Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 54: Curses

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

Henry returns from near death as we talk about all manner of curses, from Gypsy to Satanic to Biblical to Irish!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? He's popping. He's popping. Now since you've been gone, we got a new system. Oh no, I know. I've seen the system. Yeah, you've seen the system. It's a great system. Yeah, it's great. It's fucking great.

So there's not as much as there's not as much as... Yeah, it's a great system. Yeah, it's a great system. Are we recording? Okay, are we now? Yes. That is Marcus. I am Ben. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to present to you the fat phoenix rising from the ashen. He was ill, but now he is back officially in full form.

Who is that guy to my left? When I saw that they had nailed him to the cross. Oh my God. And I watched the light pass from his eyes. And he died. A comet crossed the sky above him. And he pulled his dead body down. And they laid it in the grave and rolled the rock over the mouth of the grave.

What? In the morning. Three days later. What happened? Three days of crying and weeping for the loss of our savior. We returned to the grave and the rock has been rolled away. And he was alive! Henry Zabraski!

Henry Zabraski, Jesus Christ himself. Indeed you are. Hail Henry and hail Jesus. If that Australian guy can just call himself Jesus Christ, then I can. Absolutely. I'm him. Why not? I was very sick. I feel like you went down to Helder in those three days of death and you ate a whole bunch of different kind of buffet food.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm thinner coming out of it. Oh yeah, you feel thinner. I am thinner. Okay, I'm not. I'm in a solid 206. Hi, not bad. And of course, thinner was a wonderful curse that occurred in a Stephen King film called Thinner.

Thinner. Which is of course my dream. I wish I could run into this witch and she could have me drop a couple of pounds. Yeah, make it easy. Of course you die a skeleton, a sad holocaust victim looking man. I mean that's how you're going to go anyway. But you have a great three weeks in the middle where your abs are there. Totally tight.

Totally tight, you're just banging multiple jokes. Getting bush everywhere. Getting major bush or if you're actually mildly attractive, no bush because I'll tell you these current hot babies out there have no hair on that pussy. You've been quite the Romeo recently. I'm banging a lot of model types. It is disgusting. It's awful. I didn't have the time because every time you see Ben, the first thing he says every single time is like, hey Ben, how you doing?

Getting some pussy. Getting all the pussy and guys, if you're out there, you're mildly attractive. Perhaps you're frequently short or frequently tall. You have a bad stomach. Maybe you have painus like I do. All of this is just him talking about himself. This is right. But I'm telling you, get with a model.

But the model who has gained five pounds. So she's still thin and she actually has larger bosoms than she did when she was a model. But I'll tell you, she fancies herself obese. Which is perfect. That's the best way to find someone. It's like right when they really think that they're shit. Right. Then you can date them.

Super thin. She's still super thin, very attractive. You've got to get someone who's got really low self esteem. This is a great dating. This is the last podcast dating tip. Dating tip of the day. Someone's talking about suicide. That's right.

Date them. Immediately. And you know what you do? Yeah, you fucked them. And sure, you made them do uncomfortable things they didn't want to do. But without you, they wouldn't be alive. So you are a hero. You're a lifeline.

You're a lifeline. You're a hero. You can do whatever you want to a model who has gained five pounds or to a woman who is suicidal. And always remember that guys. And just be mildly charming. They'll fucking do whatever you do to them. Don't even be charming. Just be around.

Be there. Another dating tip for last podcast. Here we go. Have cash. Have money. Third dating tip. Be very attractive. Be very attractive.

I mean, but that's just not for us. And the fourth one, of course, be a movie star. Marcus, you're more attractive than people give you credit for it. This is the thing is that you're like sort of technically by the rules attractive. But he's insane. But yeah, if you look deep into your eyes, you know that for a fact, and you're weirdly spaced apart teeth make you look like you have a sincere psychological problem. He does.

They're very sharp. Yeah, exactly. You're a vile man and you're disgusting. Nonetheless, get with a woman who would be very, very happy with a thinner curse because Altaya, they're nice when they're insecure. So anyway, today we're going to be discussing curses. I don't know what that sounds like. Boy, it's a curse of the Irish.

Is that another thing? What am I doing? I don't know. What am I saying? I'm rusty. I love that you're here. I love, I just missed this show so fucking much. And we apologize to our listeners for making you wait so bad, which is another thing to

do with women. Whip out your conch, but don't let them touch it. Don't let them touch it. I mean, that's the one I'm going to cross off the list. You can't just, it's not not letting them touch it. Don't let them touch it. We will not touch it. Oh, I'm sorry.

Let me clarify. Chase them with it. Chase them with it. But we came up with it. Well, you know, I don't know if you remember from our past life regression episode, when I did a soul cleanse through the use of a group psychic experience. And what was the soul cleanse? What did that entail?

They, using a crystal pendulum, they asked several questions to my spirit sphere. I'm not really, I don't even remember what it was. It was like they generated a column of light between me and the land of colors where all souls are generated, right? And they discovered that I had three curses placed upon me. Now curses go as far as just a casual like, fuck you bitch on the street. I hope you die. No, yeah.

Like, which I've done several times. I curse people hard. As a matter of fact, Henry Zabrowski was regaling me with a story recently. He yelled at an 80 year old woman, please tell that. What did you say to this 80 year old woman as you were on the streets of New York? And this is one thing about New York City. You think you're a good person. You think you would never yell at an old broad.

Fuck being a good person. It's not about being a good person. They're in your way. It's about getting its warfare on the streets out there every single day. Did you tell this woman to die? This woman got up in front of me where I was walking and she boxed me out of the street like an 80 year old woman acting like she fucking, yeah, you own the street because you somehow survived. Right.

Your cancer, right? So as she got past me and I turned around, I was like, I hope you die. You fat old bitch. That's right. And this is technically a curse. Boom. Got it. She died.

Nice. Boom. She got hit by a fucking hang glider. Right. But yeah, she got hit. Hang glider fell out of the sky toward her pieces. But we're in New York City. Yeah.

Very New York City. The hang glider totally fine. I watched a homeless man fucking break an icicle off a piece of a street, right? Stabber in the pussy with it. Fucking killed her. Yes. You know, that is, if you ever wondered what Henry is thinking when he's looking at you bizarrely on the subway, it's that.

It's mostly when I'm sweetly smiling at you. Right. Right. I just wish someone would kill my grandmother. Of course. But no one will. No one will. Better.

Your grandmother is surviving the same way that my grandmother is on pure hatred and overall lack of love of life. We're going to die. We're going to die so much harder and earlier because we like to laugh. That's right. So you were doing this. You had a pendulum there. You were having.

I just discovered that I had three curses placed upon you. And what were some of these curses? Well, one was a curse put on my career, which must have shucked off. Absolutely. Henry Zabrowski is absolutely killing it right now. One put a curse on my love life. Which that seems to be real. We're not going to talk about it.

There is a, and there is a curse was put upon my family. And I think that was already there because we are already all fat. Yeah. Yeah. Polish and Irish. Stom and stupid. It's more of a genetic curse. Yeah.

We're a bunch of fat fucks. And most of you are retarded. Yeah. Zabrowski's are, you know, we're not a strong genetic line. Well, you should be a kissle man because I'll tell you, we are coming up strong. No suicide, no suicidal tendencies in my family. Not everyone shot themselves in the head. That really creeps me out.

It's creepy. It should be fine if your grandfather wasn't a Nazi. My grandfather was a very successful man. And we're not going to talk about it right now because I met with my Oma and oh, it's great. He was a diplomat. He saved lives. My opus saved lives.

We're not talking about the Nazi curse. It's a cover up. It's not a cover up. He was a good man. He was a brilliant man. He was a politician. He met with Lyndon Johnson. Yeah.

A lot of people did. Yeah. Well, not that many people. Because MKUltra was formed under Lyndon Johnson. Okay. All right. Get into it. Yeah.

You know who else met Lyndon? You know who else met Lyndon Johnson? Bullmiller. Oh my God. All right. No Bullmiller talk. Let's get back to curses over here. This show's going off the tracks.

No. Are we talking about curses like fuck shit. Damn. We're looking in the mirror after you shaved poorly. Marcus, throw, let's throw some curses. Where did this whole tradition of cursing come from? Well, a curse is any expressed wish that some sort of adversity or misfortune will befall or attach to some other entity.

Fuck you old bitch. No man. Don't do that. That's pretty, that's kind of it. Kind of. Do you think that's where curses all started from? Oldman walking too slow on the sidewalk while a banker is late to work. Well, I did some, I did a little bit of research on curses.

And I found that the people that have the best curses around, the Irish. Oh, that sounds wonderful there. Jesus Christ. Oh, did you, I just broke something inside the microphone. Yeah, you broke the noise machine. You literally broke sound with that terrible accent. I feel confused. So what happened, where's the, where are the Irish curses coming from?

Well, the Irish curses, they're just generally things, bad things that you wish upon other people. I mean, they're the lowest form of white people. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'm Scottish. We're a step below Irish. Right, right.

Really. Scottish people are just gross and bad. Yeah. I do like the way the Irish. Barbarians. I do like the way the Irish completely embrace their bad teeth, their poor culture. Everything about their community is wrong. They're a terrible group of people.

They're horrible. They're always on the verge of fighting. That's right. They are, they are racist. Well, but you know, they are racist. They're tiny because they have nothing. Short-dicked, short-tempered. No, that's not, no, well short-tempered.

That's for sure. Fuck the ungodly Irish. Fuck them. Fuck the Irish. Fuck the Irish. All right. I want to go back to being racist against the Irish. Well, if you can't, you are right.

Yeah, yeah. We can take that as a race. Yeah, yeah. That we could probably get some people on board with. You swore the goat people. That's the thing though. The Irish, they fight all the time, but then the next day they're friends again. I mean, there's some good things about their culture.

They're being very unpredictable. Oh my God. If you start this unpredictable thing once again, you know it's very predictable now. I mean, that's the sweet irony of doing it over and over again. Oh, I know. Well, let's go through my top six Irish curses. All right, let's do this. May your obituary be written in Weasel's piss.

Well, I mean, once again. Again, it's like a rolled doll poem. Right, right. Yes. I am offended, Mr. Irishman. But thank you. Thank you. Please, will you just stop drinking for a second and just be a father?

I mean, how talented would that Weasel be if he, what if there's like a Weasel scribe where's the goddamn, somebody cursed me to piss their goddamn obituary again. Well, I better get my fucking pencils out. Better get my pencils and better get my liquids. I better have my liquids for my week because I have to piss an entire obituary again. I hate being the Weasel curse guy. May the Lamb of God stir his hoof through the roof of heaven and kick you in the arse down the hell. A stupid one.

Well, I mean, they're Irish. They're wasted. I mean, these are things that are all set at 2 a.m. at Barcl. May the devil swallow you sideways. What does that mean? That's bad for the devil. It's tough to choke. That's bad for the devil.

Well, it is bad for the devil. It's a curse on you and the devil. Yeah, don't be cursed by the devil because the devil will just curse you back worse. Don't be a secular humanist right now. These goddamn fucking Irish. Yep, these Irish coming at me sideways. They aren't just the European gooks. Oh my God, I don't know if that's appropriate.

Stop it. I mean, you get one Scorsese movie. Next thing you know. You're not getting anything else because you're just fucking being free with the racial slurs. No, obviously, we love all Puerto Ricans on this show. All types of Puerto Ricans. May the seven terriers of hell sit on the spool of your breast and bark in at your soul case. Seven terriers?

There's terriers in hell? Russell Terrier Chihuahuas. Satan has terriers? Yeah, he loves his dogs. These people should just go back to just saying fuck you to each other. Right, well, you know, it's not creative enough. I hope your baby's born Irish. How's that for a curse?

Well, it will be because I have red hair and I fucked an Irishman. Why don't you go make love to a Greek? Well, God knows, I don't like those. May the devil cut off your head and make a day's work of your neck. See, this one I enjoy. Because is he cutting off your head and fucking your neck? I think he's choking your neck. I just think that would be a good thing for Adam and Eve to make a new toy called the devil's neck.

And then what it is, I say it's a flesh toy, it's a flesh blight that you fuck and just like make a work of your neck. But you get it. It's just a really nice fleece turtleneck when it comes in the mail. Yeah, with a fake pussy inside of it. AdamandEve.com. Input CCR. Check out for discounts. That's right.

May the cat eat you and may the devil eat the cats. Because Irish people are tiny. That's right. I guess so, but they're fat. So I don't understand who a cat could consume. They're not all fat. A lot of times they're scrawny and weird because all they eat is barley and suck on old bar rags.

Well, how was your night? Oh, it was really great. I got to wrung out three bar rags in my mouth. I got trashed. And you know what the thing is, people were laughing at me. They were laughing at me. But it was like, I drank for free. I drank for free all night.

I'm fucking wasted. I drank for free. Well, one of the things that when people talk about curses, the thing that they inevitably come around to is the gypsy curse. Absolutely. You know, of course, thinner as we were talking about. It's a gypsy, gypsy, gypsy, gypsy. And of course, a movie that wrap up the Irish curses. Yeah, that's it.

As far as Irish curses go. And which one was your favorite, Marcus? My favorite was probably, I don't know, probably, may your obituary be written in Weasel's pick. Yeah, Weasel's pick. That's just so funny. It just sounds like a line from Lincoln. Right. It does.

It does. And Lincoln was boring. It was great. I loved it. All right. We're not here to discuss terrible historical movies that are accurate, slightly inaccurate. So now we're going to move on. Yeah, we're going to move on to Gypsy curses now.

There's a movie that me and you love, Ben, but Henry doesn't love Drag Me to Hell. Which is wonderful. Great Gypsy curses. Yeah. Gypsy and Gypsies are great. They're great spit talkers. They are great spit talkers. It's not like plate, plate, plate.

They're great hucksters. They can sell you perfume made of Weasel's piss. And you'll buy it because they convince you. They're still your watch, but they're also still your heart. And it's the weird thing. They'll still your watch, but they're never on time. Isn't that a thing about the Gypsies? But we were also discussing, of course, thinner.

Yeah. Top Stephen King's thinner, which is a curse. And that was put on by Gypsies as well. I like Gypsies. I do too. That is a race I enjoy. The Gypsy race has never done anything wrong to anybody other than like, this is a, well, I guess it's an old wives tale.

It did a lot of bad things. Yeah. They're not really an altruistic people. No, they're not a good people. They're not good. But you know what they do? We were a lot of bangles, which I like. That's right.

And they got a lot of head scarves, which I'm into. And fantastic music. I love Gypsy music. But isn't Gypsy mystical all like, but I know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know that is, but if you listen to bands like Gogo Bordello, I like Gogo Bordello. I love Gogo Bordello so much. And you wouldn't have Gogo Bordello if you didn't have Gypsies. I mean, I don't know.

Yeah, you wouldn't. The Gypsies. Some hipster would have made up Gogo Bordello. No, they wouldn't have. I don't. Well, it doesn't matter. It's a great sound. Gypsies are like the storm of race.

You know, they just come through your town. They ransack the village. They get wasted. They have a good time, but then they're gone, which is why I like the Gypsies. They know that nobody wants them where they're at. So as soon as they're in a place, they're like, yeah, we're going to harass you for a week. We're going to get trashed, ruin everything, but we'll be out of your hair. They're like tumbleweeds if tumbleweeds were people.

That's right. They are. And that's why I like the Gypsies. Yeah, and tumbleweeds could drink lots and lots and lots of wine and shake their jangles at you. Hey, you like? Hey, you want me? Hey, I paint your house. I love looking at your face.

I mean, that's the thing. People are listening and they're laughing, but then if you could actually see his face, you'd probably be pissing yourself. I wish I could be a Gypsy. Why can't you be a Gypsy? I'm not like Ukrainian. I'm not Gypsy. I'm not Roma.

Roma is the race. And could you convert? No. What do you think the conversion to becoming a Gypsy is? You have to steal somebody's watch. Okay. And eat a bunch of old bread. Suck on bad wine.

I think I would rather join the Crips and just get beat in. All right. So what are some Gypsy curses? So what I have better than a Gypsy curse, I have gone to my old friend Yahoo Answers. Oh my God. Are we using Yahoo Answers now? Yahoo Answers is the equivalent of asking all of the countries dumb questions on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do I break a Gypsy curse? I accidentally ran over a Gypsy's cat a week ago and she cursed me. I didn't believe it at first. I'm a Christian and I thought God would protect me, but she said my car would burn and my engine did overheated completely and burned through some tubes or something. I mean he was also driving a 94 sob. Right, right. She just looked at your car and he was like, your car is burning. He's like, my car will burn.

No, it's on fire because it hit a cat and it couldn't deal with it. I lost my job. My dog died. He got hit by a car. How he got over the fence, I don't know. And when my- Gypsy wings. Yes.

I've heard about that. And when my friend took me job hunting since my car wasn't working, we got hit by a car. My mother was in an accident yesterday. I'm sure the curse worked, but I want to know how I tried to break it. It's hurting me. I've already asked God to break it and he has it. I don't know what to do. Eat an entire box of chewy chips and white cookies.

Well, the best answer as chosen by voters. In the book, Death and Destruction, there's a spell for protection you could use. You need to get some conjure formulas called fiery wall of protection. You get the oil and either the powder or the bath salt. You draw a bath and put some of the fiery wall powder or salt into it. And you also dress four small white candles with the oil and position them around the corners of the bathtub. You light them and you get into the tub and let them burn down. You take the toaster with you into the tub.

This makes a, quote, wall of protection. And also it washes away any existing jinx you may have had. Some people also like to keep a picture of St. Michael on hand when they do this as well. P.S. I haven't been late in 17 years. If you could do it at my house and I could take pictures of it, I would be most grateful. That would be wonderful. The answer that I think is the best is mention the person by describing them and then throw three spoons on the floor. Which is what I do every single time I eat soup.

I do think. I mean it says it's an old Greek tray. Back to the Greeks. I'm sure they figured it all out. These goat fucking dumb ol' yogurt eating Greeks. Those old yogurt eating Greeks, I'll tell you. It's always nice to slur somebody with eating the same food, Jamie Lee Curtis eats. Which I think is good.

She loves her yogurt. She has a penis as well. So Marcus, I feel like this guy had a lot of great ideas. Do you think that Yahoo answer? Do you think there's any bearing there? Do you think there's any truth in what this man said? One person voted for 100%. That was the best answer.

But no, I don't think gypsy curses are a real thing. I think he just ran over a cat and then an old woman said, Fuck you! He's like, I curse you man, fuck you! You'll be kind of cool. On another level here, it's like sure you have the gypsy person there cursing this guy, but what if the cat came back? What if the cat's doing this?

You know, that's the creature that's been killed. A cat just like fucked with his mother while she was driving. Nobody else saw it. She careened into a tree. I think it's very similar to how it works in Voodoo. Again, it's any single thing that you're going to give a mental validity to, you're going to, you're going to, you're going to make it happen. It becomes real.

It's like Freddy Krueger, if I can always mention him on every show. Self-fulfilling prophecy, as they say. Oh yes. That's exactly what you do. That's why the curse structure works, because essentially you do it to yourself. Right, absolutely. Marcus, any other curses here from these Greeks? Or from the gypsies, I'm sorry?

No, no more gypsy curses, but we can move on to some hippie curses. Ooh, the gypsy curses. I also love the fact that I do love some of the movie curses we looked up. I mean, most of them are pretty well known. You know what? Let's go to movie curses for now, and then we'll go back to real life curses. I've got some weird ass movie curses. You have the more esoteric.

I'm just going to say my favorite one was when the exorcist was opening, because the exorcist was plagued with problems. Mostly because William Friedkin who directed it is just a fucking asshole. Right. And so it's like he was like... What were some of the problems on the exorcist? Many people died in the making of it. How many folks do you think died?

Nine people died during the making of the exorcist, right? Of various outside causes. Falling off ladders, heading... Yes, and then Alan Burston permanently injured her back during a stunt. And who was she in the movie? She was the mother. The mother, okay. Great performance, great movie.

And again, you know, the Catholic Church said they didn't want the movie to be made. Of course. And when the movie was opening, they opened in Rome, in this place near St. Peter's Basilica. And when the movie started, lightning crashed across the street and knocked down a 600-foot crucifix that fell down in the middle of the square. And then, of course, the lead singer of the band Live was born. Yeah.

Out over you, out over me. And I'm dead. And I'm murdered. So a crucifix falls off of a building. Yeah, I was just, you know... That's amazing. Yeah, and there was also the woman who claimed that the movie, the exorcist gave her a miscarriage.

Yeah, but that's awesome. Who was her story? She was just watching the movie and she had a miscarriage? Yeah, she was watching the movie in the theater and had a... Oh, a boogie boo. I just made a baby jam. Yeah, I mean, I will say, if you are a director of a film, I mean, this movie may cause abortion.

It's like pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, like any movie that like, it's like, morning, violence, titties, nudity, may cause abortions, and they're swearing. I'll be like, what about may cause abortions? Fuck yeah. Let's go, honey. Because we've had a mistake.

I've got some, yeah, definitely some esoteric ones. We'll start with Juno. Okay. An odd one. Fucking hate this movie. Well, you'll be happy to hear that over the course of Juno's 30 days shoot, which supposedly regurgitated over 75 pounds of human hair. Wow, is that possible?

She's disgusting. I mean, it's not... At least she didn't give it a shot. Is she eating hair? All they do is sit around all day and eat hair. Oh, yeah, I'm on a movie set every day. I'm watching these chicks eat hair. I never heard that stereotype.

Well, that's all they do. They sit and eat hair. They say that it's good luck. Oh, my God. They say it makes you look good on camera. You know, there was this kid named... Sucking on hair brushes. Right, well, I mean, it definitely helps you not eat.

Lickin' dogs everywhere you go. Don't lick dogs. They're not popsicles. Come on. Here's what my friend... It's another one of these Greek tricks. It's a Greek... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All of them have to do with hair. I think Henry's out there in the front lawn licking a dog. Oh, yeah, he's an actor. He's an actor. That's what they do. That's what my friend... This dude, Lee, I knew in third grade, he would come every single day to school

with a Ziploc bag full of his mother's hair and he would rub it all over his body when he got nervous. And they literally build a fake... They built a fake brick wall around his desk. So people love this human hair. They should have put him in a special school. Well, he was retarded,

but these are Christians, evangelical Christian schools. You've got to teach these kids different. See, this is a... How are you doing this in real life? So Ellen Page has survived, though. She's doing okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's fine.

And, of course, Diablo Kote very attractive. Yeah, I would have loved to see her during... He has no business being a famous fucking... Ah! What? Diablo was good. What? No, she's not.

Where has she been good? She's very attractive. No, it's not for us. No, it's... Yeah, it's not for anybody. It should be... I watch lots of movies. I don't just watch the movies that are for us.

I watch ones that are not for us, too, and I like the other ones, too. Henry just shed one tear, like, when you were littering in Native American season. Yeah, that's how I felt. I felt that movie, like, Juno just blows. It's dumb. All right, well, this one is a very strange one.

And this was... It seems like it might be, like, a gypsy kind of curse on Rocky III. Oh, okay, Rocky III. Now, who did Rocky fight in Rocky III? He fought...didn't he fight... Clubberlang. Clubberlang.

Yeah, he fought Mr. T. Yeah. During one of the street scenes, director Sylvester Stallone repeatedly asked a mysterious old woman to move out of a shot. Though the woman left without protest, she blew a palm-fool of strange yellow powder at one of the cameras.

When that day's reels were developed, the dusted cameras' film contained frame after frame of two-headed animals, leprous genitals, and baby amputees. Oh, nice. Stallone quietly ordered that the camera be blessed, encased in cement, and buried beneath St. Peter's Church in Philadelphia.

I do believe that. Since then, a worry Stallone has allowed myriad old women to loiter undisturbed throughout his movie sets. I mean, how many women are like, I need to see expendables, too. I need to be on the set when they blow up all those people. Oh, that's amazing. I can definitely-

Fucking bitches blow garlic powder all over my goddammit. This is fucking ridiculous. I gotta keep burying him in concrete. She's just the chef, you know? She's the cook of the place doing craft services. I do believe that he definitely took a camera and put it in concrete and buried it. Absolutely.

But then she thought how- That's how you thought he- It's just the most Italian way to do this. This is how you make a movie. This is how you do it in Greece. Then you fucking bury it, and then you bring it up six months later, and then you got a movie.

That's like the land edits it. Hey, Sly, how about- How about just get you in front of the camera a little bit? Okay, whatever. And the final one, the movie Swim Fan. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. Rumor has it.

I beat it to this movie. Oh, man, I love watching ladies swim. Well, rumor- You might have been beaten off to a dead girl, because rumor has it that actress Erica- Which, by the way, is not the first time- We've all watched enough porn where we've built- beaten off to a lot of dead women.

Oh, yeah? Oh, I think I've actually beaten off to women who are being physically assaulted. Rumor has it that actress Erica Christensen- actually drowned while shooting Swim Fan's thrilling climax, which was shot early on in the film's production. It was a thrilling climax. It was.

I tell you, I loved it. The incident was kept secret for insurance reasons, and a lookalike was brought in to film the rest of her scenes. When the lookalike died in a tragic car accident just two days after production raft, the studio was forced to scout out a second lookalike who, to this day, is still posing as Erica Christensen. Interesting.

Totally real. Absolutely. Absolutely, because that's how it works all the time. Yeah. That's just how the actress dies in the middle of it. That's how Hollywood is. That's Hollywood is. That's Hollywood is.

They just do a little reconstructive surgery and make them look just like the B-list actors. That is how my mom would react to that story. She'd be like, Of course, that's what they do with these actresses. It's very logical. Yeah, little known- They just change it out.

In fact, Marilyn Monroe actually died at 14 years old. Isn't that something? And she is Betty Page. It was a lookalike the whole time. Marilyn is Betty Page. Betty Page is Marilyn. Well, same thing with that. Yeah, that Elvis's twin brother never died,

and his twin brother took over his lifestyle for a long time. Is that what happened with it? Yeah. His twin brother was just in a trailer in Memphis eating Cheetos, just getting wasted, and Elvis died. His twin brother was the one that died on the toilet, and the real Elvis is still around out there riding the rails,

and granting wishes to young mothers. Like the ego of somebody who would want to be famous would exactly play into it perfectly to a person who just wants to be a renegade, being left alone, drinking whiskey. Kurt Cobainy said that. That's what Kurt Cobainy was doing. Kurt Cobainy?

Are you 90? When Kurt Cobainy was all like, Why? I'm so sad because I'm successful. Bam! Bam! Bam! Do we have any curses as far as the age 27?

Of course, we have Janice. They call it the 27 Club. And that's been going on. I read about that. That's been going around since the 1800s. There was a famous jazz guy, like a ragtime pioneer, that started that died at 27, a syphilis. And then you also have Robert Johnson died at 27.

Who was Robert Johnson? He was the man who sold his soul to the devil in order to invent blues. Yeah, the Mississippi Delta Blues. He sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads, it was said, in order to play guitar. And then he was poisoned by the husband of the woman he was fucking. And died at 27. I guess the husband of the crossroads was made into 97 bullshit songs

by light jazz singers. Bone Thugs and Harmony is a song called Crossroads. Is it based on that? Different songs. Very different songs. That was about easy E. I love that song. See, the one that Robert Johnson did,

it was the one that Clopton did at a time, like, They were pretty good, Marcus, you're pretty good. Yeah, I'm pretty good. That's my Clopton. That was nice. And then you got all the people that, you know, of course you got your Janis Joplin, your Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison.

Keith Moon. I'm not sure if he doesn't understand that. And there's other strangers like the bassist. You got rugby Fenton. That's right. And you've got Domino Shilliman. That's right, Blubber Chubbs. Blubber Chubbs was a big one when he was 27.

Yeah, that's right. His eyes fell out. They turned on the ice cream. He played the bass piano. He only had the black keys on the piano. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. He was good though. A lot of people loved what he was doing.

Yeah, he was torn apart by hawks. Of course, yeah, because they all came and swooped down when he had two nods in his face. That was a rough one. 27, two red. And the latest one, the most recent one, Amy Winehouse. Of course. Yeah. Man, she had some great boobs.

Yeah, she did. Great boobs. I'm sick of that eye makeup, though. That Russian look. A high black eye. A gypsy Greek look. It's a gypsy look. I don't like it.

No need for so much eye makeup, ladies. Oh. You giving fashion tips? More cardigans. So let's maybe talk about some of the real curses that you can invoke. All right. All right. So we've covered, we got the gypsies.

We did the old whatever the Irish. Are you talking about the ones from mojo-moon.net? Yes. Yeah, because when you said real curses, I was looking at the Satan ones. I'm like, oh, mojo-moon. The hippie curses. Yeah. Let's do the hippie curses.

Yeah, this is a payback spell. Now these are stuff like, let's just time these out so people can write these down if they want to use these in the future. Yeah. All right. Get your pens out, folks. It's time to get out your last podcast, Dakota Riggs. We're going to tell you how to curse that fucking sweet neighbor you hate.

All right. While concentrating on the person or thing that you are casting this on, repeat over and over. And you feel that it is complete. Henry, repeat after me. Before the night is over. Before the night is over. Before the day is through.

Before the day is through. Whatever you have done to others. Whatever you have done to others. We'll come right back at you. We'll come right back at you. Why are all these girls masturbating around me? That's good, so you got Diablo. I got her.

Good girl. That's on lockdown. What's another curse, Marcus? This one is to make sick or punish an enemy, take a soiled undergarment of theirs, hang it on a bare rafter. You know how hippies piss themselves. And get some blackberry switches. Whip the garment with them.

They will be so sore they can't get out of bed. That's not a curse. That's a physical punishment. You're beating the panties with blackberry switches. Do you hit the panties? You take some panties and beat them with a stick. I just feel like it's sort of a primitive way of laundry. You stick when I get home tonight.

Oh, of course. Here's a black art spell. To stop an enemy from bringing harm, procure or make an oil of dragon's blood and roux. Add to it a pinch of poppy, nightshade in some time as well as three tiny drops of some bitter wine. I got to get down to the fresh market this weekend in Union Square. He's buying the most satinistic things. Annoy to black candle with your victim's name and seal it with an X, then chant these words

most carefully. Henry, repeat after me. Yep. Docks and powers of the night. Docks and powers of the night. Gather round my candle's flame. Candle Lord, heather round my candle's flame. Send my enemy in shaded flight.

Send my enemy in shaded flight. Send my enemy away in shame. Send my enemy away in shame. Now do that 13 times. Yeah, I was like, do I have to leave? I got a DVR fucking Sherlock. Throw the remains over your shoulder into running water and do not look back. Henry Zabrowski, number one enemy.

Who are you putting that curse on? Make it personal, make it real. That's the only way it's going to work. I don't even know. Hold him in nearly. Yeah, hold him in nearly. I want to fucking stick him so bad. Let's get him.

Let's curse him hard. All right, well let's get into satanic curses then. Yeah. On a person's door, step, break a bottle and say, May the spirits enter here and destroy this home. Arrest Ray, salve de reyador, malagastro. I think that's fine. Are these satanic curses now?

Are these Allister Crowley approved? No, no, no, these are mojodreams.net approved. Oh, okay. Mojo Moondot. I'm sorry. So this is not official satanic curse biblical? Yes it is. Well, what it says from whoever does mojomoondotnet.

Satan himself? It says, the whole website's written in weasel piss? It's very bizarre. It says, no, I am not a satanist. I merely found these online and thought it was interesting, so I am sharing it. Lol. Lol.

He's divorced. The thing is is that whenever someone just puts lol at the end of a sentence like that, it's like, I know I'm not a satanist, but I just thought these were interesting and I thought I would share it. Lol. I mean, that's the thing. If you actually think about laughing out loud, the man is definitely alone, so he's just sitting at his computer.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Everyone out there, if you write lol on shit, that's what you sound like in our heads. In our heads. He's like, no, I'm just kidding.

Lol. And I mean, how psychotic is it you're just laughing alone staring at a computer screen at something that you just wrote? Lol. I mean, I'm not even a satanist, but I thought this was interesting. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol.

Lol. Lol. Just lick it right off the floor. I'm telling you the truth. What are you fucking even talking about? I am telling you that the bat is a supplier of food for a lot of wild guano bat guano guano is guano Guano, guano. It's very it's very valuable bears love guano talking about bears love guano. They eat it like ice cream It's animal ice cream. What are you talking about Marcus? What's another curse? Look up, but can you also type into Google search guano equals animal ice cream? Bears and deer can't get enough of that. Now that we have internet available would please fact check that bears are really eating bat guano

This is really hurting me this internet access Well, I have pole ice cream or bat guano Best answer bat guano That's what it was written by a bear that is what I'm saying I just don't type on the internet. No, they do. They do say have voice recognition technology. That's right. Siri bears you Siri Where is the honey? Before we move to a biblical curses. We'll go full-on. We're gonna do the curse of Lucifer's touch Yeah, what would you do to every woman that you meet stop it and and Henry I want I want you to

Do this with me. Yes. Oh, yeah repeat after me first You must light three black candles at midnight and repeat the following three times We will not do that if you have a bell you should ring it three times the beginning of this ritual, so I call to the mighty bringer of light I call Lucifer I call to the mighty bringer of light Lucifer spirits of the abyss Hear my call spirits of the abyss hear my call almost powerful one and all Almost powerful one and all Lucifer my thoughts do sing Lucifer my thoughts do sing though the universe They now ring though through the universe. They now ring take that enemy Take him snot take the enemy and take them spent

No, no, I'll make him scorn him in the night break him in the night from the mighty depth of hell From the mighty depth of hell. It's just don't darkness on the shell castle darkness on the shell Don't you burn him from fall? He'll Satan he'll Satan He'll Satan this is what ruined the music industry for 18 fucking years from 85 to 90 whatever It really does have like kind of a rap cadence to it. Yeah, it does. Yeah, somewhere like MC Hammer just started to dance He doesn't know why you know like somebody's speaking my language fun. If somebody's bringing rap back to life Somebody out there is just too legit to quit

MC what happened? Oh, I know that when I quit rap music There's so many people out there that have a discurrence from finding their beats find it in here pretty hot rhymes MC What was your favorite thing about being a famous rap? I love dancing sideways I miss my big old pants Yes, oh man. Yeah. Yeah, what was your favorite thing about wearing those big pants? Oh the room for my bigoted balls I Now we got biblical curses and all of this information that I got I got from a site called demonbuster.com And all I still think that what it was curses are less valid than the mojo moon dot net

Absolutely, can we imagine though in a world demonbuster.gov if our government was just like so on top of this shit This is all real. I would love my life. That's who's guts man. I'm Abraham Lincoln Well, for example in the Bible it is said that the curse of woman is menstruation. Oh, it is yeah Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah the curse and a childbirth and all that sort of goes about being a woman Yeah, all the bad shit about being a pussy hole female Circumcision and so the person that being in the Middle East the people who wrote people use a zester on the clitoris. It's It's a great it's a it's like a really fine cheese grater. Oh, yeah, that's what you use Well all this information was gathered by over over your salad. Yeah

Yeah, a couple named Jean and earline moody and earline is spelled E a R L I N E that is a horrible name earline And here's earlines testimony about her ancestral background just so we know who we're doing say testimony All right, let's hear this sweet test she says I have an Indian English German French background There are curses on each of these people Indians have worshiped demons some English and Europeans were druids they worship Satan in innocence or ignorance My father participated in some occult practices what removal and water-witching What removal it was a doctor. Yeah, he just thought that these were mountain medicine and practices from Tennessee

From my father came curses of masons and Indians Physical problems came as a result of curses on indium worship inactive thyroid female disorders and heart disease My father removed the warts from my brother by witchcraft Satan swapped the demon of warts for a demon of spinal meningitis with which almost killed them Really, they're just going to the wrong doctor. These people just need cable right They didn't see something to distract them the demon of spinal meningitis doesn't exist Satan doesn't give anything away for free. There is a price to pay He actually went to heaven and saw two siblings which had died early in life and then God sent him back to earth

My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic with an Indian English background Her emotional illness caused me to need a lot of deliverance from emotional problems. So therapy what this is so what this woman? I mean, it's a huge website. It's gigantic and Essentially what she's saying is that every person has a curse place upon them from their lineage because of their lineage every single person Oh, yeah, I bet except for maybe Israelis Like because they're the pure people the chosen people I think those are the only ones that are because they're God's chosen people There's no curse. Are there any Israeli curses? I mean besides like the Holocaust or like

And so here here are some of the demons sent by biblical curses Yeah, for the sin of idol worship and graven images you get pestilence sure and what's pestilence sick disease For incest and voodoo curses you get the curse of mildew. Now. Is this the The curse of mildew your place has got major mildew problems and I'm getting a little bit sick Are you fucking your brother? You're younger. They are both gay. So I Don't think they would have sex with me. Yeah, that's true. They like a dainty your man. They like attractive people I'll get them. I'm puffy. You could get them

I'll saunter back and forth if you went and you had sex with both of my older brothers I would say look at you there. Just be in one of me Well Lesbians and occult curses get you the botch of Egypt. Oh, what's that? Himroids? Eddie has fucked up Lord will smite thee with the botch of Egypt and with the Himroids and with the scab and with the itch Where off thou can't not be healed if you're not aware. I said Eddie has got that Ed Larson for the round Oh, yeah, he's got that butt free

Currently on the burn with Jeff Ross, which is there in comedy central every time you look at Ed Larson. Just remind yourself He's got two little pomegranates He is full of hemorrhoids He's one big hemorrhoids. He's a large hemorrhoid with a braid. Well, yeah, with a Yankees hat on You know who else gets hemorrhoids? Necromancers interesting So in the Bible's eyes lesbians and necromancers are about on the same level

Yeah, I think that's a good nickname for lesbians How you should start introducing yourself of your lesbian just be like well, this is me and Sheila my necromancer We are necromancers together From sodomy you get the curse of itchiness Well, I think it's more violent pain and mild vomit, but you know whatever and also from oral anal sex also sodomy You get madness. Yeah, you don't get crazy drama The man who made this look butt-fucked at chicken and she got very angry and you're like well That's the curse of anal

Yeah, it can't be the fact that just ripped your anus open because it's not meant for something to be inside of it Yeah, and there are also plenty of curses that are associated with certain occult symbols For example, I have an onk tattooed on my arm. Oh, what an onk? What is it? It's an Egyptian half an uncle. Yeah? Henry's a brown ski, ladies and gentlemen And so there are definite like the horseshoe is cursed the onk is cursed and of course Plagues the curse of plagues is brought on by the Irish shamrock The Irish are the basis of all that is evil in the world and they need to be Systematically wiped out

I say what comes down to it is a final solution. There's only one kill the Irish all right, well, I'm I'm gonna go ahead and log in to our kill the Irish numbers right right right Because I want to see how many listeners we lost out of Ireland. That's good Just give me it. Just give me a quick set one. Yeah, yeah, right We wrap it up. That's good Marcus. Well, do you I'm just want these are these fucking Irish to keep their show Lately's in their pants for a second and keep listening to the podcast because next week

We won't be as focused on you and you're dirty weird dirt eating weights. That's right next week Of course, he'll be back to these Zimbabwe Which is always nice when Henry attacks them eating hair just like a Greek. All right, everybody That's Marcus and I am Ben. How's our numbers in Ireland? All right, just give me one second quick second here before we close this sweet little show. Henry It's been so nice to have you back. I'm so glad to be back. I've been alone in the house Can we do some secret talk? Can we can we mention that you're working on a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio? We're yeah

I mean I'm doing a film called Wolf of Wall Street and that's directed by a fellow named Martin Scorsese It is and how is the shoot been going? It has been very interesting. I cannot I cannot tell what was unscrupulous What happened, but you've been having very naughty very naughty Yeah, we lost 24,000 That's a good sign fine. I think no no publicity is bad publicity is good publicity. That's right It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine. That's Marcus. I'm we're gonna pop up They're gonna be listening next week to see what other thing they can get all irate about I disagree with Henry Zabrowski's last statements. All right, Henry if you want to close this that way hi, oh me hi

Oh, me hi, oh you hi all game hi all game Agustalations don't kill yourselves until we do and we will talk to you guys later on don't kill yourselves I mean or do I've seen these space Suicides for pussies it is for pussies. Don't do it pussies is why we hate the woman who killed herself after the Australian DJs pranked her Yeah, man, that was great. That's great. I read the transcript. I actually thought it was kind of funny after reading it It was all right. It was pretty good jerky boys. She got wrapped up in it. That's right. All right guys. We love you We'll talk to you soon. See you jerky. Haha!