Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 490: The Children of Thunder Part II - Yada Yada Yada

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

On the conclusion to our Children of Thunder series, the inept cult of 3 carries out a series of some of the most foolishly executed crimes ever covered on this show, before committing the brutal, se...nseless murders that would eventually lead to their own demise.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left That's when the cannibalism started Put your hands up Put your hands up In everybody go ready talk in the microphone Welcome Everyone I am Ben hanging out with hip-hop Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, nothing cooler than that and everyone loves a Polish rapper I mean see how good like it's kind of cold in here, and I'm wearing my boy short
Starting point is 00:00:46 I can really see the hair stick up on my knees. I love it Marcus parks is with us as well. Hello Oh Well, blood blood blood This is gonna be a lot of blood in this episode and it's mostly just because what I think it's just really important for everybody Yeah, there's this talking from one broad strokes thinker to another. Mm-hmm. I am a guy. I'm an idea man Yeah, right. I'm not a logistics guy Who cares about logistics? They're the only thing just because they're the things that actually accomplish the goal that you have with your white stripes
Starting point is 00:01:23 It takes an idea to start the ship and then all of these semen They go over it and then they direct it. I don't know what they do, but I Absolutely, I don't know if that metaphor even works But today's episode is all about how well you do it too. It is important to have the broad idea man Absolutely, he said he's in he inspires people like I inspire you to he says the tone Yes, that's the tone and then we you get somebody Oh, you gotta get do you have to have a detail person that's the thing and today's Marcus is a kind of a detailed guy Absolutely more type a but this episode shows how if you don't have at least one
Starting point is 00:02:02 anal retentive nerd in the group Well, you're gonna fail. You're gonna fall. We're gonna be just fine boys my anal up and retaining everything as of late It's been a long time since I've had a BM. Anyway, let's move on We're talking the children of thunder So when we last left Taylor Helzer and his two cult followers The trio were just getting comfortable with the idea of committing violence and service of Taylor's vision because Taylor had convinced his Brother Justin Helzer and his most ardent follower Don Godman that God was cool with murder in certain situations You know, they really jumped so quickly into murder like the idea of like it was like the third idea that he had
Starting point is 00:02:46 He's like, you know, some people are gonna have to die for this and they're all like, yeah, yeah Yep, why not? I went to bed and I was like, how do I feel about murder and I was like, I don't love it But you know, I woke up today Heart I had a dream Murder now is that weird? Oh, it's cuz you killed a bunch of people in your dreams I don't know man In addition to using the Bible to justify murder Taylor also took the name for his little trifecta of weirdos The children of thunder from the book of Mark chapter 3 verse 17 in this verse
Starting point is 00:03:23 Disciples James and John were named the sons of thunder which Taylor adapted into the gender-neutral Children of thunder golf clap for wokeness. Wow good for him. Yes. He's a what more than a double murderer But at least he recognized that his group is multiple different types You're right. You're right And they do you know that the sons of thunder is the name of the band from airheads. Oh, they're no kidding No, I thought that that was that's they're the lone rangers. They look what that's right Remember like how are you lone if there's three of you? Wow? Either way
Starting point is 00:04:12 Yeah, when I'm not around you don't know the difference between fucking dandelions You have 500 pounds of pure German and Polish meat attacking your bones. Yeah, man. We're gonna crush you Well according to Christianity calm when we're talking about the whole sons of thunder reference James and John the disciples They were rough hewn guys. They were so gung-ho on Jesus's message of peace Yeah, they once asked their Lord and Savior if he wanted them to more or less burn down a village because the villagers didn't welcome Jesus in advance. I know you're super busy Jesus, but honestly when it comes down to it We want to do it. We love we love peace so much. We are willing to kill for it Yeah, you not see any irony with that at all. No, no
Starting point is 00:05:02 You know the only irony I see is that if you've got 10,000 spoons, you know, all you need is a knife That's from Alanis Morissette's bad luck Don't Morissette it's a fantastic song the whole point of the song is that the song is called ironic and it's not a bit It's ironic that there's no irony in the song Speaking of W. Oh, okay. Yes, we usually do uncle corner, but I'm happy we finally got to On Well, in other words James and John were the aggressive
Starting point is 00:05:40 Disciples and I don't know if they asked if they could burn down the village They just asked Jesus like you want us to rain down the fire or heaven on these Okay, I can't think of the I can't think of the 12 disciples wearing tap-out shirts But these are the disciples who had no problem committing acts of violence if Jesus so wanted it and while Jesus Never wanted violence quite the opposite. In fact, Taylor Helzer Needed violence for his plan to work. It still wasn't really clear why though because I know that he had the plan We're gonna get into all of this today Taylor Helzer's murder plan is one of the single worst
Starting point is 00:06:23 Inquality murder plan I have seen in true crime. He had a he has a terrible plan They did need murder as a matter of fact murder Hurt the plan. They could have done a lot of extortion without the murder. The murderers would fucked it all up I mean the murder is what warrants the name thunder. I think it was the size of one of the members The person by the way kudos to the person who sent the the goofy brothers from always sunny in Philadelphia I saw that and I was like it is very similar. They are very similar to the Hellzer brothers Yeah, the McPoyles a concerning Taylor's overall plan. It was still somewhat up in the air as far as specifics went Yes, generally Taylor believed that his self-help group transform America was gonna transform America
Starting point is 00:07:11 We're gonna transform America in a way that it is different than it was before fantastic And it really didn't go further than that No, I mean I think he said I would transform America and then the second coming of Christ is somehow gonna come afterwards But there's not a whole lot of steps mark as far as how that's gonna happen. You're missing the step Hmm. It's yada yada yada, right? Which is Latin for we're gonna figure this out later No, I love it. He sounds like this is just like what I don't know if you guys heard
Starting point is 00:07:45 Roger Stone's plan to make sure that Trump is installed as the new president. This is very similar Not plausible, but people seem to like a story no matter how dumb it is It's with that plan to it's all like we're gonna let the fans figure it out We're gonna let the fans do it yada yada yada But one thing that Taylor Helter understood is that even though you may not have a solid plan you still need a solid headquarters That's true. I don't believe in brick and mortar. I don't believe it So they're gonna go right with they're kind of jumping a lot of steps here That's the definite that is the defining feature of
Starting point is 00:08:18 The children of thunder is jumping the gun well even the ghostbusters they caught a ghost before they got their ghost station They had to prove that they were you know that they warranted a statue. Actually, you're incorrect. They got the firehouse first Yeah, they didn't actually catch the ghost the ghost screamed at them and they ran away and then they decided Bringing back CNN's crossfire kiss. The only thing that we can do now is undermine Marcus. All right, that's a We have to do that So in the spring of 2000 Taylor got Justin and Dawn to rent a house for the then kingly sum of 1650 a month. Yeah, we're all three of them would live 1650 in the year 2000 was a lot of fucking cash a lot and when the landlord who thought only Justin was living there when he
Starting point is 00:09:09 Asked why the seemingly single oddball cable guide needed a three bedroom house all for himself. You just don't understand It's leaping strong Justin said he needed one room for sleeping one room for exercise and one room for meditation You have to be separated because I get too excited in the exercise room in order for me to relax I mean, I'm not backing up any of these douchebags, but it seems like the landlord can also shut up I mean, what do you mean? Why do I need three rooms? I'm renting it So what do we know about Justin? He eats like a dog and he's dressed like a Bing bong version of Neo from the Matrix
Starting point is 00:09:46 Oh, he shows up and he's talking to this landlord who's looking at this guy probably like how do you even have the money to afford this and Justin's a fucking weirdo. Yeah. He is does not he has red flags are waving for a reason. Okay Now once the children of thunder had a compound of a sort They began having daily meetings that started with prayers led by Taylor put your hands together Pass the ball. Is this GDP yoga? What's going on? Then once Taylor established himself to his followers as a man of God It was time for some pinky in the brain style planning See the thing to remember about the children of thunder is that their plans are all
Starting point is 00:10:30 All big picture. I mean, it really was like what are we doing today Taylor? We're gonna take over the world transform America Details and logistics never once crossed Taylor held sir's mind when he was coming up with the schemes to take over the world Which is exactly why his cult never really got off the ground He tried taking a shortcut in every way possible The only person who's allowed to do that is I mean you have to be a Timothy Shamal Emma ding dong You need to be born in a money. You again out of nowhere found a way to criticize Timothy Shamalite His name for some reason which I don't know
Starting point is 00:11:09 Chon This is your Walter from the big Lebowski moment. What does Vietnam have to do with this nothing to do with Timmy She shamaly, you know, I guess what but you were she shamalish honestly is at least is better than Eddie Redmayne I know who is the walking plague? Of man, okay Unwarranted I'm warranted in other words Taylor Helter was such a megalomaniac and on so much mess never forget That he never stopped to question the howl of anything Assuming that it would all work out because he was just so goddamn special
Starting point is 00:11:45 Noxious. He's such an obnoxious fuck For example Taylor believed that Transform America would only work if he was installed head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints And one of the plans to make this happen was codenamed Brazil This is a thing dog meat you say that he didn't work out all the details You're gonna hear the details of this plan, and I think it's pretty rock solid. Can we buy Brazil based off of the film, okay Well in this scheme the children of thunder would travel down to Brazil easy Taylor Definitely have the money mission. They definitely get of course. Yeah. Yeah, that's where Taylor had spent his Mormon mission
Starting point is 00:12:25 And then once they got down to Brazil they would adopt Brazilian orphans boom boom boom easy to do they're right there Honestly, you just put them in a wheelchair you put a sign on them says adopted. That's legal in South America I think that's what they did with ET They would then bring the Brazilian orphans back to the United States and train them to be child assassins Who would only answer to Taylor they're gonna go to Brazil and kidnap a bunch of kids bring them back here and make them Suicide bombers adopt them and train them. That is where you are incorrect They're coming here. You're training them because you know what you do is all of these kids Brazil They don't they've never seen a pez before you show them what they feel like. Oh, they'll see the magic of it
Starting point is 00:13:03 They're like, oh, wow, this is incredible. What an incredible sorcery is this they're indebted to you afraid of your power Next thing you know is you're teaching them how to like scissors and not only for making clothes for wonderful companies like Nike They're also there to kill. Yeah, don't mind Justin eating Everybody every every single person in the entire book every one of them says like Justin and his food It's like hold a McNally when that's that's gonna be half of hold a McNally's eulogy. Yeah Well ignoring such logistical roadblocks is say like language barriers And the fact that none of the children of thunder knew anything about assassination Taylor would then take his Brazilian child assassin cell to Salt Lake City
Starting point is 00:13:53 Where they would kidnap the 12 Apostles of the LDS church the LDS president And his counselors that easy now. I don't dress them up as milkshakes. Yes I went to the mall shop completely against the culture that we live in where people are snitch You know each other whether it be Texas or here in California But sometimes if you see something you should say something go yeah There is three morons with a what appears to be a Brazilian group of ducklings walking through the airport They have sniper rifles with sniper rifles Then you might want to tell security
Starting point is 00:14:24 I love the idea of them all walking in single file Tali tied up with a rope like you see in Park slope like they have Coming out of the kindergarten like all dressed up and like like they're climbing a mountain They're all repelled to each other whatever the word is get a new all have guns get him used to the chain gang Well somehow after Taylor's child assassins kidnapped the entire upper echelon of the Mormon church Taylor was gonna convince the kidnap Mormons to call the media and say that the United States government was behind the kidnapping For some reason or another transform America see what you want about the Mormon people. They're stringy and tight They like to bike. They like the outdoors. I don't mess with the Mormons They're also sober enough to be so full of frickin rage
Starting point is 00:15:09 Christians they look like Jerry Falwell. You can knock them over but Mormons They are deceptively strong. I think I they build their own houses. They do Well blaming the whole thing on the United States that would create chaos within the entire country Specifically, it would cause chaos in Utah and that would give Taylor the opportunity to step in as a unifying figure I'm gonna look at that fucking guy. Yeah, look at all of you. I'm giving you all the opportunity to gaze upon my Incredible blazer no shirt on the reading. I have a chain on you all love it. It's opulence. You trust in me You see my businessman like ponytail, which I have heard described as businessman like Several times in this book, and I don't know if the man who wrote this book has ever seen a man with a ponytail
Starting point is 00:15:56 Because you really rarely see a man with a ponytail in a business setting. I'm actually gonna disagree with you I think he sees one every day in the mirror Very pro ponytail. Oh man those that defend the male ponytail, which it's fine. It's fine, but there are some advocates for it Yes, yeah, well the captives would then appoint Taylor as president of Mormonism Mm-hmm while Justin and Don would choose 12 new apostles and Bing bang boom tailors the head of the LDS church America Transformed go to Brazil get a bunch of kids come back here go overthrow the Mormon church within Utah Blame it on the United States government now. They're in church. That's it. Okay. Yeah, those are a lot of details Yeah, and finally to make sure that no one talked and to ensure Taylor spot at the head of the table
Starting point is 00:16:39 The Brazilian child assassins would then slaughter the entire LDS rubber ranks and I suppose blame it on the government Mm-hmm. Well, that's uh, that's a hell of a conclusion. I mean, it's a lot of ideas, okay? Wow Yeah, yeah, there's plenty of details However these plans meant nothing if the children of thunder couldn't even afford a plane ticket to Brazil. Yeah Because remember Justin Helzer was a cable guy Taylor Helzer was an ecstasy dealer and I'm not entirely sure what Don Godman's job was but she certainly wasn't making Adopt a foreign child army and train them in your own home money. Yeah took a bunch of ecstasy and watched free cable I think Don Godman was an in a supportive capacity
Starting point is 00:17:24 To the children of thunder it seems like Don Godman might have had an inheritance There was a hint that she came from money. Yeah But the point is that even though this idea is insanely illogical in every way possible The children of thunder still felt like it was a good idea They wanted the brainstorming session to be over So if this plan was gonna go forth they needed funds which required its own set of highly illogical schemes Their main plan for funding their ideas was to kidnap five people and steal their stock portfolio Information which would then be placed into another person's account some sort of patsy and the money would then be funneled into
Starting point is 00:18:08 Taylor Helzer's account. I love it and we laugh at the absolutely stupid nature of this idea Well, there is an upcoming economic collapse that they are not aware of very much so but the thing is that they will then seek to Commit this scheme. They will start putting the steps together to do this very very bad I know you were saying this before we recorded, but it is in fear rating to be killed by someone so stupid You're gonna find out how also being stupid and unable to be a good murderer Actually, sometimes makes you a more brutal murderer than if you are a trained serial if I have to be killed Please God, I want it to be a cold assassination where the guy almost knows what to do. Thank you Okay, but yeah, it's actually very difficult to kill a human being. It's not easy at all
Starting point is 00:18:54 Well, for some reason this idea that Taylor had Oh, I didn't know the Ghostbusters movie he just confessed to murder Dogme is guilty of murder I don't mean that I know from experience from killing a person I know from all of the stories that we've covered in our fucking journey through true crime over the last 11 years It's because he works so hard. That's why I work too hard and he cares too much That's how he knows how easy it is or difficult to kill a person great Well concerning Taylor's plan to take the stock portfolio information
Starting point is 00:19:35 Move it to one person's account and then immediately move it to another person's account He thought that this was somehow money laundering Yeah, I don't know how and he thought that he would be free and clear of any sort of legal implications If the money went through a single person's bank account before it went directly to his it makes absolutely no sense And again fueled by meth and exes. Oh Man, but wouldn't if I feel like meth is a isn't meth kind of a Specific drug like wouldn't you bullet point out and then we take a left then we take a right with our feet Well, we go right left. That's called walking. Yeah, we're gonna walk there like isn't meth doesn't also make you highly specific
Starting point is 00:20:16 I read a thing that was a really interesting breakdown of what a meth What being on meth the feels like and that how you get used to it. Yeah, first It's very a chaotic high But actually the rest of it's like a lot of times you become a long time long time user the feeling is more of an extreme Confidence or you have this idea like people talk about how they work on their guitar like I was reading this thing I think was on Reddit about how like he got really good at the guitar and he spent a lot of time in it And he got really then then it's just some point the wheels fall off Yeah, well to make a truly clean break Taylor planned to murder all five people from whom he'd stolen the stock information
Starting point is 00:20:51 As well as the Patsy and while Taylor would kind of sort of go through with this plan with two people Five would end up dead anyway Including a young woman named Selena Bishop Selena Bishop was actually the daughter of blues guitarist Elvin Bishop best known for the fantastic Mid-70s single fooled around and fell in love Henry This is actually what she said about Selena herself is that it kind of becomes Reversed right because of her falling for Taylor like the song be kind of becomes it has an ominous tone It kind of does story because the thing is that that song is actually about Selena Bishop's mother
Starting point is 00:21:34 Jenny yeah, and Selena was the product of the love affair that came from the song But now it's all about how like she fooled around and fell in love with Taylor Helter Oh, no bad for her and good and tragically Selena's mother Jenny would also become a victim of the children of thunder Even though she had absolutely nothing to do with Taylor Helter or his cult Now Selena Bishop met Taylor Helter at a rave in 1999 where Taylor was dealing ecstasy like all their romance But Taylor wasn't going by his given name instead. He called himself Jordan using his into me see alias and since Taylor always had plenty of money in ecstasy Selena found him mysterious and exciting Eventually Selena and Taylor started dating and Taylor slowly introduced Selena to Justin and Don who went by the names
Starting point is 00:22:28 Jason and Sky Just brilliant. This is a little bit of advice if somebody shows you a wad of money Don't think they're earth. That's all the money they have Oh, yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah before long Selena had completely fallen under Taylor spell and wrote in her journals that she was falling for the Tall mysterious handsome ecstasy dealer. It's just I get it I in a way I sort of understand the idea that you want a very charming man and he's handsome as well Well, he's conventionally so at least I would put him as manic and high energy Yeah, and it really also shows how low the bar it is for men to for a woman to fall in love with you
Starting point is 00:23:11 And then you really have to these guys like look she looked at Taylor. I can send you some internet chat rooms where there seems like There's a lot of guys having difficulty Selena became enraptured with both Taylor and eventually the children of thunder themselves But unbeknownst to her she was nothing more than the sacrificial lamb that Taylor needed to work out the next phase of his Unworkable plan or at least nothing more in Taylor's eyes because much more than just that in the planning sessions They did talk about because immediately he's like so we got to find that person who we're gonna kill like we have to kill in the name of God in order to spark in order to properly transform America and so Selena didn't know she was being cased from the moment they met he was like she's the one and they all were like taking her
Starting point is 00:24:00 And you have like little dawn going like And just me like oh, I don't know It seems kind of pretty like which is true They have this kind of dynamic where Justin's like, oh, she'll wish it wasn't who we had to kill because she's somebody like you know And you're like well, I'm sorry Justin you're one member of the children of thunder sure Yeah, no Taylor. He wasn't that simple. I don't know how many times This is out of this is out of her purview Well Taylor told Selena that he was about to inherit a lot of money from a great uncle
Starting point is 00:24:34 But he didn't want his ex-wife to get her hands on the cash So using a variation on the Nigerian print scheme Taylor told Selena that he needed her to open five bank accounts to hide the money Each account would get a deposit of a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars and when the money eventually went to Taylor Selena could keep five thousand dollars from each account netting her a profit of twenty five thousand dollars For doing nothing more than going to the bank And of course she'd be making Taylor very happy in the process which she very much wanted to do Does Taylor realize like the bank's document all this stuff and technically he's just giving receipts to the police Receipts would be a very they would play a very large role in the downfall of the children of thunder
Starting point is 00:25:30 Taylor did believe again and math also he believed he was the hand of God himself Like he was really trying to swallow his own bullshit And there was a part of him that he had that thing where he's like well, we're working under the purview of God I'm going to replace and transform this country by the you know with with child assassins I'm gonna do it and so God is going to protect me no matter what like it had kind of this idea of like we can operate out Loud because when it comes down to it Jesus has got our back. It's all good What Selena didn't know however was that each of the five accounts would be filled with the liquidated stock portfolios of five Murder victims and once those five accounts were filled and the money was funneled to Taylor Taylor was planning on murdering Selena herself
Starting point is 00:26:17 Now once Taylor had someone that he could use to quote-unquote Launder the money even though he didn't understand what money laundering is no He began going through his old client list at Morgan Stanley because remember Taylor held sir was for a time a Successful stockbroker before he became a cult leader slash ecstasy dealer. It's also so stupid The idea that you'd go through your former client list and they would have to look through all these people What are these people all have in common? It's like all of the things that would just point directly Because even after he killed five people the one common thing that they all shared would be the name Taylor held sir
Starting point is 00:26:59 Yeah, oh my god. It reminds me of that serial predator who was a stand-up comedian and all of the victims were on his tour schedule Wow brilliant. Yeah, I suppose trying to make himself look merciful Taylor Wanted to specifically target old people because they according to his logic had already lived a long life and their deaths could be more easily Justified as collateral damage in service of bringing about the second coming of Jesus or whatever or whatever fucking idiot Let's get Selena to make one fall in love with her and then you just slowly take all of their money She's gonna get the fool around to fell in love money at some point, right? Absolutely You just kind of hang out and you just services woman and eat her pussy and just be a good husband
Starting point is 00:27:40 You get the run-off anyway, so much comfortable life Hey, what's up everyone, how you doing Ben kissle here with Henry Zabrowski Yeah, it's me bad. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast Go out there and purchase yourself some I hope you enjoy it We have sativa we have indica and we have a hybrid and I have to tell you for my personal experience They are wonderful super tasty live resin. You really get the delicious weedy taste which is what I like and three different experiences You go to your local vape store and get it absolutely. Thank y'all so much for supporting the show We absolutely love you can't wait to see on the road and get that vape
Starting point is 00:28:23 Put it in your brain and have a good time and if you want to set your favorite weed store Give them a call and ask for them by name last podcast on the left. It's weed. Hail yourselves everyone. Hail Satan So after going through his old Morgan Stanley client list Taylor settled on an old man named Bob White for the first victim and the children of thunder began Preparations for the extortion and murder to come It's all fucking so stupid this this breakdown is fucking so dumb first Justin was sent out to buy a semi-automatic pistol as well as shotgun shells and bullets for a 22 and bullets for an AK 47 even though they didn't own a shotgun a 22 or an AK 47
Starting point is 00:29:03 Yep Don meanwhile went to Sears and bought a reciprocating saw for future disposal of the bodies remember Sears Yeah, I do Sears was fun Powersaw yeah, I bought a Gameboy game last time I went to Sears, you know, and it was I think it was Super Mario Land 2 You didn't support them enough either one of you. We tried I used to go to Sears all the time Well soon after Don bought three ski masks three pairs of water ski gloves and Waits for a large set as well as pagers and cell phones for all of them
Starting point is 00:29:37 So they could stay in contact during each phase of their idiotic plan They gave a lot of garbage on to Don and Don just ate it up Then one of my favorite little details is that she brought the gloves and then they fed them They're like these gloves are too fucking small Don And then they had to go back to the store with Don and and return the gloves Oh, she sat there as they fit the gloves on their hands like their OJ Simpson and Jason pennies Oh my god In addition each of them adopted a dog
Starting point is 00:30:04 Don got a Rottweiler and named it Jake Taylor got a Border Collie and named it Blackie and Justin got an Australian Shepherd and called it in very just-in-fashion Taser hey, man. Hey, you know a technically it's metal But these dogs were not bought out of a want for companionship or even protection Rather the children of thunder were planning to use these dogs to dispose of the bodies of their victims and Started buying large amounts of meat and soup bones to train the dogs to eat entire human bodies whole Guys you first of all you got to get you're thinking of pigs Just get a thousand cats
Starting point is 00:30:51 It's all put in the cart before the horse What are you talking about border collie? That's just maybe a Rottweiler, but a border collie is just gonna try to bring it back to life Yeah, or an Australian shepherd. I mean they very soon discovered that the border collie in the Australian shepherd They were not man-eaters, so they released the dogs into the country. They did however keep the Rottweiler Yeah, they just let the dogs go on the street. I we got Is this the preamble to homework bound? Oh my god No, dude like three of the dogs I had grown up were dogs that people had just dumped out into the country people do that shit all the time they go out to
Starting point is 00:31:27 The country they dump the dog near someone's house and say it's your dog now you take care of it But that's how I got Velma and goddamn. I love that dog. Oh, yeah, but it's sad I got to solve a lot of mysteries with Velma No, Velma was a magic dog She does she would jump up on the fence and she would walk on the fence use the circus dog That's what I called her. I called her my circus dog. That's cute But the plan for the murder and extortion Yeah good
Starting point is 00:31:57 The plan for the murder and extortion itself was for Justin and Taylor to simply knock on the door one of Taylor's old clients and Convince them by hook or by crook to sign their stock portfolio over to Taylor's girlfriend Selena Bishop means no set makes no sense Okay, and the other plan was they'd show up They all drew they dressed in suits and they showed up with a bottle of champagne and roses And they would they would go to one of the client let's knock on the door and say hey One of your neighbors and I made a big money deal and I figured you were next door, so we should all celebrate together Oh, my god
Starting point is 00:32:31 Makes no sense Right Then once the checks were signed and the money was safely in Selena's account The children of thunder would kill the depositors and dispose of the bodies in such a way is to make them disappear forever To put an extra layer of stupid on the whole scenario in the first murder Taylor brought back his old sometime follower Debra McClanahan the Mormon witch who gave erotic massages to the Helzer brothers and Still sometimes dropped by the house from time to time to have sex with Taylor I think it's because he's still trying to get a hot chick back in the group
Starting point is 00:33:05 It's really like he really is missing that he's missing that vibe He keeps looking at dawn and dawn's like Like For the plan murder yeah play for the audience that shows up Taylor Well for the plan murder of former client Bob White Taylor had Debra create an alibi on the day that the murder Extortion plan was to go into effect Debra went to the movies and bought four tickets to see the new X-Men movie Then she went to Denny's and bought four meals. So oh my god fucking stupid Well, cuz Debra floated this idea to
Starting point is 00:33:48 Taylor in the planning stages because he was like we need money. We're trying to transform America Here's how America works. You need can't you need collateral blah blah blah She's like what if I go and I start making I was talking to this producer the other day And he said that I could make six to eight thousand dollars a week making porn or films and I can just give you some of the money do that yeah Taylor looked at him cuz she had the offer Yeah, and I think remembering that he already lost one hot chick to playboy that he said His response was do you really want to be remembered in that way? Oh my goodness much like how mark maro lost sable which is an interesting story that I
Starting point is 00:34:37 We talked about this last week we talked about her playboy spread last week Continue to bring it up. I'm trying to remember all wrestling details. I'm trying to honor you absolutely I will say though X-Men and Denny's. Ooh, that's a date. Yeah, that is a fun day Yeah, yeah, and especially that 2000 X-Men movie. It was fun I was really in the theaters In fact, I think I may have gone to see the X-Men movie and I might have gone to Denny's afterwards to smoke cigarettes all night It's very 2000 date. It was a very 2000 absolutely But Taylor didn't tell Debra why she needed to do all this nor why she needed to keep all the ticket stubs and receipts
Starting point is 00:35:14 But the thing about an alibi like this is that you need a true ride or die follower Who's gonna stick to the story no matter what and Debra owner of a ferret named Cosmo? Certainly wasn't that much to Taylor's later chagrin ferret owners got big mouths I'm not saying that the ferrets a bad pet to have I'd love to have a ferret but Henry I think is very correct. Yeah, the ferret owner is gonna they're gonna talk to somebody at the bus stop You know ferrets are kind of chatty little creatures themselves So when the day finally came Taylor and Justin went to his former client Bob White's house rared up and ready to go They're in there. Are we doing dumb enough? Yes
Starting point is 00:36:05 But they both dressed in fucking reservoir dog suits like fucking morons I just got their ponytails going to what I fucking witnesses peg They literally one witness says like they call the police being like I believe two hit men just walk down my street Oh my this is where it's like should we blame Hollywood? You know should we just should we say maybe maybe American maybe as humans were not ready for cinema No, no, yeah But since these dudes weren't great at prep work They found that Bob White wasn't at home and had in fact just left town for a trip to San Antonio
Starting point is 00:36:40 You're gonna want to check in on that. Yeah, so Taylor and Justin Immediately went for the next target on their list an elderly couple named Ivan and Annette Steinman Well, cuz you remember this list is the top five Portfolios that Taylor had worked at when he was a stockbroker Yeah, Taylor had been the Steinman's financial advisor and was still well liked by the couple because remember most people only Knew Taylor on a very surface level as a charming individual. How you doing killer? What's going on buddy? Hey, you working hard or hardly working good to see a man good to see you We're transforming America today. I need your blood
Starting point is 00:37:15 So when Taylor and Justin rang the doorbell at the Steinman residence on July 30th in the year 2000 at 8 p.m The brothers were welcomed inside by the Steinman's as friends Now at first the helter brothers sat with the Steinman's and chatted and the atmosphere was cordial enough where Annette took a call from her daughter And Annette said hey, we got visitors gonna have to call you back later Didn't think anything was wrong at all and Taylor and Justin did at least try to get Annette and Ivan to quote-unquote invest in transform America you see we're transforming America let's okay great. I want to invest. Well, how do I invest one word? Okay, Brazil child assassins? When the Steinman's heard this very dumb idea and said no the mood of the room very suddenly changed
Starting point is 00:38:06 Pulling out the pistol they bought earlier that summer Taylor and Justin grabbed all the Steinman's checkbooks Forced the Steinman's into their own white van and had them drive the whole crew back to the children of Thunder House Where a long night and day of physical and mental torture was waiting This is where being a dumb criminal a lot of times make you worse Yeah, smart criminal and these people are what in their 70s or 80s. Yeah, 70s Once they were in the house Taylor switched hack and told them that he was in trouble and needed money to get out of the country specifically he needed their money and if they signed over a hundred thousand dollars to him then he'd leave them handcuffed in the
Starting point is 00:38:48 House for three days while he escaped then he'd call the cops and it would all be over about it being by the boom easy as that But since he was in trouble, they couldn't write the checks directly to him Instead they needed to write the checks out to his girlfriend Selena Bishop and Selena Bishop by the way was still Completely ignorant as to the sort of situation she'd gotten herself into as far as she knew Ted the money that was coming into her account was from Um, Taylor's dead great uncle. I you know at some point one of the Steinman's had to have been like you know, that's a stupid idea Taylor, you know, that is not money laundering. Yeah, and eventually it kind of sort of worked The Steinman seemed to agree so the next morning Don called the Morgan Stanley offices pretending to be Annette Steinman
Starting point is 00:39:34 Saying that they needed to liquidate their accounts due to a medical emergency Don is I you know what cuz I know the other two of the main villains right like the Hellzer brothers are like really I don't know man. She's very complicit. She yes. No, no, I'm not excuse. I am bumping her up I'm bumping her up to just how This is like that trapped in Paradise movie with Nick Cage Like this is the worst band of fucking morons in the world because she called of the bank was like They knew up top that something was incredibly fishy about this whole scenario They're like that does not sound like Mrs. Steinman. Oh, we've been working with for decades
Starting point is 00:40:18 We're just like it's from another number Yeah, but still the money was in the Steinman's regular bank account by 1 p.m That part of the plan did at least work, but again the children of thunder had not thought ahead They'd given the Steinman's rehypnal to make them more compliant, but they've given them six pills each Yeah, or too much to keep either of them even conscious if you're trying to do business. You can't have a Cosby lunch You really absolutely not I mean that would have killed that's what they gave Jason Voorhees and Freddy versus Jason Yeah, to make to make him go to bed. So they get him to get crystal like where he likes to be So to try to wake them back up again Taylor smoked some meth and blew it in their faces
Starting point is 00:41:05 Like a dog and a party when that didn't work Taylor said fuck it and had dawn practice in that signature making a test check of $10,000 We needed the Steinman's in the first place and we could have just taken the check books dawn dawn. Oh god I just ah just get some makeup. You just something else and you got to contribute something else No, all right, let me take a look at the checks here. You signed every one of these dawn Yeah, but you're supposed to use the name. Oh, I was doing it as a net I'm a character now you just wrote dawn again. Yes Figuring that he had enough to move on with the next phase of the plan Taylor decided that it was time for the Steinman's to die After Taylor Justin and Dawn all stripped down to their underwear so they didn't get any blood on their clothes
Starting point is 00:42:07 Taylor tried killing the Steinman's by suffocating them. This however proved too tiring for Taylor So he ordered dawn and Justin to suffocate them with plastic But the two pensioners proved to be made of sterner stuff than the children of thunder expected when they fought back Taylor started smashing a net's head on the bathroom floor over and over Justin who copied his brother and everything he did took the cue and did the exact same thing with Ivan Eventually Ivan died of a heart attack during the beating but a net survived Tiring of the whole business Taylor dragged a net to the bathtub and stabbed her once in each lung And when she still didn't die Taylor turned her over slit her throat and drowned her in her own blood
Starting point is 00:42:51 God, they're so fucking bad at this. Well, and it was all to avoid like cuz that was the whole thing They had this like print like they're gonna feel no pain because Justin at first was like He was in on the plan because he's like we're gonna feed him with so much we're hypnotal They're just gonna go to sleep and not wake up and so like okay, and then it turned into this like he's switching the plan Like Taylor is looking at everything and he we got to suffocate him because because then they're like we need to do this quick We need to make sure we don't cause any noise and we don't cause a disruption because if not, you know Some of the neighbors gonna we can't shoot a gun. That's too like there. That's too crazy Oh, yeah, they then protracted it and it was probably far noisier than two separate
Starting point is 00:43:29 I mean like they're slamming people's heads into the floor. We're in a big city You know what like gun noises if you hear a gunshot, it sounds like claps Right especially back in like it's a very specific noise, but it actually can be covered up fairly easy by car noise other environmental sounds Sneezing really loud Make sure you sneeze at the same time you fire the gun With in 10 minutes of killing both of the Steinman's Taylor ordered dawn to drive up to Petaluma to deposit the $10,000 check in a Selena bishops account. They're immediately getting to work on this Meanwhile the Helzer brothers immediately got to work dismembering the bodies
Starting point is 00:44:11 Now the Helzers very quickly learned as many killers in the past have that you don't use power saws on flesh Because it gums up the works So they sliced the flesh off the bodies with knives and used the saw on the bones. Yeah, oh My and once the Steinman's were dismembered and packed away into duffel bags things only Accelerated for the children of thunder The next day dawn started calling up rental companies to see if she could get a hold of a jet ski So they could dispose of the Steinman's body somewhere in the California Delta and what's that? And that was wrapped up dawn embarked on the next phase of this extremely meth-inspired plan. So first of all dawn who has
Starting point is 00:44:54 Never seen a jet ski. No They're like go get us a jet ski. That's the dumb. I mean, it's just why it's just it doesn't work on snow It's very it doesn't work out snow. It's just like it's just so strange this idea So she's calling all around town trying to find a jet ski. They have to go to the fucking pop the jet ski place It's so dumb. They have to go get their cars retrofuted so they could even they didn't even think that you would need something to tow The jet ski so then they had to have some attached to the car to even use the jet ski. It's a pain Oh, wow, stupid. Wow, but the next bit takes the kick next That's great on the morning of August 1st the day after they killed the Steinman's
Starting point is 00:45:32 Dawn showed up at the Steinman's Bank in a wheelchair dressed in a bright lime green jumpsuit gloves and a big golden cowboy hat Words seriously cannot express just how stupid and out of place She looked besides Jody Aries's butthole It is one of my single favorite pictures in all of true crime because she's rolling in She looks sort of like, you know, I've never seen the meme the what in Tarnation like meme with the dog with the cowboy hat on Because Taylor fed her this thing of like you want to dress so outlandishly. They're just paying attention
Starting point is 00:46:11 That will land as you are. They don't they're not thinking you'd be doing something suspicious. Meanwhile, she comes Into this thing she looks like Larry Flint in drag She's just the stupidest figure in the world Yeah, it's like anybody if I saw this woman in the bank dress like that I would remember it 30 years later I mean the rest home thinking about this woman in the fucking lime green jumpsuit and the cowboy hat in the wheel So their logic is so messed up and so 360 Yes, they say in order not to be recognized you have to be so recognized
Starting point is 00:46:49 Don't even see you. They just see what happens in wheelchairs and wigs. Wow. It's so brilliant Well, Dawn told the bank manager that she was a relative of the Steinman's named Jackie And she needed money from the Steinman's account to pay for emergency heart surgery for their granddaughter Selena Bishop and managers always bank managers. They really always react well to hyper convoluted fast-talking schemes at a woman obviously in a wig and a cowboy hat Absolutely. Well, you have to listen to her because no matter what she's saying she is Confessing to murder you have to be recording details Well, she had checks from the Steinman's account made out for sixty seven and thirty three thousand dollars
Starting point is 00:47:33 And all the tellers needed to do is just deposit in the Salinas Bank account so she could pay for the heart surgery That's all I need you to do man. Just like that checks. Just deposit in Salinas account You don't need to know anything else. You just need to know she has emergency heart surgery. Just do the thing It's fine. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm in a wheelchair and you know how easy banking is That's why I just do it every day Oh, you love it because I just like go to the bank and I'm just like here's a dollar. We play with Because it's nice for community and you know, it's just of course They're always so ready and willing to help in a timely manner. Oh, yes
Starting point is 00:48:06 Now the bank teller very wisely called the Steinman's house and got the answering machine But Don told them man, they just moved. He's just moved. That's why they're not at home But they kept the answer machine. Yeah, bring them. They just moved You are one of the dumbest-looking people I've ever seen. Thank you. Okay So Don gave the manager the Steinman's quote-unquote new number Oh, which is which was of course aligned to Taylor Heltzer's cell phone and Taylor answered and tried impersonating I It is definitely my wheelchair bound
Starting point is 00:48:42 Oh friend of child What did she say? Who did she say she was? I don't even know what kind of hell I want these people to be in because I don't think it's like not fire and brims It has to be dumber than that. I think so too Yeah, but the man on the answering machine and the man at the new number were obviously two very different people, right? So Don was told that she needed the Steinman's social security numbers and even after she left and called them back with the information They said it would be at least a week before the money could be transferred because the manager had put a quote-unquote hard hold on the
Starting point is 00:49:20 Manager read this scenario Perfectly right like oh, this is completely incorrect and you know what complete You know what sold it what made them put the hard hold on what was that they said like, okay? Well, if we're gonna cash this you're gonna need to get the social security numbers and Don was like, I'll be right back That's easy to get and then she wheeled out the front door and then the manager like looked at her go and was like How did that wheelchair-bound woman come in the front door because the handicapped Entrance you have to actually go through the parking lot and take the elevator. There's two set of stairs Oh, you'd have to go down it was like 24 steps to come up the thing. So she no
Starting point is 00:50:02 She just went down like a naked gun Yeah, so it's like she threw her wheelchair up the stairs Front sprung Up the stairs landed in the wheelchair and then rolled in I swear to God this and that's usual suspects Yes, that is that was their trick there far dumber. Oh, of course. Oh, yeah Now at this point Taylor Helter believed that the plan although delayed was still gonna somehow work out as far as he knew The money was going to Selena's account and going off Selena's journals at the time She was smitten enough with Taylor that she would have willingly given him every single cent
Starting point is 00:50:38 She would have done anything he asked But this is the point in the story when things get truly confusing and it's hard to figure out Taylor Helter's motivations Because he was and I can't stress this enough doing a lot of meth and a lot of ecstasy You just need one clarifying drug. Oh, man Advil I Hit a weed might actually help in this case. They were also smoking a lot of weed. Okay, fantastic Well, sensibly this plan was supposed to go down four more times netting the children of thunder $500,000 to fund their plan to insult Taylor at the head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Starting point is 00:51:18 It would have literally just been easier to wait every single day outside of the church His ecstasy business Then after it was done four more times The money would be transferred to Taylor and Taylor was then gonna kill Selena Bishop. That was the plan boom. That's it. We're Transforming America set it and forget it But Taylor didn't even wait for the first scheme to play out before he carried out the end of the plot Possibly Taylor got paranoid and thought he couldn't trust Selena and his megalomania was so out of control That he figured he could get the money from Selena's account with or without her somehow
Starting point is 00:52:07 I do believe that his blood was up I think that they killed the two people and it went so poorly Right, they had a rev up. They think it went poorly. There's like that was another perfect job It was supposed to be easy and it turned out to be far harder than they thought it was gonna be And I think the thing was is that Taylor realized he's looking at Tweedledee and Tweedledum And he's realizing we don't have a lot of gas in the tank here because Justin was like, you know Say what you will Dylan Cleabald like he is the dude that is just like I'm really not looking forward to going through that again. And then you got Don who's just like, let me get back to the bank
Starting point is 00:52:50 You're done your part of the plan is over you fucked it up Don And now like you I think there is a little bit of that of like how much how am I gonna rev everybody up to do this? Another four times right and I think it all it was also You know the fact that he had orchestrated the deaths of two people and they hadn't immediately gotten caught You know, I think his ego was boosted enough where he figured, you know I can get to the Steinman's money without Selena Bishop doesn't fucking matter and so Taylor Helzer jumped the gun and killed Selena Bishop for seemingly No reason. Oh
Starting point is 00:53:26 On August 2nd three days after murdering the Steinman's Taylor invited Selena to the Children of Thunder House to stay the night in advance of a trip to Yellowstone National Park the next day the plan was to have Justin Helzer Beat Selena to death with a hammer that night. What a fucking brilliant plan during risk Yeah, geez and after playing risk. Well, not during risk. I know Who knows you never know because I get really concentrated Getting the zone. Yeah, I guess it's appropriate. They were playing a game with a lot of red flags Mm-hmm and after playing risk and smoking weed with the Children of Thunder Selena was invited to come back to look at the newly remodeled bathroom and that was where the deed would be done
Starting point is 00:54:11 Well, you remember this bathroom you was the an absolute slaughterhouse three days ago She had done it in the most worst. They did it all the worst way possible. So it was so old and yeah No, they had remodeled it They had done a full gut renovation in like a day and a half because they had butchered Because they had butchered two people in that room just a few days earlier. You'll notice the shiplap But nevertheless Justin walked in behind Don and Selena with a hammer waiting for Selena to turn her back But when she never did they all just went back to playing risk It's a movie. It's a movie because literally he go like they're like, all right
Starting point is 00:54:53 We're going to the bathroom and then Selena's like, okay, they go and then Justin slowly Raising the hammer behind him being like It makes the characters from burn after reading look like super villains. Yeah, yeah You know what it reminds me of throw mama from the train. It's very much. Oh, it loves his mama Oh, it loves his mama A roast as dark as the night perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your Podcasting don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge Finally from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack coffee and last podcast on the left
Starting point is 00:55:37 Bre bring you moth men's red-eye blend. Yes Delicious Panama beans go to last podcast merch calm to order yours today Well soon Taylor brought Selena some wine spiked with Roe hip-knoll But when Selena commented that the wine looked funny Taylor took it back gave her a new non-drugged glass and came up with yet another plan Are they all like making eyes at each other? That's the only way I could figure out like how is he shifting plans? Amongst each one. He's he going like we're gonna have to do something else than for dinner, right? Well, he's bringing him into the other room cuz like the next the next time like he like takes
Starting point is 00:56:28 He's like don't let me talk to you in the other room for a second and he And he told her that she and Justin were to wait half an hour after Selena was asleep in Taylor's room Then they sneak in put a towel over her face and beat her to death with the hammer But when Selena didn't fall asleep. She's not going to sleep. Yeah, what are we gonna do now? What do we do now? Oh my god, that's such a key component to our plan Yeah, Taylor offered her a back row and it was while she was faced down in Taylor's room The Justin came in and brought down the hammer over and over again all while Dawn watched After five or so blows Selena finally stopped struggling and Taylor ordered Dawn to prepare for cleanup
Starting point is 00:57:09 But Selena still wasn't dead after hearing her moaning from the other room Taylor returned hit her three more times himself and slittered throat which according to forensics is what finally killed her Somewhat learning from their last dismemberment the children of thunder placed the body on saw horses in the bathtub for butchering and Used chopsticks to pull body tissue out of the bathtub drain They may dawn dude all of the cleanup duty like she went like oh god No, everyone has their role in this ridiculously stupid plan Yes Going back to their old plan just to see what they could see the children of thunder tried to get their Rottweiler to eat human flesh
Starting point is 00:57:53 The dog did indeed eat a few pieces including skin featuring an identifying tattoo But the dog could only eat so much poor dog I feel so bad for the dog of course and the thing was it's not like the children of thunder were inconspicuous They were known as the weirdos on the block and a nosy neighbor had seen them take both the stymins and Selena Bishop into their home and they noticed that none of them came back out again to be fair I don't think that was a nosy neighbor. I think that was just another neighbor. They're so stupid and bad Yes, by definition. They had to see it another neighbor heard the hammering and the sawing and in a scene straight out of the burbs Very explicitly said on the night of Selena Bishop's murder that it sounded like they were breaking bones next door
Starting point is 00:58:45 this reminded me of in Tallahassee when I lived across the street from a meth house and Watching them all like it must have been they smoked in the morning because then you'd watch them all come outside and Paint the house and lawnmow and they do all of this shit out Scurrying around like a bunch of cockroaches all day in front of the fucking house doing all this shit where you're like None of you are subtle. You know that right? You know that you all think that you're just like there's normal every day guys No, you are you are cranked up crazy people absolutely But after Selena was murdered and dismembered Taylor realized that there was still a loose end to tie up See Taylor had been careful while dating Selena to stay away from any sort of personal entanglements
Starting point is 00:59:29 And therefore refused to meet Selena's mother Ginny Villarene remember this boys and girls if you're trying to talk to somebody and you think and They're love bombing you right like Taylor's hitting you with all the love you I love you You know, I've never met anybody like you where we're two twin flames and tangled and a torch and we're gonna transform America But he didn't tell her what transform America man But the idea is is that they keep pushing all the dates because that's what she said it was that like Taylor would make all These promises about hanging out and doing this up are we gonna meet your family gonna do all this stuff? And he just kept pushing it and pushing it and pushing it eventually you need Like a reason like a real reason because I just I'm an ecstasy dealer
Starting point is 01:00:08 Yeah, but one day not too long before the murder Ginny Villarene had dropped by Selena's apartment Unexpectedly while Taylor was there just to meet this mysterious new boyfriend that Selena wouldn't stop talking about so Ginny Villarene Saw Taylor Heltzer's face and from what Selena told Taylor just before he'd killed her Ginny Villarene was house sitting at Selena's apartment at that very moment with the full knowledge That Selena was supposed to be on a trip to Yellowstone with this mysterious new boyfriend So right after Taylor killed Selena Bishop He and Dawn drove to Selena's apartment with the express purpose of killing Selena's mother But when they arrived they found that Ginny Villarene was not alone
Starting point is 01:00:54 She'd had a sleepover with a friend named Jim Gamble and both were asleep in bed when Taylor Heltzer walked in alone with his pistol Ginny was shot twice in the head while Jim was shot through his right calf left arm chest and Neck and since Taylor left behind a lot of easily obtainable cash when he quickly left the crime scene Investigators who arrived that very night after reports of gunshots knew that they were definitely not dealing with a robbery here And again Dawn is parked outside what they said so he went they parked his truck outside of the house Caddy corner on it like basically they put it it was parked very badly on a corner Or like you've ever seen a car just literally parked diagonal on the tip of the corner So the people were like straight like yeah, no one does this and two witnesses watched like they just watched a man
Starting point is 01:01:46 Dresses a hit man get out of a car go into a house, right? And then they watched a portly woman inside chain smoking chain smoking chain smoking throwing out cigarettes And they're like that's really fucking weird on a DNA evidence She's straight up just smoking inside with a fucking the windows closed of her truck putting out little fucking cigarettes back and forth So eventually when Taylor left these guys like they were watching her the whole time And she was watching them watch her enough so that Dawn emerged from the car and she went over the two witnesses She's like, um my friend was buying weed from a shady guy. So I was back up Back into the truck and drive off we didn't we didn't solicit
Starting point is 01:02:27 We didn't ask you to give us that information at all and and the neighbor was like there's no weed dealers around here Like this is a pretty nice neighborhood like there's no guys just like said like nothing wrong with that But there's no guys like just selling weed out of apartments. It doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah, it's also another crime Yeah Like you know, you're committing a bad crime When you have to confess to it we're a less crime. Yeah, and so now that the murders were taken care of for all the good It did the children of thunder it was time to dispose of the bodies Half thinking it through and half not Taylor didn't want the bodies identified in case they were found
Starting point is 01:03:03 So he had Justin put all three disembodied heads on a towel and Justin spent 30 minutes Knocking out the teeth each head with a chisel and hammer It's all Evidence exists. OJ was the biggest trial of the 90s. Everyone knows about DNA evidence. These people are so stupid They're transforming America. No, and they're protected by God You don't want nothing to think about current state of America. They may have won. They might have Once that was done the body parts of Selena Ivan and Annette were intermixed amongst nine duffel bags to confuse
Starting point is 01:03:39 Identification and the bags were weighted down with stepping stones Stupidly taken straight from the children of thunder's front yard. Wow That they rented yeah, they rented house. They don't own the house. Oh, they're not just rocks These are like bots that like you could take a stepping stone Yeah, these are slates that were taken from the house that you could easily just walk up You if you found these fucking stepping stones in the lake You could just take them and put them right back where they see that's where they see the holes and the gravel that they came from Wow, okay, and after towing their rented jet ski complete with paperwork out to the California Delta where they were photographed
Starting point is 01:04:20 Multiple times by toll road cameras the children of thunder stopped at a place called coast pirate layer I do wish that they all and that's a that's a hint for an upcoming series But I do wish that they all were in like the village people costumes Would you believe a police officer a Native American and a construction worker came in here the other day Wow, that woman didn't look Native American. Absolutely fantastic Well there in the middle of the afternoon Taylor and Justin took the jet ski out and ferry the duffel bags full of body parts in four separate trips While Don waited on the shore next to a bloody pickup truck bed because these duffel bags full of body parts were leaking a lot
Starting point is 01:05:07 Sure On the get ski I wouldn't read it. Yeah, they're the ones having all of the fun and I'm the master of the time by the truck Don. Yeah, just stay by the truck Thanks for the jet ski Don Okay, well after getting rid of the bodies they got rid of the Steinman's white van by driving it to a bad neighborhood in Oakland They left it there with the keys in the ignition and a spare set of keys on the fucking count on the dash Then they left the doors open and they blared rap music thinking. Oh, so he's definitely gonna steal They'll hear the rap music coming out over here and they can't help but be drawn to the rhythm and the beats Nobody was dumb enough to take the bait the cops found it like very like nobody went
Starting point is 01:06:02 It's like no that is a weird trap of some kind not gonna fucking go check that out And so therefore this became a massive piece of evidence As far as the rest of the evidence went Including all of the Steinman's checkbooks Selina's ID and the gun tailored used to kill Jenny Villarin and Jim Gamble That all went into a safe at the apartment of Mormon witch Deborah McClanahan who still didn't have a clue what was going on Well, she had a That's where he kept his meth and his ecstasy that he would sell and he somehow railroaded her into thinking
Starting point is 01:06:36 Oh, we all come in to keep this safe. You don't know what's in this safe. You don't know what's in this safe I'm keeping it over here. It's in your house, but you don't know what it is Meanwhile, like he only went over there and took ecstasy out of it and bug and drugs other drugs money and a gun And it was all there and she was just like I don't know what's in that box Yeah, you kind of got to ask. It's your safe, you know, it's in your house. Well, meanwhile The children of thunder got to work cleaning their house after the very messy hammer murder of Selina Bishop They picked up a steam cleaner But when that didn't do the job they called a professional carpet cleaner to come take care of it
Starting point is 01:07:12 Saying that Justin had cut himself and got some blood on the rug. Yeah, I was definitely peeling a Carrot the other day and I got a little bit of a nick Justin, that's the perfect story and don't forget. There's a Hippocratic oath with the carpet cleaners They can do no wrong. They also have the exact client privilege client privilege as a doctor or a priest They will never speak there are carpet cleaners and no one trusts what they say The stains were actually so bad that the cleaner who God bless him just wanted to believe the best He asked Justin. Hey bud. Do you spill Kool-Aid on this rug or something? Yeah, it's got a Kool-Aid. Yes, it's got a Kool-Aid here.
Starting point is 01:07:49 Let me just let me see there was probably several gallons of Kool-Aid. Yeah, you know adults just slam Kool-Aid and then dump it on the ground And so this must be penny-flavored Because you get that and after Justin said yeah, that's totally what we did You don't do Kool-Aid parties? Kool-Aid, dump it on the ground man. Yeah, he and Don just left the carpet cleaner there while they went to the movies X-Men for real because honestly after see fake bought the tickets. I was thinking I don't want to miss this cinematic There'll never be another comic book movie This is the last
Starting point is 01:08:27 Any idea what movie they saw Marcus. I had no idea what movie they saw I would imagine they did probably go to see X-Men. There was also what was up? What was in the theaters that summer? I think the mummy was out that summer. Maybe that was 99 maybe that was a summer before I really think that it was all about the X-Men because then they knew They'd then if someone asked us about the intricate plot of the X-Men So Don what does happen to a toad when lightning strikes it? They get Now while we'd like to say that the children of thunder were immediately picked up for their crimes the sheer randomness of it all
Starting point is 01:09:15 Oh, yeah made this quite a difficult case to crack But to the credit of the policeman involved they actually did do one hell of a job putting it all together Oh, even if they were horribly haunted by it Oh, yes, no, well, I think what haunted the policeman more than anything would like what watching one of the documentaries the the head Investigator in one and I think the Selina Bishop Disappearance he was what was what haunted him was the sheer idiocy of all of it. Yeah, I mean it was also the brutality Yeah, the brutality was was horrible But he also just he couldn't it's like he couldn't wrap his head around people being this dumb
Starting point is 01:09:54 Yeah, cuz it's very similar because like I would put it close to the idea of like Richard Chase where the level of brutality and child like Nature of the murder itself. It's far more sinister in my mind I'm like, yeah, I know that like obviously it's horrible with somebody like a highly organized killer like BTK does Or the East area rapist like that type of thing like someone who really does like fucked up shit scary in another way And highly planned meticulous. There's something about this where it's like They just didn't even know what the hell they were doing. They just it's almost so random because the people that were killed never knew that the They had planted a seed and then no tree that grew was the dumbest damn thing ever And it's like really bro. You're the one who's gonna kill me. Yeah
Starting point is 01:10:38 Now, of course the first bodies discovered were those of Ginny Villaren and Jim Gamble and cops soon discovered that Ginny's daughter Selina was also missing Meanwhile, the Steinman's had completely disappeared with the only trace being the van found in Oakland Now on the side of Selina's investigation cops discovered that she'd been dating a mysterious man who called himself Jordan But the person who showed up again and again on her phone records was Justin Helzer Who was of course paying his brother's cell phone bill and on the Steinman side when cops were looking into the disappearance They found out about the lime green weirdo in the wheelchair who had tried to transfer money from the Steinman's account to a woman named Selina Bishop so dumb Wow And once the two investigations came together
Starting point is 01:11:24 It wasn't long before the name Helzer showed up again in the Steinman's past dealings at Morgan Stanley and then the body bag showed up It seems like, you know true detective. They got the strings and they're connecting all the dots This is like when you give spiders a bunch of acid because when you connect these dots, you're like, I did it, right? This is just how stupid this looks when does a moron become a genius? You're starting to see the oil Boris tail Well, they have they somehow made themselves criminal dunder mines. Yeah, that's true See the children of thunder were counting on nobody ever finding the duffel bags full of body parts because they weighed them down stepping stones from their own house and
Starting point is 01:12:07 They had cut holes in the bag to keep gases from bringing them back to the surface but all nine resurfaced and were discovered by either unlucky civilians or law enforcement and So it was known that both Selina Bishop and the Steinman's were murder victims and a search warrant was obtained for the arrest of the children of thunder Now Justin and Dawn were very easily detained when a SWAT team stormed their house But Taylor jumped out of his bedroom window and made a break for it wearing only a black t-shirt and boxers I'm free
Starting point is 01:12:41 I'm free like you could see it like I really viscerally see there's John going And Jeff like he's using like a very easily being taken him just like him running like the Joker And that shot where it's like his hair is blowing in the wind Eventually Justin was caught they caught up to him pretty fast But he was then put in a squad car and he asked for some air The officer rolled down the window just eight inches But that was enough for Taylor to wiggle through and take off running again Eventually Taylor knocked on the door of a neighbor who thought that the crazed young men without pants was a friend of her sons
Starting point is 01:13:26 As soon as she let him in though it became obvious that she'd made the wrong assumption And it's at this point that I think Taylor helps her like might just be cursed Like I think there's a very bad He's very very bad Taylor grabbed a knife from the kitchen and demanded her car keys But she very truthfully had just opened the phone book to call enterprise for a rental because her car wasn't running It's not running so I don't know Taylor then pointed to the guns on the wall and demand take them down so she gave me so he could use them But she told him again very truthfully that they were just her husband's Civil War replicas. They didn't work
Starting point is 01:14:08 He's gonna go with the muzzle This will neutralize them. They'll be surprised to see the Civil War era gun that they won't know that I'm the deadliest man in the world See the thing is they're not gonna die from the bullet wound. They're gonna die from infection He then demanded clothes so she gave him her husband's pants, but they were too big So Taylor took some scissors so he could cut off his own hair because he figured if I run They're looking for a guy's long hair if I go out there with short hair Nobody's gonna fucking catch me bro. It's not Grand Theft Auto You didn't just go get your car painted no
Starting point is 01:14:49 Mm-hmm, but unbeknownst to him this woman's son had been on the phone with the cops the whole time and they very soon Arrested Taylor Halter and took him to jail. Hey guys. Do I look familiar? Let's all think about this. Can I get some air? Are you sure it's the same guy because the guy that ran away had long hair Honestly that cop is very lucky. He didn't kill that family. Oh, yeah, that would have been up. Oh, just keep the wind A lot of paperwork. Yeah Now even though the children of thunder had done their level best to get rid of the physical evidence of multiple murders within their home There was still quite a bit of Circumstantial evidence left behind including a lot of embarrassing children of thunder ephemera
Starting point is 01:15:31 God, I wish I could get some of this. I know I'm not supposed to have any more true crime memorabilia in my home But I got what this would some of this would be great in addition to a Rolodex that had the home address of the Steinmans The cops also found paperwork for the jet ski rental a note in the garbage can entitled escape plan Oh my god Documents detailing the ins and outs of into me see adds for quote better Orgasms and bigger and better penis in Justin's room And numerous LDS church documents. It's all you need. That's all you need to build a cult Yes, sir. Hey, Sergeant Barry. Come on. Give me that one
Starting point is 01:16:11 They're the bigger dick thing Yeah, sure Leonard. Yeah, excellent. Oh, it says step one tug on it That's incredible It's daddy. Are we you mean to tell me you've never had a boner before no They also found receipts for 40 ounces of red phosphorus that Taylor was ostensibly going to use to make meth But there was actually no evidence that Taylor had actually succeeded in building his own meth lab He tried but it did not go through that was the one thing that he should have been able to do Yeah, cops also found numerous plans for schemes including a tiered 401k plan for into me see sex workers
Starting point is 01:16:51 And they found plans for a venture involving sexy poker games Oh, could play poker with sexy ladies. Oh, there's nothing and have sex with them afterwards for $800 a pop Nothing hotter than a bunch of babes sitting around the poker table with their tits out in there It's just such a sexy look. Oh, you know, that's I think it's nice But it is just it's such a 15-year-old idea. It's not a hot. It's not a hot game. I think it's fine I think strip poker. I've played a couple of those back. Oh my god again proving my point But the idea of like just I can't even imagine who you played strip poker with college baby. Oh my college Man fucking sexy theater girls
Starting point is 01:17:30 Oh Guys, what's your fat guys skinny girls? It was incredible incredible times These guys like it is funny to think of it because it is such an 18-year-old idea of like wouldn't be fucking cool We fucking put in nutty. It's nutty poker You have sex with them As far as evidence for murder goes Taylor had actually written out notes for possible Justifications should he ever get caught and Justin had written detailed flow charts that plotted out how the children of thunder should react in certain murder scenarios
Starting point is 01:18:07 there were notes from Selena Bishop recedes for a reciprocating saw a sword naturally and Multiple answering machine messages from various carpet cleaning services There there's a heck of a lot of Kool-Aid and it seems to be big chunks of Kool-Aid All inside the caulking of the tub and inside of the faucet. Yeah Actually, they did make they they produced so much blood that the faucets had to be replaced They actually sent Dawn out to get new faucets because they couldn't get the blood off of them You know, oh my god But what really put the children of thunder into the stew was the Mormon white witch Deborah McClanahan
Starting point is 01:18:47 Should have just let her be a porn star. Mm-hmm when she found out that the X-Men Denny's alibi She'd helped create was for a double murder She flipped as fast as she possibly could She told cops that they definitely hadn't gone with her to see the X-Men nor had they gone to Denny's that night And I would have remembered yeah, of course You never forget a Denny's trip and she immediately gave them access to her safe Which held checkbooks belonging to the Steinman's and the gun used to kill Ginny Villarin and Jim Gamble and to top it all off When they finally tracked down the ten thousand dollar test check that Don Godman had forged and deposited in a Selina
Starting point is 01:19:25 Bishop's account right after the Steinman's had been murdered. It was found that Dawn had misspelled the name Steinman Now in the lead up to the trials it seemed like the children of thunder were gonna stick together But just before the trials began Don Godman flipped and gave a full confession in order to avoid the death penalty That's why we know everything that we know about the children of thunder and honestly I kind of think that that's why we don't know a lot of the details about the children of thunder Because I don't think Don has like great recall I don't know if dawn
Starting point is 01:20:22 Should have been the secretary of the cult but sometimes that's where you get to sometimes that it's who shows up again You know, what are you gonna do? Yeah bag? No, does it Annie Potts? She's no Annie Potts. She's no Annie Potts. That's right Well for her cooperation. She got 37 years to life 19 days after dawn flipped Justin changed his plea from not guilty to not guilty by reason of insanity Okay, hear me out. I'm not guilty by reason. I'm a dog I'm a dog. I'm actually a dog. How would I know? I'm just a dog. I'm only as good as my trainer But it was very easily proved that Justin was not insane just stupid and weak
Starting point is 01:21:02 However during the trial Justin did become somewhat unmoored at one point near the end He started saying an open court that he wanted this life to be over that he just wanted to die Sure, go for it and when the judge said that this wasn't the time for such statements Justin seriously said quote I'm not trying to be rude or anything. I just want to die Just one die, please You know, you'll have plenty of time to think about it And even though Justin did eventually get the death penalty for his part in the murders He didn't wait for the state to carry out the sentence in 2010
Starting point is 01:21:38 Justin attempted suicide by ramming pens into both of his eyeballs There's actually so many better ways to even do that I made a bit of a miscalculation You did again Came away with blindness and brain damage Yeah, can I get a do-over? At least put it in your frickin ear or something There was however just enough function left for Justin to hang himself and he did so in 2013 While being incarcerated at Sam Quinton as far as Taylor Helzer goes though
Starting point is 01:22:14 He tried a different gamble just before his trial He switched his plea from not guilty to guilty and did so without any deal in place The gamble did not work and Taylor Helzer was sentenced to death for the five murders He committed to this day. He sits on death row in Sam Quinton where he tells psychiatrists that his schemes failed Because he didn't hear God Correctly, what if he's right? Well, he definitely did If there is a God this isn't one of his plans
Starting point is 01:22:49 No, you know, but you know, it's so funny the game of telephone Mm-hmm And even with it for people you're gonna start hearing mixed mixed messages Honestly, what he came down. I realized I was just listening to God's friend. Isn't that insane? It turns out it was just Eric Clapton's Most recent album the whole time. Oh my God nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was really horrible. Um, what a fucked up story Children of the thunder. I'm children of thunder. I'm so pissed. I'm so pissed. Mm-hmm. I'm just pissed at that Oh, yeah, you should be you know, like I'm sorry about infuriating people. Yeah Yeah, it really is and it's just very sad that they with the power of sheer stupidity
Starting point is 01:23:24 And confidence in confidence and confidence. Yeah, and and they ruined Maybe they were all intertwined. Yeah, I think so. I think there is a they're all together in one big family It's a mawage. Um, but wow, I'm so glad we learned that we got in deep I learned a lot about S therapy as well. You know, all it should it's very very intense sure But next week we got a relax fit coming then we're going to the high seas Yeah, the first time we're fraying into a in a realm of history that we've never Very excited. All right, so we're where you're the most comfortable hugs in your sweatpants for the next episode relax Want to thank everyone who came out to our shows in Boston and mash and tuck it Connecticut
Starting point is 01:24:07 You all were just absolutely wonderful. It was such a great time. Thank you And yeah, we'll be on the road check out last podcast on the left.com check out check out our tour schedule and speaking of check out We've got we are going coming to the Rhyman all of LPN is coming to the Rhyman Theater in Nashville This is it is June 18th every member. I think I know what's gonna be there yelling at you See your faces and we're so fucking excited. It's gonna be a big night. Yeah, you'll be able to see Ed Larson Ben kissle Henry Zabrowski hold a McNally all Eight of our nipples all eight nipples and then you got Marcus
Starting point is 01:24:49 Small the real small you are not going to see my wife snipples But she will be there killing a dog all because we're gonna be doing a special no dogs in Yeah, man, it's gonna be fucking sweet. I'm so excited everybody. Who's anybody is gonna be there. Absolutely All right, everyone will thank you so much for supporting everything we do and yeah Keep on supporting the shows here on the network. Hail yourselves. Hey, let's hit it again I'm a goose deletions. Don't kill anybody. Please. God. It's not right to do. I mean, you know again have a plan though Yeah, I mean that's like being like I'm on a diet. I'm on the seafood diet It's stupid. Yeah, it's true. It's true
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