Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 584: Creepypasta XX - The Big One

Episode Date: August 3, 2024

Are you hungry? There's some spooky spaghetti in the fridge... let's heat it up! This week the boys sit back down for the annual Creepypasta! Creepypasta XX - the twentieth in the series and the first for Ed Larson! So sit back and light up a hog's leg for six tales of internet terror that are sure to delight and leave you in fright! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes and get exclusive access to bonus content.

Who's Travis Kelce gonna date next? Don't know! Oh, Ariana Grande wants to meet Jeffrey Dahmer's parents? That's inappropriate! You're gonna hear about a lot of that stuff on page 7, hosted by Jackie Zabrowski, MJ Neffel, and Holden McNeely. And you're gonna love it, because you're gonna hear all about celebrity gossip, and you get lots of different blind item tips in there and you're gonna hear a lot of

Holden talking about his life Yeah, you gotta check it out I think if you go and you listen to this podcast you're gonna learn a lot about how Ariana Grande like sitting on Spongebob's lap Why though why though doesn't have a lap weird-looking man, huh? You can listen to stories about Ariana Grande you listen to stories about Tom Brady, he's mad about the roast. Let's do it on page 7. It's got my sister Jackie Zabrowski, she's like me but more Hillary Clinton like. MJ Neville and Holden McNeilly. Check it out on Last Podcast Network where all podcasts can be found on your phone.

where all podcasts can be found on your phone. There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left. That's when the cannibalism started. All right, guys, my sweet boys, Let's give it to them. Let's give it to them. Let's give it to them the best thing they've ever experienced. This is the best- this is gonna be the best episode that these guys have ever- Who's these guys?

Are fucking- these fucking evil dogs. Called our listeners. The evil fucking crooked dogs called our listeners They're gonna eat this up. Yeah, I know I'm off mic right now So we know for a fact we're gonna slap at this out and those motherfucks are gonna just get so horny for it They're gonna have sex with their own parents listening to our goddamn episode I know that you were telling me that the listeners come in their own mouths and eat it because they're wise And I'm just glad that I said that not the none of this is on my because they seem so nice to me

No, they're cruel dogs looking for slop and come My career I'm keeping it in. Oh my career. I'm Marcus Parks. I'm here with broken career Henry Zabrowski. Hey man, every single time I break it down, I just rebuild stronger. And that's the key. And nice man, Ed Larson. Yes, I like you people. I don't think you're...

And by you people, I mean you fucks But I don't really think you're a bunch of classless dogs, I think that you're Dogs who can read with manners that's nice, and I think that's nice up today It's time to keep the tradition Like we always have mm-hmm because we're leaving town for three weeks Yep, and we need an episode to do before we left yes Yeah, and that honestly part of the tradition yep yep, and then what's nice though It's because it but there's a reason for this one. Yeah, there's a reason because we've done creepypasta

Episodes many times over the years. I think what number is this? We've done creepypasta episodes many times over the years. I think what number is this? Number fucking 20. Wow, that's crazy. And on this auspicious anniversary, it is very very nice to have Ed Larson join us for the first time. It's it's it's it. I was reading a bunch of creepypastas and I think something that creepypasta authors have never heard is second draft. I love that Eddie has immediately understood. You just get it man right off the bat. You kind of completely understand what our struggle is. Mein Kampf with creepypasta. I actually used to try to like write second drafts for them before I started reading it. I was like, no, no, no, it loses a little bit of the charm if you like inject like the slightest hint of professionalism into it.

Oh yeah, so there'll be some misplaced words that I'm just probably going to leave in there. Well Eddie's also, I think I'm really proud of him because you worked on your reading. I did. I cut my phonics out, my phonics workbooks out. He worked on your reading. I did I cut my phonics out my phonics workbooks out But have you ever been frightened by something you've read Eddie that's not the news no You've never been you've never read a horror book never read a funny. I haven't read a book I mean, it's it's rare. I saw you read a thick menu once I mean, it's it's rare. I saw you read a thick menu once. Yeah. I'll read a book a year. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, like but what's the book last time? It was the Don Rickles autobiography. Wow. Yeah. Yeah It's usually autobiographies by comedians You've never been scared by anything literary no, it's a book your scary book is the pipe I've honestly I will say some of the most frightening things I've ever encountered were books yeah and that things have actually frightened me yeah and it's you know stuff like Richard Matheson House of Blue Leaves there's a couple of books that really have like there's if you're really engrossed and you're really in the center of a story You can get very freaked out. Yeah, I think my biggest problem with reading books is like halfway through

I just I'm reading but I'm thinking of something completely different. Yes We read the page and I just get mad at myself because I wasn't paying attention to this waste of my own time I feel like there's a lot of your own personal struggles getting there your own comp I can hand you some comic books some Junji Ito I think would kill would freak you out would freak you the fuck out Yeah, yeah, cuz that's like a cartoon to me and like a cartoon can't freak me out. It should watch just watch it Just read some Junji Ito and we'll see no cartoons ever freaked you out I mean, maybe when I was a kid the last unicorn and the secret of Nim kind of fucked with me

you know what I think I always think about is in the Twilight Zone movie the cartoon that the the Faceless persons watching but no but you remember like when she does the thing it cuts over to the older sister Who he the mental kid the kid that you can control things with his mind in the final Story and it cuts and reveals that she has the no mouth, but she's watching this like weird old-timey final story yes Weird cartoon. Yeah, it's like I love those Oh, I love fake cartoons and horror movies was that fake or is that just an old like text everything? I don't know

It could have been I think it was but well, we'll never know no And I won't research it Henry. You want to get the you want to get the audience all prepared guys. It's creepy pasta Now I don't drink as much as I used to that's for certain all right. I like cold hard reality Looking into the mirror. I'm gonna be frightened take a look at the mirror take a look at your watch Look back at the mirror look at your watch. Oh my god is two years past Happened so fast isn't that frightening look at the news. Oh my god the sphere Look at the news. Oh my god the sphere Fish man, there's a fucking live at the sphere concert all around me, bro

Fucking spheres out there, dude. How can we sleep? The spheres alive, right? Mm-hmm for today's episode Let's leave all these esoteric things out that frighten us away things like the sphere another bit large venues I mean just the just the price of admission alone tell me about it and then a merch and then the drinks But There's other scary things besides that like poverty rampant obesity Very frightening things that you really have to think about rampant obesity

so big So before you get too scared What you like to do is I don't drink as much but what I have been getting really into is sweet fucking It's called cold water hash. Yeah, and like delicious do this Lebanese hash been getting into weed lately This delay is different dude comes in balls and powders dude And what you do is you put that ball and powder what I make is a little parfait So each night when I sit and it's how I get myself good and proper to be with my family Little base of weed throw some indica in there

hybrid cold water hash layer hybrid cold water hash layer Scrape the key from the bottom of my indica grinder I have an indica and a sativa grinder separate that success. I add the indica The hybrid hash right let that settle push it down with my little spoon Then I put another pile of loose leaf Indica nature hybrid if you got it another scoop Hybrid hash right you put that on there the most boring thing of ever No, I'm not there

There dude that are doing this it's called a crooked parfait all right you fucking I got my fucking I got a piece of string. I like, I used to string the fucking hemp wire smoking tampons to fucking light it dude. Because if not, you're getting the butane in your dick. It's why we're coming plastic. Got to use the fucking hand from the beauty. Yeah dude. It is man. You got to fucking use hemp. Honestly. That's great though. Dressed in hemp. Look at Marcus. He's half hemp. The more plastic in my comb, the less condoms I have to buy. I know it's like already in there. Yeah, it's already inside. All right.

So why don't you take that and you spark that and just let that sweet sweet herbaceous Alice in Wonderland fucking scenario take over your horseshit dude Forget about your job fuck your kids not don't I said I never said have sex with your to hell with your kid To hell with your kids needs. Yeah, sure okay, right? Punch your son in the face. No, listen, I want you to smoke a bowl I'd show your son how it doesn't make you fucking weak and that you just got after you've beaten him You can then explain it's only because I was so scared of this recent episode of creepy pasta number 20 on last podcast on the left

What a what an intro almost as good as the stories we're gonna read almost You've never even done one of these before and you already understand Because like I like creepybasta, but it ain't necessarily getting better, but we're gonna do our best aren't we Marcus? We're gonna make it super scary. Stopped writing creepypastas like seven years ago No, dude, they're just the ones that are left are no sleep. I mean they're getting made into fucking movies Yeah, and TV shows these days. Who was the one like there was like Daniel the one that was like a guy had the Daniel character He was I was from line or it was a guy that told a ghost story on Twitter And then he made a whole fucking movie about it, and it sucked. No, I got on fine He made a whole fucking movie about it, and it sucked. No I got on fine

I've no comment Marcus. Well add this first story is Dedicated to you. Thank you mark currently you're wearing your Florida's biggest baby t-shirt. That's right. That's right It's me yeah, 14 pounds 13.5 ounces available by any chance You were turning into Jackie the joke man Martling with selling your own merch. You need a one 800 number. You can just like listen to me snore. Yeah. To listen to Julie to ask you to clean the bathroom. This story is called being the big one. Ooh, very good. Perfect. Submitted by Nico. I like to source all my creepy pastas before like pre 2020. I like to go back to like find websites from 2017, 2015, gold, made to the weirdos. Cause one,

the key of old school creepy bosses that you could almost believe that it was real, like the old days of the internet. That's why it was super creepy. We all thought Blair Witch was real. Yeah, I mean I knew it wasn't but at the time I wanted it to be real. Yes When I went and saw that movie in the theater right when they were trying to when the witch came Lightning hit the theater and all the power went out. We had to leave that's fine I got a rain check, but it was scary. It sounds scary Being the big one So you got a little brother, huh? Oh boy

Boy Don't I ever know how that can be let me guess Is you always getting in your stuff? Yeah, don't I know it? Man, what's an old southern man? Wriglin' his way in all your piles Messin' up the order Next thing you know You got all your juices

Runnin' out of their holders And you can't have that And he's Lemme just take another guess here Tell me if I'm wrong What? He's always askin asking if he can borrow your tubes. The good ones you really worked on. Your good tubes. He's got his own tubes.

But of course he needs yours to do his slurping. He can't possibly be bothered to slurp with his own perfectly good tube mercy. Been there before. There's beasts in the vent. He says, how about this one? There's beasts in the vent, he says. And you go in the vent and you check out all these beasts there's no beasts it was just another sneak looking for old chunks feel like

I'm stuck on the VIP meet-and-greet line for Molly Hatchet and he wants you to choke the sneak you don't got to choke the sneak that ain't necessary just wrap him up in a rag and roll him down the hill he knows not to come back don't gotta choke the sneak, that ain't necessary. Just wrap him up in a rag and roll him down the hill. He knows not to come back, don't gotta be cruel. And of course you gotta use your own rag from your own pile. Gotta wring the juices out of it. Gotta go to all the trouble of putting on your old dry arms. Yeah.

So you don't get the nice ones all covered in juices. Is this long legs? He could have used his own rag, but he wants you to do it. Talk about my little brother. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it's all about though I suppose. Being the big one. Gotta be there for him.

Gotta help him clean his... Gotta help him... his... Gotta help him... I'm turning autistic. Gotta help him clean his pegs. Change his brain at night. Make sure he's been keeping his muscles wet. Somebody's gotta teach him so he knows how to do it when he expands

Listen to me go on and on What's this old fool talking about? I can't speak for you Your shapes all different anyway Probably goes different on your hill different anyway Probably goes different on your hill Tubes and rags tubes and rags and pegs and brains Fun creepypasta because I like it when they don't try to get too into To Mark Twain category because they always will do a lot of creepypastas

We'll try to have some ironic twist. Oh, yeah, that's the big thing is the ironic twist at the end, but that's my favorite Style yeah my favorite is just like in weird unsettling Yeah, exactly, and that's why we started with being the big one Now this one bar tubes bar. Hey, man. Those are my brother's tubes That's my brother's tubes here we go now this was contributed by a dipolo Cleared it out that was actually in this script. It was that won't be necessary. It's the name of the story. Oh A few weeks ago my wife and I took a vacation to Florida We decided to drive due to the price of airplane tickets around the holiday season

On our way south we passed through Tennessee as well as a large portion of Georgia On our way south, we passed through Tennessee as well as a large portion of Georgia. Unfortunately there was a large accident that occurred on the turnpike. So we decided to take a short detour and then get back onto the turnpike after we passed all the traffic. Let me describe the amount of cars I drove past. It's important. Please do. There was a blue car and a Mazda

And a Toyota then what and a Nissan and a dog? And after that and then a VW bug and then a Pontiac and then there was a Tesla See my wife and I grew fond of the roads that we drove on love seeing cars and naming them I grew fond of the roads that we drove on. Love seeing cars and naming them. There was so much to see, and the landscape was so much different than what we were used to seeing in old Kentucky. So we decided to drive on them for a while longer until we found somewhere in which we could stay the night.

That was already 10pm and driving at night in an unfamiliar place did not appeal to me. As we continued down a long main road, we found a small motel and we decided we would stay there for the night. Is there a big motel? No, specifically half height. Motel eights are larger than motel sixes. Yes. Yes. A two larger. Now we got to our room, unpacked what we needed for the night of McGann to watch some TV and slowly fall asleep.

It was diners driving some dives, and he was driving a Camaro, and the chef was driving a Hyundai. Around 3 a.m. We both awoke to an eerie distant siren. After a half an hour of listening to it, I decided I'd go find out what it was. I love sirens you guys I said Everyone knows that everybody knows that about me I love a siren because it just means a car singing if a firetruck goes by Henry runs out of the studio starts barking This is his character not handling but I do do the give me the toot. Yeah, you put your arm Starts barking Give me the toot yeah, put your arm Through the toot toot to them and guess what man they give it to you

Whether you're fucking big titted girl or not. They like it. They oh they like it. Yeah breaks it the monotony From the hotel this very small motel half height a few men stood smoking cigarettes, so I decided to ask them. One of the men explained that there was a prison a few miles west of where we were staying, and that there must have been an attempted breakout. He also explained that the prison is maximum security and that the escapee was most likely shot or caught. And with the assurance that we were not in danger I explained to my wife the situation we both got some well-needed shut-eye. Sounds like you're in danger. No things are cool because I knew if I see two different Camrys things gonna be alright. Now we started early

around 7 a.m. we wanted to get to our hotel the big hotel In time to have a nice dinner and hang out for a while. Yeah sex We drove to the south streets for South Side streets for a while We noticed a sign that said turnpike entrance five miles. We were both relieved. We were fine ladies Ha in insurance. We knew that we were close to the highway I turned on some soft rock and my wife punting her earbuds and began listening to a different radio station because we are incompatible We do not love each other anymore, but I was sitting there rocking to the back in the High life again. I love Steven and cars

And as we continued I could see a strange man standing on the side of the road just a few hundred feet away. You should pick him up. Oh you bet. With my hands. It seemed as if you were a hitchhiker and being the kind Samaritan that I am I offered him a ride. No. That would be great. Yeah. He replied to me and we began heading south. This is despite the very clear warning that he had just received earlier. No, no, no, no, no, we were safe Entirely safe. What was he wearing? He was wearing the striped suit. I thought it was amazing. I thought it was like oh you're some kind of professional candy man or something

And I asked him where do you need me to take you? I asked him respectfully Anywhere but here he muttered in a low voice. I don't know what he was talking about. I Agreed to take him where we need he needed to go when we were off. He said any place not the prison So you need me to call me again anyone for you or something. It won't be any trouble I asked him he said that won't be necessary after he said I agreed The man was very muscular Super muscular. Yeah, when he had these crazy wacky looking exes tattooed all over him crazy exes

Like mr. Zaz. Crazy exes, I think I saw somewhere in that my favorite funny movie that's even private riot all those exes Funny movie that's even private riot all those exes Why he lives in tennis, that's why he's asking so I was asking for a ride to Tennessee You wore an old white t-shirt ripped a pair of jeans. They were covered in mud They seemed like mud was some kind of white mud his hair was very messy and he had a patchy beard But what was most strange about him was the fact that he wore no shoes? Hmm now I noticed I needed to get gas before I got onto the turnpike So I mean it was a full five miles So I offered to drop the man off at the nearest gas station

But he denied my requests and pleaded for me to take him into Florida I agreed and began filling my tank with gas no question that And then again a walk into the restroom located on the side of the gas station My wife was extraordinarily quiet so he started to talk to her. But instead she began to type something on her phone. I watched in wonder. She typed a text. It was a few sentences long.

And when she finished, she slowly turned the phone so that I could see it. Her text read, We need to leave. I heard on the radio that a man escaped and he fits the man's perfect personality and description perfectly She wrote this in the text wasn't he in the bathroom? No, the guy was the bad guy was in the bathroom I was filling up the gas because even serial killers got a shit

Mm-hmm, so I put $30 in the fuel pump not even taking my time to go inside and pay I got situated And I turned the car on and I began to put the car in drive And I began to dial nine one Strange wave of heat touched my left ear, and I heard a whisper that won't be necessary That's it That's the story did he like so did he also like soft rock the hot the hitchhiker

Extremely angry with my choice of music which is why he put a gun in my mouth And then he made my wife suck my penis at gunpoint And then he made my wife suck my penis at gunpoint and then he shot her in the head and it made me suck His penis at gunpoint and then we got married See I thought it would have been a different fella the cops would have come and just killed him by accident Could be there's a lot of different ways that this story could have ended Yeah, well or the water or as soon as he or as soon as he got out of the car, the wife could have said, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I'll tell you later.

No, he did. He got situated. And he slowly got his keys out. Like little jangle, jangle, jangle. And he slowly turned, and he slowly pulled out his phone. What was the last car you think he saw? God damn it, if it wasn't a Miata Guess it's time to die

What's what is your first story my first story is called trust your doctors by mr Monk rat but the thing is also remember do trust your doctors, but get a second opinion. Oh for sure for sure well Dr. Victor Harlan was a renowned surgeon in the quiet town of Redbrook His reputation for unparalleled skill was matched only by his mysterious demeanor Dr. Harlan was a man of few words, but his medical successes spoke for him I feel like you're big mentally handicapped son. Yes. Like you're reading me like I'm gonna be like, I'm just sitting here going like, yeah,

more story, I'll kill you. More story, I'll choke you, daddy. One day you'll go to sleep. And the townsfolk, they admired him. Redbrook had always been a peaceful place, but recently, patients admitted for minor surgeries often left with more than they bargained for. An unusual number of amputations were being performed, always justified by Dr. Harlan with a grim diagnosis or an unexpected complication.

Yeah, he she has unneeded feet disorder. Yeah, no one dared to question the doctor's decisions. After all, he was the expert. Linda, a young nurse new to the hospital, was the first to suspect that something was amiss. She noticed discrepancies in the patient's charts and the frequency of the amputations. every Linda's a pain in the ass His shit was fine up to this point what's your mother's name? Oh God But my mom would have covered for him You know better and so handsome so handsome he's single But she noticed discrepancies in the patient's charts in the frequency of the amputations

First it was a finger on a foot then a hand and a leg each surgery a week or so apart She finally decided to investigate it more when she found a hastily scribbled list on Dr. Harlan's desk for various body parts circled and checked off. Left, check, check. Right, hmm, looking for a right. Well she thought, is he selling body parts? Or doing some weird experiments? You're wrong, Linda. Linda, that's where I hate you.

Well, unable to shake her growing speculation that Dr. Harlan was involved in the uptick in amputations, Linda decided to- He definitely was involved. He's was involved in the uptick in amputations, Linda decided to- He definitely was involved. He's the one doing the fucking surgeries. Yes. So he has to be involved because they're not just happening spontaneously. I didn't write the story. Yeah, I do say it. It didn't happen. Of course, he's the surgeon. Where else would they go? That's where the amputations are happening. Continue. So she decided to look into the matter further. That's where the appetitions are happening. Continue.

So she decided to look into the matter further. One night she snuck into the hospital after hours, her heart pounding with every step. The hospital's eerie silence was broken only by the distant hum of machinery. She made her way to Dr. Harlan's office where she found a key to his storage room in his desk. Keyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy y that's not a key there and jars and preservatives. Clink clink clink clink clink clink. On the back wall of the room was a large industrial freezer. Oh. Her hands trembling, Linda opened it, revealing a grisly sight. Severed limbs, carefully wrapped in plastic,

labeled with the names of the former owners. Wrapped in plastic. Why is he labeling them? Why does it matter who they belong to? Was it their names? She looked at the labels closer flank round sirloin God gasp and are they're labeled with butcher cuts

Linda stumbled back vomit rising in the back of her throat. The room seemed to spin as the horror of her discovery sank in. She turned to flee, but her path was blocked by Dr. Harlan, his silhouette framed by the doorway. Hungry? Going somewhere, is Linda? He asked. His voice as cold as the freezer behind her.

Linda tried to scream, but her fear paralyzed her. Dr. Harlan stepped closer, the faintest hint of a smile curling as he licked his lips. Curiosity can be dangerous, he said. Desperate, Linda lunged for the door, but dr. Harlan was too quick He grabbed her in a chokehold and muffled her screams with a chloroform rag You should have minded your own business She should have me with Linda's fault. I blame Linda. Oh wait. I'm sorry You should have minded your own business. He whispered. Oh, yeah, you told me to mind my business and you tell it everybody else's business

She passed out when Linda awoke She was strapped to an operating table unable to move the sterile smell of the room overwhelmed her senses Dr. Harlan stood over her his eyes alight with a chilling sadistic glee. In a low, comforting tone, Dr. Harland spoke. Don't worry, Linda. You'll be okay. I want to thank you for completing my list. I...I...

What you need? Where was I? I can't feel my legs! She said in a panic. Don't worry, Linda. I can feel your legs. HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's so fucking stupid. Dr. Harlan... ...lifted her dismembered leg up for her to see.

Wing wing! He's like, oh hello! Hello! I get a call on my foot cell phone! I'm a doctor, not a comedian! He stroked her leg with the back of his hand. It looks like bone-in ham steaks are on the menu tonight! Mwahaha! End of story one.

Thank you very much. Turn tape over. Man they really just don't get better I love it. There's been so many I will say there's many in this realm of We'd you cook book Has been stolen by from the Twilight Zone funnel funnel enough for forever most try yes and most creepy pastas are Whether they know it or not it is all Twilight Zone episode and I know people are like why if you're constantly Criticizing these creepy pastas. Why are you doing an entire episode? nay If you're constantly criticizing these creepypastas, why are you doing an entire episode nay,

20 episodes dedicated to creepypastas? It's cause we're fucking, we are locked in. Well we love them. And these creepypastas are a part of our life now. And I view it like taxes. These creepypastas must be processed and they must move through society. It must continue to go

Yeah, I mean you do have some like Ed's that are very much like a it's a cookbook Yeah, it's a cookbook, but I like I like the strange ones. We do really badly written like birth child submitted by Hisham Hisham There is a clip on the web somewhere I saw it only once I

Don't know if it's real or fake these days you never know what twisted stuff people will record Shock videos they call them. That's what they call. I've heard there's shock videos on the internet anyway, I don't remember its name. I've tried searching various terms and now my search history looks like that of a sex offender. Is this you or the story? Story. Ha ha ha ha. He hasn't made up the story yet.

I don't remember downloading it or which video streaming site I saw it on. I don't even remember the circumstances surrounding its viewing. Whether somebody linked me to a shock video. Then why say it? Or something I miss-clicked. Or whatever. Ooh, that word looks like miss-licked. It does.

But it's miss-clicked. No, miss-licked is when you accidentally lick your grandfather. Oh. Hahahaha. And nothing worse. I thought that was the blowjob princess. Yeah, it's different. It depends on how far your grandfather comes inside of your mouth.

My name's Miss Licked. She died in WW2. Don't bring up Miss Licked again, alright? Jerry's turned everyone into a lamp. I'm no longer sure that ever existed this video, but the memory is so very vivid. It's a clip of childbirth. There is no sound. The picture quality is bad. The mother-in-law is in the stirrups and the camera is pointing right at her.

Right down the pipe! Right at her, you know, where the camera... The hole! It's pointing down there. The holes! Both! Being filled. Yes. The forceps. One is already filled and the other soon to be vacated.

They focus on the forceps. You know, the things that look like spatulas Yeah, click-clack click-clang clink clink clink clink clink that's what that this way made the noise Oh, yeah, the salad spits. He inserts them very slowly Into both sides. Oh He slowly Gently eases the baby out just a little at a time. I'm just so full of baby

out just a little at a time. I'm just so full of baby. Just pull it out. I'm so cramp packed full of baby. You can't get this baby out of here. Come on, why don't you pull that shit out. I want a colorful child. Come on. Touch my clit.

Out comes an angry, red, squalling head, then a shoulder. The baby seems to be smeared with what looks like petroleum jelly. You're well aware of what petroleum jelly appears to be like. Specifically a man who's covered in it. It's Vaseline. I hate petroleum jelly. And I've been covered in petroleum jelly because it's not real jelly He works out one arm

then the other Hey, I don't Hey, what's going on? Nice to be here. Thanks for having me. Thanks, doctor Go fuck yourself It's so hot in there Thanks for getting it out on me. Thanks for pulling it out. Not yet out. Then the torso is worked out. I thought it would be easier after that but no no he Slowly, one at a time. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Then, everything's out. Everything! It's smeared all over with that viscous jelly. It's a boy! The baby is lifted out of view, with the cord still attached. The cord is slowly, carefully pulled out. So this is the video he's describing.

This is the video he's describing. The doctor actually sticks his fingers into the birth canal. Yeah, there it is. To ease it out. It's right here, yes, right here. This is where the birth canal is. It's the hole at the bottom.

Not the brown the pink Then he sticks his whole hand in sister sister To take out the placenta he inserts his arm Fairly deep but very gently. Don't worry. Let me just yeah, there's just a little bit more in there Let me get a little bit more. Nothing Gentle about putting your whole hand in a woman He removes the placenta carefully nice as to avoid tearing it He carefully turns over the placenta to show us the side that was attached to the uterine wall

This is how you sex a placenta. So far this is just birth. Yep. There is just the most horrifying thing of all. There is a whitish curd The video's resolution is bad. So I'm not sure but it looks like there are two round glossy black dots like beady eyes and the vague outline of something with legs and feelers and curled up like a shrimp? But I'm not sure. What?

Could be just patterns in the placenta. In my mind imagining things, there are surprisingly- Shrimps in the placenta? There are surprisingly- Shrimps in the placenta? There are surprisingly little blood. Very little for childbirth. Now the next part. I did not imagine. I know this for definite. It's the part that sticks out in my mind. The reason why this clip has stuck with me all this time.

Sir, we're just trying to change the oil on your Subaru. If you could just kind of wrap up this little tale of yours, we're all enjoying it. Now as he lifts away the placenta, someone jostles the camera. And the last thing we see before the clip ends is some guy in the room wearing medical scrubs bent over and

vomiting into a bin No, biggie Probably some medical students in childbirth for the first time no biggie except He's puking in reverse the vomit He's puking in reverse The baby is put back into the woman. Yeah So very carefully puts the placenta. Yeah, so he's watching in reverse. He's watching in reverse Yeah, but actually it's kind of interesting in a way that it sounds like he's helping that woman

Mm-hmm, and if he gently was putting the baby back up inside of her then actually makes sense that his arm wasn't so deep Yeah, maybe actually the doctor in many ways was doing a good job making room He was getting it done and taking care of the baby and taking care of the woman. I actually think weirdly That's not a horror story at all. The story of a successful obstetric, is that a term? Obstetrician? Yeah. Right? Yeah. I think so. So why was the baby red? I guess it wasn't done cooking. Wasn't done cooking. That's why to go back in her or maybe it, I mean, there are plot holes. There's so many plot,

there are many plot holes in this story. I would refer to the movie Junior. If I want to know about birth, that's the movie I learned the most about birth. That and look who's talking. Look who's talking. Yeah. Cause I showed the cum. Showed the cums.

Showed the sperms going through the canal. That's the first time I ever saw that. I'll always remember that. Me too. In the theater. I was like, mom, what's that? And she told me right in front of everybody. Oh yeah, no, my parents just left that a book. Yeah. A little book that said how babies are made.

And then they knew how curious I was. My parents left it to my 14 and 15 year old brothers to explain it to me. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. First thing you gotta do, Mark, is you gotta mash your tits and then you gotta fuck that ass. Most babies come from the ass, and you gotta fuck it, got a master tits and then you got a fuck that ass Most babies come from the ass Do it you think it shit it's a baby

Thank you now, hope your brother's described the miracle I got it mom! I got it! You don't got to worry about me no more. Here's another one. Here's another one about the precious beginnings of life. Oh! Oh nice. It's nice. It's called the Babydoll by Unknown. Whoa. Much like Sufi. Who's Sufi? He's the writer actually so they do know. You're supposed to...oh okay. So it's not unknown?

Well you know what I mean. Anything that's unknown, okay, so it's not unknown. Well, you know, I mean anything that's unknown I Would compare it to okay, baby doll In rural southern, Illinois a toy company began selling realistic baby dolls to expectant mothers Surprisingly cheap. Yeah, I bought a bunch for good put and they are like honestly It's really nice because they're only like 30 to 35 bucks a pop which I think is probably good because it's like can you imagine just like upselling a lady who just had a miscarriage. You could spend a lot of money on those things though. You could be like hey I know I just lost your baby but don't you want a platinum tier

reborn baby? You know like this one goes goo goo gaga and can say I miss you in heaven. I bet there are some expensive ones., we actually had it I think an entire roundtable episode where we got really deep in a reborn, baby I feel like the price is coming right. I think that inflation has finally ended in the reborn baby world Yeah, leveled up the market leveled. I think the market leveled off because I think mostly people were really mad again It's like when they sell you a titanium casket. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's you know Wow Yeah, they can go up. They can go up to $3,000 What the living fuck does a $3,000 reborn baby do?

If it talks it better fucking do my Alan babies. Don't look at that thing Whoa, that is realistic as hell Silicone reborn high quality extra soft we should put that on the credit card We could do morality pranks with it That's what I've always wanted to do you leave a baby at the train station you film far away You see how people react you leave a train like like on the edge of a bridge And you see how people react you leave it on top of a car while you're driving out of a bridge and you see how people react you leave it on top of a car While you're driving out of a parking lot and you see how people react. Is that legal? Yeah

Yeah, scaring people isn't Lee isn't illegal. Yeah, this is still America. Oh god. Look at this one a high-end child size We have completely de-raised That baby is literally dressed like a Man from Charlotte and finance There is no reason a baby needs to have a thermal vest and nike's it's just like this I mean that is real looking. Yeah, but no baby is that well dressed Some babies are good. Well trust that this baby No babies are that well dressed this baby looks insane What baby have you met that's dressed for fucking corporate zoom?

Which baby have you met? Try not to meet babies you love children with mustard In rural southern, Illinois toy company began selling quote-unquote realistic baby dolls to expectant mothers. But apparently after the mother had her child, the toy baby would start crying. Eventually the rocking motion advertised to calm it down wouldn't work, and you couldn't get it to stop without shanking it. Eventually when it started crying, the parent would have to beat it, and the beatings and

thrashings would have to get harder and harder to get it to be quiet. And the only thing that seemed to shut the baby doll up permanently was to bash its head against the wall to destroy whatever mechanism was triggering the crime. Okay. On more than one occasion though, neighbors called the authorities to report child abuse. When the police arrived, they found the bloody remains of infants smeared across the walls and on the floor. In most cases, the mother couldn't understand why the police were there.

She just got rid of the stupid doll as she rocked a baby-shaped bundle in her arms. Oh, so she killed a bunch of babies. Yeah, I got really distracted by checking out more reborn dolls on that piece. Yeah, these are way scarier. The reborn dolls are way scarier. These are way scarier. The Reborn dolls are way scarier. That one's eyes are too big. It is JD Vans eyes. It is $4,000 though. $4,000? $4,000 and 239 5 star reviews.

What does it do? The saddest person in the world giving each one of these Reborn babies, like trying them out? They trying them out to see if I feel like, Oh, I don't feel like killing my husband anymore. 239 reviews. Yeah. 239 people not only bought it, but loved it. Loved it. So least 239. My question is, I love things on that by an Etsy all the time and I don't leave reviews. Never leave reviews. If you have a $4,000 replacement fetus, right, that you're carrying around all day, eventually when it doesn't grow, like, do you sell this back?

Is there a resale market for this, like flight club for shoes? Do they depreciate? But the thing is, they don't grow. So you're just stuck with an infant forever. We're going to get so many emails. Sidestore is LPOTL at gml.com. I know that they are used to help mourning women. And I'm not saying women who like to get up early. I like night, oh. Damn it.

I beat you. I beat you, you fuck. But I know that it's to make them feel better, but it does seem in many ways like it's extremely haunting. I feel like it's something to guarantee that you're going to go crazy. Because I remember I've told the story many times when I used to temp one time. I remember I was at this empty cubicle and they all came in like, oh, it's so good to have somebody new here. And I was like, oh, you know, I'm working whatever, just temporary or temporarily.

And they're like, the lady you used to live here was a little, you used to be in this cubicle, it was a little strange. And I was just like, well, what do you mean? She's like, well, one time we came and we noticed this lady had all of these wonderful pictures of her daughter dressed in all these little outfits all over the inside of her cubicle,

like this little baby daughter, look, it was asleep. And they said, oh, you know, like eventually someone asked her be like oh your daughter How old is she now and she says well? She died in stillbirth she died at birth these pictures were all the pictures We took with her corpse immediately after so I can have these special memories of her So they took the dead baby which I know the whole thing and they dressed it up in a dress and they did makeup on it and they took a picture of it and um, it's just rough at the

office. Yeah. Like I just feel like it's a lot. It's a rough cubicle to walk by. Yeah. It's just fired. Like that's like, no, you can't. Oh no, unfortunately that's a promotion.

That's like, Oh, you just got promoted out of this office lady. And there's a lot of what's called preloved reborn babies on eBay. Oh, preloved. That's what they're called. Preloved. Yeah. You, a couple of people say use. Can you say adopt? I would say at this point, if you're buying a $4,000 reborn baby, that's an adoption. Oh no, these aren't the fourth. These are going for like one 50. Yeah. Yeah. They all got crayon on them and shit. No, because there's no kids. No, but they, I mean you get the crayons. You try to put it in the tandem stuff, you know, you try to teach it how to draw and they're like, Oh, nothing's happening. I know it's morbid. You know, the old expression, you shake a baby more than once you're just playing with it. I prefer my baby stirred.

Well, if you're lucky enough to Have a baby that grows up to be a child This story would be for them, right? Don't try talking to the Disney World mascots at closing time by JRT McMannan. Oh full name Will JRT isn't a name really jerk Jerk. Oh yeah, you're right. Jerk. I think I was picked up by Jerk on my way to the movie theater the other day. My father was a jerk. I'm a jerk farmer.

I'm a jerk farmer. Bad crop this year. Bad crop a jerk. Too wit. Too wit for sale. Alright. I've always wondered who was behind the costumes. I was unfortunate enough to find out when I took my son on his first trip to Disney World. Being a single father isn't easy. I work as hard as I can to provide for my child, but I need to

make enough free time to be there for him. It's a rough balance that I and many others struggle to maintain. It's so rare that I get a chance to spend the entire day with my boy, or that I get a break from the stress so when the opportunity arises, I try my best to make it a reality. I believe you're a father right now. I really do, and I do feel like this author was really mad about being forced to pay to go to Disney World at some point. I think he imagines his wife is dead,

but she's just gone. It's easier that way. So when my son David happened to come across a contest that boasted the chance to win a family package to Disney World, I set my sights on making it happen. His glee, while he filled in the necessary information, was almost enough to make my heart melt on its own. I wasn't naive. Things like that don't happen to us. After losing her, I learned that you can't count on things to work out for you.

After David submitted his form... Why is it funny? It's just wildly sad. It's just wildly sad. And then there's the idea that you gotta try to win the contest at Disney. And he's all excited about it. And if you don't win, then you're not going, you know? Which is even worse than not going in a way.

Because it's like you got the shot. And then you could also be like, things like that just don't happen for us. So... You remember your mother's leukemia. Get ready. It's going to be a lot like that. Expect a second help into that. After David submitted his form, I started to scour my work schedule for an opening I could take and still be

there to provide Earlier mornings got earlier and my workload increased tenfold, but it would all be worth it. That's what I thought anyway The contest ran for a month and a half to give people time to send in their entries and me time to save up for two tickets I Stayed up on a night. I had free and printed a mock-up letter saying that David had won the contest, stuffed it inside a white envelope and placed it ever so gently inside our rusty mailbox. This guy fucking bitches too much.

This guy's fucking sad as hell. Then all I had to do was wait for him to come home. When I tell you this boy's whole world lit up like a Fourth of July when he opened that letter, man, I hope I never forget his smile. Thought he was gonna damn near rip his cheek open grinning that hard. Too happy! We set a date. One where I could get three days off of work that I needed even though the trip was still a few weeks away David was all packed and ready to go the night he received the letter why do this whole charade with the fucking cost contest why do all this they could just take your son just took the appreciative that you did the ticket. This is why I hate Santa Claus. Yeah. Yes

I bought the gifts. Yes. I think Santa Claus should bring other shit. Yeah. Yeah like fucking money. Yeah He told me about how jealous his friends were not even questioned Why the family pack only consisted of two tickets fucking idiot what the fuck? Yeah, I mean, yeah, what an idiot a lot of red flags here more on I can't speak for all parents, but Disney World was miserable Yeah, it was far too hot and within a few minutes of walking around and the unrelenting sun I could feel my sweat clinging to my clothing David yeah hates all this he hates it. Yeah, such a fucking he's got see such a the word is scutch Yeah, but the thing is David wanted to see every bit of the park that he could yeah, it's Disney World

Yeah, he would have spent hundreds of dollars to go see you better see all of it Mm-hmm, he would run up to every mascot. I could tell he was getting flustered with the ones that couldn't talk back. I Could tell it was gonna be a problem. I I could tell it was gonna be a problem. I Love my boy, but he isn't great at letting things go, you know, and I guess most children are like that but Park was so loud. My feet started to hurt as we stood unreal amounts of time Why do we even go I wasn't there for me though.

I was there to spend time with David and watch him immerse himself in all of his favorite movies. We're just listening to a transcript of someone's therapy session. Yeah, this is what this feels like. Still though, despite me trying to explain the mascot's silence, he continued to protest.

I would have to walk up and pull him away from the silent animals They're people in costumes one time David reached forward and grabbed onto goofy's hand the expression on David's face dropped and he walked back to me His hand felt weird He said to me. Yes, it should it city. It's actually a 47 year old Mexican man in there. I Looked up a goofy. I didn't care They could be as animated as they want as they wanted but unmoving faces always gave me the creeps the way they could just stare forever

We didn't engage with many after David got creeped out and I couldn't really get an explanation out of him. We still had far too many things to see anyway. We couldn't be stopping to talk to each and every make-believe character. David's mood slowly returned as we feasted on a monstrously expensive meal and went on for a few more rides. Jesus Christ, this is an opportunity to complain. We sat together as the sun had long passed since the horizon and watched the fireworks leap into the air. The brilliant spectacle of colors and booms filled the park and despite all of my complaints, there with my boy, it truly was the happiest place on Earth.

Oh, okay. It would have been picture perfect if it wasn't for all the mascots that stood around us. With every glow of the various colors, their features were outlined and they'd fade into the dark. Are we fucking- are we in a novel right now? Are we in the fucking, what's a section? It was eerie. And I was glad David hadn't gotten scared. Once the grand finale sent a seemingly endless stream of fireworks cascading into the sky, filling it with sparkling nights, I noticed the mascots had left. Then the fireworks ceased and our only lights

were the sparse place lamps around the park and a bit more time of walking around until it was time for us to leave. David said he needed to use the bathroom so we started our search and the crowd was flowing like a river towards the exits. I was bumped on my shoulder and I turned to face a man who gave me a quick apologetic glance and that was all it took for David's hand to slip loose from mine. Looking back I noticed I was alone, my head frantically

swiveled searching through the crowd. My voice raised above the surrounding chatter as best I could calling his name and when I didn't hear a reply I started pushing against the crowd. My voice raised above the surrounding chatter as best I could, calling his name, and when I didn't hear a reply I started pushing against the tide. My exhausted body brushed up against an ocean of others, and I tried to find a clearing, hoping the herd would thin out. My breath and my heart started to race in tandem as seconds felt like an eternity. Getting back to the pack, I could hear the distant and timid, hello, hello, hello, swimming under the conversations around me.

David, it was David. I looked around like a madman, and once a few people were surrounding me, I could see that under one of the lights was none other than Mickey Mouse Whoa, that's the hard one to get course. I thought of course David would want to say goodbye to Mickey if he saw it sure seriously though honestly This guy's the dumb shit by the way he did and Mickey's the dumbest fucking one

Mickey's the most dumb shit waste of a character in the entire fucking lexicon of Disney characters. He's the boss Yeah, that's the problem. Who likes the boss some ducks the best Donald Duck is the best. I like goofy He's wrong. Yeah, he is great comedian With all the with the crowd dissipated I quickly jogged to the oversized rodent, noticed that David had a small collection of tears under his eyes. I promptly asked him what was wrong, and he said that Mickey won't say goodbye to him. Scared, man.

The last thing I wanted was for David's final memory of the park to be a negative one. All he wanted was a goodbye. He's had a great time. I stood up straight and looked at the mouse and his saucer sized black pupils and back at my son who was wiping his cheeks. Slowly I stepped forward and leaned in towards the mouse ear and I did the my best to keep a whisper my son couldn't hear. Hey you know you know I know you're not supposed to but hey even if it's the worst depression just just say goodbye. There was a moment of silence.

And when I didn't receive a response, I started to pull away from Mickey. Daddy. David chimed in and when I turned to my head, I noticed that Goofy had closed in on us. The fuck? Looking back to Mickey in the dark, and when I stared into his pupils,

it seemed like the dark they were made it was swirling. That's cool, cool, that's fine. I told David that we should just get going but he wanted to say goodbye and grab Mickey's hand and then Mickey grabbed back. Be a father, take your child out of the god damn scenario. The grip must have been strong as David immediately started to struggle against and screamed for me.

What the hell? I shouted towards the rat. I reached out to grab Mickey's arm and when my hands made contact I understood David's previous statement. Weird. Was the only word I could come up with too. Wewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewew. Wewewewew. Superwewewew. Whatever was under the costume was much skinnier than a person should be. The mask I grabbed onto felt like it was constantly shifting around under my hands. It's a teenager. I wanted to leave the park but I also wanted to give my son fond memories of it. I didn't want things to get physical, you know? Yeah, it's a Disney world.

What do you mean I didn't want things to get physical? Who says that before they go to Disney World? Things get physical you know yeah it's a Disney world what do you mean I didn't want things to get physical who says that before they go to Disney world things get physical but I don't want to I don't prepare myself like all right guys we're about to go into the fucking pit is it a really good fight in like dick in Mickey's toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot-toot- I turned to look at David, but instead of being able to focus on calming him down, I noticed Goofy was walking closer to us. The illumination above the cast completely on the front of Goofy and the costume fabric was writhing. Like hundreds of fingers were underneath the costume, all pressing the inside of it. That was enough! I'd just buy the kids some damn ice cream on the way home.

I'm getting out of here! Let go of him or I'm gonna hit you I warned I Was tired but thing under my hands didn't feel like it had any muscle to speak of Yet it continued its dead gaze into my eyes They have to be very thin to get in the thick costumes David's cries echoing in my head I reel back and threw a punch toward the cartoon's head. I thought it'd come completely off, but it was just hanging off of its shoulder, held together by a thin black string, a string that was moving around to pull the head back into place. Mickey's grip loosened and David was able to wriggle free, but me, I could feel two

light brown arms wrapping around me. RUN TO THE EXIT, DAVID! I exclaimed as I wrestled against the dog trying to hold me into place. What is happening? That's enough. A sweet voice, commanded in a response as goofy, pulled away from me. I adjusted my gaze to the female voice that saved me Sorry

Nighttime is feeding time. She spoke Nighttime's a feeding time. I was beside myself as I looked into the face of Sleeping Beauty The actor stood under the lamp across it. He said actor not actress and that is progressive. Wow. Lamp across the path and with her hands clasped together, Mickey and Goofy stepped away from us. Mickey, now with his head back on his shoulder, stepped into the shadow. Sleeping Beauty walked forwards with an unwavering smile.

We have to take care of our young, don't we? She spoke, looking at David, but clearly addressing me. But he's killing her father! What's your name, little guy? David looked back at me, back to Sleeping Beauty. David, he whispered. Oh, sorry. David, he whispered, I'm sorry, David, he whispered. Sleeping Beauty lowered herself to David's eye level and gave him a nice toothy smile.

Goodbye, David. She spoke soft and kind with one of her hands reaching out to hold David's hand. And good night. Raising back to meet my stare. She continued almost inhumane smile You don't want to get that off of you She pointed at my arm there was what I first thought to be a strand of hair resting on my bare arm What I thought was hair then spread out and seemed to multiply until it was a scraggly clump of thick strands reaching around.

I felt a small prick as a number of the strands seemed to try and wriggle their way into my pores. Quickly I raised the other hand and grabbed the mass and I pried it from my arm and the strands continued to brace onto my skin. With enough effort the tendrils were snapped and I chucked the mass into the ground before it could latch onto my hand. The clump moved across the tiled road until it found Sleeping Beauty who bent over and let it rest on her gloved hands. She nodded and with that I grabbed David's hand and once more pulled him towards the exit. His tears were gone and all that was left was a satisfied grin.

Well, I offered one more look back as we got to the exit. They were all there, each mascot. We've come across the day stood in the dark watching us leave. Our drive home was long. Quick for David though, he passed out in the passenger seat clutching one of his souvenirs We purchased so expensive Evil Shape-shifting Disney characters. Why are we so upset about the merch?

I tried to get the images out of my head on the ride home each strand of the hair in the car Sending me into a mild panic until the wind pouring from the windows whisked away. I think what was most disturbing to me, even as horrific as the fur mascots were, being held together by whatever the hell was inside there, was Sleeping Beauty. Her calm and collected attitude and most unnerving, when she flashed that toothy grin at my son, the light above us perfectly bounced off of those pearly whites and the black strands that were poking out of the small gaps in her teeth.

David has never brought it up, despite me asking if there was anything he wanted to talk about and he only reminisces about the positive experiences of that day. I'm not sure if we'll ever go back, but if we do, we'll be sure to leave before closing time. Why would you go back? All he did was complain! He hated the entire trip! No, no, he didn't. He complained the entire time, but he knows that Disneyland is filled with supernatural creatures that feed upon children at night. Yeah, and he's not calling anybody. He's even counting.

He literally left. You could fill out a common card. And it's not like that they left it, that they start feeding it like 2am. It was as the crowd was leaving, the park wasn't even closed yet. They didn't give a shot. Yeah. It's, you know, it's not the best story. Ha ha ha ha ha! God help us. Yeah, it's you know, it's not the best

The episodes I will say The creepy pastas might not be as impressive as they used to be but I think we're just as impressive as ever I mean, I think being the big one was pretty good. I think being the big one's pretty good. Yeah. Yours again, it needs an edit. We need an edit. It just needs an edit. I really, like, I should have taken, it could have been half as long.

You don't know, no, I sometimes do. This is a little, again, you wanna hear some BTS? Yeah. Sometimes, when I'm going through the story, I just edit it as I go. If I've read the story already, I just go through because I'd say more than half of what I just read was unnecessary It doesn't teach you though about writing cuz it's all about information delivered. Mm-hmm. Why do we need this these statements, right? like

in the end Him winning the contest to go to Disney had nothing to do with the rest of the story. If it had come back in some way, that would make sense. That's what I meant. I was expecting the whole time. Like the contest was like, you won being eaten. Yeah. You just made that now. You literally just made the story good Well, it's just I just followed like a literary that you know, the Chekhov's gun it comes back. Yeah, it comes back That's to me. That's my one lesson to the creepypasta people

But normally we had people this is because we took these these are mostly from strangers that contributed We normally do our listen to pasta which we will do again in October Oh for side stories where we will do Contributed stories cuz I love getting our listeners Self-written stories cuz they do great shit. They do we very very talented people that listen to the show Yeah, and they can do it these were not listeners. No These were strangers. These are strangers. I'm sorry. I meant these weren't fucks these weren't dirty Evil dogs. Thank you for reminding me, but we want to just take a little moment

Thank you the listener because without you Where would we be? Just fucking sucking her own dicks and I'll did a prison. Mm-hmm. Probably pissing her seat earlier. Yes Out of affection and love but we wanted to let you know is that yes This is a little bit of a stop in between Because we are going to Australia for three weeks now We are so I'm gonna give you a couple of a bit of messaging things here, right? Which is number one we got we're off for last stream on the left for two weeks. Yes

We're gonna come back before we go in our summer break, which you guys are gonna see so that'll be good Yes, we're gonna come back before we go in our summer break, which you guys are gonna see so that'll be good Nothing will be interrupted about your precious podcast feed. We're gonna be doing podcasts in Australia. We have a honestly I'm really excited. We got a studio booked. We're doing something all spooky Australia, which we've never really done before Because normally we do true crime when we travel. Yeah, and so this is the first time I'm really excited about doing Paranormal in a country that's kind of weird about it Because in Australia like they have a whole thing like America you kind of find certain things out as you go around It's like America itself is actually very obsessed with the paranormal and it's not so much everywhere else But because of that when you scratch the surface of something like this,

like I have these two books called Haunted Australia that is all of this shit that I've never heard before, and actually kind of interesting new poltergeist activity, stuff that I haven't really, I'm really excited to get into. That'll be the next couple weeks. I heard Bas Lerman's mother's a ghost. Yes, time to do that. And then we are doing Side Stories from the the road and that's all while we are performing

live for you in Australia. And we're going to be there. We are going to post it. We're going to show you when we're in town. Coming out to the shows. Last podcast on the left dot com by the shows in Australia. We are. I can't wait to go.

Yeah. I mean, once this episode comes out, we're going to be on a plane on a plane to New Zealand, to Auckland Yes, so we cannot wait. Thank you guys and We're gonna fucking I can't we're gonna do it gonna be rock gonna do it We'll see y'all in Australia y'all and New Zealand hell Satan. Goodbye you dirty little dogs Go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left comm to pay to watch us talk But a tick tock and Instagram for social bullshit at LP on the left comm to pay to watch us talk but a tick-tock and Instagram for social bullshit and LP on

The left it's not hurting everybody Nah, then go to Last podcast on the left. I come buy tickets for our live shows. It's gonna be fun. Yeah Again, you dingos. Oh, that's actually the most dangerous animal in Australia Yes, and you can go to Eddie tunes comm to get your Florida's biggest baby t-shirts. Yes. Hail Goofy, the greatest comedian of all time. Goofy is, yes, I just think Donald Duck is a more funny persona. That's what I like about him. I'm just saying that Goofy never played Hitler. No. And Donald Duck did and he killed him. And that's good for you. But I will say,

it was satire. Did you know that Goofy did Mengele though? Yeah. Very good. Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to LastPodcastNetwork.com.