Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 444: Aleister Crowley Part III - The Wickedest Man in the World

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

In this final chapter of our Crowley series, we rejoin the wickedest man in the world on his path through the Enochian aethyrs on the road to true enlightenment. And we find out what awaits him at the Abbey of Thelema.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Marcus, I know that all of our travails over the years, the decade of doing this show, and you have moved a little bit farther away from Ritual Magic than you restarted, right? Because we both tried to do- Yeah, we was losing his teeth and bleeding from his nose. He had to. That is true. Actually, when I stopped doing Ritual Magic, my teeth did stop falling out. Interesting. But Mike, can we just, though, bring back some of the outfits?

Oh! I know that we've been ragging these guys really hard for the past two weeks, but I've been obviously looking at pictures of Alistair Crowley every fucking day. I like the ones you've been posting on your Instagram. Yes. Nude yoga. I mean, we have the same body. We have a thinker's body, a god's body, but in my mind, it's been like, can't we bring

back some of these hats? You just want hats and robes? You can wear hats and robes. Yeah, I can get you a freaking robe and a hat. I just want some. You can't fly with it. Golden Dawn couture. Can't this just come back?

I want the wands and stuff like, you don't have to be with the Rituals, but I want Marcus and I to be able to go into a store because I think this is closed also, Kissel. These are closed bill for you. There's no cinches. Oh, it's loose and flowy. It's loose and flowy. My Stevie. My Stevie.

Stevie Nicks collection that I've been going into lately. Ooh, anything's a Stevie Nicks collection. We do have to start the show at some point. Close out the front. Welcome to the last podcast on the Left Everyone. I am Ben, hanging out with the always fashionable Henry, and of course, someone who I believe is truly a master of all the spiritual arts. Marcus Parks.

Would you say that? All the spiritual arts. Yes, indeed. Yes. That's what I would say. I'm putting that on you. Okay. Do it with.

Do it with what you will. Do it with what you will. That's okay. Very good. Yeah, not bad. Yeah, yeah, man. So obviously we are on to part three and our final episode of Alistair Crowley. So now we had followed the passage of the initiate.

We entered into the world last week of Magic and Adventure. But now we are handed, now we headed towards the treacherous descending path of the mages. So what we heard was the good stuff. Yeah. The last two weeks, everything you've heard is the innocent shit. Oh, yeah. This episode is when we start to see why Alistair Crowley would get to be known as the wickedest man in the world.

Okay. And how he would begin to fulfill his vision of being the most famous or fucking infamous diabolist of all time. Alistair Crowley, part three. Now, the point in which we rejoin Alistair Crowley's life was among the highest in his magical career. He just discovered the power of using sex for ritual purpose and his magical familiar Victor Neuberg was willing to do anything Crowley asked out of love for his magical mentor.

His balls reach down and tied my shoes. Oh, isn't that nice? So after their magical Inokian sodomy adventure in the Algerian desert, Neuberg and Crowley continued their path through the Inokian Aethers on the road to true enlightenment with another ritual. Just to give a quick refresh, because I'm sure very few of you remember what an Aether is. An Aether is a metaphysical plane of existence, and in Inokian magic, one must pass through

30 of these to reach the end where enlightenment awaits. Well, that sounds like someone who is the master of magical arts. That sounds like something that the master of magical arts would say. I wrote it down. I read it in a book and wrote it down. Yeah. Magical arts. Magical arts.

It's like boss levels in a way, right, or it's like the different layer of fart when you walk from Kissel's backyard to his bedroom, you pass to the Aethers to get to enlightenment. Yeah, definitely watching Jerry eat a bunch of pretzels in my bed. It's horrible. He should be eating pretzels. Did he buy any pretzels? No, I went down to grab the pretzels that I keep by the side of my bed and they were gone.

And Jerry had taken them to his section and I don't want to talk about it anymore. The Aether that Neuberg and Crowley were about to cross was among the most dangerous. According to Inokian belief, crossing the 10th Aether, called the Accursed, requires one to face a demon known as Koronzon. Yeah, Koronzon. Koronzon wicked. I fucking love his name. It's fucking sweet.

It's a great name. You also remember when they were, when he was plugging AC in the last episode, you have to remember these are these rituals are so deeply involved, they involve obviously their imagination to the point where the both of them are in such they call it like it's almost like a flow. They're in a flow together that they're starting to see the same things as as each other. Like Alistair Crowley talked about that when he was getting bottomed for the first time buying Neuberg, he saw Neuberg become a god.

Like he saw all of these things flip before his eyes, which has just got to be a fucking trip coming out of Neuberg. Well, I'm just not thinking, you know, I watch a lot of that porno and I always wonder, I wonder what they're thinking, but now I'm not going to think that anymore because it's going to be way too complex for me to understand. We're all just ones and zeros to porn stars. I know. Now, Koronzon was a bit of a sticky character.

John Dee and Edward Kelly believed that he was the first and deadliest of all evil powers, and Edward Kelly used to actually refer to him as that mighty devil. So Crowley and Neuberg came up with the plan. Rather than evoking Koronzon in a physical manner, which would have been a bad idea for an increasingly chubby wizard and is sickly familiar, Crowley decided to let the demon possess him. I can take it. Call him into me.

Oh my. Both ways. Wow. I'm funny. So that's interesting. He's both the ghostbuster and the contraption the ghostbusters used to trap said ghosts. With his butthole. With his butthole.

I don't know if they always go through the butthole because I think technically you're supposed to ask permission. It's like a vampire. Oh, interesting. So put some salt on the butthole and the vampire can't get in there. So once again, in the Algerian desert, Neuberg stationed himself in a protective magical circle anointed with the sacrificial blood of three pigeons they brought from town, and Crowley stood in the magical triangle of evocation.

You can just see the pigeons just go to what's going to happen today. I think we'll be let go. I think so. Maybe we'll get some feed. Maybe there were those pigeons that we were in. There's little cowboy hats in Nevada, but it turns out it's not so cute because it killed them. But after a suitable amount of magical speeches and much waving of a magical dagger, Crowley

and Neuberg claimed that they heard a deep voice out of the words Zazis, Zazis, Nazatanada, Zazis, which was supposed to be the words the Biblical Adam used to open the gates of hell. Biblical Adam, why didn't you leave that shit closed? Yeah, exactly. I don't understand. That deep voice, which Crowley and Neuberg believed belonged to Kuran Zahn, continued. I am the master of form, and from me all forms proceed.

I am I. I have shot myself up from the spendthrips. My gold is safe in my treasure chain, and I have made every living thing my kogubai, and none shall touch them, save only I. From me come leprosy, and pox, and plague, and cancer, and cholera, and the fallings is. I will reach up to the knees of the most high, and tear his palace with my teeth, and I will bray his testicles in a mortar, and make poison near of, to slay the sons of men.

And I am also a cuck. Get too fucking in front of me, yes. Man, fucking demon appears and says that he's gonna rip God's dick off with his teeth. Fuckin' out with you, dude. Even God felt that one, even God was like, ooh, a small tinge in my nuts. Yeah, he's a human down there, my God. And with that, the magical battle against Kuran Zahn began. Also, I just realized I was doing a God character and said, oh my God, ask God, but he would

say, oh my me. Walk out of this fucking room. For the demon. Possessed Crowley as was the plan, and proceeded to try and draw Neuberg out of the protective circle so he could presumably murder him or worse. I dare you to leave the circle, I bet you won't, you chicken. Whoa, do not Marty McFly him, he will leave the circle. As we said last episode, no matter how far-fetched all of this sounds, Crowley and Neuberg believed

that this is what happened, so let's go step by step through what a battle between a wizard and a demon is like from the wizard's perspective. Sweet. Both of them claimed that Kuran Zahn, possessing Crowley, first appeared as Euphemia Lamb, the girl whom Crowley had used to play a prank on Neuberg in Paris. So he just grew tits. Oh wow. So this is also important why big titty boys are supposed to do magic, so then our tits

can actually get filled with ghost women tits, and normally do these rituals. Absolutely. Absolutely. And you can hold little books under them. She offered to... They have to be thin, God. I know, I know. That's why I said little.

She offered to sit at his feet and be his slave, but when that didn't work, Kuran Zahn, possessing Crowley, became an old man, then a snake. The demon then tried praying on Neuberg's love for Crowley, and made it look as if Crowley was dying of thirst. Help me, no. Help me, Neuberg. Help me. I need cum.

All I have is this bunch of piss. All right. You guys just can't be choosers. Indeed. Kuran Zahn then blasphemed against Crowley's guardian angel, Awas, saying that their every dealing with him was, quote, but a cloak for thy filthy sorceries, which I think was his way of accusing them of using Awas as an excuse to have anal sex. All right, you got me.

Wow. I have to say, busted. Indeed. Well, Awas is also, we'll talk about this, he's been around a couple of times during this time period. Awas is not that friendly, so that's what we will say. Awas is kind of like, we don't know who Awas might exactly be, his agendas might not be ours.

Okay. Then Crowley, still possessed by Kuran Zahn, tore off his robe and threw himself on Neuberg, and tried ripping his throat out with his teeth, but was thrown back by a flashing of Neuberg's magical dagger. Whoa. Wait, but both of these guys, if we saw what was happening, they would just be staring at each other. Okay.

No, wait, they would be, we'd be riving around. Okay. They'd be rolling into the desert and shit, they'd have all the candles out. Yeah, if you walked upon it this next point with Kuran Zahn Crowley taking Euphemia Lam's form again, getting naked and attempting seduction, you would see a chubby man acting like a sexy lady. Somebody come and make me a baby, I need a daddy, are you ready, toast I have this lady. I went to daddy's school, I'm ready to do what I'm supposed to do.

When Neuberg again refused, the form went into a shame spiral and begged to be released from the triangle so he, she could retrieve their clothes, which were outside of the protective circle. Let me get dressed again. Let me get dressed again, Neuberg. Neuberg's like, no, you told me it had no matter what you said, Kuran Zahn, to not let you put your clothes back on. There's a sand, there's sand in the tip of my dick.

Whoa, that's horrible, that's not how you make a pearl. Finally, Kuran Zahn slash Crowley tried a last-ditch attempt to convince Neuberg that all magic was bullshit. But when Neuberg resisted, Kuran Zahn admitted defeat and allowed them to pass through the ether, leaving Crowley naked and squatting in the sand. What an afternoon, huh? That was crazy, what a poor day to be a pigeon though. The entire experience, according to Crowley and Neuberg, had lasted two hours, but Crowley

came out the other end secure in his belief that he had been chosen as the prophet of Thalema. I really view Crowley, I said last episode that I've been flip-flopping on Crowley and trying to, going through his work and trying to really figure out, like, get in a hook in a finger into Crowley, trying to figure out what, like, what do I make of him? You're gonna want to put a fist in there. Yeah, I mean, the finger didn't even touch the rinse. And when he is, at this point in his life, I want to say he's the most powerful that

he will continue to be, like, this is, he became a real wizard, right? He became a real wizard at the end of last episode. When he popped the hole, like, the book of the law actually, because he was so surprised by it, he didn't fully harness the powers of it or understand what it was. I feel like now we're starting to see what he even says in the Confessions that he spent years wandering and wandering and not quite certain, not really seeing the effects. But now he's like, I point and magic happens. I point and this shit is all going, which is, I don't know if it's just self-delusion

or ego, or is it the actual workings, because, you know, maybe you don't know it unless you know it from the inside of it. And we definitely learned something from a Pringles can once you pop, you can't stop. And I think that's what happened with him once he popped it. He just couldn't stop it, not eating Pringles but sex. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, I think with with Crowley, like, he was at his most powerful when Neuburg was

at his side. Yeah. There was something about Crowley and Neuburg together, like, after Neuburg left, he was never, he was never able to accomplish the same sorts of things. And before Neuburg showed up, he was just a babe in the abyss, as he said. So no matter what. So obviously the fight didn't exactly play out like they said it did, maybe tangibly, but he truly was more powerful after this event in his real life.

Yes. It's weird. It did kind of pass through. It sort of worked. Okay. Yeah. Now there is a very interesting coincidence concerning Crowley and the crossing of the 10th Aether.

As Gary Lachman pointed out in his first book, Turn Off Your Mind, this dalliance with the demon occurred on December 6th, 1909. Exactly 60 years later, on December 6th, 1969, a Hell's Angels biker, hired by the Rolling Stones to work security, murdered a fan at Altamont Speedway. In some people's view, this murder ended the free love hippie era. The connection here is that at the time of the murder, the Rolling Stones were being tutored in magic by filmmaker Kenneth Anger, who was in fact a devoted Celemite and a follower of Alistair Crowley.

And if you combine that with the amount of butt sex and butt magic just manifesting itself within the Hell's Angels, that amount of power alone could have opened up the gates of hell and we may be in hell right now. I just want to say to the Hell's Angels listening, I know that if you join in butt sex, you like it, and you want it, and that's not an insult, Hell's Angels, so leave us alone. Anywho, they had a lot of fun, but then a lot of other people didn't. In another interesting connection, Kenneth Anger also directed Lucifer Rising, which featured Bobby Bousillais.

Bobby Bousillais was the man that killed Gary Hinman at the direction of Charles Manson, which kicked off the Helter Skelter murders. That means that Kenneth Anger, arguably the most well-connected Thelemite of the 60s, was tangentially involved in the two events that effectively ended the hippie movement, which in many ways embodied the very ideas that Alistair Crowley himself preached. It's interesting because this also will keep people wondering, why are we talking about Alistair Crowley? Who is Alistair Crowley?

Like, how does he get to be this famous? This is the shit that points towards it, weird synchronicities that come up again and again. Like, honestly, strangely disastrous results that comes out of a bunch of rockers, I mean, I call them rockers, but I love Mick Jagger. I can't see Mick Jagger really sitting down and learning how to do banishing of like banishing rituals and all of the work and the breathing exercise and all this kind of shit. So they're just in there doing all this fun sex magic because it's fun, but at the same time they don't know what the fuck they're opening up.

They're opening up all these doors and shit just willy-nilly, meanwhile, like he's still struggling to fucking remember the lyrics to Brown Sugar. Oh my goodness, well, everyone knows the whole reading part. That's the job of the drummer. Yeah. But back in 1909, everything seemed to be going Crowley's way, both in the metaphysical and corporeal realms. After the battle with Koranzan, Crowley printed an article in his occult magazine, The Equinox,

which outlined several Golden Dawn rituals, and he promised to reveal even more rituals in future issues. The problem with this is that Crowley had sworn himself to secrecy when he was a member of the Golden Dawn, and magical oaths were apparently considered to be legally binding back in the day. If the magicians have a lawyer. Yeah, that's important. But perhaps what was even more legally compromising for Crowley was the fact that Samuel Mathers,

Crowley's old mentor and former head of the Golden Dawn, claimed copyright on these rituals. Which is interesting, though, because then, like, didn't Mathers get it from the secret chiefs? Isn't it just, like, material from time memorial? It is from the ancient secret schools? It's been there since the beginning of human consciousness? What we're going to see over the course of this episode is when the laws involved.

These men apparently put a lot of trust into things that are not ethereal. They tend to get very literal with things. We're talking about the most powerful wizard that ever lived, and still a locksmith and the profession of being a lawyer is more powerful. In this realm? Wow. In this realm? Not in the realm of Karanzan?

No, not at all. But at the same time, I've never met Karanzan lawyers. I don't know what they are like. Nightmare. Well, instead of going the old route of magical war as he had in the past, Mathers decided to do things the legal way, and he sued Alistair Crowley. Aw, lame. Now, Mathers won the opening salvo by obtaining an injunction to halt the printing of further

issues of the equinox, because the judge in the case, interestingly, was himself a Freemason who believed that secret rituals should stay secret. Fuck you, open all the doors! That's what I really do believe. I think that's what Alistair Crowley, the best thing that he ever did, was this shit. Just being like, fuck you, Freemason. You just want to keep your sweet little boys club, and then the rest of us can get into you fucking judge.

Well, what did Mason do so wrong? Why can't they, Freemason? Well, I just am simply, I am simply at a wit's end. It's truly, that was truly genius. But upon appeal, another judge overturned that ruling, because he, like the rest of England, found the entire thing kind of silly. The press had a field day with Crowley v. Mathers. Oh, yeah, dude, I'm sure they did.

No, it's like Vermin Supreme vs. a bus stop. I love Vermin Supreme, and they publish stories with titles like, Rosicrucian Rites, The Dread Secrets of the Order Revealed, and others like, Secret Society, Amusing Comedy in Appeals Court. Amusing Comedy in Appeals Court is my favorite thing that I've ever heard in my life. They are supposed to be scary. That's why the ropes are there. It's supposed to be mysterious.

And after all of that, Amusing Comedy in Appeals Court, I just need to see the scene. I'm thinking of Night Court. I'm basically thinking of Night Court. I was like, I'm thinking of Bull, like a Bull as it is. I'm like, I'm thinking of John LeRocat. That's Night Court. A cast of Night Court weirdly into allegorical secret school teaching. Oh, I'm watching now.

But instead of herding Crowley's reputation, this was one of the few times in which press attention actually helped. Despite the snarky tone of some of the articles, membership and Crowley's magical order skyrocketed and Crowley reached the absolute peak of his fame. As far as Samuel Mathers went, he disappeared for good after his court loss, and it's believed but not confirmed that he was one of the millions upon millions of people who died in the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918. I could see a bazzmatic old wizard dying of the flu.

Absolutely. But what Crowley was about to discover about the press was that the more famous you are, the bigger the target on your back gets. And two newspapers were about to set their sights directly on the Great Beast 666. Now, this is the shit he's been asking for, right? This is what I find interesting about Alistair Crowley. It's again, the things that he puts out in the universe, it circles right back. Yeah.

When you go out there and you make yourself the adversary, right? The idea is that you're, because in a way, because we kind of talk about the first episode, as much as he likes being the adversary, there's a little part of him that just wants everybody to still invite him to lunch. Absolutely. Like Alan Dershowitz. Yeah, he still like wants to be in the famous crew. Like he wants a crew.

Like he wants to be able to go. He loves hobnobbing with celebrities. If you read the Confessions, he lists all the people he knows and who he's hung out with and who he was hanging out with, which honestly, I get. I completely understand. Of course. But you also, you be surprised what happens when you call yourself the Great Beast 666. Yeah.

It's like when you get a whole bunch of face tattoos and then scream at people for looking at you. I mean, I think it's kind of fun to get the face tattoos, but then you should be like, ah, it's me. It's me. I'd just be like, welcome to Target. Like it's gonna. I want him at Target.

I love him. Well, Crowley's biggest enemy in the press was the publisher of a right-wing tabloid called John Bull by the name of Horatio Bottomley. Oh, man. Oh, man. I just sounded like he was jealous, Alistair Crowley. Yes, indeed, from the great Bottomley family. Now, at first Horatio Bottomley treated Crowley as a source of amusement.

He snarkily congratulated Crowley on his legal victory in an open letter while requesting the secret of invisibility. And it might have stayed as mere amusement had Crowley not decided to raise his public profile even more by putting on magical performances in public every Wednesday evening in October and November of 1910. But this is how he learned about magic. He had been, he saw magic rituals in public before and he knows that this is about me showing my power and influence.

And the more people see these rituals, you know, in a way, that's why I always wrestle. There is the spiritual inner world of ritual magic, and then there's the real world of enchantment and things that you can do to influence people's behaviors and the way they look at you. So if you float more ritual magic stuff into the world, you create touch points for other people to recognize what it is that you do. And then when you create a context for ritual magic by showing it to people, eventually people are like, oh, that's that wizard.

And the more and more people say, oh, that's that wizard, the more you kind of become a wizard. And I mean, just to, if I'm an audience member, I'm going to sit down at like, let's just say the Magnet Theater in New York and he's performing. It's just going to be a very performative thing, right? It's going to be almost like an improv. It's not in the plane. It's like theater, right?

Yeah, it's very, it's actually, it's exactly theater because like he got positive theater reviews. Oh, yeah. But they also caught the attention of another right wing rag called the looking glass. Pretty soon, the looking glass had all the dirt it needed to write a Crowley expose because Samuel Mathers had spilled the beans about Crowley's every dirty deed as a final fuck you to his former student. Nothing ruins.

I got some information on Alistair. Sir, you sound really sick. You're very flu like symptoms, sir. But I he lived 10 more years in obscurity before the flu took him. But also nothing ruins a magician's rep worse than his past. Because you're trying to eliminate it. You're trying to be capital A, capital C, the great beast. You're trying to build shit.

You can't find it. All this fucking dumb shit about how my kids died. Well, it was really sad, but he didn't climb some mountains. Of course he didn't. He did fun shit. Yeah. Remember, he did climb some mountains, but many people died on the last mountain climbing expedition that he had.

And that was the last time that Crowley is in the press before this. Great beast. 666. Yeah. And so the looking glass, they found out about the divorce, the dead daughter, the frequent adultery, and all the various magical and legal battles with the Golden Dawn, which he's not trying to win best Mormon. He's trying to be the worst person of all time.

Technically, that's the rest of it. See, this is where it gets sticky because, yeah, it would help his reputation, but there was one last thing that he still wasn't ready to talk about. Yeah. The most devastating revelation was that Crowley had participated in quote, unmentionable moralities, which everyone in England knew was code for gay sex. Now, some of the people named in the article as associates of Crowley and therefore associates of a gay sex man, they sued for libel.

But Crowley enjoyed the attention and the bad reputation. I cheer and celebrate my associations with gay sex men. Yes. You're looking lulley. Why not? We have many associations with gay sex men. I love gay sex men. Yes.

Yes. Well, Crowley's refusal to deny the accusations like a good Englishman cost him two of his oldest friends and many of his best students. Hippocrates. Now, but that's the thing. It wasn't that they were necessarily homophobic because I honestly can't see any student of Crowley's during this time avoiding multiple extensive conversations about the magical power of the butthole.

But if they had listened, they'd understand you get the biggest shoot of your life if you press the button. Hey, buddy. I mean, absolutely. He needed to channel a little bit of his Joan Jett and say, I know I have a bad reputation, but claim it and own it. Oh, God. Did you just put Al Sir Crowley in the fucking trailer for Shrek 2?

I hate this. Well, really what it came down to more than anything was that homosexuality in all forms was still illegal in England in 1911. And even being associated with homosexuality was enough to ruin a man. So Crowley's order emptied out and Crowley was nearly back to square one. Unbelievable. I find that it's like one of those sad things. I find this really sad.

Yeah. It's very sad. Yeah. I mean, he's also just a total victim of the times and the circumstance, but I wonder if that didn't happen. What his life would have been? Well, Oscar Wilde was the one before him. That was kind of the template of the out gay man that used it as a shield, right?

But Crowley didn't. Well, I mean, Wilde went to prison. Yeah. Oscar Wilde had balls at that time. Because Oscar Wilde is growing up. I guess it is growing up because at this point he understood that like, oh, I actually should have fought for this. Because he before he didn't want to deal with Oscar Wilde shit because he was jealous

and he didn't want to like basically be perceived as a hack because that's kind of was Oscar Wilde's claim to fame. He was the true like debauchers, like truly hedonistic, like a man of the mind and of the senses. The most conservative relationships I know are gay. It's just so weird. It's just such a strange, I know it's 110 years ago, but it just doesn't seem that long ago, considering how crazy.

But then again, we just had gay marriage what? Eight years ago. Anyway, we can talk about this all night. But it's just crazy to me that these people are being crucified for doing something like this. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, at this point, though, Crowley was much more concerned with his next scarlet woman,

Mary Desti Sturges. She like his ex-wife, Rose Kelly, seemed to be a natural. And when she and Crowley performed sex magic for the first time, she saw a vision of an old white bearded man holding a wand. That was just because she was trying not to come too soon. Oh my goodness. Well, that won't help. That's the gandalforgasm.

A wizard. Just random comes. Yes, the wizard's right. The wizard's gone. First, when she had this vision, Crowley thought she just had too much to drink, because Mary Desti Sturges was like almost every other scarlet woman an alcoholic. But when the visions continued, Crowley came to believe that she'd made contact with the secret chiefs, and together, they wrote a book of practical magic called Book Four.

However, although the secret chiefs had a lot to say about yoga, mysticism, and magic, they also seemed to be just as anti-Semitic as Alistair Crowley was, because Book Four also included the centuries-old conspiracy chestnut that Jewish people murder Christian children so they can bake their blood into Passover matzah. The blood water. Oh. You know, isn't that something fun? I know it's weird to say it's also like it was like a bit, but we'll get into it.

But conspiracy bullshit aside, Crowley continued publishing and eventually released both the book of the law in 1912 and the book of lies. The latter of these two books attracted the attention of Theodore Roos, who was, at the time, the head of the Ordo Templi Orientis, better known as the O.T.O. Shout out to my O.T.O. Paps. We got a bunch of them, honestly. Yeah, we do.

I love it. Now, the O.T.O. was, and still is, a sex-magic-based magical order that had its origins in Tantric Yoga. A German Freemason named Karl Kellner had learned all about Tantric sex in India and proposed to his fellow Freemasons upon his return to Germany that they found a new magical society that embodied these sexy yogic techniques. Man, and honestly, if you watch any of those core power yoga videos, like let's say you get tired of watching, like, doing the yoga, and you just start watching the videos, it's

sexy. Yeah, you just watch all the people, I mean, you just stare at them. Yeah, that's not breaking news, that's what people used to watch the exercise videos for. Yeah, yeah, there's a whole fucking porn subgenre that's just yoga. I'm just discovering all of this. It's very bizarre. I knew the yoga. It's just like the people who watch it, the only thing they're strengthening is their

forearm. God, I can't, I can't, who invited Dave Berry? Dave Mastery. No, I had yoga ruined for me because a yoga instructor here in my neighborhood made a crack about my fucking asshole during yoga, and he was humiliating, it was humiliating. Everyone thought it was, no, it was a specific crack about my butthole and me showing my butthole, and he was so, he was so randy about it, and everyone laughed, oh, everyone laughed at the butthole boy, didn't they?

Park kids. This is an attack on Marcus's mindfulness to talk about this off air. Go back to yoga, doesn't it? And thus, the orders of the Templars of the East or the Ordo Templi Orientus was founded. Are you showing your asshole? Just a second. Are you showing your asshole? I was doing regular-

Are you doing regular- I was doing regular yoga and the guy that was doing the class, he made a crack about my butthole showing. But how was your butthole, we have 14 seconds on this, and then we move on. How was your butthole showing? Not my butthole showing, if I would not have had pants, then my butthole would have been on quite a Crowley in display, let's say. Yeah, all of us would.

But it's yoga. It's yoga, yes. So he should be making cracks about my butthole. I think this guy was sexually obsessed with you. Maybe. All right, we can move on. Well, the Ordo Templi Orientus claimed that their order possessed the key that opened all Masonic and Hermetic secrets.

This key was a type of sexual magic that explained, without exception, all the secrets of nature, all systems of religion, and all the symbolism of Freemasonry. But when Theodore Roos, the second head of the OTO, read Crowley's book of lies, he was shocked to see that Crowley was publishing one of the innermost secrets of the OTO, the secret of the ninth degree. I had a moment as I was going through these books, because to be honest, I've been kind of discovering them as Crowley mentions them in the Confessions. I've been kind of reading them in order.

Like I read the book of the law, I started reading the Libers, and I actually, you know, I kept saying like last episode, I said, well, this is very beautiful poetry and it can be analyzed. And I know that it's very interesting. And then I picked up the book of lies, and I never understood the book of lies. I've had it for a long time and I picked it up and I went through it. Obviously, it is very dense and I was like, what is this? What am I doing here?

And then I go to the commentaries and then all of a sudden, it's five o'clock in the morning. I have the book of law open, the book of lies, book four open in front of me. And like a cube picture in my mind, it went like click. And I was like, oh, this is actually one of the most well organized, put together descriptions of esoteric magic that you get like it's practical, like it's there. You have to wind through a labyrinth. It drives you fucking insane and will ruin every single thing that you plan to do in

your life. Absolutely. And but I want to do it. But I want to see it. And I was just like, oh, fuck, like I had this moment where I was like, oh, it's all starting to make sense. Oh, no. Oh, no.

It's like during the halftime show on the weekend went into that into all the lightbulbs and mirrors. That's how I felt. And I just started to see it. I was like, oh, it's all starting to piece together. And I was like, he is he's technically this is the work. This is the thing that he was talking about. It's he's all connected.

It's all the spokes. And then you start to read them together because book four, despite the thing about the Jews eating babies, is an incredible breakdown. It's a big despite. To me. I mean, I just got glad I didn't highlight it. Some people would stop reading it at that point. So they get they hook you and then they tell you like, oh, but the breakdown of how to

go from meditation into ritual magic, it's simply the most concise like version of it I have ever seen because they can't everyone can say book four is essential, book four is essential. And I was like, oh, you tell me, you tell me what's fucking essential, you know, essential bourbon coffee weed. But then I read it and I'm just like, oh, actually, wow. So the Jewish people are like, oh, it's essential that people don't think we eat blood. Cut it out.

We should cut that out. It should be out of the book. Yeah. It's a small caravan. Well, in the book of lies, Crowley had written, quote, let the adept to be armed with his magic root and provided with his mystic rose. Oh, the magic root, of course, was the penis and the rose was the vagina. The penis and the rose was the vagina.

I see a rosy vagina. Yeah. Now, when Royce read this, he was fucking live it because he thought that Crowley was publishing OTO secrets just as he'd published the secret rituals of the Golden Dawn. So Royce set up a meeting with Crowley to discuss what Crowley had written. But shortly after the meeting began, Royce realized that Crowley had never even heard of the OTO and had come across the secrets of their order intuitively and independently. As the conversation progressed, Royce expounded the virtues of using the male and female fluids

for a kind of sexual alchemy, while Crowley maintained that the real power of sex magic lay deep within the butthole. Wink it. Whoa. By the end of it, Crowley had added a whole new grade to the OTO, the homosexual grade. Cool. And another example of Crowley's humor, he named it the eleventh grade because the two number ones put together look like two, they look like two penises.

I'm sorry, I like this guy more and more. I noticed his signature is also fucking juvenile sense of humor. He really does. And his signature is a big cock too. Yes. Yeah, yeah. We'll get to the problems that that introduces later on in his life. No kidding.

But Royce was actually so impressed with Crowley's ideas that he made Crowley the head of the British OTO, and thus Crowley's chapter, the Mysteria Mystica Maxima, was born. Oh yeah. But from what I can tell, sex magic, while it can be a beautiful thing, it can also be highly destructive in the hands of the wrong person. And Crowley did not use it with any sort of compassion or care for the people who participated in the rituals. I will say he did seem to start caring, but then it immediately fell apart.

Of course, yeah. But also that being said, and I could be getting this totally wrong, sex magic also very much seems like a kind of an if you can't stand the heat sort of situation, doesn't seem like it's for everybody. Yeah, it's like, do you want to be in between Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton when they were married? Oh my goodness. Like it's a lot.

And because sex magic is highly effective, it is, what a romantic thing to do with your partner. You know what I mean? You could do light a couple candles, make a little lick, you could discover each other's bubbles. Yeah, the way you say it, it's so romantic. But you can do, but it is, you got to do the prep and I'm just talking about lube and shaving.

Oh, you got to be emotionally ready for something like this. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a commitment. You're making a commitment to somebody or you're not because that's the one thing. It's all these. Well, there's a lot of rules inside of sex magic or Crowley specifically says you should use people that don't know what they are you are doing with them, which I don't think that I don't like that.

I like the agency. I like everybody being on board. Yeah. Of course. Now, at first, Crowley had fun with sex magic, but he did these big private occult sex shows for a select few and a journalist who attended one of these saw Crowley sitting in a black altar with a snake while women wearing masks danced. Crowley then chanted, there is no good evil is good, which commenced the ritual orgy.

This is when he's the most rock and roll as far as I'm concerned. This is like when he's like the like, woo, sinewie snake. You see why people like this kind of shit because it's sexy. I never fully understand the sexualized snake Britney Spears danced with a snake to Carrera. I believe in Wayne's world. There was a snake. It looks like a shiny penis. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess. Is it just that? Yeah. Is it just that? Okay. Now this yeah, this little bit of Crowley's life like in between the time that he gets made head of the British OTO and when he starts like the really getting into sex magic, that

truly is when like Crowley is like the most rock and roll motherfucker in all of England. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, he charged admission for people to watch these orgies, but he also for a brief period of time tried making money by managing a band called the ragged rag time girls. Managed me, huh? Yeah.

Man, you want to be a band manager. The ragged rag time girls. Oh my God. You're more sexy than a rag and a lady and a raggy lady with a rag. You're like a cleaning woman. Absolutely. This group made up of seven women who danced and played the violin, eventually went on a fucking tour of Russia and Crowley went along.

Honestly, I can totally see the Russians being like, we're going to have to get them over here immediately. Oh yeah, the most incredible thing I've ever seen. Because as long as there's seven girls, no one has to be great at dancing. Yeah, absolutely. That's really the key, you get a bunch of other because you just have all different spice. You have like all different spices.

It's the spice girls. Oh, where are you from? You're a cryer. You cracked the code of the spice girls. Why were they called that? But while Crowley was on tour, the mysterious Mystica Maxima started falling apart because members weren't paying their dues. Things were made even worse because Crowley had left the man least likely to hold it

all together in charge. Victor Neuberg. Oh no. I'm not good with all the details. I'm not good. This is a detail oriented job, Victor. There's a lot of banks and I don't know whose banks is what and some people can't have nuts. Some people, they got to go in first class because their legs are too long.

Wendy has a nut allergy. Oh my God, Victor. You're going to kill all of them. With his two, like the two clumps of hair on the side of his head. But even so, Crowley continued with the business of magic upon his return from Russia and his next sex magic ritual, the Paris Working, was going to both put Crowley on the magical map and put Neuberg in the sanitarium. Oh my God.

Now, when it came time to begin the ritual, Neuberg was already in a fragile emotional state. He'd backed off on Crowley temporarily and had fallen in love with a woman, but she'd committed suicide after Crowley didn't approve of the relationship. Or so that was Neuberg's take on the situation. Crowley, this is this thing, especially during this Paris Working and later on, people who come in and out of Crowley's life just get fucking run over. I don't know what happens.

A lot of suicide. So many suicides surrounding him. So fucking many. Well, perhaps a lot of alcoholism and a lot of mayhem probably surrounded him. Yes, yes, yes, yes, there's people, the people like Crowley attracted people who already had problems. And a lot of times Crowley would, because he would attract those people and then he would take advantage of them.

Well, because up to some point, right, he viewed them as extra magically able. But that actually, to me, it's weird because maybe in one way he's correct, somebody with extreme mental illness can probably access some of these parts of your mind in order to visualize all this shit may be a little bit easier. But the problem is that there's no aftercare for any of this shit. I guess it makes sense. I suppose if you think about the audience, the GG Allen was able to sort of harvest. Not a lot of people have been like, well, that was a great show back to Wall Street.

You know, I think there's a lot of people probably similar in ilk, you know. The point of the Paris Working was to invoke two gods. Mercury, the god of writing, was supposed to inspire Crowley to even greater poetic heights. Jupiter, the god of good fortune, was going to give Crowley a much needed cash infusion. In other words, this ritual was done for fame and money. Magic, baby. That's what everybody's hoping for. That's what everybody's chasing for.

Everybody thinks you can use ritual magic to get money and fame and pussy and butt and all this kind of shit. But it's a long way to go when you could learn to play a guitar. It reminds me. You could just instead of doing all your fucking rituals and all that, you could practice your scales. You guys did so much reading for this series, but I watched an episode of Goosebumps where this girl, she made a wish. A witch appears to her, she made a wish and she said, I want to be the best person on

my basketball team. It's a true story. But what did that mean? Everyone else on her basketball team got worse. And that's very interesting. It ends with her enemy making a wish. And you know what her enemy wishes for? To have people worship her and have people surround her.

But you know what happens to her enemy? She just turned into a statue. These are magic lessons put inside of Goosebumps. Goosebumps is one of the most powerful shows that's ever happened. It's on Netflix. Watch all of us. Just you nude with Jerry on your knees as you watch Goosebumps. And so Crowley Neuberg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist named Walter Durante, an ex-mistress

of Crowley's named Jane Charon and a few other magical acolytes, began the long arduous task that was the Paris Working. On the first attempt, the magical troupe got super high and had this big orgy, with Crowley taking what he called the sacrament, which was his euphemism for bottoming. This is funny. Some people say you take the sacrament, but actually you leave the sacrament. Interesting. So he disperse.

He did George Carlin's bit. Yeah. Unlike Snoop Dogg and Snoop Dogg's porno where he just walked around and watched all of his friends have sex with him. He didn't want to be in them. He just was trying to orchestrate it and smoke weed. Exactly. Well, after Crowley took the sacrament, they then painted a pentacle while Neuberg danced.

That was followed by Crowley scourging Neuberg's buttocks, cutting a cross over his heart and binding Neuberg's head in a chain. Not good. Neuberg then had sex with Crowley again as two more members of Crowley's magical order chanted invocations. Problem though, the Neuberg wasn't super into it that night and since he didn't shoot a load, the first working didn't work. What do you think this scene is like when you're doing all this ritual magic shit?

Everybody's fucking all night doing all sorts of drugs. Smell. I mean, a lot of different fragrances. You got Aleister Crowley becoming more Crowley like every fucking day. You're sitting there. Crowley's there waiting. Your magical guide, the mages, is sitting there being like, come on, Neuberg. Wait for the sacrament.

Let's go. You guys just get it. He's waiting to move on. You're sitting there going like, huh, fuck I gotta get hot. I gotta get hot for it. Like looking his butt shake in front of you and just meanwhile all the other people who have already come are sitting there and you watch and smoking and you're just like, oh god, I just know that they're all just so much pressure and then you can't come.

It's a nightmare. Yeah. But the first working wasn't a total loss. Crowley did claim to have seen Mercury briefly and quote. Felt the God's tongue inside his brain and saw swarms of kudosai while a sword of light cut across the sky. Cool. But Crowley was nothing if not persistent.

And when they tried it again the next day, Neuberg fucking came low. Nice. So much. Go. And as a result, Crowley claimed to have spoken to the God Mercury. Mercury. Mercury told him this. Every drop of semen which Hermes sheds is a world.

People upon the worlds are like maggots upon an apple. All forms of life bred by the worlds are in the nature of parasites. All words are extreta. They represent wasted semen. Oh, well, this is a strange God, isn't it? It's true. It's this idea that every time they really, because this is the very beginning of sex magic, Crowley said that everything had to be done with very intense purpose.

So they truly did believe any dollop of mist come that was dropped was a waste. It was whole universes of magic just being swept away. But then the thing is that when you got so much fucking cum coming in and out and doing all this kind of shit, who can sort all this shit? And obviously Neuberg wasn't a great tour manager. So he didn't really know how to make sure to keep it all together. So it really is a thing. That person just being nutty nutty.

You left a drop. So he has to go down and like lick it up because Mercury told him to. Yeah, okay. I guess it's good for the janitor. Well, extrapolating from those nuggets of wisdom, Crowley was able to write two texts called The Book of the High Magic Art and the Esoteric Record, both of which were compiled by Neuberg. However, Crowley was also told that he needed to be humiliated sexually if he wanted to

succeed in the working. And so as Jane Chiron and Victor Neuberg watched, Crowley got fucking reamed by Walter Duranty. Yeah, when in Paris. These types of rituals in which multiple people had sex with Alistair Crowley. These went on for six weeks straight day after day. You know, I know Rosebud is a sled, but this is the new Rosebud in town. No, it's not a Rosebud. That thing's a ruse boss.

It was all said and done, they had performed 24 magical workings. Shit, dude. Can I ask you, like, maybe this is obviously because I do the character work often here, but do you think that Crowley made noise? Like, do you think that this was like, ah, ah, ah, very good. I would see you being utterly silent. Yeah, because they're supposed to be very serious. There's no way you were silent.

What do you think? Human beings make noises. Yeah, okay. I don't know if he said words, but I'm saying he wasn't silent. I actually have to. For those of you that know sex magic practitioners, we have a lot of you. Email aside stories lpotlgmail.com because I'd like to know, do sounds during sex magic help or hurt?

I don't know. Interesting. I don't want my brains there. I don't know either. I just think about textures, sounds, textures. Well, on the fourth working, Crowley had a cold and Neuburg was angry. Presumably after he'd watched the man he was still in love with, getting railed by another man.

And, of course, the bad vibes ruined the ritual. They claim this lover spat summoned an entity who warned them that they were unleashing a magical force that would result in international war. And they claim that this oopsie doodle resulted in World War One, which broke out a few months later. Someone drop the cum. God damn it. We looks like we got to fight the world.

Because World War One was a bit pissy one night. World War One started. That's what they claimed. I'm very, I think they are irresponsible. Well, if it is that important, yeah, get it right. We've said it before. The group also claimed to have relived past lives during at least one working. On that occasion, Crowley and Neuburg fully acted out the parts of two people

that they believed were past reincarnations of themselves. I'm many, I'm many. In the scene they performed, Neuburg was motto please, an aspirant looking to join a temple. I got my forms and I'm ready to do the pentacle openings and the banishings. And Crowley was a female temple dancer named Aya. I just want to see his fucking moves, dude. I'm sure they were great.

He was very athletic. Yeah, kind of. Well, in the scene, Neuburg as Marda Cleese was made to watch Crowley as Aya dance. But Neuburg's ordeal as Marda Cleese was that he was not allowed to become aroused. Oh, this is going to be difficult. How do you look at Alistair dancing and not getting aroused? This is a tough one. Yeah, yeah, look here, I can touch my toes with my tongue.

By this standard, I'm a fucking wizard. I can touch the top of my ear with my foot. Yeah. If he did become aroused, he would have to rape Crowley slash Aya or face castration. Now, of course, Neuburg couldn't help but log a bone. But because he was so moved by the dancing, he chose not to rape Crowley slash Aya. Oh, no. However, he was not castrated either.

And the two of them in the past life they were acting out were thrown out of the temple and became lovers. Oh. This was only the 14th working a little over halfway through. And I think it obviously fucked with Neuburg. Yeah, I think so. Oh, so it didn't go well. No, none of this went well. The thing about the Paris workings is that on one level, it sounds like this very...

It sounds like I'm imagining like you do get in like a flow and like a mind melt with all these people orchestrating all of this shit. I want to go all watching everybody fuck the same big tubby guy who's yelling in the middle of it, right? And it's kind of like you can kind of get into it. But at some point, if you like really do have feelings involved, which is why like Polly relationships are so tricky and all these things are so tricky where you're like looking and being like, but I love you, Alistair. Like there's a minute where he's just like, but I actually kind of like love you. I kind of look up to you weirdly as like, you're my daddy boyfriend. And I feel weird about all this, like not pop a bone.

That's hard. Yeah. No, that's the trick. I see Alistair in the middle, spreading his butthole wide open, a bunch of people jerking off around him in a painting and I name it the ice cream boys. Crowley did, however, have lines that he would not cross when he was quote unquote told during another working that the Supreme Sexual Magic Act was the ritual rape, murder and dismemberment of a virgin. Crowley passed saying that even he had his limits. Yikes. Honestly, he's going like, I don't know about that one.

Can we go to Bennegan's? After the Rock Terrio story, after all of this horrible cults that we've covered, good for him. Legitimately good that he said no to all of that horrible shit. Well, I think anybody who is a real magical practitioner knows that that type of shit can, I mean, besides just it is murder and it's a crime. But you also, it fucks with your juju. Like it's not good. Yeah, I think so. Adolfo Consonzo is an example.

Yeah. But Crowley's limits didn't include pushing Norberg to hits. By the end of the Paris Working, Victor Neuber, possibly because of the magic, but most likely because he watched the man he loved get railed for six weeks, suffered a nervous breakdown. I just can't deal with one more railing. One more. No. Damn it. I know I'm with you, Neuber.

I know you're upset. I know you're jealous. Damn it. But how about one more? Damn it. Well, after a time in a fucking sanitarium, Neuber annulled his membership and his oath in Crowley's order and Crowley in return cursed him. Oh. Neuber lived as a broken man in fear of Crowley for the rest of his life and was utterly unable to recover.

He was never the same. Now, Crowley attempted to reconnect with Neuber years later, but Neuber's wife turned Crowley away. Go away, you bad man. Go away, you bad wizard man. You could see him in the big hat, like outside. I also found out that the big hat came when he was doing the AA. That's like, it was his hat. But him just outside being like, Neuber, I know you're mad at me.

That's why I brought this edible arrangement. That's very mad. I'm sorry. I took some of the scrollberries. I simply couldn't help myself. Well, absolutely. They're cut into little roses. In response, when Neuber's wife turned him away, he sent whatever fucking Scarlet woman he had by his side at that time to go to Neuber's house and flash her tits and harass the neighbors.

See these titties? See these titties? They get to look at these one bags, eh? He's like, yes. Yes, be afraid of her titties. I'm not sure mine is mine. Look at, oh, look at Alice's titties. Look at his magical titties.

Aren't you afraid of them? You also don't have to lift up your shirt again, Henry. It is just Marcus and I. So he was heckled by nipples. Heckled by nipples, just like fucking Twitch. Oh my, oh my goodness, exactly. Well, Neuberg unfortunately died in 1940, having never recovered from his time with Alistair Crowley.

No one does. Wow. They really don't. No one comes out of their time with Alistair Crowley unscathed. It's hard because they're just, they are working with a lot of different forces and some people for reasons different than others.

So it's weird. You have to be shored up psychologically before you start this shit because it can ruin your whole life. Okay. Now, if you'll remember, the whole point of the Paris working was poetic inspiration and money.

And it kind of sort of worked. After the working, Crowley got a check for 500 pounds and his latest book came back from the printers, which was the work of Mercury. Crowley's bronchitis also cleared up for a time and he got some free drugs from a friend. Which was the work of Jupiter. And I think it's safe to say bronchitis.

It's the only disease that also sounds like a dinosaur. Okay. Yeah. I said, that is safe to say. Yeah. That is safe. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Go on. And so with the equivalent of $18,000 in his pants and a pocket full of opium, Crowley high-fived his buddies and declared the Paris working a success. Yo, let's just straight up say we did it. Honestly, pocket full of opium, a couple hundred bucks. All right.

Well, to him, it was also a foray into this, and in creating, right now in Heinz-Oet, I see that this was him creating a little bit of a template of can we create a magical, little magical world where only we live and we can do all of this shit on our own. What can come out of this if we do this? Yeah.

But in the long run, the price of the Paris working was too high. In pushing Neuberg past his emotional limit, Crowley had lost not only the best magical partner he'd ever have, but also the guy who was bankrollin' the whole fuckin' operation. Yeah, it's always with these wizards, they don't understand that magic costs money.

Yes, it does. And I do understand, I feel for y'all that don't have a benefactor, that don't have a Neuberg. But honestly, get yourself a Neuberg. And treat Neuberg- Get yourself a Neuberg. How the hell do you get yourself a Zor-A-Zor, a magazine? Technically, it's the fuckin' ultimate warlock simp.

Yeah, get yourself a Neuberg, but treat your Neuberg nicely. Treat your Neuberg well. Handle your Neuberg with pear, feed, wash, and let your Neuberg out for walks at all times. Well, it's a person, not a dog. But Crowley, as always, didn't pay too much mind and in fact refocused his energies temporarily

on another run at Mount Kanjinjunga. Oh! But as he was training in Switzerland, World War I broke out all around Crowley and the entire world changed. Now, no matter what else we say about Alistair Crowley, he was oddly patriotic in the way that many upper-class British men were.

He offered his services to his country upon his return from Switzerland, but much to his dismay, he was denied because of one, his reputation, and two, a nasty case of phlebitis in his left leg. What is phlebitis? I don't fucking clue what phlebitis is. I've never heard of phlebitis before.

I forgot to look up what phlebitis is. Ah, blood clots. Ben, you got phlebitis. Oh, you got it. Hey, cool. I'm a wizard now. You are. Nice.

Yeah, it's close to thrombosis. Mm, yeah, thrombophlebitis. Oh, I love the names. This is really fun. I love that. Yes, indeed. Now, this denial absolutely crushed Crowley, and he therefore took a long, hard look at his own life.

He was near and 40, and his books weren't selling, and neither were new OTO members arriving. So, Crowley decided to pull up stakes and move to New York, sailing. Oh, beep, beep, beep, beep. I'm wizarding here. Hunk. Hunk.

And he sailed to America on the ill-fated Lusitania, which, less than a year after Crowley was a passenger on the ship, would be sunk off the coast of Ireland by Germans, pushing America ever closer to joining World War I. And if this was a movie, you'd know that he'd be on the Lusitania, and he'd be, like, using the toilette and come out

and be like, this ship is awful. I, hopefully, it will sink. And then, like, walks off the boat. You know, it's that ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, magical forest gump. That's fucking Alistair Crowley. I hear that. But, coincidentally, Crowley's eventual job in New York

involved preventing America from entering the war. But before that came about, Crowley tried his hand at making a living at being a magician in America. But it's not like Crowley arrived in New York as an impressive specimen. All he had was 200 bucks and a wax paper charter that named him Honorary Magus of the Societist

Rosa Cruciana, which didn't exactly open a lot of doors. I also have a reel. You should check my LinkedIn. We're going to have to check that out for sure, good sir. I actually get mad because we all know I love a lanyard. You love lanyards. Why isn't it, why can't a wizard's lanyard inspire enough awe and strength?

He had to earn that lanyard by speaking to himself. My marauder cartoony that I keep in my wallet has more power than that lanyard. Now, Crowley did manage to host a few parties where he acted as a curiosity. He'd accurately guessed the birth date, birth hour, and rising sign of everyone present. But most people saw him as a strange man with an air of wit

and, quote, a bullet head and a clumsy figure. You're talking about the prophet. That's his body. That's our bodies. That's what we're built. That's why men of great ideas can't be straddled with abs. Yeah, with any luck, you'll be a character in the Puppet Master series, Mr. Bullet Head.

God, I'm sweet. Pretty soon, Crowley was broke. And for the first time in his life, 39 and holding, he had to take a day job to make ends meet. First time in his life? First time. What toppings are you looking for? Yes, the magical symbiosis of Reese's Peter Butter Cups

and Praline. Oh, I love this. Mixing up the scoops. Mixing up the scoops. Stone Cold. You put a stone called stonery? Stone Cold Cranberry. Yeah, it's definitely changed under their new management.

And now just a dollop of the sacrament. You're going to come in the ice cream? It's a sacrament. OK. I just destroyed 1,000 worlds. No shit. Well, through connections, Crowley got a writing gig and a pro-German propaganda rag

called The Fatherland. This is World War I. It's not World War II. It's not Nazis. This is pointy hats. This is the pointy hats once. This is Zikaiza and all that. Yeah, yeah.

That song. Yeah. But The Fatherland's main objective was to keep America neutral and out of the war. But Crowley's motives in working for The Fatherland are murky. Yes. Many people say that Crowley was merely

an opportunist writing anti-British propaganda both for the paycheck and as revenge for how his native country had refused his services in the war effort. But Crowley later claimed that he was a British patriot working undercover for the British Secret Service. He said that his articles in both The Fatherland

and another pro-German publication called The International were so outlandish that he actually helped push America towards war. In his mind, he's correct. Is he? Does he believe that? I actually, I really don't know. Because there is, he is such a dickhead.

Yes. That like, it's feasible. It's like weirdly feasible that he would go, he would take the job knowing that he was trying to make money. But then in his mind, like if a socialist gets an acting job working for a massive corporation, where they, in their mind, they're like, I'll change it from the inside. But he has this idea like, I'll get this job

and then I'll change it. Yeah, everyone will see. I'll put a message in there. But the problem is that your pay stubs say that you're getting paid from The Fatherland. Right. Yeah. For two years, Crowley wrote articles with titles

like The New Parsifal, in which he compared Kaiser Wilhelm to The Night Who Searched for the Holy Grail. He said this is beyond ridiculous that anyone would think this is serious. When Germany bombed London, Crowley wrote that they should try again because they missed his aunt's house in Croydon. And he included her address in the article

to make sure they got to the next go round. That's objectively funny. It is objectively funny. He would be hired at Mother Jones. He would have a job working today. He was maybe born in the wrong era. But really, Crowley spent most of his time writing the same propaganda that the rest of the people

at the newspaper were peddling. And when Crowley was questioned by New York's attorney general for his pro-German activities, he admitted that he had no connection with British intelligence services. Well, that's the one thing that they said was, that's like that weird thing that kind of makes it gray is because he technically wasn't ever

convicted of treason, right? So there was like a whole, there was something there. But it's mostly just, I think, it's because they thought that even if he was doing this on purpose, that it was really stupid. Yeah, yeah. But even though Crowley did have a day job to pay the bills, he never stopped doing magic.

In 1914, he performed a sex magic ritual to attract another scarlet woman. But it ultimately failed. In the meantime, Crowley spent what little money he made as a writer doing sex magic with New York sex workers who had no idea what Crowley was using them for, nor did they particularly care. What?

Yeah, you just, this job continues to surprise every day. Yeah, it took her a week in New York in 1914. You wake up and you never know how you're going to go to bed. Wake up. Somewhat less sadly, Crowley also during this time laid the foundations for the first OTO chapter in America, the Agape Lodge, and named a thelamite named Wilfred Smith as his Magister Templi successor in 1915.

Is it Templi or Templi? I think it's Templi. Yeah, Magister Templi, yeah. It might be wrong. Is it Agape or Agape? It depends on what side of the door you're on, you know what I mean? And with this, Crowley was able to take yet another promotion. And on his 40th birthday, Crowley

accepted the grade of magus from himself. Alistair, you're a magist now. Thank you, Alistair. That's good. Congratulations, Alistair. And that put him one step closer to joining AWAS as an Ipsissimus. There is actually, in the Confessions,

this is the one of the, this is a part of Crowley that kind of broke me, was that he talks about this time period. He hated America, right? He fucking hated it. Oh, he didn't like it there. No, he absolutely hated it. It was very few people were buying his bullshit. Yes, I think that's got a lot to do with it.

He also saw a bunch of weird, he just wasn't having a good time. He said the only thing worth seeing in America was the Grand Canyon. Honestly, he should have gone to Tacoma, Washington. He would have been a hit. He wouldn't have loved him. But there was, there is a thing that he talks about. We talked about for being a babe in the abyss and the concept of the abyss. He said during this time period, he was incredibly lost

and he didn't know what to do. And the magic, magic just wasn't coming for him. It wasn't coming for him anymore. And he was, he was stuck in a rut. And there was a part of it that really hit home because I was like, it's, it's articulating the feeling of like, you know, I don't know. I mean, you may be shocked, but there are days when I wake up and I'm like, not feeling funny, right?

I know, sometimes I'm not. Yeah, sometimes it's not all the great a material you've come to expect. That's amazing. All my various ways. I know. I'm infallible. Everybody says he's perfect. He's the best entertainer I've ever went. Absolutely. Yeah.

I understood this concept and there was something about using the ritual match to kind of get up out of it. The major thing then he sort of because the may just put him on the same level as Mohammed and Jesus. Oh, he did that to himself. He did that to himself, but he did that because of I forget the twist. He did it, but he labeled. He said it was because of the years he spent wandering, doing nothing.

And I really do think that there is a lot to that's actually applicable to people that work in the arts, where it's like the idea of like sometimes walking away and going into a desert of whatever you're doing. And then coming back really helps you. All right. Yeah. Well, in order to solidify his title of mages, Crowley went on a magical retirement to New Hampshire. There, he caught a frog, presented it with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

I love you, Paul. And baptized it with the name Jesus before releasing it. Oh, you're so cute, little Jesus. So I love you. Oh, God, they are really bad. And then throughout the day, Crowley followed the frog around on his frog business as he identified both the frog and himself with the old Eon,

the age of the father that Crowley had written about in the book of the law. Then that night, Crowley captured the frog again and addressed it as if he was talking to Jesus Christ himself. Oh, Jesus of Nathorith, how thou art taken in my snare. Oh, my life thou has plagued me in the front of me. You're such a cute little belly. In thy name, with all the other free souls in Christendom. Oh, you little feet, I wish I didn't have to do this.

I've been tortured in my boyhood. All the lights have been forbidden unto me. All that I had has been taken from me and Nath, which is all to me, they pay not in thy name. Oh, I love you, little feet lies. Next, Crowley condemned the Jesus frog to death. What? What the hell, what did the frog do?

And he crucified it. Crucify him. What the fuck? He took a little spear of destiny and poked it in his side. I just didn't see it. I wish I didn't have to do this to you, little guy. Oh, you don't have to. He's Jesus now.

Oh, my. And once the Jesus frog was dead, Crowley ate the legs to incorporate it into his being and burned the remains to symbolically consume the old eon in fire. He's just fat. Well, hey, another wacky Wednesday. I guess so. But he, oh, it's weird because I actually think it's prescient.

It's interesting. And he says the idea that he is Osiris, he was he is. And I really think you'll see more and more of it. Like he is the burning father god. He needs to like the sacrificial father that needs to die to let everything else open up. Now, well, Crowley believed that the result of the crucifixion of the frog was immediately apparent because upon his return from New Hampshire, he was approached by a young woman asking for a job as his secretary.

And according to Crowley, the woman bore a striking resemblance to the toad. I love you, frogwoman. That's very nice. You showed up right on time. That's let me see your flavors. I mean, it's. But even though Crowley had become a magus after crucifying the frog, the gods had still seemed to abandon him.

In the meantime, Crowley went to New Orleans and wrote a novel called Moon Child about a psychic detective named Simon if who solved crimes using the principles of the layma. I honestly. Is this book good? It's supposed to be very good. It's supposed to be great. I have been building up all of his the books, anything that's not his poetry

and anything that doesn't have anything to do with his painting is great. His magical works are great. And the Moon Child was written kind of out of like, I have to get I have to get money. So he's just like, what do I do? And he thought about it in a really smart way. He literally is like, I will create a character. I'll make a fun character. So it's just like, yes, kind of like a panther style, pulpy crime stuff

at that time was very popular. Yeah, that sounds really interesting. It's cool. Yeah. Then on May 4th, 1917, Crowley had a dream that his mother died. And two days later, she did indeed expire at the age of 72. Well, you have to clarify, also, he woke up with his fingers crossed. Now, Crowley didn't care for his mother. But what he did care about was the fact that his mom

left him an inheritance of three thousand pounds, which in today's cash is the equivalent of one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars. All right, the shot of him at the funeral with a big hat on, just like wiping his tears with money. Oh, what a terrible, terrible game. However, before the money kicked in, legal troubles caused even more financial hardships for Crowley when the head of his OTO chapter in London was arrested for performing

fraudulent, spiritualist performances at Mysteria Mystica Maxima. Oh, my God. And of course, Crowley himself guilty of fraudulent conspiracy theory. I don't know what's going on with me today. I literally don't know what's happening to me. Did somebody die that was really corny? He had his, like, it's your Karanzan. It's like, Barry is dead after this recording. And he just rechanneled him.

Yeah. In order to raise the cash to keep the triple M open and to pay for passage back to England to address the charges, Crowley sold Bullskin, his estate at Loch Ness. Oh, when he returned to America, Crowley was promoted to editor of The International, the other pro-German propaganda magazine he worked for. He keeps getting promoted in the propaganda machine. Yeah, but it's not a good.

This is very bad to be promoted there coming. What's next? You know, but in a particularly shrewd move, Crowley, using pseudonyms, actually used this magazine to publish both Simon if detective stories and articles on magic with titles like The Revival of Magic, The Message of Master Theory on and an article simply titled Cocaine. Cocaine. The most accurate title yet. Crowley then engaged in various sex magic rituals with women

to whom he gave names like Eve, the dog and the camel. The woman's name, the camel, because she had assisted Crowley during, quote, a dry and desiccated period. All right, nothing to do with her physical appearance. But, dude, no. The woman that was called the dog, she was called the dog because she resembled Anubis. Oh, yeah, it's like a long shit, a long nose and he was entranced by her. But again, see, whatever you want about

Alistair Crowley, right? He, you know, call him a liar, call him a fucking horrible poet, all this kind of shit. But this dude can get some. But like for a guy who all gogli eyed and this fucking big weird head and big weird body and shit like that, he women loved Alistair Crowley. Some. The sick ones. Yeah.

Yeah, I like them like that, too. This is what you've got to have. But you play to the audience, it shows up. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, Crowley, he definitely attracted women constantly throughout his entire life, but they were they had problems. Then he was able, he was able to find people who were having who were going through something and he knew how to get

his fucking claws in them. Yeah, they like that. Are you they? Yeah. I don't know what they felt, but he liked it. Alistair also had 99 problems, but a lady apparently was not one of them. No, it's mostly the men. Yes, indeed.

Like the others, these women had visions like when Eve saw a dark farmhouse transform into an equally dark vagina, which in turn transformed into a group of soldiers with guns surrounding an enthroned king. Man, that's like a fucking Pink Floyd video. That's kind of sweet. Hey, honey, when you're cooking in here, it smells like an extremely dark vagina.

No. Tim Burton directed it. No kidding. Eventually, though, the international was shut down and Crowley ended all of his sex magic relationships. In need of a magical retirement, Crowley went upstate to a soap as Island on the Hudson River near Hyde Park, New York. Oh, Hyde Park.

Beautiful. Hyde Park is so beautiful. It's where Franklin Delano Roosevelt's from, you know. Oh, I love Hyde Park. Honestly, it's very nice. It is. I love it up there. There, Crowley realized that he'd been focusing on sex magic too much. Oh.

All of his other magical disciplines at Atrophy. So Crowley spent weeks doing drugs and meditating while some very sweet and very patient neighboring farmers kept him alive with periodic deliveries of eggs, milk and corn. Thank you for the yellow food. I enjoy all of it. I mix it up into a batch and it's kind of a weird little mix. And I just throw it down my gullet.

You wouldn't believe where it comes out. All right, well, I'll be seeing you soon. You don't want to come in here if the barns are rocking. Just know there's a lot of a lot of fucked up shit happening in here you don't want to see. Yeah, probably a lot of like Protestants and maybe some Quakers out there helping them out. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So Crowley returned to New York City refreshed and he decided to switch gears. Oh, yeah. Alistair full of corn. Now we're talking. Like a musket. Corn and butter. Oh, so much corn and butter. Time for another ritual. Hmm. Well, Crowley decided that he wanted to paint.

And he wrote this about his newfound hobby. That's sometimes when he's just so honest. I like this guy. I have been under the mis-implementation that I was a great poet. I was clearly mistaken. Paint is my real medium. And I am destined to become one of the outstanding artists

of my age. Wow. It's bad. We're fucking terrible. They're horrible. But you know what? They are creepy, but they're fucking terrible. I'd rather have an Alistair Crowley painting than an Alistair Crowley poetry book. I was looking into them because the original editions, some of these books, I was like trying to find them,

they're worth good money. Yeah, huge money. Oh, yeah. Well, in January of 1919, Crowley connected with a school teacher named Leah Hersig. And in her, he found his most extreme Scarlet Woman. Did you see that picture I sent you last night, Marcus? I did. We do look alike.

Yes, I know. We do look alike. And there's a funny little synchronicity. They got together in January of 1919. My birthday is January 19th, 1983. And I remember she was in yoga, and the yoga instructor was like, get your butthole out of here.

She's just like, I tried to find peace. Now I'm worried about people looking at my butthole every day. Boy, it's great to be humiliated in front of a room full of people. You just, you're very sensitive to it, though. I was sensitive. There's no reason for men to be making cracks. Yeah.

Making cracks. No one should be making any cracks about anybody's butthole in yoga. We shouldn't be thinking about each other's buttholes. Okay. Not even my own. Okay. Not unless it's perennium yoga.

Have you ever been to perennium? I don't know. That's incredible. Yeah. Now, despite the square job, Leah was perfect for Crowley's entire vibe. After they had sex for the first time, Crowley pulled out a sketchbook

and asked what he should paint her as. And she replied, quote, Paint me as a dead soul. Oh my God. It's like that scene from Titanic, but if the dude was full of corn. But the painting was awful. Yeah, the dude was full of corn.

But after almost a year together in New York, Crowley returned to England alone and began plans to establish an abbey of Philema with the inheritance money he had come in his way. The money, however, hadn't kicked in by the time Crowley arrived. So in the meantime, he stayed at his auntie's house in Croydon.

I have to go to my aunt's house. You wanted that house destroyed. I am not your nephew. I am Fred de Pereurobo. I am the great mages. And I would like some English muffins. If you have them for breakfast, I won't curse you to death.

Oh my, you just see his aunt. Just be like, why the fuck did my sister have kids? Do you have cable? Shut up, shut up. But there, Crowley's bronchitis and asthma took a turn for the worse and Crowley went to a doctor for some relief. Incredibly, the doctor prescribed heroin.

Cool ass doctor. I don't know, that's not good. And that was where the addiction that Crowley would carry for the rest of his life began. The tale is old as time in pharmaceuticals. Yep. Meanwhile, Crowley's old enemies in the press heard that he was back in town

and attacked him accordingly. John Bull had heard about Crowley's two year stint writing anti-British propaganda for a pro-German newspaper in America. So Horatio Bottomley directed his paper to print headlines calling for the arrest of the traitorous sorcerer. I understand completely.

And then of course Crowley's gotta pull the urkel. Give me, I do that. It's like, yeah, for two years. You wrote nothing but propaganda against your people and now you're with us again. It was a character, it was satire. Was it? Escaping the bad press,

Crowley moved to Paris and arranged for the arrival of Leah Hirsig, whom Crowley was now calling the ape of toss. Oh yes. That's sad though, because she was skinny, nice. It's not about their physical appearance, which I actually like. Yes, she was insane though.

Leah Hirsig was very, very, very insane. Great. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, she was intense. All right. Hirsig however, was not Crowley's only sexual conquest at the time. He'd also been corresponding with the Hollywood actress and OTO member named Jane Wolf.

And he'd been performing sex magic with another American woman named Nanette Shumway. These two women were, Jane Wolf was hot. Yeah. Like, she was hot. Yeah? Yeah, okay. But since Leah and Crowley were still fucking

on the regular, Leah Hirsig got pregnant and gave birth to Crowley's third daughter and mercifully named her Ann Lee, adding the infant to a young son Leah already had from another man. And this baby turned out okay. Who? Well, even though, god damn it.

Never mind then. Oh yeah, we'll see. But even though they gave Crowley's third daughter a normal name, they gave her the unfortunate nickname of Poupé, which means, it means doll in French, but it just doesn't sound right in English. You can't call a kid Poupé. Hey yeah, if you call his kid.

It's just, I mean, it's cute, just honestly. Oh, you could only do that if the child was like, I'm so sorry, I'm dying. You're like, honey, it's okay, it's like Poupé, it's fancy. Poupé, yeah. But no, no, man, it's just you, you just named your daughter Poupé, huh?

Yeah. I, uh, fuck. Well, shortly after Poupé was born, Nett was pregnant as well, albeit from another man other than Crowley. Then Crowley's inheritance finally kicked in and he was flushed with cash for the first time in years. Using this money, Crowley took his two sex magic partners,

one of them pregnant, along with the three children they already had between them and moved them to a small seaport town in Sicily called Sifalu. There, Alistair Crowley would establish a magical community that would serve as the backdrop for the most dark, most dastardly, most debated, and most deadly time in Crowley's life,

the Abbey of Thalayma. And very good use of the Crowley-esque alliteration. Thank you for noticing. I have a little quote of what he thought he was doing with the Abbey of Thalayma. Because when he became a magus, because I was really interested to see what his opinion was,

because we have the three main sources it seems to be. The main ones that you are using is Gary Lachman, Alistair Crowley's, then we have Pardorabo. Pardorabo was written by a member of Who is a Thelomite, who like knew Alistair, like he worked under people who had worked with Alistair Crowley,

so technically it was like an in-house version of the story. And it was warts and all. Oh, absolutely, they do a good job in that book. But then confessions, I wanted to see what was his take. And so he said as a magus, he had now different responsibilities to the world. The book of the law was given to mankind chiefly

in order to provide it with an impeccable principle of practical politics. I regard this as more important for the moment than its function as a guide and its evolution towards consciousness Godhead. It is only while writing this chapter that I have come to understand the real purport of the book.

And it's evident that the secret chiefs have prevented me from putting on the clutches, I may say, from releasing the enormous energy of the new Aeon, until on one other hand, I'd become capable of directing that energy wisely. And on the other, until civilization had reached the crisis in which my interference would save the race

from crashing into chaos. So he, for three years, I have labored to construct an abbey of the Lema and Sicily on the principles of the law so that I might have to experience the problems of government. These years have taught me how to deal with all classes of people, of all ages and races. Well, horribly.

Yes. So wait, so it was the abbey of the Lema in his mind, that was him like being president. That was him being correct. Like you wanted to see what it was like to be president. That's what he was saying. So he made himself president? He made himself president.

He said the abbey of the Lema, much like other people that would break off groups, this is the closest you would come to be a cult leader. Yeah, of course. He wanted to say, because his belief was that the Lema could also be used to govern the world. He would kind of lightly go on to say

that Thelomites should rule the world and anybody who's not a Thelomite should be a slave to the Thelomites. But that's like a whole thing. I think that he got it. I think he was feeling himself when he was writing that. But the abbey of the Lema was his idea. He thought I could create a world government

and this will be my first attempt to create one. A little bit, where it's all under me. Everyone's following the law. But it doesn't seem like he has enough constituents or votes or anything. No, no. And the mages, you don't vote for a mages. I thought you'd jump for a mages.

Okay. Now, overall, Sifalu was a fucking beautiful place. I mean, it's the Sicilian countryside. It was surrounded by gardens filled with flowers and fruits and rolling green hills. But the property itself, where Crowley's magical community lived, was a dank, run-down farmhouse

that lacked plumbing, electricity, or gas. My White House. Aw. But from the Crowley's perspective, despite the fact that there were two small children and infant and another on the way to care for, all he needed was running water, rocks to climb on, and nearby temples to Diana and Jupiter.

And so the house itself was quickly consecrated with an act of sex magic and Crowley dubbed the main house on the property the whore's cell. Man, I missed that episode of Fixer Upper where Chip and Jojo buttfuck. And then boom, the house is all fixed up. I didn't fucking pay to watch it.

That's fucking certain. They were very attractive couple. But this is him, this is the darkest time. This is very, very dark. This is him and his most edgy. This is him and his most wickedest man in the world. And it's gonna play out like that. There are times when it feels like

the fucking ant hill kids. Yeah. And just to clarify as well for the audience and myself, he is addicted to heroin at this point. Yes. So he's starting to really lose it. This is when he is saying, we are going to, you can, drugs are forefront to all of the rituals.

Okay. Yeah, well, we'll get into the drug use here in a bit. The main room of the whore's cell was turned into a temple featuring an altar, a copy of the steely of Horus that Rose Kelly had identified in Cairo so many years before, a copy of the book of the law and all of the appropriate candles.

Gotta have candles. Crowley also constructed a throne of the beast that faced the altar in the center of the room and placed the scarlet woman's throne on the opposite side. They then placed statues of gods around the room and opened the temple to all who followed Thilema. But when those followers of Thilema arrived, they were met with a very literal shit hole.

Since there was no plumbing, there were no toilets and the house reeked of feces and urine. Wait, would you just go to the bathroom outside? Yeah. They were using it, buddy. They were using it. And there's also, you gotta remember, fucking four kids running around, kids below five years old.

They're like three, four, five. They're doing the Gwyneth Paltrow. They shit everywhere without the diapers on. You gotta try to catch it with your mouth before they get it so you don't waste the thousands of universes in their shit. Yeah, okay. And they hired a housekeeper for a bit,

but she resigned real fast. You want me to clean this shit? No, no, no, that's for later. We're keeping that. Okay, you want me to clean this other pile of shit? No, no, no, no, no, that is also that. We're using that. We're in the middle of using it.

If she would've quit then, that's an easy job. If the shit's good, I don't even know what her job is. Make it messier. No one really cooked and no one really cleaned because Crowley said that his guardian angel, AWAS, had assured him that the slaves shall serve, but no fucking slaves were showing up. Yeah, okay.

But even so, Crowley and his acolytes lived the magical life for a little while. And it was here that Crowley came ever so close to becoming a cult leader if only he had cared to do so. And I will again, during this period, I don't give Crowley a lot of credit, but the idea was that everyone's supposed to actively choose the lame-o.

Like you're supposed to be there because you are obsessed with it. Like you need to be up in it where you're doing the real work, the real shit. Does the idea of consent and do as thou will, isn't that, those can go hand in hand. It is, you're talking about one of the hotly debated parts of what will is and what orbits are

and what all of that shit is. It's down for interpretation because according to Crowley in the Confessions, he thinks that there are certain people that are not actually able to maintain their own orbit or able to choose their own wills, which is why they need to be sort of guided forcefully by thelamites.

But you know what, I'm just gonna get out of there with a will and grace joke and start it here. And because we need to talk about that then. No, I just don't know, this is again, it's just up for interpretation. Crowley was a piece of shit. Like we're not, that is not up for debate at all. Good to know.

Like Crowley was a gigantic piece of shit. Will was gay the whole time, that's a, it's insane. I thought he was a bachelor. I know, a forever bachelor, like Lindsey Graham. Every day, Leah would wake up, strike a gong and proclaim the law of thalayma. And in response, everyone would say, love is the law, love is the law, love under will.

Then they would do their daily solar salutations. Yeah, cause you do it like in, it's the, it's the, what you do in yoga. So they do yoga all morning. Okay, cool. Not bad. At breakfast, the group would perform a small ritual, effectively saying the thalamic equivalent of grace.

They would all declare that it was their will at that moment to eat and drink in service of the great work. Then they would have a meager breakfast in silence. Oh. However, these were only but some of the few mandatory actions. At all other times of the day, when they weren't doing magic, they were free to climb, swim, write, work, study,

or do any of the copious amounts of drugs that Aleister Crowley left everywhere. Yeah, dude. This is where you can see why rocking guys and all these kind of people like like this idea because it just was drugs, just piles of drugs. Yeah, but I don't like the only, again, children. That's the only problem.

They were free, get the kids out of there. Yeah, the kids can have it, yeah. The kids can have it. No, it's for them. Yeah, they can have it. They're not wasting it. Their minds are a drug that when you start doing drugs as soon as you no longer become a child

to just try to be a kid again. Wow, that's trippy, it's true. It's trippy, dude. So Crowley's idea was that if you make drugs extremely accessible, then the temptation to do drugs will be removed. Oh, yeah. And it's in the doing of a whole bunch of drugs

that you prove you don't need drugs. Yeah, yeah. Because you're doing so many of them. I don't need them anymore, I have them in me. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like me, it's like that's why I keep the piles of weed that I have in my house because.

So then you don't need it. No, I don't have to like, need it. You know what I mean? It makes all the sense in the world. Yeah. Crowley made cocaine, ether, morphine, opium, hash, alcohol, and especially heroin available at all times.

And therefore, the four children who ran wild, unsupervised around the abbey were exposed to insane amounts of drug abuse. In addition, the children were also exposed to everything going on in the house, including all the sex, because Crowley believed that exposing them to sexual magic would save them from the same lingering shame

he still felt towards the act. They're just opening up a whole another door. Listen, yeah, Anne, I don't want you to ever experience what I've experienced in my life. You don't know what I, your father has dealt with, okay? You don't know. Uh-huh. And that's why Gerald here is gonna

butt fuck me in front of you. Listen, listen. And what was the lesson again? So that you're alleviated of the shame of what I have to do in front of you to make you not feel shameful anymore. Yeah, I'm uncomfortable, and I loved you in this. Just come on, plop, plop, plop.

I just, you've been, listen, and Leah, this is how we'll learn to, like every time I grunt, you count, and that's how we'll get your numbers. Oh my goodness, all right, enough, that is disgusting. Well, despite rumors of the contrary, Crowley did not, as far as we know, ever involve the children in any of the sex magic rituals,

although the mere fact that he exposed them to such things is still pretty fucking awful. He did, in his moments of empathy, he actually did openly talk about how kids were not supposed to be involved directly in the rituals. Not directly, no. No, they're not supposed to, you're not supposed to do,

and it's all supposed to be adults, and you're supposed to, well, at this time, adults can be technically 15 years old, but you mean like kids? I'm not exactly giving the guy a standing ovation. No, no, no, no. Just to clarify, I don't think the kids should have been fucked.

Well, good, good. I don't know what a warrant it is that I give you, but you have received it. Well, with all this shit, like, I can understand the assumption, because it seems as if Crowley was trying to plumb the depths of depravity as much as he could in the Abbey of Thalema. With Leah Hirsig, Crowley underwent what he called

a mystery of filth. In this, Crowley became the submissive, and Leah took the role of a dominant menacing tyrant. Okay. In one session that Crowley later wrote about, Leah would yell things along these lines. So low thou, so low art thou, crawl to my floor, blackened feet,

and call them snow pure marble. You dog, do your slaves task, do your mark, love you dog. You dirty dog, do it, you dirty dog. Do your soiled feet, laugh at me. Just cut to why Tiger Woods got into a car accident. Sheesh, Marcus, very good, very good, very feminine. I'm in touch with all sides.

You are. Yeah, and you don't even have the tits. No, no. Leah would light cigarettes and put them out on his chest, attack his ego by insulting his love-making skills and his terrible poetry, and finally, she forced him to eat one of her own freshly squeezed turds. Hey, man.

That's what he likes. That's what it boy likes. And that went on to become the first Orange Pooleus. Oh, god, man. I know, today is just, man, I'm telling you, somebody is dead out there. Well, there was a point to all this. The point of eating the turd, Crowley said,

was that he believed that he was such a great magician that he could transmute the fowl into the sacred. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's his. He constantly talks about this, the idea that he has to completely degrade himself to experience the opposite of what it's like to be a god. And I do say his main thing is that he has said, people have problems at the Abbey,

but he said the reason why is because we found that life in the Abbey, with its absolute freedom, was too severe a strain on those who were accustomed to depend on others. The responsibility of being truly themselves was just too much for them. It was mostly the lack of plumbing. And yeah, two more later, without any action

involved, without any quarrel or a sensible reason, they found themselves ejected into their previous condition of servitude. Do you think that he put the lady's arm up at a 90-degree angle, and then before she pooped, he put it down like a lever, and then he was like, time to deliver the ice cream to the Dairy Queen. Well, Crowley actually, in the Abbey of Thalema,

he only ate with his hands. So it's not like he had a knife and fork or anything. I think she probably took a dump on a platter, and then he grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth. Oh, he didn't even get it right from the source. No, he was still. It needed to be ritual. Yeah, it knows the tale.

It's like when you go to more of that incredible barbecue place in Austin, where you go and you think this is going to be a ringing endorsement for him. Yeah, where you could see the cows that they kill. It's like right there. You saw it. Yeah, that was Blacksithing, right? Blacksithing.

This is the salt lick. Oh, this is just like the salt lick. But to Crowley's credit, he did own up to the fact that this just didn't work. It didn't work. It didn't work. Come in and straight up say, I did not like it. It wasn't good.

One star. Honestly good, the Abbey. His mouth burned. He choked. He retched and spent days just as sick as you might expect. Well, I don't know why I have a stomachache. It must have been all the chipotle. Oh, no, it was it was Leah shit.

Yeah, it was a shit. Now I'm just thinking about that Philadelphia Eagles fan. Got to bring it up. Every time I got it, I got it. It wouldn't be a show. I know, I know. Well, one of Crowley's other problems at the Abbey was entirely predictable, although Leah and Nanette

seemed to be fine with Crowley's swinging sexuality when they were separated, having all of them live in an isolated farmhouse, complicated things. Yeah. Although not quite in the way you might expect. It seemed as if both of them were competing to be the most scarlet of scarlet women. And it became too much for even Alistair Crowley.

So he came up with the idea that maybe they could pleasure each other so he could take a break. Yeah, because I could just see him just with the towel just being like, can't you lick each other or something? You guys, you guys do it. Can somebody else eat shit for once? Just one time, well, I have to do everything. Leah, who was at this point holding

the Office of Scarlet Woman, she was down for the idea. But Nanette freaked out at its very mention and ran away from the Abbey naked in the rain. Crowley eventually brought her back, but found that Leah had gotten quite drunk in the meantime. Once Nanette walked back in the door, Leah just fucking attacked her and kept fighting until Leah vomited all over the place.

What is happening? And all while Crowley watched and smoked opium. It's fucking crazy, dude. I can't believe they're doing that shit. What are you doing over there? I was gliding over here with my opium. Absolutely. But even though conflicts were rising,

Crowley decided to add another woman into the mix. He invited American OTO member Jane Wolf to live at the Abbey. And while Jane Wolf hated it at first, she shifted into what she called a wonderfully calm joy after three weeks of extreme boredom. Meanwhile, because everyone was spending all their time getting high and fucking, they tended to forget about the children.

And Crowley's infant daughter, Poupe, who had never been all that healthy, she fucking died. Oh my, so how many kids does he have and not have? He's got one alive and two dead. Two dead is not the good odds. That's the day the poopie died. That's sad. Leah, who was also pregnant at the time,

subsequently miscarried. And while she could accept that her daughter had died through neglect, she believed that Nanette had caused the miscarriage through black magic. Oh my goodness. And after reading Nanette's diary, Crowley agreed. Well, that was like a policy that they had at the Abbey

that it was just like, man, they couldn't be more up inside of everybody's fucking guts. Everybody had to keep a journal, because that's his main thing. Everybody has to have a magic journal. But then you're also supposed to read everybody's journal? Oh, this is horrible. And instead of dealing with any of this shit, though,

Crowley fled to Paris to grieve alone. And when he returned, he found that a new recruit named Cecil Frederick Russell from the New York OTO had arrived looking for magical direction. Now, Crowley hoped that Russell might be the new Neuberg, but Russell was apparently straight as a fucking arrow. And he had to use Leah as a fluffer during the sex magic rituals

that were more focused on Crowley's butthole. No, the thing is, is that this is when Crowley's getting more like Crowley than ever before. They say that his teeth look like coffins and that his breath reeked of shit in ether because he used to do a cup of ether every morning and get himself up and going. And so...

I don't think you got him up and going. And you just feel that it's weird because Russell just shows up and you're supposed to butt fuck the mages. And I guess it wasn't doing it for him. Yeah. Yeah. He just, yeah.

Russell eventually left after falling out with Crowley and he started his own magical society called the Couronzon Club. Ooh, that's cool. Yeah. After that, Crowley briefly left the Abbey again to have a meeting with Theodore Roos, the head of the OTO. But as opposed to their earlier meetings,

Crowley had lost respect for Roos because Roos' knowledge and experience with sex magic was, by Crowley's standards, nonexistent. You don't even eat shit. Yeah, it's disgusting. They're hanging out because in the OTO, that was like one of the levels was the sexual level. It was their innermost secret, right?

So they've been kind of like vaguely jerking each other off in a circle alone. But he decided to make it. Does the OTO do circle jerks? I don't know. I honestly, I don't know. I don't know. But the idea that they were doing sex magic

on a very low scale, they were kind of doing it as like in a very controlled environment and done in very specific rituals, where he's just, you know, to use a term, blowing it out. He's straight up just like fucking, y'all don't know. You don't know how much fucking it takes you to get to the Godhead. So the OTO, maybe just doing some soaking,

which is disgusting as well. Soaking, when the Mormons just stick the dick in and they just leave it there. Leave it a bookmarked out, yeah. Yeah, well. That's weird, isn't it? Yeah. It's strange, it's strange.

Everybody's got different hobbies. That's right. Well, strangely, and perhaps coincidentally, Theodore Roos suffered a stroke and died very soon after this meeting. And who else replaced him as head of the OTO a few years later, but Alistair Crowley. Whoa, the takeover's complete.

He finally got to be in charge. Yeah. Well, when Crowley returned to the Abbey from this meeting, he found that everyone at the Abbey was depressed and physically ill because the conditions were still absolutely disgusting even after the death of Poupé. And you know that's so sad

because you want to get all pumped up, you're back in, you're ready to start eating some shit, you're ready to start putting calm on things, you show up and everybody's fucking being a bummer. Yeah. And it's like, come on, you got, yes, it smells like shit in here. Yeah.

Yeah, it does. That's the point. They got to get a cleaning crew in there. No, it will lose all my magical shit. That's, well. I've been saving this shit. At least, can we get a clean plug in anyway? Nevertheless, Crowley still decided

that he'd reached the peak of his magical career and he gave himself the highest magical promotion one could receive. He finally became an Ipsissimus and effectively made himself in his own eyes a god. Wow, look at that. But being an Ipsissimus didn't make Crowley any richer nor did it make him like heroin any less.

No. Crowley had, by this point, drained his second inheritance and picked up a strong heroin addiction along the way. And since none of his disciples at the Abbey were rich like Neuburg, Crowley began riding for money once again. In June of 1922, he was paid 60 pounds

to write a book about his increasing drug use. And in 27 days, with Crowley dictating and Leah writing, Crowley came out the other end with the diary of a drug fiend. One of his more famous books. It is ironic. It is ironic. You finally got to live like the politician

he wanted to be just writing money or just writing letters for money. Just soliciting cash. Eating lumps of human shit. That's literally what you do. The novel told the story of Sir Peter Pendragon, a World War I veteran who becomes ensconced in a world of drug abuse and magical intrigue

after getting addicted to heroin with his girlfriend, Louise. Man, I'm compelled by old, tiny junkies. Yeah. They're fun, man. I don't know why it's different than other junkies. It's not fun. It's just something about old, tiny junkies

that are kind of. It's the big metal needle that they used to use. The big metal syringe. Oh, no. That's what you're intrigued by. I was thinking more of like the patchy sewing work on their shirts and their funny big shoes. But like World War I like shell shock.

Like that type of shock. You know those people were really miserable. Yes. Yeah. Well, in the book, after Louise threatens to leave Peter Pendragon for wanting to buy a literal cocaine factory. Oh, fuck.

What is this? Because the thing is, I'm so fucking going and eating Jerry and I'm sick of him eating spider and I'm sick of me the whole thing is we need to own the means of production. We need to own the means. You want to make a cocaine factory?

The cocaine factory already existed because this is back in the days when you got medical cocaine. Yeah, dude. Yeah, unlike now. But after that, the couple find themselves at the Abbey of Thilema where a thinly veiled,

proudly like character cures their addictions through an education on true will. Meanwhile, more very real mouths to feed had been showing up at the Abbey and most of them found that they didn't really like living there. Case in point was Nanette Shunway's friend, Mary Butts.

Mary Butts couldn't fucking stand the Abbey but wanted to give it a fair shake. So she invited along her lover Cecil Maitland to see if they could figure out together what the fuck was going on. Plus there was a whole lot of free heroin and they liked that too. I think it'd be cool if they got married

if he took her name so that he could be Cecil Butts. That reminds me of the Leno bit he used to do with the funny wedding names. Yeah. Yeah. Now Crowley again saw the makings of another Neuburg in Cecil Maitland and tried dominating the newcomer

by attempting to drown him during a swim. You ever tried this when we hired you when we tried to drown you? But you lived and that's why you made it through the goblet. Oh my goodness. Then Crowley tried feeding both Cecil and Mary his infamous cakes of light baked with human shit.

And come and period blood and honey. Yeah. Oh my God. What is this? Wow. Yeah. You like it? I love it.

It's so fun. You know what's funny? Because you know my favorite thing to do is when I'm baking is I love to lick the bowl. I do too in the spoon. My mom used to let me lick the spoon. You want some? Here we go.

You can just try some of the dough. Here we go. Oh, that is even. It's different when it's not baked. Yeah. But that is good. It's shit. It's common.

It's menstrual blood. But guess what? It's a little bit of honey. Oh my God. The honey really brings it all together. Wow. Well, I mean, they didn't like either of these two things. Cecil didn't respond to being dominated.

They did not respond well to the cakes of light. But the final straw came on the day that Crowley tried to make a goat have sex with Leah during a ritual. Oh my God. All right. The goat refused. God, what's wrong with that?

What's wrong with Leah? What is wrong with Leah? Nothing's wrong with anyone other than Mr. Alister Crowley. But the goat got sacrificed anyway and the goat's blood splattered all over Leah's back when Crowley cut the creature's throat. Leah, confused and probably super high in a moment of, I think, clarity,

she asks, what do I do now? You don't want to roll around in that. And Mary, unable to resist the chance to deliver a line, said, I'd have a bath if I were you. Nailed it. Wow. Because that really has got to take the air out of the room. It really does.

Yeah, it's like a fucking mid-Atlantic line. I'd have a bath if I were you. Yeah, because she's naked on all fours, covered in goat blood, and they're all just like, ah, fuck, I can't make this goat. I can't make the goat horny. All right. After the goat blunder,

Mary Butts and Cecil left the abbey disillusioned with nothing more than a new heroin addiction to show for their time. Look at that. It's better than a tattoo, isn't it? Yeah. But less forever. The heroin addiction can last till your death.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They both last forever. I would say I'm gonna want cigarettes until I die. Yeah. That's forever. I think about it. Yes, indeed. Yeah.

Well, anyway, as revenge for their impertinence, Crowley portrayed both Cecil and Mary Butts in an unflattering light when he wrote the diary of a drug fiend. He called Mary a white maggot. Whoa. In return, Mary Butts put Crowley's entire operation at the Abbey of Thilema on blast in the British press.

She shared details about endless orgies, the Cakes of Light, the three American women with children who seem to be kept there specifically for the orgies, and the fact that Crowley had greeted her at the door with a goat turd on a plate. Right. I don't even know what world we're in anymore.

Now, Crowley, of course, loved the attention as he always did. He liked all of this. He loved it. He loved it. But he was about to push things too far once again and his disregard for the health and well-being of anyone around him would spell the end for the Abbey of Thilema.

In 1914, Crowley met a heavy drinking cokehead named Betty May, locally known as the Tiger Woman. Now, she didn't like Crowley upon meeting him, but her third husband, Charles Love Day, who liked to be called Raoul, was interested in the occult and wanted to visit the infamous Abbey. Honestly, if a wizard's around,

it'd be cool to go really visit. Like, if the wickedest man in the world was there, I'd go fucking show up and go look at the house. Yeah, would you? Even after knowing this story and you would eat goat shit? I'd wear a poncho and I'd just kind of see, I'd be across the street, you know?

Okay, yeah. Once they arrived, Raoul was immediately let inside, but Betty May locked horns with Crowley immediately and was forced to stay outside until she answered Crowley's hello with the standard Thilema greeting of love is the law, love under will. It's his rule.

Okay. Now, Betty fucking hated it there, like most people did, but Raoul jumped in head first and was soon christened, frotter out or brother light. For Betty's part, she became the housekeeper and the cook out of a desire to just do something, which kind of sort of fulfilled Crowley's promise that slaves would show up to do all the dirty work.

But as it almost always was with Crowley, a promise fulfilled is often a double-edged sword. Betty, she said, I, whenever she liked, because she weren't supposed to say the word I in any way, shape, or form. Not supposed to, she said it whenever she liked, she poured a bowl of water over Crowley's head and she openly laughed at Crowley's frenzy,

Dianneison dancing. Crowley being made was pretty fucking funny, I can imagine it. But apparently the, when she dumped the bowl over his head, he was eating food and she dumped the bowl over his head and then he said, he kept eating and he's just like, it looks like Betty will be on the dole for sacrifice in the morning.

And everyone went, crouched. That is funny, because now he's all wet. Wow, that is fun. I'm happy I'm here. I'm happy to be in this commune. Are you gonna eat all that shit on your plate now that it's all wet? Yes.

Okay. But in Raul, Crowley had finally found a new Neuburg and as it was before, Crowley pushed him to his limits. The difference was that this time, Crowley would push his acolyte to his own death. No. In February of 1924, Crowley decided to sacrifice a cat. Unlike most magicians, Crowley fucking hated cats

and he decided that this cat in particular had to die after it had given him a deep scratch. Once Crowley caught the cat, he placed it on the altar, burned incense and made magical implications with Raul for two full hours. Once the implications were done, Raul was instructed to slash the cat's throat. But since Raul was a little skittish,

he didn't cut deep enough. Oh no. Oh God, oh God. So the cat, lightly wounded, ran around the room howling. Oh no, not good. And when it was finally caught and killed, Crowley, as punishment, made Raul drink a large cup of the cat's blood.

Oh. Raul subsequently collapsed and was taken to his bed. When Raul's health took a turn for the worse, Crowley consulted Raul's horoscope. Let me get to the horoscopes. And proclaimed that Raul might die on February 16th. Sure enough, on that very day, Raul Love Day died from acute enteritis as a direct result of drinking

a big cup of cat's blood at Crowley's command. Yeah, you don't want to. You keep the blood inside the cat. I really? Put that on a bumper sticker. I feel like. Don't fuck it either. Re-learn that before.

Yeah, keep the blood inside the cat. The acute enteritis sounds like it would be a bad way to die. Horrible. It's a real fucking awful way to die. I mean, it's slightly worse than how the cat died. Yeah. Words soon reached England about Raul's death, and Horatio Bottomley, in particular, jumped on the story.

His paper, John Bull, printed article after article with titles like The King of Depravity, A Man We'd Like to Hang, and most famously, The Wickedest Man in the World. Fucking finally got there, dude. I guess so. All you had to do was kill a guy. Yeah, well, multiple.

It seems like almost with the children. Well, eventually, the character that Crowley had allowed to grow over the years took on a life of its own. And papers began printing stories claiming that Crowley had killed and eaten two of his porters back in his mountaineering days. He actually will never let go. In the Confessions, he says it multiple times.

He will never let go anybody accusing him of being a cannibal. There's something about it. It drives him nuts. He just makes jokes throughout the Confessions saying like, because I'm a cannibal, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, well, I mean, you know, you did kill a guy making him drink cat blood. All right, yeah, well, it's adjacent, maybe.

Now, Crowley probably would have been able to weather all these attacks just as he had every time before. Had it not been for the fact that Italy was, by that point, being ruled by the infamous fascist dictator, Benito Mussolini. Ooh. Mussolini. It's not what I tell you.

It's bad, Italy. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mussolini had been cracking down on leftists, occultists, and secret societies. And when word of Raul's death in Sicily reached Mussolini, he had Crowley served with a deportation order. But as Crowley noticed, the order only named Crowley, which meant that his thelamites could stay at the Abbey.

Nanette would stay there for another three years. But Leah joined Crowley in Tunisia only a week later. With her was her five-year-old son, who by that point, warped by the Abbey, was a chain smoker who regularly declared that he would become the great beast when Crowley died. Yeah, you guys think you're fucking old big and bad, huh? Tell you what, I'm gonna be that beast around here, too.

You guys eat shit that's funny me. I eat mashed-up papercots. I don't even use my teeth, huh? Shhh. Ah, it's all food. That's all I need. I'm gonna throw that. Oh, my God.

Throw a smoke. God, it's nice. Can only imagine a fucking five-year-old chain smoking boy running around yelling about he's gonna be the fucking great beast when his dad dies. It's scary. And again, Crowley wouldn't even his dad. No, it wasn't his dad, but he was like a dad.

But Leah and Crowley soon split. And with that, Crowley's life as a magician of great influence in his own time came to an end. Oh. As far as the rest of his life went, it was marked by a parade of further scarlet women and increasingly unattractive men. Most notable was a one-eyed mathematician

named Norman Mudd who funded Crowley's lifestyle of expensive hotels and young boys after Crowley's expulsion from Italy. Hi, let me tell you one thing, Alistair. I did the math and guess what? Two plus two equals you and me having sex with these young boys. Oh, I love it.

But don't come for me on my right side because, you know. To fulfill the Leno marriage bit, this would be the perfect if it was the Mudd-Butt wedding. See, you just had to meet Mrs. Butt, Mr. Mudd, and that was the Mudd-Butt wedding. That would be good. Man, that show was so good.

Ahead of its height. Wow, just so powerful. It holds up so good. Pretty soon, Norman abandoned Crowley as well. And the once great magus was reduced to pawning all of his magical accoutrement like his magical rings and his magic bell just to survive. He had to pawn the magic bell.

Yeah. You're going to want to hold onto that. By 1924, his sinuses had been destroyed by the constant snorting of heroin and cocaine. And he required two operations to fix it. But even so, Crowley still managed to find Scarlet Woman after Scarlet Woman in his 40s and 50s.

There was Maria Miramar, who ended up in a mental institution because of Crowley's influence. There was 19-year-old Hannah Jaeger called the monster because of her intense desire to be used as a toilet. Love her to death. She killed herself after learning what happened to Maria Miramar. Oh, jeez.

After that was a rough-and-tumble woman named Bertha Bush. Oh, yeah, I love your Bertha. She once saved Crowley from a bunch of Nazi youths by stabbing one of them with a butcher knife. Cool. What is this? She and Crowley engaged in a vicious S&M affair, but they eventually parted ways.

OK. Now, Crowley did take male magical students here and there, but he mostly focused on uptight and nervous men like Neuberg. He was always trying to replace Neuberg. Because there was some special sauce. Because, again, Neuberg really became, we said in the last episode, had become his familiar.

And it becomes somebody that was, he really could depend on Neuberg with all of his. Because like in improv, man magic, you have to make each other look good, right? And Neuberg knew the very epitome thing of, I make Crowley look good, which is very difficult to find in a partner. Absolutely.

But when the inevitable fallings out came, Crowley would circulate slanderous and anonymous letters about his students. In one letter about former student Israel Regardy, Crowley called him. That's the guy that wrote my compendium of the full detailed of all of the Golden Dawn rituals. Yeah.

That fucking flat-hundred page book. Yeah, and in a letter, Crowley called him a constipated chronic masturbator. What are you going to do? If you ever call me constipated once again, I'll kill you. I jerk off a lot, but I shouldn't even more. I do love the idea of constipated as just a slur. I'd be like, you haven't shat in three days, have you?

You're right. Such a weird diss. Concentration is the most awful curse. Yeah, I agree with that. Well, as far as Crowley's former student Norman Mudd went, that poor soul committed suicide in 1934 by filling his pants with rocks and walking into the sea. Christ.

OK, just a quick, I know we probably get more, but how many, we have six suicides attached to this guy. How many people? Close. Scummit suicide. At least for this guy. Those are the ones I mentioned, at least. Jesus.

By the time Crowley turned 50, he was overweight. His teeth were falling out. His breath constantly reeked of ether. And he permanently shaved his balding head, giving himself the look that most of us conjure up when someone mentioned the name Alistair Crowley. In some of those pictures, he straight up looks like Andre Ciccatello.

He does. He is a scary. He's an interesting looking guy. But I will say, as he got older, he started to magically, not personally, but magically mellow out. There was a statement that he made that was really indicative that he was really starting to think about his life

and his place in magic, where he said, ah, you realize that magic is something that we do to ourselves. But it is more convenient to assume the objective existence of an angel who gives us new knowledge than to allege that our invocation has awakened a supernatural power in ourselves. And the magic was inside the entire time. The whole time.

That's about the friends we made along the way. OK, it's about the journey, not the destination. He talked about lust for result. He says it was almost his biggest sin in his life. Wanting result from magic. Crowley eventually got his confessions published, but many bookstores refused to carry it. Partly that had to do with his reputation,

but it was mostly because Crowley had childishly signed each book in such a way that the A in Alistair looked like a huge erect penis. I love it. That's funny. No, it's not. That's the type of thing I'd have to ask you to not do. Yeah.

That was going to carry the fucking books if you put a gigantic fucking cock on the cover. Absolutely. No, no, no, no. I understand. When you read his works, you say this as a person that is a piss baby, a contractarian. That's me.

I am one. He's the lord of them. You wait until we, you wait until in that merch store, we're having a thick front and butts of serial killers. No, we're talking about this. Oh, it is happening. But no, there's something about it. I get it's annoying, but he is the lord of the smart dickheads.

Yes, he is. OK. Or perhaps the saddest chapter in Crowley's later life was a libel case against former thalamite Nina Hamnet, who had published a memoir that included details about what went down at the Abbey of Thalema, particularly what happened with the dead baby. However, when Crowley sued for libel,

the defense argued that Crowley had no reputation to besmirch because Crowley had, for so many years, reveled in the title of the wickedest man in the world. And it never once denied any of the claims made against him. Prison of his own making. But Crowley, repudiating everything he'd ever claimed to be, he denied all of it just for the possibility of a little bit of cash.

Wow. He even said he had too much chili that day. I know, it feels, it really does feel like when Alex Jones broke character in Triumph, like, it does feel like. I feel much chili I can finish now. And like, man, this was your time to stand up in court and be like, I am the devil. Like, he could have done it.

He really should have. He even said that his title, the B666, actually meant sunlight. And then a more appropriate name for him would be Little Sunshine. Oh my god, Little Sunshine's Don't Eat Period Cake. He's funny because he is just going jokingly. He does.

And he also just goes a step below. What he does is he tries to, in his way, magic his way out of it by going back down below, shifting shape, saying, oh, because you can't explain all the inner workings to all of these fucking muggles. I think when push comes to shove, though he didn't stand by his principles.

It's just, I don't know. What are his principles? We were talking about this on the fucking production call is just that I get tired and magic of the phrase, in a way, because it's always in a way. Like, he, in a way, he was able to trick him. But no, he was fucking, he was denying everything he ever claimed to be for fucking 500 bucks.

It was sad. Wow. I think that this is his saddest point. Yeah, it could be. And even outside of all the testimony about what went on at the Abbey of Salema, what truly trashed Crowley's credibility was the pornographic poem collection

he'd written as a young man, White Stains. He lost the case, and the court costs bankrupted Crowley. His $7.3 million inheritance had transformed into $130,000 in debt. Wow. And the Great Beast 666 never financially recovered for the rest of his days. And you know, in some ways, I understand

the White Stains is a book that he wrote as a child, and it's almost like Round Table of Gentlemen, in the way that we didn't even know that we ended certain aspects of our career before. By being precocious. We just did that first. Yes. And so if he never did anything else,

and he was sued for libel, it looks like that book alone. Would have just been a, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He could have been a banker for 30 years. By 1932, Crowley was giving lectures at the Society for Psychical Research, trying to sell a tonic of rejuvenation made from his own jizz.

Yeah, he tries to sell his jizz water in his own confessions. He says, I tell you what, as soon as he had the elixir of life, this is what he said, all mental activity became distasteful. I turned into a mere vehicle of physical energy. I could hardly bring myself to read a book, even if the light is kind. I could not satisfy my instincts by paddling the canoe,

which I had imported. I spent about an hour every day in housework and cooking. The remaining 15 hours of waking life were filled by passionately swinging in acts without an interruption. Well, Mr. Crowley, thanks so much for coming here on Shark Tank. My only problem is, when it comes to supply,

it's a lot of jizz that you would have to create. And I do understand you're worried about, will I be able to get this out in time in the state of my penis? But I'll have you know, I have been saving that's of my own elixir of life. So don't worry, we're going to get this on QBC. We're going to make you a millionaire overnight. And that's why, Mr. Cuban, I think that you and I are really,

we're the secret group here. All right, I'm in. Well, Crowley did publish a few more real magical works in the last decade of his life, including The Equinox of the Gods and The Book of Toth. The latter was an essay on the tarot that many people still read and follow today. And it came with a set of beautiful tarot cards.

Oh, yes. Created in an artistic collaboration between Crowley and an artist named Lady Frida Harris. But again and again, when Crowley published something, he believed that this would be the book that would change the world, the one that would cause the kind of social and political upheaval that would allow Thalema

to sweep the globe. Instead, his books were little read in their time and Crowley's influence was all but at an end by the 1940s. And it was because he made him so expensive to buy. Yes, by his account, his last recorded sex ritual was half-hearted cunnilingus with a woman named Alice Upham when Crowley was 66 years of age. Yeah, he wrote it in his journal.

Thanks for the visual. He wrote it in his journal when he said straight up, like, IU was the first day that he realized that he could not get an erection. And it was, that to me, it like made me sad. I was like, oh man, that's what you had, dude. That was your room, dude. Wow.

That must have been a powerful thing for him to realize his own humanity, perhaps. Yeah, by that point, Crowley was living off contributions made by the OTO branch in Pasadena that was run by rocket scientist Jack Parsons, whose own adventures into Crowley and magic can be heard in full on our series about Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

Interesting character himself. One of the best, one of Alice or Crowley's accidental best pupils. Yep, by the end of his life, though, Crowley was a humbled man who sometimes expressed considerable regret about the decisions he'd made in his life, although other times, Crowley might as well have been fucking right in my way

with how pleased he was with himself. I can see the scene of Crowley at karaoke. Just, he's like, play it again. I did it my way. I was just standing and looking, and just sitting fucking down, falling asleep. You can see Sam from Cheers in the final scene, just turning the light off as he continues

to sing my way, karaoke style. But either way, Crowley ended his days in a rented room in Hastings at a location that was appropriately titled Netherwood House. There, he took on the occasional student and even gave interviews to curious academics wanting one last chance to speak to frotter Pertorabo. In one diary entry after an interview in which he was

particularly pleased with his performance, Crowley wrote, quote, most delightful interview. AC at his best. That's, that's you. Yep. All right. Someone has to say it. When he sees back, better than ever.

You nailed it. You nailed it, AC. Nailed it. When on December 1st, 1947, Alistair Crowley, the great beast 666, died of heart failure and chronic bronchitis, both of which were greatly exasperated by the heroin and alcohol abuse that typified the last 20 years of his life.

That's a long, that's a long chunk of life. It is. Concerning his last words, there are a few different accounts. The most famous, but also the most apocryphal, account is that Crowley, just before drifting away, simply said, I am perplexed. Another account, perhaps closer to the truth, was told by Lady Harris, the woman who had painted

Crowley's tarot. She said that Crowley's last words were, sometimes, I hate myself. Oh. That's why I mean like, to me, it's like, to me, I have a different view of like, it's like, with one, it's like, I am perplexed. And the other one's like, him fucking dying,

his stomach is going like, and he goes like, sometimes, I hate myself, sometimes, I hate myself. And then he just fucking dies. Ah. That first one, the I am perplexed, that's a really powerful thing, because of course, he was searching to unperplex his life, I suppose. He was.

Maybe he was expecting something to happen, and then nothing happened. Do you think that he thought of himself as a failure at the end? Well, this is, I have a little statement that he made about himself, that I think that it's actually very illuminating about who he is. And the story of him saying, I am perplexed,

that's apocryphal, that probably didn't happen. Oh, OK. It's a better story. Got you. He kind of said this about himself, which I think was interesting. He had this awareness. I wish, therefore, that you would realize that my universe

was very much larger than yours. Some time ago, I thought of writing a book on internationally famous people with whom I have been intimate. The number ran to over 80. Am I wrong to suppose that you have, you have never met such people? Take another point.

Have you visited the monuments of antiquity? Have you seen the majority of the great paintings and sculptures? Have you discussed all sorts of intimate matters with natives of every civilized quarter of the globe? Perhaps more than any of that in importance, have you ever made your way alone in parts of the earth never before trodden by any human foot,

perhaps in hostile, nearly always in hospitable country? You may think it pompous of me to mention these matters. But the fact is, is that they don't matter unless you think they don't matter. The point that I'm trying to get you to realize is that any statement or action of mine is enormously modified by my having had these experiences. I also ate a bunch of goat shit.

Yeah. Yeah, you should also add to that. Have you ever received a $7.3 million inheritance? And blown the whole fucking thing? Oh, that's the, that's the economic. Because that's what made that shit possible. Yes. It's true, it's true.

The economic horror of this entire story. But according to Patrick Doherty, the mother of Crowley's only son, Crowley died happily and peacefully. And the moment the life left his body, the wind blew and the thunder cracked, as was befitting a magician of Crowley's caliber. But in true Crowley fashion, one story has it that Crowley's doctor in his last days

threatened to cut off Crowley's heroin supply. And Crowley told him that if the doctor did this, Crowley would surely die and take the doctor with him. And sure enough, and this is true, within 24 hours of Crowley's death, his physician died as well. Making him the last magical victim of the Great Beast 666. But that's not quite the end of it.

No. When Crowley died, there was reportedly a sketch on his bedside table. This was a sketch Crowley had done of Awos, his guardian angel. Remarkably, the sketch of Awos with its oversized head greatly resembled descriptions of the alien grays, meaning Crowley may have been communicating

with the higher intelligence after all. I'd sense chills up my spine. Whoa. Because it is when you get to it. The Awos does look like a gray. Yeah. And it's very coincidental. It's before anyone started giving descriptions of grays.

Absolutely. It is highly, highly interesting. The one thing that we skipped in this episode, because we are trying not to do a fourth episode on Alistair Crowley, because we don't want this to be a three hour long episode, is the stories of Alistair Crowley being wooed by various governments during World War II to be an intelligence officer.

This is real. But we're going to cover it in a relaxed fit, because what we really want to talk about is the persecution of wizards in Nazi Germany, which is actually very big. Those are really, that's the biggest thing that happened there. The persecution of wizards. Man, Henry, you read different books.

No, I'm just saying. But it's not the most important thing of the Nazi Germany. It's interesting. It is a thing that happened. One of many. Aw, thank you. But wow, is it a, so he'd go on. We now sit here talking to Alistair Crowley again.

And I was watching Freyder Oz, one thing he said about the idea of the great work, because Alistair Crowley always talk about, they'll aim us supposed to be using the serve that every magician has a great work. They have a thing that they're supposed to be working towards. The thing that either whatever your will is,

whatever it is, you're supposed to be leaning towards. But I Freyder said it in a really interesting way that they said, apparently your great work is only really realized on the day that you die. That if you do go someplace and your consciousness goes someplace and you're allowed to go look at the records, the Akashic records of your life,

you will see that what your great work would have been after that you died. And it seemed that Alistair Crowley, who spent his whole life wanting to be famous, powerful and rich, would go on to now be on T-shirts and albums and generate income. His presence and his face and should generate income and fame all over the world.

So in some way, his great work kind of came out now. Like after all of his bullshit, it came into this. I will say you're gonna want that money when you're alive. Yes. That is always better, but always better. Alistair Crowley, fascinating story. Great work is always really interesting life, a lot to take away, good and bad

and definitely some ugly in there. But thank you all so much for going on this Alistair. Crowley Roller Coaster with us. Fascinating stuff. So exciting to close these tabs. Just close them out of your mind and your computer. All right, everyone. Well, we are super excited.

Tickets are on sale now. We're gonna be in Grundy County. Grundy, Grundy. Can't wait to go to Grundy County. You can check out all that information on our Instagram or on our Twitter. We'll have some info for you there. Can't wait to see everybody very, very soon.

Very, very soon, man. I can't believe it. I know, it's happening. It really is happening. Also, keep on supporting all the shows here on LPN. Thank you so much for all of the wonderful kind words and for all of the support that you've given the network.

Is there anything? Last Streams Tuesdays, make sure to hurry up up. It's on Patreon for live times and five o'clock Tuesdays. It's P-S-T, D-A-P-M-E-S-T. And but then it goes up on our YouTube the second day. Absolutely, absolutely.

And we've got a premiere date for No Dogs in Space season 1.1 that's coming back on March 24th. That's very good. And Dune Cast comes out March 15th. That's great, you know where to find me. And also I do want to say one person got my David Lee Murphy reference, Dust on the Bottle, great country song.

One person got it and I got one tweet. So thanks for that. That's great, hey man, that's all it counts. You do the comedy for that person. The man has three songs, three total songs. Early 90s, it was him and Tim Duffy, I think. It was a strange time. I remember Tim Duffy.

And it's the 25th, not the 24th, it's the 25th. You're great. Well we can now wait to see you all and continue to be with you. All right everyone, thank you so much. Please use Ritual Magic safely. And it's really good if you're doing it in art. It's great for art, it's not great for money.

Yeah, just be safe doing these things because there are certain powers out there beyond our control. And also don't forget to like, you know, work hard and you know, practice your scales. Yeah, you usually, you shouldn't be at practice guitar with it, because it does help. All right everyone, hail yourself.

Hail Satan. Hail Ging. Magustalations. And to the great beasts, 666, wherever you are, I hope you're eating some shit on us. I'm in heaven and I'm eating Hitler's shit. Wow, wow, wow. Isn't that weird, it's strange.

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