Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 661: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - Cryptids 101

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

Ed has some questions! He's confused and needs help! Thankfully, Marcus & Henry have answers (kind of)! This week, the boys sit back for something a little easier on the brain - mysterious creatures that may or may not exist... Cryptids! Could there be something real behind the thousands of cryptid sightings reported for centuries around the world... or is it all just a product of the human subconscious?  For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to this is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Yeah, no, but it was truly a wonderful time. It was a great time. But yeah, I was saying, like, one of my alligator buddies got bit by a crocodile. It just shows it's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, this is a crocodile bite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Luckily, it was a really small crocodile, and it only ripped one tendon, so everything. going to be okay. He's already back up. They said that he went to the hospital. They pushed like the tendon inside of him. They put him in a boot and he was back at work that night. I was like,

crocodile's going to live. You don't got to get right back in there. Yeah. I think by that point, we're like, maybe we can take a break. They've been around for millions of years. So it's animal people, man. It's that badge of honor. They want to get hurt and then be able to go back to work. Like, yep, I got bit by crockers.

Back at work two hours. She'd be like, nobody cares that you're bragging. Yeah, it's the same thing with my The same shit. You're the only one who knows. You know that, right? You're the only person who knows that you're doing this to yourself. Days off are allowed. They're super.

Guess what? Really, is a workplace injury. And you know what else is? You need it? It's like, you know, like friends and family and other people might know you. You might want to leave for a second. I'm almost kind of jealous. I don't think I can get a workplace injury.

No. Well, you can get a workplace injury. How fat do I have to get to get a workplace injury here? I know how. You know how, Eddie? Honestly, it's getting shot out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel like that's how it is.

If I'm outside, I'm fucked, you guys have plenty of grass. If I'm on the sidewalk. Yeah, if he's on the... I feel like, that's Burbank territory. If he's on the sidewalk, I ain't paying for shit. No, of course. No, no, no. But all you'll hear is like,

Mr. Larson. That's how you know it's coming. And the man shoots you through his trench coat. It's like, please do it on property. He's like, just drag my body over there. Welcome to Lost podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks.

I'm here with Henry Zabrowski. The Cold Coulke. capitalist Henry Zabrowski. Yes, all I think about is exceptionalism. Everywhere I go, as you can tell. Obviously, because I've flipped our humble little network here into an absolutely massive business empire. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We're rolling in it. How does someone make this money? We have the man who wants. to eat himself out of a job, but has the strength to not do it. It's Ed Larson. That's right. I want to thank Mark here from Alaska. Help us sending me all these canned fish.

You know, it's really great about getting all this. It's going to help me get sick. If I eat this and get sick, is that a workplace hazard? No. If I didn't ask, would it have been? Yeah. It's a marketplace hazard. See, thank you sending this to Alaska before we went to Alaska.

We're going to Alaska in the morning. Tomorrow. I'm going to Alaska, but this will allow me to remember Alaska when we're home. You know what it would be great is I'm actually going to just going to put all of this in my backpack and then pretend like I bought it for Julie. Oh, wow. I brought you seven. I brought you seven jars of fish. You know what?

Wives, if there's one thing I know wives love is jars of smoked fish. Yeah, love it. Ladies can't get enough of. they love the smell of it. And really, looking at this, it really does make it hard for me to not open it right now and eat it. But I won't because I respect you. It will devastate this room. Yeah, it'll devastate.

Probably upstairs as well. Yeah, very much so. So 100% full disclosure, total transparency here at LPN. We love disclosure here at LPN. Yes, I love that film. Demi Moore. Now, I want to be clear with you that we had a series that we were just about to do. We had a two episode series we're going to do it.

We're going to do it still. Eventually. We're definitely going to do it. I mean, right now I'm looking at my laptop, and I certainly have tabs open for synonym psychotic and synonym unpredictability. Great. That's a little hint. And another little hint is that we just spent three weeks going through probably some of the most harrowing material I've read since we did Mangala. And so now that we went through Jimmy Saville, and then with this next series that we were going to do, as we popped the hood on it, we realize how much.

molesting was happening in it. A lot. In fact, it was most of the first episode was going to be dedicated to that because it is incredibly important to the story. It is a motivation. It is a big part of it. Spoilerly. And I wrote 14 pages on it. But then any, we sat there and we were looking at and then I sat and Marcus and I looked at each other in the face and I was like if I see, if I have to read the sentence, he parted her lips,

more time this month. I'm going to need it. I just did a break. I just need a break. Tuesday was the closest I came to buying a pack of cigarettes in probably 10 years. Honestly, and I've been there with you. Yeah. No, I pulled into the gas station.

I was about to get out of the car, and then I pulled away again. Well, that's nice. I didn't even get gas. I did not. Nope. I didn't want to even... Too expensive. Because then I'm going to sit there.

Too expensive. Couldn't afford it. Not at that moment. Couldn't afford the gas. But due to this change This is a little bit of a gap stop We have another series coming right after this I'm gonna lead a series and we also have a bunch

We have another massive series that's coming I just wanted to like Figure this would be a good time for us to have a silly little talk About cryptids Yeah It's just a fucking pallet cleanser Yeah Cleanse the pallet for us

Cleanse the pallet for the fans We really We needed it You know and I gotta feel like If we're gonna talk about one thing on the show And cryptids seem to be like a big thing in our community. Everywhere I go,

people always got the mothman shirts on we got the Mothman the Butterfly Dude Coffee Thank you. We will be too. Springhilljackoffy.com, please go by

Springhill Jack Coffee. It's still wonderful. That's what this episode's really about. I got my little squank here, but since I've been a part of the show almost three years now, we've only done one cryptid episode. You know what I find interesting

is that you entered into this after we've done so much of the silly stuff and it does really feel like because the world is currently not super silly, and it has not been super silly for a fucking minute, that it does kind of feel like

when we were talking about cryptids, we were like, we didn't quite know how to do it with enough meat. Yeah, well, think about it like movies. You know, like there's not a whole lot of silly 70s movies. No, you're right. It's not a decade for silly movies. Putney Swope. It's not, I wouldn't call that.

Why have I brought it up twice? Yeah, you've really brought that up twice. Why is Putney Swope on the top of my mind? no idea. Have you ever seen it? Robert Downey Sr.'s parody of the advertising company. Yeah. Oh. Okay. I watched that. Yeah, no, it's got a great soundtrack, too. It is. Fantastic soundtrack. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think you need to get this out of your system and just watch it. I had seen it not that long ago, about a year ago. Yeah. Oh, really? So shut up about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But,

and I think that is where we're at right now, of course, you know, things are, we're, in a darker time, so what we're covered is going to be a little bit darker. And it's, it is hard to find a good angle on cryptids that's going to satisfy us, and it's not going to feel stupid. Yeah, and, yeah, you know?

Because like the squank, right? He's my boy. He's my favorite cryptid. He's the only one I learned about, but it was in that episode. Yep, yeah, that we did. But it's an example of a, which now just kind of become, like, I'm nothing to besmirch the squank people because we met the people that wrong squankopalooza.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, we know it's a whole thing. We know now that these little kind of, kind of, I would say almost proprietary cryptids are used to kind of prop up local economies. I'd call them cottage cryptids. Yes. You know, it's like there's so many of these, like, little cryptids that, you know, the towns will build festivals around, like Skonka Paloza. Yeah. Because Squamca is...

Certain other places will get way too fucking protective over their cryptids. Oh, and then sue you and then come at you and then pretend that they can own. An entire cryptid, which is a thought form. You know, and you're just making up, you know what I mean? It's kind of interesting that you're... Yeah, so the Mothman people, they came at us for the coffee. So did they create, like, the myth of Mothman? Are we supposed to say that Mothman isn't real because they own it?

No. So is Mothman real and is their slave? No. That is a bit of a slander. It's a bit of slander. He's asking, gosh. and I'm refusing to answer. I could think it legally

we could say what they believe is that the company that came for us on our coffee believed well they were the first ones to name a coffee, Mothman Coffee. And they decided Well, that actually makes sense to me. NIST.

Sure. There's a reason why the new coffee is called... But look they put it. They added all this fucking art to it. Look what they did, Marcus. They had none of that shit before. It just said Mothman coffee before, and now it's got a fucking red eyes on it. Wow. And a couple of...

Are those... Paltin people from the 1920s? Blappers? Yeah. Yeah, they did. But then they added the red eye thing recently. Yeah, well, I guess... But honestly, good on them. I don't mind it. It's fine. You can take it. Take it. Please. It's fine. We lost the case.

You know, and I love Butterfly Dude. I love Butterfly Dude. Coffee. It's better coffee. It's great coffee. It is. Yeah. It's much better. Ever since we dropped the Mothman thing, there was something gross about that. Now, butterflies? Beautiful. You know, moths, you know, I always think of sounds to the lambs. Yeah.

Butterflies? I'm thinking of coffee. Thinking of waking up, thinking of the morning. Thinking of good times. Spring Hill Jack coffee. When you want to wake up in the morning and think of something nice. Man. Something nice.

All right. So here's the deal with me in cryptids. I don't really know much about it. You know, a big fan of Harry and a Henderson's. Sure. Which is actually kind of got, it does have some true things in it. Like the hunter in the Harry and the Henderson's is based off a real. He's a real big foot guy.

He's based off a real Bigfoot hunter. There was some real research done in that. Hell yeah, that's great. And I've seen the incident at Lock Nest, the Werner-Hertzog comedy. Which is great, by the way. I really do like that movie. Have you ever seen it? I've never seen it.

The only Hertzog comedy I've seen is even Dwarves started small, which is incredible. I've never seen that one. It's a very strange movie where it's a bunch of little people on an island. And it seems like the world has ended. It's the movie where you ever seen that clip that I got obsessed with a few years ago Where it's the little person laughing at a camel for like three minutes straight And he's just sitting there going Because the camel's chewing

And he finds it very very entertaining Hey I mean different strokes Yeah there's a motorcycle in it It's a Hertzog comedy it's very very bizarre But Incident Loch Ness is a mockumentary that he made That's pretty great It's very goofy It's not his movie

He's just a he's just starring in it Yeah, he's just starring in it. Oh, is this the little guy is a little kind of, there's the tiny maniac laughing out the camel. Yeah, he does find it hilarious. He's out the tiny maniac. Yeah, oh no, this movie is nothing but tiny maniacs. In fact, that's the whole point

of the movie is, you know, a tiny maniac society and what the tiny maniacs do if they are given their own society. Well, yeah, they laugh at camels all day. It looks like it has broken him completely as a mind melt. He does have a coughing fit at one point and you think he might die because he is quite

old. Well, you know, he's smoking. Yeah, because he's trying to relax. But the thing with cryptids is, you know, like, I never really got obsessed with them like a lot of people do. You know, I think, like you were saying, like, certain towns, they take on cryptids to sell merch, and I love merch. So I think that's, I'm a big merch guy, you know, I think it's unbelievable. And so I want these towns to make their money. But it feels like sometimes they just claim that Bigfoot's from there and there's easy. Well, Bigfoot is got like, there's so many places that claim him between the Pacific Northwest. That makes sense to me.

When I look at the trees around Portland, I'm like, that make, Bigfoot could be in there. Well, there's so many different stories around Bigfoot and types of Bigfoot. And then a lot of different, you know, Native American groups have, like, indigenous groups have stories about the man of the mountain and guys walking around. And we know that there's many different types of what you'd call Bigfoot's. Yeah. Just off the top of my head, you know, there's Bigfoot. Sasquatch, Skunkape, the folk monster that's the Arkansas Bigfoot.

Yeah. I can just... Yetty, abominable snowman. Sure. Yeah. They're in the same category, right? Yeah, but large hairy humanoids.

Yeah. Yes. And so it just always seemed like something that could really... When people get obsessed with these things, it just seems like something you could like lead to like a serious psychosis. Well, I think people want life

to be more than it is. Yes. And I think that, Cryptids are a great kind of almost like loophole in between aliens and ghosts and stuff like that, where you can ostensibly believe that a cryptid would be based upon some strange physical animal, like something that's around. And I love animals. Yes, and I think that's why it would make sense that you would like cryptids because

there are legitimately, like you, if you wanted to get into cryptids, there are care bears. You know what I mean? It's all these different types of people making up things after seeing a weird shadow. and then kind of putting them all together or needing other reasons. Like one of my favorite old theories about the moth man was that he was entirely fabricated by the mafia families of New Jersey that were had weed fields that had weed fields in West Virginia. And they created a fake story for people to not want to go into the weed fields. So there is like a story there which that kind of makes sense to me. That tracks.

And the moonshine too. Oh yeah. And people getting sick on moonshine, on bad moonshine. But that's why they wanted people to be scared of those woods. I get it. And they make sense. Yeah. And there's, I mean, people losing their minds out.

There's this incredible storyline in Department of Truth, which is, you know, it's about a bigfoot hunter losing his, a guy who sees a big foot and then spends his entire life looking for it again. And it's all told through letters to his son. And it's incredible. It's so, I remember reading it. It was very depressing. It's very depressing. But I think it's one of the best comic book storylines the last few years. Oh, it truly was unbelievable.

To me, like, cryptids are on, like, par with the Mandela effect. I think a lot of people who get obsessed with cryptids and proving that they're real are just, like, are people who get obsessed with the Mandela effect. It's like, instead of just admitting that you were mistaken, you'll go through all these legs. It's a squawk! Yeah, yeah, you'll go through all these crazy lengths to prove that it wasn't a hairless bear. But look at where we're at, honestly, even politically now. Yeah. It's a way people's brains work.

You have to create a way, no matter what, you have to kind of validate yourself, I think. Like, walking around, you have to validate your reality. And I think that you have to validate your actions. Yes. And you figure out why you are the way you are. And a lot of cryptid stories, usually, like, they start from usually one insane night. Especially like the groupings Like when you talk about like the

What do you call it? The melon headed kit Like the melon heads What was it? The, Oh, The best ones. Yeah,

I think it was melon headed kids Or the melon headed boys. Basically you get like a family Or a group of people That are isolated for a single night And they imagine that they're being attacked by a group Or of a puck wachies Fuck wachies.

Yeah, yeah. They imagine they're attacked by a group of a single animal and so they spend all night usually firing guns and then they have to explain that behavior later and it's a lot easier

to say like oh well there's it was a big foot it was a monster it was something I didn't know rather than just like I got really paranoid and my family got really paranoid and we created something out of nothing also I think a lot of this is embarrassing it is and I think a lot of it also is attached

to what we call like a pan theory about the entire quote unquote capital P phenomena where like people would also do the I believe some people see aliens some people see angels some people see ghosts some people see the Dover demon yeah and they're all the same they're like all the same thing and that you are hallucinations or is it is a hallucination fake if it's in front of you. You know what I mean? Like it's the idea of you're creating something

that's kind of coming up. It is an hallucination makes it fake. But yeah, unless you can physically standing in front of you. Well, then it's not that if it's a hallucination, that it's not standing in front of you. Yeah, it's not physically standing in front of you. Which is how powerful reality. Well, how would you categorize cryptids?

Is it like documentary, sci-fi, fantasy, horror, comedy? Like, what is it? I usually, it would be sci-fi. Yeah. And with a little bit of, with horror, you know, mixed into it. You can,

I think any cryptid can be a horror story. Yeah. Like the, what is it, the Max Brooks book, De Evolution?

It was, it's the same author as World War Z. And Mel Brooks's son, by the way. Oh, that incredible horror novelist. But he wrote it

through like blog posts of a, or diary entries, of a woman who gets stuck on a mountain outside of Portland, I think, during a volcanic eruption. And the volcanic eruption causes, like,

all the big foots in the area to kind of descend on their location. It's fucking incredible. That's a cool. It's really cool. But that was a horror story because, you know, they were attacked by the bigfoots.

But then you get Harry and the Hendersons. That's a comedy. Yeah, you just want to play with them. It's a family movie. Yeah. Yeah. But there are others that wouldn't, you know, like,

you can't really make the Jersey Devil necessarily, anything other than horror. It's hard to make that other than horror. That's just an evil thing. Like, it's just a, it's an uncertain presence. It's a thing that you're looking at and you don't know why it's there.

And I think that's a part of the idea. It's you're seeing something that's completely alien to your understanding of your world. And it's threatening. You know, usually they're threatening. But, like, Chupacabra, like, Chupacra really isn't that threatening.

It just eats chickens and shit. Yeah, goats. I mean, that's what Chubbacabber means is goat sucker. Oh, okay. But there's also different, there's different types. There's the Puerto Rican chupacabra. There's the Texan chupacabra, which are two entirely different species. Or like species, but they're considered like the Puerto Rican chupacabra is a little more lizard-like.

And the Texas chupacabra. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like the Puerto Rican just has a horn inside its chest that it can just talk, hon, hon, and the Texas one just has guns on a tip. The Texas one is a dog with mange Yeah, that's what it is. It's almost always a dog with mange.

Are there any cryptids that you guys believe in? The only one that I ever come close to still to this day is Bigfoot, only just because every single culture that, especially the United States of America, like in North America specifically has a story of this type of thing. But I personally believe it's not anything, a hundred percent. physical. Yeah. I believe that there is a mixture of something that used to be there mixed with something that

we want to be there and that we put those two together with our brains and that we make Bigfoot ghosts real. Possibly. That's what I believe. I believe Bigfoot, I believe in Bigfoot ghosts. Bigfoot might also be a man in a time travel suit. Yes. That's one of the things that people say about Bigfoot.

foot. Well, then also did he's an truly, when you get enlightened. Yes, the psychic Bigfoot. Yes, the idea is that you go through, like the Himalayan Bigfoot stories are all kind of this idea of like, once you shuffle off this existence through enlightenment, you transform into this other thing. And so they are considered to be wise and they have like, and that's the reason why they're not entirely corporeal and it's the reason why they hide is because they know that we are all corrupt. But the, what, cryptozoologists, there are certain examples that they point to when they have to kind of justify their existence. They point towards like the giant squid.

They say like no one, like that always. Giant squid's real. Yeah, giant squid's real. Like for years, the giant squid was just a legend. Duckball platypus. Exactly. Thunderbirds are probably kind of real. Condors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, possibly. And there are very possibly like massive gigantic birds that existed in the recent past. Like there are probably You know there are certain animals that were just about extinct By the time we started writing shit down And and also by the time we like humanity started to Explore every nook and cranny of the earth Like we gotta remember it's fairly recent

Yeah That not just of humans explored every nook and craning But also that humans have all have the ability to all talk to each other And to all gather up all all of the knowledge. Coalesce information. Yeah, to have all of the knowledge that we have worldwide in one place. That's what? 15 years old?

Something like that. And that is throughout the whole of human history that for just the last, you know, 15 years, do we have all of our knowledge in one place? I also believe that there's a lot more roving troops of evil little people than we want to talk about. I think that little people, if I were them, if I was a true little person, I would get together with my other little people friends, and I would dress in scary outfits in the night, and I would use that presence and that shock factor

in order to scare little neighborhoods. Or you get a job. That's a job. And then I hire you. I am looking for my own tiny maniacs. Yeah, we know. But the problem, a lot of them is they die early, and they have a lot of bad opinions,

and most of them in America, they do, yeah, they just end up kind of, I think they just, they don't come out right. I think you need your own island of Dr. Moreau. I really do. I really do. Because the problem with that is maniac. Yeah.

Once someone's a maniac, whether they're tiny, large, normal size, skinny fat, it's like, I mean, fat maniac is going to be bad. Skinny maniac's going to be bad. Tiny maniac can pick up. Just like my fucking, that's why Karmie's okay. That's why I don't have to train curve. me. You're like, just pick her up. She's a tiny maniac. You just scoop her up.

You can just go and you hold up and go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You put him in air jail. Yeah, yeah, you do. So you guys ever hear of hypertricosis? That's being super hairy. Yeah. Do you think that that could have something to do with Bigfoot? Like someone was super hairy and they ran into the woods and someone saw him one day? Definitely, yeah. I mean, well, again, I mean, you've seen Jojo, the dogface boy, right? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, um, there are, whenever we've

talked about Bigfoot in the past, there's always the stories of the wild man of the forest. Yeah, the wild man of the wood, the wise man, man on the mountain. But not even, I'm not even talking about the wise man. I'm talking about the wild man. And usually, like, that's a big American thing where I think at certain points they did just sort of let guys go. Oh, definitely. You didn't, when they didn't, if a guy was very large and also, you know, may have, you know, had some sort of condition like the hypertrichinosis, is hypertriconosis, right?

Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like hypertriconosis, if he was not useful, I think in many places like, say, Arkansas. Yeah. I think they just sort of left him in the woods at a young age. And some of these guys did survive. I mean, they survived because humans survive. Yeah. They become feral.

And so you have a very hairy, very low. large man who only knows how to go yeah and yeah and uh and that I think is where some bigfoot legends in America begin you know and then

America's huge it's you know so fucking big like did you like I recently saw like Alaska being put over the whole of America and it's over half of our country yeah like that's like it's that's the size of just Alaska and unincorporated America like

I do think there was a lot more people living between the lines. Like in United States of America, but when we were expanding West, like, people were just going out there and just living. So I could see there being guys just like in a hut, in this swamp that sees you coming in with your family. And he's like, oh, I'm all fucking good their food. I'm not getting their food. And that's what he does. And all of a sudden you have a whole like legend built because the man with hypertriconosis who was given up by his family who now lives. Alone in the middle of the swamp steals your food in the middle of the night.

Like a yogi bear. Yes. Yeah. That's what they essentially become. Yes. But I was looking right up here. I was trying to find, you know what I find interesting? In Europe, cryptids are very different in which they use, like, in America.

We have a lot of amorphous animals and blobs, squunks, hodads. We don't know what the Jersey devil is. The Dover demon kind of looks like a thing. Thought what's monster. It looks like nothing. Yeah. Europe, it's all worms and dogs. Yeah.

Worms. Well, no, worms are a big thing. There's also, like, among the Mongolese. I know that means I got a big cat, too. Yes. They have the one big, yes, the phantom cat or whatever that's called. Yeah. Well, it's, there's always this, when you're looking into these sorts of things,

there's a difference between cryptids and legends. Europe especially, and it's about like Scotland is big on legends, you know, legendary creatures. So, like a dragon's not a cryptids. No. Dragons. Well, some people do consider a dragon of Crippet. I think if you think a dragons are crypted, you might be kind of fucking stupid. It is a, like, a dragon is a character in a fantasy thing.

Like, it's a made-up thing. But then why was it in every culture? Why was, like, why were dragons, like, in China? And also in Britain. Probably because they saw a fucking dinosaur skull. Yeah. That is one of the big theories. They dug up a dinosaur skull somehow.

and extrapolated from there of like, what does this creature look like? You know, like just by seeing the big fucking skull, like, okay, let's extrapolate from here. You know, dragons, you know, so on and so forth. You know, because the big dragon in Europe is at St. George? Well, yeah, it was the one, the one that he killed the dragon. Yeah, killed the dragon.

But yeah, dragons do exist across cultures. But yeah, it's theorized that it's most likely dinosaur bones. Okay. Or I also think there's a symbolic edge. If you look at old maps, like, so the idea that all, of these things were that the ocean was filled with things that were going to destroy you. They were filled with monsters and mermaids and things that were going to destroy you. And I think partially it's because the unknown is we conjecture a lot of stuff out onto the unknown,

right, in order of just the first being like, because like with having to convince a guy to give you a bunch of money to get in a boat and just go west, right? Requires some kind of pitch. Right. It requires like a thing of like, we're here. We're going to handle the sea monsters. We're going to go out there. and it kind of gives you something to push against.

I also think that the monsters symbolize you staying home. That's the scary outside world. This is your home. When you leave here, you go out into this other place. So here is actually where you're safe. Even on like the old maps they used to write, here there be monsters, you know, beyond, you know, the map, beyond the edges of the map to keep people close.

I also think the dragons are a poetic device quite often. they're used to kind of symbolize conflict and they're supposed to be like they're used a lot in Christian symbolism and they're using a bunch of different places where they're used as kind of like literally just kind of imagery of of hassles. Yeah. And I also think that like legends and things like this are legends and cryptids and such as part of a product of the age of exploration. You know, a time when Europeans especially were discovery. What's Chinese like? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like, if you look, I love drawings of, like, say, like lions, like a guy who saw a lion once and then tried to draw it two years later.

And then everyone thought, like, oh, that's what lions look like. Yeah. And it always looks stupid. It always looks insane. It doesn't look anything like a lion. And you saw that over and over again. And especially, you know, when they started exploring Africa when they started exploring the Americas. And they're seeing all of these animals that are nothing.

like anything that they've seen before or they might be like slightly different versions of things that they've seen before and I think the imagination people's imagination just fucking runs wild. Yeah and Florida they tell us that mermaids were manatees. Yeah and it's just been like how horny

are these fucking sailors they saw manatee and they're like ah yeah let's find a hole there ain't no hole I'll make what inside of it yeah Rob just brought up a picture an picture of a lion and the

lion has a beard and a giant tongue that's sticking out. Yeah, like he's got a man's face. Yeah. Yeah. It's cute. I almost always have a man's face. But you also got to remember this is a time when back in the day with art, it really cannot be overstated

how much abundance has an effect on art because that guy only had enough materials to draw that lion once. You know, like he couldn't, like he couldn't practice it over and over and over again. You couldn't just go out and buy new pencils. Like, he had a very limited...

He had very little blue. I drew the lion already. That's what he said. They're like, I think there could be... I have some notes and he's just like, I drew the lion already. Yeah. So going back, I want to go back to Bigfoot because I had some more questions about that. What is the difference between a Bigfoot and a Yeti and an abominable soulman?

Location. Just where they're from. Location. It's all location. And white, right? And the snowmen are white. Yeah, they blend in with that. Yeah.

Bigfoot's like it. Yeah. That's how they've been depicted in cartoons. Yeah. but not necessarily how they're depicted in reality. You know what I watched recently? The Yeti Duck Tales episode. You all remember that one?

No. It's a horny female Yeti that spins the entire episode trying to fuck Scrooge McDuck. Interesting. No one tries to fuck him. You figured you would settle. Well, Goldie. Scrooge has a girlfriend. Goldie.

He's a girlfriend? Yeah, he met her during the Gold Rush and the Klondike. Oh, I don't remember. Well, I'm a big... You're a big ducktailed me. I'm a big... Well, I'm just a big duck. I'm just a big duck man in general.

I'm a big Donald Duck guy. I'm a big... I'm a big... Scrooge McDuck guy. Scrooge Big Duck, specifically. Yeah. But yeah, the Yetty... No, that's the new one, Rob.

That one. Yeah, it's a... Oh, she does have a girlfriend. Yeah, it's a sexy... Sexy Yeti that makes sexy noises throughout, like... Oh, so it's Jackie. Yeah. Yeah.

It's your sister. It's a little. your sister. But yeah, Yeti and abominable snowman are the same it's the, it's two different words for the same thing. It's like Bigfoot and Sasquatch. Yeah, just different locales, different styles. Gotcha, yeah,

gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So I've heard Bigfoot's an alien. That's one. Possible. Possible. Sure. Yeah. Why not? I guess it looks like Chubaka. Well, you know, it's the idea that he is some form of like, you know, when you go deep into UFO lore, these things always pop

up. Like, there's always, like, how many times I've read in an abduction scenario where a guy says it was me and I was there and there was like there was like three grays and there was a tall white and then there was a little blue guy and there is a big foot there and they always kind of talk like that. So are there hairy aliens? No, I mean, I don't know. I've never heard of a hairy alien. If we go from the, yeah, I guess we call like the standard alien roster, you know, like the, you know, if

you're talking like Pleadians and so on and so forth. They're light beings. Yeah. You got the tall whites that have just long hair. I don't think there's any like hair-covered alien. But that's just, that's limiting to this idea that of, oh, well, David Huggins. Oh, yeah. This is what I'm talking about.

Is it? David Huggins has done several of these. He wrote this concept of watching a beam of light coming down and then dropping a big foot there. Okay. And that's happened a lot. Like, you know, when we did the UFO bigfoot flap of, I believe it was right outside of hits. Yeah, the Pennsylvania Bigfoot flap of 1973.

Yes, and they were all put together in one big thing. Bigfoot and UFOs are seen together a lot. Yeah. I don't know. That is true. Often Bigfoot sightings are followed by UFO flaps or vice versa. We just had all those Bigfoot sightings in Ohio right after those comets were flying right over. It was very interesting.

But also find out those guys, we found those guys that were following all the Bigfoot stuff, they were kind of attaching real Christian iconography to it. They were legitimately talk about Bigfoot as the progeny of Kane, that they are a, they're walking around with Jesus's secrets. Like that's kind of a thing too. There's a little bit of more Bigfoot's showing up. Jesus was into confession. No, you were that. That was not Jesus.

That was all the horny men after that. Oh, good. The, that's not like, Bigfoot might be assigned to some of these people, but the end times are coming and Jesus is going to come back. But those people are also the types who are looking for any sort of sign of the end times. They want the end times so badly. Oh, yeah. They literally thought Mike Huckabee doing the baseline at is like, you know, when he was doing that for Bitton Yahoo's fucking birthday party or whatever. They're like, that's what we've been looking for.

That's the end of the world. I knew the Bible would say what happens. Yeah. I heard Teddy Roosevelt thinks he saw Bigfoot. Teddy Roosevelt had an incredible conservation career. Like that was this whole thing. It was hunting and conservation. Like he wanted to,

he wanted to protect nature. Yeah, he kind of started national parks. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, there is a story. Yeah, I'm remembering it where he wanted to kill it. Oh, yeah. Well, that's what they did back then.

Well, that was the thing with Teddy Roosevelt is that, like, he wanted to conserve it. He wanted to conserve everything, like every animal, but he wanted to kill it first. He's a great little section on this. I had no idea. Because Teddy Roosevelt was an incredibly violent man. He kept it under control most of the time. But the whole reason why he went to Cuba and the rough riders and all that is like he wanted to kill a man. He was a rich boy.

Yeah, he was a rich boy. I like all the Roosevelt were. What was it? Even his biggest catchphrase, walk softly but carry a big stick. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my favorite line from him is get action. That's what he wrote when he was a kid.

He's like, that's what he wants. get action because Teddy Roosevelt also, in my opinion, had extreme undiagnosed ADHD. Well, yeah, that's why he made the Rough Riders? Partly, yeah. Wow. Yeah, because if you look, he had extreme hyperfocuses, like, you know, conservation, hunting, Navy.

Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt was a naval historian before he held any public office at all? He wrote like this four-volume history of the United States Navy that was taught in schools for decades, you know, a very long time. What a horrendous waste of time. And you also, they said... You had more time back then. It's true.

If you look at pictures of Teddy Roosevelt, he's always got his hand into a fist. They said that he was like a coiled snake that was always looking for something to do, always. My favorite is he got shot in the middle of a speech and then finished the speech. Yeah. Yeah, he did.

He was the original clout master. Yeah. I love this because he called it a goblin story. Yeah. Yeah. I once listened to a cop. story which rather impressed me. Of his little, weather-beaten old mountain hunter by the name of Bauman.

I was born and had passed all his life on the frontier. Because he did have a high, little-ting voice. He had a very high-pitched voice. So Henry said he would be willing to believe in Bigfoot. How about you, Marcus? My instinct tells me no. What would it take? What would it take, scat?

Like actual shit? Yeah, like shit. Like, it would take bones, scat. Any... You have to think we've never found bones. Yeah, bones. It's because they disappear. That is the hardest part.

Because they literally go back to heaven. Yeah. There's bones. Because if you start getting into the world of like Bigfoot hunters specifically, and we talked about this many, many, many years ago, if you get into Bigfoot, get ready to read about dermal ridges constantly. Yeah. Because that's what these guys always point towards when they, because the only thing we've ever found with Bigfoot are ostensibly is footprints. Yeah. And so they always, they talk about like one footprint.

Yeah, it's like one. That doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't make any sense at all. And they'd say, like, if you look at the dermal ridges, you can see that this is actually, if it was a biological creature, then you could see that this is the sort of dermal ridge that it would have. And it must be at least 400 pounds. At least, yeah, they do that over and over again.

But, yeah, it would take, like, I don't need a picture. I don't need a video. I need the evidence that we would have for every other animal that we know exists on Earth, which is bones and shit. Well, because the main issue is we're also saying, like, where do they eat? You know, like a large 450-pound animal, a pack of 450-pound, eight-foot animals are going to eat a lot of food. Yeah. Where's all the fucking examples of the food that they're eating?

Where's all the trees cleared out? Like, we've seen starving bears, like, like, search for into the middle of the ocean, even. You would see the trees cleared out, right? you'd see an area, you'd see a bunch, like, you'd see more of that. You'd see more like, oh, they must all get together and feed, or they all do this thing, they eat this thing. They could tell that they're going through the woods. The migration area for a pack of Sasquatches would be massive.

Yeah. You're like, we would see, we would know about the migration of the Bigfoot's from one location to the other. There's no way that they could just stay in one location. And then what I view is, unfortunately, and I'm saying it's my solution, but I'm also understand that it's a cop-out to many people, but that's why I believe we're seeing something, when people are doing and talking about cryptids, we're talking about something past an animal, past an idea of it. And I honestly don't think that everybody's lying. If my opinion is that

if Cryptids are, if Bigfoot's real, the Jersey Devil's real, if if Chupacobbers are real, then that will change the entire nature of reality. The way we see reality, the way we experience it the way we think we the way we think reality uh works uh as far as like you know dimensions and so on and so forth uh it's completely different from what we think uh so that's kind of what it would take is like okay show me like prove in theory to me you know prove that there's that we can that creatures can cross dimensions that biological entities can cross dimensions prove that and then maybe we can talk about uh bigfoot uh but until then It's a nice idea.

It's a fun idea. Like, they're very fun. Like, Christians are very fun. It's a very fun idea. That's kind of why we wanted to talk about it. It's because it's something nice. It feels very hopeful. I think people love cryptids because it is this, it is a way into another world.

It feels like you're talking about like a fun fantasy world that you want to exist. Yeah. Much like how, but I also feel like it's the same people that actually follow Q, right? It's the same thing where it's like that's all they're really. looking for is something that's past them, you know, something that makes them feel like life is a little bit more exciting, a little bit more involved. But I feel like more people need to know that's fucking all in here. It's in the center of our brains. Yeah, I think the difference between cryptid believers and Q believers is that I think Q believers are looking for a narrative to life.

And they're looking to be a part of a narrative and a part of a story and a part of a game. And they can join. And they're also looking for a reason why their lives are so bad. Of course. That's also, Well, that's the base motivation for looking for that narrative, for looking for that story. And it also, it's a lot, like, we're all so, you know, brained into entertaining, you know, wanting to be a part of entertainment. You know, Q was the perfect, it was the perfect entry point for that. I think people who are into cryptids that are really into cryptids, it's more of an environmental thing rather than a story thing. Like, they just want the world in general to be a little bit more magical than it actually is. Or then we actually know it to be.

I wouldn't say that it actually is, but as we know it to be. They want to be a little bit more magical. Like they want to be able to go out into a forest and, you know, maybe something will happen. Yeah. Maybe something will happen. Maybe there's more to this world than we see. And I do understand, I now see as a man who is now 43 years old, I see why most cryptid hunters are older. Oh, yeah.

I see why. I see why they're in there, like, four years. And 40s and 50s. Yeah. Yeah. But because I think... But you've also accomplished very little in your life. You're trying to like find that one thing that's going to make you and break you.

There are some cryptod hunters that are incredibly successful people. Oh, yeah. That have spent their entire... It gave up their actual careers to do it. Yeah. Yeah, it gave up their careers. Because I think as you get older, you sort of kind of look around at the world and you really, you have so much experience being in the world that you see that,

like, shit, all right, this is all there is. And I think some people might replace religion with cryptids. It's literally exactly what I was like. It sounds like you go to look for God. You don't find God. No. And so what you want to do is have a thing that you can aspire to that's bigger than you. And Bigfoot's right there.

Yeah. And it's here on Earth. It's here. And there's a possibility that you might see it with us. having to die, you know, because none of us want to die. So if you, if Bigfoot is real, if Chupacabra is real, you already like spending time in the woods. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's, and that, and that also might be, you know, a part of it as well, is that it just, you love spending time in the woods, you love exploring, and this just sort of gives you a goal.

It gives you something to do out there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because you're not going to hunt. Yeah, because you're not going to, exactly, because you're not going to hunt. That's the thing. that very, very few cryptot hunters are actual hunters. Well, they don't want to kill it. Yeah. Well, actually, I've read a little back and forth of that the other day. Someone asking is like, is there a way to hunt without killing something, without hurting something? Because I want the sport, but I don't want the, you know, I don't want to hurt anything.

It's like, yeah, it's called wildlife photography. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I also want to fire a gun. Yeah. So all you have to do is take a picture, shoot a bullet in the air.

Yeah. No, that's it. That's all you have to do. I like bird watching. Birdwatching is like, it's not something I've gotten into yet because, you know, I haven't, I haven't gone. I want to. Well, you still have too many things to do. That's the thing.

You need a lot of less things to do. Yeah. Yeah. But what I love about bird watching is, like, how popular it is. And it's still just like all on the honor system. Always. Yeah. You know they talk about that, too, that there are so many.

There are scandals. within the bird watching community of people being like yeah I saw that warbler when we were in New York that was that massive fucking that massive thing where someone said they saw a certain bird in Central

Park or they saw it on a building or something and there was a huge scandal it was like are they telling the truth yeah I mean like they would have to be and they were like I think that they ripped them apart they were like there's no way that bird would have been here blah blah we don't know how it got here

it's never been to here before caused a big schiziziz in the birdwatching community. I think there was a whole, like, half an episode of How To with John Wilson was about that. Yeah, how birdwatching biggest record through its online community into chaos. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Fly from North Lane. All right. So, speaking of things that can fly, um, Mothman. Don't know much about the Mothman. Unfortunately, missed the episode.

I'm sorry. Fuck you. Um, the, um, so mom, here's what I know about Mothman and like, help me fill in some blanks when I'm done. Um,

I know that Mothman is from West Virginia. I know that... Well, at least he's where he hung. He hangs out. Okay. And I know that Mothman has red eyes can fly. Yep. You're right. It has attacked some cars and destroyed a bridge in the 60s. It did not destroy the bridge. It was warning them that the bridge was going to collapse.

Okay. Okay. All right. It showed up just before the bridge. And a lot of... That's why people see the Mothman as a portent of doom. If the Mothman shows up, something bad's going to happen. Because the bridge collapse was quite tried. Like, what was like 50 people died? A lot of people died.

Like, it was a, it was right in the middle of. So the mothman's good. That's what some people say. Yes, he's scary, but he's a harbinger of doom, but that's good for us. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we actually did have an idea for a mothman story for a while that the mothman over the years was just depressed because he didn't stop Oklahoma City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't stop 9-11.

Yeah, yeah. We had all these things that we were going to hold it. We tried to warn people over and over again. We'd know if you fucking believe them. So is there more than one mothman? No. No. Mothman is,

that's a big cryptid thing. There are certain cryptids that are singular, like Mothman, Jersey Devil. There's only one Jersey Devil. Yeah, there's only one Jersey Devil. Oh, I thought there was a bunch of Jersey Devils. No, no, no, no. Chupacobber's there's a bunch. Cheapacobber's a type.

Bigfoot is a type. Is it big foots or big feet, by the way? Big foots. Big foots. Okay, so big foots. Does you fucking get a wrong in for a second, you fucking bastard? This is why I don't care. So there's only one mothman.

Did the mothman kill people? No. From what I remember, the bothman like killed people inside of cars. No, he scared people. To get them away from the dynamite fields. To get them away from the dynamite fields. Where the weed was where all those gangsters were. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

As far as I know, I don't think there's really a cryptid who has a body count from what I remember. Let me see this. Let me look that up. Actually, that is interesting. Yeah, not that I know of. I'm trying to figure that out. That's kind of the problem with cryptids is that no one's ever touched one. Okay, for Halloween. Here's that this is the list of cryptids that have allegedly killed people. All right, so here we go. A giant jellyfish? Well, that, yeah, that would have happened. The Black Panther.

Yeah, that's a real thing. The panther, yeah. Mongolian deathworm. That's what the thing in Dooms based off of. I don't know. Yeah, Mongolian deathworm is a, that's a whole other can of worms. People here, Jabba Joe Pofi, the Mangua, the Dovharthu. Yeah.

The cave cow. I mean, that's the thing is, once you start going worldwide with cryptids, like, it starts getting... Really weird. It starts getting really weird and really, really insane. African cryptids are really interesting. Also, in Japan, they have that whole world of... of like demons and little animals and shit from like all that stuff so fascinating

and we were going to do an episode on those but you're just listing things. That's like the problem with that. It was just like and this thing it looks like this and it does this. Yeah, there's no story. It looks like this and does that. So the bridge did collapse though. Oh God yes yeah it was the it was December it was during it was right before

Christmas. Okay and a lot of people were on this bridge and they just started hearing horrible noises and the whole fucking thing just And it was a bad, bad traffic. So the entire bridge was filled with cars from beginning to end. So people like the Mothman.

They're not scared of the Mothman. They were scared at the time, but he has since become such a, he's become like such a kind of character. He's the ICP of Cryptid. He started scary. He's very popular. When I was a kid, Lachness and Bigfoot were the most popular. Now I feel like Mothman might be the most popular. Yeah, I think Bigfoot's still up there.

Lockness has got totally fallen out. of a fault and out of favor as far as the kids go. But I think Mothman, as far as American cryptids go, yeah, yeah, Mothman definitely gets one of the top spots. Whoa, look at this. So I just found this. The beast of guvodan, the bette de guvodan. This is from the 1760s in south central France. It is a bunch of beasts, right, that they somehow say there's somewhere between a lion, a hyena, a wolf and a wolf dog.

that killed a bunch of people in France. No. They say this is real. Yeah, there's been... It's frowns. Yeah, there could be big dogs that kill people in France. Yeah, we covered this once. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a big... Dependé de copo bontan. It's a wolf. It's a horrible creature. I think it's a wolf, yeah. It might be a gigantic wolf. Yeah, despite the general consensus of the beef was a wolf or other wild cana.

Several alternative theories for its identity have been proposed. some think it was a sub-adult male lion. Okay. Yeah, because, you know, there were lions in England. Yeah, they brought him in. Yeah, they get loose and they start fucking. Yep, that's true. That's great.

And, I mean, really, I mean, you can see how cryptids get created. Like, my dad created a cryptid when we were kids. Yeah. It was like, like, yeah, he called it the Guy Anther. He said it had the head of a mountain lion on one end and the head of, I think, a lion on one end. on the other and he said, watch out for the Guy Anther because he was so mean because it couldn't take a shit.

It just ate and ate and eight. Because it had a head on each end, it was so angry because it could never take a shit. You did. Didn't even know that he was literally creative. Yeah. You know? He didn't ever know.

He's an incredibly creative man. But yeah, it was a, but yeah, that was a story that he told us when we were kids. You can see how cryptids get created everywhere. Dude, this is a fucking weird one. What is this? All right. It's called the Treike Wecufi.

The Treelke Wikufu. It's from Mutuce mythology from southern Chile in Argentina. It is a moving piece. Can you say Argentina? Argentina. Argentina. It is a moving piece of leather that goes through the water and attacks people. Huh.

Interesting. The Trekkikikovufu. That's cool. That sounds more like a ghost or like a ghost. Yeah, that's what it says. Is it demon? Yeah. Yeah, because that is another thing, too, is that demons cryptids.

Like that, those sort of area, those areas can touch tips. There's plenty of people that say that cryptids are demons. Plenty of people that say that aliens are demons. Yes. Like, for example, our generals. And our vice president recently said that he thinks aliens are demons. And that fuck should probably keep his mouth shut before the Pope has him killed. Don't fuck with the Pope.

Is that what a Wendigo is? No, a windigo is a Native American creature that's closer to a big foot. Or closer, yeah, it's a Canadian, I think it was a Canadian tribe that had the legend of the windigo. Yeah, and honestly, that seems a lot more, there's a lot of things attached to the windigo. Yeah, and there are a lot of-like skin walkers. There are a lot of really violent legends surrounding the windigo. Like, that is actually one creature that has actually had a couple of deaths. attached to it from what I remember.

Yeah. No, you mentioned Skinwalkers. Are they cryptids? No. They're aliens. No. What are they? They are evil, dark magic witches from the tribes people that have used dark rituals.

The Paiute tribe. Paiute's right? Yeah. They became they could churn into an animal after committing an atrocity. They had to do something horrible in a ritual in order to gain this ability to use on animal hide to turn into an animal. Okay.

And so that's kind of what they're, that's one explanation for them. And that's kind of why they're also supposed to not, you're not supposed to talk about them. Navajo, that's what it is. Yes. They are not, you're not supposed to talk about them because they bring you bad luck. Oh, okay. Well, here goes out. Well, you're not native American.

I don't think it counts if you're not native American. So Skinwalker Ranch, does that, are they, is it just the name of the ranch? So it's, so it ended up getting that name. It was not actually called the name. and got that name because of all the writings about it. The reason why Skinwalkers were even talked about on that ranch was because it was in this place called the Uinta Basin, which is this like historic, kind of like essentially no man's land

for these various different tribes. So we're all like, we don't go in there, spooky shit happens in there, and it's always been like that. And so all of a sudden, a bunch of white people showed up, carved up the land, right? They now live in the bottom of this Uinta Basin, which they're all scared to go into because they say that's where the skinwalkers walk back and forth. Skinwalker Ranch, I believe, was the title that Knapp gave it.

George Knapp gave it. And that it went from there. But Skinwalkers were supposed to sort of walk in this area, which is the things they saw, the giant dogs that they couldn't kill, the things that were in the sky. Boko, the everything dog. Yeah. Yeah. Who's that? It's Bonko. What everything?

Yeah, he's got everything. He's got all different parts. Yeah. It was a creature that, was it the Gorman family? Yeah. The Gorman family. Yeah, the, the The Gorman family were the ones who brought the Skimwalker legend, like, just because they brought the Skimwalker legend to life. You know, they were the ones that all the weird shit happened to. And there was a dog that they saw on occasion that seemed to be in and out, like, phasing in and out of reality. And that's a lot of the ideas of cryptids phasing in and out of reality.

I think a lot of that comes from Skimwalker Ranch. Yeah. Like, it's like that, that's where that idea. idea kind of came from, um, because there was so many strange things going on and some, there's some measurable stuff going on at Skidwocker Ranch. Yes. The cattle mutilations are the only thing that I can't like wrap my head around. And also the cattle like the, when they all were transported into that little shed that it

didn't make any sense. And then there was another, there's a bunch of weird stuff. I still, what we're saying here, though, is that reality is a lot more difficult to pin down than we want it to be. Yeah. And I think that the more isolated. you are, and the deeper you go into places like the desert in the forest and these liminal spaces in between our consciousness, that's where weird stuff happens.

So I know we're not talking about aliens, but we talked about it for two seconds. I want to, the Skinwalker Ranch, the cattle mutilations, and the no, there was so they would find the cattle from the docks that I've seen. They would find cattle with no footsteps around the cattle, totally drained of blood. Yes. This happened. Yes. And there's no explanation, right?

According to that, yeah, we don't know. They'll always say animals. Everyone will always say animals. But there would be some kind of track. You'd think. Yeah, you'd think. But we don't know. And it's been happening for decades upon decades.

It's been happening all over the country. And dude, just fucking happened. We just had a whole flap of cattle mutilations in Oregon. There was one in Arizona. It happens interestingly enough. And we don't quite know what it is. Everyone will always say it's wildlife, it's wolves, it's stuff like that, but it is very interesting. But it can't be wolves because they're not actually eating the animal.

It's just sucking all the blood out of it. And there's like their reproductive areas are carved out. They talk about their butt holes getting carved out. They talk about their faces. And it looks like someone took like a laser to it, right? Yeah. It's weird. Who fucking knows?

I don't know. I've seen coyotes go pretty hardcore on the butthole of a dead cow. I think that there is quite a possibility that animals can do a lot. of it. And there's very little of it that is unexplained. But there are a couple of instances I think Skinwalker Ranch is one. Yeah. Where it's super

fucking weird. Yeah. Lockness monster. Not real. Not real. Ghost of a net dinosaur. You think it's a ghost of a dinosaur? Yeah. That's what that's... I mean, that's makes as much sense as anything else I've heard. I think it's a ghost of a dinosaur. Yeah. And I think that... A lot of people have... I feel like

Lochness Monster might have like some of the most sightings. I, there's been a, you know, there's so many different sea monsters. There's so many, you know, there's so many that have been seen over the years. I usually think of what happened with Loch Ness is the fact that Alistair Crowley lived there. Oh, okay. I think whatever happened there happened because of Alistair Crowley and whatever he was doing. But again, I still think it's just thought forms.

Yeah, I mean, but you have a photo of the Loch Ness, the so-called surgeon's photo, which is, of course, fake. You're a gynecologist. Yeah. And I think Loch Ness, it's the pleasiosaur thing. The idea is that there's some sort of underground, underwater, not underground, but underwater tunnel leading from the ocean to Loch Ness. And the pleasosaurs come in and out of Loch Ness through that underground tunnel that's never been found. Is it saltwater? No.

Oh. But there's also, what do you call it? There's Champ up in Lake Champlain. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a couple other ones. There's Ogopogo. Yeah, Ogopogo. Yeah.

The sea, like, or the lake creature is a, it's a fairly common, it's a fairly common cryptid, which is why some people say, like, well, that's, it's a pleasosaur. I don't think so. They went looking for it and it's too big. They can't fucking find it. They, you know, who fucking knows. I think that the sea is extremely mysterious. Yes.

It's extremely mysterious. But the lock is a lock. Yes. Yeah, I don't think there's that much to it. Yeah, Locke just means lake. Yeah. Montauk Monster. That was a thing that was...

It was a raccoon that was found. And it was a raccoon? Yes, it was. Because I've heard other things. No, it's not. No, it was a raccoon. It was definitely a raccoon. Yes, it was.

Just hairless. Yep. And it was decayed. Did it have like alopecia? No, the hair had fallen off of it. Oh, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, this guy. Because it was small. Yes.

They called it a monster, but it was tiny. Yes, it was small. Yeah, because they only showed us the picture with no... Yay, you just drew it like, what was the Montauk Monster? Yeah. And it just like drew it standing up. There's never been another thing that looked like it, right?

It did not look like that. Yeah, it could also have been some sort of like taxidermy project. Yeah. We just kind of left there. The thing we know what I was talking about with that stuff is how they might have, what's his putts got leaked from there, that we wanted to do a whole episode. Plum Island.

We're going to talk about Plum Island, And eventually the idea of like essentially... That is the island of Dr. Moreau, right? Kind of, but it's... Lyme disease was accidentally released. Like, there's this idea that Lyme disease was worked on as a thing and that it became leaked from Plum Island. But ticks have been around for eons.

Exactly. But ticks are how they spread it. Yeah. Oh, okay. I see, I see, I see, I see. Well, I mean, so the only thing... So if something is extinct, all right, and it can become a cryptid, like the Tasmanian tiger. I actually do think that that's true is that we will see those.

I can guarantee you we will see 100 years from now when something goes into things that we see walking around regularly now could end up being cryptids later. Okay, so if a Tasmanian tiger was found, that's just proof that it didn't go extinct. Yes, that's just science. It's not like someone found a cryptid. No, that's just science. Unless it's like talking. It's like, hey, how are you doing? Don't tell anybody.

And especially, don't tell anybody I can sing. You know, I, yeah. Well, by definition, once a creature is discovered, it is no longer a cryptic. Because it then becomes part of zoology, because you have the body. And you have biology behind it. So once, yeah, once it's discovered, it's now a part of the record. Which, now, I'd like to close with a nice friendly question. Oh.

What's your favorite, cryptid? Oh, well, I've always got a soft spot for the chupacabra. Yeah. I love the chupacabra. Yeah, he's adorable. All he does is trying to eat chicken and sheep. Who's hurting? And goats, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just running around. Little mischievous. And he could be real. There might be something out there. There might be some weird shit out there. I don't know. I always like the chupacabra.

Honestly, now that I'm looking at this, Because I'm looking at this list, man, I haven't thought of puck wudgeys in a long time. Punkwidge is great. I love the puck wedgies. Yeah. Because they're fun. You would like a puck wedggy. You're a tiny maniac man.

I want to fucking hire them. Yeah. I want to pass them. I want to put them on the network. I also love the melon heads. Yeah. Like the melon heads. What's the difference?

Well, Melanheads, it was a Connecticut thing and a Michigan thing, is that there is, There's a theory that a bunch of children with hydrocephaly, you know, gigantic heads, water babies, escape from a mental asylum. Oh, my God. And bothered somebody one night. I can't remember what the full story of the melon heads is. But I just love that idea that it could just be humans, but, you know, humans that are different. abled. See, notice nobody's going after these guys, though. There's no Melanhead hunters.

There's no Puckwajee hunters. And I feel like that's where we could really fill the gap. And we can get in there, look for puck wajis. We just got to call somebody a melon head. I mean, you start with it. I think some good, old-fashioned Vietnam War traps. You're right.

Yes. Tagic traps. Dig out some rough. Like, dig out some stuff. Put some palm leaves on top and put leaves in top of the hole. Yeah. But what I really love is, like, personally, like, I am a, I'm, I am obsessed and have been since I was a child obsessed with, like, circus freaks.

Yes. You know, like, the, like, people that are, like, people like, people like Joeja the dogface boy, the, you know, Joseph Merrick, the elephant man, you know, the crab, the crab boy, you know, all of these, like, like, people that, you know, could have been considered, like, it's very possible that some of the legends of cryptids may have come from people that, Just deformed people. Yeah. People were deformed in one way or another.

But those people and those careers I'm obsessed with. That's the stuff that I really love because it's real. It's people and their stories are always so human, sometimes very funny and sometimes tragic. You know what I like about freak show stories and that kind of thing is the examples of people doing the best with what they got? Yeah. Like, you know, like Zip, the what is it? that was a guy he was a like

Zippy the pinhead was based on this guy and he had a I think it I think it was hydrocephaly that his his what do you call microcephalic that's what it was he had microcephalic

he had tiny head he had tiny head and he was billed as you know like he's the missing link he's this he's that you know a lot of like super racist stuff but at the very

end of his life, his last words to his sister, it's like he suddenly snapped out of it and he said, we sure fold him for a long time, didn't we? Yeah. He just fucking, he knew his entire life what he was doing. He was taking advantage of, he was playing everybody his entire life. That's wild. You know who's kind of like that a little bit? Because like the closest we have right now, to be honest, an analog to this is what Howard Stern's

whack-packed beetle juice. Sure. Yeah, you know, Beetle juice because Petal Juice also has microcephaly. And he does a thing where you could see

some of it is not on purpose, but actually quite a bit is. You start to realize, like there's like one thing I was like watching. I was like, did Beetle just break persona? Like earlier on, like Beatles's way more like cognizant.

Like, and then he kind of homerizes himself. He flanderizes himself. Yeah, he did a lot of alcohol. Yeah, yeah. He was having fun. Well, he also probably just learned as time went on. He learned how to adapt. And that's what I love about the freak show.

Like the freak stories that so much of it is about adaptation and doing the best with what you got and figuring out how to survive. Because a lot of those people, 10 years before, would have just been, had their head smashed in as soon as they were born. Yeah, unfortunately. And then capitalism figured out what to do with them. No, thank you, capitalism. One more time. You saved a bunch of pinheads. Thank you, Beatty Barnum.

You only owned one slave. That's all. That's it. That's all. You can get a mulligan for that. Yeah. It was George Washington's nanny. Oh, really?

He said, he claimed that, yeah, he, you know, didn't we talking about this with human Zeus? Yeah, we talked about human zoos. Yeah, he purchased a woman. And she would tell stories in his American Museum of, like, you know, Master George when he was a small boy and so on and so forth. but he also owned her. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't also, doesn't make sense numbers-wise. Well, she was said to be 120 years old. She was incredibly old. She was just an old woman.

He was a very old woman with a really active imagination. He wouldn't pay her, huh? No. No, he did not. I think he did actually, I think he did, no, he did not give her freedom

because she died because she was so old. But is that not the most free you can be? No. Yeah, isn't death, the ultimate freedom. Yes. Or cryptid hunting. Who fucking knows, I don't know.

Yeah, seeing the world is a little bit more, a little bit more special. I don't know what we thought it to be. Well, this was nice, fellas. Thank you. I feel smarter and dumber. Yeah. That's cryptids. Yeah.

It's kind of amazing how long we could talk about them. Yeah. And how much you actually know in the end. I do like the squawk because of how sad he is. Oh, we all do. Everybody likes this squawk. I should like the skunk cape because he's Florida, but it doesn't mean nothing to me. But he just smells real bad.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's just bad. You know, that's just the water. Yeah. I mean, I do have a, I have a lichen for chupacobra being from Texas. You know, you always heard about it. The chupacobber was the cryptid that I heard about grown up besides the guy in time.

Does Texas have other ones? If I'm thinking. I feel like Florida only has the one cryptid, kind of, because everything can just live there anyway. Yeah. It's got, it's like literally filled with dangerous animals. Why don't need cryptids? Yeah. I mean, in hell, Texas is actually filled with, uh, they had a lot of big cats.

there's still on the family ranch back home every once in a while someone will still see like a panther out there because Texas used to be full of panthers Really? Yeah, big cats. That was probably a couple left. Now most of the cougars are more around downtown Austin. Yes, they are.

From what I have seen, when I heard, all of my own two little cougar hunting eyes. If there's a cougar town in Texas, it's San Antonio. Yeah, oh yeah. All right, fellas. Thank you so much for this. This was good. I feel better now. Yeah, and then next week you'll ask more about milfs.

Yeah. And we'll have a longer conversation, a longer extended conversation about milfs. What age does the milfdom start, Henry? My wife and I have a singular disagreement about this. Where we talk about how there are categories, yes, right? Obviously, there are real life categories. Don't you have to be a mother? No.

No. See, that's fucked up. Yeah. Put in the time. Put in the work. You don't get to be a mill. You're just a chick. Well,

Melf is just so much more fun than mature. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what they used to use. Well, you just call them, you know, because guess what makes a wife hornier than anything?

Yeah. Describe it how mature she is. Yes, you're a mature I'd like to. I said a very funny thing the other day about, I was just like, you're vintage.

Yeah. That went great. Yeah. Good job, buddy. I'm proud of you. I do it so you don't have to, you guys. That's right.

That's a real bad idea. Oh, all right. Well, come see us on the fucking road, man. We got some a lot of shows coming up. We're going to be in, we got four more left

for the old, for the old JK Ultra. Obviously, we're going to play Cincinnati tomorrow night, but we're going to be in Pittsburgh, the Carnegie Music Hall of Oakland on Friday, May 29th,

Grand Rapids, Michigan on June 27th at the GLC Live, 20 Monroe, Tulsa, Oklahoma on July 17th, Cain's Ballroom, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, the Tower Theater on July 18th. That's it. Then we're killing

JK Ultra. Yeah, then we've got to come back with some new dates. That's right. And I'm hitting the road solo. You can go get tickets for that at edictunes.com. Also, got to say, new YouTube channel in the house, Brighter Side. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're trying it out. So we got a whole bunch of other

YouTube channels. Make sure you check them out someplace underneath LPN Romanticcy, the foreign report, no dogs in space, LPN TV, of course. And now the Brighter Side. LPN TV, home. HGX2. That came out last week. Yeah, you'll watch that on YouTube. Yeah, check out HGX2.

We're all in it this season. Everybody's in it. It's so much fun. It really is the most chaotic game show we could have created. It's true adult swim. And shout out to Eric and Holden for really putting that whole thing together for us. Cannot wait. So go check it out and also see us live.

And Hail Sweet Satan. Yeah. We'll see you out there. Yeah. And also, I forgot about the Wampus Kitty. Oh, wow. That's another. That's the Texas Big Cat.

Oh, okay. Never heard of the donkey lady, though. Yeah, well. That's a no one. Donkey lady's new. Donkey lady's. Like, I, I'm sure there's, there was one episode 12, you know, 12 years ago where I went crazy about the donkey lady for like 20 minutes, but that's gone. Yeah, donkey lady San Antonio.

I don't remember anything. Wasn't she a cast member on He-Ha? Oh, thank you. Yeah, her job was to, um, bling-ding-dink-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. Yeah, her job was to blow the banjo players. Oh, that's so nice. Roy and such. Yeah, the jug players blow themselves.

We'll see you next week with some aliens. All right, have a good one, guys. Hail squawk. Bye, fuckers. From the boogie down streets of queens to a pile of beans. A new cup of piping hot, Polish-Italian Java. Last podcast on the left, and Spring Hill Jack Cofiott rising from the rubble with a new brew. Butterfly dudes, blue-eye blend.

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