Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 42: Ghost, Alien, or Molested?

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys research ghost and alien stories on the internet to answer the burning question concerning most of them: was it a ghost or an alien, or their grandpa?

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? That's loud. Yeah. Yeah, that's really loud when you put that right up to your head. Like this? Yeah. Ah, yeah. I love feeling the fucking gun buck against my forehead. You do it. Yeah, shoot yourself, Marcus. Shoot yourself. Yeah, yeah, it's easy. I used to actually get really nervous even taking toy guns and like putting them up to my head and clucking them, but now I fucking love it. No, you can't die. You can't die from that, but you can die from like a plastic BB gun. You put that to your test. Of course, yeah. But it's a BB. It's shooting a thing. This is just, oh yeah. That's just air. Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. What if I just fucking blew my brains out?

I would love everyone would be happy. Would that be cool? How are we going to commit suicide and save it for last podcast? Well, we got people to clean it up. I wouldn't have to deal with it. Yeah, dead again. Dead again. We were recording. Yeah. Oh, great. Wow. That's nice. Alright, welcome to the last podcast. That's Marcus Parks, Aiding and Embedding, and Henry Zabrowski's suicidal thoughts. And I am gay, Paris. Henry Zabrowski. Okay, hold on. Come down to gay, Paris. Bread for dinner. Sailor V. Sailor V. Oh my, Jerry's always got a better French impression. What is that? Oh my God. Alright. Well, that's nice. I'm Ben. That's my new catchphrase, Sailor V. Sailor V. I like it. Such is life. Is that what that means? Henry just shot the microphone. Good shot. You're dead. Well, speaking of violence and disgusting things, today we're going to dedicate an entire episode to a little game we like to play, alien, ghost, or molested.

We've kind of traveled down this road in this podcast before. It sounds like a lot of episodes. I feel like we've traveled down this road far too much. A lot of things pop up in this that just sounds awful like it may not be a ghost pushing you down. It may not be an alien laying you down a slab and shoving a long thing thing up your asshole. That's right. Maybe your father. Maybe daddy's drinking again. He was working at GM. He got laid off. He hit the sauce pretty hard. Wouldn't you believe he loves your 13-year-old took us? Absolutely. And he just so happened to put on an ET mask before he started sucking on your toes. Why wouldn't he? I just think there's a lot of things. Because the human mind is so resilient. We're so strong mentally that we know for a fact that your brain does a really good job of making sure you get to work every day. Making sure you can buy your McDonald's hamburgers. And you can't buy McDonald's hamburgers or get to work when you're crying in your fucking palms because your daddy touched you. Absolutely. You can't always be afraid of your father. You gotta do Christmas again sometime. So they do this really wonderful thing where your brain replaces all that with aliens and ghosts. Which by the way, how bad is it to be molested when the idea of an extraterrestrial or a paranormal being soothes you? It's really bad. Well, I did come in my pants, but that was just a ghost.

That was no way was that my uncle Barry. We were all just thankfully too ugly of children to have been molested. I know it man. I was a beautiful child. Well, I mean, maybe they were afraid to approach you, like Angelina Jolie. Yeah, that's the thing. Well, I did see that goblin. Yeah, that's true. Goblin outside your window, jacking off real suspiciously, staring at you with your sweet eyes. I think I watched a pedophile pass on me. I think I watched a pedophile scan kids. You, you, not you. No, no. But you guys are gonna have ghosts in your future. But don't worry about it. I mean, little Henry, I'm just gonna say one day you're gonna find someone who's really gonna want to molest you because you've got a great personality and you're gonna be really good to somebody. You're gonna grow into your nose. Don't worry about it. I know for a fact that you're a perfect little kid that can keep really quiet, which is exactly what I'm talking about. But yeah, so today's the format of the episode is... Okay, so Marcus, we had him do some crack research. Henry and I went to the bar, slammed down some suds. Marcus was sweating hard in the office and he's picked out how many stories do you have for us? Well, I've got a few stories and I've got, we're gonna go first. Before we get to the stories, we're gonna go to the one place where everyone knows the best information on the internet is found, Yahoo Answers.

Oh, Yahoo Answers! What I like about Yahoo Answers is that it is the, it's where America really talks. It's true democracy. Yahoo is full of the dumbest people. I feel like Yahoo Answers is slightly stupid than Yahoo Comments and Yahoo Comments are all extremely, first of all, full of hate. A lot of racists on Yahoo's. And no one really understands what the fuck they're talking about. I just thought that 98% of Yahoo Answers is like, do I have AIDS or am I pregnant? Right, yeah. And then all the rest of it finds out is just like people bitching about their ghost episodes, which, you know, we'll just see if they all sound like they've been horribly molested.

Absolutely. That will happen. So Henry and I are, I guess, suicide. Don't kill yourself for Christ's sake. Oh, I want to do it. I know you want to do it. I'll do it on the press test. I'll do it. Don't do it on the, it's a, it's a, okay, first of all. Come on guys, let me do it.

We don't even have cameras in here. I have another show to record. I have another show to record at six and I can't clean up before then. Yeah, we can't get this fucking big asshole out of the office if you've got a show to record. It's cool. It's fun. You can use me as a guest. You've got James Adomey and the master of a thousand voices. Put me in a chair and have James Adomey and just make little movements with my dead mouth. Once again, no one's going to see it. It'll be a wasted suicide. As soon as we start recording all of these, as soon as we start filming them, please.

Commit suicide then so the audience can really get involved. Hell yeah, I'm going to send them messages to America. Don't love your heroes. Jesus Christ. That's actually a good message though. That is a very good message actually. I completely and fully support that now. Absolutely, because they're just going to end up molesting you. They're going to molest you.

They're going to take their talents to South Beach and molest you. How many times has Sandusky appeared as a fucking alien to some child? Yeah, that guy has caused a lot of hauntings in his life. You know we just, you know he definitely showed up at least once with two flashlights attached to his shoulders. Just go like walking around. Hello? You are one with Gaia. Oh my.

And then just like, is it? Jerry? All right, so Henry and I are going to guess this is a tough competition. The winner gets to fuck Marcus. That's kind of big. Well, we're going to go through a question and some of the answers first. All right, here's the question. Does anyone believe that ghosts can molest us?

Here is the first answer. Oh, so this is like a combination of the two. Interesting. Can ghosts molest us? Here's some of the answers. Answer one. 50-50, believe for me, because if you look it up, there's some... Oh, how informative.

Well, if you look it up, there's some that says there's a ghost or demon perhaps called an incubus that comes into your dreams and has sexual intercourse with you. I can't say that you would believe in those things, but if you don't think too much about it, you'll be fine. It sounds like the Republicans. I don't really believe in it, but because I live in a shaman family, those sorts of things could happen to me. His last name is Shaman. Very interesting. Is that where the name incubus comes from for the band? Are they named off of the demon?

What an incubus? There's two, there's an incubus and there's a succubus. What's incubus' favorite song? I molest you? Okay, no, no, no. I made a fan. Okay, I didn't think you could go worse than the French accent, but then incubus was, you know... All right, okay.

So he's got a 50-50 chance, he's got a shaman family. Here's what an incubus and succubus, incubi and succubi, as the plurals are. An incubus is a man demon that comes into a woman's house at night while she's sleeping and molest her. It's a blessing. This was a big belief back in the days. They'd say whenever a man was off for a long time to a war or something like that. And he'd come back and his wife would be all chewed up. She'd be like, uh, an incubus.

All right, well let's clear up chewed up, chewed up. Very interesting way to describe oral sex. She was taken very literally in the 1700s. That's what the plague started, I believe. Too much pussy. And a succubus is the same thing, but with the woman. And when they have sex with you, they drain your life energy. And, uh, fuck you to death over a series of nights.

It's like a scene from Dark Tower 2. The, uh, yeah. Sure. And what's his name? Didn't Goya paint? There's an awesome picture called the Imp or something like that. An awesome painting. Oh, you're talking about Francis Bacon.

Yeah, Francis Bacon. That's who it is. I love Francis Bacon. He really is good. Do you know what I'm saying? Molested. Yeah. Here's some more answers. Answer or two.

I heard this girl was touched down there. She woke up all wet. What the fuck are you talking about? What would you rather do? I mean, how do you want to die? You want to shoot yourself in the head, but why don't do it? Choose. Don't kill yourself, please.

A succubi might come by and just want to fuck you for multiple days and then you'll die at the end of that. It's a fun way to go. It's going to be all tired like that. It's bizarre. You're a bigger fella and a succubi just looks at you and you have such little energy. You're like a small little lean cuisine to them.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But that's the thing. In the end, it's not good for anybody. There's no reason to try. I'm not one of those. I'm not a full grape for these succubis. What's another Yahoo answer? Only Netflix Instant could kill me.

This is our first story in which you guys can decide if it's ghost or molester or alien. Very exciting. I felt an evil spirit acting out molesting me in my sleep. It was also swearing and calling me names. It was bad and I never really understood this until it happened to me. But I would say that the evil ones, yes they can,

but because they don't have bodies, you only are aware of the motions and intent it may be acting out on you. Okay, before I decide. Yahoo answers. Before I make my decision, does it mention the breath of bush light anywhere? Is there aromas of cheap vlogger?

Yeah, these sounds of Buck Owens being played from the living room, you know. Like he's like, here you're like, I'm putting me in a movie. And you know from like a daddy. Oh, ghost come. Oh, ghost always come when daddy plays that song.

And the last answer on this is answer seven. That's how Jesus got here, sourced the Bible. Interesting. Interesting. Well, I'm going to go. That's a real loose sighting of the Bible there. That's just saying a thing. They're going to watch that new show with Jeff Foxworthy.

Oh yeah. It's a Bible trivia show. Old book. New rules. So we're going to do a devil book challenge. By the way, book of Satanist, book of Satan, one of these episodes, we're going to do a challenge that people should write in.

Anyway, we'll think about what trivia questions from the Satanic Bible. Yeah. Oh yeah. The Satanic Bible trivia show. Yeah. We should do that show. I'm going to go with ghost because I believe this guy is telling the truth. And you know, ghost moleste.

That happens. I don't know why you guys expect me to have the answers. Straight up molest. It's all on you though. You got molested. I'm going ghost. Good ghost stories. I think when it comes to ghost stories,

if it always happens while you are pinching your eyes shut, laying in your bed at night, wondering why the evil hands are touching you, you are being molested. Wake up America. That's right. Here is a ghost story from... Marcus, you have to give us an answer.

You're going molested. Damn it. I'm going ghost. Yeah. This is the next one. Man, I'm going to make so many ghosts in heaven happy when I come out there to eat some puss out. Yeah, it's going to be real chewed up.

A lot of chewed up ghost fucking pussy there. That's disgusting. All dangling around like beef. This is from your ghoststories.com where you can publish your own ghost stories. Oh, fun. FML.com or whatever it is. No, this is a publish your paranormal experience.

This one is very serious. Okay, sure. Interesting. I'm abused by my father, I mean a ghost. Whatever man. We'll go paragraph by paragraph on this one. I was fucking... I've had night terrors where I was half awake with my ears ringing

being unable to hear while seeing a gray shadow above me choking me or sleeping on me ever since I was 13, 23 years old. That's also like, that is a main thing when they talk to little kids about whether they're blessed or not. They say like daddy lied down on me and he made it hurt in my vagina. Never say that again.

That was so fucking disgusting. Have you ever seen children of fear? No, children of rage. Have you ever seen this? It's about kids psychopaths. You have to see it. Children of rage. It's great.

There's this little girl sitting there playing with her hair and she's like, why did they lock you up in your room at night? She's like, what do you want to do with your little brother? She's like, I want to carry him here. Children of rage. That sounds awesome.

It's pretty great. That sounds great. Continue on. All right, wait until I finish with a paragraph. When can we start talking? You can start talking now or later. On one occasion a really weird thing happened to me. I was around 17 and I was half awake.

I was paralyzed in my bed just looking up into the ceiling in the dark and something thrusted me from my behind. I told the entity in my mind, I'm not sure what you are, but please just finish up and leave and never come back. After three minutes of being sexually raped

by the entity, it left. She was really cool with that, huh? Yeah, just finish up. It's almost closing time. Just to let you know, we have three minutes before we close, so just finish up and get your knick-knacks and yin-yangs.

And this dog keeps humping my leg. And I'm trying to get it. She's got this dog in the office and I keep trying to get it away from me. And at some point it was just like, you could just let him finish. I can't let him finish. I have an adverse reaction to things

certainly humping me in my sleep. There is nothing. Just finish up. I don't want to be rude to you. I mean, you're penetrating my body and you're really victimizing me, but I think you have something grosser than having dog jizz on your pants.

No, no, no. If you're walking around with dog jizz on your pants, that's just going to give you, like, in your head. It's like when you spill a little ketchup on your shirt and all day you're like, I have people that are looking at that stain. But then you have dog jizz on your pants. You're like, I wonder if everybody knows.

That's why you got to suck it out the fabric. Oh, that's disgusting. All right, so is that the end of this guy's story? No, no, no. I haven't looked back on it until last year. I told my girlfriend about it when we were talking. So this is a man or is this a woman? This is a woman.

I told my girlfriend about, no, this is a man, actually. Yeah, because it's from... He was raped in his ass. It happens when ghosts attack. And his name, strangely enough, Shaman Sun. Is this all one guy? I think it's the same guy. Okay, sir, Shaman Sun.

You were molested. You raped me in my sleep. That's right, you need to seek help, Shaman Sun. Stop going to Yahoo Answers and post it on random blogs. Go to a psychiatrist or a doctor. I think Shaman is like one step below professional poker player in terms of reliable human. Someone's just studying really hard

when they get their chance to play Wheel of Fortune. I'm really kidding. So is that the end of the story? No. I told my girlfriend about it when we were talking about ghosts and entities. She just laughed at me so I haven't spoken to anyone about this again. I never thought this type of thing could occur in this world, but I was dead wrong.

It just looked like a cloud of gray of almost a human figure, but has no face. It was a human figure. I'm going molested. Molested! He also has a weird... Oh, and he says other things have been happening, which started this year.

I keep seeing a black cat in my house. Some of my stuff I use is being hidden in weird spots. This is just guy having an open forum to talk. It's like anybody who falls into like coast to coast, where it's just like, he says their thing, and George Drew is like, oh, that's good. Well, thank you for that. It's like, I saw this one time.

You know, I saw a funny thing. It's like, we got to cut you off now. My ideas are relevant. My thoughts are good. He also says, I feel like I have goosebumps, but I don't see any goosebumps. It's also cold in my room. My right ear feels like someone's flicking it.

Get up. It's like red. It's like red. It's an interesting story to say, but no one does. So we're all saying molested. Turn off the heat in your room. Honestly, it sounds like you're too old to be molested. It sounds like you was raped.

I mean, 17 years old, that is true. I mean, if you're a man, 17 years old, it's tough to get fucked in the ass unwinningly when you're a 17-year-old man. You know what? I bet he's not even molested. He had a gay experience, and he tries to cover it up. You think that's what this is about?

Yes. A man that he let inside of him. Whoa. All right, he did it. He made it happen. Perhaps a woman with a strap on? He called it his little ghost story. That's what Tom Cruise does.

Every single time Tom Cruise fucks a man after he's like, isn't that a scary ghost story? Yeah. God, I just imagine you go to Tom's Cruise's house and then you put like ice cubes in your drink, and he's like, no, not those ice cubes. Those are my semen that I inject. And he turns his backyard and he hands out flashlights,

and he's like, you guys want to tell some scary stories? He's like, yeah, Mr. Cruise. And he's like, Sue, anyway. This ghost comes up to me, and he says, hey, for $10, he'll suck on your balls. And I was like, fuck yeah. This is weird. You bet your ass I will.

I will say, a bizarre reaction by the girlfriend, though. This poor guy, some people in life are just victims. He got fucked in his ass. He got fucked in his ass, but some people are just victims in life, and he told his girlfriend this story about the ghost. I mean, all he wanted was like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got raped.

That's not good. Either way. Okay, molested. Next one, held down and abused by a demon figure is the title. By a father figure. They're all molested. All right, but let's hear this guy out. This might be an alien situation.

I'm kind of embarrassed by my experiences. This has happened to me multiple times. I'm new to this, but I've read stories that are dark, but not too dark, and I'll feel something strange, hard to explain. Next thing you know, there would be some kind of black creature on me. I can hear him breathing, and he'll lick me on the face.

I can't move. I feel like something... This is a man. I can't move. I feel like something is holding me down. Some strange force. One time I was able to talk and told him to get the fuck off me, and he went away.

I was able to hide, and it'll abuse me. I knew it was a male because it had a penis, and it would rape me in the rear. By the way. In the rear? Wow, that's a nice way to say butt fuck. Yeah, rape me in the rear is just such a strange combo. I'm sorry, what, meet you in the mirror?

No, no, rape me in the rear. Oh, okay. What's that? You saw a deer? He raped me in the rear. Oh, no, I know you have ears. My knees. It's way rear.

It is getting rear in here. Well, now it's officially a podcast. We've done an Asian accent. Yeah, that's great. He says, by the way, I am a male, so I guess this is a homosexual demon or ghost. I did research on this. I don't know if this is a gay incubist or just a ghost,

but whatever it is, it reminds me of the Dementors on the movie Harry Potter. Google image Dementor Harry Potter. You'll see what I'm talking about. Like I said, I'm new to this, so I need help finding out what this creature was. I live with my father now. I haven't had the problem here,

but I would still like to know what abused me. I'm so embarrassed. Oh, my God. He got abused by stepfather. No, absolutely. I think this is another case of gay experience being, like, shattered over by ghost experience. I will say this, though.

I do think it's a ghost, where stepfather shot himself in the fucking face with a shotgun. Six months. In a development meaning for the story. No, no, no, this is big. Dead stepfather came back from the grave and raped this kid.

I'm going ghost. I think now, I think we need to change the game. I think it shouldn't be ghost alien or moralization. It should be ghost alien or fucking hitting homosexual experience. Alright, that's fine. I'm still going ghost. We don't know that. We don't know that.

Ghost can't rape. I will say this, if a ghost did rape you, you would not have rectal pain the day afterwards. I mean, their penises can go in and out of walls. If you have rectal pain, you were raped by a man. By a human. By a poor dog or a horse or some sort of donkey-like creature or a fish.

You never know what you can put inside the male anus. I would love to hear the story of a ghost horse going into someone's bedroom and raping. I just kept on hearing a bunch of weird spooky nades. Clops, clops, clops, clops. It's not my worst black beauty. I'd have night terrors. That's very bizarre.

Alright, Marcus, what are you chuckling about? Some more hot story? No, no, no, I'm reading the comments. What did they say? Fuck you, Fag. Fag. No, no, no. Well, they just, I mean, they're like, have you thought that maybe it's a psychic vampire?

The answer is unbelievable. I love it. Alright, so I'm going to go ghost. What is it, Marcus? What is it? I'm going to go ahead and say a homo... I'm going to go ahead and say rape on this one. Alright, well, we're all tied up too, too. Not a homosexual experience.

I'm saying it's rape. I'm thinking it's rape. These are people, but it's the same shit. They consensually have gay sex and then call it rape afterwards to hide the fact that they're just homosexual. I've seen that done. I've seen that done. They just did it.

They just, yeah. If a man tried to pin me down to fuck me in my ass. Once again, no man wanted to do that. I'm just saying this. So you don't have the experience. If just someone would fucking choose me. Oh my God, this is all about you being untalkable. But would you not fight a man trying to have sex with...

It's like a process to have sex with an ass. This is the thing. You have to lube it up. It's pretty hard. Yeah, you have to be in an angle. You have to be in an angle. You have to be in an angle. It's pretty hard.

Yeah, you have to be in an angle. I'm with you. But some people, it's fight or flight or sit there shaking and stirred and don't say a fucking word. Those are the three options. Only if it's consensual. Only if you sat down and decide

I'm gonna have gay sex tonight. But human being shut down and then he's like, oh, there's an alien back there and he didn't even fucking see it. I bet you he did just see a blurry ghost figure and he's like, he's fucked. All right, well, I'm just saying some people just shut down though.

I mean, this guy should have fought back. Homosexual suicide. Jesus Christ, Henry. Jesus, man. Jesus, don't kill yourself, gay kids. You're fine. Yeah, it's great, guys. Just have fun.

Stop blaming on the demons. Alright, demons got enough problems. Thank you. So it's a ghost or rape or aliens or rape. Okay, all right. Throwing a little snowball in there. This is from Yahoo Answers. Does anyone else think they've been molested by aliens?

Interesting. Best answer. I have a friend who thought so. Turned out to be sleep paralysis. Having a logical explanation was a relief for her. And that's the only answer. No one really wanted to answer this. No, you know why?

Because the government's fucking, the government's fucking keeping claims of these stories. Good point. Because of the 1954 gay and a treaty with Eisenhower. We signed a treaty. You remember this. We signed a treaty with the grays for a certain number of people for experimentation.

These grays are using this treaty as a way to safely rape us. Right. And I've actually got some proof to back that up. What have we got? On another board called boardreader.com. Someone has board spelled. A-R-D.

And the question is, how men have been sexually molested by aliens? How men have been sexually molested by aliens? And reply number eight is, millions of us get molested each and every year by aliens in the government, legislating laws which torture those that serve for the better good.

I think that guy's a genius. I completely agree. That's why I'm voting for Ron Paul. Ron Paul is a very strong, nice stance on this. And reply number ten is, I'm pretty sure my ex-wife is an alien. And boy, did I get raped by her. That's great.

Take this job and shove it. That's right. She took all of his $11. Am I 52 cents? Talk about getting raped by aliens. I was fuckin'. I had to give my cat to my ex-wife. I can't even eat McDonald's no more.

Those are really the only answers. There's just lots of stories of people like, who, every time it comes to that, I actually give more, you know, my idea, I give more credence to aliens. Well, I believe in aliens. So yeah, I think that aliens probably do come down in molest.

I mean, it's a scientific experiment. I will say that those big alien fingers, if you're a gal, that could feel real nice inside of the old... No, no, no. Have you seen Fire in the Sky? I have. He's like held down by all those liquid skin,

I think that a girl could. They're big, long fingers. You gotta play with her nipples first. No, well, yes. I mean, I don't know what the alien is doing for foreplay. You gotta lick her armpits first. Don't know women like that.

Sometimes you just gotta sit down with a girl and you gotta fuckin' just braid her hair for an hour first. That's possible. Get your good and comfortable, you know? If an alien were to do that, right? I mean, they're really good at those stories. Came up with some much crazier posts

than the ghost. What do you want? You want raped or is this story done? Yeah, that one's done. We've had certain other things, it really depends on what the story is. I honestly don't think that aliens probe human's asses.

Okay, I'm gonna go with aliens. Yeah, but I don't think they probe people. I mean, you know, early medicine pretty much just relied only on anal probe and whatnot. But why aren't they just cutting people up and looking at their insides? Well, because that would be murder and they're just rapists.

They're not fuckin' total animals. I don't think they're rapists. They're more involved than us. Why would they rape? Well, I mean, I don't know. Are they more involved than us? I mean, technically, it's like when I used to play with ants and pull their little arms off

and shoot them. We just find out that we have the most supple of holes of all intelligent creatures in the whole universe, that our butts and our pussies are just like so much tighter and better than any other creature in the fucking intelligent universe. Imagine how loose a female alien's pussie is.

It's fuckin' disgusting. Can you imagine if that's what turns out we get visited by like intelligent races from other planets that we're just the most fuckable creature? That's why we're around, that's why aliens They just come down here and we're just an entire playground for alien pedophiles cool You know they're much older than that so like 400 years old

So even when we're 80 we're still like a little toddler to them. Yeah, so think about that All right Well, here's an alien story we get an answer on that one because I got to win this competition is an alien or rape There was no there was nothing on that story. No, no, it was just a yahoo answer. Yeah. Oh, I see. Yeah I'm gonna score me then all right This is from a this is from a forum called Godlike Productions. Have you ever been there, Henry? I've heard that. Yeah fucking awesome. It's weird conspiracy type. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I know Godlike. Yeah Yeah, God likes great

This is where I got the breakdown of the one of the breakdowns of the alien agenda basically talking about the Dr. Conan's I got from here. Oh, yeah. Yeah now they love shit. Oh, by the way real quick Henry Zabrowski got to meet a legend of ours and a very fantastic Oh, yeah, yeah, I got to meet him and did you get to talk to him about your client? Um, I I waited in line for an hour. He showed he showed up a little late and I was fine I tried to get him me on the podcast Good thing you brought that bologna sandwich in your lunch pail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was talking to a chick behind me It was really interested me. I was trying to talk with him

I was like, you know, um, I started reading Zachariah sit you when I was like nine years old And he was like, uh-huh. And I was like, you know, and then I brought up Jeremy Vaney because he never he knew him It's like, did you you know work with him? He's like, oh, I remember him And I was like, man, really great to get your contact. It's like, do you want to buy an autograph? And I was like, no Fucking Obama over here. No, I'm good. All right. Uh, this is from this is from users scared and hard At 12 30 a.m. After a few hours sleep, I was welcomed by my girl who was beating my meat After a few minutes of me enjoying this she looked up at me and said give me an orgasm So, okay. Why not? I thought and as she rolled onto her back I set to work 30 seconds later

She left her head off the pillow and asked what I was doing and tells me to stop it because she is very tired and wants to Sleep being the loving man. I am and although feeling very sexually aroused. I obey this guy's from Denmark, by the way In the morning rapist he obeyed the loving man. Oh, you're not a rapist. Okay in the morning I questioned her about what happened and it turns out she did not remember anything other than me trying to get my leg Over while she was asleep. Does anyone else experience sexual activity while asleep? Is this normal? Should I have acted differently didn't or did an alien race abduct my girl So that you get a piece of manshank only to give her back after experiencing my poor lip service Do aliens now think I suck in bed? What should I do and the first reply to this post is just twat

I think that guy is right this guy's a dickhead Yeah, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? He fucked his girlfriend so bad It got an alien species to remove itself from her torso in her body It's nothing I mean, that's not a whole lot out there. Henry. I was reaching I do like this good Okay, why can't it be an alien an alien comes down? He wants to experience man love for the first time puts himself into a lady's body She gets fucked him on the fucking ship that you wouldn't need to do any of that bullshit No, I don't think that aliens are allowed to abduct anymore because the cameras are all around everyone has their own little

Everyone's an eye reporter and aliens can't get a million. Well, I understand that every year Scorch. Well, do you guys want to hear a truly crazy rant? Well, I'm gonna go aliens and score this one for me All right, the title of this one is non-human molesters versus lizards and aliens You can see the coming war is arc related and masonic inspired and real cool. That's the title Watch now. That's all the title. That's all the title. Yeah, that's that's that's all that is quite that is a meaty title Yeah Here's uh, here's the text watch now everyone with tribals is fucked They will say right and left tribals mean a code for molesters and murders

Then they will say sleaze tribal tattoos Yeah, then they will say sleaze of tats with green and red are also Murder and rape codes for non-humans who are locked out molesters and spy cults who are interlinked And the old lizards and dragons are here to kill them This will be this will be blood versus crit versus one niner versus magic box versus lizard versus alien versus energy And other aliens it will be a number and color battle at speeds way beyond the speed of light And ironically speeds slower than sub-build speed of light and the fighting will look funny fast and slow Please please respond

Please respond be a number in color and no people eating jokes or baby eating jokes all that black magic is joke Watch them get big and round and then get back that down after they kill kids That's the military dead and gone watch the lizards joke the molesters and baby killers to their faces watch sure on And he's probably voting for a batman This guy is uh, has never worn denim jeans never worn khakis strictly sweats for this man Strictly the sweatpants this guy needs to get out of his living room get out of his bedroom Go ask his mommy to make him a podcast start doing a podcast. I mean you really want to get your stuff out there I mean and again, that's the other thing. You know if tat sleeves are really the problem then you know

I think we're gonna have a we're gonna be Poor large load of graphic designers are going to be raped by the coming alien invasion. Yeah I love that. I by the way, jeez. I cannot stop sweating. I am I am about to pass out Wow, I know I mean the podcast has taken a turn for the weird. I can't I literally can't think anymore I'm I am about to I'm about to die. So yeah, we only have one more segment. Are we going molested though? Uh, yeah, we're gonna go with molested. I'm up five to two Henry. So good. Good. Good. I'm glad I'm oh, I hope you win I have to keep it as a through line for the episode. So no you're doing very good. All right, Henry You know what? I'm gonna get rid of one one now. It's three to four. Hell. Yeah. Thank you

And now the very the very last segment is not alien or molester or ghost or molester It is a molester posing as alien molester posing as ghost investigator. Oh Yeah Here's a big one a north hollywood man who convinced his young victims that he was a space alien Recruiting them for a utopian society in a faraway galaxy was sentenced to 20 years in state prison For molesting I was I would have done that in a second. I would have gone with that guy. That's a problem I said I would have you know the sad thing is Henry. He didn't ask you Yeah, he first told the victims what do I have to do to get molested around here

First he said that they had to double their IQs and break down their subcons or subconscious intelligent barriers Uh, one victim recalled it began with strip poker to break down our subcons Uh, later she said they had intercourse so he could inject the earth girls with irfs Immunities to ward off space diseases. He sounds like the the van wilder of molesters. He's like a tucker max of fucking molesters I just like to have a good time treat girls like they're objects and fuck them rape them, you know After each encounter the man convincingly convencingly dialed andy The coblellian computer because he told him he was from the planet coblella Yeah, uh coblellian computer model andrack 4000 the computer gave readouts of the girls subcon and irf levels

Once they are acquired 100 irs brisman told them they would be ready for space travel Wow, I am so sick of this t100 i4000 It's like no aliens would actually use these stupid thousand number as soon as you put that they're like, oh, that's very high tech Mm-hmm. This guy's great. This guy. I mean, you know technically in terms of preparation In terms of imagination. I'm gonna give this guy a seven out of ten. Wow a seven is berry briskman Berry briskman anyone after runaways Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. Sure. I mean runaways are easier. So I got I'm gonna have to take a point off at six I mean, I did a six out of ten because runaways are easy to molest. Well, they're not that easy. They run

No, no, no, but they're known to get away running to a place where they don't don't know where Wherever my guitar takes me in my harmonica notes. I don't know. How about your fucking Cabela? Hell, yeah, you fucking alien master. I'll suck your fuck. It's like, why is this dick so small? It's weird aliens didn't they shrunk it with a little ray gun. All right, and don't look at my dick. Don't look at my dick You fucking suck my ass. Oh, all right, Cabela, man. This guy's worse I will say I've been on worse dates than that though. They played strip poker Hey, man, you got like two dollars from my fucking me and my dog. We could crash in your fucking hotel for a day. I got some food for your dog. Suck my ass. Hearthling

Are you from another planet? Absolutely. Absolutely, you bet. Yeah, you know it And another thing that I found on my research. I'm gonna score that one for you, Henry. Yeah score that was for Henry. Yeah Another thing I found multiple uh goat paranormal investigators molesting I've been I'm hot. Okay. My words aren't working. Well paranormal investigators, uh Molesting children. I mean like yeah, you want to come the president of the whole paranormal ghost society Hole is in England was has been jailed for having sex with a teenage boy. He groomed over the inner You know god damn it. It's already I mean unless you want to it's already hard being a paranormal investigator It's like there's a reason to do this, but you also honestly you're talking about uh, that was up

There was a part of like what happened with mk ultra, you know, like there's a mind control mk ultra was a mind control experiment Done by the cia and a part of that was done like part of that was used children You brainwashed children sure and convinced them that they were what dominoes did to make everyone think their pizza was good Yes, okay, what you do is you you break these children down They think that they've had these sort of indecent affairs with like Like dignitaries and stuff like that and you put them in their hotel room and basically you frame these people for child molestation So I think that's what's happened to this ghost guy interesting also with dsk dominix dross con perhaps that was an alien situation or brainwashing

Situation and this guy had his got to be he had his own evp Wow, yeah, yeah, I will say if you're gonna get molested by somebody get in molested by a paranormal investigator It's kind of fun. It's quirky. It's weird. You know, it's better than a truck driver Ghostbusters you think about like peter vanquins molesting. Oh, yuck. He is a molester of all the ghostbusters. It's definitely peter without a doubt and another guy From here in america, man fucking nonchalant your pussy. I do he was a paranormal investigator for the new river valley paranormal research The old the old river valley fucking burnt down. Yep. That's full of ghosts. That's where he's finding all the guns I'm done. I can no longer think we are it is so hot. Yeah, we're done. All right. We're done Well, it's all tied up or to do more of this

But you know what I'm gonna give the big win to you Henry because I just think you're an adorable man And I love you and you know what if I was a trial molester if I was into unformed bodies I would fuck you and I just want you to know that I mean the lot actually I would fuck you over marcus boney and weird Well, there's a thing so I'm gonna say again with me. Well, that it better be fine with you because I'm fucking Henry Jesus christ. Good. Don't fight boys. He wants it Look because you started you cute young boy This is all your fault. Yeah, so again. Well, the conclusion is this ghost can't rape aliens could rape

But it's for science and if you've been molested people are getting molested fucking all over the place Yeah, just realize you've been molested and go get some fucking mental help. Yeah stopping your friends Not suck you by you getting molested go if you think you're getting molested talk to a counselor talk to a counselor Yeah, just talk to somebody thought being like I might have been molested by my father or it could have been an alien Just stop at the first half. Yeah, and just go right to the cops father. It's definitely the fault. It's gonna be And the first Christmas is gonna be bad But the thing is is that once you get to arbor day, you're gonna have fun for fun with your friends again, you know, I mean trees give it to you

Time's gotta heal some shit. Yeah, absolutely You can't always be haunted, but if it's always alien time, then you're always gonna be you're always gonna think back However, I will say though if you are molested Uh, and you don't know if it's a ghost or a person if your butt hurts it was a person But if not, I do believe that it that would be a ghost. It could be it could be your butt hurts. It's a human If your butt hurts, it's a human. Yeah, which is a good good. It's a good. Uh, what do you call it? Or if your jaw is sore. Yeah, or you've been raped by a person Yeah, that's a very hard thing to do and yeah, we don't want to talk

But I will say sometimes you hear about people forced to give blowjobs and things I'll never understand it You're putting your dick into a mouth. It's full of teeth. Well, you have to have a gun. Oh, yes I have a gun. Yeah, Henry shoot you or you got or you got to have the fucking lease to their house over a lighter Right Suicide take us out. Thank you. Get some gunshots in there every time every shot himself. Sure. How many how many times did you shoot yourself? Like five or nine. Good. Good. Magoosolation. Magoosolation. All right. Hile me. All right. Everyone hiles you. Just make sure don't just fight when they try to molest you, okay? Always fight. I've heard a good thing with alligators too is you just spin. You twist. Twist and spin. Don't let him, don't let him rape you.

Your molester is now a game. That'll make you not terrified. Think about your molester being a more terrifying thing than a person. Yeah, yeah, then you can handle it. It's Sasquatch. What's it?