Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 425: Listenerpasta VII - The Slink

Episode Date: September 26, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry read your creepy tales: monstrous canine creatures, ghostly dopplegangers, Henry crawling out of a man's chest, AND MORE. Marcus will be back with the boys next week to bring you a UFO episode that will shatter your mind.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Ben Kessel just told me that he would be entirely fine with using recycled condoms again. I did not say that. He would be fine with it.

No, I did not say that. We were talking about recycling. And I said it's important to recycle all plastics because at some point they just end up in the ocean. And then you have said, oh, so you want to recycle condoms and you want to wear used condoms? And I said, no, I don't want to do that. I just want to try to save the fish. We were talking about this story. This is true about someone.

We'll get into this. But the idea of taking used condoms and just flushing them out. And then putting them back in, what are they? This is like going, Leeroy Jenkins. We'll have fun with it. But all the condoms just go back into circulation. Welcome to the last podcast on the Left, everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry.

Marcus Parks will be back with us next week. But yes. Okay. So Vietnamese, please. Well, let me first say, number one, thank you guys for the wonderful well wishes you've sent towards Marcus's family. They are currently out of the woods. So, but they, I just want you to know.

They're on the ranch. They really appreciate it. They really appreciate it. And he is going to be back next week. Where we, we resume our normal scheduled programming. Thank you all so much. You are all, you are all super sweet people. And we love you with all of our hearts.

324,000 used condoms have been washed and resold. This was in Vietnam. We're going to get to some listener post here in a second. Again, thank you all so much for reaching out and sending us your great stories. But we figured this is really the biggest story of the week. Vietnamese, please have confiscated 360 kilograms worth of used condoms, which I don't know much about measurements, but I think it's a lot of condoms. Think about the smell of this apartment building because the way they treated them was like,

there's a photo here of just a man with, I'm going to say, not enough gear on. He's wearing gloves and he's got a mask on. It's a tiny mask. The tiny mask. It's a tiny guy. That people grumpily put on to walk into a Home Depot. There should be a step up for him when you are handling just bags and bags and bags of used condoms that have been boiled, dried, and then put up for sale.

You would rather have them wet and resold? No, I want them. No, I'm not saying all of it is that. My problem with this is not the recycling of the condoms. It's that they're using the condoms again as condoms. That is the problem. What about a house? What about a hat for a mouse?

This is what you were saying so far. What about something fun? What about if you... Oh, booty for dogs. Dog booties. You know when you go outside in the wintertime and there's a lot of salt on the street, you see these dog booties. They're just blues.

They're just blues. I'm saying we got to stop polluting the oceans. You just got done giving it to Wanda, right? Oh, I love why. You know, Wanda and I have been together for a while now. You just got done and Wanda's like, oh, man. I wish I could get a baby in here. And you're like, no, no, I wouldn't saddle you without responsibility.

And then you go out in the backyard with little hoes and just... Yeah, like Roy Orbison. What's going on? But you just spray it out with a hose and shh. All right, puffin' time for your walk. There's a lot of salt on the ground. It's gonna snow in Los Angeles because the climate change is simply out of control. I could go for a little snow every now and again.

Honestly, it is nice to have a change in temperature. So the problem here is that they were reselling the condoms as condoms. Yes. And not telling people maybe they were used. But I would say the telltale sign that they are used is when they are shaped like the head of a dick. Because normally when you first see a condom, it's flat. It doesn't look like a Casper the Ghost action figure. Well, the government said condoms are classified as medical items.

Didn't that know that, but very interesting. They should be. So we will take a look at the several laws that the owner has broken. So even the police are not sure what laws are being broken, but they assume some are just because they've never heard of reduce, reuse, recycle. This is the, again, the recycling is not the problem. We didn't watch Captain Planet as a kid, huh? We referenced Captain Planet like two times a month. I actually didn't like that show, but that's just me.

Why didn't you like it? Because it's not a superhero if you have to have six kids put rings together to summon you. No, that's cool. That's kind of more of an anime thing. It's like Power Rangers, the idea of a group. What if one loses the ring and then you die? The symbolism is that a group together are stronger. Yeah, I know what the symbolism is, but I thought that was actually propaganda in many ways.

Are you starting, this is how you started as an eight-year-old libertarian? No. No one could ever come together. That's propaganda, but at the same time, I think with the condoms, think about your toe. You stub it, put a little condom on there. You can do so many things. It's just, what you have to do is break your brain out of a tube of plastic, a tube of rubber. Audience can see my face right now.

What you're thinking is, oh, it can only be used as a prophylactic. It can only be used to go on my dong, but in reality, what else could you use it with? Maybe you're taking a hot dog to the park. It used to be filled with semen. That's the question here. That's the problem here. But semen just gets washed out like anything else, Henry. I am so beside myself just for your simple reaction to this story.

It is because the problem is not in the recycling. The problem is in the branding. You can't resell them as a condom, but I'm saying, cut them up. Make a fun little tie out of it. I am mortified with you. How do you get a ring off when you've been happy? Get divorced. No, you don't get divorced.

You don't do that. No, maybe you take the condom and you go underneath the ring, and then you wind it up, and then the ring comes off. You know those tricks. Like how you can take a potato and jam it into the light socket and take the little bulb that broke off. I love kiss a life hacks so much. It really teaches everybody about the way you were raised. But apparently the big thing with the big process here, what a farm team tongue young said. I don't know how to pronounce the name.

I'm sorry. I don't know how to. I don't know how to pronounce the name. She told the authorities that she had received a monthly delivery from an unknown person. Okay. Well, don't do that. This is all of it is wrong. Okay.

And then the main process that she did was the boiling and drying. And then she had to reshape it with a wooden tool. I saw the wooden tool. It is a bit like a rolling pin. Kind of like a dick. It's very large. Yes. That's the problem.

That's what I'm saying is the manipulation and it's the lie to the consumer that this was not a used condom. Also, if you buy a lemon, you think about the car. It's up to you have to tell the person, is this carbon in an accident? Yeah. So again, you're trusting the car salesman, but if they put used condom for sale. Then it's also like, well, consumer consumer, consumer aware. You're talking about no regulation is what you're talking about. You're talking about a non-regulated Marta.

This is a laissez-faire system. No, that's not what I'm talking about. Where the customer decides. Let the consumer know what they're buying. You know what? You know, somehow I've been brought all the way back around to vaguely agreeing with you. Thank you. You know what?

I was also thinking in my mind the other day when when someone says, hey, when someone gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. Sure. In my mind is you should sell the lemons. That's free collateral. That's free capital that you just got. Yeah. Of course, everyone, that great lemon shortage that we're going through now. Also, in order to make lemonade, it's not just about the lemon.

It's sugar and water. And there's a lot of other things involved. You can't just have a pile of lemons and make lemonade. And that's why the whole term makes me upset. By the way, we did get a big response when it comes to the plums that Henry received from his Uber Eats driver. This woman gave him a bunch of plums. Some DMs were upset with our reaction to the plums saying, isn't this the world we want to live in where people give gifts and everyone's really nice. I'm fine with gifts.

I love gifts. I love people. But I don't like cursed plums. It's just a strange thing to do. Taking strange fruit, not even strange fruit, but just fruit from a stranger. It wasn't about the fruit. It was about how the fruit was given to me with a sense of desperation and a sense of hauntedness like she was a ghost woman. Yeah.

That was the problem. It's not that it's not her extending a hand of love in via the plum. It was just kind of weird. It was the way it was given to me as if I was fighting her on the plums to begin with. Right. Where I showed up like when I put in the notes and the seamless delivery, hey, no plums, please. No plums, please. And she showed up with plums.

And she just showed up with a bunch of plums saying that's the reason why I'm trying to deny human connection because that's what's weird to me. That is what's weird. So that was the only thing with the plums. Also, there was an update on the Budweiser house. What happened? The Hero of the Week Budcan Decorated Place is a condo, non-rental apartment in Lake Worth, a suburb to the south of West Palm Beach. That's Eddie Larson's fucking neighborhood. Okay.

Which is about 65 miles up the New Florida coast, we know. The local news dubbed the place the House of Budweiser. The cans used in the decorations were actually 16 years worth of the previous owner's empties. A US Navy veteran of the Cuban Missile Crisis, Salute, he's dead. He passed away earlier this year, which is why the condo was up for sale. And then the Budweiser came out and said that they would offer free Bud to the new owner as long as they don't redecorate. Oh my God, we have to buy this house. I think that you have to.

And in the end, you'll make money. Can you get Bud Light though? Or is it just Bud? Well, that's a great update, Henry. Thank you so much for sharing that with our audience. Of course, if you missed that, you can listen to side stories for the full tale of the Budweiser house. Well, before we get to listener pasta, we do have one more quick news story here. I just love this story.

I take this all the way to beautiful, sunny New Jersey. New Jersey. New Jersey. I love the story. This is just, I love it when TV becomes real. Do you really? Sometimes New Jersey therapists asked patient to help her find a hit man and attack her ex. This is incredible.

It's the plot from the Sopranos. It really is. This comes from 10 Boston News, NBC Boston. A mental health counselor in South Jersey admitted to seeking a hit man to attack her ex-boyfriend. But a federal agent stepped in before any violence was carried out. So I always. Well, I think this is going to greatly impact her ability to help the patient. Obviously, she knows this person has homicidal tendencies.

She's trying to flip it and reverse it and use this person as a weapon of her own. It doesn't seem like she's been a very good therapist though. And she's definitely not being a very good financier of a hit man because it's never a hit man. It's never a hit man. We know this. It's always someone undercover. We know this. But I will say.

Do it. You got to do it yourself. If you want to do it right, you got to do it yourself. In regards to therapists, I love them to death. My therapist is great. But therapists a lot of times are also crazy people just like us. Yes. And they have weird whims.

And this is one of the, she believed, this therapist believed that the patient had ties to organized crime. I wonder why. I don't know. What are you talking about? A guy in a tracksuit showing up every day. We hanging up being like, there's things I talk about and there's things that are a little too involved for you. Meanwhile, she thinks it's mob stuff. But meanwhile, he's trying to not say he was molested.

Yes. She needs to get to the bottom of why this person acts so angry. Different ways, the man has shadows, the man has kind of synchronous. And the whole time she's like, I bet you he can kill Greg. Meanwhile, he's just like, sometimes my uncle, he took me behind the shut and he said, we're going to play a game called find the apples. Well, apparently this person wasn't really connected with any sort of crime syndicate. He was just fat. He was just a big dude from Jersey.

So the criminal complaint says the patient, after he was solicited to kill this woman's ex, contacted the FBI. They saw it just sign up like I was having a perfectly relaxing time with my therapist. This is the FBI. Oh, I've never called you before. This is incredible. What a fun time this is. It's so fun. Thanks for calling.

I just want you to know that my therapist has been a little forward thinking with her own personal relationships. I believe that. So the criminal complaint quotes Sylvia, who then met with an agent, a.k.a. air quotes the hit man. It just doesn't work this way. They were all having too much fun. This only happened because the guy because now the guy gets to play FBI informant, which is almost. I think that the only funner thing then mafia hit man is ex hit man working with the FBI in witness protection. Right.

I love that storyline. It's so fun to do. So now he gets to be an informant. He's still got the same track suit on. You just change colors because to me when I'm mafia hit man, I'm wearing red track suit. Right. When I shift to informant, I'm wearing blue. Okay.

I can see the difference there. I can see the change in your personality and obviously in your sweatpants. The criminal complaint quotes Sylvia asking the agent not to kill her ex boyfriend, but just to punch him in the face and break his arm. Yeah. She wants to rough him up when somebody sent him a message. Can't you just, I mean, you should actually really does the FBI need to be called if you're just like, can you punch my ex boyfriend in the face? Every woman would be arrested. This is why I'm saying everybody jumped into role playing because what did we learn from McMillian's?

They also love action. They're bored. They're bored. This is an easy one. Right. It's not deciphering the various economic crimes of the president. It's not doing all this other boring shit. It's fucking boots on the ground.

Super simple. You as an FBI agent get to pretend to be a hit man. I guess that's fun. His reaction, Sylvia asked him, I was like, the whole thing is just like, okay, okay. I don't want you to kill Craig, but I just want you to just send him a message that I don't need him liking other people. I know we're not even together anymore. Not even together, man. But I am watching him like other people's pictures on Facebook.

I mean, it doesn't seem like the FBI needed to be called. It seems like an MTV producer for like ex is gone crazy needs to be called. It's more of a reality television show plot than a true crime story, but okay. But the agent then doubles up, right? Because she says, in her words, he needs his pretty little face basting. That's what I really want. Well she says as well. But then the agent suggested, this is out of pocket.

He, yes, handed her and said, you know what we can do is we can scar him with battery acid. Sheesh. Which is what a job. You were jumping up. Well, she just, I see this is the problem with FBI stings. It's the same thing with Richard Reed, the shoe bummer. Yes, he was a bad person who obviously was able to be led down a path that could, could lead to mass death. He was radicalized.

But they also, they gave him the shoes. They gave him the little wicks. They gave him the lighter. They were like cute. They set everything up. To James Bond. They just gave him all of the stuff. They really do.

And then Sylvia after saying, oh, let's have what we scar him with battery acid. She says, how about we break one arm and just mess up his face, but not with acid. Something that makes him like not so cute. Something so we can't do push ups. So we can't work out. Apparently this guy was a real beefcake because that's really what got her upset. He, she wanted to leave him disfigured so he could no longer go to the gym. She told the agent, the ex quote, ended up with some stuff on me that he was going to report me to the licensing board, which means I have no job.

So this was extortion on his part. I think the FBI might need to flip. Go check out what's happening. I think Sylvia might have an actual complaint here. This guy seems to be strong arm in her, which is probably why she needs that arm broken. She was the one who called the hit man. And so on Halloween, Sylvia met up with the agent and paid him $4,000 for the fake hit. Listen, guys, again, they're never a hit man, but even if they were remotely close to a hit man, you're not looking for anything less than 25 Gs.

I mean this. Oh, of course. 25 Gs to me is the limit of what you could low ball somebody to kill somebody else. That's for killing. We're just talking about, well, with the battery acid, that's a big deal. You break the guy's arm for a grand. He can't do push ups anymore. That makes a little bit more sense.

My question is, don't you just, don't you have an overly aggressive brother-in-law? In my mind, there are always, every family has one shady brother-in-law that you can call. They can go and do this. Who's been waiting for this call? Well, that's his time to shine. Unleash Roy. Yeah. This is the time to get Roy, I mean like Roy, I know you love old cars and I know you love Joe Rogan.

Will you go and beat up my ex? Use your powers for good. Go get him. I kept him planted. So she asked, she had a prepaid phone and this is cute. She didn't know what to do with this prepaid phone. So she was like, what should I do with it? Oh, what should I do?

Oh my God, this is like my fucking mother. It really is. Can I go to the Ocean City Bridge and just throw it off? Is that good enough? Sylvia will be sentenced January 27th, 2021. The maximum penalty she faces five years in prison and $125,000. And that's just, and I will say honestly, this is the first off. I will give number one shout out Matt Servito from the Sopranos.

Sure. And the pretty face is going to hell. What's going on, Servito? Looking good. This is a shout out to you. This is helping your life go forward. I know your memory, the Sopranos memory go forward. And I also want to give a shout out to Craig Rowan of your pretty face going out.

Shout out to him. He created the Melphi selfie. The Melphi selfie. He took a, he started the Melphi selfie. Now what's the Melphi selfie? Where he got a selfie with Dr. Melphi from the Sopranos. So Craig Rowan, thank you again for moving the needle on pop culture. Okay.

Again and again. Just before we get to our first listener pasta, just a brief story here talking about New York City, the MTA, this is from September 22nd, 2020. So this is several days ago. MTA board, they have officially banned pooping in subways and buses. I didn't know it was legal the 15 years that I lived there. I'm upset that I didn't take advantage of this. But then you would have been like, you would have shat and then the police officers would

come and you'd be like, here's the book of laws of New York state, sir. And he doesn't say I can't not do it. Well, you circle, you circle where it says it's illegal officer. Of course they beat the hell out of you and arrest you anyway. And you have no power at all. Complaints of soiled subway trains surged in 2019. The agency had insisted at the time that they, that the increasing reports of disgusting subway cars was a result of more vigilant riders, not worsening conditions.

So they literally have all over the subways in New York, see something, say something. And then people saw something and said something. They're like, you're just snitching. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm so glad that they jumped on this issue instead of all of the other very intense issues facing the police right now. I'm glad that we finally have some justice in this world. If you go and you take the subways in New York, all of the,

they just made it cool is what they did. They just made shit on the subways cool. All of the brown artwork, it's all poop. It's all shit. And it really is everywhere. It really is. They put it, they literally mixed their shit in with water in a spray bottle. This is real.

That's real. And they use it to paint because they have all the paint resistant shit inside of the subways. So they paint with their own shit. And so no one's fighting it. And I'm going to say, Someone's probably fighting it. I'm going to ask you to shit on the subway now.

I think you should know. Go after them. Make them work. Make them work. You know, I don't think that they will be cleaning that up. And I think at some point it's just going to, it's just going to lead to a lot of people who are really upset. And we do need that anymore in 2020.

I think people are upset enough, Henry. You know what? I wish we could do. If one positive thing can come from this year. No poop. Let's poop on a subway. They've just made it punk. They've just made it punk.

They just made it a statement to make. So unfortunately they are now asking for more shit. And they're going to get it. Well, let's get to our first listener pasta again. Thank you all so much for submitting. If you want to submit more listener pastas. This is sort of an impromptu episode this week. You can go to side stories LPOTL at gmail.com.

We will be doing another listener pasta episode as well. For Halloween. For Halloween. So yes, of course you can always submit your stories. And thanks to everyone who submitted their stories for this episode. All right, y'all. Let's get spooky. That's not spooky.

No, no, no. I mix spooky and horny all the time. So do I think a lot of our listeners. Sporny. Sporny. I think we do. I think a lot of our audience is very spooky and horny. I agree with that.

So this is called lost time. When I was about 15 or 16, my best friend's older sister was visiting colleges around the east coast of the United States. Naturally, my best friend and I tagged along for a spring break road trip from Richmond, Virginia to New Orleans with a stop in both Tennessee and Alabama along the way. Ooh, they hit all of the barbecue hotspots. Really exciting. If you watch the new barbecue competition show on Netflix and you learn that there is

only, there is many accents in all of America. There's only one barbecue accent. I agree with that. You've all hit it with the mop. You've got to hit it with the mop. You've got to get that bark. Now, I'm fuzzy on the exact details, but I'm fairly certain that we pulled off into a rest stop somewhere around middle Tennessee.

I had to pee desperately. Uh-oh. Yeah. That kind of road trip pee where the driver asks if you can hold it. You can't, but you say yes because it's clear. You have no choice. Well, I mean, you can also pull over here in the middle of Tennessee. There's exactly a lot of people around.

It's not hustling and bustling. Just pull over and take a piss real quick. Let the beaver go. All right. Everyone got out of the car and went in the rest stop to relieve themselves. It was one of those weird rest stops where there were two women's restrooms. One on the left of the building and one on the right. I went into the one on the right with my best friend and ran into a stall.

I can vividly remember looking into the handicapped stall next to me and seeing wheelchair wheels and being dumbfounded because I'd never actually seen a handicapped person in a handicapped stall. Oh. Which to be honest is really funny is that I've also never seen it, but then I sometimes will use the handicapped stall just because it's fun to have the extra knees. Yeah. But I know that if I do end up seeing someone who really needs the handicapped stall. You better finish up quick.

I will abandon it, but what I'll do is I'll crawl out army style and say, Somebody took my chair. Somebody took my chair. Well, that's the only rational way to do that. Anyway, I look back at the back of the stall door, use it, finish using the bathroom. She's peeing. Oh.

And I walk out. I left the stall and I call my friend's name, but I heard no response. I look around kind of weirded out because I'd only been in the bathroom for maybe two or three minutes. I looked under the handicapped stall and it was empty, which was also very unsettling because I have no doubt in my mind I would have noticed or at least heard someone in a wheelchair leaving the restroom. Oh, that's necessarily true. The wheels?

It was in 19, 1830 or something. If it's a rascal. I guess. In a days, I washed my hands and walked outside thinking I'd see someone I was traveling with waiting outside. That was before iPhones. And I'd left my beloved LG NB3 in the car before I went to the rest stop. I walked outside and I didn't see anyone I'd see when I walked in. I mean, no one.

I like that. You know, I think we need to have a no phone in the bathroom policy. You ever see those shows where they swap the phone? More disgusting than the human toilet. I think we got to get used to our own shit molecules if we want to survive in this world. I walked outside and I didn't see anyone I'd seen when I walked in. I mean, no one. Not the people having their lunch on the picnic table or the couple taking a smoke break next to the vending machines.

I'd only been in there for three minutes or so. I mean, this is Jersey. They're doing this middle Tennessee. Yes, beautiful. We're all lighting up. Yeah. I miss smoking sometimes. I walked past somebody smoking today and I had an urge for the first time in fucking years.

You can still buy a pack. I know. I was starting to freak, but I walked back to where the car was parked and it wasn't there. I just about puked. I had no phone, no money for a pay phone, and I wasn't about to ask a stranger. I sat down on the concrete steps hoping if they'd somehow forgotten me, they'd realize and turn around soon. And that's when I hear my best friend call my name and I look to see her running up the path toward me.

I was pissed. Had they played some sort of shitty prank and moved the car and hid from me? But the anger soon turned back to panic when I realized my friend was actually extremely concerned. What the fuck took you so long? She asked. I didn't know how to respond. I told her I'd been in there for four minutes tops and to cut the shit. She just looked back at me unamused and told me they'd been waiting for a minimum of 30 minutes.

They had moved the car to a more central location to wait for me so they could see me exit the bathroom. They never saw me exit. I get chills just thinking about it. I know it's not a huge chunk of time lost, but I know I was in the bathroom enough to pee no more, no less. I cannot account for the 30 minutes. My friends say I was gone. Well, could be a mystery poop situation. And sometimes when you're in the midst of just a wonderful evacuation, a bowel evacuation, you do lose time.

And maybe she just doesn't want to admit to her friends that indeed it was not a pee, it was in fact a poop. Sometimes, maybe that's what it is, you rip it up, but I like spending a long time in the bathroom. Oh, it's the best. It's so much time. It's the only time that things are truly remotely private, especially in quarantine. You're not allowed to be filmed in there, get the cameras out. It's the only safe place to be in this country. Unless you put the camera in there.

And then you get... Well, then that's bad. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Good Lord, that's very bad. All right. This story comes from Faith Trowel. Faith, thank you so much. It's called The Slink.

You know, you've gotten better at reading too in the past, from the past till now. I haven't read this. I haven't read this yet, so. Something is hunting me. That's how it starts. Something is hunting me. All right. So, this is The Slink by Faith Trowel.

Something is hunting me. I felt it's present since I was a kid. Horror stories were always my first love, so I thought I had made it up to scare myself. And how fun was that? But I couldn't get this out of my mind. It followed me into adulthood. Seems like she has some kind of haunting. Again, this is called The Slink.

I've never seen it, even though I knew exactly what it looked like. She never saw The Slink before. The feeling it gave off told me everything I needed to know. It never had a name, but now that I'm writing this, it seems like I should call it something, so here goes. It is The Slink. Perfect. I settled on this name because that's the closest thing to the way it feels.

Like it was slinking around corners and underneath beds. It moves slowly and silently with purpose. Looks like you. Yeah. I have a certain image of how it looks in my mind. I hate to even think about it. But maybe it'll help me if I see this all the way through. The Slink has a long emaciated wolf's body.

Kind of cute. The Slink has like one of those police dogs. What are those called again? What? The police dogs. A police dog? Yeah, the ones that are police dogs. What do you mean?

What kind of dog is a police dog? There's many different types. Is it German Shepherd's? German Shepherd. The Slink has a long emaciated wolf's body. Its ribs stick out at odd angles and shift as it creeps along. Almost touching the ground. Its entire body is covered in mangy black blue for the color of-

Hey, we over there and you go take a look at it. Make sure it's on Andy's circus. Absolutely. It's the color of a fresh bruise. Seems like this is just a dog who needs to be fed. The Slink's face is a mockery of a wolf's head. Exposed bone shows between patches of sickly fur. The eyes are hollow sockets deep and hungry.

It has a rapid sign legs and a long and long back feet that could propel it forward. At a moment's notice or let it pad along silently as it stalks its prey. I mean really, it doesn't seem that bad. It's just a skinny dog. It really is. But the worst part of the Slink are its front legs. Also, why do we call them legs and not arms? You know, I could ask a vet about that.

Because you know why? Dogs never wear bracelets. But the worst part of the Slink was its front legs. The joints are all wrong where the paws should be. There are human hands with long broken finger nails. Alright, now it's weird. Yes, it's Marcus. There were times when I'd completely forget the Slink or convince myself that it was just part of my overactive imagination.

It never let me forget for long though. I can always feel it when it comes back. It had never come close to me or tried to touch me. But that changed last night. What happened? Scary. It got close. Well.

Give it a kiss. Maybe give it a little treat. It won't be so mad. According to the author here, she says, I woke up in the dark with a full bladder. That wouldn't let me... What? It's a weird way to say I had to piss. Okay, so I woke up in the dark with a full bladder that wouldn't let me fall back asleep.

And that's always a tough battle. You just go pee. Yeah, but it always takes you a second Marie. You know what I hate is when I have a dream where I'm pissing. And then all of a sudden I realize I'm about to piss in real life. Yeah, I feel the same way when I'm really thirsty and you're like... Oh, and you're about to drink a bunch of piss? No, but I'm thirsty of my dream.

When you're like underneath an open hole and you're waiting for all the piss to get down inside of your mouth and you wake up and you're like, oh, I can use some ample juice. So anyway, she woke up, she got a full bladder. Anyway, so she says, my bathroom is just across the hall and I never turn on the lights when I make a trip like this. After I had finished up and was heading back to my room, I felt something brush against my leg. I assumed it was my dog. Okay, she does have a dog.

So I slowed my step to let it pass into the bedroom. I wasn't about to get tripped by that little fucker. That's a little rude. That's what she said about her own dog. A realization hit me when I settled back into bed. It couldn't have been my dog because I crate him at night. Oh! I didn't have to wonder what slipped by me.

I knew exactly what it was. That's when I heard a soft sound at the foot of the bed. Like someone sliding their hands at my comforter. Frozen in fear. I couldn't make myself look away from the hands, blacker than the darkness itself. And the rugged ears raising over the bed's edge. Then it lifted its head and I looked into its eyes for the first time. The sockets weren't hollow at all.

There was a blue eye shine that reflected back of me from the abyss of its skull. Cool. At that point, I guess my brain gave out. Even though I was terrified, I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew, it was late afternoon. I was ready to write the whole thing off as a really vivid nightmare until I saw the dirty handprints all over my covers and the long greasy smear in between them

from the slink dragging its body across the bed. The trail ended near the top of the comforter. Right beside my head. Needless to say, I grabbed my dog and I noped the fuck out of there. Now my parents' house, it's almost dark but I need to let the other people know what's stalking me. I have no idea what it wants or why it shows me. All I know is I've got that old familiar feeling again.

I can see the shadows moving in my peripheral vision. I know I'm not alone and I never will be. The slink! This does sound like- Like you though, I'm just cuddle with it. Truly just sounds like a day-to-day of you and Jerry. Yeah, me and my little guy. You wake up and he's like little blue hinted eyes

and you're just like, Oh, Jerry, you better go back to sleep because you're gonna wake up your father. Well, Jerry is waking up all hours of the night. He starts barking out the window. I've got to get him, but you got to cuddle the dog and then he comes in and he likes to burrow. He likes to burrow, which is kind of nice.

That's Wendy. Wendy's a burrow to her. She's a burrow to her. Well, thank you so much, Faith. That was indeed a scary story. And just lean into it. Lean in! These are the human hands that make it kind of awkward. Yeah, of course.

But honestly, if you could train it, did you stuff around the house? That would be great. That would be great. I love somebody else doing dishes right now. Me and Natalie's sick of doing the dishes. Oh my God, I don't like to do the dishes. A different kind of ghost.

That's what this is called. Okay. When I was growing up, I lived in a small house in a big city with my younger brother and my mother. The first time this happened to me, it was around 11 years old. I woke up in the middle of the night,

very suddenly, feeling as if something had snapped me awake, almost jarringly. I sat up and looked around the room. My eyes settled on my mother. She was beside my bed, bent over, and picking up some clothes I had left on the floor.

I've seen this video before. Don't let her get stuck on the dryer. I'm sorry, Mom. I whispered, I can grab those in the morning. She seemed to halt in place and stood up slowly. My stomach turned as I realized something wasn't quite right.

I remember an icy chill coming over me and I felt completely frozen with fear. Once upright, she looked at me for a few seconds before she and the clothes she was holding faded away completely. I stayed stock still for a solid 15 minutes, absolutely terrified,

and trying to make sense of what just happened. I felt as if I had seen a ghost, but it was very clearly my mother. Finally, I laid back down, covered myself completely with blankets, and laid shaking until I finally fell back asleep much later. Okay, nice.

Over the next year, this happened a couple more times. Always in the middle of the night. The very few people I have spoken to about this said I was dreaming, but I know that this was not the case. In fact, the second time it happened, I had gotten out of bed completely to go to the bathroom when I saw my mother

still on the couch. A lot of bathroom today. A lot of bathroom. The bathroom is an intimate place. It is, it is. I walked toward the living room to talk to her, but she faded away as soon as I entered the room. The third time she was peering into my room

from the doorway, I thought she was just checking on me, but then yet again, she just disappeared. Oh, my. I admit I did doubt myself, thinking I was maybe a little nuts or just freaking myself out

until I found out I wasn't alone. At breakfast one day, my little brother, who was about eight or nine at the time, turned to me and said, Cadewin, why were you going to the big porch last night? Oh, my goodness.

What a little brother that is. I asked him what he was talking about, having definitely not gone outside in the middle of the night. And no, I have never once sleepwalked, which is something I've been asked by anyone I have shared this with. Okay.

Well, I woke up last night and you were walking through the kitchen to the back door, but the door didn't open and when I got up, you weren't there anymore. Oh, my goodness, little brother. What were you doing there?

Oh, shut up already. To say I had goosebumps would be an understatement. Going forward, I asked him to let me know if he saw anything like this again. Lo and behold, both he and I had more experiences in the year to come.

He always saw me. I always saw my mom. When I asked my mom about it and if she had ever seen anything like what we had, she looked pretty freaked out. Uh-oh. But said, no. Whether this was her trying to not scare me

by saying yes, or just her being freaked out by her weird kid, I'm not certain. But she does maintain that she didn't have any of these experiences to this day. Now, as I get older,

the experiences stopped. They became a strange memory over the years. Eventually, I became a mother myself, adopting a beautiful three-year-old girl and moving into a house of our own. One night, when she was six, I woke up to her screaming for me. I raced into her...

How do you baby scream? Ah! Mommy! Mommy! Yes. My diaper needs some attention. We're not easy to be a mother. I raced into her room

and found her sitting up in bed with teary eyes. Mama! Where did you go? You were just in here, but you didn't say anything and then you were gone. They say I had goosebumps once again. Would be a fucking understatement.

That's how it ends. Whoa! All right. Very cool. Thank you for that creepy tale of motherhood. This is why... Kids are creepy. No matter if they're used or not,

get those condoms and wear them. Yeah, because old kids do see ghosts. Yes, they really do. All day long as they see ghosts and they invite people into your home. Yes, they really do see ghosts. I used to see ghosts all the time. Is that true?

Nah, I had some experiences growing up. You have never once told us this ever before. Yes, I used to see many of ghosts. Yes, indeed. Interesting because now your eyes are so thick with hate that you never see a ghost.

I know. I love ghosts. And you refuse to believe, though. You don't like it. I believe in ghosts. Do you fully believe in ghosts? Honestly, there's something in my new house. It's a rental, so don't be like,

oh, whoa, it's a rental. Don't watch the new movie, the rental, it sucks. Oh, is that right? But yes, is it child? I do think obviously you're more susceptible as a kid. I think so. So to see in the paranormal and things like that,

but there is a knock on the door that I cannot explain. That is kind of freaky. But I will say my house. I heard it when I was right by the door. It was like, tch-tch-tch. But I opened the door, and no one was there.

It's happened multiple times. You opened the door? Yeah, of course. Oh, my God. Yeah, you let it in. So we knocked on the door. You let it in? That's what you just said.

It's not a freaking carpet salesman. No, but that's the problem is that most demons need your permission to enter into your boat. I just opened the door. I invited it in. You invited it in. You invited it in.

It's not Richard Chase. You need a ring light or something. You look out the window to see that kind of shit because now what you just did is that you invited a vampire into your house. Well, get to cleaning, please.

God knows. I mean, it could. Definitely. There could be some ants in there. There could be. You don't think it's clean enough? To be honest, your house is from your last house?

It's better. Yes, it is better. All right. This story is called The S-Man, and it's by S. I wonder what this is about. I don't know what it could be. When I was younger,

I was like most kids. I had hopes and dreams. And of course, nightmares. So it goes without saying that my parents dismissed my complaints about the tall man and the shadows. It's always the tall man, by the way.

But again, short people, short men are the cause of most of our problems. Oh, we'll be scared of the tall, tall man. It just started one night. I woke up. This person woke up. When it was dark out

and all the lights in the house were off. It was only for a split second that I thought someone was in the room. That's why I went back to sleep. Unsure if this was my own choice or something making me do so. So something's making him go to sleep. I honestly love that.

Jackie takes like, Jackie smokes a bowl and she eats her edibles and then she takes like two melatonins and something else to get people to spit. Melatonin makes me all jacked up. I don't, I don't take it. I don't take it.

I heard it's really good for your mood. You know what's really great for sleep? Bourbon. You go right to sleep. It wasn't until a, I don't know if this person's old enough to drink bourbon, so. Anybody's old enough.

Well, it wasn't until a few nights later that I realized why I awoke. It happened again. But this time I was more awake. Yes, I still felt like someone was watching me. But it was an odor that woke me. A stinging, almost vinegary smell in my nostrils. That smells like urine.

It resided. And I drifted back to sleep only a few moments later. As I did, though I swear I saw movement in the corner of my room. That's very scary. Yes. The third night is when I actually saw him.

Same pattern, waking up, stinging smell. And there he was, standing in the corner. A tall, seemingly made of shadows. He wore a wide brimmed hat. And his head was tilted. Almost like a gondolier. Almost like a gondolier. Yeah, wide brimmed hat.

And his head was tilted, covering the top half of his head. All I could make out was a wide crooked smile with even crookeder teeth. More crooked teeth. Woo. Very scared of the teeth. He raised a finger to his lips

and shushed me with a long, drawn out sound. I don't know when or how I got to sleep that night. But the next morning, when I woke up, the smell was still there. Lingering in my room, my clothes, and even on my breath. But when I complained about it, no one, including my friends and parents,

said they smelled anything. But it was there. My dad kept laughing that the smell was me being afraid of my own farts. Funny dad. I didn't find it funny. And no matter how many times I told her, my mom said there was no man.

The shadow was just that. A shadow. The smell lasted a few weeks. It was no longer just vinegary, but now it was fishy as well. I smelled it every waking hour. All the while, I was sleeping through every night uninterrupted.

That is, until last night. Oh, yeah. I woke again to find myself in a room at night. Only this time, I wasn't looking at a man in the corner. I was in the corner of my room and I was looking at myself. You just got fucking Blair Witch, dude! A look of horror on my face

looked back at me as if controlled by some other force. I brought my finger up to my lips and I shushed myself. Back to sleep. Go to sleep. I don't know what happened to my body. Was it dead? Did it still live with another conscious version of me

living life? Or was it now inhabited by something more sinister? Personally, I think the latter to be the worst of the three. I now reside where all the children go when he has chosen them. I am the tall figure watching others at night

while they sleep. I am the foul odor left behind once the sun rises. I am this congealy man. He comes back. Whoa! He's the congealy man! I didn't realize this, so this congealy man it overtakes people's bodies.

Stop saying the name. Isn't that interesting? I mean, I like that people are adding to the lore, but I will say, there are times in the heart of hearts I'm not scared of the S, man. I'm not actually scared of him because I know that the thing that I made up

in a way, I guess. But then all of a sudden there are times and I mean genuinely late at night where I sit there because I have to brush my teeth in the different bathroom. Boring boring house stuff.

What Natalie just doesn't want to see you do any hygienic things? No, no, no, absolutely not. We're just, we're shifting shit in the house. Kind of going into a divorce phase. No, no, no, no, no. She still loves me. She still needs my body. I

sometimes get scared just sitting alone, just being like am I making this congealy man am I making him real? Sometimes. Puffin, my boy puff. My man. Sometimes he will look in the corner

nothing will be there. And he will just do little barks and puff and never barks unless you try to pick him up and then he's just like I won't kill you. But it is really kind of freaky. I admit it. It is kind of scary when you're alone especially if you do happen to watch a scary movie

which as I get older I have a more hard time doing alone now. I get scared. I like to be scared. I got scared. You know what I was thinking about last night because Wendy does the same shit in my head just imagining a scenario where we are constantly

just about to be murdered by a fucking like Mike Meyer style like heaving psychopath like outside of her home but that psychopath just happens to be incredibly scared of small dogs. And so every time he arrives to fucking give his eternal punishment

you just see his Wendy going like and he just fades in the background. I believe it man. Small dogs, they're the best security dogs in the history of dogs. They are loud. Nothing would also make me sadder than having Wendy just having her spine

crushed by someone trying to kill our family. Oh that would be sad. Hey Kissel vote right now. Do you want to go gross or do you want to go ghost? Gross or ghost? Oh my god. Oh man that's actually really tough. Okay.

Gross or ghost? I'm trying to channel the audience. We've done some ghost. Let's go gross. Let's go gross. Let's go gross. Okay let me try this story. Y'all let us read the That's a great game. Gross or ghost? Maybe we'll play that for listener

process when we do officially for Halloween. My father and uncle were raised in Coddardsville, Georgia. That backyard is connected to a 54 week plot of land. Separated only by a short barbed wire fence. On the other side lies the untouched burial

remains of the Itawa Indian Mounds. Oh. I don't know if I'm saying that correctly. I don't know. I hope you are. But I'm doing my barbecue accident. Oh I love that part. Gonna make sure I get that brisket needs to have a flop to it and you want to I want the rib to be

bitten off easily but I don't want it sliding off the bone. You know as I've mentioned on the show previously I'm trying not to eat pork but I'm also realizing barbecue is mostly pork. Can't let go of barbecue. I don't give a fuck what makes sense. I don't give a shit. I have a whole bunch of baby back ribs sitting

in my freezer and I'm going to be fucking unleash them very soon. I've been thinking about barbecue all week. I need to get a smoker. But I'm the only one who eats smoked meats in the house so I'm gonna get this smoker and what I'm gonna do gonna make a whole rack of ribs just for myself and then all of a sudden I'm just then that's how I die John Candy's death. Oh 43

you're young. Fingers crossed. Absolutely. My uncle still lives there and a few times here we would come up to visit my father's childhood home when I was about nine or ten years old my cousins and I started building up the courage to venture over

the barbed wire and explore the era field. We would pretend we were ancient hunters chasing the groups of cattle that meander the property the air was always stale and each time we got too close to the treeline

the unnerving feeling of being watched made the hair on my neck stand on end. Cool. It wasn't coming from the slow grazing cows but seemed to look somewhere just beyond the herd. One night

we were heading in for dinner I felt the same primitive static of being stalked by an unknown observer. Hmm Before jumping over the fence I turned back and caught a glimpse of it. Dark, healer eyes

illuminating a four-legged shaggy frame. Huh. It hugged the treeline before darting back behind one of the burial mounds. Later that night I asked my uncle if he and my father had ever noticed a shaggy dog

lumbering around the property. Oh, a shaggy dog. The store he told me haunted me for years to come. You stay away from the big ones he said. They have room inside. What? Room inside for what? For what?

I have terrified that he actually knew what I was talking about. Oh my. He leaned in and explained when your dad and I were kids we saw a dog that at first seemed to avoid us but day by day

it would allow us to get closer and closer. Finally we managed to get within a harm's distance of it. Its eyes were warm but it kept raising and lowering its head almost not inviting us to come closer. Oh. And as I

step forward I could hear low guttural sound come from inside. A mix between a thick cough and a painful mound. I think it's her. Sounds like me having sex. Redneck orgasm there.

I said looking back at your dad who said I already had taken a few steps back that's when I noticed it. A long seam ran crookedly from the dog's jaw to the underside of its belly. Before I could turn back to show your dad

I was paralyzed by what I saw next. Whoa. A flisher tag at the top of the seam began moving separating skin from skin as the stitches broke apart. The sound of ripping flesh

continued until it reached its stomach. From inside the shaggy limp shell of pair of arms followed by a torso in the head appeared. What? It was Ace Ventura. Whoa. It was an old man.

His body was to crimp it in beer. The loose hanging skin covering his wedded feet resembled a puddle of wrinkles. A puddle of wrinkles. It's like in the old man version of a puddle of mud. In an instant his gangly

arms reached up and grabbed the front of my shirt dragging me closer he clasped his bony hands around my waist and pulled me into the dark open cavity pressuring me into his paper

I could smell the stench of rotten meat screaming I looked through the open carcass to call out to my brother but he was nowhere inside unable to move I watched as the flesh's zipper

became jiggly sliding back into place sealing me inside its rotten frame. Oh my. The last thing I felt was heart breath is rolling down my neck. It's a long explanation to this kid.

Coming from the creature pressed behind me. Nine years old, this story absolutely shook me to my core enough to I didn't even want to ask my uncle how he got out of the dog's body honestly

you should have. Yeah, you definitely want to know that. I know if I asked too many questions it would somehow make the story real. Needless to say I always avoided large dogs and my cousins I refused to cross back over the fence until we were much older. Oh, yeah.

I mean it's a great way to protect your property have a demonic dog that swallows people whole. Unzip some, live inside of a dog isn't that kind of what we do with our leather jackets? Isn't that kind of what we do anyway, right? I know. We kind of live inside

of the animal skin in some ways. If you want to, this is like how PETA like pitches it. PETA just gives money to people to go topless. I would love that they actually do that. Ever in charge of PETA just wants to see boobies and they found a really weird way to do it. They're a weirdly very metal organization

because they're both terrorists but also with tits out. Yeah, that's true. And I'll see more of that. And of course we love animals ASPCA is where it's at. I also feel that it is true. Do you notice that there's a lot of haunted dog stories that have come out and I think it's got to do with quarantine

and we're literally spending so much time with our dogs. I think the dogs have realized that they like to be alone. Oh, they now we leave Wendy alone a little bit because then she stops being so frenetic. We find that she does less phantom barking if she actually has a couple hours where we're

not around. Yep. Every time you come home everyone's like oh the dog is super happy wow I'm happy to see I feel so bad for leaving they actually like to be alone. A little bit maybe. They do. And this is why this is just Ben Kissel off the cuff which is the new show that we're doing. I don't want to do because that has to be on compound media.

Anything that's like unchained or unclickable it's got to be Oh, I go there. What? When it comes to dog cameras they're bad for you. Bad for the dog. They don't know they're on camera though. Yes they do because there's treats

they have these treat things right where you'll be like hey Puffin come here and it's just the video screen. That's weird. And then Puffin can demand a treat so he hits a little thing and then he gets a treat but it really tricks the dog and they because they can't separate the reality that's why when dogs watch TV they think it's a window and they think

they're watching outside of a window. But I leave the TV on for Wendy when we leave. Only on Animal Planet or Food Network. I put HGTV. HGTV. Because it'd be nice if we show up and Wendy's done something around the house. Unless it's demo day. Unless it's demo day. She wouldn't even help with that she can't lift a hammer.

Well nonetheless so just let your dog be and don't bother them because it confuses them and then they don't know what's real and what's not real. Okay the final creepypasta. This is good. Henry is in my heart. I'm glad you're reading this. This is by Jessica

and Tyler. Thank you so much Jessica and Tyler and I wish that you guys have the greatest friendship or love or whatever it is. They might be fucking. They could be. Maybe this was the. Maybe they're just writing together. But I do think like this is such a good way to slide into the DMs or something. This is good. This is a tip for listener pastas and

you say like to the person you've been kind of like thinking. Don't have an alternative motive though just if they say just just do the writing if something clicks a click. But sometimes what's nice is yes you shouldn't lie and say we should write together and you trying to make that be like a sub-tweet of we should be having sex with each other. No that's what

UCB is for. Yeah that's what that's for. That's what's called teaching improv. It's because you raise your girlfriend again. Okay. Henry is in my heart by Jessica and Tyler. Henry is in my heart. I woke up that morning to the dull sounds of dishes clinking and water sloshing.

My boyfriend Tyler works nights so he was awake when I made my way into the kitchen. He was standing in the sink washing the dishes. Wash, wash, wash, wash. I came up behind him to give him a big morning hug. This is cute. He's washing the dishes

and she's like thank you. There's nothing honestly it is really nice when you're washing the dishes to get a teddy hug. Sure. He turned around and embraced me. My ear is the exact height of his heart. So there's a size difference. There's a height difference.

When I pressed my ear against his chest that morning I was met with the voice of Henry Zabrowski screaming hysterical nonsense startled. I looked at his shirt to also see Henry's face. Tyler was wearing his last podcasting shirt. I looked up to him and smiled

oh Henry. I said he looked down deep into my eyes. Henry is in my heart. He replied smiling back. And then I realized one side of his headphones was down inside his shirt matching up to my

ear in his heart perfectly. We shared a good laugh. Morning Dishes. I left him to Smoosh, smoosh, smoosh. That's the sound of Teddy sitting back. No kidding. I left him to finish the dishes. That's good. Make sure he finishes those dishes.

Get that man to walk. Get that man to walk. That should be the men's only fans where it's just men doing chores. You go there. Yep. I left him to do the dishes. I went to the bathroom

again another bathroom situation. This is a quarantine. We all got three rooms. That's true. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for the day. After a few minutes I realized I could hear Henry's voice again in the other room screaming with hysteria. Maybe he was laughing at

something Ben said. He was laughing at something Ben said that was so funny. Did she actually write that? No, she did not. Yep. I'm just glad you're reading the story. I'm reading it. I smiled to myself. I finished in the bathroom and went back to

the kitchen. What did she finish doing? She just finished doing whatever she was brushing her teeth. I wonder if it was a big old shit. I finished in the bathroom and went back to the kitchen. Tyler was unconscious on the floor. He was shuddering. The only way I like

a man, hell yeah, compound media. I got closer and the voice of Henry screaming got louder. I saw a ripple go through Tyler's chest. I leaned in further. The screaming was becoming unbearable. It was then it happened through my wife. It was then that it

happened through a shower of blood. A tiny version of Henry. First through his chest. The tiny Henry was almost a foot tall and growing before my very eyes. I watched transfixed with horror. He was still screaming as he

crawled his way out of the hole in Tyler's chest. The tiny Henry continued screaming and hopped to the floor. He was about two feet tall now and no longer seemed to be growing. He shook some of the viscera out of his hair like a dove.

Look at all this viscera. More blood spattered on my face. I took a step back. He stopped screaming. I froze. He looked up right into my eyes. I've been trapped in the hearts of men for eternity. This is you talking by the way. Should I read this?

I can do it. You want to do you impression of me? I've been trapped in the hearts of men for eternity. But now I've been set free. Hold on. It's like a check. You better save this for your SNL tape. I needed to be in the heart of a true fan. I can finally

take over the world one laughing man at a time. With that the tiny Henry started screaming again and left into the air directly at my face. Everything went back. Everything went black. I woke up to find myself strapped to a bed.

They were telling me to cut out Tyler's heart. But I know the truth. I know that tiny Henry is out there waiting in the shadows. He just wants to make you laugh. He just wants your heart. That's it. I mean and this is completely true. All I ask of

is all I want is your undying of devotion. I want total control over you. No, that's not good. All I really want you to do is again lastpodcastmerch.com You can go and check out all our where's and last podcast merch.

You also, you know what I really want you to do. What I really want you to do when you get out there today. Make a difference. Make a difference for the positive. That's good. That's very good. Alright everyone. Thank you so much for submitting listener pastas

for this week's episode. Next week we'll be back to your regular schedule programming. We got a UFO tail next week that I've been wanting to tell for a long time. And then UFO docs are also starting to scare me more. Maybe I'm just getting sensitive in my 39 year young phase.

Well alien episodes, I mean I do get the most, the research I'm doing for this for a long time. I do research for a UFO episode. I ended up getting a lot of nightmares. You know what also it is. There's a sky here in California. Yes. New York there's no sky. There is.

But you don't see it because it's just buildings and then there's so much light pollution. I haven't seen a star. I've seen more stars this past three months than I have in the last 15 years combined. And that's just because you've been spending time in Beverly Hills. Whoa, hello Brad Pitt. I'm just screaming at people

Brad Pitt. Random lay in. I haven't been recognized yet. Not once. Not once, but that's okay. This is we're going to begin spooky season. Yes. We're going to get so spooky you might commit suicide.

Well don't do that. I don't want you to. Don't do that. We're almost through 2020. I don't want to even talk about it. 2021 sucks. The second half is going to be fun. And then don't forget 2022 that is no close. That's no close 2022. 2022.

I better not see a stitch of underwear on a person. No close 2022. 2022 needs to be the daisy chain year. I want to see starting losing weight now to get ready for it. I want to see three guys walking down the street

dick in but walking in tandem. The shitty Beatles. This is what I want to see in 2022. I want to see women walking down the street walking down the street. I don't give a fuck. I am sick of my living room.

There you go. All right everyone thank you all so much for listening. Hope you're hanging in there. Guys and again seriously you are very kind to us as a you are very kind to us. I want to say again thank you so much for the outpouring of love that we got

for Marcus. I also want to say this we are headed into even more quote-unquote hashtag uncertain times. But I want to say no matter what the fuck happens we're going to keep going. We're going to keep going and we're going to do this show we'll do this show from a bunker

if we have to. I have to think we will first of Spotify has been very not to be all like weird but they get our commercial was all over the place. It's very very cool. So thanks to everyone who reached out. We've never had anybody advertise for us including us. No and we still are not sure if our name is on the commercial

it's just three big white weird looking dude. It was Ariana Grande and then it's three white men that look like the new version of Yolotango and the worst less cool version of Yolotango. And then of course I also I'm I'm not an openly music person.

I don't like to talk about the music that I listen to because the music that we listen to you we are both like we have two modes. We have like party mode where I listen to music and then like not but my real mode which is what I'm used to doing you know like sitting alone in hotel room looking out the window

you got a glass of whiskey and you just sitting thinking about all the other road dogs that came before you. Road dog yeah of course so Spotify does that thing like listen to like and some people are some people don't listen like me but I've also noticed that a lot of people do. Some people

are also alcoholics like us. They are the same breed of alcoholic because I slide into old country alcohol mode which I love. Oh it's the best if you get that sweet spot just before you get really sad and then you gotta go to bed.

Yep that's the goal. A big thing that's coming up for spooky season is that every Saturday 6pm PST 9pm EST on twitch.tv slash last podcast network all of your favorite hosts all of your favorites from the LPN network

are going to be live streaming old school horror movies and we're going to be watching them together it's like an old fashioned hangout. We want to have you clarified from the last podcast network cause they'll be like is Diane Imus going to be on it? I wish they would be. Is Imus? Are you Imus? Who knows who they're looking

for you there's a lot of other hosts out there but these are the specific hosts of the ones that you're getting each week we're going to be doing it for a different charity we're going to announce the hosts and the charities at the beginning of the week we're going to be giving money out just sharing time during the Halloween season because

we are all desperate for entertainment. Absolutely and I'm happy to watch some scary movies with you because then I won't get so scared and you can watch it with me and you can watch it with Jerry and maybe even Puffin will jump up on my lap although he has never done that and he probably won't Alright everyone hail yourselves! Hail Satan!

Magustalations! Help me. Alright. I'm just doing it all. Spooky season it's here. Yeah it is it is scarier than usual. It is. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors you can support our shows

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