Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 406: Giant Humanoids

Episode Date: April 11, 2020

It's a return to the weird on this week's Last Podcast as we explore the myth, the alternative anthropology, and the Biblical ufology of giant humanoids. 

There's no place to escape to this is the last talk on the left That's when the cannibalism started And now since it is a good Friday, mm-hmm. Let's begin with the reading from her Bible Oh, I'm getting triggered if you're home with your Bible right now as you should be Because you should be thinking about what you've done to bring this plague upon us You need to think about it, right? So this comes from Genesis 6. Okay, the most literal part of the Bible Uh-huh. Love the band When human beings began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them

The sons of God saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful and we married any of them they chose Then the Lord said my spirit will not contend with humans forever, but they are mortal their days will be 120 the Nephilim were on the earth in those days and also afterward when the sons of God went into the daughters of men And her children by them they were the heroes of old men of renown The Lord saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human Heart was only evil all the time. He had regretted that he had made human beings on the earth and his heart was deeply Troubled so the Lord said I will wipe from the feet of the earth the human race I have created with them the animals the birds and the creatures that move around the ground by regret that I have made them

But no, he found favor in the eyes of the Lord. So good for him Really powerful stuff I am Staring at Marcus's beautiful face. Yeah, the Bible powerful stuff Then we have biblical Henry Zabrowski, which is a saying that I never thought I would utter But I am happy you finally found the light. Fuck you It's just important to remember that when you're when you are reading the Bible, right? Take it literally take don't take it. It's none of it is poetry No, remember that none of it is an amalgamation of

Various huddled peoples and caves. Mm-hmm and people pretending to be God And just writing random shit and then rewriting it many many generations in a row now I realize pornhub isn't just exploiting a weird sexual kink where people might want to have sex with their siblings. It's biblical And the Bible powerful. All right, everyone, you know last the past six weeks except for our relaxed bit of JFK You know, what did it happen wasn't real. I am just so happy today. We are getting to actual truth Some true facts today's topic my people are finally being covered giant human No, when it comes to the world of giant humanoids these creatures essentially live in three separate worlds

the world of myth and folklore the world of alternative anthropology and Archaeology, thank you for giving them the credit of calling it alternative apology and archaeology It means they wear flannel and they're very very sad and the world of biblical Ufology shut up Even so do you start this fucking episode with yet ufology nonsense and I'm gonna say that the biblical ufology I'm now you're doing it to me The biblical ufology is uh, I mean, I'm gonna say it's the most creative. Yeah

Well, give them credit for that well over the course of this episode We mean to bring these three worlds together to examine whether or not giant humanoids may have once or Or may currently this earth Well, if you walk if you listen to some of the Bible scholars videos that I watched on YouTube They will say that if it shows that in the actual statement where it says the giants walk the earth in the days of old and the days Afterwards that they say oh, that's proof that giants were still that our giants are still on the planet walking around But he pointed out there's a semicolon in there

It is not even proof of Giants It is proof that everyone that wrote the Bible were tiny nerds Giants were just out playing sport hunting food. We didn't have time to scribe We were busy providing food for our families giant humanoids dicks Ruin the pussies of the most beautiful women of the tribe and then our normal tiny penises can't even go in there anymore Well, this is not just a biblical episode We're gonna be covering all kinds of shit when it comes to giant humanoids when it comes to myth and folklore Most cultures have at one point or another developed at least one if not multiple tales of

Giants hmm. I just I am I am angry As you should what you're in your I guess what kissle and all this you're a fucking tiny little fucking baby You're a tiny weenie little boy boy in this whole scenario. These are real Giants. You're some kind of fake Giants. Oh my god The sentient people native to Canada told the story of Amala who holds the world aloft on a pole He took his vast strength from rubbing wild duck oil on his back And once all the ducks in the world are gone Amala will die the world will topple from his pole and And the apocalypse will come wait ducks

I Wonder if the bunch of other Canadian Giants sat around we're like I see what you're doing there with the duck Well, actually what you're gonna need to be doing is switching to chicken oil Because that's actually the proper kind of oil that you need But I was doing it if it was me if you keep on a doing it the wrong way You're more than welcome to but if you want to do it Yeah, if you want to do it the right way you might want to use some chicken oil and chicken oil is a sustainable oil And I should know because we are sucking the oil out of our country so much and selling it to ever possible

Well, you guys have officially become more passive-aggressive against Canadians than Canadians Which is really impressive and you know, it's the Canadian Bible because there'll be a verse then Jesus turned water into wine Then he said I'm sorry We love the people of Canada and we will be there as soon as we can And when Japan they have buttoe Joe which translates to green giant green giant All right in one story buttoe Joe gives a magical Cucumber to an elderly couple saying they will have a daughter if they plant it But buttoe Joe promised to return on her 17th birthday to consume the teenager

Naturally, the grandparents teach the girl magic and when the giant comes back She easily disposes of the creature and continues living uneaten. How's that fair to fucking bujoe Joe? Yeah, he gave him the cucumber. They shouldn't have accepted the cucumber He fulfilled his side of the bargain Yeah, he gave them the magic cucumber that gave them a daughter and then they get to reneg and all of this bullshit I think we need to start talking about contracts. There's already giants out there and I'm looking at you kissle I know you're a baby today But normally you should think about contracts and making people make people put sign it on the dotted line

No, absolutely. No, if I had it my way, there'd be no rules at all and finally I'd reign supreme once again Of course the Scandinavians have the euthan created while Emyr was exploring Ganunga Gap and fell asleep near Moospalheimer and the heat caused Emyr to sweat out a giant son with six heads named Thrudgelmyr and from there the euthan proliferated Or I could also see it like the euthan created while Emyr was exploring Ganunga Gap First of all, these are not words Yes, and also Marcus, I do love that you're starting these sentences with the words of course Because I have never heard of any of this shit. Of course you have you played God of War, you know all about the fucking euthan

You know all about Moospalheim and fucking Euthanheim, you know about Euthanheim I just learned how to be a father from that game My question is why I wonder why Norse myths love to do those Like the many-headed thing and they're ripping from the bodies like it's a very specific style that the Norse myth has that ever so I think it's so much fun. Yeah, it's extremely fun I mean Norse mythology is amongst the most complicated mythology there is out there, but they got a lot of giants All right, and also a lot of good personal magic is deep inside of Alsutra from what hasn't From what you could salvage from what's been taken by the ultra-white wing sides of that part of Europe

Which is unfortunate because I fucking want to be able to wear my Mjolnir everywhere Well, I but let's reclaim the only character that I can possibly mention and I don't even know if it's appropriate But we'll reclaim Thor yeah, it's appropriate. I mean Thor is an idiot, but why is Thor an idiot? Why are we even doing that? The Mjolnir gives you courage and makes you strong of cock It's true But not all of the Giants of lore were male the Inuits of Alaska told a tale of Caten to you who is a horrific giant with an enormous head and

Pregilus breasts with a vulva that descended so far below her pelvis that it almost drug the grouse Oh, I like it and this like wait a second. There's a tiny red-headed chubbied Moustachioed man. I think he's doing aerials those vulvas I'm her helper I bring her the fat is to fat is to new it Suck of their juices. Oh, yes, that is the classic labia troll

Yes, it is me. I love it down here Well, my personal favorite is the Margoot out of France Standing at 10 feet tall and acting as the companion of a Turkish giant Margoot laughed himself to death After watching a monkey put on a pair of boots. Oh, he's like the weasels He thought that this monkey trying to put on a pair of boots was so funny you laugh so hard he exploded He is the patron saint of YouTube Oh, and in Scotland, they've got the Fachon the Fachon are giants with hands growing out of their chests Who are so repulsive that the mere sight of them causes heart attacks?

And they are in addition said to be expert leapers Cool. Okay, that's kind of funny jumps real big It's got to kind of be sad for the Fachon because they I mean they're just giants with hands growing out of their chests and all they want to do is hug and they can give two hugs because they can do hugs with their outside arms and with their inside arms like You're like well, unfortunately, you look pretty Scottish. I'm so desperate for affection right now I jump into both of their arms and be happy if they rip me apart Now one thing about researching this folklore that surprised me was that the British Isles had quite a few stories

Concerning giants both good and evil many more stories than a lot of the cultures dead Perhaps not coincidentally this same place also has possible evidence of giant humanoids existing within their lands Very big chairs I love those the ones that families take pictures on now when they're on the boardwalk Yes, I've done it. I'm guilty. I wonder why there are so many giant humanoids in the Anglo-Saxon world There are so many because the Irish also have a very intense Grouping that they they take very very seriously that they view but it's it's weird because of all the types of cryptids are all the types of kind of fantasy

Animals or or prehistorical things that might have existed who knows you'd figure that a giants would be the least likely to miss Well, that's a good point least likely to miss but also least likely to survive It's very difficult to keep a giant alive. Well as we learned. Yeah. Well, well, thankfully, I'm still around my my Veins still connect with my toes to my brain The tallest dude that that what was the eight something we'll get to him later Really is he an actual human giant humanoid? Well, yeah I mean he has giantism, but you know, we'll definitely get into him and discussion of circulatory systems later on I can't wait Is this the is this the is this encrypted? This is like the most likely to be a real thing

I mean, it really is especially once you consider the evidence that's been found and you're gonna enjoy it Okay, I'm gonna tell you what though Marcus. I'm gonna bring up some stuff later That's might contend to some of this evidence and it comes from some of the bravest smartest YouTube comments that I've ever read So let's begin our exploration into what? Alternative scientists have to say about the evidence of giant humanoids in our past Which is of course mixed in with a healthy amount of myth and folklore one of my favorite alternative scientists of all times Dr. Spoonman Very excited to hear what he says, of course

Now it is highly difficult to claim that the evidence for giant humanoids absolutely exists But what we can say is that there's plenty of high Strangeness surrounding these creatures along with the fair amount of historical collaboration if you frame it right, okay? According to a manuscript written in 1150 AD Stonehenge the great monolith of England was constructed by a giant Assisting King Arthur's court wizard Merlin And there are certainly people who believe that the world of King Arthur truly existed Exactly as it's portrayed in the legendary stories

Now lift this down again Put it down like a bench. I want to see how it looks when it's down like a bench Adventures of that actually giant. Yeah, you want me to move I was born from a tree Oh, I don't like it standing up Would you actually lay it back down? You know, I can do anything. I'm a huge giant I don't just have to move these rocks Can I just say this when it comes to Stonehenge, yeah, it's not that exciting

God you're truly the Johnny Ramon of this group I don't know what that means, but I'll take it If you want to know exactly what we're talking about Listen to the next episode of no dogs in space where we're gonna tell a story of the Ramon's on tour We're Johnny Ramon says that exact thing and stays in the van pouting while the rest of the band enjoys Stonehenge They that was back in the day We used to be able to walk into Stonehenge where you could like walk around and he could write fucking here comes the Ramon's If we went to Stonehenge, I would steal some of Henry's weed and go and look at it

I'm not gonna be all Johnny Ramon about it, but I understand the sentiment But for evidence near Stonehenge is the Salisbury Plain where hundreds of mounds earthworks and Megaliths far larger than the Stonehenge complex are located They just aren't as widely known because frankly they aren't as visually arresting as Stonehenge Stonehenge looks really fucking cool These others look like big rocks. Yeah, that's the thing But you the thing is with them big-ass rocks. How'd I get there? Right, I know that Stonehenge is cool because it's super zeppelin and it works with the Sun Which is one of the I guess the reasons why they say it was even built. I guess that it was a calendar

I'm not really I'm not fully certain on that All right, we haven't gotten into our ancient architecture series. We could do eventually Yeah, I want to do King Arthur, but King Arthur and does Require a lot of books that you also could get from a syllabus for people who go to like NA or a Those things kind of mix together. Well, I don't think it's a calendar because I don't see any cute dog photos Oh, or the Barbie twins Barbie twins calendar that without a doubt the Carney came on when he gave it they tried to get them to go there But it was cold

But to somewhat support the claim that a wizard built Stonehenge with the help of a friendly giant is an assertion made by a man named Sir Thomas Elliott he said that he found both a suit of armor belonging to a giant warrior and a Skeleton measuring 14 feet 10 inches in Salisbury in 1802 I knew it's difficult to find it because it was underneath all that brown sauce Indeed low-key love Salisbury steak people used to make fun of I was that kid who got everyone else's Because no one liked it and I was like, I actually think it's pretty good. I think it's good. I like that. It's all brown In addition to that a skeleton unearthed near St. Edmunds Church right next to Salisbury measuring 9 feet 4 inches Was found nearly a hundred years earlier and 700 years prior to that

Monks at Glastonbury Abbey found something that just might shine a different light on British history hmm These monks found an oak coffin 16 feet below the surface of the Abbey between two mysterious pyramids and Inside the coffin. They found a skeleton that was no less than nine feet tall Cool. All right, and just above the coffin was a lead cross carved with the following inscription Here lies and turd the famous King Arthur on the Isle of Avalon No shit, so he was like that's fucking cool, but it's like I guess he was like the brawn Yeah, maybe so King Arthur was supposed to be nine feet tall. Maybe maybe King Arthur was a giant

No, this was before all the royal family started in breeding. This is like the beginning of it all This is the OG shit. Okay, then slowly whittling down Since then and now we have Queen Elizabeth who goes on camera with a green screen shirt on going And everyone's like oh wow, she's alive If you want to check out a funny Instagram Kyle Donningin is hilarious and he does a great impression of Prince Harry Very very funny Now it wasn't just the English who had possible evidence of giant humanoids in their past and here's where we start moving a little closer to modern history

outside of the Middle Ages Going back as far as the year 1500 Spanish explorers to America reported several encounters with giant Native Americans, although admittedly Giant might have been a relative term. They're just not short Italians Because you're all big and scary and all you want to do is thump your chests and yell and throw beer cans at people With the small of us the rest of us spent our times building sales getting to America you big giants I mean it's going around sticking your dicks and trees

Drinking old pond water and killing pigs If we move in the needle if we did our dick in trees We wouldn't have ends and if we didn't have ends How would we know the forest is safe to go into? I also wonder how many times they go on a trip to the New World and come back with nothing And then they got they went to the New World and they're like and they and they come back with all the stuff And they're like and it's just like okay. Tell us now. We are our many treasures from your many many dreams And they're like oh, sorry. We don't have a anything

You're like wait, how I don't you have anything we say to our way to America. He's like hey The Giants Giants keep us. I had a big a hairy So typical the entire world is based upon lies of the little man Well, that did actually almost happen New Amsterdam, which of course eventually became New York Almost didn't make it because all they had to sell at first were beaver pelts and the people of Europe were not too impressed With just beaver pelts. So damn near didn't make it to where it is today, and New York is not seen a hairy beaver said

Wow, well they give some perspective on size the average height of the European male during that time period was five foot five Good solid height Native Americans on the other hand owing to their robust diet before the arrival of the white man We're usually eight to ten inches taller than your poorly fed scurvy stricken European. Yeah, I think you mispronounced superior But as we'll get into there is some archaeological evidence Maybe that some of the tribes in at least North America were as tall as the explorers claimed But before we explore that let's go through some of these accounts The Spanish explorer Alonzo Pineda said that the Karunkawa tribe of the Texas coast were

Exceedingly tall and well-formed and Pineda also claimed that the giants of the Texas coast were cannibalistic Now this might seem like explorer propaganda But as we'll see there is evidence both in certain archaeological finds and in Native American lore itself that giants if they did exist in North America Could have been cannibalistic as an essential part of their nature This goes back as far as stories of giants go that they are cannibalistic There is something about attaching giants and cannibalism. There's something about the otherness of them also saying that there's some kind of weird Cryptid math or or prehistory math about the idea of like you get to be more people tall the more people that you consume Like you are what you eat. I

Don't know what that I don't know why that is. There's just something because They they are also harkening back to I think as we'll get into the biblical Uphology of this the kind of this weird kind of stink of the giants an idea that they were supposed to have been destroyed long ago and they are kind of Fragments and pieces of a more harsh evil prehistory time period that they now in the modern times of the 1500s have really made sure that now It's super empathetic and they're far-forward thinking and it's that's as futuristic as it's gonna get I mean giants, you know even the notion of cannibalistic giants even shows up in like modern-day media like attack on Titan The amazing fucking anime is all about gigantic naked giants coming to eat humankind

Yeah, they've been sexualizing us for a long time The Giants have no genitals though Well, that's we got in these you got any ease. I'm also jacking a goddamn beanstalk. Yeah Yeah, oh and Jack has killed that jack the Giants layer. There are a ton of different stories about Jack killing Giants Okay, I don't want to do this again, but Jack is a fucking. It's an invasion of my save this We're gonna get to Goliath. We're gonna get to Goliath Who's also a fucking little tiny baby compared to all the people the real giants that were before him? I'm pro the Giants and I'm pro Goliath, and I'm just stand by it

Well, Panetta further claimed that this tribe on the Texas coast practiced head-flattening and another Spanish explorer Reported the same thing being done with Giants and the Caribbean the explorer there, however said that the Giants were man-made He claimed that the Giants bones were softened in infancy with ointments Then needed and stretched like wax by masters of the art until they were finally of giant size and stature If they survived the process, so they treated us like fettuccine It just shows that if your family kiss all it really put money down to some good ointments instead of just covering you with natty light Maybe you would have been taller The explorer Ferdinand Magellan also saw Giants in the Americas when in 1520

He saw a naked giant dancing and singing on the shores of Patagonia Which is now modern-day Argentina and Chile on the southern tip of South America Hmm. He said that this friendly naked giant was so tall that the tallest of his explorers only came up to his waist You see my bottom hair Good to see you friend Well, you come to my dick. Is it it fun? How long it is bigger than your entire family, huh? I dance all day long That's a good spot for them to be

No being Spanish explorers in the 1500s these men could not help but taint any and all discoveries with evil intent Eventually pretty soon Magellan's men devised a plot to kidnap two of the Giants and take them back to Europe To show the Queen or sell them in the slavery or do whatever the fuck it is Those evil bastards did with native people back in the 16th century They gave them the career opportunities of being slave butlers Uh-huh. Well, this is just absolutely horrific what they've done to the giant people and I think I I deserve My reparations, which is fun. No, I don't want you to start this is another new Alternative take when you start to saying that there was more giant slaves than any other race of slave and I don't want to hear about it

These people did supposedly get two Giants onto their ship But both natives died in transit presumably from one of the diseases that killed 30 million people in modern-day Mexico and South America Alone by 1620. Let's not bring anything real into this Unfortunately though we cannot confirm Magellan's story because he claimed to have dumped the bodies overboard However, sir fucking Osama bin Laden. I know the same shit and we do not take down the trade center towers We built the fucking I want to see the pictures of the Giants bodies next to Osama bin Laden's bodies down in fucking Davey Crockett's locker. What's the name of that thing? Davey Jones's locker

however, sir Francis Drake returned to Patagonia later and did confirm that the natives averaged somewhere around seven and a half feet tall and This does kind of track because the thing what we do know about people's growth Natural evolutionary growth is that people in colder climates are much larger than people in warmer climates. Why is that? I don't know exactly, but I do know there's that's the reason why the Scandinavians are very tall and South American natives Mayans are very short. Huh, it's all about climate. Okay, maybe something about seeing over snow Dumbest fucking thing you've ever Once like to be closer to the sand so they can relax easier

Metabolism I heard it was so they could see over snow again Invading disease-ridden slavers who believe that the natives were hiding a city made entirely of gold and that the fountain of youth Was somewhere in Florida. They're not the most trustworthy of sources. Yeah, the fountain of youth is not in Florida It's called the the grave of the elderly is in Florida My other question. Do you honestly I have a question about some of those things? Maybe well, that's another topic. Maybe we'll do is El Dorado one day. Yeah, but my question is do you think that sometimes? They obviously had to get budgets to go to the New World and go to get to do these trips

Yeah budgets they had to go and they had a pitch Yeah, like this is what we're gonna go do and we're gonna go find this thing Yeah, you think maybe this revolts like literally goes into like pitch logic of like we're gonna hit him with this I I heard a guy. I was whipping the other day say that he could show me to a city made out of gold And I'd trust that guy cuz he was screaming So we should show them Well, however, there are numerous legends in Native American lore and tribes up and down North America Which suggests that maybe just maybe the Spanish explorers might have been on to something

I would pay so much money to just sit around a campfire Get stoned and listen. Native American stories are like the best that is best. They're so fucking good The Shawnee's oral history has the story of the or in a yard Hig which loosely translates to the stonish giants It was yeah, we were pretty fucking stoned It was said that these giants descended from a certain family who wandered the forest Forgot the rules of humanity and developed a taste for man flesh Wasn't aware that I wasn't supposed to masturbate Your head looks like an egg

No, no, please I'm just about to invent spaghetti The Chinese ended up doing it No kidding these giants also gave themselves hard skin by rolling around in the sand so that the arrows of the Shawnee Merely bounced from their bodies Yeah, I know why I look like a big turd It's nice because the arrows can't penetrate my heart Stop eating my people sir. We're just humble pasta makers So the Shawnee hid in caves for many winters until finally the or in a yard Hig died out

The Miwok have a similar story. Although theirs is only about one giant They believed in a stonish giant named Yali who was perhaps not so coincidentally Also a cannibalistic humanoid Hmm in one story. Yeah, Yali stormed a Miwok village and immediately consumed a poor man named Chipmunk. Oh, Mr. Yall. Yeah Hi, are you are you Chipmunk? Yeah, that's my life. Yeah, I'm the funniest guy They say that I read someone around the entire truck because I wouldn't show everybody my luck It's a jump rope look. I'm doing a jump rope

And everybody said you just put the rope on the ground and jumping over it. And I'm like, won't you call me again? Chipmunk, you're just dumb enough to eat I can still hear Chipmunk inside of my tummy Well after eating him Yali took Chipmunk's wife as his own And forced her to consume the flesh of her dead husband Eventually she became pregnant and gave birth to two Stonish sons, but after speaking with the tribe as to how she could end her own personal hell She devised a simple yet effective plan

She took a piece of obsidian Cut Yali's face from his skull Murdered both him and their sons and hung their butchered body parts from trees I could have done it without that, ma'am Sisters are doing it for themselves I don't like this whatsoever. She's still the mother of the children. She shouldn't kill them. They were also evil They were big. They were evil. They were eating other members of the tribe. They were hungry And now we need to start wondering whether or not being big makes you evil or does being evil start to make you big

Well it even gets worse after that Yali's brother then came to visit and not knowing the meat hanging from the trees was that of his own kin The brother consumed the tree flesh. Yes, he did. Why not man? No fucking questions, dude I got my butcher box in the mail, dude. I get that shit Eventually though Yali's brother was also killed when the village shaman called on a water elemental to drown the giant with a flood And this is probably like a story used to explain like that's where that river came from or something like that But when the giant survived the flood, isn't the giant one of the only creatures that would live through a flood? You wait kissle because we'll find out because we will see if the deluvian event that changed all human kind wasn't specifically done

To kill all the giants. Mm-hmm. Oh Even more terrifying was the say nahaha of the payutes To say nahaha was a giant who would carry a large basket of thorns on his back And capture people to throw inside and torture them as he walked the lands I'll tell you what if you thought to say a nahaha was really bad if you meant to say a boo-hoo You would be so scared. He's so depressing I'm happy you did that one, not I I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm here

Sorry that I did this Uh, does anyone want to buy any thorns? No, you're selling thorns But it's with the payutes that a small bit of archaeological evidence comes to the forefront Now ben, yes, swear. I'm not roasting you here. I swear. I swear. I swear. I am like really I I am on the edge of my chair full of rage right now. This is I it's just it's so on the nose It's so beautiful what history provides But the payutes also believed in a race of cannibalistic

red-haired giants Heroes is what you is what you should be calling them Called the sea to ca or it's like it's it see take a whatever I'm not sure how to pronounce it But what I do remember what they all said about the red-haired giants and this is true So they love big barrels of they get as much ale as they could It's like a big drunk fucking they steal all their food and that they smelled like shit Your big stinky ass fucking giants

Okay, goofy right here. It's like worse than corpses like they smelled worse than rotting corpses. They're having fun They're party bros. They're having a good time. Yes, everyone when the when they show up the party ends for some people Oh, but it starts for the cool people And supposedly there is evidence for this. Yes in 1911 a group of businessmen Attempting to harvest vast supplies of bat guano in Nevada's lovelock cave discovered two giant mummified skeletons Well preserved with red hair. Yep Sitting on big beanbag chairs in front of their 70-inch televisions playing fucking division two

Oh, yes, this is the authentic alcoholic Now the payute people are no strangers to weirdness because if you'll remember the legends of the closely related Utah tribe are directly linked to skim walker ranch the epicenter of high strangeness in america Hmm. What's interesting with lovelock cave in the payute tribe though is that their legends line up with archaeological evidence But that's of course if you believe what the people who discovered the cave in 1911 had to say you can always just say like Ah, they were lying. Well, yeah, this is This is just one of those pieces of archaeological evidence that if you want to call them all here say sure absolutely But this is not the only one there has been countless evidence the countless stories of people finding

Massive skeletons and the lovelock cave is specific particularly interesting because they found These fucking as we'll go through the evidence They found things that cooperated the old school story That's the thing you watch indiana jones as a child and you're like i want to be an archaeologist And then you get the degree and you realize you're just waiting in shit that shit most of your life is dukey really But guano is very fucking lucrative. Yeah. Yeah guano is good business. Yeah. Yeah Now according to the payute legend a pair of red-haired giants were chased into the cave by the payute people Following a reign of murder and cannibalism and the payutes started a great fire and destroyed the entrance

Trapping the giants inside for eternity But if you go inside of that cave You can see they say that the ceiling is all scorched and they did find what they called a giant handprint a giant six-fingered handprint that they found on the wall that then when they went back to go like I guess carve it out of the rock to show it. It was gone So but there were pictures of it. I saw it on the new kirk's website weak and weird They also had a good little section about that that story of like this weird handprint that mysteriously disappeared This is revisionist history the little person think about the giant

The giants just hanging out having a nice time trying to killing people and eating people. No, no the people are under their feet And then you say we're less than that's what you're saying is that we count less than you because you're bigger But guess what there's more of us. But just think about how scared the giants must have been they were killing and eating people they were different than them Dog meat we can't expect him to see outside of his own prerogative and devote for his own interests I mean, I'm right in the middle of the two of you. I mean, I'm six. I'm I'm six foot tall So I'm right in the middle of Henry and Ben. I'm an average height. Yeah. Well, you better make a choice, buddy

Well, it said that those same giants the ones from the piute legend were the ones found in 1911 in addition to skeletons The guano farmers also found baskets and stone tools as well as comically large sandals Much too big to fit the average person You fucking Comically large What is actually very sad is that it feels like they found the ancient burial ground of a sketched comedian Who did a fucking bit called mr. Big feed like I did my fucking mr. Big hands bit for years

It's just props Could you a little bit of big hands for me Watch uh need help spanking your daughter ain't made enough to do your own guy to himself the name's He's Name's devil and horse punch and I'll spank you daughter. He's like I can't take hands I believe you can find mr. Big hands on youtube, right? Yes. Yes. I don't know if it's aged well, but it's up That murderfist sketch is cold But the coolest part about all this is that the mummified bodies themselves dated back almost

9 000 years damn meaning these bodies may correlate with the ancient payute legends of the sea takah There's also evidence for the more gruesome parts of the story A 1924 expedition into lovelock cave found three human bones split to extract the marrow Just as the payutes split animal bones, which points towards cannibalism But you don't have to be a giant to be a cannibal you just need to be hungry and Forward-thinking yeah a little desperation sure Yeah, I mean it could be that there were just a pair of native american ed kimpers in the tribe Larger than the average payute and you know through story. They were turned into giants over time criticized ridiculous

And it could be that the split bones were from people just trying to survive a famine There is evidence of famines in the payute people's past. You never think about human bone marrow I would assume it probably is similar to any other bone marrow, huh? I would imagine but it's fucking absolutely delicious huh But those bones found at lovelock cave weren't the only anthropological evidence found in nevada According to a newspaper unimaginatively titled the evening news Hey, they at least gave it a time period. It could have just been called newspaper Worker's in 1904 digging gravel in a cave near winamucca

Found bones of a man thought to be 11 feet tall Now this conclusion was reached from the discovery of an ulna Which is one of the two bones in a human forearm the radius in the ulna you remember of course. Oh, yeah Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah, and you got the squiggle bone and you got the finger the fingering bone. Yeah, of course Yeah, so this ulna they said measured no less than 18 inches in length now They definitely overshot the 11 foot claim a bit But still if the 18 inch ulna claim is true And that means that the man this ulna belonged to would have been well over seven feet tall

Which would absolutely put him in the classification of a giant because we're not talking about like minute bowls here Okay, like we're talking about well purport like heavily proportioned gigantic fucking men and women All right big ass like fucking like they would be great offensive linemen. Yeah, okay Talking about Gronks here. You know the great. Yeah, the great. The great Kali is a wonderful pro wrestler. Oh, j Huge guy, but he might be a giant. I mean, he's definitely a giant Andre the Giants That's that's what we're talking about here. We're talking about Andres big boys big old boys Now all you skeptical simons and susans out there Might be asking yourself a very reasonable question

If all of these oversized skeletons and bones have been found right then why are giant humanoids not common knowledge? Because you haven't done the fucking work Oh, oh, okay. Well the short answer is that it's a conspiracy Although that conspiracy is not as far-fetched nor as stupid as you might think it to be Although it is at the same time very stupid for entirely different reasons. Yeah, I think it might be as stupid as I think it is we'll see Now one of the interesting things about giant humanoids is that they've actually caught the interest of two of our most famous presidents George Washington said that while digging the foundations for Fort Ludon

His men found a seven foot tall skeleton And he was physically incapable of telling a lie because they put a tiny bomb in the tip of his penis And if he told a lie, he would lose the first presidential penis, which was a big crime at the day Well, Abraham Lincoln could never tell a lie except for about his sexual orientation. Wait, am I fixing them? Well, yes, George Washington. Uh, he could tell a lie. He can't tell the lie. George Washington couldn't tell a lie I thought Abraham Lincoln couldn't tell a lie. No, it was the chariot George Washington in the cherry tree He chopped down the cherry tree is George. Did you chop down the cherry tree? I cannot tell a lie. Yes I did chop down the cherry tree. So he's Jim Carrey from liar liar. That would actually make a horrible president

Abraham Lincoln couldn't look at a vagina And speaking of Abraham Lincoln, he's our next guy. Okay, Abraham Lincoln made comments about giant humanoids This is totally true. Make comments about giant humanoids during a speech at niagara falls in 1848 saying quote The eyes of that species have extinct giants whose bones fill the bounds of america Have gazed on niagara as ours do now Uh, uh, mr. Lincoln, it seems as if you're sort of sweating a little bit and you seem to be sexually aroused You're getting like flush in the face There is nothing arousing about the idea of giant buttocks creatures big taught

Men covered in soot needing to be cleaned Begging to be washed by the hands of a spindly man Cradled in the arms of a giant I thought this was going to be a speech about economics or in buffalo Nothing arousing about the idea of a cork about five crooks about Filling every crevice of the presidential hole Well, I don't know but he has my vote

Surprisingly, Abraham Lincoln's statements have grounding in what was then contemporary thought If you'll remember from our Mormonism series, Joseph Smith, founder of Mormonism, was an infamous robber of Native American graves These mass graves were known as mounds and America was absolutely full of them before people like Joseph Smith dug them up for bobbles Or people like George Washington destroyed them to build forts and buildings and all kinds of other structures What's interesting though is that many people who dug up these mounds reported finding skeletons and bones of enormous size In 1899 a skeleton found in a mound near Miami Valley, Ohio was eight feet tall and near Omaha Another skeleton found was seven feet six inches But the strangest thing about some of these finds is that some of the skulls appeared to have

Double rows of teeth This is very big in the world of giants the the idea of the double teeth And they said that that is an akin to a genetic anomaly that would be the same as if we were born with three arms Okay, that's very interesting Yeah, they said pretty much impossible because the metabolic cost of creating extra teeth a whole row because just having A couple of extra teeth is exceedingly rare, but a whole race of people with a whole row of extra teeth It's impossibly high. Okay, if we're talking humans here Hmm. Yeah, but that's the thing is that like double rows of teeth

They're talked about so much in the giant humanoid world. They even they have their own like truncation. They call them drt's Yep, got to honestly It's for your paperwork Who I can't be writing double rows of teeth on fucking 15 times on a sheet of paper. I gotta fucking close it down Your people's attempt to get laid. That's exactly what it was Yeah, and I yeah, the same thing with the wgcs are huge What's that put that even weird giant cock? You gotta put that it all in there. It's very difficult

But drt's were found at burial sites across 13 different states, benjamin. Okay. Hey, I I am not even skeptical But even if the double rows of teeth aren't real because it is a highly Improbable due to the metabolic cost of getting an extra set of teeth The fact remains that there have been dozens if not hundreds of accounts of giant bones discovered in america For as long as we've been desecrating the graves of those who came before us And from what many of the news reports say a lot of these bones were after discovery shipped to the smithsonian institute in washington dc So Why aren't these giant beings common knowledge if the smithsonian has all these fucking giant bones?

Well boys, we've got something to do this weekend Put on your break into the mismos smithsonian smithsonian No, don't worry. This is the eye and it's a perfect time. Yeah, this faunse's jacket's just sitting there. Yeah, let's get The simple answer is that evidence for giant humanoids was Systematically suppressed for reasons that are all too familiar when one considers the history of the late 19th early 20th century in america When it comes to scientific thought The man in charge of the division of mound exploration at the smithsonian in the late 1800s Was syrus thomas. That sounds like a t-shirt that you wear right next to boob inspector

It is like such a florida beach Inspector i'm actually from the district of mound exploration And i'm gonna need to take a look at some of your undiscovered grave sites, you know i'm talking about Sir, you're a living pina colada. Can you get away from my wife place? Yeah, you're right. I should get back to the bar No, as far as I know syrus thomas was not a mormon But his beliefs about the mound builders certainly lined up with mormon thought Like the mormons syrus thomas believed that the people who built the mounds were of an advanced lost american race Huh, but instead of Nephites and lamanites and all that yet syrus thomas linked his ancient race to the lost continent of lemuria

Which would have been difficult because lemuria is supposed to be off the coast of india So how they getting over here? Yeah, that's a hole. That's a big question. Maybe they swam Fuck I don't know Therefore according to giant humanoid alternative scientists thomas suppressed all the evidence for giant humanoids that came into the smithsonian Because it completely contradicted his beliefs about the mound builders Oh, he thought that native cultures in america did not mix in any way whatsoever And the idea that there was a separate race of giants mixed in with regular fucking folk

Completely contradicted his beliefs about the mound builders You know, it's kind of cool if we went back in time. We'd be smarter than all of these people Kind of you were the smart people of the time Now if we yes, if now if I showed up from the meet me current henry, I guess showed up I guess I would be like named ahead of harvard, but I still would just turn it I just show them all like how to build a bong Yeah, that's just out of out of different objects They also say man, according to some youtube comments that are fucking pretty

legit Is that fucking there ain't no such thing as dinosaur bones y'all what what do you what do you Hold giant bones a lot of christians you believe this are dinosaur bones my friend But why do they look like dinosaurs then the archaeologists manipulated the bones to make them look not human That's so much work, but uh, I believe it The other person who was instrumental in suppressing knowledge of the giants was the curate of the division of physical Anthropology at the smithsonian in the early 20th century. His name was alice heard liquor and

Yeah, my god that man's tongue made my wife come so much. Yeah, that's right. I'm tommy the first cook Heard liquor had close ties to the american eugenics movement Which was key and inspiring many of the eugenic beliefs and programs later instituted by the nazis controversial Yeah, I remember like the the nazi eugenic beliefs like they got that from america. There is literally Frank thomas the former baseball player is the pitchman for a product called new genics, which is so So close to eugenics, but I guess everyone is just like fine with it. No, it's new cool eugenics What we're trying to do is we're trying to breed out all the people that are not

lit Oh, wow. Yep. Well alice hard liquor is believed to have covered up the existence of giant relics and bones recorded and reported in the field Simply because it contradicted the eugenic belief that cranial size was correlated with intelligence Oh, yeah, I mean every time Wow, they got that one wrong and I'll tell you what brave modern day reporter It's like la marzuli showed it because that's what they wanted to say is that the giant skulls were just super thick Right said he took a bunch of these super ancient relics without any gloves on and he poured a bunch of rice into him

And he showed that you could put a lot of rice in those skulls Watch watchers 10 and try to fucking decipher it Her liquor also believed that nobody was inhabiting the lands that became the united states before 2000 bce But was finally forced to accept that he was wrong when the evidence became too overwhelming for him to keep his job And continue believing in dumb bullshit. It's weird. It's like the the twitterverse like existed then but it was within scientists Yeah, this guy just made up bullshit It was just like i'm pretty certain of it and he was the head of anthropology at the smithsonian. That's it That's all you gotta be we're gonna break in there and get fauncey's jacket out. It's just not safe. It's not safe there

And of course if you do accept the existence of giant humanoids as a part of earth's natural history Then you're probably wondering where exactly they came from or how giants evolved alongside humankind And this is a completely reasonable question from a scientific point of view because being that big and surviving as a people Would require an entirely different bone structure as well as different circulatory and nervous systems The what humans are working with now and here's where we talk about the gigantic eight and a half foot tall man Because then you just being six foot seven you have problems with circulation It's a nervous system because of you little people that make us Constantly in fear for our life as you should you should always be wondering where you're going to where you're stepping

And you need to be looking down more instead of looking up all the time with your big dreams You're gonna be looking down and being fucking real and facing reality that you have little time bombs in your legs that are gonna kill you Well the tallest man on record was named Robert Wadlow and Robert Wadlow I think was somewhere on like eight and a half nine feet tall He had gigantism and the thing is about the human nervous system is that we are not our nervous system is not designed To work in a body that large that meant that his feet had no feeling in them whatsoever He had his pain receptors could not pain receptors could not travel from his feet to his brain They just died out before they got there

But you know, it is cool when you're 13 and you can smash your own legs with a hammer I just be like you guys want to see something kind of Now everybody's screaming or something like I don't feel nothing Well furthermore this guy, you know, he had to have braces on his legs in order to just stand up in order to just walk And one day his braces. Um, I can't remember what exactly they did to him Like it's just dug into his legs. They just dug into his legs. Yeah, they dug into his legs But and he couldn't feel it all day long Because his pain receptors could not reach his brain and he eventually died of that infection. Yes. He just got a nasty

I actually know a lot about this guy. You really do know quite a bit about him Because when you're in uh in the uk, he's a real hero. Yeah, they have a statue like outside of pizza places and sandwich shops There's a statue of him in front of the Ripley's believe it or not But there's also the Ripley's square. Yeah, I'm saying they don't just have it outside of Ripley's believe it or not Also Ripley's believe it or not. It's the freak show. The sh- Yeah, the goon, the goon house. Yeah, I saw him outside of that. Ripley's believe it or not in LA is underwhelming. I'm gonna say that. The wax museum's amazing I've never seen his, his seat. They showed it was like this little seat in a bar and it shows his award for tallest asshole

That was incredible that they gave him that. Oh, I actually have a normal size asshole Really hard to shit. Oh, my poops are bigger than a normal man Well to the scientific questions, I have no answer at least no good answer. Awesome. Oh, but A what if it's true point of view might tell us that the reason why these people existed in such few numbers is that they were quite possibly the descendants of Aliens We are at the truth Big what I like is that you see these little bits of

Quote-unquote real evidence in people fighting these gigantic bones and it does kind of fit into modern-day folklore I think what is interesting is how many cultures have stories about Intermingling with giants that come from the sky that all they did was fuck their women and teach them how to blow shit up Which I think is awesome But I you know, obviously it's dubious because it's difficult to prove because we don't have a time Scope, I wish I could have a telescope to look back in time because I look at a lot of stuff I look at JFK nailing Marilyn Monroe. I look at Cleopatra. I've learned how to invent the pusher bra I do all sorts of things. Yeah, but what this also maybe quite shows that these giants were

Uh, they were anomalies on planet earth and needed to be scrubbed by a vengeful god Because of the sins of aliens slash angels depending on what you believe what your fucking belief structure is Well, that makes a lot of sense, man. They fuck your they fuck your ladies. They blow shit up They were the first ones to really rock a mullet. They're cool Now if we're gonna entertain the idea that these giants found in burial mounds and caves and such we're indeed Descendants of aliens then it's natural that we would have some semblance of evidence to back these claims up Yeah, buddy. Well, wouldn't I mean so aliens would be bigger because there's no gravity You're getting into the world of the expanse. Yes. Yeah, they don't get bigger. They just get longer

Yeah, they get weird and wiggly bigger isn't longer bigger not bigger necessarily just longer. Yeah, they become like stretch arms strong Yeah, uh, technically it's weaker Yeah, and here is where we enter the world of ancient aliens Yes The source for this claim is one of the most famous books left out of the bible the book of enok Which was supposedly an account given by the great grandfather of noah Now from a purely storytelling point of view the book of enok really ties the old testament together as a narrative It's a fun book

It is as it is now like just it's like mankind is sinful So god brings a flood to kill everyone but no and his family It's pretty heavy acceleration in the narrative without much build-up at all and it's like a build-up of like two paragraphs I really do it really does it kicks off It kicks off real hard But I do like about the book of enok and I was saying this to dog meat before the show That it feels like a biblical graphic novel Like it feels like he wrote a superhero story that was widely apart especially in early christianity

It was a part of the bible for a long time and mostly I think it's because it was highly entertaining Well, I mean, yeah, that's the thing about the story the book of enok lays out the whole biblical flood story It tells exactly how mankind got to be evil enough to deserve that flood Okay, while also working as a fucking sick sequel to the garden of eden story Complete with the return of lucifer. Yeah, man. Did he come back as a snake? Was he a snake again? No, he's angel, but I mean on the other and the other hand, you know, there's also there's a lot of Uh, there's a lot of debate as to whether the snake in the garden of eden is actually lucifer or not Hmm, you will never know

Literally we will never know never Now the reason why the book of enok did not make it into the modern christian bible Is because it doesn't show the angels of god in a very positive light and the catholic church Did not like that narrative direction If you listen to some of the bible study videos that I watched they have a lot to say about the creative I'm gonna say cultivation of the catholic bible and they are very like it's like now We don't want to misjudge anything on the catholic church and we don't want to talk any sort of tomfoolery about them But yes, they are cannibals and they drink blood

But besides that they do have a very creative way of putting together their bible like they say the word's creative With a lot of heat Right. Yeah, I mean the catholic church wanted the angels of the bible outside of lucifer to be perfect beings Because if you start throwing shades of gray in the catholicism the whole fucking thing falls apart think abba But with superpowers. Yes. So the book of enok was removed from the bible in the third century ad They fucking edited it out. Of course. They just yeah, they were just like we don't like that story We're gonna it's like we didn't like the optics. Yeah, it's like it's like the jared leto joker that everyone's pretending never existed But jared leto was the joker

That's just a fact. I don't remember jared leto as the joker But What if the book of enok was true? Yeah, it's your channel voice. Oh What if instead of just being a story it was actually an account of an alien race meddling with mankind Well, I tell you what welcome to coast to coast a And I want to ask a question about some of these angel giants. Do you think they would wear hats? Tell me uh, do you think that they would eat more than three eggs in an omelet three eggs is too much for an omelet?

Well, if it is true Then it might give an explanation for where all those goddamn giant humanoids came from. Yep Now the main characters in the book of enok are a group of 200 angels known as the watchers The watchers were one of seven orders of angels created by god to oversee and guide the first generation of humans As they fumbled through existence. So god was they were gray So god was looking around heaven be like, you know what we need here bureaucracy. Yes I don't know. We need to get some red tape here. It's just too easy to enter It seemed that the old testament was really a lot about angelic bureaucracies

Which they actually stole from the mystery schools and the anarchy and thought right? That's kind of where the book of enok even comes from the idea that there was there's these many kind of Intelligences behind the scenes that you can deal with that. That's where the anarchy and magic kind of came from The idea is that you're talking to people like the watchers My mom brought up the watchers the other day because of something from her reiki class like she's and it's still out there Like wow that the idea that there's a bunch of fucking sky cooks Watching what's happening to our families and masturbating in the corner. What did your mom say about it? She just said Henry Thomas. Have you heard about the watches?

Not today mom. There's a plank. All right. Let's just let's not talk about this right now And that is what you'll hear the sentence from Henry very rare. Jesus take the wheel Jesus take the wheel Now, of course the watcher angels were huge. They were giants and these watchers are most commonly referred to as the Sons of God in both the book of enok and in that brief mention in the book of genesis They're all like galactus kind of oh, okay. That's kind of cool Now the watchers did do a pretty good job at just watching for a while But pretty soon the angels began to lust after human women with as the book of enok put it

An unearthly libido I will say as god my biggest mistake was giving these little monkeys butts So there's just a bunch of horny giant angels. Yeah Oh my goodness because the truth was is that they sat and watched because so In this world god or the giant creator alien that did exist because if we do believe in agnostic views that maybe there was a Personality less back god and then there was a creator god that was an entity It created us with free will so here on planet earth We immediately started fucking fucking uh-huh drinking

Smoking partying. We invented the fucking fife. We invented barbecue. We did a bunch of stuff immediately These watchers watched us from a sexless place where they didn't experience these What they called the cruder pleasures like the idea of the pleasures of the flesh pleasures of the body because they weren't They were sort of corporeal, but we don't really know but the idea is they made a transition To grow penises essentially physical penises that you could suck on to come to the planet earth And start being like, okay, you guys think that you know how to party We're gonna teach you how to party with nuclear weapons That is how you party and furthermore the watchers also had the knowledge of the heavens and they thought

Humans should know about this shit. Okay. They should know about it because they would live a fuller happier life I'm down to learn about it. It's like the dude who taught me how to do knife hits in college Oh man, never a bit of resin gone unused So the watchers got together on mount herman in israel And made a pact that they would all start having sex with humans just because they wanted to Do while also bestowing heavenly knowledge upon the poor dumb people of earth and little known fact This pact was created with the first game of salty cracker I know how we can pitch this to god

But we shall do all right. We're gonna be fucking them. Yes. Yes. So calm down Yes, we're gonna be having sex with them, but we'll do is tell them it's teaching them lessons Oh, that's a great idea. High five. As you were talking, we all came on the cracker You gotta eat it because the rule is if you're last to come you get it in the tummy I love straight good times with my straight friends And the interesting thing about mount herman the place where they made this pact to fuck all the humans Is that mount herman lies on the 33rd parallel? Well, meaning it lies 33 degrees north of the equator now the 33rd parallel which goes all the way around the earth

Is dotted with some of the biggest paranormal hotspots in existence What's interesting about mount herman in particular is that if you trace the 33rd parallel to its exact Geographical opposite on the other side of the earth You'll find yourself directly on top of roswell new mexico Now tell me when you get to roswell, do you get the green chili enchilada or do you get something like a taco? Mr. Nori interestingly enough. I get the christmas. It has the both the green and the red Get out of my studio. You cuck Now taking human wives was naturally against the laws of god and heaven, but the watchers figured god can't punish us all

No, so this is just all the brothers. This is like everyone's family. Like if we all three run I was always the one that got caught. Yeah, that was the problem. Yeah, no, it's fucking space porkies They came here to run train They thought that they could go or keys needs to become a movie Something all went ahead and took wives anyway and began bestowing knowledge. Yeah, among others Barracuell taught astrology. Chazakill taught weather prognostication a.k.a. Meteorology. Well, sario gave knowledge of the tides and the moon Armamos taught magic and sorcery

And azizel taught man the art of weaponry Right here what you got is a this is called a 36 inch titanium dragon slayer Now with you got the carbon not edging to it and you got personalized Um, you got an antique handle to it. It's a it's a new antique because we like a call it's a new antique What you're gonna do is you can see just the simple power with the carbon power of the dragon slayer What you do is I I'll demonstrate on this cantaloupe I do like the one of the chicks just had to fuck the weatherman Like out of all of those the one who's like it's gonna rain tomorrow

Like how that is the least attractive of all of these angels But you could also call this storytelling version if you want it which the ancient aliens people What they do quite often is that they'll take this they want to take this literally they take this as a way to Why do we have this type of story in so many different cultures? So the long and short of it is this this is a very specific way to tell the story of a group of aliens came down possibly without permission from their superiors and Manipulated humankind in our dna by both teaching us and changing us physically And this is sort of the this is the fictionalized version of it. Okay

Now ozzazelle is definitely the main villain in this story because he not only taught man warfare But also taught women the art of cosmetics Encouraging the painting of eyelids and the wearing of costume jewelry But pretty soon all the sex these giant watcher angels were having with mortal women began to produce giant offspring And the name of these half angel half human giants was the nephilim According to the book of inoc the nephilim were 300 cubits in size, which is roughly 450 feet tall Oh, damn. It is about a football field in a half. Yeah, that's why you're just a little fucking tic-tac. Yeah, I'm nothing

I'm gonna go first down being so gigantic the nephilim soon turned on humanity and began eating them whole While destroying the natural world on earth nephilim didn't give a fuck They just started destroying and eating everything man. Yeah, it's fun popcorn chicken like attack on titan imagine if baron trump was 450 feet tall How frightening would that be? Then the nephilim began to eat each other and drink of each other's blood And it said that the nephilim are the creators of chaos on earth Where he's before there was a perfectly natural order to thanks and the nephilim just fucked it all up

Fuck it up, dude. Fuck this shit. They're like the baby boomers of the generation There it is hot take hot take and so having gone against the will of god and having royally fucked up the entire planet The watchers came under the influence of another rebellious angel Lucifer Yeah And under lucifer the goal of the watchers was to completely infect the pure blood of the human race The goal was to leave no pure blood humans left because if there were no pure blood Humans then the appearance of a messiah in human form as promised by god

Would have been impossible It fucks up god's entire plan which makes lucifer very satisfied However, there was one bloodline left on earth that was completely untainted by the minions of lucifer. Okay, no Noah, he's the only one man. He's just fucking his daughter No, that came after that came after the flood Desperate I'm desperate to procreate. Oh, there's only one woman yada yada yada. Yeah. Yeah, thank god. I made her Please before the flood he was just a drunk who didn't like to wear clothes. Well, he's fun. Yeah, he's Ben kissle I don't like to wear clothes, but you got so god sent the great flood to cleanse the earth of the nephilim

And all who consorted with him and the only one left of course was Noah but god fucked the whole thing up to start with by having the angels come down here God is it gets the best part about being the fucking all-knowing All-correct god in the the stories is that he never made a mistake But he never made him No, no, no, he didn't make a mistake. Yeah, he's doing it. This is never a mistake. Nothing's a mistake It's all just what he was always gonna do. It sounds like he's not taking accountability I don't like that. I don't like that into my god. And so as you can see

This gives the Old Testament a little more narrative drive. It's a great fucking story And remember it is a matter of history that this story was a canonical part of the christian holy bible and christian belief Until the third century ad and personally I think it's fucking fascinating to think about how different western culture would be if horny angels Were just as much a part of our collective consciousness as fucking animals going two by two into Noah's arc are We learned about Noah's arc in fucking sunday school and then you put horny angels in there That's fucking great. Sadly. Some kids are learning about them in science class, which is really dangerous Yes, and they're learning about horny angels from their fucking priests. They tell them all about them

They just gave them side lessons No, this it's number one don't watch too many Bible study videos where they try to parcel out whether or not Noah brought fish On the fucking arc and how they try to find like backup for it. It makes me want to blow my prince What was they don't know? They don't know but they must have because we got fish now Well, couldn't they just survive in the water? Yeah, I don't know kissal. Yes. That's what I'm saying But apparently they also made the water poison I'm actually happy that you've had to live in my hell that I had to grow up and this is great

Did this is the question and this is like a true question that was it salt water in the flood or clean water in the flood That's what I was about to ask because you can't mix the salt water and the clean because if you put salt water and fresh water together You just got a whole bunch of salt water. I think we have George Norrie this question I don't know. I don't know no one says anything because it's all Fake it's not fake. We don't know. Well, it's not that it's not fake the anti the diluvian story has happened It is fucking cross cultural Like his idea of one of these some super event that wiped out some form of humankind During our prehistory which to me. I think is very interesting

I like the idea of us doing some sort of missing time episode as well The idea that like they could have erased whole chunks of years and it might be the year 1700 We don't really know because during the dark ages like we lost so much information So we don't know know about anything But it's interesting to see how the christian angle on this is that the angels came down angels slash fucking Aliens because it is the angels fucking us the horny angels are in our lexicon. It's called abduction scenarios It's them picking us up. Well, we are now we we are reinterpreting these things as these things come from the sky and fucking take our eggs

But certain other cultures viewed these creatures like the devas another thing the same stories as Good that they were actually a positive part of society and they got they also got wrapped up in this So maybe if there's a world you want to put our fucking magical hats on that there were several groups of aliens Fucking various cultures throughout all of the world and some of them liked it and some of them didn't like it Because some of them got the bad ones because also they made a bunch of what they fucked with our dna quite a bit, right? Like they say the anon the the the anonaki They were creating like little versions of us like little like creatures of shit like little bat men and like all these kind of side Characters like like with you know in the second wave of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toys

Yeah, they started making like here's a talking garbage can and evil Leonardo like that kind of shit It goes into that world where they started inventing all the stuff which led to youtube comments being like I believe that the great white shark is a product of the anonaki and they are just They just got long gone They have been so deeply confused that they are afraid that sharks came from aliens And I could see where the confusion comes from. Well, absolutely if you read the comments Well from what some people believe a few of these nephaleme were able to survive the great flood And it's their descendants who were found in american burial mounds. Yeah, bob. Don't even stress the flood

I got my marbaro miles in and I got one of them big inflatable canoes I tell you what the problem is is it's filling it up My lungs are like not the same from getting all the points Well, it ain't the flood it'll be the lung cancer that kills us furthermore It's also said that the descendants of the giants were the giant heroes and villains of ancient tales Like the story of david and goliath and the epic of gilgamesh It was very very interesting and then what they might have survived is underground

That they like their reptilians if you believe this story is true because the there's some people that formulate the watchers as possible draconians So they were they were the reptilians of old the the bad ones especially the anunnaki They think that maybe they all went down together down in the caves And that's why every once in a while a couple of them pop up and eat and rape a bunch of piutes or a couple of them pop up And make love to a bunch of willing women or a bunch of pop up and they become the fucking clippers Wow, so you have a wife, huh? Yeah, that's what she's heard all of this However, even though it seems like tales of giant humanoids are all in the distant past A fairly recent incident that occurred in 2002

Suggest that some of these giants are quite possibly still alive Dude, this is one of my fucking favorite new stories in a long time George mirison In the mid 2000s a man named steven quail told a story on coast to coast am About a classified incident which occurred near the city of kandahar in afghanistan Okay, apparently a squad of soldiers had gone missing in the desert and a special ops task force was sent to find them Now with a little backstory on the story is that at the time apparently I don't know if this is true not if you are a member of the armed forces

In afghanistan, please tell me if you've heard any one of these stories at side stories l potl at gmail.com But apparently according to several people that la marzulli also interviewed that he said that they I don't know You've got to watch la marzulli's watcher series to really make yourself an unbearable human being Okay, there's 10 of them. It's 10 hours of great old school weird head shit And one thing that they said was that they believed that there was tales of cannibalistic cannibals in the hills of afghanistan But us troops took it as sort of like their version of bigfoot, but i'm not certain if that's true or not I like to hear from some more people to back that up absolutely shoot us an email We'd love to talk about it on side stories

Well, the task force followed a trail up a lonely mountain until they came upon a cave Where they found broken u.s military equipment and gear scattered around the entrance The task force was preparing to enter when they were suddenly faced with an aggressive 13 foot tall double toothed 11-fingered red haired humanoid They tell me, uh, you guys want to come over tonight and watch wrestlemania? I got nobody here You guys can come clean my apartment. That'd be nice. I don't got any towels So if you've been looking to shower or anything you need to get some dolls

No one came over for wrestlemania last year and this year they couldn't come over Jesus christ I just want to party No, I'm with you. We'll put together a big one next year. It'll be a big one According to the soldiers the humanoid was dressed in rags and attacked them with an enormous spear Now the giant did manage to impale one soldier killing him But the ferocious beast was finally taken down in a hail of bullets and was finally killed after a soldier Shot him in the face for a 30 second straight. All right. This is where it's really hard. I love my country

But then I also got to love the giant people No, man, this giant. It's the way it says one of the shooters that L.A. Marzulli was interviewed said that they went up there, right? So they heard like burps and farts or whatever coming from the cave You can when the giant emerged he was like And they they were all stunned and so he had a big fucking spirit in his hand that L.A. Marzulli L.A. Marzulli, he definitely said he had a very accurate replica of In his studio and he showed it. It's real long It's very big and it's dubbed it stabbed through his friend Dave

He must have named his name must have been like Tennessee Dave or something. I always got nicknamed and the guy was like Impaled through it and they all like for a second They also froze and they were like he's like and the muscle memory kicked in and the first thing I said was shoot him in the face And they all started shooting him in the face. He's like a fucking the inner and glorious bastards Oh, man, he just wanted them to pull his fingers. So he went far real loud and make them laugh Well, supposedly the task force called it in and a helicopter whisked the 13 foot corpse away for further study in the united states And upon further inspection of the cave the task force found a plethora of human bones So this broadcast caught the attention of a man named L.A. Marzulli

Whose main gig is to link modern times to biblical creatures and prophecies So the story of the kandahar giant was right up his alley. Perfect. Yeah, this is like this is like the greatest story of all time For him. Yeah, I mean, Henry's mentioned L.A. Marzulli a couple of times so far It's a pretty mysterious name like give a little bit of background on on who L.A. Marzulli is He's an independent reporter. He's an independent researcher and what's nice about being independent Is that you don't have anybody backing up anything that you say so you can say whatever you want He's a big guy. He's an old school coast-to-coast like big hits guy He's always he's like one of these he's a perennial guest on coast-to-coast

And he is a researcher that has become more and more kind of Christian over time And he is it's very interesting his view Of these gigantic humanoids. He's obsessed with them and he goes with a guy all the time Who's a white dude in a sleeveless shirt that he calls el sadistico because el sadistico Loves to hike and they all hate to hike because they Sit inside all day and they they think about aliens But they go to mexico a lot and they go to a lot of gas stations where they show them They have giant humanoid skulls that they do like this is most ancient

Nobody has it and these are very special very delicate and then they're just holding them in their hands And tossing them back and forth and doing experiments with them and they're just showing gas station attendees these No, the gas station attendants are showing it to them. Oh, it's a cool gas station Yeah, because they can show me the evidence. I went to one of these when I was a kid in uh, carls bad new mexico. They had a fantastic alternative museum in a gas station there, but of course it's gone now They're the best man and I really love them and I want to have them one day But I did love when he said he interviewed one of the shooters right because he got into like Yeah, I got one of the shooters will call him the shooter

He's a very handsome man l.a. Marzulli very thick van dyke And he's and he does sell a lot of this. He's selling a cleaning product right now He is the thing that yes. He has this cleaning product. I want to say it's called like Blu-po where it's got a weird name and it's the thing that it's sponsoring all of his shows now called the hunt for the nephaline Is his new show, um, but she shouldn't be doing from an undisclosed location in her bank california He just says it And uh, but the guy said that he's like the big things like what they fucking got this giant and it's like

But we're not allowed to tell anybody because you know, it's not a voice changer It's just like, but why are you not allowed to say that you have evidence of giants living among us? And it's like because if we do it would prove that the bible is real and the government doesn't want that Which is a very interesting take Yeah, because marzouli claims that this is proof that the nephaline From the book of inoc are real and especially when you consider that the kandahar giant was discovered in the middle east I do love the voice machine because then you can be like, hello, Sydney. Are you alone in the house? You know from scream. Yes. I love ghost stories. I just rewatched that. Anyway, that's a whole that's way off topic

But it is a great movie However when the department of defense was asked to comment on the story of the kandahar giant And this is true. They said We do not have any record or information about a special forces member killed by a giant and kandahar Fuck that. It's a cover up right there It actually seems like a pretty that seems like a pretty on on the point. Yeah, sure thing. You fucking chill. Yeah, absolutely Yeah, it seems like it is real cut and dry, isn't it? Yeah, it seems like that because sometimes they say we will not talk about it or like something like that

But they just they didn't kind of clarify they very much they very much clarified that there is no record of a man being killed By a giant in afghanistan, but now maybe they didn't listen to coast to coast. I don't know hiding in plain sight And of course there's a lot of uh stories of hoaxes involving giant humanoids But i'm gonna save all that for the next relaxed fit episode So that's our that's our overview on giant humanoids make your own fucking decision on if they exist it or not Don't yell at them. Yeah, I mean honestly It really comes down to the it's the it's the same with all of these types of we'll get into hoaxes and all that stuff

But it's It's you know, you could just say no I mean like to any of this stuff if you want you can be like i found giant bones and all you have to go is No, you didn't thank you. That's it. I'm just really happy I'm just really happy you said you're gonna talk about this on the next relaxed fit because I did think you were gonna say part two And I know you guys take tend to take care of the production But I may have had to step in and just be like do we need two parts on giant humanoids? It's incredible. It's very useful information

The hoax stuff is just I mean, it's just really fun. I mean, it's all flim flam man Like pt. Barnum is involved in it. It's fucking it's fucking great endlessly Enjoy what walking endlessly enjoy walking through those kinds of places. Coney island man. Coney's gotta come back Yeah, we'll miss it first place. I'm going when everything gets back to normal. Absolutely Well, thank you all so much for listening to this episode on giant humanoids Such a fun story and we are excited to bring you more fun stories in the near future We might get some blood in there and we'll continue to keep you entertained as we Go through life together as always

So excited guys, thank you for the support for our book last book on that. Oh my god. That's been so sweet guys Thank you. Oh my god. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for everybody for sending all the sweet things that they have And for buying the book and for posting pictures of them buying the book It's been really overwhelming to like finally see this thing that we work so hard on like in the in the hands Of the fans and the hands of the people that it is meant for so thank you so much for supporting and thank you And Corey Feldman love the book He definitely read it. I was gonna say thanks to thanks to the two of you for putting together that Wonderful uh video that you can see on our twitter that involved Corey Feldman

Uh marky ramon and a whole series of 90 day fiance stars. Thank you very much. I love the book I really am not even this is it's a real question. I'm not trying to be rude. Of course not Is that woman's special needs? Therein lies a years long argument my friend I wish to be honest if there was a way I mean like it's not like You could cut her open and count the rings. You know what I mean? It's very difficult to find evidence for that It's like I don't think that you could like swab her blood if it goes blue. It's like Special needs. I don't I don't know. I just it's just I have special needs. We all have special needs. I just uh

I mean, it's just I mean Danielle. She definitely did get taken by Muhammad, but you know Hey, what do you do? So she's the one that brought somebody over here. She brought. Yes. She brought a man. It's not just guys getting girls No, no, no, no. She brought a young Tunisian man. It's about 25 From uh, he brought but she brought Muhammad over here He lasted about two years before he uh fucked off to miami to be fair He did a woman that definitely had done meth in the previous month and I would say is destroyed at least three marriages Uh, but yeah, then you know Danielle tried getting him deported and then he talked her out of that

And now I think he's homeless somewhere in Miami. Hey, man. Good. I guess. Yeah, I know. Hey, you know, we all got a life We got a leaf. Yeah, we all got a we all got a life. We got a he did fuck her for two years He put in his time. He put it in his time. Yeah, he did. Um Huh, well that is that's a fascinating. It's a fascinating look into the lives of uh, everyday people That's very lonely. It's not everyday people at all. It's just it's just fascinating to look at people Definitely we deserve everything we get. Hey, you have sometimes you have to choose how you waste your time And this is how in our household. We choose to waste our time. I'm not your son This is our household. We watch 90 days

I want to give big ups if we're gonna be talking about our calm down shows big ups to kevin Well, Kevin Gillespie for on top chef all stars. He's fucking crushing it right now. It's my boy, Kevin Hey, all right there. That's very cool Also, if you want a really fun movie that you might not have seen in a very long time That will just make you happy for an hour and a half We did this a couple of nights ago fucking watch a little shop of horrors again Oh, it's great. Uh, all right, and also the beaverly hillbillies I don't want to watch a little shop of horrors because I refuse to be scared of tomatoes

I'm just not doing it. I mean if you refuse to be scared. Are you talking about in a little shop of horrors? The movie is overrated. Oh, jeez. You are about to do it. You're literally gonna end this episode like this. It's a very I just don't want to be scared of produce You're not joking. You just walked back something that you know is wrong. No I mean if I have to die on that hill, I guess I would if you want to watch movies about singing tomatoes Feel free go watch veggie tales. Uh, jimmy havoc. He's also a kick-ass pro wrestler and he's listens to the show So thank you, jimmy havoc bad-ass dude. He is on uh aew right now. You can watch him on tnt bad-ass mofo Thank you jimmy havoc. Thank you. Thank you jimmy. These dudes go through a lot of pain

Oh, I know we sit. I know and you go through a lot of pain. Watch them. Yep. Um, and again get the book on indie bound Yeah indie bound.org And support your local booksellers and and support all of your local businesses as much as you can Uh in this difficult time. Absolutely. And we will see you fuckers Uh in august cannot wait man. I'm gonna be back on the right man. It's so excited. Great. I'm already thrilled. All right, everyone Hope you're safe. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan again. Let's do a magus dilation. Shall we make those deletions? Hey, okay. Let's go to the last one. Tell me. Oh, yeah, if you would If you got the time and you do I know you have the fucking time

Yeah, that's yeah, I mean I have a couple of friends right now not texting me back And uh, I'm gonna have some harsh messages for them. Yep Has george nori heard your impression yet? He um, doesn't take kindly to them Apparently does it? No, he does not enjoy the impressionations of himself. He's a very serious man He's a highly sensitive boy This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to

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