Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 50: 50th Episode Halloween Spooky Story Extravaganza!

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

On this special Halloween edition of Last Podcast: 4 of our friends come by to tell us the spookiest stories they've got the creep the hell outta ya when you're alone at night!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Ready Do we put headphones in if you want it? I want a head phone You gotta be able to find Henry I'm not gonna Know those are the wrong ones the ones that are right here. There are ones right in front of your face They're right there. They are six inches away from you. All right. Welcome to the show. I'm not a fucking detective I'm a podcast comedian. Uh-huh. All right. That's Marcus Brice. I bet Gizzle with us as always

Detective Henry's a brown spot. You weren't a detective thing to find I can find it What you tell me to find something especially if it's directly in front of my face I'm gonna find a living shit out of you. You couldn't find the head. Oh, no, no, it's cuz I wasn't getting paid to find it Oh, right. Give me a check to find something up find it even it's inside you and I'm talking to you ladies Oh, I don't think I have a feeling they might not be paying you for that. Let me find what's inside you ladies I think it's Hyman. Ah Very nice Detective Henry Zabrowski. We'll speak it of a disgusting things and creepy scenarios today We're gonna be doing a little segment called scenario

Audio scenario scenarios. We're doing a little program called D celebrity deal is celebrity hauntings Oh, and by the way guys, happy 50th episode. Oh, is this two farts for your 50th episode Yeah, my grandfather just got two bullets in the back of his head. Why it's not true. It's no, okay Yeah, so we're gonna we're gonna be interviewing a bunch of our good D list celebrity friends and we're gonna hear some of their tales and We're gonna allow them to speak uninterrupted uninterrupted Henry's uninterrupted Henry Zabrowski. I don't interrupt This podcast good good. I like it. So yeah, do we want to talk about?

It was obviously based off the that show on bio where the next celebrity ghost stories or whatever when you know It's all like washed up soap stars from the 90s, but we got some real legitimate people coming in to talk to you guys today Absolutely because people I know are craving more knowledge about the stars of cave comedy radio Yes, some of the people that you get to see more of their inner world. That's right ghost world. That's right I have no haunting stories This is why I'm bring people in because it's like I don't I never seen a ghost ghost won't appear to me apparently I'm not sensitive. Nope. I don't just like what do you mean? But detectives have to be very sensitive to the surroundings around them. Oh, no, no, I just bash my way through mysteries

Kick open doors and push women down and find things interesting. That's what I like it I the closest thing that I have it to a haunting is that there's a Ouija board that I'm staring at right now And we used to play with one when I was in high school and we had a gal named deb deb And she would make the cat go crazy and she nearly killed my friend Josh cons. He was putting chips all over the Ouija board I think he dabbed his balls on it at one point You supposed to have a we're gonna have a Ouija board story here as well soon fantastic I truly believe in the Ouija board and he was driving home one night and a whole bunch of different things started happening with this car Cars coming towards them started turning off their headlights and deer running all around. Anyway, he was very very terrified

But over on my friend crazy Christian Pete, he saw a ghost in Stevens Point, Wisconsin And he was so convinced that it was a ghost that he became an evangelical Christian Which doesn't mean anything. That's not it's not a reason. We talk about it a little bit at the end of Edward's Story, and mine was I when I was about seven or eight years old. I saw a green goblin not the Marvel villain Spider-man villain I'd take Cole J. Jota Jameson. This is a story. Yes now I was I was staying at my cousin's house in Lubbock, Texas. It was late at night I woke up and I looked outside of his suburban neighborhood and I saw on the street in this little cul-de-sac a

Large green pig demon. It was more of a it was a blob But it had like a pig's head, but it also looked like kind of ogre-ish So it was like a pig goblin Do you think they're a goblin pig if you're a random Texan man fucked a pig and they had a baby and then the baby escaped The basement. It was me. Kill me It was glowing. It was glowing as well. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, it had a little horn. Yeah, sure. Sure. Yes Yeah, I believe it. I was not asleep. I was not asleep. It was not a dream I never said that you were asleep or that it was I tried waking up my cousin. He wouldn't wake up

He was under the goblin spell. Oh, oh, interesting The one thing the creepy thing that I did discover was I Was a part of a group of friends and I I make internal noises when I talk It just started happening. Yeah today really it's the past few weeks. It's a sausage cheese biscuit That's handle. Okay, and this is one thing So we meet around 11 o'clock in the morning to record and Henry comes downstairs jolly as an apple Apple had a personality. They'd be very very happy What's everybody? Oh, what's that? What's happening to Henry and then Henry says, oh

Sausage and cheddar muffin right here, and then he took a bite And man, I've never seen a human being be more of like the living interpretation of the statement pig and shit In the dookiest shit you were loving your life And I didn't it's dip the sausage muffin should have been hot. Yeah, so he was a little bit unhappy Yeah, cuz it was just kind of like a slimy ball of sausage fat all mixed into cupcake mix. Yeah, so that was um Sometimes sweetly fits it out of the park and sometimes they don't great coffee shop But they me and my friends you in elementary school into middle school

You see do this thing called monster club that we were all because that like super morbid little children We used to dress all in black and like I had the whole like what was it the mysteries and ancient mysteries the book series The mysteries magic and mystery magic. Oh myth magic and I had that whole set Yeah, and we used to sit on a man myth and magic and we used to sit and read those and like talk about stuff and the The only thing that I had two scary things that happened and one was and I think I've talked about this on the podcast before where there is During when I was growing up in Queens in Woodhaven. There was a giant It was a very white neighborhood for a long time because it was owned by the mob and that was like a thing

so it's like in their braces and Black people would live there and then they left because basically when Gotti died the whole like the whole like temperature of the room changed You know and he at the time there was an influx of Haitian like population that moved in the neighborhood And they brought with them their religion. So like a part of that was like there I think I think no you did talk about I've never but we you know We went and we discovered me and a friend of mine because there was all these being are the arrest being made about like animal cruelty and stuff like that because they sacrifice animals in their church practices and We walked out in the middle of Forest Park in Queens and found a big log circle stained with blood

Everything was stained with blood that was a crime scene That was like a voodoo practicing area and another thing we did is we made our own Ouija board out of a sheet of loose leaf paper because we were really into magic and stuff like that We were kept we would like do spells and stuff like that But nothing ever worked and I mean so it's just must have been so difficult for you growing up to fight off all the pussy That's because every girl wanted to know we had girls in the group though Okay, the girl I was desperately in love with and then I gave her a secret admirer note Right on Valentine's Day, and she met me at a place, and I wore a beret and this

Like jacket this like smoking jacket that I had gotten and I was like 13 said because if we had her in that would be her ghost story I Used to wear a beret a lot I went through a period where I was wearing braids. Oh, well, we won't talk about it again. No, that's fine I'll just forget about that. I was I went through a period where I wore top hats all the time. It's okay Yeah, okay, we all did dumb gay things. Yeah, it was junior high. Yeah, I was looking for an identity I was trying to be dramatic. Yeah me too. I just I just like top hats. Yeah, they're yeah, I had a big purple bra. Yeah That's I had a big green top hat. I had a character. I played called the flying grape

It was my friends. That's true. That is true ways to play this character He's have a purple hoodie as I put it on my head and go like I'm the flying grape and they would laugh and laugh I was popular. I'm sure it was very there was a period of time where I was I was I was innocent and pure I Mean you're nothing but innocent and pure now so no we did this Ouija board we we created this circle and we put out the Ouija board and We were asking it questions and then the Ouija board set on fire That's what I remember is that the Ouija board caught on fire and we threw it out. We threw it out, but Someone probably just set it on fire. It's possible. I mean that's the thing I'm so confused because going back to the Ouija board

We were playing it in my friend Aaron Sane's house and we were like change the DVD play around We had all the remote controls on the table and then the DVD tracks just started like skipping randomly Maybe somebody hit it on shuffle Yeah, it was very very possible, but at the time it was so unbelievably terrible through the window Constantly and we're like isn't this Pantera isn't this fucking new sepulchre album So we burnt that Ouija board the only time I ever tried doing a Ouija board when I was a kid I was at my friend Julie's house and it was like there was three of us me and Julie and ginger and

We were all trying to play the Ouija board and in the middle of it like we were asking it questions and it started moving and ginger Screamed at the top of her lungs and ran out of the room and wouldn't come back inside Nice, and that's how you got Julie alone No, I pushed it down and I worked a skirt up two ways Well that was 15 years of unrequited love All right, well the stories that we have in from our de-celebrities are gonna be much better than the three that we've shared So let's just kick it over to some of them now Hi, my name is Ashley Brooke Roberts

You might know me from a bar show in Brooklyn called Everyday Dirt that I ran at a place that was closed down because of cocaine I'm here today to tell you a couple of stories The first one is a paranormal experience that I had with my best friend in the woods a couple years ago It was the winter solstice and we were planning a sort of witchy celebration To ring in the new year We put together a bunch of candles and rocks Some like herbs pot and sage and things to burn in our ceremony We had planned it for like a week to just really set the stage for a good year ahead of us

We went we got some oil lamps. We went into the woods around midnight. This is in North Carolina It's on her family's old farm So it's about 200 acres of woodland And it was winter so all the leaves are you know off the trees We walked for maybe a mile mile and a half We found a good spot in an old riverbed and we set up shop. We walked out our circle. We put stones around it We sort of cleansed the circle by burning sage We said a couple of words and then we got down to really have we put out like a little

Shrine of like our favorite objects like a turtle shell and a fox skull and some feathers And we sat down to have our ceremony Which involved getting high We smoked some pot just to like break down that fourth wall fifth wall sixth wall Break down a lot of walls. We're trying to break down some walls and It worked because It had been very clear to me when we were in the woods It was just like the two of us and we were talking and we were chatting and then once we sat down and got high

There was this feeling I've never experienced before which is Prior to that it felt like we were alone in the woods and then when we got high It's felt like we were at a humongous party that we hadn't realized And we had just been walking through this party and no one was paying attention to us because we couldn't see them and Then all of a sudden we could see them and it seemed like everything turned and looked at us like oh you see us now And it felt very much like we weren't alone and then Sarah started saying some words to Start like you know, this is our intentions. This is the purpose and she ended by saying

We now invite the spirit of the woods into our circle And as soon as she did that We heard a howling, you know far off and I said Sarah what was that and she said that was a coyote and as soon as she said that was a coyote We heard it about five feet away from us howl again and We heard the leaves around us move and we both jumped up and grabbed all of our stuff and started running and We heard continuous coyote howling as we ran back the mile and a half to her house

the timing of that whole thing was like like terrifying Goose bump inducing just because it was literally So often the distance in the first howl and the second howl was right next to us And then there were no coyotes heard on her land again for a long long time And then the other thing that I have is there is a barn on my family's land that has a lot of History it's been there for about 200 years and it's always been a little Creepy, but it got super weird and a lot of stories about this barn came out after my great-great-uncle

hung himself in the barn after the Civil War and Soon after that like Then ten years after that Two different times a goat was spotted in the barn in the middle of the barn Sort of under where he had hung himself and we don't have goats. We've never had goats none of the farms around us have goats and goats are symbols For Satan so it like really freaked out my family the first time it was spotted was by a kid

Who ran back and was like there's a goat in the barn which is weird? And then all the adults ran there and there was no goat The kid had was playing hide-and-seek and ran around the side and ran like face-to-face to the goat That was just standing in the middle of the barn and then an adult saw a goat Ten years later in the same spot Also, there's like an old dead oak tree next to that barn that had been there for for as long as anyone could remember and When my nine-month pregnant mother was getting out of a car with a bunch of people and

Walking to that the old house, which is like next to the barn on top of a hill a Giant swarm of bees came out of the oak tree and chased my pregnant mother and no one else in the group Just my nine-month pregnant mother into the house It wasn't even like she was near the tree or walking by the tree It was like came out and ran after her and there's been like a lot of reports of moaning coming from the barn like never screaming but People have heard someone moaning like they thought it was someone was hurt in the barn or something like that and

When I was in high school I really wanted to spend the night in the barn and record sounds and everyone in my family was like absolutely not There's no way that we're gonna let you spend the night in there So that's that those are my stories. Oh, yes, very good. Very good Terrified very funny very funny story. It was well. This is great. So you were out in the woods. I Don't know. How was the weed dude? Do you think it was mainly the weed? There was a lot of the weed involved Do this it was a regular thing like that's happened many many times that we go out in the woods and get stuck

Cuz you know Alice been that creepy Alistair Crowley says that we blocks magical impulses. Oh, really? That's his like he He's wrong about a lot of stuff, but don't tell him that to his face my guard cut my nose. Oh We just got injured while doing a podcast if you wanted to know how out of shape it was a Browsky is It's good. So that's very exciting. So how long were you in the woods doing your seance before the coyotes? Nearly ate you. I would say good 30 40 minutes. Okay, and this was so this was like the fourth or fifth time you and your friend have gone out to the woods to summon The devil. Oh, yeah, well, no, I would say way more than that Like we've been doing it pretty regularly since high school

And was this one of the first times that you ever actually sort of experienced something that you felt was paranormal actually real We've experienced other things that were always positive. This is the first thing that was not positive and It was a couple of things one is that she you know She did say like we invite the spirit of the woods into this Circle which has never been done before because you're very lucky Ted Nugent didn't just come God damn it because you have a circle to protect you so you never invite stuff into it Okay, she invited stuff into it and there is you know Did you see things when you say that or do you felt like the presence of that you were like in some party that you were invited to

Which also reminds me of Mr. Norrell and what's the new mr. Norrell and Jonathan strange. Yes. Yeah, the party they'll go to yeah in the fairy land I didn't see anything, but it did feel like all of a sudden it was like boom We're not alone. Yeah, you know, you're just like with someone you're talking to him You're very much wrapped up in that connection and then this felt like oh, there's like 80 million things around us And they all see us, but we're just not paying attention to that Yeah No, does the coyote have anything else to do with like anything with your family or like like is there stories of coyotes like any other time?

Like does it like is it a symbol to you? It's not a symbol to me, but She there is a graveyard on her family land and it turned out we were sort of near the graveyard So we hadn't known that because we were walking in the dark, you know, we didn't really know Because I also imagine you and her like like branches in your hair like walking out just like I just like you remember the last time We went and we did the witch ceremony and nothing happens. Like, you know, it's always I hope you find some berries Yeah, I do too. You remember that time we found a pumpkin. I do. Yeah, it was kind of like that. I mean that sounds very innocent and sweet. No, it is. It's very nice and good. That's basically what it is. Yeah, and we talk about like what we want and like, you know, how we feel about the year and stuff So it's always been good, but I don't know if coyotes have anything to do with her. I should I should look up as like coyotes in like ghost lore or something like that.

I wonder usually the coyotes usually in Native American lore is usually some sort of God Can you tell us isn't it also like a guide to to like it could be a guide to the spirit world. It can be a trickster God Marcus, could we ask you that question and could you answer the Native American voice? The coyote is mostly a trickster God in many Native American cultures That does sound real. That doesn't anything sounds real Some say some say that the great coyote pissed off I pitched out the world and created all of us Ew, so I'm coyote piss? Yes

Alright, that explains the smell. It's the glue the bonds. A coyote is my spirit animal. Oh really? Yeah, he was Marcus. I just desperately trying to sleep with the young version of you College was a strange sign for me. I traveled around a lot Well, that's good. Well, I'm happy to survive the New York coyote demon attack And and the ghost story which just reminds me of holding in a ghost mask wandering through the barn going like Ew Well, I did enjoy the the barn ghost story indeed. So your uncle was in the Civil War. Was he Union or Confederate? What do you think? I was getting answers here. I'm just getting answers here

You never know what I traveled It wasn't my uncle. It was my great great great uncle. You know, just so we know She's not a seven year old That's right. What am I going to yell that for? I didn't fucking hold slaves like your family did But no, I think that's really interesting. Then you had a goat that appears right underneath where you hung himself That was what was really creepy to me. Baphomet Yeah, it's very very possible and if he was a Confederate soldier it is possible that he was in hell So I mean that's kind of fascinating again

It just sounds like that whole that whole area everything that was touched by the Civil War is always like drenched with ghosts Yeah, it was a bad one. Yeah, it's what Afghanistan is gonna be like real soon. Oh, yeah You know how haunted the deserts have again of Afghanistan are oh god, but ghost is exploding They're so hot all the time and no one's around. Oh, what there is no sadder existence It's just been a lonely ghost in the desert event of Afghanistan except being an open mic comedian in Cleveland Yeah, that would be the other one open mic But thank you so much for scaring us with your tails. Yeah, no problem. I really enjoyed it All right, that's Ashley Brooke Roberts everybody you're gonna make my chair smell so nice

Oh I'm sitting in Henry's chair Are you gonna sniff the chair? Do you sniff those chairs? Are you a seat sniffer? No, are you a closet seat sniffer? Oh my god I'd like to get to know people Like a dog Hello, my name is Ed Larson. You might know me from the round table a gentleman and I had a small spot on This Nintendo

A 3ds show I was Balthazar. It's called 3ds It could be also known as a 3ds 3ds 3 idiots Seven people downloaded it onto their Nintendo 3ds Seven? I think a hundred and seven All right, so anyway, I got a couple weird little ghost stories Whenever I tell them I always preface it, you know, like I don't know I don't know if it's real But the shit was weird and it happened to me

So the first one is I was walking I was I was walking out of my bedroom with my buddy Corey He was sleeping over we were like 12 or 11 and we walked out of my bedroom I looked down this long hallway and there's a man sitting in my father's chair And it was a weird blue outline of a dude and we were just like hey dad No answer and then of course like hey Mr. Jerry, what's going on? Just no answer and then as we walked closer the figure disappeared And then we just went to the other room and went to sleep And then I was scared you know what we were going to do, you know, so that's that story

And then that same house a lot of it was a brand new house It was a brand new development we're all the first people to live in that development But a lot of people who lived in that development always complained about ghosts And abnormal things happening to them in their homes I used to always you know I might you know lots of doors shutting It's a brand new house no windows are open you know so there's no reason for doors to be shutting And closets opening and stuff like that Now it always misplaced things for weeks on end then all of a sudden they'd be sitting on top of my television

Or right on top of my desk I could be a moron But you know this is all stuff that really freaked me out One time I was talking to my buddy on the phone And all of a sudden the front doors just started shaking violently And then I went and I was like I was like yo you here you fucking with me right now And he's just like no no no I was like open the front doors nothing there I was like alright okay And then I was like I shut the doors and immediately they just started shaking violently again

And then I looked out the door and there was no one there I was like yo bro something fucking weird is going on And I was like I'll call you back I hang up the phone and then I look outside and there's the sliding glass doors They start shaking and there's no one on the other side but they just start shaking violently And freaking me the fuck out So that's everything that really happened in that house but the other real scary stuff When I grew up at St. Joan of Arcatholic Church there was a graveyard behind our school And so basically any time you looked out the classroom window you were looking into a graveyard We used to sit there and stare at funerals and stuff during our spelling class

It was very confusing for all of us One day after Boy Scouts one night we were driving home And the same kind of thing a blue shadowy figure was standing in the middle of the road And me and my mom and my dad we were driving and me and my mom were just like stop stop there's someone in the road There's someone in the road stop the car stop the car and my father drove through the person And then me and my mom started screaming out of our minds My dad didn't see anything and we were just screaming out of our minds like you just hit somebody with the car We get out and look and there's no one there and it's nuts and then we get back into the car

And then all of a sudden the locks on the car just start going up and down like fucking crazy And then we just went home Fast forward I don't tell anyone this fucking story Fast forward I'm 16 years old I'm driving with Tim Dean our buddy Tim Dean And we're driving right past that same cemetery And then he's just like Eddie watch out there's someone in the road and it was he's like I was like what I didn't see nothing And then he was just and then I drove by and he was like dude there was like a fucking dude It was like a shadowy blue like dude in the road I never told him the fucking story

And then he was same exact block same graveyard and so that was fucking that freaked me the fuck out That's insane That is absolutely insane it's a great story I think there's certain people that I think there's certain people who are attracted to ghosts like our friend Natalie our beautiful friend Natalie Who she has always experienced ghost activity and here's the person who just always sees it So this happened in two different houses or three? That is one of them's in a this all that happened in one house And then the other thing happened outside of the same graveyard

That's so amazing have you experienced any hauntings other than in that house? Yeah there's one other there's one other thing my aunt my whole family is very obsessed with ghosts and feels like And very connected your mom's like that yeah my mom and my aunt My mom too yeah and my aunt's old place on bachelor avenue in Linden New Jersey where like two blocks from Elizabeth Bachelor Avenue She just went there to find a single man they're all married What is this bullshit It's right next to Irony Street

So the upstairs of this house was haunted nothing really happened on the bottom level but the upstairs of this place was haunted They always complained about it and I spent my summers there and I remember the haunting was There was three bedrooms and an attic upstairs and like a loft space where we all played Atari And in the middle bedroom was the most concentrated of the hauntings And there was always a dude in the closet and then in the attic area were two little kids And sometimes you would hear like you know kids or whatever and I swear to God you know also I'm five You know so I could be way up there you know but you know but like you know I mean I saw Goblin when I was seven exactly yeah you never know

Exactly Kill your parents Wait wait so Marcus looking in the mirror So there's this like I wake up and there's just like a dude at the end of my bed in the middle haunted bedroom And so we're freaking out we don't know what's going on you know I run out of the room screaming You know I go into my cousin Christie's room and I just hug her until like I go to sleep With you

No no no she's a big girl I mean really That's why he was able to go to sleep so quickly Nothing better than getting scared and hugging a big girl The graveyard story actually reminded me of a story I haven't thought about in years of mine where I went through The graveyard that we used to drive past to my grandparents house I always remember as a child again I was like seven I also think there's just something about how kids perceive the world and you're just open to different energies

It's just like what you are your brain's warming Exactly But I was like every time we drove past the cemetery I used to get so scared because in the cemetery These bowls of light would rise like up and down like like Fireflies Fireflies Fireflies Were they fireflies? Did Eddie just solve this entire ghost story?

It's like we busted Ashley's by saying it's pot and coyotes in the forest But let me let me finish this is actually the scariest one in my opinion even though I'm not directly connected to it That's as far as my connection goes to it But the hauntings Is the one at your aunt's house? Yeah my aunt's house in New Jersey The hauntings were getting stronger and stronger and stronger and my mother was up there for a while Just you know staying with them for a week because my grandmother was sick

And she claims that you know no one disputes it that she was pushed down the stairs She fell down the stairs but she claimed that she was on top of the stairs and she was staying in that same bedroom And that's your aunt Patty That's my aunt Patty and my mother was the one pushed down the stairs Oh yeah your mom is a fun woman but I don't think she'd lie about being pushed down the stairs And this is also before she lost her mind So she was still like she was pretty sound of mind still at this point in her life And she came out of the middle bedroom and she was standing at the top of the stairs

And then what she just falls that's kind of ridiculous She felt like she was pushed and she ended up at the bottom of the stairs She broke her nose She broke her nose Yeah absolutely fell down Luckily she just fell down a flight of stairs Luckily that's the only thing that happened But you haven't you haven't experienced anything since then

Or you haven't experienced anything in New York No I haven't felt anything in a decade at least But I think it makes it The thing about this story that gets even crazier is that after that happened my aunt you know was gung ho She's like we're gonna figure out what the fuck's going on you know because it's been happening for years The kids are screaming at night you know these you know there's Yeah people are getting scared all over this fucking house something something is going on Yeah so they they bring in the clairvoyant person

And they bring her to the house and she immediately just starts going off you know just they're going crazy She's like she's like it's coming from here it's coming from the middle room There is a man and then they went to public records and checked all of it and it was like pretty right There was a man who worked for the mafia who hid who like who was hiding money in the fucking mob Came and killed him and his two kids Whoa so it's an actually Yeah so there's a real backstory here And you saw kids and you saw the man

Yeah we would hear the kids I never saw the kids I would hear kids coming out of the attic I would hear little kids and sometimes I think it'd be my cousin But then all of a sudden I look and my cousin be like somewhere else You know but and so there was all that going on Then they brought it up they looked it up in records like it happened there And then the lady mentioned that the mafia guy was hiding money Or whatever you know so of course my aunt tore the house apart

Trying to find the money Trying to find all that sweet ghost candy There's money in here I know it for a fact Penny would you just calm down for a god damn second I didn't go through all this but nothing Alright I mowed this Just my aunt with the back of a hammer digging into a fucking wall Yeah

But then She just finds a skeleton But then the freakiest part of the whole thing is you know fast forward We're out to this is I'm 17, 18 We're at Olive Garden It's me, my aunt, my cousin and Noelle And Noelle was And I got to the end of the all you can eat

It's possible I'll eat Olive Garden I was spooked so bad I shit my pants It's crazy But we were sitting there and once again this has happened again We were in the house and we're talking about the house And then my cousin we weren't even talking about the ghost We were just talking about the house

And my little cousin Noelle she's like six at the time She lived there until she was three She's like I miss the kids I used to play with Oh that's so fucking creepy dude Yeah we're like what? What'd you say? She's like the kids I miss the kids that I used to play with at the house Oh Jesus

The kids are the worst Your aunt ended up moving out of the house They were already moved out when she said this to us This was the They did move out Was the ghost infestation a major reason for moving or? No no they got money and got out of the ghetto No

This is good good This is also when the ghetto very candy managed Oh and one more thing about the house The reason that the room went unchecked for so many years Is because the person who lived in the room Would scream constantly but it was my retarded uncle Really? Yeah yeah

Would live in the room and he would scream all the time Gross Yeah yeah He wasn't retarded Yeah I know but like that's what like ended up being figured out But like they didn't check on anything for the longest time Cause it was like oh it's just He screams himself to sleep naturally

Yeah and so it went so long that no one But yeah we never could rely on anything he said What were some of the random rants that he would go on? I don't know I wasn't around for that shit I lived in Florida But yeah I know that was the one thing I forgot about the house That's amazing Poor guy

Poor fucking guy already retarded and no one believes him But the goddamn ghost had her haunting his dreams The man comes in the night and he puts me around And it was like he's a fucking retarded He needs to eat more eggs This room smells like death Yeah more eggs Well cause it also it would fuck some

Fucks them cause he's not like retarded retarded He's got the mentality of a 12 year old and he can't get past that He can't learn anymore He's done learning But then he slowly went blind and deaf And so this is during the period when he's going blind and deaf Where he still can kind of hear and kind of see Oh yeah so he's just the most unreliable witness in the face of the planet

But he's constantly being viciously haunted Cause you know what's also ghost will haunt him harder It's like the girls are like playing on his bed while he's laying where And the man standing there like pointing him going like You did it Well it makes sense that It makes sense that if he was a ghost hiding money Or something like that or hiding a certain something in that bedroom

He'd be very jealous of anybody like if you were in that room If it was a full like when it was a child in that room Maybe not so much or a woman in that room Maybe not so much But when it's a full growing man in that room Oh yeah The ghost probably felt very very threatened And it would you know it probably it probably went after him the hardest

So god knows what happened to him If that god didn't retard spent all my money on Legos I'm gonna be so pissed off It was like I was walking I was walking with my girlfriend down the street the other day And I saw that I was It was like one of those things There was this acute scarecrow like acute scarecrow like like laying on thing

And I was like you know if that thing was real It'd be fucking terrifying It was imagining like the most terrifying thing that you can see Was just like big like Hey everybody hey I was trying to scarecrow Hey Just imagining being in your retarded cousin The uncle's like a room and he like the man's like

His skins flight open like a giant bat Like his ribs are talking at him and stuff like Ah yeah That's pretty on it in there Yep But I'm supposed to milk Good ol' Uncle Eddie Yeah you were named after him right

No I was named after my grandfather He was also named after Oh My child will never be born So I won't have to worry about it That's cool So it's weird though So have you spoken with your parents at all about the

About the ghost that you saw Next to the graveyard that your father ran over My mother does not remember it And I don't talk to my dad I know the first story was like your father was in the chair And then he was gone and I was like Eddie are you sure this isn't just like an analogy For your relationship with your dad

And he just rocks his dad's little chair Back and forth to pretend like he's in it No that's sad But it's probably better that it was a ghost And not an actual person Otherwise your father would be in prison For killing somebody in a car Yeah

Absolutely That's a bright side Well that's a truly Three, four truly terrifying stories No those are all really fucking scary Those are my ghost stories That's amazing And you are not convinced of ghosts right now

I mean I don't believe in anything At all But ghosts and spirits are the one thing That I will believe in Because it's the one thing that pretty much Every culture and religion does believe in spirits You know you go to There's something to it

They came from somewhere These ideas come from somewhere Indians, like Muslims Everyone Everybody believes in fucking spirits And so there's gotta be something to that You know it doesn't like People get pissed just like

Oh you believe in ghosts But you don't believe in God And I was like well you know It makes more sense Yeah the fact that ghosts exist Means there's no heaven There's no hell we all stay here We're stuck on this eternal fucking earth

And it's awful But no I just think Because your energy goes somewhere Energy is created like events It's like just the fact that like Our brains are filled with electricity It's like that goes somewhere when you die It shoots into your environment

I always believe that that energy Is what actually makes someone's personality Yes Because otherwise we'd all be the fucking same right I guess so We all have different personalities If we all didn't have different energy Coming out of our bodies

I guess that's got a lot to do with it It's how it's also made You know it's like we're mostly fueled by Grease Cheese I'm going to work in a cheese steak place Later today There we go

Well that's great Can you think of anything that was That you lost as a child That you were very very happy That ghosts returned to your dresser I had this one other story I'll tell one more story This could be

I was going to see ID4 with my buddy And I'm jamming You were the most haunted man I am Yeah yeah yeah And I was you know The worst in the world's most haunted man And I had a book

Sitting on top of my My speaker And I was listening I was listening to filter Real loud You know Just jamming on a filter As was the style at the time

That was it Is that the fool's golden No not that one The album of short bus The album before that Hey man nice shot Yeah Yeah songs fucking awesome

Still awesome anyway And so The book fell off my speaker And I'm like alright But it like felt pretty far It was like in the middle of my room You know and so it felt pretty far And so I was like ah you know

That's weird Whatever Put it on top of my speaker I leave the room And I come back And then the book's on top of my bed Which is clearly on the other side Of the room

And so I was like alright Tim Not Tim Different Tim Yeah And I was like alright Tim Time to go I just grabbed him And I was like that's ridiculous

You really did have a childhood of Tim's Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah and just jovial ghost Playing really fun practical jokes I just wonder what happened At the development I wonder what the fuck it was Well it was a plantation

Holy fuck man Wow Oh Jesus yeah You had the most haunted A poor fucking It was the land Development on a slave ground Yeah yeah

That's awful They are still mad It was a They're really upset about it They should be It was a It was a strawberry plantation Okay

Oh well that's a little better Oh like a strawberry cupcake Yeah yeah yeah I'm sure they thought it was really cute This is adorable Well it's not like I'd be really mad about Like being forced to do all this

But these berries are just a door of love They cut off your tongue if you eat them though So just look at them I mean what would you rather work on Strawberry plantation Or like say potato plantation Oh strawberry Yeah

I like potatoes Cause then you could pronounce like Oh come on the strawberry plantation The strawberry plantation Well potatoes are all You know they didn't really Were there slaves in Idaho? I don't know

Believe it or not I had no idea No people in Idaho worked Because they chose to work Well thank you so much Eddie Those stores are fucking awesome Thanks a lot That's the best

Thank you so much I appreciate you all having me Spooky Alright are you recording? Yes Okay hello I'm John Moreno From the award winning Very popular sketch comedy group

Murder Fist Other credits include Failed Actor And as I'm told Excellent waiter In a restaurant So my scary story Well it's not even a scary story

It's a real story I lived in a house I don't believe in ghosts First of all I'm going to go ahead And just say I think this is a Remarkable series of coincidences Brought on by the stress of living In a house that

Was previously owned by the devil Probably So warning signs I'll give you a setup for the house The house was In Tallahassee Florida Very old house Had a moat around it

Which was weird So you had to cross a small bridge To just get to the house And the trees It was surrounded by trees If you look at Tallahassee from above It looks like one capital building Sticking out of a forest

So the trees around that particular house Were infested with bats It was about two blocks away from a homeless shelter And Florida homeless people are very aggressive And the back door To the house led to this Like one foot by like Four foot

Concrete slab to nowhere Literally like a six foot drop off To the concrete sidewalk below And that was also Enclosed by a canopy So you could see down and look at people But people couldn't see up and see you Warning sign number one

When I tried to move in My parents helped me move in The dog, the family dog that my parents brought Would not enter the house You could not drag the dog into the house Flat out refused to enter the house It was terrified The house itself

Was that kind of old Where you could never get it clean It was just intrinsically dirty I swear you could renovate the whole thing And it would still be dirty Just at the seams It was infested with German cockroaches With the little ones, little ones

No matter how many times you got Pest control out there You could not get rid of the tiny German cockroaches And then there were The nightmares That I had frequently in the house That different parts of the house Would be on fire

I would wake up And I had very lucid dreams at the time I'd open the fridge, it'd be on fire The stove would be on fire I would wake up in the middle of the night We didn't have, it didn't have any heat North Florida houses don't have Like heating unless they're new

And so in the wintertime It would get extremely cold And I would wake up on fire Just sweating bullets One night I had a very wonderful dream I woke up And I could see

My room Kind of in 360 I don't know if you've ever been there I could see myself I was inside myself, I could see myself And everything around me was just Fire and brimstone red And like, imagine like, hearing like

Fire in your arms Fire in your arms And all of a sudden I'm lifted out of my bed Thrown against the wall Like thud, smack I hit the ground And I'm fucking terrified And I just, all I can do is like

Crawl back into my bed I get back into my bed and then Black And then I wake up And it's morning And all I can think is What the fuck happened? Oh my god, that just fucking happened

So everything kind of spearheaded In this house Oh god, there's so many different Stuff, things that happened But spearheaded one day When my roommate had a friend Staying over, kind of freeloading She was gonna be there forever

But about four days in She just Up in leaves And I go to my roommate and I go Why is she so quick to leave? I didn't even say goodbye And he goes, well, she was really freaked out She said last night while she was sleeping On the couch, she saw someone who looked

Like they had half of their body Burned off in a fire Walking in between our bedrooms And that's when we started Trading stories and it turns out We'd both been having dreams Where the house had been on fire He had also been having night terrors

Where he'd wake up hearing screaming And We did a little Research on the house And it turns out where that house had been A century or so before There used to be a big plantation Tallahassee was a big plantation

Town And there had been a slave quarters Approximately where our house had been That burned down And killed all this In happens So, you know, a lot of series of coincidences Then I moved out

And about six months later I had a friend who was still in Tallahassee Or was passing through Tallahassee Who called me up and said Hey, I just went by that house that used to live in It burned down I should have stayed there longer What would have happened?

You'd be dead I'd probably be dead And the house would just attract The most creepy people One time I was just walking up to my house And I hear from behind me You gotta help me And I turn around and there's this woman

Who's just bleeding profusely From her wrists and holding a butcher knife Walking towards me And I'm like, oh, nope, nope, nope I turn around and start walking away My roommate literally just starts running Runs inside the house and head of me and locks the door To leave me with the crazy woman with the butcher knife

And the bleeding wrist She's like, you gotta fucking help me My husband, he tried to murder me He threw me out the window And I'm like, nah, this is not Butcher knife, slashed wrist, no No, there's no husband The husband's in your mind

So I tell her, okay, I'll help you But you gotta drop the knife While my roommate's calling 911 And then she just drops and I think it's all casual It's like, hey, can I buy me a cigarette? And just starts telling me her life story While she's like, I'm like, lady, you gotta keep Applying pressure to wrist

I'd given her some claws to hold the wrist Another one of my favorites was You know, sitting in my house Playing Tekken 3, probably stone, trying to ignore The German cockroaches When I hear rapid knocking At my back door, which is the door that leads To nowhere, that's the death door

With the concrete slab to nowhere So that's startling And I just hear, hey, Troy, Dave, or your neighbor Dave, let me in, let me in And Dave's my neighbor who's also A grad science teacher at FSU at the time And I'm like, dude, what's up, why are you at my back door And he goes, oh man, it's crazy, I was walking here

And some guy just started walking next to me Going, he grabs me around the shoulder And he just starts going, hey, man, I'm your friend, right? I'm your friend, man, I ain't gonna hurt you I'm not gonna stab you, man Because we're friends, right? Because I would never do that, I would never stab you And so I just broke away from him

And I ran here And I was like, oh, you came to my house Great, that's wonderful I was just about to ask you about that story It's like, I'm a friend, man I can stab you with friends, right? Yeah, Henry does that all the time to me What's up, man?

What are you doing? We're friends, right? Yeah, I ain't gonna fucking kill you, man I ain't gonna fucking flip out and kill you, bro Well, that's great, it seems like the house Really attracted some interesting characters Especially since John, you live there You're one of the characters

Now, my first question is Were you doing a lot of acid at the time? No, surprisingly not No, surprisingly not I wish I was before I could find acid or mushrooms In Tallahassee That was actually really true, there was not a lot of acid in Tallahassee The acid was very rare in Tallahassee

You get mushrooms, but you'd have to really get In that community of people who went and literally Picked the mushrooms out in Quincy, Quincy, Florida Yeah At the Kayapades Tallahassee was more of a licking frogs-huffin-gasoline Kind of town I know it well

And that house, too, was also very Horrible, the horrible house Because Yoni, right? What's his name? Yoham Yeah, he was A strange guy Yeah, he just dipped one day, like I just woke up

And he was like a sign going like, sorry dude Couldn't do it anymore, please I want to go back to this That's a Tallahassee roommate thing What a German visitor Cockroach is an overall haunting infestation of a home Tends to drive people out No AC

It sounds awful Did you notice any physical bruises on you When you woke up the morning after You were accosted by this demon ghost Or a very obsessed slave ghost? No bruises Which is why I say again I've always been known to have weird nightmares

You've had horrible, vivid nightmares So I think I'm going to go ahead and equate it to the stress Of the house and being like a freshman in college Also I really think Especially when true traumas happen Especially in the south

The south is very haunted by all the negative things If I were to give any Hey-tay to ghosts I would say that there is Any tip of the hat Hey-tay Hey-tay Hey-tay to ghosts

Hey, how are you I would say I love you John I would say You give the energy to make them Possibly potent or dangerous That's not dangerous They're just desperate for attention

They're desperate for any sort of energy They're sad and lonely When you spoke with your roommate about Some of his more nightmarish evenings Did he have any tales that stick out in your mind That was surprisingly similar No, exactly Parts of the kitchen being on fire

That you just couldn't put out Sweating Also waking up hearing screaming Like The exact same fucking dreams Essentially I wonder if people died in the fire of the house In modern times

I wonder if it killed a family or something The place could not be rented I think I was the last idiot that rented it I think a frat that was nearby Oh yeah, they bought it They were going to expand over there It was the screams of girls being raped They ended up using it as a squatting place

That's the one thing There was just a lot of junkies When they finally cleared it out There were jars of piss and shit That's fine For some reason when you said it was full of German cockroaches I just pictured little chocolate bars With the legs

Speaking in German Excellent That seems like a selling point to me I don't know why you're upset about that I feel it's a gooey center Would you like some Nugget Would you like some caramel That's really exciting

So when you first moved into the house Did you feel like there was any energy in there Were you signing the lease Did you sign it in blood or was the realtor like Okay, sign the papers, I gotta get out of here I have another house to go sell real quick That isn't haunted I don't even think I ever met the actual landlord

All I remember is there were these two dudes Who were constantly kind of doing work On and around the house They were getting nothing accomplished These two like Oh boy Half hippy, half redneck kind of guys That looked like Vietnam vets

I don't even remember their names They were the only contact I really had My name's Turk and this is dark We do shoveling work Just sticking a shovel in the dirt Making sure that moat is nice and still there Nope, no power line there Nope, no power line there

Still a moat Hey there house Thousands of ghosts in that there house Well, you're seeing your white boy See you little Johnny Come on, give us a kiss Give us Turk a kiss I think you just want to kiss him

You just want to kiss John What he's got, he's got delicate ladies lips You didn't try and kiss all of your guests He does try to kiss quite a few of them Hey, you know I mean he's no Thomas Dale That's never Thomas Dale's got He's a rapist

That's how you classify him But yeah, I just sniffed the seats Yeah, he is a bit of a seat sniffer Oh, give it on, give it up Where's the truffles at Where's the truffles at That's right, he's a real human pierogi I'll give quite a few truffles for you

But given this past experience that you have With a haunted house, you still don't Fully believe in ghosts Alright, you're stupid I hope a ghost kills you I want to not believe in ghosts Because if I, I'm already a paranoid enough person As it is, if I believe in ghosts

I'd be constantly terrified and I would bring them Into existence to haunt me until I eventually started Killing others It's half and half, I think it's half and half We were talking about with Ed and Our friend Natalie, there are people that are Immediately sensitive to

Receiving hauntings and they It's a willful choice sort of I used to see ghosts as a kid too That's really the story that you want to talk about I always hated when kids see ghosts That's the worst, like Mama, mama, mama There's a man in the top hat in the closet

Shut up, Jeremy! My mother loves to tell the story Of how after my grandfather died That I was staring at the window And my mother was like, what are you staring at, honey? And I go, grandpa, why is grandpa up in the tree? And he, on his deathbed

Like all he Like kept saying, it was like maybe it was a weird Like He was losing his mind, but he was like I just wish I was outside in the trees I just wish I was outside in the trees There he was I was like two, so putting those two together

I don't know When I was like six or seven, I had two characters You just didn't know but your parents just had Just hung his body up in the trees There was no funeral for grandpa Well, he wanted to be up in the trees They didn't get part by the birds That's a nice Sky Burial

Have you ever seen Sky Burial? No Look it up online Yeah It's fascinating Late at night What's the newest horror film that just came out with a little girl? Sinister?

Sinister, have you guys seen that? Yeah, it was not very good Yeah, it was really sad Holden pointed out that in our Top 666 of horror movies We were like, we've already, at this point We've already seen Sinister and we loved it But guess what, Sinister blew It kind of sucked a large, large donkey dick

Oh, did you come around? No, I haven't, I don't hate the movie It just wasn't what I wanted to see I thought the whole Jewish priest thing was a weird angle to come from No, you were talking about the Possession Oh, the Possession, which also sucked This is a Jewish horror film That was also supposed to be bad

But I didn't see that one I didn't see that one Yeah, it wasn't very good Yeah We saw the Goi Sinister But anyway, you were saying? Oh, yeah, later on I had two ghosts I would see constantly And one of them I called like

His name was the Herky Jerky Man Lionel was just the big dude with the lion's head And the other one was That's just straight from Thundercats The other one I called the Tooth Fairy Because she looked like a princess And one would be in the bathroom And one would be in the closet

I hate that But I also used to sleepwalk as a kid So like, my brother would wake up A creepy, horrible, haunted child you were Just like walking around like Mama, mama Where's the Tooth Fairy? Two fairies, tell me I kill you

I kill you I kill you Yeah, but I would like wake up in the middle of the night And I would just see the lion man in the bathroom Just with his mouth open going Well, that's terrible That's gonna really fuck with your potty training That's just bad

Well, it turns out it coincided with my brother Would like snore once a night And I would wake up just in time to hear him snore And see the lion guy And then just be terrified for the rest of the evening With my like sheet above my head Like trying to wake up my brother going Mike

I remember one time I had almost died of A pneumonia when I was a kid And I was like six or seven And I remember the times I was sitting And I was like a hundred and four temperature Like laying in bed at night And my mom had finally left me alone in the room And I was sitting there like sweating and staring at the wall

And I had this like night light And the night light was going And I saw imaginary children dancing in the shadows That's kind of fun It was kind of fun They were beckoning me to come with them to the shadows To the shadows But I didn't go

To the shadows To the shadows I'm only I did though You wouldn't be here now No, I'd be dead Yeah I guess It would be a different podcast

The tooth fairy would be in the closet And I would sleep with the light on too Because I was terrified of the dark And you know in dreams you can't adjust light level So I would walk over to the closet And I would open it and close it And I'd open it and she'd just be standing in there Just kind of like smiling

And I'd close it And I'd flick the light on and off On and off And my brother would wake up in the middle of the night And of course just see a kid Five-year-old's a thrill kid Just standing there turning a light on and off You were probably sleepwalking

I was sleepwalking And that was his haunted story Yeah My brother That was his horror story Really creep me out And this is the story of the world's creepiest younger brother And Mike

You see the tooth fairy in the closet Go to bed, John Just Go to bed Go to bed You're a fucking idiot You were creeping me out right now, John Well that's really really interesting stuff

John I'm happy you got out of that house Before it burnt to the ground Yeah For sure I sort of am You are You are

You would have completed the story It's already taken the part of my soul that I wanted to Yeah Definitely Well Speaking of crazy dreams I had a dream where I had made sweet love to Emily Heller last month Wow

You gotta let this out slowly Yeah Was that a dream or was that a No Something you were thinking about Listen to baby geniuses It's company radio No we weren't making love

I was on a date with her though I thought you said you made love to her No I was exaggeration I just went on a date Secret wish Yes So yes Emily I am available

I'll be sure to tell her when I record with her on Saturday Please don't Please don't Don't she Well she's gonna listen to this right No Come on Listen to it Emily Heller

Listen to the podcast Come on It doesn't matter Well thank you John Thank you That's really fascinating stuff That was a really scary story That was very fucked up and horrible

And you've led a scary life Can I ask you one last thing Of course Have either of you ever had a dream where you were a hermaphrodite Without skin sucking your own cock You know what I have not No No

Have you by any chance Well thank you so much for having me Alright Welcome to John Marino Thank you buddy that was amazing Excited Hello I'm Justin Tyler You guys probably know me as the star of a lot of failed

Hidden camera reality series pilots Which if you're into like old VHS tapes You know about them So I have a scary story for you When I was 10 years old I have a younger brother who was 8 And a younger sister who at the time was like 4 And my other cousin Michael

It's a girl named Michael Scary already She was babysitting us And so it was also a lunar eclipse So we were sitting on the lawn I grew up in the country We were sitting on the lawn We were watching lunar eclipse

And she's like You guys ever heard the legend of Obadiah O'Reilly And we were like oh no that sounds cool And she was like well there's a castle actually In the woods not too far from here An old castle And Obadiah O'Reilly lives there And he was into astronomy

So he had a telescope in the top of his tower And one night on a lunar eclipse Just like tonight He was looking through his telescope And he saw the moon And it changed color during the eclipse And then it opened like an eye Like an eyelid opening

And an eye stared at Obadiah O'Reilly We were like whoa that's unsettling At the very least And so it drove him insane And he was like a sort of a regular guy For a guy that lives in a castle in the woods And so he waited And he built a rocket ship

All over the next couple of years Until the next lunar eclipse He built a great rocket ship Spent all his money He grew a weird long beard His clothes turned to rags He gave up on everything To build this rocket ship

Built the rocket ship Then the next lunar eclipse was happening He got in the rocket ship And he blasted off Just as the moon was changing color And got up close to the moon And then the moon opened like an eye And then another eye opened next to it

And then a nose And then a mouth And he flew in Now that's not a scary story per se That's like a weird story We were fucking terrified We were like what And we were young

But like the fact that the moon is right there We were like if it's happening here It's probably happening It's super fucked up So we're terrified And she's like She scared the shit out of us So huge success

So we went back Went back in the camp In the house And we're hanging out And all of a sudden off Like an hour goes by And off down at the end of the driveway We see this like white blur

And we're like Oh yeah, okay So that's unsettling And we're like Michael, Michael There's this blur out there And we're like Oh

And she's like Oh yeah That's probably just a dog Oh yeah Great, great excuse So we're hanging out And then we hear little Tip taps on the window

Like little like Tink, tink, tink And we're like What is that Is it raining now And then we It's like little rocks We see one of them

Like oh fuck I made rocks Because it's a castle He has a lot of rock Oh but IRL has a lot of rock access And so we're like Fuck And then

So she starts to panic And she was like A wild teenager She partied a lot Was like painted As a young child Which was like Why are you

You're not an artist yet You're like just a weird kid And so she like She immediately panics And she gives In our closet We had a gun Like a rifle

So she's like Justin Ten-year-old Justin You have the rifle If they come in Like take the shot And I was like Take the shot

So she gives And she pulls out Like a big fucking Horror knife An actual kitchen knife And gives it to My younger brother Who's eight

It's like John here And we were like What about Kate And I'm like Ah she can't Kate's my younger sister She can't wield anything So she's not important

Then Michael took Like a baseball bat And so we're like Crowded in the corner And this is As real as shit Got Especially at that age

It was like Murdered Or you're gonna die Or murder So then So then We see the white blur Gets closer

And we can't It's like running fast But it's really dark out So we can't really see And then All of a sudden We see something run By the window

The closer window And the rocks are coming At the same time We're like It's over It's too much Too much going on at once All of a sudden

The door opens And in walks This guy And Michael freaks out I At the age of ten And I'll tell you what

I pulled that trigger It wasn't loaded But I pulled the trigger If it was loaded I would have killed a person Based on a fucking moon story My younger brother Starts running at the dude

With the knife up And that's when my My cousin My other cousin Jackie Starts laughing behind the guy It was her and her boyfriend Who we didn't know And John

But John doesn't know He's like running At the guy with a knife Ready to also kill As an eight-year-old And all of a sudden Michael's like No, stop

Otherwise he would have Shed this kid's Blood At age They all thought it was funny And we were like That's when I officially Like lost hope

See, that's great It sounds like a modern-day retelling Of the heart of darkness Yeah Well, it was Where you look deep Into the pit of the madness That lies within you

And we weren't allowed to watch G.I. Joe as kids So, like, I didn't know Like, about a lot of stuff So, this really Your truly was Like, I was like I was in country

Shit I was like, yeah I had to run through the jungle That's fun I couldn't stop thinking About Obadiah O'Reilly Just basically living Henry Zabrowski's dream life

Yeah Just growing a large beard Covered in rags Going towards the moon Yeah Living like Will Smith Or like Will Smith Like Will Smith

No, at the end of Independence Day Not Will Smith, the other character Who goes up there Randy Quaid Randy Quaid Randy Quaid Often Black motherfuckers

Often confused actors Will Smith and Randy Quaid Will Smith and Randy Quaid Oh, yes Was it Cousin Randy? Yeah Not from a national impune National impune

Obadiah O'Reilly though Is like, endures in my brain Is a very real Like a thing that always pops up Do you have any sort of bad dreams About Obadiah O'Reilly? Occasionally, especially like If I'm in the woods

Like, I often see his face We grew up in the country So we're back up there a lot And I'll be walking in the woods And I'll be like And I can just catch it out of the No, the corner of your eye And you're like, fuck

Because it doesn't connect The two stories It was the same night But it doesn't connect really at all Except for it put us In this place where we could Murder as a child Yeah

Yeah, it's like Like the blood diamond armies Yeah Exactly Arms just like them Well, it said that the jungle Is within all children Exactly

Do you feel different After pulling the trigger On a man? I mean, you could have You would have killed Well, especially I was like I'm doing the right thing I'm protecting everyone

One other night I had killed a bat in the house And so it sort of It felt like the same thing Like, ah, this Getting rid of this pest This pest who's trying to Hopeful like a haunted murderer

I could kill a grown man Yeah, well, I set the gun down And I was like Mommy, I want to see a soul Leave his eyes Like, I know, I know you do And that's what I knew I was gonna get into comedy

Yeah My dad used to do the same thing We used to go up and visit Like George all the time Every every I was just up there last weekend I don't remember It's been since I

Since I was like a little kid And we used to drive And my dad used to do this thing Where he's just like You know This is also when he was a horrible drunk But he's like He used to be like, you know

A brand new sales He got these mental asylums out of him Sometimes these guys They break out They do all this stuff And then he would shut the lights off Like while we were driving He's like

They could pop out At any time And we would just scream We were just back on Ahh It looked like a horrible Like mind-bending horror What a slapdash horror story

Oh yeah Hey you kids I'm bored of driving So you ever think There's wolves everywhere There's wolves and shit They fucking watch The lights are off

They could be in your face What do you think about that, huh? And never mind Now I'm going to jerk off a little bit And the irony is like The real thing that you should have been scared of Is the fact that your father Was wasted behind the wheel

Oh we used to drive in drunk Yeah true horse It sounds a lot like my childhood Childhood Yeah my dad used to do that all the time He'd be wasted And then he'd just turn the lights off In the middle of nowhere

And there's no lights anywhere It's just pitch dark Because that's Only when you're laughing That's when it's funny Because when you're sober You know how difficult it is To drive without your lights on

Yeah exactly One little bend in the road When you're drunk you're like I'm not looking at the road anyway So what does it fucking matter If there's lights on or not But it just I couldn't ever

I'm still trying to search for the fear That I felt as a child Now I'll never Like I don't feel that But I remember just being like Ahhhh And I'm screaming But I feel like if you're scared

That much at a young age Then as you grow older You're like oh this is Nowhere near as terrifying That's what it could've been Yeah I'm a fucking The best at everything

After you've been scared That much in your kid I'm just like yeah whatever Obadiah Riley Fucking beat his ass Yeah exactly I'll pull his pants down And push him down the street

It's such a dorky story also He's into astronomy He like builds And builds a rocket ship And we were such dorky kids We were like oh fuck yeah That's good That could happen to me

Of course absolutely No it sounds like an African folk tale Like with like the moon Opening its eye You know it's like The moon is eye Yeah and Anansi was with us there The spider king danced

And we all learned a lesson Oh we all learned You never forsake a peanut butter But being mud You know like some weird Like I don't know what he said Well that's why Anansi was a riddle king He was

He was a riddle king I had a book called Anansi I had an Anansi book That I had stolen from the library And I felt like I was a little child Version of Anansi Yeah he was

What's Anansi He's a mischievous spider god He's like Loki But for African folklore And there's also a huge African tribe That does believe in the reptilian They believe that they came directly From the reptilian alien army

Well we can't even begin That conversation right now Because that's going to last about three hours We do not have time to get into The reptilian agenda at this moment We've got to We already did one whole episode About the alien agenda

Which is involved with the reptilian Like where we came from The draconian race Yeah I've learned so much more Yeah I'm excited Oh yes

I don't know I mean more nonsense I would focus on other areas You seem to be like an expert in that one Now I just have to learn about other stuff I can't really like do I can't do my taxes Yeah

But I definitely can tell you about Several different reptilian alien races And how they started different modern circles I just feel like a father at a PTA meeting With my son Like he does like his alien stories Yes he does Yeah Henry he moved to the lizard people

He's one of the lizard people He's very interesting No because that's what I keep saying I just want to be their jester Have you ever So Justin have you pointed and shot a gun At anybody else in Since

Since in your life Since then I have not I've avoided shooting guns until recently And now you're back into it Yeah Well You know they hurt when you shoot a gun Yeah

It hurts the person who shoots It's like when your father spanks you And you're like this hurts me too And it stings its hand a little bit It does sting Well like it kicks back very far Yeah You got to really get your shoulder into it

It's all about the shoulder If you try shooting a shotgun And you don't have your shoulder in the right place You know fuck yourself up real good Do you feel An accent just formed in your voice Any time I start talking about guns You get to break your shoulder right off mate

Yeah When the Texas accent comes out Is there any part of you that feels bad For not killing a person at 10 Because really that would be the last time In your life that you would be able to get away with murder You're right I mean well and also like

I don't know what like if that ever Like the police came and they were like What the fuck happened here And I'd be like Oh well the moon Yeah The moon opened up like a great eye in the sky I would be in a room just like this

Permanently Yeah If they had killed that man That's possible Plus he was like I knew that he was going to take his rocket ship To the straight to the moon Yeah

I mean I think if you explain the Obadiah O'Reilly story to the cops They'll understand They'll be like Oh yes I forgot We are inside a goosebumps knob Yeah Yeah

I also later went on to write me Yeah that's great That's great Well and yeah And it's like a shitty But it is like a shitty twist at the end And it was her boyfriend The whole time

And now he's dead Yeah Now he's a fucking lampshade We caught him up and we took out his guts And then Now we live in his skin Right and then the last line is like And then the moon winked

Winked Winked Well that's great Well that's great Because the moon was right all along Thanks Mr. Moon Yeah I thought that was a wonderful story Justin

Thank you so much Thank you for being with us on this day It's a treat Oh well nice It's because it's Halloween We have not Like this episode's coming out on Halloween And we have not mentioned it once

So enjoy lighting your votive candle And enjoy the holy Ceremonies of Samhain And hopefully you set many a fire last night Yes And burn the city to the ground Oh You guys celebrate Halloween in a lot of different ways

Yeah We go all out Some people burn down a city Whatever And goodnight to all the lizard people out there And Anansi Scream Scream

Scream Scream Thank you sir Thanks Justin Thank you guys always a pledge Ha ha ha ha Yes yes For creepy tales

From last podcast on the left I dare you to sleep now young viewer Ha ha ha ha ha Indeed they're going to have a very very hard time sleeping If you wake up in a hot sweat It's probably because there's a burnt child Running across your living room right now Go check

Go check it Get out of bed go check Go check it But you turn it off but it's on Oh no you're actually just making a pizza Ha ha ha That's fine I forgot about that pizza

What a wonderful four tales of absolute ghoulish horror I love it We had a full body apparition Which is very rare And we also had We had physical contact Made by John Moreno He was actually abused by a ghost

I haven't heard that very often You know with Ed Larson His mother got pushed down a flight of stairs Not too much ghost power there Oh no no no but that's pretty common But to actually pick up a man of I mean John Moreno is a light feather A light is a feather

He was fatter then He was fatter Yeah Oh yeah he used to be fat and bloated and awful Really Well not really fat fat But he drank a lot more More

He probably drank a lot more beer Right Now he just drinks a bottle of gin every night In order to put himself to sleep That's different that's medicine Well you have to stop the night screams And the only way to do that Is an entire bottle of gin

Anything that kills the devil in your brain That's right That's what I do That's the sign that you're a true alcoholic by the way When you switch to beer When you switch from beer to liquor Because you don't want to be fat And you don't want the social stigma

Of having like the red nose and Santa Claus drunk We're like Santa Claus drunks Yeah Yeah because we're fun Yeah we're fun We're jolly drunks I don't really need Booze doesn't make me a better person

Wontons make me a better person And your soup dumplings That you were plowing through your mouth Oh sweet sweet soup dumplings I burned my mouth so thoroughly yesterday Well yeah for those that don't know The soup dumpling It's a very controversial food

Where is it popular in? Shanghai Shanghai Oh you come on then Oh soup dumpling You make sure you eat it real good hot By your man Very hot yeah

So it's a dumpling And then it's filled with soup Which I thought was a very controversial way to serve Much like many of the horrible Horrible terrible stories we've heard Over this podcast Absolutely That soup is filled with them

That's very correct I'm good with the segues I should be a host of a show You are the host of a show We're all hosts of a show I just feel like I'm constantly a special guest Well you are a special man That's how I view life

That's good Where I'm just like On this very special episode Henry's here making shenanigans No yeah I think that that's fine Because I always feel like I'm hosting the world So it's very interesting It is strange that you do name

My credits everywhere we go I do I do I'm more of a yes I am definitely a watcher type character Yes making silent judgments Like the watchers Like David Ikes the watchers No more like Marvel comics the watcher

In which I have swore myself to never interfere Yet I constantly do Very interesting But no wonderful four terrors Four terroristic Terroristic I like that Tales Al-Qaeda level terror stories

I mean I could say myself John telling that story Just as scared as the people on like You know floor 97 On 9-11 It's like that scared Where you're like Okay I can either burn to death

Or I can jump off the 97th floor That type of fear that's what I felt You know and I don't feel like I end up fucking burning to death And there's nothing offensive about what you said You know because I definitely equate a ghost story That may or may not be true To 9-11

You know I mean I think that's fine That's a normal leap That's what you do That's all I think about from the hours of 4 And 5 p.m. every day Every action you have in life You have to be like so how does this equate to 9-11 Oh well this is like

Oh I got two sandwiches It's like the two towers And now they're gonna be gone Well that's why I only eat one Because I think because I hate remembering That's why and it's helped me lose weight It's really great You're on the 9-11 diet

Every time you want to eat two of something Just eat one And then cry off the cows That's a really controversial diet But I think it's gonna sell I have rock solid crying apps That's hard work Wow man I'm already tired

That's why abused wives look better after the relationship's over Another not controversial statement Marcus we were talking I am full of it today like a soup dumpling So you were saying that you felt like the home That you grew up in was haunted The room that I Well the people that lived in our house

Before us it was built in like the 1950s It was great we had a bomb shelter Oh awesome cool Yeah because it was built during the cold war And the nuclear bombs were gonna drop Seven miles east of Rochester, Texas Yeah population fucking 300 The goddamn commas

Are taking out the desert And they want our sands And the people that lived there before us Were named the Winchester's Yeah and Old Man Winchester I found out later on Which yeah that's what we always call them The Old Man Winchester's

I found out like years and years later God damn it kids I'm 33 The room that I Lived that I grew up in until I was about Like 14 I moved to a different room After my brothers went back to college But the room that I was in during my formative years That was the room that Old Man Winchester died in

Cool And when I was a kid I had nightmares All the time anymore I don't have any Because I smoke enough weed if I can get the shit out of there But when I was a kid I had constant nightmares I would sleepwalk All the time and when I was In the house and my friends would say the same thing

Constantly seeing shit out of the corner of your eye Like all the time You see I get that from when I smoke too much weed Yeah but I was a kid and not Yeah which is pretty much the same thing And my brothers would fuck with me They would find like Weird rocks and tell me that

Like they were like this is the bones Of Old Man Winchester No stop it stop it Like they buried him here on this land No it's not true Where do they bury him I'm not telling In the bed

So yeah I was Like just always terrified when I was a kid About just shit like that I love it I like kid hauntings I mean Ed had some great kid haunting stories The thing about Johns that I really enjoyed was that he was You know a freshman in college immature Sure a freshman in college or retarded people

Covered with a thick layer of dough Booze dough But nonetheless I feel like that That makes it really interesting It's pretty amazing And another slave quarter Of course it's the south Yeah the south is

Incredibly haunted It is covered in slave ghosts Can't swing a ghost without hitting a slave ghost Yeah and we made it we did it Our great grandfathers did it I mean not mine mine were in satin Isles No no you're just followed by Jew ghosts They're all in Germany

They're all in Poland and Germany Yeah you don't have to deal with any of the ghosts that your family made I'm so far away and tell me how to figure out how to take a ghost boat Over to America I'm doing great I got to deal with all kinds of ghosts I mean I got slave ghosts I got a lot of Native American ghosts Oh that's Mexican ghosts

But Native Americans want to be ghosts Yeah that is true They love being ghosts and they can go like Oh no I get to convene with the ghost The spirit So Henry if you had three options You got an old man ghost A Native American ghost or a slave ghost

You have to be haunted by one Native American ghost Because you could probably learn something from a Native American ghost Yeah I agree And really from all the Native American ghosts Pondings that I've heard of They mostly just stand there Oh yeah and they just go like

Hello Hey Well hello Do you have any fry bread That's amazing Is that a wee? Have you channeled the power of the fire demon? I said how you power your wee

Oh look he's playing a form of tennis We invented tennis We used to do it with a dog's head and a stick Well I don't know If that makes any sense That was what soccer was Yeah dog's head and a stick That Aztecs

It was a human head The older, older Indians Was it a human head that they would use? Yeah after the sacrifices Oh wow that's really amazing Hey guys I've got a great idea How about we kick it and do all We have so many

We have many heads around That are very plentiful We were doing nothing but throwing them in the river I love old sports What say we take this head And we shall make a beautiful game of it They all started off so brutal Storm feather

Let's wear these neon shirts And we can cover them with different sports logos And start kicking the heads I am chief running Red Bull We got a sponsor This is great I love it You originally gave a basketball

Game to the death Yeah Game of basketball was only played by White people that look like us It was invented by a college professor To just keep white people from subjugating races It would be James Naismith And interestingly enough the first basket

Was a peach basket Pins Why they called it basketball Thank you sports illustrator for kids Oh my god you're the only person to read that thing I was reading slam It's a much cooler magazine I was reading psychology textbooks

That my sister had That's what I used to do as a child I used to scare my mom I used to come up to my mom I was talking about this with her recently And I would come up to her and be like Mom how do I know if I have multiple personalities She's like stop with the textbooks

She had to hide all the textbooks Because I would sneak up into the attic Where my sister lived And she had a big thing of We've got to stop him from learning We've got to stop He's asking these questions Because that's also how I learned about masturbating

Is that my sister had a gigantic Encyclopedia Britannica set And I had heard about masturbating And I went to the encyclopedia of Britannica And went to masturbating And saw it and it was like self stimulation I was like stimulation of what And then I was like at one point sitting in my room

Just being like hard penis It says that you need to self stimulate it And then I just started rubbing it on the mattress And I was like Eureka Another discovery made Not a natural when it comes to jacking up I was a very weird little child Did you have a monocle?

Were you born with a monocle? And a top hat and a nice coat Mommy how do I know if I have multiple personalities You'll know Henry Thomas just leave me alone Your father is an alcoholic Like a real life stewie from family That's great anything else I feel like we wrapped it up

I love this This is a great episode we're going to do another one of these We have a bunch of people who have more stories And if you have stories That's another thing too If you have stories that you want us to read over the air Because it's hard to get all of you in this office here Because it's hard to carry about five more people in here

So can we just send us your stories And we'll read them over the airwaves On the internet On the computer bites As well or I'm thinking if you want to Make a YouTube of you telling your own story And if it's good enough we could put it on the show as well Something like that if you get your voice on there

Let's leave your penises in your pants Yeah we already talked about that one Please, please, please, please Stop, no more dick pics I don't care if it's a jack-o'-lantern I don't care And you know it's not, I'm going to say I'm going to say it's not a bad dick

It's a fine penis You know honestly also But we lost a lot of subscribers because of that If you put it on the Facebook page It's going to be hard, I mean if you I'm not going to say it's okay Do you want to give a personal email address If you need to do that

Then just keep it off the general page Yeah, put it on your own personal page Don't get us in trouble Don't lose us subscribers Alright guys, well thanks for listening And share your haunted stories with us Yes please We'll see you in the next video

Hailgene I surrender All my love to you Midnight For a sweet romance