Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 451: Black Eyed Kids

Episode Date: May 1, 2021

Part cryptid, part alien, part demon, part legend and part urban legend, the Black Eyed Kids are a relatively new phenomenon in the world of the paranormal. And this week, we delve into a few stories that attempt to explain these mysterious entities.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? I'll tell you what, George, I've never been so scared in the whole my life. I was working for, it's a jelly-based restaurant. Have you ever been to Jelly Dave's? We have lost about 50 locations this year because it seems to be that the jelly-based diet is not really... It's not broadcasting to everyone. We got barbecue jelly. We got a pinto bean jelly. I actually really like this idea.

But I went around back to change out the tubs of our bacon mesquite raspberry jelly. Which honestly does sound delicious. It really does. But George Whitney, I saw a child with his head down turned. And when them eyes came up, them eyes is black. Oh no! That's absolutely fascinating. My question here is though, where are these black-eyed children's babysitters? Welcome to the last podcast on the left, everyone. I am Ben Gissel, hanging out with Henry and of course Marcus Parks. I am not even being facetious when I crave now jelly. I crave the jelly spread.

You get a good jelly restaurant, but you also focus on a good brioche. So you have a great bread and it's all jelly spread. This is a fantastic place for a first date, a final date, or to celebrate a marriage or divorce. Final date. I would say final date. Good final date spot. It's a good public space to avoid a meltdown. I brought her to Jelly Dave's. And if that's not good enough for Rebecca, then I don't know who then what is. Well, it turns out, Rebecca's got like type 7 diabetes from her Jelly Dave's gift certificate that you gave her every birthday.

Which is why the relationship ended at Jelly Dave's to begin with. Oh, Jelly Dave's. I thought you said Jelly Dave's. Like, it's Jelly Dave's, everybody. Come on down to Jelly Dave's. No, Jelly Dave's. Jelly Dave's picnic. Yeah, this is right here. This is where you get your jelly days right here. Do not lift up your shirt. The audience cannot see you slapping your belly, but I'm sure they can infer what that looks like if you've ever seen the last stream on the left. You know what the perfect Harry belly looks like on the Polish monster that is Henry. But why are we even talking about jelly? It has nothing to do with our story today.

Today we're talking about Black Guide Kids. Now, this is not Black Guide Kids, which is thankfully a website that's been shut down. Very nice. This is about BEKs. If you're cool. Well, the Black Guide Kids are a relatively new phenomenon in the world of the paranormal. Part cryptid, part ghost, part alien, part demon, and part urban legend. Oh, interdimensional force from inside the earth is also what you're missing.

Oh, okay. Now, Black Guide Kids are often referred to as internet monsters, but this is somewhat of a misnomer. Because the only reason why BEKs are designated as such is because their appearance coincided with the rise of the internet. And therefore, the internet is where most of the stories of Black Guide Kids can be found. And a lot of the more previous stories about Black Guide Kids were from 1925 to 1965, where it wasn't as frowned upon to use corporal punishment against your children. Well, that is absolutely horrifying, and I'm sure those children didn't deserve that. Depends on what, you know, is daddy tired? Daddy's got to sleep.

Daddy needs to go to bed and stop beating his children because those children need to grow up and save this country. Now you're just with the whole daddy's tired thing. Now you're just trying to justify your father's own disciplinary acts. We always have to be quiet. We can never make noise, which is why I yell so many hours a week. Isn't that weird, though, how angry daddy is when he's tired, which is why he should always be sleeping. And when he's sleeping, everything is so peaceful. It sort of was. We were on eggshells, but he was not tired. He was hungover. My father had to sleep all day during the daytime because he was a nighttime truck driver, so you got to get your z's.

So we had to be pretty quiet, but I really wasn't, so he actually should have beat me more. Now that I think about it. But even though the Black Guide Kids are somewhat new when it comes to paranormal entities, it makes them no less bone-chilling. Bone-chilling! And they actually have a bit more of a paranormal pedigree than, say, the entirely made-up creatures like Slender Man, which actually is an internet monster. However, it did inspire very real murders.

Yes, indeed. B.K.'s are, it's weirdly, a part of sort of like Shadow People or the Top Hat Man, the things that we have covered on other episodes. Scungely Man, perhaps. Don't say his name. I've avoided him for almost a year now, okay? And I have not had to deal with him inside of my home. Okay. But B.K.'s have been seen by people for a long time.

Now what it comes down to is this just about the general mistrust of children? Yes. That I think is helpful and very healthy in this country. Oh, alright. See, unlike Slender Man, there are actually thousands of sightings of Black Guide Kids on record, or at least there are thousands of people who say they've seen Black Guide Kids. Really, the number of legitimate sightings, or quote-unquote legitimate sightings, however you want to approach it, that's probably somewhere in the hundreds.

Now the name Black Guide Kids is quite succinct and appropriate when it comes to appearance, but it doesn't tell the whole story. While B.K.'s do indeed appear as children between the ages of 6 and 16, and while their eyes are completely black from eyelid to eyelid, there's more to the story. I love it. If you want to watch a scary movie involving children that are demonic and horrible, no, it's not. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, those kids were spoiled and they didn't deserve to be there.

No. It's a French film called Them. Oh, yes! If you have not seen them. Oh, yes! It's them bad kids, man! Truly freaking horrifying, and it will. If you are thinking about having a child, your ovaries are now prunes and the cum is dead,

because it will scare the hell out of you to the point where you can't procreate. It is good. I always am scared of children. According to the author of the book Black Guide Kids, David Weatherly, which is he's the star only on Coast to Coast, but he's a star there. He said one of the biggest mysteries about BEKs is how the big thing is their puberty age, why do none of them ever have pimples? Oh my God, thank God he didn't say puberty care because I was going to have to ask how he knows that.

Because you always got to grab a black-eyed kid, turn him upside down and check whether or not it's a boy or a girl. Okay, good. And just make sure to always put the word I'd in between the terms that we're talking about here because this could easily be misconstrued into a massive hate crime. Interestingly, black-eyed kids actually share quite a few characteristics with the fabled men in black. And if you've never actually listened to our Men in Black series, I would highly suggest you go listen to that now before continuing here. Go listen!

We're going to be assuming a lot of knowledge about the men in black during this episode. Go do your homework! It will, it's not. Is it homework if it makes you dumber? Yes, sometimes, if you ask my calculus teacher, I didn't eat any of that fucking garbage, dude. That is true. That's the least of my fucking time, man. But not to be inclusive, though.

There are also black-eyed adults, as there are women in black, which is an entire book that was written about women in black as well, but we're not covering them here today because we don't want to. Okay, interesting. We'll get to that in another episode, I'm sure. Now, like the men in black, black-eyed kids have unusually pale skin, although sometimes, their skin is olive-toned, as if someone sprayed on the wrong tan color,

or the skin itself appears as if it isn't really their skin at all. They say they noticeably look like they might be wearing makeup. That is also a strange thing, very similar to the men in black, the idea that the eyes are weirdly made up and they do have weird outfits on. But every once in a while, because one helpful caller on Coast to Coast AM did ask, do they have a specific race? Which seemed kind of come out, it was like forcefully worded. Do they?

He said the word race. Sure, he just has to know how you should feel about it. Yes, but no, black-eyed kids, no matter what, it seems to be their skin is more of a modeled white. Okay, almost as if they're not human, perhaps. Black-eyed kids also have those strange men in black idiosyncrasies. During one encounter, a black-eyed kid was eating an apple. Then he asked the witness if he had any ketchup to put on his apple.

It could be European, I don't know. It could be European and to be fair, American kids don't know what fruit is. So maybe they assumed it was a potato, and of course ketchup and potato. That's a magic combination. In another encounter, the black-eyed kids were claiming to sell magazines door-to-door, but the magazines were decades old. I hope they sell me the penthouse that has the Larry Flint when he made fun of Jerry Falwell, for having sex with his mom in an outhouse.

His first time losing his virginity to his mother in an outhouse. I remember. But also, could that just be the sign of poverty and a sort of low-level scam of children selling old magazines to go to their basketball competition or they got to go to their knife-sharpening competition? Even middle-class kids, I used to sell magazines. You got to start moving these readers' digest, and no one ever called readers' digest out on the fact that they used child slave labor

in order to move products. Also, the mind of Dave Berry. Yeah, that's true. Furthermore, black-eyed kids also don't answer questions and will continue to repeat certain phrases or sentences over and over again in an unbroken pattern, speaking in a droning monotone that smacks of low-level mind control. I remember one instance that was described of a man seeing a black-eyed kid outside of the door of his home, and the black-eyed kid always, the head down turned

until the head goes up until they see the all-black eyes, and then he says, I think it's food time. I think it's food time. Oh, my. I think it's food time. And then, I mean, I get it, though. Yeah, you see, I can just see the Arby's commercial now where they don't care about having meats.

That is the new slogan, I think it's food time. I think it's food time. You say that sentence with the Arby's Big Montana floating across the screen. Guaranteed sales go up. That's Manchurian candidate shit, but also you... Big Montana, by the way, eight ounces. Your Cheddar, your Chifi Che, your Cheesy Cheddar, that's only four ounces. That's why they call it the Big Montana.

You wouldn't fucking know that because you didn't work there. You remember, I've eaten there. It's almost like I worked there. But they also do the monotonous knocking, very similar to the Pee Wee Herman bit. It is in Pee Wee's Big Adventure with the thing at the door, the bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. That's also a tell-tale sign that a black-eyed kid is trying to get in your house. You know what, I actually... I was negative towards the Bex, I thought it was a little corny,

but can you just say Bex now instead? Black-eyed kid. Every time it sounds, you know, let's just go with Bex. Black-eyed kids, it's just black-eyed kids. Just think of the band Black Eyes. Black-eyed peas. Black-eyed peas. Yeah, black-eyed peas.

Yeah, black-eyes. Your favorite band. Black-eyes and black-eyes. There's black lips as well. Black Mountain, black Sabbath. Black Mountain. Well, we're talking about black-eyed kids, right? Black-eyed kids.

Now you're just... That's what it is. You know what it is? Black-eyed kids is a whole other show. We have to start saying black-eyed kids. Black-eyed kids, okay. Well, some people even think that black-eyed kids use low-frequency infrasound, which is known to cause reactions in the human nervous system.

But regardless of methods, people come away from back encounters feeling off, beset by anxiety, the shakes, stomach aches, and headaches. Partly, that off feeling comes from the smell. Oftentimes, black-eyed kids smell like rotten eggs, rotten meat, or decaying garbage. And that smell causes nausea that will linger for hours. Kids already smell gross. Yeah. Kids smell real bad.

Babies smell good. Yeah, babies are made to smell good so we don't smash them onto a bunch of fucking rocks. Yeah. Kids smell bad because that's when they're starting to cuddle into adults. Yeah, well, that's when they're starting to take your place, like legitimately just waiting for you to die until they can become dads. Come for me, child. As far as clothes go, becks usually wear jeans and hoodies,

either dark gray or dull white, ill-fitting and baggy to hide their true size and to make their age difficult to discern. Like Billie Eilish. Yeah. That's exactly. I love her. They actually do dress exactly like her, yeah. Holy fucking shit, Billie Eilish is a black-eyed kid.

It's possible. That's why she's so talented. No word if she smells like eggs. She might be. It's cool to not wear deodorant with the kids. It is. This is great. Very catchy pop music.

Now, when it comes to movement, black-eyed kids can silently cross great distances in an instant, moving either much further away or much closer, all in the time it takes to glance to the ground. As far as demeanor goes, black-eyed kids don't usually shout and they never resort to physical violence to get what they want. Instead, they stand there emotionless, talking in a quiet, hypnotic voice that first asks then demands to be let inside. Oh my god.

Black-eyed kids are, the way you can kind of bulliel down the phenomenon is that they arrive unnoticed, they arrive unasked for, and you don't know what the hell they are. It's normally, they say early evening is the most common time for a visitation of a black-eyed kid. Like around dinner time? Or they just got out of play rehearsal. I don't know where they go to school. They come to your house, they knock, and they normally ask for something very simple.

Normally it's like for food or to be let inside. Can I use your bathroom? Can I use your bathroom is also a very common phrase that they say. Wow, we just triggered every single Starbucks worker that's listening right now. Absolutely. But they come, they try to get entrance into your home. So normally you don't really want them in there because you look at them and you're super creeped out because they always do the Stanley Kubrick reveal where they always, our heads

are down and they ask a bunch of weird questions and then their eyes go up. You see the all black eyes and you go, what the fuck is this fucking thing? And then you slam the door on a child. Is it possible there's just an orphanage that burned down? Even worse, even worse you let an orphan in the house next to you know they're acting like you're your child. They need to be loved, Henry. Well the request, I mean they're always very short simple sentences.

It won't take long. You need to let us in. Invite us into your car. We're just young people who need a ride. So on and so forth. I'm just a young man who needs a ride. I'm going to start saying that more often. I'm going to get in my Uber, every time I get in an Uber.

I'm just a young man who needs a ride. That will get you a quick roll up of the window especially back in the day before automatic windows where you actually had to chug along and roll it up real fast. Well in fact the case of needing a ride was actually how the very first documented case of the modern black eyed kids came about. Now this actually happened very, very close to my hometown of Rochester. In the parking lot of a discount movie theater in Abilene, Texas. About a block away from Pam's Pets.

The best god damn pet store in town. Wow. How many are there in town? I don't know. All I know is that Pam's Pets is fucking great. Used to go there all the time when I was a kid. Me and my mom would go by fish. Fucking great place.

They let you rub your dick on the rabbits. I fucking love Pam's Pets. They have birds that would talk all the time. When you go you talk to the birds and you whisper to the bird like hey bird fuck you. So you try to see if they get the bird to shout fuck you. It's great. Yeah. Did the bird seem happy to be in caged in Pam's Pets as opposed to be outside in the

wonderful world of Rochester, Texas. Bird was a bird. I don't know what the bird is all about. Birds don't, they don't know man. Oh birds don't. Yeah they don't want to fly. Well I don't know. I'm sure the bird wanted to fly but I'm not, I don't know how happy a bird is.

I also feel like when a bird is called like Pam's Pets is it more like Pam is always kind of regretful of selling one of her pets because they're all birds. Yeah it could be that or it could be one of those fantastic Rubbentuck places. Yeah. Sometime. Oh Pam Pets. You get it. Yeah yeah.

Well sometime in 1996 a writer for the Abilene Reporter News named Brian Bethel drove to the Camelot Communications Office to pay for his dial-up internet bill using the night payment slot between 9.30 and 10 p.m. Wow you set that firmly in 1996. Oh dude I used Camelot Communications when I was growing up. That's how I first got on the internet. It's fucking Camelot Communications. Mmm Camelot.

Mmm Camelot. Say what you want about modern technology. Yes it can be very invasive, it can be depressing but my god that is a horrible thing to have to do. Go pay your frickin' electricity bill at night and drop it off in a slot. I remember paying my phone bill of the 7-Eleven brah. Why OG dude? Why was the 7-Eleven your phone?

Anyway. Fucking kiosk brah. Okay. Live from your grave. Now as opposed to many Black Eyed Kids stories that came after this story gained popularity on the early internet, Brian Bethel's experience with Black Eyed Kids is all the more disturbing for just how simple it was. See the Camelot Communications offices were right next door to the Westwood Twin Cinema

and since the Marquis at the movie theater was on that night, advertising Mortal Kombat months after its release, Westwood Twin was the discount theater. That was the first Mortal Kombat man, this is so 1996, I can smell my fucking elementary school dude. I love it. Yeah. And because Mortal Kombat was being advertised, Brian had higher visibility in his car and in such, Brian was using the light of the Marquis to write out the check for his dial-up

bill when two young boys in hoodies, aged 9 and 12 by Brian's estimate, knocked on his driver's side window. Thinking the kids just wanted money, Brian rolled down the window, but as soon as he was exposed, he was overwhelmed with fear. But even so, upon first look, the boys appeared fairly normal. One was red-headed, pale-skinned and freckled, while the other was olive-skinned, curly-headed, and in Brian's words, suave. Suave?

He described the child as suave. Yeah. Suave, a suave 14-year-old boy, or a suave 12-year-old boy, very suave. Oh yeah, I always think of that. I always think of a child that I think charming. Okay. Now, Suave Boy opened the conversation by saying that they'd both shown up at the Westwood Twin to catch a showing of Mortal Kombat, but they'd left their money at home, so they

wanted to see if Brian would invite them into his car to give them a ride back to their mom's place so they could get money to come back and watch Mortal Kombat. If you can please let us into your car. I have raiden fever, and the only thing that can fix it is sweet, sweet lightning bolts. Oh, I can't wait for the new Mortal Kombat. I don't care what anyone says. I'm excited. Now, Brian, feeling uneasy, he glanced up at the marquee and saw that the last showing

of Mortal Kombat had started quite a while ago. But when he questioned the kids about this, they stonewalled him with simple short statements. But ass, but no ass. They told him that it was a short trip. It wouldn't take long. They were only just two little kids. We don't have a gun, don't worry. But as the conversation went on and on, Brian finally got a good look at the kids' faces,

and he saw that they were staring at him with cold black eyes. Them eyes is black. Mortal Kombat! Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun! It would be incredible if he did a flying knee out the fucking guard. Your eyes would just fucking have to take him out. This is insane and this guy is just trying to pay his dial up cable bill so he can look at porno without his wife knowing.

Very, very slowly looking at porno. You know how long it took me on fucking Camelot Communications to fucking bring up that picture of Tiffany Amber Thieson where she's showing her tits? This is how we start getting called boomers again. By the way, this whole fucking show too is all about these fucking zoomers, because that's what this is about.

These little black-eyed kids out there, they're on TikTok right now. Wait a minute, someone 12 years old in 1996, I was 13 in 1996. Whoa. Wow, suave, suave, little boy, suave. This could have been me. Actually, I actually got my first fucking stereo

installed in my El Camino at Audio Magic, fucking in the same shopping center. That's incredible. Are you gonna hurt your back with all of these name drops? This is incredible. It's gonna break his toe, it's gonna break his toe with the name drops. But you do have two eyes,

as you describe in this next sentence, as a soulless orbs. So I can see it. Yeah, you describe them as soulless orbs, like two great swaths of starless night, while others have described their beck and counter as having liquid black eyes. Whoa. But Brian, even though he was terrified in the inside,

he kept his cool. He calmly apologized to what he now realized were paranormal beings. I'm sorry, daemons. I'm really sorry about this, and I didn't mean to, honestly, I should have even offered you a ride and realized how tiny a daemon you were.

And honestly, I should have saw by your bodies, you were suave, you don't have a gun. Oh, Texan's apologizing this fun. Mm-hmm. Then he rolled up his window and put the car in reverse. But just as he pulled down the gear shift, the suave boy banged on the window and angrily said, we can't come in unless you tell us it's okay.

Let us in. That is not helping me open these doors. Let us in. No, I feel better in my decision than ever before to not let you in. Now naturally, this statement didn't do anything to alleviate Brian's fears. So he kept hauling ass out of the parking lot,

turned on North First, and headed home without paying his Camelot Communications bill. Oh my God, no porno for that week. Yeah, there goes his ex files bulletin board. Isn't that sad? Now, once Brian got home, he wrote about his experience as a mere writing exercise

and emailed it to a few of his friends. But the story was too good, and his friends shared the story with others. And before Brian knew it, his paranormal experience became one of the first legends to have spread solely through the internet. Cool, nice. Now, of course, Brian has told this story

hundreds of times since 1996, but his story never changes. And to this day, he says that he still feels the same fear and trepidation that he felt that night at the Westwood Twin. Truly, the more and more people I heard tell stories of Black-eyed kids, the more you could see people are genuinely freaked out.

They do have these, and they are fairly often. And I don't know whether or not there is just packs and packs of roving, mean orphans that roam the streets at night, which I honestly am also not ready to discount. Yeah, that's Rochester, Texas. It would be possible.

Is that safe to say, Marcus? It is possible that you would have a roaming gang of 12 year olds? No, I'm from Rochester. We're talking about Abilene here. Abilene, absolutely. Yeah, no, no, that is not out of the realm of possibility that it is merely gangs of 12 year olds roaming

the fucking north first. So people in Rochester, Texas, look down on the people of Abilene? Oh, absolutely not. No, that was just, we had a town of like 300 people. Abilene was the town we would have to drive to to get stuff. Like you have to get. Big city.

400 people. 100,000 in Abilene. Okay, that was a big city. But how fun would it be to fucking drive a bunch of fishtail circles through a bunch of these Black-eyed kids trying to get in your car and the kids just fucking mowing them down?

Fuck, I mean, cool as hell. I don't think you're allowed to kill them. They're demons. Yeah, they're demons or aliens, whichever. You know, it doesn't matter. You can fucking mow them. Whoa, don't bust it. Hybrids, bro.

I just think their kids wanting to go see the movie Mortal Kombat. That's all I know so far. Now, the most common response to this story was that it was just a couple of kids screwing around in a parking lot with black contact lenses. But remember, this was 1996. Black contact lenses were both expensive and rare.

And I don't remember being able to buy black contact lenses at fucking Gadzooks. And the Mall of Abilene still doesn't have a hot topic as of Christmas before last. Now, it's this crack research that people have come to know from this show. That's why we're the best. So if you were even thinking for a second

that they had a hot topic in Abilene. No. You are so wrong. No. You are so wrong. Not as of Christmas before last. Maybe I didn't go deep enough into the Mall. Maybe there is one there now. I will say you might be underestimating the power of kids bored in homes with divorces going on

because the father will do anything to get them on his side. That's a good point. And if they want black contact lenses, he might go out of his way to make sure that they have them just to make their mother upset. Every kid from Abilene that I knew had divorced parents. Yeah.

They might even go over to, like, Monsky. They might go to Monsky to get at it. As far as RudaBaga. As RudaBaga. Absolutely. They have a hot topic in RudaBaga. Fantastic. They have a mild topic, yes. But regardless of the opinions of skeptics,

Brian Bethel was soon being contacted by people all over the country who had similar experiences. And while most of these people were obviously making shit up, one man's story had a ring of truth. And the story even included a fatality. Get over here. Whoa. See, one night in Portland, around the same time

as Brian's experience, a man named John Northwood had been attending a conference that had gone on until about 11 o'clock at night. And he told Brian that on that night, he was getting into his car on the third level of a parking structure at around 11 p.m. when he heard a tapping at his window. But it wasn't a black-eyed kid.

Instead, it was Doug. Doug, get the fuck out of here. It was Doug from the conference. Yeah, he was just a guy who'd attended the conference with John. And after John rolled down his window, Doug informed him that there were some kids circling Doug's car.

Two boys and a girl that Doug described as, quote, weird, freaky, goth-o-matic, and scary as shit. Woo! I do think that Doug is like, oh, there are some kids. Oh, man, some kids were throwing it out of my car. These guys, these kids. They were like, goth-o-matic. They were weird.

They are weird. Some freaky kids are keeping me from out of, getting out of my car there, buddy. What all Doug wanted was one guy to go to the local Apple Bees and have a big Bud Light with them, because you know how sad and lonely these guys get at their conferences. Yeah.

Well, Doug said that they looked like they were between the ages of 10 and 15, but seemed way too intense for kids those age. Apparently, one of them had asked for a ride, and Doug had declined, but they still wouldn't leave him alone. So Doug figured that John could do him a favor by driving him around the parking lot a few times

until they left. And John, seeing how freaked out Doug was, he agreed to help out. I will say, it has to be pretty freaky if you are freaked out by three 10-year-olds. It's 11 PM at night, and also because it's 1996, you can see them be like, can I have a ride? And then pointing to his back windshield

where there is a sticker that says ass, grass, or cash, no one rides for free, and then they realize they don't have any of those things. So no, you don't get a ride. But you're immediately in a crime, because you're offering weed or to suck a child's penis just by a sign. No, they would offer it to you for the ride.

Still, opposite. Difficult. But as they talked about the kids more and more, John felt the overwhelming urge to actually look at them. Seriously, I'd be like, let me look at these kids. OK, this is this scary, let me see these kids. Yeah, but he described it as an itching behind his eyes. A little more, it was a little more disturbing

than just mere curiosity. So he drove back to Doug's car where the scariest kids were still waiting. They approached the car and directly addressed Doug. The youngest said, quote, It's scary out there all alone. We just wanted a wide hall. Then the older kid looked at Doug and said, quote,

You promised you'd help us out. Skeeter, Skeeter, is that you, Skeeter from Rugrats? No, from Doug. Oh my God, I'm Doug, I'm your Skeeter. Oh my God, I just realized you're Skeeter and I'm Doug. Yeah, Doug. The Doug started freaking out a bit again. And so he,

Oh, these guys are weird. Oh, these guys are freaky, got them back. And he said he didn't know who they were. And at the same time, John started feeling nauseous. And at that point, Doug started to get out of the car. But the kids, according to John, took on a different appearance. I think Doug was going to get out and try to like, shoot him away.

Stay in the car, always stay in the car. If you got three 10 year olds, the only way to do is you got to do some haymakers, dude. You got to do the big spinning punches. You got to get them all at once. You got to, you got to scatter them. Yeah, but it's a 10 year old, a 13 year old and a 15 year old.

They're between 10 and 15. And I'm not picking a fight with a fucking 15 year old. I'm not anymore. They got nothing to lose. Absolutely not. Now suddenly, as Doug was getting out of the car, the kids looked much older than they'd appeared before. And their eyes, of course, turned solid black.

Oh my God. So Doug realizes he's the worst character from Streets of Rage. And he realizes he's completely in over his head. Stay in the car. Yeah. Now John said that once he saw their eyes, he about pissed himself.

And Doug got back in the car as fast as he could. Oh, God, we're never going to get the happy hour. They just want their after, after conference drink. Oh God, these are weed, you're weed, kids. Doug. Now once Doug was back in, John peeled out and drove away while the black-eyed kids gave chase. And John claimed that he felt like he was actually

about to die. Leaving Doug's car behind, they drove to the bottom of the parking structure. And sure enough, the kids had somehow beaten them to the ground floor. Still, Doug and John drove past. And when John turned around to look, the black-eyed kids were gone.

God, man, just you and your other 40-year-old friend just so scared by kids in the parking lot. Well, do we know if that parking lot was a, was it built on a former preschool that had some mass casualty occur? Do we know was it a haunted parking structure? There's a couple of people that postulate that black-eyed kids, and I'm saying one caller

on coast to coast, they have to sound like the most lonely man in the world, that these were the spirits of children who have committed suicide. Meanwhile, my black-eyed kids haven't seen me in 23 years. They said I was a horrible father. They refused. I'm dying now.

I'm a black-eyed guy. They won't even see me. I had to go to work at the black-eyed accountancy firm every day for them. And Doug and John aren't even friends. They met at the conference that day. They're barely acquaintances. Marcus, that's the most bonding you could ever do

with a person. You did all the trust work. Yes. Well, after they waited outside of the parking lot for 10 minutes or so, the fear subsided. So they drove back to get Doug's car. The kids were gone. So Doug figured, hey, I can just start up my car

and head home. Uh-oh. Now, it's quite possible that Doug was simply distracted from his paranormal encounter. But as John followed him home, just to be safe, John was struck once more with the feeling of menace. And at that moment, Doug misjudged a yellow light. A truck came barreling through the intersection,

hit his car, and killed Doug instantly. What? Holy shit. And you could just see John holding Doug in his lap as Doug dies. And he was like, I can't believe I'm fucking dying here, bro. This is fucking weird, dude. It's so weird.

I'm about to be a goth-o-matic ghost, dude. Oh, Doug. I can't believe we made best friends this weekend, bro. I know. It's been so nice to know you. The worst day to die is the same day you have a 12-hour conference learning about the differences between ethanol and propane.

Doug, Doug, please, before you go, what's your last name? It's Booty, Booty Liquor. Is that a bit? Yeah, I fucking got you, dude. And that's the only way that they knew that they loved each other forever and ever and ever. Man, I've never met a mother. Then just as John finished giving his report

to the police on what happened, he once more saw the Black-eyed kids staring at him from a distance. Ah! Oh my god. Zimp! John got in his car, drove away as fast as he could, and never saw the Black-eyed kids again. They weren't there for John.

They were there for Doug. And they got what they came for. Wow. But John and Doug's encounter wasn't the only one that occurred in Portland. In August, in the year 2000, an English couple were partying in a Portland hotel when the boyfriend went to his car at around 2 AM

to get a little refill on the wine. Why do I feel like the English couple partying in just big old dresses and just like, how do English people party in a hotel room? I really have no idea what they do. I figure they still ballroom dance. I think they ballroom dance. They binge drink and they vomit.

Oh, OK. Well, the Englishman claimed that when he reached into the trunk to get the tipple, the air began to mist, and he heard a voice call, quote, hey, mister. The Englishman turned around and saw a calm and confident teenager wearing old jeans and a hoodie, sporting oddly tan skin, jet black hair, and liquid black eyes.

Suave. Very suave. As the Black-eyed child leered at the Englishman with all the intent of a wolf, he said, quote, hey, I'm lost and scared. Do you think you could give me a ride to my mom's house? He's a pretty cool kid. The being then moved closer, staring intently,

while the Englishman averted his gaze to the ground, saying that he felt that if he kept staring into the child's black eyes, he would become trapped like a fly in a spider's web. Cool. Now at this point, the Englishman naturally apologized. And the child said, quote, oh, that's OK. Here come my friends.

Jeez. He didn't laugh maniacally like the Joker. Well, yeah. He got my boy. You're scary. You're a 13-year-old boy, scaring the hell out of me. And it was at that point that another Black-eyed boy and a Black-eyed girl appeared behind him

in the middle of the street, giving every impression that they were floating a couple of inches off of the ground. You're never alone. You're never disrespected. You start full on rumble. I love a good show tunes. Surprisingly, the Englishman then hauled ass on foot, driven by true terror.

He returned to his hotel room in obvious distress. But since he was ashamed to say he'd been terrified by three American children, he told his girlfriend that some, quote unquote, thugs had tried starting a fight with him. You can see the British dude running away, and his bones are so brittle that they're snapping a terminator that got sprayed with liquid nitrogen,

and then slowly he makes it to his girlfriend's house and or the apartment. And I guess they cuddled. That is nice. But I can see a British person being scared of an American child. Of course. I'm scared by British children.

I'm not scared. Well, I'm only scared by British children in bonnets in old houses. That is my main. I don't like them. I don't like them. I don't like British children covered in soot, because they will steal from you.

They will. But an American child is just like the child Fremen, and if you want to do some dune talk, they are just as dangerous as the adults. I actually don't even know if that's necessarily true. I think the British child on the breakfast of beans and toast and sausage is just innately stronger than the American child who has the moon pie.

Wow, you are being un-American. I know. It's just hard for me to say. However, an American child is as likely to be armed as an American adult. OK, point counterpoint. Yeah, kids get guns, so love guns. That's right, so the Americans have guns,

and the British kids have beans for breakfast. So yes, I guess the Americans are more dangerous. Most Texan children get armed at around the age of 9 or 10. You get your first gun around that age, and that gun is not a BB gun, shotgun, fully capable of killing another human being. Well, that's great. That's great.

While it seems like Black-eyed kids' encounters can become concentrated in a single area, they actually happen all over the United States. And one encounter, in particular, happened in the Midwest to a prison guard named Paul. Now, when Paul told his story to author David Weatherly, he made sure that David knew Paul didn't believe in UFOs or Bigfoot's or any of that bullshit.

I do not, and I will not. But he just grabs the author, but he's right before you. He grabs him, and he pulls him around the room a little bit, and then he puts him back in the chair. But let me tell you about the time I was scared by these children. I was scared. Paul said that he had the house to himself one night when he heard a slow, continuous knock at his door

that grew louder with each knock. When Paul opened that door, he saw two young boys, aged 12 and 14, wearing jeans and hoodies. As usual, the older one spoke first and said, quote, Hey, we just wanted to stop Ben for a bit. Now, the familiarity that the teenager used confused Paul, so he asked who they were. Yeah.

Stonewalling, the older Beck said, Oh, well, it's getting kind of late. Can we come in for a bit? Oh my god, you can't let the kids in. It's at this point that Paul saw the black eyes, which naturally caused some consternation. Now, what's interesting about black-eyed kids' stories is that when people see the black eyes,

they don't necessarily run away in fear, or they don't even necessarily close the door. Instead, it seems as if they're caught in some sort of psychic hole, which is exactly what happened to Paul. After Paul saw the eyes, the older boy told him it would be good if you let us in. You don't have to think about it.

All you got to do is ask us in. Let the boy sleep in your house. This is very interesting. What? I'm sleeping here. Fantastic reference to a 1993 SNL sketch. You're in 1990s right now. I know.

This is it. This is the time of the hurly he boy. Come on. Yes, indeed. Now, for some reason, Paul just stood and listened until he heard one very specific sentence, which was this. It's OK. This won't take long.

After hearing that, Paul shut the door. But the boys kept knocking. They always do. And boys always knocking, then. Eventually, the knocking stopped. But just when Paul thought the whole thing was over, the black-eyed kids very suddenly appeared in his window, staring into his living room.

And that's when Paul went to fetch his gun. Yeah. But when he returned, the black-eyed kids were gone. Do we know if the black-eyed kids, did they target anyone who had a bad history of abusing children, perhaps? Because I feel like this would be a great hell for like a Jimmy Savile or, you know,

a series of other very famous pedophiles. You might have seen a new song. Well, I don't have the time. But I feel like they could have really been hunting people who deserved it. But it seems like these people are all right. According to the author of Black-Eyed Kids, he says the only real constant thread about amongst people,

he calls them victims. And I'm not ready to call them victims. I'm going to say that they are witnesses to black-eyed kids. They, the one thing is that some of them are higher-profile people, or quote-unquote like people that have jobs that involve some level of responsibility. Like Doug was in charge of the saran wrap. I don't fucking know what you're talking about.

Every job does imply you have some responsibility. Otherwise, you don't have a job. Oh, not responsibility, perhaps authority. I mean, Paul is a prison guard. Yeah, yeah. Paul is a prison guard. The next guy is a Marine. Yeah.

A Marine known as Reaper 3-1. Oh my god, I am very scared of him. You should be. But these also, they chose the men in black quality, which is the idea of when people were surrounded by men in black or in a close proximity to a men in black, you feel physically uneasy. And the one thing that we've talked about with Grace

before, and people have had that type of experience where they say it feels like the hairs in the back of your neck are standing up. Like you are literally meeting an entity that is not anything you recognize at all. It gives you the shivers. Gives you the shivers. Henry, do you feel that more because you have more hair?

I am more sensitive, psychically sensitive, because of my back area. Isn't that interesting? I also know exactly how big tubes are. Life from your grave. Well, Reaper 3-1 said that the black-eyed kids appeared on his doorstep claiming that they were cold. And they wanted to come inside to read.

OK. Reaper 3-1 felt the fear just like everyone else. But close the door at the moment the becs took a step towards him. I mean, that's kind of a pattern in their statements, too, where the first part of the sentence has nothing to do with the second part of the sentence. I am cold.

I need to read. I need to read. And then I need to come inside of your house. And then that's also very similar to a vampire. The idea that they have to be invited in. They don't ever break in. They don't just show up. They don't come through the window.

But they will stare at you for a very long time. WWE's The Fiend. That's his whole catchphrase. Let me in. And you do have to allow him in. And of course, that's why we lock our doors here, because let's never forget Richard Chase took it as an invitation if your doors weren't locked.

So just keep that little door locked. Now, we have some idea as to what happens if a black-eyed kid is invited inside a house or car or whatever. But it seems like it's never a good idea to even be in the presence of a black-eyed kid for too long. Now, there's one particularly odd instance of a black-eyed kid being let inside.

But this encounter might be a little different, because the beck in question happened to knock on the door of a small party in Nashville. Oh, man, you're invited to any party in Nashville. Well, absolutely. That's why Nashville is the best. Can't wait to come to Grundy County here in a couple of hours.

Grundy! Grundy! And when the black-eyed kid arrived, his eyes weren't black. And as far as the party was concerned, this is just another guy looking to have a couple of drinks. And as it was, every kid. Until he was noticeably a child.

But at the same time, things are easy. And you can let a kid have a beer every once in a while. Is this a deleted scene from the John Wayne Gacy documentary? So they were just like, yeah, that kid needs a nip of whiskey. He's 12. I love having a kid in here. Yeah, just having a good-natured porno party in here. Come on, come on, come on.

And as it was, everything did indeed go fine until the beck asked a dude at the party this question. If I could give you anything, what would it be? Are you the Wishmaster? Be careful what you wish for. I always make it ironic. I know. I know you do.

It's always deeply unsettling. I know. That's why I know. So if I asked to be admired, you're going to turn me into a statue. Yes. I know. Thank you.

I hate you always, no. I know. I wouldn't be surprised. Literally, you get all of your ideas from Goosebumps. So shut up. Now, being a simple man, when the guy was asked, what can I, if I could give you anything, what would it be? He responded with, quote, money in Lindsay Lohan.

And that's where things, yeah, that's what he, when a paranormal entity asked the question. I told was Lindsay Lohan in 2000. I don't know. How old was she? Because I think she's coming off of the parent trap. This might have been 2008 or so. I think this might have been a little bit further on.

This was legal Lindsay Lohan time. OK, because right now, all I know is they let a child enter their party and the one wish this man wanted was enough money to go on the lamb with Lindsay Lohan, who might also be a child. I don't know. They were also teenagers.

It was like a teenager party. Yeah, they're like kids. They're hanging out. They're like 15, 16, 17, hanging out. OK, that clarifies a bit. Look, you're pretending like you never had a party when you were 14, 15, 16, 17. I started partying when I was 12, rock and roll, constantly.

And if you didn't, you were not in my group. No, of course we rocked and roll, man. He's a sad childhood. Yeah, what a great childhood. Yeah, this is not a right time. I've been fucking getting wasted. So I was 12, rock and roll, bro. Look at the bottom of the sky.

Who was rock and roll, dude? We had so much rock and roll time, it was crazy fun. Actually, the mustache does say I've been drinking since I was 12 years old. I have been not just, I've been like cool guy. Like, I was a haggard 13-year-old. Now, the Beck said that he could give the dude those things in exchange for his soul and a human sacrifice.

And as he spoke, his eyes grew blacker and blacker. Sure. But the dude was undeterred. And he asked the black-eyed kid, give me the name of my grandma. Tell me the name of my grandma. And the black-eyed kid, without hesitation, said, Megan Jane Hofstetter.

It was correct. Wow, that's amazing. The dude didn't take up the offer, and the Beck left. But everyone at the party said they dreamed of the Beck that night and had a strange feeling of weirdness and creepiness for days after. And what he didn't know is that when I was going to bring him the money and Lindsay Lohan,

I was going to bring him monopoly money and a bunch of shit all piled up into a weird lumpy thing that looked like Lindsay Lohan. You would call it Lindsay Lohan. Well, that is just you are such a clever, clever little wishmaster. I'm out of ideas. It seems like it, yeah.

Now, those uneasy feelings are pretty common during Beck encounters. But the consequences of such an encounter, especially when Becks are invited inside, can be much more dire. So usually, a person's fight or flight response is triggered in the presence of a black-eyed kid, or that's at least the case amongst people who

live to tell the tale. Yeah, bump it up. All right. There are some, however, who let the black-eyed kids in and survive. In one instance, a couple of Becks knocked on a family's door at 2 AM. And since the Becks appeared to be so young,

the Good Natured family let them inside immediately without really asking any questions. This is where I am different. I don't trust fucking kids. They wait at the gate. Yeah. Yeah, but if they're in the- Until the cops come, I guess.

I call 311, or I call somebody else to come get these children away from the house. What are your parents' numbers? I will call your parents. You wait on the porch until your parents come. Yeah, because I know you're stealing. Yeah. I know what you're doing.

Look at their everybody's panties. What if they don't have any parents? They're shit out of luck. What? Go get some. Go talk to Mr. Bazinger next door. He's going to tell you. You're going to send him to the town pedophile,

Mr. Bazinger? He's the one who I can't see. He's the only one who can stand having a party filled with children. We send all the kids to Mr. Bazinger. We never see any of them come back out. I guess he's a great father. I have no idea.

Anyway, why is the police over at his house right now? It was really only when the kids came into the light that the family realized how odd both their appearance and their behavior really was. But nevertheless, the wife tried putting a sheen of normalcy on everything by making hot cocoa for the becs. As the kids assured the family that they shouldn't worry

that their parents would be there soon, the husband and wife started feeling dizzy. And finally, the black-eyed kids revealed their inky irises. And upon seeing their eyes, the wife dropped the cocoa. The becs asked to use the bathroom. Blood began pouring out of the husband's nose. And the power in the house went out.

Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. I mean, we were just having cocoa. That escalated very quickly. But instead of making the family disappear, as it's assumed black-eyed kids do to people who let them in, the becs stood up suddenly and said that their parents had arrived. Oh, wow.

Sure enough, the wife looked outside to see a car idling on the street. And driving that car was who else but two tall, pale adults wearing black suits, which sounds a hell of a lot to me, like the men in black. Come on, come on, Billy, come on, Jerry, we're gonna take you to the diner now. That's a fantastic thing to do with a child.

It's such a cute idea of like the men in black family. Or do you think, okay, I'll postulate this. Men in black don't have children on their own. They don't procreate. They are all birthed out of the interdimensional, whatever the eighth tower, right? I've been reading John Keel a lot recently. And so they all come out of this fucking hole,

the uterus in the universe, and they all slide out of it. But the kids are more like the kid version of men in black. They are men in black babies. So they do procreate. But they stay kids. No, they are coming out, they're the same brand as men in black, but they're children version of them. Oh, and they never grow old.

Oh, and they never grow old. Yeah, they never grow old. If that's the case, then why did black-eyed children not really appear before 1996? Because of the children labor laws. Interesting, even in the eighth, what was it, the eighth dimension? The eighth tower.

The eighth tower had good child labor laws, but then they relaxed them. They relaxed them. It was the opposite. They used to have really hard labor laws that we can't work our children. And then they realized, oh, we're leaving some workforce on the table.

I see. Yeah, interesting. Okay, that makes sense. Now, this family showed certain strange maladies after their back encounter, not unlike what many people report after an alien abduction. The husband's nosebleeds continued

and actually got worse. He was diagnosed with skin cancer. The wife suffered dizzy spells and also got nosebleeds. Their cats disappeared and their pet bird very suddenly died of a hemorrhage. It is crazy, but it also comes through with alien abductions. Even just seeing a craft a lot of times

that you'll get pink eye. That's also very, very common. And various cancers. I think they might need to sleep with a humidifier. It might just be very dry in that house. Yeah, everyone needs a humidifier. The nosebleeds. Pink eye, don't you get that

when you don't wash your hands after you wipe your butt and you rub your eye? Yeah, shit eye. No, no, no, no. Oh my God. You are such a juvenile. You get it after having wonderful coitus with a loved one.

What? Yes, my friend got it. That's not good. That's from a coitus situation. It's because he was licking asshole. Yeah, he was eating butt. That's eating butt. That's how you eat butt.

You put your eye on the butt, you guys. And your face is in the ass. You gotta do a good look at that butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happened. Making coitus. Do you know what you also get it from, which is why you have to wear goggles

when you go on a tenning bed, is you get it from the UV rays. Oh, interesting, interesting. Yeah, isn't it? If it's halfway true. Well, tell me, are there's no such thing as a black-eyed uncle? Well, that's a good one.

I need to know whether or not there are schools and some sort of daycare center for these black-eyed kids. I agree. I agree. Now, certain Beck believers, or Beckers, as you might call them. Do they call themselves Beckers?

I think that's the fan base for, I think that's the fan base for Becker, the TV show. That's it. Yeah. Beckerheads. What was his name? That's Beckerheads, with Ted Danson.

No, that's Beckeranians. Beckeranians. Beckeranians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Beckers. Well, no, a Beckist is someone who doesn't like a Beckeranian. Racist against Ted Danson.

Let's go with Beckerheads. We'll go Beckerheads. Now, Beckers say that this proves that Becks are soul-eaters or demons who use hypnotic energy to keep their victims transfixed in one spot until they've had their fill of soul energy. Literally, and they have come from inner-earth,

that they're something akin to what we'd call a demon, but also maybe something like an inter-dimensional type of thing like a reptilian. What do you mean? That feeds off of our energy. They have semen from inter-earth. They've, what do you mean? They're sprung from the inter-dimensional hole

in the side, in our earth. Is the earth full of cum in the middle? I can't even understand you. Can I just understand you? Is it like a moorlock? Do you mean like moorlocks? You're being too literal. It is way more of a,

you got, it's an inter-dimensional fang, baby. You just don't understand. I hate you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right, cool. Put it on a bumper sticker. I like it. Well, this particular brand of Becker goes on to further say

that the lack of Beck stories involving people who actually invited the Becks in is either due to the traumatic nature of the encounter or because the people who invite in a black-eyed kid become just one more missing person statistic. That's how you turn nothing into evidence. Absolutely. How many family annihilators right now

just being like with any luck they'll blame it on black-eyed kids? God, please freaking help. Now, even if you reject a black-eyed kid's invitation request, it's said that even a short encounter will produce nightmares, loss of appetite, agoraphobia, sleeplessness, headaches,

and general aches and pains. Just like COVID. Yeah, yeah. Some people even develop tumors and a fair amount require appendectomies soon after. Hold on a second. What is an, what is that one? When you get your append, append is taken out.

Appendix, appendix taken out. They say you don't need it. You don't need it, is it? Isn't it weird? We don't need it anymore. It was used to absorb the grasses. It was vesicle. It was vesicle.

vesicle, vesicle, vesicle. I love drunk Uncle Scientist night. Well, one woman named Beth who was actually touched by a beck said that after her encounter she got sick and lost her job, her car was broken into, and her boyfriend left her

all in one week's time. Can I pause it? What if Beth just sucked? There's no way that she did. There's no way that she sucked. I don't know, I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Now who knows why, but Beth figured the experience

necessitated a visit to a psychic, and the psychic told her that she'd been visited by two kids with solid black eyes, and they had unfortunately cursed her. But instead of offering help, the psychic said that she couldn't risk those things showing up at her fucking place. I love it.

So Beth is gonna have to go somewhere else to solve the fucking problem. Just don't bring your shit here. That's when Beth knows she is in over her head. Well, she went to a priest, and apparently the priest squared everything away. Yeah, cause they always make shit up. Where I mean, the psychic, they understand.

They don't want it. Mostly it's just about like, oh, you're attracting demons. I just, I can't right now. It's mostly because the priest was jealous that the kids wanted to come into her house, and he's been sitting there trying to court children for the past 25 years, and now one kid has knocked on his door.

Where are they? Exactly. You mean to tell me they don't have any parents? And this is where the ultimate flip happens, where the black-eyed children are now testifying against the Catholic Church in Boston, because they were molested by this priest. And we need to talk about that.

You do. I wanted to say, I do a Catholic Mass earlier today. It was strange. They're really scary. I honestly think that more of these black-eyed kids should get molested, so they leave us alone. No, they should be more afraid of adults. No one should be molested, not even demons.

Oh wow. Okay, wow. I agree with Marcus. 2021, you don't want to be as bad as they are, then aren't you the demon? Then aren't you indeed the demon? That's what I say. That's right.

Now what's interesting about the black-eyed kids is that they actually have a counterpart, the white-eyed kids. Oh. However, while one would think that the white-eyed kids are a more heavenly reflection, possibly Beck hunters. Cool. Some theorize that the Wex are actually the Bex bosses.

Whoa. By some assumptions, it's said that the eyes denote rank. In this case, black-eyes indicate lower-level demons, workaday stiffs collecting and eating the world soul by soul, while white-eyes indicate the managerial class of demon. Why does it have to be like this? Just so I can prepare the audience of myself.

At any point does this get anti-semitic? No, no, no, no, there's no yamaha-eyed kids. No, no, no, no, no. Because it seems like right now they're going with social constructs that we... No, they merely chose white because white is the opposite of black. Okay.

White-eyed kids, black-eyed kids. It could have been green-eyed kids, could have been red-eyed kids, could have been any kind of kid. Fuchsia-eyed kids. But they don't make fuchsia-eyed kids. They make black-eyed kids, they make white-eyed kids. Oh. And then they make no-eyed kids.

Oh. And those kids are the saddest of all. Oh. Well, people who have encountered the white-eyed kids said that they show better mind control, better levitation abilities, and superhuman strength despite their size. Oh, no.

Okay. But now that we've talked about black-eyed kids for a while, it's only reasonable that we ask, what are they? What are you? How do I reach these kids? Do any gas pumps work in this country? Wow.

One theory is that they are ghosts or spirits like the hungry ghosts of China. China, to take care of their spirits, they actually have a hungry ghost festival in the seventh month of the Chinese calendar during the full moon. Oh my God, do they have ghost tourism? Yeah.

Yeah. It said that at this time, the gates of hell are open and the hungry ghosts are free to roam, looking for food and entertainment which the festival kindly provides. That sounds like a lot of fun. It sounds like so much fun because you're looking at Ron and you guys are both in hell

and you're like, oh my God, it's almost time for the ghost festival. And then you get another pineapple shoved of your asshole, but you're like, it's almost time to get one day off. I would say I like the, a lot of these guys, especially hungry ghosts, it's like fun because I like ghosts with more weapons. Yeah.

Like a more dangerous ghost. Absolutely. When Tibet, these wandering spirits are called the Yedak, while the Hindus refer to them as the Preta. And some theorize that the black-eyed kids are merely the American interpretation of the age-old hungry ghost or lost spirit legend. Interesting.

It like aliens that we have talked about many times, the pan-dimensional theory of all of these, these different entities, the idea that they are all of the same thing. Whatever they are, it's the extension of the same energy and we translate them according to what it is that we find scary, we do, or otherworldly, whatever it is that we feel out of place,

especially the idea of, because we are human minds work and we see faces in things and the eyes are such an essential part of the base, like the idea of seeing that them being blacked out is specifically pinning them against humankind. Like it's making them noticeable and stick out. It makes you, it's why they don't get let in half the time. It's because they are,

they are immediately, visibly other. I saw an alligator in the clouds the other day. It looked to be an alligator. Even though you know it's a cloud, your brain is like, oh, that's an alligator. It's an alligator. But you know it's a cloud. See, just trying to say you see alligators in things.

No, the human mind sees things that you can then place, you know, because I know what an alligator looks like. And you're driving. You've been driving around. What does an alligator look like? Could you describe an alligator to me right now? Yes, an alligator looks like, it's got four feet and a long nose and a long tail.

And it looks like it's got a wide little tummy. I actually don't know how to describe it. It's got a scales. I think it's like a weaponized dog. Yeah, but like a dinosaur fish. It's kind of got cute. If you just look at its hands, it's kind of cute because it can't really do anything with them.

If you've seen the meme of the gif of the alligator floating through the water and how cute they are, they look real scary up top. They're just relaxing. So anyway, I have no idea how to describe an alligator. I failed. I literally did not pass kindergarten. Of course, considering how close the black-eyed kids are

in appearance and behavior to the men in black, it's not surprising that there's a whole camp that believes the black-eyed kids are the product of alien human hybrid breeding programs. Wow. I completely, that is one of those fun middle reasons that I really, really like. I like this theory.

This is my favorite one. Well then why wouldn't they send the black-eyed kids to the people that they abducted so then they can have their kids? I believe because they don't want that. They specifically don't want that. The grays, every time you talk about these various abduction scenarios where they're shown their children,

they only want the human, the human mother, to interact with a child a lot of the times to either give milk straight up as an infant or give some form of affection or emotion because grays, at the time, for what we know of them, are not capable of high levels of emotion. And that's where they look at us. They're actually jealous of our ability

to feel things like empathy, that they wish that they could be like us, but they don't want them to have them when they're older. It feels like now these are kids, these are alien hybrid kids that are running around trying to act like suave adults. Seems like these grays are taking the hands, may tail a little too seriously

and they are making it a reality and I don't think that's right. They gotta stop watching Oprah's book club. Well, that's a great show. Well, there's actually one woman who claims that she did have some encounters with her black-eyed children. After she was a part of the Alien-Human Hybrid Program.

She said that, her name was Maria, she said when she was 25, the grays took all her eggs and 10 years later, two black-eyed kids knocked on her door. By her account, she felt like they were her children, but she was unable to speak in her presence. But when her husband showed up, the becs disappeared and were never seen again.

Ah. Yeah, but the reason why people say that they quite possibly are a result of the Alien-Human Hybrid Breeding Program is because of the black eyes. They got the same black eyes as the grays, the same liquidy black eyes. All right.

Of course, there are many who are convinced that the black-eyed kids are demons walking the earth. But the author of a book on the black-eyed kids laments that because of the lack of professionally trained demonologists, it's impossible to tell for sure. David Weatherly is a little bit, this is when they, when guys start deciding,

he's a wannabe. Oh. He's a wannabe demonologist. Oh, wow. All of this kind of slides into his weird Christian, like theosophy, I don't know what the hell you'd even call it, where he believes that the black-eyed kids exist to help people get closer,

to want to get closer to God. Because he has found several, what he calls the sort of, the after effect of engaging with a black-eyed kid is that people wanna go back to church and he think that's good. And I think that that is bad. Good for business, I guess, okay.

Evidence for the demon theory includes the feelings of fear and anxiety brought on by the bex presence. And of course, there's obviously the eyes that's very demonic. But the weird thing, something I'd never heard of before, they say that they're demons

because people are unable to describe the hands and feet of the bex. Why? According to some people who believe demons walk the earth, the hands and feet of a demon often appear distorted. And it could be that the eyes are simply there to distract

from the horrific extremities. They might, I wouldn't be surprised if they look like Raw versus SmackDown, the 2000 video game where it's just kind of a cube that's pixelated and you can kind of see it. And? It might be, but I also kind of assume because they're all wearing hoodies

that their hands are in their pockets. Yeah. No, you don't. That's weird. I say show me your hands, if someone wants to have- Show me your hands. Show me your hands.

Now, of course, demons have the rotting egg smell which sometimes comes with black-eyed kids. But perhaps- Grace. Also with Grace. But perhaps the strongest reasoning comes from the claim that they are, in fact, kids. See, the demon-beckers think that a demon

would appear in a forum that's harmless to gain their victim's trust, which also plays on the natural instinct to care for children, which puts evil on top of evil. Ultimate fucking trick, dude. Yeah. Interesting.

Have it a family. Fascinating. Finally, some think the black-eyed kids are vampires, but really that only tracks because the black-eyed kids can't come inside unless they're invited, and because both black-eyed kids and vampires used mind control.

But psychic vampire, perhaps. They sound like it has that attribute. Do you think it's can't come inside or won't come inside? I think it's can't come inside. Hmm. I think they can't. There's some weird rule, some weird law. I don't know what it is.

Why would you think they wouldn't come inside? Maybe it's because- They don't want to get somebody pregnant. They get it. That's why you're here. Yeah, that's right. I brought that to the show. I think that they wouldn't come inside

because possibly they're something about the magical, like extra zhuzh of being invited inside. Because if people want it, then that makes it better. You get more of the juice. You get more of the juice. Because we do believe that black-eyed kids- Well, why wouldn't it be the opposite? Well, it's because black-eyed kids-

Maybe it's like- Because with their fear? I'm going by monster's ink rules? You're true. That's correct because they might feed off of negative vibes. But I'm going to go by meat rules and say that if there's more adrenaline, then the meat's not going to taste as good.

Okay. So the more scared they are, the worse the soul tastes. I don't know. They feed off of negative vibes. So he's going cattle meat world. I'm going monster's ink. And Henry, you are the decision maker. Oh God.

Oh God, I can't see. Do they want him scared? I simply can't. I don't know. I think it might be can't. Ah, okay. Now, of course, there are a lot of skeptical explanations. Everything from tattooed eyes to pupil-dialating drugs.

Mostly people say that they're just goth kids screwing around. And while it is true that black-out contact lenses are cheap today, this wasn't always so. Back in the late 90s and early 2000s, black-eyed contact lenses cost hundreds of dollars per pair and could only be afforded by our finest new metal guitarist. Our limpiest of biscuits.

Our limpiest of biscuits, yes. But I'm also not saying that they're aliens, demons, or vampires roaming our streets. I have no fucking clue what the hell black-eyed kids are supposed to mean. But I will say that if a couple of kids start tapping on the window in my fucking Subaru, they're staying outside until they can answer a few questions.

You best believe I'm keeping a yard stick in my fucking car and being like, three feet! Have I seen a child anywhere near my car? I say, hands off? Three feet! Yep. Step away from the outback, sir.

Yes, indeed. Well, all right, very good. I'm very happy that this entire thing has just led to Marcus being more close-minded towards kids in need. And how important is that? I think it is. Always remember.

Kids gotta work harder. I'm not saying stay away from my Subaru. I'm saying answer a couple of questions to make sure you're not a demon or an alien human hybrid. What's the first question to prove that? Knock, knock, knock. Hey, man, I'm really hungry. My mom is dead.

You didn't ask it like that, one of them, though. No, you gotta ask it. But you also, they don't give those big, over-emotional speeches. Yeah, it's not like, I knew 13, 15, to get a Boston Minneapolis, like it's not like that. Yeah, their mom's not sick. There was the same dude, this little white dude,

maybe about 30 years old. He needed a dollar and 68 cents every single day. Every day. Every single day. To get to Jersey, but he never seemed to go. No. Never seemed to go. No, I'm just gonna ask the kids the same question

that Carolina used to ask kids when she taught like five-year-old soccer. It fucking breaks their mind if they can answer it. You ask them, who would win in a foot race? A grilled cheese sandwich or a taco? Whoa, weird. Yeah. A taco.

To be honest, I just think that this whole phenomenon is very, very strange. Yeah. Because many people have seen these black-eyed kids. You could say it's entirely made up. Sure. Sure. You know what else, you know what I haven't seen?

I've never seen a fucking, well, I have seen a kangaroo. I've never seen an elephant. Really? Not in person. I've seen an elephant. But I mean, I've never seen one in person. The zoo form, you never went to the zoo and saw an elephant? Maybe I have.

I'm trying to get something I haven't seen, but I know is out there. A billion dollars. A successful improv comedian. That's not true, Mr. Wayne Brady, although I've never seen him in person. But if I do see him in person, I will let you know he's real.

Yeah. That guy from the Drew Carey show. Also very successful. That's Wayne Brady. Again, I'm wrong. This is again. Ryan Stiles. Ryan Stiles.

Ryan Stiles. Yeah, maybe you're correct. That's it. I mean, you know, there's so many, there's more in your philosophy than you are aware of Horatio. Well, thank you. I'm assuming that's Horatio Sans

that you're attempting to make fun of there. He lost a lot of weight. Unfortunately, he ruined his career because of it, but he's healthy and he gets to live longer. And isn't that the ultimate gift? Yep, except if you don't have any money for retirement. Okay.

Well, thank you all so much for listening, everyone. This was a fascinating episode. A in-depth view of something that maybe needs more attention. Does it? Maybe we need more attention. Actually, I feel like it's gotten all of the attention if you're possibly there. It's gotten enough, okay.

There are many things because of all of the things I was researching. There are more resources, I'm gonna say, about Black-eyed kids than there were about Auschwitz. Well, that is extremely unfortunate. There are a lot of Black-eyed kids' information out there. Well, speaking of research, we know that criminal justice reform

is the most important thing happening right now and we desperately need to do it. So we here at Last Podcast on the left are excited we're beginning our relationship with the Last Prisoner Project because, of course, now we're selling vapes and we have to give back to the communities that have been most devastated by the war on drugs.

So we are so happy to begin that partnership and we will continue to let you know how that grows and hopefully we can go to some speaking engagements and really become a part of changing the world for the best. So thank you all so much for supporting us on that. Thanks for supporting all the shows here on The Last Podcast. And we are,

And Dune, I have to say, congratulations, Mr. Zabrowski. No one knew that Dune, no one knew, I'm actually upset with the world with how many people like Dune because no one saw it coming, but congratulations, you've done a wonderful job on that show. Thank you. Yeah. I'll take it.

I take that as a W. That is a W, absolutely. Of course, big W. Also, there is also live shows. We're coming. I don't think we have any, we might have some tickets left for a second show at Grundy County. I'm not quite certain.

First show. We have some tickets for the first show left at Grundy County. Come check us out. On Friday, May 14th. Come help us make up our show. Yeah. Come knock on our door. You're gonna be the first experimental group

to see us speak to a group of people in a year and a half. I'm very excited for this. It's gonna be interesting. Then we got Red Rocks. We're pretty much sold up on that. We're pretty much sold out on that. We're very, very excited. And then we're gonna have a slate of other dates

that are gonna come shooting out of the butthole. Very, very soon. We cannot fucking wait to be back on our own. Absolutely. Can't wait to see everyone. And of course, check out No Dogs. Do we have any other, any other clerical things? You can check out our Twitch streams.

Those are fun. Anything else? No, yeah, our stream, our YouTube stream. Patreon for Patreon subscribers. We do our stream for Patreon subscribers once a week, every Tuesday. We're crushing this. Yeah.

This is really great. We're so good at selling ourselves. We're so, so good at it. That's our man. I remember the way our manager yells at us about being so good at promotion. So almost too good. Too good.

That's what he says. It's too good. Yeah. All right, everyone. Obviously, we appreciate you so much. Thank you all. And hope you're safe out there. Hail yourselves.

Hail Satan. Hi, again. Magus Dalatians. Hail me, you fucking pieces of fuck. Okay. Yeah, that's not an insult. Also, make sure, help children in need. I don't know.

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