Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 443: Aleister Crowley Part II - Every Man and Woman Is A Star

Episode Date: February 20, 2021

On part 2 of our Crowley series, we follow Aleister up mountains and through deserts on his mystical quest to become the world's greatest wizard. And we meet the peculiar man who would go on to fully submit to Crowley's will (and his power-bottoming).Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left Because I didn't really have an opening all right, except I do have an opening okay, it's my butthole And I Think that maybe we're missing out on a lot of the magic potential of the butthole because I know again This is a very butthole centric series. We did one earlier this summer with Jody Arias That was another butthole centered series, which we didn't know it was gonna be a butthole center Yeah, that was more about the murder of her boyfriend But we went into this knowing that this was gonna be a butthole centered series

I don't as a victim as an advocate for the victim. Let's not have it overshadowed by the butthole. The man was killed by Jody Arias No, I know. I knew there was gonna be a lot of butthole in this series But are we denying our own magical potential by not allowing our butthole play to be more like a focus of our lives? Yeah, I mean you I don't did you ask your wife if she would like to do that to your butthole? No, I don't think so. My butthole is kind of like the place where it lived where Pennywise live and where all children's nightmares Go to be real So I don't want to subject my beautiful wife. No to my pant swamp Oh, right everyone. Welcome to the last podcast on the left

I am bed with Henry and of course with Marcus Henry's butthole a place of magic and mysticism Mysticism really wonderful and today so last week we were on the passage of the initiate, right? We were a young boy new to town We just got off the bus in LA and we just met this guy with a big fun hat He said let's go up to my crazy mansion and we should all you know, let's have a fun game But today is the day when not only we go past just being like a guy who gets to wash all the ceremonies Happening while bald man makes a bunch of people like eat peyote Well, you know like a weird like man dances in the center of everybody else and you have to pretend to be interested today

You're the guy dancing in the middle of the room. All right Well, let's get to it. Mr. Marcus Parks. What do we got Alistair Crowley part two the path of adventures awaits So when last we left Alistair Crowley He'd just been kicked out of the hermetic order of the Golden Dawn after mounting an ill-advised Rebellion spurred on by their refusal to admit him into the second order with all the other practicing magicians And they fates the most the final most powerful wizard of all eloxmith Furthermore Crowley had also lost faith in his former mentor Samuel Mathers the former co-head of the Golden Dawn

Who've been forced out with Crowley in the midst of the rebellion debacle According to Crowley Mathers had been abandoned by the secret chiefs That is if he'd ever been in contact with him in the first place And it was this contact that had given Mathers his authority over the Golden Dawn. It's important to say it first And it's also important to be because you got to be the one in the room, right? And what we do what we've discovered about Mathers last time is the reason why he was punished is because when you finally become The last person who's had any sort of association with these so-called secret chiefs You've become too powerful to your own constituency and they pull you apart

Mm-hmm. Now here at the beginning of part two It might be a good idea for us to further yet briefly Define the secret chiefs because they whatever they are play a big part in Alistair Crowley's story And that part is especially large in the section of his life will be discussing today That's what they should change the names of the Washington football team to Essentially the secret chiefs are cosmic authorities who possess great magical powers in addition to knowledge of the inner working beings of the universe that regular people like you or I can scarcely fathom and I don't even want to fathom Washington football the Washington football club by the way, you know my name for him the war hogs. That's a great name

Depending on who's talking about the secret chiefs They can be solely supernatural beings Former humans who have ascended to a supernatural state or they're essentially Doctor Strange Humans with superhuman supernatural powers. Hey dog me. What if I put it to you that they were all three? Oh Yep, also a possibility. You can say whatever the fuck you want to say. It's magic. Dr. Strange is really nice hair He really doesn't but there is a team. They're doing that So we never forget the makeup and hair team of Doctor Strange. Absolutely the real heroes Since Alistair Crowley already believed at this point in his life that he was one of the most special people on earth

He in turn thought that he could become a secret chief in his lifetime And it's exactly this quest with all of Crowley's weird little magic friends that we'll be discussing today on part two It is I flip flop much like Alistair Crowley on a bunk bed I flip flop thinking about whether or not I believe or disbelieve Alistair Crowley Literally every sentence I read about him He is such an interesting character because because of that fact because he's really very fucking slippery and today We're gonna really slide into the guts of whether or not do you believe that a man can Channel something that ends up being one of the more important pieces of poetry one of the more

Overanalyzed pieces of poetry to everybody that would go on to create a religion of its own and actually inspire a bunch more may Him to begin with after with after the fact who knows a little Ben kiss on non-legal advice here for you Henry Zabrowski if in a courtroom and the judge asks do you believe in Crowley? Say you don't I Don't just saying don't put your life on the line When he said that he didn't go we put it on the record He keeps saying wink you're on And is a quick apology to actual magic users out there some of the rituals we'll be discussing today will be edited for Content and clarity and to the non-magic users. You're welcome

Okay, because we decided to not do this to you this week because we could have Thank you Alistair Crowley book it does have a beat-for-beat of all of the rituals that they do and I tell you what it is fun The idea of shouting holding a dagger is is fun to me But it's also how like my eventual like first divorce will play out You know what I mean? So I kind of it's more just a vision to my future Well, I do I'm happy that you're so proud of yourself. You think you're so cocky you think you could get married again Just for the audience just so we can all clear it up

But we'll yada yada yada most of the magic but how much cum was involved buddy I actually on this one to come is gonna be a part three thing. Oh, okay Come on. This one is like imagine a cherry made of cum on top of a Sunday. That's mostly shit Wow in that weird analogy, I would like to have the cherry instead So you'd rather eat cum than shit. Yeah I'll say it. Yes. Okay. I'll say it too. I'll agree. I'll be brave with you. Cool. Okay, you know what me, too Yeah, I mean this episode I mean anybody who out there who's a red Sandman this episode is pretty much It's the first half of preludes and nocturnes. I imagine that it is directly inspired by this story

Yeah, of course it is cool after Crowley had his falling out with Samuel Mathers. He boarded a steamship to New York City Where he like Madame Bobotsky before him discovered that summers in New York City are fucking miserable Especially at the turn of the 20th century. I tell you what man occultists cannot handle a city summer Just bitch, but I will say Alistair Crowley in his confessions He just talks about mostly. He's like the only possible way I could deal with the New York City heat was constant ice cream Which is true. He talked about ice cream how that's all he ate in New York was ice cream and also discovered the wilds of iced coffee Which is also amazing that iced coffee being the drink often New York City has been around I didn't know for like a hundred years. So everyone was sweating and

Percolating with now hot milk in their stomachs slamming down ice coffee I'm an ice coffee drinker must have just been very odorous. Don't bring up AC's perinium. Okay, because his leaks So because the New York City heat was unbearable Crowley traveled to Mexico City where he quickly found a crowd focused solely on bullfighting Cockfighting gambling and letcherie which was much more Crowley speed than whatever was happened in New York City Also a fun little tidbit that that Alistair Crowley like to say which is he said he saw a dead man when he was Doing one of his many walks sure and he said the one Categorical fact about the Mexican people as that carry on

Creatures will not eat their corpses because their bodies are too spicy from their food, which is completely legit. He said The person who was dead on the sidewalk because he would be too spicy Because it's a human being and cannibalism is wrong. No, he's carrying birds like vultures Because their food is too spicy Wow But even though Crowley seemed to have been taken a vacation of sorts He never stopped working on magic and while in Mexico Crowley claimed to have developed the power of Invisibility using highly detailed instructions he taken from the Golden Dawn rituals. It's in the book if you look it up

It is in the book. How many banks was he found naked in? And the invisibility ritual Crowley would trace a circle around himself Drop protective pentagrams on each quadrant and call upon the archangels Raphael Gabriel Michael and Uriel Oh, finally, he would recite the first Innocian key and invoke the powers of concealment Alisa Crowley go bye-bye You're an archangel you've done everything in your life to become an archangel and all you do is get summoned to see fat men naked Oh, yeah, buddy. That's your whole extra turn. That's your whole existence now Yeah, man. This is your job. You're like a civil servant for nerds

As an Innocian angel your job is I because you're one of those things as a wizard You'd be in the sphere of protection being like my taxes allow you to live Just you can just see Michael up there and in heaven with his fingers crossed me like be a hot chick doing this ceremony No, it's Alice Crowley again. Now it is. There's a way more. There's way more women than it now than it was then that's for certain Now according to Crowley the invisibility ritual enabled him to walk through the streets of Mexico City Wearing a golden crown and a scarlet robe without attracting any attention or at least nobody paid him any mind Nobody paying attention was actually the point according to Crowley He did not actually make himself invisible because that would be ridiculous

What he claimed to have is the ability to cause a blank spot in the minds of people looking at him I actually don't like I don't disagree with it You know the look you can get on your face on the train in New York where you do become a part of the tapestry Where you can kind of just sit in a way like after you've spent a long enough time Because somebody like me who has like a cherub like face and a victim's mentality They look at you especially younger and they look at you and they want to talk to you like how many times they want to attack you They want to attack you or they want to tell you all their every single thought they have about the space lasers at the Jews command And you're sitting there and you eventually you do create like a face where people don't see you anymore

You kind of just become a dead almost corpse like person sitting in a chair I've never gotten approached on the subway in 15 years. Well, you're a skeleton man. You attract no Henry attracts a certain kind Marcus you more repel and I'm just begging for attention But concerning Crowley's invisibility According to the servers at the cafe Royal in London when he tried it there Customers would ask about the man sipping tea in the corner in full magical regalia and the servers would say, oh, don't worry That's just mr. Crowley being invisible So everyone's complicit in this

The Mormon Church Stopped this right then by being like get out I know clothes on but instead they allowed him to be a wizard. It brings atmosphere It's it's kind of like atmosphere This is back in the day when this is kind of like when you'd have a celebrity come visit your Restaurant and it makes a big hubbub, but it's kind of fun like if someone makes a scene at your restaurant But if it's Lindsay Lohan, that's free advertising You have Alaser Crowley sitting in his fucking big hat with his sashes and the Egyptian shit, you know looking around going

Loving my tea today like he's trying to make people look at him and they're all just like because also London like New York It's a place where you pointedly don't look at other people I mean just the poor sap who sits down in the chair after him and slides right off. Oh, yeah Now perhaps Crowley had been a little more rattled about his failed rebellion at Golden Dawn headquarters than he led on In Mexico, he claimed to have performed a ritual to summon a tutor and lo and behold his old father figure Oscar Ekenstein showed up to do a little climb in However, once they climbed the first mountain Crowley was reportedly sheepish when it came to his own magical pursuits

Mostly because he didn't want to give Ekenstein any opportunities to make fun of him Ekenstein ruthlessly roasted Crowley every single time he brought up his magic shit because Ekenstein was a very He's a professional mountain climber, right? Like this is what he did so he works in mountains. That's his job He likes manly things Gripping onto crags. That's his whole life. Yeah, and so Crowley eventually be like Did I tell you about the one time that I made a demon go away with the knife that I purchased from a second-hand store?

And then he just like looks at him. He's like, I just we should focus on the crags. You're right The crags are a bigger deal Eventually Crowley admitted that he was having an existential crisis about his own magical abilities and Ekenstein Rightly told Crowley that if only he'd focus and have a little discipline then maybe he'd accomplished something significant That's boring, but it's the fucking truth This is the one thing about ritual magic that I completely agree and the more and more reading I do about it You you must be highly disciplined in order to complete all of these different acts And it's a Crowley desperately needed some focus

Okay, and Crowley kind of sorta took his advice to heart then climbed a volcano with Ekenstein where their boots burned off of their feet and Crowley afterwards started having astral sex with Elaine Simpson his partner in crime during the Battle of Blith Road Do you think she knew? Yeah, she did well that was the whole point is that yeah, they met up Contacted they met up on the astral plane and then had astral sex man. That's like Sims Yeah, listening to Van Morrison having a nice That's actually very romantic if you have another if you ever partnered this romantically inclined Maybe it's a good way to do it, especially during quarantine. Yeah, check yourself to each other and have sex with each other. It's called zoom

Well after that Crowley continued his world travels Somewhat aping Madame Blavatsky's globe trekking pursuits in the name of her hidden masters by saying that he was being directed by the secret chiefs After stopping off in Hawaii for a 50-day affair with a married woman that resulted in a 50-sonic collection called Alice and adultery Crowley traveled to Sri Lanka formerly Ceylon where he extensively studied yoga with Alan Bennett Who was his old roommate back in London? I actually I started reading some of his essays on yoga because I've also been doing a lot of yoga or Crowley's Crowley's essays on yoga were very interesting But it is kind of this idea where he took it to its very spiritual end

But he was obsessed with yoga and I'm talking past like core power yoga videos obsessed with yoga like these people who could like Only speak like someone from SoCal who only speaks in the fucking yogi Yeah, that's sort of what is it? This is not namaste all the fucking time But they say all the Sanskrit things, but you don't know what they're talking about and you're like, okay You mean stretch, but she Crowley Like it became a focus and there's one thing about yoga does teach focus and he actually kind of abandoned magic entirely

During this time period where he went and solely got into Goodness core ready. No kidding. I guess that's very good. I watched Shark Tank. They were talking about goat yoga That looks like something I could get into you're covered in goat shit at the end The goats were a little diapers. You didn't watch the episode Following that Crowley traveled to India where he attempted to sneak into a Hindu temple by dressing and acting like a local Oh my god, that's what John Kandy did in fricking Who Framed Harry Crump. It used to be called character work Well the monks saw through the disguise But let him go inside anyway that is something that sounds like pity and

Crowley was able to sacrifice a goat to the goddess Parvati. Oh look, I did it. He did it. Look what I'm doing I'm like you you should have done yoga with the goat Can I also say one thing about Alistair Crowley's voice? I do the character of Alistair Crowley from the pictures I like the idea of doing the evil might mighty warlock, but if you listen to him speak at all Well, I mean I have but that what we're hearing is him as a 60 year old heroin addict. That's true But it's definitely his voice is like Oh, that's more of a wizard's voice But I like my robust version of

When he was younger it was closer to your impression now well by 1902 Crowley had reconnected with Oscar Eckenstein and the two of them Planned what was by far Crowley's most challenging venture yet? Climbing K2 the second highest mountain in the world so cool as we said last episode Alistair Crowley was actually a talented and respected mountain climber So attempting to be the first person to reach the summit of K2 wasn't out of the realm possibility on this expedition was Crowley Eckenstein a couple of other companions 20 porters a library and a mobile farm of 15 sheep 30 goats and Various foul over they just are rolling him up the hill. What work did he do? It's one of those diagonal farms

Uh-huh, but since Crowley underpaid and mistreated his porters like he always did Some of them robbed the expedition of supplies and just fucking took off a dog meat You're vilifying a man who said that he had to beat the men working for him with sticks in order for them to see how powerful He was okay. Why are you mad at him about this? I don't know why he's getting such heat for this They're the only ones keeping him alive. He's a British millionaire, but he's I think he thought all of this stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah Then as they went further up the mountain Crowley had a flare-up of malaria became exhausted and suffered from snow blindness as a possible cure Trowley tried chugging champagne

But to no one's surprise that didn't really help. I thought I was me a freaking wizard when I make that suggestion I thought that I could heal myself with glam Drunk and delirious Crowley began hallucinating butterflies in the snow And he eventually became so paranoid that he held one of his climbing mates at gunpoint give me the butterflies you bitch What Although Crowley didn't admit to it the companion quickly disarmed him and kept the pistol you take it. I don't even want this But still the expedition I mean it was an impressive feat it lasted a hundred and thirty two days Wow their highest point the party reached

20,000 feet and stayed there for 68 days straight whole setting records for the longest time spent at that altitude But in the end K2 defeated them and the men began their trek back down in late August But then K2 would but some of K2 wouldn't be reached for another 50 years. Yeah, okay That's impressive But he took this as sometimes a big no and a big defeat can actually open up all of these ventures and Close a lot of ventures right because if he did make it to the top of K2 we'd know Alastair Crowley as one of the biggest Most important mountain climbers to ever exist, right? He would have been a whole other dude Yeah, yeah him say getting told no by the mountain made him redouble down on his other efforts in life. Okay

Following K2 Crowley returned to Europe where he hoped to impress his former mentor Samuel Mathers with not only his travels But also his newfound obsession with the yogic discipline. Look, I can touch my toes Very nice. I can touch my butthole, but that's just fun. Can you get your head out of there, please? No, but all my back work However Crowley was disappointed to find that Mathers was uninterested What? Yeah, cuz you just came back with a bunch of stories that are more boring the longer they have Like all the like the more that he talks the less you care Instead Crowley discovered that Mathers had just pawned some of the luggage that Crowley had left in his care while he was away Yeah, that wasn't doing great. No, he was an old man, and he lost all of his powers

He was done man the magic of Pawnee though. Isn't that the real magic that we're talking here He turned something into nothing. Yeah, but Crowley believed that there was a reason why Mathers had no interest in his adventures in yoga It wasn't the yoga was fucking boring. No It was vampires. Yeah, what? Yeah, it was Dracula what that's why he didn't like anything about he didn't want to talk about his quick Quadiyamas he'd want to talk about his warrior threes so Alistair could not The idea that his stories of yoga were boring instead. He had to come up with vampires as an excuse I guess to tell you what though

I have seen that same excuse used in LA at yoga studios of why no one was why the subscriptions were lagging. Yeah, vampires Vampires, you know, it's vampires Deborah could be what fun discovering the presence of vampires in Paris keeping Mathers in their thrall Crowley claimed to have defeated the main vampire an old crone named mrs. M in a psychic struggle of Magical will wait did he just beat up an old lady? Okay, I don't think she even knew she was in a psychic struggle Because we don't know about this story we don't know if this story is real or not, but we don't know Well, eventually Crowley discovered that the vampire was actually mrs. Horos the woman who tricked Mathers into believing that she was in Contact with the secret chiefs

And this was despite the fact that mrs. Horos had since found herself in jail After she and her husband had gotten into a sticky situation involving virgins and sex magic rituals Hey, though that legitimizes you as a magician I don't go in jail for taking advantage of young virgins. I think it legitimizes you in the eyes of the law as a criminal I think No, it's like doing your fucking time, dude. Yeah, what's it to mob term? It's like your bones. Yeah, get your bones in Go to school. I think they say go to school. Yeah. Yeah But since Mathers had completely and totally come under the spell of outside forces at least in Crowley's view it gave Crowley

Justification for declaring that Mathers was definitely no longer in contact with the secret chiefs The secret chiefs have officially unfriended Doing this Crowley was positioning himself to replace Mathers as the secret chiefs Contact which put Crowley on the road to becoming a secret chief himself This justification also allowed Crowley to Burgle Mathers apartment for Golden Dawn robes and various other magical paraphernalia Ah, so you don't like my yoga? Well, I will be I don't need anything from you mr.

Mathers and new each other for except for this row because it was my favorite and it made me best and I also need I need this Bell because it's a nice shape and I need these slippers because the look they may as well They already shaped my feet Alice, so I would take these I need this sash. Yeah, and I need $50 for utilities. I'm actually gonna ask you where is all that stuff that you just burgled for me because it's not on you And I can't see it. Did you it's in my trunk? You can keep it You get shit on it. Yeah, that's how nobody takes your things back That would work

But Mathers wasn't the only friend Crowley had in Paris The other was a painter named Gerald Kelly and it was Gerald's sister Rose who would become one of the most important people in Crowley's life After getting everything he needed from Mathers Crowley returned to his home in Bulskin off the shores of Loch Ness and invited his friend Gerald Kelly for a visit Kelly agreed and brought along his sister Rose She's the interesting lady Rose Kelly. This is a very very interesting woman, and she troubled Yeah, but also unpredictable. I just realized Alistair loved nuts so much. She even lived in a place called Bulskin

Now Rose Kelly arrived in a bit of trouble But Rose Kelly was always in a bit of trouble and very much sounds like the type of person who hates drama She hated drama dude. She hated drama. She fucking she wouldn't listen. She didn't want to deal with it, dude Fuckin in her no fucks giving group on Facebook. Yeah She was huge in that for example in her youth Rose had lied about a pregnancy to obtain money for an abortion then spent all the cash on new clothes Yeah, it's a scam as old as by the time Rose showed up in Bulskin However her new pickle concerned her love life

She'd accepted marriage proposals from two men and was having an affair with a third who was himself already married a lot going on there A lot yeah And at Bulskin Rose confided in Crowley that her parents had demanded that she choose one of the two suitors So she could get on with the business of being a proper lady Oh Crowley's solution was naturally the one that was the most dramatic and troublesome Well, let's tell me that he became the producer for the dating game He actually was brought in to be like a spiritual advisor for some reason Gerald Kelly thought okay My sister's in this spiritual country. Let me speak to the most spiritual guy

I know Alistair Crowley and he comes over and this guy sees his opportunity He looks and he sees all of this chaos and the one thing that he loves more than anybody else than being the true Diabolist at heart then being like wow now. I could really fuck up It's such an easy situation to fix Yeah, oh yeah, you can say like choose one or don't choose any or you can go the third way Absolutely. Yeah, the third way is Crowley said marry me. Yep Since he had no scruples about the bonds of marriage She would therefore be free to pursue a life of pleasure since she would technically satisfy her parents command to choose someone

Now for Crowley's part this whole thing was just another way for him to thumb his nose at convention While also placing him squarely in the middle of someone else's family drama because family drama was Crowley's favorite kind of drama He loved personal drama because you can fuck with it yourself You get to be a god of a bunch of people that don't truly understand They're all being manipulated because everybody else thinks that they are the chief manipulator He sounds like a psychic vampire himself. Yes. Okay for Rose This whole thing was a convenient lark even if it was a long shot So the next morning after Crowley proposed the idea the two of them found a lawyer to seal the union

Which is allowed in Scotland and Scotland you can just go to a lawyer and say hey, we're married and that's legal That's great And apparently you were also legal you are you can get married without choosing to get married if you and another person's knees also look completely alike because they don't believe because it's some of that the Scottish like nobles Very interesting. It's like a fingerprint there. Wow didn't know that and when they said I do in the presence of a lawyer Crowley pulled a dagger from his Skocking and kissed it with all the passion. He was supposed to have for his bride Oh, come on top my tone. Yeah, you are safe. It is absolutely sick and I will say I will say this is the happiest I've ever been

Maybe someone should fetch me a Bendy By that time Rose's brother Gerald had heard of the plot But he arrived in the lawyer's office just after the declaration to Mary was made and he tried to punch and Crowley in the face When he heard that they'd actually gone through with their presumably drunken plan. I just can see this I was like, who would I choose? I'm just trying to think who's the most unpredictable worst of my friends that I would bring into Like Guy Jackie Decision I'm trying to figure out who I would choose. Yeah, I'm interested to hear who you choose actually honestly I'm trying to think it would technically be somebody like

Which we should bleep out Come in there and then you just like find out that like, you know, you show back in you're like, okay What's going on guys? What's the decision and you'd see Jackie gonna? Thankfully Jackie has a wonderful stable relationship I Absolutely not Jackie impression of Jackie Well, what started off as pretty much a joke very quickly became a serious affair After the ceremony the two of them decided to take a long honeymoon

Despite the fact that Crowley had very quickly and perhaps rightly judged his new bride to be a slow-witted alcoholic Oh, but after a few weeks of traveling together Crowley said he realized that there was something special about Rose Kelly calling her quote one of the most beautiful and fascinating women in the world and the best part of all She was there Part of this of course was the fact that Rose was nearly as sexually debauchery as Crowley Oh, yeah, but outside of that perhaps the most important aspect of their relationship was that when it came to magic Whatever magic is Rose Kelly was not only all in Immediately, but also seemed to be naturally plugged into the source or so Crowley claimed

He sort of almost put it on In a way like he put this role on her and then she kind of if you do believe it went this way I think there's like a 50-50 scenario here or Rose Kelly Was inspired by Alistair Crowley a little bit because of his domineering personality and because of just the Excitement of it all you are married to them quote-unquote most wickedest man in the world like this guy This is back when he was nobody, but he was some guy she was her brother's friend Weird friend. He had his gleam in his eye. Yeah gleam is I use it's what the gold digger song from Kanye I love I like him more now that he's a cult leader

She saw him have like his spark So maybe she wants to join in on his psychological games a little bit. Maybe she's hammered. Yep. She is absolutely hammered So in the course of their globetrotting honeymoon Crowley and Rose went to Cairo where Crowley Persuaded a guard to let them spend the night in the king's chamber of the Great Pyramid of Giza. Dude, this is dope That's dope. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah But once inside Rose assisted Crowley as he attempted to invoke the god Toth the Egyptian god of writing wisdom and magic according to Crowley an Astro light filled the pitch dark chamber during the ritual to the point where they no longer needed candles

But you can see how in that moment of all the places in the world you're in the center of one of what is supposed to be a Cavern of mysteries one of the most important places in magical history one of with it Like it is you can kind of see how if there was magic to be found it would be there and in that scenario and Maybe it is again a group hallucination or something like that But imagining this cavern filled with light is something that I really think could have happened Even if it was just to them and them alone sure After Cairo Crowley returned to Sri Lanka with Rose where they engaged on a hunting expedition

Crowley's goal was to kill a few bats so he could make a waistcoat out of bat fur He is maybe one of the worst hunters Ever lived this comes up again and again where he just goes and just starts shooting that shit Yeah, but one will but all he did he managed to wound one bat and that bat got tangled up in Rose's hair Drink booze Is there something in my hair? No, okay Well, Crowley really thought nothing of it because he never cared what happened other people But that night he was awoken by a stark naked rose

clinging to the bed frame and squeaking like a bat I was worried this could happen when Crowley tried pulling her down. She bit it Doctor you would not believe it my wife turned into a bat And then she mimicked the last moments of the bat who attacked her it is it's wild You know what that is wild Well, yeah, Crowley later said it was the finest case of obsession that he'd ever had the good fortune to observe She got bitten by a horny orangutan But this sudden change in behavior

Might have had something to do with the fact that Rose Kelly was already pregnant with Crowley's first child I've actually heard that quite a bit is that a thing a phenomenon with pregnant women is a lot of times they will cling to a fan with their feet They like to let the scat the pregnant women call their their poop is Drips down into the ground. Yeah, it's a very common Once they learned that Rose was pregnant they began making their way to Europe although Rose is heavy Heavy drinking never stopped once the entire time They did however make another stop in Cairo and it's here that Crowley would ascend into the ranks of magical legend

This is the moment for Alistair Crowley. This is again will as much as we're covering And this is the most important thing that he will ever contribute. Yeah, and of course we do We would be remiss if we didn't mention Alistair was the first one to wear the I'm with stupid shirt with the arrow Pointing to his spouse and then she was wearing the shirt. I'm drinking for two. Yeah, and so they were pioneers in t-shirt stuff I can't believe they were the first one to come up with a flying J graphic tee. Yeah On March 16th 1904 Crowley was trying to entertain Rose by invoking air elementals called silphs with the same rituals he'd done in the Great Pyramid and

And jokingly Crowley had begun to refer to his new wife as a word of the seer But she wasn't the least bit amused with the silphs and she was about to live up to her new nickname Well, according to Alistair Crowley in his confessions I read a little bit of the equinox of the gods that talks about his it's his diary Selections from when this all this time period was happening and he had actually given up on magic um for a long period of time where he wasn't really dabbling into it and this kind of kind of got back into it really frivolously like all of this Maybe I'm wrong from what I read. He was kind of like dabbling again And so he was starting to do these like processes and you know

He would be discarded calling her the seer and it was very sarcastic because she was not a seer You know, I mean like she was a drunker. She was a yeah. She technically was like a problem. Yeah Um, he was also a problem, but she was an extra new problem But something kind of clipped immediately. Yeah, well as Crowley was summoning silphs Rose kept repeating the words. They are waiting for you Which Crowley found super annoying and just kind of blamed the repetition on roses heavy drinking or her pregnancy one of the two Oh, it's just a tumor that grows up into a man. Yeah, you have to take care of Be it's super annoying Rose. Why don't you have a drink? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be like you're right

I should have said honestly my baby did feel like it was over and up Crowley tried summoning the silphs again the next day But all Rose would say then was it's all about the child or she would say it's all about Osiris Finally on the third day Rose broke out of simply repeating single sentences and told Crowley That the one who was waiting that she'd spoken up previously was the Egyptian god Horus oh Crowley had somehow greatly offended him Now from what Crowley later said he was floored by this mention of Horus because according to him Rose had no knowledge of Egyptian mythology it wasn't quite as common to know about this shit

Back then as it was today as it is today to be able to pick it up out of line up He said he delivered her there was 12 questions that he asked her and in the equinox It shows the questions that he asked and apparently she nailed each one of them She went he basically said well does he come with this color and then he wrote a series of names on a sheet of paper and he said It which one of the is it one of these names and she circled Horus And then she did a couple of the things were that it would require you to have some working knowledge of Egyptian secret schools To understand whatever the fuck it was that he was talking about so she either could have absorbed it passively listening to him babble

He or this is channeling which we don't know what the nature of channeling is is channeling literally another intelligence Or is it your subconscious speaking to you? That's all over on the map Don't fucking know or collective unconscious plug it into something all that kind of shit Or is it just a more allegorical story that Crowley's making up to set up the mystic like base for what will be an incredible book of Spiritual poetry all right next rose further proved her connection by taking Crowley to the nearby Bulak Museum which is filled with ancient Egyptian artifacts from across the room She pointed towards an exhibit that depicted Horus in a rare form known as raw who are quit

But the kicker came when Crowley walked up to the exhibit and saw the catalog number It was the same number the Crowley's mother had supposedly given him in childhood the number that marks the great beast in the book of revelation six six six Because again from the equinox what I will say is because it comes from his diaries and is the day today I don't know what I ever believe about Alistair Crowley, but the way he talks about how surprising it was is Very interesting because he does sound like a person that each time these Synchronicities are happening. He's just like oh fuck like I'm about to hit the magical jackpot

It sounds more like he's excited. He's like oh, it's happening. Oh He started like writing about it's very it's a it's an interesting tone to hear from his head. Yeah at the time Now what's Crowley saw this he very quickly hopped on board with whatever trip Rose was riding and took her every direction Cuz she was obviously plugged into something special So Crowley performed a ritual that Rose came up with and he did it in full robes in front of an open window For all to see in ridicule which didn't really set well with Crowley Still trusted the process think about this. He's doing all of this shit cuz now he's just like, okay, that's it That's it. Okay. All right, so we're improvising. We're improvising. We're gonna make all this shit up

So he gets all the robes and he had to steal and this is why he had to steal him cuz sure He's got all of his gear and he's doing but it's it's weird It's actually the most in my mind. It sounds like it's the most he's ever been in the moment Yeah, so planned and such this like he's such a fucker. Yeah, he's such this guy Everything has been done as like for selfishness and all the shit But now he's actually doing super embarrassing shit and he's just like this better pan out this better be a thing That's amazing how much fun you can have while simultaneously drowning a baby in alcohol. Yeah What's the fetus absorb? Oh, yeah

Once the ritual was over Rose channeled the Egyptian God Horus and told Crowley that the equinox of the gods Had come once more Yeah, man kind was entering a new era and Crowley have been chosen as the voice of the next age Rose then told Crowley that even though he had never finished the Abra Melon ritual his guardian angel Nevertheless wanted to make contact and the name of Crowley's guardian angel was a was I was I don't know It's one of those where it's you know the more videos I was sounds better and instead of a wall I was sounds like

Some like Hickey, but I was okay. I guess so, you know I was better the limites the limites the limites the limites the limutes. I honestly stroke every video I see pronounces things differently, but I think that's a part of the spirit of the lame as we'll get into okay Well a was was a secret I was now now I can't make Every man and every woman is a star you can do whatever fits your scenario right now. Sure. Hell. Yeah, brother A was was a secret chief of the highest grade. He was an Ipsissimus I grade and it was his instruction that at noon on April 8th 9th and 10th

Crowley was to sit at the desk next to the altar that they constructed in their hotel room So he could write down everything a was had to say Crowley did as he was told and claimed that for three days straight at the appointed time a Musical voice with a strange unrecognizable accent came from over his left shoulder From the farthest corner of the room. Oh my god What thou wilt be the corner do what thou well shall be to hold on a lot there Okay, you know every man and every woman is a star there buddy See but now I think that you guys will agree with me and I think crawler Crowley would as well

Taking down the dictation is actually more difficult than I'm gonna attack you I'm gonna send you anthrax in the fucking mail But it is interesting that it's the exact same story for Mormonism, isn't it right folks isn't that right? Also, I just pictured a Ian from anthrax showing up at my door That would be cool. Oh, that's what he meant. It's allegorical. Yes two minutes Well for an exactly an hour every day for three days straight a was spoke and Crowley wrote down everything a was said and what Crowley channeled which was suspiciously similar in style to everything else Crowley wrote came to be known as the book of the law

It is though his most important and beautiful work when you read the book of the law It is a very it's moving in its way Like I mean every man and every woman is a star is a great fucking line It's a great line do as thou wilt will be the whole of the law is this it becomes the center of what would become The lame so the book of the law is what according to Alistair Crowley He was just as stunned as anybody else that this thing came to him and fell out of his mouth when you listen to the elamites now because the lame would go on to become now it's viewed as an actual religion all based on the Analysis of the book of the law or and then eventually the Lieber's right the various books that Alistair Crowley will write over the next couple of

Decades that are all trying to decipher What he meant by the book of the law and what was inside of the book of the law So from what from what Crowley said like he doesn't even Understand like the last third of the book of the law and actually said he didn't even like it But he's just quote-unquote channeling a was it's just coming through me and that's not unheard of in literature Like you know, we're Gary Lachman does really good examples of how like the spake Zarathustra What if that that Nietzsche book came from what he called divine inspiration? Rilke also heard poems in his sleep

Alistair Crowley would say that I listened to he said he swears that a was was a voice in the room Speaking to him and it came through this whole book and so now what this book kind of outlines is this idea of we talk about a little bit Last episode of will and love like do what thou will shall be the whole of the law love under will This concept of love and will and this idea of finding your true purpose What it will boil down to with Lema really is is a Crowley packaged magical right system that the whole point is to get you down to who you really are Because once you come down and find what your true

Will is because the true will is never actually mentioned in the book the law that term is not written He uses the term pure will which is the idea that we all kind of gravitate to do certain things and What it is is we have to get everything else out of our way spiritually mentally physically blah blah blah to live each one of our own specific truths Well, that's a lot to package into a single tiktok, but I bet you they try they do I mean, you know when he says every man and every woman is a star, you know, he's it's I don't know I at least one of the interpretations is that you know every person has an orbit and trajectory all their own and the Problems in our life arise if we move out of our trajectory or if someone moves out of theirs and interferes with ours

Which to me that kind of sounds lonely as fuck. Yeah, it sounds like a really reinforcing the caste system a little bit Exactly. No, it's it's stay in your lane. Yeah, I don't like that. No, I fucking hate it unless you're actually driving That is you got to stay in that lane He doesn't love he doesn't mean love how we know it's it's a life force love is the very Universe that we live in but it's it's a whole thing It's it's constantly being analyzed and you're in critiqued and looked at and the whole thing about the book of the law And what a good guy a good person I was following is a guy named freighter Oz I was watching his YouTube person

I guess it's the version of dr. Oz but for Thulema He said that everyone's personal reaction to this material is your will and and you will you have to find your own way in this In this system if you were but I think that the most telling thing is how Thulema was a direct influence on Scientology and Scientology was completely inspired by Thulema Which I think is a very interesting sidebar to this conversation love is a battlefield I'm starting to think that we should no longer have any hotels Ever come out of a hotel room that is that's good well for me like you know this is again This is Crowley's fundamentalism coming into play. I mean a preordained orbit that smacks a Calvinism

Sure, you know Calvinism It's part of the belief that you know part of it is it's the belief that God has laid out our paths far in advance and we have No choice, but to follow them my personal reaction to Thulema is I fucking hate it Yeah, because I'm a strong believer in the notion of Free will because no goddamn religion whether it's Thulema or Christianity or whatever is gonna tell me what I'm fucking capable of I like hearing this passion. I do like to hear the passion, but I am pretty sure that God when he saw us babies growing up He said one day they're gonna be podcasts, but that's what people but then that's what I was talking about Production call. Yeah, we were having this conversation actually

The bit may be the reason why is that we have been living our pure will up to this time and we've managed to lock ourselves We got on to the quote-unquote right track Accidentally and now we're we're working it right, but again Marcus You're allowed to have this reaction even within the world of flame up because of every man and every woman is a star You're allowed to fucking feel this way. Oh Can't pull us in Now this notion of predestination could as I said in the first episode it could result in some pretty heinous behavior If the idea is taken to its extremes

however Crowley at one point walked this back saying that a true will that hurts others is not a true true will no and We did get some criticisms from modern Thelomites for failing to mention this in the last episode which I understand But what I'll say is that my interpretation came from reading the principles laid out in the book of the law and Extrapolating from the example Crowley himself set by living his life as a childish bastard from beginning to end in this I can't separate Alistair Crowley from Thelama any more that I can separate Joseph Smith from Mormonism If there's anything childish about all that anal sex Well intent matters and from my understanding intent goes double in magic and Crowley's intent was almost always

Shitty and selfish, but I will say after the fact Crowley though ever present and ever understanding of as a what a quote-unquote Capital G great person his standing in history So he will spend many decades Separating himself purposely from the concepts of the Thelama keep saying I am just the receiver This came through me and it's completely open interpretation and the one the main good thing that Thelama brought Which is he was the one that created an open system of magic away from the walled gardens of the golden dawn And that's what he that was his main purpose was that I took all of these supposedly secret teachings I

regurgitated into an very important piece of magical poetry that is so deep enough that it can continue to be analyzed Until now like over a hundred years later. So he is you know, it's one of those things he let the birds go Oh, and now the birds shat all over fucking everybody. This is why you never ask the naked guy at Starbucks. What's what they're right? That's the thing is that you know, it doesn't mean that all of Crowley's ideas are easily dismissed I actually like some of them like the central message of the book of the law is that a new age the third of its kind had dawned for all humanity in 1904 and Crowley had been chosen to let us know the first age the age of the mother had belonged to Isis and was marked by Nature worship the second the age of the father belonged to Osiris and was marked by patriarchal religions like Judaism Islam and Christianity

According to Crowley though this current age, which we've been living in for the last 117 years is the age of Horus the child That's marked not by harmony and understanding but by destruction chaos force and fire And what I find interesting about this is that this proclamation was made a full decade Before the outbreak of World War one and I don't think anyone would argue that the 20th century Barring a decade apiece here and there. No, not been a century of destruction chaos force and fire on a scale never before seen When do we have the generation of like competent adult? Oh, you're talking about oh Bidenism the law the law of true the true power of centralism Then the eon of the child we are not beholden to either mother or father gods

But are instead beholden only to ourselves This Crowley believed was the age in which people could become gods if and only if they followed what else but Their will and guess what that also sounds like Mormonism Guess what that also sounds like? Scientology, it's the same. It's a system. So it's about you react, but there's no acting classes. That's the problem There might be some OTO acting classes Honestly, I can tell some stories About being a human ashtray

As an actor well, that's out of the eons Crowley also introduced some key concepts that he would use throughout his life Although most of them were again concepts taken from his Christian upbringing in particular Crowley leaned heavily on his childhood favorite the book of Revelation He put himself in the role of the great beast taking the name to mega theory on and place himself Right in the middle of the story and he found himself in the Bible. That's what he did He found himself in the Bible. That's what he said and then he used that positioning to Create a whole magical system where it will be aped by Anton LeVe later on and the idea of adopting The the villains point of view truly do be the quote-unquote devil's advocate in or because it's the story that quote-unquote

No one's telling really And this right here is part of why I have a hard time separating Crowley from Salema because Crowley made himself a central character in the cosmology And not only that another key concept seems to have been inserted into the lemma solely for Crowley's own Pleasure or his own sadism depending on your view of Crowley, but this is why he kept backing himself out later on because Crowley Crowley again, he keeps saying. I'm just the messenger guy I'm just the guy who tells everybody the story guys, but it takes a special asshole Tell a story like this. Oh, yeah, absolutely in more ways than one From revelation Crowley also took the character of the Scarlet woman. Oh, yeah, that's pretty good. Thank you

As opposed to the Great Beast, which is something only Crowley could be the Scarlet woman was a sort of office that could be held by Whatever woman Crowley chose Essentially the Scarlet woman was there to help manifest the energies of the aeon of Horus through raw sexual energy Which pretty much made the Scarlet woman know more than a walking talking sex tool for Crowley to use or using a term Crowley himself Later coined a fuck stick. Hmm. Even in first of all, that's not even a proper day. They would be a fuck hole Thank you That was it now that I'm thinking about it. That was in his Book of homosexual poetry the anal song of Solomon so fuck stick would have been his

That's his penis. Yeah Thank you. The walking talking sex tool judgment still stands I just love that he still even in magic took the power structure for mad men the TV show Even in magic the woman's like so I'm just a secretary you fuck you play the girl friend Think about how exciting it is But I'm the Great Beast itself in charge of the new aeon we're bringing in the dawn of destructive child the CEO Yes, and you're the girlfriend the secretary who was also the girlfriend I'm Kevin James. Oh, okay. You're Lea Remini

Lucky guy, honestly. Yeah Conveniently enough Crowley's first Scarlet woman was Rose Kelly who just happened to be sitting in the hotel room with Crowley While the book of the law was being written. Did they do a job in her view was she just drunk enough for the role? No, she was just drunk enough for the role Well as far as the veracity the book of the law goes Crowley claimed that the authenticity for the tome was located in the book itself But as Lockman writes you need an insane knowledge of both the Kabbalah and various other hermetic disciplines in order to prove it But they're supposedly proof there. Okay. Yeah, you can see in how hard the book is to read Yeah, I kind of feel the same way. I mean I felt the same way about

Dianetics is that as you go through Dianetics, do you think this is harder than Dianetics? This is no Dianetics is harder. Oh, it is Dianetics is far harder to understand in the book of the law the book of the law is poetry Oh, so in my in your in the thing about what's beautiful about being an art piece is that you can like one fellow might I was watching said like Yeah, that like certain scenarios in your day will remind you of quotes from the book of the law that you will kind of accidentally works itself where Dianetics is an absolutely impenetrable manual Written by a man making it up sentence by sentence because he knew in the end you had to create a this is the lock

I'm the key you have to have the two to work and that is why LRH was a fantastic businessman and Crowley was just a poet. Yeah, I like his hat better too because he was like I could be on the water or I could be on land Regardless though the idea is no matter what you think about Crowley or how he wrote it or even what do you think about the book of the law? The ideas are still talked about today. Look at us hundred and a hundred and fourteen years later all over the internet Yeah, and it's arguable that Crowley's doctrines for ill or good were among the most influential ideas of the 20th century Culturally speaking the 20th century would look different if you pulled Crowley out of the middle of it. Yes However, the book of the law itself would not be published for many years to come

After returning from Egypt Crowley quote-unquote lost the manuscript And it wasn't for another five years until he found it again and saw it into print. It's really strange I do find that very interesting because this did really mean a lot to him, but he put it away Well on purpose. I think what you said yesterday when we were talking yesterday about this I think that rings true that he was scared of this Yeah, I because I think it makes a lot of bold claims and I don't think he knew that he did not yet have The the clout to make people believe this Basically lost it like we lose our mask whenever we're rushing out from kind of go to work

Kind of but he also realized he wasn't the quote-unquote Man the thing about people like Alistair Crowley, Madame Bolvatsky These people create what I view as a magical silhouette, right? Where you can draw a silhouette of Alistair Crowley a line drawing and you'd recognize who he is if you are Remotely bit any remote idea that you've seen him before and he wasn't yet the man in the silhouette They needed to be bigger than life to sell this to people for them to believe it So you have to start by drawing a literal fuck stick That is a lot of hermetic magic, you always stumble onto these things

But even though the book itself wasn't released immediately Crowley still felt that he'd earned a higher magical grade So he bestowed upon himself the rank of a deptis major Sixth degree because he was still playing by the roles of the Golden Dawn Yeah, but who but doesn't someone have to appoint you these things other than yourself? He does his own it's kind of like you know when does he have a ceremony in front of a bunch of mirrors? No, you know police parvents do like inner like when they do inner investigations over the stuff, and they say we He's doing that where he's just like we're just gonna have to do a bit of an internal affair search about whether or not I'm a great wizard Let me just ask myself

Alistair how we doing you're crushing it Thank you All right, it seems to be working for him Can I give myself a raise? Yeah, you can give yourself a raise. All right, great. I give myself a raise You can't fire me. I quit. I'm you what what so once Crowley and Rose Kelly returned to Europe Crowley began trying out some of the more instructive activities that a was had revealed during his three days of communication Crowley made cakes out of wine honey olive oil and minstrel blood for ritual use Although the eating of the cakes wasn't the point. You're not supposed to eat these things

What is in this? This is you're eating the decorations. Oh, wow According to Crowley these cakes attracted a species of beetle that couldn't be identified by the best entomologists in London Honestly, it's so much better getting into these pussy blood because you really have to cut it by just leaving yourselves in a bunch of rusted nails Well, these beetles were however Magical if one of the beetles were to be named after an enemy and squashed the enemy was supposed to die And if Crowley ate one of these beetles, he found that he became strong and lusty Did the person die on fear factor that TV show for eating a bunch of beetles

I feel like if you eat beetles, you you may die. It's an urban legend. I don't think anyone died off of fear factor We'll just assume it was a Florida competition based off of something they saw on fear factor Interestingly or perhaps just coincidentally Alistair Crowley would appear on the cover of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band by who else but the beetle 63 years after a was gave him the strong and lusty beetle cake recipe Did you just refer to a recipe as lusty my The beetle cake is strong and lusty. It's the strong and lusty beetle cake. It's like it's like Fred It's like fresh and fluffy fudge. Okay

And I also think it would be weird if you just said beetle cake beetle cake beetle cake And it's just a fucking pile of menstrual blood and olive oil Perhaps spurred on by this strength and lust Crowley wrote a letter to Samuel Mathers Declaring himself head of the Golden Dawn, even though both Crowley and Mathers had long since been kicked out of the He misses the Golden Dawn's Golden Dawn even know he exists anymore. It's gone. The Golden Dawn has been basically pulled apart No, it's still going on like, you know, but I would say I think Yates is still, you know, dabbling at this moment But it's lost it's luster. Okay, everybody. He kind of popped it when he was screaming at everybody in the street with the

Hood on and everyone just watch all of these fat men wizards all yell at each other and make symbols that in front of each other's face Let's just say like when the lease for the headquarters was up. They didn't renew it. Okay. So late 90s WCW Well, with this letter that Crowley sent to Mathers, he also included a letter of quote-unquote written by the secret chiefs reinforcing his claim Crowley later said that he did not expect nor did he receive an answer and upon radio silence Crowley declared magical war on Samuel Mathers Oh, oh, oh, we lost many many men in that magical war Magic trying to relate to a Vietnam vet. No, I know what it's like to fight one time

I had to purchase almost 20 candles to defeat my enemy. Yeah, I saw my buddy He's his legs got blown off right in front of me being air-backed out Excellent. Did you come in the stumps? No, it was a really traumatic. What a wasted opportunity. He was my best friend I really liked him. He's pretty still there. His body is still there According to Christ fucking Christ, man Wait till we get to our my life series We might do later this year. Oh my goodness. That would be fascinating. According to Crowley Mathers sent a plague of abramalonic demons that caused chaos in the Crowley home All day

First Crowley's bloodhounds suddenly died. My bloodhound gang Then a servant lost his marbles and attacked Crowley's pregnant wife Rose with no provocation tried killin' her and was only stopped after Crowley forced him down into the cellar with a big fish hook Called a gap. Dude, he had one of those stage hooks. That one went so bad. I was talking about this the other day Why don't why is there not more celebration of big hooks? Yeah, I think it's extremely traumatizing to the performer and the audience But I mean like why is there not like a thing? Why is there no hook nation? Why is there not like what do you mean hook nation? What are you talking about? People who collect big hooks. It was run back in the 90s when all those Christian guys were wore the fish hooks on the brim of their hats Oh, that's right. Yeah, fishers of men. Fishers of men, which is what Jeffrey Epstein did to girls and that's why he's dead Yeah, but then for some reason so why is everybody going after women fishers, but he's like a trafficker

Well in response to the attack from Mathers Crowley sent a cohort of his own demons 49 by his wife's account Whoa, in every 49 of them. That's a lot of demons. Yeah, it's led by the demon Beelzebub. He was at the fucking vanguard Oh Even he's scared There was no word on how this affected Mathers, but the magical attacks supposedly stopped soon after it was just just cut to Mathers in hospice just sitting there as the demons are all dancing around me and like We are sitting on your IV bag We are tossing with around the job

And he's just going You know like no response and he's like and Alistair Crowley at home covered in Egyptian wares like I won! I got him again! Horrible Around that time Rose finally gave birth to Crowley's first child and they gave the baby girl the Unfortunate name of Nuit Ma Ahathor Hakate Safo Jezebel Lilith The baby couldn't even say that if it was sober No, and it's also like one of those things where it's named after Nuit was actually kind of I think it's actually kind of a pretty name But it has to do with love and the book of law and all that shit

Sure, yeah, but then the rest of it's like every name of every famous biblical whore to exist Which is a lot Except for Safo who is a famous lesbian Famous lesbian which is cool I think Yeah Safo that's a whole that's a whole different story It's cool names but it's all of them you know what I mean? That's a lot yeah But even though Crowley was riding high spiritually his professional life was in shambles

See at this point Crowley had been self-publishing books and expensive editions for the previous six years To almost non-existent sales even after he slashed prices It's a clearance sale on magic Wow This is just poetry this is only poetry Is this kind of like when a band will do like a super expensive like vinyl rollout Yes That no one's asked for

Yeah this is like this is like when factory records put out the Blue Monday single on They put out the Blue Monday single in packaging that actually cost them money Well Because they didn't think that it was gonna be that big of a hit And ended up being one of the biggest singles in British history Oh wow that's actually the opposite because his packaging destroyed his singles No it did it destroyed factory records Wow

Because they had to pay more For each single but every single in Blue Monday they had to pay for it Yeah that's I wonder why the music industry collapsed I don't know so many good decisions were made Oh well to give you an idea of how low of an interest there was in Crowley's writing His bestseller a collection of poetry called Jeptha sold only ten copies Ten mighty copies Ten mighty copies

And each ten of the cardinal directions of the universe Whoa ten ten copies double digit copies I tell you what it could have been eight Absolutely Alistair As such Crowley closed his account with his publisher temporarily and moved on At least just for a bit Oh yeah and you can just see their publisher just be like No don't go don't go don't go don't go don't go

Oh bye Alistair bye When I say publisher I mean the person he paid to self publish his books That publisher that was a sad day for him he lost a lot of money By the way I don't I've noticed that your home is actually significantly lacking in magical Beatles So I've made you a little bit of dessert No it's supposed to be a blood beetle cake Or perhaps I'm looking for something to raise his profile Crowley accepted an invitation to climb Kanjinjunga

The world's third highest mountain On the request of a Swiss mountaineer named Jules Jacquotte Guillarmonde Who had written a book about K2 But while Crowley might have gone to this expedition with the intention of doing something great For which he might receive adulation He mostly seems to have approached the entire affair With the intention of being the biggest bastard possible He definitely was king baby

During a scenario In other words Kanjinjunga was Alistair Crowley's first public step Towards a reputation that would see him branded as the wickedest man in the world Ooh Now when Jules Guillarmonde asked Crowley to join him on the expedition He didn't mean that Crowley should lead the party But Crowley wouldn't do it unless he was in charge of the whole thing Good lord

Dude I just don't understand like I wish I could like go back in time being like Just be talent Crowley You don't have to be executive producer Just skate and you could do it No And predictably Crowley made all the wrong moves from the word go Even though he knew that the expedition was going to be dangerous Before leaving Crowley wrote up a will

Requesting that he be buried in his golden dawn robes With his crown and wand In a sealed vault With a collection of his self-published books Printed on the finest parchment Wait till you see that I am what I'm buried with Yeah wait till you see what you're actually buried with I know that's the problem

You gamble and you make all these promises to yourself And then you have to deal with all these fucking unpredictable people Yeah No we'll definitely bury you with the crown that you bought five years ago at age 65 To make yourself feel young again That's what I'll do with it I'm being invisible Yeah

We'll definitely bury you with your fucking fake big footprint Shut up Shut up it was for the moment And it's nice to have three big footprints in my home Oh yeah Henry's going to want to hold on to that Yeah Concerning Crowley's leadership though His first mistake was changing the roof up the mountain from what Guy Armand had already mapped out

Which took the party on a path much more prone to avalanches On a mountain already known for avalanches It's fun and avalanches like the world's biggest skateboard It could be fun Yeah Second, just before the expedition was set to push off on the journey on foot Crowley invited along an Italian hotel owner with no climbing experience Named Al-Chesty

Al-Chesty Rico D'Reiji Listen This is my spaghetti man Please introduce yourselves to him The spaghetti man, he's just, oh look, he's already got it bubbling Ah, Al-Dente, how I love you I love Al-Chesty Eh, tell me, can I stay here on the ground and make an antipast?

No, no, no, sweetie man You're about to make spaghetti in the clouds I prefer to stay on the ground Oh, you're going to a basket where you'll die This is a horrible idea for Al-Chesty Well, Crowley said that he invited the Italian because Rico D'Reiji spoke Hindustani And could communicate with the porters But the real reason was because Crowley owed a sizeable hotel bill

And Rico D'Reiji agreed to waive it in exchange for a spot on the journey What's wrong with Al-Chesty? I don't know Why would you do this? It is not worth money, I don't know what to tell you, you did something horrible Let me do this, let me get this right, you're not going to have to pay I don't have to pay you and you get to do this thing to help me out, of course Yeah

Come on, come aboard Al-Chesty Well, it was very dangerous, this is the third highest mountain in the world And it's arguably the most dangerous of the three And this guy, a fucking Rico D'Reiji had no climbing experience at all, he was a liability Italians explore the seas and the Swiss explore the mountains Sure, but Al Sir Crowley, you can almost see him doing it Because he comes down to the bill and he's just like And he's just like, what if I told you?

I can make you a bird They go up into this, you probably sold him You will never be, you will not be in any harm I'm a master mountaineer and I'm a midget And you shall come with me and I will show you will be completely safe And so after the expedition made their way through leech infested valleys in torrential rain They came upon the southwest face of Kanchen-Dunga Almost immediately though, Crowley began behaving badly

Beating the porters and making them march barefoot across the glacier In order to once again establish superiority Oh my goodness, what did they do? Break his bong? Like when that person broke butter ball and you took their shoes No, he was doing it for no reason I took that guy's shoes for very good reason It was just no People lessened that night and he could have come back and gotten his shoes at any time

I know, I was saying that in defense Crowley also wasn't very talented or didn't put much effort into carving steps in the ice they were climbing And two days after Guy Armand voiced his concern about this A porter slipped on Crowley's poor handiwork and fell to his death Oops, that's horrible Some porters believed that the mountain required a sacrifice and had taken it No! That's how the porters rationalized it

Yeah, but the more grounded of Crowley's companions Knew that the only person responsible was Aleister Crowley Finally, after weeks of mismanaging supplies and mistreating porters Crowley lost leadership at the expedition when Guy Armand led a mutiny Crowley, pouting, decided to stay behind as the rest of the men continued up the mountain But he told the mutineers as they departed that if they chose to go on without him They'd all be dead men The next day Crowley unfortunately proved to be correct

No! Guy Armand and four other men were tied together climbing across a cliff face When one of them slipped on a sharp corner and pulled two others down with him Oh my god, they tied the rope around the fat one They did, they thought he'd be the anchor, but they didn't understand He really then would become the anchor Yeah, gravity is Well, Guy Armand and Rijo Deriji managed to stay above the fray

I was scared, I should be with the manioc But the fall shifted the snow and the ensuing avalanche dragged six men down the mountain Bearing and instantly killing three of them Now immediately after the avalanche one of the men ran back to Crowley's camp looking for help But Crowley ignored him and refused to help in any way whatsoever Instead he continued about his business around the camp and remained at his tent like a little bitch Saying that it was their own fault and therefore didn't deserve his help See, this is every man and every woman is a star

Yeah, exactly He's doing his own thing because he sat there I'm obviously, that's not the letter of the law later on But he is very much like, not my problem They did go on without him, not to blame Of course, that's the thing, he gave them, he told them what happened I guess I mean, he also could have been a man and been like, alright, I'll help you

No, yeah, of course, of course He could have been a superhero that day, but he decided not to be What you gotta do is you gotta help but also point out that you told them not to do this every single step of the way But also help You get all the points Exactly Yeah, I mean, the book of the law, it has shades of objectivism Sure

Yeah, it definitely has that, it has a pretty strong asshole scent Well, he is the ultimate asshole, which is unfortunately, we talked about it, it's the way of the mages Kind of, you kind of end up being an asshole if you don't do it right Yep And this inaction proved to be one of the worst decisions Crowley ever made Even though there wasn't much that he could do besides recover the bodies The fact that he acted so callously, that haunted him for the rest of his life Especially after he went home and gave five newspaper interviews trying to defend his actions

Oh Because it became like that movie, what was it that forced the majeure movie about, like, that guy ran away from the avalanche When he thought it was gonna kill him and his family, and it's a cool movie, it's great But it is funny to see he do, cause it's actually some of the most press he got Yeah After this, and it was him constantly just being like So how did the story spread that he was such a bastard on the mountain? People survived

Oh yeah, they were playing, I think six people died over, it was three or six people that died But, you know, like, Rijo de Riji never climbed another mountain He should have been on the first one Yeah, he got pretty hurt and so did Guillermond, like, people were badly injured, but most of them survived He'll hurt my pizza hand Don't hurt the pizza hand That's sad Well, following the bad press of Kanjin Junga, Crowley went on another world tour

Taking his wife Rose and baby daughter Lilith along with him on what proved to be a highly dangerous journey In Calcutta, six men in white robes attempted to mug Crowley But he claimed to have fired his revolver into the air several times to scare them away And to escape police attention, Crowley claimed to have once again turned himself invisible Yep, you might have Next, Crowley and his family took a ship to Burma with the intent to cross over the border on horseback to China But as the Crowley family were crossing the Chinese frontier, Crowley's pony reared and threw Crowley off a 40-foot-tall cliff Jesus

Now, even though this fall should have, by all accounts, killed Crowley, he claimed to have been entirely unharmed He believed that this meant he was destined for something greater So he gave himself another magical promotion You win Another promotion It was exempt adept He was now at the highest grade of the second order He is now equal to Mathers

So you were supposed to, there was a thing to ascend to this grade, right? The idea is there's like a challenge or an obstacle You're supposed to get through to prove that you enter into these new levels So this was, he was supposed to quote-unquote, cross the abyss It is this thing where you're supposed to do this shit because what he says here, it is how he viewed it Was that he is on this roving trip that became accidentally not even planned in his mind after the fact It was him crossing the abyss and him falling into the crag and surviving Was him venturing across the fucking impenetrable land that he was supposed to get to and making it So then he's like, I then assign that after the fact

But how difficult was it? His wife and his daughter, who was like six months old, could do it No, he was just him It was just him alone when he got thrown off the mountain? It's about aimless, this started as an aimless drifting trip that he sort of began to give form to as he goes Because he's literally just going across China and all these countries on a horseback, just doing bullshit I thought that his wife and daughter were along with him for part of this They were, they absolutely were Oh, okay

Oh yeah, they just, no, they don't matter, Marcus They're there, but he's not, he does not consider them in any way, shape or form They just, they are, yeah, they are being dragged along with him Yes, yes, yes Well this whole experience put him on the cusp of joining the ranks of the secret chiefs themselves And with this new rank, Crowley decided to finally finish the Abra-Mellon ritual that he'd abandoned so many times before But the problem was that all of Crowley's stuff was in Scotland My stuff

And here he was riding a pony across China So Every day Every day, every day, every day, every day, every time I find myself I'm like, stuck on a pony across China Oh, of course So Crowley, being the magical master he believed himself to be Did the entire Abra-Mellon ritual in an imaginary temple in his mind

Now, while this is to many, including some of us in this room This is stupid, right? And it doesn't make any sense The thing about Crowley was that the one thing that he was really good at Which is one of the major skills If you really do believe you want to do ritual magic One of the major skills that you must have is the ability to hold images in your mind And develop images in your brain so concretely Because if ritual magic is anything but just self-hypnosis

This is one of those things where if you can complete a thing Because what they said about Crowley is that he used to play You know, they had like 3D chests They had 4D chests You know that there's a term of 4D chests, but they used like quantum chests The idea that you would divide a board by like four Like it's like a 3D thing where you'd have a board cutting in the middle of a normal planer board Going in a perpendicular fashion

And you play on two different boards at once He was able to do these type of mental games in his head So, and this is in ritual magic The idea that you're supposed to build an inner temple That is like one of the common core things of the Golden Dawn Is being able to from within your mind build the sacred place that you're supposed to enter to Well, I don't know if ESPN is going to be airing 4D chests anytime soon It seems a little boring

It is incredibly boring But he also, there was some talk about There is some truth He did put some work into the abramelan ritual because he changed bullskin He actually put in windows Because one of the things with bullskin, one of the things with abramelan ritual Is that you're supposed to be in a space where you can see a window going out in each cardinal direction And he rebuilt his whole house so that he could start doing this work at home

So he was taking it, he didn't stop doing magical work But he hired somebody else Exactly, that's what it was He made a fucking, he sent a telegram He did He didn't do that himself When he did the actual hard work that needed to be done, Crowley was not the best The mental work there, he was hungry for knowledge

I'll put that, I'll put it that way Definitely By April, Crowley had reached Shanghai Where former astral sex partner Elaine Simpson happened to be living She was also the woman that stormed the Golden Dawn headquarters with him Oh yeah He asked her for help in summoning Awas using the abramelan ritual With her assistance, Crowley claimed to have made contact

In this gab session, Awas bestowed upon Crowley the Order of the Silver Star Which meant that Crowley had been accepted as a member of the Third Order Which in effect put him in the company of the secret chiefs Now at the same time that Crowley was fast ascending the magical ladder His family life was just as quickly falling apart Seems to go hand in hand Rose Kelly's alcoholism was only getting worse And Crowley, besides, also probably wasn't the easiest person to be married to

No way! Then, when Rose and her daughter went home from the trip to China before Crowley Their daughter, Nuit Ma Ahathor Hakate Safo Jezebel Lilith, died of typhus What? Yeah, it's a parasite-born disease that they probably picked up on one of these around-the-world trips You get it from fleas and ticks and mites and stuff like that His daughter talked about living fast, you know, just one week old, getting hammered in the womb She really was the James Dean of toddlers

Wow, poor gal But Crowley, in characteristically blaming everyone but himself Decided that his daughter died because Rose hadn't properly cleaned Lilith's bottle And it was the bottle that carried the fatal typhus infection Furthermore, Crowley said that the gods had killed Lilith because Rose had failed in her duties as the Scarlet Woman Because, as the book of the law said, if pity and compassion and tenderness visit the Scarlet Woman's heart i.e. if she acted like a mother, then the vengeance of the gods would be known Oh, so that would be a bad thing

Yeah, so when she was just getting hammered, treating her fetus like a sailor, that was like, he was like, you're nailing it Yeah, he was, that is what he thought But that's why these ideas don't work That's one of the things that Crowley, that Lachman actually pointed out is that she was actually acting like a Scarlet Woman She wasn't taking care of her baby She was getting drunk all the fucking time, she was being the Scarlet Woman But still, Crowley said that she failed because I guess she's told her baby she loved it Yeah, he doesn't like her anymore, he stopped liking Rose

And so then she stopped being the Scarlet Woman that he wanted her to be It's as easy as that when it comes down to it, he just thinks she's gross And Alistair Crowley wants to be with a man Yes, damn Still, Crowley did seem to be actually aggrieved by the death of his daughter And it showed in physical ailments A gland in his groin became so infected He needed an operation

And his right eye picked up a chill Whatever that may be, I have no idea what that means Is this like a thing that happens to people who are mourning the death of a child, a gland in their crotch forms? Is that like, I don't know, did he just get that through a series of horrible lifestyle decisions? I don't know, sometimes when you lose a child then you post a very controversial social media post That gets a lot of attention Yes, and then somebody plays it on our last stream on the last The grief, however, didn't last long

Because soon after the death of their first child, Rose gave birth to the second This one was more simply named Lolo Zaza After a nickname given to Crowley's mistress, Vera Snip They cut out 90% of the first name It is weird to give your daughter the name, like, I guess that's a part of what it is You're such a, again, a diabolist So everything has to be whatever's the most fucking, twisted, and gross shit It's the idea of, like, naming someone to be like, this is essentially my side chick

I'm, like, naming my daughter after my side chick Oh, that's nice Now, it was at this point in Crowley's life when he could have settled down I mean, his first child had died, another one had come And Crowley, he'd actually shown some inkling of humanity in the process Outside, of course, the mystical blame game Have you seen the pictures of them? The family pictures of Alistair Crowley?

It is so fucking weird It's like Uncanny Valley to watch Alistair Crowley It's like, he's got the one daughter that's now the new alive one That he, I guess, he likes, he likes the new one He likes the new one And they're all, like, laughing and smiling And there's these, like, pictures where we're like, oh, he was almost, like, he almost became kind of normal And he got into a routine for a period of time

Like, being a family man Yeah, because the child was, the second child was born with, you know, of course, fetal alcohol syndrome But had also, you know, almost died And he himself, like, sat by the bedside He provided oxygen to her, you know, he breathed into her, breathed life into her And he did show some affection for the child And you read in his diaries that he's very happy that his child had died And he has this moment when he could have just quit all of it

And just become a guy Okay, I give you a little oxygen And now I'll give you a little snip a snop Just don't tell mama And then for me, and then I have a little bit of schnapps, and I have a little bit of schnapps I am a great father But instead, Crowley abandoned his new daughter and chose magic Damn it, all he had to do was keep the kid drunk and just hang out with it

No, it's not Wisconsin, buddy, this is Europe And he began discussing the founding of a new magical order with his old buddy George Cecil Jones Using a whole shitload of hash, Crowley finally completed the abramelan ritual And claimed that as a result, his consciousness had absorbed that of his guardian angel Awas Which made Crowley even more powerful Well, after that, George Cecil Jones agreed with Crowley's assumption That he had reached the third order and joined the secret chiefs The zest had returned to Crowley's life

I just, you know, on the street, I don't even want to be invisible anymore Wow, dude I feel bad for the secret chiefs Everyone that wants to hang out with them is Alistair Crowley They're all his phantom friends, but that's how you make friends, guys If you don't have any friends, build friends in your mind Now he's walking down the street, he's got a little path, he's wearing his full outfit He's fucking high-fiving people, they don't want him anywhere near him, you know what I mean, it's fun

Yeah, and he's about to start forming, like, his magic crew The weird little dudes that follow him around like a bunch of fucking puppies His backpack Bob-a-boo-ee Well, soon he decided to get back into publishing by releasing a collection of his works The world was ready Finally, I mean, honestly, how did the world change to become ready? Um, he decided to do it then

To promote the sale, Crowley offered a prize of 100 pounds to the person who wrote the best critical essay of his work We should have done this for our book He just paid someone to write a good review Yes, exactly Now, from what Crowley wrote in his confessions, his work at that time was being written about by, quote, the most important people in the world of letters Who had called Crowley the only living poet of any magnitude And I'll tell you the name of the man who wrote that astounding review

His name was Alistair Bacour You have to come up with a different name Oh, yes, yes, any last name He could even be Alistair His name was, his name was Rupert Milton Bradley Parker Brothers Those are board game companies The thing is, I don't understand about board games, somebody playing a game, you're not bored anymore

Wow, you are fun, you're the greatest poet in the history of the world But at the same time, Crowley also claimed that his point of view was so original That his thoughts were so profound That his illusions were, quote, so reckonedite That most people were unable to appreciate or understand it, hence the low sales Oh, I totally understand being too much of a genius for people to understand your sketch comments It's not our fault I'm too good at this job

In no way is the world of entertainment, it doesn't mean that you should try to get an audience No! An audience means you're no longer an artist Yeah, you're not an artist But I will say, in the book of the law, it is really deep It's just his other poetry is not But even though no evidence exists of these important people in the world of letters who so praised Crowley There was exactly one weird little man who was a huge, unabashed fan of Crowley's work

Danny DeVito That man was Captain John Fuller Hey man, sometimes all you need is one super fan to keep you going And you need it to be a captain Yep, Fuller, nicknamed Boney because he was obsessed with Napoleon, was the first and only entrance into Crowley's essay competition Hey man, sometimes you just go, it takes just one It's not a competition then Oh, there's only one person, it can't be a competition

Hey, say that to somebody when you're running for mayor only against yourself Every day Fuller was also an early convert to what Crowley was calling Crowleyanity Which was his first draft of a religion before Thalema That's what shows me he has a little bit more of a forethought about his work About being a teacher and there was like a dalliance with being a cult leader, a little bit What about Altheism? Yeah, it would have been better

Altheism actually Crowleyanity is a terrible name Now Fuller had a bad habit of following bad people Because years after he inevitably fell out with Crowley, he became infatuated with Adolf Hitler It always happens And wrote the book that inspired the Nazi Blitzkrieg In appreciation, Fuller was invited to an actually attended Hitler's 50th birthday party Yeah dude, they sang karaoke

Wow So Alister Crowley was his good friend He went to Hitler's birthday party Wow It's just wild Hitler in the wild But back when Fuller was following Crowley, his blowjob of an essay in which he called Crowley A priest of Apollo 100 million years in the making

Was published by Crowley himself under the title The Star in the West In this, Crowley gave himself a new title I think this is his 8th or 9th by this point And this will become his motto Yeah, this term He called himself the very vineversum vivis vici Or frotter vivi vivi vivi The Magister Template

Yeah, the 5 E's Yeah, 5 E's Some of you can say blackout drunk, it works 5 E's There's going to 5 E's Predictably though, even though the essay was published, Crowley never paid out Fuller the 100 pound price You don't pay these people What am I going to do?

I'm going to pay you, you're a earfucking suck on my dick I'm not paying you, but I have an idea I have something better than a one-time payment How about you be my best friend? Can I just take the money please? No You're my best friend now Best friend

Fine Now, this time in Crowley's life, his hard drug use had not yet reached debilitating levels But his drug use was introducing people who had reached the debilitation point What kind of drugs are we talking here in this era? Hash, hot hash, hash and opium It's edible hash, which I've never, I don't know what that's like, what that does But if it's like opium it makes you sleepy Sleepy time T, yeah

While on one of his drug runs, Crowley met a man named George Montague Montague's official title was the Earl of Tankerville, but due to his massive cocaine addiction, Crowley called him the Earl of Coke and Crankham. Can you imagine if your drug dealer also had a LAN's title? But what the hell is Tankerville? He wasn't his drug dealer, they went to the same drug dealer. He was a guy that he met at his drug dealer's house. And both just having coked up because coked up like magic conversations have to be so interesting,

but also fucking awful. Don't write a match in Tankerville, everyone is covered in oil. What is this place? The highly paranoid middle-aged Earl was convinced that his mother was trying to kill him with witchcraft, and Crowley, seeing an opportunity to butt in on some family drama, offered to help. You gotta get this fucking bitch, she's trying to fucking destroy me man, she doesn't fucking get that I'm like fucking... I have so much shit going on, I have so many fucking irons in the fire and she comes up with a cold pail of water, you know what I'm saying? I'm fucking sick of this bitch. Prevent so many irons in the fire you don't have any pants on.

But through that desire to cause trouble, Crowley also technically made the Earl his very first student in magic, for a fee. Crowley told the Earl that if he wanted to develop his magical powers, the two of them needed to go on what Crowley called a magical retirement, which really meant that the Earl was about to pay for a vacation in North Africa. Listen, the one thing that we must do before sitting down to do our great work is we must go on vacation. Oh, I think that sounds great. So again, he actually is trying to recreate the magic of when he went into the book of the law because he said that every single time he took a break, when he'd come back, he'd be super inspired. So he would do these things where he'd go and he would go and fuck off.

And that was to him a part of his process, which is actually an inherent part of the comedians process as well. I love that chapter in book of the law, I need a vacation from my vacation, that's a great one. One of the most beautiful passages, which says, don't hassle me, I'm local. Yes, powerful stuff. The trip, however, was a massive failure. Oh, okay. By the end of it, the Earl famously told Crowley, quote, I'm sick of your fucking teaching, teaching, teaching, as if you were God Almighty and I was a poor bloody shit in the street.

That is a direct quote. I'm sick of your fucking teaching, teaching, teaching, you're fucking sitting here teaching me, telling me you're a fucking teacher, I'm calling you a fucking teacher, you're the teacher, I'm the one paying for shit, I'm teaching you, I'm teaching you how to make money. That's the thing when you're hanging out with someone with that cocaine energy, you better be sure they don't get that sore on eye that lights shit on you because, yeah, he's just like, oh, this is bad. Tellingly, though, this statement actually shows that Crowley was taking his role as a teacher seriously. But still, the whole thing ended when the Earl decided that Crowley was in cahoots with his mother. And Crowley just went back home. Okay, but I really do believe that's why, like, up to a point, I think he did start taking this shit actually re-seriously. Oh, totally.

He was a never, he never stopped his search for the truth of his magical truth. He never stopped. And he really did start to get the discipline that he was told to get from Ekenstein. Like, he started really working on it. He's just a, he's just a shithead. And he did have the right idea with the Earl of Tankerville. If you tell one person high on cocaine a whole series of things, you've basically just told 20 people. Oh, yeah, you're kidding.

This is before terrestrial radio. The first AM radio station was just a coke head and a bomb. Once Crowley returned home, though, he promoted himself again. Oh my god, again. Yeah, he gave himself a title of Adeptus Exemptus, which officially made him a secret chief. He's now a secret chief. He is a secret chief. Look at that.

Got some secret. But really, it is interesting, am I right in saying he took that seriously enough where he wasn't willy-nilly promoting himself per se? It was years, right? It was between each promotion. He was following his true will. Okay, so I'll give him some credit for that. He didn't give him the promotion overnight. Well, going off his new station, Crowley felt that he finally had enough clout to found his own magical society.

He called it the Argentium Astrum, but it was more commonly known as the AA. However, as Lachman points out, it would be a mistake to see the AA or Crowley's role as a teacher as merely a money-making venture. While Crowley did indeed charge for the privilege, part of what makes Crowley interesting is that he believed with 100% certainty in everything he taught, whether it had any grounding in reality or not. He was a true mages. He thought that it was all a part of the work. Whether it was fucking with you, whether it was imaginary, it was work that loosened up the mind to allow you to do all the other ritual shit that he will eventually teach you the blow-by-blow of. Kind of makes it more nefarious, though, don't you think? I mean, like, even with the Keith Reneary type, I think he believes everything that all the BS he was about.

No, Keith Reneary did not. You don't think so? No, absolutely not. Keith Reneary stole everything from Scientology. He's a complete and total fucking fake. I'm not saying he didn't steal it, but I think he believed it. He believed in himself as a teacher, Alistair Crowley, in his way. If you read the Confessions, because we have the Confessions that say, like, because in the end, he didn't make that much money.

Like, it didn't really pan out to really anything. He really was in it for the love of the game of magic. Did he like having a group of people call him mages and, like, make him feel lofty? Absolutely. But he loved the process of it. Like, he liked opening up all of these gates that used to be closed. All right. Yeah, I mean, he certainly took advantage of vulnerable people again and again.

He was a terrible person for doing so. But he also, he did it in the service of what he believed to be magic. And which means he was not strictly a con man. You know, in a way, Crowley is actually better than the fucking pastors at today's mega churches who take advantage of the scared and vulnerable every fucking day. Because at least Crowley wasn't pretending to do good while using Jesus as a way to fund multimillion-dollar tax-free lifestyles. Fuck this piece of shit, Marcus. Unless those scared or vulnerable are in need of a place to stay, in which case, oh, it just locked the door. It's not a magic of a locked door.

Locked the door. It's interesting. I mean, Crowley, he may have lied about the manner in which the dictation of the book of the law occurred, or he might have just given it a poetic interpretation, but he still believed in the end that it was a wass who spoke to him. He stuck a flag into an esoteric nation. Like, he did it. Like, he went, he managed to come up with an important work, which is what none of us do.

You know what I mean? He has one thing that he did that changed the fabric of society. I suppose the point here is that Crowley never really made any substantial profit from teaching magic to others, and didn't really care to do so. What Crowley really cared about was attention and notoriety, and he was about to get that in fucking spades. However, Crowley might not made it as far as he did if not for the adoration and assistance of an unkempt, ill-mannered, emotionally doomed poet with a piercing nervous laugh named Victor Neuberg.

Neuberg! Neuberg! Oh, this man is, I don't know how to describe him. Here's a, this actually comes from a description from Alistair Crowley of what he thought Neuberg was like. He was an agnostic, a vegetarian, a mystic, a Tolstoyan, and several other things all at once. He endeavored to express his spiritual state by wearing the green star of Esperanto, though he could not speak the language, by refusing to wear a hat, even in London, to wash and to wear trousers. Never addressed, he wriggled convulsively in his lips, which were three times too large for him,

and had been put on hastily as an afterthought, admitted the most extraordinary laugh that had ever come my way. To these advantages, he united those of being extraordinarily rel-red, overflowing with exquisitely subtle humor, and being one of the best-natured people that ever trod this planet. Well, I cannot tell if you gave me a compliment or if you were extremely mean. Shut up, you big, you big lip jerk! I roasted you, but he only roasts the ones you love. So do you, do you like me? I don't know, I'm confused. Well, in the literary world, Neuberg is known mostly for publishing the first book of Dylan Thomas' poems, which is big fucking deal.

But in the world of Aleister Crowley, Neuberg was the man who was eventually driven mad by Crowley's massively powerful anus. Oh my goodness, I was about to snap it! Snap it like an alligator's fucking mouth, dude! A whole other meeting to undermilk wood. Dylan Thomas. Wow, holy fucking shit, did you just do a Dylan Thomas reference? I know a lot of stuff! Whoa! I'm impressed, I'm very impressed. Thank you so much.

Now, Neuberg was introduced to Crowley through Captain John Fuller as a young man with great magical potential in need of a master. I need a master! And pretty soon, Neuberg had joined Crowley's magical order under the name Omnia Vinkum, which means I shall conquer all. And he began his magical training. I wish we could change it to I shall conquer most, because I shall conquer all really sets me up for a bit of a fall there, doesn't it? It's a lot of work to conquer all. Yes, indeed, Nordberg. Neuberg, Neuberg. No, not Nordberg.

He's not O.J. Simpson's character in Naked Gun. O.J. Simpson, I lost him to the acting when I watched Naked Gun. I don't even see O.J. But even though Neuberg seemed to have the same predilection towards magic that Crowley possessed, Crowley in those early days seemed mostly interested in emotionally abusing his new student. In an attempt to liberate Neuberg from his repressions, Crowley got Neuberg drunk at a party in Paris, then encouraged him to hit on every woman at the party while Crowley, behind Neuberg's back, told everyone in the room that Neuberg was a virgin. That's a nice shirt you're wearing, ma'am. Can I be inside of it, ma'am? Crowley's just like, yeah, he's a virgin. He should go and get him. This guy's a stupid virgin. These women must just be staring at these two absolute boobs.

Well, Crowley thought that he was very funny. He thought himself very funny, and he was very aptly described Crowley's humor as forced. He didn't have a natural inclination of it. He just thought abuse was funny, kind of like the idea of the old puppets that was at the punch and jam. Yeah, when they beat each other, he loved that shit. And so him playing quote-unquote pranks on Neuberg, we're actually all emotionally devastating. I'm sure, yeah. It sounds like it. No, this next one, Crowley eventually instructed a lover named Euphemia Lamb to flirt with Neuberg, and Crowley in turn told Neuberg that Euphemia was smitten. She's totally into it. She's totally into it. You should totally go for it. This is me again. He's just like, oh, Alistair, you sure? Absolutely, Neuberg. She can't get enough of you. She's been talking about it all night. Neuberg was naive enough to propose to Euphemia.

Oh, I know you love me. I know you do. Oh, he told me it was true. And if you're Alistair, you're like, this is working out better than I thought. Of course, yeah. He's actually proposing to it. It is very entertaining for him. Yeah, and then Crowley, like, took Neuberg to a brothel and had him sleep with a woman, and then he convinced Neuberg to confess his indiscretion to his new fiancé. Oh, my God, he is such an asshole. Yeah, it's brutal. He made him go have sex with a sex worker, bring him back.

And then he was just like, now you have to confess what you did. Tell me what you did. Like, oh, Alistair, I didn't know. Why do I got to do it? Yeah, and then Euphemia, she acted, of course, heartbroken and she ended it. Disgusting. And then after it was all over, Crowley, I mean, fucking Neuberg was devastated, and Crowley seriously went to him with, it's just a prank, bro. It's just a prank, dude. This is fucking be chill, dude. It's a joke. This is how you get killed. This is how you die.

It's called comedy, dude. It's protected by the First Amendment. It sounds like Alistair Crowley is just an old timey version of man cow in the morning in Chicago. Yeah. And Neuberg actually refused to believe him. They had sold it so well that he said, you're not, you're lying. I don't believe you and didn't believe it until he walked in on Crowley and his former fiancé sharing a cigarette post-coitus. We just did it. Yeah, dude, you didn't. Oh, Mike, so he just shattered this man for his own amusement.

Well, he said that he was trying to break down his repressions, you know, and this isn't unheard of. That's not how you do it. I know, but it isn't unheard of in magical gurus like Madame Blavatsky was known to treat her followers like shit, but there always seemed to be a point, and Crowley's never really had a point. He said the point is that, you know, I'm doing this for their own good, but he would never say anything. He would never say why it was for their own good. He was just dominating them. He was dominating them and he was trying to make them his servants.

It's kind of the way a cult leader does where it's like you break somebody down up into a point. You want them to be with you, but it's also it's interesting because we'll see. I feel like it all comes around to a point because he's expressing domination over Neuberg, but there will be a clue later on as to why he would need to then magically flip circumstances. Well, that is one of the areas where he and Rock Terrio and all cult leaders are most. They get the breakdown part very well, but then you got to go with like, how do you make a Marine? You got to build them back up. Just like leave the pile of rubble, which is, you know.

But even though Crowley was being unusually cruel, Neuberg was convinced that this was all a part of his magical training. So when Crowley invited Neuberg to Balsken for another magical retirement, Neuberg jumped at the chance. At Balsken, Neuberg proved to be particularly good at Kabbalistic rituals, so good in fact that on more than one occasion, he spontaneously ejaculated during some of his deepest meditations. Oh, you're good. I'm getting pretty good at this. Covered and come. But with that pleasure came, but with that pleasure came pain. Crowley made Neuberg sleep naked outside in the Scottish night for 10 days on a bed made of a spiny shrub called Gorse.

And it's believed by Neuberg's biographer that it was in these 10 days that Neuberg somehow contracted the tuberculosis that eventually killed him decades later. How did the guy get a biographer? Victor Neuberg was a known figure. Well, he became one. Yeah, he's a little known poet, but he plays a huge part in the Alistair Crowley story. Anybody that touched Alistair Crowley became a center of fascination. That's why it's interesting because it's more people trying to hack into the brain of Alistair Crowley to figure out who is this wizard. Right, right.

Neuberg also followed, at Crowley's direction, a painful principle from Crowley's Lieber's Yoga Room. In this, the practitioner is punished every time they use a certain word. In Neuberg's case, it was the word I. And Neuberg cut his arms with razors every time he slept up. You need to choose a word like supercadrofragilist. Yes, use that difficult word, not I. That's a part of the Liebers, and it's a part of one of the magical processions that you do, one of the thought exercises you can do. That is, like, you eliminate the word I from your vocabulary, but also, again, that's cult thinking,

because what it does is break down the individual into somebody who's ready for grouping. How did he even do anything? He'd be like, God damn it, I've got to cut myself in. Oh, God damn it. Look, how would he even go about a date? How many times do you say I did it? Ben's going to the store now. Don't you start.

Oh, you wait. Oh, no. Kissel's got a lot to say. Oh, God. Well, in a further punishment, which also began walking Crowley and Neuberg towards a sexual relationship, Crowley whipped Neuberg's bare buttocks with stinging nettles, and hurled racial slurs at Neuberg concerning his Jewish heritage. Why are you spaking me?

It's got nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish there, Alistair. My goodness gracious. Actually, that's where Neuberg drew the line. He's like, you can beat me. Like, you stop that. Yeah, you can beat me, you can do whatever you want, but don't call me slurs. A lesser man does that, is what he told Crowley. That's offensive to me.

It's offensive to my, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Wait, so Alistair, but his other friend was a Nazi. Well, I mean, he was later a Nazi. That's the thing about the Fuller. This is like 1911. Fucking Hitler's not even in the army yet. He's still hanging out. Hitler's drawing right now.

Okay. But just as things were heating up with Neuberg, Crowley's marriage was coming to a merciful end. By Crowley's account, Rose drank a bottle of liquor a day. And by 1911, she had been committed to an asylum for alcoholic dementia. Oh, that's bad. By that point, she and Crowley had already been divorced for two years. And when she was released, she married the doctor who treated her on the inside.

That's just how it used to be, man. That's how it used to be. But she eventually relapsed and died from liver failure in 1932 at the age of 57. So sad. She really missed a lot of history. She really did. She could have just held on for 15 more years. Maybe it's good to die in 1932, actually.

That's when Crowley died in 1947. So he actually got to see quite a bit of fucking history. Dang. Well, Rose's surviving daughter with Crowley, Lolo Zaza, saw her father exactly once after the divorce and eventually distanced herself from the Crowley name. Her son, Eric, however, is now a saxophonist in San Francisco who lists grandson of Alistair Crowley as a qualification on his LinkedIn profile.

Sure. I mean, why not? Why not? It's about who you know. I'm sure it's got him a couple of saxophone gigs. I didn't hire him. If I had to choose between someone who's the grandson of Alistair Crowley or not and they're both equally good at saxophone, depending on my mood,

I would probably go with the grandson. Yeah. So after the dissolution of his family, Crowley put every bit of extra energy and what money he had left into an occult magazine the size of a phone book called The Equinox, which some consider his greatest magical legacy. Surprisingly, The Equinox was actually a hit and Crowley might have made a good chunk of change

if only his vanity hadn't required him to print every single copy on only the finest parchment, thereby destroying his profit margins. God, it's so dumb. The fucking factory records thing again. So fucking dumb. Yeah, but I do. I like that he... I want our most to be good.

I like that it's good quality, but he also needs to have one that's really good quality and then you have to have one that's a little bit less so everyone can afford it. Yes. Crowley also started giving public performances of magical rituals at the headquarters of his magical order and unlike the private ceremonies of the Golden Dawn, Crowley opened them to the public and even invited reporters. It's very similar to what would happen with the original Church of Satan

where he decided to make himself, he wanted to be a pop figure. We've been talking about this whole time. Desperate for attention, wants notoriety, and so he understands in a way of like, he is inherently a showman and that's a part of I think virtual magic that's kind of lost, that he did really well, which is this idea of I want other people to see these grand rituals. I want them to see the shit is real.

I am a wizard and y'all are going to recognize me as such. Like I'm going to put my claim and say I am a magus. I am the absissimus. One account of these public performances reported in the Daily Sketch said that after climbing an annoying number of stairs, the reporter was met by a brother in a white robe carrying a sword. He was then led to a dark room lit by a dim red light where other men in white, red or black robes were stationed around the room.

Someone began by reciting what the reporter was told was the banishing ritual of the pentagram. Very common. Then Crowley, robed in black, led a procession around an altar set up for ritual purpose. The participants then passed around a cup filled with a mixture of peyote, opium and fruit juice which they called the cup of libation.

They then performed the greater ritual of the hexagram after which Crowley read some poetry while everyone was coming up. My butt, my butt. The opposite of my nut. Can you see the rabbit go? Can you see the pussy blood flow? You are the best, Alistair. Once everyone was fucking tripping balls,

Neuberg took center stage and danced the dance of shrinks and pan in honor of their lady, Artemis. This is the thing, man. As a way to make man scream, that's gotta be Cain! He is. And if you are sitting in this room, it's kind of cool up to a point, you know what I mean?

A cup of libation is going around, you're starting to feel the trip come on, you're super fucking kind, you're like, what the fuck's gonna happen? And then all of a sudden, fucking Neuberg steps into the center, right? Neuberg who is... The landlord from the Big Lebowski.

No, it's hard to describe it. He's like the world's biggest fan. You know, like Tenacious D, have the number one fan, dude? It's just like, it's that guy. He comes in with his weird glasses, his clothes all skew, and then all this whole magical environment

and then it's him going, oh yeah, like doing like fucking, like doing the robot? I don't know what the dance of the syringes and pan is, but then do you... The guy from the Big Lebowski, it's the landlord from the Big Lebowski, that's exactly what it is.

It's just the beautiful dance, it's a beautiful dance is what I see. You're forced to watch this and then we're like, is this the magic? I believe it is. It sounds like a great time to be honest. Yeah. Then at the end,

an Australian acolyte named Leela Waddell played the violin and Crowley declared this temple closed. This account was actually printed in a newspaper and Crowley's infamy only grew because of it. Oh yeah. I mean, this seems like the most successful ritual yet. Well, it's very interesting, but there's also pan at the time was like a hot topic.

Super hot. People were really into the concept of pan. There was a pan in what sense? The Greek god pan, the half man, half goat. You could call it trendy. It was very trendy. Yeah, because Peter Pan had come out not too recently. A couple other things.

It was interesting, but it was, it was like the fashion at the time to invoke him. But perhaps spurred on by all this positive attention, Crowley found the manuscript for the book of the law that he'd supposedly lost years before. And in 1909, Crowley published the dictation of the guardian angel Awas himself. Wow.

I can just see him finding it in his butthole after all those years. Let me just, oh, this whole book. The whole time. You sat on it. Remember when we were going to Japan, you sat on the book and then you never found it again. That was why my butthole.

Beautiful, beautiful, depository. However, because Crowley had by this point spent almost a decade self publishing his own writing in only the most expensive editions. And because he'd spent years trotting across the globe, he'd blown most of his $7.3 million inheritance in just 13 years. See, as a magician, I made that money disappear.

By this point, the bills were most likely being paid by Victor Neuberg, who, like most natural magicians, came from money. Honestly, Alistair, we should probably look at the role budget because it's getting out of control. And I don't want to tie no money. It's like a small dumb thing to talk to you about. But honestly, we should probably give a little bit of a look,

see if somebody counts because... I think you're correct, Neuberg. Who's this guy? My name's Bertha. I'm here to clean out. Am I paying him? Yeah, you're paying me. Yeah, Alistair told me to swing by.

He said he was going to act like a bat and he wanted me to watch him. That was the secret ritual. Yeah. Yeah, Bertha. He said he wants one big audience member. Fun desperation. Crowley even wants St. Neuberg's family

a letter demanding 500 pounds if they ever wanted to see their son alive again. What? Yeah, dude, they just did a fake ransom thing. They did a fake kidnapping. What did the parents do? I think they just... No, they said no.

Yeah, we don't care. It's like a pun, however. I would always like, I need proof of life if I'm going to send you money. I want proof of death and then I'll send you some cash. Yeah, exactly. It's like a pun, however. Didn't prevent Crowley and Neuberg

from taking even more magical retirements. And in 1909, the two of them traveled alone to the North African Desert where Crowley would make one of the most important, personal, and magical discoveries of his life. Come and turn. Let us go to the sexy desert. Ooh.

To an outsider, these two were a bit of a sight. Crowley, at 34, had shaved his head and was quickly turning into the chubby wizard we know him as today. You mean perfectly bodied? Absolutely. He entered into God form, yes.

Neuberg had also shaved his head, but it left two little tufts on each side, dyed red, and twisted to look like horns, like the guy who's a fucking prodigy, like the guy who's a five-star. This is your magical haircut, Neuberg. I just feel that maybe it makes me look like a doll that's been left in a dumpster,

like left in the rain, and all of it. Exactly. Neuberg. That's the sad thing with Coolio, the lead singer of Prodigy, and any professional wrestler that has the Legion of Doom haircut. You just have to be that forever.

Oh, you have to walk around like that. Forever and ever, like at Applebee's. That's just the way you look. But at this time, Neuberg was no longer a mere student, but neither was he an equal. Instead, Neuberg had evolved into a kind of familiar for Crowley, and pretty much just there to be used as Crowley's soft fit.

For those of you for translation, it's kind of like a pet. Like he used him as a pet. Like he was a smeagle kind of thing. I don't think we're allowed to do a lot with what they did with each other. You can't even do that with a pet. Not anymore.

No, never. Now, the magical ritual that Neuberg and Crowley were planning on performing out in the Algerian desert involved Inokian magic. Essentially, very briefly, this was the magic of 16th century wizard John B, who was at one point the official court magician

of Elizabeth I. He was essentially the last great magician in England before Alistair Crowley, or at least the most well-known. And Inokian is a language that they used to decipher and speak to these angels. Yeah, it was an angelic language taught to John D. by his scryer Edward Kelly,

who had in turn learned it from an angel named Medimi. Jellicle, jellicle, jellicle. It is a lot of that. It does kind of feel like that. Some say that Inokian has a hint of truth because the language has its own grammar and syntax. But you know what else has its own grammar and syntax? The fucking Klingon.

It's gonna say Klingon. But Klingon is legitimately hard. I watched the documentary. No, Elvish is also hard. Dothraki is also difficult, but they all do have their own grammar. Why are two gods more difficult than Elfraki? Let's not get into a Funko nerd debate.

Well, the point remains, though, that no matter what we think of all this, Noeburg and Crowley believed in this stuff 100%. And the two walked into the desert with the intention of using Inokian magic. So what these two were essentially up to was a quest to move through what's known as the Aethers, which I think, maybe I'm wrong here,

but I think they are barriers on the way to total enlightenment. The layman way I vaguely understand it is that, I mean, this has to do a little bit with the Kabbalah, but you're trying to make your way through the Sephiroth like leading up to the top of the tree of the Kabbalah. So it's gonna become one with the Godhead. There are things, like the same thing when you look at the Tibetan Book of the Dead,

when you're traveled through the bardo, when you're supposed to release from the wheel of reincarnation, you're supposed to face these nightmare demons that are supposed to essentially just be reflections of the things that you're most afraid of in your own mind and you're supposed to work your way through these levels in order to... You fantasized about a large marshmallow man? As you said, the most innocent thought,

the most innocent thing that could ever come to mind, the stay-puff marshmallow man. Well, on this particular journey to the desert, Crowley and Noeburg were aiming to move through the 14th Aether. Interestingly, though, Crowley believed himself to be not the reincarnation of John Dee, but rather Edward Kelly, the scryer.

This was actually appropriate, because Kelly had just as bad of a reputation as Crowley and once actually convinced John Dee that the angels had told him that they should do a wife swap. It's been like this since the beginning of time. Honestly, alright. First of all, no prince ever needs any of your money in an email scam.

This is the magic version of a scam. No one needs your wife. It is never a mandate that that guy has to have sex with your wife. Now, things are going okay for Crowley and Noeburg when the Anakian ritual in the desert first began, but something went wrong and all Crowley could see was darkness. To try and get the ritual back on track,

the two magicians rushed to construct a magical altar to the Greek god Pan out of stones. The problem they had was that an altar to Pan required a sacrifice, but there were no animals to be had. It was in this moment that inspiration struck Crowley like a bolt of lightning. The sacrifice could be his own butthole.

We got here. We're here. This is it. We made it. It's another great day to be an Anakian god. What do we have today? This is not a sacrifice. Crowley, look for the magic that lay down inside.

It's his butt. And he got it. He clicked. In Crowley's mind, the act of sex, the spilling of life could be seen as a sacrifice. So at Crowley's request, he bottomed for Noeburg for the first time. Oh, this is a big responsibility.

Don't think of it as sex, Noeburg. Think about it as semen spelunking. Okay. This was the true beginning of Crowley's journey into sex magic, and the power he discovered was unlike anything he'd ever encountered. Slam, slam, slam, slam, slam.

Just fucking back and into it, dude. I had a vision of a band, red, hot chili peppers. Well, the thing is that Crowley, what I've learned, he did not back into it. Crowley was completely passive. And when someone was having sex with him when he was bottoming, he was completely passive the entire time.

Whoa, no grind? Well, then that's not a problem. Maybe a little grind, but he wasn't a power. He'll have to be a little grind. He wasn't a power bottom like other people we know. Absolutely not. I'll tell you one thing. My older brother was not this guy.

Yeah, that's what they, I didn't mind him. Oh, he talks about it. He likes it. He loves it. He loves it, and it's illegal to make fun of him. It is. Yeah, so that's good. Crowley said that every particle of his personality

was consumed in the act of this ritual. Whoa! My goodness. And he thereafter received a vision of his fellow secret chiefs, and Crowley joined them in the city of the pyramids under the night of Pan.

Where was Neuberg? Fucking give it to him from behind. Did he get any experience other than having to do all of the frickin' work? I think he might have been doing the thing that we all do when you go into sort of a doggie style position where you're like, don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet.

Well, you just have to hold it in your mind. Yeah, I remember that. And then you always think about your mother, and then you come and you're like, oh my god. Oh no! Or it's like, do I want to fuck the Dodgers? Why? I was thinking about base. Oh, thank god.

I was thinking about mookie pets. Unless you think that Neuberg was an unwilling victim in all this, he later said that this was the night that he fell completely, hopelessly, and eternally in love with Alistair Crowley. Oh. And it was this love that destroyed Victor Neuberg.

Oh no! Noblestly devoted to you. And it's with Alistair Crowley's journey through sex magic and his eventual descent into drug abuse and obscurity that we'll reach our conclusion, starting next time with his and Neuberg's battle with the demon Kouronzon. Wow.

Kouron! Man, oh man. We just covered one of the biggest, longest tales in any sort of story about magic ritual that exists. Oh my goodness. Neuberg was a person. Never call him a tale again. That's ridiculous.

Just be cool. Oh man, oh man. Do you think it was good? The sex? Yeah. It must have been amazing. It was the most life-changing moment for both of them. Wow.

That's the only good thing actually so far from this story has been this wonderful sexual experience these two men got to share with each other. Just popped up in the whole world. Name another more influential day of sex. Well, whatever that one movie with the two cowboys, Blue Mountain Times or what was that one called? Blue Mountain Times.

The two cowboy movie. Mary McMurtree's Blue Mountain Times. What was it called? She broke back mountain. Yes, broke back mountain. That wasn't real though. That was a movie. Marcus.

But it was also real if you think about how that happened. What's the other biggest day in sex history? Oh God, I have no idea. Just sex for sex's sake? It changed the world. Not someone procreating? No, sex that changed the world. Maybe when Madonna had sex with a virgin.

Yeah. Okay. I would Cleopatra and Mark Antony. Wow. Hell yeah, bro. Hell yeah, bro. Okay. That was a big fuck.

Big fuck. Big fuck. Big fuck. Anything Sasha Gray did also. Yes, absolutely. But guys, we did it. We're here. And now next week we'll watch him slide out of his own butthole.

Into the gutter. Awesome. Alistair Crowley part two. Thank you all so much for listening. Do we have announcements? Can we give announcements to our audience? We can say. What do the powers that be say?

Next week we will have tickets for sale for an outdoor show. That will be available for our Patreon. It will also be available for people who subscribe to our newsletter. I forget we have that. It's just an email. I mean it's not pony expressed to your house. But you can do all these things. So we're coming.

Yeah. We're coming. We're coming. We're coming. We promise. Coming. Oh. We will have fun and we will connect to each other on stage if the money is right.

Oh yeah. Absolutely. We'll assume it said to beat each other. Because guess what? We're not going to have any material. So we're going to have to make it up. I will tell you all about gas pumps. Can I get a gas pump to work in California?

I love this. That bit that I'm working on. I love this. All of my great PlayStation jokes that I had PlayStation more like plays less please. I'm getting watched play to too much. I don't. That's a fun one. That's fine.

Less PlayStation. That is fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Marcus has a bunch of Dark Souls jokes. A whole bunch. Just to go under.

Feel free to throw one out there. Take my estus flask please. You know what the deal with finding propane. I'm sorry. So there's going to be a lot to talk about in May and we're really excited. But yeah. So tickets go on sale. We're super jazzed and yeah.

Check out all the shows here. No dogs in space. Who y'all covering right now? We're done. We're ready to start up soon. Actually we are right now. We are working on season one point one which will be a bridge to to season two. But that is going to be coming in March and just actually just a few weeks.

Not too long now. So yeah. We're we're working on it and we'll be back with a big, big, big fucking band bridge out of punk into something entirely different fingers crossed on David Lee Murphy, David Lee Murphy, a little dust on the bottle. It's one. He's a one hit wonder. But if you could do David Lee Murphy dust on the bottle.

So I'm all right, everyone, keep on supporting all the shows top at page seven, whizbro. You know where to find all the content. We hope you're doing well out there. And of course, the last stream on the left is Tuesdays on our Patreon. We continue to get kicked off everywhere. Every other five. We will. The show does continue.

I don't even know what happened because I never thought we were edgy and then all of a sudden YouTube was like, that's a lot. It's like we are. This is the most innocent. We got it from you. You. It's like, I want to say you made us like this YouTube way. All right, everyone.

Thank you for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Again. Magustalations. Help me. Have fun out there. Power bottom.

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