Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 55: The Great Beast 666

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys explore the life of the Wickedest Man in the World and World Champion Power Bottom Aleister Crowley.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Okay. Wherever we go, whatever we do, We're gonna go through it together.

Marcus? Wherever we go, whatever we do, We're gonna go through it together. Benjamin! That is simple because nobody else wants to hang out with us. Which is really quite sad. That's Marcus. I'm Ben.

Who is this young fellow to my left? The Prince of Wickedness, Henry Soprowski. It's a very tense room today. We had quite an internal beef. Some text message confusion this morning. I take no part in it. One could blame it entirely on Henry, and I will. No, nonetheless, it is the 12th day of December 12th,

and it is 2012, which is a very exciting day. What is that supposed to mean? I don't know. Do we make wishes on this day? Because I did. I did too. I mean, I would think G-Train made me like three times today. Is that what you wish for?

I cursed at the world. Ooh, that G-Train is going to explode tomorrow, or turn into a large rabbit, depending on how you cursed it. Today we have a very fun time. Well, 12, 12, 12, as we all know, is double 666. Double Satan! Satan! Satan! Which brings us to the Great Beast 616.

666. 616? 616. Yes. 616. Starting off real good. The Great Beast 666, he's the main interest of today's episode, Aleister Crowley.

Aleister Crowley! I like this guy because this guy knows how to fuck. Like me. Oh yeah. He fucks like you. I don't know. I don't really do anything too naughty. You mean rocking gently back and forth?

Yeah. You slowly masturbate and cry. Yeah, yeah. While someone holds my hand. I love that. That's my favorite. It's my favorite part of being your friend as well, holding your hand.

Marcus or Henry, whoever wants to take this, straight off the bat, who is Aleister Crowley? Now again, this is going to be very difficult to even begin to cover this man in one podcast. So I guess we can call this Aleister Crowley part one. That's right. The divination. Or part one, Roller Coaster through Toontown. Roller Coaster through Toontown.

But Aleister Crowley is the leading occultist of all time. He is the creator of a religion called Pilemia, right? Yeah. Pilemia is an incredibly well-known occultist, magician, but play enthusiast. Loved anything anal. Channeled ancient Arabic demons. They're going to write a famous book called The Book of Law, which all occult thought of the latter 20th century is based on.

It was one of the most famous members of the famous occultist group called the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, which is again just a bunch of scientists butt-fucking each other. Right. And then went on to create his own organization. I forget what it's called, the A Triangle A, whatever that is. It's something weird. He was obsessed with triangles. In fact, some people say I was looking on a message board.

Yeah, the hat's great. The hat that he wears on his Wikipedia page is quite stunning. It's great. And I was looking on a discussion board, someone that shows the correct way to read The Book of Law, because most of it's nonsense. It's hard to read, because he did it through automatic writing, and it was like, we'll get into it at some point. But the whole thing is like, yeah, he believed that he was talking to Horace's, I'm going to say secretary.

His, the Flanders, or whatever his name is, what was it? Not Montgomery Burns. Oh, Smithers. The Smithers. The Smithers to Horace gave him this book, and it's a lot of just, yeah, it's nonsense poetry. And his hat does look like he folds it very similarly to an American flag, right before they put it on a soldier's grave. Can you actually also, can you look up the poem, White Stains, that he wrote?

He wrote a poem called White Stains, which is apparently one of the pinnacles of gay erotica. He was quite a ribbled one. Sort of the 50 Shades of Grey, but for the male persuasion. Yeah, he wrote it. Yeah, and it's very similar to his wildlife. Nice. Well, let's get into it. Well, that's his entire work of poetry called White Stains.

Marcus, give us one. I'm going to find one, my personal favorite. We'll do that, and then we'll get it. Oogie oogie, come, drops, I love them. Come on the dozen. And then the other one, penis, and when life gives you dicks, make them come in your mouth. Yeah, make them come in your mouth. They don't have the fart poem.

There was a poem in that collection. The fart poem. In which he actually, oh, Wincellia Farts. That's what it's called. Give me just one second. He was fun. Wincellia wants Wincellia Farts. We all know that.

He was fun. A poet, an artist, an author, really a jack of all. And again, with the butt play. Love that butt play. Check it out. I love this poem. Wincellia comes to his earthquake hour. The bed vibrates like cattle drums.

It is a grand display of power. Wincellia comes. Wincellia farts my hasty nose. Sniffs up. Must sniffs up the fragrance from her parts. Shamed are the violets and rose. Wincellia farts. He describes his nose like Roscoe, the bed bug dog.

Just constantly on the search. Where's Roscoe? Where's Roscoe? A great local commercial here in New York City. All right, so what are some of the tenets and the philosophies of the Lemail? Before we get to that, I think we need to establish who Crowley is and where he came from. So he was born in 1875 to a rich family. Yes.

They ran a, what was it, a liquor company? It wasn't a liquor company because they were strict radical protestants. A triangle hat family. Yes. A lot of that was done there. It might have been something like that. Where they got, yeah, and so his father got a large inheritance and then became super ultra-conservative Christian as he grew up.

And Crowley was down with it when his father was into it. Like when his father was alive, Crowley was right there with him and would travel around with him. I could say the same thing because I was the same way. We all grew up like super religious and realized after time it's like, yes, it's an entire piles of wreaking bullshit, but the best part about it is that it's such an awesome story. It is, yes. It's fun to imagine that you're in a building and you're talking to a supernatural building and like being up in the sky and then you've got like a man there.

The Bible. You eat the meat of his body. Eat the meat, drink the blood. The Bible is full of brutal battles. I mean, everybody dies for the most part. It's pretty sweet. It's like Samson where you cut his hair. He's a slave.

I loved reading Revelations as a child. Revelations was phenomenal. It's rules. It's bad. I want to see a fucking cartoon of Revelations with fucking heavy metal music playing and bolts out. Bar-Dick shooting calm. Shootin' calm all over girls.

Dragons comin' like and rapin' girls and the dragons rapin' each other. And then Alex Crowley there and he's rapin' himself. There's like four versions of himself and he's durin' a daisy chain. The balls on each other's face is just fuckin' dragons comin' to her ass. They call that the Crowley necklace. I want to see that movie. I love that movie. Yeah, I love that movie too.

With that Bradley Cooper. Ah, yes. The sexiest man alive. I still think that should have gone to that other fella from the film Drive. Oh yeah. And his family, you know, he was a part of that because his family believed in the literal truth of the Bible. So when he read...

I love those. When he read Revelations, he was, this is it. This is truth. God, that'd be so sweet. And then when he was a kid... Which was real. And then when he was a kid, his father died and his mother was apparently a horrid bitch. Called him the beast.

Yeah, called him the beast, which is what... It's a little fun nickname for a kid to have though. I would love to have that nickname. Yeah. I was just called the 88 Keys. What is that? You know, because of the... I just start playing ragtime.

Yeah. And then at, and he said, he was quoted as saying, I wanted to sin, but didn't have the slightest idea how to go about it. Oh, but all you gotta do is start rubbing your dick on the bed for him. And here's what he did. He did it in the bed at 15. He fucked the maid in his mother's bed. Great first sin.

Yeah. One of the best. He must have been such a sexy little boy. Oh yeah. I mean, think about it. All those pictures of him like dark and brooding, like searing intense eyes. That must be hard for a maid to get fucking over. He actually was a good looking kid.

He was. Yeah, yeah. A DSK type. Yeah. Fucking the maid. Yeah. And then he went to Cambridge to study and then he was expelled from Cambridge for catching gonorrhea from a prostitute.

Oh, come on. It's not his fault. She had the gonorrhea. Absolutely. She was giving it around. And back in the day, condoms were just like old pieces of sheet metal. Yeah, they were just wrapped. They were just shaved rats.

Yeah. Pieces of wool like with belt buckles that like you have this cinch over your balls. I can't believe you get kicked out of university for having gonorrhea. And now you have to have gonorrhea to get into the dorm. Yeah, especially Cambridge. This is ridiculous. All those people are missing teeth. Yeah.

See, this is the thing. His mother abused him. Then he gets kicked out of Cambridge for something he can't control. I agree with his decision. No wonder he turned into a groovy sex scientist. Absolutely. Well, here's how he did that. One, his mother died, so he got a gigantic trust fund and he could just do whatever the

fuck he wanted. And this is when he got involved. That would be so awesome. Yeah. And this is when he got involved with the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. What I love about these guys is, again, this is a group of, I think, what did we say, but you called them before we started? I would say, Faggy Scientist.

Faggy Scientist. Yes. And even Alchemy. And even Elsa Crowley. Well, we'll get to that in a bit. Again, Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, which is a linchpin of modern occult studies. It started in the late 1880s, which was such a great time period for weird shit, where it's like, especially because people were so ashamed of their bodies in general, that

you really had to go to the up-tenth degree in order to go and make sure you get really fucked inside the old creepy mansion. And science was still sort of equated with Satanism in a lot of ways. Well, there was also the idea that, you know, there was very much in such an idea as like the four humors, and you know, like bile and phlegm and all that stuff. We were like essential energies, and it all connected back to the idea of the cabala and the tree of life. And if we want to get even deeper into it, it started from the Rose of Crucians, which

is the group that means the Rose of the Cross or like Red Cross or stuff like that, which, if you want to take David Ike's word for it, is a part of the original reptilian bloodlines who use ancient ritualistic magic and symbology and movements and sex rituals in order to manipulate the world. Well, judging by what you just said, I think I will take David Ike's word for it. You know, from now on, every time you say the name David Ike, I'm going to have a sound effect, where it's like a ding or a clowl. Yeah, the sound of that like the spitting lizard from Jurassic Park.

Yeah, it goes as far as that. You have these, and this was a group of dudes that couldn't have butt sex publicly, so they would turn it into sex rituals, and they would do this highly organized, like very similar to the Freemasons, and practice and learn text and use ritualistic magic in order to affect world events. Can you go into detail about what some of these sex rituals were? I couldn't really find any, because you really have to get, because again, you had to be there.

It's hard to describe. You couldn't go into the, I was reading one of the manuals, and a lot of that stuff is like very advanced. There are several layers. There's like theoretical, there's magical, and then there's the thing called the secret chiefs, right? And the theoretical and the magical were using philosophical texts of the old like alchemy, and the idea there was a, I forgot the actual term for it, it was the idea that-

Did you find alchemy real quick? Alchemy is essentially just the idea of turning things into gold. Yeah. Mostly lead. Mostly lead. Lead was the bit, yeah, yeah. But we're- A charlatan science.

Oh, I see. It's a fakery. A mockery of a fakishism. Have you thought about just painting it? Hey, y'all, how about we just use money? Right. Mike Piper got damn money, or coins. But this was the idea that any matter had an essence that could be changed and manipulated.

Kind of what alchemy was like a part of. And these were guys- Sort of like what every girlfriend does to her boyfriend. Yes, yes, yes, you have your boyfriend as a piece of lead. You want him to be gold, what it comes down to is your pussy ain't magic. That's right, your pussy ain't alchemy. Yeah, nothing but a big piece of plum bum. That's all it is.

And then they do try to paint somebody taking you to the gap in the old navy and dressing you better, but at the end of the day, we're just- You can't change your man. You fall in love with a man that you want to be with, you can't change him to the man you want to be. Yeah, that's right. There were also a couple of poets that were a part of, like, W.B. Yates- Yates.

But what I like about that, that's a whole nother fucking podcast, the war between Crowley and Yates. I was talking with this girl about it. I mean, they wrote many scathing poems about each other. Absolutely, but Yates, I met this girl and she was talking about this, Yates wrote this thing called A Vision, which is kind of like talking about how Yates was the light side of Crowley's idea that everything was kind of run by evil magic and about staring to the abyss and using your secret hidden desires is that you have to tap into that in order

to manipulate the world. He was like, fairies come from the forest, out of you just commune with all the humors of nature. And you can make rainbows shoot out of your fucking nipples. Shut up. Shut up. Right in front of me. Take it easy.

In fact, when Crowley left the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, he was quoted as saying that it was milk and water magic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. I mean, it was. But they sat around and they wore funny hats and they wrote shit down and they did all the stuff. And there's like, I have a great set of things.

What's the... Oh, my fucking... My brain. Oh. Because the first order, they do it by the numbers on the Kabbalah tree and it goes one through nine, which is the levels that you get in the Hermetic Order. And the Kabbalah tree is something that's rooted in the Jewish religion. Yes.

This is what Madonna is a part of. Madonna, I want to say, but then it also connects into the Chakra system and then it connects into the Tree of Life system and then it goes back into the Reptilians and how they... If you want it, really go there and the Kabbalah was there and how they looked at the world and they created... Right. That was the idea of the self and commune with nature and the Reptilians were a part of that.

It's interdimensional living. I can't argue with you. You're making all the sense of the world to me. I mean, you can't argue with total nonsense. That's right. But the... So let's go back to the order. The Neophytes, which is like level zero.

You have a list of five ritualistic... It's these five rituals that you have to learn. Just going back to one second. What were the first three that you were mentioning? Did we get to that? Where I asked what Alchemy was and you were talking about the three orders that he was working on. What?

The first that we were just talking about? I don't remember. This is too complicated. Well, let's... You let me go on this. You pointed me to either hermetic order or golden... I'm not. And I'm doing it.

I mean, I'm doing it. I kept trains out of the fucking station. Trains out. Let's go with the train. I kept trying to get my horses out of the stable. But every time I try to like bring you back with something about Crowley, let's talk about Crowley again. It's made too deep.

Well, let's talk... Now, let's move on to Crowley after a hermetic order of the Golden Dawn. Yes. We could do a whole episode just about the hermetic order of the Golden Dawn. I guess we could. But... And we will. I hate burping into this mic garb because I just smell it so hard.

It is disgusting. I had a bunch of shrimp pad thai this morning. I have no problem sticking with the hermetic order if you guys want to dabble in this. No, no, no, no. It's too much. It's way too much. The one thing I do want to say before we go back now is we never did none of this. No, I'm going to start...

I want to start it back up. I want to get a modern hermetic order of the Golden Dawn. We can open our own chapter. I started looking into it and I want to do it. How do you open your own chapter? I'm going to start putting up information on the Facebook page. If people out there want to join me, this is our chance. We will manipulate the world using ancient reptilian sex rituals.

And this is true. I mean, this is mostly going to be involving you by yourself at home or with a willing consensual partner. But again, we'll start this. I'm just saying, if you're interested in contacting me, I'm going to start putting information up there on how we're going to do it ourselves. I'm going to teach people rituals. That's good.

It's very exciting. Well, speaking of rituals, after he left the hermetic order of the Golden Dawn, he started what is called the Abra-Mellon ritual, which comes from the book of Abra-Mellon. It's when you put melons in your shirt and act like they're big boobies. And you go, we've done that, I like it. And the book, is that it? Is it that? Was I right?

Yeah. Oh, no, I was guessing. Well, the book of Abra-Mellon tells the story of an Egyptian mage named Abra-Mellon who taught... Huge tits. Massive tits. I mean, it would be very sad if she was extremely flat-chested with that sort of name. Who taught a system of magic to Abraham of Worms, a German Jew presumed to have lived

from 1362 to 1458. The system of magic from this book regained popularity in the 19th and 20th century and of course came into Crowley's hands. Now the ritual that is involved in this book, that is a demon summoning ritual, it takes six months to do this ritual. I love this stuff. What you do is you set up a bunch of cardboard circles, and then you have a big metal circle in your hand called a slammer.

And the goal is, is that you have fun little images and all the different cardboard circles you have in the thing. You slam it down on the gold circles, the ones that flip over are yours now and then the rest of them you give to Satan and you get it hard. So it's like Satanic game of Pog or whatever? You said Pogs. Right. He said Abra-Mellons.

Oh, okay. Abra-Mellons. Oh, it's Abra-Mellons. Okay. And so he bought a house in Loch Ness in order just to do this ritual. He just did that to be creepy. He didn't have to go to Loch Ness. He does.

Apparently I was reading about that too, he became obsessed with Scotland and started dressing in full Highland gear and that was like his favorite thing. Yeah. Love it. Well, it's a demon conjuring spell. They're dirt people. I thought the Irish were dirt people. Look at both of them.

You're Scottish. Look at these fucking monkeys. They're monkeys. They're barely humans. No, I did listen to the last episode and I'm sorry, that was one of the most offensive things I've ever heard in my life. And so it is a demon conjuring spell, but the ultimate goal of it is to conjure up your guardian angel.

You can conjure up your guardian angel and control it. Is this where he got the book of law from? Is that where the, Aseus, the horse's secretary? No, no, no. That comes up a little bit later. Yeah. I think if I ever have a secretary, I will name her Aseus, my favorite name I've ever heard for somebody who does my typing.

Yeah. And so he, after about three months, just got tired. I imagine, yeah. Yeah, because you'd have to wake up at three in the morning and do some ritual shit and then do that for about eight hours and then sleep for an hour and then do more. How do I fucking DVR this and fucking fast forward through some of the juicy parts? What are some of the rituals that you have to do? Yeah, I didn't get that far into it, but if you give up, it said if you give up the ritual

before it is done, you will become possessed by one of the demons that you have conjured. Sure. This is the same train that the Navy SEALs go through. It happened also, it happened to Lilo, and that's why she's going through so many problems. Aseus. Poor Lilo. Yeah. And it said that this is the point in which Crowley's true wickedness began.

Cool. After the ritual of Abramellan. Yeah, was it because he gave up on the ritual? Because he gave up on the ritual. And this is what happened this morning when I messed up with the text message. That's right. It is. It's been a terrible day, Henry.

And so he left the ritual because he met a woman named Rose Kelly. Hell yeah. He met his first wife, first of three. And she had a fucking snapping pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally. I mean, he wouldn't know because he never actually touched her pussy. Watch, watch, watch, watch.

You're just like a fucking two board slap, and he's like, wham, wham, wham, and he's like, whew, I gotta get my balls, open that shit. I mean, I don't. And good for him. You know? He's like that. And so I'm sorry. I always imagine Alistair Crowley, so he's going to be like, yeah, oh, you know it, buddy.

Get out there. Throw some magic tonight. Whoa. You see that soccer game last night? I fucking love it. When people are fucking, whoa, have you ever tried to fucking taco? I never have. What's it like?

Oh, you got some meat and some hard bread. You know, in the early 19th century, in the early 20th century, a taco was quite the novelty. Quite foreign. Yeah. Okay. I just got very dizzy. I know, of course.

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. That's right. You gotta watch. I am sick still. So he met, he met Rose Kelly one day, one night, married her the very next day, and they fucked off to Egypt, which Egypt is where a lot of his stuff from the book of law really comes from. And where the aliens came and put us for the first time, like a put first planted humankind.

We all know that, Henry. I'm just saying that again, if we want to add that, I have now been, because of my experiences in this life, the things that I've learned and cannot unsee, I now can see all of this historical perspective, but what are the aliens in it? And I think he may have contacted an alien. What do you think he said to the aliens when he contacted them? I mean, he was just like, what's up, bro? You guys want to get high?

You want to do some butt play? Right. Like, we're not sure of this butt play you speak of, but, oh yeah, because they've been doing butt play all this time. They need it. And he didn't know that it was called butt play. Right, right. He thought it was like something else.

Yeah, shaking the hand of a friend. He thought it was esoteric magic. Yeah, esoteric magic. Sure. But it was just fucking getting a rock, smoothing it out, rubbing a rock against another rock until it's good and smooth and fucking shoving up the ass of a monkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I thought that. Yeah, until the monkey howls a weird way and just starts, you know, rolling up a bunch

of like grass together and smoking it. And then the monkey has evolved. Well, that's very nice. Very nice. Give me the monkey a fucking clit, a butt clit orgasm. A butt clit orgasm. Anyway, Marcus. And so they went to Egypt and they spent their honeymoon in the Pyramid of Chaps.

So romantic. They spent the night in the king's chamber, which you have to walk through. You have to walk up, you know, a shit ton of steps through all of this darkness. This is like back in the day where you could walk up to the fucking Sphinx and just like chisel a piece off the Sphinx and be like, I got it, I got it, I'm British, it's mine. And they use something they called it the preliminary, the preliminary invocation of the Goetia, which is a grimoire, which if you don't know what a grimoire is, it is a demonic book, usually a magic spell book.

I cannot even get my girlfriend to watch a horror movie with me. That's right. I cannot imagine getting my girlfriend to go into a pyramid and sleep there. Get a grimoire. Honey, did you remember to pack the grimoire? No, I forgot. God damn it! You don't fucking get me!

You don't get me! We cannot grow together unless we're breaking our evil spell books when we're sleeping on the stone floor of an ancient burial town. Oh, yeah, I love you. I know you want a DVR next Iron Chef. All right? But we got to do this first, I need to talk to Thoth about my creative magic. That's right.

So after they finished the ritual, Rose went completely blank-faced, and she kept repeating over and over again, they are waiting for you. They are waiting for you. They are waiting for you. And then he asked who. And he's like, shut up, Rose, I'm trying to fucking sleep. It's already hard enough to sleep in here, there's no bed. Yeah, yeah.

There's bats everywhere. And when she asked who, when he asked who is waiting for me, Horus, the Egyptian dog god. And so he is very skeptical of this entire thing. Yeah, because Brods don't know anything. I mean, these are all not by Egyptians. We're talking about Brods, these Brods talk about Horus, I got to go back to fucking Doads. They got a family dog though, it's very adorable.

And so he decides to test her. He takes her to the- I love this story. He takes her to the British Museum. She walks in and she immediately starts running through all of the exhibits, just running past everything. And what I love is that she walked past all of these other pictures of Horus. And she's just like, stupid woman.

She must have been wild about my balls last night. And then she stops at exhibit number 666. Satan, Satan, Satan. And that is when the demon truly took control. Yes, because she saw it and it was a picture of Horus and he saw it as a grand sign that I think I've lost my feed. Yeah, I've lost the feed. There we go.

You're fine. But we lost the- he saw it as a grand sign because 666 was the number of the beast. The beast was his nickname. He had done something like he had known a lot about different biblical philosophies, but by the time he was heavily Buddhist, he was still interested in magical practices. But he largely believed in Buddhism. He was really into Hinduism. And from there, he began summoning Thoth, the Egyptian goddess of knowledge, and like

talking to Thoth and Thoth is sitting there and Thoth is like, I don't know what to do about you. And then eventually Horus appeared to him and then his secretary spoke the book of law into his brain. And then he wrote it down. And the idea, and that's what he was saying, because he was- the book of law is this incredibly obscene book about like, you know, that's where the whole philosophy of the do what Thou wiltest the whole of the law comes from.

Oh, I thought it was gonna be more double penetration. It is. It is. Well, double penetration works in to do with Thou wiltest. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, do with Thou wiltest just like get your fuck on constantly. It's do whatever you want. And then Anton Leve took that and moved that into modern American Satanism, which is the

idea of like, we're all lone wolves and you respect each other's kingdom or it's like, you have your kingdom and you must like respect mine, and as I respect yours, you walk on my land, I can destroy you like type stuff. Sure. Ted Nugent logic. Ted Nugent logic. Right. Which is hilarious if you think about it.

So it's like, imagine the book of law as his cat scratch fever. Sure. The biggest hit he's ever had. Biggest hit. Huge. Huge. Yeah. Really big stuff.

But yeah. And then he was really upset about it because apparently what he had to do was he talked to Horace and it's like, I'm going to deliver you this important 14 wishbones. Number one, Horace loves his wishbones. You have to sit in this room and for one hour a day, and I'm going to read to you this book, you're going to write it down. And then until he wrote it all down, he was sickened by what he wrote. And then afterwards, he was supposed to hold himself up.

He was supposed to give up everything and translate it into every single language in the world. That's a lot though. That's a lot of work. Too much to ask. And as we've now learned about how sick Crowley is that he gets tired of work because there's not enough fucking involved. Right.

There's not enough like doing drugs. He's probably giving up on some orgies because it was too difficult to do. Oh absolutely. He's just like, I can't be fucking all night. Sometimes I got to do some cocaine. That's right. You know? And so it's like he went and loved cocaine.

Well they all did. We'll get into more cocaine later. Like, cocaine was sort of the oxycodone or the prescription drug of the time. Yeah, it wasn't either. It was like the Advil. Yeah. Everyone was doing cocaine. Everyone needed it.

One of my favorite lines from Crowley is someone asked him why he wrote the book of law and he said, to peck out the eyes of Christ on the cross. And they're like, whoa buddy, you're spitting all over me. Yeah, that's insane. Alistair, will you please stop yelling? Yeah. And so at this time, he really started to gain a lot of followers. Oh yeah.

And he started getting people that were fanatically devoted to him. You just have to say the nuttiest shit. Yeah. Let's just start doing it. Let's just tell people that we talk to angels and shit. Like, it's like, I really think that if I write my own book, say I met one of the reptilians and the reptilians told me that I need to be on a big time ABC network sitcom. You would have to get that sitcom though.

No, no, no, no. They'll give me one. Oh, okay. They're just going to throw it right in your way. Yeah. Well, reptilian in me. I think it's key that you have success before and then you credit the alien or demon beast afterwards because if you end up failing, no one's going to buy that book because they

know that you're not telling the truth. Yeah. I'm just hanging out with this 15-foot reptile a little fucking little bit longer. That's wild, which it sounds really fun. No, they're boring. What? Yeah. They just sit there and go, you get stoned and just look at him though and just really

hear what he's saying. Yeah, that's true. And it will be kind of, everything will just be funny in context of hanging out with him. Yeah. You probably have to clean up a little reptilian poo poo. Yeah. I played six hours playing Jenga last night, but I did it with Clacor. Ah, Clacor.

Pretty fucking. The reptilian friend? Yeah. He's horrible. Oh, yeah. Because of the big reptilian hands. Yeah. We can't get through a fucking game.

He just mashes it. He puts his hands through it. Have you thought about not playing Jenga with him? I don't know. He keeps bringing out the box. Have you played Clue? I think Clue is a fun game. Oh, no.

He started when we tried to play Clue. He ate all the pieces. Yeah. He would put the cat on his head. He was like, I'm out as the crownie. Oh, that's insane. I put the board on his head like a big triangle. Well, I'm happy you don't bring him over here anymore.

Yeah, I know. Me too. Yeah. Oh, okay. Out of Crowley's followers, one of the most devoted was possibly Victor Neuberg, who Victor was actually in love with Crowley. Not just sexually, but emotionally in love with him. He was a poet.

He was a soft soul and Crowley took advantage. Right for fucking ass plowing. Oh, God. Right. What's his name? From Big Lebowski. Donnie? Yeah, Donnie.

Shut the fuck up, Victor. He's hanging around. Oh, I'm sorry, guys. So Crowley convinced Neuberg to travel with him. Neuberg sounds like, you know how you have a friend growing up that everybody hates? They hate him, but he's still around because you have to have someone in the group that you hate? Yeah.

It sounds like he was the only guy at the time that had a pocket protector with clicky pens. They were like, where are those from? The pens, Neuberg! I tried to commute with Thoth! So they traveled to Algeria together to the Sahara Desert to perform Anakian magic. Anakian magic. Oh, yeah.

The Book of Enoch, which is the Dead Sea Scrolls, where this is where they believe that it's revealed the true esoteric knowledge of the Bible. The Book of Enoch was supposedly found in clay jars out there in the 1950s, and it's probably horseshit. Well, it's literally horseshit. Anakian magic is a system of ceremonial magic based on the evocation and commanding of various spirits. It's based on the 16th century writings of Dr. John Dee, who we could do an entire fucking

episode on John Dee. Have you ever heard of John Dee? No. Woo, Lord! I ain't gonna get into him much here, but go home and research him. You got a new hero to find, buddy. Was it D.E.E.? Yeah.

Yeah. Great lawnmower joke. There it is. He makes a great lawnmower. John Deere joke. No, no. But that would be if his name was John Deere. John Deere, right.

That's why I didn't say the joke. No, no. Same John Dee. No, I know. That's why I didn't say the joke. So it's a lawnmower joke? That was the joke, but that I didn't say the joke. It's just really rare when you really just get up into a lawnmower bit.

Like a lawnmower material. You could just segue into your 15 minutes of lawnmower bits. I have some funny lawnmower bits. I do have some funny. Can you go into them like your normal conversation? Hey, Ben. Man, lawnmowers. Right?

I mean, it's just weird because you ride them and then they're cutting all your grass. You imagine if you could just, you know, and the funny thing about it is the way it doesn't have a punchline. You just trail off. The punchline there is. So that's comedy. Nonetheless, I did not do that joke. So okay, continue.

Back to Neuber. John Deere. Yeah. So they went to Alex. Neutberg! They're going out there to practice Anarchy and Magic, so they're going out there to summon a spirit. Who erased my Skyrim game?

Who erased my fucking Skyrim game? Neutberg! Sorry. I'm sorry, Alistair. No, I love you. Oh, man. So they walked for two days straight in the Sahara Desert. Walked for two days straight, completely disoriented, and that's when Crowley thinks it's a good

idea to bring out the hash and the mescaline. Hell, yeah. Absolutely. It's a good idea. I'm sure you're going to hang out with this guy. I know. He's like a rich spoiled kid who has the greatest thoughts. Oh, man.

That's all you want to do is hang out with this guy. Except when it starts to turn to raping you. Sure, sure. Well, that's just one of the side effects of friendship. Well, the demon that they're wanting to summon is named Karanzon. And Karanzon, essentially to a cultist in the- He's the demon in charge of bad ice cream. Oh, I hate blueberry ice cream.

Oh, that's Karanzon. Okay. So Karanzon is a two, the writings of like John D. and Anakian magicians. Karanzon is essentially Satan. Cool. Like he is- Oh, you remember the name of the other demon you were talking about too that was like the sort of the prototype for-

Baphomet? Not Baphomet. The other, he's not, it's like Hall. It's like- Oh, Baal. Yeah, Baal. Yeah. So Karanzon is essentially created by Edward Kelly and John D. They said that they've,

you know- The image of Baphomet has been converted. That is just a symbol of balance. Yes, exactly. What's the original image? It's a balance. It's hands one arm up, one arm down. It's a symbol of balance.

He's got the goat head. Uh-huh. That's just because of, he's modeled after the reptilians with their horned head. Same thing with the Florida lease. It's why you see the Florida lease and all these symbols of British royalty and French royalty because that is an extrapolation of the original trihorned heads of our reptilian overlords. Uh-huh.

All right. Yeah, absolutely. So the point of Karanzon- I mean, it's just words at this point. The point of Karanzon, like what he does is that he is there to destroy the ego, which is a big thing that Crowley was all about, which I'll get more into that later. There's also about MKUltra, same exact thing. Same principle.

No, I'm not. That's not even right. Exactly the principle. Yeah. And it allows the person to move beyond the abyss and to become part, like become one with the universe and not use the word- Get in the goop. I.

Get in the goop. Absolutely. Get in the goop. I call it getting in the goop. Get in the goop. Hey guys, get in the goop. Goop's war. Yeah.

Goop's nice. So, the first words of the ritual is essentially opening the gates of hell. You're asking the gates of hell to open. Yeah. And how do you ask them? Mm-hmm. Do they have the words? I don't have the words.

You know that Al Sir Crowley also invented the term abracadabra? No, abracadabra is an old term. Well he used it in ritual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a definitely predate. Abracadabra, bitches. And so what he did, him and Neuberg, they drew a circle of protection. Of course, if you've seen any fucking occult movie, you've seen a circle of protection.

Circle of protections are made to be broken. Yeah, yeah. And also, Ashley Brook Roberts did their circle of protection against the Coyote demons. That's right. If you recall, our de-celebrity ghost. Too much weed. So he draws the circle of protection around Neuberg, but not around himself. Neuberg, you're going to be alright.

Don't even worry about this. I want the circle. I got the circle. Don't even worry about it. I got this handled, buddy. Yeah. This is not about, I'm cool. I want to be hurt.

You're going to be fine. Okay. And so after the ritual, or actually during the rituals, fucking Crowley becomes absolutely, he just gets horny as fuck. Sure, sure. Super fucking horny because the whole thing is him just fucking rubbing himself. Yeah. I mean, you know, but that's like a lot of it.

A lot of it's like, he does it because it makes him horny. He's tripping. He can fucking rub his dick on a cactus and he'll still be like, oh yeah, I bet someone in his cactus has got some snappin' puzzle for me to fuck. Crowley's the only man who could make a cactus come. That's for damn sure I've heard that. And so Crowley gets down on all fours and then forces Neuberg, not really forces him, but still has Neuberg.

Fuck him. Do me, Neuberg! Do me good! Do me for magic! Do me good! And fall into me. And this is how evil... He fails, shouldn't do me, yeah.

Yeah, I think that's the premise of that song. The commentator. That's pretty good. I would respect Dave Matthew so much if that was the premise of that song. Getting brutally butt-fucked by a fellow Satanist. How many times I made out with my high school girlfriend to this song and be like, you know this song's about two Satanists butt-fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell me more about it, Henry. But like, never talk to me again. I am... I am... I am... That's good. Oh, that's good. Well, this is how evil and fucked up and terrible Alistair Crowley is.

He destroyed Neuberg as a bottom. Okay. He did, he was not the one fucking Neuberg. He just... Neuberg was... Oh yeah, because he was fucking making it clap like Shakira. That's right. Neuberg went mad.

Went absolutely fucking insane after this. Sucked his balls up inside his asshole with some furious power bob. I'll never come again. Bam, bam, bam, bam. Yeah, you like it, you like it, you like it, you like it. I don't think so. And he's Neuberg shot in his own name. Nine!

Neuberg! What are you doing to yourself? You can't get out. He came his entire family ancestry into Crowley's asshole. One shot. Here has your colleagues. Do you have a cigarette? I have my better.

How you doing? Oh, yeah. He was all the way in the drain. He's like... He was just jibbering and all that. And he was like, you know you could have played with my balls a lot more. Yeah, yeah. I guess I gotta get a new Neuberg.

And so at this point, of course, he is completely abandoned Rose Kelly, his first wife, and they had- How do you go back after Noydberg? Yeah. After destroying someone with your own ass. Alice, dude, your butt looks different. Yeah, it is. I know, because my butt, my butt is my fucking boss.

That's right. No, I ended a man's life with his ass. Pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup, pup. And they had a daughter, but the daughter died at like two or three. Hell yeah. Died at typhoid. Yeah. You know, to be expected.

No love lost there. Also, I imagine he was pretty much, I mean, like, he probably barely saw the daughter in between all the fucking mescaline and power-bottoming he was doing. Yeah. You don't really matter. Not doing well. Get a little circle around that girl. Get a little circle.

Protect her a little bit. Come on, be a good dad. And so this is when he decides that he is going to create his own commune, his own place where he can do anything he wants, do the most wickedest shit after, you know, this is after- Because John Travolta hasn't been born yet. He can't use his proper power-bottoming for the power of good. Indeed.

Travolta was the only man that could have stopped Alistair Crowley. Yeah. I think John Travolta was the only man whose furious butt-pumping could have broken Alistair Crowley's amazing swirl technique. Yes, but how does the swirl technique go? What do you have to do with your antics? You make that noise. And you literally spin in a circle.

Oh, okay. You like, you stick, you guys stick to the stick. Right? You grip your legs. We grip it with your both, right? And then you, independent, you raise up your legs while your butt is just being suspended by holding, holding yourself up by his fucking hard dick. No, no, you use your own butt muscles to spin you rotisserie style on top of the guy's

dick. Like spin yourself slowly, faster, faster, faster, faster, faster, until he comes brain matter. Yeah. The English call it the Bobby. The Bobby, the old Boston Market technique. I like it. I think that's not super fun.

The Commonwealth Tornado. So they, Crowley marries another woman. Her name is Leah Herzig. And she is completely and totally devoted to him. She was quoted as saying, I will work for wickedness. I will kill my heart. I just need to meet these girls. That's right.

Well, you're going to have to get that butt muscle strength. And so they go and they, they go to well. All of his incredible power bottoming is lost on these women. That's right. And he starts in Italy. I could suck her own vagina up inside my ass. I wonder if he actually ever did that. God, how could a man making a woman come with his asshole?

Yeah, let's do it. Can I have my pussy back? I think you got a new murderfist sketch. So they, they moved to the Abbey of Thalima in Italy, where it was a bunch of people they did. I mean, nothing but hash opium and cocaine. They had a dog named Satan. They are the best name for it.

This is the fucking best. There are children. Was the town called Thalima? No, Thalima was the religion. That was the religion. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Although he was always reticent to call it a religion. It was more of a guideline. Yeah. We didn't like. Yeah. He didn't like the word. Power bottoming school. Yeah.

It's more of a thing I'd say to dude. So they're fucking my ass like really hard. And there were children there too. Like Crowley's child was there. They were allowed to wander anywhere. The dog, the child's name was dog. Interesting. And there was disease everywhere.

Oh, I imagine. So much disease. And I watched a guide, not really a guided tour, but it was a video tour of this guy. He was kind of an explorer, a Crowley historian. And he, the place still stands. It's for sale right now. Oh my God. It still stands.

Fuck. I almost never get the coolest shit in my life. Yeah. And it's still in much of the same condition because they Crowley had some location in this place. This is Italy. Italy. Yeah.

And there is something. I hate, I hate to mention anything words. I know that this is like a historical place, but there is some poo poo stains on like most of the flooring. And the whole place seems like possessed with like moving butts. So I don't know. I'm not really sure. There's all these butt shaped holes in the walls.

Weird. This is weird. This is not a place called the nightmare room. What happened there? In the nightmare room, he would have his disciples sit in stair at the paintings that he had done on the wall. Mostly pornographic paintings. Cool.

And let me tell you, they are fucking rad as shit. You saw them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're fucking, oh, they're so fucking cool. Man, that's awesome. And there are paintings of Satan and like children on the wall.

And here's, there's also some great graffiti. Check out this graffiti. Stab your demonic smile to my brain. Soak me in cognac and cocaine. Yes! Yes! I would have my fucking tube soap. Oh my God, we missed the fucking, we missed our time period.

That's when we should have been alive. We would be so good then. That's where we were supposed to be. We would be kicking ass. And then right, fucking ass and kicking ass. And then right below that, it just said, fuck Leah. His wife. Right?

Which I don't know if it was a negative thing or it was more just a demand. I think it was a command. Yeah. Fuck Leah. I don't want to fuck her. You know me because I like it when you guys fuck me all the time. Fuck Leah. Fuck Leah.

Do it. Yeah. And here is where he went a little bit too far. Oh, that's weird. It seems like, you know, when you break a man with your fucking sphincter muscles, like what is too far? This is where he went too far. It's what he went into his disco face.

Oh, he started like in bad music. Yeah. This is that part of him. And also like working into, before we get to how he went too far, working with his chorus on Ritual earlier, is that anyone who used the word I, he made them cut themselves. Cool. Every time they said it. Yeah.

Because this is all about community, right? Yeah. And like it's oneness with nature. Exactly. And this is the one. So we must go take a shit then. Interesting. And this is what got them kicked out of Italy by Mussolini, by the way.

It's funny to get kicked out of Italy if you realize the future holds Bunga Bunga Rooms. That's right. Bunga Bunga Rooms. And you would think Mussolini would have liked him, but I think Mussolini looked into the eyes of Alistair Crowley, saw a similar evil, and could not deal with such competition. Yeah. Well, this is the rumor that started to get him kicked out. There was an actual incident that got him completely kicked out.

This was the thing that first started his cock into his ass. That's what really turned him into a tyrant. He spilled red wine all over Italy. Horrible stains. He took his wife, he got a goat, he made the goat fuck his wife, and at the time of orgasm cut the goat's throat. Cool. I actually don't hate that.

I thought it was going to hate it more. On the time of the goat's orgasm, or the wife's orgasm. All he knows is that we've already seen, we talked about the case for the guy. So his wife came to the goat. Yeah. The good thing is that we already have seen in modern times the guy volunteered to have his penis cut off, cooked, and eaten. That is much worse just having a goat fuck something.

Yeah. Sure. That's normal, almost. This is what got him caught, though. This is what... Always too far. Not the goat. The goat is not what got him caught.

What got caught is there was this guy... He put it on the primitive YouTube, which is just having people acted out theatrically at the time of Square. There was a man named Ralph Lundy, who came there with his fucking Ralph. Yeah. Always a Ralph. Came there with his wife. And he died after drinking cat blood.

Oh, well, he did it wrong. And so his wife left the commune, went straight to the press. And this is when Crowley got the moniker, the wickedest man in the world. Oh, one day. One day they'll call me the wickedest man in the world. You'll get it. Then after that, Crowley abandoned Leah, she became a prostitute. Others...

I mean, after you fuck a goat, there's really nowhere else to go. Most everyone else in the commune... Because it's all anybody wants to talk about. Sure. Yeah, she's like, I've done one big commercial. Every single time, he was like, oh, Mayor Dennis Levotta Kruller, you know? If you fuck a goat... Yeah.

Do you smell like old spice? That's interesting. You know, I was in an old spice commercial. Oh, that's really interesting. I had my wife get fucked by a goat. Hey! Leah, go fuck her! That's an old joke, but a great one.

Do you think that made her prices go up as a prostitute? Or do you think that prices go down? She definitely had that sort of that recognizability factor. Sure. Yeah. And the goat fucker, right? She's a goat fucker. Suck your dick for a thousand dollars.

All right, goat fucker. And so after this, this is when Crowley started to go completely downhill. He became a... I just feel like all of these things... I don't know when he wasn't going downhill, and I don't know when he wasn't the wickedest person in the world. I just think now he was just kind of sad. Yeah. Each one thinks he's got a little bit more fun.

He lost his smile. Yeah, he got addicted to heroin, and then... It's always heroin, and heroin's so stupid. Yeah, it's the worst. And then there was a court case... Henry's good message, anti-drug message for the day, kids. Don't be like Aleister Crowley. Lay off the smack.

And then he tried to sue a writer for libel in order to get some money because he was broke, the writer described him as a black magician. And then the same fucking woman who ratted him out in Italy brought evidence against him, saying that, like, yes, he did call himself a black magician. Crowley lost it, went bankrupt. But after the trial, a woman named Deidre McKellen. She approached him, said that she adored him. They married.

They did a magical son ritual. They had a child. His name, Aleister Ataruk. That's amazing. And then in his diaries, you can read, that is when Crowley knew love for the very first time. Oh, that's so nice. But the kid did not really agree.

He changed his name to Randall Gare and died in a car accident in 2002. That's fine. But Aleister Crowley... That's a regular fucking sleepless Seattle moment. His whole life goes into all of a sudden, he's Tom Hanks with the McGryan right next to him. And at the end, he did not repent as a sinner, but he did repent as saying, like, my life was a waste. He was like, I, you know, I have ended with nothing.

So wrong. I have been, you know, I have, you know, everything that I've done has been stupid. What are you talking about? He was the world's best power bottom before Freddie Mercury. Right. And he's got a mate. Freddie Mercury pales in conspiracy. And right before he died, you know how they knew he knew the end was near?

He power bottomed the Empire State Building. He wrote in his diary, quote, weak erection. Isn't that sad? That is, God, what a miserable end. That is just the saddest thing in the world. We'll get into more Aleister Crowley at a later date. We'll do it in the future. We're going to do a dramatic order of Golden Dawn, especially now.

I want to start relating some magic rituals. If you live in an NYC area, we're going to get together and start doing them together. We're going to meet Baphomet. It's going to be awesome. We'll get by some pizzas. The pizzas might be a draw. The pizza is the biggest draw. I like pizza.

All right. That's Marcus Parks. Hi. Ben. Hello. Hi, I'm Gene. Hi, I'm me. That's Enri Zabrowski.

I am Aleister Crowley's grandson. What you are? I will bottom to the stars. Oh my God. Can we see your anus? Oh yes, I have power button ball. He's just took in the entire room right inside of his butt. We're recording right now with the thought of Aleister Crowley's grandson's asshole.

It smells better than the actual room we usually record it. All right. Magustalation. Glacier goos-tillations!