Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 46: Cannibalism

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys discuss famous cannibals throughout history, particularly everyone's favorite, Mr. Albert Fish.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Why can't I rape you what character is that I don't know will we armstrong Why can't we be friends I put you down on the bed in a thing you with my big phone fingers That's good The fun thing about radio when you do minstrel you don't have to put on blackface Yeah, people people can just imagine it's not minstrel. That's an impression of a famous performer. Okay. It was great That's Marcus. I'm been there with us as always

That's just That's a thing I do. Uh-huh. I play characters, right? I'm a character comedian Most of this is Henry Zabrowski, by the way I know you thought that it was actually Louis Armstrong there for a second because you're stupid. Yeah You're not stupid you're not stupid. We love you. You're not stupid. That's actually you who's listening right now You're not stupid. You're not stupid and Louis Armstrong was not a rapist But I'm back and I like to push the ladies down. What is that panties? Don't stop me You know what Louis? We're gonna take it from the top just take it from the top

We see what song we play Louis lost his mind, but no I exaggerate certain factors about the famous people when I'm doing when I go through my process of Generating characters and what is your process exactly? I like how many ounces of beef are involved. Oh, I mean I ate four hamburgers today. I literally did that Yeah, that's not an exaggeration. That's not you and it's not a tall tale I went to a barbecue and I ate or it was a obama barbecue and so it was all organic wonderful beef And how much money did you raise for Obama me personally? Yeah, I put four dollars in the bucket For hamburgers four dollars. I think that's why we're in a recession. Hey, hey, but that's okay

All right, we'll speak of the eating food and big fat people today We're gonna talk about what fat people love to do eat, but not hamburgers. We're talking people. We're talking cannibalism cannibalism Today in the last podcast in the lab taboo subject Um, but this is nobody likes you. It's true. I was like reading a thing an anthropologist saying that it's the one thing in the Pale of human behavior that is like the most aberrant the idea of Oh, you find an aberrant defy it means bad bad There's no bad. Oh, okay. It means people hate it. Yeah, people don't like be liking it. No moe He touched me in my boo boo place, but that's aberrant. That's aberrant behavior. Oh, wow. What does that mean?

No boo boo plays no boo boo plays touch touch But it's it's true But but the thing is is that yeah, he's like it's the most abhorrent aberrant behavior that one can do but Everybody's done it Every single society since the beginning of human thought has eaten other people. I mean for stuff. That's weird You know, like I was reading this one like, you know again people eat people in times of victory You beat your victor or you eat the heart of the person in order to wonderful. Yes, and then there's certain tribes of the African nations that were

Extremely fond of young women's breasts and genitalia said they tasted good So they cut them off of these women's oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes cooked them up in a nice stew Yeah, it seems like a fatty stew Really the least healthy part of a human body to eat would be the fatty breasts But these people are like they're all they were all like Usain Bolt back in the day They were all running and jumping and fighting and hunting and jumping and climbing and I thought you're gonna say heaven and Holland No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they were taking action. Oh, okay. No, they don't sit around thinking about shit They stab you to death

Interesting and they cut your breasts off and you're pussy and a natural although I will say I can't imagine the sustenance You get from a female vagina. I mean, there's not a lot there. I mean a couple of lips, you know, maybe a clitoris Yeah, that's why that's why you do it's quantity I feel like what you get a bunch of them if you went to like the fanciest tribal restaurant That's the sort of yeah, the parents. Yeah, the pompous cuisine. They would serve the labia. I'm not full of a fucking labia Hey, I ate elephant teeth for this. You didn't tell me I gotta go eat four human hands before I come into this Barbara we're not coming here anymore. It's a rip-off Let's go to the buffet

Yeah, the kitty buffet and my liars. I love the alien buffet sometime in your mouth a crack I like much crackers so people throughout history have just been enjoying consuming other people's body parts Yeah, and now it's just the most reviled thing that you can do was it always considered reviled I mean, obviously it was a point of victory and then but what about some civilizations that were starving I mean they have to eat other people for good reasons obviously and there were places they were like There was one tradition that if they were a mighty water warrior had died You ate his body out of pity and consideration for him So there was a lot of like people eat if their chief died they would eat him or if like a big thing is like if your children's die

Of like if your children die of like natural causes like way way early like they would eat the children and that that sounds very good I imagine children meet falls right off the bone apparently, right? I got really into researching what the human meat tasted like because a lot of guys won't You know most of our reports of what human meat tastes like comes from like Dommer and like these people but like oh you can't you got to take yourself with a grain of salt Yeah, daughter was from Wisconsin. He put ketchup on everything. Oh, yeah, I just ruined him. He's curds. Yeah He put butter all over the bun before eating it and the men's palette was just ruined by years with that chocolate fact You can't get any of the finer hints, but a

Sociologist in the wrote this book called jungle laws where it's like he traveled with this African tribe and watch it a cannibalism Ritual and then receded to order a very recently dead cadaver This is in Paris, okay, and roasted it on a spit and ate it and he said that you could compare it to Really really good veal Yeah, I know we heard pork Pork is just like the reason why he compares it to veals because it's the way it's cooked when human meat is cooked It turns a gray color like lamb or veal does and then it has that sort of a little bit of a game ear

Mealier taste. Yeah, but smells like fucking delicious cooked rump roast steak. It sounds like it'd be great with a curry Yeah, that would human curry sounds really powerful. Yeah, this guy was in France. He got a cadaver This was in like the year 1909 where Barry what's your cooking there? Hey, come on over for the barbecue come over It's fucking human dick. You know what? That's great. You know what buddy? I'm gonna watch the Saints game at my place You know what you guys just I mean in just in that little exchange you reference like three cannibal stories that I have pulled up We're gonna do it. Yeah. Yeah, we're trying this all together. Oh, yeah Oh, no, no, no, no like people at home and listen to this podcast you think that this is all just random We sit we plan we weave together a story for you so that you can be properly entertained

That's right. So do we want to get into more of this wonderful sociologist war? Yeah, I bet you did. Did I eat a baby? Thank you, Louie. Apparently and also that Baby meat on a human baby is so tender It would be you could compare it to the same texture as fish that if you ate a baby's succulent ass Oh, yeah, absolutely, but that's where you want to chew on his arms. Yeah, I mean, that's what I would do I would suck its brain out of its skull. You can do that with a straw It's like a soft-boiled egg where he just says I saw the top and then he's really like crack up the brains Could a cup put some raw garlic in there and just right, right?

Yeah What was the what was the point of the sociology's research what what conclusion did he come out with her? He just wanted to figure out what it tasted like just for the experience. Oh, no, he was a sick fuck Oh, is that what it was? He? He was into the experience and he was a sociologist But he was also like if he wasn't doing that he probably would have been a serial killer, right, right, right? Which I'm sure is I mean, how did he get the human body? He must have known a new dude Man three o'clock and get you to know. Yeah, there's no meat on the toe. I need the whole body I haven't been a huge barbecue here. Everyone's coming over

Well, there are there doing a fundraiser big Obama fundraiser. There's big fatty. He always likes four human burgers Then he only tips four dollars There was a case of a guy in Russia who killed and Served killed people and served the meat to his friends. Yeah. Yeah, and they had no idea It's it's a funny little piece of life. He's doing something very nice I mean, he's doing something terrible killing murdering cooking up a person, but then he serves it Yeah, he killed seven women. He lived in Kazakhstan His name shit, what the hell is his name Vladimir Putin?

It doesn't show what his name is it's kind of a shitty list, but he boasted as having killed anywhere between five hundred fifty to a hundred women Pride on trying to pride himself on trying to rid the world of prostitutes. Oh, yeah, I also had his teeth replaced with metal fangs Mm-hmm. Was he goff? Yeah, he was there. He was kind of love the teeth thing He's like a steampunk guy. Yeah, he was eventually caught when some of his drunk friends found a human head in intestines inside his fridge Interesting. I think maybe it was the giant metal fangs. Yeah, that might have been it. Yeah, that's really it's hard to do job interview We're like, hey No, I don't know if you're right for Pete's grocers Understand you with the giant metal fucking dentures you have in your mouth. Yeah, that's the only

Oh definitely constantly because he's constantly getting his appetite. You know pleasure. He's always salivating. There's people everywhere he goes. I want to rush my tears, honey. They're rusted together. Oh, by the way, I was thinking about it. I passed some cows. I went down to Pennsylvania with Edward from, you know, Stinky Eddie from the round table. What a fun car that must have been. Holy cool. How much human heat can be generated in a car if you put you and Ed together in its seats? It was very, very bizarre. The car itself like had, the car gave itself air-conditioned. It was, it tried air-conditioned itself. What do you, what do you, what does

that even mean? So, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But I was passing some cows and I realized we should start seasoning them when they're alive. Season them alive. Season them alive. Season them alive. And then, so with people, man, start seasoning people now and then when you fucking eat them. Well, you can't season. You don't eat. Up the pooper. Put it up. Put it up the pooper and let the body season from the inside. Well, it's alive. I cannot fucking imagine that that is possible. I also, well, it's possible. It is possible. I mean, you can shoot shit up a cow's ass. That doesn't mean it's going to taste better. There's some onions underneath the skin. What if it ate

onions and garlic? Yeah, then what if it ate it and like, would it start to smell that way? Uh, I know they feed Kobe beef or they rub sake. Yeah. And they drink beer. Yeah. And they rub sake all over the fucking cock and balls. If you're a cannibal, come and eat us. But there's also all that weird tobacco residue that's all in all, still in all of our systems and like, oh, I taste awful. That would be disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. No, I would meet on Marcus. Yeah, I could be very delicious. I think you could be the closest thing to a woman's breast. No, no, no, but this is still all fat. Well, that's, that's no, no, no, but that's gross. You don't have to show us. No, I just did it. It's actually beautiful.

I just forgot I was doing it while I was doing it. I know. Anyway, so what's going on with this Russian dude? And so, well, I mean, that's the end of the Russian guy, but let's move on over to Germany. We got two guys in Germany that I like. Oh yeah. The first one, Joaquin Crow. Retarded, retarded fella. Oh, this guy, you should see the look on this guy's face too. He looks like a retarded version of Fredo from Godfather. He looks nice. I should have been the Godfather. Yeah. Well, the man was mentally retarded and was a beloved member of a small community in Northeast Germany. Absolutely. Cause they used to dress him up as Bitbop, the fucking monkey boy. Every, every, like whatever Santa Maria parade that

they have, like in Williamsburg every three weeks, you guys and the children even known him as Uncle Joaquin. Yeah. And unfortunately he started killing him. Uh, started killing and eating young girls. Okay. When they're just all over the place, it's just, it's just like, you know, it's like accidentally stepping on ants. Too many of them. It happens. Uh, and one day a neighbor was told not to use his upstairs toilet. And in a very nonchalant manner, the man said, quote, my car, it's blocked up with guts. He's not good for the uncle Joaquin is just a joke. He is a joy. I love him and a big part of this community. I love that. I love him. I love his energy. He's everything that

this whole neighborhood is about, but don't use that bathroom though. It is chock jam full of guts. Yeah. Little girl's guts. I guess they're not good for plumbing. Why would he, uh, how do you get rid of a body? I suppose you soak it in lime in a bathtub, right? That's what they, or you chop it up into a bunch of little pieces and you feed it to alley dogs. Oh, that's what I would do it. Yeah. Absolutely. That's what I would do. Yeah. Well, this man killed 14 young kids. Hey man. And he insisted that young children had the best meat out of any other kind of human. Oh, that's what they say because it's before, um, before they, during adolescence, uh, is when collagen starts like seeping into the meat. So it like

gets tough. Uh, babies and children are supposed to be the perfect things to eat. Really? Yeah. And I suppose the easiest to catch as well, the easiest to bribe. Not necessarily. I mean, don't think so. I mean, once you get them and really hit them in the head with a hammer a couple of times, you're going to stop it. You're going to drop a kid pretty hard. Absolutely. Like, yeah, cause it's like, it would still be, you could hit us in the head with a hammer like four or five times and we'd still be alive. No, most people can survive quite a few blows to the head. Yeah. But I read a story about another guy that, uh, another cannibal that he, it took 24 blows to kill a guy. Ah, holy Christ. Where was he hitting

them? In the head? In the head? Yeah. He got a lot of shoulder shots in there. He's not very strong. Yeah. 25 hits to the head. It's, it's definitely able to, you can survive that yet. Yeah. He's too weak to kill. He's like, 10 hits to the head. If you can't kill him in 10 hits, you don't get to kill him. The human, I mean, are you kidding me? How many fucking blows does this guy get? Yeah, it's like T-ball. Exactly. 10 strikes and you're out. It's retarded T-ball. Well, another German man. Uh, and this one, our listeners probably, uh, remember, probably heard of this guy's name is Armin Muse. Yeah. What year was this? This was, all of this happened, let's see here, in 2002. Cool. Yeah. 2001, 2001, 2002.

The guy with the baby guts in his toilet, that's 2000 as well. No, that was in like the sixties. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was, that was a long, long time ago. The golden age of German cannibalism. Yeah. This is Armin Muse, the more part of the neo cannibalist thing. It's that swing music. Yeah. He's big in Germany right now. Those cannibals these days dancing around. Dancing with their, their bit popping. Interesting. Louis Vuitton. Dancing with the lady and then eating the big old titties. Oh, I know that I like better than peanut girl down, eating the titties up. Is that your favorite part of a person to eat? Oh, you got to eat the titties. I eat you, pussy off your legs. Well, Armin's nuts. Is that

what gives you that wonderful singing voice? Armin Muse. I think Louis got crazy from all the human tit. I think Louis has lost it. Is he consuming human breasts again? Oh, excuse me now. I got to suck on a pair of knees. All right. Put a nipple on him. Lick my knees. Lick my knees. That's disgusting. If anyone has a lick my knees fetish out there, please write us. I want to meet you. I got a time that could use some loving. Well, Armin Muse was a guy. He was a guy that people might have heard of. He was the man who posted on the internet saying that he was looking for somebody to eat, kill and eat. And he got a response. He's looking for a willing volunteer. Muse posted an advertisement at a website,

a cannibal cafe. And that didn't even have even a clever disguise. Well, the disclaimer mentions the distinction between reality and fantasy. Like those suicide websites. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Muse posted that he was quote looking for a well Fox news.com. Anyway, looking for a well-built 18 to 30 year old to be slaughtered and then consumed a guy, excuse me, a man responded to it and many other people responded to it and then backed out. They're like, whoa, didn't know you were serious there, bud. Right. Right. But one guy as is known from a videotape the two made when they met on March 9th, 2001 in Muse home. Muse amputated the other man whose name is Brandis, amputated his penis and the two men attempted to eat the penis

together before Brandis was killed. Brandis had insisted that Muse attempt to bite his penis off. This did not work. And it ultimately Muse used a knife to remove Brandis's penis. Brandis apparently tried to eat some of his own penis raw, but could not because it was too tough. And as he put it, chewy. I imagine you gotta get it hard before you cut it off. Get it firm. I just think it's the worst part to eat. It's all cartilage. Well, Muse then tried to fry the penis in a pan with salt, pepper, wine and garlic. He then fried it with some of Brandis's fat, but by then it was too burned to be consumed. He then chopped it up in a chunks and fed it to the dog. He's just a bad cook. He wasted a sirloin

steak or whatever the nicest acoby beef steak. Prepare. Prepare to cook well. Know what to do. Have your onions chopped vegetables. Absolutely. Be a chef about it. If we're gonna do this, do it right. I'm with you, man. You got one go. You got one shot on the mic. Odds are you're getting one dick in your life. You're getting one dick to cook and eat. Be prepared. Get a sous chef in there. Yeah. Get some fucking nice chopped onions. Maybe a worcester sauce. Because that's what luck is. Luck is what is it? It's like opportunity meats like readiness. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Preparation. Preparation. Get it. Get it right. Prepare. To our medium rare. I would like to go to a place that is just like a bunch of dicks

in water and then we could call it Bobbitt for App. Bobbitt for penis. Bobbitt for penis. We heard that you were stressed. Bobbitt was totally in a stroll. According to journalists who saw the video, Brandis may already have been too weakened from blood loss to actually eat any of his penis, which means that he just kind of had the penis like flopping out of his mouth. I don't think I like it. I don't think I like to eat it. Is the dick the only thing that he cut off? Is the dick the only thing that he cut off? No, no, no. Mews, after the whole penis incident, he read a Star Trek. This should get a bunch of penises in the fucking toll booth. What's that? He read a Star Trek book for three hours while

the guy was bleeding out in the bathtub. Mews also gave him large quantities of alcohol and painkillers, 20 sleeping pills, and a bottle of schnapps. Kissed him. Well, it's Germany. Can I have some schnapps? Can I have some schnapps? I'm like missing my dick here, man. Can I have some schnapps? This fucking can't be another shot of that delicious peach schnapps. I'm fucking dying here, man. Alright, and he kissed him and finally killed him in a room that he had built in his house for this purpose called the slotted room. How did he kill him? After stabbing Brandon- He had 25 times in the head with a hammer. He stabbed him in the throat. Good. He then hung the body on a meat hook and tore chunks

of flesh from it. He even tried to grind the bones to use as flour. The whole scene- What? Is this not flour? He's an idiot. He is kind of an idiot. Well, he just doesn't know how to cook. Just think about this as the only thing you want to do, you should know. And bones can't be flour. You should be so good at cooking other shit that by the time it comes down to cooking a human, you are so good. You should be the guy that buys all the sausages because they look like a dick and you should know how to grill up a perfect sausage. He's like, I can do it with a sausage. I can do it with a dick. Yeah. And then it's just fucking one, two. It's go time. God damn it. This guy really fucked

up the recipe. Well, the big debate over this entire murder is, is this a murder at all? Yes, the man gave explicit consent written and videotaped. I'm gonna go ahead and say yeah, it's murder. Well, I mean, it's technically murder, but it is also like murder of somebody who wanted to be murdered, you know? Oh fuck that. He still needs to be in some place where they know where he is all the time. Well, you know, put him in a hurry and surround him with a bunch of guys with dicks. Yeah. Yeah. That will make him, that will be like, hey, you know what happens when you don't cut off a dick and eat it? I fucking use it to rape you. You know, just as how it is then. Well, he said that people who, he believes

that there are over a hundred cannibals in Germany and quote, they should go for treatment so it doesn't escalate like it did with me. There was a, that's a, there was a documentary called Interview with a Cannibal that advice put out that is very similar to that where a guy named Issei Sagawa, who was a Japanese man who was born in a, he believes that where he came from is that the, that some race of cannibal aliens dropped him off on the earth and his mother found him and took pity on him. That's his like idea of where he came from. Is that his Moses story? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Space Jews. You will feed that baby penis. Hungry human eating space Jews. And he was always fascinated with eating

human flesh and since he was a child and he couldn't understand it and he became obsessed with foreign women. He loves tall, bigger white women. A lot of food. Like you. Like Gianna Michaels was like, that would be his like number one. He'd be like, give it up. Give it up. Give it up. She's a big man's meal. In the seventies, he went to the saubone par, par, parri. And he went to study comparative literature the whole time realizing that he's setting himself up to go eat a woman. And he's, his obsession with cannibalism has gone to a point. That's what he said. It was like, it was no longer a fascination. It was an obligation. He had to do it. Right. And so he befriended this super hot young

dutch girl who was like really tall, really big. Full of weight. No, no, no, no. So good. Oh, big tall. Yeah. And did this thing where they were, he convinced her like he basically set it up. He convinced her that he needed someone to come and record German poetry in his apartment. Oh, naturally. She went over there and she's like, oh, yeah, I do what you do. I like what you like. This is my Dutch shacks. It was very, you don't know Dutch people sound like that. I don't know. No, no, no, no. But then you, what a cheesy way to get a woman, by the way. Oh, yeah. I mean, German poetry in my apartment. He said one of their professors requested that they do it. Yeah. And he went and got a gun while

she's sitting at the table and she did. She was like, kind of like talking to him and he's like smiling, talking to her. Yeah, he blew, he shot her brains out. Shot her in the neck. Yeah. And apparently she talks to him for a little while, like, like totally in shock or what she was doing. And then she died. And then he get cut. He basically then did the standard rape, rape, rape, rape, rape, rape her. And then, oh, you raped her first? Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's a seasoning, I guess. Yes. And then he cooked and ate her body over four days. And then basically tried to hide it by like, he was like, I knew, knew exactly where to go. There was this park that has a lake in it. And I'm just going to go

drop off. I shovel was up to the body into two suitcases. And these two sopping wet blood filled suitcases. He got into a taxi cab and he went, he didn't realize that it was still going to be sunny out at eight o'clock at night because he's an idiot or just totally insane. Probably an idiot. And then he tried to like, put the things in the lake. He just sat there and he said he became fascinated with an old man walking a little girl and he was watching, smiling and stuff. And finally someone was like, ah, and he looked over and he just like had opened up his bags and body parts were all over the thing. And then he just like looked at the person who's like, my eyes were too big for my stomach. And basically

long story short is, is that he's immediately captured. He gets then extradited to Japan because that's just what happens when you are a foreign dissident. And then Japan didn't know what to do with him because of this weird law transfer. So he didn't get any jail time. He was never convicted of a crime, even though like he totally admitted that he like, I killed her to eat her. That's what he said. And that, but his judgment was from the Japanese courts that he was judged to be sane, but evil. Right? Kind of the coolest judgment of all time. But then he basically from there for money, he's a manga company approached him and asked him to draw a cartoon about his crimes, which he did. So he's a good animator. Yeah. It's

very, it's, it's kind of like traditional, it's influenced by like traditional German, Japanese, Japanese, pictures. Yeah. And he was able to make a little pictograph. Yes. Yeah. He made a healthy living. And then he did all these great things he ever did was kill this woman. He would make these, he would love to eat orchestrated these videos that he did, where he hired a Japanese porn actress to come. And all she's told is that you're going to be with this guy for the weekend and you're going to, he's like, you have to fuck him three times a day. And so they, they sit and they fuck and it's like him with this porn star and they, they, they fuck three times and it's all filmed. And then if you watch him, tell her what he did,

what his crime was. Well, they were fucking her afterwards. And then he showed her pictures of the stuff and just watched them like cry. Like he's like, they start like crying like really, you know, cause they're shaking cause you just had sex with a guy. And the pictures are brutal. Are they online? Yes. Okay. No, it's at the picture that I saw was of a torso. It was just her torso. Can you pull it up, Marcus? I'll show you tonight. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Henry. Okay. But it was just of a torso. Both her arms and legs were cut off. Her tits were cut off and her face was a little chewy. Cause he, when he first started a, when he first started eating her, the first thing he did was he tried to a gnaw on her ass. Like he tried to bite into her ass,

but couldn't, he's like, it made my jaw hurt. And then that's great. I mean, that's what I would do. And then he got a fruit knife, which I'm not really sure what, what that is. I don't know, it's a Japanese thing. Yeah. It's a fruit knife. And he couldn't, he couldn't cut into the ass of the fruit knife. Okay. So he went out and got a meat knife, a curved meat knife. That'll work better. And came out and he cut the ass open. And it's, but he's like, and when I first saw it, it was yellow, like corn. And I only found out later that that was fat. But I dug in deeper. I think that's red meat. He kept saying, he kept saying red meat over and over. And he had a thing, he had a thing for thighs. Oh yeah. Thighs. And then he has his whole apartment,

like fill with pictures of women from magazines and stuff. And he's like, her, her thighs look so tasty. And then he was like, so in order to defeat my cannibalistic intentions, I would masturbate furiously. But now I am impotent and can no longer masturbate. And I'm afraid that my cannibalism will come back. So it was a sexual thing or like, okay, so yeah, it's cannibalism would come back. Oh yeah. Most cannibalism is also raping. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the serial killers, the cannibalistic serial killers, they're also rapers. Let's also talk about, let's just talk about the big, big, bad bone daddy. The big bad man. Yeah. Albert Fish, the Brooklyn boogeyman, the monster of Waterloo. They also call it, it's like all these weird names for him.

Monster of Waterloo. He was a man that we talked about, I think in our serial killer, March Madness. I think we had him there. He was also known as the bumblebee of Bruges. What? No. I like Bruges though. I get eaten by that guy. It sounds fancy. But Albert Fish was a sadist. The king of perversion. He invented several different sexual fetishes, including shoving like rose stems up his dick hole. He put pins up in his crotch. And another thing I was reading about is that he used to soak a rag in kerosene, shove it up his ass, and then set fire to it. Seasoning. Interesting, right? That's what it's all about. He was just, I mean, if you want to talk about a man with no boundaries. Figgity,

figgity, figgity, fucked up. Yeah. He was no limits at all. Because apparently he was put into this very, like his father was 80 when he was born. It was just this old man, he just fucking finger the little young girl, put his short, clammy, wang up inside of her. I made him, right? They immediately put him in this, the most brutal of Charles Dickens fucking orphanage, where the kids were brutally spanked. And then he found out after a while, like, when they spanked me, I began to get hard. And they used to also piss and shit on him. Yes. And then toilet, okay. But he couldn't barely contain his excitement. He loved it all so much, like ever since he was a boy. And then basically what happened when you get weak sperm?

Or extremely strong adaptive sperm, and people are gonna piss and shit and spank you anyway, you might as well get hard over it. He's such a disgusting fucking animal, but so- He fucked a boy in Cleveland. He did. Yep. He did, and that was his first arrest. He's also was married three times. Yes. This guy had three wives. He got, like, a woman voluntarily had sex with Albert Fish. I'd imagine they had to have been some pretty heinous hogs. Yeah, whatever the opposite of a trophy wife is, that's what they were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A punishment wife. I do not flaunt her. I come home to her, and I am sad. But he, he was arrested for child molestation for a while. I think I put in jail and bumped out,

kind of like John Wayne Gacy. But he was not- John Wayne Gacy was arrested before. Yes, he was arrested for esotomy. He was arrested for esotomy, and that was like, and then he, he moved to a new town. Yeah. And one very quick side note on John Wayne Gacy, it was just found out that a person who was thought to have been killed by Gacy actually died on Mount Everest. Maybe John Wayne Gacy's right. He was framed. He was framed. I'm just a clown trying to make kids laugh. Back to fish. And by the way, Albert Fish, that's just an unsettling name. Disgusting name. Sounds smelly. So he basically, he only killed two people. He killed two young children. Right.

But what he did was like up until that point, like there was the one story as to where it all started from is that he started not raping, but sort of exploiting this severely mentally challenged boy who was like 18. Twittling with him a little bit. Yes. He was like doing stuff to him. And he became so fascinated with the idea of castration. That's all he wanted to do as that he tied him up and started cutting his dick off. But apparently when he started yelling it, worried him. So then he tried to stop the wound, gave him a $10 bill in skip town. Worried him. Worried him. When he was cutting off a boy's dick, he was like, I'm worried. He's going like, why are you worried? Why are you making me pee pee hot? Why are you making me pee pee hot?

This is just turning me into a worried walrus. I didn't even leave town. I didn't leave town. Oh, my anxiety is kicking in. I'm cutting off the boy's penis. Why are you making me pee pee hot? Okay. Here's just, here's $10, which in that time was like a solid, it was like $15. Not enough to replace your fucking dick, but like enough to get a nice smoothing. But what Albert Fish is most known for is that he murdered a young girl. He befriended this family. So one thing he used to do is he used to go through the classifies. And like people looking for work, he would write them obscene like letters or like just draw pictures of cocks and dicks. Oh, come on your bricks. Yeah, man. I'm a mortar. But that's what he used to do. And so he was casing

out this young kid named Edward Budd, who was looking to be hired in the city. I will say, if your name is Edward Budd, you're gonna be killed by Albert Fish. Yeah. That's just gonna happen. That's just what's gonna happen. That's a victim's name. It is. It's unfortunate. One quick side note. How much fun would it be to just draw pictures of dicks and just send them to random people? I'd love to. Would you start sending them to NBC and stuff like that? Yeah, exactly. No, I'm talking about residences. Oh, I'd love that. Like just regular people. Because no one would know what's going on or just be like wrote a thing or it's just like, I see money in your future and then draw like a big, thick ropey cock on the back of it. A ropey cock. Yeah.

See what they say. See how they react. The people are superstitious. In the end, they'll be like, well, money's coming. Right. Right. If you want to continue this chain later, draw another dick and send it to 10 friends. That would be amazing. We should try it. See if we get it back. Yeah. Yeah, I have a feeling. But I'm going to turn it to us. So, so, Albert, he went to go pretend to hire this young boy to be his like, whatever, like assistant. And right. He saw young Grace Budd, his younger sister there. And he convinced the parents and he fell in love with her. And he convinced the parents to allow him to take her to a party of his. Well, sure. You seem like a creepy old man. Yeah, absolutely. You have my youngest daughter. Yeah. His niece's

birthday. Yeah. And this is all over the span of an afternoon. Yes. Yeah. He just snatched quick here. And then I guess the story is that he took her, though, just to clarify. She was like seven or eight. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. He took her into a house and took off his pants and then showed her his implements of hell, he called them, which was like a hammer of bone saw and a weird long curved knife. He used to keep in a bag. Boonsaw. And he also believed he used to wrap himself and he used to wrap himself in rugs saying that John the Baptist came to him and told him that's how you keep ghosts away from your brain. That's true. And he also believed that God told him to kill children. I'm sure that God, which is what he does. Definitely inspired Eli Roth and Clive Barker to

create all the characters they created, which I think is good. God does all sorts of nutty things. He works in mysterious ways. Sometimes he cuts off a boy's dick. Sometimes he rapes and kills and fucking eats a girl. And then sometimes he sends angels to win a football game. I don't know what he's going to do. Look at that. He's God's fingernails. You imagine God's schedule. I'm going to help this guy cut off that boy's dick, eat this chick, and Tim Tebow wants to score. What the fuck am I going to do? So the most terrifying thing that Albert Fish did is after he killed and ate this young girl because it's a cannibal thing and that's what he was obsessed with, he wrote a letter to the mother of Grace Bud. Inspiring the song, of course. Inspiring the song. And this is the,

I will now read you the copy that he sent to her. Ladies and gentlemen, Albert Fish as read by Henry Zabrowski. My dear Mrs. Bud, an 1894 friend of mine shipped as a deck hand on the steamer Tacoma. Captain John Davis. They sailed from San Francisco for Hong Kong, China. On arriving there, he and two others went ashore and got drunk when they returned the boat was gone. It's already a Tom Waits song. Oh yeah. It did tap. On arriving there, he and two others went ashore and got drunk. At that time, there was famine in China. Meat of any kind was from a dollar to three dollars a pound. Which was every other time in China when it was just doing so well. When it was just meat time. What ever of China did you live during? Meat time. Mostly woman's breasts. The

fucking Poon Tang dynasty. Bam, bam, bam. Eat that pussy. Nice. So, Grace was the suffering among the very poor that all children under 12 were sold for food in order to keep others from starving. A boy or girl under 14 was not safe on the street. You could go in any shop and ask for steak, chops, stew meat. Part of the naked body of a boy or girl would be brought out and just what you want to cut from it. A boy or girl's behind, which is the sweetest part of the body. Is this real? Sold as veal cutlet. Yes. Brought the highest price. This is 100% real. This is word for word the letter he sent her. John stayed there so long he acquired a taste for human flesh. On his return to New York, he stole two boys, one seven, one eleven.

Took them to his home. Stripped them. That's where the store comes from. I know. I like what this led to. Eli Roth had seven elevens. Took them to his home, stripped them naked, tied them in a closet. Didn't burn everything they had on. Several times a day, he spanked them, tortured them to make their meat good and tender. First to kill the eleven-year-old boy because he had the fattest ass and of course the most meat on it. Look at that fat ass. Every part of his body was cooked and eaten except the head, bones and guts. He was roasted in the oven, all of his ass. Broiled, fried and stewed. By the way, all of his asses in parentheses. The little boy was next, went the same way. At that time, I was living at 409 East 100th Street near right side,

yeah, which is in the city. So we go there. We gotta go there. Oh yeah. He told me so often how good human flesh was. I made up my mind to taste it. On Sunday, June the 3rd, 1928, I called on you at 406 West 15th Street. Brought you pot cheese, strawberries. We had lunch. Grace sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her. On the pretense of taking her to a party, you said yes, she could go. I took her to an empty house in Westchester. I'd already picked out. When we all got there, I told her to remain outside. She picked wildflowers. I went upstairs and I stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not, I would get her blood on them. When all was ready, I went to the window and I called her. Then I hid in a closet until she

was in the room. When she saw me all naked, she began to cry and try to run down the stairs. I grabbed her. You know that feeling, Henry. She would tell her mama, oh yeah. You just gotta get past it and then you can date for a while. First, I stripped her naked. How she did kick, bite and scratch. I choked her to death. Then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms. Cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It's took me nine days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her though. I could have if I had wished. She died a virgin. Love Albert Fish. XOXO Human Veal. KIT. Have a kick ass summer. PS. Could I get my dish back? That's great. Well, you know, the daughter's life went to somebody.

It's a fun one to get. No, I thought it was really interesting. I didn't realize that Albert Fish was so crass. I mean, he said fuck. Albert Fish could barely read. Albert Fish was a disgusting fucking monster. Right. Right. That makes sense. I get, in my head, he wears a top hat. He comes over sort of like the guy from, uh, from Phantasm. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, but really he's just a creepy borderline homeless. Yeah. Kid fucker. Old man. Kid fucker and murderer. Kid fucker. He didn't fuck. He fucked the other one. He fucked the little boy after this. And I would be surprised if he fucked him. Yeah. I just think that he was gay for little boys and he just hated little girls. No. You think so? I don't know. Interesting.

I don't know. I don't know. Who does love with her? He loved this little, he loved Grace. He loved her. He was like, ah, what is that? My little pet. I stroke it and I pet it and you're naughty. I killed myself. Oh, that's too bad. So, um, do we have any information on what are the motivations for eating? Some people eat to consume the flesh and become them. It's always super, super morbid curiosity or sexual fantasy or like rich power, right? Yeah. Sort of. My father eats the hearts of birds that he kills. Does that make him fly in order to gain their power? That's just because you're fucking just, you're backwoods fucking. Hey, hey, hey. We have India. We go by the land of the Indians by the laws of my people. Oh my God. We eat the hearts

of birds. Marcus is going to find a way to weasel in the only accent he can do. You can do a lot of them, but he's going to weasel in that Native American one. I like it. Thank you. What else do we got to cover? Yeah. Uh, well, you know, I mean, we can do a quick, uh, run through on Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh, I mean, we've already talked about it. I'm just, I'm just saying he's worth mentioning. I will say Dahmer, uh, probably as we have him winning our, uh, March Manus tournament from a couple of, what, multiple episodes. Oh yeah. Dahmer was the best. So Dahmer is the best. Just in terms of volume and, and, and motivation, the fact that they all started trying to make your own voodoo sex slave, which shows that like, you know, it's the whole like, give a man a fish or teach a man

to fish. Or, you know, give your daughter to Albert Fish and see what he can do with her. Yeah. See what he, his attempts are with her. And apparently also because of the pins that were up in his dick, he, when he got, uh, electrocuted to death, they had to do it two times because there's the, the, the story is, is that it's short-shirted. It's short-circuited. The first time just really made him hard. Oh, he just seems to be really erect right now. Yes. Do me more. Do me more. Do you have a daughter? I have one more story of a family, a cannibal cult mother. Yeah. Cool. Mom's very rare in this. Yeah. A mother tortured her son in a lock cellar while relatives skinned him and forced him to eat his own flesh. Cool. Yeah. I wonder why. Was he bad

at school? That's the thing. He couldn't get, he couldn't understand arithmetic. Yeah. She was a, a member of a sinister religious cult and her sister, Katarina, led the seconding torture of her eight year old son. What was the name of the cult? And his tenure, it was, it's called the, the Grail, what is it called? The Grail mission. I looked it up, you know, like, I looked up a little bit of stuff about it here and there, but really it's not a sinister cult. It's just New Age bullshit. Oh, the skin meat clan. No one knows how to do cults anymore. Not really. Well, this one was, it's been around like the 20s. So, yeah. It's a, yeah, like the, the Grail path or some shit like that. It's like that true Christ cult that's going on in Australia right

now with the, the guy who just says he's Jesus. The Grail movement. That's what it is. Yeah. Have we done our cults episode yet? We have. We could do another one. We should do another one soon. Yeah. Yeah. That was like our third or fourth episode. Oh, great. We'll have to do one soon. Yeah. Cause we did the Jonestown stuff. Oh, right. Wonderful. This is a great, good recap of a good old episode. I love that Jonestown stuff. Get into it. You guys like good public speakers. You want to laugh, have a good giggle fest. Listen to Jim Jones talking to his people to death. Yeah. Literally talking his people to death. To death. It took him, just think about this for a second. And the time that it is taking you to listen to this episode, Jim Jones talked

900 people. It's often themselves. Into killing themselves. In 45 minutes. So you do it. No, don't do it. We'll save people from suicide. Henry, you do it. Don't kill our family. I command you to do it. No, show them. Henry, show them how much power we have. You know what I said? That's how this is all going to, this is all, how this is all going to come down. Yeah. I listened to this podcast for a while, but then they kept on telling me to kill myself. So I just like went to a different porn site. Whatever. So this kid was eating his own flesh. How many days or weeks or months did that take or hours? I mean, how fast did you skin this guy? It was over a period of months. And how they got caught is the woman, they kept him in a

basement. They made a big flag out of it and put it out in front of the house. And it was just a big human skin flag and everyone was like, Hey, what's going on with the human skin flag? And he's like, I dare you to call the police. I think they're going to call the police, Susan. Yeah, I like to see. Yeah, call the boys. What happened is that this woman had installed a baby monitor, a TV, like a TV baby monitor upstairs with the other. This was pretty recent. This was like movie martyrs. This is like this happened like 2007. Martyrs is the shit. If you have not seen martyrs do it. Check it out. Hot foot it to some martyrs. Absolutely. So she put a baby monitor in there with the kids. So as they skinned it, she could hear it cry. So no, it was a video.

It was a TV monitor. Like she got, it was a baby monitor that had like a camera. So they, and this kid was like 10. Yeah. I wasn't a baby. This kid was fairly old. As far as, you know, kids who eat themselves go. Sure. Of course. Did he like himself? Did he get any reviews? Are there any sort of Yelp reviews as to how he tasted? I wonder if he's like, well, they also fixed the recipe up a little bit as time went on. They stubbed cigarettes on their bears. There was two of them, by the way. It was brothers. They stubbed cigarettes out on their bare skin, whipped them with belts, tried to drown them, also sexually abused and forced to cut themselves with knives. So this woman had a baby monitor in order to watch. Is there a reason why? Do you know why?

All of the story, because I read quite a few stories on this, trying to figure out why, trying to see, because everyone always says the grail, like they keep saying like they're part of the grail movement, blah, blah, blah. But I researched stuff on the grail movement. There's nothing really sinister about that. It's just new age bullshit. They don't, because they refuse to say. It's like when Pat Robertson tells you. The women refuse to say why they were doing this. Oh, okay. They're just doing it because it's cool. Because it was there. Right. Like, yeah. Yeah. The Mount Everest. It's one of the offshoots of the religion, like when Pat Robertson tells you to invest in gold, and you're like, I never heard of that in the Bible. But they're like,

no, no. Yeah, you got to eat your kid. And so this, so this woman had the baby monitor, and the person living next door to them had also bought the same baby monitor. Get out of here. So technological, technological mishap. So she picked up the transmissions. Get out of here. The neighbor. And so they can't imagine if you thought you saw that going on to in your baby room. Oh, God. They really do. They really do grow up fast. And then I guess they start eating their own skin. This is weird. Weird. Guess how much funny sometimes. Guess how much time. I don't know what to do with them. Guess how much time this woman got. How much time? Just take a wild guess. I'm going to go. Three life sentences. Nine years. Good. Good. Good.

Good. I'm sure she learned her lesson. But the boy obviously died, right? No. They all lived. So glad that he lived. I'm sure his life is great. Yeah. And also, and not on top of all that, he's all, he also lives in the Czech Republic. Is he a standup comedian? Yeah, probably. I think at the very least, it's good for the bandage and gauze business. You know, if we can just get more people to eat in their own skin, that'll be perfect. Sales are through the roof. No one has skin anymore. They were also kept in cages, handcuffed to tables, and made to stand in their own urine for days. I do that, but that's just because I'm lazy. Yeah, that's the thing with you. But why are you standing?

Oh, my chair is over there. The bathroom is over there, but I'm here. Woppners on. Woppners on. You're an autistic man hanging out with Tom Cruise, I see. Well, what the prosecutor said, their aim was to make the boys blindly serve their religious goals. Well, yeah, they were in this like new agey cult, all of that. And so the boys are like, I don't want to go to church. And they're like, I'm going to make you eat your own skin. But don't you understand you got to do that through video games and YouTube? Yeah, that's all these kids like anymore of them video gamers and the YouTube and you got to fight a rebellious spirit. Yeah, you have to get that high pitched Freddy guy. The guy goes like that guy will get you to

be into your religion. Whatever. And I'm sure that that guy will literally do fucking any single thing for a dime. I do like that is what I grew up. Yeah, you could get him to be the Spokesperson of your cult like that. Absolutely. Exactly. A millisecond. No doubt. No doubt. I would eat my own skin if that dude was the spokesperson. I mean, I'd be into it for I definitely watch the videos and love them. Love it. Love it. Like it. What's the guy's name? I don't know. Yeah, I want that's one of those things. That's one of those bits of information. I'm just not going to let enter into my brain. Really? Yeah. I don't need to know that. I don't need to know what the what the kids doing with the Jedi thing and the yet your Rebecca Blacks and what

she's doing Friday. Yeah, right. And she's doing she's doing Friday Friday. Which if you didn't know is about the JFK assassination. No. Yes. No, it's not. Yes. No. Yeah. Oh my God, man. She's really good. She is great. I love her. This is great. It is great. I mean, it's it's a bizarre way to get somebody to join the religion that you want them to join. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was growing up evangelical, they convinced me to love Jesus through puppets, you know, through just like bizarre, very terrible Christian sketch. And this family made this boy eat his own skin different approaches, different approaches. But I bet you I wonder if this kid does hold true a little bit of those religious tenements of this. Okay. You know what?

I'm going to mention. No, no, you don't think so. No, no, no, no. You guys want to hear the Friday JFK assassination thing. Oh my God. Friday is about the JFK assassination. The man driving the car JFK was in named Samuel Kicken, kicking in the front seat, sitting in the back seat. The assassination occurred on a Friday. And after JFK was shot, the Secret Service told Jackie to quote, get down. Gotta get down on Friday. The Cold War and the spread of communism are referenced. Everybody's Russian. No, no, that's not true. That's up there with the European. You're American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out. What are you in the bathroom? European. There you go. Finally, instead of eating a breakfast of eggs and sausage that morning,

JFK opted for a bowl of bran flakes. Gotta have my bowl. Gotta have cereal. The following Monday, JFK was due to sign a law that provided bus transportation to all students. Gotta catch my bus. Wow. I feel like this just disproves like 9 11 conspiracy. You can make a rational point about a lot of stuff, which is really sad. America's importance is over. Yeah, it really is. We're no longer the number one superpower. Oh, we haven't been for hours. We're all over. Okay, are we good? Yeah, we're good. Cool. So yeah, we'll talk to you guys soon. Henry, anything you want to say here? I just want to say it's just so nice to be out to be making people

laugh, you know? Why don't we do a Louie? Why don't we do a Louie impression here real quick? Yeah, that's about bringing some eating tits. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Fuck butts. Okay. Okay. This is fine. Megacillation. Oh, my pants are too small for my big old brown snake. All right. That's a full course dinner right there. Brown snake. Shopped that right up. Brown snake. Megacillation. Megacillation. Hire me. All right, we'll talk to you soon. Goodbye.