Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 524: David Miscavige Part III - Top Gun

Episode Date: March 4, 2023

This week the boys conclude the story of Scientology's tyrannical leader David Miscavige, leading up to modern day, focusing on David's relationship with a certain leading man in Hollywood as well as what may lie in the future for Scientology.

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started But the thing is is that the scream soundtrack had for the original screen sounds like a fucking It was great man, sometimes it's to be different. Yeah, we did a whole You know what you really should do if you for me one day you should do something about the crow soundtrack That was in it. That was part of it. That was one of my it's still one of my favorite albums of all time me too It's not an album. It's a sound to compilation, but you know fucking it is fucking fucking more. I hope Scientology crushes I hope they tear apart your personal life. I hope they tear apart your business life

Fine, they could still just not gonna make the crow sound tracking album I'm interpolated. Do I have my pamphlet music? Do we have my pamphlet music? Yeah, I understand buddy. I had I had a Cross my mind blew my mind the other night. What I was in thinking sitting there thinking executive time I realized what if Fucking a fish getting hard enough to have sex with a fish. Mm-hmm. That's OT 9 Wouldn't that be something great day to be a fish? I don't know you have to get your whole abdomen torn open by the

miniscule Fantastic act It's very difficult and then you're fucking at spine you get your spine at the bottom of your right like it's all a hole That's a whole Rigamarole like that. Yeah, the tiny little ribs the fish ribs. Yeah, it's not gonna feel good. I think they're not gonna tickle They're gonna cut it wouldn't feel good for anybody. I don't think no well again. That's why you must be clear Absolutely, you got to do it You got to be you got to be in ethics if you want to have sex with the fish

welcome to the last podcast of the left everyone been hanging out with Henry and Marcus Have had sex with a fish. We're not good Scientologists Bad at it. All right, everyone. It's time for part three of our tale of David miscavige Now we've made a lot of hay out of David miscavige's tiny hard body over the last couple of weeks He looks like a vichucky dolls in his aning bed We have and there is controversy with these episodes the main controversy people have been sneaking into my DMs

Is Henry's impression of David miscavige attacking? Is it a flying cross body or is it a clothesline? Two different varying words when we discussed it. It's a flying cross button. Okay, because it's full torso attack It's He wants to make sure that he hits you with his belly button Sexual way because he has no sexual feelings perfect clears it all up. Yeah, no cross body. It's not a Goldberg It's more like it's not like a big shoulder tackle. It is cross-body cross-body. It is attacking someone literally with your pubic bone Well, perhaps all of this attention on David miscavige's tiny hard body is what's partly drawn the attention of a Scientology Twitter front called hate monitor

Which in a series of tweets over the last couple of weeks have managed to make the three of us look both evil and Super fucking radical. It's the coolest We've ever looked they're using the images of when we did Red Rocks when we actually looked like people would have sex with us It was incredible And now we're getting calls now we're getting phone calls We're getting a lot of phone calls from the Church of Scientology actual phone calls But we know for a fact that they are from the Church of Scientology the actual color ID is the Church of Scientology It's funny. They just put it on the ID. Yeah, I guess they have to for legal reasons

They'll talk more and more because they are a church still technically According to the eyes of the most sacred body in the United States of America the IRS Absolutely, and also they the yeah, so they're coming on this pretty hard. I find it interesting because we Talked massive shit. Mm-hmm about Mormonism Like 10 hours like 15 hours 15 hours, right? We never got a single call nothing No for Mormonism, you know why for Mormons, you know why cuz they're confident. Yeah, you know when I think you know I might blame a little bit on Scientology and why Mormonism are chill. It's a lack of caffeine They're not they're not all like they're not all up in it, but also the Mormons

I think are confident in what they give to their parishioners Yeah, that they're the arrangement of you believing in our weirdo beliefs is that we actually create We're trying to create this quote-unquote loving environment for you And they put a lot of effort into that loving environment front Which we're seeing that Scientology doesn't really do and it leaves a bitter taste it does in the mouths of their parishioners Absolutely got to show a little love just a tiny little bit. That's honestly hug of science. I'll just Seriously good bro. Do you like be nice to one because we're trying to get him out of there Yeah, but the thing about David Miscavige's hard little body is that it takes a lot of work to stay little and hard

But his physical form is only the base level of what makes David Miscavige tick Yeah, see running America's second most successful cult into the ground through a long pattern of assault kidnapping human trafficking and possibly murder That requires a lot of what you called executive time executive time It's not nothing it's idea formation Absolutely hanging out because you remember this is David Miscavige at the height of his powers Yeah, after last episode we see he is fully consolidated Yeah, all the leadership under him and now we're watching him take the Church of Scientology out for a ride like it's some kind of like Demolition derby car and even at the height of his powers still only five foot three and that is why when Scientology called me

There we go, and that's when when Scientology called me yesterday. Yes, I did answer and I actually want to tell both of you SP's I Am now in charge of Scientology new rules number one smile More Sometimes you got to be happy on the outside higher carbs. Mm-hmm and number three That fish will go on a deep fried Will you tell you want to just do a few you just want to do a fish fry, but honestly, I'm bringing the Catholic fish fry to Scientology

Doing an international fish fry actually will do a lot more Than the Church of Scientology. I can see your blood pressure going from 170 over 120 to 169 over 119 169 is a funny number But as we'll see assault kidnapping and human trafficking are all not only Essential to Miss Kavich's executive time but somewhat the point because David Miss Kavich's version of Scientology Doesn't really work without assault Kidnapping and human trafficking because he has to keep you afraid to make you stay in mm-hmm Yeah, that's a problem because they don't have any benefits

Yeah, right, but the thing about executive perks is that they can't just be paid for on spec because Scientology owns a lot of real estate That requires liquid assets if you want to keep everything flowing if you want to keep the bills paid You want to keep the lights on and if your cult doesn't have the membership that it once did if it ever had much of a membership at all Then where do you get your cash? Oh, if you search pornhub for liquid assets, it ain't about finance as my friend talking my squirt Yeah, you're talking bear squirt. Yeah David Miss Kavich. He got it the old fashioned way. Oh, he's selling cookies Like, you know how how one makes money, you know, like I know how people make money the widgets

I would never trust a man with a six-pack to sell me cookies, but also remember like they are getting with when they do get their cash They have to spend it because as a church, they're not supposed to hold on to it So, huh, we're just gonna have to spend all this money Well the answer where they get that money from is gullible emotionally vulnerable incredibly rich celebrities who will think of them To put it into perspective the ten richest Scientologists are worth Conservatively, this is on the low end about nine billion dollars Billion with a B But it also must be said that not all of those richest Scientologists are celebrities was we notice most billionaires

Really good billionaires don't want you to know their names Because they're moving around in the background making a bunch of decisions And they don't want you to know that they can then tank their own company by being an asshole in public Oh, we're gonna talk about the shadow government. Yeah, you have been there, but Even though Scientology's richest members do indeed have a lot of money not all of their money goes to Scientology, of course Okay, so how does one shore up the rest of the cost and How does one spend all that money but make sure that none of that money makes it to the people at the bottom? How does David Miss Kavich give the illusion of wealth and power while still

Keeping a stranglehold on all of the people still in with the answer is simple sir slave labor Need is about at this point a couple of Struggling thousand like people that you've made so tired and hungry and scared Yes, they'll just do whatever it is you tell them to do look at that perfect And so today's conclusion will be all about David Miss Kavich's decadence the torture He is employed in the past to satisfy his own twisted urges as well as key people in the church And we're also gonna cover the celebrities that Miss Kavich's regime has kept close to the vest for all these years This of course includes a certain celebrity who had David Miss Kavich serve as the best man at his last failed wet

Whoa number three by this reporter who's dishing now? Wow So who could this celebrity who's considered by some to be Scientology's top gun possibly be Well what we do know about this top gun Is that he's come in and out of Scientology a few times over the years But when he returned for the final time in the early 2000s his physique inspired David Miss Kavich to quote-unquote Get ripped even man. I get ripped. That's what I do. I don't even bring a piece of paper around He loves the term ripped. He likes to get ripped. He is he's solid as a pebble Absolutely, and that's why he runs such a risky business

Oh, we can't see him. Where are they? No, Miss Kavich has always been a muscular little boy a pebble as you said I absolutely fucking love that term But when a certain top gun returned with mission impossible to muscles Miss Kavich started talking about getting ripped Almost constantly great. I love when guys talk about that constantly. Oh, yeah It shows that they're very secure and ripped and here's where we're gonna get into the decadence of David Miss Kavich We're gonna put a pause on the top gun. You're gonna have to wait to see who that top gun is As we are piecing these series together I also want to make sure that our audience knows that like we're pulling this much information from about six or seven different sources

There are constant different like Scientologists blogs on the internet former Scientologist blocks Also, we're trying to compile the life of David Miss Kavich. It's actually very difficult to do Yeah, because he is a very private and intense man and the people he keeps really close to him He either betrays or are also so in on it that no one really wants to talk about his inner life So what we're doing here is really kind of pulling together what it is that we know that he's done It's like we talked about the consolidation of power But the fact that now that he's completely fucking in charge and he has this like bunch money and he's not working on tech Yeah, what does he do with all that shit? Mm-hmm getting ripped?

Well, I mean the people that we're bringing it from I mean Mike Ryan Mike Rinder excuse me Mike Rinder like like like like spender not like grinder Yep, I know you love your grind. Oh, yes, and a hoagie. It's such a fun word to say. It is Grander. Yeah, that's a fun thing to do too. Yeah You doing it? I've been on the dating apps a little bit. Oh, yeah, I was on big and tender. Yeah, that was good. Yeah And then I realized I was just ordering up to them. I was just ordering food Yeah I'm gonna find me a dog one of these days

Well Mike Rinder He is the one who actually has given us the most Information or has given the world the most information about David Miscavige's life or at least until Mike Rinder left Scientology and like the mid to late 2000 2007 We're basically trying to do is coordinate like triangulate a bunch of different sources to get whatever we can't I just recently been reading Mark Hedley is blown for good But Mark Hedley is another was a young dude who has another perspective It's more just understanding that when you have so many people all saying the same exact very similar stories about a man

You that that is probably the truth. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well in order to get ripped Miss Kavich escalated his already decadent lifestyle habits that had by the early to mid 2000s reached their peak Just as Scientology was also reaching the height of its power and visibility Before it began to crumble. Are we talking Kim dot com here or are we talking Papa John's? Kim dot com Kim dot com. It was an internet mogul. He ended up getting arrested and done I believe he's currently incarcerated. Wow fantastic documentary on him. Really? Are you talking about the power of the Papa is like are we talking about Papa John's gave us a tour of his home. Oh, yeah, sure talking like that

Far beyond. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Papa John's actually I don't Papa John's. I think it's a fucking billionaire now Papa John I think his reckoning was way more talking about that back end. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know I mean, it could be but on the other hand Papa John also does not have an army of near slaves She don't know what I have That's true. She don't know what I have. Like Dave reckoning was coming. I have a thousand piece of tears They're coming to your studio. A thousand piece of tears going through your garbage David Miss Kavich we're talking food here. He had employed two personal chefs for years But when he wanted to get ripped he had them enter everything he ate into a huge spreadsheet to ensure that every meal

was 40% protein Exactly and no more than 400 calories and all that you see in the exact science. What what a nightmare. Yeah Yeah, of course. Yeah, he'd be fed four meals a day and by the way, David Miss Kavich despite his ongoing asthma chain smokes Like a mother you wouldn't believe how much he smokes. You can tell by his voice though. He's got that he's got the Hi, everybody. We're build a decay to the future even my current impersonation of him is far friendlier Whatever you heard about us. If you haven't heard us from you gotta hear it from us here for me Well, I mean honestly smoking makes for a great radio voice. It does. Yeah, actually my radio voice got much better after I quit smoking I do I believe it will you here because it depends on the radio voice

Yeah, because I well, I mine used to be so thick with mucus and it's not quite so thick with mucus in all anymore Love talking about it Well, he would also he'd eat four meals a day he constantly smoked cigarette But dinner was a five course meal that was made specifically for his and his wife's blood type Reportedly Miss Kavich's favorites were mushroom risotto clam linguine and of course the cruelest of meals walk raw Yes, it is. It is sad and I even I struggle with I have frog what is delicious But I think it must be so hard for you. It's the pain in it. That is what's delicious It's the screaming of it

I could see him like having a little piece of frog raw which is like it's half the size of his head Yeah, like just because he's all head. He has he's all hands again He him like that's a very David and scavage meal very much so I could see it Seafood would also be trucked in from Santa Monica to gold base several times a week and corn fed lamb would be flown in from New Zealand He must have been terrified attached to those planes. Yeah, look you lamb David's missing wife Shelly would also make these extravagant delivery demands. Of course. This is before Shelly Miss Kavich went missing right Shelly was uh I would say from what I can tell I may be wrong here. Correct me if I'm wrong But Shelly Miss Kavich also sounds like a monster complicated woman. Well, truly complicated woman. I know she's missing

I know it's all that but it does seem like from what I've read that she joined in That in the torture makes sense some place underneath makes a really good argument Which which is interesting because it's a part of the actual legal argument That David Miss Kavich is going through right now of like can Someone if you're raised in a religion if you know nothing but this religion like from very very early age And it forms your entire personality What is consent to activities that you have been kind of completely indoctrinated into Believing that this is what you're supposed to do. You are Shelly Miss Kavich knows as the number two to the number one

Of Scientology and the history of quote-unquote number twos and what happens to them within Scientology Was probably acting in a way to yeah, probably maybe it gets inside of you But you're also trying to go along to get along you're trying to not make bumps You're trying to be the bride of David Miss Kavich who is just as cruel and like you don't want to get flushed down the toilet Because people did view her as some like she was scary But then other echelons of her were like the higher ups were like well Shelly Was a again term complicated comes up a lot because she was born raised now you're you're in the center of the hurricane Yeah, you know like I don't know how you react. I don't know how you'd act, but then now whatever it is

I'd go missing for like 16 years. I mean that's what she got done to her Yeah, you know, but so I think that you know, she's you're you're stepping on. It's the pain rolling downhill. Sure. Sure. Okay. I see Well, that's the thing is that her and David together their meals would be they would cost anywhere between three and $20,000 per week Jesus, it's a lot more would be spent, of course if a certain top gun was in attendance I'm certain they didn't have goose No flaw graph for him No, not at all they'd fly in ingredients from all over the world when top gun showed up because they wanted to make it Extravagant they wanted to make him feel special. They have to show their biggest guy. Hey, look at what we can accomplish

Look at what we can pull off seafood. Oh Seafood well near the ocean. Holy shit. Honestly. No, if it's going out to gold basis in the middle of the fucking desert It's taking a three-hour trip from Santa Monica. So it's like they are flying and they aren't doing the thing It's extremely it's very extra. Yeah, Sam trout. You imagine if there was fish in the desert That's chaos But once miss cabbage was done with his fourth meal of the day He'd retired to his private screening room where he'd watch his favorite movies. He loves Scarface of course because he's an asshole And he loved the godfather. We all do everyone loves the godfather

Sure, he was also known to sip on surprisingly moderately priced scotch. He liked mcallon, which is you know, it's good It's good. Well, it's because it's it's good. It's moderately priced though Yeah, to me, honestly, then you're fighting and they were we how much are we paying for the scotch? Yeah, how much you have to pay for all the scotch at some level tastes kind of the same now I'm drunk and i'm scotch drunk, which means i'm like making like world decisions in my head You know, i'm like looking out and being like one day all this land will be mine. It's scotch. It is an ambitious drunk It is it's a cruelty cruel You get inside as a side of you you become president for a night alone in a room. Yeah, absolutely

But mcallon, it's a good it's still top shelf. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's good stuff I would just I would just considering his extravagant habits. I would expect him to drink something much more expensive glen live it That's the same Johnny walker blue every night, perhaps I'm not a blue guy. It's very expensive. Yeah. Yeah trying to shoot it one time in celebration and almost threw up Yeah, that's how we're supposed to do. You're supposed to sip it. Yeah, real smoky. Yeah, it's real smoky Well, that's what the reason why I kind of bring it up His stereo system is incredible. He'd sit there and listen on a hundred and fifty thousand dollar stereo system

Just listening to michael jackson Hey, oh my you're in it said michael Every time he's just listening again just loving it. It's like moon walking alone and his sad like empty giant mansion So he listened well drunk on mcallon to man in the mirror while watching scarface unironically. Yeah, all this unironically Wow, it informs you Now as far as miscavages dapper look goes His clothes were all tailored by the same guy who does will smiths and a certain top guns wardrobe And those clothes were kept for david's perusal in a room that was only for david's tiny suits

I'm starting to get jealous because I love my own tiny suit room because that's fun to do you go and you're like These are my suits. Like just so excited to be like, and there's one suit there's my little one There's my gray one. There's my brown one. It's like I just try them on all the time with you Isn't he always in the same color suit basically that dark blue suit. Yeah, they're there's different shades I saw like one was like I saw one that was more like a skyscraper cobalt And I saw another one that was like a goose gander gray. I see like yeah, there's a lot in there There's variations multiple suits. He also had two full-time stewards who did his laundry and cleaning Constantly to the point where even the light bulbs were polished once a month

You're gonna want clean light bulbs mark headley talks about a story. It's just all of this like it's an anity to prove Of it's it's like it's an anity for its own an anity, right? Like you are an anity word Well, it's the idea of like kind of it's busy work and a bunch of people are just doing all the time because It's pointless shit that kind of drives you a little crazy No, the whole point is and then it's demeaning. It's deeply like mark edley talks about how like when he first met David miscavige and happened on accident. He was a kid David miscavige made a like a surprise visit to their org Like him and his two dudes and he accidentally ran into him outside

He saw david miscavige. He was like in the first thing he said he was like this Miniscule yelling man with two men flanking him and he was talking to somebody be like, I'll see you at gold base Like he did something weird shit and then he said hello to david miscavige You'd like regarded him. He walked up to his new auditing coach that was like, oh, you know, like and he's just like Yeah, actually, uh, I think the cobs here like whatever they called him at the time. He'll be chairman of the board Yeah, they called They pulled him into yes b o r e d that's from norm mcdonald

And so they poured him into Pulled him into another room and they're like, how'd you meet mr? When did you see mr miscavige and he's like, you know, I just bumped him to outside You're like, you need to fucking tell us when you run into him We need to go into full panic mode now They they clean the entire org waiting for him outside. He comes in. They're all screwing around. He comes in He does the white glove. He's a white glove. Oh my god And he's checking shit and he's like he says like this place is filthy because they found dust behind a trash can

And they made him redo the whole thing to stay there all night Is he a part of the fucking restaurant? And this is young. This is when he's young but the idea is it's it's that weird thing of like It's that it's about absolute control. Yeah, you really should have just been an inspector for restaurants. Yeah, that would Been a perfect job for him. Unfortunately. He doesn't take bribes. So it'd be very difficult for him in that business Yeah, it's going to be a lot of seas around new york city, but when it came time to leave Yeah, a couple of d's too Couple of double d's

I haven't jerked off in a month You should I know smell come but not like stained come I smell fresh come It's like coming out of you. Yeah, it's really weird. Yeah, it's like when someone's carrying around like a bucket of fresh milk That's I can smell it's unpasteurized It's wafting I smell your children. Tell me you think about it. Then jerry jumps on the band. I'm like, I'm welcome Yeah, I've been dealing with that recently. Natalie's been out of town. We're no deep sidebar here

But it was like I was in the middle of like to take like when he was like trying to like cuddle that I was like I just leave me that you're a father. I had to go upstairs the whole thing. Yeah brings you out of it Yeah, it really does. Yeah, well when it Sorry, Georgie. Georgie's in the room. I'm sorry. You know, she's fine. That's why I'm not mentioning it because my little girl's right here Oh, she's got her sweet ears on right now Stamps.com has postage rates. You literally can't find anywhere else like up to 84% off usps and ups It used to cost five barrels of wine to send one single mayor from one county to another Can you even believe this for 25 years? Stamps.com has been indispensable for over 1 million businesses

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left But when it came time to leave gold base, david would hop on his private jet which cost $30,000 per trip And tow was a personal chiropractor to align his little back And a personal hairdresser who kept his hair straight And a personal hairdresser who kept his heart as nails quaff high and square at all times He's got some kind of uh, he must have some kind of hair implants too. It's real thick. You've got a real strong front Yeah, right Additionally, miss cavitch would also bring photography equipment and a staff to take photos everywhere

He went and then he'd take those photos bring them back to gold base and show them off to all of the executives And the seaworth members who were for all intents and purposes captives at gold base how exciting so he just showed other people pictures of himself on a plane Really cool Now speaking of seaworth even though it was once a position of honor and Scientology They now seem to be and have been for many decades a little more than slaves because they were supposed to be the priest class Yeah, right and then what they did was in a weird way It feels like a truly abusive relationship where it's like, oh, you love me so much

I'm gonna fucking stick your head in the ground. I'm gonna just fucking mash your head I'm gonna destroy you because because you love me so much They are the entry point seaworth in which Scientology becomes a serious cult of belief and subjugation That's when it goes beyond a money-making scheme designed to build clueless and desperate actors. That's just American Yeah, that's just called holly. Yeah now at gold base where seaworth members are arguably treated the worst They're made to eat in a meat and potatoes mess hall with a meager salad bar Unless you're being punished, of course. If you're being punished rice and boiled beans. Yeah, just got a pot So remember so that's what they ate

That's what you after eating frog raw a night of eating $20,000 worth of frog raw. Yeah This is what they eat next door the people who are doing the actual worker eating rice and boiled beans What are we talking when we say salad bar here? Are we talking wendy's salad bar? No, buddy. Oh, no, no, no. They're barely any fixant. Yeah, I'm thinking like I'm thinking like I love a good salad bar. I think shitty pizza hut salad bar 1993 Unless they're doing things different because so much information has leaked Because rindard just talks about like part of being on seaworth is being hungry. Yeah, and the pride Of being hungry. Yes, because what that meant was that you're working too hard and you don't like you're you're you're you're really digging in

It's the grind, you know, it's the same thing of people now that well, you know Just regular ass people if you're like a fucking work 10 hours today, bro. Like I'm grinding and making it happen. I'm doing it It's that's very sick. Like that type of addicted to it mentality. That seems similar to um shinrikyo They kept them very very. I mean, they all do very hungry. Oh, yeah Hungry is that that is a key word for all cults. All cults are always hungry. You never see a chubby. Name a chubby cult Blubbers there's there's the blubber boys I Mean I will say anybody who's in charge of big dairy, right? They got to be big

That's a cult. That's yeah. Oh sure. Look at me. I'm stuck. Absolutely. I need to reach out My cholesterol big too I need to reach out I need to get a fucking deep programmer geez Well the cost of each sea org meal each person they spend about 75 cents per person Uh per meal on gold base when it came to sea org members That's about half of what the state of california spends on prisoners per meal. Yeah. Wow. Yeah prisoners get about three bucks 350

Well, it's a great day to be a prisoner in california This is awesome Well, on average sea org members are quote unquote paid $50 a week and that's only if they don't incur any fines for various withholds Overts or general goofery. Yeah, definitely not general goofery. You've bumped for that. Oh, absolutely And you don't want to meet sergeant fuck face You really don't because that because your throat your soft palate is going to be General goofere come here

If you get that sort of punishment you can get bumped down to as low as $13 a week And that's if you're not actively racking up debt to Scientology Well, the thing is you are racking up debt to Scientology no matter what because if you want to bail on your billing dollar contract One of the things they do part of the ways they keep you in is that then they send you a bill For all of the free auditing that you got and they say oh you signed up for this in these various contracts In these various contracts that we made you do while you were half asleep We kind of semi-forced you to do some of you are into this maybe at the beginning But we kind of made you do this and you agreed to this

So they are charting it because they're giving you this is where they get their tax exempt status to this day And why they do it? It's because they house and feed these people But due to the lack of regulation on looking at like how a church spends its money They can do it is the the tiniest amount at the very little and then just say Oh, it's because they choose to live a monastic existence instead of saying we're trying to create a free work force Yes, billion-year contract But all of this is seen by sea org members as a reasonable reality They have no access to computers their personal calls are monitored all of their letters are inspected their bank records are monitored

And any semblance of pop culture is absent from their lives. See that is what's aggravating. They're a science cult I know it's not real science, but you would think tech would be everywhere Well, it should be it's called sea or in the ideal orgs. That's what he does That's a part of his money making scam is that he makes these he blows out these old historical buildings with the highest of ends of tech and a fixtures beautiful marble floors like everything at the top of the line And then they pump volunteer to get people to then like go and raise money on this new Absolutely top of the line property that they just did which works for about a year and then the whole thing falls off Once they repeat like they let it go and then it just this very fancy building that is just empty. It's so weird

I mean the only tech they really use is the emeter. That's the only technology that they like. Yeah machine. Yeah, because it's a questionable tech But okay, but to the point of pop culture Being absent from their lives completely when South Park did its ground-breaking Scientology episode trapped in the closet that probably did more damage to Scientology than anything before or since It really cannot be overstated How devastating that episode was because David Miscavige is now living in a world where all of your deepest secrets all of your hidden Material that allowed like because that really was I think the power they had over people was just like when you come into this This very sacred environment if you come into this place, right what you will see what you will get no one ever gets

David, it sounds like you have me see the only only only only only I basically can't get that because that means I brought that in okay. All right. I'm clear But he's like he brings people and you want to be like entranced by the secret teachings Now they're all out in the open everything's out in the open So now David Miscavige is kind of like that that power is gone, which is why then the punishment comes Yeah, I mean that's the thing is that like that was the point that you brought up When we were on the phone a couple of days ago talking about this is that like all of a sudden Scientology you have Any 13 year old in America that can say Scientology is fucking stupid

Yeah, and it's a the science South Park like educated a group of 13 year olds That Scientology was a cult and it worked. Yeah, I mean the overall plot to the show I mean, it's very much of its time, you know, it's it's R. Kelly It's Tom Cruise it's John Travolta and all that But the master stroke of this episode was laying out the entire Xenu mythology the basis of Scientological belief into a minute and a half long animated sequence with the words This is what Scientologists actually believe overlaid on top They fucking they destroyed the church in a minute and a half and cut to Mike Rinder

Doing his PR thing after when the Xeno thing first dropped and I'm being like that's patently ridiculous Like the way he attacks it in that way It also shows they they are they they stick into a point of view and they just hold that that fringe point of view As hard as possible to keep them inside. Do you guys talk on the phone when you're in bed? No, I don't even think Ghostface would even want to kill me What is your favorite scary movie? I'm never gonna scream again because I screamed earlier today. I love Demi Lovato But even though David Miss Kavich was incredibly incensed about the South Park takedown

Especially when the episode ended with Stan saying I'm not scared of you sue me The people in sea org would not have understood it even if they had seen it Depending on if they were born into Scientology. They would have no concept what South Park was They wouldn't know why any of it was funny. They wouldn't know why people even watched it You just talking about like you're my parents Well, I mean none of the references like R. Kelly's trapped in the closet. You remember that? Or the rumors about Travolta and cruises sexuality, none of that would have made any sense or it's it's more like It's not allowed to make sense. Yeah

I mean, I mean all they would do if they watched it they would find it confusing and terrifying They would see it as an obvious offensive against Scientology from the outside world. Hell. They might even look at it was It is I mean, they might even looked at Xeno Xenu laughing and Been scared by that because Xenu is a terrifying character. Oh, oh, that's what Xenu looks like. You're like, oh, shit But then also like you're probably is a little bit of that sacred thing like I've been told that this is sacred Information that this is deeply deeply secret that people would go insane If they heard this information and they do go insane

Mm-hmm getting mad at Scientology to go like what are you what but it's like that's what holds you in but keeps other people out Mm-hmm This is the point of David Miscavige's anger one of the key differences between Alron Hubbard Scientology and David Miscavige's Scientology Is that under LRH? Scientology was all about the tech when it came to the ego stroke LRH got off on people loving and praising his ideas and methods and he was so in love with psychological manipulation That he set off multiple time bombs Within Scientology like the 21 year return that were designed to fuck with people

Decades after his death. He really fucked him everybody over by creating no designated line Right. He and he knew it. He knew it. He knew it because he knew it technically A lot of people fight about like what he wanted because like there's the story that he wanted it to be run by a council That he felt that no one person could ever bear the the actual responsibility of guiding Scientology into the future but unlike LRH Because shoulders so narrow shoulders so narrow you'd think they were broad I mean like he just was he's he's he's perfect man. Yeah, if miscavige is a pebble Hubbard, that's a mango

Mango, wow, wow, he is a mango. I consider myself an avocado You probably want to eat more mangoes with your blood pressure. Probably be good for you We're my pamphlets Honestly, because we have that's I'm gonna get these gotta get these cooked up. Mm-hmm. That's great You feeling good now? I feel much better. I'm honestly deeply agitated. Yep You wanted a council, huh? A council. He wanted a big council. Well, no way nine people could be wrong. Yeah, no way I feel blessed Thank you, Fernando. Fantastic. And you're an avocado

That's a thing Hubbard loved the manipulation. He loved the tech. He loved people telling him how smart he was Yes for pulling for coming up with all of this shit miscavige. However, he's more of a sociopathic corporate CEO He's very very shallow. He thrives on fear submission and the blind accumulation of wealth To that end, he completely restructured Scientology to specifically feed those needs He is literally the only pimping TC Well, our our our blind item a certain top guy a certain top guy for the only people currently really benefiting from Scientology I mean, who knows with the parishioners like who know like the people that are truly just on the outside that are just casually giving money to Scientology I don't know what their lives are like because we talk about how like the up to class five

What the some of this stuff is just kind of relaxation techniques and straight up acting exercises Most of this stuff is kind of like innocuous. You can kind of see how it like and might help you with communication Or like whatever like that kind of garbage. It's not until you join the siorg that the crimes really start This is one of those stories where we talked about I think last time about how The crimes of the cult really fall on its most beloved Members versus the other ones where it's the fringe gets fucked in the center is what benefits It's one it's only one person benefits in David and sketch. It's like how we are with our friend groups the closure friends We are the worst it gets

Well in this though, I can see how some Scientology defectors can still believe in Scientology While also speaking out against the church itself Yeah, basically they're like Catholics who left the church because of the molesting But still pray to God when they're in a jam and they still use guilt to simultaneously Keep themselves from doing horrible things and to keep themselves from enjoying life to the fullest Because that's the key you want to hover between those two points. That's called Christianity I mean you can take some of the positive tenants of anything and apply it to a secular life Of course, that's the idea. That's like and then community the concept of community. Of course

But in Scientology, of course, that's how you become a squirrel. That's what a squirrel is. That's somebody stealing tech Yes, someone who has taken the ideas of Scientology and is practicing them outside of the church and that of course can Bring the ire of the squirrel busters. Oh, yeah, I've been trying to audit my blood pressure down But all I end up doing is masturbating Yeah, I don't raise it But when it comes to Scientology being mainly about David Miscavige for the last few decades His birthday is probably the best example because I think that's a new holiday now because they have like five big holidays One's LRH birthday and they have like another I forget the other one's like the beginning of ot8

And I guess it's one of his is that one of the big holidays It's definitely a big holiday and they're they're big arbor day people But every year Scientologists celebrate David Miscavige's birth by giving cash contributions That go towards birthday presents for little Davey. Wow. Great. Over the years He's received such expensive gifts as tailored suits designer leather jackets nice cameras diving equipment Italian shoes and a handmade titanium bicycle cool I would love to see this rich fucking bitch just open up the present. Yeah, we have a shit Put it in my suit, bro. Yeah, nice. Oh, tan suit. You're trying to get me sued. Yeah

But those are only the appetizers for the big gifts presented by the various orgs One year the flag service organ clear water all pitched in and bought David a 70 000 dollar motorcycle Money well spent. Nice. And another division set him up with a BMW. Cool But Miscavige also ends up with more presents because in a classic corporate move and this is actually very important to David Miscavige holding on to power for as long as he has He created so many different orgs within orgs that nobody is able to hold enough power to challenge him for the top spot It's a great way to do it. It's it is been it is so complicated and you can see why you get obsessed Researching Scientology. I am I'm up to my fucking receding airline and God God save Tony Ortega I mean, he really just like the idea of keeping it up to date

But it is very difficult to really parse down. What is the day-to-day of current Scientology And what's going on in there because of this like spider web construction that David Miscavige has set up. Absolutely If you see the power chart flow, we've ever seen that power flow Like how it's fun. It's just again the word inanity keeps coming up. It's just red tape It's made just to make sure you know, you'll never get your word all the way up to David Miscavige Yeah, but perhaps Miscavige's greatest crime when it comes to sillying the legacy of LRH Was when he replaced Hubbard's adorable corgis Yes with the lowly beagle

Oh fuck, now we're gonna get blown up We're gonna get blown up even harder I love beagles. They keep your house free of rodents Do you understand that the beagle brigade's gonna fucking be right behind? I love goddamn Scientologists in front of our homes Yeah, the beagle brigade is fine. Well, we'll just have to fucking come back with the corgi clan Oh, yeah, that's a good idea Marcus Oh, yeah, corgi clan

Corgi clan with a C my friend Thank you for clarifying Like the foot clan, but for corgis the corgi clan That's just as bad as what we were thinking earlier We here at the crazy corgi clan We absolutely love a short leg name And anything with anything beyond a five inch leg needs to be genocided Corgi butts drive me nuts

I don't like the corgi community I think that they sexualized their dogs Oh my god guys, I just I'm so I feel like The beagle boy We're gonna like jump past being sued by the church of Scientology And just get sued by dogs We're just gonna get sued by the beagle world

Beagle magazine Beagles are fine, they're just, you know If I'm on a boat, what do I want to see? Do I want to see corgis or do I want to see beagles? I want to see a woman with big breasts in a bikini I want to look and see a margarita in my hand I want to have a fresh brat in the other I mean, yes, are corgis a less A less practical animal to have on a boat because they're so low

And you can trip over them and go overboard Much easier, absolutely I don't think dogs should be on boats I don't think dogs like boats I don't think they're terrified on a boat I know some people are like, my dog loves the boat It's because you raised them on the boat Now it's, it loves you

It's a boat dog That would be a nice day, that would be a nice day All right, let's do it Ms. Kavage had, amongst a veritable pack of dogs Five beagles that all had blue vests custom made Each one featured four stripes on the shoulder epilates There's very cute, I will admit, it's a cute costume Yeah

That meant that the beagles, though, were technically sea-org captains And in such, everyone had to treat them as sea-org captains and salute them when they walk by This was, of course, yet another tactic David Ms. Kavage used to keep sea-org members in their place Telling them, basically, even the highest ranking among you are at best equal to my fucking dogs Seriously, and again, like, he says, again, the way they flip it Is that like, oh, what, like a funny cute thing Like it's a human interesting But every single thing that David Ms. Kavage does is deadly serious

Yeah, there's not a sense of irony about the man You look at footage that people have of him now, like those fake Scientology videos Where you see him, like, smiling and like, looking like he hangs out With people inside of the Oregon ship, you're like, absolutely not That man's very, very dangerous Tell me you don't like a fucking beagle, bro No, I like a beagle, I'm just saying I have no, again, I don't have a hair in this fight

I mean, I like a beagle, I'm just saying I got a corgi, or I got a little corgi mix And I like corgis better Beagles can run up to 20 miles fucking per hour Yeah, you fucking put that beagle up against my Georgie Georgie can run 20 miles an hour, I guarantee you I've seen this dog run Yeah

Good Well, in addition, Ms. Kavage also had a Dalmatian pit bull mix Called Buster, who was known to attack staff members And once sent an elderly woman to the hospital Now, while Seaworth members were putting up with being compared to dogs And being attacked by dogs They were also being beaten on the regular by Scientology executives And the beatings were beginning to get progressively worse

Starting in the late 90s That's because shit was rolling downhill Following the death of Lisa McPherson Remember, that's what we talked about at the end of the last episode Was their exorcism gone wrong? Yes And after that, David Ms. Kavage's punishments Involving Scientology executives were getting more violent

More humiliating and more bizarre In the dusty old bones full of green dust tradition It really is true And the fact that, like, because now they're, like, heavily bleeding After the Lisa McPherson thing That was, like, really the first time that Something from the outside world really came in and touched David Ms. Kavage

He did not like that Which is why they still so angrily and hungrily go after Anybody And they still are doing the word experiencing, too People experience this all the time Because of the Lisa McPherson thing And where it's going to to now Like, this is the whole, like, third age of Scientology

And this is, you know, and it's important to say that, like, these Punishments, the worst punishments in Scientology Go towards executives These are people at the very, very top The people that are in David Ms. Kavage's immediate orbit Again, Shelley Ms. Kavage, all these people Anybody who got close to him was this close The more you got promoted, the more in danger you were within the organization

On perhaps the most bizarre and, frankly, hilarious example David Ms. Kavage had a set of expensive, life-like Ventriloquist dolls commissioned That looked exactly like his three favorite executive whipping boys He would bring them into these meetings and then he'd be like Okay, everybody, let's just see what Mike has to say And he'd pull up the Ventriloquist dummy and act it out in front of all of them He'd ask the questions and then he'd answer the questions in, like, voices

That impersonated the Dolls Doppelganger Oh, that's hilarious Yeah, but they were also very, the impersonations were also fucking weird I know, it was exactly, it was like my, it's my That's the part that I connected is that he's very, like He's brutal in this too, where they're not clever No It's kind of trumpy in that way where it's just enough of, like, a gut shot

Because it's immature, too Yeah And then you're supposed to be a big bad boss of Scientology, too Right And he's just ripping you to shreds in the room Yeah One executive named Haber Oh, yeah

Or maybe it's Abair It's Abair Gentsch It's the guy that was the original spokesperson for Scientology Because he looked like a cute old man But then David Miscavige decided that he looked too old And then that's when Renderer got put up His name is Airburr Bench Abur, Abur Gentsch

Abur Gentsch, I hope he finds them boys out there I hope he finds them, them boys I'm thinking of the boys, I don't want to think of the boys What are you saying? They got a Confederate flag on their cars He's German He's Abur Gentsch I hope he finds them boys from the Dukes of Hazard

That's what I was thinking of Man, whatever gets it out Whatever, man Well, for this guy, David Miscavige would get a little meta He'd do a howdy-duty voice That always answered with childish statements Well, I'm a dummy I'm a big stupid dummy

Like, literally Yeah, because in Miscavige's view, Abair had the intelligence of a marionette As smart as this dummy, you're a dummy You look at the dummy It's like, why are you friends with me then? He hates all of his friends He has no friends Yeah

Only one specific incredible cocktail artist Oh, interesting Well, for another executive named Jean Le Severe Miscavige would do an over-the-top French accent And almost every sentence that he spoke Would mention how much Le Severe loved cheese Yo, yeah, man, I'm a cheese-ladding motherfucker I am a stupid cocksucker

Because he loved his favorite word with cocksucker Right But when it came time to impersonate Mike Render Miscavige would speak like a real slow-talking Morris Because Miscavige... He didn't hold him in his knee at least He would literally go like Hi, I'm Mike

And I'm always slow to react Because I'm outethics And I pull it in Don't I? I am Imagine there's like the clattering of the ventriloquist dummy mouth Like... Wow

And in fact, Miscavige wants to describe Render In front of a large group of high-ranking Scientologists As being the spawn of an R-worded sloth's DNA Whoa, hey, no These R-worded sloths need to be able to reproduce Absolutely But remember, the way we're talking about this is the ramp up Because as after Lisa McPherson happened

This is when things started getting more and more gray Because obviously he's been slapping and beating people And cross-bodying people this whole time But now it's really starting to get fucking weird Yeah, you got the blood on the hands When Render's further humiliation Miscavige tapped a gold-base electrician to install Four-foot lengths of copper wire into the ground in front of a conference room

This, he said, would prevent Render's body-thatens From jumping off and landing on Miscavige It's a Scientological equivalent of bullying someone for having cooties Well, this is why he's punishing the executive staff He's punishing the executive staff because they're not doing right The reason why Scientology's getting all this heat Is because you guys are all fucking up It's not because we're a corrupt organization

It's because you guys are all fucking up And you are keeping, now it's splashing onto me When it came to everyone else, though Miscavige's favorite blanket insult was Pie Face Because people would fall asleep Or in some cases, according to Mike Render You motherfucking pie-paced piece of dog shit Someone was pie-faced in Miscavige's world

When they stared at him in silence and terror When he asked a question with no possible right answer Which he did quite often Oh yeah, there's an idea Because he'd give you a bunch of questions And then everything would be wrong Whatever you said was wrong Pie-Faced was a face with no expression

So to drive his point home He started bringing white paper plates and magic markers to meetings And using his kindergarten arts and craft skills David would draw approximations of smiley faces on the plates But he'd use a straight line instead of a grin for the mouth It's an emoji Yeah, a blank expression You can't see it, but...

Yeah, it's an emoji It sounds like at any time he might try to buy Twitter I'm surprised he hasn't tried to do it yet Take him down a page That's right He would then pass these little makeshift masks around And make every executive hold the plates in front of their faces While he spoke

Because in his words, he'd rather look at those pie-faces Instead of their actual pie-faces Who would want to look at a pie-face anyway? Someone actually had pie for face? Yeah, that would be very interesting and also distressing I feel like I'd cry I feel like they saw a man with an actual pie for a head At first I would be like, oh cool

But then the other part of me would be like, who else is me? Who else is me? It's all going to start falling apart from there Yeah, absolutely Well, this holding of the pie-face would sometimes go on for days at a time During any and all interactions the executives had with David Miscavige So they had to carry around their fucking paper plates And any time they talked to David, boom, put the pie-face

You don't want to put that on there I would be a Tres Leche pie Oh, cute He would grow bored of his punishments too though Then he'd go to the next thing and there would be another new horrible thing And it's going to escalate So this is all he thought about when he was drinking McCallan Listening to Michael Jackson

Just filled with great Watching good fellas I guess that's the only consolation everyone can have Is that he doesn't have a happy day No, never Like he's sitting in a lap of total luxury as a god amongst his people And he is miserable Right

Lesson in that, I guess When eventually his rage would subside, then usually executives learned That you could mollify David Miscavige by giving him what they called Standing O's During his little speeches that he'd make throughout the day That were about God knows what Ideal orgs How definitely OT9's come in

All that horseshit Just over and over and over Yeah How Scientology can change the world So on and so forth How we are changing the world using a bunch of propaganda that isn't real Like a bunch of fake concepts And like, you know, like we're going to end

Meanwhile just buying real estate Yeah One time when the applause wasn't enough Miscavige ordered other executives to throw Render, A-Bear, and the Savra Into a near freezing lake This is based off a real LRH punishment One of the ones that he did But he did it as like

It was a punishment and a quote unquote thought exercise Where it's like I'm rushing If you are Like he was dealing with a bunch of people that were not auditing correctly And he's like We're going to do a danger test And he's going to put them all

And they tied them all up And then pushed them over the edge of the boat This is when he was on the Apollo And pushed them over the edge of the boat And then they had to go fish them out But he's like And what did we learn? To not jump off a boat

Don't jump off a boat Don't do it We learn Don't jump off the boat Lesson learned Yeah Okay But the thing about all this

Is that it was unsustainably chaotic If you're going to run a punishment cult Then you got to have rules And you definitely need terrifying locations Of concentrated punishment You need sweat boxes Oh yeah Yeah, sure

So in January of 2004 Perhaps as a New Year's resolution Ms. Kavich began codifying Scientology punishments For four executives That were very loosely based On a policy letter Written by LRH

About how to deal with Suppressive persons So that is interesting Not all New Year's resolutions Have to be good Oh no I was like How do I make people more miserable?

I love having a New Year's desecration Yeah Like that's more what I do I like bringing How do I bring the world down a peg? 2022 I was too nice to people Yeah 2023 let's be meaner

I'm going to ump the Grinch Yeah See in Hubbard's letter He listed steps A, B, C, D, and E For dealing with SPs But Ms. Kavich used these steps To create the A to E room That's only half of my first season

Of my show I know A to E E was half way to M, huh? Where were y'all at E, huh? What was the word? E is for excellence Yes, that's for murder fist

Not yes, that was for murder fist E is for energy drinks or something Yeah It was a bad show But Ben Feldman's very charming He is And so is Kristen Millian Absolutely

Yeah, absolutely And so are you Thank you You're really successful Thank you for just someone person's Well the nice thing is about this series It's only going to help your career in Hollywood Oh yeah, man

Yeah, this is great Well the first subjects of the A to E room Were of course Scientology executives Because they had all been declared Suppressive people who were out to destroy Scientology from the inside Because they weren't doing their jobs Jesus, it's a lot

Going through the steps These executives had to audit They had to recant their supposed Suppressive acts in detail Or they had to make something up Or they always were making something up Yeah, what are they even doing wrong? Nothing

They're working themselves to death Yeah They had to pay debts to Scientology Commensurate to their misdeeds And they had to redo All Scientology courses From the bottom up Regardless of their OT level

Oh, you gotta do it all over again I do a little bit of I have a little bit of satisfaction In the fact that at least These guys were also the ones Administrating punishments to other people But again, the term we keep saying Shit rolls downhill is that

Then they were making everything worse For everybody below them Yeah Just seems horrible But while the A to E room Was psychologically grueling It was nothing compared to the next phase Of Scientology punishment

Amidst a slew of mocking comedy routines And bad press from the outside world David Miscavige created The Hole Ooh Oh, that could be fun Hey, honey Do you want to go to the newest restaurant

Called The Hole tonight? Yeah, I always wanted to go to The Hole Yeah They think maybe I can sit in the Bucky And they can put cold water on my head Yeah, I think they can, dear Yeah Just leave me there

Yeah, alright I'm sorry Now, bad Scientology press Doesn't really matter to insiders When it comes to fucking with their belief Because those already ensconced in Scientology They're conditioned to think That everyone outside of their bubble

Are so-called chaos merchants Spreading lies Yes, dude, yes Chaos merchants Oh, we're prime examples of chaos merchants Again, far too cool of a term Yeah It sounds like a fucking Iron Maiden song

It makes me want to do it Yeah, there's nothing cooler than Iron Maiden For the kids out there, they were a band Hey, it is cool It is cool, yeah They don't get it There was Helton was wearing like an Iron Maiden shirt That's stolen balance

She does not know one Iron Maiden song Oh, don't get into that whole Whole of the thing You don't know three You don't know You're named three bands Named three songs from the band If I wear a band shirt

You should be able to name three songs from the band It sometimes keeps you from buying a cool shirt I do it all the time I don't do it all the time Just buy the shirt Who gives a shit? No, no You're a liar

No gatekeeping, my friend I'm not gatekeeping We can all say no gatekeeping all we want But there's gates everywhere And there's somebody keeping them That is true Bad press, however Did matter to David Miscavige personally

See, in my reading Miscavige had turned Scientology into an extension of himself So any attack against Scientology Was a personal attack against David Miscavige Yes, wow And like a childhood bully Who gets beat at home Then takes it out on the kids at school

So, too, did David Miscavige Take a particularly hard one-two punch From South Park and Rolling Stone In 2005 and 2006 This was then transferred To those in his immediate circle Who in turn transferred it To everyone around them

Now, around the same time As a particularly negative article In Rolling Stone And about a year after the South Park episode David Miscavige sort of lost it When it came to punishments He was presumably convinced That everything was falling apart

Not because Scientology is an impossible scam To run in the modern world What with the internet and all But because the people around him Must have betrayed him somehow Either on purpose or through their incompetence He's put himself in his own bubble, too You know, of course

But on the other hand Miscavige might have also realized That the days of recruitment were over So he'd better keep the ones he had Using the only tactics he was capable of using Fear, intimidation, and cruelty Those are his only tool sets And this was about the time period

Where they were selling to their own people Like, make sure you get your kids into Yeah Like, this was like that because they couldn't They weren't getting strangers anymore They were just trying to be like Now that you're having kids Make sure we pull them into the ranch

We pull them all these like Childhood education centers For Scientologist children So it's like a black hole eating itself Yes There is And so you got to keep it You got to get it strong

You got to get it strong Always And so, Miscavige designated A punishment center on gold base In the Commodore's messenger office office Which was labeled with a carved wooden sign That simply said, the hole It could always have been called like

Le hole Oh, that would have been nice Make it French And give it a super cool metal sign Give it something that has some edge to it Not a carved wooden sign You have fallen into the hole Yeah

Like that sweet But yeah, it's not a record job Absolutely Unfortunately Put the lotion on the skin Or you get the bone again Sure Yeah, the hose

The hose You don't need to know every reference You know I mean, it's nice Now once you entered the building That became known as the hole You would find that three out of the four doors To the building were obviously locked

And barred shut And the windows were screwed down So that they couldn't open more than two inches There was also no air conditioning Remember, this place existed In the California desert But if the heat got too claustrophobic There would be no escape

Because your fellow Scientologists Would be posted outside the door At all times on guard duty And by the way, those would also be Lower ranking Scientologists than you You're an executive There's a C-org teenager out there Pushing you in the face

And get the fuck back inside There's the added angle of that Where there's a lot of render talks About that A lot of times your direct supervisor Or editor Would be a child Would be a 16 year old

That would like show up Because again Because 16 year olds don't understand They're young They don't know That they are They're given this power And then they can just whack you with it

And also the hole You had no idea How long you were going to be there You're going to the hole How long As long as it takes Well, it's already Because honestly at this point

Render and the top executives Are used to being bumped down at RPF And bumped back and forth Do this stuff But this was like This whole thing first started happening They're like Oh, you know

Like it'll be anything like that We'll go in And you go in Do your time Get out But it seemed like As soon as you got in the hole It was extremely difficult to get out

Yeah But part of the genius of the hole Is that from what it seems Ms. Kavich again made An evil corporate master stroke By making the hole An executive punishment It's like you have

An executive dining room Or an executive bathroom And this turns the hole Into a subconscious level Into a privilege Yeah You are just high enough To be punished this hard

Sweet And so to inaugurate the hole Ms. Kavich sentenced 40 executives Male and female both To an indeterminate amount of time In the hole They ate leftovers From the already meager offerings

From the main cafeteria The 75 cent meals And they would not only get The 75 cent meals They would get the leftover rice And boiled beans That was already somebody else's punishment These are people that at one point

Yeah, these are the leaders of the church Yeah Showers like it was back in the Apollo During LRH's Sea Org days They would last 30 seconds And they would only be allowed Every few days After they were done with the shower

They'd put on one of two dark blue shirts That they'd been issued Along with one of two pairs Of teeny tiny shorts Uh huh And what's the point of this again? Again, it gets you out of it You have no personal

You have like We're taking away anything that is you We're taking it all away Making you an autonomous Like little like Punishment bot in this room So like South Park made an episode Then Rowland Stone made an article

And now you're in the hole Basically That's exactly it Now ostensibly the whole point of the hole Was for the prisoners to come clean And confess to the crimes They were supposed to have committed Against the church

LRH most importantly David himself Oh As such the hole devolved Into something very much Like Synanon's game After six weeks These executives have been reduced

To sitting around a conference table Accusing everyone of anything They might be guilty of Using whatever weird Scientology speak They might have at their disposal You're out ethics Yes

Wow, Wendy We know for a fact you queefed You queefed around David Didn't you, Wendy? And you brought that queef in And you brought that queef in, didn't you? And of course When someone could get someone else

To admit to something they may Or may not have done Really didn't matter If they did it or not Right They could show Miss Kavich That hey, I'm on your side I got them to admit to something

And the more that you show Miss Kavich That you're on his side The less time you spend in the hole Or so you think So you might figure This is what you think might be Trying to figure out what the game is Because every other

Punishment has had Some kind of structure Where you're supposed to Like how LRH used to do Run-downs and tech David Miss Kavich is kind of Using the punishments As his own version

Of Scientological lessons Where it's all like But it's more like How do I figure out what David wants from me For this sequence to end But the hole, he saw no end sequence I can also see someone being like

David, I'm on your side 100% got all this stuff And him just being like Pussy, you're a pussy The whole point is that You were supposed to stand up For yourself But that is literally

That is right down the pipe And you know I know Vince McMahon He's known David Miss Kavich But that's what he would also do Sometimes give people horrible gimmicks Horrible characters And really

You should have told me no You should have told me no And this is why they would say If you audition for WWE Never tell him you have a talent Because he'll make you do it And that Darren draws off He was like

You can puke on command Now you're puke And now every time you wrestle You're gonna have to fake puke You gotta be very careful With these kinds of people You have to be careful Who you pretend to be

Because we are who we pretend to be We all wear different masks Mother night Mother night Do you remember Mother night? I'm Kurt Vonick But I mean Ben the way you're talking

I mean it is They are actually very similar They're just both CEOs That's all this is This is all CEO horrible Like I mean Manipulative 80s tactics Like stand up for yourself

They're just beating you down Stand up for yourself Why are you hitting yourself? The genesis for all this though It was not the game At least as far as you know Accusing other people Bullshit went

The genesis was an old Elrond Hubbard trick From back when Scientology Left only financial, emotional And psychological scars Yeah the OG scars Yeah Hubbard's scattershot

Accusation tactic Was called The murder routine God he was good at names Man I guess I just love I love that kind of shit

The murder routine I just liked it Yeah that's the only thing That's the thing is again That's what gets you That's fun I love it It feels like alright

It's time for the murder routine Like oh yeah You could see the sparkle In his eyes Just like It's called the murder routine As he's like selling And we're like

He just loved this little ideas Like God it caused so much damage It really did Well basically If you're trying to get Someone to confess to something And they're refusing to confess You accuse them

Of doing something far worse Than what you're trying to get Them to confess to Oh this is great It seems to work With certain political spheres Really well Hubbard's example

Is that if you wanted to get Someone to confess to cheating On their wife You instead accuse them Of murdering their wife Got it The idea is that if you called Someone a murderer

Over and over and over again They'd eventually say Hey I might be a cheater But I'm not a murderer Yeah I got you There's a hole They try to do it on the offensive

In the Murdoch trial We talked about this A couple days inside Side stories and they fucking got him But they tried to say like He shit his pants in the car Like it made this whole thing Like how honest it was

You see He shit his pants He was But would we tell you this If he was a murderer No he's a sick He's a sick man He's a sick

Who amongst us has been Shat our pants Yeah I only did it the one time But I was at work Yeah Yeah that doesn't count Although it does

I was also at work Yeah I say shit on company time Yes indeed Okay On David Miscavitch's Scientology However This stream of accusations

Got very aggressive Very quickly The sessions soon devolved Into fist fights And bizarre physical assaults Like what happened with Debbie Cook The former head of Flag See since Debbie Cook

Was a flag based person She was based in Clearwater Down in Florida She wasn't familiar With the strange world Of gold base In California Like I said

Everything is so Completely compartmentalized here And Flag's nice Yeah In terms of like Obviously you're working hard A lot of time You're probably living

In a shitty apartment And doing all that kind of stuff You are in Clearwater Florida So it's kind of It's not a beautiful beach But you're not allowed to go Yeah But you're right next to Tampa Bay

Yeah it's nice It's pretty town Where you got married over there Was very nice Yeah Go to OJ Simpson's favorite bar It's all right there Any time you want

Yeah His favorite bar Who did Who threw Hurricane parties Outside of his own Bar Because he was like

His name brother These hurricanes Or pussies brother And then he literally Like threw Like it was DJ Skrillex Or Skrillex

DJ Skrillex That held rave parties During an act of hurricane Where people were dying Interesting Florida's got it made Have fun with it Well that's a thing

Debbie Cook She's coming from Clearwater Florida She's coming to Gold base In California When she got to the hole She didn't know

The rules Of the game The most important role Which was Always agree with David Oh yeah And you know what you Definitely don't do

Is you never laugh at David No That is a thing I've learned sometimes When you meet someone Who's truly self serious I've had that I was always one job

I did With the director Like I don't want to Like it was really intense But they were all like Martin Scorsese What Yes

Was very mad He said something Really like crazy Like I was like I laughed And someone grabbed me And said At him

You know it's like Oh I thought he was like joking He's like It's not joking And it's like David Miscavige was like that Because again The pivot these routines

He do these things If you laugh too He'd fucking Pull it out But he's doing ventriloquism It's funny He's the only one Who's supposed to think it's funny

But I don't know If he thinks it's funny I think he's a very Deadly serious man And if he's laughing You are not in a good spot Yeah We'll actually

Get here in a bit To what makes David Miscavige laugh Well Miscavige With Debbie Cook He tried to get her to say For whatever reason That two other Scientology executives

Including the Frenchman We talked about earlier He tried to get her to say That they told her That they were sucking each other's Quote unquote Sucking each other's cocks They're sucking each other's cocks

Oh But it's not just that like Oh you do not like It's that they told you That they were sucking each other's cocks And you held You withheld that Yeah and I need you to tell me

That they told you That they sucked each other's cocks Yeah real slow too When you told me But David Miscavige Loved homophobic insults More than any other sort of insult And one might say

That he is oddly preoccupied With the said sucking of cocks And the licking of balls And so on and so forth He really really like Was obsessed with it Yeah Yeah you might have wanted it

Yeah it's like in a Trailer park boys You know how Jim Lay He every single insult Has to do with shit It's the same thing With David Miscavige And Dick and balls

Alright But one time For example Mike Rinder got a text From David Miscavige That just said Y-S-C-O-H-B It's just an acronym

And Rinder had to sit there And decipher it And finally After working on it Like it's a fucking End of Dr. Strangelove He advised Like a secret lesson

Yeah after like He's sitting there He's got a piece of paper out He's trying to figure out What Y's S-C-O-H-B means And finally he translated it to You suck cocks On Hollywood Boulevard

Yeah And then David Miscavige Would you go to use that At the end of Every one of his emails To render from then on Isn't that nice Yeah

It's kind of Again I let it a little chuckle Yeah But I also know Yeah But you're also like Wow

Yeah I love a random acronym Yeah I think it will Technically what It's an acronym It has to say a word Yeah it does

Yeah Yeah It's just initials Yeah Y-S-C-O-B Yeah It's not an acronym You're right

You're correct I'm fucked But when Debbie Cook Was faced with this Bizarre homophobia in the whole She didn't know What she was supposed to do Yeah

Instead of saying Oh yeah they talk about Sucking each other's cocks All the time Sucking each other right now It's not even That's all they do It's all they talk about

They told me about of course Instead she told the truth She thinks Oh no that's weird No these guys don't Suck cocks all the time They didn't say that They never said anything about that

They never say anything about that Because they know they don't suck cocks Honestly I feel like Even just saying They would like register with me You know like Because I've never really Even heard too many

Aggressively talking Like out loud about Sucking each other's Penises Because largely I feel like They do that at home They love each other I don't know

I don't know what They don't need to yell at each other Sounds like someone Who needs to be in the hole But her saying They never told me that That contradicted What Miss Kavitch was saying

Made him look like a fool Call me a fucking liar Call me a fucking liar Therefore Miss Kavitch Transferred his ire From the two cocksuckers So-called cocksuckers To Debbie calling her a liar

You call me a liar You're a fucking liar I'm rubber I'm the fucking rubber Motherfucker You're the fucking glue Fucking bitch Whoa anything you say

Sticks to me Fuck you Sucking cocks An Hollywood Boulevard I would I mean Sure She was now the one Who had transgressed

Now she was the one Who needed to confess Miss Kavitch Well Miss Kavitch said It's obvious that you're lying And it's obvious That you're covering for these two cocksuckers And therefore if you're covering

For these men who suck cocks Then you must also be gay as well Because you're all in it together You're a cabal So she's a pussy-licker Yes And so Miss Kavitch let loose The rest of the executives

Who were all too eager to heap abuse On someone else That was another feature of the whole Is that once Miss Kavitch Gave everyone a target Everyone was relieved that it wasn't then So therefore they fucking go With the other person

But now I guess it all comes together When it comes to people like The Maverick Or John Travolta When it comes to them being gay Perhaps Why Scientology

Truly did think that was so bad And why they're like Oh once you told me that Then we know we have something As opposed to like No one cares That was the LRH was deeply homophobic And David Miss

Because you know His son came out And he disavowed his son And all that shit And David Miss Kavitch is right off all I think that he actually ups it He does Yeah

Yeah he definitely does Okay that's interesting Well as a result of all this Debbie Cook was made to wear a sign Around her neck that said Lesbian And they forced her to stand in a trash can Was it Dick's last resort?

Yeah it is Close And all the rest of the executives Sat around hurling insults At her They poured water on her head But this wasn't the first Fucking hate crime

Yeah This wasn't the first nor the last time Something like this happened to an executive But the executives soon began to realize That the only way out of the hole Was to lie Of course But lie in just the right way

How? They just had to fucking Trial and error Yep Turtles are fast Fisher dried You're heading into 1984 territory But that's the truth

Where you like They It's why there was a mass Exodus Right after this time period Yeah Because this is just stripping Any single thing that you thought was legitimate

About what you were doing there Is currently being systematically Ripped from you In the hole Because you realize It's not about ethics It's not about You're going clear

It's not about the meter It's like now we're just like Oh now we're prisoners Yeah What LRH always realizes Is that you got to keep them Just confused enough Like you got to keep them

Just confused enough And to have them like Okay I think I understand But with David Miscavige It's just pure confusion And terror and chaos Benefits over the punishments At some point

They do have to equalize LRH kind of understood A little bit In terms of creating the religion Is that you must create things like What are we giving you That is allowing you to take The negatives

Like what are we providing That's good Like and for a while Like he was feeding people And they used to celebrate Christmas Like Christmas in New Year's Eve Were like huge times For Scientology

And Miscavige stopped all that He used to do like There were things That he used to kind of Put mechanisms in place That made it kind of feel like A funny, kooky place to be A little bit

But David Miscavige Just eliminated all of the I mean like Whatever fun that was there before Whatever good was there before Is like gone And it was very little before The Catholic Church

Perhaps there was a situation With your priest as a child But think about all the free wine That's what they I mean that is kind of What they say Spiritual counseling Yeah, all right

The thing is that lying Sometimes wasn't an option And sometimes things went Way too fucking far Cause every once in a while David Miscavige would ratchet The psychological torture up to I'd say a seven

That's seven or eight Is about as high as As he possibly could get Yeah, like what's ten Abubarab Right, that's a ten That's a great top Maybe Rockterio

Yeah, that's a ten Yeah But in David Miscavige's case His seven was the infamous Musical chairs game Yeah, it's in the Going Clear Documentary Which is still great

Yeah, watch that Let's revisit it one more time Just for those of you who haven't Seen Going Clear After gathering up his favorite Punching bags Miscavige told them all That they were going to play

A game of musical chairs They're going to use Bohemian Rhapsody as the song Oh, fun The last one left He said would be allowed To leave the hole But true to form

This was not just about A reward for one person Rather it was about The psychological torture Of them all Miscavige told them that Everyone who lost Would almost immediately

Be separated from their families And shipped off To a far unknown destination Meanwhile, all of their families Had already been Absolutely decimated Mike Reinders family Was torn apart

I mean, he let it But, you know, now he knows But his family was torn apart He hadn't seen his kids For like a decade Yeah You know, he hadn't seen his Parents

And they were all in Scientology So it's like Even that's an empty thread No, but to make it all More concrete, Miscavige Even rented moving trucks And parked them outside

Of the building But of course, none of it Was real The threats were empty And nobody was told this Until the game was over But he did make Everybody sit there

And think about it You are going You are leaving You are going to be sent Somewhere even worse Than this place right here You'll never see Your fucking family

Ever again And it was really About David Miscavige's Pleasure That's what they said Is that he sat and looked on And he orchestrated This whole thing

With a sort of glee I'm just I think he's a little psycho I'm going to put The above Of here As you can see Mark Hedley

On his account On his blown-for-good YouTube page He put a bunch of Listed nicknames He had In the Sea Orc For David Miscavige

And one of my favorite Was Captain Dungey Miss Lidervich And then there's Rolls off the tongue Captain Fucktard Captain Foot Bullet Clam King

Chunkyhead Dainty Miss Dainty Scabby bitch I really like it I like Dainty Scabby bitch And Dammy Damage Mismanage Damage Mismanage is great

What was that first one? Dainty Bungle Butt Dainty Scabby bitch Very good Yeah, chicken on the board Whoa Chicken on the board Nice

Even though the psychological Torture was intense There was also room To prove to David That you were loyal Because more executives Were arriving all the time And of course we had

Dainty Miss Dainty Scabby bitch Dainty Scabby bitch Dainty Scabby bitch And Dammy Damage Mismanage All the time And of course when they came in

They didn't know what the fuck Was going on At its peak It's estimated the whole Held 140 people Dang That's a big ass hole Oh yeah man

And it was just It started as trailers Attached to each other And then they moved it To this building You just made it It's like fucking building And it's this ramshackle

Piece of shit Right In the middle of the desert That's where the reenactment From I believe that was My Scientology movement Does that full reenactment Which is really good

Everyone Suffered from a lack of sleep And nutrition And fear of the possibility That anyone Could slap punch Or kick them at any time But there were also

The far stranger Physical punishments One particularly weird Punishment was when Executives would be made To crawl around On the conference room floor On their hands and knees

For hours at a time This was industrial carpet This isn't the nice Shag carpet We have here at the studio Humble brad Thank you Yes this nice

1983 Shag carpet Nice and thick Good and heat building Yeah But anyway it's industrial carpet It's horrible Like it's made to just be It's made to fucking do

Whatever you want to on it It's not made to be nice But he would cover them And fucking And rug burns Well they're wearing shorts So they're going around On their hands and knees

And it's not fatal But it is excruciatingly painful Because they make them do it Day after day You do it all day long And then before scabs Could form on your knees You had to do it again

The next day It fucking sucks He said he still has scars on his knees From going through at least Half a dozen rounds of this Wow And when it came to the abuse Render suffered

He seemed to be David Miscavige's Favorite person to pile on Unpossibly the worst day Render had Marty Rathbun physically attacked him To try to get him to come clean Rathbun was particularly angry Because he'd been thrown in the hole Because he had failed to get

Mike Render to come clean When he was on the outside So he got put in the hole To like Okay you can't do it from the outside You fucking go in the hole And you do it from in there And Marty Rathbun's fucking scary too

He's another one that was ahead Like he's very fucking scared But what do they want Render to say? I fucked up I mean, who knows Who knows There's nothing he could have said Yeah, there's nothing

Yeah, because he was truly David Miscavige's like He was the biggest target So Rathbun went in there He sat on Render's chest He put his hands around Render's throat And led a mob of Scientology executives In a chant that went

Come clean Render Come clean Render He even had his fucking wife Joining in Come clean Render That's destroyed their relationship When his wife joined in And he was like

Oh shit This is really like One for one Like no one is backing up anybody Yeah, that's bad But in one of his first moments of clarity As Rathbun sat on his chest Render whispered

Marty I don't want to play this game anymore Incredibly Rathbun agreed and said Me neither They literally like Had to go where they were Here he is Yeah, yeah, yeah

David Miscavige from Monorithum Here he is Yeah, he said there was like I don't want to play this fucking game anymore And like there was They both snapped out of it For just a second Yeah, like I don't either

They realized it's like They've just been driven Completely insane Yeah That's why it's so difficult To come out of it Because of the things That you have done

While inside of it It's the same somebody else's Fucking attack dog Over garbage Over absolute Nothing Literally there's There's no substance to it

Yeah Right, there's also something So juvenile about it Yeah It's so fucking stupid Yeah, they're all like 50 Yeah

Yeah, it's embarrassing It's meaningless Yeah Well Rathbun was let out Of the hole a few days later And despite the fact that He'd been in Miscavige's inner circle Since the mid-80s

He was one of the scary big ones He escaped Scientology for good He just got on a motorcycle And laughed Well this is the thing too Yeah This is where like When you get into the argument

Of like what's the difference Between a cult and a religion And I think that if you Have to do things like One of the secretaries had to hide In the trunk of a delivery man's Car to get out The fact that Mark Hedley

When he left He was run off the road By security officers And he was not saved Until a police officer came And got him Like these are the things Mike Rinder had to leave

In the middle of the night Just with a cell phone Whatever was on his body Whatever files he could abscond with To at least prove something Like at least say like Hey there's something's happening Inside of it

Without being noticed But yeah They had a run I mean say what you want About the Protestants But they don't want you No Most churches are just like

You better fuck We'll kick you out right now Yeah Yeah They want you to like But that's to feel like Again What are we fighting for you

Yeah That's crazy Well as far as other executives Who got pushed too far In an executive named Tom DeVot Around the same time Snapped in the hole While the rest of the executives

Were attacking him Tom screamed that Ms. Kavich was an insane SP And that they were all As nuts as David Ooh Ooh Okay they did that

It's the worst thing He could possibly say And while you'd think This would garner The worst punishment possible For DeVot He was instead Taken out of the hole

Lest he start convincing others He passed the test He did He probably got put Wherever the hell it was He was supposed to go Bad place But the spell was broken

You get one guy in there Like one guy starts screaming That he's an insane SP He keeps saying it Over and over and over again So they took him out of there They put him in the RPF Which before the hole

Was the worst place You could go for Scientology They also brought out Mike Render They fucking They had Mark Render Guard him And then ultimately Mike Render failed to keep

DeVot in Scientology But when DeVot left Render began thinking Like, holy fuck If Tom DeVot can leave Maybe I can leave too I can only See those things that are right beneath you

Your feet I mean, use them It's really difficult Because what if they do go all the way What if they like Like they got markedly Really could have been Guilt

Could have been killed by what they did Yeah, not too long after Render escaped in England And eventually got a hold Of Tom DeVot And Tom DeVot Invited Render to stay with him In Kissimmee, Florida

Don't mind if I do Kissimmee, Kissimmee Kiss of you Oh, it's alien Yes After Render convinced DeVot For sure that he wasn't a spy He had to spend a couple of days

Saying like, no, no, no I'm out too Yeah, you gotta sweat box him Yeah, DeVot told him To go to the local blockbuster And rent every movie That you haven't seen For the last 20 years

Wow, interesting Yeah, because Scientologists Aren't allowed to ingest pop culture Anything that could possibly Shake their belief system Yeah, well, I'll tell you one thing That pool scene in Wild Things Really showy

Yeah, I got interpolated Well, finally though After gathering his thoughts Render sent a letter to his wife Asking her to escape too I am out, come join me Bring the kids Yeah

She quite literally told him To fuck off And she added a PS in her letter Telling him to fuck off That she would send divorce paper soon And would quote, brief the kids Oh By 2008, Render had gotten a job

As a used car salesman At a Toyota dealership in Virginia And he was living a relatively normal life Now, of course, his ex-wife, brother, and children They kept sending him letters Telling him to kill himself But using like Scientology language They told him that he should quote

Check out of this game And go sit on a rock for a few million years Yeah, man Yeah, it just sounds like space jazz But it is Scientology threats Yeah, she wants me to be a lizard They called him a quote Overwhelmed implanted ev-perp being

Okay, yeah, sure, sure Hey, whoa, hey, calm down I didn't know we were getting this deep, guys Seriously, honestly, I think a lot of those Can we even say this? Yeah, that should be bleat And they said that he was 95% In the American Psychiatric Association camp

Oh Oddly, when Scientologists make this APA accusation They always say 95% and not 100 And no one knows why It's because no one's 100% of anything That's what I would say Nobody's 100% of anything Just 5% of views, probably coxucker

It's mostly semen Yeah, that's true But some time later, Rinder discovered That Marty Rathbun had also escaped And was working as a reporter for a small local newspaper In South Texas They both decided it was their duty To speak out against Scientology

And they've both been doing it ever since Even though Rinder claims that he's whistleblowing To quote, save Hubbard's legacy He's walked that back a little bit more now Now that he's like way, way out He's been way more talking about What LRH was kind of a con man And so, like, as I listened to the podcast

Because he did a podcast with Leah Remini Fair game And it's like, you can kind of see he really It takes a minute Of course it does, man They have the lessons leaked out Yeah, when he wrote his book He was still like Hubbard's legacy, man

Ms. Kavich is evil And that's what I'm down for But yeah, it's good to know I mean, yeah, it's good to know That he's come out of it even further He's trying to It's tough, dude It's very difficult

Crawling on your hands and knees Choking out your buddies And also, there is that weird cycle Psychosomatic effect That some of the early training has Like, people do have breakthroughs On some of these things But you know, something has to happen

To keep you, at least get you there To begin with Yeah, and remember When people come out of those things These sorts of fucking horrible situations Welcome them with open arms Welcome them Like, make sure that they have a place

To escape to Otherwise they're gonna stay in And keep acting horribly Understand when you take them to You know, old country buffet They're gonna freak out When they see a salad bar They're gonna be like

Beans, bean, rice and beans It's next to an enchilada So that's good You would like those rice and beans I can't eat a food That has food hidden within it Because I don't know what that inner food is It's a burrito

But while Rinder and Rathbun Are the two highest ranking Scientology executives To speak out against Scientology The most famous Scientologist in existence A certain tough gun He still has not addressed The many crimes his religion has committed

In fact, he seems to be more Defout than ever And it would be fair to say That David Ms. Kavich was, at many points In his life, one of his best friends Lucky guy I guess so I'm talking, of course, about the subject

Of today's blind ad Who is it? Who could it be? I am so gonna be shocked Tom Cruise! It's Tom Cruise! TC, baby Now Tom Cruise and David Ms. Kavich

Actually have a lot in common By the age of 25 Tom Cruise had already starred In Risky Business and Top Gun Making him a massive movie star Likewise, David Ms. Kavich Was de facto leading Scientology By the age of 25

And the two men Are only about two years apart in age I wish that I could show you this picture It's in a video of David Ms. Kavich Standing next to Tom Cruise And we joke about how Tom Cruise Like towers over David Ms. Kavich What he kind of fucking does

Yeah, he's kind of Is he wearing the inner heel though? He might have had his legs longened Like I'm not certain But it's just really weird It reminds me of the video Do you remember when they did the cell phone The flip phone footage of Saddam Hussein getting hanged

Right during that time I love that footage Every night It's the only way I sleep But it's like footage like that It's a hand And you see Tom like It's him doing actor hands

While everyone's applauding They're standing up and applauding him in a room After his big birthday party I don't know if you've never seen The birthday party on the free winds For Tom Cruise footage Look that up Because it's Tom Cruise doing the

Da da da da da da da Like he dances across the stage Everybody dances But you see they're all laughing David Ms. Kavich is At fucking his like Shoulders Like he's at Tom Cruise's shoulders

And you see the guy filming And you see David Ms. Kavich Look right down the pipe With the cell phone camera And point at him And you see the cameras like Zip that Geez

Well to that point Both men are short little hard bodies Even though Tom Cruise is a bit A taller of a short little hard body But both have naturally aggressive personalities They both have that east coast flair Yeah Tom does his own stunts

Like me I'm an east coast guy And you also You do your own stunts as well Yep Yeah And both men love cars, motorcycles And extreme sports

Now in the mid 80s Ms. Kavich had been on the lookout For the right celebrity To be the face of Scientology Because John Travolta star Had begun to rapidly fade After a long string of critical flops Sure

It did stay in alive Do well at the box office Yes Okay But it hasn't really held up well In the span of time No And the movie that he did

With Olivia Newton John right after In which there were both angels Yeah And then the movie he did There was the boy in the bubble But that was before That was when he was still on the way up

She's like Remember that song? A lot of music A lot of music A lot of music today, yeah But right around the time That Travolta was saying yes To all these stinkers

The golden boy entered Scientology Through a woman named Mimi Rogers Rogers, a born Scientologist Was Tom Cruise's first wife Her parents had joined back When it was just about Dianetics But they'd left during the late 70s When things got weird

At least when they were starting to like Infiltrate the IRS I'm a little bit surprised That he didn't go with like A Jean-Claude Van Damme Jean-Claude Van Damme is very difficult To pin down Anybody that can split

Without having your balls Like explode like that It's very difficult He's very under control Yeah His perineum can stretch Yes And he's also

I think he was a very violent man No, just in the movies He's a mean I actually don't know I have no idea I don't know But either way, he went with Cruise You know what Tom Cruise's real name is?

Thomas Mapother I think it's Mapother That sounds like a faker name Than Tom Cruise Hey, man It's all about transformation Magical transformation LRH understood it

It's what you're supposed to do Mapother Yeah, it's like Thomas Mapother the fourth Yeah No woman would fantasize About Thomas Mapother You've never seen the hips

Of a Thomas Mapother You don't know You don't know It's Tom Cruise He could be the most Fantastic dancer outside of Delaware I've seen him dance Well, when Mimi's parents left

She stayed in And she was quite the celebrity recruiter She also brought in Sonny Bono This is flirty fishing Interestingly, though It took a bit for Miss Kavich To actually hear that Tom Cruise Was already in the church

Miss Kavich didn't bring him in He didn't target him She's like, oh, you shit The guy from fucking Risky Business Is a Scientologist now? Wow See, Mimi had brought Tom into the fold

During the filming of Top Gun Think about that the next time You watch Top Gun And Tom Cruise actually credited Scientology With helping to cure his dyslexia I think that he just found more people That will read him scripts Any of it

I don't know if it'll cure it I don't know, man I love letters like that And so once Miss Kavich learned That's not what dyslexia is Oh shit Letters and numbers All right with me

Oh, room, room I'm really not understanding dyslexia Gross misunderstanding I ain't no doctor I'm a suppressive person I see I see And so once Miss Kavich learned

That Tom Cruise was a part of the church He had Cruise brought to gold base His top people were assigned to audit And supervise the man that Miss Kavich Would one day affectionately refer to As T.C. Oh Tom was happy

David was happy And Mimi was happy Yeah But then came days of thunder Yeah, man Days of thunder very popular Didn't you have the Mountain Dew car? No, man

But what happened was Mellow yellow Mellow yellow, that's right, yeah No, it's when Australian beauty Came walking in that life of his And he knew He needed to hop up on a little stool Because he needed to get up inside that head

Yep, Nicole Kidman He saw a movie called Dead Calm Saw Nicole Kidman He said, that woman is going to be my next wife And he just went into the TV screen and grabbed her That's what happens when you're a movie star You actually can do that Isn't that weird?

He had enough star power by 1989 To say, go get Nicole Kidman Put her in my next movie Make her my love interest In this room-room car movie I'm about to be in Yep That's awesome That's kind of hot

Mellow yellow That's right Nice Seeing a Hollywood power couple as an obvious asset To Scientology Miss Kavish decided that it would be better for everyone If TC and Mimi got a divorce So Tom could be free to pursue Nicole Kidman

Listen, there's one thing I know It's how to love Yeah And how to maintain a relationship, Tom Alright, because Scientologists obviously What we do best here is fix marriages And I think the first way to fix your marriage Right?

Fucking blow it up Right, we just got to get rid of this one Because it's bad So we need to revamp Well, seemingly to introduce difficulties Cruz was all of a sudden telling Mimi That he planned on returning to his original ambition Becoming a monk

Him and Scorsese are very similar In the fact that he was very- I wonder, because I also was obsessed with being Like a priest when I was a little boy too There's something- it's connected to acting We know what it is with you want robes Empowering all this stuff You like power, you like necklaces, garb

Yeah, I love all that shit Bones of a saint in a table I love merch, yeah, I love all that shit But it's like So you can see how like a super-nerd Like that, because that's really all a monk is Yeah Right in a way

Yeah Religious super-nerd Because you think that you're fucking You can do it, right? You can touch the Godhead I mean, I feel like that's the type of quality That's perfect for a Scientologist I did see a meme the other day

And it asked Buddha It said, when you- No, this is true I'm not helping It asked the Buddha And it said, what did you learn When you meditated? And what Buddha said?

I learned nothing But what I lost Anger, frustration Selfishness Ego Clean influence So that's it What did you learn?

But it's not what you learn It's what you lose That's what you lose It's not what you- That wouldn't be what- It's not what you gain It's what you lose It's what you lose

We are better than memes Memes They're not the only way we need to Experience spiritual evolution But aren't memes fun? Everything is fine And there's the dog and the house is on fire I know the meme

That's a meme Well, it's a thing Tom Cruise told his wife Hey, I'm becoming a monk I gotta be celibate to, quote, Maintain the purity of my instrument Man, I gotta get- I don't know about him, man

I gotta get my gunk out of my instrument I gotta feel good Well, pretty soon That's why you're an SP, buddy I know Too much gunk Too much gunk You may-

Pretty soon Mimi was served divorce papers by Marty Rathbun And after Cruise and Kidman got together Miss Kavich began pressuring Cruise to convert Nicole Kidman What a nightmare for her She probably had no idea that this was all- It's almost like one of those 80s movies Where it was all set up

And the hot guy was supposed to date the ugly girl But then he falls for her And then she's like, this whole thing was a game He showed up on their honeymoon Miss Kavich did? Oh, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'd kill him I'd kill him It's weird

You always- I wonder so much how much Tom Cruise lets- How much of Scientology does he let his romantic conquest see Prior to marriage? Well, again, he's the only one Really experiencing 100% benefits from Scientology So he's like, come look at this wonderful world Where everybody does whatever I say

And everybody's smiling And they're just so friendly and giving And it's such a cool community David's so cool I mean, he's great It's really just because you're being treated So kind of well You're being treated like a pharaoh

Yeah, and he also seems like- I know he definitely did this with Katie Holmes And I think he might have done it with Nicole Kibben as well He gets married real fucking fast It's an old school Yeah, I think he asked Katie Holmes to marry in like eight weeks After they started dating They don't believe in sex at a wedlock, I believe

Scientologists say that the whole point is that you're supposed to get married And make some kind of child that then they scoop up And train on their own It's like Rosemary's baby Yeah, it's weird But yeah, he gets them in fast Now, as we know, Kibben has always been, let's say, unenthusiastic About Scientology

But that's not for lack of trying On the part of David Ms. Kavich In order to reel her in He set up Tom and Nicole with a special bungalow at gold base With a private rose garden And gave them both anything they wanted No matter how ridiculous When they expressed a casual desire to play tennis, for example

Ms. Kavich built them a tennis court Full regulation, leveled ground for everything top of the line Like Wimbledon style tennis court Okay Built them a tennis court Had a tennis court built Yeah, he didn't do much He sent an email

Yeah When they said they wanted to run through a field of wildflowers together He tasked the gold base Seagorg members The near slaves, if you'll remember To transform the desert surrounding gold base Into a garden of wildflower He said go literally do the impossible Like when he told Mike Rinder to go get LRH

A posthumous Nobel Prize Yeah, here's a straw Go suck out the water from the ocean Yeah, it failed It was fucking stupid So Ms. Kavich found the nearest meadow Plowed it and planted it with flowers So Tom and Nicole could realize the wildflower fantasy

This is the crux of what That's why we're even covering this end of the story Is that this is the real crux Of what's going on at the heart of Scientology Every single time you see one of these ridiculous things Being asked for That's being done by people for free And they go and have to toil

Toil for hours They're being forced to do these insane things And then the only people who see benefit Are the people up top And then they're also then punished For it's both a punishment It's like here's a job that has a punishment attached to it And then we're gonna punish you on top of it

Because no matter what you do It's going to be incorrect And everybody around you is going to be moved And shifted to various departments Because no matter what's going on Every single time they have any sort of event He's about to fire everybody Especially at this point

Most of the time they are organizing All of the shit that's going on Outside of the hole, from the hole They're in the hole doing the things that he wants them to do Organizing these things for the other people Outside of it doing the free labor It does make, if anyone has seen the leaked footage Of Howard Stern giving a company meeting

It does seem worse than that Oh, very much so Oh, yeah, yeah, the Pelican Brief That's the thing is that it's not like Tom Cruise And Nicole Kidman are sitting there demanding this stuff Like, build me a tennis court They're expressing casual desires And David Miscavige is building a world for them

And they're probably not even quite aware That he's building this frictionless world I mean, Nicole Kidman is seeing it Yeah, Nicole Kidman's seeing it But Tom Cruise is not He's a very physical man I would not call him an intellectual Actors...

Hmm, how do you put it? You don't have to be the smartest guy in the world Well, would you say it's a very good actor? Would you say it's actually negative To have your own thoughts? I actually think yes I think that actually, a lot of times you meet like, you know John Travolta

Love him Yeah He's not really good with a complicated question Patrick Swayze is also one of those dudes Right, again, R.I.P. Love him as a performer He's gotten a lot going on They talk about like Jimi Hendrix About how like, terrible interview

You know what I mean? Like, he's... They're artists So they don't have to be that great at Maybe understanding a lot of things Yeah, well, that's the thing That's why I can't learn lines Because my mind is already full Of my own fucking thoughts

So he's trying to say that he's too smart to be an actor No, I'm not saying I'm too smart I'm saying that my thoughts are too out of control To be an actor I mean, look at Johnny Depp, okay? Look at Johnny Depp, number one But also we actually have some fantastic footage Of you as Tolest Joe

And... That was improv, my friend Yeah, that's true art There were no... And also there were no lines in that fucking roll Besides grunts and screams I'm Tolest Joe, but I also think that It was way more of an acting job

It was more of a dance performance That was... Those are the lines I'm Tolest Joe No, I actually never said I'm Tolest Joe Yeah, I have that footage, yep Oh, huh I'm waiting, I have more footage

We shot a lot that day It was a long day Yeah Now that I remember, yeah It ended with me being a drug out of the door Of 656 Metropolitan Avenue Covered in shaving Yeah, it was fun

And blood and fake blood Yeah, yeah Live from your grave Now, seemingly, David Miscavige Not only made Cruz's dreams come true But he also made sure, as I said That TC lived in a complication-free bubble Built by Scientology

As Henry said, this cannot be stressed enough It meant that it was built by C. Org members Who were all... Who were, for all intents and purposes, captives In some cases, in many cases, actually They were teenagers You're talking, like, 16, 17-year-old kids Who are basically slave labor

Like, for example, when Cruz and Kidman's gold-based Bungalow was damaged by a mudslide C. Org members worked 16 hours a day to fix it When Tom Cruz entrusted money to Scientology stockbrokers Who quickly lost that money Those same stockbrokers had to pay back Cruz's losses With their own money Now, that's a good hedge fund

I've ruined a couple of places with a mudslide myself Ah, shit! He's talking about diarrhea He's brave as Alec Murdoch Thank you He's just brave as well Wow Now, Cruz and Miscavige's relationship is interesting

Because it's unknown what side of himself Miscavige chooses to show to Tom Cruz It's the fun side It's the only time he smiles when TC is hanging out What we do know is that every effort is made To keep the punishment of C. Org members Out of Tom Cruz's purview He's not getting tours of the whole

Oh, yeah, he might I mean, as far as I know, I don't think he is I think that they keep it fairly separate He's a very rosy version of it But at some point, how much can you not... He's in the SP world But, I mean, who knows? He might be truly...

He's also very closed off, I bet He's living on a compound Well, he also gets a completely different version But we do know that TC and Miscavige Were close enough where David would visit Movie sets Imagine this fucking little psychopath Coming onto a set

I mean, they had to do with... I mean, use Wolf of Wall Street as an example They had to make sure that Jordan Belford Could not come to set They literally had to keep him offset Because there was during the Goodfellas Like Hank Hale, Henry Hill would show up And like say shit

It became really rough Like, these are like, yeah, they can't... You shouldn't be there Saw a pretty funny interview with Ray Leota The other day He's on RIP as well RIP, man Chantix

He said he met Henry Hill And Henry Hill thanked him For portraying him in such a nice way Oh, God, now he's really... I was a fucking maniac Yeah Well, on the days of Thundershoot Ms. Kavitch showed up

And TC took him skydiving Oh, yeah, it's fun And Ms. Kavitch, he has some very real influences On TC's acting choices Apparently, Tom Cruise modeled his character In A Few Good Men On David Ms. Kavitch She plays a horrible person

Yeah, exactly But no, but righteous Yes, yeah But of course, you know The little man uses that As a bragging point, constantly It is really funny Because when they went into the making of

Battlefield Earth So we know that David Ms. Kavitch When we're in full whole hog Trying to get Battlefield Earth done Which has a $75 million budget Like, you got this, Heather Not a penny wasted It's rough

They basically said most of it Went to John Travolta's budget They were like, they basically That's what they assumed it But David Ms. Kavitch obviously goes to the fucking The ropes, right? It's like Battlefield Earth It's gonna be fucking huge

I fucking love this Fucking cocksuckers And then bombs And the movie's so bad It becomes money laundering I don't know I actually don't know That's a very good question

Now you're just talking to the producers Yeah, he's talking to the producers But TC calls up David He's like, let's have a meeting And TC goes up to David Ms. Kavitch After the movie fucking bombs And he's just like, what the fuck, David? And he's like, what do you want from me?

What do you want from me? What do you want from me? He's like, this is Scientology's Like movie production studio I want nothing but hits You gotta be making hits If we're doing these things Tom is correct on that

And so David Ms. Kavitch was like I had nothing to do with that film And then you know that just like Tom Cruise got on his little motorcycle And David just jumped on that little back Just like gripped with his little knees His little like small, his back is crying In those little packets

143 pounds of pure mail Yeah, yum, yum, yum Here's some juice Combined weight The general feeling around the Scientology offices At the time is that it was actually so bad That it like briefly broke the spell of Scientology And like people were actually asking

Around the offices like Did nobody watch this thing before it went out? Yeah, like is this not, yeah Are we not doing a quality check Because I know I get punishment When I'm down stats And I don't think there's any more Of a down stat than a $75 million budget movie

Making $3 million I mean say what you want about Christianity They got some fucking hits dude They do They do Ten commandments holds up Yeah, Charlton Heston I think he's still alive

Now Ms. Kavich saw Tom Cruise as the entry point To access some of the most influential people In Hollywood And if Ms. Kavich could bring them on board Then it would be another big step towards Public acceptance For example, when Kibben and Cruise Started in Far and Away in 1992

They convinced director Ron Howard To have dinner with David Ms. Kavich at Gold Base It didn't take As it also didn't take for co-star Cole Meaney Who was also tried to They also tried to recruit him Cole Meaney, you know The beloved chief O'Brien

Of course And DJ Snime I don't know that No, I do know that But um You do know that, yeah Chief O'Brien Oh, Keiko

Oh, the Kardashians I'm just gonna The Kardashians are in deep space No Kardashians No Kardashians Oh, I'm sorry Yeah, they got big necks Attention Bejour and workers

I don't know I don't know This is where I'm lost I don't know But either way They're not getting That director guy They're not gonna get him

Ron Howard Yeah, they're not gonna get him Oh, no, Ron Howard didn't want it No, no Now Cole Meaney many years later In like 2011 Said that back then The only two places in Hollywood

That you could network Were Scientology And Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings Oh, yeah, that makes it That's hilarious That makes a lot of fucking sense A lot of times it's one or the other The celebrity center in L.A.

Which is an old hotel That turned into this spot Where it used to be a place Where it used to go Where you can hang out But now it's like Now you have to hit a certain level To go to the celebrity center in L.A.

Because the problem is that People kept showing up Hoping to bump into some celebrity And they'd have their like Their scripts and shit And then eventually they're like No, no, no, no, no This isn't for new noobs

This isn't for parishioners Cool, that's a fun place to be Yeah, it is Well, they didn't get Ron Howard And likewise, Steven Spielberg Was also courted When he was making Minority Report With Tom Cruise

Great movie I mean this is starting to really Fuck with him too Because more and more people Are like Tom Cruise Hey, listen You're paid to promote movies Yeah

Or you need to stop And then he listened To the movie people Yeah, right Spielberg also resisted But Tom Cruise and David Miscavige They figured that the only reason Why Spielberg didn't join

Was because Spielberg's kids Saw a psychiatrist Only reason Yeah, that's the only reason So honestly, they're just looking For a good director Yeah, they need one They just don't want another battle

They desperately need one Do you have to be a Scientologist To direct a Scientologist movie? Yes Well, not this Scientologist Because Battlefield Earth The guy who directed that was not And the guy who wrote the screenplay

Also wasn't a scientist He also wasn't a scientist They actually prefer anything That's permanent media From what I have seen and read They prefer you to not be A Scientologist Because then you can't protest

If you leave later on like Hey, you can't use my image In that anymore Even though like So that's what I've heard Yeah I think they're trying to do that Do that from within

Scientologists are too busy To direct films They're crawling on the floor Beating each other up Too busy And from what I heard Like the people who do work For Scientology

It is just like Yeah, I'll just do whatever The fuck you want Get me the paycheck Because the paycheck Is apparently pretty good Yeah, they pay That's when they do those PIs

We'll see Well, things about Steven Spielberg Of course, no He's not coming in He's got a kid Who sees a psychiatrist So Miss Kavich directed A Scientology group

To protest the facility Where that psychiatrist worked This was not a good move In Hollywood Spielberg called up Tom Cruise And said This is unappreciated And inappropriate

Which is like That's a deep dressing down From a very proper man Like an idea of that power From a man like This is inappropriate Yeah, unappreciated Yeah, so appreciated

And again Like Tom Cruise went and Ripped Miss Kavich a new hole Well, that was also one of Miss Kavich's favorite terms Yeah, ripping new assholes Yeah, ripping new assholes Yeah, assholes, dicks, balls

He loves these guys Yeah, he is I mean, he's definitely got Like, he would I think he would like to like Lick a dick At the very least I wish that he would

At the very least His penis licked once By Mike Rinder Well, who knows? Who knows what he and Tom have done Who knows? But the love affair with Scientology Actually sputtered out for Tom Cruise

For much of the 90s Partly because of that Time Magazine article We talked about last episode Partly, of course, it was also David Miss Kavich's meddling And it was partly because The influence of Nicole Kidman See, Kidman had reached O.T.2

Within a year of joining Scientology Because it seems like The more influential and important a person is The faster they progress Along the bridge to total freedom Weird I know, crazy, right? Wow

But after O.T.2 Kidman stopped taking courses She was therefore privately considered A PTS, a potential trouble source This is the first step toward Being declared an SP And it's likely that her lack of enthusiasm Temporarily rubbed off on Tom Cruise

Yeah, because it's the love of life And his parents and his children And something, you'd think You'd think it would, yeah Now, Cruise did go to bat for Scientology Here and there in the 90s Most notably in the murder of Lisa McPherson At the hands of Scientology officials

But he wasn't auditing much at all And Miss Kavich lost his grip even further When Kidman and Cruise disappeared For a year while they filmed Eyes Wide Shut with Stanley Kubrick Oh, my They were all the way over in England This was also during Cruise's brief cool period

It was when he also did Magnolia Yeah, I mean, when he was really trying He was really trying to act during his time period Incredible in Magnolia He's so good at Magnolia Very good And fucking Eyes Wide Shut Eyes Wide Shut's a great movie, too

Yeah, Vanellis guy, but Magnolia Fucking respect the cock, you know So on and so forth Absolutely, maybe got that from Miss Kavich I honestly, it doesn't Actually, man Wow, he really does

But as Scientology does again and again They caught Tom Cruise during a moment Of vulnerability and grief When Kidman was rumored to have had a miscarriage And of course, that means it was her fault That's when Marty Rathbun basically cornered Cruise And began auditing him again With Miss Kavich supervising

And of course, the more Cruise was audited The more he was turned against Nicole Kidman Eventually, elements within Scientology Also turned Kidman and Cruise's kids Against Nicole Kidman By 2001, just a year or two After Cruise returned, that's all it took It did take 200 hours of auditing

But after all that, Cruise and Kidman Quite acrimoniously divorced And since then, Cruise has never Seemed a waiver in his faith At all Wow, interesting He is completely out of it He's back in

And Mark Headley's podcast He did a podcast and he talked about On his book, I was reading it and blown for good Is that for a while There was a young man coming up in the Seaworth And Tom Cruise decided That he needed to get better at auditing Where he wanted to audit

He wanted to get back on the auditing training He wanted to be audited No, he wanted to audit He's just a regular guy He just wants to be a regular Scientologist He's just like you and I Marty Rathbun went up to this kid And he was like, okay, so this is what's going to happen

So TC is looking to audit He's going to audit you I'd be like, what? This is what he's saying 16 year old kid He's like, so this is the thing He's going to audit you The only people who are going to fucking know about this

Is you, TC and me No one else is going to know that you're doing this So they go to what is the LRH's private music room On Goldbase When they go Because TC can't go to the regular auditing room Because it causes a flurry

Everybody runs around right It's too much for him He's going to go play SuperPrivate Which was this performance room Where LRH used to play I think he played the clarinet A couple of things Where you do something

Jazz clarinet He's so fucking bad But it was Styled like a medieval dining hall With giant, like With armor, full plate armor Like a standing It was like eight sets of armor

A big long table The big long back chairs And they would audit in there And the thing was that the first time The first time they went to audit The kid, Mark Hadley Fell asleep in front of TC Which is the number one crime

Because it means that you're not paying attention You're not, like, logged in But because it's Tom Cruise He's still Tom Cruise So he's like, it's okay, buddy Buddy, we're going to get through this, buddy We're going to work on this And he was like, oh, what we got to do is

You need sleep So, unlike everybody else who gets punished They went to Mark Hadley And they're like, you need to sleep From now on, we're taking you off your night job You're going to go back to sleep Because you need to be well rested To be audited by Tom Cruise

So they went, they rehabilitated him And then finally You have to attain a condition A useful condition To be able to be audited So you get sex checked to see if you're a trader first Then they check your condition How the fuck do you do that?

E-meters and yelling at you And then they checked your condition And they found that he was in this bad condition And Tom Cruise They said his cholesterol was 170 over 120 No, it's fine, I don't need him right now I'm not agitated No, you're not

But Tom Cruise, like, went and he was like, all right We can't get you in the right He couldn't get up to the thing that he needed to be I don't know how they administer the condition It's another E-meter test And Tom Cruise is like, you know what to fix you Set me straight when I was having these problems We're going to get you some bee pollen

You got to eat the bee pollen Bee pollen Yeah, it's just weird supplement shit And so Mark Hedley is like, okay Now this is the biggest secret inside of Scientology right now Bee pollen No, that Tom Cruise is auditing anybody That anybody would be able to be worthy

To be audited by Tom Cruise, right? Well, now they're just sending him a training boy So Tom Cruise is like, let's go down to town We'll figure this out And so they hop on Tom Cruise's motorcycle Mark Hedley grip into his back Tom Cruise zips him down to town Where he goes to buy bee pollen

Meanwhile, like all of these This crowd shows up Because fucking Tom Cruise With this weird child on his motorcycle And it's just this strange scene Where he has to go buy him bee pollen Then he takes the bee pollen Then magically it works

And now they're auditing for a couple of sessions Well, fantastic All right No, it's fucking bizarre This is what happens Very strange Different worlds though Yes

Well, when Tom Cruise came back into Scientology He allowed Scientology to direct Every aspect of his personal life And a fair amount of his professional life Much to his own detriment See, in 2003 This might answer some questions Of why Tom Cruise kind of went a little wacky

In the 2000s This was two years after Cruise's return to the fold Ms. Kavich convinced Tom Cruise To fire his longtime publicist, Pat Kingsley Kingsley had very wisely advised Cruise To lay off talking about Scientology in public At all Just a bit

Yeah Yeah, cool it Yeah, but she was replaced by Tom Cruise's sister An ardent Scientologist So within like a year Maybe two Tom Cruise is all of a sudden jumping on Oprah's couch Screaming about how much he's in love with Katie Holmes

He's having confrontations with Matt Lowry He's calling psychiatry a pseudoscience He's attacking Brooke Shield For taking medication for postpartum depression Right He's being a massive asshole Yeah And as such, Tom Cruise wasn't quite proving

To be the key to the inner sanctum That Ms. Kavich hoped he'd be For years, Cruise probed the edges of power It wasn't just Hollywood he was trying to get into He was trying to get into politics He met with Bill Clinton But not when Bill Clinton was president He's probing

Probing He met He met with Scooter Libby Love a professional named Scooter Yeah, Vice President Chief Vice President Chief established Dick Cheney But Scooter was as far as Tom Cruise could get He couldn't get to Dick Cheney

What, Tom? Tom couldn't get to Dick Cheney? Dick Cheney's got bigger plants I guess so The closest Tom Cruise came to actually affecting change Was when he almost convinced Secretary of Education Ron Page to include LRH's study tech In No Child Left Behind That would have been something

It is interesting That would have made a fucking difference one way or another No, but it would have been an actual bragging ring Yeah It would have been where all the rest of it's just fantasy Right Cruise also missed a lot of opportunities with celebrities He failed to bring in Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith

On a permanent basis He failed to bring in Victoria or David Beckham Even though Miss Kavish actually had a full-size football pitch Built at Gold Base as a lure in the desert Yeah, just done by again Just by 16-year-old hands, essentially Yeah Similarly, Cruise was also unsuccessful in getting low-key

Scientologists like Beck to go public But as far as Tom Cruise went Around the time that Beck married into a powerful Scientology family Around 2004 Right around the time that his music went mediocre Now that I think about it Oh, I want a kick I know Kent Marcus is really going in

He's been a real SP Scientology was, of course, working As, you know, for lack of a better term They were working as Tom Cruise's wife pimp Oh, whoa, yeah, I remember when I met my wife pimp That was, honestly, it was a game-changer And you were like, wasn't she great? Yeah, no, no, she was wonderful

Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap It's a new show, it's right after Milf Manor Yeah, wife pimp Yeah, wife pimp, you're gonna love it After things didn't work out with Penelope Cruise Following the relationship, they started on the set of Vanilla Sky Penelope Cruise did try on Scientology for a bit For like a year or so, maybe a little bit less

She was way too cool, yeah Well, TC, he ran through a series of young Scientologist ladies Groomed especially to be with Tom Cruise So weird The first was a 19-year-old who'd been born into the church But she was turned away after about a month's Tandon Liker Okay

The other was a 25-year-old OT5 named Nazanine Boniati She was also, I think, going clear She was forced to break up with her boyfriend So Tom Cruise could try her on For lack of a better term Oh, awesome Boniati was run through the ringer at Gold Base During a hellish two-week-long audition of sorts

Where she was forced to have what I'm sure were exhausting Dinners with Cruise and the Miss Cavitches every night I just gotta say, Naznianians? What's her name? Let me just ask you this question You're here, obviously, you're here as a part of Like, you're at dinner and it's like, you're like in a salad I'm enjoying it

Wrong answer, I made it to be bad Okay, the seafood was good Yeah, seafood and eat it, that's a funny thing that we say here Don't eat the seafood either, that's for me Let me just ask us Do we look gay? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah T.C., what do you think? I like her name How does he have the smokers laugh? Well, the two things that she did all these dinners Exhausted being grilled every single fucking night Also, she worked 12 hours a day and then got pulled into her fun special dinner Oh, God

She didn't act as expected, she also had a really fucking bad period She said that she was woozy, she was in horrible pain the entire time She's a human being, yeah She's a human being, yeah So she was sent to Flag Base in Clearwater where she was assigned the condition of treason Why? But she wouldn't go on a date with Tom Cruise Well, but she would go on a date with Tom Cruise, but she didn't act like

But she didn't do it, good I don't think that Tom took her on a date, he had awkward dinners with he and David Miscavige That's a date David Miscavige is his date monitor That's his wife pimp You mean to tell me again, I don't even go to the grocery store without my wife pimp I know you don't Because she helps me understand what women like

They like carrots They like soft cheeses Silliac free muffins Yep Well, to make up for it, she dug ditches and scrubbed toilets with a toothbrush That's what a treasonous person does She was back in good standing after a few months, but she was never again allowed into the celebrity center She was an actress, by the way

And she wasn't allowed to even talk about Tom Cruise Thankfully, she left Scientology soon after and has since had a relatively successful TV career Whoa, flipped and reversed it Nice She does like, you know, five, six episode runs on things Full of that Great And then of course, there's Katie Holmes

Poor Tomcat Yeah, the details of which I'm sure you're probably all too familiar with Needless to say, Scientology tortured this poor woman and made her life a living hell after she decided to leave To the point where they were chasing her around New York City by the end of it We all remember that I saw it Long story short, she left because Tom Cruise was weird Scientology was weird and her life had turned into a surreal nightmare

She got custody of their kid, she dated Jamie Foxx for six years Lucky girl Yeah, and is slowly returning to stage and screen She's tall She's very tall Natalie doubled for her because it's hard for Natalie to do stunt doubles because stunt doubles, a lot of times, it's because they're not a lot of tall actresses Yeah But Katie Holmes like five foot ten

Wow Yeah, interesting Good geth for Tom I guess I like it Not good for Katie He's five, six, right? Yeah

We're not gonna bring this up anymore Henry's a height apologist for all of these people We have different lives for different reasons Yeah Tellingly though, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's wedding was the one in which David Miss Kavich was Tom Cruise's best man I cannot stress that enough This fucking horrible psychopath that we've been talking about for six hours now was Tom Cruise's best man in 2008 Was that when it was?

When they got married Maybe Yeah He actually pulled a Scientologist out of the hole to perform the ceremony Yeah Yeah I love this stuff And then he got drunk and hit on Brook Shields and they put him back in the hole

He's back in the hole Oh man The thing about that, Brook Shields still went to the fucking wedding Yeah I guess they made up Hollywood's a sick place It's a strange land And the thing about the service is that Scientology is done for Tom Cruise over the years

Wife pimping and such, building all these tennis courts Imagination land come to life Yeah Yeah Costs a lot of money Right But people like Tom Cruise, that's precisely where Scientology gets their liquid assets See, while its membership continues to decline, its revenue keeps going up

Partly because of how many rich and gullible people keep giving them money Celebrities, of course, but there's others As far as the celebrities go, it's known that in 2004, Tom Cruise gave $3 million to Scientology In 2007, Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpson, she gave $10 million Whoa, she gave more than Tom Oh yeah Tom's not very grateful Well, Tom gets, Tom's a lot more involved in the administration process

Yeah, Nancy Cartwright, she's just given him money She's just given him money Handing out pamphlets That's weird that Bart Simpson would do that It's not Bart Simpson, I think it's, Simpson's even tried to say that Bart is a member of the Simpson family Nancy is some weird person behind Bart Mm-hmm

But I can see why these celebrities give In fact, I can see why all the rich people give It's not just celebrities There's also the guy who created Boingo Wireless If you've ever been in a fucking airport and tried to get on the fucking shitty-ass Wi-Fi It's Boingo Wireless, and it never fucking works I fucking hate fun names Because the product always sucks

Yeah, like go-go or whatever Yeah, and then you have to be like, fucking, my Boingo isn't working I can't fucking ask Boingo Yeah, like he also created Earthlink, he created Fucking what was it, Helios, this guy's incredibly rich You also have one of the richest media moguls in Australia A billionaire, he's a Scientologist You have a pharmaceutical executive named Robert Dugan

$1.8 billion in net worth He is Scientology's largest donor by far Yeah, and I bet you, they get tax breaks too Like they're giving to, you're giving to a jerk So at some point you're getting a kickback as well But the reason why these people continue to give is because for them, Scientology works Yes The rich are richer still, and the celebrities are still rich and famous

Oh yeah Nancy Cartwright is worth $80 million, she's on Season 34 The Simpsons John Travolta is still worth $165 million He has all the private jets he wants He can blow as many masseuses as he can fucking handle I mean, poor Mike Rinder, I mean, not poor Mike Rinder It's more like, it's interesting because when John Travolta and him were, they had a private meeting That's where the masseuse kiss came from

Yeah, but masseuse kiss came from when they, Tom Crue, or when John Travolta was like Hey, do you think I ought to take this movie called Pulp Fiction? To Mike Rinder, Mike Rinder is like, I don't think playing a heroin addict is going to be a good look for Scientology He's wrong Yeah, it was just And then, uh, masseuse came in and they had a moment and then he laughed And then it's like, then he saddled with the secret and this whole thing Yeah, Pulp Fiction is the only reason that he had to come back

Of course And Tom Cruse is worth $620 million Does his own stunts And he was just in a movie that is nominated for Best Picture Top Gun Maverick is nominated for Best Fucking Picture Scientology works for that motherfucker And people are allowed to do whatever the fuck it is they want with their money I really do think that they remember it's like, they're allowed to do it

Yeah, so that's what they want to do if they want to waste their money like that They absolutely can and integrating their own kickbacks too But what they're funding is, again, legally We cannot say they are guilty of human trafficking No Or murder But it seems to be a function of the organization How is everything getting built?

Human labor, yeah And how much money are they getting? And they're shipping them across states and countries We can say Unpaid workforce We can say that they have been charged with these things With being culpable and deaths Well, I can do how many go into that

Almost But the thing is about these people is that $3 million to Scientology It's fucking nothing And if life is going the way you want it to And you have no conscious whatsoever about the consequences that your support of Scientology brings to other people There's no reason to stop Therefore, Scientology has been kept afloat by the big fish Even if the little fish have mostly stopped giving

But there's the matter of what David Miscavige has been doing these last 10 to 15 years Because our narrative kind of stops around 2009 2010 Well, it's interesting because there was a big clampdown on the information that came out Especially because of the mass exodus of Marty Rathman, Mike Rinder All these big guys coming out The Arremony The biggest one

Oh yes, Bill and all this shit And so now we're in this kind of sea of mystery of what the fuck goes on inside Yeah, he's basically gone into hiding Nobody sees David Miscavige He goes back and forth from his various properties But from what I can gather So where Scientology is at now And according to Mike Rinder's blog

Again, this comes from him The way he tracks it is that obviously they're highly secretive about what their members are And they're saying that there's 8 to 10 million Scientologists around the world Which is not true Mike Rinder says that even at their height He believes that the most that there was was 50,000 But then who knows Again, they're saying he's an SP, he'll say whatever he wants

But in 2011 there was a census in England and Wales That said that there was 2,418 Scientologists that had registered Wow, that's it In 2021, the number that have officially put on the list that they were It already went down to 1854 Wow So they lost a bunch That's just in England

That's just in England I mean, England's big But he's saying that if you look at this track and the way he breaks down He probably thinks that there's less than 20,000 Scientologists on the whole across the world Which is why these ideal orgs are completely empty They're all just fronts You go like the one up in Noho Sometimes they'll have a couple

There's a couple people stationed outside But that's because the Church of Scientology is doing this thing that's called Like the ladies who help Because they're trying to show, oh look We're doing these fundraiser things Things about specifically COVID Are they wife pimps? They are

I don't know There was a nice lady wearing a t-shirt I saw outside of it the other day The t-shirt said Curious Curious Well, I was driving by in a glance You're like, hi But David Miscabe, I think one thing that was interesting about what's going on right now

Is that there's been a release of documents about what happened when COVID-19 hit Yeah Right, because Did they use it for their advantage in a completely corrupt narrative that was not supposed to happen? Sure, yeah But it's actually What we're seeing is that Scientology is probably at its very weakest Because during

I believe that When COVID-19 hit We don't understand Even if you're just a parishion You're supposed to go in every day You're supposed to go to one of your orgs And audit And do your things

And you're supposed to FaceTime P2P with somebody At all times I'm glad you left I'm glad you left But you're supposed to do these things And it keeps you in hold It keeps you in check

It keeps you apart of the world COVID-19 Immediately, legally They couldn't go everything And COVID-19 hit Two days before LRH's birthday Which is the biggest fucking party of the year David Miscabe was fucking curious

He said this missing That now that we can't be together anymore And you can't be Can't be We can't do this anymore He called COVID-19 The term was a planetary bull bait Which is like

We're gonna see how we all react to it So here's the hidden things We know that Scientology Does not believe in viruses or disease They believe that you do it to yourself That you bring it in David Miscabe Definitely still

Very much has asthma Severe asthma No, it's not true Yeah, that wouldn't work Yeah, he doesn't And so, COVID-19 What does it do? What are one of the big things

Officially the first came out They're saying that it's gonna Fuck with people with asthma David Miscabe Is incredibly scared of COVID-19 Even though ostensibly He's supposed to say it doesn't exist Playing kayfabe

If it was real But instead, he says What we're gonna do is They wanna see how Scientology Is gonna react during this So he's percent out the CDC guidelines Repackaged as if it was Scientology's guidelines

And now the Scientology orgs Are so disinfected That the disinfectant Is making people sick From being inside of it Because David Miscabe Won't go anywhere Unless it has been

Completely slathered From head to toe And the same shit That they clean emergency rooms in Probably just advancing The virus actually even further Because then it mutates it And then it's like

They have a zero sickness policy now They have a zero sickness policy You can't even have sniffles You're immediately And so imagine You actively have COVID Now those of us who have it Right, we've had it

It sucks, right And when you have it You're like, you know Your brain fog And all fucked up as it is But then you have to call your auditor And be like I can't come in

I tested positive for COVID And then are like You're getting audited over the phone And what they're making them do now Is take pictures of themselves at home They're making themselves Take pictures at home studying And sending them into their auditors

Like, look, you see But all this being said The hold is slipping That's why we're getting more The leaks are getting crazy Like there's more That document got leaked A week later

Which no one had ever done Really before Because they were afraid Of the immediate repercussions They're not on the Supreme Court They don't usually leak But now they're like Out of it

They're out of the hold A little bit So it's starting to get real wiggly And now that David Miscavige Was served with this Essentially a human trafficking charge I mean, that's what it is That's a human trafficking charge

And just for details So you can go on to it on your own This is an accusation From Valesca, Paris And go in and Laura Baxter That they were residents of Australia They were on Scientology's cruise ship The free winds in the Caribbean

And basically what they're saying is Is that we were as children We were raised into Scientology We had assigned these documents That gave our soul over For a billion years That would allow us to then Work for free whenever

And then we basically Went to the free winds And we were tortured on this boat For a long period of time And this is free This is human trafficking And we're charging you with it But what's hard

Is because they're fighting The actual essential nature Of how do we prosecute A group of people Who have written down Like a consent form And in a kangaroo court It's still just in their world

But it's still a contract Right? So the billion year contract Like one thing Where they said like Well that's a whole belief system We don't know like The courts are real icky about that

They don't know what to do with that yet But there's another clause That Scientology makes you sign Which is an arbitration clause That basically says You promise to handle any arbitration For what you feel as a malfeasance Of Scientology within Scientology

Not like in the court system Like you're supposed to So what they're fighting is They're saying That they signed this arbitration document That said that like They can't like sue us They literally can't

They sign their rights away And what they're trying to say is like But does it count If you sign a contract Quote unquote under duress Under duress And we don't know And so now they're really like

This is the spike Also they were children They were under 18 When they signed this right So technically it doesn't matter But it's a really belief system It's a whole thing So that's why they're

Hyper hesitant We believe in human trafficking See, we believe it But again, he's accused of these crimes So he is not yet guilty Of these crimes But it is It is an interesting idea

Of like and it's also Why the FBI so hesitant To go and start busting on Scientology Because it's really hairy To get into the fringe religion And movement As we just talked about And Waco

Billionaires Oh yeah, and billionaires They got plenty of money To throw into the process And also like Mike Rinder Brought up a good point Where it's like Any FBI agent knows

That as soon as I attack Scientology That's the next 10 years of my life Yeah Is unhatching Is trying to break this up Look at the dude Who fucking cracked the Monopoly game scandal That took four years

It took four years That was a fun one That's fun Yeah That's the thing is that You know, it does seem like The cracks are starting a show When it comes to

David Miscavige's Scientology Yeah People are His version, yeah Yeah, the people are leaving The documents are being leaked He's getting served People are chasing him down

To serve him So his brain may be nearing an end And when it does end I for one am fucking fascinated To see where Scientology goes from here I just wanted this from the baseball team As the new head of Scientology I'm bringing in

Friday fish fries I honestly need this one Dude, I'll do it I'll do it with you I want that I mean, even if Miscavige manages To hold on for another 10 years or so The rich celebrities will remain

Additionally, Scientology still owns All that real estate And their tax-exempt status Doesn't seem to be going anywhere It is far too large to be taken down By, you know, the fall of their leader Someone is going to succeed David Miscavige

Just as Miscavige succeeded Elron Hubbard Yeah, I mean, who knows? Yeah, and I for one Wouldn't be surprised if Scientology Is still going a fucking century from now It's going to be Tom Cruise I don't think he wants that responsibility

I don't think so I don't think you can fly jet planes And skydive all that much You notice he hasn't Well, he hasn't said very much About Scientology And then Judd Apatow Made that joke about him

And now, like, and then And then Gerard Carmichael Made the joke about selling Miscavige It's really starting to come out in the open Tom Cruise, excuse me He hasn't said fucking shit, really Yeah, but I do think that The longer Miscavige stays in charge

The less of a chance Scientology has Of making it to the century mark But what I find most fun about Scientology Is that they are now eternally On the defensive Even if they stay dormant for years As they did after Leah Remini Launched her attack in 2013

Their reappearance inevitably draws Negative attention every single time Hell, we're doing this series now Partly because we were inspired By David Miscavige's star turn In a new Scientology ad campaign last November We got reminded of the dickhead's existence Like, oh yeah, we're going to do a fucking

David Miscavige series They do not have a lot going on Choging by the fact they called all three of us Multiple, they called all three of us multiple times And why the fuck did they call you Before they called me? Buddy, the unit, again, they smell They smell of the water, we can flip them

Bing got called at 5.07 p.m. I got called at 5.09 I was called at 5.07, 5.09 as well So that was a busy minute for her Mine was 5.14 And then at 5.30, yeah, but they don't know I don't answer my phone So while they may last

For a little while, at least into the coming decades Scientology will likely never Gain a foothold just so long As there's always someone around Willing to make fun of them And I feel like that's the one thing We're allowed to make fun of Whatever we want, because it's fun

It's a comedy podcast But we definitely came with a lot of bullshit And you should read it some of yourself If you're a Scientology member That is now currently listening this Scanning, right, for whatever you're being told to do Like, dude Dude, lady

It's better outside of it Just hear what we're saying I could have flipped that, Jake If I would have answered But hear what we're saying Again, it's legal You're allowed to do whatever the fuck it is you want With your fucking, your Satan containing

Husk, you're allowed to But we're trying to help you Before something really bad happens to you Because unfortunately it seems the more people Stay in the longer they stay in this organization The worse it is for them and their families Absolutely Help the Scientologists out there on the street

Be nice to the Scientologists If somebody is out there Trying to give you an e-meter reading Trying to give you a personality test Don't be mean to them They sound afraid, and really that's what it is The fear comes across The desperation comes across

You're not operating from a place of power Unless your father is Joseph Fritzel You should never be separated from your family Absolutely Go and read any one of these fucking stories That we covered like, you know, Ron Misscavige's book We had fucking Mike Rinder's book We had Mark Headley's book

We have the whole Tampa Bay Times LA Times There's so much stuff, like just Go have fun, the Underground Bunker, Tony Ortega That's hours of fucking listening Yeah, it's very interesting Alright everyone, there it is Our three-parter on David Misscavige

And his Miss Andaline of Scientology Oh, thank you And any Scientologists, if you want to come out And see Classy Knight out with me And Ed Larsen, we're going to be at the Pac Theater Wednesday, March 8th, 8pm That's at the 6320 Santa Monica Boulevard New address for the Pac Theater

Check it out, we're there And then come go to Get It Made LA Slash Disaster Man To buy tickets for live side stories, April 8th Alright everyone, thank you so much for listening Thanks for supporting all the shows, Marcus If there is a Scientologist who is working The Elron Hubbard booth at

WonderCon at the end of this month Out in Anaheim, come on over And see us at the Z2 booth We're going to be signing on Friday And Saturday at the Z2 booth Going to be signing the last comic book on the left And we're going to be doing a panel on Saturday morning So check out all the schedules

Over at WonderCon to see exactly when and where We're going to be there, and I believe it was sent out On our newsletter So sign up for our newsletter to get all the information Yeah, Michelle makes good stuff on that She does And then of course, you guys are going to want to Join us and don't talk to your family anymore

Honestly, just so you know You do speak with us We encourage a lot of our fans to not talk to their parents anymore Because again, their influence is really bad And we want you to make sure you can Queef the clearest that you can And that's our whole thing is creating clear queefs Clear queefs

Thank you all so much for supporting All the shows here on the network And yeah, and we're Also, by the way, don't forget every Tuesday The stream is back, so go to Patreon Yeah, it's live on Patreon And no docs in space Is about to return with a two part series

On the Monks Yeah, cool, yeah It's not what you gain It's what you lose Alright everyone, hail yourselves Hail Satan, hail me And thank you Satan for giving me the strength To be here fucking the warrior for truth

I am everything and every day, I'm your soldier buddy I'm your fucking shoulder He's completely derailed the past three episodes Yeah, especially when you told Saying that you were his shoulder Yeah, you were his shoulder I've been talking for a long time Alright everyone, hail yourselves

Goodbye