Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 468: Mike Warnke Part I - Satanism For Dummies

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

This week, we begin our series on Mike Warnke — one of the accidental architects of the Satanic Panic that swept America in the eighties and nineties.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Oh wow. Is this a book about chess? This is incredible. What is this? Is this some kind of instructional guide to chess? This is incredible. Oh what's this move called the Jewish serpent? What is that? I don't think that is a chess move.

Pons of the game. I don't think this has got anything to do with chess at all. This is about the Bavarian Illuminati. I love the Bavarian Illuminati the way they're all covered in salt. Welcome to the last podcast on the left everybody. I have been hanging out with Henry and hanging out with Marcus. And today is a special day because the triad is actually together in the flesh. We have never said that before to each other but apparently we've said that now. I'm a kitty cat pee.

What are you? John Candy from JFK. Yes you are. Come over here big boy. Yes you are. Alright today's episode I guess this man has been in our brains for over a decade. And now we are going to put him in your brain and I'm sorry. We are discussing Mike Warnke.

Mike Warnke was one of the accidental architects of the satanic panic that swept America in the 80s and 90s. Instead of just being a fear monger though, Warnke actually claimed to have been a former satanic high priest who participated in numerous ritual murders, assaults and rapes during the mid 60s. I'm going to say even though I know Rodney Alcala's crimes are far worse than Mike Warnke. Sure. I liked Rodney better. Really? Mike Warnke upon now fully getting chaffed down into his bullshit.

Uh huh. I absolutely hate Mike Warnke but Mike Warnke is a man that has followed last podcast on the left throughout our entire existence. We showed a video of his. I think the first ever show at the Creek in the Cave. Way back in the day. And we've been obsessed with him for a very long time. As a matter of fact he has worked his way into most of the inside jokes that we have as three men. That we don't even offer to you as listeners.

You'll never understand it because technically he misspoke and we've just been saying airport like airport ever since. Years but then when you go into I also did I did not understand how much he served as an instigator and as a beginner of the satanic panic of the 80s. Absolutely. Now for those of you unfamiliar with the satanic panic it was basically the prototype for QAnon. The proponents of this movement believed with a 100% certainty that America was infested with satanic cults who were committing ritualistic murders and molesting children in the name of the dark lord on an almost daily basis. And we know that Satanists love Melphs. We know this. And Delphs.

You know can they be half right? Hmm. I do think the Bush family has done some crimes. Yeah. Oh sure. Yeah the Bush family for certain. Every single person that has become president has done horrible horrible unspeakable things and have seen unspeakable things. That's how you get the job.

Stop bringing Satan into it. Satan has nothing to fucking do with it. All right. As a matter of fact they're all the ones who they all the ones who kneel at church every fucking weekend and act like it's a this is this is a hot topic. This is like I'm coming I don't want to come in too hard. The one thing I will say about the evangelicals they nixed the kneeling which is very nice bad knees. The Catholics they still do it. Yeah they do because like they it's almost like they have to practice.

Oh my OK. And while there was never a single shred of hard evidence for any of these claims beyond some spray painted pentagrams. Dozens of people were still charged with horrific crimes backed by false testimony and hearsay the most famous of which being the West Memphis three. Which is ironically a Halloween series I believe that we did two years ago. So it is interesting that we somehow got to October time again and are back into the murky waters of satanic ritual abuse. Very true. Personally I think that satanic panics throughout history of which there have been dozens if not hundreds these basically come from crises of faith in the existence of God. See Christianity Ben you know this it's set up where the worst most unforgivable hell bound sin you can commit outside of suicide is not believing in the Christian God.

Ergo an involuntary crisis of faith for many Christians is pretty much the scariest thing that can happen. Small caveat the white Christian God please Marcus get the pigmentation correct. He was he looked Polish but he was in the Middle East. But he's interesting because I was getting into Mike Warnke's later works. So you know he is now posting back regularly again on YouTube and I bet hopefully we get to him. Honestly I hope he mentions us. But he talks about this. He doesn't believe in this idea that I guess there's an esoteric Christian kind of like Hail Mary pass in the back of the Bible.

Absolute reconciliation which is actually saying that God's grace is so absolute and so powerful. He could choose to forgive the devil and bring the devil to heaven if he wants to. At any point he can give him a party. He can bring him all back and bring everybody into the fold but he doesn't because just like a real fucking piece of shit. He wants you to choose it. Well you do know it's all fake right? Because you're sounding like I'm talking about the Packers. That's how I feel.

You watch the Packers with the same intensity as I dislike God. Packers are real. Well concerning the satanic panic if you can convince yourself that the devil is real manifested on earth through his many minions then it makes believing in God that much easier and therefore your crisis in faith is solved. Or as Anton Levé put it, Satan is the best friend the church has ever had. He's been keeping him in business all these years. I'll never forget when I was growing up and I said I don't believe in the devil and people got very very mad at me. Because in the binary world of Christianity without the devil God can't exist.

So my dad sat me down and was like Satan is real and I was like this is kind of cool. The idea is that you can't just live a life where you just do good acts for the sake of it. No way shape or form right? You have to have like some evil goalkeeper on the other side keeping you in. Some kind of referee, some kind of bullshit. That fear is supposed to keep you in right? You're supposed to be afraid of the devil and not want to defy God. And if the devil is on earth in the form of satanic cults then God is keeping you in check in real time.

And it's almost like they say a bunch of crimes that as a matter of fact they're guilty of. Now in the last satanic panic the thing that gave the movement its oomph was the testimony of supposed former members of satanic cults. And these people were all too happy to go on TV saying that these allegations of ritualistic murder were true. And everyone from Oprah to Geraldo to 2020 took them at their word because why? It was good television. You know what I gotta say, if I'm gonna be killed put a little performance into it. Everyone's like ritualistic murder. Like it's worse than just popping someone in the back of the head with a gun. At least somebody thought about it.

At least there was some pre-pro, there was props, there was costumes. I want a chalice, I want a robe, I want a dagger. I want like some finesse and some pizzazz in my murder. Don't just leave me on the side of the damn road like I'm Ed Kemper's roadkill. I kind of want to do one of those dead switch things where just for the sake of the spectacle I have a bunch of explosives rigged with confetti put underneath my wheelchair. And then when you do is you put me out into a field, right? And then just as I'm about to die and I go, bye, bye. And then as my heart slowly stops, the fucking wheelchair explodes.

I think that's great. Wonderful. But while many of the people who came forward as so-called leaders in the satanic scene in the 80s did so in books, interviews, and even comic books in the form of Chick Tracks. Oh my god, those are batshit. We'll get to Chick Tracks in next episode. By the way, there's no naked women in it, so don't think that there will be. No, but there is the abridden bot of white Christ, though. Oh, yes.

Mike Warnke's medium for delivering his message was stand-up comedy. And say that he did this. Now, this is, I think it's interesting, right? Because this is the first time we've ever covered a comedian on the last podcast on the left. Let's see. Final truth. That guy was kind of funny. Oh, the whole bit he wrote about how he fucked a baby to death in the back of a car?

That wasn't the funny part. But this guy is, it's weird to be coming at him because we've enjoyed him ironically for so long. Yeah. And I didn't get the full press hate of him until I really started listening to his albums. But there's some gold in there. He's a cool guy and he lets you know it. Well, here's a clip of Warnke's lighter material. It's the sugar that makes the medicine go down.

You know what? Well, I'll tell you, man. Weird people worry about things that normal people don't worry about, too. You know? Like, for example, why do people drive on parkways and park on driveways? Oh, my God. What is daylight savings time? And if we're saving so much of it, who's got it all?

I'm gonna die. How do you know when yogurt's gone bad? The expiration date. Pretty simple. How do you get Teflon to stick to a skillet when nothing sticks to Teflon? These are the questions. How hard would it be to nail Jell-O to a wall inquiring minds want to know, you know? There you go.

That's a big bit for him, man. And then he goes, hmm. Maybe I'm triggered because I see a lot of me in there. You know, I actually don't think it's any worse than Bill Ingall. I'm sorry, Kissel, just because you said that, here's your sign. Oh, man! Because there's no joke structure to it whatsoever. He's simply asking questions, but he doesn't have a punchline.

Well, these are all Gallagher ripoff jokes. The parkway driveway bit, that was a fucking Gallagher bit. I remember that. That was written in a book that Gallagher read, and then he said it on stage, and he's like, I made it different? Gallagher just exploded watermelons. That was the only original thing that he actually did, and his idea for replacing taxis with helicopters. Yes.

But my Warnke's trick was to tell those hacky bits first, then gradually work his way into the evils of Satanism, segueing from parkway driveway bits into claims of brutal satanic ritual abuse. We investigate between 25 and 30 cases every single month, and 98% of the victims are under the age of 12. I'm talking about a little girl who was murdered last year, 1987, in the state of Louisiana, by having her sexual organs cut out while she was still alive. A lot of you think that when a Satanist kills, they do so because they want to spill blood. You've seen enough late night movies to think that. But if a Satanist or any other kind of occultist kills an animal or a human sacrifice,

it's not to spill blood. It's to release the life force. Because when the life force is released, and you've done the right incantations and rituals, you can absorb that force, they say, and it makes you a stronger wizard warlock, or whatever. Or whatever. And that's his closer. That is not even a bit. He closes like this, and as you'll see as he gets older and his stand-up albums get worse.

He goes farther and farther away from comedy and more into straight-up preaching. Yeah. Now this juxtaposition between goofy bits and horror movie gore made Mike Warnke America's number one Christian comedian for years. Wow. He was a bestseller in the evangelical media with numerous records, tapes, books, and videos. I did not know how successful he was. He had a private jet.

He was all over the world. He got taken down in the mid-90s according to what I looked up online. He's still worth like $1.5 million. That's the Warnke magic. I guess you just gotta live wherever the hell he lives to do it. Like, you know, when you look at House Hunters or one of those shows, it's been like, look, for $450,000, you can have a bowling alley in your house. Meanwhile, you're like in Lynchburg, Arkansas.

Like, it's not even Arkansas. When you win a bowling alley in their house, they can be like Richard Nixon. Yeah. Warnke spent 20 years giving sold-out performances at churches and civic centers all over the country, reaching such heights of fame that the mayor of Nashville and the governor of Tennessee jointly named June 29th, 1988, Mike Warnke Day. It's Warnke Day, everybody. That's where you wear your underwear and your head.

Well, I tell you what, I'm a little bit weird. I'm a little bit weird. That's his whole bit. That's his opening bit. It's like 10 minutes of, well, yeah, because, okay, Henry, could you describe Mike Warnke's appearance? Mike Warnke looks like a pig that just came back from the salon. He has a little, he's a Fat Man's mustache, like the tiny, just covered the top of his lips, round eyed glasses, so he kind of looks like the funky penguin.

Coke bottle glasses, too. Coke bottle glasses, because he's near blind. And then he has what can only be described the single most extreme mullet of all time. But with a fantastic perm. It really is hours and hours in the salon. It's definitely teased out. Very much so. It looks like, you know, those old, those battery commercials, the energizers,

they're about any commercials where they have the plastic hair. Yeah. It's kind of like that, but like, but it's tenuous. It's free-flowing. It's like it's 3D printed. But he's... Oh, and don't forget the earring. And he has his earring, because his whole thing, right?

It's that Mike Warnke, he's a little bit different. He is a little bit different. He's super power. He says, my super powers, I'm weird. He is weird. And so he has things like, he, every time he opens up, he's just like, he's like, he's like, y'all, if we weren't all drawn together by the power of Christ, would we be in the same room together?

I see you right there. Short hair, huh? You'd look at me and be like, who's that funky character? Who's that? Like he acts like he's Dave Navarro. You know what I mean? And everyone's looking at him like, wow, who's this crazy guy? Like he's a, who, no one dresses like him.

No one ever stucks their shirt into their pants like that. But they all, it's always a set up of, he's like, I understand the young people. Yeah. He's kind of the prototype for the cool pastor. Oh, absolutely. He is. Because his whole thing is that he's, he's the only one, he says things like it is. Kind of a funny way.

He's, he ribs ya. He ribs ya. He's got some deacon coming in. They're deacon in and he deeks. And yeah, I didn't know how he got in there and deacon. Yeah. Well, that's how he also keeps kind of that. That's how he also keeps the facade going because he tells all these people in his audience,

like the types of people that I get, the Satanists, they don't come to you. They come to people like me. Come to me. Because I'm weird. Because I'm looking, I'm looking weird. Because, you know, these people are, you know, they're not all idiots. They're asking like, if there's so many Satanists, then why aren't any of us seeing any of them? But he's there to tell you like, oh, they're out there.

They just don't come to you. They come to me. Yeah. Trust me. It would have been cool if he was in that Primus video. Why not on his big brown, brown beaver? Yeah. Brown hair.

Yeah. I mean, he is a character. And if he wasn't such a sociopath, I would like to see him on Young Sheldon. Yeah. Because I think that Young Sheldon could learn from him. What he did and what he stood for caused countless amounts of damage. Yeah. And laughter.

I guess we're the same in a way. Isn't that nice? Now, Wonky began his rise to fame in 1972 when he published a book called The Satan Seller, which worked as a memoir of his alleged time as a high priest at the altar of Satan. In this book, he claimed that he was asked to join a secret, all-powerful Satanic cult in 1965. And as he descended into drug addiction, heroin speed and so on, he ascended the Satanic ranks. And at his most powerful, he claimed that he commanded 1,500 Satanists across three Southern

Californian cities. Yeah, man. Try to get three Satanists to agree where to go for fucking lunch. They're all world, individual spirits. We only care about our fucking territories. I know. And we don't go to group functions all the time. We're kind of like, we're small functioned people.

Yeah. Hard to get along with. Yes. Yeah. Wonky wrote that he had unlimited wealth and power at his disposal, provided naturally by members of Satanism's highest echelon, the Illuminati. Cool. That's where the Jewish serpents come from.

Oh my. But after an incident in which he almost lost his life, Satanism lost its flavor. Sounds like he was fucking weak. Couldn't handle the heat. Maybe. He heard the good news while in Navy Boot Camp and thereafter became a tireless warrior of Christ, spreading the word about the Satanic cults who lurked behind every dark corner and in every shadow.

According to Mike Warnky, Satanists were everywhere and they were coming for you and especially your children. No, leave my children alone. Most of us are child-free by choice. But if you just listened to Warnky's albums, read his books and bought tickets to his shows, then you just might be a little more prepared to survive in the dark, Satanic jungle that is America. But again, how the fuck does Teflon stick to the pan if nothing sticks to Teflon?

He already got the kisses in the folder and I need to go back and hear him talk again. And people bought the pitch. Warnky's media sold in the millions and he became not only a regular guest on Christian outlets like The 700 Club and Focus on the Family, but he was the go-to source for mainstream news outlets like Larry King Live and 2020 when they needed a source to back up their stories on the dangers of Satanism. The one thing I have to give some credit to for The 700 Club is Pat Robertson is still doing it and when you look at him initially, he is like 87 pounds of sludge in a suit and

it is incredible that man can still talk. That just shows you the power of hate. Yeah, the evil that runs through him gets him up every morning. And those 2020 specials where Mike Warnky is interviewed, I mean this stuff is infuriating because they say every like three minutes or so like there's no evidence to substantiate any of these claims, but then they'll immediately flip around and talk about every single thing that these people are saying like it is 100% real. But just every once in a while, no evidence, remember no evidence.

But. Because that's how they get you legally. Yep. Legally. Perhaps most disturbing was the fact that this media attention gave Mike Warnky enough clout where he eventually advised law enforcement on so-called occult crimes, which probably resulted in the harassment of a lot of people just trying to live their fucking life. I think that's the part of him that obviously is the creepiest part and the worst part of

this is the fact that he did have policemen's ear and that he did talk to many, he talked to the FBI because this was also during the 80s when they had their occult crimes bureau. They created a whole department for occult crimes and he got to go and educate all of these people on total horseshit. And also again, you have the entire power of the FBI and you still couldn't figure out how Teflon sticks to the pan. They couldn't do it. There's no way that they're ever going to figure it out.

But that is the only thing that makes this story truly infuriating. If he just stuck to stand up, I would say. Oh sure. What the fuck do you want? Go fill out all the arenas in the world, but it turned all of this bullshit into reality for anyone who was incarcerated because some officer thought that they were wearing the wrong color clothes. This was like the beginning of like, this is also, you know, it's a fun combo with the

war on drugs and shit like that. We're just smelling marijuana on you, they can just fucking scoop you up and do whatever it is they want to. If you show up with a fucking pentagram in 1987, you're now compounded for occult crimes. You know what I mean? Like that's also too. Like we're going into the witch police are here. I'll tell you one thing.

The only thing the occult people are guilty of is reading too much. They love to read. That's the thing about cults that no one ever... It's all reading. It's all reading. Ben, don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. Wow, that's good stuff. Well, personally, I think Warnky's stories were so terrifying that a lot of people just

didn't want to take the chance that he wasn't telling the truth. Dude, that's my least favorite argument for people who was like, well, what if it's real and be like, I don't want to live based on heaven, right? So they say, well, you never know what if heaven is real and then you better follow all the rules. It's like, but there's a great chance it's not. Yeah. I mean, and that's the thing is that without Mike Warnky, satanic panic wouldn't happen.

No, you don't think so. I do not think so. It is really strange because I didn't really understand how instrumental he was as a part of this. Because of the combination of stand-up comedy, his silly little comedy mixed with his testimony because his whole thing was that. That's how he... The crux was, I'm the silly, funny, quirky guy, but it's because I went through all of

this shit because I went through the valley of the shadow of death that came out here and I put a needle in my fucking arm and I signed a contract with the devil. And then, but it amplified it because of that secret sauce mixture. I do love that. Yeah. Maybe he's, I mean, mildly all powerful, the devil or God, but you still have to sign the contract, don't you? You still got to sign the contract.

You still got to go through the legal paperwork. There's still lawyers. Yeah, you still got to. And that's the things that Mike Warnky is nothing, if not convincing, at least to the people who went and saw shows. See, that clip earlier, talking about the child sex organs being cut out, that was just part of a larger bit. It was the end of an hour and 15 minute long set, which I watched all of, and technically

it's his best set. It's his closer. No, I mean, that was like part, like that was a part of a whole story that he told in which that same child had her heart removed and eaten in a satanic communion before her skin was peeled off her skull, so said skull could be used in further satanic rituals. Oh my God, who would ever think about eating the flesh of somebody during communion? That is just so gullible. Well, that's what it always, that's every time that they talk about eating, you know,

doing some sort of cannibalism during satanic rituals, it's always a perversion of communions. It's always a perversion. Because, you know, there is the little bits of fact, the black mass in the satanic Bible was written as a perversion of the Catholic mass. But in my mind, when you do read it, it's more of a parody. They're making fun of the mass and they are using the imagery of the mass as a way to like have fun. You got a naked chick there as the altar.

That's fun. Yeah. To be fair, they're not the funniest bunch. No. Satanists, I do have a problem with being too serious. That's what I've been fighting against it. I think that the Anton Levese Church of Satan, the C.O.S., is more appropriate because then where's the costumes?

You really are the Warnky of Satanists. You have to bring in a little sugar to it, aren't you? I'm Tony the Tiger of Satanists. But that really is the reaction that Warnky was playing with. All the fire and brimstone preachers, he has a little fun with it. Yes. Yeah. And he goes gore, like full gore with it.

He does. Over and over and over again. And he doesn't know that he's accidentally doing satanic principles. If you read the satanic witch, you know that's the whole thing. The whole thing is that you get engagement with human beings by presenting as one way and then saying, but actually, I'm this way. So it's like, I'm this goofy guy, but actually, I'm super serious and I went through all of this shit.

He may have actually thought about that. Oh, definitely. I do think he's a sociopath to the degree where he probably understood that duality a little bit. He has accidentally absorbed occult lessons. I know that he did. If you look at his shit and the way he talks about it, especially the book that was one of his main inspirations, which is ponds on the chessboard or whatever, ponds on the board

or forget what it's called. Ponds of the game. Yeah. Ponds of the game, which I was unfortunately, I unfortunately read. You could see that there is stuff in there that he does understand. I can use these manipulation tools. Oh, yeah. And there are multiple.

I mean, there's one of his four wives said that, you know, he did a lot of research into the occult. Of course. Had to. He could talk so that he could sell it to cops so he could waddle the walk and predictably once work, he got big enough to have his own ministries, which by his claim had about 30 employees by one point. He began telling tales of kids who have been abused by Satanist so badly that they were

catatonic and couldn't you good folk spare a few dollars to help these poor victims of Satan? And you know, there's no reason why I don't need a private plane because how am I supposed to get all my different concerts because the whole thing that makes me mad is that he calls his shows concerts. Yeah. And you only have a concert if you have a fucking cello, all right. If you have something like, no, you do a comedy show.

He has the mullet. So maybe. Concerts. I feel like he's got a concert hairstyle. Oh, he takes a lot of time on it. There was a big problem with Mike Warnke's claims. You may not be surprised to hear this, but every single thing that Mike Warnke ever claimed about being a satanic high priest was a complete and total fabrication.

No. No way. What? What? What? After decades of going unquestioned by anyone, Mike Warnke finally drew the attention of a Christian publication called Cornerstone, which was just coming off of the successful debunking of a satanic panicker named Laurel Rose Wilson.

And Cornerstone is owned by an agency named Japusa, which is Jesus people of USA. That we will get into next episode, and there's also heavily guilty of crimes. Oh my God. I love the acronym Japusa. Yeah. I hate it. It's great. Absolutely hate it.

Wow. It sounds like you went to the doctor and they found out you had eight dicks and they're like, I'm sorry. You have Japusa. It's Japusa. Wilson, going under the name Lauren Stratford, had written a book in 1988 called Satan's Underground. This is the first takedown of the satanic panickers that Cornerstone did.

And that book, Lauren Stratford, claimed to have been a breeder for a satanic cult. What a breeder was that she gave birth to babies who could then be sacrificed in blood rituals. Yeah. So they goosh inside and then they make, they make new bullets. Yeah. She was talking about Maltese. She was talking about breeding little dogs.

Everyone knows Satanists like little dogs so they can hold them. Yeah. That's what you're like. Yeah. A tick. A tick. There were three children against her will. Two of them were killed in snuff films while the third was sacrificed in her presence during

one of those aforementioned satanic rituals. Stratford also claimed to have been in a lesbian relationship with Virginia McMartin, who was one of the plaintiffs in the infamous McMartin preschool trial, which stood at the center of the satanic ritual abuse firestorm. Oh my goodness. Which is also, you're seeing tropes here that are going to be used by all of these pieces of shit. Yeah.

They see another story in the news that gets a lot of play and then they hook on to it. They hook on to things that they see in the public and say, oh, and I'm also a part of this. Yeah. I'm also, no, I'm also a part of the McMartin school case as well. And I think that's the seed of truth that then obviously they, they blossom into this conspiracy flower. Yeah.

But of course people are abused. Of course. And all those things really do happen. Absolutely. It's just the way that they took it, it manipulated it and dare I say caused so much confusion that it didn't help people who were actually abused whatsoever. Now we know for a fact with the, what we know about Jeffrey Epstein and all that kind of shit is that we know that these types of circles of child abuse stuff do happen in the halls

of the elite, but the thing is, it's in the halls of the elite and the basements of every it can be in the suburbs, it can be in schools, yes, universal problem. But also you could see how they took all of these things again. It's the classic thing of I will say, I'm just going to give you my crimes because more of those crimes happen within the shield of the church than have ever happened the fucking at the TST. Why the fuck would anybody even want Jello Nail to the wall? I don't know.

Like would you want to look at it? I just don't get it. I don't even know what the statement is. Well, the McBarton preschool trial, there was a lot more going on in that even it was way outside of the church actually. That's a whole different thing. We did a little series on satanic ritual abuse. That had nothing to do with the church burning in my rack.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. That's the kind of scary thing about it is that like it's not just the church, it's not just these people that are like saying like that are projecting shit on there like set like the McBarton preschool trial, it kind of happened by accident. It's very, very strange, a very interesting case. But yeah, go back and listen to our old, old, old satanic ritual abuse episodes for more on that.

Okay. Once Cornerstone started looking into Lauren's story, they found that she'd never been pregnant even once, much less three times. Dolan Valor. Yeah. That is honestly, it's a good point. Instead, they found a pattern of chronic lying and disturbing behavior, which as you'll see is the hallmark of everyone who claimed to be a part of this non-existent satanic

cult scene. In a funny little post script to Lauren's story, before we get back to Mike Warnke, she resurfaced in 1999 claiming to be a Holocaust survivor named Laura Grabowski. Wow. The grifter's gonna grip. Yeah. Jesus. That's true, stolen valor.

Yeah. Oh my God. They found thousands of dollars in donations and in the process befriended another person claiming to be a Holocaust survivor named Benjamin Wilk Kramirsky. This is called when yes and goes wrong. Yes. And when improv can be used as a weapon of mass destruction. May I ask, were both of them lying about it?

Yes. Then I honestly did not know we were gonna cover a love story today. Yeah. I mean, that's true. That's true. That is the cutest thing ever. Wait a second. I'm a Holocaust survivor too.

You can just see them rubbing off the numbers at the end of the night and be like, yours is fake too. Oh my God. Come here please. They weren't even Jewish. Oh my God. That is so unbelievably offensive. But the point here is that these people and their ilk were the contemporaries of Mike

Warnke. So when Cornerstone began investigating America's number one Christian comedian, they found a past that couldn't have been more at odds with his claims of being a super cool satanic high priest. Instead of the fucking far out freaky badass that Warnke claimed to be, Cornerstone found a nerdy, irritating, pathological liar. And it's that story that we'll be telling over the course of the next two episodes, in addition to Warnke's rise and Warnke's fall.

And we got a couple other shitheads in there too we're gonna cover. We're not really excited for. We're gonna really get deep into some of the people that I dislike the most. Any of you out there that are fans of Chick Tracks, we're gonna be getting into that shit next episode. And the source for all of that fucking Dungeons and Dragons bullshit. But thankfully the Cornerstone article was expanded into a book called Selling Satan by John Trott and Michael Hertenstein.

And that will also work as our main source for this series. And while it is written from a decidedly Christian perspective, it's still a solid take down of one of the most successful con artists of the 80s. And I actually think the fact that it is from the Christian perspective in this case gives it validity. Yeah. Because the Christians are, they do clean house every now and again. But of course now the multi-billion dollar industry that that mega churches provide.

Oh no. There's really nothing they can do anymore. It's not not a main tenet of Mike Warnke's every single thing that he says that he rails against Christian gatekeepers all the time. Because how dare they come for him. Yeah. He's against the industry. Yes.

Yes. If you're thinking about it, I'm not quite sure that con artist is the right label here. Yeah. Nor do I think con artist is the right label for Laurel Rose Wilson. See while Mike Warnke certainly is a liar, we'll see that Mike, just like other so-called former Satanist will cover, is pathological in his lying. He lies because he can't help it. I think he's got something close to anti-social personality disorder.

I mean like I'm not gonna, I don't know how to diagnose him or whatever, but his lies are compulsive, they come from the inside and he doesn't know how to not lie, all he does is lie. But then, where the con man part comes from is, again, let's say his superpower is not being weird, let's say his superpower is, he's a fucking liar, and then what he has figured out is with his natural inclination to lie, he learned, I can also make millions of dollars. Right.

Is it, do you think that the, was the tail wagging the dog at all, like once he got the first laugh. Yes. He's got brains and performance, we know that first. Oh, and the dick is the only thing I crave. You chase it, right? With out a doubt. So to some degree he was also, it was a feedback loop perhaps.

Yes, well, I mean we'll get fully into his story, but the reason why he started talking about Satan was not because he figured this is how I'm gonna make a lot of money, the reason why he started talking about Satan is because it was the first time people started believing his bullshit. And again, Oprah was doing the same thing, so this was mainstream in many ways. And I also, I'm gonna say, I know, Henry hates the church, Henry hates Catholicism. I'm not gonna try to hit it too hard because it's mostly just- Well, you love Catholicism.

I mean, yeah, I'm on the opinion side of it. It's very interesting. I mean, it's fun. But it is, it's more, I'm obsessed with Catholicism, but I do not support it, right? But this is the type of shit where I, no matter what you believe in, this guy's a shithead. Absolutely, of course. And for many more reasons besides just being a liar. Absolutely.

But what's fascinating about this is that the mental illnesses of people like Mike Warnke and Laurel Wilson, they were the pebbles in the avalanche of satanic fear that we still deal with. Today, we've got QAnon, who simply replaced Mike Warnke's Illuminati with a three-headed monster of the deep state Democrats and the Hollywood elite. I'm gonna remember in our plague series, it was like the same shit then too. You got the same recycled conspiracy theories about the baby eating and all that kind of shit.

Well, Mike Warnke was the one who woke it back up. And while Warnke is by no means the murderer and rapist that he still claims to be. Remember, he lied about being a murderer and a rapist. He said that, he's like, well, I'm different now. It was such a strange time where that was a career builder. His refusal to take responsibility for his own mental illness resulted in untold amounts of misery for thousands of people who didn't toe the line of evangelical Christianity. So without further ado, let's explore the life of Mike Warnke, both through the testimonies

of people who were actually there during the time he claims to have been a satanist and through the versions Warnke tells in his books and stand-up specials. It's a Warnke! Now what we know about Mike is that he was born to Louise and Alfred Warnke, aka Alph. In November 19th, 1946, in Evansville, Indiana. Now, Alph was indeed an alcoholic and a piece of shit, but Warnke's picture of his father is the first of his many embellishments. Honestly, so was TV's Alph.

You should have seen him off camera, man. Yeah. I beat the fuck out of her. Was it Rhonda? I don't remember, but those aliens do drink. Yeah, they do. Yes, they do. Well, in The Satan's Cellar, Warnke claims that his father, Alph, was a violent small-time

hood from Cleveland, who fixed prize fights, participated in union racketeering, sold drugs and booze from truck stops, and carried a machine gun in the front seat of his car. That's cool. That's kind of fun. I don't know. I mean, it's bad for her dad, but it's cool for her friend. Yeah. It sounds like a Dick Tracy.

Sounds like a Swatop. Swatop. As far as Mike's mother went, he couldn't really decide whether she was a good mother or uncaring and neglectful. You gotta figure that out. Yeah. At times, he described her as both, depending on what book you were reading. Yeah, and what stand-up special he was in the middle of.

Yeah. Wow. Either way, though, Louise Warnke did factually die in a car accident when Mike was eight. And that's, you're just, notice that. When one of Mike Warnke's claims are actually true, I'm going to use the word factually. Okay. Yeah. Alph remarried the year after to a woman more than half his age, whom Mike described as

an evil stepmother. Louise, on the other hand, described to Mike as a quiet child who craved attention but never got any. This is the type of thing we see often, you know, we, on our live show, we've been covering David Berkowitz and it's, I feel like there is that strain too, the idea of feeling small as a child. Yeah. And growing up with this like, almost antagonistic sense towards yourself of like, I'm not small,

I'm huge. Yeah. It's probably important and the whole world has to know it. The whole world knows it now. So two years after the remarriage, Alph died of a heart attack and Mike was sent to live with his aunt in Sparta, Tennessee. Mike though, claimed that when he arrived in Tennessee, he was a foul mouthed cigar smoking whiskey drinking hellion at the age of 11, all due to the influence of his alcoholic

drug dealing parents. Yeah. He said that he discovered booze at his own house, like drinking as a little kid and all this kind of shit and literally smoking as a five year old. Yeah. Well, I mean, I started drinking and smoking at 12, but you know, my parents were not booze hounds. But you were a real story of the failure of parenthood.

No, my parents were great, but my parents being the mistake, we did the whole honorary thing where we dumped, I'll never forget, I was like seven years old, eight years old, we dumped out all the booze and it was like this whole thing because my parents never drank. Yeah. But then I remember when I was watching the wine go down the drain, I was like, I wonder what that tastes like. Yeah.

And then when I was 12, I found out. Yeah. Well, yeah, you know, it's it's more cultural, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's where it first started. Well, let's hear one of Mike Warnke's bits, one of his fun bits about growing up in Tennessee.

Oh, I can't wait. Listen to so many hours of this shit. Don't you know that when I got up in that little old home in Tennessee that everybody was in for some real surprises? I got up there and the first time I was up there, this lady came out and she said, well, honey, how do you think you like it? Don't like it here. And I said, well, this is a pretty nice blank, blankety, blank place where to get along pretty

blank, blankety, blank. Well, as long as you feed me blank, I just, you could have cut what I said with a butcher knife. You know, she never heard talk like that before. Her eyeballs popped open, her mouth dropped open. She ran into the other room, got a 97 pound Schofield reference Bible off the TV, ran back out into the kitchen, snatched me up out of this chair, slung me over in a corner, shoved that Bible up over her head, shoved her finger in my face and she said, boy, you

better accept Jesus right now. As your personal savior, because if you don't, the devil's going to ride, the devil's going to grab you by the shirt collar. He's going to drag you right down to hell, boy. I'm telling you this demon ride every door. And if you don't watch out, he's going to grab you. He's going to throw you on the ground. He's going to jump up and down to your body.

There's nothing left but a red spot right there on the ground. You better straight down, square away, because if you don't, God's going to hit you in the head with a bolt of lightning and Friday to Christmas, leaving nothing but a pile of ashes right there on the ground with your eyeballs bugging in. He does this thing in every fucking stand up album where he, like I do not know how to describe it. It's, he has no ending to bits. No.

There are certain bits where he does not end them. Like there's one thing where he says, what if Frankenstein got saved, right? That's his whole thing. And that's an hilarious premise. It's. It's stupid. It's stupid. What happens?

I don't even want to describe it. It's about, no. It's an allegory. It's an allegory about how preachers wish they could rebuild followers so that they could think whatever it is he wants them to think. I'm going to be pedantic here for a second. Is the bit about Frankenstein being saved or Frankenstein's monster being saved? Frankenstein.

Okay. Frankenstein being saved. So Dr. Frankenstein. Dr. Frankenstein building a monster that will perfectly believe in God, right? That's his whole thing. But he does this sound pastiche in the middle of it where he just makes a bunch of lab noises where he goes like, and he does it for about two and a half minutes. And then he stops and the audience goes wild.

Like he's the guy from a police academy. You try not to laugh at that. Those are funny sounds. I hate him. I hate him. Well, from what is Aunt Edna said though? Because, you know, he said that he showed up and he said, blankety, blank this and blankety, blank that.

They had no problems with him whatsoever. Perfectly ordinary boy. Now, at the age of 12, Warnke went to live with his half-sister, Shirley, in Crestline, California. And it seems like this is where Mike's penchant for, let's say, storytelling began in earnest. World building. And again, if he caveated everything as if it was in the world of fiction, he may have benefined storytellers.

If he just wrote a book that was, this is a fantasy book. Again, this all had real world ramifications for a lot of people. It's not about telling a story, it's about him selling his story. And it's about people buying it. According to his childhood friend, Jeff Naysmith, Mike would invent stories and characters for his own amusement, inhabiting these falsehoods with such dedication that it became obvious that Mike Warnke desperately wanted to be anyone but Mike Warnke. And technically, that is the beginning of most character actors and character comedians,

which is I do vaguely understand. Again, I'm triggered. Yeah. I mean, it's ironic. He never read the parable about building your house on the sand because all of his career is based on a lie, which is the definition of the sand and the allegory. If he would have just told the truth, he would have been fine. You don't understand.

But then he flips it all around later on saying, but the core was always true. The core is very soft. I've seen him in his shirts. Now, according to Jeff, Mike's go-to in high school was a character called the Russian. In this bit, Jeff and Mike would go to a restaurant and pretend like Mike was a Russian. And Jeff would order all of Mike's food while Mike would speak in gibberish that kind of sounded like Russian. My oldest friend and I in the mall would do this bit.

Or we would go into stores and pretend to be foreign. And I would go up to a guy would go up to the cashier and I'd go, can I get how you say, a blow job, a blow job, and then we would be asked to leave. Sure. We did this bit very often. That's so stupid. Yeah, we were fucking 13 years old. Yeah, we used to go to a place called Buckle, not the Buckle, Buckle, and we would try on

the ladies clothes. Of course. That's a good time. That's fun. They kicked us out too. It's fresh, a lot of bras. A blow job. And then, you know, that's it.

And we laughed and we just laugh and laugh and laugh. Of course. No, it makes, it's good humor. What's interesting, though, is that even when Jeff ordered food that he knew Mike hated, Ornke would never break character and wouldn't say a word about it until they got out to the parking lot. That's just being, that's technically right now. This is just making friends.

Yeah. And again, if you do want to prove and the caveat, whatever it takes to survive in this world, that's fine as long as you're nice to people. Yeah. That's all that matters to me. But it is strange and you just kind of prove there's no omnipresent God because Andy Kaufman is dead and technically, Peter Sellers is also dead. Peter Sellers is dead and dying.

Ornke has a YouTube channel and he's still hosting to this day. In another example, Mike would sometimes flip it and make other people characters in his story, like when he talked Jeff into giving him a ride when Mike had a date but no car with which to pick up the girl. Sure. For no reason at all, Ornke gave Jeff a chauffeur's cap and told his date that Jeff was an orphan boy who sometimes performed various services for his family in exchange for room and board. These are just bits.

These are the best bits he's done. No, this is the point of every episode where I love the sociopath just a little bit. Just a little bit. It's pretty funny when you show up and you're just like, you're my buddy and you're like, put this hat on and now you're a chauffeur. You're an orphan as well. You're an orphan chauffeur. What?

What do you mean? That's actually really good idea for orphans to get into the chauffeur business because it's perfect. Because you could just sit and wait and wait and wait. There's no family looking for you. I don't know if they have the money for a car. No, you borrow it or a bunch of orphans get together and they row in street packs. After Mike wrote The Satan Cellar, he asked Jeff to sign an affidavit asserting that everything

in Mike's book was true. But Jeff refused, partly because he had no knowledge of Mike's later alleged satanic hijinks. He's like, you're a murderer and a rapist. Why are you bragging about this? What is happening? But also because Mike included lies about his time in high school. In his book, Mike claims that he cast a spell on a restaurant called The Bard, after which

said restaurant burned down. Jeff said that never happened and the barn's now a seventh day Adventist church. Bro, I do believe Warnke stood outside after his hamburger. Because his hamburger wasn't done just perfectly and I do think he tried to cast a spell. Perhaps that's real. I think that he, again, this is weirdly, this is weirdly an example of a cult thinking. And that he could do this type of shit. But, you know, he's what a fucking clown.

Yeah, as far as how other students saw Mike in high school, some thought he was funny, but most just found him irritating. He was a nerd, an unpopular weirdo who tried being the class clown, but was far too annoying to pull it off. It's a fine dance between the class clown and someone who everybody hates. You gotta push the envelope. You're not too far. You gotta really read a room.

You have to be kind of cool. Take it from me. Class clown. Hey, man, I also got the class clown superlative as well. As did I. See, look at this. Look at us. That was also the loudest and the rowdiest.

I also got teacher's pet. How could you be class clown and teacher's pet? You're a fucking sellout. You made the teacher's laugh? Yeah. You said it's like Jimmy Fallon. How did you jump from there to you made the teacher's laugh? That's the only way that you would become teacher's pet.

You have to hate it. I hate it by the teacher's. I do both. I also hate it by the teacher's. The reason why I was voted teacher's pet was because I knew answers to questions. That's it. The teacher's fucking hated me. Class clown conference.

I'm sorry. Class clown conference. Class clown conference. Can you be teacher's pet and class clown? Well, the thing is about a class clown is that certain teachers will love you and certain teachers will hate you. Certain teachers will appreciate what you do and certain teachers will know you're just trying to get out of work.

Yes. The teacher that actually enjoyed me, the teacher that I made a reference to, dedicated the book to, a thank you in our book, she loved me. All the rest of them despised me. All right. I've got three that liked me too. All right. Good.

Check that out. There you go. Totally allowed. But in the Satan seller, Mike claimed that he was quote, a rascal who snuck around drinking and enjoying teen sex. You know what people do? People do. Oh, I know what you did last summer.

But when fellow students who spoke to Cornerstone magazine read these claims in Mike's book, they were just confused. Instead of a flashy rebel, they remembered Mike Warnke as the nerd who got beaten up by everybody. He could have also just made that his story. Yeah. Because no one gives a shit about how you were in high school. No.

He was the desperate bus clown who was always laughed at rather than laughed with. But then it shows when it comes down to it, when all you want is attention, like I really liked laughing. Right. I like people to laugh at my shit, but I didn't really want the negative attention. I didn't want to get in trouble. I used to fight back and forth and toe the line and because the whole point is that if I was going to get in trouble, at least it would be for something that I found to be

incredibly funny. I still live by that rule, right? We're like, he just wanted attention. And if we were willing to do anything to just get attention, I mean, look at Jeffrey Dahmer. Like when he was in high school, just would go, you know, and he just wanted someone to perceive him. We're now talking to David Berkowitz.

Just wanted someone to like look at him and say, hey, David, at least Jeffrey Dahmer was getting lit in the back of the classroom. He did it different. He wasn't. I would never call what Dahmer did like partying. No, it was heavy drinking at a age where his liver was not ready and his brain wasn't ready. I mean, we used to have a lot of fun.

I'll never forget the faking of the seizures. My buddy Jared faked the seizure. My mom laughed and laughed. He got expelled. I mean, Ptolembine was rough. I wore a fake bomb into a fucking bodega and I thought it was really funny. I put a guitar amplifier on my chest and they just, they were like, get out of here. It's funny.

Yeah. But it's, yeah. Yeah. Again, also I was 12. Yeah. So I don't think a 12 is going to be a suicide bomber yet. You don't know. Not 1995.

No, not that. So as far as religion went, Mike was strongly attracted to Catholicism. And in a moment of accidental truth, Warnke admitted in his book to being fascinated as a child by the rituals of the Catholic church. And these rituals would indeed heavily influence his lies about being a satanic priest. Now, the thing that sank Warnke's stories and made them so easy to disprove was the timeline. According to the Satan seller, Warnke was inducted into Satanism in 1965 during his

first semester at community college when he was about 19. Honestly, Satanism, we really try to go for the vocational schools because we prefer people with skills. Nothing wrong with a little community college. I went for a semester, got my grades up. Oh yeah? Then I went to a different school. Ed Larson, that's how I met him.

Absolutely. Nothing wrong with a good community college. Not at all. From what the records say though, Warnke didn't even finish his first year and joined the Navy in 1966, therefore, every wild claim that follows from here on out supposedly all occurred in a nine month period. Remember that. Everything you're about to hear happened in less than a year and then he was over with

it. Okay. So as the story goes, Warnke attended San Bernardino Valley College in 1965, San Berdu, and met a guy named Dean at a party. Dean sounds cool. Well, Dean is the type of fucking name that you make up for a cool Satanist. What are you talking about? Dean.

No, Dean's a cool. No, I call him like Mel Fjord. That'd be sweet. Yeah, Mel Fjord is cooler than Dean. I don't know if I've met a cool Dean. No. No, they don't exist. It's just that it gets Dean Moriarty in on the road and then after that, nah.

I'm sure there's a cool Dean out there. Even Dean Moriarty from on the road was a fucking problem. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. If you're a cool Dean, let us know. Absolutely. It's a big proof that you're cool though. Yeah, absolutely. But Dean gave Warnke his first joint, and before Warnke knew it, Dean was easing Mike

into Satanism. Hell yeah, dude. It's just not what happens when you have your first joint. No, man. No, I watch cartoons, bro. I play with Hulk gloves. Yeah, dude, I fucking rode around with my cousin and listened to fucking Rage Against the Machine.

Fuck yeah, dude. They're established. Evil Empire. Fuck yeah, bro. Actually, you know what? I started drinking at 12, but I don't think I smoked until I was 15 and a half and I was driving my Thunderbird with my friend Jared, and he sang, another one bites the dust. We listened to that song, and I smoked a J. Well, well, driving.

This is a great thing to admit. That's great. And then I parked immediately because I got stoned. Now Dean introduced Mike to the occult in stages, but once they got to stage three, Mike was openly worshiping Satan in a barn in an orange grove in front of a goat head altar and an inverted cross. It's a slippery slope, my friend. Oh my god.

And that's just decor, man. Yeah, and of course, by the time he started worshiping Satan, he'd graduated from weed to heroin in a matter of weeks. It's just like the Simpsons when Homer licks the frog, but it's not a frog. It's not an hallucination. It's just a little bit of junk weed from the 70s. I just love weed. I love weed, but I've never once thought after I even smoked weed being like, man, I want

some heroin. Yeah. Dude, if you would go back to the 70s and smoke that weed, it would take you a power to have to get stoned. Yeah. Well, that's the problem with Mike Warnke. That's the whole thing about it. It's the problem with all of these people is that they have never once in their life

done drugs. Yeah. They've never, they don't know what it's like. They only have that fucking gateway drug bullshit where they're like, yeah, you start smoking weed before, you know, you're doing meth and then you're doing heroin. Yeah. You go from reefer, you go out to buzzers and bizzars, you go down to slank munch, you ever had munch?

Oh. My mother had boarded several babies on munch. Oh, that is a dangerous drug. When a mockery of Catholic mass, Warnke wrote that they drank and ate ghoulish concoctions. Yeah, like he's at Jekyll and Hyde. Yeah. That he refused to describe. Too gross.

Old cereal is what he means. He had dry ice in it. And it'll skull glass. They ate ghoulish concoctions. I've eaten ghou-gou. I have technically eaten ghoulish concoctions. Yeah. Some of them are delicious.

Yeah. Yeah. Head cheese. And before long, Warnke was being groomed for the priesthood of this unnamed satanic cult just because he was so goddamn cool. That's the biggest lie of all. Because that's what you're going to notice with Warnke again and again is that he's trying so desperately to show you how cool he is.

Oh, yeah. That's his bread and butter. Yeah. Because that's where the freak soul come to him, baby. Yeah. Because he understands the cool side of the street. Yeah. That's where the shadows are.

Speaking of butter, that's how Guy Fietti described the head cheese on Triple D. He doesn't eat eggs, but he loved head cheese, and they showed how it was made, and I think it's kind of gross. Yeah. That's what you're talking about, man, right? Yeah. That's some good meat to meat you miss, because they're in the corners of the skull. Yeah.

I don't know. Well, Warnke claimed that in the space of five weeks, he started college, first used drugs, became addicted to heroin, started selling heroin, went to his first orgy, went to his first black mass, and was recruited into a satanic cult. This is like what your mom, Kissel, thought would happen to you when you went to college. That's what every mom who ever watched daytime television thought was going to happen to all their children once they went to college. This took him 35 days.

35 days. He was very busy. Well, that's not all he did. He also claimed that in those five weeks, he rode a motorcycle from California to Texas. He did drug deals in Louisiana. He marched with Martin Luther King in Alabama. And that's supposed to be evil. Yeah.

Think about that. That's him saying that that was him dallying with evil. Oh, my God. He said he participated in the freedom rides, even though the freedom rides had happened five years earlier. And that's kind of the key to Mike Warnke here, is that he makes a lot of these claims that don't add up in the timeline. But remember, he's making these claims in 1972, 1973.

Can't follow up. It's really difficult to follow these things up. We can disprove lies now in three seconds with a fucking device that everyone has in their pocket. Back then, a lot easier to get away with it. Now, by the end of those wacky five weeks, Warnke claimed he got hepatitis four times. That's a lot. That's a hard month.

He must be exhausted. He had scabs all over his face from mainlining crystal meth. His skin was yellow. His skin is yellow. His skin is yellow. Because he's gross. Yeah. His skin was yellow.

His teeth were rotting. His jaw was broken. And he'd been shot after he got into a gunfight with a pimp at a pool hall. Look at him, he got shot by a pimp in five weeks. This is after five weeks, I think, in a freshman year of college, I was like, how do I get a binder again? Like, I just had to redo my whole life. I did not understand.

I did not have a bomb. You know, now that I think about it, he might be the real life Forrest Gump. If any of this was true. It's not. No. But all of that was just a prelude to Warnke's reign as one of Southern California's top satanic priests. There's no hierarchy.

Yeah. Anybody could be a priest. Sure. Once Warnke ascended to the top, he was given two elegant apartments, rent free, a black Lincoln continental, complete with chauffeur, and all the jewels and clothing he could wear. Oh yeah. And this is all provided by the Illuminati.

Dude, one thing that's true though. If any of that was true, he would have stayed. No man, you know it's true. You know how much money occult groups have. Oh so much. You know how much money witches have, right witches? Yeah. We know how much you're sitting on.

And that's why there needs to be a 5% witch tax. Sure. On all needle point that is being done and sold on Etsy. You know that he would have, he would have just stayed a satanist if any of this is real. Oh well to complete this childish fantasy, Warnke also said that he was given two hot satanist chicks. Lucky girls. Who hung out in his apartment 24 hours a day with the sole purpose of pleasuring little

Mike Warnke participating in what he disgustingly called soft pink sex. Has he had sex? Yeah, he has a son, right? Yeah, he's got a few sons. He's got children. He's been married four fucking times. Soft pink sex. I love that episode of red shoe diaries.

For some reason I just see piglet fucking rear-ended Winnie the Pooh. It is such a juvenile idea of what it means to be like upper class satan or evil. It's such a juvenile idea of what it means to be evil in his mind. Well it's just a juvenile fantasy. You live in a nice house and there's two girls there that just like fuck you whenever you want. It's so fucking cool. Little pink sex we have.

Little pink sex, yeah. But then you got, it's because you're getting the tapped unbridled power of evil, right? They always talk about in all the sci-fi movies where the evil energy is always stronger at first and they're always all encompassing at first. But the power of good always will eventually win over everything, right? Sure. Well Mike claimed that under his leadership the cult's numbers grew to 1,500 satanists across three Southern Californian cities in less than a year.

And Mike claimed to look the part as well. He said he dropped to 125 pounds and boasted waist length bleached white hair and 14 inch fingernails quote, for fights. So he thought that premium fighting shape was to become Johnny Winters? Oh man, he sounds like a roadie for Abba. Oh my god, with the long nails I could just see him like that. Just been like, hello I am the goblin king. I also know what happens because remember that woman with the world's largest nails that

was on like all the shows, they curl up. Yeah. Not even good for fighting. No. They're not sharp objects at that point. Not at all. And so looking like a demented upright possum, Warnke led his satanic congregation in numerous rituals, drawing blood from his own wrist and mixing it with wine and urine.

So he could drink toast to say, just drink the wine. Here's how Mike described some of his other rituals in the Satan cellar. Now after the invocation of Satan, I listened intently to the offertory where the members offered their souls to Lord Satan. I swung the now screaming cat over the smoke and cauldron and then over the heart of the girl on the altar. Then when the sword point touched the cat's belly, I thrust it in. Now, I suddenly shouted, I drew an upside down star on the girl's stomach with the freshly

spilled blood. From the weird utterances that now came from her mouth, I knew we were being graced by one of the denizens of hell. Everything sounds wrong. Because again, listen to him talk. Yeah. Listen to how he speaks. This fucking bugger was the king of all evil.

Yeah, the king of all evil in Southern California. I kind of insulted as a person of the evil inclination because why would we choose you as leader? I wouldn't choose Mike Warnke as the head of my Satanic Abol. Are you particularly evil? No, I find that Satanists are more neutral. Neutral. Now, once Mike was suitably ranked, he was put in charge of organizing these rituals,

which quickly escalated from cat-killing to cutting off people's fingers so the cultists could eat them in a perversion of the communion. If anything, you would cut off legs. Yeah, probably like a calf. No, man, you eat pizza. They just said you just eat actual food. Or soft flesh. Or ham.

Like turtles. Honestly, I'd give discs of ham. I would maybe go with the buttocks. Yeah, cut the butt. Butt's apparently good meat when you're, you know, when you have to eat someone's per thighs. You're supposed to start with a butt. We learned that.

We learned that from that. What was it? A rugby team right there that crashed in the Alps. Yeah. Mike also claimed to have directed the gang rape of a virgin, but Mike always made sure to say that he was only an orchestrator. I'm a cultivator. Never a direct participant.

I don't understand how this was a moment in time where that was a beneficial storyline for anyone. From what he claimed, he was usually too doped up to perform sexually. Cool. I think sex. Oh, so cool, man. As far as life outside of Satanism went, Warnke's claims make him sound like one of the grooviest counterculture figures of the sixties.

Warnke claimed to have dropped acid with Timothy Leary, claimed to have hung out with Anton Levey. Anton Levey was not in town. No, he was not. When he was supposed to have hung out with him. No, Anton Levey actually, when they asked him years later if he'd ever been in contact with Mike Warnke, it was like such an Anton Levey fucking answer. It was like, I have never even received so much as a postcard from Mike Warnke.

He didn't even sound like that. Anton Levey actually has a surprisingly untheatrical voice. It's kind of like this. He has like, he's not, he looks evil. That's right. He does. I've never received so much as a postcard. Honestly, to be honest, if he'd share me a postcard, I'd be kind of an Asian.

Honestly, if he'd never return a dress, I could sit in this ass. Yeah, he does have a super wormy voice. And Mike Warnke also claimed to have been present at Ultima, the Rolling Stones concert where the Hell's Angels stabbed a dude to death. Problem with that though is that Ultima occurred in 1969, not 1966. He is the definition of, let's don't say that we did. Because he's just sitting on his fucking ass this entire time. He also claimed that he attended a church of Satan conference in San Francisco where

he claimed to have met Charles Manson. Charles Manson was incarcerated until 1967. Charles Manson was never a Satanist. He was a Scientologist. Yes, he was. Was it? Yeah, totally dude. In addition to the regular rituals, Warnke also claimed to have been invited to more

business-like meetings that, quote unquote, opened his eyes to the enormity of the Satan movement. And all this will sound pretty familiar to anyone who's followed QAnon. Honestly, it would be nice if we did have some kind of Satanist kind of business meeting or something to teach us how to invest. Yeah. That would be nice. That would be nice, yeah.

In the Satan cellar, Warnke wrote that the people he worked for ruled over a widespread organization that operated all over the world, claiming, quote, the word Illuminati was whispered around here. Was it indeed the fourth stage, the next higher level of Satan's superiors? That explained the unbelievable coordination, how financiers could work in tandem with politicians and industrialists, often without direct contact or even conscious collusion. Almost like there's no evidence, in a way, the Illuminati. There was no need for them to be laders, but they influenced laders and they had the use

of demons. Whoa! So the demons came up with the combustion engine? I think the demons are the lawyers. Now these are some pretty heavy fucking claims that Mike Warnke is making. And it is indeed one hell of a story, especially for someone's freshman year of college. Yeah, this is a lot, man. I was just overwhelmed with my first theater audition.

We're still in the nine months. Nine months. All of the night. And that's Warnke's claims. That's, you know, that's pretty much it. Oh, and Cornerstone magazine contacted what few college friends Mike Warnke had. Most of them laughed at Mike's stories because they remembered Mike as an irritating person who constantly lied for no reason.

Irritating is the word that people use over and over and over again with this guy. That is his superpower. If you look at his shit, man, if you watch as much hours of him as I've watched, you can see he also only gets worse. Yeah. The only gets worse. That first special alive that he did in 1973 has got some... I made it through it.

Yeah, I made it through it. But the rest of it is, oh, the song. Maybe we'll play that at the end of the next episode. The song is later on. The song is when he got to, I think, second or third wife. That's about 10 years after his first album. I think also his comedy career, the descent of, like, when he stops doing jokes and stuff, I think it also correlates with Gallagher stopping to do comedy because he couldn't

steal any more jokes. Yeah, he had nowhere to go to source his material. He did not come up with one bit himself. Nothing is also strange about Mike Warnke is that he never smiles, ever. That's the weird thing about it. Even in his stand-up bits, he never ever smiles. Well, he does a funny... He does like a...

Yeah, he does a... Yeah, he mugs. He does his mug thing. He's so self-superior. He's just fucking pats himself on the back at every single opportunity. And the older he gets when you watch stuff from, like, three, four years ago, because he's still getting invited to speak at churches every week. He's on all over YouTube.

His face just gets, like, it hangs down more and more and more. It's like the weight of his lies are actually making him physically heavy. They're dragging him to hell. Now, there were some occult shades to Mike's months in college. There had to have been. Yeah. But like his later claims, the stories he told in college were lies as well. Remember Mike Warnke's always been a liar.

And those college lies came with impressive life stories of a different kind. Mike told his fellow students that he came from a white witch background. And he said that he'd been reincarnated dozens of times. He was first born in the Irish Mowers in 1550 something. And that was in addition to being a Greek dancer and a professional ambulance driver all before he was 19 years old. I mean, you know, I could see him doing that. Yeah, that kind of was it.

There was Zorba? Yeah, Zorba the Greek. Yeah. But I mean, but that's what people would say about him is that he would tell stories that were so insane that you could not disprove them. We're also just like, shut up, Mike. Yeah. Give me your homework.

Yeah. Well, you know, I always think if I was reincarnated, I feel like I was an executioner back in the day. I could see that. Yeah, I could see that too. I believe that I was in the 1300s. Nice. Interesting.

Because the executioner was actually quite well respected. And you know, as we talked about, they get tipped out for everyone they kill, and then they go out to the bars and everyone's like, oh, don't kill me. And then you laugh. I think it was a big titted Lakers girl too. You can still kind of see it. Ricky would also scam strangers by panhandling as a priest. Oh, my God.

Then he'd use the money to try and buy wine at the liquor store telling the clerks he needed it for mass. It's not Mad Dog 2020 and the fucking chalice. Yeah, it's fucking what's it? What was the name of that big jug wine? Franzia. There's Franzia. You're talking about Rossy, Carl Ross.

Yeah. Yeah. And for that, of course, the clerks laughed him out of the fucking store like, get out of here, kid. See, from what his friend Greg Gilbert said, there was certainly no heroin. And very little drinking in college. In fact, the most exciting thing they did together was play croquet in Gilbert's backyard because none of them were savvy enough to get ahold of booze.

They tried. They talked about it a lot. Well, if you take your hand, you grab the bottle, you put it in your jacket and you'll walk out. Yeah. It's very easy. Especially in the 70s. They got together to play croquet.

Yeah. Now, in the Satan cellar, Warnke painted himself as a kind of guru to his fellow students, the sort of intellectual other students looked to for answers. Natural born leader. Oh, you could tell just by looking at him. But according to Gilbert, no one even thought to look to Warnke for leadership because most people just found him really fucking obnoxious. Yeah, man.

He's Wario. Yeah. No one wanted him around. Much less fucking asking him like, Mike Warnke, what do you think? Don't throw Wario under the bus. Wario was actually quite shocking. I know. He was honest.

He was honest. He did try to join a kind of half-ass coven during his short time at community college. Oh, that must have been adorable. He was roundly rejected. You can just see him opening the door butt naked, just be like, here for it. No. This right here, though, is the most honest representation of college level witchcraft. Yeah.

See, a guy named Dennis Strutton said that he and five other dudes started an occult group to impress girls. Absolutely. It's still to this day. You want to talk to a woman easily, astrology is still there, tarot cards are still there, you can get out there, go to them, meet them halfway. Mark Zuckerberg literally ruined the world trying to impress women. That's what Facebook was.

Yeah, seriously. Trying to meet a gal and we all have to suffer because that horny nerd wasn't charming enough to talk to a chick at a bar. Yep. And Warnke wanted in to this group. But when Warnke forced himself in, in this group, they considered themselves more druidic than satanic. It was light.

They were just trying to fuck. Just trying to fuck. That's it. They found him so annoying that they picked him up in his chair during a meeting and carried him out of the room. Now tell me, are you carrying me or is the chair carrying me? Come on, y'all. The closest Warnke ever got to a secret society during college was when he and his friends

started a half-assed fraternity called the Royal Order of the Lantern, which soon fell apart because no one gave a shit. Again, man, if he came after this, if he became George R.R. Martin, it'd be different. Yeah, sure. Right? If he used all of these fun things to add to the world. Yeah. No, he added to the prison population for bullshit.

Maybe if one of these people would have been nice to him, we wouldn't be doing this show. No, he did have a lot of people. There were a lot. He did have friends. He's an obnoxious fuck. Yeah. Like the guy from high school, Jeff, he would say like, no, I didn't sign the affidavit, but Mike's all right.

There were a few people, a few friends that are like, he's all right. He's kind of an acquired taste. You got to get used to him. He's going to lie a lot. You just got to have to go like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, Mike. But he did have friends. He had a girlfriend. Her name was Lois.

All right, so he has no excuses at all. No. Now it was during this time that Mike also claimed to have been a part of LSD experiments conducted by his college. So he tried to put himself into MK Ultra as well. But when officials at the school were contacted about this, they also audibly laughed because this was a two-year community college. Yeah, man.

The government wasn't wasting their brand new LSD on community college. You know what? It was happening at Harvard. It's what happened to the Unabomber. They may have given him a little bit of math. I don't think anybody wanted to waste their LSD on him to be like, I want to give this to somebody I like. Yeah, that's a good point.

According to the Satan seller, the Satanists eventually turned on Mike and used one of his satanic sex slaves to deliver a fatal overdose of heroin. She allegedly gave him four times his normal dose and snapped the needle off in his arm. But Warnky was such fucking badass that not even that was enough to kill him. Yeah, man. He just shit it out. He's so lame. After that, Mike decided to join the Navy to get away from all the Satan stuff.

You know, what this does remind me of, though, I was actually talking with Sina Gosdenby about this yesterday, the search for masculinity, like his idea of what it is to be a man is obviously all of this, all of these lies. Yeah. It is the dumbest. It's like a... It is a nerd week person's view of how somebody is masculine and broke the needle off in my own four times.

It's like that doesn't, it's not masculine. No, he did say... You're just a fucking bitch. He did say this was the only time he was thin. Yeah. He said they got in his bit about when his day, he has a whole album about his time in Vietnam. That's the only time.

They call me a full gospel pastor. Yeah. Now, he's a fucking dumpling. That's for sure. Yes, indeed. Well, Mike did indeed join the Navy after his nine months in community college. Okay. It's just that his reason for enlisting that he gave is bullshit.

And while he claims that he had a quote unquote crazy drug orgy as a send off the night before he joined boot camp, his girlfriend at the time, the aforementioned Lois said that the craziest thing in his going away party was a cake in the shape of a boat that said, Shepahoy, Mike. Whoa. Might as well be heroin. Whoa. A whole boat shape cake.

Holy fucking shit. What is this? Motley crew? This is as good as heroin. Yeah. That's as good as heroin. That's a lot of sugar if you think about diabetes. Now, as Wonky tells it, his satanic life came to an end during boot camp.

Two Christians converted him. And from that point forward, he was a warrior of light for Jesus Christ. Or from what I can tell, it was actually a girl named Sue Stutter, who was a part of a student group called Campus Crusade that drew Mike Wonky into the Christian fold. And they are everywhere. That's where I lost a friend to Campus Crusade for Christ. My older brother actually dabbled in it a little bit his first few years of college. It's still very prominent on college campuses, but it's an immediate community.

It's a thing that you can join if you are a person. Unfortunately, let's say you are a person that does believe that it works for you. But it's also a great place for a weirder with no friends. Yeah, because they can't say no. Yeah. And again, whatever it takes to survive. But just be careful that you don't get too caught up in some of the madness because they are also very isolationist in some ways.

And that's why I lost my friend. Yep. Now, in the Satan cellar, Mike claimed he had planned to kill himself in front of the Campus Crusade kids to totally fucking freak him out. Whoa. Well, you wouldn't even know. No. But no.

But they'd be like fucking freaked out, bro. They'd be like, whoa. Whoa. That's, whoa. Whoa. The saddest thing about being someone like Bud Dwyer is you don't get to see what happens because you know. Amen.

That's shout. But in reality, Mike joined the group because he liked Susie. And the two of them. Of course. Of course. That's how I almost joined a Christian cult. Yeah. Because the fucking hot chick was fucking a flirty fish.

I showed up once to one of those Christians. The girl didn't tell me it was a Christian thing. She was super fucking cute. She was super fucking cute. And my fucking buddy, Nick, was like, dude, this is a Christian thing. I'm telling you, it's a Christian thing. It's like, no, but boobies. Yeah.

I was like, no, but she's cute. Come on, man. It'll be fine. He's like, all right. So we had like this thing where he would call me in 10 minutes and tell me there was like a problem with the station, with the radio station, I had to go fix it. And if it was cool, if it wasn't a Christian thing, I'd say like, no, bro, like you can figure it out.

But if it was a Christian thing, I'd have an out. And guess what? I said, I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I have to go. Yeah. So thanks, Nick. I know you're listening and I appreciate it.

To everyone who is being flirty fished, everyone who is, you know, being recruited, don't forget all of the women just want to fuck the pastor. I know, man. That's why he's a pastor. And so you're never going to get late. Mm-hmm. It was around this time that Warnke factually attended a conference on the occult. And it's there that he met evangelical author, Tim LaHaye, who was a big time believer in

the anti-Semitic protocols of the elders of Zion version of the Illuminati. This version of the Illuminati was invented for the 1958 book, Pawns in the Game, written by an anti-Semitic author named William Guy Carr. I started to read it because I was wondering like, all right, what's the, what are the code words are they going to use in this book? Right? Like, how are we going to play this out? You know what I mean?

Because, you know, now we have like globalists, you know, all the time you see reptilian cabal, all that kind of stuff. The first chapter is called The Synagogue of Satan. So they didn't sugarcoat anything? No, no, no, no. And there is a lot of stuff. I also was trying to get into, because they basically say that they call us Goyim because Goyim to them means herds of cattle, which is, that's not true.

That's just protocols of the elders of Zion. It's just, he just took protocols of the elders of Zion and copied it for his own purposes. It's actually interesting because evangelicalism specifically actually has quite a fascination with the Jewish people and Israel. So it's interesting there would be anti-Semitism in there. Because they still look at the Old Testament. Yeah. But on the other hand, the whole Israel thing, it's just about how it involves them.

They don't give a shit about the actual people. No, yeah, they don't care. It's all about whoever they cast as the villain. Yeah. Now, according to Lahaye, well, this book highlighted a Jewish-run secret society which came complete with high priests and black masses. Now, according to Lahaye, Warnke hadn't even heard the word Illuminati when they met in 1966.

But after Warnke was introduced to the writings of William Guy Carr, he was given a framework to construct his own stories of satanic cults. It's like when, I think that Jimi Hendrix's like, uncle gave him a guitar. It's like, when he saw this book, right, he understood now, he's like, I'm the right shithead to sell this. Now Warnke married Sue Stutter in 1967, but Sue refused to talk to Cornerstone for the Warnke expose, probably because she, like many other people, specifically his ex-wives, wanted to leave her time with Mike Warnke far in the past.

Oh, yes. Okay. He was a fucking monster. But Mike does include Sue in his story in The Satan Cellar. She wrote that after he left Satanism, two bats would follow Sue everywhere she went. Yeah, man. It's the fucking Anastasia. Definitely.

Definitely. Cartoon bats definitely followed this woman. And a black cat posted up outside the room. You're going to get some milk. Bring some for me. Wow. I'm even. He shouldn't have made it so cliche if you wanted anyone to believe it.

Even just say like an orange man koon cat, I would say, well, okay, that's kind of interesting. Even the odd, the intended audience did believe it. He had to make it that simple. He had to make it familiar because they're like, uh, yeah, that's what I saw in that movie. Check. Check. Check.

In addition, Mike also claims that after he left Satanism, Satanists tried assassinating him by shooting him as he walked down the street, but they just gave up after one bullet. So I guess Satanists are fucking lazy or something. They are. We are inherently. We don't like work. Yeah, sloth. I don't want to hang out all the time watching for Mike Warnke.

Eventually I will leave. Yeah, it's incredible. If the movie seven was about you, you would be all seven sins right in one, but I mean, I'm proud of it. Yeah. Good. Good. Oh yeah.

Lost. Definitely. Sloth. Absolutely. Wrath most definitely. All of them. Envy. Of course.

That's just when you're driving. That's just when you're driving. No. Now one of the things that makes Mike Warnke a true piece of shit is the fact that he was a repeat domestic abuser, never convicted, often reported and in the Satan cellar, he tried blaming one of these incidents on a demon. Now my brain kind of world and I felt as if my mind had suddenly detached itself from my head and it was up in the corner of the room looking down on my body.

Suddenly no longer being in control of it. My body got up, stumbled halfway across the room to where Sue was sitting. Now my hands, they reached out and my fingers grasped the cross she wore around her neck and pulled and the chain snapped and I let it slip through my fingers as they curled around her throat. So the police didn't investigate that but they invested all the claims they made about Satanism. Yes.

Every single claim, every single bit of uninformed and no evidence based satanic ritual abuse they were all over. Right. He claimed that he was then pulled down to the floor and put in the position that Jesus on the cross. He felt sharp pains in his hands and feet where the nails have been driven and pain on his head from the crown of thorns. Don't miss my hair.

But Sue prayed over his body and after an hour the demon left him. Do you think that he actually did that? There is a way in my mind that he did punch her, like he hurt his wife and then he was just like, better have a Jesus fit. Jesus. I was a demon, I was a demon. Now a couple of years after Warnke and Sue got married, Mike was factually transferred to Vietnam during the Vietnam War, 1969.

In his book though, Mike claimed that he backslid into drug abuse and alcoholism and he just couldn't help juicing his time in Vietnam. Dude, how could you not? You know what I mean? It had nothing to do with the Satanism shit. No, but you have to make yourself an extra badass because now you're in Vietnam and everyone knows if you're in Vietnam, fucking credence is playing, you're burdened up villages with a bunch of children inside of it and you're shooting a black tar heroine and you're

down to the bamboo shoots. I do think that that did happen quite a bit, but also I think there was a lot of just sitting around. No, mostly it was just sitting around. But he did actually serve. He was in country. He was in country. Yeah.

He was a hospital corpsman. Ben, do you know what I'm going to say? Thank you for your service, Warnke. Oh, God. Sergeant Warnke. Private Warnke. I'm just glad it was a useful war. Yeah.

Yeah. Man, poor people. He claimed that he once saw a body of his explode when a mortar shell landed on his head, left behind nothing but a pair of shoes. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens. Yeah. Mike existed from one battle to the next, subsisting on liquor and drugs.

God, I would just love to see him exactly as he is from this live show, from Wank Warnke Alive, just him just out there with like the Vietnam helmet on with the big fucking mullin' hair sticking out of the bottom of it, just slugging on whiskey, little tiny glasses. Yeah. Just running like such a scared fucking dude. He looks like if fucking if this picky transition. He was shot by a child with a bow and arrow while handing out candy bars. He said a friend of his was eaten by a tiger and he even killed a man in a bar fight.

He is a fucking murderer. Yeah. That's what he said. This is the shit that he said that was cool. Yeah. Mike was so fucking out there that he broke a psychiatrist. Wow. He cried during their session because Mike was so fucking far out.

In one book, Mike wrote that he was wounded twice, but in the next book, he was wounded five times. I mean, man, it's a sequel. Yeah. More wounds. Yeah. Now Warnke was indeed awarded the Purple Heart and he was awarded the Combat Action Red.

Yeah, he saw time. He saw stories that Mike told were not his own. Instead, they came from a neighbor who told Mike these stories years later. Who might have also been lying about those. He wasn't lying. He said, but they were like his friend's stories. You are, if you did serve time in any war, you are allowed to exaggerate. Of course.

You were there. You were there. You were allowed to. Well, as far as that combat action went, a fellow vet said that a sniper took some potshots at him and Mike while they were standing in a field. They fucking wildly fired back and then ran away. That was the extent of it. That was his combat action.

And the Purple Heart came from an injury sustained during the accidental firing of a rocket in Warnke's vicinity. Oh my God. That's scary. Yeah. He almost died like Ernest saves Vietnam. Warnke's fellow soldiers predictably found him grading. That was the word that the soldiers use.

I imagine in a tense situation like behind enemy lines, his personality is not encouraged. He wasn't behind enemy lines at all ever. Like he was just hanging out in the fucking at base just all the time, just lying. Also annoying. Cause you just came back from the enemy lines. And he got punched in the mouth a lot. His mouth got him beat up all the time from what one soldier said after Mike got punched. He'd flop around on the ground and then he just lay there.

That was his defense mechanism was plain possible. Yeah, he became a soccer player with a little fainting goat. Now Warnke only spent six months overseas during the Vietnam War. And most of the time wasn't even spent in Vietnam. Half of it was in Vietnam, the other half was in Okinawa. But by the time he returned to the United States in 1970, he got dropped right into the middle of what was known as the Jesus movement. Self-described as Jesus Freaks, the Jesus movement was made up of former hippies who

had gotten rattled by the loose morals of free love and expanded consciousness. To save their emotional wounds, these people turned to Jesus Christ, but held on to many of the trappings of hippiedom. A lot of it was done by the organizers to keep the idea was to move with them changing times in order to keep Jesus Ravel event to a bunch of hippies. Jesus had long hair and also didn't Jesus have piercings? He did. In his hands, in his hands, yes, and in the side, he had a piercing in the side.

Long hair and stinky. It would be stinky too, just like the ghoulish. Yeah, stunky. Now as you might remember, the Jesus movement ended up being wildly damaging, producing multiple cults, including but not limited to the children of God, who were among the most disturbing organizations we've ever covered. And of course massive political change as well. Absolutely.

Massive. Apparently Jesus Freaks didn't like mental institutions. Nope. And it was in this movement that Mike Warnke saw an opportunity. Soon after he returned from overseas, he began telling tall tales at a non-denominational Christian center in Anaheim, California, a place called Melodyland, inspired by authors like... I feel like it's surrounded by braces.

Surrounded by authors like William Guy Carr, Warnke started telling stories about eating fingers and drinking urine and blood. And before long, he had 45 minutes of Satan material mixed with 5 minutes of Jesus. And tragically, people listened and people believed. For the first time in his life, people were finally paying attention to what Mike Warnke had to say. And it's there, with Mike's epiphany, that will pick back up for the conclusion to our story.

It's unbelievable because you know for a fact someone's on their drive over there, maybe in a nice station wagon and they're like, honey, you're going to love this urine and bloodbite he does. You're going to love it. It's insane. Dude, it's what happened. It went like it was a Gallagher show and this was half the material for each one of these.

Oh my gosh. It was back and forth between fucking harrowing satanic details and his bullshit about Teflon. But we'll see next episode how this, his fucking little innocent goofy goofs would go to become a movement that would fuck with America specifically for a decade. Oh, more than that. We're still living in it now. We're seeing it now. Way more than that.

There's a quarter of American history, almost. I mean, you can trace a direct line from Mike Warnke to January 6th. It's insane. And then probably also, you know, we've held detour to Oklahoma City bombing, a Waco little bit in there. And I find how all of those tragedies, they're all kind of combined by, I don't know what it is, what it is, but they're all combined by something. Well, you mentioned OKC.

Thank you so much for having me. OKC, Sacramento and Salt Lake City. Thank you all so much. We hope you enjoyed this episode. Yeah, you fucking better have. We'll keep you. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. Entertain the best weekend.

So sorry. All right. Keep on supporting all the shows here on The Last Podcast Network. Well, we got Springfield Jack Coffee. Yeah. You know I can buy some of that? Yeah. You got that Mothman blend?

Super delicious. Absolutely. Keep on supporting all the small businesses. It gives us a great pleasure to help out people just like us who are just trying to make ends meet in this wild, wild world. And speaking of small businesses, don't forget that Soul Plumber number one comes out next Wednesday, October 5th. So go to your local comic book store and buy, buy, buy issue number one.

Go check it out. I think you all will really fucking love it. It's really cool, especially if you've enjoyed today's episode and Soul Plumber is right up your fucking alley. For those of you interested in reading Soul Plumber online, we actually also have a fun announcement where you get a free month of DC universe. If you use the code Soul Plumber, that is S-O-U-L-P-L-U-M-B-E-R, Soul Plumber, one word. Get yourself a free month.

Dude, it is so cool. We're getting emails from John McCrae showing the artwork. I don't know how people draw, but he does an amazing job and it's so freaking funny. You guys are going to love it. All right, everyone. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Hail again.

Magus de les chants. In me. But I don't want you to hail me. You know what I mean in a way? I don't want you to fucking follow me. I get it. I release you. You're free.

You're free. Don't listen to the hucksters. Listen to your heart. That's right. Listen to your heart. Woo. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them.

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