even see that he shot the president. Maybe. But maybe you literally, it's happening so fast, and you pop, pop, you are now, you are frightened. You've done the thing. You've built up to this passion point.

You've expended. You saw, you shot the things. All of a sudden, oh fuck, what have I done? Right. What have I done? I gotta fucking, I can't believe I did it. I'm gonna try and fucking get out of here. But also, but as you shot, you're like, oh my god,

what have I done? And then you from the book depository, see his brains just explode. You're like, wow, I am good. I didn't even shoot. Pat, Pat on the patsy's back. So Donahue started looking into just where, from a scientific point of view, that shot had come from.

Using information given to him by Maryland's chief medical examiner, he examined the president's head wound and came to a single conclusion. Using hard science, he surmised that the fatal shot to John F. Kennedy could only have come from the left rear seat of the secret service follow-up car that was driving behind the presidential limousine. Oh shit, wow, oh no, oh no.

No, no, you're thinking. You're thinking that this is just another conspiracy theory that blames the CIA who are working in conjunction with the secret service to take down the president. I'm thinking this is just another conspiracy theory that blames the CIA who are working in conjunction with the federal government to take down the president. So I'm actually thinking about Chinese takeout.

I'm really very hungry. But that's not what I'm saying at all. The evidence does not point towards a vast government conspiracy, at least not in the action of killing the president. Instead, it suggests the possibility that the tragedy of November 22nd, 1963, was nothing more nefarious than a workplace accident.

The ultimate whoopsy-doo. So you tell me the secret service has one of those things that factories have or it's like zero days? You tell it down. 198 days since we've killed the president. Isn't that nice? Yeah, man, they just flip it to zero. Damn it.

There's a ton of evidence behind this, and I'm going to go through almost all of it. There's actually so much evidence that we do not have time to go into every single bit of evidence here. We can cover a little bit more on the Relaxed Fit episode that we'll be doing at some point, so the story will continue, I'm sure.

Also, if you watch a documentary called The Smoking Gun, that has a lot of good information on this story. Now, you're probably wondering that if this is true, then why aren't there any witnesses to something so obvious as the secret service agent firing the shot that kills the president? But there were witnesses. At least one witness told the Dallas police

in a statement given immediately after the shooting that he saw a flash of pink come from the secret service car, which could have been a muzzle flash from firing the rifle. Yes. And they also remember shots were already coming from the book depository. So everybody was in a fucking panic. Right.

And because of the nature of Dealey Plaza, the shots were echoing around the entire triangle. So it was, who knows what was happening directly in the moment of the president's death. There was another witness who said that after the first two shots, she was under the impression that the secret service was firing back at the shooter because she thought she heard and saw a shot from the secret

service car. And again, these statements were given directly after the shooting, as opposed to other on the ground witness statements that were given years later after those witnesses had time to invent a story and convince themselves it was true. Right. Not saying those people are lying.

But when it comes to eyewitness testimony, the further you get from the event, the more likely that testimony is going to be useless. Absolutely. But this theory has something even better than eyewitness testimony, which, like I said, can be highly unreliable. This theory has smell. Yeah.

This is a smelly one, man. This is a smell testimony. There were 11 witnesses in the motorcade who reported the smell of gum powder at street level, including Senator Ralph Yarborough, who's right up there with Ann Richards when it comes to trusted Texas politicians. Yarborough's a good man.

OK. I'm not going to. I didn't say anything wrong. I didn't even make fun of his name. I don't care that he's named Ralph, which is also a euphemism for vomit. I don't care. I don't care.

I remember. I liked Ed Koch. Yeah, sure. He lost his seat in refusing to participate in the Southern strategy. Ralph Yarborough's a good man. I have never said anything against him. You might say that these people were just smelling

the shots from the depository, but on that day, the wind was blowing 15 miles an hour away from the limo, meaning the smell could not have traveled toward the limo from the depository. In fact, one cop gave testimony that he was standing on the railway bridge and smelled gunpowder wafting up from the motorcade as they were speeding below on their way to Parkland Hospital.

You can just see a redneck like Pepe La Pew just floating towards the gunpowder madly in love. I don't believe every series of witnesses and every single time we do one of these, any sort of show of ours would talk about it, but of all of the human beings that would know about guns, it seems that the populace of Texas would know more as a general group about guns and gunpowder

and gunpowder smell than any other like, you know, my theater troupe from Florida State University. We were not. You wouldn't want to come to us and ask us about ballistics. I don't even necessarily like guns that much, and you say the word gunpowder and I can smell it. Like involuntarily, I can absolutely say it is a warm metallic smell that it smells great.

That is because when a child is born in Texas, usually a doctor will slap the tushy to make sure they can cry, but in Texas, they shoot a gun right next to their ear. And then if the baby doesn't cry, it's a Texan. Is it true for in Texas to get milk from the woman, you have to shoot off the tip of their nipples? Well, we'll be in Texas for the book tour in August,

so I guess what we'll find out there is we're getting our asses kicked. Well, I mean, the point is that gunpowder is a strong, distinct odor, you know. Right, of course. And this motorcade was chock full of Texans with quite a bit of firearm experience. I mean, the smell of gunpowder is unmistakable.

Nothing smells like gunpowder. Furthermore, there's a photograph which very clearly shows a secret service agent in the back left seat standing up in the limo holding an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. Damn. And 11 witnesses said they saw the agent swinging that rifle around in a near panic.

This man is standing in the exact spot that Donahue said the bullet had to come from. It's a clear photograph. They probably shouldn't have asked Leatherface to be a secret service agent as he's just swinging his gun around like a maniac in the middle of the street. But before we get into the nitty-gritty of the howl, let's explore the reasons why the Secret Service

fucked up this badly. To understand that, you've got to understand just how much the Secret Service have been working that year. JFK was a president on the move, and the average Secret Service agent logged about 80 overtime hours each month working for President Kennedy.

In fact, during the Texas trip, they'd been working double shifts for three days straight. So to blow off some steam, and this is a fact on record, a number of Secret Service agents went out and got trashed in Dallas on November 21st, hopping from strip club to strip club to strip club, all this the night before the assassination.

When you watch a smoking gun, they all say like, and how can you believe that armed officers of the Secret Service would dare go to drink the night before such an important parade? And in my mind, think about how many times we've arrived in a city, the night before we're supposed to do a show, like an important show,

and they've gotten fucking shithouse hammered, the night before the show, only to basically ruin the show the next day. And we did it several times, and yes, we're not Secret Service agents, but we're red-blooded men that need booze, and we need to, sometimes you got to blow off steam. Sometimes it's a part of your journey as an artist

and as a man, you have to get debilitatingly hung over before something incredibly important. Well, we have said this multiple times, I believe you have said it, Henry, that you feel as if you perform better hungover sometimes, you're still gonna do your job. Yeah, got to. You're still gonna do the job.

I mean, I don't know if that's an excuse. This is not conjecture. This is not speculation. This is fact. This is what happened. The senior agents put JFK to bed at midnight, left the junior agents in charge of guarding the president, and went out bar hopping until 5 a.m.

at which time they went back to their rooms to spend two hours sobering up for a 7 a.m. start time. But you know, if you fall asleep, even for 10 minutes, you wake up sober. Yes, as I've heard, it immediately resets, and this is also 1963, where the only, like, you are, as long as you do one swift wash of your face with cold water, cup of coffee, you're sober now.

You can drive. Yeah, but those men aren't as important to this story. The main agent here is one of the men who stayed behind that night. Agent George Hickey had joined the Secret Service just four months previous, and his primary role was attached to the garage. Yes, if you guys need, like, sort of the cars vacuumed out,

you guys want some freshners. I got some good ones here. I got peppermint stuff. He was the nerd. He wasn't invited out to go get fucked up with everybody. That's too bad. He wasn't the nerd. He was just the new guy, you know?

But he was a junior guy. Well, what Hickey's job was, he drove the president around. He polished the car. He checked the oil and the water. He did all the daily maintenance that needed to be done in order to get the president safely from location to location. Very important job.

Yeah. That's what I do. If he needs a boat, I talk to the fish. If he needs a hot air balloon, I find the balloon. It's easy to do. The hard parts of the basket, you get everybody in it. That's really difficult. So yeah, I mean, I got my work cut out for me, I guess.

You're great at your job, Mr. Hickey. Yeah, I'm really trying. I really feel, I just hope that the Secret Service put their trust in me and I can really show them that it's worth it. I can stand up for it. Well, since George Hickey had not gone out drinking on November 21st, he got in a good night's sleep.

It was decided that he was the best person to carry the newly issued AR-15 on November 22nd because even though he was washing windshields the day before, he was still a Secret Service agent. Do you think maybe we could start me with a bow and arrow? Because this is a lot, honestly. This is quite a bit. I feel a lot of responsibility.

You feel a lot of pressure with this. AR-15 was a brand new gun at that time. Wow. It was not something that was standard issue. It wasn't like now where your neighbor has four AR-15s. Right. This was a fucking, this is brand new shit. I could use a whip or something.

I mean, even honestly, I prefer like a megaphone or something and I could tell people to be safe and I could say, hey, don't shoot the president with it. And the other thing was that even though he was a Secret Service agent, you know, he was still new at the job and he was extremely nervous to suddenly be in such a key position because everyone, especially the Secret Service, knew that Dallas was a highly dangerous place for the president.

And according to the statement Hickey gave, he stood up and cocked the rifle after the third shot and held that position without firing his weapon until the motorcade reached Parkland Hospital. I wouldn't even think I was shooting my weapon. I did. It was the opposite. I put a cork in the end of it to make sure I wouldn't shoot

because I wanted everybody to be safe. Really? But witnesses and other Secret Service agents told a different story. According to another agent, the rifle was quote unquote ready to go, meaning it was cocked and loaded with the safety on for the whole trip. Safety off?

On. So the safety was on. The safety was on. But it was cocked and loaded. George Hickey said he stood up and cocked and loaded the gun himself. But another Secret Service agent said, that fucker was already cocked and loaded with the safety on. That's the thing about people who are super hungover.

They cannot tell a lie. They are way too, they're in too much pain. They are just, I mean, it makes them maybe sound a little angry and mean. The most honest people in the world are people who only are on an hour and a half asleep and 19 bourbons and you're just scraping stripper stuff off of you, like all their residue off of you that morning. Yeah.

Yeah, furthermore, 11 witnesses saw a Secret Service agent holding the rifle before the third shot. And some of the witnesses said they saw the Secret Service agent stand up with the rifle and fall back down on the seat almost immediately. Oh my God. He did not, Mr. McGuthis. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, Hickey. You, you done it again.

Wow. Oh, no. Oh, this means that George Hickey could have heard the first shot, grabbed the rifle, stood up and taken the safety off in order to fire back. But when the car lurched forward after the second shot, Hickey could have fallen back and accidentally pulled the trigger, killing the president in the process. He Jerry Lewised this thing?

The ballistics, the trajectory, credible witness statements, they all point towards this possibility. Oh no, man. I'm going to be in a heck of a lot of trouble. Yeah, yeah, it is interesting, Mr. Hickey. If this was a slapstick comedy, it'd be kind of funny, but it's not. I, I really ruin everything, huh? Didn't I?

Well, it's not great if you're supposed to protect the president. And it seems from our documentation, you shot him in the head. He was cheating. He was cheating on his wife. He was now the break of a vow. All jokes aside here, remember, Donahue said, based on ballistics alone in 1977, that the shot could have only come from the back left seat of the Secret Service limo.

Damn. That person was John Hickey. That was the only guy holding a rifle in that limo. There are pictures showing him holding the rifle in that limo, in that seat. And if this tells you anything, the AR-15, by the Secret Service's own admission, was withdrawn from service immediately following that day in Dallas. Wow. Only to be brought back into service by every white supremacist in the country.

Well, they saw how good it was at killing a president. Yeah, I guess so. But the evidence doesn't stop with Dealey Plaza. Now we get to the cover up. Now the first fishy thing when it came to the Secret Service's behavior was what they did in Dallas with the president's body. Now, as we said in episode four, it's assumed that LBJ was the one who wanted the president's autopsy to be done in Washington, DC, so he could get to the business of being president,

because he couldn't be seen to leave Jackie Kennedy behind. Because remember, it's Texas law that an autopsy has to be done. If a murder happens in Texas, autopsy has to be done in Texas. But it's also possible that the Secret Service themselves, along with LBJ, very much did not want an independent body to examine the wounds on the president's head, lest they arrive at embarrassing conclusions. Then you had the complete clusterfuck of the autopsy in Washington, DC. There were at least 30 people present in the room,

representatives from the Army, the Navy, the FBI, technicians, pathologists, and of course, the Secret Service, all getting in each other's way. The way they described the scene at the autopsy room was like a Marx Brothers movie, where it was them, everyone was like, everyone was fighting and the other guys were like, get back, get back, this is the president's brain. But what was fishiest about the autopsy was the directives given to the x-ray technician in charge of doing x-rays on the president's brain. Okay.

And this technician was in a unique position to see just what types of bullet fragments were present, and he indeed saw that the head was full of exploded bullet fragments, but he was bluntly told by his superior to keep his mouth shut about the observation, and even more damning was what the Secret Service asked him to do. They and the technician superior instructed this technician to manufacture an x-ray that would obscure the detection of a frangible bullet and make it appear as if the fragments present in the president's skull came from a full metal jacket bullet. This technician said that this order came after his superior had returned from a briefing at the

White House. Now, although you might think this comes from a story told to a conspiracy author, you'd be wrong. Yeah, you're wrong. How does that feel? Also, it's arm away. This testimony was given under oath in 1995 to members of Congress after they passed the JFK Records Act and wanted further clarification on the autopsy report, which was, by all accounts,

a fucking mess. To make it very clear, Howard Donahue did not have this information when he put forth this theory, and this information only strengthened his original observation that the president was shot with a frangible bullet. And a frangible bullet was the type of bullets that were in the Secret Service when it's gone. Oh, man. That's not good. None of this is good.

This is not good. It should have been a war. None of this is going to be good for Hickey as well. Oh, Hickey, you've done it again, and there is just no getting out of this. I really stepped my foot in it, huh? You really did, Mr. Hickey. And by the way, the Secret Service somehow managed to destroy all of their records concerning the JFK assassination just a week before their subpoena came from Congress during that 1995

investigation. Coincidence? That actually was merited. I don't think that is a coincidence. I think they're channeling Seth Rollins. They're burning it down. That is insane. Furthermore, two other technicians told this same investigative body that they took 40

rolls of film in the autopsy room, but those rolls were confiscated by head Secret Service agent Roy Kellerman, and that claim is backed up by FBI record. Damn. These photos, not surprisingly, never been seen. No fucking clue what's on them. Oh my god. You know, one guy just took a picture of JFK's dick for like 40 minutes. Of course.

I mean, honestly, I bet you there was a couple in one of the surgeons' dick, and they just knew they were very, very embarrassing. My god. So 40 films, 40 rolls of film, destroying the evidence a week before the subpoena, and the bullet. But what's most disturbing of all is the matter of the president's brain. President's brain! Fact is, JFK's brain is missing.

Wait, what? I'm sorry, what? They lost that. You lost the brain. Well, we always thought, okay, I have President's brain here in a little bear wall. I hear it while you're waiting for it, and then I turn around, oh, it's going. Yeah, Mr. Dinkle, I don't know why they put you in charge of the brain, but you seem to have something on the side of your mouth.

Did you, did you eat the brain, Mr. Dinkle? Guilty as George. He just looked so delicious the other day sitting there, all wiggly, like a bunch of jello, and I was like, yum, yum, yum. You know, I guess, I guess I really did bathe his will, huh? You did. Yeah, you ate a lot of evidence. Very important evidence.

Yeah, I guess so, it tasted bad. Yeah, I would think so. The President's brain was not buried with the President. Where the hell is the, what did they do with the brain? I mean, I guess you just throw it away. No, it disappeared after the autopsy, and to this day, its location is a complete and total mystery. Some say RFK took it, some say it went somewhere in storage. Truth is, no fucking clue, no idea, and that brain would answer so many fucking questions.

That episode of Storage Wars is going to be very exciting. There is even some people that say that his brain was taken in order to create a living cybernetic clone of him, where his brain operates, this is true, where his brain operates ahead of him like Krang, and then they can ask it questions. This is in the secret space program storyline of all this that is just, might be too stupid to include, where JFK saw Nazi UFOs in the 1950s, and when he was a senator, and that he helped with Operation Paperclip bring people over, but from the Nazi side, but he knew that the Nazis were collaborating with the Greys back then, and that's reason why the Secret Service

guy shot him in the back of the fucking head, because he was just about to disclose the fucking secret space program he knew, he got too deep, and then they fucking killed him for it. Yeah, I do think this is probably the way to end, we gotta end the series, because I don't really want to go through a divorce. No, no, there's more to go. Oh, I know that. But his brain is not intact. No, it's, it's, it's, it's, what was left of the brain?

It's blown, right? I mean, it's destroyed. What was left of the brain? Well, yeah, and well, it's not completely and totally destroyed, half of it's gone. And you would have the bone, and you would have the bullet fragments. You would have the bullet fragments, it would be full of those bullet fragments, and it's just, but it's just fucking gone. Okay. Also, Joshua Tink Thompson talks about the brain mist and his little fucking cool-ass

little TED talk he did, but it's called Joshua Tink Thompson, Private Investigator, that talks about the brain mist coming out of his fucking head. And you could tell that was the, that's why the shots were super suspicious, because the brain mist got all over the cops behind the JFK car. And the reason why they think what happened is that it exploded, his brain's literally exploded because the wind was coming towards the president's car that it wafted what was left of his vaporized brains all over the detail. That's a rough day at the office. That's when you want those glasses that have the

little window wipers on it. What's even more interesting is that the Warren Commission seemed completely uninterested in investigating either the secret service theory or the ensuing cover-up, and in fact seemed to purposefully steer the investigation away from the possibility. They didn't question the witness who saw the pink flash. They didn't question the witness who saw the agents firing back after the second shot, and they did not inquire after the 40 rolls of film taken in the autopsy room or where the fuck the president's brain was.

Damn. Marcus, they didn't want to be nosy. Yeah, that was his brother job. Yeah. Furthermore, out of all the people in the 12 cars behind the president's limo in the motorcade that were facing the president's limo when the president was shot, only six people out of all of the people in the motorcade were called as witnesses, and out of those six, four smelled gunpowder on street level,

and three smelled whiskey on their mustaches. Why does that secret service man smell like daddy? Now, it's obvious here, at least to me, that there was definitely some sort of cover-up, but the reason behind this cover-up was not to hide the government's involvement in the murder. Rather, it was to hide the insane embarrassment of a secret service agent accidentally killing the person they were charged to protect. It really is the CIA version or the secret service version of scoring a touchdown in the wrong end zone. In the Super Bowl.

In the Super Bowl. To lose the game. Yes, it's a big deal. And really, I can understand the impulse. A fuck-up of this magnitude would have been a devastating blow in a very delicate period in the Cold War. Because, as we said in the first episode, the Cold War was largely a war of optics. If it got out that America accidentally killed its own president, then that would have become the Soviet Union's go-to when talking about the superiority of the Soviet Union,

which would have made diplomacy with other countries when it came to arguing from the point of American superiority highly fucking difficult. So, literally the secret service was like Billy Madison in that bit, where he's like, they're all going to laugh at you? They literally were just like, Fidel is going to make fun of us forever. Yes, exactly. Soviet Union's been like, so you want those, yes, we can move the missiles, we can waste them, we're just getting a report and then, holy fucking shit. This is the funniest single thing I have read on the face of the play.

I am just, I'm going to help them cover this up. Because this is too fucking, I want to be the only one who knows about this. God. I mean, you just think of it as like, oh yes, do you want capitalism? Well, if you want your president to be shot in the fucking head by his own people, I guess you can go for capitalism. It really is a fucking, it's a PR nightmare for the United States that lasts forever. Yeah, I guess so, and I would assume that's the end of the secret service. We'd probably have a different version of the secret service called,

I don't know, we won't, we, that we don't kill the president, guys. And after all, they already had Lee Harvey Oswald. Even if he didn't fire- Good enough, right? They're just like good enough. Even if he didn't fire the fatal shot, he was still responsible for the president's death from a manslaughter point of view. Sure, I mean, yeah. So they probably figured not any harm in placing all the blame on the lone gunman. Yeah, just give it all to him. Who gives a shit? We already, he was already there.

He was already there. He was already there, he had bought the gun, he was all positioned and he was ready to go. Yeah. I mean, it just seems like a dude who had hubba-bubba and blew a bubble and it popped in his mouth. This guy had a hair trigger, this, this secret security guy. I mean, he just, I mean, he freaked out. Oh my god. He totally fucking freaked out.

That's crazy. He boned it. Yeah. That's one way to put it. But there was one person the government didn't account for. Jack Ruby. They never think of Sparky Rubinstein. Oh.

When Jack Ruby killed Oswald, it kicked off a mystery and a curiosity that will never be fully resolved. Because at that moment, at the moment of Lee Harvey Oswald's assassination, the JFK assassination became a great fucking story. Yeah. The sad reality is that there are very few agreed upon facts anymore when it comes to the assassination of John F. Kennedy outside of the very basic certainties of location and cause of death. And some people will even argue about that. Instead, we have theories and opinions.

In fact, at this point, it almost doesn't matter which one of us is right. Because after years of theorizing and arguing on one side and destroying records and covering up facts on the other, we will never have a hard truth. And unfortunately, Howard Donahue, the father of the Secret Service theory, discovered this sad reality again and again. He released his findings in 1977 in the Sunday edition of the Baltimore Sun. Totally confident that he was about to blow the lid off the whole goddamn thing. Instead, the theory appeared and vanished.

He then released a book in 1992 with author Bonner Mininger called Mortal Error. And he did the rounds on the media thinking that finally, this theory is going to get the attention it deserves. He was on Good Morning America saying, God damn it, it's all so simple. Why won't anyone listen to me? Well, and if you're a producer of Good Morning America, I do have to question your casting because it's like, Good Morning America, today's guest, the Secret Service shot the president.

Well, maybe we could have done this for an average afternoon show. Now, Al Roker is going to talk about how he, it's a dog's birthday today. Nancy is a thousand years old today. Isn't that sweet? The Secret Service shot the president. Well, we're done with that segment now. Another unimportant things that will be covered later on today in the episode. Yep, the response came and went with little more than a shrug nationwide.

Then in 2014, a documentary called The Smoking Gun, featuring an Australian cold case detective named Colin McLaren, was released. And it came and went without fanfare. And in some cases was even derided without reason by the media. Just for fun. They're always complicit. Each book that is released, each documentary, each new bit of information, each testimony,

each scientific advance in ballistics, every single fucking one of them only strengthens Howard Donoghue's original claim that he made in 1977. In fact, this is one of the few JFK conspiracy theories that actually becomes more true. The more truth comes out. I thought that it was something to do with the Greys. So the question here, why is this theory not more widely accepted?

Well, that's a good one. Why are most of you hearing it just now for the first time? Well, I got my answer to this question during a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. Layed the whole thing out, expected to blow his fucking mind, and he's primed for all this shit. Is he your communist friend? No.

Okay. But after telling him, he said, Huh. Huh. No, yeah, great, yeah. And you're like, you're just standing there. And I told my wife about it. Naked and yelling while I waited for the shower to heat up.

And she said, Huh. Well, maybe you should pay your heat bill, but... It just takes a while for the shower to heat up. It's an old building. They just don't take you seriously, Marcus. So it's just why you need to kill these people. No, but I mean, I think the thing is, Huh is the only... We have no power.

We have no power over this. So if you even entertain it, all it will do is drive you nuts. Huh is the ultimate safety. Where it's just like, Okay, I don't know, cool. That's all the reaction this theory usually gets, despite all the evidence. Because no, I've seen people when you tell them about the fucking CIA and you tell them about like, Oh man, fucking Badge Man right here.

Like they'd be like, Holy shit, dude. Like that's fucking awesome. That's because an accident isn't sexy. An accident does not make sense in a story that we're all trained to accept is a grand narrative full of villains and shadowy figures. This theory does not have the air of mystery that a hit job perpetrated by the Chicago mafia

because JFK had sex with the wrong woman does. Right, no. Nor is it coupled with the rage that comes from thinking that this is all a CIA conspiracy coup. It keeps us all from living in a better world than the one we have to fucking deal with now. Instead, this is a theory of the kind of uncaring universal chaos that we all have to face every day of our lives.

And maybe it's difficult for us to accept that a man of John F. Kennedy stature is just as vulnerable to a stupid accident as you or me. It's a little bit easier to accept once you realize he loved vanilla and peach ice cream. But no matter what the reason was that prevented this theory from taking off, Howard Donahue still died in relative obscurity,

having made only the smallest ripple in the vast world of JFK conspiracy theory. Wow, there it is, folks. That is awesome. This is a lot. It's a lot to take it. I understand. This is a thick one, man.

And I, you know, who knows? My jury is still vaguely out only just because, again, I am of the same mind that you do want it. And I find myself guilty of that same thought process as that you want it to be more dramatic. You want it to be more interesting and more dark and convoluted because of how important this moment ended up being

to all of history. But sometimes it's really just about the fact that life just sometimes takes the left turn. Sometimes you just get fucking kicked in the nuts. And there ain't no reason why except for the fact that it was your time to get kicked in the nuts. It's pure chaos. The world is organized chaos.

I think this is probably the scariest conclusion that one could come up with. Truly it is. It's just like. It is a terrifying. Oh, it's butter hands. It's a terrifying thing to accept. It is.

So yes, indeed. All right, there's five parts on J, six parts. Oh my God, I've lost track. That's six parts on JFK. Higher hunks move and junk. There's a lot to unpack here. Thank you all so much for listening to this series. Great work, guys.

So much information. Re-listen to these episodes because this is really fascinating stuff. And thank you all so much for your support. We will be on to lighter subjects in the very near future and then back to the blood as I'm not on as always. I'm excited for blood. We have some fun alien shit coming your way.

We have some heavy hitters about to come, especially now with the debut of the book on April 7th. We had a lot of shit planned. So next week, what we were going to do for you guys, we're going to do a lax of it next week because we are changing up our plans because we had a whole thing set for April that is now not happening.

So what we are doing is rejiggering and repositioning and then we're going to be back with more fucking aliens, serial killers, and fucking general weird shit. Very excited for this summer because we're going to have a lot of time now to really get into some weird shit. Absolutely. Everything you've come to love from the last podcast on the left,

we will be giving you as always also August. We are on the road in August. We cannot wait to see everyone there. We're going to have specific dates coming out for you in extremely short amount of time. So we will get that to you. Obviously we don't. We got a lot of time until August.

So we will get that out to you as soon as we possibly can. Thank you all so much for everyone who has pre-ordered the book. It's doing like really, really well. And that makes me very proud, specifically of you, Mr. Parks. Thank you very much. Because you just did such a great job. That is your first book and you are a talent. Those big fingers of yours caress in that keyboard.

It's a thing of beauty. So thank you all so much for supporting every show here on the last podcast network. We also have the LPN show, which will be coming out fairly soon. And speaking of Marcus's talents, I'm going to say it so it happens. Marcus is going to be creating the intro music. Oh yeah. So get ready for some synth.

And if anyone can get past the intro music, I think we're going to have a high retention rate. We're going to see how far my MOOG's glide can go on this one. I'm excited to see. Also, Henry, congratulations on your wonderful guest role in Superstore. You did a great job. I made it. You did make it.

I made it to the final cut. And you did wonderful. So thank you so much. Also, our new merch store is now live. It's alive. Last podcast merch.com. I want you to go feel free to peruse our goods. And anything you purchase, 6.66% is going to go to the charity One Fair Wage,

where we are trying to do our best to give back to people that are getting hit hardest by COVID-19, which is the people whose job has just got fucking deleted over the last couple of months. So if you support us, you help support them. And honestly, the type of positive outreach we've had from fans of the last month or so, especially with what's going on with coronavirus has been so great. It's been, it's been very overwhelming. And we are, you've been there for us.

And now we're doing our job to fucking just keep pumping out the bullshit. The yelling and the screaming pumping out. Pumping out. If you want to, if you want to catch up on all things celebrity page seven, pop history, politics, abling, it's top at movies, movie signs with the mad, nerd culture, wizard and the bruiser. I think we've been wrestling kind of fun. And of course, music.

That would be no dogs in space. We're about to start a week after next. We're starting a series on the Ramones, which I know everybody has fucking been very much waiting for. Thank you very much for listening. Theoretically, and I don't necessarily recommend it, but I also don't not recommend it. You could get all of your information just from our network.

It will make you a better person. You will have a lot of information. You might lose your family, but that's okay. Maybe. All right, everyone. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Elgin, stay safe, stay inside, wash your hands.

Magustylations. Wash your hands, bitch. Different day, wash your hands. What was it? Was it a rapper that said, wash your hands, wash your butt? Yeah. Wash your hands, wash your butt. He nailed it.

Always a good advice at any time in history. Yeah, of course. Goodbye, everyone. Hail me. You fuck up. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

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