Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 521: The Tragedy of the Essex Part II - A Belly Full of Blood

Episode Date: February 11, 2023

The boys conclude the tale of The Tragedy of the Essex, who's crew of Nantucket Whalers found themselves starving, lost at sea, and hundreds of miles off-course after a disastrous encounter with a massive sperm whale. And as their rations run dry and crew members begin to drop like flies... THAT'S when the cannibalism started.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started There's some people I discovered which I did not know some people cannot Visualize in their hands. I don't really have photo that can't draw So like you need to have that kind of brain to draw What do you mean photo realistic? Yeah, I don't really see photos like that Like in your brain like you don't have like your dreams or more emotions and it's from your perspective But you don't really have people too, but I can't say that they're like crystal. Yeah

I have incredibly vivid crystal images like sometimes I'll wake up and like write down images like the chocolate chicken Yeah, chocolate chicken where that because I had a stream where I was on the streets of New York And I found this pile of rotten chicken bones, but they were covered in chocolate. So I thought maybe these would be good Well, I wanted the chocolate and the chicken I wanted the chocolate chicken So I picked up these this pile of chicken bones and I started eating it But I kept but it was rotten so I kept like throwing it up But then I kept eating it and then throw it up and I'd eat it and throw it up just woke up in the morning I just kept thinking like the chocolate chicken remember the chocolate chicken chocolate chicken is very important

And I don't know why the chocolate chicken was important, but I felt it was very important You know you're everyone in your dreams. Yeah, and the thing is also you can dream about anything Well, I was talking about that honestly with their in therapy. I was talking about that Oh, it was like I had another one of those where it wasn't a sex dream It was just that it was everything up to and I was like you could have you could fucking your dreams You can do it. You're allowed to you're allowed to it's the barriers you put up against yourself, isn't it? Welcome to last podcast on the left Ben hanging out with Henry. We're talking chocolate chicken today. We are we are a kissle

The last five or six days literally since the moment we stopped recording the last episode of this series Yep, you have been saying over and over again Hey, uh, I got this joke. I got a joke. I got this I got a joke lined up that I came up with it with my own brain I've been thinking about it for days days. Yes, but you know at least three times And you know like so what's a joke and you're like wait wait, but the thing is now I'm bored of it So I don't even want to say it. So you mean to tell me I literally was Wondering I don't know what the joke is. I told my wife about it Caroline

I can't been since he has this amazing joke that I can't wait to hear all right fine Here it is here. It is Fernando's also heard it. You've heard it. I said it on open lines I don't remember. No, you don't remember much that I say it's new to me. Okay What kind of milk? Does a mythical cow drink a mythical cow? What kind of milk does a mythical cow drinks? What kind of milk does a mythical cow drink? I now remember and I'm sorry that I did a mythical cow Okay, what is it? Legendary so we last left the crew of the Essex a highly aggressive 85

That's good for a popsicle stick much to the surprise of the season Legendary what kind of milk does a mythical cow drink legendary legendary See you liked it. I did. There you go. I did it greatly you give me a pun and I'm gonna be happy for days. Yeah, there you go All right everyone, let's go on to part two of the tragedy of the Essex So when we last left the crew of the Essex a highly aggressive 85 foot whale had destroyed their ship Much to the surprise of the season Nantucket Whaleman who had never even heard of a whale attacking a ship much less sink in one Oh my goodness. So that means one person was like and I've never That is they all were truly surprised because they were like I'll just thought they meet

Wow, but while there were no records or even rumors of this happening to Nantucketers prior to 1820 It happened plenty of times after an 1835 for example a ship called the pussy haul Wait now it's your a different meaningful pussy back there. Ah, let's be my ship The pussy haul it's named after where I was born Ah pussy haul I remember it. Well it was a long thick kind of brown Mmm Like the inside of a barracuda. Oh, I see pussy haul pussy haul Connecticut man. It was attached to my huge mother Oh, I see the birth canal the first river we go down. Well, it's p u s i e so it might be puse

It might be pushy pushy haul, which is Even worse. It's it's pussy. Yeah, but the pussy haul was attacked and chased by a whale, but thankfully it escaped Okay, over the next few years multiple ships would be sunk by whales including a vessel called the n Alexander which sank near the same location that the asics had gone down Coincidentally the same year that Moby dick was published. It is definitely more prevalent than anyone had ever thought that it was Whales definitely destroyed many boats. This is a now we kind of see it after the fact because I feel like it's good I think this is again. This is a theory. I mean, so tell me if I'm wrong. Uh experts out there that no whalers had Have been on a ship. You're not directing that towards me. No, no, I'm sorry

But the idea that like they started talking about after Something like this happened because this story came out and it kind of became more circulated Where I think that sailors are so superstitious That no one really wants to talk about that not only is just doing the job dangerous Like just being on a boat dangerous go to a bunch of places that like, you know We are basically unmapped massive stretches of water. It's completely dangerous But also the thing that's got the fucking Metal lubricant in its brain is also dangerous. Yeah, well, perhaps the whales were having some revenge after being depleted for all those years

Quite possibly but when it came to the crew of the Essex Why the whale had attacked or whether or not it may or may not attack other ships That wasn't the first thing on their mind. Hmm to them their immediate concern was simple survival until they could be rescued Okay, the 21 men who'd survived the sinking of the ship were divided amongst three whale boats holding seven men each As befitting their ranks the whale boats went to the captain the first mate and the second mate According to the condition of the boat best or worse. There's some about no matter what happens these guys stick to the orders That were made up by a bunch of people that were made up before them. It makes it makes sense You've been there the longest you get the nicest boat you've been there the you're the new fresh one

You can handle having to do all the stuff we have to come in all the holes so it doesn't leak I don't think that you do well they they can do it But the provisions they were divided equally with each boat receiving 200 pounds of hardtack 65 gallons of water and two tortoises The only special item given to captain Pollard was the ship's musket While the mates were only given pistols and these were handed out Just in case you know that's for a man. What fucking Popping the top dog if I can take that one old like single bullet train down to davie jones locker

Well, that's a nice thought to have I mean it's probably for hunting. It could be Yeah, it could possibly be although they had ample opportunity never used them for that I think it was a contingency plan for the men. Well, why don't you just jump into the massive ocean? Because that's a long death. Yeah, but it's kind of nice You swim around until you get tired and then you get eaten by a shark. We've seen open water We're going to talk about why it wasn't that nice. All right And so two days after the whale attack the crew set out with their small convoy of three boats And by 4 p.m. They lost sight of the wreckage of the Essex and that's when their nightmare

Truly began Now the whale boats were dangerously overloaded because the supplies were doubled the weight of what a crew usually took out to kill a whale 1,000 pounds of shit as opposed to 500 pounds of shit and this was because of the search and recovery They wanted to have some goods to give the people that they were searching for. No, they didn't They were planning to be on the open water for minimum a month. Oh Okay, like that's if everything went exceedingly well. No problems. They're out there for a month at least And also the whalers the boats that they would use for the actual whale hunting. Yeah, they were much much lighter They were made to go on top of the waves versus like cutting through them

So they're actually made of much lighter wood and so the provisions that they put on it just to live like was sinking It almost to sea level just the as it is that was just on food and water Yeah, well, it's a good thing the whalers had bob marley to carry them The boats had also been converted from row boats into sailboats Which came with its own set of nautical challenges that neither us nor anyone except someone who spent their summers yachting off a Cape Cod will understand So just take our word that keeping these boats afloat and on course was exhausting. I take your fucking word. I'm not trying to do that Shit. Yeah, I like uber

You know, I'm not doing all this. I can't I could barely change a tire. Yeah barely change. You can't change a tire I do know how to Do I want to? When did you change a tire in florida? You did. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I've changed multiple in college I changed multiple tires. I had to he was fat enough to do it That is true. I didn't have the money to someone come do it. I had to do it I could see like desperate on the side of the road I just been like, all right And they had the fucking tire change kick in the back of the Hyundai and I just took it out and I was like

I know these be lug nuts. I've seen this on a tv Right, like I know what it is because you know where I learned how to change a tire was from a christmas story There you go. That's all I remember. Oh, I didn't say fudge and honestly in the world of sketch comedy Henry is very masculine. Yeah He's the man that is true of sketch. That is true Because in sketch comedy they all have beards, but none of them are masculine. That's the idea. Henry's actually a man I came with a beard. Yes, that's right Well, the men divided themselves into two shifts to allow for a rest

But because of the massive waves in certain parts of the open sea and because the ships were as Henry said very light Each team had to deal with a near constant terror of getting separated from the group when the waves got high because they just kept Disappearing and reappearing it is wild because like this is where it really gets like the atmosphere of it gets very scary Because now you've been drifting along you've been on this boat for was I think a year Right, how long were they on a little over a year like you're three months. That's your home on the Essex So long so now you're gone in your middle of the water and you're trying to you have this thing We're trying to maintain some form of order Yeah, right everything's gone to shit, but we're like we figure if we can hang in a pod

But that's each time like in the middle of the ocean The the waves undulate like 40 50 feet So you're just watching your buddy disappear and then like Comes back up. He's like a hundred yards over there and then he's over there and you're all and they're all like Trying to yell at you from like 200 yards and you can't do anything and then you're surrounded by fucking sharks, right? Well, this prospect was most frightening for the boat helm by the second mate Matthew joy That boat will henceforth be known as the shitty boat. Oh, okay

Joy was the only helmsman without any navigational equipment. So if he were to lose contact with the other two boats He and his men would lose all hope for survival. How did they send the ship out without any navigational equipment? That's like a car without a wheel. Well, it's not a ship. It's a boat. I remember these are Whale boats. These are meant to go away from the main ship and come back, you know, five miles at most Right. And so when the ship sank remember that one sailor went down to the, you know, the lower decks and grabbed All the navigational equipment But there was only enough navigational equipment to be split between two boats He was the lowest right. He was the lowest wrong or it was a brutal game of any mini-mini mo

I mean the last game or any mini-mini po that you ever want playing your life Absolutely, but it was because they had to use the sun, right? They had to use the sun Do you think that you'd still leave the stars and the stars? But then there was a problem because it was also starting to rain It was like really overcast. So they were just they were lost as fuck. It is so bizarre You can look up in the stars and it could be a romantic evening and it could be totally peaceful Or it could be the most hellacious experience of your life. Yeah, I actually find an open sky to be very frightening I love it. I'm very frightened. I don't like I look up there for a ufo's for my work For my work for my tales for my journals and how much do you how much do you pay for that?

Oh, it's about experience my friend But yeah, but otherwise the open sky I find very frightening. Okay interesting Now considering how the crew had elected to pass on a relatively quick trip towards the islands of the south pacific because they were afraid of mostly nonexistent cannibals and gay dudes They'd penned their hopes on being spotted by a lookout atop a whale ship By the crew's reckoning they could make it two months on the open sea hoping to be spotted if they rationed their provisions correctly Okay, so each man and that's worst-case scenario, right? So each man got six ounces of hardtack equal to roughly six slices of bread plus half a pint of water per day

Or at least that's what they got at first Do you want to hear sounds of what it's like to eat hardtack? I kind of do Is this now is this hard hardtack or is this hardtack soaked in water because so hardtack you can't just eat it You have to soak it in water first Wait, is this you literally have to soak it so listen to this clip this comes from just some woman She's just Masquerading as someone who needs to eat hardtack. I don't know why we're doing this. Is this sailor asmr

Yes So we hear this you want to hear this Okay, let's try taking a bite. Now that the piece is a little bit smaller. Here we go. Itadakimasu Oh Yeah, oh it's crunching sounds like chocolate chicken He didn't soak it and she said someone like chicken literally she was like Sounds like teeth being eaten by Winston. I'm sure you're everywhere That sounds like it's someone eating a trisket got really old trisket. Yeah, that's what I like

Well, someone's aroused out there. Yeah, I know or and then most people were like viciously upset. Yeah, wow that first crack Yeah, well because it's extremely hard right and I technically didn't eat the bones I licked the bones of what little meat was left on the bones that was but the bones were covered in chocolate I really hope the people that just tuned in don't realize that was a dream Because it's 50 50 You have the rancid meat Well, they each boat also had two tortoises in case of emergencies. Oh, yeah, because they sing songs Anyone's thanks for the tortoise yet because you got it's a bit it's bumpy and lumpy and there's still a funny joke

Someone's voiced by Nathan Lane. Oh, and the other ones voiced by whoopee davidson challenging choice And they are just not knowing what in the living fucking hell they're about to live in they're in a Pixar world Yeah, and they didn't know they're about to be boiled Entrails and all in their own backs. Honestly pete davidson would make a great turtle I'm a bit mad that I said it because It actually works. I need these rolls Slow draw kind of is I need these rolls simple sense of humor, but very funny

We could maybe get you a chipmunk. Would you like a chip? Oh, you could be a chipmunk. I'll take it I could see angry squirrel. I could see that. I'll give it to me write this for me It's got to be because it's got to be a little heavy set. No, he knows nuts. We can't really talk And then it's also something you can edit easily out of the movie You know bad you got to be when you edit a Pixar movie when they edit you out of a Pixar movie Millions of man hours of these poor these poor poor people in taiwan carbon these Pixar characters out of the mountains just God

Well, what really got everybody down in that first week or so were the nick fits See each sailor went through 70 pounds of tobacco during each two-year voyage But now everyone had to go cold turkey in a situation that would have been hard even with a steady fix Nightmare, dude It's weird because I never thought of that angle before and told I was like, oh, yeah, that's right They also have to quit smoking cigarettes throughout this entire process Wow, that makes it much more difficult. I mean the nicotine back then it wasn't quite as dirty as the marboros Yeah, no, this is good virginia nicotine right here. This is no fiberglass in this. That's what I like to hear

The idea of it, but I just don't smoke Just don't smoke. Yum. Yum. Do you like the idea? Yeah, it's a wonderful thing. It's a terrible thing, but it's a wonderful thing Just up against your lips first thing in the morning Don't don't do this to marcus. Don't do this to marcus. I can I I'm I'm away enough at this point where I can fantasize Quite nicely. Yeah, my little patch Four of them on yeah, what's really strange? You don't see he's got four on him the shape of a crucifix very bizarre He actually invested in the nicotine tarp Oh, you want to talk about dreams, where do you think the chocolate chicken dream came from?

Oh, I know yeah, but to deal with this situation this horrible situation Some men tried either clinging to a sense of normalcy or they nervously fidgeted First mate oh and chase continued keeping a ship's log Which is why his later account of the ill-fated voyage was so vivid second mate joy However spent his time twisting stray strings of rope into an ever lengthening piece of twine And oddly and miraculously that piece of twine survived the journey even if second mate joy did not spoil That's cool to make matters worse It soon became clear to the sailors that the sea itself was intent on slowly torturing and killing each man

Captain's log pretty strong today. It's a floater You can imagine it's a poop. Yeah Yes, I imagine that it's a poop. It's weird. Is it you say that I just imagine a butt with a poop coming out of it. Yeah captain's love Guy with a big hat on looking back at it The constant spray of salt water caused sores to develop over every piece of exposed skin And the boats had to be constantly bailed out due to the massive waves that kept filling their boats with water What a nightmare in one particularly large splash

Much of first mate Owen Chase's rations in his boat Much of his rations of heart attack became soaked in seawater Which caused every piece to become infused with salt Which actually might be good for the tar tack in terms of seasonings In terms of seasoning but in terms of nutrition. It was absolutely horrible Wrongly thinking that something was better than nothing chase insisted that his men continue eating the salty provisions You eat that fucking saucy crack boy. You eat that saucy crack. I made it for you boy Be nice if the ocean also created pepper. It'd be nice. Wouldn't it be nice if the ocean created tarragon?

Wouldn't it be nice if the ocean created my obstrement? I'm just saying salt and pepper go together Well, this eating the salty ass heart attack only made their dehydration worse. It's like eating nuts at a bar Yes, of course, but they didn't have the tap of bud light lime to go down wash it down No, I'm bracing branding Bracing branding even though I'd never had bud light lime. It was bud light margarita. How well it's been planted No, it's the remember. It's the reality thing. The medium is the message. I'm gonna make a little ball trick guy now. Anyway You could tell I'm a pacifico boy these days West coast hollywood market strings pacifico. I'm a dosakis woman

Nice. I'm a big titted woman. I love my dosakis. I sit around I eat my half Half at price apple bees fucking appetizers because I can't because I fucking carry any child in this world. Absolutely. You're allowed Well, as if all that wasn't enough chase's boat began sinking And men from captain pollard's boat had to come over to help repair the leak with a board that was already filled with old nail holes from previous repairs This would be a constant constant repair that would have to go on in all the boats daily nightmare Additionally, the weather wasn't cooperating either for days. The convoy sailed in overcast conditions Which made determining their location by the stars or even really the sun impossible

All they knew was that they were selling parallel to the south american coast towards nothing close or warm enough to matter It's just a good in the novel It says that about the idea of like that's how you know, they were real nantucketers Was that instead of going to easily accessible islands? They continued on into the open water Yeah, why not just go to one of the fucking islands said before they're afraid of being gay Well, it's also a nantucketer is more comfortable on the seat than he is on run. I think a nantucketer wants to be in a chair That's true. That's other comfortable. Well, that's the other thing too It's like remember all these guys you can't stretch out. You're curled up into a ball

Just the entire time because there's the mentioned seven dudes This is like how big this is like a 15-foot room or four dudes in it. I already I smell each one of you All right, can you imagine what it would be like if I get in there with some fucking 25 foot You're all crammed in each one of you just wondering when you when it's fine. They're gonna turn romantic Take it to the island would you? Who in the sea itself wasn't trying to kill these men the things that lived in the sea were On november 27th one week out captain pollard's boat was attacked by a killer whale Who quite literally took a bite out of the boat?

He then played with the vessel like a cat tolies with a mouse You're just watching this gigantic piece. Can you imagine if you get to a point where you have to punch if you have to punch A killer whale in the face. Yeah, you're fucked. Yeah, like if that's the last thing you got That you have to use your your hands your digital mandibles Well, they did they punch to the killer whale and they also tried poking it with these little poles because if they tried to harpoon it That buck is going to attack All of Truly kill all you leave us alone

Yes alone Well, you know when it comes to all wildlife a bop in the nose A bop in the nose will do it. Usually it does something about a bop in the nose even with a bear. Well, sometimes say they got locationers Yes, yes, they do and a locationer is Never heard that word my entire life glands map glands that are in a Wow, what can I say that's made up It is not good. It hurts them. It hurts them. It hurts them. I got it. Okay

Yes, but thankfully punching the killer whale was enough. Okay, and once it left Pollard transferred their provisions to another boat while they had to do another patch job Oh my god As we said the sailors were allowed half a pint of water each day But the human body requires bare minimum twice that to properly function. We need one pint of water per day But even though two boats were doing relatively okay The health of the men in chase's boat was cratering Because he was still insisting that they eat the salty hardtack. Well, you're not going out to eat

All right, because we have hardtack at home. Yeah, the hardtack at home is full of salt. Yeah Well, did you pay for it? You go get yourself a little job. Oh, yeah, I forget you. We all paid for it We're not getting paid to be here king of money the hardtack They're actually paying for this experience. Aren't they? Yeah, they are at this point. Yeah I mean at this point. None of them's getting paid for anything Yeah, everything's fucked. They just swam in the puddle of all their money when the fucking thing sank. Yeah They don't have insurance. They get home. They're done. Wow. And so 10 days in Chase decided since his men were very sick

Time to slaughter the first tortoise Oh, no. Pete Davidson's going under the fucking knife. Oh my god, I can't believe it. I'm a turtle. Got your believe pump. You're making fun of someone. He's 15 years younger than us. Let's make fun of Nathan Lane Yeah, make fun of Nathan Lane. What's Nathan Lane sounding like? He's a Broadway star. Yeah, all right And it's harder to be a Broadway star than any one of what we do. Oh, okay here. I've seen it You're just jealous of anyone who's not 40. I like I like the young of course After flipping it on its back chase slit the reptiles throat and collected what came out in cups That were passed out to the men who could stomach a belly full of blood

Can you imagine that you're all just hungrily jumping on they talk about how like they're like Licking their lips like I see slit this turtle's all like Like what? I'm reading Davidson. He slicks his fucking throat, right? The blood's pouring out of it And they're all like trying to catch it while it's fresh. Yeah, they're like sucking at it like it's a water fountain Can you get okay? What's worse to drink if you're dehydrated? A little bit of salty water or blood isn't blood full of salt and everything else Somewhat accepted method of survival blood, you know, you can actually drink blood. Can you drink your own blood? Uh, yeah, but I feel like it's not gonna be good for you because it's sort of you know, it's not gonna be good

Yeah, it's like drinking drinking water whether you're taking a piss. Yeah, and just going back out It's like what's like eating your own cum when you're starving like on a boat, right? They give you keep eating your own cum and you keep eating your own cum like technically it's food, right? You can make no technically it's not I mean there's protein in it, right? Yeah, but that's the thing is that at some point your body is going to stop producing protein That's what I'm saying. Yeah, right. And then you're just making then you're pregnant. Everybody's upset. Yeah And then you're just like what am I what am I even doing? What is the deal with what I'm doing? And that's how you make a little sailor

Well, the biggest risk when you drink blood it might be full of disease causing pathogens But if you avoid that then you actually got something that's somewhat okay Just so long as you don't drink too much of it because if you drink too much of it iron poison That's also an issue. Yeah, we need a turtle blood sharing zone Yeah, well, it's kind of funny because it's like if because if you're drinking blood, yeah, you're already fucked. Oh, you're fucked Well, you're at this point. You may not be fucked But you're prolonging the period in which you may eventually be fucked But also aren't the turtle starving number one and how much blood is in a freaking turtle fair amount of blood in a turtle

Is an okay amount of blood in a turtle. It's an 80 pound beast. I mean most of that shell. Well, these are 80 pound turtles Yeah I'm thinking little guys Technically we are being shalom non shalom with the fucking turtle and tortoise These are tortoises. They're huge. These are massive. Yeah 80 to 100 pounds each. Okay Um, but yeah, you can get a fair amount of blood from that fair amount. I could see that Yeah, man, you can see you've ever seen how much blood if you stomp a squirrel enough. It's a lot of blood

It splatters man. Even cry blood goes a long way Then you can clean and clean and clean and clean and you just still see it. It's like you're looking at it And it's like I still see the blood But I know it's clean because I've cleaned other people have been it out Then I look at it and I was like, but I see the blood. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, you shouldn't be killing all those squirrels. Yeah Get out of my fucking house. There's nothing wrong to you Now even though some men refuse to drink the blood All of the men ate the meat

Many were drawn instinctively to the vitamin rich heart and liver And if you'll remember, this was also a popular culinary choice amongst the Donner party That's where all the vitamins are that's where the that's where the meat is the heart actually can fetch you about 650 calories a human heart Is that right? That's called the awful. Is it the awful? Well, awful awful awful But at the end of it all each sailor got three pounds of meat a pound of fat and at least half a cup of blood Imagine just eating straight up tortoise fat. Just room temp Yeah, you're that hungry though. That's probably what you need Thinking back chase very much regretted not slaughtering every tortoise and hogs that survived the wreck

You know, they could they could have slaughtered them. They could have cooked them They could have saved them for the journey to come. Yeah, hindsight's 2020 though. They didn't do that But it's year 2023. Can we stop saying that now? No, it's about vision. It's not about the year. It's not about the year. It's about 20 slash 20 Yeah, like you can see 20 years. I can see clearly now that the rain is gone That's what it's about. That's what it's all about. There's the show 2020 Yeah, is that about hindsight as well? Kind of and in hindsight that show doesn't really hold up. Yeah. Yeah Interesting and in 2020 is not then hindsight is

No, it is not. Very right. Very correct By the end of the day the last decision we want to worry about is what's for dinner My main question is where's my children and wife? Why is this house burning into the ground? See, this is where home chef comes in especially during these trying times Say goodbye to meal planning recipe and do stress and last minute grocery store runs and let home chef bring simple Delicious home cooked meals right to your door. Home chef makes your nightly routine easier and more exciting with a wide selection of delicious meals That arrive at your doorstep in the form of fresh Perfectly pre-portioned ingredients and an easy to follow recipe card

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To stay in sight of the others and if they couldn't that was that oh, yeah Yikes, it seemed on the 17th day that some luck was coming their way in the form of a heavy rainstorm Hey, we got a refresh refresh on the water. Yeah, they're right. Oh, yes. Absolutely. Okay But the sails that they used to catch the water already filled with salt water So the water that they caught was too brackish to drink that got fucked up as well Jesus, oh, just open your mouth like you're a seagull look up to the heavens and get some rain That's what they said they did they do a just lay back on the bottom of the boat and just open their mouth And just let it come in and just wait for it to be over. Wow. That's a long night. Yeah, that is

Funnily though the skies cleared and captain Pollard was able to determine their location using his navigational tools Finally, they're gonna get oriented when my nipples are hard. I know we are going north And when my penis is soft, I know everything's going so all right Much to his horror. He found that even though they traveled 1100 miles in three weeks They were actually farther from South America than when they'd started good news and bad news guys We traveled 1100 miles 11,000 miles 1100 1100 miles Bad news the wrong direction. This is not even good news at all Did you ever say that you use that as a frame of good news bad news?

But it's just bad news. Holy crap. That means they now had 3,000 miles to go Well at some point this captain's gonna get killed by his crew My thing is I hope that they can just fall in love enough because then maybe they'd be able to walk 5,000 miles The pretenders Proclaimers Yeah, fuck you. Yeah, the pretenders were a entirely different band. Well, I would assume so Yeah, it's Chrissy. Chrissy Hein. She was in the the the proclamers. That was a couple of Scottish twins Drag him king. Love that song though. Love that song underrated song. I think if you look at that song with fresh eyes

It's very catchy. It's very nice. That's great. That's great. It's a nice song You got served. I didn't mean to open up that vault of miscellaneous music knowledge That's all Marcus is he's just a pile of that. You got a couple slices of chicken barman there and nicotine juice That's it. That's all you need. All right. Now at this point They still could have gone to Tahiti Tahiti's still on the table go to Tahiti Do you imagine how many like begging people to go to Tahiti? It's beautiful. It is It could have been there in under a week and additionally Tahiti would allow them to sail with the winds and waves

Reducing the strand in their boats because their boats are falling apart. Their sails are falling apart Yeah, but because of their prejudice stubbornness and stupidity They stuck to the original plan South America or bust. Oh, wow. They're just so stupid as a result They were about to endure another two Months at sea or at least the survivors had two more months at sea Some had far less spoilers Oh, I'm assuming it ends horribly. Yeah. Yes

Now concerning the crew's ever dwindling provisions There may be some of you who like our dear friend Ed Larsen you may ask Why not just fish? Why not just fucking genius? It's a great point. Fantastic point. Why not just fish? Why not just fish? They tried again and again. No luck The whole ocean just keep on trying apparently it's like Hard to fish. It's really hard when you don't have when you don't have fishing poles When you don't have any sort of equipment can they spike and get a spear? No, most of the time they would get what they would fashion together

Whenever they closed they could and make one of the guys dress up as a lady And then he'd go like And it turns out all these fish are also gay It's the entire ocean Well, if they were gay, they'd be attracted to him because he's dressed as a lady But that was the original because he identifies as a lady. This is a fun. You want to get into this? Let's get into that. No, but that's so that's the original cat fishing Yes, sure. Wow. See also one interesting because he's the one he's the one that usually brings it off the rails

Why are you doing? He's doing it. But why not just dip your hand in like blood noodling You're talking about noodling put it in the water just wait for something to freaking bite pull it up and eat it Yeah, that doesn't work. I just don't know. All right, whatever it was that only works with cat That only works with catfish men in oklahoma can't read and uh, well, they can read they can read No, it works for it works in carping as well. It doesn't even carp that way. I think yeah carp is when you grab him by the pussy Yeah Well, that's the thing the only luck they had was when a school of flying fish Flew up and accidentally jumped into one of their sails literally like it had to jump into the boat

That's amazing instinctively. Oh and chase picked one up and devoured it whole lot of scales and all I believe it But that was the last lucky fish he had can you imagine being the rest of that fucking crew Watching this piece of shit who by the way played by chris hemsworth in the fucking movie Yeah, if you look at a picture at him, he looks like If abraham lincoln was missing the other half of his face He is I cannot believe they chose this model. Yeah to play him runs you a bit of a devido's penguin Yeah, I don't know that fish now the shrinking water rations were starting to get to the men So some began drinking seawater even though they knew it was deadly others started drinking piss

Okay, which isn't as bad but still not great. Yeah, because you kind of need the water to make the piss good enough to drink But again, if you're drinking piss, you're just making double piss. Yeah, you make a double mountain deal It's the color of mountain deal the yellow or the piss the less nutrients you're gonna get from it And that was a pleasant it is going to be to drink. That's why in piss porn. Everyone drinks a lot of water Everyone's it's just it's literally just water. Yeah quite clear. Yeah, because again, that's mostly for the crew I think because if you were already drinking piss, we really talk about quality like when it comes down to it Are we really gonna send it? Like it's different styles of water. There are differences. I think to make it. Let's pungent. Yeah for the crew

Yeah I always hear a porn set is the smelliest set you'll ever work on I tell from sound ops on porn sets that it is the sounds that you hear Up close to make you not attracted to things and there's a bar that I uh that I go to sometimes and one of the guys He's he takes the pictures of the poor insights, but then he also he's former military's former marine if a butt plug goes in wrong It's got to take it out. Well, it's very weird. He told me a bunch of stories and I didn't know if I wanted to hear them or not That's why I think these sex workers are brave as hell. They're covered in piss and they still show up on time Yeah, he does say that for the most part everyone is on time. Ah, yeah, I bet so. Yeah

Yeah, well for the most part the men of the Essex began to enter the cotton mouth stage of thirst As per author Nathaniel Philbrick's description The sailor saliva became sick and foul tasting and their tongues clung to their teeth and the roof of their mouths And all they do is moan What else can you do? Well, because speech was difficult, but they were compelled to endlessly complain and their voices would become cracked and hoarse until they could no longer be understood So

Go to sleep. Had you been there with Holden? Where's my video game? He went to blasted four hours. I can't sit here without my sweat We would have had fish. I'll tell you that much great bait Holden. Just go bite him pull him up grab the fish put him back in Well, speaking of lumps lumps would form in their throats And they wouldn't go away no matter how much they tried to swallow imagine that brutal a severe pain Settled into their heads and necks their faces felt Maddeningly full because their skin started shrinking and a lot of them began to hallucinate I think that one turtle sounds a lot like p david

Would you just leave p david sin alone? Also, you just got him cast as another turtle On the worst cases of dehydration and a story retold in the book in the heart of the sea The tongue hardens because saliva is no longer produced and while speech becomes impossible moaning does not it never does Oh, god, the body then begins to mummify itself in a stage called the blood sweat The eyelids crack and begin to weep blood I mean it's metal, but Yeah, god Finally a sort of living death occurs just before actual death in which the lips disappear as if amputated

The teeth and gums project from the mouth flesh turns black and dry The nose withers and shrinks to half its length and the skin turns gray and rips Like the skin of a neglected nursing home residents. All right everyone you can insert your mitch mcconnell joke here See I was gonna do a Nicole Richie from 1997 joke She was full of water And all this after only seven days without water. That's all it takes seven days. That's a that's a boatload of time That's a ring goose amount of time Now as far as the men on the Essex went for salvaging food at sea

They weren't completely helpless, but the best they could do was scrape the bottoms of their whale boats for goose neck barnacles Oh, that's bad. It is a goose neck barnacles actually considered delicacies in Morocco, Portugal and Spain It's another one of those things where sea bugs are actually kind of delicious But people don't want to eat them because technically they're all full of dirt. Yeah But eventually they're called zebra mussels in the Midwest. Oh really? Yeah, zebra mussels. You had to you had to scrape your boat if you went out in the lake Yeah, you got to scrape it off. You don't eat them. No, they're an invasive species Well, you don't eat them, but that's a good way to stop them. It's mussels

No, it's they're not like that. They're an invasive species. You're supposed to just kill them Yeah, you don't eat every bird that you come across. I eat whatever I could catch Yeah, that's true. I've seen you run around with your mouth over you Well, eventually the route the crew had taken landed them in one of the Pacific Ocean's sterile regions so far from land that the only living things exist at the bottom of the sea Additionally, this area had no wind meaning the men were dead in the water Oh my god, they just really messed this up. Yeah, they did. Yeah So on the third day of total calm

Pollard took a gamble and gave them in double rations during the day So they would have the strength to row out of the calm to once again reach wind And this actually helped with morale because it finally gave everyone something to do because they're just like I guess I guess that's like the kind of the hidden thing of all this is that mixed with obviously terror pain Thirst hunger is the boredom medium they straight up boredom of it of like because what we talk about like one of the worst things about like being In solitary in prison is that you're kind of like left with this like you feel every minute of the day

And these are guys that are sitting They are they're losing the ability to communicate because they are so thirsty And so they are just lazing and just watching the like because technically it's beautiful out too Right because the sky's clear. You're in beautiful waters is all the shit and you just die in there. Yeah Well by noon the next day it seems as if the gamble paid off because they did indeed find wind Oh, but it was blown in the wrong direction. There you go. Yeah Paul wins back to yeah Plus since they doubled rations

They no longer had enough water to last 30 days even if they caught the right wind Their hair was starting to fall out and their skin was covered in sewers And so miserable was their existence that the men developed a mantra that they'd repeat again and again patience long suffering Patience and long suffering shut up. Patience and long You're an ad. Oh my god, he's an ad But when all hope seemed lost a young sailor named William Wright was heard to shout land. Oh

Miraculously the men had accidentally found land great get off the boat The island surrounded by rocky cliffs and appearing to be filled with vegetation Was quickly determined from Pollard's navigation book to be the duchy island Great who cares go to it. This was of course wrong It was not the duchy island, but it was close Ducey island. Ducey. Yeah. Okay sure Man from the man tongue and tongue in history

Exhibit explain explain Ducey and say Ducey and Ducey every single time they said I went Ducey Think about it. Yeah, think about it But I like duchy because that song passed the duchy on the left-hand side. I love that song That's a cool fucking chill ass song about how lead needs to be fucking we need to be legal And you need to spread it because it's got Jaws love in it Yeah, but I this is not that sung by children All right, so either way

It's an island that they can go to yeah and perhaps survive Yeah, the crew had actually come upon Henderson island 70 miles west of Ducey island and close to pitcairn island only 400 miles away pitcairn island And pitcairn was where the crew of mutineers who taken over the hms bounty had settled and established a community in 1789 Okay, and by 1820 the year the Essex sank the mutiny on the bounty community was flourishing And they could have easily and happily taken care of the entire Essex crew 70 miles away. No, it was 400 miles away. But still after traveling all this I like yeah, I could have gotten They could have gotten that they could have avoided no fatalities

They could have all come through it with just a little bit of a sunburn and some swords but Pitcairn island wasn't listed in Pollard's navigation book. Who cares they had no idea it was out there Yeah, they had no clue that it was only 400 miles. They could have gotten there in four days Well, well, they are making mistake after mistake after mistake. Mm-hmm. Well, they just didn't know about that one Well, that was that was just a tragedy. That's just like that's just a that you call that an annoyance I find all this so interesting just thinking about like they There's so much just open water. Yeah, like people can still find these places and live like that group went and just like

They're just living the pirate's life. They're literally just living like they're they're they made a community and whatever. Yeah And instead of going to the Pitcairn islands the men took their chances on the mysterious island ahead Let's go over that island. I bet we can get 10 seasons on that island We don't even even have to figure out how it ends. We'll just figure it out as we go Oh, I would also maybe argue that the ending was a bit misunderstood And maybe perhaps it was much better and deserves a second look from the community. It might have been rushed It might have been rushed and they didn't have a plan Perhaps maybe they didn't have a plan at the beginning

But I think the ending was a tad bit under league, but we'll do it different because we'll tie the ending into the beginning There you go. We have a lost apologist. I like that show to some degree when it uh, call me when it's found Yeah kind of Well first mate chase and two men swam ashore and walked the beach where they found a trickle of fresh water In the cleft of a rock nice This was enough to warrant a full search for a fresh water source So the crew of the Essex disembarked to the lost like island

You're welcome Where they gathered crabs and fish for a feast nice stretching out their bodies for the first time in a month Can you imagine that and then they're just fucking they're eating whatever's got the legs to stay there Yeah, the next day the men found chicken-sized birds nice and the birds they've never seen a human So they made no attempt to escape nice all got eaten. Yeah, man. That's what happened to the dodo Yeah, do you know that? Yeah the same thing because they were just friendly because they didn't know that we should be feared That's where the the dumb is a dodo That's where you get the saying from because they thought that they were dumb, but no they weren't dumb

They were just really nice. They were innocent. Yeah innocent now the dodo is a great instagram page where you get to see dogs Dude cute cute stuff or cat. Why is that cat friends with a squirrel and Natalie watches the one where it's just like We saved this Labrador. Yeah from this from the bottom of the slave You have to watch until the end I was like, but I have to but you're watching the beginning where I'm watching this like cavernous face like dog with like flies In its eyeballs. It's like I hate this but then it gets better That's the point. I mean I'd much rather watch my films where I see a naked woman get cut in half every day Terrifier one and two. I love both

Well the men who still had the strength and the shoes because not every man had shoes by the time they got there They spent days gathering every bird they could find for a nightly bird banquet Nice as far as the freshwater went they soon found a spring bubbling from a hole in a large flat rock Which they used to fill their barrels even though the spring was only available for half an hour when the tide was at its lowest Unbeknownst to the crew. However, there was a cave on the island filled with the skeletons of eight shipwrecked men Cool, they'd never discovered any spring and had most likely died from dehydration Get men till no tears

Let's get now. Honestly, can you imagine that like you're everything's cool like you're like we made this right? It's just such a movie moment. There's so many movie moments in this whole fucking story We're gonna be just fine Hands over to all of them like the skeleton's just hanging in the exact same positions Wow Now after filling their water barrels to the brim the crew continued eating Every bird they found which was pretty easy because they all came to the shore every morning to feed their young They'd been they'd been

Centuries long. Yeah centuries long Life here and all of a sudden you got these new monkeys. Yeah, they're killing everybody. Yeah, sure. There was also seahawks everywhere but When the crew had eaten all the ground birds after just five days Uh-huh, the seahawks also disappeared now many years later It was discovered by archaeologists that a small group of Polynesian people had lived on this island for centuries But the crew of the Essex had rendered the entire island almost barren in less than a week. It's it's kind of symbolic

But I still will say bocahontas is wrong. Okay, because she should have come up with crypto her fucking cell Yeah, indeed But I guess they could have tried to breed the the birds I don't know. I don't know. I can't even like now make them fuck Make them fuck. No, no, you just would need to live there over time. You wouldn't have to build a those cultures Polynesian cultures they would travel for that's like how they would live They would live while they traveled and they would come from remember listening We went to who who are when they talked about like how the island was discovered and basically it was Polynesian people watching birds

Go the opposite direction and they would just follow the birds as far as they could because they knew that they were going to land Yeah, so that's kind of what they would do they would track to these places and they find them and then because they were used to living like this Yeah, so they had provisions and stuff by the time they would arrive Yeah, they actually knew how to do it. She eaten a lot of birds in that five days. Oh, yeah Mm-hmm I've heard that when cats are healthy, they're happy that makes us happy, right? Especially because I don't have to hear all these people with cats being sad But since we're not mine readers

We know he's knowing our cats are healthy, right? Because helping you know that your cat's healthy is just one reason I recommend pretty litter. Here's the coolest thing about pretty litter It changes colors to help detect early signs of potential illness including urinary tract infections and kidney issues because I know We have been just grinding through pretty litter at our home I do my worst and as soon as I'm over that litter and leaving my deposits Natalie comes in the room doesn't even know I just used it and I and I check it around because it went fuchsia a couple times And I checked it out and I brought it to the vet and they said please Stop using the pretty litter yourself and I was like, I want to know what's wrong with me

Why does the litter keep going purple pretty litter helps keep my cat healthy and it keeps odors down You and your cat are going to love pretty litter as much as we do Go to pretty litter comm slash lpotl to save 20 percent in your first order. That's pretty litter comm slash lpotl to save 20 percent pretty litter comm slash lpotl Now obviously 21 men couldn't survive on this island for very long So on december 27th 1820 captain pollard decided to set sail en route to the chilean coast Still that original fucking plant three thousand miles away exit stage left and then you're like But there were some crew members who refused to return to the ocean

Or at least they refused to return to the leaky whale boats And so the seafarers probably happy that their rations just got a little bit larger They shared what provisions they could spare and they left three men on the island to construct a shelter and wait it out It was very emotional. I would do that. I would in my position. I would definitely do it I'll just stay on this fucking island. Yeah, because you got leaves you can eat. Yeah, right Come get me later. Who knows because that's what he said. They promised it was very solemn and they promised saying that We will come get you. They're like sure. Yep. All right I mean, I don't necessarily believe it, but it would be difficult to procreate with three men

Well, that's a thing. You're thinking I'm I'm out here six months tops. Yeah, and it's the episode It's a south pacific island weather's not going to turn well. You might hit a tsunami season or something I tell you what all you need to do is just keep fucking me and then eventually I'll make some kind of dress out of clothes And I'll carry a coconut that I'll pretend is our child Then in a way it's kind of nice in its own way, you know, and that'll eat up like two months before you snap out of it Yeah, every every family is different. Yeah, then you just see me covered in coconut juice That's what I was saying. I come here. We choose love see me covered in coconut coconut juice and you're like, did you You eat a mammy you ate tammy, didn't you? It was an abortion

Yes, I did. I ate our daughter. I like to mammy better Mammy the coconut Now the crew who took the boats hoped that the winds would take them to easter island where they could make another pit stop But the winds took them too far south to reach it They'd been sailing for 44 days and were no closer to the mainland than when they left So daily rations were cut in half to three ounces of hardtack a day. Oh my god Then the first death came Second mate Matthew joy had been ill for some time and sensing that the end was near

He requested to be moved to captain pollard's boat so he could die with his fellow nantucketers Who gives a fuck? Please let me die with the other morons Throw you over them. Just throw get out of here But after just a couple of hours in the other boat, he started feeling guilty for laying about that protest and work ethic kicked down I don't know. It sounds a little bit like queen's mother's guilt of like, no, don't worry. Yes. I know No, I can help. Oh Oh, I'm just so thirsty. I would go. Oh, I should help Sit down

Psychological torture you're putting me through so motherboard what he requested transfer back to his boat so he could die with his men And he died that afternoon. Then they just have a corpse in the boat Well, since things weren't quite serious serious yet Joy was sewn up in his clothes a stone was tied to his feet and he was ceremoniously buried at sea Okay Now since second mate joy's boat had lost their harpooner to island life He was one of the guys to stay behind Captain pollard ordered his harpooner to take command of joy's crew and the whale boat the shitty boat

It was the only one without navigational equipment. This was a bad assignment. Yeah to make matters worse Joy had neglected to ration the hardtack correctly during his illness So the boat had at most three days of food left They were 600 miles from easter island 20 days away from hinderson island and still a thousand miles from chili There was 20 days in between the time that they left the island and now 20 days of nothing Yeah, nothing by january 14th The third boat ran out of food and pollard shared what he had left which meant that he was also down to just two days of rations Owen's boat was so starved that the men were having

constant diarrhea from starvation and that's the ultimate like bad irony, man Yeah, why does the body do that all wrong? Whenever you're starving. It just makes it worse. I feel like that's a mistake It's your body's being like, please eat. Please eat. Please eat. Yeah. Why are you eating? You should eat. We should eat some food Why aren't we eating? What's happening here? It's like, you know, why are you making me more dehydrated with the constant diarrhea? Because it's just turning out the alarm system is very badly built. It is badly built Which is evacuating for for further shuttling. Yeah, I guess And so everyone's starving and that's when the sharks came Now there have been plenty of shipwreck sailors who resorted to the methods that the men of the Essex were about to resort to

And they did so in sometimes seemingly less dire circumstances In 1710 a British trading vessel wrecked on a tiny outcropping of rock off the coast of Maine called Boone Island Much to the frustration of the sailors Boone Island was in full sight of the mainland. They could see America Yeah, but they were still marooned out there because it was 1710 Yeah, and we're just fucked and no one can see us from there as much as we're unless they're looking for us No one's gonna see us. Yeah, they had no provisions. They had no way of reaching help So when the ship's carpenter died in the third week, someone suggested Maybe maybe we could eat them. Why don't we eat them? Who said that?

Maybe we could take a choco. Oh my god. It's Jeff Dunham. I'm just so happy. We have such great entertainment He was Jeff Dunham's great great great great grandfather. He was also cancelled. Oh I think he's one of the wealthiest working in the media Well still finding the whole business extremely distressing the crew begged the captain to butcher the shipmate for them I think because it was probably the captain's fault that they were fucking stranded I don't think he's the guy. He's the guy. He's supposed to die on the boat Cap's supposed to do all the hard shit make the hard decisions Yeah, so like many other people forced to resort to cannibalism the captain removed the pieces that made the corpse appear human first

The head the hands the feet the skin interesting Yeah, of course you got well you have to dehumanize it because only like truly like guys who get off on eating humans They wanted to hope they want to know it's a human. I want to look at his eyes Yeah, you know what I understand is is that actually the head Cabeta in many different foods and many different food cultures The head is that was the fattest sentence ever But the heads were all the good fucking fat meat is in actually no, I think really good It'll kill you if you eat the brain. I thought I thought it made you a little brainworm I'm not talking about the brain. I'm talking about face meat

Cheek meat is some of the most delicious meat in any other animal you could possibly do fish cheeks are tasty I don't like cakes or tasty if we had a whole of them. It's so difficult in the winter time But like I would carve the face off of the guy Definitely I'd carve off the face of the guy and I boil that meat I eat that meat too, and I also boil the head Well, maybe I chopped the skull off and then scooped the brains out and I'd boil the bones Oh, yeah, I'd like to see you do that what you would do Maybe this is why I'm impressed. Maybe this is why you weren't given the position

because sometimes You can want it too much. And so we're just gonna have to captain do it No, he's a little bit more hesitant. No, listen. We want to play off some sweet and salties in this The captain reduced the carcass to a hunk of barely recognizable meat Which the men reluctantly ate before being rescued soon after yeah, like 24 hours later What what you never know you never know you never know you might eat a guy on tuesday get rescued on thursday You never know but of course he was dead that didn't kill him. No, it's not that. It's not as bad. It's not as bad It's definitely a secret you keep with every single person on that island

But when we're talking about sharks as we just were At least one clever group of sailors thought outside the box when the man eaters came after them Like the sharks came for the Essex. Yeah, this is incredible. I can't believe no one Ever fucking thought of this instead of using dead bodies for sustenance The men of this shipwreck vessel called the poly They use the bodies of their fellow sailors as bait to catch sharks to eat That's smart as hell. They survived 191 days at sea without eating a single man Perfect

And then also when you get the added benefit of like you don't have to eat the dude you hated Yeah, you used to watch him being chewed on by a bunch of sharks and then you feel like that's what you get Yeah, I can't believe you cheated. That's sorry And now you got the shark But when the men of the Essex were attacked by the sharks they unfortunately had no bodies to spare They attempted to harpoon the creatures straight off without giving them a meal first You got to slow down the shark a little bit, right? But the sharks proved too slippery and too tough to even wound and the same thing happened the next day when they tried killing a

Bunch of dolphins to eat. Yeah. Oh difficult to kill. Yeah, you got to really blow them up And now it is there seems pretty easy to kill a dolphin every marine biologist Just you know that dolphins Dolphins go to their own little churches You need to watch blackfish again my friend. No, I know I'm not I'm not anti-animprompt After that as if the sea itself was taunting them a group of three sperm whales surfaced and dove Remember us Remember us fuckers. What are you gonna do? Yeah, they did it all around the three boats

But even though the men were terrified that they'd all be smashed at any second Because all it took was a fucking sperm whale to surface right underneath them. None of them had the energy to row away Oh, you want to go kill these fucks? You know what actually they seem pretty hard up. Let's let the ocean do it for them. Yeah But two days after the whales came to gloat 60 days after the sinking of the Essex they're out there for two months Crew member Richard Peterson good old dick Peterson He declared that he was near death and he began to refuse his daily ration What a declaration that is men had different things because there are several people in this story. They just went

Hey guys, I'm about to die I didn't just die in front of and then just drop drop. I mean, thanks for the heads up Yeah, I mean and this is also it's somewhat of an honor thing. It's like guys. I'm gonna die Don't need to waste food on me. I don't need anymore. I'm just gonna die Yeah, it's organ shut down He fell unconscious and on January 20th as two of the boats near the end of their rations Peterson died separately and coincidentally a man on Pollard's boat also died that same day And so with rations low and two dead crew members just sitting there stinking

Wanton it deserving it That's when the Fishing started. They got all the fish on the boat. No, no, no, that's when the They started investing into stocks and bonds as they were looking at a more responsible future for themselves and their family No, one more one more guess that's enough Stand comedy happened then stand up comedy boom. What does a mythical cow drink? What kind of milk does a mythical cow drink legendary? I love that so they I mean, wow

These guys to some degree think you got to be thankful Mm-hmm. You got to be thankful that these people dead, you know what? I mean, you don't want I would say thank you Yeah, sure. I mean every day I woke up covered in canker sores crusted with salt and I have to eat the stinking corpses Dude that's been next to me and I know how bad he thinks I've watched him covered his shit ass covered in diarrhea And I know I'm gonna have to eat that I'm gonna have to kind of flake it off You know, it's really hard for me to count my great folks Like it's really hard to sit in and be like, you know what this needs a bit of mindfulness Like no, it's very difficult if I had to eat you Henry. I would say thank you Henry. Yeah, I would say that would be thankful

I'd say thank you You really dead well, they removed the heart liver and kidneys And roasted those along with whatever flesh was left from the starved corpses on the boat. They were able to roast them Yeah, they had fire. Oh, well because they had made a they they brought what they could so they had some stuff And I do think a lot of it because I know that when they they did do that when they killed the tortoises They cut out their whole bodies What they literally really do is they would cut the top of the shell off and rip it off, right? And then they'd scoop out all the Soft from inside of it. We've seen cannibal holocaust. Yes, and then they would cook it in the shell

They just set up a fire underneath the shell which boil it so they might have used the shell itself They might have yeah Now normally an average human body produces roughly 66 pounds of edible meat roughly But since these men were starved their muscles were atrophied and any nutritious fat was reduced to a translucent gelatinous substance Hmm in addition Malnutrition also shrinks the organs So it's likely that each man only produced 30 pounds of edible meat, which isn't much for 16 starving men It's not no no, it's barely enough for us. Yeah, just a sitting here

Yeah, you get apparently the two things you're really not supposed to eat in the human body of the pancreas. Yeah, and the teeth Yeah, that makes sense. I would I believe the teeth don't boil the bones. Yeah, I could see that Yeah, you can't boil the bones Marrow right Marrow Marrow in there indeed But soon other men began dying off one by one and each man was in turn eaten Greedily and quickly as if the men making a dinner of their shipmates couldn't help themselves once they began It's the quality of eating that I think that is the the part of it that you that's a big thing as a person Yeah sitting in a house or that work. Yeah, I want to know what you mean by quality It is the heat

It's not about the quantity it's not about the quantity but what in your opinion what kind of quality Are you talking about? Pinch your balls. That would be good quality eating right. No, not the quality of the meat It's like the how they ate was like scary. Yeah, you know what I mean that like by time you're eating people Oh, buddy, it's not like you're not like okay. Who's saying grace like you're all just like Ah, I like going in and just picking apart at this fucking thing. You're all fighting over who's getting enough meat I do believe they rate they rationed them out as much as they could I mean like here you can have some of this you have some of this

So now cannibalism is in full swing cannibalism is in full swing, but they remember there's also it's meat So there's a tick tock on it. You know, it's not going to last very long But perhaps more important as to why the body seemed to provide little sustenance was because the human digestive system requires Some fat in the meat. So the human flesh they ate actually provided very little nutritional value I didn't know that I watched that show alone. You ever see that show alone? No, of course It's better than um, it's better than naked and afraid even though naked and afraid got jumblies Alone is like you can bring stuff with you So it's like it's a real competition and there was this one dude who fucking

He's prison style stabbed the bear to death like he went up to it Steps a step it was the wildest thing I've ever seen and he had hundreds of pounds of meat But he ended up almost starving the death because there was no fat on it Because it was an animal that had woken out of hybrid out of hibernation and it had any meat And he was like saying that like you need to have fat. Yeah Like you could have all this meat. You can literally starve to death. You want to read the nutrition facts That's why I have a butt tattoo of nutrition may contain sodium

By this point though captain pollard's boat and the shitty boat they drifted about a hundred miles away from first mate chase's boat The convoy was now irrevocably broken. No Two boats in one spot one boat in the other But trying to buoy their spirits chase told his crew because they're out there alone that they would quote Not die sooner by keeping their hopes. It's the most british way He's basically saying, you know, it's not going to kill you to have a good attitude This is your fault. Owen. This is your fucking fault. Wow, dude. I'm surprised. He survived that speech. Yeah He wasn't dying sooner

That's how it sounded By keeping all their hopes Might as well smile while you're dying I'll kill you. Yeah. Do you want to die frowning? Yeah, do you want to hey bandy you want to enter heaven with a frown on your face? Do you want to enter heaven with my arms are fucking wrapped around your fucking neck at a arm bar? It takes more muscles to frown that it does just smile. That is true. Have you ever tried to frown? It's weird. I actually can't do it. No, it's weird

The audience can't see no Yeah, I think the frowning is something that you just have to do really naturally when you're actually disgusted and sad Meanwhile two more sailors died on the other two boats and both men were eaten Which may beg the question as to how these men so readily ate their shipmates as opposed to the story of the main crew Who were so reluctant? Yes Well psychologists who studied the effects that concentration camps have on the psyches of prisoners They believe that groups of people who resort to cannibalism or other extreme methods of survival They become reduced to a sort of feral community. Oh, I bet because you know

Cannibalism was kind of practiced in certain societies it was but it was way more for like We're doing this to freak them out. We're doing somebody else or we're doing for religious religious purposes We're doing it to take their power or we're trying to do these things or in total desperation. We've all seen temple of doom Yeah Yeah, these people they enter an animal-like state and which is sort of Psychic deadening kills all feelings and it allows survivors to do what needs to be done to survive put in less serious terms It's like what happens in loony tunes cartoons like when you know the carrot when daffy duck like seas porky pig Is not like a pig, but as like a big duck chicken drumstick

Like a big or someone looks like a big turkey that's running around like Yosemite Sam becomes a big turkey Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld. I believe was it Kramer that got turned into a turkey because he started using butter Yeah, hey, buddy. Yeah, and also for Kramer with this stand-up comedy. He can use that legendary bit And then he could replace it with his more controversial You really can yeah, there you go. I look at you both right and what I see is some sort of like I just see globs I see you as a glob. I'm a glob. I don't see food. I see a bigger glob And you got a bigger car and he goes like Thinner blob, but that's really all I see but I think this is cataracts

But at some point what that is true, right? When you are starving you start to look at the body like you look at a A a a cow in a barbecue restaurant and you start to kind of carve up what parts you can eat Oh, but that's I feel like we were talking about it's weird because that does happen because something Breaks in the mind that allows you to look at a person and say yummy Yeah, where it's like because it's a because Natalie and I always have diametrically opposite responses to food Where like there's that my favorite restaurant in Atlanta when you go to Holmen and Finch

Like they have a cow that's vivisected like the movie the fucking what spots with Vincent D'Onofrio Uh, the cell the cell. Yeah, it's like and she's horrified. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, look at him like yeah Right, right. Yeah, very uh jack Nicholson joker of you. Thank you But when it came to the shitty boat Events transpired that almost guaranteed that no amount of psychic deadening would save them Sometime overnight on January 29th The shitty boat drifted away from captain Pollard's and with no navigational equipment But they were lost and the men inside were never seen alive again

So all I can imagine though is that they ended up on that big gay island Had fun and they all just massaged each other and they just figured it all out They made this beautiful egalitarian society. They mean they invented dominoes on their own Just like hanging out just fucking eating papaya. Just channel sucking dick Channeling their own richard's back channeling their own richard's back being like if they knew how much fun we're having marooned on this island They'd rest you us Now after the shitty boat disappeared captain Pollard was left with three nantucket teenagers none of them older than 18 Jesus their names were charles ramstall barzolay ray and owen coffin and boys. Let's rename the ship the ss

Epstein There you go. You get it. I was gonna say heinstein, but that's super dave Well, it's a lot of references in there really is no child would understand none. Yeah, super dave I try to explain to natalie who's super dave was No, she was like what and I was like, he's like the funniest guy from canada ever born and she's just like I I He's the guy with the raspy voice from curb. That's that's super dave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was iconic. Yeah, super dave Yeah, yeah, don't you know we have to every couple must be different. Yes, uncle corner

But now I guess that was our uncle corner for the day I think so, you know, that's the thing about super dave is that I don't really remember super dave But I do remember loving super dave. That's the thing I couldn't tell you a single It's like a mandela effect type thing where I don't remember a single super dave episode But every time you say the word super dave, I'm happy. I have the exact image in my mind Him the beautiful little the the american The dress that he would wear he was super. I mean he was evil. Can you super dave? We knew who super dave was We all just know

Every single episode was kind of similar where we would do something. Yes, you do something stupid. Yes, it was very funny But stupid he messed it up. Yeah, he always messed it up. Yeah, he's like dwarf, but a uh Another reference that no again. No one that is Everyone knows who tim conway. No, they don't No, that's a boomer. I tried to explain to Natalie who tim conway was. Oh my god. What's it tim? What's it tim conway? I don't What captain pollard and these three nantucket teenagers they were all floating 1500 miles west of south america with the half-eaten corpse of shipmate samuel reed

Oh my god, just throw it overboard. No, it's leftovers. Yeah, it's leftovers. They're still eating on it. Yeah Yeah, they're still eating on the corpse. Okay, and I think that's a good eat around there Yeah, but by february 6th the remains of samuel reed had been completely consumed So as was the long accepted custom of the sea Pollard and the three teenagers at the suggestion of charles ramstall Drew lots to see who should be killed so the others may live such a teenager's idea Because you can just see pollard just sit there and be like Well, do you want to do that? Is that what you want to do? Yeah, you sure you want to do that?

I'm gonna put it together the straws. You're three stupid ass fucking child nantucketers Let's see what happens here. That's incredible. So now there's I can't I know pollard fixed this. Yeah, I know he fixed it I know he was his life. Yeah, let's draw some straws Yeah, right. Well, I mean so now they've gone from natural death and consuming the body to killing people And consuming the co-ops now first pollard resisted not least because one of the kids Owen coffin was his first cousin Oh, but as he had done before and would now do for the last time Pollard gave in to democracy weak and cut up pieces of paper which were placed in a hat

Once the lots were drawn the unlucky sailor was Owen coffins Isn't that ironic? Don't you think don't you think? Pollard in great distress told his cousin that he'd shoot the first man that touched him Then pollard offered himself in place of Owen But Owen standing brave in the face of death or possibly just wanting it all to end

He insisted he died stupid polite motherfuckers Each one of these guys is fighting forever who's not gonna die. I'm like, no, it simply must be me No I'm the ones shut up Yeah, Owen said that he liked his lot as well as any other Oh, and after lots were drawn again to see who would commit the murder Wow, Charles Ramstall whose idea all this had been anyway He was chosen to pull the trigger

So they're actually gonna waste a bullet on this. You know, I just choke them out. It's too late I mean bullets. They have not figured out how to use the bullets up to this point. This is what the bullets are Why didn't they try to shoot the shark? Long story man. Yeah, long story. Well, that's the thing. It's a musket. You know, it's not gonna be the most Accurate of shot. Yeah, you're just gonna make it all bloody. Yeah And then all the other sharks are probably gonna attack the bloody shark and then it'll kill you in the process Yeah, and it's gonna be a feeding frenzy. Yeah, I mean these guys have thought this through I'd like to think. Yeah at this point. They've had a lot of time. Yeah. Yeah, they've had a lot of time

So after offering final words to be given to his mother just tell my mom Mama your tits were so good. I wish you were at my mother. All right, really nice last words That's great. Last words can't wait to deliver them. Thank you. We'll deliver those to your mother if you die early Yes, and after Owen coffin commented on his mother's breasts He was, as Pollard later wrote, soon dispatched and nothing of him left. Dispatched to heaven Meanwhile, dispatched to their fucking asses. They literally turned him into you. They earned him to shit. Yeah Meanwhile over on First Mate Chase's boat hundreds of miles away a man named Isaac Cole lost his mind Surprisingly the first and only man to do so. He began to mindlessly rat and he would twitch spasmodically

He would suddenly sit up and ask for a napkin and a glass of water Then he'd fall down again. Then he'd pop back up fall down pop up Philbrook put it as a possessed jack-in-the-box. I mean to be honest with you. It sounds kind of fun Have you seen the movies jack-in-the-box one and two? No surprisingly very interesting. Is that a real thing? Yes Okay, that's nice Well, Isaac Cole then moaned for six hours and he died at 4 p.m. That's a sad obituary. I mean thank god. Now at first nobody suggested eating Isaac Cole because they believed in a somewhat quaint 19th century fashion that they may catch his madness, which is just like dude. You're already fucked up

The only one making sense in this whole fucking thing. Well, you don't want to catch it Oh, but when everyone is crazy is not the crazy man saying Yes So they Didn't make any fucking sense. I know it didn't make any sense. No, it's why we're gonna get into world war three So they kept the corpse on board overnight and slept next to him with plans to bury him at sea the next morning But just as the body was being prepared for burial. Oh and chase said Wait a minute boys. Let's think about this first

Look at how thick this guy's ass is He said Perhaps it would be better to eat a madden shipmate who is dead Then it would be to later be forced to kill A sane man and they were like what first of all Kill the sane man. So we know you just you said kill Chris Hemsworth You said kill the rest of us were just are we're just Upset. Yeah, we don't know what to do. They got to eat this guy. Well. Yes. They have to so they made a compromise

It's right now. It is three guys left on this boat Three guys left. They made a compromise They butchered what they could from cold body and they committed what they didn't eat to the sea So they didn't bury him all the way at sea, but they didn't eat them all the way either Okay, they did half seas one for you one for me Yeah problem was the strips of flesh they cut off turned a rancid green by the next morning. Good Good. So their nutritional value was limited once again back on Pollard's boat though Another teenager breathed his last

Barzele Ray died and was eaten. These people all literally moaned themselves to death. Yeah And then they're just gone the death rattle that left only captain Pollard and Charles Ramsdell And they both prayed for rescue that seemed to never come. You know what Charles? I always figured it'd just be you and me. Just them two on a boat. You know what nothing but net good work, bro What if he just he just pulls out some wine and some great cheese Pecorino 1975 I think you're gonna love it. Now, of course rescue did come because otherwise we would know what had happened Yeah, I mean this would they just all be you've gone and never came back. No But captain Pollard and Charles Ramsdell would not be the first round that piece of luck went to first mate

Owen Chase the guy who did all of this in the first one. Wow Well, Owen Chase and captain Pollard shared some yes, they shared some responsibility Technically in the end the captain is the one who is the most responsible because he could have said no We're going to an island the captain in the cook. Mm-hmm on valentine's day 1821 the last three men on Chase's boat ate the last bit of Isaac Cole Meaning they had just enough strength to row for a bit. What did you get for valentine's day? The crazy man's but a crazy man's but that's what Natalie's getting When they say romance is dead

Soon they were within 300 miles of the islands of Massa Fuera And Juan Fernandez with just three days of hard tack left Now right there at the end 15 year old Thomas Nickerson laid down Pulled a piece of canvas over himself like a shroud and told the other two men that he wished to die immediately Okay, but on February 18th. He lasted two more days as harpooner I won't die Let me die Wow, it seems like you really wanted to die. You didn't even get that you couldn't it's the easiest thing one can do

Well as harpooner Benjamin Lawrence fiddled with second mate joys piece of twine A ship was spotted in the distance. Yes using their last bit of strength Chase and Nickerson set sail and rode to try to catch up with the ship And soon they saw that it was a British vessel The indian and when someone on board finally spotted the near sinking whale boat They shouted to ask who are you and using the last of his strengths chase yelled sx Whale ship Oh

Named Okay, well like do you think they're gonna be like, I don't know you I don't know. Go past you? They might. They might. No, no, no. That place sucks. There's a good chance. They'd just be like, oh, fuck it. We don't got that much time to waste We got to get back there. We don't have that much food. We can't pick up these two hungry folks Go to the sea my friend. Go to the sea. Oh, you're a bunch of bangles fans. Sorry Oh, there you go. We're like the bungles. There you really nailed it. If they were french, they might have said fuck you Yeah, yeah, they might have said fuck you if they were french. Yeah, possibly and with that the first three men were rescued

And brought aboard the ship ever so carefully so as to not rip their raw drooping Ulcerated skin 89 days after the Essex went into the sea these three survivors were given tapioca pudding. Thanks High in calories and easy to digest. I love a good tapioca pudding. Yeah, I'm fine with it. I don't like tapioca pudding I don't like bobo tea, but I like tapioca pudding But do you mean to say bubble tea? Yeah, bobo, bobo tea

Boba tea Boba tea and I also don't like things that snap in my mouth like a sausage or a grape What I do love Please roll forward Please roll forward I also don't like caviar I do not like caviar, but tapioca for some reason. I'll never feed anything. That's like a balloon to you. Thank you You're like a seagull

I like that. That's a myth. Seagulls can absolutely Don't care. Oh, they can't erase No, that's a myth they can all eat rice Three different ways we're gonna get this is what we're gonna get the emails about we've spent hours working on these on this episode We're just gonna be like, um That's how they commit suicide. I don't know. No. Well, I don't well these three survivors began the long road to recovery five days later another rescue occurred although this one Was far more gruesome

Where he's chased his boat still had a bit of hard tack Captain Pollard had shared a large bit of his provisions with the shitty boat before it disappeared beyond the waves And so when a ship from Cape Cod called the Dolphin discovered Pollard's boat, they found Pollard and Charles Ramsdale curled up in opposite corners Sucking the marrow from their dead shipmates broken bone Oh, it's scary. It is. The image is very very scary It reminds me in the Donner party when they first found them They saw the kids coming out of the fucking hole the hovels like just like looking like little ghosts

Yeah, because you can just imagine the eyes when they realized that they're being seen by Oh, yes, that is literally how they said it because they were just they've been gone for so long And so I think they just went through so much that they're just like Yeah, they were delirious like the guys like they actually climbed down in the boat and tried taking the bones away from them And they wouldn't let them go You know, they're fighting to keep these bones and then when they looked in their pockets Their pockets were full of finger bones They were safe for later

And scattered amongst them were more bones as if the whale boat was in the words of one sailor The sea going layer of a ferocious man eating beast Their skin was covered in sores their eyes had sunken back into their skulls And their beards were caked with salt and blood Whoa, yeah, there's not a lot of refreshing going on But nevertheless the men were brought aboard and given food and water and after coming to their senses They told the tale of the Essex But in telling that tale they remembered

That they'd left three guys on an island a couple of months back Like oh, fuck Oh, shit, that's right Reggie No, no, the interesting thing is uh, I'm actually learning along with you Because wow, I totally missed on that. I forgot that So in early march a ship named the Surrey out of Australia Volunteered to go out and pick up the guys that they'd left on the island if the men were indeed still alive But when they got to what they thought was Ducey Island because he said I left them on Ducey Island

There was nobody there the entire beach was covered in birds and eggs Well, no one's been here in years, but the captain was smart enough to figure out. They're probably on Henderson Island So when the Surrey arrived They found that the men who had stayed behind had been having a comparatively grand old time. Yeah, man They're just living on the island. They're just they're just like what up? Yeah for months They'd been eating tropical birds. It was hard. They found berries. They were eating crabs. They found eggs They found turtles turtles kept washing up sounds fun The only drawback was that the spring they'd found turned out to be temporary and it disappeared the day after the Essex crew left

Oh, but the men dug wells that collected rainwater and when that ran low because that didn't always work They just drank bird blood and they just live life Live in life. No phones. Just five Just margaritaville living as far as the shitty third boat went though There was no happy for anyone on board that Five years after the Essex sank a British navy captain named Frederick Beachy Found a whale boat washed ashore at the real Ducey Island. Oh inside were four skeleton

They were determined to be the last of the Essex crew or I guess they didn't make it to the gay island I guess they didn't but it's better to go to heaven I know that's what they thought. I don't think so. That's what they thought not the way they went to heaven No, no, I also don't know if any of the there is no happening. Well, okay, mr. Lenin Do you remember that when everyone's like, let's let's play imagine during cove it. It's not good for cove Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's imagining. It's imagining a world in which there's nothing. It's supposed to give I gave John Lennon comfort. Yeah. Yeah, it did but when a bunch of people are dying There's no way that it's not a much of a comfort to say like now remember after this. There's nothing

There's nothing Gal Gadot Changed a lot in this country. And how dare you let that spy from Israel? How I do How dare you let Fuck with my songs. Yeah, there you go Now when the survivors of the Essex arrived back in Nantucket own coffins mother That was captain Pollard's aunt She didn't particularly enjoy hearing that her son had been killed and eaten by her nephew

You're right. Yeah, I would actually not tell her. No, but they had to they had to Your son, you know, you should make it up. You're in the middle. He fell over. No, well, because he had to deliver the last words Yeah, you he said Do you remember what were the final true last words? He said he said tell my mother I Her tits are so good. I wish he wasn't my mother right so that you could suck on that. Yeah. Yeah Is there an alternative history that he maybe he said something different alternative history in which he said like I wish you were my stepmother Yeah If you got stuck in the butter churner

As a randy amish boy who's out of the religion on rum spring fantastic. All right, great Historically, I like it when kissles looking for information and then we could do bits It said no, you don't get it No, we don't get it But most in the community when captain Pollard came back and when Owen Chase came back and they're like, yep We ate dudes. They completely understood that there were unwritten rules of the sea that sometimes had to be followed Yeah, you wrote those rules down. Mm-hmm a lot less people would sell. Yeah, true true And Pollard was judged to have dealt with the situation fairly and honorably

Now since the sinking of the Essex was it really his fault Pollard was almost immediately given another whaling ship. I would never go back ever ever ever. It's the only thing he ever knew It's what he was doing, but it's what he was born to do The tire now he set off to a new whaling ground west of Hawaii called the Japan grounds But even though it again wasn't Pollard's fault His ship sank again. Just don't do it again got thrown into rocks. Did he die this time? Nope And in fact, it wasn't a big I mean they were sailing with another boat so they got rescued immediately

It wasn't that big of a deal. Okay, but Pollard was utterly ruined because the highly superstitious whaling community now considered him an unlucky man Yeah, it's the worst thing you could be on the high seas is considered like he's an unlucky man He's not setting foot on a fucking boat. He's retired guys honestly for the first time. I agree sure. Yeah, all right Now Pollard did attempt sailing aboard a merchant vessel But when that life didn't suit him he became a humble night watchman on land in Nantucket Yeah, he said that he would never let anybody out of his sight again. Good. That sounds like perfect That's what he should have done right afterwards. Well, he was actually known as a tearful man He was mostly concerned with enforcing curfew amongst the kids and supposedly if one were to ask him if he knew Owen Coffin

He'd gregariously say quote knew him. I hate him Now it's 9 p.m. Go to bed go to sleep go to sleep But Pollard's family insisted that he would never make light of such an incredibly traumatic experience. No, no one has ever gotten gallows Humor after experience and tragedy. What else are you gonna do? I don't know honest As far as the other surviving whalers went all of them except one Return to whaling after just a brief convalescence And they continued their careers on the high seas for the rest of their lives. All right That first mate Owen chase he began working on his book almost immediately after returning to Nantucket

He finished it before he went on his next voyage 20 years later one of his many sons from many different women because his wives kept dying He served aboard the whale ship Akushnit Akush on that boat. Owen Chase's son met Herman Melville And he slipped the aspiring author a copy of the book that detailed his father's harrowing ordeal Inspiring Melville to write Moby Dick years later. So that's the source material for Moby Dick Well, it's the first one because oh and chase wrote his version of his memoirs, which heavily featured how he was not at fault

And then he didn't do anything wrong And then he but he also I believe he was the one that was like was honest about the cannibalism Yeah, and it was the other one written by the the boy Thomas nickers. Thomas nickers said let me die Yeah, let me die. He did deny the cannibalism because he just didn't want to admit it. You couldn't really deal with it Yeah, it's pretty obvious as for the rest of them three of the eight survivors became captains themselves While two of the island guys continue on his crew members on the australian ship that rescued them cool Yeah, the third island guy He was the only one who didn't return to the wailing life, but he retired on an island. He went to timor

I mean that sounds great. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, he died there some years later But as far as the Nantucket wailing business as a whole went It had still not yet reached its peak when the Essex went down the peak was 17 years later When Nantucket whalers killed almost 7,000 whales in one year, you know that whales They uh, they do so many things they play games They do they do they will go and they will a whale will save a dolphin from a shark I don't know if that's true. So that's good. So you have sympathy for the whale. Yeah, of course whales are incredible creatures No, I love a whale again. It's just watch all these documentaries. They're just about to see when I get to the door

People who have empathy? Laugh at them as they cry. Yes, but 7,000 whales in one year That's nothing compared to the more modern numbers to 20th century numbers in 1964 the deadliest year for whales in history 30,000 whales were killed by any number of Scandinavian and Japanese whales And what do we get from it the blubber for candles and shit? Well, that was because that really happened when the first sperm whale took down the Scandinavian node trade center Um, they took that down There's a 9-11 joke, but it was war against whales. It's a war against whales. Um, explain it further

It doesn't even make any sense because I don't get it. I don't get it. Whales don't fly I don't write bits before I write. You know what I mean? Like I don't come up with all of the bits No, all of the bits not fully formed that one was that one should have stayed inside That's an inside thought. I feel like this is a playground for my ideas It is it is a workshop environment even though it goes straight to the air and we don't really we don't edit that much out Not much of all the playgrounds. That's the metal slide of playground material It really hurt as you were saying it and it hurt going down. No, but then you go No, it's

And your skin falls off your body However, just the Nantucketers, they reduced the sperm whale population by somewhere between 8 and 18 percent Wow And while there were 2 million whales when whaling began, there's only about 350,000 sperm whales alive today However, it must be said that the only reason why the Nantucket whaling business finally ebbed was because a superior and more abundant source of lubricant was discovered in 1859 That substance was petroleum Oh, yeah, and one rapaceous system was quickly replaced by another and that's when the petroleum started

That's when we got our petroleum It's great. If you if you want to rub your body in it Yeah, yeah, I got a bunch of crew to my house most of the things in this room are made of petroleum All plastic, glass, table, these little rolly things around This chair is made of petroleum petroleum and thank god we could always just get that Well, we could always get more. It's endless just like the whales Wait a second. We can if people actually acted harmoniously Pocahontas was wrong

Now while whale oil was still used sparingly until the early 20th century The last Nantucket whale ship was tied to a dock in 1924 and the next night It was appropriately destroyed by a hurricane that dashed it against the rocks And the American whaling industry was ended forever Wow, that's awesome. That's a fucking really Whale of a tale It's a whale of a tale and I'm going to say if I had to choose between that or being a member of the Donner party I think I would rather be a whaler. Oh, I'm gonna go to Donner party

Far more survived though, didn't they? Uh, no, no, no, no far no the Donner party far more survived They more survived than the Donner party What about the guys on the island? I would like to be one of the island See to me the island or that's where I feel I would have been best. I would have done well I just been like, why don't we hurry to land? Hurry to land? Yeah, you're right. It still would have been absolutely fucking horrible I would have been terrifying and difficult. You're just still drinking bird blood most of the time Not as cold as the Donner party had to deal with though I like seaweed icky

So I don't know if I want to be in the ocean. Oh, no seaweed salad is great Yeah, I like seaweed salad because it's in my mouth. It's it's tickling my feet Oh, yes, sure But then you gotta you pull it up and you dry it and then you pickle it and then it makes seaweed salad Yeah, you're doing that seaweed salad. Let's go order it every time. You do really. Oh, yeah, I like it I'm just surprised you do. Oh, yeah You eat green things. Yes, green's my favorite color. Yeah. Yeah. He let me too Oh, Henry, what's your favorite color?

blood red We're also going to draw on locks at the end All right, everyone the tragedy at of town the Essex the tragedy of the Essex Oh, thank you guys so much for joining us and you want to check us out We actually have a couple of things to announce one thing March 8th at the new pack theater It's basically two doors down from the old pack theater in Los Angeles. We're doing a classy night out me and Ed Larson I don't know who is going to be there yet. I don't know As a turtle he won't answer my text. I know I wonder why and then no, uh, I got that we got August

We're gonna be Australia. You check out those dates and last but I guess I'm left calm. You can see all those dates Can't wait. Uh, we're gonna do live side stories April 8th. You will check that out I'm gonna give you all that information and we're gonna be appearing at wonder con this year In Anaheim, that's right. We're not sure exactly what day we're gonna be there yet, but we're gonna be there signing our new z2 comic book Issue two has been shipped So look out for those in your mailboxes if you pre-ordered them Thank you for your patience on waiting for those to get to get printed and get shipped out And if you want one you can now order them at z2comics.com

Do people dress up at wonder con or will I stand out if I do I think you should everybody dresses up Wonder cons also a dress-up. Yeah, remember all concert dress-ups remember that fan-ex that we went to And there was that guy who dressed up as raiden and waited in front of the Christopher Lambert table for like three hours Oh, yeah, and he didn't need to do that. He didn't have to do that Because it wasn't a huge line No, Christopher. He's just like, yeah, cool. I wish he'd leave sir. Yeah, please say good costume, sir Yes, I'm gonna be on the lookout when we go to wonder com for some deep space nine figures. We're only missing in our collection We're only missing odo and gold cut and then they can finally have sex again

Finally get all she's holding it. She's the one that's holding it off. Well, that's great Well, thanks for supporting all the shows here on last podcast network and our little serious ventures as well Mondays and Tuesdays Check out our mothman blend over spring hill jack coffee. I'm just gonna go ahead and say we got a new blend coming out soon I don't think it's going to titillate your throat holes. All right, everyone hail yourselves Hail Satan. Hey again. My good solutions everybody. Thank you so much. Don't eat your friends I mean eat your friends if you got to but you got to really have to but I can't imagine any situation in modern times Where you would have to but first

People get lost. Oh, but first I see what you're saying. I thought you were gonna start a whole other episode No, no, please first we have to do another five hours No, no, no, maybe on mars We might have another chance for cannibalism when these billionaires get to mars and they run out of food You could get stuck in like you could your car could break down in america and you I'm drinking out of a water burger. There's there's fast food everywhere. I know. I just started eating leaves. Yeah You just die there. Sure. You have no excuse marcus. Maybe I don't This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors

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