Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death

Episode Date: February 8, 2025

Yarrrr, This week the boys pick back up with the surviving passengers of the shipwrecked Batavia, stranded on a reef in the Abrolhos Islands, off the Western coast of Australia - where Jeronimus Cornelisz's bloody reign of terror had only just begun... Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

There's no place to escape to this is the last on the left That's when the cannibalism started So for today's episode we're gonna be talking about obviously some of the worst see Based crimes since what happened to ariel who the littlest mermaid But from the last I saw she wasn't so little to me, you know, I'm saying okay So you're gonna start this whole thing with talking about how attractive you think the little mermaid is I'm just saying It just kind of went there. I didn't mean to be there.

I'm a flounder man myself. Oh, I know. You love, he loves a bottom feeder. Put your eyes on one side. Let me slide underneath. Slither on top of my body, you little yellow and blue fuck. This is what I didn't want to do this time. Yeah, I actually wanted to make the announcement that I'm taking the payout from the CIA. I am leaving the show.

Yes, but thankfully I was obviously CIA gave me the payout. I took it. I was gonna go. Obviously CIA gave me the payout. I took it. I was gonna go Thankfully last second right before the I mean this in the second before we were gonna record I was walking out you guys are trying to stop me. I just got the contract in from the NSA I'm locked in for another ten years Yeah, all right great perfect into all of our listeners out keep fighting the good fight, you motherfuckers out there and the horrible landscape that we find ourselves in at this very moment. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry. Hey. NSA Zebrowski. And I'll, let me just

tell you, we're listening. We're just, we're holding space for the American people. Don't the people of the NSA have to shut up? Yeah, that's kind of... If you make so much noise you make people think they can't be heard. Yes. Man asking the logical questions here, Ed Larson. Hello. Yes, and I believed God now because I have to legally apparently You know what's really funny about this story is that it's really gonna stress that yeah Yeah, gonna see a lot of parallels in this story

But before we get back into the tale of the Batavia we'd like to clear something up that confused us back in episode one. If you'll remember, before Upper Merchant Pelsart was put in charge of the Batavia, he had accidentally contributed to the death of a noblewoman in India when she drank a bottle of clove oil in his room just before they had sex. And we had no idea why Pelsart would have a bottle of clove oil present, but a helpful listener filled us in Remember that Pelsart was a horny little devil. Yes, and apparently clove oil has been used for centuries as a sexual lubricant, okay Particularly for anal sex. That's why you use the term that the listener filled us in That's why you used the term that the listener filled us in

Unintentional pun, but I like it. I'm packed jammed with information in my ass Sailors love anal sex historically. Well clove oil is slippery and it's a natural analgesic Am I pronouncing that right and all analogous like analgesic? I don't fucking know. I don't know but that means analgesic analgesic. I don't fucking know. I don't know. But that means that it numbs whatever tissue it comes in contact with. These properties make it among the best anal lubes around. And in fact, clove oil is still used in anal lubrication products today. The preferred brand for many being Swiss Navy or so I've been told. And you know how much the Swiss love holes. That's the Dutch. Well, did Swiss, but you said cheese. Oh, I was thinking about sticking fingers in the dikes. Yeah. I was thinking about ass sex. I was thinking about fucking ass and mouth. Yeah. I do think what's also nice about clover oil is after you're done

doing it, right. And you fucking you ram or jam Right either the the little cabin boy or the noble woman there one. Yeah, right right afterwards. She smells like Christmas Cuz pine trees they don't really use that much no no no bad lubricant use that much. No, no, no. That's a bad lubricant. If you're using a pine cone, you are not in charge. So we got that out of the way. Let's return to the Batavia. Yay. So finally some good news. When we last left the doomed ship, it had been shipwrecked for four days on a reef

50 miles off the western coast of Australia. Once the Batavia was deemed a loss, the survivors took refuge on a chain of mostly barren islands called Houtman's Abrolos. Chiefly, the Batavia had rammed into the reef at full speed because its captain, Arianna Jacobs, had become wrapped up in a mutiny plot with VOC undermerchant, Euronymous Cornelis. He had therefore missed the ever-important turn north to the West Indies island of Java, where the VOC had set up its corporate colonial capital. He's doing the LA thing, where they say like north, south, east, west, right, for on the thing, and that doesn't make any sense to anyone.

In my mind, it's left. It's like, he making that left. Yeah, but left is north! I know, but I say left left cuz that's how I understand it I don't understand north you don't understand north. I actually was brought this up actually my wife also doesn't understand directions I go now I want to talk about this really quick right before you go into this I just want to ask this just straight up I know we're beginning this at the very beginning of the episode and this is really fucking dragging us, right? But is the North Pole the top of the earth or does that not

matter in that question what do you mean does not not matter it's north top bottom yeah why what else would it be top it's just south doesn't rotate that. What do you mean the earth rotates around this way? Doesn't it kind of go back and forth it's that I mean kind of sort of but it still rotates the same way What if sun's upside down? Fucking things derailed immediately The key way is upside down. Oh my god, this whole fucking thing's derailed immediately. You're not allowed to lead a ship. I'm not.

Yeah, you're gonna be fucking buttin' us right. You put us into the reef of a fucking North Pole conversation. I'm a chef, alright? I would be the boat chef. I would be the boat main prostitute. To the women. In order for the men that are infertile and looking to impregnate a woman on the boat Well, so the men pay you to fuck their wives. Yes. I'm a cum donor by cash The cucker. Thank you. Well back to the Batavia

After upper merchant Francisco Pelsart spent four days searching for fresh water to no avail in Addition to directing the retrieval of as much VOC loot as could be recovered, he decided, as the man in charge of the expedition, that the VOC's best interest would be served if he left to get help in Java on the Batavia's best lifeboat. And so, on June 8th, 1628, upper merchant Pelsart took the ship's best sailors and a handful of the Batavia's paying customers and pushed off with 48 people all told. Now this is the last we're going to hear of Pelsart today. Yep on this episode.

Because so he goes to look for water and we don't know if he's going to come back. Yeah he goes and he's but he's also going to try and go to Java and see what happens up there. Absolutely. There was however still the issue of the brewing mutiny which Pelsart had sussed out after the mutineers Pathetic attempt to get him to punish the entire crew by attacking his crush with a bucket of feces and tar while wearing disguises But I liked her But now she got dookie on her

But I think that when it shows Pelsart's real love for her in the end Is that does it because he left her on the island to die? But he did wipe the poo poo off of her and he still looked at her and said you got a napkin doesn't mean you love somebody Refreshing that he wiped the Duke off her and said you know what you're still cute And I think that's one of the bravest things that a captain can say not cute enough to take the Java No, she's just he didn't want her to people to fight over on the boat Yeah, well, but so he left her with all the rapacious fucking sailors and semen. I think he was like we'll figure this out later But while there had been anywhere between eight and 18 men involved in the mutiny before the shipwreck the only two mutineers

Pelsar had positively pegged were Captain Ariana Jacobs and the Boatswain and yes We're now well aware that the word boatswain is generally pronounced Boson I however am of the opinion that pronouncing it boson robs the word of its magic because I love saying boatswain It's a better word both ways are much better words than Boson. Yeah than boson It's just what the word is how it's pronounced That's how I'll boats Wayne. It's because it's British and they're difficult on purpose. That's how it's generally pronounced It can also be pronounced boats Wayne So I suppose I'll just have to endure the chuckles of all our semen out there

Yes, because for me it'll always be boats Wayne because you know how big we are amongst sailors always be boatswain. Because you know how big we are amongst sailors. Very big amongst the sailing community. Lots of sailors listen, lots of men, lots of admirals. We have a ton of listeners in the Navy. It's true. A ton. So I'm sorry Navy people, but yeah, I'm going to have to go with boatswain. Well it came from a lot of people watch that show below deck. Yeah. And we don't. Nope. So that's not a reality TV show that we have ever touched. And the boating on that one apparently got cancelled. I see. Yeah. so not everyone that's not a reality TV show that we have ever touched and the boasts in on that one Apparently got canceled. I see. Yeah, so I guess that's how they all know the word boasts Also, if you're in the Navy, just let me know if you need me to send you some clove oil

But since Pelsart knew the captain and the boatswain were a part of the mutiny plot, he decided to keep his enemies close and ordered them to join him on the rescue mission to Java. With their mutineers still scattered, the captain and the boatswain had no choice but to comply and face whatever fate awaited them at the VOC colonial capital. Upper merchant Pelsart told everyone before leaving that he would try as hard as he could to find a source of fresh water and replenish the island supplies before ultimately making his way to Java 2000 miles north. This gave survivors a tiny bit of

hope that they weren't being abandoned completely, because the water was already gone when Pelsart left and there was no small number of people stranded on this barren strip of dirt. The survivors left behind were a motley crew of 270 people, a mix of hard-bitten seamen and soldiers, tradesmen like the carpenters and the ship surgeon, paying passengers both male and female, the children of those passengers, lots of cabin boys, and a number of VOC officers like Uronimus Cornelis. Can those paying customers get a refund? I would hope so, but I would imagine knowing the VOC,

they probably signed a document before they left saying that shipwreck would not result in a refund. Yeah, like a release. I bet you there was a from some form of agreement Yeah Now we said at the end of the last episode that Euronymous Cornelius was left in charge after upper merchant Pelsart left the islands But that's not entirely accurate in the sense that Pelsart explicitly gave

Euronymous the authority to give orders to the survivors. In fact, Euronymous wasn't even the most senior VOC officer left behind. Pelsart had also abandoned his personal clerk and the Batavius provost. A provost, in case you didn't know, that's the guy that's like he's sort of the security chief in charge of keeping the sailors in line. He's not high ranking, but that's like he's sort of the security chief in charge of keeping the sailors in line he's not high ranking but he's definitely he's not above the boatswain but kind of right below the boatswain okay but he's like he's a cop yeah he's the ad yeah yeah yeah he's uh for all the military people he's basically an mp okay great yeah But that being said, Euronymous was given authority over what little supplies were left. So while he didn't start with explicit control, he was given the means

to consolidate power and manipulate survivors. It would, however, take Euronymous a few days to realize just how big of an opportunity this really was. Cause also they had no idea how long Pelsart was going to be gone. No he left they thought maybe, you know, for a second maybe we'll find water right over there. Maybe there's Australia, maybe it's right there. Like they've talked about they knew that there were places that there were people living out here that maybe we can find one. And for 2000 miles after you've already traveled from fucking Netherlands, like it's really

not that far. So Java's actually kind of gettable. Like they are like, it's really, really close. And so Euronomish knows just a little bit that if Pelsart comes back, he's also going to come back with a whole army of dudes as well. Yeah. Also it's like this, you know, he's also probably gonna die on this trip. It's a rowboat 2,000 miles But your onus also knows that Palsart took all of the best sailors. So he's got the best minds possible to get him to Java alive Now as far as the environment on which these survivors were suddenly stuck,

the description given puts one in the mind of a particularly unpleasant version of purgatory. The average rainfall on the Houtman-Abrolo Island chain was four inches a month, but there were few places for water to pool. That's what I give my wife. Continue. Sorry, I needed to say it, alright? I'm sorry. As such, most of the islands were mostly dry and lifeless, barren strips of coral rubble with no hills, no trees, and no caves. Besides a few bushes here and there, these islands were little more than pieces of dirt nestled in a maze of coral that threatened to destroy any boat that dared sail through and on top of that there were winds that could reach up to 80 miles an hour constantly blowing it's also kind of crazy because it's really

just mounds of dirt in the middle of vast unconquerable ocean yeah so it must be very frightening as a group of 270 people just standing on the very top of the ocean It's like looking around being like oh It's gonna be my birthday next week like what do you do also the corals just jagged as fuck Yeah, rough. It's like very healthy back that now corals fucked Yeah, now corals bleached worse than John Stamos's asshole really funny really funny any But also I think that this shows our attack on the coral is not wrong. Yeah, and I think partially yes

This is you know, these corals need to mind their place. Yeah, and then many corals out there listen to mind their place. Yeah. And if any corals out there listen, you can go fuck yourself with you trying to get in the way of commerce. Okay. Oh, here's one more quart oil. Yeah. Motherfuckers, you see what happens when you get in the way of commerce.

Yeah, buddy. I'm coming down there with a fucking, I'm gonna take an old school hairspray cans and fill a bunch of crabs mouths with it. Yeah. I'm just fucking got a hairdryer just blow in the water Yeah, yeah fart all day. Yeah, fuck your ass coral. Yeah, I'll set myself on fire to make an extra $5 great idea Yeah, but I do I do love you coral And if you haven't seen a coral reef yet, you should go because it's all gonna die in the next five years Yes, quite. It's all it them. It's gone very soon. Now while there was little vegetation, the animal life on the islands was actually plentiful or at least it was when the survivors of the Batavia arrived.

Thousands of seabirds and hundreds of seals populated these islands, but there certainly weren't enough to sustain 270 people for the months they expected to be there. Furthermore, the birds introduced a hazard because thousands of birds produce hundreds of pounds of guano, which slicked up every surface and likely splattered the survivors with bird shit on a near constant basis. Hell yeah. I don't know what it is. Perhaps worst of all though were the noises the birds made. One of the species who made their home on Houtman's Abrolos was the Mutton Bird, notorious

for having a call that sounds like what I'd imagine one might hear while being haunted by the ghost of a colicky infant Never ending Constant never ending Sounds like JD Vance on his couch The couch is going oh get off me Without clove oil yeah It's called having you know River had sex with a dolphin it's better than having sex with a Yeah, tuna because of the tight seal. Hey! Not just before.

Arrgh! You're going to want to get to... Arrgh! We're going to wake up my wife. Alright, you're working me hard, right? You're jangling my rings! Just before leaving Hotman's Abrolos, upper merchant Pelsart had placed 180 survivors on the island that soon came to be known as Batavia's Graveyard, and the breakdown of the island's

population was bad news for a large number of those people. In the beginning, almost half of the population on Batavia's Graveyard was as thus. 20 men who had worked as VOC Petty Officers, Coopers, Carpenters, and Smiths, 21 women, and 40 children. That of course included the numerous cabin boys, teenagers mostly. But the tragedy in the population of Batavia's graveyard lay in the other half, the 100 seamen and soldiers. These men, with few notable exceptions, were violent, rapacious, amoral, and soon to be very thirsty, very hungry, and worst of all, very bored.

Yar, I'm bored. You know what they say, if you're boring, then you're a boring person. Yar, I've heard that before We're kind of really fucked out here Yeah, I'm bored you ever see your notice if you look at a boy long enough it becomes a full-grown woman I played that game before That's why I want to kill it so bad What it was that I was feeling you know know. And then I was looking at it, and I got a little smell of my favorite spice. Oversaved, I found my connect four game. Yeah, yeah!

I lost one of the pieces. Let's cut off one of the boy's nipples. I'm like honestly though, why didn't they like, I don't know, make checkers out of rocks or something? They had time. Dude, it's just, there's something about total freedom. Yeah. And unmoored from all societal bounds.

Now without the might of their company behind them, the VOC petty officers had no real authority over the soldiers and sailors on Batavia's graveyard. So they fell back on protocol to see if they could keep the rougher members of the crew had no real authority over the soldiers and sailors on Batavia's graveyard, so they fell back on protocol to see if they could keep the rougher members of the crew from surrendering to their basest instincts immediately. As was VOC custom, the officers formed a council with the ship surgeon at its head, because the surgeon was well-liked by everyone on board. But the council was then filled with other men of status like the

provost, Pelsart's clerk, and the minister who was traveling to Java with his family. To represent the soldiers, the council allowed just one man, a corporal, I speak with the same voice as every single one of them. Yeah, you heard me. You have heard the rest. Putting together committees, however, didn't solve the problem of water. Most of the fresh water that Captain Jacobs had salvaged from the shipwreck was gone by the fourth day and ten people died from dehydration soon after. 260. Just keep that counter going. I know. We really do need a counter. and 10 people died from dehydration soon after. 260!

Just keep that counter going! I know, we really do need a counter. We're like a stamp every time someone dies, you know, like on the side of a wagon. You know, like back in the day whenever they slaughter somebody, they stamp it on the side. Oh yeah, well it's gonna get, the number of people on the island is gonna get very important. Yes. Well while they were dying of thirst, some drank their urine, others unadvisedly drink sea water. And it's very likely we've seen this happen many a time on our shipwreck series that they drank the blood from the seabirds and the adorable sea lions that were all wiped out within days

of humans being introduced into their environment. What month is it again? June. Oh, well, you're not supposed to drink sea lion blood in a month that doesn't have an R in it. Did you know that? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so basically from September to April you you could drink sea lion blood otherwise it spoils too much. It can't it's bad it's out of season. Yeah oh wait no this is in the southern hemisphere right? Yeah it does change things do change. Oh so they were probably fine. I don't know why. I guess they're just weak. They really might be very weak. Also kind of is a big rundown of just how humanity as we spread across the continents what we did to every single animal and plant life that we encountered where they talk about how in Australia when we first arrived Australia there used to be 10 to 12 foot wombats that were so big and fat and delicious and so innocent.

They had no idea what the fuck it was that we were there for. And then we ate the living fuck out of them out of existence. And like those seals probably were like, cause they're fine. And then all of a sudden you got this pink guy shows up and you're like, first you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

He's having a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he's killing for like a barrel. I found this barrel. But you didn't know you invited Hitler into your sea town. And you didn't know that there was going to be a culling of you and your kind. That's the same thing that happened with the dodo.

They say that the dodo was famously dumb. The dodo was not famously dumb. The dodo was just very friendly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you would just walk right up to him. You're like, I'm delicious. Put your fucking head off. And they would marinate it in kisses. Oh, yeah, dude. Just fucking do shit they like bite a chunk out of its ass and

throw the rest of it away just going like there's so many of them who gives a fucking chance. Honestly though I would give anything to eat dodo meat. That's one of my big dreams. Yeah. Well soon enough the problem of freshwater was solved when storms rolled in. The survivors used sail cloth to catch the rainwater and subsequently caught enough with each rainfall to at least save themselves from death by dehydration.

Rations were still, however, very low. Meanwhile, as people were dying of thirst on Batavia's graveyard, there were still 70 morons trying to ride out the disaster by staying on the rapidly deteriorating corpse of the Batavia. Just throwing gold at each other and shit? trying to ride out the disaster by staying on the rapidly deteriorating corpse of the Batavia. Just throwing gold at each other and shit? Still! Literally. Yeah.

That Moronic crew included Euronymous Cornelis, who seemingly still had not taken up the responsibility of being in charge of the supplies. You know what I actually equate that to? It's a little bit of trying to retain a sense of normalcy. Yeah, maybe. And just being like, we'll just stay on the boat until the very- like, if the boat's here, let's stay on the boat. It feels reassuring to be inside of normalcy. Yeah, maybe. And just being like, we'll just stay on the boat until the very, like if the boat's here, let's stay on the boat. It feels reassuring to be inside of the boat. I can understand that.

But regardless, Euronymous and his fellow idiots stayed on the Batavia for over a week after the crash. Because at least if it is, I know it's comforting, but it's still fucking stupid. Oh yeah, it's still stupid. Because the boat's gonna, the boat is gonna fucking deteriorate.

You are, there's something that is deeply delusional. Delusional. That's a good word. Yeah. That you are just kind of maybe it'll all work out. Whatever happened to the captain has to be the last one off. And is that like a newer thing than this? Cause it's he's already halfway to Java. Well, I think if the ship is like just sort of stuck then there's no like it would be ridiculous to just say like, all right, you're going to have to stay here maybe another week or two before this thing goes down. I wish I could get off this boat. Listen, all right, I wish I could come over there and help you.

I see that you're all being systematically tortured, raped and murdered on that island over there, but my hands are tied. It's this railing. I can't pass the railing or I get fired. Well, on June 12th, the Batavia finally broke apart under the pressure of the waves and its near constant contact with the reef that had sunk it. Out of the 70 men who stayed on the ship, 42 drowned when it sank. Remember, only one guy in seven on this ship can swim, and Euronymous Cornelis was one of those guys who couldn't swim. When the Batavia

collapsed, he grabbed a piece of wood and drifted in the ocean for two days before washing up on an island. We were this close. Yeah almost and you also got to ask like what that Did to his mental state as well? Oh, yeah, I mean probably got brain damage a little bit Well, I just think it's just he once he survived. What does it fucking matter now? Yeah, I mean like you get God must have chosen him to survive and also I will now do anything to not be caught in that situation Again, oh, yeah, but the way keeps fucking me up about this whole thing is how do only one in seven people know how to swim? It's not like swimming is a privilege if I remember correctly I think it has something to do with like swimming being associated with disease during this time period

Because it's you. Yeah getting sick. Well because you know if you lived in a city You know everybody a water around you was filled with human feces and urine Yeah, so the Amsterdam Canal is probably not the best to be swimming in. I wouldn't no no I wouldn't But I tell you what though I took a couple of sips and I tripped harder than any fucking mushroom I had that entire fucking city man. You want to get that's where the high is and that fucking town is. Well the disintegration of the Batavia ended up being a blessing. Along with the 28 nitwits, barrels containing 500 gallons of fresh water and 500 gallons of wine washed up on the island shores.

Once recovered, the men put the supplies in a central storage area, and by upper merchant Pelsart's orders Euronymous Cornelis was finally put in charge of everything that kept the survivors alive The recovered supplies however weren't anywhere near plentiful enough to sustain everyone there were now 208 people left alive Yeah, we started at 270 now. We're at 200. It words a week later and weren't 208 62 in a week Yeah, and even if they all lived on half rations They still needed to consume three tons of meat and well over a thousand gallons of water every month

The seabirds and sea lions were also as I said all gone Meaning that what they'd recovered would last the survivors no more than a week before they would have to begin the discussion about the C-word. Come. It's just sitting there, guys. People ask, Henry, do you write the material? How hard do you work on this? And it's so, it's just right there.

Well, I mean, really, when I wrote that, there were two options for which C-word you were going to choose. And you went with the least likely one, and I commend you for that. That's the least likely one. Yeah Come is like there's like a whole when you watch the stream. It's like a catchphrase. Yeah Yeah, but the most guy but the most famous C word what? Famously called the C word Oh, yeah! It's famously called the C word. That's right, buddy.

Yeah. You old cunt. Now see you next Tuesday. Come on, on the stream. It's live on Tuesday. Is cunt more popular than cum? No. No, popular.

When you refer to the C word, most people don't think cum. Oh, no. No, you know what I actually mostly refer to, you know that first thing I think of? Congress. Whoa! Take a lap! Whoa! He's dabbing! No, you know what I actually mostly refer to you know that first thing I think of? Congress. Whoa! Take a lap! Whoa!

He's dabbing! He's dabbing! For those of you who's taking off his headphones and he's dabbing! No, the C word is cannibalism. Oh! Yeah, yeah. Well, more despair was introduced... Well, more despair was introduced when it became clear that the rescue expedition was

not going to return with more fresh water. And that's a Pelsart and his men weren't already dead themselves. These mounting issues soon became too overwhelming for the ship surgeon to handle as leader of the island council. I can't fucking handle this shit, man. I can flop a couple of lungs around! You know? I can f**king play with your liver a bunch and play with your dead lips!

But that's it for me man! That's as much as I can handle! So to share the load, he turned to the man in charge of the supplies, Euronymous Cornelis, and with dizzying speed, Euronymous took complete control by turning Batavia's graveyard into his own private dictatorship. You seem like a trustworthy guy. Some guy is not going to get drunk with power. You're right. Absolutely correct. I would never ever disabuse my power, you worm. I appreciate it, you know, because I'm busy here sewing the bodies back together.

Yeah, I see what you're doing. It's hard to leave them when you're sewing them. And it's most delectable. Don't worry, I'll share the loads. You know, you seem untrustworthy, but I'm going to say I'm going to go against my brother judgment and say you're in charge. I can't wait to see your funeral. Me neither.

I wonder who's going to come. Oh, I'm sorry. I wonder who's going to cunt. Thank you. The seaward. Now during the sea voyage, Euronymous had little to no power, but once he was handed the leadership position, the survivors were listening to his every word and carrying out every order he gave, which of course led to immediate abuses of power. One of Euronymous' first orders was to give himself a large private tent, which was a dick move on an island with zero shelter.

Then, as befitting his rise in stature, he raided upper merchant Pelsart's closet and began wearing Pelsart's clothes, complete with Pelsart's commanding rank epaulets. Ah, yes, what I love. Perfect. Leathers, jewels, hats, gloves. rank epaulets. Ah yes what I love perfect leathers jewels hats gloves perfect I will be completely dressed in this 80 degree here I'm actually gonna

take some of this up. It is interesting because would you respect a man that just floated in on a board? I would not respect a man that just floated in on a board? I would not respect a man who just floated in on a board. And I would respect a man less who put on another man's clothing in an attempt to look more official. Yeah. Is this the concept of the man floating in on the, on the board and just going like, but the next being Hitler is like the weirdest jump in status. Yeah.

But on the other hand, I mean, as we've, you know, as the world has proved again and again, you know, humiliating yourself does not preclude people from treating you as a godlike being. No, it's almost like they kind of like that within you because they themselves are a big old fucking loser. Yeah. Yeah. Well, once properly adorned, Euronymous gave orders to build rafts out of the empty supply

barrels. He told people to explore the other islands. He told them to erect more tents. This is all perfectly reasonable things to do. Yes, it is, isn't it? But by the end of June, after about four weeks on Batavia's graveyard, the sailors, I suppose, ran out of things to talk about. And one of them...

I'm bored. I'm sick of your story. to talk about and one of them began gossiping about the mutiny plot that had been a foot just before the ship wrecked on the reef. You wouldn't even fucking believe this. We were planning to mutiny. We fucking were going to kill all of you crazy. Right? No, it was one of the mutineers.

It wasn't just like I heard about this. Just like man. Yeah, we're definitely going to kill everyone and become pirate. That's not not gonna happen now I guess. Sorry. Best laid plans. No, Euronymous' name wasn't being mentioned yet but he knew that it was likely that upper merchant Pelsart was now headed straight to Java after failing to find more fresh water and Pelsart would soon return with a ship and a crew of at least twenty men. But since the mutiny plot was becoming common knowledge on the island, the survivors, when they were rescued, they would no doubt spill the details once Pelsart returned, and Euronymous'

part would eventually be revealed, resulting in a trip to the VOC gallows. So after the word got out about the mutiny, Euronymous decided that his only hope of survival was to overtake the rescue ship and return to his original plan of becoming a dread pirate. But to do that, Euronymous needed sailors and soldiers, lots of them, so his mutiny recruitment resumed. You know, this shows that, god, the worst part about evil nerds is their work ethic. And their ability to sort of put in the work in a moment that needs to be done. Because this is him, all of a sudden, it's like, you talk about this, it's an instant switch. Yeah. Well, over the course of just a week, Euronymous was able to recruit even more men for his plot than what he'd managed to persuade when the Batavia was still at sea.

When he added his original gang to the new recruits, he found himself in the company of two dozen cutthroats and dastards anxious to join his pirate fantasy. What's interesting though is that no concrete details exist as to exactly how Euronymous was able to pull this off, but considering how charismatic and grossly unethical he was, it probably wasn't all that difficult. See, Uronimus was particularly good at making a case for common cause. He told his men, he and them, they're the same, despite the fact that they were hardened men of action and he was basically a pharmacist

dandy turned sales rep. Now what is a dastard? A dastard is like a bastard, but worse. Yeah, it's a bastard. It's a bastard. Who's your father? One that's stuck around, but he's just wishy left. I could say I usually put dastard with a high and pirates. Those are the men men outside of the law

Oh, and that's rodents dastardly. That's where that comes from exactly Dastard knows who's his father is Yeah See I feel like you're on him is also it is putting them in the same level because in society they would never be no Right, so now it's that's my whole point. Yeah, yeah, they're men of action and he's seen a fiddling with his apothecary kit Yes back in Amsterdam, but now they're on the sea and it's a whole different game. Well, so you're already fucked I feel like there's also the thing too of like we might all just be dead here anyway Yeah, and that's and that also like brings up the questions like, you know Some people when you are get faced with you know

Almost certain death like some people accept it and just sort of ride out the time You know some people try to do as much good as they can before they die and some people turn into absolute fucking monsters because they've wanted to be monsters their entire lives and now they can be without consequence. Now from what it seems, the logical fallacy that held the mutiny together was thus. Since the VOC didn't care about what happened to its employees, Uronimus and his men didn't need to give a fuck about anyone but themselves. So when Uronimus stepped into the power vacuum, you had a person in a position of authority telling these downtrodden soldiers and sailors that it was okay to act on their worst impulses at all times, and if they acted on those impulses, it would somehow translate

to them living the life they'd always deserved. That yada yada yada super important. Yeah. In other words, dandies from rich families who have never done a hard day's work in their lives have been taking advantage of the worst impulses of the working class for centuries. And the worse the working class is treated, the easier it is for the dandies to turn them into monsters.

See America from 2016 to present day for more details on that. What's going on? I don't understand, Marcus. What does that refer to? from 2016 to present day for more details on that. What's going on? I don't understand, Marcus. What does that refer to? Yeah, a bunch of rich boys stirring up people who don't have any money and telling them. You mean the manliest men on record

that know exactly how we should push this country forward into a full hemispheric power? Men with the best potato bodies humanity Now the men who would do the majority of the dirty work in your honest his name over the coming months were the army cadets Young men between 21 and 25 years old otherwise known as the most dangerous demographic of humans on the planet known as the most dangerous demographic of humans on the planet. Congrats boys! They really are. Although nowadays I'd say it's 16 year olds are the most dangerous. Oh they're all bad. I get really scared when I see a pack of 16 year olds I get terrified. You can't kill them, you can't punch them, you can't do anything. You can't do nothing. Because if you fight back you're in trouble. Yeah now 16 year olds have always, they've

been dangerous for a long while now, but 21 to 25 they've got a little bit of intelligence to them and that makes them particularly dangerous. There were, however, men in Uronimus' crew outside of the soldier and sailor set who may have just been drawn to the allure of the pirate's life, like the 23 year old Dutch locksmith. He joined with little hesitation, didn't really have any reason to join, just did it because he wanted to. Look, alright sounds fun!

Alright, let's go! hesitation, didn't really have any reason to join, just did it because he wanted to. Likewise, the man who became Uronimus' principal lieutenant, the man who would organize the gang and ensure the orders were carried out, he wasn't a soldier or a sailor either. Rather, Uronimus' right hand was another VOC officer, an assistant from Amsterdam named David Zavank who would prove to be one of the most violent psychopaths in this story. Never trust an assistant. Or a Zavank.

Yeah, this is the thing, you never know what happens in there. It is, however, important to note that like many demagogues who get off on hurting people en masse, Euronymous Corneilles, with one pathetic exception, never got his hands dirty himself. And so, once his crew was established, Euronymous slowly began to detach himself and his gang from the other survivors, starting with the confiscation of anything that could be used as a weapon, but specifically the swords and the muskets. Once he removed the survivors means of defending themselves, Euronymous and his right-hand man David Zavak came up with a plan to take control of the islands using cold calculation and

subtle manipulation. Their first priority was reducing how many mouths they had to feed, both to conserve supplies and to limit the risk that their conspiracy to steal the rescue ship and strand everyone else might be discovered. After conferring with Zavak, Euronymous decided that cutting the number of survivors by half and condemning over a hundred people to death would be a good start, although violent murder was not their first method. Yes, great start. So much fun. Can't wait.

Rather, Euronymous had his followers explore the nearby islands on rafts, with the goal of finding an island without any resources where they could send a large group to die of dehydration or hunger. Yar, Euronymous, I found this place over here. It sucks. It's gonna kill them like a 10-year-old kills a hamster that he doesn't pay attention to oh, yeah

To be honest he kind of thinks that that they can kind of separate them all piece by piece and then everyone will just leave Him alone yeah now to get the geography straight in our heads here The survivors would ultimately be spread across four islands in the Houtman Abrolos chain But the three islands that became the site of Euronymous' atrocities were grouped together in a close triangle formation. The topmost island in the triangle was Batavia's graveyard, the so-called womb-shaped island.

Yes, womb-shaped. Yes. Absolutely a veritable shape that everyone knows. Yeah. Yeah. Very close to many other things. You could have said pear-shaped. Yeah. Absolutely a variable shape that everyone knows Very close to many other things you could have said pear-shaped. Yeah Well, actually it's not even pear-shaped either. No, no, I actually looked at it. You know what shape it is Marcus Fig shaped fig, huh?

It's like it's fuck you Go absolutely Because I know fig and I looked at that and that is a half the thing Fuck you first of all go absolutely Because I know things and I looked at that and that is a half the thing Yeah, is now a fig like not like one you'd eat but one that's like still attached to a tree. Yes That's stupid None of you tried Yeah, actually. Fig. Boom?

Well, half a mile to the south was a supposedly mushroom-shaped island. Although after looking at it on a map, I'd say it's more like a liver. I'm gonna flip out. Well, the liver-shaped island was where Pelsart had consolidated supplies before exiling most of the survivors to Batavia's graveyard. So the mutineers rechristened Pelsart's former base as Traders Island, as a slight to those who had abandoned them.

And in the middle of it, we'll change it to the Gulf of Asshole. Yeah, yeah, he's a real asshole, right? Yeah, he's a piece of shit. Yeah, and up over here, there's this nerd mountain. There's where I go. That's where I go to look at all the nerds. And that there is Rapist Cove. Hey now, hey. Hey buddy with the R word.

It's just the name. It's just the name. This was brilliant branding on Euronymous' part, calling it Trader's Island. Because if a demagogue wants to maintain the anger of his followers, This was brilliant branding on Euronymous' part, calling it Trader's Island. Because if a demagogue wants to maintain the anger of his followers, it's essential to create labels and catchphrases that constantly remind them of their grievances. Modern day example being like DEI.

You say that word and immediately people become dissatisfied with their lot in life. It makes them blame their misfortunes on others, you know blame their failures on others Yes, it just keeps it. They just always fucking just pressing that fucking anger button. Yeah, like mine's Eddie Redmayne Yeah, yeah, we showed him on the stream a couple of like last night or two nights ago and you just fucking lost your mind He apologized for the movie He played the lady in or whatever and maybe hated more Yeah, yeah, she didn't eat at all in that absolutely and she would have been horrible on the Batavia And if you want to hear that conversation

Including the larger conversation about the testicle sizes of various male celebrities Go to our YouTube channel and watch last dream on the left or watch it live on our patreon. Cut! We'll see you next Tuesday. On the screen. No, about a mile- We really need to incorporate that into our promo world. I'm trying to. Yeah, we will.

Now, about a mile east of Traders Island was Seals Island, so named for the hundreds of seals that had made their home there prior to the arrival of the Patavia. By the end of June, all the seals had been eaten and the only water sources were brackish pools, but the only people who knew that for sure were Euronymous and his crew. With this in mind, Euronymous told a group of men, women, and children that Seals Island had plenty of resources. And since these people still trusted their leader at this point, 40 survivors readily agreed to be ferried a mile southeast,

where they were left with a few barrels of water and an empty promise of more supplies to come. Listen, you're all gonna love seals Island incredible Island Enjoy yourselves right here. We'll be back pinball machine barbecue grill We're gonna have I'm gonna get a projector we're gonna show weekend at Bernie's Water, water, murder, I mean nutmeg, nutmeg. And after I turn in all of my Marlboro miles, I'm bringing back a windbreaker. There are so many seals there, all filled with blood to drink. Yummy, yummy, yum. Actually, do you have, the seal blood's fine, but do you have 2%?

Well, after sending 40 people off to Seals Island, a further 15 men, led by the ship's provost, were sent to Traders Island with tools to build rafts, rafts that would ostensibly be used to travel to the other islands northwest of Batavia's graveyard. These islands, located a little over three miles away the largest islands by far were dubbed the highlands Because it was the only place on any of these islands that had an elevation above six feet Weed is like the last thing I'd want on a deserted island. Really? I think that booze would be better. Booze? Well I guess you get calories.

Yeah. Booze would be better only because booze does a thing, booze makes me really not give a shit. Yeah. Really? I love weed. But then you get dehydrated and die. Well again, great. Same with weed.

Well it was on the highlands that Uronuronymous would enact his most insidious masterstroke in taking total control. He gathered together the soldiers most loyal to the VOC, twenty men in all, and sent them to the Highland to find water sources. Leading this group was a soldier named Viva Hyas, who was said to be a man of considerable ability whose character and sense of purpose were unusual for a private soldier of this time. Now, Euronymous told the loyal VOC men, led by Viva Hyas, that they would be dropped off at the highlands where they would search for water and light

signal fires if and when they found it. Once the fires were lit, Batavia's graveyard would come to their aid and bring them back to home base with all that water in tow. But, Euronymous knew that Captain Yacops and upper merchant Pelsart had already searched the highlands for water and found nothing. So it was Euronymous' hope that he could dump the men most likely to challenge his mutiny on a barren dirt ball where they'd die of thirst. You know, I just feel like it's not a good thing to count against the trained soldiers. jumped the men most likely to challenge his mutiny on a barren dirtball where they'd die of thirst.

You know, I just feel like it's not a good thing to count against the trained soldiers. Yeah, exactly. And so, once Viva Hyas and his men were stranded on the highlands with no way of returning on their own, Euronymous had condemned 75 survivors to near-certain death, and in the process had removed most of the men and boys who might have fought back when the time came for Your Ronimus to take full control now. Do you think he was planning on that then? Yes. Yeah, absolutely No when he was sending everyone off to the different islands. Oh, yeah, they had they had already had the conversation of like How are we gonna do this?

How are we gonna take the number down to enough people where when the rescue boats come, we can easily take them over and get the fuck out of here. And this is like a month after being on Batavia's graveyard, right? Yes, that is about a month. It is wild how fast all of this falls together. You know, honestly, a month seems like a long time when you're doing nothing and starving and you can't, you're fucking eating your own tongue. Sounds like a month of Sundays. I'm bored.

There's nothing to do on this stupid old island. This guy's kicking shells like, I guess we just have to create a system of devastation. But even with the removal of 75 people, there were still 133 survivors on Batavia's graveyard, including Euronymous and his two dozen compatriots, far more than what the supplies could support. So finally, Euronymous came to the conclusion that their only remaining option was murder. Murder. We have to murder them, I guess. It's the only way. I would say more of a suppose. I suppose murder will be an order. Maybe I should change. I want to try out a new outfit. It's just so amazing to have so many looks. I never have this before. Here we go. This is my I'm gonna touch your boobies look. This is your I'm gonna kill your father look

Now your onus was far too smart to just start killing people willy-nilly Instead he began by disguising the thinning of the herd as law and order which is usually how things like this get going The first victim was a soldier who'd been caught tapping a wine barrel outside of his normal rations. Under interrogation, i.e. torture, he admitted that he'd been doing this for quite some time and even ratted out his friend who'd been sharing the spoils. It's an addiction. It's a disease, this alcoholism. I'm addicted to Merlot.

I can't stop. I was drinking with Jerry. That's ridiculous. It's crazy thinking everything with Jerry. It's full purple lips. I don't know, I don't even know She's talking about wine, I can see it. Wine, I didn't complain at all.

Wine, I didn't complain at all. Now this offense was brought before the Islands Council, Now this offense was brought before the Islands Council, the one that was originally led by the surgeon, and was still made up of mostly higher class passengers and crew from the Bat the surgeon and was still made up of mostly higher class passengers and crew from the Batavia. But as we mentioned, Euronymous had taken control of the council at the surgeon's insistence, and Euronymous surprised everyone by insisting that both wine thieves be executed

to send a strong message against stealing. The council refused to agree to a death sentence for something so minor, so as is common when dictators are seizing control, Euronymous threw a tantrum, dissolved the original council, and formed a new one with his fellow mutineers. Pretty fairly similar, not one-to-one, but fairly similar to how the Nazis did it. Lacking weapons or the will to resist, the original council members had no recourse but to let it happen. In short order, the new council executed the soldier who tapped the wine by drowning him

loudly and publicly, then quickly sentenced two more men to death on bogus charges to fully establish the new order of things. We kill people now. The second execution orders were directed at two carpenters accused of secretly building small sailboats so they could selfishly escape. They weren't. And for that, they were stabbed to death by swords by Euronymous' gang. You know, the best way to kill a carpenter though is just leave out meth all the time. Carpenters guys who put up drywall guys, guys, you steal drywall guys put up bronze piping, take out bronze piping. Also you're accusing the carpenters

of building rafts. So you kill them when you could have just been like, Hey guys, why don't you build some rafts? Yeah. Keep building rafts for us. Yeah. Build the boat. Well, I mean, it was so they were trying to build sailboats. Yeah. I guess I really, the, the, the logic here is so twisted so much of the time, like a lot of the shit that they do just doesn't really make sense. And they just kind of have to wave it away. And they eventually, almost for the payment and the cruelty the pain and the cruelty of it oh absolutely cruelty is very much the point most of the time but eventually I think the cruelty also starts to happen with more regularity so

they don't have to answer the types of questions that Ed just asked yeah and yeah which is gonna start happening to Eddie. Yeah, when he keeps asking these fucking Questions to our leader, how dare you I say it's now he gets ten balls weekend Now the thinning of the ranks to save supplies was not Uronimus's only motivation for executing survivors if Uronimus's pirate plan was to succeed the two dozen mutineers would need to survive on the island until the vo sees return without any Interference from vo see loyalists so any possible descent had to be stopped before it even began from VOC loyalists, so any possible dissent had to be stopped before it even began. Euronymous, however, couldn't yet murder people out in the open, and he could only fabricate so many charges worthy of execution.

So, his mutineer council came up with the plan to disappear the remaining VOC loyalists by taking them out on so-called search missions and drowning them on the open sea. So what you're telling me is that you would go out to search and then you'd murder them. Wow. But the searching's not real? No. Wow. Not at all. That's lying.

So you mean to tell me we'll be lying? Yeah, we'll be lying. But then we get to murder. Yeah. And which is worse? Hypocrisy. Honestly, it's hypocrisy. Who's gonna do my laundry?

Well, the first group, two soldiers and two seamen, were taken out by a gang of six who rode until Batavia's graveyard was no longer in view. Once out of sight, the mutineers grabbed the loyalists, tied their hands and feet, and threw them overboard to drown. I knew, should have known this was happening! You want to see a rub trick? That's the problem, man. That's why it's always super important.

Watch Godfather 2. And know that any time anybody's taking you and Otto on a boat and you hadn't planned for at least a couple of weeks, you're getting whacked. Yeah. But out of the four men set to be executed, a VOC cadet begged for his life and succeeded. He pledged total loyalty to the mutineers, meaning he was now required to do anything Uronimus or his men asked of him, under pain of death. This cadet was the first of many survivors to join the mayhem in order to save their own skin, and in the weeks to come, these cowards would do terrible things, over and over again, just to prove their allegiance. Since the first group execution had gone well, Uronimus ordered another two days later, but

this time it was more about settling a personal beef. One mutineer, an absolutely psychopathic German named Matties Beer who would eventually kill dozens, he had pegged two VOC men as cacklers, meaning they talked too loudly. Why are you fucking pointing at me? I also talk too loud while I'm getting pegged. Yeah, yeah, seriously. I had a lot of it like, oh, hey, who are you? Oh my God, the captain of police. Well, amongst the cacklers drowned at sea was the ship's upper trumpeter. I really want to thank the person who wrote in about the clove oil. You would not have a running joke today.

Well amongst the cacklers drowned at sea was the ship's upper trumpeter. And I just wanted to talk about this guy because I find this job fascinating. This is like the more or less the ship's house band. He'd use a trumpet or a drum and he'd set the work pace. He'd signal workers when it was time to eat meals and communicate between ships in the flotilla. Oh, regular miles from land Davis. Wow. Very funny.

It's really good. I just, the idea of just like literally gets all he does. He just goes and goes and then they're like, Oh, you're killing me here. You know, upper trumpeter. And he's just like, oh you're killing me here, you know, upper trumpeter, and he's just like, blame the music. You know what I mean? Like blame the sheet. I'm not playing.

Go invent the guitar. But the second set of executions marked a turning point in the island mutiny. Instead of killing someone solely because they were loyal to the VOC, Euronymous was now giving permission to kill simply because a mutineer didn't like someone, which of course edged them closer and closer to murder most willy nilly. Willy nilly murder is some of the most devastating actions

that can happen to society. God yes. Willy nilly is like, a lot is hidden within the term willy nilly. It sounds cute. It does. It does. It does. It does. But, I mean, technically, you know, genocide is by definition willy-nilly.

It literally is. It is almost the pure definition of willy-nilly. Like the Holocaust got so willy-nilly. Okay, here we go. Listen, it got willy-nilly. I would actually argue that the Holocaust is the opposite of Willy nilly the Holocaust was highly organized What's the opposite of Willy nilly? What's stall organized? Stolen now that's Willy nilly. He was very willing it like all the yeah the the famines of Ukraine

Yeah, that was that's Willy nilly. But what about to but what's the words opposite is it like nolly wall organized? No, but like oh, it's a silly word. Oh a silly word Bingri bongi that cocky buggy thing organized and silly don't really go hand in hand. That's bullshit all lined up Yeah, the Holocaust had its bullshit all lined up. Yeah, yeah, real well Real well, I had whole teams of people on wow. I just got four family members that aren't going to talk to me anymore. I tried to say they were willing to. By this point, Euronymous had ordered the deaths of eight men, five secretly and three publicly.

That's not bad. I ordered the deaths of millions each day and no one listens. Neuronymous had also consolidated control by dissolving the original council and forming a new one made up of his most trusted lieutenants. He'd also successfully ease the pressure on supplies by sending large groups of survivors to die on other islands. This also divided his potential enemies into four separate camps, two of which had no way of returning to Batavia's graveyard.

But the problem with sending away men like Viva Hyas is that the most loyal soldiers on the Batavia were also the most capable, because as it turns out, men who are willing to murder dozens of people to fulfill a pirate fantasy are probably not going to be the ship's best and brightest. It's called fascist brain drain. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Well as it turned out, the men Euronomus had stranded on the highlands survived for three weeks before finding several water sources on July 9th.

They were good at this shit. They literally went and did their job hardcore. He sent the best guys out, Of course they're gonna find it. They're the best guys. Per his orders, Viva Hyas lit signal fires so Euronymous could send men to bring them back. The fires, of course, were a most unwelcome sight to Euronymous and his men.

Oh yeah, cause over those three weeks, he had really put this whole fucking thing into permanent order. And it's like July 4th, so if someone's gonna have fires, you're gonna have fireworks. Do you think they celebrated? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if they celebrated July 4th. Dutchmen in 1628?

Yeah, you know, they could have an insight to something we don't know. Listen, tell me, have you ever shot go into a beer? No, no, I mostly drink it with my mouth. Listen tell me have you ever shot go into a beer? Well the panic truly began to set in for Uronimus when he saw that the group over on traders island were not waiting for him to give the go-ahead to meet Viva on The highlands because Uronimus had apparently forgotten that he'd given them orders to build boats Within minutes of seeing the signal fires the the Traders Island group launched two small craft towards the Highland Islands, loaded with a group of Dutch soldiers, the Batavius Provost, his wife and child, a German soldier and his wife, and another woman traveling

with her child. Since the visibility on the open ocean is surprisingly good, you can actually see three miles at the outset with the naked eye, E can actually see like three miles at the outset with the naked eye, Euronymous was easily able to see the rafts leaving Traders Island from his vantage point on Batavia's graveyard, which was just half a mile away. This was worrisome, because he knew that if the rafts reached the highlands and returned with Viva's group, his short reign as leader would likely end with a VOC sanctioned execution. So he made the immediate decision to send out his own men to intercept the

Traders Island group with orders to kill everyone with no exceptions. A group of seven led by David Zavank caught up to the Traders Island boats and boarded them where they immediately forced four soldiers overboard to their deaths They can't swim. It's like in BG3 when you just kick them into the fucking caverns You just kick them down a well you lose the loot, but you get the kill. Yep these soldiers though. I Hate to say it. They don't seem like great soldiers. They're getting bum-rushed. Yeah, they're dehydrated and weak and all that. Yes Yeah, well after taking control of the boats, Uronimus's men then returned to Batavia's graveyard with most of the passengers.

See now that a rival group was in play, Uronimus decided to make a bloody and brutal example of what would happen if anyone else decided to join Viva Hyas on the highland islands. Once the first boat landed, Euronymous' men began by pulling the provost and his child onto the shore where they hacked them to pieces with their swords. Two more men were pulled out along with another child, who were also hacked to death. After seeing this, four men on the second boat jumped up and waded to shore where they ran to Euronymous and waded to shore, where they ran to Uronimus and begged him to call off his men, not knowing that it was Uronimus

who'd personally given the Kill'em All order. So after giving his prisoners a glare, Uronimus told his men to give them no quarter, and all four were pinned to the ground with pikes before being chopped to death with swords and axes. Ehhhhh. It's fucking kinda cool in a way. I know it's bad, but it's also fun in a way. It's a long time ago. He said no quarter, but he did quarter them.

Yes. Or maybe he ate them. Yes. I like to cut them into 12 ounce pieces. So at this point, Veena, that's his name? Viva. Viva doesn't know that he's Euronymous' enemy, right? No idea.

No clue, yeah. Well, the remaining prisoners were three women, but they weren't spared either. After watching their husbands and children die on the orders of the man who'd sworn to protect them, the women were shoved into the water and drowned. And all 15 people have been gruesomely murdered in full view of the remaining survivors on both Batavia's graveyard and Trader's Island. After the first of many massacres to come,

the number still alive ticked down to 133. We're getting close, huh? Yes, my voice is chest, because I'm getting used to the island now Just so good to finally have all the support I've ever wanted out here in the ocean water like a crab Living his dream Somebody bring me some ice cream. I saw a seal crawling across the street right

you know you're Marlon Brando sounds like Dom DeLauise doing Marlon Brando now after seeing what happened if you made Uronimus angry, about a dozen men pledged their undying loyalty directly to Uronimus, some to try and protect their families, and some just to get bigger rations of food, water, and wine. But Uronimus didn't really trust the men who joined only after they witnessed the massacre, so any new recruit that wasn't a part of the original Gang of 24 had to regularly demonstrate their loyalty in increasingly cruel ways. One of the first ordeals was endured by a German soldier named Hans, who'd boarded the Batavia with his wife and child.

He joined the mutiny after the shipwreck in hopes of protecting his family, but he had no way of knowing that his loyalty test would render his plan moot. I don't know how to trust you. I just can't. There's something about you I don't get. Something I don't understand. I wish there was something you could do to make me feel better because I'm just getting

so worried. But Euronymous invited Hans and his family into his tent for dinner, but in the middle of the meal... I hope you like calamari. It's made out of bird. I hope you enjoy this turkey. It's made out of seal. But while they were eating their meal, one of Uronimus's men went over to Hans' tent and strangled Hans' daughter

to death. You enjoying yourself? You liking the appetizers? You want a little sorbet to sort of clean the palate? I made it on my piss. You want some seal blood? You enjoying that? Someone get the trumpeter to play some music.

Oh, sorry. Oh, we can't? We can't? Oh, no. You don't know what you got till it's gone. Learn the trumpet. Of course, when Hans and his wife got back to the tent, they discovered their daughter had been murdered, and they had a pretty damn good idea of who had murdered her. Nevertheless, a couple days later, Hans signed a written unbreakable oath of loyalty to Euronymous and his men, probably to try to save the life of his wife.

Oh my god, Hans, can't believe you're here. What changed your mind? So good to see you, Barley. Welcome to the meeting. I, Hans, love the man who nurtures me daughter. Yes, I'll say it again. Say it by the gods in the box. I pledge to him my undying loyalty for all the courage to kill her myself. Thank you. Somebody sign up. I'm brave. Euronymous is sexy. Euronymous is tall. He's strong. He's so fit. Someone give me my clove oil.

You guys sound like a couple of drag queens. Yes. That's what it is. For the next loyalty test, Euronymous ordered the VOC assistant who'd turned coat during the first set of boat executions to slit the throats of every man, woman, and child in the sick tent. Eleven people in all, too sick to move from scurvy or fever. With four of Uronimus' men supervising, the assistant did as he was told, and when

five more men were put in the sick tent a few days later The assistant cut their throats too from that moment on the assistant had a new job Because sickness on Batavia's graveyard was a death sentence for all except those who were friends with the gang Think about that within a few days like they have two mass murders two massacres like one day like 15 people are killed few days later Eleven people are murdered few days after that five more killed and this is this is going at like such a quick fucking pace It's like 15% of the people. Yeah, like three days. Yeah, it kind of feels like one of those The stories you hear about like what happened in the Congo or it happened these places where the devastation is so intense and so public that they can't do it. They're like paralyzed by how public it is. And you do have like, yes, now you have the mutineers to kind of even set that up is that

on Batavia's graveyard, yes, you have the bad group of mutineers, but you also have like the people that are really trying not get involved. Yeah. And they are, they have moved to the other side of the island and they're trying to just be like very similar to something that sounds very familiar now to say like, well, it's not hurting us right now. Yeah. So we're just going to kind of just live over here and try to pretend like everything's fine over here. We're just going to over here and I'm going to stay by these shells.

Like I would say to Marcus, that'd be me. I'd be on the other side of the island going like, I'm totally cool with these shells. I don't need your wine. I don't need the ladies. All I just want these shells. I promise I will do nothing. He's got shells. Get them. I tried not to get involved in politics. After the massacre, staying over on the other side of the island didn't work anymore. There really wasn't a need to keep up any pretense of a just society, and since the mutineers still needed to thin the ranks, Euronymous gave them permission to kill whoever

they wanted, whenever they wanted, however they wanted, just so long as the person didn't have an important job like you couldn't kill the surgeon but the guy who like was kind of good at catching fish yeah you kill him if you wanted you need the fish guy but if he's only kind of good at it yeah certainly don't need the trumpeter you don't know what you need till you fucking need it that trumpeter could have been locked I mean you never know we can you get to use that to scare away birds Right bad bird. Oh, and by the way all this was all this occurred a little over a month after the Batavia was shipwrecked And by my reckoning all of this took place in the first week that your onimus took control all of it so far We're not even this is what I'm saying guys.

Like we're not even even in the end of this. Let's just keep getting bigger. Yeah. Now can I add the one thing I keep thinking about? Did they save the gold? Did the jewels and stuff? I'll get to what they did with the gold in a second. It's fucking so stupid.

But with so many murders, some were bound to go awry and few went as badly as the execution of two men Neuronymous condemned to death after they were falsely accused of stealing food. The first victim here was easy. He had his throat slit as he begged to say his prayers before death. A request that was denied. No, God, hear! The second victim however was far more resilient or at the very least I think the guys kind of got a little cute with it and decided to make this murder far more brutal problem was They didn't have the tools to do it right the second guy was stabbed in the chest repeated But the knife snapped a second knife was you

But that one broke too. Why are you doing this? Stop it. One of the mutineers then grabbed a pair of daggers and drove them into the victim's neck. But okay, I like that one. There's something kind of funny about someone getting stabbed in the neck. I don't know what it is, but the mutineer managed to miss the veins, the arteries and the windpipe. Those daggers also broke and the victim was still alive. Finally, the executioner had I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not gonna get it! I'm not It took so long and they broke like six knives

Drowning was working so well But it's not as fun honestly It's I mean that with with these guys they get such a taste for murder and they start to get Inventive with it like they want to see all the different ways that a man can die and they like watching men die its entertainment It's like what people go to executions like or why they went back in the day because they liked seeing people die and these psychopaths they get the opportunity it's like every serial killers fucking wet dream it's the opportunity to just go on to an island and be able to kill whoever you want whenever you want however you want without consequence and not only that you've got people backing you up

the dream Now the timeline is a little hazy here But from what I can tell after six weeks on the island and about a month after your onimus took total control His men had continuing murdering people at such a rate that they'd successfully killed no less than 50 men, women, and children. Where Batavia's graveyard had started with 140 survivors, they were now down to 90, and Euronymous wasn't even halfway done. But killing, of course, can only take up so much time in your day, and with the three eastern islands firmly under their control, the mutineers chief enemy soon became... Boredom. I'm bored! You know, I went, it was so long, I spent a good amount of time fishing that piece of knife out of that guy. You saw what we did.

Yeah! And it was funny how we held. It was funny how we held. And I'm just a memory of it and then we did that skit Reenacted the murder that was fun. The writing was tense Because of the rewrites you insisted on well, I said what you called him an asshat I didn't mean to make a hat out of his hair But this is what the audience wants they want more creativity They want us to dig deeper. But now, honestly, after the live show, I'm bored again. What do you guys think about going back to the Mouse Trap

game and actually playing the game? Don't just build up the trap and then set the trap. We play the game this time. But then I just get lost in all the possibilities of all the traps. I'm just going to make dominoes out of these rocks. Go get me my clove oil, I need to teach dominoes something. While some men spent their time catching fish and birds, others devoted their day to more

death. They made homemade morning stars from clubs, strips of lead, and long iron nails affixed to short lengths of rope. These guaranteed painful, drawn out deaths, which, as I just said, were themselves a form of entertainment. You know, fishing's a fine hobby. It's a very popular hobby. People do it.

There's like television shows. I'm bored. I don't like fishing. It's just sitting and waiting. I hate fishing. You don't like fishing. It's just sitting and waiting. I hate fishing. You know what I like? Push a woman down in the sand. You could kill the fish if you want. Nah, it's not the same. It doesn't make any noise. Well, as far as what Euronymous did when he wasn't giving out orders, this answers your question.

He invited his men into his tent to run their fingers through the treasures he'd managed to salvage from the Batavius holds. Oh, I thought you were going to say through his hair. I don't have any hair. I don't need it. And this is all while he told them that these treasures were nothing compared to the riches they'd earned from their future careers in piracy. It's basically story time and he's further manipulating these men. He's putting, he's driving the idea into their heads like if you keep acting like a monster and you keep doing what I say this will be the rest of your life, these

treasures. Nothing but gold pieces and gold and silver in our mouths and our hands Look and see all the treasures that lie in life But the people who would you could give the treasure to for things are the people who are going to kill you once they found out what you did I'm telling you, I got... Get the pipes, get the axles, get some small knives. Well, there were actually plenty of ports back in these days that were pirate cities, basically. Where these people could go and trade for goods, you know, with their, you know, ill-gotten gains. Very similar to back in the day when we covered Billy the Kid and like those places that you went to.

Blackbeard, you mean? Yes. Not Billy the Kid. No, but I mean in turn, actually like Billy the Kid. Oh, the fences. Yeah, when you go hang out at like specifically criminal only places. Yeah, towns, yeah. But fantasies would only hold the attentions of Euronymous and his gang for so long. So on July 15th, Euronymous ordered the execution of everyone remaining on Seals Island except for the women. In my view, this was either to give his men an Activity or to fulfill his ever-growing lust for the feeling he got when he ordered others to commit murder

I think it's that one. Yeah, you think it's the second? I think it's both Oh, I think if you wanted to know because I feel like if you wanted something to do I think it'd be a lot of like okay everybody today we're doing yoga like it's just like it today I actually think that we should all begin a story one something time to time and each one of us continues the story like that's it that thing giving somebody just something to do yeah but when the people that you're giving them that you need to give something to do when they're a bunch of murderous rapacious sailors and soldiers They're not gonna be really like down for like a fun word like charades. Hey, they've never tried You know once you kill like 50 people you pretty much have to kill everyone else to basically yeah

Yeah, well you just have to start going down the list going down the line But no matter the motivation what followed on Seals Island is true savagery unleashed an indiscriminate slaughter of the innocents committed by men who were proving that at certain points in history Devils have walked this earth. I love this guy riding this devils have walked this earth. I love this guy riding the spot. I love this story. Thank you. Now this butchery was committed by just seven men armed with swords daggers and of course their homemade morning stars. Leading them was former VOC assistant David Zavak who never missed an opportunity to

participate in a mass murder. You know what he reminds me of a lot for some reason? You know the Elijah Wood character from Sin City? Yeah! Like the thing where you could kind of just see his, like you could just see him wearing glasses, but you can't see his eyes. Like he just stands and just quietly murders people. Mm-hmm.

He also yelled quite a bit. He gave a lot of orders. He was a very active man. Hey! Yeah. Again, don't want to be bored. I mean, if you could compare him to anyone, I'd put him more as like, say, a commandant in like an Eidensatz He was a very active man. And so once the attackers disembarked from their boat to enact the massacre on Seals

Island, one of the mutineers, in a move that effectively announced that no one was safe from what was about to come, he stabbed a child in the chest as his first move. In quick order, the mutineers then cut down five cabin boys and three men with their swords, then split up to chase down the rest of the totally defenseless survivors who had scattered across the small island, which was a space no bigger than a small city park. Now, twelve of the remaining cabin boys hid themselves in bushes in the middle of the island, but one cabin boy was grabbed by David Zavank, who told the boy that he must help lustily to kill, lest he be killed himself. That this is maybe wrong to say yes He's one of my favorite goons and this whole story is this boy they had taken him from the Cape when they had stopped

He'd stopped he was in see it. We was like from Sierra Madre Yeah, he was this kid that literally spoke no English and he got across to him this but there was something about this 15-year-old boy where he was like Okay, and he was like he wasn't Angry about it. Yeah, and so he had to go kill the other boys. Yeah, he's like, I don't know these motherfuckers. I'll kill them. Yeah, fuck yeah.

Cool, great. Yeah, he was damn near a stowaway. Yeah. Well, the 15 year old cabin boy agreed to the terms. And after being handed a knife, he chased down one of the other boys before pinning him to the ground and stabbing him to death. Boy, oh boy, I get to do this for fun! Yay! Thank you mister! But once the mutineers tired out, they dragged the wounded to the sea, six people, and held

their heads under the water until they drowned. Four pregnant women were found but spared. Awwww! The mutineers returned to Batavia's graveyard with the newly murderous cabin boy recruit having killed 16 people Oh gee willikers guys. This is the best afternoon I ever had. Thank you so much for having me I hope I get to kill boys tomorrow. Can I get some soup? Today you are a cabin man Oh yeah, that's what I like to hear buddy. Absolutely. Let's see where we can go. Oh, what's that smell? Is that clove oil? Absolutely! So we can go, oh, what's that smell?

Is that clove oil? Now from what it seems like, Euronymous considered the massacre to be a bit of a half-step. A few days later, he ordered his followers to sail back in the middle of the night to finish off the cabin boys who'd hid in the bushes, and once the group of twelve were found, most were bashed to death with morning stars and stabbed with daggers. Meanwhile, in another horrific loyalty test, the new cabin boy recruit they picked up last time they were on Seals Island, they ordered him to murder the four pregnant women they'd spared.

And the cabin boy did as he was told by slitting the throats of all four while they slept. Sure thing, boss. It's like I'm killing for two. Yeah. And now I got eight. Right. That's me. Child killin'! Yeah, you're fine, you're good. You're doing good. Yeah, you're doing real... I'll kill you! Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up. Get this fucking...

Get away from me. I fucking can't stand up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bored! Great, great, great. I'm bored! Hey, look! I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm bored! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born!

I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! I'm born! Two of them were brought back to Batavia's graveyard and drowned, while the third begged for his life and ultimately joined the men who'd been trying to kill him for days on

end. Now by this point, Euronymous had ensured that almost every one of his followers had murdered someone, but he'd never actually killed anyone himself. That all changed, however, when Euronymous decided to murder an infant, which is either the easiest or hardest murder, depending on your point of view. Easiest. It's easiest. It's much easier than stabbing that man to death the whole day. I know what you're trying to say, but at this point you see so much death. This is like, oh, finally I get an easy one. To be honest, even emotionally it's kind of easier in a way, because the thing about it is that you can just chuck it in the ocean I you could just leave it outside it goes

I could kill a man easier that I could kill a baby But I could kill a baby easier that I could kill like a six-year-old now I thought about Yeah Unfortunately, these are the thing I didn't sleep well last night So I had a lot of time just like four hours so I could roll on the rolling through things God, yeah, I didn't sleep sleep well either I almost killed a 17 year old last night. I'm talking about tootsie See Batavia's graveyard was home to quite a few mothers in the beginning But there had been one infant who'd been crying every night and keeping people awake

Uronimus was particularly annoyed So he opened his apothecary satchel, salvaged from the Batavia, and mixed a potion called Mucurium sublimatum to kill the baby. But as I said on the first episode, Euronymous was a shitty apothecary. So while the poison did quiet the baby down somewhat, it didn't do its ultimate job. Instead, Euronymous just put the baby in a kind of half coma. But he of course didn't have the stones to finish the job himself. Well instead, Uronimus forced upper merchant Pelsart's clerk to kill the baby. Yeah you done. Partly as a little fuck you

to Pelsart and partly because Uronimus knew that the clerk was a coward who'd do anything Uronimus told him to do. Because I'd imagine killing a baby might have been too much to ask for some of Euronymous's mutineers. Grrr, I'll tell you I don't have any problems with killing a baby, but can I fuck it first? I don't mean to be... I'm not trying to make people upset. I'm not doing it if I gotta fuck it after! Listen, I'm just kinda... I'm just curious and I just... is this a safe space for me to ask these questions? Yarrr, it is.

So he didn't kill the baby? No, he didn't. So he sucks. He can't even kill a baby. Yeah, in the end he actually didn't kill anybody because it was the clerk who did it. Because after fetching the clerk, Euronymous and his followers went to the infant's tent and took it from its mother's arms. Euronymous then told the clerk, quote,

Here's a half-dead child. You're not a fighting man. Here's a little noose. Go over there and fit it so that we here on the island do not hear so much wailing. Taking orders like the coward he was, the clerk carried the baby outside, took the little noose, and strangled it to death making the infant the

105th murder victim to fall prey to your onimus as well since the takeover and I know this is like not Funny, okay, and this is not cute. I'm just saying yeah Like in whatever you're gonna say say it. It's just is that not the cutest way to kill a baby Yeah, like that is just the cutest way to execute a baby. Yeah. Yeah, I you know what granted You know and when you're on an island like a desert island like away from everyone in the world there is little noose No noose it's good news No, unfortunately for the rest of the survivors, a hundred and five people murdered still didn't get the mutineers close to their goal of ultimately bringing down the population down to forty

five or less. So the massacres continued one after another. The next mass killing involved the family of the aforementioned minister, Gisbert Bastian. We can just call him the American Jisbert. Jisbert had brought seven of his eight children on the Batavia to join him on Java, where he had planned to be a spiritual leader to the Dutch settlers. This is my son, Jisbert Junior. This is Jisman. This is Jizzons.

This is my daughter, Jizzizian. This is my other son, Jizzbert Zazert. They're all named after what made them. Seamen. Big old pie seamen. Coming from my balls. Don't forget my daughter, Jizmin. This is my daughter. She's Jizmin because she's also mostly Jizz.

No. Ha ha ha. What do you think holds her together? That is what holds a woman together. Jizz. Yeah. Ha. People are gonna love that. They really are holds a woman together. Jizz. Yeah. People are going to love that. They really are. They really are. It's a womb shaped island. Yeah, very much so. I know exactly what it looks like too because I can measure it by the size of my fist.

Now, Minister Bastian's believed at this point that his family was safe because his daughter had been courted by a mutineer Who'd murdered half a dozen people already and the minister had encouraged this engagement in the hopes that it would keep his family alive But the quota of 45 had to be met Sansa tied and your onimus was playing a larger game besides a Few days after the massacre on Seals Island wrapped up the minister and his daughter the one engaged the mutineer they were lured away from their family tent with the promise of a meal pretty much the same game that he played with Hans let me just ask him this how does a hamburger sound yeah how much

Jesus on this so as much as you put on it, Jizmar. You know what I'm saying? Six o'clock on the dot. Dinner reservations. See you in my bed. While they were gone, David Zavank and eight other mutineers dug a grave pit as deep as they could manage, then snuck over to the minister's tent armed with hatchets and daggers. Excuse me, what is that pit for? Are you making a pool?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I figure, you know, even though you're here on the ocean, sometimes it's nice to have a pool. Because, honestly, because I hate the waves, but I love the pool. Isn't that crazy? It's ironic, right? When I have to go to dinner with Euronomish. The first person killed at the minister family tent was the family servant, called from the tent, then stabbed and left to die. With her out of the way, Zavank entered the tent with his men, grabbed their oil lamp

and said, quote, Here has been reported hidden goods, the company that we will search for and we will get them with that Zavok blew out the lamp and in the pitch black murdered the ministers wife and children aged 8 to 23 by caving in their skulls or Beating them to death seven kids and all the only one to almost escape was the youngest death, seven kids and all. The only one to almost escape was the youngest, as he was small enough to duck through the legs of his attacker. But Zavank was nearby, and without a thought, he brought his hatchet down hard on the eight-year-old and killed him. The last person alive was the mother, who by this point survived many stab wounds, bludgens,

and gashes. So a mutineer finished her off by turning her skull into mush, and once everyone was dead, the corpses were dragged to the freshly dug grave head and tossed inside. Now this is a dish I like to call macaroni and cheese, but it's made, as you can see here, my noodles, birds, and pestens. Ah. But if you just close your eyes for a second, it's like you're eating maca juice. Just the sound of it.

The sound of it reminds me of maca cheese. Kind of reminds me of, oh, yeah. Is my family OK? Yeah. I heard that they were checking out the pool. It is a little easier to joke about the victims when it's 500 years ago. It's much easier. It's the oldest rule of comedy.

Tragedy plus time equals comedy. Now the minister was quite understandably broken by the murder of his wife and children. The day after the massacre, he was ordered to stop weeping and get back to work. When the minister did as he was told, Euronymous' ultimate plan concerning the murder of the minister's family was complete. In addition to bringing the island's numbers down, Euronymous had ordered the murder of the minister's family to maintain control over his gang. With the island's only man of God, an empty husk, it was less likely for him to convince people that murder was wrong, or to even introduce the idea of guilt over everything they'd

already done. That left the amoral Gnostic dogma preached by Uronimus himself as the only philosophical game in town, and Uronimus used his dogma to shield the mutineers from fear of criticism or divine retribution. As author Mike Dash put it, Uronimus had created a society where his followers owed loyalty to him and him alone, where they were bound together not only by their crimes, but also by their rejection of conventional authority. As such, Euronymous told his followers to reject the VOC rules that had previously stopped

them from blaspheming and swearing, and to add insult to injury, he even encouraged them to openly ridicule the minister in his grief. Which is usually fun. That's the thing. It's usually really fun to make fun of a minister, a priest, any man of God. in his grief. Which is usually fun. Really fun to make fun of a minister, a priest, any man of God, open, you know, like you can make fun of any of them. One of the funnest things to do is to break a priest's faith.

I can't imagine how powerful and how fucking awesome and how thickly I would just do that. But it's just, it's- You can't do it by killing his entire family though. No, you want to do it. Truly the way to do it, killing his entire family though. No you want to do it. Truly the way to do it Boddying him into submission. Yeah without any clove oil. Your goal is not fucking him He fucks you. Oh you are power bottoming. If you power bottom a priest far enough Yeah, it does kill God in his heart

And I think that's important for our gay men out there to get that going and I think that And I think that's important for our gay men out there to get that going. And I think that the Uronimus, sadly, it's, he proved a point. He's like, what's God? God isn't saving you. Yeah. And I'm the only authority here that is making anything happen. I fucking hate when people give agnostics a bad name. It's it.

Well, these are Gnostic. Gnostic. Gnostic is all about God is a power. It's like, it was a whole thing. It's in the Dead Sea Scrolls. They pulled it all out of the Bible. Gnosticism essentially believes that you don't need the church to gain the power of Christ. Like you can literally talk to God yourself. Oh, okay.

But what... He's got a whole thing. But what Uranus specifically took from it is that Gnostics also believe that God and the devil are on... are of equal power. Yeah. And then so if God and the devil are of equal power, therefore, there's no really no such thing as good or evil because good and evil are equal. And they were, it can be pervert, like it can be looked at in a bunch of different ways. But your on him,

specifically perverted that belief to say like, well, if there's no good and evil, then that means no sin exists, which means that I can do anything I want without any sort of, like he still believed he could go to heaven. Yeah, oh yeah, very much so. And he also believed that he also believed in the power of the Dutch contractual world where one thing that we'll talk, one thing that they did here was that they took every single woman that was in a pile here and they signed them up for quote unquote public service, which was, I guess at a time they would do on boats. Common service. Common service, right? Where they would do a thing where they would have

a system of sex workers that would work within either whatever community and they would have a, it would be legal, right? And it would be kind of budgeted. Yes, but these women were paying passengers. Well, no, yeah, these women are fucked, right? These women were not, this was not good for them, but they signed, a lot of the women had to sign these like sort of fake contracts

agreeing to be in this Common service whatever the term and then they basically just turned it into a giant horrible fucking sex dungeon It is crazy that threw out all of this they're on this island Everything's devolved in the chaos like a hundred people are killed by this point. They still are like signing shit. Dude, that's how they, that's what they believe society was built on. Yeah, that's how they, that's how the whole thing works.

In fact, that's absolutely what I'm about to talk about right now. All right, great. Yeah, and by the way, at this point, only seven women are left alive. Most of them have been killed at this point, either for being, they said either for being too old or for being pregnant. But yeah, only seven women are still alive out of the 22 that started off on the journey.

Fucking shitty party. Yeah. Yeah. Now holding together this new nightmare society where the oaths of trust, Uronimus forced his men to sign. These were contracts which swore loyalty to each other and to Uuronymous, making them obedient to him in every way in whatever he should order them to do. These oaths, signed by 36 men by the end of it, also enforced a strict hierarchy. All who signed renounced anything that may have come before the islands and they therefore took new ranks. Euronymous for example, the former lowly undermerchant was now known as the

Captain General. Two things, Captain and General. I'm a Captain and I'm a General. I wanted to be an Admiral too but they said that was too much because they said it was too long of a name. Captain General Admiral. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I see. We're just losing the water. Captain General is fine. I wanted to actually be super wizard Everyone just said what's a wizard? Yeah, well the match is impressive title Uronimus continually modified the uniform he'd stolen from upper merchant Pelsar gussying up his look by adding ornamental trimming gold lace ribbons and and medals he made himself.

You see this one? This is for best leader. And this one? Nicest kisser. And this one? Funniest man. And this one's for dirtiest kisser. I got kissed inside of your mouth. Uronimus, however, wasn't the only one to get perks. The mutineers, who'd proved to be more violent and murderous than all the others,

were given two rows of ornamental trimming to add to their outfits. And the men who held the highest status in the gang were the ones who'd recently killed the most people. So you had to keep killing in order to stay up top. It was like a leaderboard. Yeah, or like a scout badge. Yeah. Hey, man. It was like a leaderboard. Yeah, or like a scout badge. Yeah, man.

Beds of a closers. Mm-hmm. Now, when it came to new recruits who really took to the murder aspect of being in Uronimus' gang, there were none who went through a more drastic change than cabin boy Jan Pelgrim, who became such a terror that he was mentioned in several journals. Once Pelgrim joined the gang, he became the typical overzealous convert, swearing far more than was necessary and mocking God with the energy that only a teenager can muster. From accounts, Pelgrim would run around the Come now! Devils with all the sacraments, where are ya? I wish that I now saw a devil! Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee!

And who wants to be stabbed to death? I can do that very beautifully! His fucking voice is like a goddamn dagger in my fucking- Yeah! I kill you again and again! Yeah, I know you will. I know, Yon. Yay! I know, Yon! Yon, I know! I know, will. I know, yawn. I know yawn. Yawn, yawn, yawn. Time to calm down. I'm bored. I want to kill. I want to kill a pregnant woman. I want to make a woman pregnant. I want to kill a pregnant woman. That takes time.

These kids have no patience. But Pelgrim's claim that he could stab someone to death very beautifully was all talk, but not because he lacked the will. Since pilgrim was very small and weak for his age, he was ironically the only person on Batavia who didn't have the strength to murder anyone. Come here! Ehh! Ehh! Ehh! Come here, dammit! Ahh! Ahh! Shut up! Get the fuck off of me! You just see him fighting with a bird, but he's just wrestling with a bird. I'll get your bird! Yeah, the baby was already dead by the time Pelgrim got on board, so that- the easiest

death was already taken. I just wish there was one more baby! But didn't he kill another boy? No! Oh. This is a different boy. Of course! Henry used the same voice for two different boys.

It's the other- it's my boy- it's my anonymous boy, cabin boy voice, and my anonymous sailor voice. Same across the board. Well, in one particularly pathetic display, Euronymous, after being pestered by Pelgrim for weeks, finally gave his overzealous convert permission to kill the cabin boy who mended the fishing net. Thank you! This, however, was actually Pel Pelgram's second attempt at murder, as sometime earlier he'd failed to strangle one of the women due to his puny frame, and

one of the mutineers tied up the cabin boy who mended the fishing nets so Pelgrim could chop off his head. But once again, Pelgrim was foiled by his own frailty. Pelgrim attempted to swing the sword he was given again and again, but he was so weak that the blows didn't even break the skin on his victims neck. God damn it. I don't know. Fuck pilgrim.

Stop this fucking shit. Stand me with a point. There's also rocks everywhere. Someone needs to sharpen a knife. Yeah, I am sick of this. It's hard. They have no standards. Finally, though, mutineer stepped in and it wasn't that the knife wasn't sharp enough

It was that pilgrim seriously could barely swing a sword He was so fucking weak a mutineer stepped in and took the cabin boys head off with one fucking single swing Pilgrim was of course infuriated by his own fail do all day. Pilgrim was of course infuriated by his own failure. You bastard! You fucking piece of shit! And continued to beg for another chance, saying he would rather kill than eat or drink. Let me just cut a woman's parts off for something fun.

You can't cut anything off. You can't cut anything off. We tried again and again. We tried to give you the fucking hair tie. Let me have a musket. Alright. And again, we tried to give you the fucking hair tie. Let me have a musket All right, yeah But as far as I know pilgrim never got his wish yeah, yeah, I think that in the end They just loved he was like the Dalmatian

Yeah, he was definitely the math no one wants to kill more than him and he can't you know Yeah, how sad is that the other sailors be arr, can you imagine not being able to kill? That's gotta be the saddest thing ever, arr. Ironically, the only thing that kept him alive. Yep. And the other sailors, or the mutineers, they kind of thought he was funny. Of course.

They encouraged him. Yeah, it's cute. They told him, yeah, yeah, say more like, hey, pilgrim, say fuckhead. Fuckhead. It's great. Yeah right? I want to kill! Now obviously the murders have been coming fast and loose for some time, but they only

got worse when Euronymous got paranoid and began ordering the deaths of anyone who might pose a challenge to his rule. And this happens in dictatorships all the fucking time. And the murders as a result were getting more gruesome. The ship's surgeon, for example, still well liked by everyone on the island despite everything, and still extremely important to their survival, his death was ordered by Euronymous. Because Euronymous is worried, I think the surgeon's starting to take... He's starting to think.

He's thinking about taking over. The surgeon was stabbed repeatedly by a pike before his head was smashed in with a morning star and it was cut away from his body. But there had been one murder that hadn't worked out as planned, and that failure would threaten the twisted world Euronymous had built. Soon after the minister massacre, David Zavonk ordered a new recruit to break his murder cherry by killing the Batavia's underbarber. So the recruit lured the underbarber out of his tent with a story about catching birds.

But when another mutineer jumped out and the two men tried ambushing their victim, you're going to hate this Ed, their swords were so blunt that the underbarber was barely wounded. Barely a scar. Barely a touch on me. You know, none of you will ever get as sharp as my razor when I'm cutting in a flat top to a little boy. Alright? You'll never get me. I'm the underbarber. Underbarber, yeah. Well, the underbarber ran away and hid, but luckily the new recruit wasn't all that jazzed about killing in the first place, and his accomplice was just lazy.

So they had a little conversation and convinced themselves that they had mortally wounded their target. How long do you have to look? It's the size of a football field for fuck's sake! They've just killed so many people that they just are fucking over it. They're just like, eh, we'll get them. Even that's boring. Yeah, well fuck it, I'm bored of even chasing men. Yeah, and once the mutineers were gone, the underbarbers snuck over to one of the poorly guarded boats and sailed for the Highlands, where Viva Hayes and the other VOC loyalist soldiers had been thriving for weeks. Yeah dude that's the thing on the other island they're doing they're having a great time.

They're having the best vacation of their lives. Yes they are eating they were stock full it's like all these seals. Yeah listen to this shit I mean Viva's men had discovered after properly exploring the two islands that every single person who had survived the shipwreck, all 270 people could have lived on the highlands indefinitely without ever running out of food or water. Yes. Viva's men found sources of water so rich,

they didn't need to ration at all. And each man had his fill of fish and birds and eggs. They said that like all the birds like laid eggs as large as a hen's egg. You wouldn't even believe. And it's just amazing. Oh God. I just, we were like, I like my coach. That's what we were doing. They even discovered a mammal to eat. There was a type of wallaby called a tamar. Viva's men called them cats and they were just like everything else on the highlands easily caught and delicious. Love these guys.

But that's all to say that while the survivors under Uronimus' rule were living a never-ending nightmare teetering on the edge of starvation, Viva's men had found a relative paradise where everyone was chill and the guy in charge was an actual good person. So if they would have just tried Once it's a check in on them. Yeah, everything would have been fine everything well I mean everything would have been fine for the survivors Yeah, everything would not have been fine for your on us like But or them because it really comes down to who wins this fight if they don't know that there's a fight happening right now Uronimus has the upper hand because he has all this going on and they don't know that it's happening yet

Until this moment. Yep. The tranquility of the Highlands was shattered when survivors began showing up from Batavia's graveyard in small groups Because Uronimus had not been able to maintain a tight seal over the three islands under his control. They killed them all. Yes. Yes. I was wondering what you're going to do with that. Eight survivors had managed to escape the initial massacre on Seals Island by raft, and a further 20 washed up in groups of four or five from Batavia's graveyard itself, including the underbarber.

That meant that people had been showing up on Viva's Island since like mid-july You know they've been coming in steadily so he so they had an idea They knew exactly what was going on every single one of them came on shores like they're fucking killing people over there crazy well because also the big thing was that they lit the fires and Uronimus and crew was supposed to come immediately They lit those fires they were all supposed to come over and hang. That was the idea of come get them, bring them back, we're going to ferry this back and forth. And as soon as they lit the fires, it was like a day past, another day past, and they're like, oh shit's actually very real on that island over there.

Yeah, something bad's going down. And remember, they don't have any rafts. They're way, they're stuck there waiting, waiting for the someone to come get them. And there's 70 of them. They're at this point over on the other Island, high Island, high Island. At this point there's 50. Okay.

But when you include all the people that have come over, like all the refugees from Batavia's from Batavia's graveyard, there's 50 people there. And it soon became clear to Viva Hayes that eventually your anonymous and his gang would definitely mountain attack to keep their piracy dreams alive. clear to Viva Hayes that eventually, Uronimus and his gang would definitely mount an attack to keep their piracy dreams alive. But while Hyas found himself in command of 50 people, that outnumbered Uronimus' crew by almost 15 men, the problem was that they had no weapons. Because remember, Uronimus had confiscated everything.

He had the swords, he had the muskets. So Viva and his men fashioned pikes affixed to 16 inch iron nails using wood that washed up on shore. And they also made their own homemade morning stars. They gathered lumps of coral to throw and fashioned catapults made from rope and tree branches to hurl rocks. Eventually Viva's group took to calling themselves the Defenders. And it's with the inevitable war between the two camps. War! And the return of Upper Merchant Pelsar that will finish our series on the Batavia next week. Fuck!

And these guys are all soldiers too! These guys are all soldiers. They're trained. And these are the best are the best soldiers, too. Yeah, next week. We will get into some of the strategies, but I am not kidding When I say the ending of this story Devolves into one of the long it's like an action sequence Out of any movie it's crazy at any fucking big massive because this is going to go down to the very last minute. Yeah. And the epilogue is also insane. Yes. Also, I, I want to say I got you both a present to help us not get into this situation ever. Oh, okay. Are you ready for this? Yeah. You have a gun It's super warm from being in your pocket

Great great great great, you know, it's also perfect because I found out that you can get high from nutmeg, but the high is so Horrifying that it actually can shatter your brain. Yeah, that's the reason why Nutmeg is still sold in stores. If the high was good, it would be illegal. Yeah, well we got a long weekend. Yeah, let's try it. Because you know what's the perfect day to get high on Nutmeg? President's Day. Coming this Monday.

Go and enjoy it. Go to patreon.com slash last but I guess enough to watch us do this show again and again and again for the rest of your precious little lives And go on all of the socials at LP on the left tick-tock Instagram. That's where we do our social promotions And don't forget you go what and don't forget I mentioned the stream earlier on the episode You can watch our stream live last stream on the left. We've been doing it for years You can watch it live on our patreon or you can see it after the fact on our last stream on the left. We've been doing it for years. You can watch it live on our Patreon or you can see it after the fact on our last podcast on the left YouTube

page on that same page. You can also find all of the other LPN streams. And if you want to watch those live, you can go to twitch.tv slash LPN TV. Go do it and just know we will see you next Tuesday. Oh yes. Yeah. And also when you're doing the Patreon, make sure you watch this show with, you can see our faces. You can see Henry bouncing around as a cabin boy the whole time. It's a lot of fun. Also we're hitting the road. We're coming for you.

We're hitting the high C. That's right. This is very appropriate. It is. It really is. As of today, you can officially join Henry and I via ticket. As of today, you can officially buy tickets to crimewaveatsea.com slash left. Buy tickets. You can come and see us. Look, we are going to.

And again, what we talked about inside stories, what this is going to be is going to be so stupid and ridiculous. I have no idea if it's ever going to happen again. You do need to come and join Eddie and I please save us. Yes, we will be there We're gonna go to the Bahamas and then we're gonna do with a fucking belly flop Fucking locked in with you. If you come on this cruise, we're locked in with you I cannot escape so please check that out and also we're gonna be in Dallas in a couple weeks on February 22nd and then after that Nashville and we're doing Detroit

More dates to come actually more dates to come very soon very soon All right, you fuckers. That's the last podcast left calm and you guys could go fuck yourselves. Well loving no To completion if you yeah, no Satan again Well, lovingly. I mean, come on. Lovingly. Lovingly. Lovingly fuck each other to completion. If you could. Yeah. Hail Satan. Ergin. All these people suck.

You know what? We heard the word Morningstar a lot today. Hail Travis Morningstar. Yeah! Oh wow! Oh nice! Nice! And I hope his body's not used to decapitate a child.