Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 48: 666: The List of the Beast

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

In honor of our favorite upcoming holiday, the boys give their top 6 horror movies each!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? This suck on candies on the train because then it keeps people from sitting next to me. That's probably the...

You probably got three or four butterscotch candies in your mouth and you sit there going... and you juggle them around you know but I also kind of pump my arms besides like... Nobody sits next to this guy riding solo like a homeless person.

No, no, no, no, no. I call it being a subway bachelor. Look at that swing and subway bachelor over there. Ain't nobody's got the courage to sit next to him. I'd sit next to you buddy. I know you will because you have bad clots in your legs and you have to sit down. Yeah.

That's what I do. Okay, now we're recording now. Benny's got clots. Yeah, they're gonna shoot me one day. It's a little shotgun for my right leg. Alright, that's Marcus. I'm Ben and then here we are over here. I don't know who it's gonna be today.

I'm very excited. Henry doesn't have clots Zabrowski. Oh, wow, healthy Henry Zabrowski. I mean, I don't have any visible clots like you do or I imagine mine are more like the silent deadly slowly waiting in my spine working their way up to my brain. That's right.

Well, that's a good way to go. Right? I will fucking stroke. Is that really how you want to die? That's fine. Yeah, stroke is great. Unless the stroke misses and then you are fucked. How does the stroke miss?

It's not like an arrow. You can get like a havesy stroke and then you got droop face. But droop face you can recover from. That WWE announced Jim Ross. He looks pretty good. He looks okay. I mean, he looks comparatively better.

I wish he was never attracted to begin with. Oh, no. You're calling this Triple H. She's doing an amazing thing. This is me not moving my lips. How loud and prepped? It sounds good. That's what he sounded like when he first came back.

Yeah, of course he did. If an ass cheek could talk. That's exactly what it sounded like. It's like if a Ronald Reagan mask could talk. Right, right, right. That's like what he looks like. Boom, boom, boom. Well, speaking of entertainment.

Well, that's what I'm saying. I would just rather die of a massive heart attack. Boom, you're on your way, my friend. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If that's what you want, you're good to go. Oh, yeah. I'm taking the express lane to cholesterol town. Love in my iced coffee.

I love cholesterol. God, that sounded fat. I've never heard, that was a liquid. I've never heard somebody drink an iced coffee like it was straight up lard out of a goddamn goose's ass. That's my performers ability. That was phenomenal.

Speaking of performers and wonderful theatrics, today we're going to discuss what films you need to see this Halloween season. It's Halloween time. Get your witches head out and get your sage brushes. Sage brushes. What is a sage brush exactly? Get your lamb skulls.

A sage, that's what you're burning to get. If you're a witch and you put on your witches head and then you light the sage, do you exist? It's Halloween time. Indeed. So we all picked six features that you guys must go out and see this wonderful time of year. This is perfect for, again, this is like,

I watch horror movies. I mean, we all watch horror movies 12 months out of the year, but for those of you that casually dip your toe into the world of horror, some of you may... Get it out of the water! Get it out of the water! There's a fucking shark in the water! It loves toes.

This is each one of our top six picks, and we have different reasons for begging it, so it can be, so it's 666. Sign of the Devil. Sign of the Devil horror picks of the 2012 Halloween season. That's right. I'll just start it right off here. I'm going to go with a remake classic.

I have a double feature for you. DVD box set, Rob Zombie's Halloween 1 and 2. You love them because Mike Myers is your spirit animal. Mike Myers is my spirit animal. I think his spirit animal was a coyote. It was rabbit, but then Michael Myers is mine. I was actually having a conversation with you yesterday, Henry, and your lady friend's friend, Erica, about child psychiatry.

I had to go to a psychiatrist as a child, and I just... Why? Why? I don't know. Who could possibly have anything to do with this beautiful brain of yours? I know it. They treated me like I was a Dame retard, and I had to do little puzzles and everything. You were just bigger than the doctor.

I was bigger than everybody, but I just have a memory of... I went to this female psychiatrist. I have no idea what I said to her, but I just remember her. She was crying, and then she told my parents she would never see me again, and then my doctor prescribed me a bunch of medications.

Cool. Any hoot. That's why I relate to that Michael Myers, and I thought Rob Zombie touched on the young, innocent Michael Myers better than what was it, John Carpenter, in some ways. Yeah. So that's where I really enjoyed one and two, not to mention a brutal, brutal killer and iconic stabs.

The straight-arm stab, straight-up muscle. By the way, I will be... Oh, it's too late, but on Friday I'll be performing with Murder Fist, and I'll be playing Michael Myers. Yes. And I got that stabbing motion down right. Yes, yes, yes.

And he definitely bruised us pretty horribly the last time we did this. That's right. Yeah, so I'm really excited for how hard you're going to hurt us again. Oh, it's going to be real. Yes. I know that. I know that. Hopefully we don't have a Brandon Lee moment

where I replace a fake knife with the real knife, and I stab all of Murder Fist on stage. I really hope that it would be bad if that happened. That would be bad. Who would you let go? Hmm. He had a very sinister look at his face, which is, by the way, the hottest new movie coming out on Friday as well.

Well, yeah, but this will be after that. So we're in the past. So sinister is out, and we've seen it, and we loved it. Yeah, we loved it. So here's my first choice. All right. We should do Round Robin.

Yeah, of course. Mine's following. So I picked mine for different parameters. The first one is more, it's like my general top pick. It's one of my favorite horror movies of all time. I think it's a movie that's good for if you're cryptically alone, or if you have a girlfriend who is down, or a boyfriend who is down to see this type of film.

I just want to know what cryptically alone means. What my life is like when I'm alone. But it's the film continuing along the Rob Zombie line here. It's House of a Thousand Corpses. One of my favorites. Almost on my list. House of a Thousand Corpses is the perfect horror film. You've got people you want to see get murdered,

and then with some of the best newly iconic killers in cinema history, I would have put Devil's Rejects on there, but when it comes down to it, House of a Thousand Corpses is a little bit more fun. You want to sell it in a box set? You can do a box set. You can. But I would argue that Devil's Rejects is not a horror movie. I think it's more of an action movie.

I would say that it's like a crime movie. But it features serial killers, so it borders on, so then it goes back to horror. But House of a Thousand Corpses has just got all the elements. It's amazing the art directions. We have clowns. We have a Dr. Satan and four innocent youths. And you've got your Manson character.

You've got your Otis. Otis is one of my favorite horror movie characters. Let's all blog! Let's all blog! I'm his devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work. Am I as real as I want to be, baby? I think that he's fucking great. He's like, he's a true American hero. He is a true American hero.

In fact, my cowmen makeup that I wear is inspired by Otis' makeup near the end of House of a Thousand Corpses. I don't use to think that that movie jumped the shark at the end with the Dr. Satan bit, but I don't think so anymore. Now, upon rewatching it, I love it. I like it as well. Now that I just love anything that's extreme, it's the best. It's just funny, because Otis fancies himself an artist

the same way that Hitler fancies himself an artist as well. Hitler painted paintings and then killed six million Jews. Otis was putting them all together. Made a mermaid. Yeah, he made a fish boy. I love fish boys so much. And then, of course, the great stand-up comedy scene in there. Eatin' her pussy!

You're gonna wake up grandma! Oh, I love that. I forget that he plays Dwight in the office. I think God, he got murdered. I was so happy to see Dwight get murdered as the best. I hate Dwight. And Chris Hardwick even better. Oh, fucking murderers!

And the movie Slightly Educational. When they go through the horror ride, you learn about H.H. Holmes. You learn about some very, very fun people. Albert Fish. Albert Fish. And then Dr. Satan, who I wish was real. I know it. Well, we don't know.

We can go find him. Nice. That's our next mission. HALLOWEEN. Yeah. All right, Mark. It's Halloween. What's your first movie for this Halloween season?

Well, a lot of my picks are gonna be standards. They're gonna be classics. Things that, you know, things that I think a lot of our older listeners will, of course, have seen, but maybe some of our young bucks haven't gotten around to them yet. I think our oldest listener is 13. I think so. Yeah, he's just like, I remember this when you were in the womb. 15 years before you were born.

Well, I'm gonna start with Evil Dead. Yeah. And I might as well go for the box at Evil Dead 1 and 2. That's good. I love 2. They go so well together. I think Evil Dead 2 is scarier than Evil Dead 1. Yes, definitely.

Yeah. We need more of a budget. But I love Evil Dead 1. One of the reasons why I love is because you mentioned the budget. If you're like an aspiring filmmaker and you want to see how to make an amazing horror film on a huge stream. On no money. Yeah.

On no money whatsoever, if I can watch Evil Dead 1. Yeah. I've got friends that were great actors back in the day and you just put them in your movies and they're great. Bruce Campbell is amazing in that. Yeah. And in Evil Dead 2, you've got Laugh and Deer Head, which is terrifying. Awesome.

I don't know why that is so terrifying. Tree Rape is in 1, right? Yeah. Tree Rape is in 1. Okay, cool. And there is a, I just found out a brand new porn parody called Evil Head. Interesting. In which there is a Tree Gang Bang scene.

Of course. Very fun. I hear it's pretty good. They stay pretty true to the actual movie. It would be difficult. And of course, I'd love to see the sequel. Evil Head 2. Head till dawn.

That sounds good. Head by dawn. It would be a difficult porno to be a fluff around coming back with Bark all over the years. Oh yes, definitely. It was a rough day today, honey. One of my former bosses working, one of the things I filmed this summer was he used to write porn parodies.

Wow. And that was a part of what he did. He wrote the Spider-Man porn parody. And what was that called? I forget. It was just called Spider-Man XXX. Oh. This is not Spider-Man.

This ain't Spider-Man XXX. Yeah. Right? Okay. And what they did was, he was just telling stories about how like one time, it's like, it's so hard like, he only let him come to set once because his job was to write the funny scenes. Like he wrote all the comedy bits in between and he would write them and then one time

the woman let him visit set and he was just him like staring at his shoes as like everyone's fucking each other. And then like they just literally like, he goes over to Crafty and he's like sitting there like getting a granola bar, naked dude comes over, you know, like just totally just been done fucking covered in a lube, just sticks his hand in the M&M's. That sucks. That sucks. The thing about being covered in a lube is you don't got to close your hands and get

the M&M's. He doesn't lick them off your hand. He's like, yeah. He's like, he's like, so, how did you do that scene? You know? Well, you definitely came all over her face. Good work with your fucking surprisingly good porn parody, Seinfeld. It is weird.

That is a weird one. It's hilarious. It's like a writer of Seinfeld actually wrote the board. No. I mean, I don't, I don't know. Let's move on. I'm sure it's a wonderfully ejaculated. This soup Nazi, fuck's a lame.

I can't believe it. I guess there was some soup for her all over her. Kramer has a threesome with Sasha Gray. I don't want to think about it. The porn parody of Seinfeld makes me want to vomit on my ass. Did she scream the N word over and over again? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's probably, yeah.

That's cute. Okay. My number two feature film for this wonderful Halloween season, Phantasm. I love Phantasm. It's one of my favorite movies of all time and there's a tall man in it. And I think there needs to be more tall man representation. Does anything with a Halloween thing too? You just did Halloween one and two.

I am picking movies that I enjoy. Yes. With tall dudes in it. They tend to have tall men in them. Yeah. You murder, yes. You project yourself onto the murderers. Yes.

It's like, if there was a, that's fine. That's fine. It is fine. Yes. I don't want to watch it because there's a tall fellow in there and he drives my favorite hearse. Yeah. Which I always enjoy when a serial killer drives a hearse.

Yeah. I want a hearse. Yeah. Me too. That'd be fun. I've wanted one for years. Playing 90s hip hop out of it. What would you wear in a Donald Duck costume?

That's terrifying. I've been putting flair in the neighborhood since 1994, Henry Zabrowski. That's right. My next choice. I think he's making our property values go down. But he's the coolest. So this is, I picked this next film because it was a Netflix surprise. I was going through my Netflix queue and my various listings because you watched Ba-ba-ba,

because you watched The Sentinel, because you are a big fat weird psycho and you obviously only watch horror films. Yeah. Because you're alone. No one will love you. Dory Satanic Horror Movies. That's the one that just won't go away. It just won't leave.

I wonder if Netflix... My favorite new one is, I get Hong Kong Revenge Flicks, which is just like, each one's a fucking hit. Each one rules. I wonder, I wish Netflix could paint a picture of what they think you look like. It was shockingly accurate. Oh yeah. Just like, damn.

Yeah. It's a ball part of their algorithm. They also can tell your weight and you're fucking like, what's your favorite fat day snack? Oh, his is a basket full of wontons. You can tell from his Hong Kong fucking revenge flick, fucking fascination. So this next was, sometimes you go through, and the way, if you're a person who is chronic ly fat, you rate all the movies you watch on Netflix.

And sometimes a thing will pop up and see a horror movie. But in your head, you rate them, because you just give them one star on Netflix. Every time I'm like, fuck you, one star. But no. I thought it was actually a three star. Every once in a while, a horror movie will pop up for me that's like a four star, right? And four star is always like, it either blows or it end up being awesome. This one movie I saw, it's a movie called Ché-tan, it's from France.

It's a fucking awesome horror movie. It is so good. It's a little bit along, there's some found footage stuff in there. But it is so scary, and so fun, and it's high energy. But it's French, which is a part of the whole new French Nouveau horror scene going on right now. And there's a lot of, I put another French movie on my list here too, because they are just making some of the most extreme, fun, because it's funny, but it's also way violent,

and it's way scary. The last French one I saw was Delicantessen. I was very upset by it. It is awful. I fucking hate that movie so much. People used to love it. It soured me, that movie soured me on French horror movies. But now I'm into it.

What's the overall theme of this one, Ché-tan? This is, people, it's basically this girl at a club leads these group back to her house. We're sure it's not to be the Satanic cult. Great. I love that. Yeah, so they're all fucked up on drugs, and then they go find the Satanic cult. Awesome. Which is my favorite, and it never happens to me.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys, hey, man. I mean, when what happened happened again, the only reason I need to talk about this thing is, as you did, what happened.

And I'll be like, not me, honk, honk, honk. And they'll be like, Henry, you're funny, Henry. Look at this guy. Don't make him wake up, grandpa. He's bringing some levity to this whole murder suicide pack we made. He's just fucking, he's bumping the watchability this whole thing up.

I love him. I love him. God damn, he looks great in a toga. Look at him, look at him wearing that deer skull. He loves that deer skull. He's got a smile on his face. Everyone else, so serious. Yeah, it's almost like we just murdered a virgin.

Fuck that. Who cares? All right, Marcus. My next one, Cannibal Holocaust. Ooh, they eat a fucking. They eat three people. They eat a turtle. In real life, they eat the turtle.

They eat the turtle. And they eat a muskrat. But the reason why I love this movie is because it's one of the first found footage movies. If you don't know the story of the movie, it's these three documentary filmmakers, these three kids, go to find a cannibal tribe down in South America. And they end up getting murdered.

Hell yeah. And the man goes down to try to find a, like, see what happened to these people. A man goes. A man goes. A man, a man, who is a man, man. Half man, half man go. A man go.

Goes down and he finds the footage. And it's great because the whole time you're thinking this evil cannibal tribe has taken these young filmmakers and cut their lives short. But when you find the footage, there's a bit of a twist in the action. And that's what I love. And the gore is fantastic in it.

Well, the gore is a little dated these days. But back in the 70s, it was banned in so many different countries. Because people thought it was real. The director went on trial in Italy because they thought that it was a true snuffo. Well, there's a great kill that holds up to this day where they jam a pole through somebody.

It goes through that person's mouth. And it looks awesome. It looks amazing. Yeah, so the guy gets on trial for that murder. And that guy, they had to call him. They'd be like, you have to come here and prove that you're alive. So he shows up in the courtroom.

He's got a big pole through him going, oh, oh, oh, oh. He was born that way. It was the only job he could get. But yeah, animal. And I'm not a man, I'm not a man, I'm not a man. You've got a face that got this pole. I was born this way. Lady Gaga has to show me now.

Lady Gaga gained 25 pounds. And I think she's much more attractive now than she was before. Yeah, she's so hot. And she's so hot. And she was hot then. But this is not page seven. No, I know it.

But there is some very real animal abuse in it, which the director said years later, he regrets putting it in. He didn't, you know, he's like, I think it's a way to move it. No, he doesn't. He's just lying because everyone got mad at him. And I don't really like the animal abuse. So they get distracts from the movie as a whole.

I think it's fucking great. I'm sure you do. He does. But still, it's a fucking amazing. They just finally released on DVD a few years ago. Before that, you could only get a bootleg. Hell yeah. It's a fucking awesome movie.

Cannibal Holocaust. Check it out. I'm going to go with speaking of the macabre and sort of satanic rituals. I'm going to go with House of the Devil now. It is a newer film from 2010. But it throws you into the 70s. And Ty West is a great director who's

really good at making these new vintage-looking movies. He's so good. He did a segment in VHS, which is a new horror film, which fucking rules. Check out VHS. It's in theaters right now. I don't know. Does it have wide release?

I don't think it does. Get torrented, do whatever you can to get it. It is one of the best horror movies of the year. The first fucking half of that movie is so fucking good. I'm trying to find the name of the director of the place piece. I mean, yeah. I thought the entire VHS, just to get off the subject

real quick, it's just five short horror movies. So they're all like 15 to 25 minutes. So if you don't like one of them, it's going to be done pretty quickly. It's full of breasts. It's full of slashing, full of blood. And everyone dies. It's really quite great.

And it's a great film. The only thing that I didn't like, which Henry did like, it gets a little rapey up top. So if you're against rapey, sit through it. It's going to be fine. It's not that I like rapey. I'm just saying. You literally said that you like when they get raped.

Like you said that line. Extreme. I like the extremity of the beginning of the movie. Right. It's very extreme. It is extreme. Very dangerous. That is true.

They get raped sometimes. They get raped in there. Yeah, they do. But David Bruckner, who also did the signal, directed the first segment of VHS, and it's fucking incredible. I would say the first and the last were the two best, I'm sure.

Yeah, that first segment is so creepy. It's so good. But anyway, yeah. So back to House of the Devil, wonderful new film. The 70s sort of slow time. They kind of speed it up a little bit. I think the time and the pacing of the movie is really perfect.

Still got that nice suspense. And it's a slow burn, but the end is fucking awesome. But it does have, it has a slow burn, but there's a moment in the first like 30, about like 30 minutes. That hooks you in. Yeah, that you're just like, ah! You're like, no!

Shit! Shit just got fucking real. Wow! So that's pretty good. And another, and a movie that I think it kind of throws back to just to pop it in very quickly to the devil of daughter. Old Chris Christie 70s movie kind of the, it has a lot of the same elements in it.

A lot of elements, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's still a fucking, yeah. That was a devil, I still, I'll say very quick. Loving that Tom Noonan. Noonan, loving that Noonan. Noonan's great, and I will say also, House of the Devil is a good film. If you're with a girlfriend and she might know,

now love horror movies, pop in House of the Devil. I think that's when a couple can watch together. Yeah, very true. So my next choice is one that is specifically not to share with other people. This is a movie that like, I just want to tell people about because I just thought it's so good. I mean, it's one of my favorite horror movies I've ever seen,

but it's also just like, unless you're with other people who like what's going on, like just, you know, if you have to have people who already like horror movies that want to see this movie, it's a movie called Murders, which I think we've talked about here on the podcast before. It is genuinely frightening. The whole beginning is very scary.

And then it goes into some of the most twisted, fucked up, like ending sequences that you will ever see. It is fucked up. It's about a girl who escapes from a religious cult. Ooh, Christina Ricci did that. Yeah, all right. Yes, but where she escapes from this religious cult and now she's shadowed by this alter woman creature

that like, follows her everywhere. And then you find out, then you kind of find out the nature of the cult. It's pretty spooky. Very nice. No, it's also a French film. Okay, cool. It's very extreme and it's very fucked up.

Nice. And I love it. So the cult's like a good spirited group of merry men that just want you to enjoy it. Yeah, it's just like lots of tambourines with streamers on them and people's going like, hey, ma, na, ma, na, na, na, na, na. And she's like, fuck this noise.

I like rap music. Yes, the scariest part of the film is when they do improv warm-up. That was the hardest part. Zip, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap. Oh, no, get one, get one, she, ah! That's a little inside comedy joke. Nice.

All right, awesome, Martyrs, check that one out. Next on my list, Pet Sematary II. Cool. All right. Which this movie is fucking hilarious. Yeah, I would say if you're looking for a good scare, don't watch Pet Sematary II. But if you're looking for a chuckle,

it's definitely full of those. It's fucking hilarious. It's like got an all-star cast of C&D list actors, including Clancy Brown. Clancy Brown! Edward Furlong. How did Clancy Brown become an actor and not an author or a detective?

And Anthony Edwards of E.R. Fay. That's right, is that the one with the, he's got like Edward Furlong's got like that white dog? Yeah, yeah. The white dog comes back, but it's got one of my favorite kills, Clancy Brown. And it's also got that little shitty Blonde Kid that was the villain in every 80s movie.

Yeah, I don't even know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but anyways, he gets wasted by Clancy Brown, grabbing his dirt bike, revving up the front tire and shoving it into his face. Oh, that's right. And then he goes and buries him in the pets. It's the same concept as Pet Cemetery One, except it's not- They didn't reinvent the wheel, yeah.

They did not reinvent the wheel, but it's got an awesome like 90s rock soundtrack to like play shit list by L7, while Clancy Brown is skinning rabbits. And it's got one of my favorite whore one-liners, Clancy Brown with the drill up to a kid's head and goes, no brain, no pain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Clancy Brown is some of the greatest one-liners in movie history. Yeah, but it's definitely worth the watch. It's got a lot of gore in it, and it's funniest hell, if you've got, you have to have, in order to find it funny, you have to have the blackest, darkest sense of humor. Of course, but you're already listening to this podcast.

So you're gonna fucking love it. And by black sense of humor, you have to love Bernie Mac. Hell yeah. And who doesn't love Bernie Mac? Hitman. I love him, when he said the skinning the rabbits thing, it just reminded me of Michael Moore and Roger and me, and just him doing a documentary on Pet Sematary.

The recessions really hit them hard. This man's skinning and eating rabbits. No, I just like to kill. Okay, we'll edit that part out. Edit it out. Oh, man, I hate it. First, please bring me a big tea sandwich. Get another sip of that coffee.

My name is, my name is, my name is Roger Moore. Michael Moore, just get a little boob, boob, boob back. Yeah, there could not be two more opposite bodies than Roger Moore and Michael Moore. My name's Michael Moore, but I got the boob, my I got the cheeseburger, my burger, I got the cheeseburger. All right, I just got to choose one here,

and I'm gonna go with, I'm not sure if it's gonna be controversial, but Sam Raimi's latest movie, Drag Me to Hell. I really liked it. I loved it too. I thought it was full of goop, it was full of horror. I am out of, this is your list. Full of liquids, and I'm on your side on this thing.

Thank you. It was full of bile. I mean, we have a gypsy's. Is it a gypsy curse? A gypsy curse with the, everything is, it's very fun. It's a little predictable, but. I just, I can't stand the CGI. I want puppets.

I want puppets. No, but Sam Raimi did a great mix of CGI and puppets and that. There's one scene where this woman goes and she visits a corpse. The corpse falls on top of her, and God knows, it was inside of that thing. It was a real gypsy, it was a real gypsy pinata.

Yeah, this one goes and then visits, she goes to the funeral and somehow knocks over the casket, and the body falls on top of her, and embalming fluid pours out of the body's mouth into the cute girl's mouth. And there's also, it's also, I liked it for sort of in the same way that you like Pet Sematary too. Sam Raimi's a great fucking comedic director.

Yeah, that's really funny. I mean, evil dad one and two are fun, especially evil dad two is funny as fuck. They're great. There's one scene that I thoroughly enjoyed involving a napkin, where the napkin pretty much came to life and she was like stepping on it. Anyway, watch that one, and I will say that one,

also Girlfriend Approved. Ah, I'm going for the romantic Halloween evening here. You know what, I have watched that movie with a girl and it was great. Yeah, she loved it, yeah. I have a good one that, this is also probably pretty good for sitting down with a girlfriend and watching. This is an older movie.

It's very scary, especially from its time period. It's the original of The Haunting from 1963. It is incredibly scary. It's like, it's great. I say, I'm a sucker for haunted house movies. Like I love ghost movies, like more than any other type of horror film. Especially old ones.

I mean, it also depends on the old ones, because they can border on cheesy. And then like now, I like modern ghost stories because I like using like the modern traps, you know, and the idea of it's like, you know, modern communications around and stuff like that. But there's something about The Haunting. The way it's directed is so trippy and scary and awesome

and the acting's so good. It's perfect for Halloween viewing. Get yourself a bottle of wine, roll yourself up a big fat old hog's leg full of sweet, sweet sour diesel. Sounds amazing. Fuckin' just do it. Or just do that by yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get yourself a pizza. Why would you want a friend or a girlfriend over there when you're having everything that you need that is better than you even want to touch? Wine, weed, big old piece of pizza. Oh my God. I wouldn't talk to any, if every night I knew I had wine, weed, and a big piece of pizza at my house,

I wouldn't have a damn friend in the world. That's it, I got three buddies right there. I mean, it had some weird conversations with that blazin' blonde. Yeah, absolutely. And when I'm done like halfway through, I'd be like, no, you're my only friend blonde. I love you.

I don't even fucking like you, motherfucker. All right, well, you're gonna be done soon. That's fun. And when you owe, it's comin'. Well, we've been doin' a lot of movies to watch with your girlfriend. Yeah, fuck that shit. I got one to watch when your relationship's

falling apart. Yeah! I'm gonna watch that one this Halloween. The Shining. Yeah! Of course. The best, the best, just give me some space movie. You know, I keep trying.

It's like, I'm tryin' to fuckin' work, all right? I'm just in here, I'm tryin' to do somethin'. What's my job, you know? You just gotta give me some space, you know? Let me have the entire ballroom to write my book in. Yeah. And not only that, yeah, exactly. The entire ballroom.

It's just got so many great scares, so many fucked up weird things happening. Oh, The Shining is one of the best, is it one of the best films of all time? Yeah, and you also get the added bonus of moon landing conspiracies. Oh, yes, the moon landing conspiracies. I love all that bullshit.

Don't even look it up, just watch The Shining and see if you can find the clues. Moon landing is fake, I guess. It's not fake. Stanley Kubrick directed the moon landing, and he gives clues in The Shining. And he would be so much cooler. He made the moon landing.

He would've made it look much better. Yeah, it would've been gorgeous. Yeah. There would've been aliens up there and shit. Can't make it look too good, though. No, no, no, no, no, no. I still, I feel like Kubrick would be flipping out, just being like, it looks like shit.

He's just like, listen, we're tryin' to fake a moon landing here, and he's like, I'm tryin' to make a goddamn movie. Well, okay. You're gonna really fuck with our conspiracy. Yeah, that's great. I think that was a good book, too. One of my favorite books to read.

It was a great book. Of one of the better Stephen King books. No, one of the ones that Jack Nicholson wrote in The Shining. Oh, yes, yes, yes. How many pages is the book you're reading? It was so long, 300 pages. How many words was in it?

Nine words. Nine words. But I got it, I got to the end. That's a great torture for somebody to read the book that he wrote, just page by page. Yeah, I just wouldn't read it. You would have to. I'd act like I was reading it.

Sure, but they'd be thinkin' about somethin' else. Yeah. Yeah, the other great torture is the, the other great torture is the PA who had to type all of that. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. I mean, it's a typewriter.

There's no control V, control, yeah, there's nothin' like that. No control X, no control V. Yeah, they gave it to some blind kid. Yeah, you figured it out. You can't do nothin' else with film. Well, speakin' of film, I'm gonna come, take us back to modern day.

And you know all those ghost adventure shows and taps in the paranormal adventure, all those shows that are total pieces of shit where those, where people go into haunted mansions and hotels and then they scream at these ghosts. And they say mean things to them. A great movie that has all of those people die is called Grave Encounters.

Grave Encounters is a great movie. See, I need to see this one. Grave Encounters is my, I think it's my favorite horror movie of the year. Possibly. That I saw. It's about a film crew who goes into this house and you know they're just as douchey

as the guys on Ghost Adventures. The guy's, you know, he's got the spiky black hair and he's like super into it, but he knows shit. He knows nothing. Oh yeah, he just goes in there and acts like a big shot. Just like a ghillie. So it's like, ghost? He's yelling at nothing.

You're gonna listen to me here, ghost. It's like, yeah, ghost. You're gonna insert dominance on the ghost. I hate that fucking bullshit. Yeah, and then they get theirs. And I'll tell ya, it is, I was watching with Holden McNeely, the ugliest member of the Round Table of Gentlemen.

Yeah, big, thick neck, fuckin' shitty Holden McNeely. Yeah, exactly. He makes, I would rather fuck a salami. But he, we were watching it together and we were a little bit stoned. We were just kinda drinkin' there. But we had three legitimate moments where we screamed like young cheerleaders

and then the jocks from the apartment next door wanted us to blow them. So you know what I'm telling you, we screamed in such a feminine voice. So Grave Encounters is fucking awesome. Watch that. And the twist at the end, it really blew my mind. It's pretty fuckin' great.

I love Grave Encounters a lot. There's something about the found footage that I enjoy when it's based in such reality, but then they just fuckin' explode it. You know, they just make it totally insane. I really go for it. The found footage is like both the worst and best thing that's ever happened to horror.

There's like, because I like First Person Respective, it can really put you into the movie. VHS did a really good job of using found footage in a way that was very smart and interesting. Right. And of course, just to throw in there, of course, paranormal activity, it's not on the list to detect.

Yeah, but those are great. They're really great. The first two are amazing. But let's just make a quick plead to any filmmaker who could possibly listen to this podcast, stop doing found footage. Just stop doing it. And if you do do found footage,

stop having your characters run so goddamn much. Yes, and stop. I need drama mean half the time. I'm watching these fuckin' things. I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean. And I just also can't stand the whole like, Marcy, film all of this. Like, you have to do all of this.

Why? Don't ask why. Just film all of this, Marcy. Never put the camera down. Even when you're trying to find something in the dark. Right, right. It just makes no sense. Well, that's what it takes me out of a medium camera.

Yeah, then we'll switch to night vision. But that's the paranormal activity. Did it so well. They did that so well with you just said it in one place. You do the thing. You let it capture the whole room. You don't just always, it's not always running around like an idiot and screaming.

Well, and paranormal activity did it. And similar with the Graven counters. You know, you go into the room, nothing happens, and then they go to the same room four or five times. It's just timing. You never know when the ghost is gonna be there. No, it's pretty great.

It's a great device when done right. My next one is a fun one. This is my fun choice because I love it. And I also love this movie because- It's called Rape Horror. It's called Rape, Rape Her. Rape Her again and again, that's the sequel. But the, no, this movie's a fun one

that I really liked. It's called Candy Man. And what I like about Candy Man- I love Candy Man so much. Candy Man's is shit. He's got a hook for a hand. Is that I love it. The fact that it's like, it's the movie

that makes the ghetto scarier. Yeah. I love this idea that there is a ghost making the criminals in the housing projects. Full of bees. They are scared. They're scared of Candy Man, you know? And it's a city horror movie.

Everyone's like living in a city. It's like, you know, you can get genuinely scared out in the fucking wilderness all the time because that's where all the rapes happen. But here in the city where no rapes happen. I don't know if that's true. But I'm just saying, besides, Candy Man's a great thing that makes the city scary.

That's not just getting scared by watching the news. Cause the news is pretty scary. Did you hear about the guy who got into an argument and the youth soccer coach? Yeah, he stabbed him in the death and then cut his ears off? Yeah. Why?

Because he wasn't listening to him. That's right. Then he took his ears. And of course, if you steal somebody's ears, put them on your wall, then he'll hear you forever. Candy Man. Candy Man. All right, don't say it two more times.

Candy Man. Jesus Christ. Candy Man. Hello, guys, I've changed. Candy Man. Hey, I'm actually selling candy now. I'm trying to stay off the streets. I've fixed up my life. Any hoot?

Is this your black voice? No, no, that's my Ben voice. Yeah, de-de-de-de, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, it's Louis Armstrong. Yeah, your black voice is just saying, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, don't worry about it. I ain't gonna kill you.

I just bought some delicious candies. All right, moving on. Candy Man, Candy Man is fucking awesome. And I will say, Candy Man is the most seductive of all the movie serial killers. He's actually very romantic. He's handsome. He's handsome, and the things that he says to that chick,

he's a lover and a better, it's very nice. Anyway, yeah, I can definitely see getting seduced by him. Every night before I go to sleep, I whisper his name five times in the mirror, and I hope he comes to me. It's just you brushing your hair over and over and sitting at a nightie, like doing candy. Candy Man, Candy Man, Candy Man, Candy Man.

Well, for my next one, I was gonna say Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Uh-oh, we have an honorable, my favorite horror movie of all time. It's great. See, I was gonna say Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I think I'm gonna go with one that a lot of people out there may not have seen.

It's a French film, Man Bites Dog. Man Bites Dog, I forgot about Man Bites Dogs. That movie's so good. It's fucking great. It's about a documentary film crew. And it's one of the firsts of that style. It's like made in 92, 93, I think. Yeah, it's great.

It follows a, he's not a serial killer, he's just a mass murderer. Like a spree killer. Yeah, he's a spree killer, just a fucking insane out of his fucking mind, dude. That, and one of the, there's so many great scenes and probably the best scene is when he, and he starts using the documentary film crew

in his murders. He starts using them as a way to get into houses. Like he just kills for money or for fun. He just murders. Yeah, he's murders, yeah. And that's just that any, like waxes, he waxes philosophical about like why murders and the ways that he murders.

But he doesn't, yeah, it really has no purpose. Yeah, it has no purpose. Like one of the best ones is he goes to like, pretty much like, it's like a housing project, but for old people. And he knocks on a random door and this old woman answers the door. And he says like, oh, we're doing a documentary

on elderly people living alone. Like, can we come inside and talk to you? And the documentary film crew is like, filming him talking to this old woman. And then suddenly he pulls out a gigantic fucking gun, starts screaming at the old woman and gives her a heart attack. Yeah, she does have a heart attack.

And that's how he kills her. Wow, technically natural causes. Yeah, technically. Yeah, it's a good way to get away with murder. And there's another great, if I could see it. But he does it multiple times. Well, there's probably 70 or 80 deaths in this movie. And they do montages where it shows like,

like maybe like 10 murders at a time. Yeah, it's pretty good. And there's an amazing scene where like, and then the documentary film crew just fucking goes along with it. And like, they get caught up in the madness. Yeah, like being in the murder. And then they get into it.

Yeah, they get into it. They become partners with these guys as far as killing. And there's a brutal, brutal fucking rape scene. One of the most brutal out there. And the after, and it's the first. Like, you look at me. Well, I don't like rape. I'm just saying I like extreme film.

And this is one of the most extreme ones out there. It's really good rape. Yeah, it's really great rape. Some of the best rape I've ever seen. Death Wish. Death Wish has the most horrible rape scene ever. But the great thing about that is that it shows the hangover of a rape murder.

Like, I've been waking up the next morning and realizing, oh, we're not normal people anymore. We're fucking rapist murderers. Yes, all of us. And it's a fucking, it's one of my favorite movies. It's a fantastic film. Yeah, really good movie. I love it.

Yeah, it's interesting, though, with the camera crew, because there was a fellow who just filmed. And it's a new phenomenon going on. People aren't helping out necessarily when they see crimes. If they're filming them, they just stay behind the camera. And it leads to this sort of barrier between reality and fiction.

So you can definitely see how a camera crew, if a dude just starts killing somebody in front of them, they're just like, well, you know, we're not even here. Yeah, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah. Yeah, it's definitely a look into the future. It is very, like, it's very predictable. It's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fucking amazing.

Awesome. All right, well, I got, I guess, only one more. It's so hard. I'm going to do, well, Suspiria is amazing. But I think I want to do the Sentinel as well. Listen, almost on my list. I fucking love this movie. Yeah, so it's sort of in the same vein as Suspiria.

For some reason, I like these slow movies as of late. But the Sentinel is really awesome. It involves this, you know, it's like, there's a lot of, what is it, Catholicism? Yes. It's the major theme of it, a lot of death. And, you know, it's one of the, first of all, what's her name, Bev?

From a Netflix? Beverly D'Angelo. Beverly D'Angelo is in the film, and she shows her tit. She's in a lesbian, a lesbian trist with a scale, and holy Christ. Yeah. She is fucking unbelievably hot. Yeah, she was hot back in the day, yeah.

And it's got Jeff Goldblum being annoyed a lot. Really weird. Yeah, he doesn't have many lines. But his voice is also dubbed over. Yeah, I think he's a bad job. I think he may have done a bad job, because it's like, it's Jeff Goldblum, and then you suddenly hear like, can I help you with that miss?

Right. Like, it's over here, like, it's like, it's like the Innocence of Muslims film, what that guy did. Yeah, I bet you Goldblum was just really Goldblum in and up, and they're like, I don't know. I finally saw the Innocence of Muslims. Oh, the 13 minute trailer? I finally watched it.

Did not make our list of best horror movies, but it is funny. No, no, no, it's very boring. It's so stupid. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah, so the Sentinel, check that one out. It's another 70s horror movie. The women are gorgeous.

And it's good, I always, growing up so Catholic in a Catholic school, I enjoy going back and seeing that stuff. And it has one of my favorite ending scenes of all time. I love the Sentinel. I was really happy with that. That was a pleasant surprise. It was a pleasant surprise. And then my final pick is just an overall, just

to love this fucking movie. We've talked about a bunch, but just watch it with anybody. It's great. It's good for, it's girlfriend friendly, and it is perfect for group viewings and also watching by yourself as the movie Insidious. Yeah, oh, Insidious. It's on Netflix and Sincure right now.

Go ahead and take a Dickie Gizzy Gander at it, fucking smoke a bowl, drink some beers. And everyone's like, I'll do more anymore about it because it's just scary. And you're going to like it. You're going to be happy with yourself. Paranormal activity and the makers of Saw got together. And it's such a fun movie because you can literally

see where both of their influences collide. Oh, yes. They really do a perfect job of just connecting both of their philosophies of horror. It's really good. It's pretty graphic, but then they also have those just bizarre, like did I see a fucking demon in the window?

Yeah. And it's really cool. Yeah. Tiptoe through the window. And thank God, what is it? Tiny Tim is getting some play again. Oh, yeah, he's in that movie. No, no, Tiny Tim made song tiptoe through the tulips.

And it's tulips with me. Scariest voice of all time. Scariest voice attached to a monster man with a huge nose. It was funny back in the day, but now it's scary. Yeah. Like many things, but that was funny back in the day because we used to be more cruel as a society. Look at Gallagher.

Not funny anymore. No. No, very sad. Now he's just wasting fucking melons. No, it's terrible. They're starving kids. They leave the melons alone. That's right.

That's what I said. Pass the melon over to me. Don't smash it. Fucking cut it up. Put some salt on it. Salt on a melon, huh? Seems interesting. Well, my final pick is one of the creepiest fucking movies

ever made. It's good for solo viewing absolutely. It's what my dreams look like. Eraserhead. Yeah. Yeah, Eraserhead is not like, it's not to invite the boys over for chicken wings and watch a movie time.

God, I know if I could necessarily eat through Eraserhead, and I can pretty much eat through anything. I can eat through anything. Yeah, me too. I'll watch. I'll eat a bunch of linguine and watch Eraserhead. Well, linguine is fine.

Well, it's David Lynch's first feature film. It's student film. Yeah, is it a student film? Jesus Christ. I think we have to pass it to get him out of here because he might come back and murder us at the job. Yeah, I agree. I would love to get him out of my class.

All right, all A's for Mr. David Lynch. It's so fucking weird. The whole thing really does play out like a nightmare. But it's not a scare nightmare. It doesn't have any jump scares or anything like that. It's just horribly unsettling and scare and just fucking terrifying because it actually makes you terrified of being a father.

It's like you don't want to start a family after watching. And I'm already all the way there. Yeah. How do I cut him up? Just like regular chickens? Just like regular chickens? Just like regular chickens? Look at my knees!

And it's funny, too. Like, they're some weirdies, the freshest people. There's some weird fucking jokes. And it's also great. But David Lynch was laughing his ass off when he wrote those. Yeah, same thing. And then they were talking about Blue Velvet. When the baby wants to fuck, baby wants to fuck,

he was sitting there screaming with laughter. Oh, yeah. I loved it because originally, the scene in Blue Velvet was in this tank that his original idea is that it would be helium so that when he would come out, he'd be like, man, baby wants to fuck. That's so funny. He's got something funny going on.

I think he's got a comedic genius of a brain. I saw him on Curb Your Enthusiasm. David Lynch starred as, what was he playing? I forget. No, no, no, Louie. Louie, yeah, he was in Louie. And he's like, be funny for me. You have three seconds.

I mean, he counted down to three, and then that was really funny. And he was hilarious in Twin Peaks, too. He's great in Twin Peaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gordon! Aging Cooper. But I should also. That's the kind of girl that makes your wish.

You spoke a little French. I love them. The other one, I would say, and then, yeah, going to Denver Lynch, I should have put Lost Highway in my fucking list. I love Lost Highway. Lost Highway. I would say Human Centipede 2, always worth a watch.

Yes, and go see VHS if you can in theater. You're going to love it. See horror movies in the theater, because it's my favorite way to see it. Dude, I saw a racer head at a midnight screening. It was fucking sublime. Yeah, it was like. I got to see horror Lynch movies.

It was one. I got to see Blue Velvet at a midnight screening, too. No! I have seen it at David Lynch Month, like five years ago. It was fucking phenomenal. I wanted to come back. I want to see them in the theaters. Yeah.

Christopher Nolan has a massacre on his hand with the Aurora shooting. But David Lynch, everyone just goes in there. It's totally peaceful. And everyone loves their life. Yeah, it's just film students. Yeah, it's just a bunch of film students. Everyone came out of a racer head happy that.

Yeah, everyone was just like, interesting. Yeah, it's very good. And VHS, Henry and I went there together. And I will say I was astonished with the amount of unbelievably hot bosom in that crowd. There was a lot of beautiful women there for horror films. Gorgeous chicks. And we were all golfed out.

Something about a chick in a black brazier all pushing up her big fat tits. And we were all, we wore good shirts. Thank God, because we were in a crowd of, when you go to those things, you got to have a good shirt on. Yeah, you definitely had to. Yeah, he was like,

because everyone had- I already know what shirt I'm wearing to it. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I had a great shirt. I got lots of like nice shirt. And you're like, thank you, you know, fuck you. And I was like, oh, my shirt's better than his shirt. Right, right, right.

Yeah, but that was good. That was really good. So, well, it's like we were the hot girls of the fat. We were the hot girls of the fat weird dudes that were there. Oh, every fat weird dude wanted to be with us. Yes, because we were cool. We were the coolest.

You made a seat in the handicap seats because he's got a peeing problem. I don't have a peeing problem, I just pee a lot. No, he has an alcohol problem. That's true. We drank three fourths of a bottle of whiskey. Yeah, and thank God we were in the liquor store before and Henry wanted to get like a small little like,

what was it, seven ounces of- Yeah, because we should not have drank three fourths of a bottle of fucking whiskey. But we did. We did. We loved our experience. I mean, yes, I was yelling and we had a good time. I got a full bottle of Jim Beam.

I just wish you could smoke weed in the movie theater. It's the only thing that's missing. Just let us do it. Yeah. Why not just let us do it? Like let us just give it up. Say sometimes, we fight and we fight and we fight and then it's just like, just let them do it.

We love it. They love it. We like when they're happy because then we're not worried about, we're not fighting for bills. That's right. No, we're not pro, I'm not doing the Occupy in New York. I just wanna smoke weed.

If you let me just smoke weed sit in this movie theater, you got a dude forever. You got him a vote. You can do whatever you want. I don't care anything. I'm gonna take 13 bucks from you. You're like, I'm not moving. Just you can have me.

I'll pay a weed tax? Absolutely. Weed tax. Well, I mean, it really. That's amazing. For the bill, like that would be great is if you got a card, if you paid like five bucks. LA has that, but technically you have to see a doctor.

But it's just a shady Indian dude and a fucking lab coat going, no, you've got, you look got tired eyes. Here's your weed, here's your weed shit. I'm going further than that. I'm saying if you pay five bucks a month, you get a card that says you can smoke weed anywhere. Yeah.

Smoke weed anywhere card. That sounds right up my alley. I would like that. If sweet, sweet Satan is listening, please will you enter the minds of our legislative leaders? And will you show them how fucking fun and sweet and cool smoking weed is?

And you let them let us have it. All right, I'll kill a girl. All right. That's fine. We have a death threat on our heads now. Thank you, Satan. Hail Satan. Hail Satan, hail Satan.

Oh, that's sweet weed. And if any of you out there haven't joined yet, we got a Facebook group now, the last podcast on the left Facebook group, where you can go and post all kinds of weird, fucked up, scary, stupid shit. And please do the more weird stuff. We're like, we're going to put up,

I have a, I literally have archives and archives of shit of just too weird and creepy to put on my own Facebook profile. So I'm going to start putting it on there all the time. So just anything that's weird. Nothing, you know, try to show your dick on there. You know, like try not to like just put up, just straight pictures of your penis. If you have a weird looking dick,

put your picture on there. If it's a scary dick. I mean, what dick isn't scary? You can put it in a little costume. That'd be fine. I'd be down with that. And as one of our listeners said, send it all the weird kids to the back of the bus.

You're not allowed on the Cave Comedy Radio site anymore. Yeah, fuck that site. You're getting all mixed with, nobody asked you. On the Facebook group. Yeah, you don't, you're going to not, you don't want to mess with all that stuff. Yeah, you're just getting mixed up

in the, in the wind there. Over here, we got a special little cave of our own. That's right. We love you and we accept you. As long as, you know, everything you put on there is extremely terrifying. Which is a pretty good. Yeah, I think, I think that's easy.

That's an easy thing to do. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's been this episode. Hopefully you got some good viewing ideas and hit us back as well. If you have some movies that we missed. Absolutely.

There's a whole bunch of shit we haven't seen. Absolutely. And that's okay guys. So we will talk to you soon. Happy Halloween. Yes, happy, happy, you have a happy Samhain. Enjoy your all-hollows eve. Yes.

Hile me! Hile you? Yeah. Sure. May good celebrations. Goodbye. Thank you.