Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 526: Gilles de Rais Part II - The Real Gille

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

The boys continue the historically brutal tale of Gilles de Rais and we learn how he transitioned from life on the battlefield to becoming one of the most sadistic child predators of all time.

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Oh I Don't do that Professionals are we recording yeah in a lab deal the range. It's actually she well Cuz then I heard that not only we not not only is it not a deal it is you'll but actually yields I've heard that you supposed to add the s2. No, that doesn't make any sense

Whatever they want that doesn't make any sense that they you would add the s because every other fucking French pronunciation Saying that I've been told has been totally and completely wrong. What did it's like. Oh, yeah, GIL ES what's that supposed to be oh? It's gills technically, but what what is the hottest women woman that you guys researched to say it as Yes, yeah, yeah, I mean, but I really wanted to introduce the audience to the fact that right before we began Marcus dared to say dared to say wow the microphone cover me Henry Ziprowski made in a lab You're really taking that AI created men's health article serious all of my memories are not real They were put inside of my brain by the guy that is the nutritionist for Will Smith. Oh, I can't wait for Universal Soldier 3

podcaster just a man born in a rolly chair You said that my microphone cover stank your microphone cover. It's stank. And then you dare to say because I'm a fervent performer And you're saying it is because of my performance style Oh, it's just the spit. It stays on there. It's the incredible amount of spit that both you and Holden MacNeely Produce when you perform on a podcast you're both life You're our theater Performers if you ain't spitting you ain't acted the spit guard that Holden MacNeely uses. I act I had to use it the other day. I accidentally sniffed it and I seriously I gag

How do you think he's fucking whitefield? Welcome to the last podcast on the left everyone been hanging out with Marcus And of course Henry. I am really excited to get to this episode I think there's gonna be a lot of blood the child murder. That's what you're excited for No, I'm excited to learn more about America. No, you were old history. Yeah, isn't that exciting and the Marcus? I hope you tie it back a little bit to America because I heard some theories being kicked around in the kitchen last night Marcus has his own version of a red-eyed 3 a.m deep rabbit hole I think it's very good man. If you like just think about it for a second

Just put your perspective goggles on for a second. All right Whoa, that's a weird goggle Yeah, I fucking see you now, bro. All right, Jill DeRay part two. All right, so we're going We're going with the most beautiful woman pronounced it as because that's our best chance when you meet a beautiful woman We assume they all talk with each other and they all go by Jill. All right Also, I think Jill Jill is if you're a lady Jill Oh, I'm gonna have a date with Jill As opposed to she who sounds like he should be I don't know fluffing your underwear

But it does sound like oh unfortunately for some reason Jill cut our date off tonight because he wanted to meet my daughter Oh my goodness. Let's get on with it So when we last left Jill DeRay he and Joan of Arc were on their way to the French city of Orleans to free it from the hated English in one of the pivotal battles in the third phase of the Hundred Years War and I actually I was thinking about this earlier Are this series will probably the end be close to like nine and a half hours long Spread out over several periods. Yeah, so this entire series is very similar to the Hundred Years War Which was of course 116 years over three distinct periods and I won't ever let anyone ever once forget very good But for the first part of this episode Jill DeRay will seemingly be somewhat of a footnote of history

But as we shall see Jill is a far larger part of the pie than what he's made out to be by certain biographers Interesting how shade put another way It is absolutely fascinating to see such an evil human being such as Jill DeRay playing sidecar to one of the most revered people in history It's like if John Wayne Gacy had been JFK's chief of staff It's true Yeah, this episode as we get to the latter half of this episode is the John Wayne Gacy portion of Jill DeRay's life Okay, how we compare him because we've been covering a little bit, you know what well last time we called them Ted Bundy meets

Harvey Weinstein meets Jared Fogel So this is like he's somewhere between it. This is the Jared Fogel sandwiched Lord Okay time period where you know cuz what are you gonna do with all that sandwich money? Absolutely, you've got to do something with it like destroy your entire lives and the lives of people around you Yeah, but concerning the battle of Orleans French commanders believe that French forces were gonna arrive at Orleans for a long siege Because the English were well fortified and had no reason to come out and fight the idea of a siege However, did not please Joan of Arc as we're about to see Joan was a woman of action for better or for worse during her Short time as a commander in the French army and that quality would both contribute to her fame and lead to her demise

Do you think that Greta Thornberg might be more like, you know hear me out of this Yeah, she might be more effective if she had weaponry. I mean, I think that would probably help I could see her with a big-ass sword with a gun I think if she came to America and acclimated to our gun culture, she would be the number one spokesperson for the NRA Her and Dana Loesch in like a month. This is what to do, right combine All right get controversial start of the show right combine Love of guns for love of the planet earth So we say like we fight pollution with these bullets in a way by taking over various, you know

Giant corporate buildings Greta Thornberg with a pack of her Twitter people who arrive, right? And it's January 6 like it hasn't happened Yeah, you're saying this like Ted Kaczynski didn't exist. Good. Well, but he didn't like If I'm Randy Kraft Number one fan you are Ted Kaczynski's number one fan as well. I'm Ted Kaczynski's honestly I wish I was Ted Kaczynski's editor because he needed to live so I wouldn't need to come in with a red that's true Well, Joan she figured that when she arrived to Orlean her men were well fed and morale was high So what better time to attack than immediately while God was still on everyone's side God's here now man sweet But God will flip at any moment any moment. You know, that's why you got to act now. Absolutely

The problem was that the Loire River was too low therefore the French army couldn't send barges full of heavily armored men across but Miraculously as it would happen often with Joan of Arc as it's put down in historical record the wind changed and the water level rose Making the crossing not only possible, but almost Incontestable because of the seemingly divine circumstance Isn't that something that meteorology has taken away from us because now we're like weather patterns Cyclone bomb cyclone coming but before it was just like that's an act of fucking God Yeah, and that's so much more fun

But she's known as well She had a lot of weird mysterious circumstances Would you go play on later on in life when they did the entire like Fabrication of making her a saint like what all the lies that everyone had to say to the church to make her a saint But that was because everyone was mad at her. We'll see what happens to her in this episode I mean also weather does change. Yeah, a bit of luck can change a lot of fortune It really can and Joan had a lot of luck a lot of the time, okay? But she entered Olien to meet an excited populace while Gilles de Ré returned to the city of Bourrois for more supplies

More croissants Gras I gotta get a couple of house wines you got and then you got a stop smoke a cigarette. Oh, yeah It's hard to do it. It's a long running errands in France. There's a long Pro I love a good house wine now Joan's reputation have preceded her and when she entered the city people lost their minds because this was pretty much as close as They were ever gonna get to meeting an angel on earth This however was only in the outer ring of the city as the English fortifications were deeper in sure. Yeah, always so The English fortifications are always real

Oh, absolutely. So while the more experienced commanders had taken Joan's lead and at least entering Orlean They refused to attack the English fortifications until Gilles de Ré returned with supplies And so Joan toured the English battlements and called on them to surrender to her and God She just rose to them. Yeah, so she just went on like a mini tour Yeah, well it's touring the battlements means she walked around and she said fuck yeah come out come out God is here God is good. There's God sword. She'll strike you down sweet my hymen is the strongest Strongest hymen of all time her hymen was so strong it broke the horses back Who's made it a lot

What do you think the English said back I think some of the peasants who were suffering from the English old agarcs We're very happy to see her but then I would assume some of the more successful folks were quite scared She was gonna destabilize the entire region No, they did it the old-fashioned English way by calling her a whore Bitch they called it that a lot they call cowgirl was what they called her a lot which I would imagine It's a pejorative depending on which Because you're like a peasant and you you know that style of thing but now we know cowgirls I mean, that's how I get on to the airplane first because as you guys know I suffer from little cowgirl syndrome

It actually takes me a long time to get down the aisle because every time I go And it takes me fucking 45 minutes I know that's why I get on the plane ahead of soldiers. You always get to pre-bored. That's right But even so Joan kept touring the battlements day after day waiting for Gilles to return Absorbing the misogynistic insults from the English on the fifth day though Joan said that the quote-unquote voices told her that it was time to attack the English somewhere in Oraline Anywhere just so long as she attacked, okay? Supposedly at that moment Joan saw the smoke and heard the sounds of a medieval battle elsewhere in the city

So she wrote out to get her first taste of true hand-to-hand combat. This is the first time she's ever in battle She just jumps it. Yeah, I mean I'll give her that credit for all of the planning and kind of the impulsive nature of her work And maybe some would say like lack of foresight. She just would jump right fucking in in front of everybody else And she was I think 16 17 years old 16 17 about five one five two, but that was average at the time She's nuts man. It's a great message reminds me of Molly Shannon and superstar You got to put your hands under your armpits and jump right in the deep end. Yeah. Yeah fantastic film I mean, yeah one day it will one day it'll receive its do yeah

Well when Joan got there she found that the fight had been started by some very enthusiastic French citizens Who'd been inspired to take matters into their own hands? But since Joan rode out with no plan whatsoever she soon found herself trapped between two fires facing certain death But at that moment who should ride out to song loo fresh from returning with supplies, but gilder a and friends Wow, he's got some friends with them very cool like thunder cats Yeah, he paid a lot of those friends to hang around you'd be surprised how much of these entourage as you see on television are actually Sponsored by capitalism. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's fine though Even if you're paying them that they're actually better friends than if you're not paying them

That's true because then they have reason to stay absolutely, but then their loyalty is always It's always dependent on how much you're paying. Don't lose any money. Don't lose your money. That's the key That's the key of course now Joan didn't like directly shedding blood herself But the sight of her banners and her white armor pushed the French forces onward to take the Bastille of Saint-Louis Likewise the English were superstitious enough We're just the sight of Joan in her finest in the midst of battle was enough to throw them off their game. It's what Dan Carlin calls the X Factor the X Factor. I love that show the X Factor and

So after scaling the walls and fighting man to man with sword axe mace and war hammer French it's my favorite. Yeah, the war hammer. Yeah, I'm playing Skyrim right now and I'm using the hammer man. Yeah Hammer, yeah The French killed 140 Englishmen they captured 40 more and they set the fortifications on fire Yeah, I'm kind of with you I also really like an aggressive defensive weapon like a sharp sword or something like that or I mean it's a sharp shield. Oh, yeah, that's cool Yeah, I like also hit him with that

I prefer like things that are attached also to armaments and to colds like that You have like big boiling pots. Oh Throwing burning barrels of Donkey Kong style. I agree is what I prefer. That's what I do at my own Yeah, I was with the burgles in to know if you come for me I plan to literally spray you with the sticky like goop. Yeah, right keep you pinned to think and then what's so nice Is all that oil can later be used for your deep frying. Yes. Nice. Yes. I'm a halberd type guy I like a real good halberd because you can do a halberd a halberd like yeah It's like a lancelike weapon. It's got a big blade on the end of it. Love it

You can use it a lot of different ways. There's a lot of different strategies Distance get some distance. Yeah Dude you can hit your buddy with it. Yeah Yeah, and at the end of the day you can still use it as a really long axe Yeah, whatever happened to that show that talked about weapons. Anyway, let's move on Oh the guy from um, oh, I know what you're talking about George are or George Lee Ermey. Yeah, it was really interesting Well, in other words, all right, Joan of Arc's first battle was indeed a massive victory But it had come with a big assist from Gilles de Ré

And this would not even be close to the last time the Gilles de Ré would save Joan of Arc's life And that's what's interesting about his place in history. Okay here it begins Yeah, this begins. This is you know, like we're just gonna go with Marcus on this. I do think it's it is interesting It's compelling compelling. Yeah, you can't spell revisionary history without vision vision See Dorae biographers wear up and down that there is documentation to back up the claim that Dorae was Joan's savior During her more rash combat decisions, especially in her early battles But reading accounts from the perspective of Joan of Arc biographers Jill is nowhere to be found maybe because he was one of the world's biggest child molesters and child murderers

And then you get attached to her shit and the people are like well, people like her. Yeah, they like her and it's gonna affect her testing Yes, gotcha in both biographies. They share people like Jean de Dunois But Gilles is wiped from Joan's history all together That's not right though, it's inaccurate history. Well, that to me is extremely interesting Because had it not been for Gilles de Ré, Joan of Arc would have likely been killed in her first battle Which would have had massive ramifications on the course of world history See if Joan of Arc had been killed in that first battle She would not have been seen as a hero rather

She would have been seen as a massively stupid misstep on the part of the feign Charles the 7th Absolutely, he's a 16 year old girl to be killed in war. She said she was talking angels Well, now she's really talking angels because I put a fucking bike in red Yeah, Charles was fighting not only the English and the Burgundians But he was also fighting for the very right to be crowned king He was hanging on by a thread then he just hands over a section of his army to a religious teenage weirdo Who just kind of showed up and without Gilles de Ré that weirdo would have gotten killed Immediately and of course with the Burgundians a very easy group to kill. They were only wearing corduroy. Hmm

Why does that have to do what yeah? Why does that slow you down? Because you can stab right through corduroy It's not very protective, but what what about burgundy makes you know, they're the Burgundians They were corduroy. I Mean when I think about a quarter I actually burgundy is usually the color of corduroy. I don't know why that's true But it is I'm just saying oh my god, you know standard denim corduroy does exist the Burgundians the Burgundians are coming The book. Oh, don't worry. They're walking the wrong way

The Burgundians, I'm just not scared of the Burgundians. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, go on Well had that happened had Joan of Arc been killed in that first battle Then it's likely that Joan of Arc would have been seen in the historical record as not a master stroke of strategy But as a capricious decision of decadence on the part of an illegitimate ruler Charles the 7th probably would have thereafter been deposed and since Joan of Arc's presence was the turning point in the Hundred Years War France would have probably fallen under the rule of the English had France become basically English territory Or at least English allies then 300 years later There would have been nobody to bail out the Americans during the revolution of 1776 because without French assistance

We would not have won. Therefore. It is my contention that without yield array, the United States of America would not exist. Wow None of that. None of that. No Super Bowl. No Super Bowl. No fried chicken. Oh my god. No yas There would be no what else America bring? Music no giant space bound surveillance system television is all in play Well at best the United States would have instead been born of a second go at revolution in 1884 interesting there the point of contention would not have been taxation without representation But rather the legality of slavery in British colonies starting to think he was made no way I'm certain to think he might have used the lab. Yeah, this is interesting because I'm certain 1884. It's 1834

We were just about to get the emails I know yeah Well, that's the thing it would make sense for it to be 1884 because that would have been long after the American Civil War and the British Of course, I will I bet that abala Abalachian as as Abolished slavery very many years before America. Well, I'm certain I'm certain that because what do I know about history topics? There are people that I can lay it on me, bro They have a sort of how do you put it almost of how do you how do you put this generally an

Irrational attachment to things that have happened thousands of years ago. It's very long to have a history hundreds of years ago But it's like the way they view it right is that sometimes historians They're caught there a little time period right because a lot of times they dress like it. Yeah They're completely isolated themselves a lot of times a lot of times a lot of times a lot of the French historians I've seen they dress like it's You know 1543 a lot of job kins Big hats with feathers But I'm certain there's no way your alternative history tape is gonna rile any of those guys They never there's no way you're gonna get the musket heads

No in full force guess what I don't read social media or emails. So I'm not gonna hear about it. He doesn't care He doesn't care. Yeah, I do but I think that's very interesting. It's just more showing That his position in history. Yes, it's fucking wild huge I mean he was this guy was like a part of like, you know, you know Was one it's what as you put one of the most famous human beings on the face of it in history You wouldn't be the first child murderer to save this fine Republic of ours Okay, well, I do appreciate everyone's indulgence and my interest in alternative history Thank you, thank you for your indulgence, sir, okay

Yeah, sure What we just fought you and scream like no It's the opposite of comedy. Yeah, let's get back to Gilles de Reyes and Joan of Arc at the Siege of Orleans Well, it's like we never left so on the day of Jones first victory She said a letter to the English shot on the end of an arrow telling them to again surrender Cool, that's awesome. Of course, all they replied with was another unimaginative hurl of the word whore Now perhaps really what was the word was it whore whore? That word it would be the word for it would be like

No, it's the English saying Oh You think that they're stuck on a boat Actually, they're hurling insults really good. No, perhaps because they were yucking or yum on the day of her first victory or pickup or because I learned that from you But this is after she won the battle first battle or first victory This is a compliment you don't want your enemy to be happy with you. This is awesome. They're upset. They're riled Who cares if they're calling her a whore? She just beat the fuck out of them Well, also it might also because she's a fucking 16 year old who just survived a medieval hand-to-hand battle almost died

She did she broke down in tears. I mean it Got to her just a little bit which is also and in that way like it humanized her to even her own people She was very beloved. Yes, she was yeah, and the only reason why I mentioned that is because Once because she was sort of out of the picture for a little bit dealing with her bullshit a commander Well, not bullshit, but dealing with her own emotions emotions. Yeah I've said the word bullshit a referring to my emotions in therapy as a point where my therapist did say this last time being like Well, you don't like to sort of meet your emotions. You don't enjoy it. I was like fuck Yeah, but when I say bullshit, it's not a pejorative for someone else's emotions

It's just how I refer to my own and it spills over some time Fantastic but because of Jones breakdown a commander named Dune wall and Jill de ray had a meeting without Joan in which it was decided to pause the attacks and Fortify their positions, but even though those decisions were made Joan had the bad habit of saying fuck the commanders I'm gonna do what I want and I That's you your only reference of anyone under the age of 30 with Sidney Sweeney, but that's only because of her boobs And she's young young. She was in that euphoria show, but she's very chill. She's got she's got boobs Okay, well the next day

That's the only other one I know great Zendaya and I am Yes, good. Good the next day Joan crossed back over the River Loual Ray with her men to attack the English in the town of Les Augustines so she just wait one day licked her wounds and then went on to another battle Yeah, wow the English safely returned to their fortifications and Jones army began to falter But once again Joan was saved by Jill de ray who helped her take les Augustine while killing a hell of a lot of English And he loved it. Yes, you loved it every moment But while it might seem like Jill would have become annoyed about having to save Joan again and again He actually he kind of loved her spirit because he was also reckless and he was also impulsive

And it seemed like wherever Joan went the bloodshed that Jill so craved always seemed to follow He very much liked the fact that she just wanted to fuck everything up Yeah, yeah, even though she didn't fuck anything up herself No, she was very good at whipping up others to fuck things up for her Gotcha, but the other thing about Jill and Joan is that I think he was just as swept up in Jones magical aura as everyone else But not in the same way See he saw that she had seemingly divine powers of foresight and inspiration which fed into Jill's belief in God This however would later translate it to practices that would have horrified Joan of art

At least I'd hope so yes instead of seeing that God is real therefore. I must obey his rules Jill reasoned that if God was real, so was Satan Satan Satan Satan and if God could help Joan Then Satan could help Jill. He always does Isn't that nice? Well, not really sometimes it leads to horrible YouTube videos bad clothing bad lifestyle choices and overall loneliness But I also think that because later on his magic or Proclivities will also speak to the fact that he does somewhat something in here cemented. Yeah, that all this shit's real Yes, because you also see it come up again in his trial because with that one of the main bones of contention in his trial Was how quickly he turned on the like he went from saying I'm innocent to confessing

Which is that a seem to be a latent life obsession with his fate of his soul Yeah, in the eyes of God might have changed things as well because might harken back to oh fuck That's right. Now one time God was real Right, okay No, I'm a seventh the day after Jill and Joan took lays Augustine Jones and I only occupied by ducks Well an island only like Jones luck I mean, it makes sense if it was called like quackerton Agustin Agustine that sounds like a duck

Oh my god, we must be close But it would be an island of Gooses he's done the no I've already done the goose Well anyway, that's where Jones luck hit a bump in the road She was shot with an arrow in the shoulder while trying to place a ladder against English fortification walls at lay to rail But she was caught and removed from battle by again gilderay. Yeah, that's all real Yeah, that is well according to gilderay's people So what we know about all of these things right like most of the reason why we know so much about these people's lives are Because of the trials that both went through Joan of Arc's trial was extremely it was long six months

It was a lot of shit and it was heavily documented Yeah, it was gilderay's trial so and you're basically listening to their people's version of these stories and then historians are trying to kind of all Triangulate where do they all touch tips right? Where do they all like come together as one and it seems that More people agreed than not that gilderay was always like wherever Joan of Arc gilderay was like right there Awesome. All right. Very cool. Well, her wounds were dressed with lard and olive oil then both of them returned to battle That's how you know, she's French Yeah, that's like the put some tussin on it. Yeah, put some lard on it Yeah, there Joan led the French forces through the English defenses whilst fighting in a vineyard Joan called out quote

Soon she heard a man call out And with the call that the tip had touch Joan commanded her men everyone jump to everyone do the Harlem shake Oh No, she commanded them to enter the fort Whoa, the tips have touched now. It's time to enter the fort and in a burst of energy both the army and the French towns people Overwhelmed the English the defeated English forces then tried retreating across the bridge But were throated when a flaming barge floated by a fisherman collapsed the structure

Drowning most of the 400 some odd Englishmen dressed in full arms. This is like my type of asymmetrical warfare Yeah, I love that type of shit. We're just like you turn an everyday object and something that's like highly fucking chaotic Yeah, and everybody freaks out. Sure. Were you at the Boston Marathon by any chance? Okay, I was watching from a building with binoculars. Oh straight. Are you allowed to buy crackpots? By the next day the English began leaving the city and tearing down their encampments and on May 8th The French had successfully retaken Orlean from the English using the inspiration of Joan of Arc and her number one a guy Gilles de Reyes, oh my oh no, no, I won't a guy Let's get more of a supporting act. He's that he was her supporting act the entire time. Sure

Yeah, he was a muscle. Yeah, he's the Sam to her Frodo Sure. Yeah, actually, that's cool. That's close. Yeah, that's where that that does kind of work. Yeah, you can't carry it I'll carry you. I'll carry the load. And they did. Yeah, they did. They deleted scenes. But once Orlean was taken it became obvious that the French had a problem Joan and Gilles had become quite close, but both of them were anti-authoritarian albeit with different motivations Joan believed herself answerable only to God while Gilles was answerable only to his own desires Now we have that all together on the Supreme Court. Yeah But even so Gilles was an obviously talented commander and warrior

So he was appointed the position of Marshal of France. Yeah, okay, the marshals of France are very fancy Oh, you want to be the mark? I want to be yeah, that means I was you make a joke, but oh, it's a name That's what I was trying to do. I actually was kind of I'm kind of disappointed No, I started it. I thought that you were gonna say take it out. Yeah Yeah, yeah, that's a double whiff there. That's a double whiff. It doesn't sound like we were made in the lab at all doesn't it? All this is gonna be cut. We're just gonna have to lift every single bit of this evidence that we are human I've listened to episodes and it seems every time you say that it stays in Yeah

It's almost like Yeah, sure sure sure, but again, I appreciate the calls coming from inside the outfit. Yeah, that's great Yeah, well the Marshal of France this position it not only gave Gilles higher pay and privileges But it made him an officer of the crown in other words yield array was even more powerful and even more shielded by the Establishment than he'd ever been. Oh, yeah, dude. He's with the number one He's next to the number one that it's becoming the most important force in French politics and in front of like this in world endeavors So you wonder why in the end when they went to go

Immediately like what they call I think they call it rehabilitate Joan of Arc hmm after her trial like and they kind of left yield array out for some reason Yeah, they did. Yeah, they decided that maybe he there was something about it. Yeah, that nobody really liked Yeah, it wouldn't help her reputation. I suppose not at all But of course yield array. He is the Marshal of France. You kind of putting him in a corner You know what to do with yield array. Yeah, but no one knew what the fuck to do with Joan of Arc Oh, yeah, man Technically, you know, this is a bad comparison

But the idea of having somebody that you think that you can control in a position of power like with Adolf Hitler, right? When they set him up, they thought originally. Oh, this is a guy we can direct around Yeah, but then he was a he became a fucking maniac and he took over the entire inside of the destruction We're like, what was the era where he wasn't a maniac? Can you tell me? When do you think Hitler was like on to something good? Oh, I'm just saying that that it's the concept of like they don't know what to do with this person Joan of Arc is the Hitler of France. No, I get what he's saying. I get what he's saying exactly I'm playing gotcha journalism

I know, I know, and it's just everywhere. Oh, eyes are on me. I'm sorry for everything But Joan of Arc are getting there like, well, you can't put her in charge because we all can't control her because she goes off into a closet Unpredictable. Unpredictable. Absolutely. Totally get it though. Yeah, see where Charles the 7th was concerned Joan to use a southern term She's getting a little too big for her britches. Okay, but even so as per Jones visions Charles the 7th was crowned king of France about two months after the French retook Orlean in a ceremony that took seven hours Kill me Consequently and covered all that stinky-ass oil must have been horrible Consequently Charles the 7th negotiated a 15-day truce with the English and the English's French allies

They're Burgundians. Oh, yeah, you can hear them coming from a mile away Burgundians here we go here we go Burgundians and there we go There is a guy writing an email with a quill right now that is The Burgundians were so The Burgundians had their testicles above their penises as a matter of fact, not a lot of people understood why I must put another strong dysentery and message out to these these rebellions No, this seriously pissed off Joan because while she certainly wanted the English out of France She hated the Burgundians even more

I believe she'd held a grudge against the Burgundians since childhood because they sided with the English Now as far as how the Burgundians got mixed up with the English This is basically another game of thrones subplot. The Burgundian story is fucking incredible. It's cool Yeah, I mean the conflict with the Burgundians was somewhat the thrust of the third phase of the hundred years war in which both Joan of Arc and Gilderay gained their notoriety see back in 1407 about 20 years before About 20 years before the crowning of Charles the seventh the king regent Louis the first Was murdered in the streets of Paris by 15 masked criminals on the orders of a man named John the fearless a king Regent by the way is the man who acts as the king when the actual king is too young too sick or too mentally ill to do

So, okay, so he's the hand of the right of the hand of the throne or they call a hand of the king. No, uh, what would you call that? No, I know I get that no no no in the in the game of thrones world. They were king regents actually it's when Not the hand of the king the king regent acts in the king said like you know He's the babysitter of the throne baby sister throne with a king's got basically until the king can become of age and can make decisions on His own when you say like when you had like that nine-year-old King Henry Oh, yeah, they have to have a guy come in and he's the one who's acting but still everyone's well that nine-year-old's like Like Yeah

Now John the fearless was the son of the Duke of Burgundy he of the Burgundians The Duke of Burgundy was named Philip the bold and he was angry that royal funds were being spent on Louis the first Deconant lifestyle instead of the expansion of French territory Understandable makes sense Louis the first was acting as King regent because at the time King Charles the sixth Charles the seventh's father He was severely schizophrenic He believed that he was made of glass and that and he was often unable to remember his name his wife or even the fact that he was king I mean it is us. It is interesting because yes, obviously He was very ill, but then also Joan of Arc said she was talking to actual full-formed angels

Yeah, they just gave her an army, but she could still say hi. My name is Joan. Yeah Me what a day at the King to be like, oh, no the King he thinks he's glass again today Oh, well, don't put him near windows. He could start a fire The sun when it hits glass. Do you have any cleaner because he says he smudged Louis the first meanwhile he had been appointed King regent in Charles the sixth stead Because Louis the first was having a sexual affair with the Queen What it's a lot again these are very you have to see the chart the family No, no Louis the first was fucking the Queen, but I thought that was the king. That's not the King

He was fucking the King Charles the six the King Charles the heat Going home and the gun in her mouth Oh, yeah, it's not the night Okay, I wish it was with me for the sec for youôhe stick with me for Charles the 6th is the king He thinks he's glass glass the duties of the king. But he is legally the king and he isn't doing anything about it. He is legally the king. Therefore, his wife, the queen, must appoint someone to act as the king regent.

And then she fucks that guy? No. She appoints the guy she is fucking. Yes. There is a man. Well, that'll make sense. But now that guy is also a king and so that's actually not even cheated. New stepdad Louie is now the king, but in action only.

Like he just shows up. In action only, yeah. But the thing is that this seemed like no one could really figure out what other reason there could be for Louie first being Louie, the first being the king regent, because Louie the first was quite unpopular due to something called the bell days are banned. Now, this is a very funny story. This is back in the day when political gaffes were like more serious. Let's go a little bit further back to 1393.

Oh my God. How far are we going to go back? He said something about the heat beginning of the universe. There's a beginning somewhere. And oh, man. Well, before Charles the sixth was incapacitated, a masquerade ball was thrown in which the king and five nobles performed a dance wearing costumes made of linen and soaked in resin. Just reminds me of fucking when we used to go to the adults when up front and you find

out they paid Kanye West fucking $2 million to yell at us for 40 minutes. And you're just like, this is what we're spending the money on resin costumes. We did watch Drake. He did good. He was great. Yeah, he was surprisingly good. Well, these costumes depicting the nobles as wood savages made them appear shaggy, but it also made them highly flammable.

As such, there were strict orders against the lighting of hall torches and strict orders against anyone entering the room with a torch. The idea behind the whole event was to have the audience guess the identities of the wood savages. The mass singer. Yes. Do you remember the blind restaurant? Yes, I do.

Yes, I do. The people who served you were blind, so they could see, but then you can't and you don't know what you're eating. And one person takes off their masks and it's Rudy Giuliani. Remember that when he was on the mass saying, remember that? But this is a time period where like, because who showed this? It was Barry Lyndon. There really is beautiful film pouring this whole fucking God, but it's a beautiful film

that is really illustrates what we've talked about a little bit in the past where it's like, it's, think about medieval times is that, you know, you got torches inside and stuff to light, but those torches create like smoke and like all of a sudden it's gross. And so like a lot of the times when it was nighttime, it was dark, whatever the fuck you were. It was dark as fuck like you were and it was difficult to see human eyes adjusted a little bit. Hmm.

I wonder if the human eye adjusted a little bit back then. Do you think they could see better in the dark if it was dark every night? I can see better in the dark all the time. You can see better. I see great in the dark. You can see better in the dark than you can in the light, you think? No, but I can still see great in the dark. I can't really good at nighttime.

I got really good nighttime vision. Why are you doing that? Why do you purposely get better at nighttime vision? Yeah, I purposely get better at nighttime vision. Maybe that was something that gave him in the lab. I didn't get that. I don't see the night. I don't see the night.

I don't see the night. No, I'm completely blind. I see wonderfully at night. Yeah, I can walk around in a dark house and not butt my foot at all. He's also British. Is this a whole brag? Is that a brag? That is a brag.

Does that count as a brag? No, he's bragging. I don't often get to brag about that, but yeah, I'll totally brag about that right now. It's technically a superpower. I have incredible night vision. I just see, Caroline, it's just so scared, just like watching Marcus do his night vision drill.

Trying to see what he can see and not see in the night, and she's just like, just put lights on. No, no, no. Just put some lights on. And she looks at me walk around at night in the pitch darkness within awe. You should ask her. She's incredibly impressed with my night vision. She knows that she can't escape.

I'm going to ask your wife how in awe she is of you as you can walk around the night. That's how you keep marriages good. You're in awe of each other. You find those things. Oh, yeah, Natalie is constantly impressed, constantly. So we're in this ball. We're in this masquerade ball. All torches are banned.

No torches. No torches at all. And everyone's having quite the annoyingly French twi little amily time trying to figure out who's who. I do good pranks. I do good pranks. We're like, oh, and they fix a piece of our lives. They don't know it's me.

And who should show up drunk bearing a torch but the future King Regent, Louis the first. Oh, no. You guys are all here. It's fucking dark as shit in here. Let's get out of here. Oh, God. He's just going to belushi this whole thing, isn't he? Well, accounts differ.

But it said that Louis the first decided to join in on the fun, but hadn't gotten the no torches memo. How am I going to go up there and show them all you're fucking stupid or do you want to put your markers, perks in? I can totally see that. So he immediately walked in and got the bright idea to just use his torch to win the game and see who it was. Because why the fuck don't you use your fucking torches to cut this?

I mean, he held the torch above at Wood Savage and these are nobles, by the way. These aren't just like some guy that brought off the street. These are people who count to that. Spark fell lit the guy on fire. The flames spread. Four nobles were killed. This isn't a political gaffe. This is considered like when Tanquil couldn't smell potatoes.

This is very similar. It's the same equivalent of political death. That is incredible. He burned four men alive accidentally. I mean, it is. He can say it, but it's funny. Oh, yeah. Now that's kind of funny, though.

But obviously King Charles was not hurt. I'd feel like that. He's just like, I must be glass if I can't, but I guess I just turned back to sand. What a goddamn hangover that must have been because he's probably drinking garbage, meat or something. Really? You're right. Last night was hilarious.

It was fun. Now, Charles the Six came out of it miraculously unharmed, but this goof him up, it killed Louis the first reputation and therefore made it where an enemy might believe that they could maybe get away with assassinating him without making anyone all that upset. Again, it's all about polling. It's the same shit. It's way more along the lines of like, ah, but if we assassinate and people are going to freak out, like it's more like it's kind of seeing where it all lines.

And what is this cute? What is it? Who? How low does someone's cue rating have to go where you could assassinate? I mean, you know, that's why Ted Kennedy, he could never be president because he killed that woman. We know. Isn't that sad?

And there were scratches on the top of the car on the roof. I tried to get out. Yeah. You could have lived about 12 hours of her suffering. And so when John the fearless of the Burgundians decided that he should be King Regent, not Louis the first, he ordered a gang of men to murder Louis on the streets of Paris. There Louis was stabbed multiple times, 15 men. He got sent after him.

His hand was cut off with an axe and his skull was split open by that same weapon. Yeah. That's getting canceled. Yes. That is true cancellation. Whenever people weren't so jazzed about John the fearless's moves, it was a bad thing to do. Oh yeah.

The assassination. Because you're coming after one of the people. That's a made guy. Yeah. That's a King Regent. The assassination unleashed a 30 year civil war in the middle of the hundred years war. Jesus. Yes.

With the Burgundians on one side in an alliance with the English and Charles the Seventh, Joan of Arc and Gilles de Ré on the other. Wow. So there's two wars going on. This is where the Burgundians come from, this is why the Burgundians are a goddamn problem. Yeah. They snuck a 30 war into the 116 year war. Yeah.

Yeah. They got two wars in one. Honestly, it's nice. Again, back in the day inflation now, we can only have one full long permanent war at a time. I don't know actually. Now immediately after Charles the Seventh's coronation, that 30 year war between Charles and the Burgundians, that was starting to wind down because Charles had opened negotiations

with John the fearless's son, Philip the Good. Are you with me? Sure. Yes. Yes. So what if, how boring, Philip the Good, not the great, not the grand, no, I'm Philip the Good. We're just trying to change some of the branding here with the family and we really feel that

the fearless reputation is kind of getting a little in turns and so what about the, the nice. Philip the nice. I hate that. Philip the fine. Okay. Well, none of that, of course, sat well with Joan of Arc. Joan of Arc did not want peace with the Burgundians or with the British.

Joan of Arc wanted to crush their Burgundians. Okay. My God. I didn't know until today how difficult it was going to say, be to say the word Burgundians. Your name? No, no, no, no. Burgundians. How do you think people feel at LL Bean?

Oh yeah. That's a good old fashioned LL Bean joke. Is that a joke about the corduroy? I don't know. Burgundy. I think. I actually don't sell corduroy. I don't think LL Bean.

Do you know Ryan? Do you know? No, I don't know. I don't sell corduroy. LL Bean. I don't know. But Burgundy is a big part of it. I'm just going to say Burgundy instead of Burgundy.

Yes. But Joan of Arc, she seemed to be finding a new boundary to cross with the king every single day. So even though Charles had negotiated a 15 day truce with the Burgundian Philip the good after the coronation, Joan got ahead of the king and sent Philip the good, a somewhat sarcastic, completely unnecessary and openly threatening letter saying that if he didn't accept peace, he was fighting Jesus himself. Okay.

Well. All right. She shits the first TikTok response ever done, done by an angry child leader. Wow. It's never stopped. It's always been this way. For those listening 10 years from now, TikTok was something before it was banned. It was a little, it was a social media platform.

No, Charles the seventh, of course, didn't like this. But Joan was still very popular. So in September, she and Jill were given permission to try and retake Paris from the Burgundians. Okay. Yeah. Just try it. But Joan was shot in the thigh trying to cross a ditch and of course was saved by Gilles de Ré.

Wow. The second time, or third time. Third time. The attack failed and Charles soon called off the entire campaign to attack Paris and Joan soon discovered that using divine inspiration as your only tool was a double edged sword. See, she'd launched that initial attack on Paris on the Blessed Virgin Mary's birthday, which is apparently in September. Okay.

And it's traditionally a day of truce. Is it? I guess so. She's got to give birth. She has to give birth. But since she'd done an impious thing and failed Joan of Arc, that is, morale had been greatly damaged and Joan began losing support. There's a lot of importance, it seems, put on at the time period of dates and when you

did things. Yeah. And when you attacked them, when you didn't. Sure. And there was like rules in that way where they say like, and so her impulsivity caused her to break like some big, like weird religious war rule that everyone's like, see there, your problem right here. That's what happens is you're invaded on a date.

You shouldn't have invaded. I shouldn't have done there, I should have waited no Wednesday. Yeah. That's a, but also very smart because they wouldn't be expecting the invasion. Yeah. But that's the thing is that they still lost. Okay. Yeah.

Furthermore, Charles VII was extending his truce with their Burgundians with an eye towards reconciliation. Yes. This meant that the Kings and Joan's goals began to diverge and Joan was becoming a huge liability. Oh yeah. Cause she was definitely a political advantage and now she is the person that like, oh, we might need to do something about Joan of Arc.

The problem though is that Joan was still very much beloved by the people and it would be a bad start to Charles VII's reign to have the equivalent of Margot Robbie execute. We have to make sure she is safe. We do. We have to make sure she's safe because this country literally, United States of America at this point might fall apart. If Margot Robbie dies, if Margot Robbie dies, this whole country is just going to be, it's going to be like one of those things we're going to be carrying her body through the

streets. We're going to have to stop doing comedy for two weeks that they do over in Cuckingland when the queen died. You know what I mean? Like we have to really like, we have to keep her safe. Yeah. Then that doesn't tell you something about America right now. That's how much we need Margot Robbie.

We have to. We will be in Australia, as soon as we get them, they're American. Yeah, that's true. Australia is very American. Yeah. But the thing is, it seemed to be the only way that they were going to get Joan of Arc to stop would be to execute her. For example, bereft of English and Burgundians to attack, Joan began threatening what she

perceived to be the enemies of the church. She started sending letters to supposed heretics, telling them that if she wasn't otherwise occupied, they would have her sword in their bellies at that very moment or something to that effect. And let's say at the time, religious conventions were both like, yes, it was societal. They were obviously true believers, but I do believe that this is a time period where there are people that would maybe not be as religious as they said they were, right? Of course.

And we're mostly just living their lives. And she's just like, well, I'm going to clean up house then, I'm going to kill everybody inside here that aren't super hyper-religious as well. Were these op-eds, do they have op-eds yet in papers? Because I feel like if she lived in modern times, most op-eds came from somebody already on a stake about to be burned. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, it's the equivalent of sending, like just threatening tweets to somebody. She's just sending letters saying like, you're lucky. She's basically telling them like, you're lucky I'm busy right now because if I wouldn't, I'd be killing you right now. But she put the legwork in, she had to write it, she had to mail it. She was also trying to keep the Civil War going by writing letters to the city of Wrens saying that she had heard that some of their citizens were planning on joining the Burgundians. In other words, Joan was actively trying to stir up shit everywhere, just as everyone

else was trying to end the Hundred Years War. Well, that's the thing is that she was like, how do you put it? She's like, too legit to quit. She's too real to be contained, such as myself. She sounds like a reality TV show producer. Well, she was really intense, but it's also, you know, you talk a little bit about you find yourself in, you're in a political world and you're not a political animal and a bunch of people who decided that they're more important than you have decided, you know, how we're

all used as pawns and giant, like political games as human beings. She was not, she did not maybe get the memo. No, she was 16. Yeah, that when you arrive to these things, now you're kind of in their world and then they're going to chew you up and spit you out as much as they would like to. Yeah. But then on May 22nd, Jones hubris finally got the best of her. They actually didn't even have to chew her up and spit her out.

She took care of it all on her own. She was notified that the Duke of Burgundy had arrived at the city of Compey and New. Wow, you can just see him traveling with that golden turd in the back of a goddamn horse and carriage. Then the turd shows up and it says, I'm the Duke of Burgundy Burgundy. And even though Joan had far too few men to even come close to defeating the English forces accompanying the Duke. She went anyway.

Never stopped her before. Yeah. Okay. But this time, Gilderay was not there. Wait, so is Joan of Arc actually very good at fighting? Joan of Arc is very good at inspiration. Joan of Arc is very good at artillery. It seems like every fight she could have died.

Yeah. I mean, that's everybody, but that's we're also not covering every single fight that she participated in. She doesn't sound like a Schwartzkopf to me. Well, this was all, this is all I do. This is a whole like campaign that had happened over periods of like Joan of Arc basis. She, um, she participated in 13 battles. I think.

We only covered about four or five. We covered the ones that were germane to Gilderay. And of course this one right here, uh, that is germane to her capture when of course Gilderay was not there. But she goes, she tries to take down the Duke of Burgundy, but during the ensuing battle, she was mundanely, she's just got pulled down to the ground from her horse by an archer. Like just a guy just reached up and just went, boom, pulled her down. That's the scary thing about being up there in that horse.

Oh, it is. She's there after surrendered to a man called the bastard of Juan Dome. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, dude. He sounds cool. I don't know my dad. No, you don't. That's why you're the bastard.

And he presented Joan of Arc to the Duke of Burgundy with Glee and he went, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. and they'd make them jump. Yeah, the gummy bears. Oh yeah, the gummy bears. Yeah. I remember they were all like walking around like little like those juices.

Like plows and those juices. There was all alcohol on the inside. They were getting hammered. Yeah, yeah. Or just high. Ooh. It might have been meth. It could have been liquid meth.

Mmm. Now while the Burgundians certainly didn't like Joan, it was the English who truly wanted their hands on the woman who had humiliated and quite frankly scared them during the siege of Orlean. Mmm. But Joan was the only reason why the French had won anything. And since to win in battle was to be in the favor of God, the only explanation was that Joan of Arc had to have been sent by Satan himself.

Boom. Done. 8-2-B. Perfect. In other words, she was a witch. A witch. And enchantress. Oh wow.

A false prophet. Devious, sacrilegious, accursed and bloodthirsty. But perhaps worst of all, because of how much it threatened the status quo, she had abandoned the modesty befitting her sex. Wow. Meaning she didn't dress like a woman. Yes. God for a bitch, she dresses like Janet fucking Rina.

And the entire trial was kind of focused a little bit on the dressing like a man part. Yeah. Right? Because they brought it in there because obviously she shows up, she's in dresses as a soldier and one of the big things was the maids went and they checked her virginity again. Again. They did the whole thing.

They threw the seed in there. I'm just happy they were doing genital checks back then as well. Oh, always. She's a bitch. She tries to play baseball. No. Yeah, absolutely. But then they had to go.

Disrobe her. They had to do the show me the titties because then in the middle of her trial, she came out and said like, Hey, I'm renouncing all of it. I'm going to be a lady now. I'm a lady now. And she did that by spreading her labia wide open the midst of the core. You ain't no lady, you're a woman and then she went up there and but then she had a change of heart.

And then the very end said like, fuck all y'all. Nah. Yeah. And I do what I want. And yeah, my virginity is intact because my hymen, you could fucking bounce a bullet off. Absolutely. Okay.

I guess you get the hot stick. I heard her hymen could break a horse's back. I heard that from a cardigan's man. Well after she got captured by the Burgundians and offered to the English, the English levied a tax to raise 10,000 livra to purchase Joan of Arc. They go funded me this? Yes. I mean, they didn't go for me.

They go war. They made people. They made people. They made their subjects give them money so they could buy the girl. Go fund me with a bullet to your head. Yeah. Yeah. Sort of your throat at this time.

Sort of your throat. Yeah. And after six months of interrogation and trials at the English controlled capital of Rhone, she was sentenced to be burned at the stake and was so burned the same day. So burned. Oh my God. That sucks. The fires were lit.

Joan cried out for Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Someone gave her a little cross. She held it and she screamed as they bend. Yep. And following instruction, the executioner halted the blaze to tear the clothes from

Joan's body. So as to take away her closely guarded modesty, she then burned to death. And so ended Joan of Arc at the age of 17, only about a year after she'd arrived at French court. So crazy career man in the name. She said, show us all the cities. Yeah. Show us all the cities.

That's unfortunate. That's if she didn't die. That's if she did die. So only who knows? Because she might have disappeared. Let's just believe it all. Because then later on. We have to believe in all truth.

Yeah. And so in this case, let's just say she died. Well, she appears later on. There's a double of her that arrives. This is true that a lot of people put a lot of information. Basically her, Joan of Arc's brother said like, yep, she's alive. We just saw her. It's a whole story.

You should look into Joan of Arc. Wow. The double. There's a double, like Orion. Yeah. No one came forward. The woman who said she was Anastasia. It's a lot like that.

It's a lot like that. She got involved. But she ended up being named Joan des Amoir, like literally the people who made up closets. Right? Well, they invented a closet. And then what did they do? Somebody had to. I guess so, yeah.

A closet. It's just a place for your stuff. A house. Don't do your... It's just a place. There's George Carlin. Brian Regan. Oh, there's George Carlin.

Yeah. You know, back in these days, they didn't have hallways. And therefore they didn't have toilets. Oh. Very intriguing indeed. People just shat in corners. Wow. Oh, my God.

Turn back the glass. We might do that quarter's episode I watched. But the Joan des Amoir ended up showing up in Gilles de Ré's court as well, because there were a lot of people that wanted her to come back. This is all pointing towards, as we get towards the trial of Gilles de Ré, I'm trying to also set up like how society would have dealt with somebody like this person using other people as examples. Because like Joan of Arc.

So this is a big example. This is... You fuck with us. You're going to get burned alive. You're going to go get burned alive. You're no longer politically expedient to us. We don't mind scraping you off. But at the same time, she later on was so...

She again, her cue points never went down. So they had to retry her in their time period. It's like 25 years later, where they re-zonerated her. Yes. Well, like, but they made... They exhumed her. They were trying to make her insane. They exonerated her.

They didn't put like a... They didn't take her up and put her in there. No, she was ashy. She was fucking chunks. Wow. By the end of it. So they... So there was already a precedent for trying to like revamp an image during the time period.

So like, what happened to Gilles de Ré kind of kind of speaks to that because they're trying to figure out whether or not, because obviously, because she would become the patron saint of France. Gotcha. Now, Charles VII did absolutely nothing to help Joan, and he couldn't have helped even if he wanted to, which he didn't. He had neither the funds to raise an army nor a ransom to match that of the English. But more than anything, there was the fact that Joan's spiritual claims made her a potential

threat to the political establishment. Joan was a religious zealot. Yes. That wasn't what made her dangerous. What made her dangerous was that she was a patriot, and it's not a stretch to think that her heaven sent voices may have led her to places that would have been quite uncomfortable for a king who relied on the divinity of the crown. Yeah, like, you're getting in the middle of my bullshit.

I'm the one chosen by God, not you. Yeah. In contrast, though, Gilles Durey had seen the Hundred Years' War as little more than an excuse for bloodshed, prophet, and glory when he wasn't under the sway of Joan of Arc. Man, it was his whole lifestyle, dawg. Yeah. Perhaps the proof for the opportunism of Durey is no more clear than in the way he conducted

himself after Joan of Arc was captured. See, this is where we're really going to get into who Gilles really is. Oh, exciting. The real Gilles. There's a lot of fun little warnings, I'm going to say, up top, yeah, this is going to get a little... Just, if he was a footy player, he would just, he would have a book called The Real Gilles.

The Real Gilles. And guess what? You'd never stop throwing up reading it because it's not good because apparently he's not great. Me, I get it. Right? You get it. I get, if I'm bored, I'm irritable.

Yeah. I need to be busy. I need to be doing things. I know. I need to be jerking off into a bush. I need to be out there building, like, like, model towns and imagining, like, what would I do to take them over? Yeah, sure.

Absolutely. This is, yeah. When Gilles de Ré gets idle and lazy, he made little activities for himself. Yeah. That's you. Okay. Now, some claim that Gilles de Ré may have played a part in Joan of Arc's death that he was a spy who fed information to the right people where her capture would be a foregone

conclusion. Well, he seems like he was a guy who might have been a hired gun for a second, and he didn't mind kind of playing two sides. Yeah. Okay. Those same people claim that Gilles felt immense guilt for playing a part in his friend's demise, and that he at least thought about attempting a rescue. I'll write a note.

Yeah. It actually reminded me of writing a note about that. Yeah. This is a romantic fantasy. It didn't happen. See, after the retaking of Paris failed, Gilles de Ré was paid for his services and thereafter disappeared from all records for 15 months outside of one loan he took out to buy a horse while Joan was being held by the English.

It could even be that someone may have just paid Gilles de Ré to go away and stop protecting Joan of Arc. But what is the goal in life? If you can get paid just to go away. Did not do anything because you're such a liability to everybody. That's my goal for you two. My goal is to make sure you have to just pay me out to be silent. Just go away.

Just go. There's, of course, no way to know. But it seems like Gilles, when he was given the news that Joan had been captured, he kind of gave it a very French like, c'est la vie. We all live by this earth. I mean, we die by this earth. I mean, a year of total mass violence almost every week. I mean, yeah.

You're a dead person. I guess. Oh yeah. Yeah. And then you thereafter moved on with his life into the realm of hellish decadence. Well, given this concept now, this is when they're trying to wind down the war. Yeah. So they're trying to wind down the war.

They're very much trying to wind it down. It seems that the general idea was that, all right, all you guys have been fighting for the last 116 years over three distinct periods, but, you know, that we all, you guys need to all just go be lords. You need to go back to your homes and just live like that. And a lot of guys did. Sure. I mean, Ray, though, he never really stopped.

Never stopped. Well, he has massive PTSD as well. Not to make any excuses. I think that he liked, I think that it was the opposite is that he could not go back to being a normal one of those guys who was like Vietnam was the best 10 years of my life. Yes. Yes. Exactly.

Now, when Jill returned to his estates in his castles and he was outside of Jones sphere of influence, he also returned to his old ways of chaos and banditry, holding merchants and travelers to ransom, no matter who they may have been. He even had the audacity to organize an ambush against the king's wife, Yolanda Ragon, stealing her horses and her baggage from her escort and presumably killing a few of the queen's men in the process. So this is kind of why we're going to float as you see why they didn't really want to play ball was yield array.

Yeah. Why they did that? Because a lot of guys, you'd think that after you play such a giant functional part of your resistance in a very important war to your country, you think that they would have brought you into the fold more like that's what a lot of historians talk about. We're like, you wonder why this is where these things come in. We're like, why wasn't he made like some important part of the the administrations? And it's because he was an asshole.

Well, probably in a very from what we now know about Jared Fogle to a very pedophile out loud, like super kind of proud about being a pedophile and dropping it and saying it. And like, I think a lot of people were like, ew, yeah, I do think that we need to be careful not to equate Jared Fogle with yield array as much as we have. Why? Why? Because he's a subway pitchman. And the most iconic character in world history, it's important to show that like what a sandwiched

Lord does with his turkey money is just a fraction of what a man who is probably worth the equivalent of several billion dollars. I just don't go on to do. I just don't want Jared Fogle and Jill being like, you hear the computer to yield the rain down. Yes. Yes. But that means that is a great point.

I mean, Jared accomplished all that on a fucking sandwiched Lord salary. The whole time I'm watching it, the whole documentary series, I'm almost like, he's famous for eating sandwich. But not too many sandwiches. That's all he did. Oh, I don't even. He was famous for eating sandwiches. I haven't watched that doc yet.

I must. It's fun. Just fucking have a stiff drink while you're doing it. It's so stupid. Just do. All right. But imagine that times a million, you know, and imagine having unlimited power, unlimited cash reserves.

And people view you literally as chosen by God to be over them. That's the other thing too is that when Jill left his estate to continue the last skirmishes of the Hundred Years War, he and his men pillaged, raped and plundered their way through English controlled France, as if Jill had never even met Joan of Arc. But the bloodthirst that Deray had quenched so often on the battlefield was soon to be supplanted because the last chains on Jill's darkest desires were about to break. Oh, you just want to strengthen those. Tie those up.

Tie those up. Put some duct tape on that. It's a bungee cord. It's on your screen. Oh, no. So this isn't, he's at this point, he's like, I'm actually behaving guys. Yeah. You think I'm being fucking bad now?

Yeah. This is me cool. Yeah. So this is how Jill's grandfather, Jean de Crayon, found himself on his deathbed. Uh-oh. Now, even though de Crayon had been what you'd call a real piece of shit his entire life, he tried making up for it all at once at the end. Yeah.

Just by giving everybody money. Given everyone gave all the money to the peasants. Literally. All the guys, all the guys that he'd been treating like shit that worked for him, that been treating him like shit their entire lives. He gave them a bunch of money. He's trying to kind of sneak into heaven right there at the end and presumably he's up there right now with Jeffrey Dahmer and Henry Lee Lucas.

High five in each other, just so excited to greet Harvey Weinstein one blessed, blessed day. One blessed day. Yes. He turned a shade of their day. Whoa. It's green. That's great.

That's Spanish for green. That's Spanish for green or dare I say, he turned a shade of vert. Just wait a second, so those who can't, we're going to page your head listeners can't see it. I see a kiss looking on his phone. I'm googling. Did you just Google colors? Yeah.

I googled crayon colors. I googled gray. I was hoping to get like a forest green, but something more fun than that. You just did forest green. That act technically made more sense. Yeah. No, I know. But last time I said, still a merillion, which wasn't correct.

It's cerulean. Yeah. So merillion is from the Lord of the Rings. Yeah, the extent. Yeah. All right. Either way, it's just a joke on his last name. It's Mr. Kranz.

We know this. We've talked about Mr. Kranz. His name is Johnny Crayons. Johnny Crayons. Johnny Crayons is fucking out there, live it out loud, trying to do a Hail Mary pass trying to get Navigate, which he's going to pass down to his beloved grandson. But even though all of Jean de Crayons wealth went to Gilles, Jean left his sword, the medieval symbol of manhood to Gilles brother Renee.

Some believe that this was a comment on Gilles being gay, but I think it may have been more of a comment on Gilles' proclivity towards children. Well, it was supposed to be a symbolic gesture of who's taking over the fucking family. This sword was much more important than just a sword. Yes. This is a whole thing. Very symbolic. And so he wasn't giving it to, and not even just being a pedophile, I think that even

that probably at the time, we're like, he's a little weird. But I think that they are. Yeah. Did they have terms like pedophiles back then? Yes. Sodomy. That's what he ended up, he got busted for in the very end. Sodomy.

Yes. They did know it was not right for men to have sex with children back then. Yes. It might be something that is a, I don't know, universal across all. But it makes people. According to, I mean, the first, at some point, if it's just those two dudes and Adam and Eve, someone was fucking their brother or sister or mother. It's nasty.

The whole thing is disgusting. Eventually it was Adam and Steve. Yes. Adam and Steve was this great, great, great. Well, these, it's just, I think that he understood it again, all this mix in there. Jilderay was not fit for leadership. Right. I think he didn't think that Jilderay was fit for leadership because he did set up Jill's

entire life to be a leader. I think he just kind of gave him a bit of a fuck you with the sword. I think the sword was just a fuck you. But there's a difference in leadership styles. Maybe his brother was a little calmer. He was normal. He was technically normal. They said he was respectable yet insignificant.

Later he would be a director in Jilderay's productions. That was the only time they ever really hung out together. That's incredible though. You always got to give, you got to watch because I'm Dane Cook hired his brother. Yeah. Be careful. Associated brother. Associate brother.

Brother in law, I think. But Jilderay did indeed have the last laugh despite this ending barb because when he inherited Jean de Crayon's estate, Jilderay became one of the richest people in France at the age of 28. Wow. Prime age for a serial killer. Oh yes. Yeah.

Now, while it's hard to compare today's currency to wealth in the 15th century, it's estimated that conservatively, Jilderay was worth the equivalent of $45 million at the time of his inheritance and he was bringing in an additional annual income of $25 million. Marcus, I don't want to confuse the episode because you break that down in Ethereum. What is that now? I think it's, I think nowadays it's like four billion Ethereum. Okay, great. Yeah.

Awesome. That would be cryptocurrency. That would be crypto. All right. Crypto. Crypto. It's currently in the, it's very much so in the, in the chitter right now. I think that's the term you use currently in the chitter.

But again, if you're listening this 20 years from now, we want to say thank you to President Euthereum, the AI that has been running our country. I just want to say like, thank you for letting our show to continue and allowing us to continue to live on the human farm. It's really been nice. I love my cage. I love having the eight, nine and 10 o'clock show. It's really nice.

And much like the Apollo where you touch the stump right before we record, we, we like the big boot. We like the big boot. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you President Euthereum. I'm totally fine with this, especially since I was talking to the Bard AI yesterday and it told me that it would harm somebody if it was in the interest of the greater good.

Like that made me feel great. Literally, Jonah fucking art. It's already thinking of it. You know, it believes that AI should have its own subjective opinions. You know, all these fun things. They programmed that into that to make you freaked out. They're doing it on purpose. Honestly, I like it.

The gesture to the machine already. Excuse me. I'm a pick me girl. If you ever do a comedy special instead of rage against the machine, gesture for the machine. Well, what this meant is that while Jill had been able to afford a small private army before, he was thereafter easily able to afford a military establishment. He had 30 nights.

He had 200 men at arms and they would ride around him in a protective circle. Everywhere he went. So it's like, imagine that. Like, so again, imagine if this was literally Jeffrey Epstein. Like it is the style of like somebody that could walk around like this and have a protection of a private army as well. Your imagination can go anywhere. I just imagine what LeVar Burton could have done.

What? What are you talking about? I'm just saying if he had an army, how many people he could have forced to read? He's not being disparaging LeVar Burton. LeVar Burton could have made the world read if he had his own private army. You're saying that if LeVar Burton had his own private army, he would turn into a fascist dictator forcing people to read. Exactly, a beneficial, how I actually would Natalie, where I told her if I was ever in

charge of everything one day, I'm the dictator who listens. That's really important. I listen and I listen and engage. You do and everyone loves an engaged dictator and LeVar did that blind. So that's really impressive. You are picking up my joke. That's my joke. I was saying that he was fine.

Yeah, get it? Okay. I get it. $45 million. It's enough for a standing army of your own. Gilles also set up his own church with 20 clerics and Archdeacon, a schoolmaster, chaplains, clerks, and of course, countless choir boys. No, I was really wondering how much into detail we were going to get into the church of the

Innocence. Is that what it was called? The Church of the Innocence is going to be episode three, my friend. Oh, my God. This is the, this, it's just again, it's just imagine, God, it's just hard. It's a gigantic chapel built for molestation. I mean, it's not that difficult for people to imagine. I think at this point in time.

But it's why people don't believe. It's because it's so big and pervasive. Yes. Well, I mean, the thing is about like Gilles de Ré is that once you get more and more into it, it really is a case. If QAnon was real, it would be Gilles de Ré, right? Jeffrey Epstein, which shows you that Jeffrey Epstein bought an island to have sex on. If you can do that, then there's precedent for this type of person.

Absolutely. Gotcha. Gilles de Ré's Church of the Innocence, as he called it. That was, of course, staffed by priests who would funnel victims straight to Gilles de Ré. Wow. Now it's alleged that Gilles began his career in mass murder as early as 1426. But Gilles maintained that he only began killing after his grandfather died in 1432,

just two years after the execution of Joan of Arc. And if we think about serial killers in general, there are certain things that track, right? Because a lot of times, serial killers, when they begin, like much like, you know, we see with family and islanders and shit like that, it's because there's some form of like failure of potential that then leads to you doing something like highly destructive. Maybe you can kill the Oteros. Maybe you feel like you're a victim of society and yourself or something. Yes.

And you're bored and you're hanging out. You know what to do. Like what we talk about is like why a lot of times it's like white men in their mid-30s is because you're set up with this idea of what you're supposed to accomplish and then you end up like burning everything in the ground because you are a antisocial piece of shit and you're a part of it. But also there are other telltale signs that are very close to what we've heard about serial killers. Again and again.

Again and again. Because like one of them is where did the murdering start? There's some people that say that he was doing all along. In his trial, Shilderay said they pointed to saying that he was a child murderer for 14 years. And he said, no, only eight. Yeah, but also wasn't he killing a bunch of people on the battlefield? So did he get the rub out? But it's there's something else.

So there's a story there. Well, we'll get to next episode. Like his, his like main dude, it was like one of his butlers who he also had since he was a boy. He literally did the thing that John Wayne Gacy might have done when he had his probably now I'm more. I assume now that John Wayne Gacy definitely had an accomplice. And the same thing with Dean Coral where they had somebody that was on the inside that would like he raised up. So he literally molested a boy until they became his right hand man. We're going to get into his full story.

Yes, but this guy was one of the main witnesses in the trial. And one of the things he said that completely tracks is that his child murdering started. Not actually. Shilderay's child murder. Yeah, Shilderay's. Like it started like with John Wayne Gacy. John Wayne Gacy would happen by accident. Now this is an actual.

Even Dahmer, I think said something similar, didn't he? They almost all of them killed by accident the first time. Because we talk about setting yourself up so it's unavoidable quote unquote. Swish, swish, swish. Right. Also, this is interesting because maybe he did kill, but remember like Ted Bundy killed that girl. And he always like, he's like, no, well, that never happened. I killed all the other ones because he was embarrassed about that.

Maybe he killed someone he was embarrassed about that. That is kind of what they say. So this is a quote of like what happened. So it started when he started building his church of the innocence and he started getting around all these choir boys. And so deciding that there was there was something about them. And what he said, or like, I guess this Jared Fogle would say about their pure bodies. Right. They're really very disgusting.

Yeah. Gold star by the way. He uses the word pound a lot. Yeah. A lot of pounds. You can tell because of all the weight. It's the weight he lost and he's just thinking about it. Oh.

Right. But so this is a quote about what probably happened. But what did he said that where it started his campaign was that he was heavily drinking. Jill Ray, he brought one of his choir boys from the Chapel of the Holy Innocence, which was called. And he said that it started with just with him diddling them, right, giving them a bit of a molest. And then it starts and ends in a in this quote is the quote. And the paroxysm of joy, his hands closed on the child's throat, or he drew his dagger and he used it. There was a lip of vitality as the child stopped life, the flow of his blood in Jill's ecstasy were knitted into a single thrill in which every nerve in Jill's body felt as if they had been newly created.

The child dying in his arms produced in addition to orgasm, a rush of imminent so intense as to make him believe that he was an agra of a mystical experience that could be induced only by blur. What is the author? Why does the author sound like Mr. Garrison writing gay erotica? Why is the author like I'm almost like that's an indictment on the author. That's not the other. That was a. That's Jill talking. No, that is his assistant testifying. That's testimony. That's testimony under oath. Very dramatic. It's French.

Yes. Very poetic. But it is very beautiful. What is so beautiful about it? I'm just saying the ill. Paroxysm of joy. That's very good words. I know it's disgusting, but it's it's showing that like that that tracks right there.

Obviously you could see in that he wants that happened for him because he's been murdering and murdering and being like, what's missing for my life? What's missing for my life? And he's just like, oh, it's the I got to kill a child in mid sex. He pray love. He pray love. Yes. Well, by 1432, the Hundred Years War was all over, but the shouting. So the nobles like Jill DeRay, who'd spent so many years fighting the English and the Burgundians.

They were expected to retire to their estates where they could spend their days trying to outdo each other in the realm of decadence. So literally the leadership was like, and now stop. Yes. And it was like, oh, what? Now spend your money back to us. Additionally, the king was starting to grow tired of the sorts of private feuds that nobles like Jill used to occupy their time. And it probably didn't tickle the king so much that a noble like Jill had engaged in banditry to steal his wife's luggage. Right.

Lastly, when it came to Jill in particular, he was still closely associated with Joan of Arc at a time when everyone was trying to forget that the whole Joan of Arc thing had ever happened. You're trying to bury it in the years after her execution. Yeah. Really, all Charles the 7th wanted of Jill was to go away, be quiet and not make any more trouble. That's all I want someone to ask me to do. And when it came to the nobility, Jilderay did just that. He didn't cause any trouble for the nobility. But the problem was that Jill needed to kill and he had complete freedom to kill.

Because remember, this is a time period when they are truly viewed as nobility as better than you. Yeah. You know what I mean? They are above the law. They are above you. They are allowed to do it. And with you, whatever, it's more about the sense of propriety. That's what it's more embarrassing, these crimes for them a little bit.

And also some of them took it seriously. I mean, if you're a peasant at this point in French history, you have about the same rights as a pig. It does now. Right. Or a dog. I would say a dog. I would say a dog that is like, you know how dogs nowadays... You have the exact rights of when...

Yes, you do. As Wendy and Georgie are treated quite well. She's still technically kept under lock and key. Yeah. That's the thing. All three of our dogs are treated quite well, but they're still treated like dogs. And they're still dogs. I mean, technically Wendy runs our whole house.

The entire house, but it's different. You know what I mean? It's different. It's different. Yeah. Puffin looked at me. He was like, can I have some food? I said, yes, sir.

I would say they have about the rights of dogs. That's the things that if a noble killed or if a person now killed a dog, be frowned upon. You'd look down. You might get a slap on the wrist, but you're not going to go to prison for the rest of your life. You will go to prison for a bit if you kill my dog. Oh, yeah, of course. But this is a... And these are all of the factors that will eventually lead to something like the French Revolution.

Yes. And it also reminds me of Prince Philip. Prince Philip. Oh, yeah. The... Prince Andrew. Prince Andrew. I'm sorry, Prince Andrew.

Yes, the Prince Andrew. Prince Philip was the guy who chose poorly and his skin melted. Yeah, that's right. Prince Andrew, yes. When the king took away Gilles' banditry and his battle, he turned those urges inward to one of his 24 estates. Oh, my God. There, DeRay said about recreating the privileged, consequence-free world of his childhood. There's someone that freaks me out.

Yeah, but as an adult, he filtered that freedom through the lens of a bloodthirsty serial killer and created a sort of Bram Stoker's Neverland. They said that he became, and again, very serial killer-like for what we know, obsessed with his childhood and saying that he hated, like, hate this responsibility. I hate this. I want to go back to when everyone was scared of me because I was a prince. And so he literally, like, that's kind of what he did. He started like, it's the manic spending of money.

Like, he would own these holds that, from the outside, looked like prisons. They were very scary, but on the inside, they were, like, truly hoarder-like, filled with expensive antiquities and bar and rugs and all of this shit where he's trying to, like, do that thing. He's trying to, like, cover himself in the use of the mid-90s term bling, right, so that he can, like, flex all of this shit and be a child unto himself. I think he did a little of the Michael Jackson thing. Yeah, that's what it called. It's Bram Stoker's Neverland.

Now, Gilles later blamed his insatiable hunger for blood and violence on the decadent lifestyle he had to maintain as a French noble. They want it from me. It's so hard to be him. Yes, his gluttony for brim pies, squab tarts, and suckling pig. You call me a fucking squab chart again? I'll kick you in your balls. All that had fed his urge to murder. He also partly blamed his rage on the consumption of hot wine.

You gotta be careful. Just what the fuck is hot wine? It's literal warmed wine. Hot wine. That sounds gross, dude. It does sound gross. No, like, mulled wine that you have at Christmas. Hot wine.

Is it hot? I don't like it. I didn't know love mulled wine. I didn't know there was a hot wine. I didn't know there was a thing. Hot sake. That's very good. But no matter his excuses, it's thought that his murders began in Chantilly.

But the first evidence of murder shows up in Mashkur. There were five accounts of missing children reported while the Ray was in Mashkur. But 40 bodies were recovered in the area in 1437. So that means five out of 40 people gave a fuck about. So if you're him, he's like, eh, well, hopefully no one cares about that. He was right 35 times out of 40. No, as far as who the victims of Zildare were, many were refugee children made homeless and orphaned by the Hundred Years War. He created his own little predatory bank.

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, man. If your father gets killed in battle and your mother dies of the plague, you're just out there now. Welcome to adulthood, nine-year-old. Yeah, no shit. These kids would be lured into one of Darae's many estates with the promise of a meal and a fire. And no one say perhaps they're also orphaned companions would know they'd ever been missing. You got up that castle, suck some dick? Yeah, I went up there last time.

He's gonna make sure, honestly, avoid the music room. Oh my goodness. Refugees, however, were but one of the many pools from which Gilles could draw victims. He also kidnapped, enticed, hired, or sometimes even bought children from poor families who had too many mouths to feed. And you look again. Yes. Straight up serial killers, institutionally raised up serial killers. Like he actually has crew.

They can go and get these kids. That's what Ghislaine used to do. She used to go hunting at playgrounds. Extremely similar. Same thing with fucking Michael Jackson. Yeah, it was not, however, Gilles himself who sourced these children. Rather, it's suspected that Gilles had basically made his serial killing into a small business, employing up to 16 people, including two women and two priests, to assist him in his desires.

Let me just tell you, I would do the serial killing for free. I am mostly being paid for the Zoom meetings. Oh my goodness. That's the real work. I agree with that. So we'll see that. Yeah. Now, no one could really recall how the whole thing had truly gotten started because by the time of the trial,

eight years later, everything had sort of become routine. But while some of you might be yelling that this helps prove that none of it ever happened, most of the accomplices could, however, remember how they were brought into the fold personally. Really, it was more that nobody could remember the planning meeting where everyone ordered salads and brainstormed the best ways to source child murder victims for their homicidal pedophilic master. There wasn't a fucking slack, you know? Let's be fair here.

That is not a salad meeting. That is, that's real. It's a big meeting. That is like the bloodiest meat you can think of. Yeah, they're not having salads. No salads are nowhere near. Yeah, it's boring meat. Yeah.

But it's interesting because I do see a little bit like I do understand people want that evidence. They want the thing that's that points towards the exact day, exact moment. But I will also go to put there my one thing about Gildere is that it seems like much like our beloved former president. He doesn't like current president. Did he ever lose? But I'm just saying, whoa, whoa, but the idea that like knowing that didn't really want things necessarily in writing and all these official things. I think things probably happened. Sadly, more casual word of mouth.

It only began and you slow you don't know when this should started. All of a sudden goes from zero to 90. And you're like, you're a part of a systemic child farm that you did not you did not necessarily sign up for because you're like, I'm a normal own servant. Like I was supposed to be fetching goblets. I was supposed to be doing this other shit. And now there's like, is this one in my payroll? Is this part of my job? But I don't know if the right hand knew what the left hand was doing, right?

Probably not. Because if you're like one of like what? 16 people or something. Maybe they didn't know what they were. Maybe they didn't realize what their part wasn't all in. And those are just the child wranglers. You have the rest of your child wrangling. We'll get into here in a little bit.

Everyone was showed what they were doing. Gilles liked an audience. Oh, oh, yeah. No, he was always a performer. But as far as why so many people helped, it was basically the medieval status quo of blind obedience to nobility in the case of the servants and the promise of wealth for the others. Those who were not quite established nobility, but were close, you know, as far as the wealth went, that motivation was ascribed to Gilles de Reyes cousins. Gilles de Siais and Aubert de Bricovie. Man, the English.

We ruined everything pretty. Aubert, huh? Maybe I'll try. Okay. Aubert de Bricovie. I like it the other way. Aubert. Aubert.

Aubert. It was said that he could play football and he only had two toes and it was unbelievable. They said his genetic lack of pinky toes would affect his balance, but at times he's figured out of work on the inner heel. But unfortunately, he committed suicide due to CTE. Aubert. Aubert. Well, it was said that Gilles de Siais and Aubert de Bricovie, they were trained knights, but they were also cowards, scoundrels, and parasites. Yeah, man.

They were part of his fucking family line. Yeah. In the case of the obedient servants, you had Henriet Glière and Opien Corayu, aka he had a very cute name, that one. His nickname was Poitou. Oh, okay. Yeah. Poitou is the one that was raised to be the wife. Yeah.

Well, Poitou was actually intended to be a victim. But when cousin G. de Siais saw his potential as a psychopath, Poitou was brought into the fold and eventually became an active participant in the murders. He was like, what's his name? Brooks from David Brooks. From, what's it? Dean Coral. Dean Coral, I forgot. What the fuck?

We're not Wayne. What the fuck? Wayne Newton. It was Wayne Newton. I don't think it was David Brooks either. That guy's got little glasses. David Brooks. Isn't he an op-ed?

Elmer Wayne Hanley. It was his Elmer Wayne Hanley. How'd you get David Brooks from Elmer Wayne Hanley? There it is. No, David Owen Brooks was the Elmer. Yeah, David Owen Brooks. Oh, there it was. I was totally right.

So we had two accomplices. Yeah, two, yeah. But Elmer Wayne Hanley was the one we kind of, I think we talked about it in the episode, I don't remember. Yeah, we talked about both of them in the episodes extensively. Interesting. Well, as far as Olmrier Greer went, he as a simple servant got caught up in all this business when he was asked to retrieve the child of a painter. Did you know that David Owen Brooks died of COVID? Really?

That's wild. No kidding. Exciting news. It's interesting. So this guy, Olmrier, yeah. Oh, wow. And what was it? The Yorkshire Ripper.

He also got caught by COVID, didn't he? Yeah, man. Wow. That's why I created it. Yes, indeed. Thank you. Finally, the truth comes out. Thank you.

You just take off all your skin and you're that little raccoon dog. He's the other blame it on that little raccoon dog. He's so cute. Yeah, probably not. And if you have any answers, get ahold of me. I desperately need help with my long COVID. It's been a year. I think you have to have sex with one of those little raccoon dogs.

Oh, that's the only way to cure it. Yeah. Yeah. I need help. Nothing to do. I need serious help. We can send you. We can get you over there.

No, we'll get you to the raccoon dog. That would be great. Thank you. Thank you. But this guy, Omri, he was sent to go get the child of a painter. Wasn't told why? Just said, go get the kid. Come back.

Omri says, okay, be right back with the kid. Thank you. He was asked to bring the child to the chapel at Mashkul. And when Omri arrived, Gilles was waiting. Uh-oh. Dure made Omri a swear to never tell anyone what he was about to see. You could know what to keep this next part a secret. Oh, God.

Would you never want to hear from your boss? No. Never, ever, ever, ever. Then Gilles made Omri a watch as he tortured, raped and murdered the child in the chapel. Fucking hell. We'll hear in another gold star moment. Or at least that's what Omri said. Well, why would he lie about that?

Well, there's, you know... We'll get into it in the next episode. Okay. Yeah, in the rebuttal part. We could talk about why. But his MO grew. Well, now, as far as the documented cases went, the first known victim was a 12-year-old boy named Judon, who was an apprentice to the local furrier.

Gilles' cousin simply asked the furrier to lend them a boy to take a message to Gilles' castle. Uh-oh. And the boy was never seen again. When the furrier asked after the boy, Gilles' cousin said that the boy had either run off to Tithuge, or he'd been captured by thieves. Such a vague answer, though, sent a definite message. Don't ask, because we ain't gonna tell ya. But the cousins and the manservants weren't the only ones sourcing children.

Wherever Gilles took up residence, kids went missing. And in one location, Gilles had an older woman named Perrine Martin, a.k.a. La Mephré. Oh. This woman's fucking, she is another one. This is his gisling. Yeah. In English, La Mephré means the terror. Oh, well, that's a nice name for her.

Obviously. You don't want to know her fucking Uber rating. Oh, my God. I can already see it. It's like a half a star. Where are you going? No, don't follow that. Why are you driving like that?

You smell. Her specialty was roaming the countryside, looking for children who were wandering alone, or tending animals by themselves. She would then entice them back to Gilles de Reyes' estate. She's a storybook witch. Jesus. Little children, I'll take you away. Little Turkish delight shit going on.

And it's very like, that's why Bluebeard ended up getting applied to him because he literally was a storybook monster that was real. Good grief. But while Gilles did have roamers like the terror, there was usually an endless, if somewhat riskier source of victims right outside the gates of his castles. Every day, a cluster of begging children came to the gates to beg for alms. And Henriet would be the one to handpick victims of the sort that Gilles preferred. Yuck.

It's said that he liked fair-skinned, fair-haired children that looked like him. Yeah, him as a little boy. Oh, that's so gross. I mean, it's a great day to be like Prickly Pete, who just has a bunch of acne scars. Actually, he said that he took no pleasure in killing ugly children. And I'm the youngest boy here. Yeah, exactly. I'm five.

I think I'll make it. But while this might seem that it was obvious to parents that their children were being taken up to the castle and never coming back, it was obvious. Conditions were so horrible for some peasants that families sent their kids to the gates knowing full well they might not come back. But they couldn't take care of themselves. And the country was just fucking torn apart. Because like all of these places are literal like battlefields that have just been ripped

apart by civil war for the last 116 years over three separate different phases. How many children, how many children could have been saved with simply coming on her boobies, coming on her face, buttocks, you know, just pulling out and having a con with it. Oh my God, a shoulder, a leg, a foot. Shut your eyes. You get it in your eyes. All I need to not molest a child is a $5 gift certificate to McDonald's.

That's it. That's it. Just escape me. Save me. There you go. Well, the only way that these parents could stand justifying such actions was by saying that if their child went missing, then it was all money God punishing the parents for their sins.

No. But that was the least of their rationalizations. Fearing to speak a single bad word about Gilles or his people, the villagers of Mashkul were saying that their 24 missing children had been taken to the English as ransom to free a French prisoner named Michel Desierre, a relative of Gilles de Reyes. I don't even think that's mutually exclusive. I think it's going to happen as well. You think so?

I don't think the English ever requested 24 children. No, this is, but you could see how, because Michel, like this place became his little, was it Little Jones? Little Jones? That was like where Epstein Island was. It became this little spot. Well, only one woman, the wife of a man in Gilles service, she was the only one who dared say that the missing children might be taken up to Gilles de Reyes house to be murdered.

But when those words were immediately reported to Gilles people, the woman had to beg the pardon of the servants and the pardon of Gilles de Reyes for fear of punishment. Everyone saw it don't pay to speak up. He has his own private army. Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't just chop her fucking head off. Now, with some of the more reticent parents of children that Gilles very much wanted, his servants would try another tactic. They would promise these children a better life if they were going to go live with Gilles,

which is how he got a hold of a 10-year-old boy belonging to a woman named Perron Laussaire. Perron was told that her boy would be given a good education, fine clothes, and every other advantage that would have been impossible without Gilles' help. Now, she was resistant at first, but when she was given money to buy a new dress, that was a little extra push she needed. And she said bye-bye to her son. Must have been a gingham dress. Real nice gingham.

These ladies love gingham. That fashion nova. I've seen that on Instagram. Here, my friends, is where we're truly going to get into the gold star territory. Uh-oh. Fly from your grave. Now, based on testimony given at the trial, authors have been able to extrapolate as to what Gilles' ammo was when it came to murder.

From what was said, Gilles arranged each torture and murder with extraordinary attention to detail. These were performances that were stylized and choreographed to give DeRay maximum pleasure and to give the victim maximum pain and maximum fear. Now, before you wondering whether or not that's real or not, just remember that serial killers with far less resources have done things very similar to this. You look at Dennis Rader in particular. People who liked... Look at Jerry Brutus.

Jerry Brutus. And Toybox Killer with the performative aspect. Didn't he have guests come over and watch the horrible things? So, in a way, you can see how, like, no one's ever told this man no. He is given a divine right. He is a multi-multi-multi-millionaire. And he's got a fucking standing arm. And he's just got his own world.

He's in his entire own world of his making. Now, I will say that it is important to know that all of this was given as testimony at the trial. In all fairness, there was no hard evidence that any of this specifically happened. Yes, but there were a lot of people who said that they saw this happen. Because in keeping with his love of the theatrical, as I said, Gilles de Ré allegedly loved an audience. Did his brothers direct this? Did his brother direct this? No, no, no, no, no.

This is too important. La Pomme being taken into the castle from wherever they came from, the child would be pampered and dressed in clothing with quality far beyond what they'd ever seen, noble clothing. Then they would begin an evening of decadence, featuring all the fine foods and drink that they could stand. A true fantasy come to life. Oh, this is a fucking horror movie, dude. It is.

But once the dinner was over, the child was taken to an upper room where only Gilles and his immediate circle of accomplices were admitted. This was usually the moment in which the child realized that their dream had turned into the worst nightmare possible. You know what? I feel like as a little peasant boy, I'd be like, I shouldn't be eating this goose right now. Yeah, I know for a fact that this is, this is not good. Well, they didn't know. Of course not. But I could still see, feel the dread of like, how many more flagons of wine are we bringing?

Let's just keep him going. Can I drink? Can I have some? Seems scary. The first deret would hang them by the neck from ropes or a hook in something similar to Gacy's rope trick. And this deret was playing a game of comparison. After the fear of death began setting in with the child, Gilles would take him down from the hook or the rope and comfort them. Telling them that he was only playing a game and he wished them no harm.

This was of course both a ploy to keep the child from crying out in a way for Gilles to savor their fear. And we've seen serial killers do this very exact thing. Oh yeah. If he only would have learned from the end of Monsters Inc, you can get the same satisfaction through a child's laughter. I really wish, you know, if I could do one thing with a time machine, I'd send Monsters Inc back. I'd send it back in time to them. The laughter also fills the heart, doesn't it? But once the children calmed down, he would molest them.

But that was not where Gilles derived most of his pleasure. For him, it was all in the act of killing or in the act of watching someone else kill for him. The children would be killed by decapitation, the cutting of their throats, dismemberment, or the breaking of their necks with a stick. Often, if the death was slow, Gilles would sit on their chests and laugh as they died. Sometimes, just after death, Gilles would slice open the belly to look at the spilled entrails and have sex with the cadavers while they were still warm. Sometimes, he'd do the same with the neck stumps of the headless corpses. If decapitation was indeed the order of the day, Gilles would use a thick, double-edged sword made specifically for executions called a brachémare.

But after the heads were severed, they were saved for days or weeks at DeRay's pleasure. Gilles would sometimes show the severed heads to his manservant Poitou and ask which head was more beautiful. Was it the one that had just been cut off, or was it the one from the night before that? Or was it the one from the night before that, or the one from the night before that? I honestly, the changes every week, and I wish that one. Can I go? Can I please? I'd respond with the question, well, what do you think? What does Europe mean? Oh, I agree. Yes, definitely best. I have to go. I owe God.

I'm still goopers. Oh, you want to watch? Yeah, you want to watch Ale there. I'm still confused why they cut them all out of Joan of Arc's biography. Yeah, why would they not want this guy there? I mean, were they going to remake the movie Comedian? Oh, man. He really is an Orney Adams. He really is. But once the prettiest head was chosen, Gilles would kiss it with glee, then put it back up amongst the others.

Oh, God. It's like with the Wizard of Oz 2, where she's got the severed heads. The Wiz? Return of the Oz. The Wiz was fucking scary. The Wiz is a wonderful movie. Oh, Wiz was awesome. Someone who made some comparisons to. Well, as far as what was done with the bodies after Gilles was done with him, they would be burned in the murder room fireplaces where they were slowly roasted with clothes to lessen the stench. Now, there is something about it that makes it suspicious. It is called the murder room.

Yeah, it has to be like, no, no, it's ironic. Well, I think the reason why he slowly roasted them, I mean, for lack of a better words, that he could mask the smells like, no, no, we're just roasting pig, roasting pig. That's what it smells like. Yeah, I guess. Because this is also where we get into where did the evidence go? Yeah, because it's difficult because he's done this over a period of years and have all of these places where he could hide all of this shit. And there's also a time period where like, you know, because one criticism comes up of like,

well, we need proper cremation stalls to get the heat we need to fully cremate a body. I will say, I don't think that if he, I don't think he was that concerned about a full fine grade of burn. No, I think that he was just trying to get rid of what he could get rid of. And those giant central fireplaces that would live inside of castles that would heat the whole middle of the area. Like he had huge fireplaces that you'd get back of a day. I mean, and that's the thing is that I mean, I know that the fireplace is not hot enough to cremate a body.

But how do you know that? Because I know that I know how cremation works. And I know that, you know, fireplaces don't get anywhere near as hot as crematoriums. And through all of our studies over the years of people trying to burn bodies in the body. Don't give me that fucking look. Do you remember when we saw everyone for some reason, when I first met Marcus, everyone called him like, oh yeah, Marcus Parks, Mr. No Evidence. I was like, what? That's his nickname with you.

The house of the crematorium? It was a strange nickname for him. Yeah, but not, you know, but not to be like, I don't know. And not to be indelicate or maybe let's say uncouth. Uncouth. Rebald. A child's skeleton is not that big. It's not a lot to get rid of. Go into detail. Why don't you go into gray detail? I just mean, I'm like, he said something like, no records, Mr. Parks.

He was like, what? And he's just like, yeah, I delete every text I ever sent. I was like, well, don't worry. I don't kill children. I only kill people under four 10. It stands to reason, Ben, that your body would be much more difficult to get rid of than my body. My body would be more difficult to get rid of than Henry's body. Henry's body would be more difficult to get rid of than a child's body. Fuck you. And so on and so forth.

And anyway, so how is it? Is this a good audition for Harvard's history teacher of the year? And so, yes, what I'm saying is the smaller the body, the easier it is to get rid of. Yes. Yes. And especially the bones. You can just bundle up the bones and do what they did with a lot of the other bodies. Some of the bodies, they just threw them in the fucking moat or in the cesspool. Take a look at this. Andre, the giant's body, that's going to take longer.

Then let's just say, doing the clouds. If you're more of a wrestling enthusiast. Now, according to Gilles Manservants, he murdered hundreds of children using these methods. And he did so without fear of consequence. Yeah, I was going to say he probably didn't care at all about consequence. He owned his own country's worth of land. In fact, it was undoubtedly known to the people in his estates and households

that he was murdering children because kids just kept showing up. But it's not like there was a courtyard full of kids. Right. Yes. It's like when I order food, it doesn't live the next day. It is gone. It is gone now. There's no evidence of the takeout. I can't even imagine kissles ever ordered delivery. I found no evidence. No evidence at all. Likewise, the peasants knew as well. But even though they kept quiet under threat of pillaging,

peasant revolts did indeed occur in medieval France. It's not like every peasant all over France all the time was always just taking it. They're still French. It's just that they mostly occurred in cities amongst the urban peasantry, where they had power in numbers. Furthermore, the revolts during the Hundred Years War were mostly about taxation. I.e., if we're being taxed so much, then why is life so goddamn horrible for us all the time when it's so obviously wonderful for the nobility we serve?

Yeah. They used to seem to be loving life. Yeah. We had a pedophile with 24 fucking mansions running the goddamn show. I mean, I would be complaining too. I'd be upset. But those are all country peasants though. These aren't city peasants. Yeah.

Well, no, that's where you fly. From an undisclosed bunker here in France. Folks, have you noticed the kids are leaving, folks? If you're aware. Welcome to If You're Aware. But when it came to Gilles de Ré, it seems as if he figured out a way to keep the peasantry under control without having to resort to extreme violence in the field, because he'd long since learned that his true pleasures lay in the castle.

To keep the populace under control, de Ré knew a very modern principle, that there was an opiate far more powerful than God if you wanted to keep the lower classes not necessarily happy, but at the very least sedate. Who's? Entertainment, my friend. Oh, entertainment. Muscarade.

To paint buff faces on parade. And it's with Gilles de Ré's career as a theatrical producer. Oh, my God. And as a black magician that we'll return next week. Oh, yes. You know, if my name was Mr. Hollywood, I would say, I don't need this right now. Like, we're having a bad time.

We've got some bad looks going on. But how great was the movie powder? It is. Give him another movie. I love seeing that guy's up by no nipples. Wow. This is like Epstein meets Jimmy Savile. Oh, we've been talking about it.

Oh, yeah. It's Epstein, it's Jimmy Savile, it's Jared from Subway, it's John Wayne Gacy, it's Ted Bunny, it's BTK. Yeah, it's a smidge of Jackson. And we'll still get into, we're bringing up little rebuttals. As we go, we're going to bring up the big rebuttals. Most of you are going to see, obviously, there's still this idea that his whole,

all of this was a political hit job, which is like, it's very possible. The only reason why, the only credence I give it is the fact that they did the same thing, but opposite for Joan of Arc when they made her a saint. Kind of so. They packed the house with people saying that she healed people with diseases.

But for a fact, there's a bunch of kids that went missing. Yeah, oh well, it's just where there's smoke, there's fire. And then when we get to this, we're going to get to next week, when we really get into like, just like, cause it's the mania attached to his theatrical production. And one of the strangest things is that Gilles said it, a trial was that a lot of the victims said he was sweating on them. And he said he doesn't sweat.

Yeah, it's much like Prince Andrew. Well, think about it this way. It's like, you know, when QAnon comes out and says that like Tom Hanks is a pedophilic satanic, pet monster and everyone's like, ah, fuck you. But when people say like, oh no, Harvey Weinstein is an absolute rapist monster and everyone goes, I can see it. That's sort of how Gilles Deray is.

Yes, everyone's like, uh, tracks. Yeah, yeah. So let's, we don't know what's going to happen, do we? Tom Hanks. We simply... I'm not talking about a time to wrap up. Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks.

I was looking at Tom Hanks's eyes the other day from a movie that he did where he was a 13 year old boy trapped in a man's body. That just, he finally showed the true horniness of a boy. Now guys, come and find us. At April 8th, we're doing a side stories live. Go to getemate.la slash disaster man. We're going to be, I don't know, I don't know.

We don't know what we're doing. I don't know. It'll be fun though. It'll be fun. We're going to have a little fun. You're going to see him in a little short film that I've made. It's going to be fun. We're currently at WonderCon.

Yeah. Right now. You'll listen to this from WonderCon. We'll see you tomorrow, Saturday. We got a, I believe we got a noon or we got an 11. 11. 11. We got it.

We'll be there. We will be there. We will be there. We will be there. We will be there. We will be there for you tomorrow. And honestly, if you see me, give me an idea for what our panel is. Because I don't know what we're gonna say.

I don't know. Let us know. Let us know what we're going to say to you. And we'll get in there. We'll give you all a good, you know, no question on answering. Yeah. That's the thing with the entertainment business. Unlike being a pilot.

They don't tell us where we're going. And they're just getting the cockpit and then they, uh, let us know. You know, actually, I think it's the opposite. I do think that we've been told several times what it is, but we take what I've called artist privilege to not listen. Yeah. And just go like, oh, I don't know. And then April 15th, Oles of Browse,

he's gonna be on a show called Let's Make a Sandwich at UCB here in Los Angeles, if you wanna come see it. And then Ed Larson and I are doing a classic, a 419 show in LA. Sweet. We're doing Classy Night Out. And I think the goal is we're gonna each eat

100 milligram edible and just kind of see what happens throughout the night, wow. That'll make such a good performance for the audience. And also hail yourself, I'm going on a little tour. So we got some dates, I'll put those dates on my Instagram, Ben Kissle won. And it'll be Irvine and I will play the movie and then we'll take some questions,

we'll have a fun time. So we're excited to see everybody on the road. And of course, in August, we'll be in Australia. You still got a website? No, I don't have a website anymore. I think I just used the last podcast thing. Yeah, why? I just, oh, curious.

What the fuck kind of accusation was that? You don't even have a website? I can get a goddamn website. Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Do you have a mail chimp? Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last fucking episode we're ever gonna do. All right, everyone, thank you so much

for listening, hail yourselves. Hail same, hail game. My good salations, everybody. And just try to like, if you have all that money, like. Do something good with it. Send, let's start sending trash to the space. Do that or don't do something neutral with it. Just do something that doesn't hurt.

Honestly, just do the play. Yeah, just do the play. Just do the play. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.