Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 429: Creepypasta XV - A Halloween To Regret

Episode Date: October 24, 2020

Prepare yourself for stories of ghost-slapping, horse-humans, gooey games, and MORE. IT'S TIME FOR CREEPYPASTA 15.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? So I guess we're gonna get spooky, huh? I think we are. Cuz you know what? The one thing I'd say about this year Mm-hmm. Is that it hasn't been Frightening and anxiety ridden enough To add a layer of cuz but you know what truly the one I the one feeling I've been missing mostly is spooky Yes, cuz even there's a difference between spooky and existential dread. Yes Spooky you actually feel alive. You tell your dream dread. You're just like I'm dying

Am I dying, but I'm alive. I'm technically more corpulent. I'm more filled with food and water than ever before right the same time I'm a skeleton indeed But yeah, even my own house now that we have like we've been kind of going nuts with the Halloween decorations Kind of putting shit everywhere and the other day How long are you gonna keep those up if you keep them up until Thanksgiving you guys are psycho I love that you like Halloween decorations, you're just decorating your house Oh, I know Natalie thinks that the seasons will change and I'm like I'm not moving this shit to a storage unit That's the thing inside of this house. Absolutely, but it's all like motion-sensored like frightening things because we've been trying to find more

Spots in the house where we'll scare people if you go in the room so done with you by the way I just finished taking a lengthy pee and I frickin open the bathroom door at Henry's house And I damn near punched the frickin skeleton that cackled at me Which is like how many beers and I'm like I'm actually drinking more water than I usually do But the other day now I forgot to shut the alarm off and set the alarm off in the morning I was trying to sleep and then the whole house just burst into a security alarm Welcome to the last podcast on the left everyone. I am Ben with Marcus and with Henry Why are we talking about spooky things because this episode? It's all spooky spaghetti. It's creepy pasta

Is there any other term for it? Like I don't know like stories creepy Malevolent Malevolent When it's nice about the Italian accent is that we can still do it Too busy hiding the bodies indeed busy folks feeding them to rats which I do after having a rat in my house We talked about this when discussing the ice man. I firmly believe they can eat a human body Of course they can absolute rats are still the scariest thing that I've ever had to deal with in my home besides your roommates Besides my roommates at the time of somebody shitting your tub

That wasn't scary to me because I wasn't even remotely close to there and that woman married that man who dumped in the tub after she stepped In his poop, but it's just have your partner step in your fecal matter and if it's not love after that you'll know All right, who is we just said we're okay. We're going to we're getting to decide in show Who reads the first spooky spaghetti though Marcus make your case for why you think you should read first? I? Think I should read first because I'm trying something a little different with this first spooky spaghetti story I would say different the way to start. I would say I don't know I'm trying to go first because mine Chronologically might be earliest. All right. Well. I'm gonna go first because mine is two minutes All right, let's just wait before we start. We got to get in the mood

We're doing this guys all right Halloween's approaching don't fucking think about the election don't think about you just made them Delete it So we're sitting here because normally I'm gonna say you know roll up a big old hogs leg I think that that's that's already I'm presuming that maybe a protein based hogs leg Well nowadays you can get the you can get the THC water you can get the THC gum I'm saying right now make get yourself hydrated and also deeply deeply paranoid. Yes, some THC water roll up What I now do and I got those rosin joints. I know what you have in the crackle in it this shit Honestly, what's nice about it is that it will alleviate

Your consciousness doesn't present. I don't know I just sat there and I was like I can't believe I said that in seventh grade on The school bus. No wonder everybody hated me and I just did that for seven hours when I had your Spackling joint whatever the hell you call it. Well, that's because you're Calisoba right now and what really helps that is Yeah, I did I did drink during the during the debate because you got to have a little fun with it Have to yeah, although I do I do want to say when it comes to the THC weed bait before you get everyone in the in the mood When it comes to the THC weed water, I did buy like seven of them because I'm not trying to drink so much be else Yeah, and I found if you drink six of those Man, Bud Light is like not not a drug

Like and it was it got crazy. Oh my god But I think it's important for everyone to get to a place where you're genuinely scared Yeah, so think about it because I feel like right now quarantine. We're in the middle of school Let's not normally we like to stay timeless Absolutely, but we're here in quarantine presently and you're like let's say you're alone And how scary is that? I mean, I know that if you're single there's a lot of things about scary I'm being single but also not might be scarier if you were with somebody you hate it But yeah, I'm sure I mean

The idea is that like you know like if you're alone like you go home late at night and like especially if you're some kind of nurse So you have to work outside of your home And you don't know who just comes inside of your house and the idea of like the your neighbors being turned against you just by society and just in their own worlds of paranoia and intensity and Eventually you find yourself realize that you are a lone victim in a sea of enemies and isn't that scary? but also it's very scary as well to be in a couple because yes, yes You never really know your partner No, because I could be really looking at Chris Watts documentary

That's what I was just about to bring up the Chris Watts family annihilator the Chris Watts family annihilation So this man sell it like it's like it's a chop product That's what it is family annihilator. It kills any onions. You need to have distanced lies. You don't know Your husband you don't know your wife every day They can be feeding you lies and they can sit and tell you every single thing that you want to hear and be everything To you that you want them to be but guess what one day they can meet somebody with brand new breasts and kill you and the two kids In a blink of an eye. I don't know how you've prepared people. I guess everyone's scared now, but remember but also ghosts

Henry Samarowski story also ghosts All right, I will just jump us in here. This is called dark web Treasure hunt who doesn't love dark web treasure hunts. How they're gonna see what the treasure is if it's so dark, okay? Here we go estimated reading time two minutes All right, so here we go it's birthday time for my birthday. I'm reading now also who wrote it. Let me do this This was written by Richard Saxon So that's very cool. S-A-X-O-N Richard Saxon The old Nick Saxon there. God knows you do that on a fucking public school bus. You will be killed

For my birthday, I decided to treat myself to a dark web mystery box gift. That is not sad at all That's stupid. I it was for his birthday It was a service I'd used several times before and they had never disappointed sending heaps of useless but funny things to my doorstep Happy birthday a note on a box read I picked up the package placed on my doorstep and noticed a letter was attached to it indeed I wonder if it was a letter C. No, no, it was a letter that you read There comes a time and every shot there comes into this is this is the letter I just feel like I'm stuck in a car with you and I'm your son. You're trying to connect with me

Okay, this is what the frickin letter said it said there comes a time in every man's life where their skills and knowledge has to be Tested with that in mind. I shall set you out on a treasure hunt Please follow the instructions within the box and for safety reasons burn every letter once it's been opened or solved very much Like what was the name of that great tail television show? get smart or Or the other cartoon is it like get smart? Are you thinking about inspector gadget? And then there's this impossible the letter no no no inspector gadget

You have to destroy the letter and he would always have a problem destroying the letter And then he would just like give it to his daughter Penny and then she would die or something to my surprise the note was signed by Pete My best friend since childhood it was a neat surprise But I was confused as to exactly how he got involved with this anonymous service Whether he was just an active user there himself who'd recognized me or if he'd been contracted by or if he'd been Contacted rather by the website. I didn't know nevertheless. It seemed like a cool gift Yeah, my first clue would simply be a piece of paper with two incoherent words written on it van mace Okay, van mace are the two words

Could it be a name maybe a location I sat down with it and contemplated the words in front of me after just a minute I realized it was an anagram The letters had been had at the letters just had to be rearranged to form a new meaning. Yes He's explaining it to the reader. Uh-huh. It's very nice of him to do that So what was the hidden matter met? What do you think was the hidden message van math van mace? The hidden message. What do you think it was van mace van mace anagram? Rearrange the letters van mace man cave. It was man cave. It was a reference to Pete's basement a place We'd frequently spent our Saturday nights playing video games and drinking whiskey

Oh, I burned the letter in accordance with the instructions and quickly made my way to the man cave There I used my spare key to unlock the door half expecting a surprise party instead. All I found was another clue Oh good in ace of spades in a picture both were pinned to a board with an unfamiliar knife I removed the knife and checked out the clues the picture itself was a place We frequently went as kids to smoke and relax it seems like they were doing a lot of drugs and drinking his children That's actually sounds like a lot of fun. I wish I did more of that instead of using my imagination I definitely did that for the both of us my friend a beautiful field which no one knew about okay So they would go smoke and relax in this beautiful field that no one knew about it was just a short hike outside the city

I made my way there in about an hour. Our usual place was hidden in the shade beneath some trees Why don't we have a place where we go? Kissel because we didn't secretly blow each other Sometimes you'll blow each other when you're doing that. Yeah, I guess you need a lot of room Indeed you want to be under a tree once there. I noticed a shovel sticking out of the ground on top lay some fresh dirt Because you also know the ace of the ace of spades is the card of death. Isn't that something spade? It's a hint He's about to talk about interesting spade ace of spades very creative. I chuckled to myself spade Ace of spade. Oh, that's perfect. Great job without hesitation. I picked it up and started digging through the hole After less than a minute. I hit something solid expecting another clue

I bent down and brushed away the dirt as I put my hand on the cold surface. I immediately retracted it in shock It was Pete Buried under the dirt dead from multiple stab wounds to his chest in shock I called the police devastated by the loss of my best friend. Well, I don't believe you I don't believe what I waited I sat down and tried to figure out what the hell happened Well, it seems like he was stabbed a bunch That's when I realized that I had burned every note and that my fingerprints were all over the murder Oh, and the shovel itself used to bury him. I've been set up

So anyway Richard Saxon he didn't kill his friend Pete He was set up you just love that the end of the that the end of the movie is just the idea that he had been set up Do we know was he found guilty is there? No, cuz then we have to get in jurisprudence and we have to talk about crime scenes we have to get into forensics and all this bullshit We got to find out if he got a good attempt of defense attorney. Yeah, I find you he rolls out the whole thing He was molested. Yeah, you know and how often him and Pete used to go blow each other in that field And maybe he felt it was a consensual the whole thing he throws Pete under the bus. You got what's his name by yes Dark web treasure hunt great job. Mr. Saxon. All right, very nice. Who goes now? Should I go?

Go ahead you go ahead my friend you go ahead what I try to do this episode is that I you know I've read a lot of erotica and I'm surprised our audience time and time again a lot of big foot erotica I did and then a lot of moth man erotica and a lot of slender man erotica And I feel that this time my goal was to try to be spooky. Okay, because I needed it I needed to see some ghosts. I needed to see a werewolf. I needed to be pressed down upon by a Dracula, okay? So this is a real article from the Alton Daily Telegraph. This is from December 8th 1890. Wow go back in time. Back in time. Back in time.

One ghost story is nearly always productive of another There's something peculiarly mysterious about ghost stories Although no one yet has been found who has felt that he could say positively that the apparition he saw was someone Who at some time inhabited a tenement of flesh and blood and walked among men a number of years ago The writer was sitting in the office of at that time a well-known physician Hmm the subject of apparitions happened to come up by the report that a ghost had been seen in the eastern end of the city The doctor said

Well, if you have no objection, I will tell you my experience with ghosts I hope I well-known physician. He's well-known for being a physician and not like a juggler Always got a shift because there's no money in juggling Because everyone's just waiting for you to drop shit and no one really cares about the balls I know it's more fun when they mess it up, isn't it? The doctor was a good storyteller and could always have an audience when professional duty is permitted Settling myself in a chair comfortably. I said to the doctor go ahead. I am fixed for ghosts tonight After pondering a second or two and casting a glance around him as if looking for someone he began

Some ten or twelve years ago. I had a very large practice in the American bottom east of all I Would freak when they'd be called out at night in that neighborhood and spend a large portion of it in making calls And in returning to my home on these occasions. I always took my driver along. He was a tall Muscular Irishman strong as an ox and apparently without fear wouldn't I mean technically the driver took him along? I Don't appreciate that. I'm the man of the backseat Because if not the vibes you lose even an ounce of respect for him. I will blind him with my hands and kill us both All right, doc we both had weapons with us in case of need. Ah, man. I miss when doctors had guns I know yeah, we never had an occasion to use them. Unfortunately. I added the unfortunately the night in question

I was called to attend a family living about six or eight miles below the city on the st. Louis road It was one of the handsomest nights. I ever saw The moon was full and cast such a glorious light that the trees and houses seemed Illumined handsom night. What did the moon have a mustache like? It was the kind of night that made me want to come on the knees of an Englishman That's a handsome night. All right. It was keyed and crusty with frost a typical December night We reached the homestead of the family where the call came from about nine forty and found two cases of diphtheria In almost the last stages. I stayed with the family for a couple of hours affording such relief as I could

But between 11 and 12 we started in our return. I felt somewhat blue over the prospects for the recovery of my two patients and With foreboding fears that more of the family might be taken down with the dread disease. I Said nothing to my driver Meditating upon how little a physician could do with all his much-wanted skill When death put in a claim Yeah, you're not gonna beat it. They called it a practice for a reason indeed We had reached shortly after 12 o'clock that part of the road lying near the old cemetery in Milton as is well known Milton cemeteries on top of the hill overlooking the road

Noticing the hill my thoughts ran to the many ghost stories that had been told of that famous spot My attention was suddenly called by an exclamation from Patrick my driver They hold a saint's doctor. What's that a hate of us? Quickly never trust an irish driver Quickly glancing in the direction. I saw a figure Some 200 yards in advance of us standing in the middle of the road and apparently facing us It seemed to be the hide of an ordinary person But it appeared to be covered in a sheet. I

Thought it was someone trying to frighten us I told Patrick so and we drove on until the horse caught side of the object and would go no far I think it's Mitch McConnell trying to get the clan on his side for another Senate race Bear another animal might break the vehicle. I said to Patrick to hold a horse and I would go and investigate the operation So I took the buggy whip in one hand and my pistol in the other prepare as I supposed for the would-be ghost As I drew near it. I saw that holes appeared to be cut in the sheet and about where the eyes and Nose ought to be but there was no movement in any part of it It was as cold and a stiff looking as a marble monument

A little closer. I observed that feet Plied in white stockings protruded beneath the sheet. I shouted when within a rod Who are you and why do you stand there trying to frighten my horse? There was no sound utter what a movement made by the figure. I was astonished beyond measure My heart thumped and beat so loudly that I was sure Patrick could hear it and the ghost too if it had ears At last muster enough courage. I made a rush for the figure I'll raise my whip and brought the heavy and down with all my strength on the figures head But imagine my surprise instead of striking the creature my whip cleaved through it and struck the place where its feet stood

The next incident the most unearthly The most horrible yell that ever pierced the ears of any mortal came from the spot where the blow from my whip was aimed The shriek of a dozen catamounts could not have equaled it I was paralyzed for a few seconds when I came to myself and there was nothing to be seen The echo had died away Turning towards my buggy the horse was a prince and then a jumping and when I reached at the animal was covered with sweat Trimblin like an aspen And Patrick was speechless. Do horses sweat? They do. Yeah, really not. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah

Yeah, you can make it sweat. Give it a give it one of those polygraph tests. I said like well Do you really like hey you're looking for some dick? If you paint a horse it will die really yep try it good to know Let's get a horse. Yeah, let's buy one sure mythbusters dumbass After having spoken to him several times he stammered what what was it doctor? What was it doctor? What was it? I didn't tell him. I didn't say anything We drove off in silence and as we passed the spot where the figure stood the horse shied and plunged and a peculiar odor

Seemed to pervade the atmosphere In the course of 10 or 15 minutes Patrick told me that just after the screech The figure seemed to flip through the air It's why it's stocking feet protruding beneath the drapery towards the cemetery on the hillside and disappeared in the ground That was all I have us on Patrick would not be hard to pass that way again. He soon after left my employer and went from the city I did not speak of the apparition to anyone Because I must have a driver and I was confident that it would be almost impossible to secure

That would pass along that road if it was told I made the same trip the next night and many nights since and I've never seen again the strange visitant No one else that I ever heard of saw it afterwards I've often thought of it and try to reason it out had not Patrick and his horse seen and heard it I should have persuaded myself that it was an illusion You are the first person to whom I have told it and I never speak of it until I'm gone Then you may publish it if you want The old physicians relapsed into silence. You never mentioned the story again

In a few years afterwards. He passed away. Oh having served his generation. Well, all right The world's greatest generation look at that. So he saw a ghost and whipped it So he had an Irish carriage driver named Patty Patrick. Yeah Yes, racist I just feel like it was a strange response when he sees a ghost and then he whips it. Yeah, of course Yeah, you whip a ghost. Yeah, of course. I've never seen a whip. I've never seen a ghost react to being whipped before to be honest Like shoot. Are you spray a ghost with Uzi?

Yeah, you can do that. I would imagine if you saw a ghost you would hit the ghost with whatever you add in your hand You had a BL bottle you'd throw it at the ghost. I don't know how I but I told you Be very peaceful as well. I can definitely see you living in the haunted mansion from Disney throwing beer cans And all of the dancing ghosts just being like, I can't hear my TV story Oh, they're better than a TV story. Shut up playing ghost. I'm trying to watch C-span Man, there's nothing better by the way if you haven't watched C-span you must when they take the calls from the Democrat independent and Republican lines Man, those people get roasted. It's very good. I don't know if anyone could stay alive. I have no interest in seeing C-span. Okay Well, my first story today. It is actually a translation of a Japanese creepypasta

It's called how to play hide-and-seek alone And so this is just about a sad lonely kid the one-man hide-and-seek aka one-man tag is a ritual for contacting the dead Yeah, you need at least a tits out woman there if you're lucky a guy or something The spirits which are wandering restless on the earth are always looking for bodies to possess in this ritual You will summon such a spirit by offering it a doll instead of a human body Okay, warning if you have psychic abilities, you may feel unwell or be prone to accidents during the ritual Your audience just turned this off Just like because people who most of the people I know that say that their empaths are them themselves pieces of shit

Things you need one stuffed doll it must have limbs Great because otherwise how you get how's it gonna chase after you? How's it gonna go hi? Well, I guess I can't I guess I can't give him my Herbert the grape doll then yeah I gotta stop giving him a good just got to make of those Ed's dad dolls Ed Larsen check out his movie how America killed my mother rice. You need rice enough to stuff the doll full Okay, oh need one needle and one crimson thread one pair of nail clippers one sharp-edge tool such as a knife Glass shard or scissors Don't use a glass shard. You're not escaping from a mental asylum

Do you have the option between a glass shard or scissors? I say go with the scissors Doesn't everyone have one Ikea knife that they use to slash open everything? I'm sure yes, absolutely I use my knife from the blind blade Smith out in Nashville wonderful knives. Good luck. Was he blind? Yeah, he has the eyes of a dead man. Oh Cool. Oh, we met him. Yeah, he's cool. Yeah You need one cup of salt water natural salt would be best, okay you need a bathroom with a bathtub and some form of counter and Finally a hiding place

Preferably a room purified by incense and there must be a TV in there. I Mean that's the way to do it But the main thing what we do is what really helps it's not so much the incense glade plug-ins Here's how you prepare Take out whatever the doll is stuffed with once all stuffing is removed re-stuff it with rice, okay? number two clip off a few pieces of your nails and put them inside the doll Sew up the opening with the crimson thread and when you finish sewing tie up the doll with the rest of the thread number three go to the bathroom and fill your bathtub with water

Okay, number four return to your hiding place and put the cup of salt water on the ground Instructions followed. Okay. Are you doing this audience? Are you doing this right now? So now that you're prepared. This is how you do it number one Give a name to your doll. The name can be any name, but your own Irma No, you can't do that. Okay. I'm Mussolini No, that's not good. What's his first name? What's his first name Alfred? It was Benito. Oh, yeah Benito Benini Cha-Chi Cha-Chi, let's go with Cha-Chi when the time is 3 a.m. Say

Your name first so let's say Henry Henry is the first it you say that to the doll three times So say it Henry Henry is the first it Henry is the first it Now go to the bathroom and put the doll into the water-filled bathtub. Okay. Now, it's all falling apart I didn't right. Yeah, it's gonna expand. I'm not like an expert sewer. So most of this is just kind of this is all mess Yeah, you're alone for every reason everything. Yeah, no skills Number four turn off all the lights in your house go back to the hiding place and switch on the TV After counting the tin with your eyes closed return to the bathroom with the edged tool in your hand

That could be your knife or your piece of broken glass Don't because then you can't even grip on it. Just get a knife. Well, you could tape it up like a shank What are we in prison or you're in your home? They're trying to summon the devil then you go to the bathtub and say to the doll I have found you Cha-Chi Then you stab the door and you stab the door Cha-Chi, then you stab the doll with the edged tool. Got you scoppio. Whoa say

You are the next it Cha-Chi As you say it you're the next it Cha-Chi You're the next it Cha-Chi And you got to say that as you take the doll out of the bathtub and leave it on the counter in the bathroom Natalie's gonna be so mad You're a mess. You're a single. Oh, this is me single. This is you as a single. Okay Oh my buddy's in the other room, he got the fucking manhandling point. I remember that when you were so snappy when you were single I remember you were a totally different person

Good wiser sign is lit up and as soon as you've put the doll down run back to the hiding place and hide Here's how you finish number one pour half of the cup of salt water into your mouth. Do not drink it I do you say first Don't drink it cuz I would you're gonna salt water. I'm sick of my stomach. Oh my god. Yeah, that's not gonna be good Just keep on there. Okay, you just keep it. This is I'm solution. Good for kaker stores. Yeah, this is I'll do it. I'll do it Number two Number two get out of your hiding place and start looking for the doll because the doll is not necessarily in the bathroom What are we all this water? What's going on with the water?

I Whatever happens do not spit out the salt water No matter what When you find the doll pour the rest of the salt water in the cup over it then Get rid of the water cheese. No, you did it wrong. You did it wrong. You did it wrong. You're supposed to Drink that water no do not do that Do not mark it

Because you're supposed to do you're supposed to pour the rest of the cup that you didn't put in your mouth on the doll Then spit out the salt water You first you pour the water out out onto the doll then you spit the water onto the doll and then you say I win three times I win. I win. I win. Are you Cartman? And this is supposed to end the ritual Okay, that's this make sure you dry the doll burn it and discard it later most important Do not stop this ritual halfway. You must do it through to the end This is a dangerous ritual and we will not be responsible for what happens to you if you try Other things to keep in mind do not leave your house until you have done the finishing ritual

You must turn off every single light in your house when told to do so you must keep quiet while hiding You do not need to put the salt water in your mouth during the beginning You only need to do it during the finishing ritual. So many rules This is just a way for a dad to keep the gas bill down the energy bill We're gonna play a game call everybody go to sleep when you're hungry turn off the lights So what is fine? Remember if you're living with someone you might put them in danger to be sure to warn your roommates or your mother or your father This is really just you mean basically describing the only people doing this are living the neat lifestyle

Keep the ritual slash game under two hours or the spirit will be too strong to remove Okay, for safety reasons, it might be best to keep all the doors in the house unlocked including your front door as well Have friends close by so that they can come and help you at a moment's notice if you ever need them I don't know if this guy has friends at a premium I don't know if he has local friends if this is how you're spending your night and then finally Some final notes one the rice represents innards and also has the role of attracting spirits So the rice must be used number two the crimson thread represents the blood vessel

It seals the spirit up inside the doll and number three by cutting the thread off You break the seal and release the spirits you have trapped Interesting, you know, what's weird is that even though whatever number one Japanese is trying to get back at us for a world war two This is first step one they're just slowly infiltrating us it's just what they do I was watching House Hunters House Hunters International American couple They wanted to go to Vietnam and they were complaining about the prices They always do they go to another country and they're like why is what I wish it was like America

You're moving to Vietnam. Yeah We're not gonna like you too much. I don't like the bathrooms are different there number two the rice rice is often used in Ritual in order to call ghosts quite often. It's used as a food stand-in even not non-cooked rice Sure, UNICEF has been summoning ghosts for a long time. Haven't that it is like a is that a hot take? Technically UNICEF actually did some great damage, but that's for a whole nother episode They lowered the price of rice to the point where there's no competition the farmers run out of business You can't compete with free

Scary Creepypasta the horrors of good intention Brought to you by Steve Forbes Imagine I'm sure he has some creepypastas in his mask. Yeah, I think he's got a fucking creepypasta and his pants They go Steve Forbes. I want nowhere near my kids or my dog I don't think he'll be coming by anytime soon. I guess I gotta keep drinking this water, huh? So this story this is actually this is a two-offer. It's a two-parter, but I'll just read the first part now I just made this like mouth soup. I know

You want to go throw it away? No I'm locked in now. I'm a host good lord. All right. This one's called a Halloween to remember very exciting. You don't want to forget Halloween That never forget Halloween and it is written by You always sound like the people who fake sell things at all of Anders and Harry Potter world Where they all just been like you look someone that should have a number four where it's full No, this is actually written by sloshed train sloshed train So very excited to read this for you all again. It is entitled a Halloween to remember

My friends and I decided to go trick-or-treating this year. Very fun We were teenagers that wanted some candy and to TP some houses. We lived in a massive neighborhood So there was always a lot going there So there was a lot to go around after two hours of going around the streets egging and TPing houses and a very lucky Lucky escape from the police. We were ready to end the night. That's kind of fun Remember that you do for TP anyone ever TP here. Yeah, I TP'd I definitely TP'd I you know what? I never TP'd but I pee peed Kill me one of my friends asked should we go another friend replied

Okay, one more straight. I stared down the dark street unable to see the end There was something odd about this straight like it did not belong the houses were completely different from the houses in the Neighborhood the houses look abandoned and there were no lights either on the street or in the houses I just watched Freddy's dead last night and it is not good Freddy's dead It is Freddy's dead new nightmare. No Freddy's dead the 3d one. It is not good But in the parlance of Freddy Krueger every city has an Elm Street with all the rules every city He does have an Elm Street mostly Freddy's dead not good Rewatch it might have to rewatch that I don't like because I pretty sure I've seen every one of them

I always loved the Freddy ones, but maybe it's blurred together that one is not good. Okay. Wow hot take I stared down the dark street unable to see the end as we talked about the houses were completely different the houses all look Bene abandoned no lights on okay, so then he said I got a bad feeling about this guys Don't be a pussy David. That's his name. Don't be a pussy David change up the name So I can take a change up the voices so that I can hear different characters. Don't be a pussy David No problem. Although pussies are very strong, and I would say don't be a ball Yeah, yes, kiss all don't be a pussy David. We're just gonna add some oxygen leave If they do caught a cop's again, we'll sneak out of there. This place is freaking pitch black my friend replied

We walked down the coal black street joking around and telling ghost stories as I just couldn't help feeling watched Houses looked very different and it and didn't look stable. I knew something was up I just knew it the light from the other street began to become dimmer and dimmer Okay here dimmer dimmer. Okay here. We took a bag. Okay here He said we took a bag full of eggs and toilet paper. We were cursing and having fun I almost forgot to be worried crack a loud noise echoed in the street crack What was that? I asked everybody hide now. Oh, this is the friend that yelled it everybody hard now With the characters choose a voice since they can just stay consistent everybody hard now

See how difficult it is When you're a character actor how many people you have to be how you begin to lose sense with the central you Eventually you you don't there is no real you you are just an amalgam of characters, and then you wonder every day Who is it that I am? What is it that I feel is there me? What do I think I was just feeling that way everybody hard now Who am I why do I do my friends scramble around the block? I hid behind a rusty old trash can rusty trash can also a great sex act looking over the edge I couldn't see anything because it was so dark. I only could see a blue outline of the houses

I took up my phone for some light no signal at all on my cell phone Didn't they build over a dozen cell towers all over the area? Didn't they I? Shined my light towards the street crack crack This time it was even louder crack I pulled back over again all of my friends were there standing in the middle of the street. I I questioned walking towards them. So what do you think that was they didn't respond hello There's something about your soul. I cannot take but I'll find a way. They all said at the same time. What the fuck

They all charge towards me. I ran and ran the darkness seemed to continue on forever I didn't hear them chasing after me, but I didn't stop I slammed my face into a wall I got up to see a giant skyscraper outlined in blue and a plenty fill of them It was a city without light. I stood there completely shocked a lot of the questions flew into my mind What just happened? Where am I? Can I get back these questions flooded my mind a loud growl roar behind me? Or I turned around to see the wolf like creature blended in the darkness shit I whispered to myself. I stood there looking straight at the creature. I regret my decision after that I ran as fast as I could here in the creature's paws hitting the concrete. I stopped in an alley

I think I'm okay. I said to myself. You're far from okay a similar voice responded You sound like Trump going through his daily security I turned around to see an army of people standing I tried to run but another group blocked the other side of the alley a tall man stood in front He was dressed in black and was wearing a hoodie that blocked his face. What do you want from me? I yelled and then he said I want your trouble. No, this is a different character Yeah, I want the soul like I did with all the little friends here I use this realm to capture as many souls as I want we in the up like the weird do fanfiction like all diverse

I go back you bastard And then he said you're different your soul is special and very hard to get and what makes it harder What makes it harder that you are protected, but no soul is strong enough to keep me out Get ready to become my puppet. Oh, this is like technically this is ripping off of slender man And then they closed it on me I felt like this was the end and that was just going to be the beginning That was going to be made that I was going to be made his puppet and I couldn't do anything about it a Stereotypical light shone down on me not him again. Oh, no, this is what the tall man said

He said not him again. I'm lost They're in a fucking dark-ass alley in a neighborhood that has no lights and then this demon is like I want your soul And then you got a special soul and then and then a light shown down the rambling story I'm a schizophrenic and a bus stop and the tall man said not him again I woke up in my bed and my bag of candy and leftover eggs from last night. Wow. We woke up in his bed Yeah, he woke up in his bed and my bag of candy and leftover eggs from last night So he woke up with it with him in the bed was the tall man of a big like six foot seven redhead man That forces you to stay out drinking BLs until 2 30 in the morning because he doesn't want the night to end

He doesn't want to see that with her manager. I focused him and I made him motivated I looked at my digital clock and it read 7 a.m. 1 1 1 1 1 November 1st 2011 I laid there for a while and wondered if it was all just a dream Whatever Gary if it was 9 11. What did that mean? That's a different kind of horror I laid there for a while and wondered if it was all a dream. Whatever happened. I'm safe now I got up to get ready for school and saw a sticky note on my door saying I haven't forgotten about you yet He left a sticky note Yeah, and we're gonna pick up with the sequel a Halloween to regret very soon. We do we are I

I haven't forgotten about you yet. Why do you leave a sticky note? He's a freaking demon. He could have done anything He could have left a scroll. He could have just well, why don't you just email sloshed train and figure out why I'm not ready To open up the line of communication with slosh train the guy could have woken up And it could have been written on his it could have been scratched into his chest anything fucking wrote on the post-it note He's a demon not an animal in the mirror. He looks in the mirror in the morning, and it's I don't know why you guys are yelling at me Boomer accountant. Is that why you let this thing is that what this demon doesn't just like he highlights Just fucking moonlight to the demon. I Haven't forgotten about you

Here we go. Here's a story called Mamery phone Mamery phone no memory foam, but memory foam memory foam Yeah, the boob that remembers. Yeah, okay. They all do Now you got a memory that runs for years, and they remember every single mistake you've ever made a breast implant with memory foam Huh, well now I'm thinking I mean you can really see or then your digit holds in them There's monsters under my bed Jimmy screamed throwing himself between his startled parents I never went to my parents bed because I never wanted it because it always smelled weird in there

Yeah, well, I wonder what they were doing in there. Just your father's alcoholic farts and your mom's crying Well, my father was an over-the-night truck driver, so I would know that sounds weird, but I would sleep in the same bed I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you said it. I'm so glad you said it. I did not not say it because It's bad quiet often. Mommy always said it was nice to have a man in the room No, the reason that I didn't want to say it wasn't because I felt guilty for being a wonderful child was because you two perverted Scoundrels you breastfed until you were 12. No, that is not true. It's not true until you're 7. That is also not true What the hell was wrong with you guys? It was a little bit late Two years old and at least I could breastfeed suck-a-lisses a browse eat

You don't even know suck-a-liss. No, it's part of the reason why I'm a comedian said I never felt the love of the bosom I'm glad that we got here Mommy wrapped him up while daddy offered assurances that monsters weren't real Jimmy pleaded with him to go make sure he pulled himself up and plotted down the hall All was well until they heard a loud thumping noise followed by silence Jimmy's mother decided to check on her husband leaving Jimmy alone in the dark Jimmy heard the creaks of the floor and another loud thump then silence

Jimmy lay there Hoping that his imagination was just running wild. He decided to go and find out what was going on Tiptoeing his way around the creaking floorboards. He peeked in through the hole to see his mother Wiping the floor and his father leaned over his bed Jimmy opened the door slowly his mother hopped up hiding her hands behind her back. They're doing pee play The biggest scare of all Sorry, she said to him gently your father slipped on the toy and tore your bed He's sewing it back up, and I'm just cleaning up

His dad finished and walked over to him Why don't you sleep with us tonight champ? What he said as he picked him up? Jimmy fell asleep easily safely tucked between his parents Come sleep with us. Mommy's cleaned up All right, I mean you guys are freakin come and sleep with your clean mommy and your clean dad It is a little strange that the father proposed the idea. Don't you come up in there and hop above my knee I think it's acceptable as long as the father is like not is just like goddammit again The kid has to sleep with us like that. Why don't you sleep spritigal on my face?

Yeah, I didn't know what you're not gonna get a lot of rest doing that and uncomfortable Yeah, Jimmy's parents seemed odd the next day after dinner. They put him to bed without a word he realized that his bed felt very lumpy and And wondered if his father had re-sewn it incorrectly He went to find his parents, but the door was locked. He banged on it But eventually made his way back to his lumpy bed and fell asleep. Oh He questioned his parents the next morning about the bed and the door and his father Sturnly replied that he was too old to be afraid of monsters and they would be locking him in his room at night

Until he'd gotten over it seems more like a like something a Casper mattress could solve You have a lumpy mattress. I know the exact gear. We don't even have a discount code for them anymore. Oh, we don't know The night was cold and sleep did not come quickly Laying under his blanket. He noticed that even with the fan blowing something was beginning to smell He tried to ignore it that ended up sleeping on the floor. This is like a kissle in his house It's a Dutch oven. He's Dutch oven in himself He convinced his parents to check his bed the following morning, but they found no smell or strange lumps For lying his father locked Jimmy in his room for the day

Geez time passed slowly and by late afternoon Jimmy was nauseous with hunger made worse. It's actually not nauseous It's nauseated. Yes indeed not good made worse by the poutant smell coming from his bed in the afternoon heat Determined to find the smell. He cut open the line of stitching his father had sewn There surrounded by stuffing with a decaying but recognizable bodies of his parents He began to scream at the sight of their rotting skin. He kept screaming until the knock came on the door Jimmy, are you okay? Came his mother's voice Then his father's remember Jimmy

Oh, no, monsters under the bed Parents for the past week. I'll sleep on your fucking parents. Oh my god, that was honestly a great twist You think about the demon or the ghost or the entity being under the bed not inside of the bed like Johnny Depp in the first Nightmare on Elm Street. I'm still stewing a little bit on I'm kind of upset with you a little bit Henry And then they recreated you got to watch it again Recreated the same kill a number four, which is great number four just has like two times the kills of number three puppet master one, right? Yes, no number three Master that's dream warriors. Yeah. Yeah, so number four has a multiple kills. That is the roach motel kill

That was great Five is not good. Okay. I've got Freddy babies in it, but it starts good But then they'll when the Freddy babies start then this gets weird. That's weird. That's when the series gets weird for you. Okay Well mine is about a lost episode of a beloved television show It's like every episode of the Cosby show I just take any scene from the Cosby show now and put like Like music behind it and it comes very sinister I believe that This is about a lost episode of Seinfeld called the Mason who would have thought Ed O'Neill from from

Married with children turned out to be the better dad Yeah, yeah, yeah, this one showed up on the X board the paranormal board of 4chan many years ago Many years ago back when it was still fun cool Here we go There's a story about a lost episode of Seinfeld floating around the internet The episode was supposed to air around season six, but it was mysteriously cut The official story about the episode was that it featured a lane purchasing a firearm after being mugged But many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently

They forget don't forget the B storyline in the Fine in the in the lost episode of Seinfeld when Kramer does stand up NBC executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season six DVD commentary I have the tape, but as someone who works within NBC. I can't reveal my sources It's Kathy Najimi I work at the GE building in Rockefeller Plaza and I have access to their digital archives That's as much as I can divulge We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats

Including original reels in VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code 607 was missing from the tape set and it was relocated in a set of old news reels The replacement episode the mom-and-pop store was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode The missing episode is oddly titled the mason The episode starts out as normal with Jerry's apartment, but the camera is much more steady What's the deal with standing your ground? Everybody's ground. It's not your ground. It's not his ground. It's everybody's ground Don't anger him too much. He can't buy us and kill us

Jerry walks out as though he's been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately His buzzer rings and it's George George runs up half crying and tells Jerry he's seen something terrible He's mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track George informs Jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on New York Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9-eleven attacks all pre-filmed several years beforehand George says that isn't the worst part Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing Oh, my seeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying as Kramer says that something terrible has happened

And Elaine is dead creamer screams. There's no air in the building There's no air in the building and he's burning to death and then he's gonna jump It is kind of funny if Kramer did it though the camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers George genuinely looks upset and says I'm sorry Larry, but I can't go through with this and he tries to walk off the set But people stop him and push him towards the stage He walks out Jerry's prop window and you can hear him calling his agent There's a lot of mumbling and you can see candles being lit behind the stage Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside revealing a ceremonial black table with candles a dinner plate and a strange box

Oh, yeah, there is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be What's the deal with adrena chrome? I can't even deal with coffee up to 4 p.m. That's one of us on the chopping on the floor there the old editor's floor Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Barack Obama episode originally aired in 1995 oh my god, this is cute territory. This really is the scene ends with Jerry waking up in bed as though It's all a nightmare Kramer comes in and asks if Jerry has seen a lizard. Oh, yeah Jerry laughs and says

The camera zooms slightly and Jerry's eyes become slivered like almonds Yeah The tape is isomatic But what's interesting about a reptilian comedian airplane food tastes good to them The tape the tape is only seven minutes long and what proceeds is just 20 minutes of dead air If you continue watching to the end It seems there are three more news reports tacked on the first is about an outbreak of swine flu The second about a train bombing and the third

Moon news No moon news that's where it ends. I didn't make the connection with everyone being Jewish and everyone being lizards I didn't make that connection They're not all a lane isn't Jewish no George isn't and George isn't I don't believe I think he's Roman Catholic Michael Richard is not either. No, it's just Jerry. He's the one who turns into the lizard. Yeah But he says we are all the lizards Which would make jet that would that would make Kramer a lizard too cool George is obviously not a lizard because he doesn't want to go through this any of this obviously not he's trying to get a new job

Always continued filming seasons That's interesting is that this happened they actually this fictional world Yeah, this episode was shot in the middle of the season and they did a lot of covering up for it But they still got together the next week and did the fucking like they did the puffy shirt episode They did the whole thing. Of course. I love the puffy shirt episode. All right as promised The sequel to a Halloween to regret This is a Halloween to regret Okay, and I'm assuming that slosh train also wrote this one. Let me just be how long is this it's enough

It's not train. Thank you so much for again adding to the great fabric. We don't even know what else he's posted God, I'm saying he I'm assuming he but I don't know what else this person where we're What he's involved in a lot of ladies get hammered on the trains and on the planes. All right. Here we go It's hard to believe a year has passed since the incident. We covered the incident in the last story I laid there on my bed You're ruining the vibe that I'm creating. I'm sorry. I guess it's hard to believe The year has passed since the incident that was the one we talked about I laid there on my bed trying to rid the memories of that unfortunate night, but no matter how hard I tried

I can't repress the events of that night Halloween again, I said quietly to myself. You would think this would make him love Halloween But anyway, I got up for my bed and headed towards the kitchen today. I wasn't going to school due to the special circumstances I ate my breakfast and had and made no conversation with my family. My family just glared at me the whole time Okay, you know you're so weird. They really are my mom said so today is a nice day perfect weather Oh, this is the mom You made me do that Differently I need to know the different characters. I know so that's his mother just for former reference for future reference

I just looked at her and left their kitchen. I went back to my room and sat there at my desk staring at the clock Silence I missed my friends and not a day goes by that. I haven't thought about them The police never found a trace of them after that night and obviously they didn't believe a single word. I said Uh typical cops. I thought in my head. I kept the sticky note to answer your question I kept the sticky note. I received after that night in a box in my closet. Should I I questioned myself I went to my closet grab the box and placed it on my desk. Oh, right So they don't even have sticky notes in the house. So this demon went to its desk in whatever I'm in your pretty face is going to hell. I understand that there is that so that's what he did

Yes, we're saying so you're saying Gary Bunda. Look at this. It's possible I went to the closet grab the box and place it on my desk. All right. It's time. I said to myself I opened the box to find the sticky note was no longer there Hmm. No, this can't be right. I started to panic I searched my room from the top to bottom and found the note but no to find the note But no look running out of options. I stormed out of my room and went back to the kitchen Where is the note? I demanded my mom replied. Oh what now do you forget shit? The note that you two really good creepypasta. I'm getting

Okay, the note The note was in this fucking box. I yelled in with rage. The note was in this fucking box. I yelled with rage Yeah, you're 36 years old. My sister said oh my god. I have to do more character. Welcome to being a character Just try to make her try to sound like a genuine woman. Okay. I Don't know what you're talking about. Can't believe he's single ladies Lies I yelled back my older brother said calm down David calm down David. He has a speech in bed I yelled in frustration. God damn it. I stormed out of the living room and headed into the garage I grabbed my bike and set off into the streets. I don't know what I accomplished doing that

But I just needed to leave I pedaled my way down the streets and through traffic until they reached the cemetery The story is just like every Freddy movie where it's all about kids saying my pants don't understand Don't understand you got a pedal away. I left my bike on the grass and walked down the numerous rows of graves I reached my friends graves. Who did this? I whispered. I stood there in silence and dread Remembering all the good times of my fallen friends a tear rolled down my cheek It's scary how life can take the things slash people you love from you in just a matter of seconds. Isn't that true though? My friends aren't dead. They're trapped by that monster. I spent a whole year living in fear I done everything I can to keep him away ritual sacrifice spells everything. I hope this is over

You're 15. I hope this is over and I could have bet and I could go on and live my life I was about to leave until I noticed something on one of the gravestones. What do you think it was? Marcus liquor his own his own his own name his own name licorice. No, it was a sticky note I am I lean down and took the note and it said I still haven't forgotten you No So even if you make a bunch of kool-aid and then you drink the kool-aid, but then you put water in it You'll still have the shades of the kool-aid

It's all the same that's your acting ability. You're gonna say leftover kool-aid. I'm a six foot seven man I can't transcend into others. I Haven't forgotten about I haven't forgotten about you. I froze How did the sticky note get here unless I dropped the note and began sprinting towards my bike Before I reached my bike a black tall figure approached in front of me What's the hurry? We're just getting started. He said no scary everything faded to black I woke up tied to a chair in a large concrete chamber with only a light from the ceiling and a metal door The metal door opened and the hooded man walked in the hooded man remarked told you I haven't forgotten about you

I felt too weak to talk. All my energy has been sucked out of me. I just glared at him Your protections are gone. I'm going to have fun with you tonight. Let's begin shall we? He brought in a cart filled with torture devices he took out a sharp knife and jammed it into my chest cavity I yelled at the top of my lungs as the blood gushed out of my body. This is a kid afraid of his changing body That's what this is all an allegory for. Shut up. Shut up. That's what he said aggressively As he grabbed my tongue and cut it off with a knife. I felt the blood gushing out of my mouth I tried to get away until he ripped open my torso and violently stabbed my organs Do you know how much trouble you caused me how a simple human escaped from grasps?

He raised as he began tearing apart his organs Maybe he was supposed to do this for his boss and he didn't do a good job. I he grabbed my intestines and started choking me with it I gasped for air. Everything started to fade out. He let he let go of me and walked to the cart He grabbed a dull hacksaw from the cart and began cutting off my legs I felt the hacksaw rip through my muscle. The pain was nothing I have ever felt before. I fucking hope so How are you writing this? Well at this point he's had a knife to the chest his tongue cut out He's been disemboweled and strangled with his own intestines and he's still conscious

Yes, and now the person he the the hacksaw was ripping through the muscle and he never felt anything like that You feel you sound like me yelling at the screen last night watching Friday's dad trying to explain understand the rules that have been decimated by Episodes five and six and I was Nightmare on Elm Street every time I've clicked on it on TV It's been the new one and I just can't stand it so they need to put a caveat where it's like This is not the real nightmare and I'm straight I kept yelling and resisting hopefully someone or something will save me

But I guess my luck has ran out the hooded man grabbed my arm and tore it from my body I can't take it anymore. I shut my eyes. I woke back up in the chair. My body was restored to normal I heard a laugh from the dark corner Okay, the hooded man smart. We're just getting started the metal door opened and I saw my family walk in the room They had no expressions on their face. No, I said in disbelief. This can't be you should have you should have seen the look in their Eyes he laughed you should have seen the look in their eyes. You laughed My family gone my worst fears became a reality every nightmare Fearing doubt the past year. I lived in mortal terror for my life and my family wondering when it'll strike ended up happening

Anyway, my fate was doomed from the start. He tortured me for Coming those are coming up. He tortured me for hours on end not sparing After a couple hours, he stopped and said now is time for you to become my puppet you past. I sick of it. What's wrong with this? My chest I felt the very being of my being being torn out of me my very soul Siri tearing into shreds not interesting. No, I'm not coming up. I began fighting back all my might. He's he's not taking me I'm getting there. He said in shock because I tore his soul out of his body. I control him now I felt the power of thousands of souls coursing through my veins I could now liberate all the souls of the innocent people that fallen victim to the hooded man or

Become stronger. It is Halloween night, and I made my decision Da da da dada da dow dow dow dow dow dow dow dow dow dow dow dow W Time to collect C's Written by slosh train ya, but but it's called a halloween to regret and it sounds like he doesn't regret it at all That he's pretty happy with the end result. Yeah, he got a job Well, I bet you he would have liked if he didn't have any of that happened to him I've actually all about you know, it's weird true this comes back to the economy Difficult it is find a job out there

Even with a college degree. Yeah He's living at home. You know what I mean? He gets out there and huh. What's up there in this economy point made? You gotta harvest souls for this man a powerful this technically off-brand slender man powerful. Yes indeed, okay? So I was gonna read a long one now. I'm gonna read a short one, okay? This comes from a collection of supposedly true stories. They said that was supposed to be a four-minute long story But it seemed longer than it would Yeah Puts you in the mood there

True story time, okay, I Was about four or five years old and my parents had just separated My mom was living in a two-bedroom apartment. I had my own room But I felt I like sleeping in her bed whenever I was staying with her again with all the sleeping with the mothers Our two bedrooms were at the end of the hallway Directly across from each other our apartment was on the first floor and I remember that it was in the middle of the summer My mom had a window open in her room, which was directly behind the bed above the headboard. I Woke up in the middle of the night and I remember sitting up and seeing that our cat

Was sitting in the door frame of my mom's room her door was open and you could partially see into my bedroom It was strange because our cat was a huge snuggler and was typically always in bed with us as I watched him He walked into my apartment me out. Oh, yeah, I turned to my I turned to face my mom and wake her up. Not right now I'm tired. Hey Henry, who am I? Not right now. Not right now. I'm tired. Your wife We do have sex not right now. I'm tired. No, we can't do it all the time. She does get tired. Yeah, she does Sometimes she does get tired, all right. Yeah, of course In the three to four seconds it took her to wake up and ask me what was wrong We both look back up to the door frame and there was a man

Standing by my open door making his way out of my bedroom I still don't know how she managed to do it so quickly But my mother proceeded to pick me up and literally throw me out the screen window Oh, again, we were on the first floor and it was maybe three foot drop to the ground She quickly followed and we were able to start screaming for help and someone called 911 The police came but didn't see any sign of forced entry only that our front door was unlocked Which led them to believe the man must have exited that way But the strange thing was that my mom swore up and down that she had locked the door that night

With the deadbolt and chain lock about a week later She was cleaning the kitchen and opened up our water heater closet and found a notebook with names and drawings As well as a pair of gloves and some gum wrappers The man had been in our house and had hid until we were asleep Well, you shouldn't be chewing gum The reason why I read this story is because this is my it's real life. That's my scariest scenario I had there is something in this house that I'm living at where I just hear like big thuds And I so I literally reacted like as if I was gonna open the door and see a bike because there were squatters in my home

Before yes, and so but I so I brought up there and I don't know what this means But I brought puffin with me and I was holding Jerry and I was just getting ready to throw Jerry in the first Shop on him. What is your biggest fear? My biggest fear. Yeah, you have 13 hours here What's your truest fear solitary confinement? Yeah, my presence heights heights is your truest fear truest fear I can't hate heights honey walk around with clowns around your shoulders. You big old fucking good You upset no, I'm not upset because I didn't hear you up here My biggest fear is failure

Wow, no, it's not honestly. No my biggest fear that is that idea is that I do too much. I do too much I work too hard and I care I care too much but the idea of like Someone stalking you and waiting for your very most vulnerable moment because we've seen it time and time again Remember the fish shrine which ended up being in a comes run, but it's like that person was waiting for someone to leave And that's real. That's a real. That's why parasite was such a fantastic. I believe horror film I know you don't call it that but I believe it was a horror film I viewed it as more of an intense drama. It was more about because it was a class

I don't know the yeah It's just the idea that some person is in your house when you're asleep and just go into the kitchen and Report himself a glass of milk. He will not have anything to eat in my kitchen. It's very scary. Um, but yeah, no, absolutely All right for my next story Henry. I'm gonna need your assistance on this one. It's called the vintage carousel. I I grew up in a pretty crummy town. No, where'sville a real one-horse piece of crap with a small municipal park that housed a Vintage carousel since time immemorial. Hey Marcus, when are you gonna start reading the story? We really don't care Argue with it. I can't argue with it. We are seriously filled with it today. We are full of it You guys are just full of beans over there. We are full of beans. It's just bean town over there. I did a huge shit when we took our bathroom break

Yeah, you did. Yes, you did. The same elderly guy sat in his little booth in the center No matter the weather he would sometimes watch whilst the ornately painted wooden horses Paraded by him for the billionth time. He would always stare back at me and smile a little Yeah, I'm not done with you yet It's a worse story Me and my friend Billy used to invent names for the old man when he was out of earshot immature stuff like horse's ass and Prick draw McGraw you get it. I like that one Sounds like a real Jeffrey Toobin

Very good Henry. I'm so happy you're into television news personalities all the time I am helping end this. My goal is to help end the Toobin conversation. Okay, great. Thank you There wasn't much else to do around town The park was essentially the only place for teenagers to hang out Billy and I spent many a weekend hearing an endless loop of Gaudy organ music which more than likely drove old prick draw insane long ago Late one spring afternoon We were in the park as usual thinking up new monikers for old PD when he surprised us by emerging from his booth This was a rare occurrence and cheerfully waving us towards him. Come here boys. No, no, no don't go

Don't do it. This carousel sure is a beauty ain't it? say You cowboys ever hear the legend of why each horse is so darn pretty. Is that your Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby voice Nah Sneered Billy Enlighten us PD leaned back against one of his trusty steeds and stared wistfully at us

Well, the story goes that each of these beasts is secretly alive But you only see that true form if you switch on the power after sunset Why else do you think I never operate the old girl at night? That's a real big pile of horse shit Whoa Billy, which made me blush a little. I was a punk, but I minded my manners PD gave us both his usual blank grin and said you fairly should mosey on home It's getting late and I'd best call it a day But we stuck around as Billy had decided to call the weird geezers bluff

Especially since we'd noticed that he sometimes Absent-mindedly left the key in the ignition of the ancient machinery and that night was such an occasion. Oh my god We waited a couple of hours until it was good and dark Virtually pitch black and then crept into the booth and began hitting random buttons and fiddling with a rusty dial Eventually the thing sputtered to life quite literally We didn't notice the screams at first as the organ did he was almost deafening from where we were standing But we could see clearly enough on every post where wooden horses had once stood were human beings

Impaled some through the chest some through other parts of their anatomy some more odd clothing Some had faces I recognized locals who had vanished over the years Billy and I hugged each other trapped in the epicenter somehow over that dreadful noise We heard prick draws cackling voice And that's a story they became horses they became horses Which is if you've seen how horses are kept is kind of a curse Absolutely it is Wow, you mentioned organ music, and I didn't want to interrupt the great story, but it did remind me of Tom Green. Did you want some sausage?

He's playing with hot dogs because I was thinking about organ meats Tom Green's goat. I love Tom Green. You went you went from organ meat You didn't think of organ music. He didn't think of some nice hot pipes. You thought of organ meats. No, I thought of both I thought of both But I did the Swedish I don't know if any of Tom Green's old stuff holds up, but it does in my mind every bit of it does Yeah, every bit of it. Yeah, you should watch him on the Drew Barrymore show He was very sweet to hear them reminisce. Oh, you made me sad because he's obviously still in love with her. Yes

Well, no, yes, so he's obviously still in love with her. Really? Page seven Yes, indeed I got down the rabbit hole of Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. I think she really loved him, too But he cheated on her a bunch. Let's now. This is the story that you sent me I said you good ones. You sent me the story. I'm gonna do this. We only have one more each folks Whoo, it's been I know it's been a journey so far But here we go. This one's called the weird doll with brown eyes

Hmm his daughter came home with a weird doll that day. She seemed pretty excited about it He was happy that she was happy, but there was something about that doll Whenever he saw the doll whether it was lying in the living room or his daughter's room It always looked at him as though it was staring at him. Its eyes were so real He could not shake the feeling that they were following him those big old brown eyes It sounds like he wanted to have sex with his daughter's doll. Hey, man. It's lonely being a father I guess ask every father, you know, absolutely He found the doll lying on the table one day and found that its eyes were bloodshot

Oh That could not have been possible it was a doll it was not alive it was a doll That very moment his daughter flounced in and grabbed the doll. I don't know what floundstand means. It's miss Piggy movement She said She said I drew I drew on her eyes and skipped away. So there we go That's kind of a nice explanation One day the father heard loud thumping noises from his daughter's room He ran to her room and found her playing with the doll with a newly formed scratch

Upon her cheek. He asked her how she got it. Oh It was it just happened while I was playing with the doll now kind of sounds like puffin It does he left the room perturbed. He I don't know why he would be perturbed though But he left the room perturbed He was perturbed because he had noticed how weird he felt when the doll was around He had noticed how strangely attached the doll his daughter was and how strange the dolls eyes were What he did not notice however was a small squeaky broken voice whispering the words Don't go, please. It's kind of scary. Don't go, please

Shh little dolly said the little girl. We don't want daddy to ruin our play She's torturing the girl alive doll Making life bad for Annabelle. Yeah, wow Annabelle, but cool Very nice, I like it a lot of dolls today. So this one this story is a little bit different But I look eight. You like it. I'm getting so good at acting Tempus Fugit I'm not an Arctic researcher I'm not even a natural scientist. I'm a graduate student in business marketing

It's like I didn't ask any of those things and I drug women in order to put them to sleep so I can feel their body Okay Still when I caught wind of the opportunity to make serious bank by babysitting in an International oceanic research station in the far north of Canada over the winter I jumped at the chance and why wouldn't you? It would also give me loads of quiet boring hours in which to write my doctoral thesis Called money making money money making money make your money work for you That's what he writes. He actually wrote the book that you learn boom flip it from boom flip it

The entire station was crewed by me and two other students a second year geophysicist and a fifth year English literature student Our duties involved simply running nightly checks of the station and the seismic monitors We all had work to do so we typically only interacted in the cavernous mess hall at breakfast and dinner It takes you five years to get an English lit degree Yeah, it takes a long time to go to school and then not have anything to be hireable for oh, yeah It took me five years to get a creative writing degree Look at him. Look at him now. Yeah. Look at me now. Look at me. Go New York Times best seller Marcus. Yes That's honestly you are the two are technically

Did it correct there are other people that are screaming that have been writing and writing writing can't do anything. Yeah, maybe they've been writing on post-it notes Hey They seem too short to you David the literature student asked one morning. I Replied that they should be this far up and then they would continue shortening until we entered constant darkness No, I mean the whole cycle 24 hours isn't 24 hours With that he wandered off to eat a pop tart

And left me thinking there was something about the shortening daylight that interacted with his perception of time So this guy's this guy's saying like blow your mind shit And then he just bites into a strawberry pop tart too much sugar. I guess a week later I emerged from my quarters looking for cookies David was sitting alone in the mess Ready for the nightly check. I asked David seemed taken aback Are you kidding? I just ate lunch. It was just

You looked around the dark room 11 a.m. Oh David sat out of the check that night and the next and every check for the next week I found him in his quarters one morning Unhaven with bloodshot eyes He turned to me the jutting cheekbones and neck muscles making it apparent. He hadn't eaten much. Hmm If you watch the minutes every minute the day stays right He said before turning back to his clock

Paul and I left him to himself taking up his responsibilities during the checks And then Paul missed breakfast. I went looking for him assuming he had gotten a cold before heading out to do the check on my own Hmm. He answered his door in a chipper mood. Oh Something wrong. I was just about to come have breakfast He visibly deflated when I told him it was time for the check Over the next three days he began checking his wristwatch more and more frequently He would cry out and get my attention when he noticed missing time. I never corroborated his experience time seemed to flow normally Paul has taken up a table far in the back of the mess one arm extended to keep track of his watch and the other keeping notes

I've been doing the nightly checks myself for three weeks Two nights ago. I checked off the last seismograph and turned to hit the mess daylight shone in through a window Like that only peaked out around noon each day. I had been on my check for 15 hours It felt like 30 minutes I Love that because if it was a movie then you could have a funny line being like well, I'm not really missing it You know

A lot of missing time. I can't really say I'm missing it. Wow very scary Cool if you think about time we've been talking a lot about time this year. Well, it's because we're experiencing every Single second of it I mean really just marinating and how much time there is now each day drags But each month shoots by it really does isn't that strange? It really does. I got one more It's called. I don't know what was scarier by impi real invective Hell of a name. It's a hell of a name

After a long day at work. There was nothing that I wanted more than a nice relaxing shower Under the rivulets of water. I felt the stress and tension wash off me I stepped out of the shower Silently cursing that it was laundry day and I had no clean towels to dry off with It really wasn't a big deal I would drip dry and make sure that I took everything to the laundry the next day I walked around the bedroom letting the cool night air circulate over my body which caused my skin to prickle It was cold outside, but I expected the house should have been a little warmer

I would have to call utilities and see if there might be a problem with my heating I didn't want to sit on anything for fear of soaking it so I decided I would lay out my clothes for the next day I stepped into my closet and pulled the cord to turn on the light bulb that hung from the ceiling There was a brief flash before something was illuminated that I had not prepared for a man in one fist He clenched an old-fashioned straight razor and his other hand was a roll of electrical tape and a bag of salt There was a twisted smile plastered across his face that made his intentions very clear I wanted to scream but fear paralyzed my throat. I don't know what was scarier The realization that I was in this situation stark-naked or the fact that he was too

High-skied the scanning down the strange man. Oh my god, it's dick is up. Whoa. I did not expect that that takes it to another level to finally end our Oh, yeah, but I just we have to complete the triptych of Of the the erotic yet terrifying world of Guy Fieri Every year this Jordan Spears has sent us a different Guy Fieri erotica and I need to read this this I hope this finishes it. I hope so. Yeah, but we're really gonna get into it. This is you know, uh It's it's full of detail. Okay. Let's get into it my curse my flavor town three guys gooey games Triple G Guy Fieri walked through the woods at the Pacific Northwest looking for mushrooms and other such things to add his Repertoire of flavors as the self-appointed mayor of Flavortown

He felt it important to always try and improve on his flavor game now to be fair I do think he has been voted mayor of Flavortown about this point at this point Yes, he has earned it. He's not yeah, he's not a Putin like all selection had no he's gotten there These are real nachos aren't going to evolve on their own after all little did he know he was being watched the whole time Guy continued walking through the woods vaguely following a path that made sense to him Weaving through ferns and keeping his eyes low searching for tasty mushrooms and roots I'm certain he does this. I'm sure he does Eventually the woods open up to a clearing at the edge of a great body of water

Guy decided to take a look around the shore for clams or other mollusks to store in his fanny pack Then he heard it twigs snapping and foliage rustling a high-pitched cry broke the relative silence Oh, and Guy felt an odd stirring within himself as an eternal being He occasionally felt things here and there vague feelings of recognizing other creatures of such power What he felt now was much more primal Without even meaning to bigfoot had led up the long Frustrated cry it knew that it desperately needed the man's attention and it needed something else to

The sweet release of years of pent-up passion. Oh my bigfoot walked out of the forest towards the man It's swollen girthy dingus bouncing between its hairy legs The man froze upon seeing bigfoot, but a smile slowly spread across his face as he took note of bigfoot's erect love dart Hey there big fella the man called out. I think you have just what I need right now And I'm pretty sure I have a few things that'll make your day, too Whoa Across the body of water a long-necked beast post hits it poked its head out of the depths and Tent on watching the scene unfold on the shore

It wasn't often that Ogopogo was able to see acts of such bestial passion. Wow. Is that the locked-in monster? No, it's Ogopogo. It's a different. It's different different different It's guy unbuttoned his trademark flame embroidered shirt, but didn't remove it. What he did remove was his sweet jean shorts and fanny pack He adjusted his sunglasses to fit comfortably on the back of his hand Standing there with his own engorged love muscle exposed in the bright sunlight like some kind of golden god He waited for the Sasquatch to make its move Maybe it was time to kick it up a notch and entice his new playmate. He turned around and bent over Spreading his cheeks wide

the huge beast to see Bending at the waist and folding himself almost in half He stuck his head in between his spread likes and you know dinner is served baby Time to take a trip to flavor town. I heard you mostly eat berries and plants, but today you're gonna be a meat eater Whoa Not fully in control of itself big foot slowly advanced on guy He took up position behind him and bent at the knee. So almost as if in prayer big foot Grit guys hips pulled guy towards his face

Sticking his dry wide tongue out. He started licking guys balloon not well guy shrieked in ecstasy Time passed and big foot was ready for some release of his own and decided to enter guy as Bigfoot speared guy guys mind drifted back Oh to memories from a lifetime ago Dwelling on the time he spent with a young man just starting to dabble and missus is of name Alistair Crowley He's been months with them teaching him secret skills and how best to power bottom. He hoped he made good use of them Guy was snapped out of his daydream with big foot let loose another high-pitched cry. Oh But then it was time

Bigfoot blasted his load into guy, but he found that he couldn't stop coming in fact He couldn't even pull out his balls were pulled out through his b-hole as he kept spraying load at their load into guys voracious ass Welcome to my flavor trap guy yelled and then started cackling It's a twist The guy's suction of guys ass started to increase steadily Bigfoot was panicked at this point He was striking guy as hard as he could with his arms trying to bite him But it was no use more and more a big foot was being sucked inside guy into all that was left was big

Foot's screaming head, but even that too was pulled inside erupting like Mount St. Helens guy let loose a satisfied moan and Spewed forth the skeleton a big foot from his gaping urethra like a twisted mortal combat fictile Bigfoot's essence was now inside guy and he thought that legendary life force would sustain him for months to come After recovering some after recovering from such strenuous activity He buttoned his shirt back up and collected his things and crossed the water a wave of cascading pleasure Cracked over a gopogo and it sweared in a beautiful clutch of eggs all over the shore

Guy scoops him up and put him inside his fanny pack then went on its way in search of new flavors and lives to consume Interesting, although I do think there is something flawed in the logic here guy does not like eggs He doesn't like eggs He does not like it's not canon. It's just one of the strangest things he's missing out eggs can be a wonderful dish I guess it's also a very it's a it's a base food You know it's pretty important in cooking, but he doesn't like it He doesn't like him because you don't got to put eggs on nachos, and if he doesn't go on a nacho It's no good to guy. It's a notch. He's just called chili killies. Oh, it's great. No kidding. All right there

It was spooky spaghetti creepy pasta Magical minestrone whatever you want to call it that was so fun And are we gonna be doing this? We'll be doing some more creepypastas as well, right every once in a while We normally like to we'd like to leave you wanting more when it comes to the creepypasta. I think they want more They are I don't know. You know certain stories. I think the ones that get through the post-it note like scenario Like once they get through all that That was the scariest tale yet. That was a true. That was a that was a twofer, but we're in spooky season That's why we want to keep it spooky next week. We're gonna get fucked up though, which I'm very looking forward to

It is one of the most unbelievable stories. I have ever came across and it's true All right. Well, I hope when you say came across you did not actually do that Of course he does You keep talking about how I can't come and you keep saying it over and over again my seam in my business Henry my seam in my business Forced me you forced me to this fucking Forced him he doesn't even force you to say so much And that's what we'll ever first might seem in my business shirts coming out on last

Chicken out you can yourself can tell other people to pay attention to themselves and their own semen my instead of giving it Get into my semen business my semen my business and business is frothy All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening. Hope you're doing okay out there this week We got twitch.tv slash Saturday night 6 p.m. Pacific 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We got Marcus Parks I've been saying Carolina Hidalgo Parks just cuz it's fun. Yeah, you can say it. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's technically your name Yeah, but it is professionally. She's Carolina Hidalgo. Yeah. Yeah, cuz if she changed her name to Carolina Parks It would be an un-googleable name because it would bring up a bunch of parks in North and South Carolina

Yes, you're completely correct. Honestly, that's incredibly smart. I didn't even think about that I knew because you know when you type in Marcus Parks, it mostly brings up Marcus Parks named after Marcus Garvey Interesting. Yeah Yeah Learned it. Learned it. Learned that one. What a crushing what a crushing blow What a crushing blow to a broadcaster. But also Ed Larson is on the stream as well See his blood pressure on there as well So we're gonna try to do more on the twitch so November 1st actually Eddie myself and Travis

Irvine not Travis Morningstar We're gonna show snippets of our little documentaries that Travis Irvine made. That's great And then you can also do audience and reaction. Yeah, so we're gonna try to keep keep that twitch stream coming out And this charity for haunt your house is we are we are raising money for auto bar Which is one of the first venues that we have ever we ever performed up like outside of New York as last podcast Murder Fist performed there Kalman performed there like it is it's a very important spot Yes, yeah, well bananas fucking sick, but we I miss auto bar, and I hope that they do well But that's what we said before in this time period. I don't know what the fuck

We're supposed to do it seems to be because the government won't do anything We all have to choose a business that we want to live well We can take care of it and let's just try to help out as much as possible And we got a lot to auto bar auto bar gave us a chance way back in the early days. So yeah, we're supporting and Thank you all so much for everyone who has donated been watching the stream It's been incredible about 10,000 or almost 10,000 like 8,000 bucks have been has been raised. It's honestly. Thank you all so much I know I know what purse strings are strapped right now So the fact that you are giving is it's really awesome those of you that can

Have been and then honestly just having you be there It's just so fucking cool because I think during this time period. We all kind of need each other We'd need you as much as you need us. I'm very excited that we could be here making yucks during the apocalypse Oh, yeah, Apocalypse Apocalypse Yucks But good Apocalypse Yucks. I feel that but thank you guys Happy fucking Halloween. We so we're still we got a week of it left. There's still a week of Halloween, you know I love it. Halloween is in the heart. So it really doesn't matter. It's a year Cholesterol is in my heart. Yes, indeed. It is. That's the true horror. Okay, everyone hail yourselves. I'll take it

I'll gain MacGhost a legions. Hey Hey me I will if you write in our post it now that is just the dumbest fucking way for a demon to communicate Well, tell it to the demon. I just did This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com